#nothing says retro like your shit being busted

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 28

catch me completely ignoring dark cybertron lmao

yeahhhh so I'm just gonna skip dark cybertron bc no thanks. I did read the tf wiki articles for the issues tho, which is more than I did in the past, so at least now I kinda know what happened, though I had to suffer thru reading about dark cybertron to learn stuff about it. yikes. reading ABOUT dark cybertron further enforced my decision to not actually read thru it

anyways. the best part of dark cybertron was when chromedome threw prowl off that cliff. that was baller lmfao

a 1 page recap of dark cybertron is about all I can handle. thank you

ooh, the 6 months later smash-cut, I fucking love itttt

nautica’s here!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy I love her. also brainstorm, and I love their friendship sm

hvbjdkhfbshdfj god I love them. they have such a fun dynamic 

everyone eavesdropping on a therapy session vhbhdjkhafbhkjsdf. hipaa laws mean nothing as usual 

the casual reveal of captain megatron, oh god 

the title fucking slaps, as usual. this is one of my favorites - ‘world, shut your mouth.’ great stuff, and a song title/reference to boot! and this being part 1: towards peace...chefs kiss

and then we flash back to 6 months earlier...yknow now that I'm rereading this, mtmte has a LOT of framing devices used - there's story-within-a-story, flashback/flash-forwards, storytelling with narration, etc...I love it

god hbvhjakdfbshjkdf rodimus saying ‘magic’ and then the little *magic = science rodimus doesn't understand HBGKJHSDBFKHJSDF my idiot boy ily

rodimus roasting prowl is my fav hbfjdkafshsbjkf ‘maybe the knights can help us find a cure for your personality’ ily sm

and then prowl agreeing w/rodimus a few panels later about megatron’s guilt...

optimus...don't you think that making yourself chief of justice is...maybe a bad idea...like, maybe there's a conflict of interests here...just a little bit of bias...a bit too much history, perhaps...

the fact that all the big roles in the trial were given to high-ranking autobots who were heavily involved in the war...I see that cybertrons justice system is as much of a farce as their medical ethics and patient confidentiality laws 

the ‘you BROKE the MATRIX’ panel is so good bjhkdhfbajskhdf

rodimus: LISTEN dad I just wanna resume my space cruise with my frat bro ship I have no interest in politics

psychiatrists HATE him! local former warlord refuses to recognize the validity of psychological analyzation of people’s actions

ravage casually breaking hipaa laws and chilling in megatron’s therapy session like >:3

I love rung...he’s so good at like, passive-aggressively cutting right to the heart of someone’s issues, and he’s so generally mild that you can’t even really get mad at him 

the sudden inclusion of megatron as a major character in mtmte is kinda jarring at first - mostly, for me at least, due in part because I didn't read dark cybertron so this is like, megatron’s introduction as a relevant character in general - but I feel like jro does a great job laying a lot of intrigue down from the very beginning w/his character - like, I already want to know more about what his whole deal is, even though we have, ostensibly, seen pretty much all of his story play out already 

rung name-dropping froid...i remember that made me lose my shit bc cmon. FROID....jesus christ

rung and megatron: holy shit! we’re suddenly being drawn in a 90s-esque sci-fi tron-looking retro-futuristic style!

interesting that megatron sought rung out, and not the other way around

RIPTIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my favorite sharkboy is HERE

CREWDITIONS...YES....

‘we’re not allowed to take anyone who might remind rodimus of prowl’ vhbhjdkshfbhaskfd brutal

I love nautica so so much. a perfect autistic scientist after my own heart

I adore that nautica brought chromia along for moral support

hgvbjdakhfbhsj and then swerve saying that rodimus hates ‘trisyllabic names’ and nautica is like....but....‘rodimus’.....

and then nightbeat busts in to get all bbc sherlock on they asses hgbfhjadkfbjaskdf

WHY was perceptor at the crewditions if he was already part of the crew lmao

ooof, and then we have megatron flipping out when chromedome, a mnemosurgeon, shows up

also damn the autobots were rlly like okay so we wanna speed this trial up so lets just like, probe megatrons brain, that seems completely ethical, especially when you consider the history of shadowplay and stuff that our previous government had

I know important stuff is happening but megatron is holding a CUBE and I love CUBES so I'm distracted by that. C U B E

and then right after a scene where we see chromedome willing to perform mnemosurgery again - despite rewind’s like, dying wish for him not to - we hear that he’s been locked up in his room rewatching rewinds goodbye message over and over again :( I'm fucking depressed

I love nightbeat, he’s so funny and kind of an asshole

and then you see more missing letters behind them next panel...clearly nightbeat is right and there’s a mystery afoot...OR somebody is fucking with the ship’s lettering as a prank, which is a plot point I would absolutely buy

yeahhhh skids is right, chromedome is clearly Not dealing 

the dramatic graffiti on megatrons door...I wanna know who spray-painted ‘die’ everywhere like they're reaper overwatch

oh god. whirl vs megatron

really cool red lighting tho

GOD its so brutal, all the stuff megatron said about how he told the cons not to kill whirl...and doesn't that end up being false anyways? so he was just saying it to dig at whirl, which is awful

also I'm never over the fact that literally everyone - including megatron and whirl - blames whirl for ‘turning megatron violent,’ as if the entire Point isn't that whirl was a tool for a corrupt system, and if it wasn't whirl it would've just been someone else, and megatron turning away from pacifism was inevitable given the circumstances, AND also a choice on his part, so he really only has himself to blame for his OWN ACTIONS

bye bye whirls right arm, see you in lost light 

‘people never stop changing’ that IS something I say all the time...damn you warlord grandpa! how can you steal my philosophies?!

ohhh man and then rewind’s goodbye message being different....oooh

AUGH the fact that whirl was basically trying to goad megatron into killing him, just like he did in issue 1 w/cyclonus...It Hurts Man

also I do love the hint at who he’s talking to w/whirl shooting megatron with the bow and arrow earlier, and we know that atomizer is a fan of those

ok, but here’s where my philosophy diverges - megatron talks about throwing away his past and starting new, but I think that you have to learn from and build on your past...either way, megatron’s arc is one that I enjoy greatly from a character writing standpoint, and I'm excited to get it underway, especially w/how controversial it is lmao

big ole double-page spread...I like how you can pick out individual characters in the background crowd, which is crazy cause that's a LOT of people. also how come cosmos is so HUGE

phewwww 4.6 billion cybertronians died in the war, that’s INSANE. that's like, an incomprehensibly huge number. is there an estimate for their current population? I bet its not a lot. no wonder jro leaned into reproductive themes so much in mtmte/ll - of course the continuation of your species would be a concern for many if your numbers have been that greatly reduced

optimus w/his fancy tyrest-lookin crown

oughdajbfsbdf and the fact that megatron ALSO murdered 100 BILLION non-cybertronians...bruh. I feel like they maybe should've dialed those numbers back a little to allow his ‘redemption arc’ to run a little smoother lmao. but also I admire the commitment either way

and then we end w/megatron doing captain stuff, and seeing The Coffin...and we never did see rodimus in any of the flash-forward parts of this issue, did we???? I love how concerning that is. where's my BOY

also of course we gotta remember the warning from way back at the beginning of mtmte: ‘don't open the coffin’....

and so begins mtmte s2! man I love s2. I love mtmte in general lmao. s2 takes on the impossible w/the whole ‘megatron redemption arc’ thing, and I know that’s like, a divisive plot point and stuff, but from a writing standpoint I enjoyed it a lot...I think it was pretty much as well done as it could've been given the enormity of the task, and I thought it was a really interesting direction for the story to go in 

also espec if it’s true that hasbro was like ‘hey jro put megatron in your story and give him a redemption arc’ rather than jro like, planning/asking to do it 

anyways. I doubt ill talk much abt the disc horse(tm) here bc this is just for fun and also my own personal opinions and whatever, but I for one am excited to reexperience this stuff 

so yeah s2 off to a strong start with some wild shit already happening! cant wait to read more!

[sugarcoated-pain]

Heavy Rotation Part One

Here comes my first ever 5SOS fanfic! This series is a collaboration with the remarkable @sublimehood and we are super excited to finally share it with all of you! Let me know what you think! (unless you hate it, then keep that shit to yourself :P) 

Quick synopsis: New Girl meets Empire Records. All the boys are in this one, but with particular focus on Ashton <3 

Warnings: I cuss a lot *shrugs* . Also, this shit is LONGGGGG haha. 

Heavy Rotation- Part One 

Nothing had ever looked as beautiful as the city lights that lay ahead as the Greyhound sped toward Los Angeles. It wasn’t the lights themselves that appealed to me. Growing up less than two hours outside of New York City, it would take much more than that to impress this girl. No, it was the absolute freedom and opportunity for a whole new life that this magical new city held that had me glued to the window with excitement. I pulled one ear bud out to listen to the driver’s announcement with arrival details as I began gathering my belongings I had scattered across both seats in my row, as well as the row across from me. Books, notebooks full of song lyrics, my acoustic guitar, food wrappers, random articles of clothing and all kinds of miscellaneous shit were strewn all over. Sixty five hours was far too damn long to be cooped up in a moving vehicle, despite stopping several times. I had just gathered the last of my things at the very moment the bus came to a stop at the station.

After collecting my checked bag from the bus’s underbelly, I stopped for a moment to take it all in. The sun was just starting to rise and wash over the city with a soft, warm glow. Knowing nowhere I needed to be would be open this early, breakfast at the McDonald’s across the street from the station was sounding pretty damn good. I sat alone in a booth surrounded by the only possessions I owned that mattered anymore, and scrolling through musicians forums online on my cell phone. One particular neighborhood, Silver Lake, kept coming up in discussions and I just knew that was where I needed to start my search. If I were a normal, sane human, I should be utterly terrified of the fact that I just moved across the country with about two percent of a plan for my future, but I am not, in fact, a normal or sane human. It was exhilarating to not have a clue where I was sleeping that night, and to know that if I wanted to get anywhere in this city, I had to bust my ass to do it.

I let a couple of hours pass until it seemed like I might actually be able to accomplish something, hopped in a cab, and instructed the driver to take me to his favorite spot in Silver Lake, which turned out to be this killer little locally owned coffee shop. Don’t mind if I do! Dragging my few belongings along with a latte in hand, I begin my hunt for anything that looks like it involves music and might be hiring. I couldn’t possibly have expected this to be easy, right? Every recording studio, indie radio station and music store for at least a mile was extremely quick to kick this East Coast girl with way too much shit in her hands right back to the curb. That mildly uneasy feeling in my stomach, that probably would have started for anyone else back at the bus station in Jersey, began to creep up on me. I had enough cash in my beat- up handbag to get me maybe a week in a seedy motel, but what happened after that if I didn’t find a job IMMEDIATELY, I am not ready to start thinking about yet.

This situation requires more coffee. I make my back to Mr. Taxi Driver’s favorite coffee shop, order my drink, and skim the bulletins next to the counter while waiting. Somebody, somewhere must be hiring and/or looking for a roommate, right?

“Large cold brew, coconut milk and a shot of espresso.” the barista calls, setting my drink down. But at the exact moment I reach for it, someone else does too. A large hand accidentally covers mine, and I instinctively look up to see who it belongs to. The most gorgeous hazel eyes I have ever had the privilege of seeing lock with mine. His curly dirty blonde hair falling casually in his face, that chiseled jawline, that dimpled smile- holy crap. This is one seriously beautiful human being. Something inside me vaguely in the vicinity of my stomach decides it wants to be a gymnast all of the sudden and begins performing somersaults. I feel my cheeks flush slightly and finally remember to pull my hand away.

“Sorry. I assumed it was mine, but please. Take it.” The handsome stranger insists.

“Thanks,” I reply. “Pretty unusual order. I’ve never met anyone else who drank this.” I state, awkwardly. What the hell. Who even am I right now? I am NOT awkward. Pull yourself together, bitch.

The barista calls the same order once again, and Mr. Beautiful grabs it with smirk. “Cheers.” he says, holding his drink in the air in my direction. I playfully clink my plastic cup against his, and then I notice his eyes flutter to my guitar case on my arm. “Are you a musician?” he asks.

“Aspiring. You?” I answer, avoiding looking in his eyes to regain my confidence and for fear of never being able to stop.

“Also aspiring. I work for a recording studio part time but I’m also in a band, which is completely LA cliche, but they are some of the best musicians in this city. You should check us out sometime. Oh, I’m Ashton, by the way.” He says while flashing that mesmerizing smile once again and holding his hand out to shake mine. I reach for it. Dear god, those hands. The kind of hands that make you wonder what they’re really capable of…

“Emma,” I reply, regaining my composure and flashing a flirty smile. “This recording studio you speak of wouldn’t happen to be hiring by any chance, would it?”

“Hmm, I don’t think so, but ya know, it never hurts to ask.” he replies, as he reaches over the counter to grab the barista’s sharpie and a small napkin. I’m incapable of pulling my eyes off this flawless creature as he jots something down. “Here’s the address. Go in through the record store and ask for Liz. She should be there after 1pm today.” he adds as he hands me the napkin.

“Thanks! I didn’t think I’d run into someone so willing to help around here.” I reply excitedly, taking it from him a little too slowly and deliberately rubbing my fingers against his again.

“I’ve gotta get back to work, but hopefully I’ll see you around.” Ashton says with another goddamned smile as he walks away.

What the hell just happened to me? I feel like I got punched in the gut. I pick my bag up from off the floor, and drag it with my guitar and drink to the nearest table. Checking the time on my cell phone, I realize it is only 11:30am. So, looks like I’m sitting here daydreaming about what just happened for the next hour and a half. But that’s it though, that nagging voice in my head insists. Just daydreaming. No man is getting in the way of my music.

“UGH I know, I know.” I sigh to myself out loud. The elderly couple next to me turns to me with puzzled expressions on their faces, and I simply smile back at them and turn back to my phone.

The walk to the record store wasn’t far, so I gathered up my things and decided to go there shortly after one o'clock. The black sign above the door read “Heavy Rotation” in an edgy, handwritten-looking font. I take a deep breath and enter the record store Ashton had written on the napkin. An attractive guy around my age with electric blue hair is sitting on a stool with his feet propped up on the counter next to the cash register flipping through what appears to be a rock n roll magazine. He doesn’t even blink when I walk in. “Welcome to Heavy Rotation. Let me know if you need any help.” He says, in a somewhat disgruntled tone, still not looking up.

“Hi,” I greet him as I approach the counter, “I’m looking for Liz? And also, I like your hair.”

He glances up and looks me up and down, as if appraising the situation. “Thanks, I like yours too.” My fire engine red ombre look wasn’t properly appreciated in small-town New Jersey, but I knew LA would understand.“Gimme a sec, I’ll go get Liz.” Blue-haired guy walks to the back of the room, and I take the opportunity to glance around. It’s perfect. A little dark, very “offbeat”- retro but with a cutting-edge vibe; low ceiling, eclectic lighting, rows upon rows of records, vintage and new alike. The store itself is much larger than it appears from the outside, as it stretches far back into the building. A deep purple velvet curtain covers a doorway on the right side of the room, separate from where Blue-Hair went into, and I have a sneaking suspicion the recording studio lies beyond. A thrill creeps up my spine. Solely over the concept of being so close to where music is actually produced, and having absolutely nothing at all to do with the fact that the flawless man from the coffee shop is most likely behind that curtain.

Blue-hair comes back with a blonde lady, whom one could deduce is Liz. I approach her with my hand outstretched. “Hi, Liz? I’m Emma. I met Ashton at a coffee shop and he thought I might be able to talk you into a possible job around here?”

She shakes my hand while looking me up and down, eyes lingering for a moment on my guitar. “I bet he did.” she replies with a small chuckle. Not really sure what the hell that’s supposed to mean… “It’s nice to meet you, Emma. I’m sorry, hon, but we aren’t hiring at the moment.”

“Please. I’m sorry to sound pushy and desperate but I’ll do anything you need. There has to be SOMETHING I could do here.” I press, attempting to keep the panic out of my voice.

“Well, what makes you think you would be a good fit here?” Liz asks, eyeing me interestedly.

I take a deep breath. “I have wanted to be a musician for as long as I can remember. I’ve been singing since before I could talk and music has always been my number one passion in life. I know more about music than most people twice my age. I just graduated from music school and realized the east coast scene wasn’t right for me and that I needed to get away from everything there, and hopped a Greyhound bus four days ago to come here and be close to the music. I just want to work a job with music while I work toward my dream. And, not to judge or anything, but looking at this place you’ve got here, I’d say you seem like the type of person who can appreciate that.”

Liz studies me once more, and then slowly answers. “Well, I think we could use a little help with cleaning and organizing between the store and the studio. I won’t be able to give you a ton of hours, and the pay won’t be much. Still something you’re interested in?”

“YES! I mean.. Yeah I think I could make that work.” I reply eagerly.

“Alright then. Come back to the office with me and we can sort out all the details and legal crap.”

Thirty minutes later, I follow Liz out of the office for her to give me the grand tour. Realizing I’m still lugging around everything I own, I ask, “..you wouldn’t happen to know anyone in the area who is looking for a roommate, would you?”

Blue-hair perks up from the behind the cash register, “did you say roommate? Are you looking for a place to stay?”

“Mikey… I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” Liz chimes in immediately.

Glancing back and forth between the two of them, I turn back to Mikey, “uh, yeah I am. Do you know a place?”

“I live upstairs with my friends and we currently happen to be looking for a roommate!” he replies enthusiastically.

“Well that sounds almost too perfect… can I see the space?” I ask, ignoring the look of disapproval on Liz’s face.

“Liz, mind if I abandon my post for a minute to run her upstairs?” Mikey asks.

She sighs, and then nods.

I stash my stuff in a corner of the store and follow him up the stairs. The building is pretty old, but in the cool, artsy, vintage way and not the nasty, dilapidated old. When we reach the second floor landing, Mike pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the front door. One could definitely tell that only guys lived there, but that they appeared to have attempted to straighten up a bit. Growing up with 3 brothers, none of this phases me. The architecture was naturally gorgeous but there was really no other decor. Mismatched couches and chairs surrounded an extremely nice and unnecessarily large TV which was surrounded by various video game consoles.

“So, this is the living room. The kitchen is over there. Uh.. there’s only one bathroom, so that kinda sucks, but it’s right here.” Mikey says as he gestures me through the space. “And this here, is your room.”

It was a small room with just a twin sized bed and a small dresser already furnished. Nothing fancy, just the basics, which is exactly what I need at this moment. “How much is the rent?” I ask him.

“Uhh.. so we hadn’t really talked about it yet but considering that Luke’s parents own the building, we pretty much just each pay what we can…” he answers.

“Luke?”

“OH, yeah he’s one of my roommates and Liz’s son, I think he’s home actually, I can introduce you. HEY LUKE!” he shouts across the apartment. Moments later, a tall, good-looking blonde boy steps into the living area. “Luke, this is Emma.. your mom just hired her downstairs, and she needs a place to stay so I’m showing her the extra room.”

“Oh, hey. Nice to meet you, Emma. What do you think so far?” Luke answers, walking over to us.

“Hey,” I answer. “I think it’s perfect actually.” I bite my lip to try and hold back the smile that threatened to expose me. Was every single person who has anything to do with this building good looking?

“Can I ask what brings you to LA?” Luke asks.

“The typical, aspiring musician. But it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I met Ashton at the coffee shop, he thought you guys might be able to help me out.” I’ve probably said too much.

“I hope so. When can you move in?” Luke asks, and Mikey gets overly excited beside me.

“I um...right now?” I laugh a little awkwardly.

“Perfect.” Luke flashes a smile that would make any girl weak in the knees. But it’s nothing compared to the dimpled one I had the pleasure of witnessing on Ashton’s face.

Things might be going my way a little too conveniently. OR maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me this is exactly where I belong. The guys offer to give me a tour of the recording studio, which I jump at since it’s basically all that’s on my mind right now. When we get back downstairs, they introduce me to a pretty dark-haired girl by the name of Georgia who works in the record store.

“Oh thank god! We need more girls around here!” she sighs with relief as she shakes my hand. She and Mikey both get back to work as Luke leads me through the curtain I had seen earlier toward the recording studio. This is it. This is what I came here for. Excitement starts building, and I’m going to pretend it’s exclusively over the possibility of finally being able to make music, NOT because I know the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen might also be somewhere behind that curtain.

The recording studio is everything I ever imagined and more. Dark walls, sleek black furniture and decor, framed awards and photos of celebrities lining the walls.  When we enter, Luke introduces me to Calum, their tall, dark and handsome ‘other roommate’ who also happens to be Georgia’s boyfriend. I mentally answer my previous question- yes, every single person associated with this building is drop-dead gorgeous.

“Other roommate?? How many people live up there?!” I ask, half amused, half concerned.

“Don’t worry,” Luke assures me, “you get your own room. We worked out a system for the rest of us….”

“.. I don’t wanna know…” I say darkly.

Both guys laugh. “Don’t worry, it’s just us, Mikey and Ashton.” Calum replies.

I choke on air at his last word. “Ashton? The guy I met at the coffee shop? HE is also our roommate??”

As if on cue, Ashton comes into the main area through a door to the left. “Hey! Emma, isn’t it? Looks like you found the place!”

“My mom hired her to help out around here, and she’s also gonna take the spare bedroom upstairs.” Luke adds.

A look passes over Ashton’s face, just briefly. What is that look? Surprise? Disappointment? Concern? It’s gone before I can even register what the hell that might be about, and his winning smile is back. “Wow! Awesome! Well, welcome.”

Just as I’m about to reply, a thin, fake-tanned girl with long blonde hair struts into the studio like she owns the place. “Hey babe, are you off work yet? You said you’d be done an hour ago.” She whines, making her way over to Ashton and wrapping her arms around his waist.

I try hard not to show any signs that my stomach plummeted through the floor at the sight of them together. Let her have him. You didn’t sit on a disgusting bus for sixty five hours to meet guys. You’re here for music. He would only distract you.

“Camille, this is Emma. She’s gonna be working with us and also renting out the spare bedroom upstairs. Emma, this is my girlfriend, Camille.” Ashton introduces us. Is it just in my head or was there something about the way he said the word ‘girlfriend’?

Camille eyes me up and down, clearly debating whether or not I might be a threat. I make the first move. “It’s great to meet you! Nice to know I won’t be constantly surrounded by only guys..” I extend my hand to shake hers. She hesitates before taking it, and doesn’t say anything. So that’s how it’s gonna be.

Ashton and Camille leave the studio together. Everybody else goes about their business, so I head back to where I had stashed my belongings in the record store and take them upstairs, to my new home. I look around as I enter it again, taking everything in. When I get to the bedroom, I toss my stuff on the floor and collapse on the bed. I made it. I did it. I am actually living in Los Angeles. Now, to survive.

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

[ryanmeft]

No, Nintendo Does Not Hate Metroid

Nintendo, a company that makes video games, recently announced that after almost two years, they were scrapping all current work on Metroid Prime 4, taking it from whatever mystery studio was working on it, and giving it to the hallowed minds at Retro Studios to start over with, hoping to get it right.

This was greeted with rapturous applause by Metroid fans, who almost universally recognized how good Nintendo was being to them, and were highly appreciative of the fact they’d be willing to write off all the resources they’d spent so far, just because the game wasn’t up to snuff.

I am of course kidding. That up there was a joke. Metroid fandom contains the whiniest, most entitled, hardest-to-satisfy fans of any Nintendo property, and while the majority of fans were cool, the loudest ones were typically the whiners. Most notably, a not-insignificant section of the fandom has gripped, with an unshakable hold, the idea that Nintendo doesn’t respect or even dislikes the franchise. I’ve listened to this particular whine for years and years, ever since there was an unimaginable eight-year gap between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion. Never mind that other beloved series of yore, from Mega Man to Final Fantasy, have also gone similar periods without a new game. Never mind that non-Japanese fans of Nintendo’s own Earthbound are still denied the chance to play the final game in the series, and probably always will be. Never mind that Sonic fans suffered under a notorious drought of good games lasting two decades before Sonic Mania finally happened. None of that means shit: Metroid fans are the most persecuted, victimized, and unfairly treated fandom in video games.

Now, I’m the last guy to feel I need to defend a massive company like Nintendo, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Because just like Ghostbusters fans who can’t figure out their particular obsession just isn’t as relevant as they want it to be, Metroid fans need to grow up and start appreciating what they have gotten, rather than what they haven’t. Below are the three reasons why Metroid fanboys aren’t even the least bit as ill-used as they think are.

Almost Every Metroid Game has Been Excellent

The nature of video games is such that many more entries in a successful series are usually produced than in other mediums like film. Even a series like Metroid, which has been iterated less often than Nintendo’s other properties, has had eight fully fledged games since 1986, and 10 if you count the heavily re-worked upgrades of the original game and Return of Samus. Of those, only a single one, Other M, has been poorly received, and there’s no indication that’s what Nintendo expected. After all, fans were excited when the series got handed to Team Ninja; the idea that this was callous on Nintendo’s part, for not developing the game themselves, is something that only took hold retroactively, and you know what they say about hindsight. The original Metroid, Super Metroid, Fusion, and two of the three Prime entries are among the more critically lauded games in history, and excepting only Other M, all of the others have received highly positive reviews. The Metacritic average for the mainline Metroid games is an 89 of 100. Boy, look how much Nintendo hates this franchise, going out of their way to make good games for it and crap like that.

The Bad Spin Offs are Nothing Compared to Other Series

One of the big pieces of evidence Metroid fans like to roll out to prove Nintendo loathes Samus like unto the heat of a sun is that they’ve spent some of their time on it making poorly received spin offs, like Blast Ball and Federation Force, that don’t capture the spirit of the series. “Look!” they shout, from atop the Tower of Cluelessness high on the Oblivious Cliffs, “They aren’t doing what a bunch of us fans who have never programmed a game or made a decision about a franchise think they should be doing, so they clearly don’t care!”

You might already see the flaw in this thinking. By this standard, nearly every company with a long-running series hates that series. Capcom has inserted Mega Man into soccer and allowed him to be licensed out for extremely shitty PC games, and have pooped out almost as many crappy Resident Evil-themed spin-offs as there are main Resident Evil games. Square has pimped Final Fantasy out to every possible genre, from racing to fighting to freaking tower defense, all while taking ages to finish the next main entry in the series. Nintendo themselves have slapped Mario on every possible thing they can, and despite strong sales to dumb people, Mario Party is notorious for being a bunch of slapped together mini games for people who like their games to be completely random.

If bad spin-offs proved anything about what Nintendo thinks of Metroid, the fact they’ve spared it from as many as other series get would actually support the idea they are more protective of it.

Metroid Doesn’t Deserve as Much Love as You Think it Does

Economics 101 is now in session. All right, children: why does a company make things?

“To make their fans happy, Mr. Eft!”

Wrong, little Dingleberry! They make things to---say it with me---MAKE MONEY!

See, companies like money. And this is especially important for an industry with relatively low margins and high costs like video games, because folks like the evil satanic Metroid-hating demons at Nintendo need games to sell well not only to justify further games in that series, but to fund further games in that series. Unlike, say, Disney, they don’t typically have the option of busting out an Avengers and making 1000% profit. Unless it is something really massive and popular and guaranteed to sell, like Call of Duty or Pokemon, most franchises live entry to entry, relying on the previous one being profitable to decide if the next one will ever be made.

And here’s some economic reality for you: almost from the outset, Metroid has failed that test more often than it has passed it. Yes, the series has sold decently---for a minor franchise. The fact that it is legendary among gamers and highly influential among designers has not traditionally translated into the kind of money it needs to guarantee the entries keep rolling out. One of the most frequent desperate cries of the Lesser American Hardcore Metroid Fanboy plays out something like this: “If only Nintendo put as much effort in as they do for Mario and Zelda, it could be a real blockbuster!”

Except it couldn’t. And it has proven that time and again. It has sold, it is often said, respectably. That’s a business term for “We didn’t lose money…but it didn’t exactly pay our salaries, either.” Metroid’s critical and fan status is simply not reflected in sales, where Samus is holding at the 14th overall spot in Nintendo’s history. She’s managed to scrap together around 17 and a half million units moved in three decades, compared to just over a hundred million for Zelda and hundreds for Mario (that’s including every Mario game of any kind, but if you only include platformers, the series is still on top).

Simply put, Metroid doesn’t get the same attention as Mario and Zelda for the same reason Luke Cage or Cloak and Dagger don’t get as much love from Marvel as Spider-Man and X-Men: financially speaking, it doesn’t deserve it. No one argues that means Marvel hates Luke Cage; the sales just aren’t there to justify an equal amount of time, energy and resources.

Given all that, fans ought to be grateful the series is still around at all. Nintendo has tossed all of the Prime 4 resources spent so far down the crapper and re-started it just to get it right, when they would have been fully justified with just abandoning it. As a big fan of many minor characters and series, take it from me: when your preferred fan obsession is far from being top dog in the overall culture, sometimes you gotta stop whining and take what you get.

[sabraeal]

"It's either this or you sleep in the tub."/"Alright. Get up here." - just one piece will dooooo, bruh (ObiYuki probs)

Zen is the first.

“It looms like the Sword of Damocles,” he mutters. “I just have to get it over with.”

A week after the auction, he and Coco – her name is legally Coco; Obi will never get over rich people – spend an evening at Mohegan Sun. He’s tight lipped on the details, but doesn’t skimp as far as Obi can see: a limo picks them up, Zen is dressed to the nines and holding tickets to some concert.

“Really going all out, huh, chief?” he drawls, watching as Zen buttons and unbuttons his suit jacket, posing with a dramatic hip-pop in the hall mirror. He could be out of whatever catalog rich people order their clothes from.

Do rich people order their clothes from catalogs? A mystery.

Zen sniffs. “I do have a reputation to keep.”

Kiki looks up from her laptop. “With who? Delta Nu?”

He grimaces. “You know. People. Expectations.”

“The last time I heard anything about your reputation, it was that you were expected to not have a date at prom.”

“Don’t. Help.” Zen grounds out. Obi draws blood trying not to laugh.

Mitsuhide waits until after finals. “It’d be a fun way to relax,” he says, looking the least relaxed Obi’s ever seen him.

Kiki’s mouth curves into the slightest of smiles. “Sounds like fun.”

Mitsuhide looks like he’s going to collapse from relief. “I-I thought we might go to Boston. Since there’s nothing out here, really.”

Her mouth parts, showing a flash of teeth. Obi feels a flash of concern for the Big Guy. It’s the same sort of look prey items see before their neck snaps. “Let’s make a day of it. I’ll handle accommodations.”

“But I’m –”

“You’re planning everything else,” she says smoothly, as if she’s practiced. “I can get this. One night?”

Obi hears the spring of a trap when Mitsuhide says, “Yes.”

They leave Saturday morning. Kiki is wearing a skirt.

“Be safe, kids,” Obi calls out when he hears the door open.

“Don’t worry,” Kiki calls back wryly. “I packed plenty of condoms.”

The door’s too thick to hear Mitsuhide’s response. He’ll have to ask about it tomorrow.

They come back on Tuesday. Kiki is wearing a Canadien’s jersey five times too large for her.

She’s also holding Mitsuhide’s hand.

“I should take notes,” Obi teases when she walks past. She stops, gives him a long, considering look that makes goosebumps breakout over his skin.

“You should,” she says, thoughtful.

Obi knows what Zen means about the sword of Damocles. Whatever that was will be hanging over his neck for the next forever.

Summer’s almost ended when Kiki approaches him.

“You know money is exchanged for goods and services,” she says, apropos to nothing.

He’s halfway into his closet, trying to dig out his swim trunks – if he’s not going to use them at Lyrias, when is he going to use them? – and his laugh echoes in the corners. “I think between the two of us, Ms Kiki, you are not the one to lecture me on how money works.”

She’s silent a moment. “Shirayuki paid for a date.”

“No,” he says slowly, finding it balled up behind his dress shoes. “She paid for you guys to get good beer for Rush Week. It just so happens that I was who she bid on.”

Kiki grunts, disgruntled. “You should do it. I’m sure she’d like the excuse to spend some time with you.”

“She’ll be spending all her time with me in Lyrias.”

“I think she’d like an excuse to…be away,” Kiki tries again, her tone carefully removed. He sits back on his legs, and she shoots a pointed glance down the hall. Toward Zen’s room.

The chief has been…clingy isn’t the right word.

Overbearing.

“Yeah, okay,” he says finally. “I guess you got a point.”

“Why don’t you go to the city?” she suggests after a moment. “It’ll be your last chance for a while.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “That’s a good idea.”

“I know.” She waits until he’s poked his head back in the closet to say, “You should make a day of it. I can handle your rooms, if you like.”

“That’s not –”

“I insist.” Her tone leaves little room for argument. “I’d like to treat you both. As a gift.”

His instinct is to ask what her game is, just what she thinks she’ll be getting from all this – but he tamps down on it. These are his friends. They care about him. He’s got to remember that.

“Thanks,” he says instead. “That’d be nice.”

“Great.” He looks back, and she’s actually smiling. “I’ll handle it.”

He’s buried in the back of the Cherokee, trying to figure out a way to hang his shirt that doesn’t have it settle on the floor, getting creases and shit – ah, fuck being so tall – when a shadow falls over him.

“I thought you said you were wearing a tie,“ Shirayuki says, so abrupt he whacks his head on the roof.

Wow, yep. Good thing this is a fake date, because he’s doing so good thus far. Haven’t even left the driveway and already he’s halfway to concussed.

“Oh!” she yelps, diving toward him as he ducks out, her small hands coming to cradle his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t – oh, let me look at it, Obi! It looks like it hurt.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he assures her, but he’s only a good guy, not a great guy, so when she sinks her hands into the bristle of his hair, seeking out where he’s bruised – well, it feels nice. There’s no real reason to stop her.

Of course, that’s when he realizes what she’s wearing.

“Oh,” he breathes, though he doesn’t know how. he’s used to seeing her in floaty boho dresses, but now she’s in this retro sundress, blue and white polka dots and – “Wow.”

She stills, her whole body pressed along the length of his to reach his bowed head. It looks a little ridiculous, her crisp cotton polka dots next to the ribbing of his tank top, like something out of greaser movie. A nervous giggle bubbles out of her, but she doesn’t step back, just continues to inspect him for damage.

“Ah, yeah,” she hums shyly, “you said you were wearing a tie, so I um…feel overdressed.”

“N-no, I, um.” He steps away now. She can’t be that close to him, looking so cute and wholesome. It makes him want to…rumple her. “I am. It’s just hot, and the Cherokee’s air is busted, so…”

“Oh!” She nods, emphatic. “All right! I was just going to ask if I should change, but –”

“Aw, c’mon, Doc.” He gives her a grin, winking at her behind his sunglasses. “Don’t go changing, I like you the way you –”

“Right,” she sighs, stomping around to the other side of the car. “I’m picking the music.”

“Aw, c’mon –”

“The rules are simple,” comes her muffled voice. “Lame music jokes lose you privileges.”

“But –”

“Do you want me to get Kiki?”

The drive to Boston from the valley takes two hours, but with her it passes like nothing.

He’s shrugging on his button-up in the parking garage, when she finally realizes where they are.

“We’re going to the aquarium?”

If it was anyone else, that would be incredulous, petulant, but with her, it’s – elated. She’s excited. He looks up as he tucks in his tails, and she’s got her hands clasped in front of her chest, all starry-eyed, and he –

Oh, wow, he just…he has a real problem here. “You been yet?”

He knows the answer, but it gives them something to talk about while he rolls up his sleeves, gives him something to think about other than opening up the Cherokee’s hatch and showing her what kind of things he usually does with girls.

“No!” She’s breathless. Good, now they match. “But Garrack says it’s laid out well. You can mostly follow the evolution of vertebrates, as long as you don’t mind that they can’t, you know, get a coelacanth.”

“Is there an aquarium that has one?” he teases, tightening his tie. “Someone page Dr Erdmann –”

“Oh, hush,” she says, slender fingers wrapping around his forearm. Her fingers a pleasantly cool against his skin, even in the dead of summer. “Come on, I want to see the penguins first.”

“Aren’t they the most derived –?”

“Did I pay extra for teasing?” she laughs, dragging him behind her. “Is that why you’re so expensive?”

“We’ve been over this,” he says, ignoring the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. “It’s because I put out.”

He lets her lead, dragging him from the penguins to her one-woman tour of vertebrate evolution – complete with commentary about how the tanks could be laid out in a more logical manner – but they end up, as he always knew they would, at the ocean tank.

It’s huge; twenty-three feet from bottom to top, a ramp tightly spiraling around the glass. It’s crowded – that’s what he gets for taking her out on a Saturday during summer – but they find a place between two concrete struts, right up against the glass, and – and –

Doc looks like heaven.

It’s dark on the lower levels, just the track-lighting and tank for light, and she’s painted in scintillating blues and greens, shadows passing over as the bigger animals rotate past, carried by the current. They’ve both got one hip pressed to the ledge, facing each other but not; she’s practically pressed her face against the tank, eyes and mouth open in wonder and –

And oh wow, this is a problem. This isn’t – he doesn’t just like her. He – he –

“Obi, look!” She grabs his arm, pointing with her free hand. “That’s Myrtle. She’s their green sea turtle. And there’s two loggerheads somewhere in here.”

He takes another moment to take her in, to commit the way she looks to memory, and turns to look up at the tank.

It’s strange to see one swimming from this angle; he’s always looking at them from the surface, but he’s watching her move from all angles, seeing every way she articulates –

“Wow,” he breathes. He’s a world away from where he was two years ago, just getting out of PT, throwing his Vicodin in the garbage, feeling weird about going to school with kids.

“Amazing,” she sighs, smile wide and wistful across her face. “Can you believe it? That is what we’re going to study.”

He can’t, not really, not when a year ago he’d been Undeclared, thinking about quitting, wondering if he’d ever find a place he’d fit for even a moment, and now –

Now he’s here. He has a major. He has a life. He has a purpose.

And he knows who to thank for it.

He opens his mouth – to tell her maybe, to admit just a small portion of the gratitude he has for having met her –

When suddenly she is flush against him, her breasts pressed to his ribs, hips aligned with his, hand gripping his shirt while his own clutch at her waist.

“Sorry,” says some kid, half their height, barely looking at them as he crouches to see a shark through the rail.

Her breath skitters over his chest. “Sorry,” she murmurs, and it takes him half a minute to realize she means him.

“No prob –” His words stutter when her hand runs down his tie, straightening how it lies over his shirt. “N-no problem, Doc. Always a pleasure to have you fall for me.”

She groans, pushing him gently, and he takes the opportunity to put some space between them, to catch his breath.

“Anyway,” he says, “we should get going. Don’t want to be late for dinner.”

“Oh.” She blinks. “We aren’t going to eat here?”

“Please, Doc,” he laughs, tugging her by the hand. “I know you would have ordered the fish, and then someone would have said something about slow learners --”

“You would say that.”

“Someone,” he insists with a grin. “And then you would have sat there with your cute pouty face, trying to bum some of my rice pilaf off of me --”

“Oh,” she sighs, her voice wavering with laughter, “heaven forbid.”

Obi doesn’t do dates.

He’s never needed to. All his experience with woman has been girls who know what they want, and it’s seven minutes of quality time on the nearest flat surface with his dick. Sometimes he’d go back to their place, spend a few hours doing things right, but – no staying for breakfast. No midnight snacks. He didn’t even accept a power bar that one time a girl offered it to him, saying you need it after that performance.)

So going to an actual food serving location and sitting there for an undisclosed amount of time and making conversation? Not something that’s been at the top of his list to do. He wouldn’t know where to start.

”That’s why you have me,” Kiki says, lounging on his bed as she flips through options on her phone. “I will make you look like less of a loser.”

“Hey,” he laughs, throwing a pillow at her. “Girls love me.”

She doesn’t even flinch, just grabs it out of the air and tucks it under her arm.

“Fine.” Her mouth slants to one side, giving him a flash of teeth. “I will make you look like less of a horse-dicked loser.”

The place Kiki picks –Water Line, just down on the next pier – is nice. Swanky.

Expensive.

Obi’s intimately aware of the balance in his checking account; he sees it hovering in his vision when he looks at the prices on the menu. He knows that thirty dollars for an entree – especially seafood – isn’t extravagant, but it’s also not – not –

Affordable. Not for a college kid who just started his life over.

He breathes through his panic. He can do it; he doubts Doc could eat enough to break the bank. Even still…goodbye to that that oil change he was going to do before they left.

“Oh my,” Doc murmurs, slender fingers pressed to her lips. She’s gone two shades paler just perusing the appetizers. “It’s so expensive here. I can just get some – soup? I think soup is cheap…relatively…”

“Hey.” His hand shoots out, grabbing the one she’s laid on the table between them. “It’s fine. Get what you want.”

Her teeth sunk anxiously into her lower lip. He forces down the urge to lean over, to catch it both of his and soothe away the worry marks with his tongue. Ugh, not appropriate.

“Are you sure? I don’t –”

He gives her hand a squeeze, palms touching. “C’mon, Doc. you dropped a whole bunch of cash to get here after all.”

Her eyes narrow, searching his face, but she nods finally, giving him a shy smile. “Well,” she says, fidgeting with the napkin in her lap, “I had heard that you put out.”

“Oh, I see.” He can’t fight his grin. “The truth comes out. I see right through you, Doc, you just want me for my –”

“Excuse me.” A waiter reaches between them, tipping both their wine glasses upright, and then he’s popping a bottle of red –

“Uh,” Obi starts, suddenly at a loss for words. The edge of the bottle’s label is peeling at the edges, and that seems like something – expensive. “I don’t think we ordered that –”

The man smiles, pouring the rich red into their glasses. “Compliments of Miss Seiran.”

Thx 4 vino

You’re welcome.

gv me a hrt attkbut v cooldoc sez “it’s nice”“i feel warm”

Glad to know it’s being enjoyed.Dinner is on me by the way.

wat no waiwaitthats too much Kiki esp w the hotel & everythingim supposed to b paying for this thing

PleaseI want you two to have a good timeAnd you won’t if you’re thinking about how you have $304.08 in your checking account.

How do you KNOW that

Math.PleaseThink of this as a farewell gift.If it makes you feel better.

….Thank you

Thank me by enjoying yourselves.

Doc has a little too much over dinner. Not enough to be drunk, but she’s leaning into him as they walk along the pier to the hotel, hand wrapped in his.

(”It’s a date, isn’t it?” she asks when he blinks down at her. “People hold hands on dates.”

God, is his mouth dry. “R-right.”)

When they get to the front desk, he’s a live wire, so aware of how Doc is curled into him that he hardly listens to the concierge when he repeats the room reservation. It feels like everyone is staring, that everyone there knows she isn’t his, she’s for someone else, and -- and even still he can’t push her away.

All he hears is “Under Seiran?” and he squeaks up, “Yep!”

So he really shouldn’t be surprised. Not when Kiki made the reservation. He’s sure somewhere in their nine months plus of friendship, he has earned this particular prank.

“Obi,” Shirayuki slurs, face emerging from his side, “why is there only one bed?”

The suite is huge, it’s got a living room and a dining room and a balcony and just – it’s super swanky. Better -- and bigger -- than every apartment he’s ever lived in. So when he sits in the bathroom, staring at his phone, he knows he’s not going to text Kiki. This isn’t a mistake. Kiki knew exactly what she was doing when she booked the world’s most swankiest suite with only one – albeit enormous – bed.

He takes a deep breath and walks back out, running smack into Shirayuki and her neat little bag of toiletries.

“Ah, sorry, Doc,” he sighs, stepping aside to let her past. “I didn’t – this is my fault. I could –”

“It’s fine, Obi.” She sets down her bag a little too precisely. “It’s not like we’ve never slept in the same bed.”

Right, that’s true, but – but there’s a different between passing out from too much anime too late, and planning to share a bed. Planning to share a bed that was covered in rose petals when they arrived.

She shrugs, nonchalant, though he can see her hands tremble in the mirror. “I mean, it’s either this or you sleep in the tub.”

He stares, watching her brush her teeth. “Or, I mean, the couch. Couches exist.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” she tells him after she spits. “That’s stupid.”

“You’re right,” he says, sauntering back into the bedroom, Doc trailing along behind him. “I’m the one not paying for this room for both of us. I get the big fancy bed.”

He flops showily onto the mattress, throwing the sheets around his hips. Oh god, they’re silk.

She’s been hanging around him far too much, because she gives him the flattest, least impressed look, and says, “Am I honestly supposed to believe you’d let me sleep on the couch?”

“Alright,” he sighs, opening the covers for her. “Get up here.”

She giggles, slinking shyly towards him in her pajamas – just some sleep shorts and a t-shirt – and curls into bed beside him. The moment her hands touch him his heart pounds, and he thinks he’ll never sleep, just lay up being consumed by his own desire, but –

But she lays her head on his chest, breath evening out, and he just – just passes out.

Best sleep of his life.

They come home the next morning, her wearing his hoodie, not holding hands.

Kiki frowns as he walks past, drowning in one of Mitsuhide’s shirts. “You’re a disappointment.”

“Hey,” he says, grabbing his coco puffs from the cabinets. “I’m a gentleman.”

[cpgtb]

Che io adori Eminem, per chi mi ha seguito nelle live, non è un mistero, e questo ragazzo mi stupisce sempre di più... vi lascio le parole (supercelebrative... e, per me, ha tutte le ragioni del mondo!) e una traduzione semiautomatizzata, ma credo comprensibile di uno dei suoi brani...

PS. Il lavoro nobilita l’uomo ...dicono... ma quello che non ti dicono è che ti fotte la vita... 

Eminem, Rap God (testo)

I’m beginning to feel like a rap God All my people from the front to the back nod Now who thinks he’s arms are long enough to slapbox? They said I rap like a robot so call me rapbot But for me to rap like a computer must be in my genes I got a laptop in my back pocket My pen’ll go off when I half cock it Got a fat knot from that rap profit Made a living and a killing off it Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office With Monica Lewinsky feeling on his (nutsack) I’m an emcee still as honest But as rude and indecent as all hell Syllable, killaholic [?] This slickety, gibbedy, hibbedy hip hop You don’t really wanna get into a piece of match With this rappidy rappack and a mack in the back of the yac, pack backpack rap yep yackidy yac The exact same time I attempt these lyrical acrobat stunts when I’m practicing that I’ll still be able to break a motherfuckers table over the back of a couple [?] and crack it in half Only realized it was ironic I was on the Aftermath after the fact How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs, feel my wrath of attack Rappers are having a rough time, period; he’s a maxipad It’s actually disastrously bad For the wack to masterfully constructing this masterpiece ass

I’m beginning to feel like a rap God All my people from the front to the back nod Now who thinks he’s arms are long enough to slapbox? Let me show you maintaining this shit ain’t that hard Everybody want the key and the secret to rap immortality like I have got Well, to be truthful the blueprint is simply raging youthful [?] Everybody loves to root for a nuisance Hither up like an asteroid, did nothing but chew other moons in Emcees get taken to school with this music cause I use it as a vehichle to bust a rhyme Now I lead a new school of students Me, I’m a product of Rakim, Lakim, Shahbaz, 2Pac and W.N, Cube, Doc, Ren, Yella, Eazy, thank you they got Slim Inspired enough to one day grow up, blow up and be in a position To meet Run DMC and induct them to the motherfucking Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame Even though I walk in the church and burst in a ball of flames Only Hall of Fame I be inducted in is the alcohol of fame On the wall of shame You [?] it’s all a game till I woke a flock of flames Off of planking, tell me what in the fuck were you thinking? Little B looking boy, so [?] I can barely say it with a straight face looking boy You witnessing a massacre like you watching a church gathering take place looking boy Oh [?] that’s all they say looking boy You take a thumbs up, pat on the back the way you go from your label everyday looking boy Hey, looking boy, what you say looking boy? I got a hell yeah from Tre looking boy I’mma work for everything I have, never ask nobody for shit Get outta my face looking boy Basically boy you’re never gonna be capable to keep up with the same pace looking boy

I’m beginning to feel like a rap God All my people from the front to the back nod The way I’m racing around the track, call me Nascar [?] heart of the trailer park, the white trash God Kneel before generals off this planett’s Krypton, no Asgard So you be Thor and I’ll be Odin, you [?], I’m omnipotent Let off then I’m reloading immediately with these bombs I’m totin’ And I should not be woken I’m a walking dead, but I’m just a talking head, a zombie floating But I got your mom deep in [?] I’m out my ramen noodle We have nothing in common, poodle ? pinch yourself in the arm and pay homage, pupil It’s me, my honesty’s brutal But it’s honestly futile if I don’t utilize what I do though For good at least once in a while So I wanna make sure somewhere ? I scratch, scribble and doodle Enough rhymes to maybe to try and help get some people through tough times But I gotta keep a few punchlines Just in case cause even you unsigned Rappers are hungry looking at me like it’s lunchtime I know there was a time where once I Was king of the underground, but I still rap like I’m on my Pharoahe Monch grind So I crunch rhymes, but sometimes when you combine A pill with the skin color of mine You get too big and [?] Like that one line

When I tried to say I take seven kids from Columbine Put ‘em all in a line

See if I get away with it now then I ain’t as big as I was but I’m Morph into an immortal, coming through the portal But you’re stuck in a timewarp from 2004 though And I don’t know what the fuck that you rhyme for You’re pointless as Rapunzel with fucking cornrolls Fuck being normal And I just bought a new raygun from the future to just come and shoot ya Like when Fabolous made Ray J mad

Oh, man, oh, that was a 24 special on the cable channel So Ray J went straight to the radio station the very next day ”Hey, Fab, I’mma kill you” Lyrics coming at you at supersonic speed Uh, sama lamaa duma lamaa you assuming I’m a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I’m superhuman Innovator, made [?] so anything you saying ricocheting off of me

Never fading, and I know that the haters are forever waiting For the day that they can say I fell off, they’d be celebrating Cause I know the way to get ‘em motivated, I make elevating music You make elevator music Oh, he’s too mainstream – well, that’s what they doing jealous, they confuse it It’s not hip hop, it’s pop, cause I found a hella way to fuse it With rock, shock rap with Doc [?] to make them loose it I don’t know how to make songs like that, I don’t know what words to use Let me know when it occurs to you While I’m ripping any of these verses

How many verses I gotta murder to prove That if you’re half as nice at songs you can sacrifice virgins too School flunkie, pill junky But look at the accolades the skills brung me Full of myself, but still hungry I bully myself cause I make me do what I put my mind to And I’m a million leagues above you Ill when I speak in tongues, but it’s still tongue in cheek, fuck you I’m drunk so Satan take the fucking wheel, I’m asleep in the front seat Bumping Heavy D and the Boys, still chunky, but funky But in my head there’s something I can feel tugging and struggling Angels fighting with devils, here’s what they want from me They asking me to eliminate some of the women hate But if you take into consideration the bitter hatred that I had Then you may be a little patient and more symphatetic to the situation And understand the discrimation But fuck it, life’s handing you lemons, make lemonade then But if I can’t battle the women how the fuck am I supposed to bake them a cake then? Don’t mistake it for Satan It’s a fatal mistake if you think I need to be overseas and take a vacation to tip a broad And make a [?] on the face and don’t be a retard Be a king? Think not – why be a king when you can be a God?

Look, I was gonna go easy on you, not to hurt your feelings But I’m only to get this one chance. (Six minutes, Slim Shady, you’re on) Something’s wrong, I can feel it Like a feeling, like something is about to happen, but I don’t know what If this means, what I think it means, we’re in trouble – big trouble And if he is as bananas like you say, I’m not taking any chances (You were just what the doc ordered.)

Eminem, Rap God (traduzione)

Comincio a sentirmi come un dio del rap tutte le persone da qui davanti fino al dietro annuiscano ora chi pensa che le sue braccia siano lunghe a sufficienza per uno schiaffo? dicono che rappo come un robot, chiamatemi rapbot ma per me rappare come un computer deve essere nei geni ho un portatile nella tasca di dietro il mio pene si spegnerà quando lo fotterò a mezzo ho un nodo di grasso dai profitti del rap mi sono fatto una vita e l’ho fatta fuori tutta da quando Bill Clinton era in ufficio con Monica Lewinsky che gli succhiava le palle sono un MC ancora onesto ma maledettamente rude e indecente sillabato, voglioso di farvi fuori questo lubrificante, gibbedy hippedy hip hop non vuoi davvero farti avanti nel match con questo rapidissimo rap e microfono sul retro del gioco, pack backpack rap yep yackidy yac Allo stesso tempo provo questi stunt acrobatici quando mi esercito sarò ancora in grado di sfasciare il tavolo dei figlio di putt*na sulla schiena di qualcuno e romperlo in due ho realizzato che ero ironico ero nella Aftermath dopo quel fatto come potrei non farlo? rilascio Bombe-F, senti la rabbia del mio attacco i rapper passano un brutto periodo, è un maxipad è veramente disastroso per gli sfigati costruire un capolavoro come questo cul*

comincio a sentirmi come un dio del rap tutte le persone da qui davanti fino al dietro annuiscano ora chi pensa che le sue braccia siano lunghe a sufficienza per uno schiaffo? Fammi mostrare che mantenere questa roba non è difficile tutti vogliono la chiave e il segreto per l’immortalità del rap come me beh, per essere sinceri il giovane blueprint è solo un giovane incaz*ato tutti amano le radici per noia lanciato in cima come un asteroide, non ho fatto altro che masticare le altre lune GLi Mc sono portati a scuola da questa musica perché la uso come un veicolo per lanciare una rima ora porto avanti una nuova scuola di studenti io, sono un prodotto di Rakim Lakim Shahbaz, 2Pac e W.N, Cube, Doc, Ren, Yella, Eazy, grazie per Slim ispirato a sufficienza per crescere un giorno, scoppiare ed essere in una posizione incontrare i Run DMC e portarli dentro la caz*o di Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame anche se cammino in chiesa e brucio in una palla di fuoco l’unica Hall of Fame cui mi hanno iniziato era la Alcohol of fame sul muro della vergogna tu, è tutto in un gioco finché non ti svegli in una lingua di fuoco quando fai il planking, dimmi a che caz*o pensavi Little B stile ragazzino, posso a malapena dirlo con una faccia da ragazzino tu sei testimone di un massacro come se guardassi una chiesa piena di gente che si siede ah è quello che dicono, bel ragazzino ti prendi i pollici su, una pacca sulla spalla sulla strada dalla tua etichetta discografica ogni giorno, bel ragazzino oh, bel ragazzino, che dici bel rgaazzino? ho ricevuto un “caz*o sì” da Tre, bel ragazzino lavoro per ottenere quello che mi serve, non ho chiesto mai un caz*o a nessuno via dalla mia vista, ragazzino non riuscirai mai a mantenere la stessa velocità, ragazzino

comincio a sentirmi come un dio del rap tutte le persone da qui davanti fino al dietro annuiscano il modo in cui guido la canzone, chiamatemi Nascar il cuore del parcheggio per roulotte, il dio della spazzatura bianca inginocchiatevi ai generali di questo pianeta Krypton, non Asgard così tu fai Thor e io Odino, tu sfigato, io sono onnipotente lascia stare che ricarico immediatamente con queste bombe che lancio non mi devi svegliare sono un morto che cammina, ma sono anche una testa parlante, uno zombie ho preso tua mamma sono il mio noodle cinese non abbiamo niente in comune, ciccio pizzicati il braccio e rendi omaggio, studente sono io, la mia onestà è brutale ma onestamente sarebbe futile se non usassi cosa faccio in fondo per bene, almeno una volta ogni tanto voglio essere sicuro da qualche parte? faccio scratch, scarabocchio e scarabocchio abbastanza rime per cercare di aiutare le persone nei tempi duri devo tenerne alcune più cattive giusto in caso perché pure tu hai rescisso il contratto i rapper sono affamati, guardami, è ora di pranzo so che c’era un momento dove io, una volta ero il re dell’underground, ma rappo ancora come se lavoraasi ancora al Pharoahe Monch mastico rime, ma qualche volta quando ti unisci una pillola col colore della mia pelle ti fai troppo grande come quella linea quando cerco di dire che ho salvato sette bambini da Columbine mettendoli tutti in fila nella mia rima

Guarda, se ottengo quel che mi serve allora non sono così importante come pensavo ma mi trasformo per morphing in un immortale, passo attraverso un portale ma sei fermo in una curvatura spaziotempo dal 2004 non so perché caz*o tiri fuori rime, allora sei inutile come Raperonzolo con quei caz*o di capelli in su fanc*lo essere normali ho comprato una nuova pistola laser dal futuro per venire a spararti come quando Fabolous ha fatto impazzire Ray J

oh man, erano uno speciale di 24 ore in tv via cavo allora Ray Jj è andato in radio il giorno dopo ehi Fab, ora ti uccido le parole arrivano a velocità supersonica uh sama lamaa duma lamaaa tu pensi che io sia un umano che devo fare per farti capire che sono un superuomo innovatore, così ogni cosa che dici mi rimbalza addosso

Non sono mai svanito, e so che chi mi odia aspetta da sempre quel giorno che potranno dire che sono caduto, lo festeggerebbero perché so come motivarli, faccio musica che innalza tu fai musica da ascensore è troppo mainstream - beh, è quello che pensano i gelosi, si confondono non è hip hop, è pop, ho trovato un modo per metterli insieme con il rock, rap shock con Doc li faccio sballare non so come far canzoni in quel modo, non so che parole usare fammi sapere quando ti capita mentre sistemo un po’ di questi versi

quanti altri versi devo uccidere per provare che se fossi almeno metà bravo con le canzoni potresti anche sacrificare vergini sei lo sfigato della scuola, un drogato di pillole ma guarda gli accoliti che mi portano abilità pieno di me, ma ancora affamato mi faccio bullismo da solo perché così faccio quello che mi dice la testa e sono un milione di linguaggi oltre te malato quando parlo in versi, ma ho ancora la lingua in bocca, fanc*lo sono sbronzo così Satana può cominciare con la sua ruota, dormo sul sedile davanti ascolto Heavy D e i The Boys, un po’ fighi ma funky ma nella mia testa c’è qualcosa che posso sentire sbattere e godere gli angeli che litigano con i diavoli, ecco cosa voglio da me mi chiedono di eliminare alcune donne odiate ma se prendi in considerazione l’odio amaro che lo avrei fatto devi portare un po’ pazienza ed essere più comprensivo della situazione capire la discriminazione ma fanc*lo, la vita ti tira dei limoni, fai la limonata allora ma se non puoi dar battagli alle donne come caz*o posso preparargli una torta, poi? non sbagliarti con Satana è uno sbaglio fatale se pensi di dover andare dall’altra parte del mondo in vacanza per goderti l’estero non fare quella faccia e non essere ritardato vuoi fare il re? non ci pensare, perché fare il re quando puoi essere dio?

guarda, volevo andarci piano per non farti male ma ho solo questa chance (sei minuti, Slim Shady, sei arrivato) qualcosa è sbagliato, lo sento come un sentimento, come qualcosa che sta succedendo, non lo so cosa se questo significa quel che penso, siamo in un casino - un gran casino e se lui è un idiota come dici, non ho alcuna chance (sei stato solo ciò che ha ordinato il dottore) comincio a sentirmi come un dio del rap (dio del rap) tutte le persone da qui davanti fino al dietro annuiscano (annuiscano) ora chi pensa che le sue braccia siano lunghe a sufficienza per uno schiaffo?

[team-skull-admin]

My favorite 40 games of all-time

Made an arbitrary list of my favorite games of all-time cause I wanted to figure out where Breath of the Wild is on it. It’s, uh, pretty high. Assload of text below the break.

40: Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow I'm not the world's biggest Symphony of the Night fan (outside of the incredible soundtrack) and I think this is where Iga's seamless platformers found their footing.

39: Call of Juarez: Gunslinger I love goofy, experimental games like this and Far Cry: Blood Dragon, but I think the schtick in this (an unreliable narrator bragging about their heroic exploits) works better than Blood Dragon's dorky 80s nostalgia.

38: Rayman Origins A beautiful platformer with incredible level design. The music for the diabolical secret level is seared into my memory.

37: Cibele A short, story-centric indie game that captures the essence of playing MMOs in the mid-2000s and long-distance relationships. The awkward conversations in this game made me think about my WoW years for an entire weekend.

36: Mario Kart Wii It's not technically the "best" Mario Kart, but I actually enjoyed the motorcycles and I have fond memories of crushing my brother while we downed beers and talked shit.

35: Guild of Dungeoneering I'm usually not super into "We made X game, but added CARDS!" even though I love card games, but they nailed the loop here. I vaguely remember one of the decks being super busted, though.

34: Tropico 4 Adding a political slant to Sim City by making you the leader of a banana republic was just the slant to that formula I was looking for, and I lost a weekend circa New Year's '13 just delving into this hard.

33: Gran Turismo 2 My brother bought a PS1 off a friend when they upgraded to a PS2, and I grabbed a copy of this cheaply at the local EB Games. Once I wrapped my mind around the simulation, upgrading cars and havin fun with them here might have more to do with me being somewhat of a car person than anything else.

32: Metal Gear Solid 4 I should really put the whole series on here, but MGS4 deserves special note for making the core stealth actually fun and somehow tying all the loose ends of the insane plot together while dialing up the insanity even further.

31: Sim City 2000 I figured out how to make a 50,000 person city when I was like, 8. I still have no fucking idea how I did this. It took me till my 20s to crack 100k.

30: Pokemon Black/White People are torn on this game, but the contentious design decision to hide the old Pokemon in the postgame made every new encounter incredibly exciting in a way the series hadn't been since the orignals. The writing also shows signs of the maturity that Sun/Moon would follow through with.

29: Dragon Warrior Monsters 2 I think most would deride this series as a soulless Pokemon cash-grab on the surface, but they're actually roguelikes with a crazy monster breeding system and the most rote of stories to get you into the core loop of exploring new keys to breed ever crazier monsters.

28: Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Diablo 3 vanilla's reliance on the auction house created design issues that were hard to look past, but Blizzard abandoning it for the expansion made the game into an incredible dungeon crawler. I never laddered, but had fun for hundreds of hours chasing loot with friends.

27: Fallout 3 I'll never forget the feeling of walking out of the vault for the first time, and feeling like I could go anywhere. I also think this is the only Bethesda game that regularly pays off when exploring - weird shit like the Republic of Dave or the man stuck in the tree are fantastic rewards for poking at the less inhabited edges of the map.

26: Bassin's Black Bass featuring Hank Parker I'm honestly wondering if the rest of the world has picked up on this game's low-key genius since I saw it for 15 bucks at a retro game store recently, but this game's arcadey fishing is incredibly satisfying and snappy. It has some major, obvious, irritating mechanical issues, but the core gameplay loop is so good I don't care.

25: Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor I still remember my nemesis. This motherfucker was right at the beginning of the game, inside the first quest area, and was like level 5 or 6, but had a defensive ability that made it harder for me to gank him easily. So he killed me. Twice. And leveled up each time, becoming a level 12 badass who could literally sniff me out when I hid. But he was weak to fire, and I lured him to a campfire and set him ablaze, getting my revenge.

24: Super Metroid I feel like most people would have this game higher on the list, but I think the controls are floaty and Meridia is overly confusing. The rest of the game is incredible and I can't believe they pulled it off on a Super Nintendo.

23: Pokemon Sun/Moon After XY and ORAS were disapointments I was cool on Pokemon, but Sun/Moon challenged a ton of series conventions and got a lot right in the process. I can't believe how deftly this game handles dysfunctional families.

22: A Link Between Worlds This was Nintendo's hit at what was to come with Zelda - a smart, experimental take on the franchise that's easily its best 2d outing.

21: Muramasa: The Demon Blade Vanillaware's magnum opus, a gorgeous Metroidvania where everything is hand-painted. The combat's loop of mixing launchers with sword management is also incredibly fun, if not particularly deep. But fuck I loved looking at it so much and it felt good.

20: The Walking Dead Only time a video game made me cry.

19: Banjo-Kazooie The only 3d collect-a-thon platformer from that era that still holds up, it combines cheeky humor and an incredible soundtrack to craft a world that's always surprising.

18: Borderlands 2 is better crafted, but I enjoyed the dry wit and more grounded guns of the first. I've replayed this like 4 times and I'm not entirely sure why, but I have a blast each time.

17: Doom (2016) Apparently the secret to making this license work in a modern context is to give Halo combat arenas a healthy dose of cocaine and play Meshuggah riffs over it. It so fucking works.

16: Saints Row: The Third I think the writing in GTA is usually sophomoric at best and its attempts at commentary are eye-roll worthy, but having a game say "FUCK IT" and just Mel Brooks that experience is such a wonderful idea. It's also hard to pull off, and SR3 totally sticks the landing (unlike the sequel).

15: Super Mario World The best traditional Mario game. I replayed it recently, and it struck me how much secret exits add to the level design versus 3, and how freed Koji Kondo is by the new hardware. The castle music's classical overture sticks out.

14: Monster Hunter 4 I liked Monster Hunter 3's various iterations but I hated swimming. Taking out swimming and replacing it  with mounting was enough for me to sink hundreds of hours. I actively avoided getting Generations because I knew it would interfere with school.

13: Mario Golf (GBC) The perfect portable game. Golf works well on the platform, and adding basic RPG hooks was enough to make a rote story totally engaging.

12: Super Mario Maker I think the real triumph of Mario Maker isn't the levels (which are usually terrible), it's how Nintendo imparted the feeling of being creative in such an easily digestible and satisfying way. It's an achievement that ascends past Mario design (which still works here) into something greater and more profound.

11: Hearthstone I fucking hate this game and I keep playing it because the Arena is like literal fucking crack and every time I have an opponent at 1 life and they beat me they can eat fucking dicks.

10: Super Mario RPG Clever writing and a strange world grabbed me way harder than Intelligent System's later Paper Mario games. It's too easy and doesn't look as slick now, but the writing still holds up.

09: Mass Effect Trilogy You can't really separate these, as the experience that makes Mass Effect great was carrying your Shepard and their decisions from one game to the next. Everyone will remember Garrus, Wrex, and co. Shame about the ending.

08: Tetris I am weirdly good at Tetris. I know what a T-Spin is. I sank hundreds of hours into it on Facebook. I don't regret it.

07: Persona 4 Describe a game to me as a mix of a J-RPG and a slice-of-life anime and I'll run to the hills, so the fact this game's sharp, mature writing and "just one more day" calendar mechanic combined into one of my favorite games of all-time is a shock. They also put in Pokemon with fucking demons, how cool is that shit?

06: Ocarina of Time I can't believe this game came out in 1998. The world is still fun to traverse, and the dungeon design (especially as an adult) still holds up at the top of action-adventure puzzle design.

05: Magic: the Gathering I wish it was less expensive otherwise it'd be higher.

04: Breath of the Wild I can't believe Nintendo reinvented the wheel so well that I'm putting the game so high on the list. Every design decision in this game is carefully considered to make exploring this iteration of Hyrule that much more satisfying. And its incredibly clever chemistry engine, where every object in the game has chemical properties that can be manipulated as well as physics, creates a ton of emergent gameplay scenarios where you're constantly asking "Can I do that?" and the game almost never lets you down.

03: World of Warcraft Sometimes I regret the 4000 hours I spent in Azeroth, but I'd have a hard time giving up the friends I made there. I could probably shred and like, speak another language though.

02: Pokemon Red I was the perfect age for Pokemon mania, and the fact that the core game was literally designed to appeal to me didn't help. I still love collecting the things and min/maxing ways to beat the Elite 4 with minimal grinding.

01: Mega Man X I think this is literally the perfect platformer. Moving X feels incredible. There's nothing in any of the levels I think is out of place. The soundtrack is a masterpiece. And the game's hidden secret is so insane you'd probably call bullshit on any kid who told it to you at recess. I'm really glad the rest of the world picked up on it after Arin Hanson did a Sequelitis about it, because I've been beating this drum for decades.

[fourteenacross]

2016 in Review

I’ve done these stupid surveys every year for the past ten years and I don’t care if LJ is dead, I’m gonna keep doing them.

The writing one is still in progress because it involves a lot of linking and thoughtful responses. Below are Fandom in 2016 and Life in 2016, mostly for my own records.

Fandom 2016

1. Your main fandom of the year?

Oh god, this has a different answer for the first time in five years, but definitely Hamilton? Up until SM, the only fannish words I wrote this year were Hamilton, most of the shit I reblogged on Tumblr was Hamilton...jesus, it’s like 2004 up in this joint.

2. Your favorite film watched this year? This is really difficult. Um, probably Ghostbusters because it blew me away and was totally unexpected as a favorite. I knew I’d probably like it, but not necessarily six-times-in-theatres level of liking.

Runners up are The Conjuring 2, which would have won without Ghostbusters, and Moana, which I found surprisingly moving and would probably see six more times without getting bored.

3. Your favorite book read this year? I’m gonna say Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older, which is an amazing modern urban fantasy set in Brooklyn about an afro-latina teenager who discovers she’s part of an old spiritual order that can channel spirits into art. IT’S SO GOOD? But I will say that The Diviners by Libba Bray and the Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo were neck and neck with it right up until I made my final list for our WBS year-end episode. The best middle grade book I read was George by Alex Gino.

4. Your favorite album or song to listen to this year? I honestly am not sure that I listened to any “new” albums outside of The Hamilton Mixtape this year? I spent the start of the year listening to Hamilton and Great Comet non-stop, then listened to every Dar song in order and all of the 69 Love Songs in order for a couple months...but yeah, the only ~*~new~*~ thing I can think of is The Hamilton Mixtape.

5. Your favorite TV show of the year? Prooooobably Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Or maybe the end of Gravity Falls. 

6. Your favorite online fandom community of the year? idk. To be honest, I still don’t quite ~*~get~*~ tumblr (tho I had some nice conversations via the chat function, despite my general awkwardness as a human), LJ is dead, and while I connect with fandom friends and talk about fandom on Twitter, I don’t do that as much as I whine about my life. I guess AO3 has been great via comments received, but that also feels one-sided, as chatty cathy as I sometimes get when responding to people’s comments. Most of my fandom conversations this year have PROBABLY been over text? 

7. Your best new fandom discovery of the year? I’m trying to think if there was anything new I was super into? Maybe Six of Crows, which I talked about a lot and read a couple fics for?

8. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year? X-Men: Apocalypse, for sure. Man, after DoFP, I had SUCH HIGH HOPES for XMA, which was totally my own fault. Every time someone made a comment about how weird something looked or how dumb something sounded I rolled my eyes, because they had done the exact same thing for DoFP, which was AMAZING. But, uh...this time they were all right. The more I thought about the movie, the more it fell apart for me. 

9. Your TV boyfriend of the year? Strictly teevee,  probably...idk, Luke Cage?

10. Your TV girlfriend of the year? I don’t watch SNL regularly, but can I cheat and say Kate McKinnon?

11. Your biggest squee moment of the year? Seeing Hamilton. Seeing Great Comet. Ghostbusters. 

12. The most missed of your old fandoms? I really missed the joy I got from DoFP when I was watching XMA :(

13. The fandom you haven’t tried yet, but want to? I’m p mono-fannish, so I’m good for now.

14. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year? Going to Chicago in May! Heroes! DragonCon! WBS liveshow! Maybe other things! I don’t know, I haven’t planned that much of the year yet!

***

General 2016

What did you do in 2016 that you'd never done before? Voted for a woman for President. Went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Um...probably other stuff too? Gosh, I don’t know, I’m so boring.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

+ Make a writing schedule and stick to it Did not do this. Like, at all. I got maybe a week on schedule over the course of the whole year /o\

+ Go on more dates Yes! I did do this! None of them really went anywhere, but I went on a whole bunch!

+ Get into the cooking habit and stay there Ish? I got better about making lunches for the week, but I wasn’t super consistent with it. Another thing to try in 2017.

+ Read more I did do this! Sort of! I didn’t keep super good track of it and I was mostly trying to read more adult books and I failed MISERABLY at that.

For 2017: + Read more adult books + Keep track of good things that happen + Make a writing schedule and try to stick to it for at least a month + Be better with money--pay off half the credit card + Go on more dates

Did anyone close to you give birth? Joni had a baby! It was so weird! One of us grew a tiny human! He’s ADORABLE.

Did anyone close to you die? My (step)grandfather.

What countries did you visit? Just this one! But within this one I went to...Charlotte, ATL, Orlando, Arkansas...and, you know, the Northeast in general.

What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? I'd like to feel more on top of things. I'd like more organization in my life. I'd like more sleep. I'd like a girlfriend.

What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 8, not for good reasons, unfortunately. May 21 (Hamilton, Hadestown), November 12 (Great Comet), stuff like Heroes and DCon. 

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing the goddamn ghosthunters fic, HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?

What was your biggest failure? idk what my biggest PERSONAL failure was, but I certainly know what my biggest failure as an American was :\

Did you suffer illness or injury? Brain stuff, some colds, and I broke my foot.

What was the best thing you bought? Great Comet tickets, plane tickets to visit various people. My dumb Silhouette machine that I love. Tiny John Laurens and The Washingtonians, both of which are within my sightline. This fuzzy blanket.

Whose behavior merited celebration? My friends. A lot of excellent activists.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The American people as a whole and everything associated with our clusterfuck election outcome.

Where did most of your money go? Grown-up type stuff (rent, utilities, groceries), cons, and travel.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? HeroesCon, DragonCon, Hamilton, Hadestown, Great Comet, The Conjuring 2, finishing the ghosthunters.

What song will always remind you of 2016? I mean, mostly just The Hamilton Mixtape, probably.

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Uh. Up until November I would have said “happier,” but currently I’m definitely sadder and more anxious. b) thinner or fatter? Same. c) richer or poorer? Same.

What do you wish you'd done more of? Writing. Sleeping. Hanging out with people.

What do you wish you'd done less of? Being depressed. Obsessing over stupid shit people said on the internet.

Did you fall in love in 2016? With this fuzzy blanket.

What was your favorite TV program? Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Many, many people. THANKS, POLITICS.

What was the best book you read? Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older. See above for more details.

What was your greatest musical discovery? Nothing really new, tbh.

What did you want and get? Cons, brunch, travel, Great Comet tickets.

What did you want and not get? A female President. A girlfriend. More sleep.

What was your favorite film of this year? Spy or Star Wars or Jurassic World, I guess?

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31! The weekend before, me and @pearlo​ and @cygnaut​ and @littledust​ saw XMA a couple times! And Laura and Erica and I went to the Gardner and then I had a party and people mostly hung out and played Drawful and drank a lot of champagne. On my actual birthday, @ginthusiastic​ and I just went out for dinner after work and I had a drink that was the same color as my dress.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A different election outcome. Literally anything. A box turtle could be our president and I’d be happy.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Retro-y dresses.

What kept you sane? @ginthusiastic @pearlo @caphairdadbeard @isjustprogress @intrikate88 @anachronistique @lisapizza @charmingpplincardigans @brilligspoons  and the rest of the Boston crew whose tumblrs I don’t know/remember, and the DCon crew and The Hamilton Mixtape and theatre and the cast of Hamilton and crime show marathons.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I have a Daveed Diggs problem. And an unfortunate swing crush on Morgan Marcell. And Kate McKinnon was A THING that happened. And Jasmine exists and also Stephanie Beatiz and XMA was a bust, but Sophie Turner was A+.

What political issue stirred you the most? Gee, I wonder.

Who did you miss? Pretty much everyone when they are not right next to me. Sarah Bay, a lot, but I feel weird singling one person out. [This is exactly what I wrote for the last two years, but I'm keeping it because it's still true.]

Who was the best new person you met? I’m trying to think of actualfax new people I met? Boston Maja is the only IRL person who comes to mind immediately? Oh, and I met Ellen at DCon? Online-wise, I met a slew of great folks through Hamilton-related crap and you’re all lovely 💜

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016: I’m still not sure what the lesson from the ‘16 election is. Don’t trust polls? People are more misogynistic than you think? People are more racist than you think? I don’t know. I guess I’m still learning it.

Quote a song that sums up your year: I am the one thing in life I can control

Maybe THAT’S the lesson of 2016. idk, man.