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#now in this current society we have to fulfill ALLLL the roles
unhinged-nymph
·
1 year
Text
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#i don't know what I'm supposed to do about being too self-aware for therapy
#like im sorry that i can't convince myself into a level of delusion in order to function in this society
#cuz that's basically what CBT is
#just talking yourself into certain mindsets until they stick
#but like
#i can't get past the fact that that is literally self-inflicted brain trauma?
#like ok the output might be positive
#aka being able to do the dishes without having a panic attack
#but i cannot get to that point because im aware that im just attempting to trick myself into a state of delusion
#i know it works for so many people
#but i cannot just convince myself that i'm mentally healthy
#i do not get dopamine or seratonin from completing tasks or taking care of myself like “normal” brains do
#and forcing myself to reframe my thought process isn't going to change that
#I can only distract myself so much ya know?
#i'm just frustrated that the answer to my brain being the way it is is to just force it to be a different way
#but that's literally TRAUMA like is anyone gonna wake the fuck up to that????
#did you know that our brains are almost exactly the same brains as the early homosapiens??? aka literal cavemen?
#I'm working with A CAVEMAN brain that just wants to do specific little tasks and be creative
#and also fulfill a specific role in a community
#now in this current society we have to fulfill ALLLL the roles
#the cleaning the cooking the planning the scheduling etc etc etc
#i simply do not have the brain for all of that
#plus im TIRED
#because i have adhd and probably have autism so im using every last drop of my energy to just survive
#so I don't have energy for all the “extra” stuff
#which unfortunately for me includes things like laundry and vacuuming and hobbies and seeing friends and being active and touching grass
#and this expensive ass therapist is just going to try to convince me that i in fact *do* have the energy and i just need to feel my feeling
#and stop telling myself i cant
#im not telling myself anything
#like does *anyone* fucking get it???
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