#now where will Ubisoft gaslight me

[mickstart]

Nobody fucking talk to me I need like seven working days to mourn E3

[strangesmallbard]

okay here are my thoughts on most of the kassandra romances in ac odyssey:

odessa: incredible friends with benefits energy. she’s also shady and overly confident, traits i love in a woman. nothing much here, but a solid first romance. 6/10

roxana: their scene on the mountain is SO sweet and fun, also peak friends with benefits vibes with a hint of something more. 7/10

lykaon: if you’re into soft dudes, he’s pretty soft. not my cuppa, but not offensive. 5/10

daphnae: the sheer concept of a daughter of artemis falling for the warrior woman destined to take her place is fucking incredible, but i was craving more relationship development onscreen. 6/10

anais: childhood best friends to lovers to friends with history because our differences are irreconcilable my BELOVED! i loved how regular and grounded this romance felt. it was nice to see someone love kassandra for who she is, and accept that she can’t be everything too. and kassandra is SUCH a dad. 10/10

those two brothers added later on: in my lesbian onion, these quests are much funnier if you don’t like either of them. kassandra is just like “oh sweet, free brothers!” followed by “oh brother” when they declare their love.

alkibiades: he’s the only dude i had kassandra sleep with because there is nothing heterosexual about this relationship. bisexual 4 bisexual energy is off the CHARTS. men get pegged, etc. 8/10

diona: she could not have been less subtle about being a cultist, but she was very hot. this is the exact mental process i gave kassandra. 7/10

kyra: holy shit, i am devastated by this romance and the entire mykonos arc. when kyra throws a KNIFE at her head, and kassandra immediately falls in love. i think she’s one of the few options where kassandra clearly has romantic feelings, so the ending hits like a sack of bricks. 10/10

thaletas: i killed this man. 0/10

brasidas: not an actual romance, but an honorable mention because of the popularity. idk guys i don’t see it at all! they give me major siblings or uncle & niece vibes. i think kassandra trauma dumps because every older spartan guy is dadcoded to her. 0/10

natakas: look, i don’t hate natakas. he’s fine out of context. perfectly inoffensive. he has a nice face. however, i cannot get over the forced heterosexuality and birth situation! it leaves the worst taste in my mouth! i literally haven’t played ac odyssey since i found out! -5/10, i’m sorry natakas you’re very nice but get out of my house right now

aspasia: the biggest missed opportunity of this entire game. i am so disappointed by the last scene in the cult arc because like, aspasia disappears! we have no emotional connection to her! imagine if they had several run-ins during the main quest. imagine if aspasia actively helped you hunt the other cultists. imagine if ubisoft committed to her gaslight gatekeep girlbossing. i wanted unhealthy emotional attachment! i wanted manipulation! that kiss at the end should have HIT. anyway 10/10 the concept in my head, 2/10 the actual romance