#but i cannot get to that point because im aware that im just attempting to trick myself into a state of delusion

[unhinged-nymph]

.

[onestepbackwards]

howdy! "self aware pkmn masters ex team leaders" gal here, and i just wanted to say that i LOVED your additions to my post! i actually came up with a few of my own in the meantime, and i just wanted to share with ya (not a request, dw):

Ghetsis: after Old Man Plasma is done "rebelling" against your control, you start noticing that he grows.. more attached, in a way. he greets you more whenever you log into the game, and gives you a lecture on "leaving him hanging dry" if you don't log in for some time, whether it being real life stuff and whatnot. he DOES see you as some "deity" in a way, but he cannot afford the disapproval that you might give him if you don't like his offerings for you. what if you end up dropping him from your team entirely? what if you kick him from the trainer lodge? what if you forced him to fight alongside N???? oh, the pain and humiliation! and while he DOES see you as a fitting ruler for Team Plasma, he also unfortunately knows that you don't trust him for shit. and he DOES 'attempt' to be honest and not manipulative for once, but the app's code is holding him by the collar. but becoming plasma's ruler is a standing invitation, so he'll wait as long as he wants.

Giovanni: ah, gio. good ol Mr. "My Entire Team Dies To Grass And Water And Ice". he strangely became more lax and laid back after discovering his self awareness, and he grew more attached to you; mainly because you're the only person who seems to know about him more than he does about himself. oh, you just so happened to mention silver one time? well, now you got giovanni wondering if he can repair his doomed-from-the-start relationship with his son. but his interest peaks when you mention the pokemon anime, and like the Cunning Narcissistic Old Man he is, he wonders how HE is portrayed. luckily, he wasn't butchered too hard. but when you bring up jessie, james, and meowth? boy, he goes into total Angy mode. he rants about how incompetent they are, and how he allowed them to even be in the team to begin with. and he DOES get in character, which is a bit surprising for someone who just discovered his existence is a sham. and expect him to refer to himself as "Vanni" or "Gio", since he heard you call him that when you first got him and it just sorta stuck, yknow?

Maxie & Archie: just as before, Mr. Magma Man and Mr. Sea Pirate remained the same, but expect to see yourself get pulled into their dumb debates and arguments now that they consider you close enough to be a Team Magma/Aqua admin. you can just log in once and maxie will greet you at the pokecenter and be like "ah, (player). i need your opinion on something. you see, archie said that kyogre is the best legendary, but i beg to differ. im asking you because you are the only smart person i can rely on around here.." or archie just going on a 15 minute rant to you about how groudon sucks dookie and that maxie is a man child (they're still besties, dw) that needs to study the SEAS and not (in his words) "STUPID ITTY BITTY ROCKS". you're practically their closest thing to a friend, and that says a lot.

Cyrus: he gets quite curious about your world. you tell him about all the little things, from the blooming of flowers to space discoveries, and he feels like his third, nonexistent eye has been opened. he was already so focused on destroying a universe and creating one dull of emotions that he forgot to see the REAL beauty of what lies beyond. while he physically can't use palkia or dialga to do what he wanted in platinum, expect to see him go full fanboy mode over your world, your town, anything surrounding you. its almost adorable, even when he just has a -_- face the entire time. if he could be more expressive, you bet your ass he would be smiling rainbows at that point.

🥺🥺😭

These are so good

They all grow somewhat attached to you. You are the small bit of sanity they can grasp onto nowadays. Hearing you lets them relax.

Meanwhile, you get to learn about their lives, how Pasio is doing.

It’s strange. When you are offline, theres so much going ok, yet not at all. Not enough for anything major, but enough for it to seem like the place must be alive when you aren’t looking.

Even the bosses have recognized this. How odd it is.

They all grow so attached. If you end up not logging in for a while, you even start getting notifications from the app.

‘Are you there?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘What happened?’

Much to your surprise, they found out how to communicate through your notifications. They often fight who gets to even do so.

Most of them would never admit they are attached, but they all grow concerned regardless.

Archie and Maxie would probably be the only ones to openly admit they were worried. They definitely see you more as a friend, not just a potentially god like entity.

[mcl38]

How will chokedo fuck it this weekend?

get outwualified and outperformed by a rookie?

get track limits penalty?

get involved in a first lap incident?

all of the above?

obsessed w this poem actually

1. the composite word neologism of 'chokedo' places us firmly in the tradition of tongue-in-cheek, provocative poetry, typical of the 21st century

2. 'fuck it' instead of fuck it up is brilliantly ambiguous in its succintness. it's almost like the speaker is reaching towards the platonic ideal of 'fuck it up' but cant reach it, hand perpetually outstretched as they seek solidity in the epistemologic uncertainty of the future. theres also the implication of sexuality in it but so subtle its almost freudian

3. outwualified im not sure if its a typo or an ingenious way to bring back the bwoken meme but either way its SO fascinatingly tought-provoking. it hints at age regression, going backwards in time (reinforced by the mention of the 'rookie'), but is also more literally a tiny mistake in an otherwise correctly spelled word, possibly a physical representation of the image the author is trying to paint: a single mistake rendering a qualifying lap worthy of ridicule

4. we all know track limits result in your lap being deleted rather than a penalty, but i think so does the author - they just choose to lump them all in at once, foregoing the indefinite article 'a' on purpose, to express the desperation of the speaker in their ill-will wishing. they won't be satisfied with one misfortune, they want track limits - penalty - it all. the factual error also invites the reader to question the soundness of their argument more generally, implying that perhaps the speaker themselves is subconsciously aware of the unlikely nature of their wish

5. the fourth line is where the repetition of the word 'get' starts to become especially poignant. the rule of 3 has a long history of association with magic and curses, not least of all referencing macbeth's three witches. the wishes written out as questions, all employing the same repeated formula, start to almost feel like a chant, a spellcasting. the 'get' is also ambiguous in its grammatical displacement. not attached to a verb construction like 'will get' or a subject like 'will lando / he get', the word exists basically in semantic homelessness. it floats at the beginning of the lines in a tantalisingly incomplete lowercase, hinting at whatever is supposed to come before it but ultimately cannot come before it, because of the speakers underlying uncertainty that these things will even happen. or, read differently, the 'get' almost transforms into a vocative command, asking me, the reader, to 'get' it - to understand, to show compassion, empathy

6. 'first lap incident' is a wonderful little bit of intertextuality - it shows the speaker's awareness of past correspondence between myself and (i assume) them, where i pointed out that lando has never had any dnfs out of his own driver error. the remarkably neutral and blameless 'incident' reinforces the poem's tendency to contradict itself, portraying the speaker's conscious hate and subconscious admiration of the muse (lando) for his driver skill. the balance is so impressively delicate its almost seamless

7. all of the above is such a powerful ending to the poem - due to its strong association with exams and multiple choice forms, it seems to place the burden of proof and expectation of knowledge on the reader, absolving the speaker themselves of any responsibility. although the poem obviously uses the interrogative mode as its main medium, the 'all of the above?' at the end is pushes past the rhetorical and challenges the reader directly, seemingly the last and most important attempt to get the confrontational tone across

all in all i would say this poem is very reminiscent of chelsey minnis's brilliant 2007 collection of poetry 'bad bad', in which the speaker's disillusionment with the practice of poetry is positioned as an aggressive front to mask what is really unprocessed grief and love for her late mentor. there is definitely an undercurrent of that 2000s in-your-face defiant poetry in this text, which i think plays beautifully with the characteristically 2010s broken up loose lines. fortunately, despite the author being anonymous, we can date the poem pretty exactly to anywhere after the 2023 qatar gp and before the 2023 cota gp, and i would be quite comfortable to even make the conjunction that it was typed directly into my askbox. lastly, i would ask the anonymous poet to keep applying themselves to the craft, because they have a marvellously promising future in front of them

[ekourege]

getting distracted so im hoping maybe talking about my next one shot will put me in the right headspace to continue.... hollow knight is kind of a game about healing, but not really. 

It’s a game about putting grief to rest, for accepting that all things must end and the old must make way for the new. this is a game where The Knight can save others, but not really, and not themselves. They seek to aid their sibling--their sibling who left them behind to walk in the light of their father--and they lead an existence that while kind, is unfair. They cannot bring back what is gone, and attempting so creates the steps that lead to the doom of others. The sin committed against the Radiance by the Pale King (or what she would consider to be one), and the Radiance’s fury and destruction of innocents in its wake. Their arrogance abets the fall of Hallownest, and leads to the Hollow Knight plan that dooms thousands upon their very birth. 

The Knight puts an end to this cycle as they put an end to themself, and their quest to be kind, to aid instead of acting in their own interest, costs them. This is helping, and this is something they do alone up until the very point that Hornet does the same and holds the Hollow Knight so The Knight can either mercy kill them and assume their role or follow the Radiance to the dream realm and snuff out her rage for good. 

Assisted, yes, but the player, as The Knight does not have quests where they travel with others--charms aside. They save assorted bugs, yes, and free grubs, but the bulk of the gameplay is a solitary thing. 

It just gets me thinking about the lost kin. Differing from the greenpath vessel, or the ones strung up in the Nosk’s nest, The Knight’s lost kin is animate, and once freed of infection, aware. Asking for help. For healing. Something that The Knight, the player, cannot give them before they die after reaching out one last time. You cannot take their hand, you can only stare, and by fighting their dream self in godhome, put them at rest. This is, again, helping, and not healing. It aids in the healing process, the bloodletting of Hallownest so its inhabitants and survivors and sordid history may finally begin to scab over. But it is not fixing. Because Hallownest is something that cannot be fixed.

So I want to explore The Knight taking that hand, reaching out. To fight against fate instead of ghosting in favor of it. I also just want The Knight to have a relatable sibling. That is a major appeal as well. Alright ive talked myself back into interest im gonna go back to my fic. AAAAND POST

[sunnykeysmash]

reposting a thread i did on twt under the cut cuz I think I kinda was onto something and the recent reveal of charlie n frank no longer sharing a bed only further confirms it to me but idk

losing my entire mind thinking of them possibly expanding on the hole meta in s16. the moment i hear anyone say "hole" im gonna yell at the screen

my prediction is that we're gonna get to know more about mac's hole. because it was only mentioned while dennis was away but... i do think it's always there, like it is for dennis. especially now that catholicism has let mac down, i wonder if he'll feel it more

and that's why he's looking for boyfriends/a partner. like how dennis gets with girls. it's an attempt to fill that hole. but he's never gonna get another rocket launcher, it'll just be like the dennis doll. it's not about sex for mac. it can't fill him

and i say this because im assuming we may talk about mac's dance due to frank taking back that "i get it". or im hoping, maybe. it's no coincidence that mac and dennis both aren't aware of the lowest point/vulnerability of each other. tends bar big feelings and mfhp dance.

because if they knew........ if they knew about each other's hole... the emptiness that the other feels when they're missing or far, the facade that they BOTH hold up of being strong (mac) and unemotional (dennis). if they could see behind that two way mirror

if they could see each other they'd see themselves. their own experiences, mirrored, and they'd understand

they'd see the storm, and they'd see the hole they need to fit into and it would show them who they both truly are. and that's the tragic beauty of their codependence. they're lost and blind without each other, they don't know who they are, and they can't save themselves

and they can only see themselves in the way the other sees them. dennis is only the golden god insofar as mac worships him. mac can only be the protector insofar as dennis believes him to be. im sure mac believes hes ugly because dennis let him think that's what he sees -

and if mac were to ever turn dennis down, he would literally crumble. because dennis TRULY doesn't know who he is outside of the way he's perceived. that's all he has. to turn him down means to plunge him into complete darkness

I think we can only get mac and dennis together as long as they have another hole outside of this. something each other really can't fix. for dennis it's obviously his son in ND. I feel like for mac, it could be his father.

not only does it rhyme like poetry (charlie n frank act like a couple, mac and dennis act like dennis is the father and mac is the son. and yes theres transcripts for this), but if frank takes back his "i get it", that opens back up that second hole for mac in a way dennis cannot-

fix, just like mac can't fix the ND situation, mac will never have a supportive father, no matter how much dennis could be there for him, because that's just not their roles. and you know. that's representative of life you know. you'll never truly be full,

even when you got something good like mac and dennis do, it can't fix the rest, and that's why it's allowed to stay and exist for the characters. it doesn't matter if macdennis happens, it doesn't ruin the foundation of the show, because it doesn't give the characters fulfillment

I also feel like mac and dennis are gonna get a pull out couch (like that inflatable one ig! but I don't know if the inflatable one specifically will stay lol) like frank and charlie have (*HAD), because I feel like frank and charlie are gonna start sleeping in separate rooms (NOTE: I WROTE THIS BEFORE THE ARTICLE CONFIRMED IT)

due to, you know, them switching dynamic. as I mentioned, since they got each other's right now. altho I was a bit simplistic in it, because I feel like mac is acting as a surrogate father for dennis as well, trying to fill that. it's equal for each other.

I don't wanna be corny and say "they're in the wrong holes" but that's like, what it is. even with the crate thing, something frank used to do. when mac presents the real one and it's full, he's stepping into shoes that shouldn't be his, trying to fix a trauma he cannot possibly (it's like throwing soup in someone's face instead of eating it... they're filling the relationship wrong due to all of their trauma)

and I guess getting them back into the proper dynamics (father and son for frank n charlie, couple for mac and dennis) is the first step towards some sort of healing, at least. I mean... that gets into much more on its own like, what counts as healing...

to that I say... this

they can't change the past, and they can't fix everything in their lives, but they can have a second chance at it. FUCK i love this show and its complex writing. no one understands. the GENIUS of it. anyways...

this last post applies to charfrank as much as macden btw i just mean like. when you have trauma and you feel empty you won't always know the right way to build something new with someone. it will warp everything. but now they can hopefully start

also, IMPORTANT, i was thinking abt gets romantic and i realized another crucial piece of this puzzle because. charlie n frank were paired with a father and son duo, but their story was about love. mac and dennis were paired with a couple, but their story was about a dead son -

you see where I'm getting with this? charlie and frank's story is a story about love involving a father and son, while dennis and mac's is a story about fathers and sons involving a couple

"it gets way straighter, I promise" in the sense that it's not really ABOUT them being a couple, at its core. like yes, they Are a couple, but that wasn't the point of it. and if people can't see that they're a couple they're also missing the BIGGER point of it

but it still all plays into the fact that they are a couple so that's a crucial part of it and very important... that's their second chance. that's the twist

but it may just be that way right now because the dynamics between mac n dennis and charlie n frank have been inverted with each other for so long.

[lemme-just-oops]

Sorry If im bothering you but I happen to wonder (and yes this is a request, but as always DO NOT STRESS YOURSELF!) how would the AT (including siruis) if MC told them (spoiler alert) that they knew that the tower is being destroyed by siruis?

Thank YOU FOR YOUR TIME! (I LOVE ALL YOUR WORK / WRITING)

SPOILER FOR CHAPTERS 7+!

Alpheratz: He does not seem surprised at all. In fact, he had his suspicions, but often lacks the energy to explain. It is just simpler being quiet than to explain such vague suspicions, you know? But since you already brought up the topic, he HAS to do something just to keep people save. Though he would try to work on this alone with you, since he does not want to waste energy by arguing with others.

Arcturus: Sure, Sirius may be prone to dubious activities, but he would never cause a great disaster. Arcturus really wants to believe in Sirius's innocence, but also believe you, and he certainly is not great at choosing which one to believe. This may lead to him avoiding both of you for some time, just so he can weigh the consequences and what the wisest path would be.

Pollux: "Mood", he says before realizing that you are being serious. Then he immediately apologizes for being so insensitive with his comment and asks how it gets to this point. Even though he attempts to excuse Sirius's actions, he quickly stops. You may see in some "spy chats" that Pollux confronts Sirius, or rather begs him to convince you that he would not do this, not in this timeline. Sirius never replied.

Sirius: This man will switch between acting oblivious and confessing, but only in private. Sometimes he acts as though he has not the slightest idea of what you are talking about, and other times he will rant on about how he wants to change the world and how it must be destroyed to become better. It is difficult to predict how he will react when you open the topic, and if he senses that you will endanger his plan, he may has to force you to a stop.

Spica: This is a serious accusation you put there, and he wants you to know that without proof he cannot do a lot. Of course he tries to disprove you, since he is already partially aware of what Sirius is planning and does not want this to leak. But if you can name a time, he will be ready to evacuate and protect any citizens.

Vega: He needs you to repeat this in front of the entire guide committee, because he has been tellingeveryone his suspicions for years, but no one ever listened. If anyone ever doubts him again, he will refer to this exact event. But, when the time of the destroyed tower comes closer, he wants to bring you somewhere safe.

[thyandrawrites]

maybe horis point is some VERY optimistic view in bnha world that the next generation is more understanding and less violent. like idk maybe shouto and shouji could have ended up violent in their ways but because their classmates werent evil shitheads and they made friends they managed to not be swallowed up by the worlds ugliness. (im saying this with a "this is a battle shonen/fictional story" mentality and logic. irl the only way to change anything is through protests/violence/wars)

Mmh, well, I don't disagree about the limitations of a battle shounen manga. I'm well aware of them. However, I think the problem in bnha is that the writing often doesn't follow up on its own set ups.

Let me try to clarify this. It's true that Horikoshi doesn't seem interested in writing any actual change on a societal scale. I probably went into this expecting it to be a story about something else, and that's on me. I can't fault Hori for not writing what I hoped to read.

However, while the overarching point might not be fixing social issues, Horikoshi did set up the hero kids as people who want to break from the mold. Bnha is largely a story about mentors and mentees, but take Deku for example: his mentor, Gran Torino, was certain Shigaraki was long past the point of saving, and admonished Toshinori against sympathizing with him. Yet, despite the fact that Deku normally thinks his mentors hung the moon, he still goes against their judgment with his resolve to save Shigaraki.

So the set up is that Deku will eventually see past their hero/villain labels and acknowledge Shigaraki's humanity.

Problem is, the story is nearly wrapping up, but we're still lacking a proper follow up. It just stays a resolve, but there's no action that supports this.

The hero trio is supposed to be headed towards rescuing their villain foils, but any common ground they have with them always takes the backseat. Every time there's an opportunity for them to act and do better than their mentors, the kids revert to being angry and perpetrating the mindset of the previous generation. This is shown most clearly with Shouto, who unconsciously repeats his parents' calls for Touya to "just stop" (and in the process, keeps scapegoating him as a bad victim who keeps inconveniencing others instead of just moving on).

If anything, I'd say that the problem is exactly this: positing one side, the good guys, as the "good victims", and the villains as the "bad" ones. It drives attention away from the fact that they've both suffered unjustly, and postpones indefinitely any attempt for a dialogue.

Now, bnha probably will never go as far as dismantling the perpetrators that caused that suffering on both sides of the current conflict. Think of how his solution to the corruption of the Hpsc was killing Madam President and replacing her. But I think it would be nice if the story could finally move away from that good vs bad, black vs white thinking and show us the heroes' growth instead of dangling in front of our eyes like a carrot on a string. The point is for kids to be more understanding? Then show them acting like it. If you cannot make them empathize with the villains yet because that's too fast, at least show them actually listening to what the villains are saying. Ffs, Touya is Shouto's brother but Shouto didn't listen to a single word Touya said.

Does this make sense? I Don't know. I think I'm gonna drop the subject for now tho, since talking about this in circles doesn't help getting rid of my frustration

[frabbitx]

My interpretation and theorys about tommys season 1 dsmp final!

SPOILER WARNING FOR TOMMYS "The last stream" LORE STREAM!!!!

After tommy was revived, he finally made sense of the core of dreams desire for the server, he cannot understand why dream had to do the things he did to make that happen, why simplier times had to be the way he wanted them to be or why he hurt everyone in an attempt to achieve it, but he gets the core desire of his views, just showing how compassionate tommy is despite dream having tortured and abused and killed him for the past 2 years.

Dreams sees that and imidiently tries to use it into manipulating tommy to join their side, pretending to be all simple and just wanting to be friends. Of course that is untill he realizes that he is gonna die and that it was a trap.

Tommy saying "I'm sorry" wasnt him apologizing to dream for what he did but more for that he had to kill him, bc in the end, tommy never wanted to kill anyone, but to save the server he had to.

The nuke only hit the prison, like it intended to do.

However somehow the 5 people that were in the prison woke up somewhere else. Prehaps it was still the same server, just far away from everything or maybe it was a completly new world. They all had their memory wiped, but prehaps memory can be recovered?

(Also a lil theory im case that the whole server was nuked and everything was reset)

What cdream and ccwilbur said about the server got me thinking

Cdream said "how do people just apear on the server?" And ccwilbur said "prehaps ctommy and cwilbur met on another world, parted ways but met again on the dream smp."

It makes it seem like the server just started existing at one point and one after another, people joined. That doesn't make sense tho considering certain people have memorys from befor them officially joining the server that played on the server tho? (Like ranboo, puffy, eret) or that karl can go back in time to stuff existing on the smp and also the egg existing for a long time on the server. It makes no sense!

But what if the server is a loop? What if this isnt the first time that the server existed? What if dreamXD just resets the server everytime things go bad?

It would mean everyone has amnesia, but only some are aware that they have a past they forgotten. And that would mean that while the server gets reset, its possible to regain the memories of the past loop.

I would also like to think that there is people who were/are not part of the loop bc they came from somewhere else. Techno came from somewhere, so he would have no memories of a past life he forgotten. Same goes for phil and wilbur. However, phil might be part of the cycle now considering he was on the server when it was reset. Or prehaps he is not. I'd like to belief that wilbur isn't effected by the loop since he is not on the server, so if he ever returns he would be the only one who can remember the old dream smp. Maybe also foolish keepe his memories considering he is a demi god. He just didn't interact with anyone befor beside eret so he would not know that the server gets reset. Maybe also connor bc it would be funny.

------------------------------------------

Even if I am wrong about all this, a saw a lot of takes on the ending that kinda saved it for me? Considering that tommy raged about cdream defenders in his offline chat before I think it wasn't intentional made to sympathize with cdream. Was it well executed? Not at all but again, the people on the dream smp are not writers in any way and I can see how it was hard to convey the message they wanted to give. I am already happy with alot of stuff that happened and the way ctommys character was handled. Because after all, ctommy is a compassinate person who always tries to see the best in people(we have seen that many times in people like techno or wilbur) who tries to belief there is good in everyone and that even small speeks of good are worth fighting for. No matter how much cdream hurt ctommy, he wanted to do all he could to not have to kill him in the end. Unfortunatly it was too late the moment tommy stepped into that prison.

[pawfuu]

hey, one of hir friends here and shis been on call with psychiatrist and seen them in person most of today and yesterday, and had friends trying to help before the psych could get involved. we recognised shi was definitely not stable but any attempts to point it out originally made hir spiral so we didnt do anything until shi got help. shi seems to now realise that the stuff shi said isnt true, and has asked me to send this message along.

"i just want to apologize for all this shit cuz god. i fucked up. real bad. i don't even think theres a word for how bad. my psych (+ some more advanced ones who see me when i am very unstable at the time) have said that this was all a delusion, and while yes i am still recovering - i am actually aware of this now and i feel so fucking guilty for all the harm ive caused. none of this was from ill meaning, i am actually poc mysslf but i had believed i was more then i am, and that was disgusting. it should of never happened and i apologize for all the people i offended, hurt, oppressed and everything for this. i recognise how disgusting i am for this and i wish i could of prevented me getting to this point before it got so out of hand. i apologize for the slur i had said, i was deeply overwhelmed, and while that isnt an excuse, it is my reason. i should of never gone to that length despite the harrassment and threats and should of reacted more reasonably. i absolutely cannot remember who it was said too, but i would apologize directly if i could. im so sorry for all the harm ive caused, and im sorry that my harm did also cause threats to the person running the callout account. i am actually quite greatful for the accounts existence as it showed people around me. because of that, someone had reached out to my mom which sparked the steps to actual recovery. i deeply apologize for this and i am so fucking embarrassed that it ever happened. i am taking a break from tumblr for a while and im not joining new discord servers until ive fully recovered. i am so sorry for all this once again."

🐾

[thesugarhole]

its such a snippy thing to do. to give himself his heartbeat back, relinquishing 'superpowers' 117 gave him, trade them for mortality and 'being "normal"' again, only for pilot to take notice right away and sacrifice himself instead of snippy dying again.

like i think a good chunk of people irl would do the same regarding being human vs being dead, and its not snippys fault pilot decided to redirect the beam to save his ass (he doesnt even know he got his ass saved by him, again, actually) but it's genuinely such a snippy thing to happen, always some sort of bullshit tragedy (of sometimes consequences of his own actions) going on. relentlessly bullied by the narrative. guy cannot catch a break and if he does? others dont

and as SOON as he retaliates against the attack on pilot he looses 117 just as fast. zero resources and tied to a cross until captain inevitably gets his princess ass out of trouble again

also i might as well make this one big nonsensical post (as i tend to do) but if this had happen close to the end of the story, with whatever the fuck happens in that precious moon, then id be fine with it*. very heroic and altruistic finish, though snippy would probably have to do smth more extra than just resign himself to cruxifiction after loosing 117. 'no... it can't end here!! *uncruxifies himself while thinking of men*' idfk dont take this too seriously but like even now hes suspiciously way too chill like... your whole team just scattered. one of them will be fine (always is). then one got forcefully removed, the other is COMATOSE, AND YOU JUST SAW THE LAST ONE HAVE HIS ENTIRE TORSO EXPLODED BY AN ION BEAM. goddamn! i know your opinion of him, that he has crazy endurance and strength and seems to have survived so far, but you cant delude yourself into thinking he would be fine after That. anyway back to the point i started the paragraph with: doing pilot such a big bang temporary exit RIGHT NOW only to come back later for his final final exit being "gets locked in some sort of room to help the others" is still so so bad. you cannot kill pilot in a way that matters because you already used up all the epic ones

*im more or less aware that this particular pilot death was the one that irked people the most (including me, the clueless) but i do think what comes after is worse. this is how pilot dying now can still win and I'm not gonna funnyman it: 1 his head and current self are still alive, 2 annet seems to always work even after numerous shutdown attempts both pre and post apocalypse, meaning most of his old self is stored in a cloud. these are all elements that work together for his final room fate but how about.... he doesn't get stuck there because hes far more useful to the plot as the muscle and also he should be allowed to keep doing his silly cartwheels and ninja moves. im sure theres more than enough scrap on the moon to bullshit a new body if needs be but man come on. does this make any sense or am i just being overpowered by favoritest character sentiment again

[writingsiewmai]

It's been a while since i last used this blog for anything cos i stopped thinking about my OCs for a while. BUT i saw this one prompt of "get to know your OCs as 1) a child 2) a teen 3) an adult"

And somehow im just really excited. I have a ton of OCs tbh and nothing will make sense to anyone here since I don't really talk about them they just exist in my head. BUT ANYWAY.

The Very Sorry Series

My most dysfunctional children (affectionate). Conceived when my brain was majorly fucked in one way. (Differently fucked today)

Haley

As a child: Grew up in a villain lair, following her mom around like a terrified duckling, silently absorbing literally everything around her like a sponge

As a teen: academically excellent, incredible at masking already at this point, still largely quiet, mother has lost it and around this point has been instilling in her the idea of Villain Excellence and finishing what her mother started

As an adult: fully functional on the outside and completely dysfuntional on the inside, full on villainy and wrecking shit and getting insanely bruised up but then turning up to her senior management job the next morning with full-face makeup as if there's nothing wrong, all her villain activity are basically dramatic self-harm and suicide attempts (shhhh dont tell anyone that)

Justin

As a child: sunshiney and cute, many kisses to his puffy little cheeks, daring and adventurous, already has powers but no one really figures it out for some reason

As a teen: constantly failing class, trying hard at everything but only thing he is good at are his powers, which he tries not to use all the time. Except there's this villain in town who keeps disturbing the peace... so he steps up once in a while

As an adult: unable to hold a single job or partner, his best friend is his biggest nemesis, he basically borrows her money all the time because he literally cannot hold down the fort by himself, he is beside himself with grief because he doesn't know how he can continue living as someone who basically cannot function in society, despite society needing him to save it

Dave

As a child: high awareness, already noticed a lot of people who treat him like he's stupid (calls him a r*tard), has dyslexia, already liked drawing, had loving parents (oh wow revolutionary) but he kept a lot of things to himself so unresolved issues

As a teen: more drawing, the ArtTM kid, develops intense crushes on the Baddest Girl in school, was a sorta sweater geek, a little bit bullied in school but not target practice, timid but kind, does not see much worth in himself

As an adult: comic book artist, very last-minute with his work, insanely in love with his next door neighbour who can clearly kick his ass (somehow gets even more obsessed with her after finding her bleeding out in villain costume), still timid and still kind, still near zero self-worth

Kirsten

As a child: knew she was trans, very oddball and offputting child, would eat bugs and is fascinated with all those "horrible history" books and stuff like that

As a teen: crazy vibes, people steered clear away from her, knew of haley and thought she was your average top scorer, beginning to dabble in tons of home experiments and stuff, halfway through transition but also uhhh it's almost all home-made or villain-adjacent-sourced

As an adult: transitioned and incredibly happy with all the self-modifications she's done, is The Villain Scientist (you cant be in the villain industry and not know her), weirdly enough the most functional person in this series because at least she has no self-harming/deprecating behaviours, very worried about every single one of her friends though because none of them are doing well, still a Weird Girl though

Grown to love water

Conceived during the period I was figuring out asexuality (and looking back, aromanticism), also body negativity stuff. But yeah, my softest most painful boys

Leon

As a child: happy little selkie child, loved by his community, big dreams of going to the surface, a bit of a romantic who dreams of a very traditional selkie romance (all the pelt stuff)

As a teen: first gf! Very nervous and giggly child, things are going well but he slowly gets very insecure about his body which causes him to distance from his gf, gf breaks up with him bc he isnt fulfilling much of her (sexual and emotional) needs and he just keeps backing off

As a young adult: (bc this story goes through a lot of phases) is in the surface world but at what cost? At the peak of his insecurity and low self-worth, hes a round guy (selkie blessings and human... not-so-blessings), awkward nerd, studies marine biology (for some reason??? Idk why, today, i'd say hes a geology major), MAJOR depression, intensely insecure about being a virgin for some reason and would do literally *anything* to lose it (except going out to meet people) until one day he meets a siren and is like: I'll let you eat me if you fuck me

As an older adult: still sorta depressed but he's recovering, no longer a virgin yay, much more secure in himself though, (mostly) knows hes a fricking gem, still chubby (important), also has a beautiful siren sorta-husband??? It's complicated lol but they have rings and stuff

Devon

As a child: smart, pretty, fawned over because hes a rare male siren, smug little bastard who knows he can get away with most things because he's cute

As a teen: started with the siren stuff, majorly fucked up because of that, welp he frequently has pedos for lunch i guess, notices differences between himself and most other people, oh oops! He can't love!, no new connections with others

As a young adult: loves to flirt and fuck around, still knows he can get away with most shit, same major as leon, knows the massive crush Leon has on him and takes advantage of it, a bit frustrated that Leon never rises to the bait so he can't eat him (but only because Leon never thinks the flirting is real), grows a soft spot for Leon as a friend

As an older adult: is leon's sorta-husband, loves Leon in his own way and enjoys the stability that Leon offers, still out there knowing he can get away with most shit, no longer fucking any of the men he eats anymore because he has a very horny selkie to satisfy, would love to be a trophy husband but unfortunately works to pay the rent, very touchy and constantly stirs Leon up on purpose, loves feeling loved

[alexanderoftirragen]

long rambling about nightmares under the cut ie (implied) csa tw

just got up from a had-an-exhausting—and-upsetting-parts-conversation fueled nap and i keep having this set of dreams/nightmares (not sure how to class them because they are more disturbing than what i might call a bad dream but also most do not quite rise to the level of nightmare. wgich i know means they are actually nightmares but whatever i have my little classifications) where i am a child in this house with my family (except my brother but he is outside), in one scene/dream i am looking through books and find some reference to an eye and then spend the rest of that dream terrified and squeezing my eyes shut and my parents are having a conversation about me that i can hear but i dont remember, in another scene i am looking from the brightly lit common space of that house into a dark narrow room that is my fathers and the window is open with wind pulling the curtains out and i feel a pull out and also downwards and i slam the door shut over and over again (in the real world i am hitting my mattress which i know because of course im like halfway to lucid dreaming but only enough to know that its a dream/have occasional awareness of my body in the real world but not enough to change the dream) but it wont close for good -> feeling is a mix of terror / anger / deep despair

then theres also a dream scene where i am at the bottom of a hilly driveway/path looking down at what is sort of the house from before but also sort of the house i lived in until i was 5, and again theres a sense of being pulled down but the feeling is more akin to loneliness/despair, like a feeling of quietly panicked resignation. its twilight and theres snow on the ground and no one else is there and there are no lights on

then there is a dream scene where i am with my brother on the sidewalk of a hill around dusk, we are playing a game(/doing a ritual in a kid game way) where we like welcome in the night or something, i go to the other side of the street where it is much darker and as i step into the shadows i start to get very scared, theres something i know that my brother doesnt, and my fathers presence comes into the dream at the top of the hill and i feel like i am going down into something black where he is watching me and although my brother is right there he cannot help me

and those just uh keep repeating sometimes multiple times in the same night (the last one happened at least 2-3 times today). the newest dreams in a long line of trauma dreams about physically going down into something horrible (not as bad as many of the others! ill take these over the previous iterations!)

& i had another dream (also a child in this one) that i was sleeping on the floor in a room off of a hallway that was only separated by curtains and a bunch of basketball players were walking by (lol??) and one or two of them came into the room or held open the curtain with the clear intent to assault me then or another time which well that needs no grokking thats just a reskin of real events

at some point also i was in the sports high school (one of 3-4 diff high schools my dreams put me in) and i was looking for the older kid who was nice to me in my kindergarten after school program haha, which makes sense because the part who has been upset the past few days is quite attached to the memory of him. and this feels like an adaptive dream to have like in all of these other dreams esp the ones i have had before theres no attempt to seek help just resignation so its good i think that my brain threw in a help seeking dream

also for reference this nap was an hour and a half and i have omitted 2-3 additional dreams from it i need a sleep study so bad LOL

[blackjack-15]

Do you have any NHIE s4 post-boink theories that don’t involve ghosting? I feel like that’s a definite possibility but also this show has surprised me every season. I know a lot of fan fics had them avoiding each other/awkward after Malibu but then in 2x1 Ben smiled at her all day at school and then was immediately like “let’s talk about the kiss, Im single now, can we date?” I feel like Ben doesn’t avoid awkward things. He brought up the 1x8 kiss attempt(s) as well the first day they were back in school.

Curious to hear your theories on the fallout.

Thank you so much for the ask! I do love to theorize even when (especially when!) it's Immediately tossed out upon the next season airing.

I'm of the firm belief that Ben/Devi won't ghost each other post-boink -- at least not fully, even if they're awkward for a bit. Post-birthday-kiss-attempt and post-Malibu they didn't avoid each other -- land, even post Incredibly Public Revelation of Cheating they didn't avoid each other; Devi tried desperately to get things back to "normal", and Ben made his "too bad you're not moving" comment and actively antagonized her in class. I'd even argue that the thesis statement of 2X04 is that these two cannot avoid each other -- primarily because neither one really tries (and neither one really wants to).

In my moderately qualified opinion -- noting that the show has surprised me several times, and will probably continue to do so -- I think that the general audience is very well aware of how Devi feels towards Ben; we had the jealousy in the let's-kiss-someone-so-we-don't-kiss-each-other scenes in 3X05, the stomach knots in 3X10, the blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments pre-Valentines with Ben and Aneesa, etc etc just in S3 (let alone all the jealousy, pining, and unresolved feelings in S2). Because Devi is our main POV character, we can be pretty assured how she feels -- the stomach knots were just the Final Confirmation.

Ben, on the other hand, has had 2 POV episodes, both of which revolve around his two central conflicts: his conception of his current self (generally expressed through his home/family) and his drive to be a better version of himself (generally expressed through his interactions with Devi), but we don't know as much about Ben's current feelings towards Devi -- other than, of course, the fact that he both loves her and is in love with her (to say otherwise is to simply ignore...well, everything from Jaren's performance to the writing to the very visible (at this point) plot arcs for the characters in the show).

As a viewer, dramatic irony is one of my favorite devices in a romance; in this case, the large thing that stands out to me is that the viewers know that Devi is staying for her senior year, her family knows she's staying, Principal Grubbs (I'd assume, given the paperwork that would have to be filled out otherwise) knows she's staying, but, as of the door closing pre-kiss in 3X10, Ben does not know, and for me that's a sticking point.

As far as Ben Gross knows, up until that door shuts in the viewer's face, Devi is leaving for Shrubland and has turned up at his door (just fully in his house, bless her) to cash in the coupon he gave her. When we consider it that way, it's easy to see how he might frame it as a Goodbye or an "I'll Miss You Too" gesture. Knowing that they shot several versions of that scene and chose one with only bare minimum dialogue says to me that they wanted those strings up in the air until S4. Now, whether we see her tell him that night, whether she tells him during the summer, or whether she shows up for registration -- or something else entirely, as Devi regularly surprises me -- how he finds out will inform his reaction, and will inform how he and Devi relate to each other in the beginning of S4.

My personal theory (which is about half interpretation and half my own preferences) is that Devi innocently assumes Ben knows she's not going to Shrubland (a very Devi thing to do, especially if she's already told Eleanor et al) and thus doesn't say anything concrete about it until right before the school year starts. Ben, who has been in "this is what I'm going to get to I'll make the most of the summer" mode and has been avoiding talking about Shrubland for that reason, now has to reframe everything in his mind and decide if the way Devi is with him means anything to her. I don't think either one will avoid the other, but I do think our two lovely idiots in love are going to have to figure out once and for all exactly what they want the other to be for them in their lives -- and I think it'll depend largely on how Devi leads out, because Ben at this point is probably going to be once-bitten, twice-shy.

That being said, if Eleanor is the one to clue him in I will shriek with shipper-on-deck joy.

[justalads]

c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps

alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.

(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)

it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.

this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.

wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.

basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!

does he do it? god no.

during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.

but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.

the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.

but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.

wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.

this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.

so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.

in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):

“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”

does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.

(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)

niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.

(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)

“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.

(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)

doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.

what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.

the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.

but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.

i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.

man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.

i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.

i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did. usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.

last thing i swear lol

during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.

during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.

niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.

if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.

to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.

anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(

~ Lad 2

[nastybuckybarnes]

Of Kings and Beasts  -  Two

Pairing: King!Bucky X Princess!Reader X King!Steve

Summary: Born a bastard of the King of Orlen, you’re thrusted to the West to marry the Kings. However, the greeting you get is anything but warm, and your life with the King is far from enjoyable. He knows it isn’t your fault his husband is gone, but that fact alone won’t prevent him from taking it out on you.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Smut, NonCon, Language, Kinda Slow Burn, Bucky with the mood swings, Probably poor editing

Word Count: 3.2K

A/n: I cannot put into words how tired I am rn like idk why im so tired all the time but I am. Anyway, here's another part of this cause I like this series but its SO FUCKING DARK LIKE SO DAMN DARK PLEASE BE WARNED!! I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK FROM WRITING PART THREE BECAUSE ITS FUCKING DARK

THIS SERIES CONTAINS SMUT AND VERY DARK THEMES THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME AUDIENCES!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

PART ONE

~*~

“Your Majesty? Are you feeling at all better today?” You shake your head, curled up on your bed in the fetal position in a pathetic attempt at blocking out the world.

“Please, Majesty. A walk and some fresh air will do you well. It needn’t be long.” You sigh and push your blankets away from your face.

“You will not stop until I agree, will you?” Natasha smiles gently at you. “I’m afraid not, Your Majesty. It is only for your health that I insist.” She helps you to your feet, a frown on her face at the way you struggle still to move.

“You are still in pain?” You simply nod, wincing when she has you step into a dress.

“The pain is more bearable than it was.” She nods, mind wandering as she helps you into your dress for the day.

It’s a simple navy dress with a gold string wrapping around the waist. The sleeves hang past your fingers and you toy with the pretty fabric while Natalia holds an arm around your waist.

The walk is painful and slow and with every step, you wish you were back in your room.

From the looks you get from the staff, you know it’s known how unwelcome you are. This is not how you thought your union would be at all.

~*~

“You were supposed to take care of her! Treat her with kindness and compassion! Not leave her bloody on her bed once you’ve satisfied your need!” Natalia snarls, slamming her hand on the King’s desk. He looks up at her, a bored expression on his face until he processes her words. Then his expression gradually changes to one of regret.

“I... I hadn’t meant to be so rough with her. She... I just... It’s a betrayal, Natalia. I’ve broken my oath to the man I love.” She shakes her head, glaring at him.

“No, it is not. You and Steven made an agreement that you would find a queen. You chose her specifically. And now that Steve is no longer here you’re wanting to back out? That is not how this works, James, and you know that.”

He grinds his teeth together so hard he’s surprised they don’t break.

“That’s exactly the problem! Every time I look at her I’m reminded of him! Because we were supposed to have her together! We were supposed to marry her together and bed her together! She is not mine, she was meant to be ours!”

“And so you treat her like a burden because your husband is not here? You act as though she is nothing more than a whore? That woman in there has feelings, James.” The king pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut to try and reign in his anger.

“You could never possibly understand what it is that I’m feeling. I already admitted to being rougher than I wanted to be. And I should have stopped, but I needed to get it through to consummate the marriage.”

Nat pauses at his words, hoping he doesn’t mean what she thinks he means.

“What do you mean you should have stopped? Did she tell you to stop?”

He swallows hard before nodding.

“She... I could hardly understand her, she was crying so much, but she begged me to a-and she was pushing me away. But I didn’t.”

The harsh sound of her hand connecting with his cheek echoes through the room. The King is stunned but he knows he deserves far worse than a mere smack.

“I never thought you capable of such cruelty, James. That woman is your wife, the Queen of your Kingdom, and you have treated her as if she is the one who took your husband from you.”

He grows angry at the mention of the man he loves. “She is attempting to replace him!” He exclaims, slamming his fist down on his desk to enunciate his point.

“How could you possibly know that?!” Nat counters, her voice raised to match his.

“She has said nothing about wanting to replace Steven! She was well aware that she would be bound to both kings, not just you. I’m sure she is wondering about where her other husband is, why he has not been seen. You need to talk to her. Apologize for brutalizing her the way you have. Mend your relationship with her because she is the only chance you have at continuing your bloodline. She is the only one who can ensure your reign continues.”

The King is silent, mulling over her words before sighing heavily.

“Where is she?”

Nat crosses her arms over her chest. “It has been four days since your marriage and you are only just asking now? She has been unable to walk for the past three days, so she has remained in her chambers. I forced her for a short walk today, but I do not think it did much to lift her spirits.” His jaw clenches for a moment before he lets a breath out through his nose.

“When she is healed I shall talk to her.” It’s not much, but it’s a start, and that’s all Natalia can ask for.

It’s two days after that before you can walk on your own, and even then you’ve got a severe limp. It’s two more days after that before you can sit down on anything besides your bed. It isn’t until ten days after the consummation of your marriage that you leave your room again.

“If you’re feeling healed, the King would like you to join him for tea on his private balcony.”

You’re shocked at Wanda’s words, but you try to hide it, offering her a nod while she helps you get dressed into a simple light blue gown.

She leads you through the Palace towards a side that you’ve never seen before, not that you’ve had much of a chance to explore. When you reach a set of grand oak doors you find yourself growing increasingly nervous.

Wanda, oblivious to your racing heart, knocks twice on the wood then bows to you before scurrying down the hallway and out of sight.

“Enter,” a muffled voice calls. You take a deep breath and push the door open, keeping your eyes cast downwards as you enter the King’s chambers.

His eyes find you immediately, a frown on his face at the way you keep your eyes down on the floor.

“I am glad you’ve rested and recovered,” he says, his frown deepening when you flinch at his voice. You say nothing in reply, simply stand with your hands folded gently atop your skirts.

“Come over to me. The tea is waiting.” You nod, risking a glance up to find where he is and walking over to him. He sits at a small table on the balcony, his attention focused somewhere over the horizon, and you risk taking a breath in.

You carefully sit down on the chair across from him, a wince flashing over your features as discomfort flares between your thighs. The expression doesn’t go unnoticed by him, and a wave of guilt washes through him.

“I... I wanted to apologize for our wedding night. And... I do hope that you can forgive me for my actions and we can start anew.”

You’re beyond surprised and look up at him, unable to stop the look of shock from crossing your face. “Y-you have nothing to apologize for, Your Majesty.”

He watches you, watches the way your fingers tremble as you reach out for the teacup. Watches the way you avoid his eyes and shrink into yourself as if to seem as unthreatening and small as possible.

You’re afraid.

Not that he’s surprised, necessarily. What, with the way he treated you? He’s shocked you’re holding yourself together so well.

“I had not intended on being so rough with you. Especially not on our first night together. You must understand that I am not myself as of late. I am... worried about my husband. Hoping to find him soon.” You nod, Wanda’s words echoing in your head.

“There is nothing for me to forgive, Your Majesty. I understand the way you’d like for us to get along and I understand my purpose and my place. You needn’t strain yourself over me. It is my duty to be at your leisure, even if it is not what I desire.”

Your words stun him into silence, the tension growing between the two of you.

“(Y/n),” your name feels foreign on his tongue yet so very right. “When I said what I had said yesterday... All I meant was that-” “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I do believe I understood. I am not so foolish as to believe that this marriage was for anything besides politics. You and the King need an heir and I am here to provide one. That is my place, as you said. Now I do hope you will excuse me, for I am feeling rather delicate and would very much like to return to my chambers.”

He says nothing, simply nods his head and watches as you hold back another wince as you stand up.

He isn’t alone for long. No, Natalia is strolling into his chambers mere moments after you’ve left.

“That was brief,” she says, eyes taking note of the untouched tea that sits across from the King.

“I apologized. That is all that was required of me, yes?” She groans and shakes her head. “How will Steve feel if, when he returns, you and the Queen cannot remain in the same room? You know that he will be beyond disappointed.”

“What am I to do? I tried to speak with her about it but she... it seems to be strictly political. She does not seem to even want to entertain the idea of anything beyond a loveless marriage.”

“Is that, perhaps because she is afraid of how you will treat her if she were to express her desire to be wanted? If you cannot express with words how you feel, then do so with your actions.”

He doesn’t come to you that night. Nor the night after.

It isn't until the third day after that that you see him again. Even then it isn’t any different than the last time.

You’re leaving your chambers to go for a walk in the garden, something Wanda and Nat have been encouraging upon realizing you’re not feeling like yourself.

“I’m telling you, James. I think it’s him.” That’s Samuel’s voice.

“I think he’s right. We should go see. Send a team out. It doesn’t look like they are very securely guarding him. We could go in and have him back within a month.” That one’s Natalia.

Wanda’s chattering goes unnoticed by you as you realize they’re talking about King Steven.

“If you’re sure about this, then gather a team and have the horses prepped. We’ll leave at dusk.”

As they’re rounding the corner they nearly bump right into you. You and Wanda both stop, both of you dropping into a curtsy while Nat and Sam bow.

“Your Majesty,” they greet. You nod at them, eyes cast down.

“You two are both dismissed. You as well, Lady Wanda. I require a word with my wife.” You’re confused at him calling you his wife but you say nothing, eyes stuck on the ground as three sets of footsteps walk away from you.

He’s quiet, watching the way you avoid his eyes.

Finally, unable to bear the silence anymore and wanting to have him be through with whatever it is he wants, you speak.

“You are leaving?” He waits until you glance up at him to answer.

“I will be, yes. We are not sure how long I shall be gone for. But before I leave I’ll be coming to you in your chambers. There’s the chance that I won’t return,  so I need to do my part in ensuring my lineage continues. I haven’t come to you to allow you time to recover, but there is only so long you can expect a man to wait for his wife.” You say nothing, simply nod at him.

“I shall be waiting for you, Your Majesty. Is that all?” He lets out a deep breath before speaking again.

“I require an heir, (Y/n). If I am gone for any longer than two months and you are not with child when I return, I will not be as accommodating as I have been.” You can’t help the scoff that leaves you.

“Is something funny to you?”

You look up at him for a moment then shake your head.

“I beg your pardon, Your Majesty. I just hadn’t realized that this was you being accommodating.”

He grabs your face roughly in his flesh hand, fingers digging into your cheeks and forcing you to look at him.

“You watch your tongue with me, woman. If you forget your place I will need to remind you of it, won’t I? But you don’t want that.” Your heart races in your chest and you quickly shake your head ‘no’.

“Remember your place. Or I will beat you back into it. Understand?” You nod and only after a moment longer does he release his grip on your chin.

You drop your head, eyes focused on the ground as he walks away from you. Tears sting at your eyes and you take a few minutes to compose yourself before walking back into the Palace, heading for your chambers.

~*~

He doesn’t bother knocking. He just pushes the door open and makes himself at home. To his surprise, you’re seated on your bed in a nightgown, nose buried in a book.

You’re so caught up in whatever you’re reading that you don’t even notice him.

He takes this moment to really take you in, eyes inspecting your face.

You’re beautiful, that much he and Steve gathered long before even deciding on marrying you. You have a gentle beauty to your face that is such a refreshing change to all the hard and gruesome things he’s seen in his life. He hates that all he wants to do is stare at you.

He notices that. your face lacks its usual glow, and you have dark bags beneath your eyes. Making a mental note to tell Nat to make sure you sleep properly, he takes a step towards you.

You glance upwards, jumping at the way he stands watching you.

He takes another step towards you, unbuttoning his shirt and walking closer to you. You set your book aside and swallow hard.

“How will you have me?” He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, eyeing you for a moment before deciding.

“On your back.” You push the blankets aside and lay down on your back, trying to take deep breaths.

He takes hold of your ankles and gently tugs you down the bed until your bum is at the edge.

His member slaps against your slit and you jolt, tears welling up in your eyes at the memories of the last time this happened.

Instead of pushing into you dry like he did last time, he leans down and spits right on your intimate area. Shame fills you at how close he comes to you, and at the lewd act, but he seems unfazed. He does the same to his length then slowly pushes in.

There isn’t nearly enough lubricant, and it pinches and burns, but it’s not nearly as painful as last time.

That, however, doesn’t stop the tears from raining down your cheeks. Your chest shudders, silent sobs trying to break free. You bring your hands up to your face, pressing one to your mouth and the other shielding the rest of your face from view.

The King stops moving, his brows furrowed and eyes focused on what he can see of your face, trying to see if he’s causing you pain.

“A-am I hurting you?” He asks, his voice strained. You shake your head, keeping your eyes closed and waiting for him to keep going.

He’s hesitant but slowly starts thrusting again, pressing his face into your neck if only so he doesn’t have to see the tears on your face. The tears he’s causing.

It pains him to see such sorrow when a pretty face like yours should only be happy. He hates himself for knowing he’s the cause, but he can’t very well stop. He has a job to do, an heir to create.

He focuses instead on how your body feels beneath him. Soft and squishy in all the perfect places. And by the Gods, you’re so tight and warm around him. He groans softly against your neck, lips subconsciously pressing kisses to the skin as he approaches his climax.

You hold your breath as he fills you with warmth again, his breath hot and damp against your skin.

He stays sheathed within you for a few moments longer before pulling out and tucking his cock back into his trousers.

“I leave in a few hours. My councilmen are in charge while I am gone. Remember your place.” You don’t answer and he pauses, leaning down to grab your face the same way he did before.

“What occurs between us in our bed remains between you and me. I do not want to hear of you saying a word about it to anyone. You are mine and I shall treat you how I want.” You nod, mind and body numb.

“Good. I shall return shortly. If I will be gone longer than a month I will send word.” He exits without another word, leaving you used and broken yet again.

~*~

The riders leave as soon as the sun sets, the king leading them. You watch through the small window in your room, heart heavy as you realize that you well and truly serve but one purpose to the man.

“Dinner, your Majesty.” You glance over your shoulder to where Wanda is holding a tray of food.

“No thank you, Wanda. I am not hungry tonight. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed.” She nods, setting the tray down and hurrying to get your bed ready.

“I can do that tonight, Wanda. I would... I would like some time alone, please.” She pauses, the pain in your voice far more evident than you wanted it to be.

“Of course, Your Majesty.” She bows her head, picks up the tray of food, then hurries out of your chambers and leaves you alone for the night.

You hardly sleep at all, silent tears tracking down your cheeks as thoughts of how much better your old life was fill your mind.

You truly are no better than a prisoner, and for a moment you find yourself wishing you were beheaded with your mother.

[hezuart]

That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

:3

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

~

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.