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looking4thatqueersubtext · 7 months

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im so fucking sick of seeing jude depicted as a thin ass woman like NO.

it's stated multiple times through out the books that not only is she muscular because of all her swordfighting training but she also doesn't have that thin frame and that is exactly what sets her apart from the fae (and part of what makes her beautiful to cardan like hellooooo?). she has curves and muscle and scars. all of that is so so so important to her character.

#i dont even know why i feel the need to say this but there's OBVIOUSLY nothing wrong with being thin #and people are allowed to have their own headcanons and to imagine a character however they like #but i feel like since she's such a mold-breaking character (if you know what i mean)#we all appreciate her for her fighting skills and strategy and her bloodlust #but can a female character stray from the mold just a certain amount before it becomes too much?#before people don't find her attractive anymore?#why does she have to have either a personality that's not the stereotype of female fantasy protagonist #or a body that doesn't fit those standards?#anywayssss went on a little rant there #jude duarte #tfota #jurdan #the folk of the air #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #my post >:)

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hiyyihrts · 8 days

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I kinda feel like the Ross & Rachel comparison is waaaay off. Colin & Pen are not in an established romantic relationship. They are just friends. I feel like people are focusing way too much on the act itself and not in the grander scheme of things as to why this makes sense for Colin as a character.

Lord Debling is titled with his own money. Penelope is a third daughter who’s been considered a wallflower. Debling is a HUGE upgrade for her. Probably a better match then either Colin or Pen thought possible.

Colin is a third son with no title and so little to offer in comparison. I don’t think he goes off bc he’s sad & desperate. I think he genuinely struggling with being enough and if what he can offer her is worth ruining such a good match for her.

The fact is we know sooooo little about what happens before or after that scene that everyone is so panicked over. All I know is someone that I trust that I know has seen the show has told me that this is the best season and that they deliver on the Polin front. So I think hyper fixating on a scene that last 90 seconds is completely missing the point

You make very valid points Ali! I think everyone does get too worked up (myself included) and it’s easy to get caught up in the hype of it all, especially when people are talking about it and panicking over it non stop 😭 I trust that even if it is only 90 seconds it’ll all work itself out like the other seasons have.

But yeah, we know so little about Debling and overall the entire specifics of the season that none of us should be freaking out as much as we are. I feel the same about people who are Debling haters when we know next to nothing about him other than he’s a vegetarian and a suitor.

#I’m going to not talk about it anymore bc it does nothing for myself or for anyone else #just gets people worked up so I apologize if I did make anyone upset or stressed 😭#I just wanted to vent my feelings about certain points if they were true #bridgerton #polin #bridgerton s3 #bridgerton season 3 #ask #answer

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non-un-topo · 4 months

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Genuinely so sad because I wish I could just draw and write again

#we knew the good (productive) times couldn't last forever.#i used to be able to write 11k without a break. doing all-nighters i was so into it. used to be able to draw multiple sketches a day.#now i just feel totally drained and flat. bled dry. where's the excitement in drawing and writing anymore?#i just need to graduate. i need to finish this life chapter and do OTHER things.#it's hard to keep drawing/writing on a dying website for a dying fandom #thinking about trying to write something original because of my specific interests #y'know how at a certain point it starts to sound less like fan fiction and more just original.#there might be a chance i'm very depressed. like no longer in the mopey edgy teenage way #but in the long-term quiet withdrawn flat and emotionally dead way.#wdym i'm 26 and have done basically nothing? wdym i'm a 26 year old woman?? i'll be 30 soon??#idk what would fix me. i'm doing what i can.#fuck i miss writing my dumb queer quartet mysteries

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brightokyolights · 18 days

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#im like. really upset and bitter rn and probably will delete this later in embarrassment but i cant hold it in anymore #has anyone actually ever contacted these services to prevent... certain things. like just to chat someone and actually got genuine help #because my brain is. a horrendous place #and i tried phoning a mental health service years ago for nothing to come of it #and then i emailed this other service - just for someone to talk to. and again. nothing #i want help. but it feela like all the responsibility is put on you. and im so exhausted and already feel like i dont deserve any help so #pray tell why i would ever Go Out Of My Way to try find help?#even doing this little has taken so much from me.#i don't know what to do and i feel so alone.#this is something id usually put on my secret sideblog but im genuinely just so at a loss #right im posting this before i can think too hard about it #le text post

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dragoninahumancostume · 3 months

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Nothing can make me feel like a failure faster than looking at my mouth or smelling my breath

#It's literally such an easy task I just have to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth why can't I just do it #I'm not even sure how often I do it anymore. It emotionally hurts cause I know I can do it like physically I can there's nothing stopping me #But I just don't???#Like why don't I do it #I hate that I don't even know why I do or don't do things. It's MY brain and everyone else seems to be able to know why they do things #Or at least they expect me to know why I do things #But I never know. I also don't know why I feel certain things #It feels like there's something wrong with me

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soul-spoken · 8 days

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I vent or breakdown so often, I know I get told it's fine and talk when I need to but geez it feels so excessive, like I'm overly sensitive or just really really easily triggered over things that shouldn't even relate to my trauma

We come to solutions or we distract from it, or we cuddle, but it's just always there.

I can almost always feel the dumb anxiety or depression feelings, I don't want to

I wish my brain understood that

#im tired of only feeling safe when im overly babied and small. i know at this current time point certain traumas are still really fresh #and i need to let myself acknowledge that and relax and maybe be taken care of on a higher level but #i feel so clingy and embarrassed #and i really wish i wasn't still reminded of things from the past. i hate getting anxious over things from high school or college #that doesn't matter anymore #i don't wanna be so vulnerable and scared all the time #but i think i need to #i just want to be held. feel skin to skin. get kissed and called sweet names #i wanna feel his nails through my hair. hear that hushed voice he does when being soft. i wanna be closer #i wanna be safe and told its not scary. its not bad. instead of how we've been going about things..#cant i just feel secluded and loved? feel protected and small #i wanna be told that my ptsd is a normal reaction and that i dont have to be like i was before. i can take a while to gather myself #to mourn and exist. to just.. be #be however my brain is needing to be in order to relax #i wanna be intimate and romantic and loving and gentle #i feel so guilty over these wants and needs #i wish i didn't have them. i wish i understood that its safe to have them.#i wish i was different #i wish i was me. but me before #when i was stable and felt nice and independent but i still had little moments of softness and needing help. i miss my early early twenties #but. i also miss the feeling of being held tight by him and told nothing could hurt me anymore. that he was gonna keep the bad away #like middle school. keeping the mean kids away #i love him. i want to feel loved #i am loved. i don't doubt that. but i wish i could capture every soft second and live in it forever #and i feel so guilty #trav.txt

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citrlet · 1 year

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don't read tags if you don't want to see me rant about my health for a sec

#ill be discreet but ive been dealing with this certain health issue for almost 2 months now #i saw my doctor on feb 28th who gave me some medication for the problem #which i thought was great... until the meds did literally nothing for me #so ive been absolutely stressing over this issue for weeks now #calling my doctors almost every day trying to get in earlier than the 27th this month #because i just cant deal with it anymore and im tired of waiting #i heard about this online womens health site that deals with you pretty quickly so i signed up #even though i dont really have the money for it but i need to get rid of this issue or im going to go insane #and im just so anxious over this and feel insanely guilty for some reason im about to burst into tears #im really sorry for ranting here but i felt like i needed to get it out #why do i feel so anxious and guilty about taking care of my own health i hate it #personal #dl

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

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roobylavender · 7 months

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have you seen raees with mahira khan? if so, thoughts?

a visually impressive movie but that was about it for me. like the plot was very predictable and then bc i was watching it for mahira i was annoyed even more bc she was pretty much there to give the doe eyes and do nothing else

#i'm actually curious whether this was the only movie option she had to do in bwood bc like #obv her and fawad blowing up happened in parallel but his bwood appearances were way better #like he was actually afforded characterization #and idk a part of me feels like it's bc fawad paid more attention to the meat of the stories #while she looked at an opportunity with srk and more or less couldn't pass it up. even though it did like nothing to showcase her skills #which personally speaking i do think are like. average. like she's good at playing a certain archetype #but her range doesn't extend beyond it so as an actress she really bores me now lol #either she's playing the innocent playful girl with the doe eyes or she's having a breakdown. there's no in between #the sad thing is humsafar was her big break and it is probably the most challenged she ever was to perform a script #but i can admit hum kahaan kay sachay thay came close #anyway. yeah. pretty unmemorable movie for me idk i'm not pulled in by the srk glamour anymore gjkdflhdf #outbox

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saucerfulofsins · 8 months

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Are you okay with minors interacting with your blog? Asking because I don't want to violate your boundaries by accident.

Hi! Thank you so much for your message 😊

Before I answer, I want to talk about some stuff.

I was 14 when I first entered the magical realms of fandom. This must have been around 2005 or 2006, I don't remember exactly when. It wasn't on a site dedicated to fic, but a forum that was entirely dedicated to talking about Paul McCartney. The thing is, this meant there were people of all ages on that forum. The median age was probably around 40 and while cis women probably made up the largest number of users, a fair amount of users were cis het men. Regardless, no one was ever creepy or weird or gross to me; the most they did was be a little bit annoyed by me and some other teens occasionally spamming discussion topics with emojis (which was definitely in part because my English wasn't that good at the time and using it cost a lot of extra energy).

The forum allowed some gen-rated het fic, which gave me the information I needed to discover m/m fic on LiveJournal (yeah, John Lennon/Paul McCartney). I was 15 by then. Fandom wasn't as mainstream at the time (and less so in non-English speaking countries), it definitely wasn't on any Massively Popular Websites or Out In The Open. The fourth wall was very much still in place, and the group of people who were writing stories on LJ was fairly small (especially compared to some of the big big fandoms nowadays).

Guess what, though? I talked to many people, and the majority of them were adults. Some of them had children older than me! There was never any discussion around whether that was improper or not, because everyone was treated equally. Of course age factored in to some extent in personal conversations... but in fandom takes? Why should it?

For me, I was always grateful there were people older than me, with more life experience than me. Their fics were awesome, although I didn't read everything. Why I didn't? Because I was 15 and entirely aware that not everything was for me. I didn't enjoy reading anal sex... so I didn't. I usually shied away from NC-17 (/Explicit), not so much because the rating implies 17+ but because I just... didn't want to read it. I knew people my age and younger who did read those stories because they wanted to and were okay with it. I don't think I've seen anyone ever throw a fit over reading something that upset them, and blame the author for posting it in a space minors could see. At most, people lied about their age so they could get access to some stories (because LJ would block explicit stories for minors... I think. Don't quote me on the details, things are a little fuzzy).

So no. I don't mind minors interacting with my blog, because I once was a minor directly interacting with many of the adults in the fandom I was in. Being taken seriously by them was actually really important in how I came to see myself as a fandom member and as a fic author. I especially don't mind a minor who asks me about my comfort interacting with my content, which is less about me and more of a sign I am willing to bet you're equally or more aware of your own boundaries and willing to assume responsibility... which reminds me of myself when I was a minor.

I don't mind minors interacting with my blog, because I think perspectives from people with a different age than you are very important (I have flatmates that are 25 years older than me!). Simultaneously, I know teens who want to read smut will find their way there. Who am I to stop them? All I can advocate for is to stick to your own boundaries, and take care of yourself, and to read stories and interact with blogs (however you shape that interaction) as long as you feel your boundaries are respected.

To close: I know the internet now isn't the internet it was 15 years ago, and I know that was a vastly different internet from the web in the early 90s. So again: no, I don't mind minors following me for the above reasons, and I don't need to be asked. I also don't mind adults curating their online presence by including a DNI in their profile.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant. I just carry a great fondness in my heart for the many "fandom aunties" who took me under their wing, way back when, and I'm sad that the format of Tumblr discourages the same types of interaction that shaped my experience and view of fannish culture.

#long post tw #sorry i just.. many thoughts and feels #i rmr the name of one of the ppl on the forum #she was in her SEVENTIES #(so if she's still alive--and I hope she is--she's in her mid-80s)#(the same age as my nan)#and it did happen that obituary posts were posted to the forum #so the whole idea that fandom is only appropriate until a certain age or that only people of set ages can interact is completely foreign #to me #like no people weren't always nice to me?#but people aren't now #it's no different #i won't shit on minors/teens cause like...#i've been there #it might not be something i identify with anymore... but there's nothing cringe about being a teen and seeing a world full of cynical hope

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watermelonsenpai · 9 months

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Let's see how many anxiety and sleep meds I can take before I black out because I can't deal with being conscious anymore. Everything is fake and nothing is real, the rules are fake, they're made up and they don't matter.