#ob-la-di’s shit post

[ob-la-di-ob-la-di]

Rare photo of me petting Richard Wright 🐱🐈❤️

[intizzies]

lula's anxious-ambivalent attachment style THOUGHTS

so I mentioned on my dramatic parents meta that lula has an anxious attachment style. to push that further, I'd say she has an anxious-ambivalent one.

her parents did try their best, but her father was overwhelmed with constant stress and her mother was extremely emotionally and mentally unstable.

sometimes, they would have amazing family days and everything would be picture perfect. lula felt loved, and seen, and those days are what she searches for constantly in her life. the feeling of someone wanting to be with her, be around her, is what she craves most.

sometimes, their reactions to her would be hostile. her mother would be too consumed by her own uncontrollable emotion when something went wrong that lula would end up comforting her every time, sometimes for hours on end. for example, if she got tripped up at school and told georgia about it, her mother would fly into a panic, blame herself, and become unstable.

on the other hand, adrian was a little distant sometimes. she would know when he was in a bad mood. he would become increasingly more detached the worse her mother got. lula truly felt as if she was on her own, and it was her responsibility to parent them.

the lack of consistency from them built a tendency in her subconscious to constantly seek validation and to constantly mediate any sort of conflict. it even extends to awkward silences (she really does feel the intense need to fill said silences with senseless rambling).

being funny is her hook and being the counsellor is her constant state. she's hyper aware of how everyone is feeling all of the time and will be uncomfortable until she has talked to them about it.

when coming across conflict, she won't be able to concentrate on anything else until she knows the other person isn't angry with her. this can be very tiring and irritating for the person on the other end of this - especially if they have another attachment style and prefer to be alone to process their feelings.

lula is no stranger to unconscious manipulation in order to feel better. she will do anything to avoid being hurt by those she loves, to make herself feel safe and out of danger of being abandoned.

BIG abandonment issues. there's her constant search for family and constant disappointment in this. the only consistent person in her life is her grandmother before the horsemen and lula knows she hasn't got forever with her.

with the horsemen, she is very scared she's not needed. she forcefully reminds everyone that she DOES belong and she IS a part of this team because, for her, there's no other option. she is terrified that she's expendable, that they'll leave her somewhere with nowhere else to go. she'll do whatever to establish herself, through force, humour, affection, clinging - anything she can.

I must solve these problems because I fix things and it's what I do to feel needed, I must protect my own, I must present myself as a force to be reckoned with, and I must be unmovable, as being unmovable is what will keep me safe and a part of the family I want so desperately to be a part of.

[hands-across-the-sky]

some thoughts on seeing Paul's Got Back tour, part 2 ! ! !

after the cut!

I had been a little nervous about his voice based on the videos from the first few dates. I don't know if nervous is even the right word, really, because I know he's 80 and I know his voice has changed and I would've paid the same amount of money to just watch him sit onstage and roll a joint, truly, but hearing him on some of the earlier dates made me kind of sad in a weird way, I think just because I don't WANT to really accept how old he actually is--I want him to be young and healthy forever. BUT! i will say that the sound mix in the stadium was SUPER forgiving and I was really surprised at how great and strong he sounded! he was optioning up all over the place and doing runs and doing his current version of the "Rock Voice" at various points throughout!

"Got to Get You Into My Life" was one of my favorites of the night--the band, who are just ridiculously polished and good, really killed it, particularly the brass section. anytime he played a Beatles song the crowd went NUTS--the energy change was really palpable.

his Weird Girl behavior REALLY started to come out during "Come On To Me." he was doing a bit where every time he sang "come on to me" he'd point to himself, and every time he sang "come on to you" he pointed at the crowd. just like absolutely wild "hehehe i'm making a dirty joke do you get it" behavior, so embarrassing GRANDDUDE STOP!!!!!

"Let Me Roll It" was SO good!!!!!! it's just so thrilling and emotional, he totally shredded the guitar solo (he'd switched from bass to guitar for it), bisexual pining anthem, 10/10

In between basically every song he would bow, and say "thank you," and then do these awkward little marionette-with-its-string-cut poses. it was truly SO silly, he'd just like hit a little awkward jazz hand pose and then another and then another--fully mugging like he is in every recording of him to ever exist. weird girl vibes!!!!!!!!!!!

"In Spite of All the Danger" was so great--he taught everyone to do the "ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhhh" harmony and it fucking ruled

he just looked so insanely good!!! really energetic and engaged and happy, and so unbelievably fucking cute in his little vest-over-button-down combo. his legs looked insanely noodly and he still bounces while playing in the same way

somewhere around this point in the concert he took one (1) sip of water from a black water bottle that a stagehand brought him, and it was the TINIEST SIP OF WATER I'VE EVER SEEN ANYONE TAKE IN MY LIFE. like it was MINISCULE!!!! it was so small there was NO POINT in taking it!!! truly it seemed like someone (his manager? his kids?? nancy???) had put their foot down and said "paul, you literally MUST drink water during your three-hour show, you are 79 years old," and he then said "fine. I WILL drink water. [drinks literally one single H20 molecule forty minutes into the show]. you just cannot tell our anti-authority gemini princess what to do!!!!!!!!!!

"Something" was one of my absolute favorites: the arrangement was SO sweet and really worked for his current voice. it was so, so moving, the audience was living for it, and they played pictures of Geo and Paul throughout which made me cryyyy

much to the chagrin of the other three bugs, "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" was the hit of the night! people lost their SHIT for it and the band played it SO fast it was almost like ska. granny music hive rise up!!!!

during "Let It Be," there were so many phone lights that the stadium looked like a sky full of stars. beautiful!

the duet with John was just...gorgeous, and thrilling, and beautiful, and so, so sad. I have a little more to write about this that i'll write later. and as I said in a previous post, afterward Paul just said: "I love him!"

"Birthday" and "Helter Skelter" were such fucking BANGERS!!!!!!!! SO GOOD!!!!!!

the ending suite of Abbey Road was just, like, an absolute highlight musical experience of my life. so moving, so perfect, so cathartic, just...transcendent. insane.

okay that's all for now, I love Paul McCartney, good night!!!

[hoffthechain]

Thank u for tagging bro!!! Now I have to watch soundbreaking @cloudbear

1. what is the first song you remember hearing?

Ob la di bla da? Is that how it’s spelled?? The beatles song every dad shows their kid to introduce them to music.

2. what is the first band you got into?

Ah fuck this is a difficult question. Quite possibly the beastie boys. That’s the first band that registers as being on my $15 MP3 player from middle school haha

3. Do You collect physical music?

Yep! Around 30 vinyls probably! Very diverse in genre. Most recent acquisition being a Blood Incantation record, I think!

4. What is your favorite piece of music memorabilia?

A dave grohl candle, one of those Catholic saint ones!

5. what's your favourite concert you're ever been to?

I think I have 2….. firstly System of a Down at Sonic Temple festival in Ohio. I see a lot of pop punk shows in town and I always feel a little judged for some reason. I like big rock festivals because it’s mostly down to earth 30 year old working class metal heads who are extremely nice. The concert itself just had an awesome energy, we were packed like sardines, sweaty as shit, it was the headliner of the night. It just went hard as fuck.

Secondly tom morello of Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave. Again, older crowd, so a great vibe :). Tom is an incredible guitarist, but he doesn’t sing so everyone just fills in and sings the RATM and Audioslave songs, it’s really beautiful. And of course everyone singing killing in the name of together at the end is always killer!!!

6. if you could see one artist who is no longer alive in concert, who would it be?

2/3s Are still kickin, but the beastie boys. I’m sad I missed that era.

7. have you met any musicians?

Many 😎 I’m lucky and get to go backstage at a lot of festivals and stuff so I’ve rubbed shoulders with some pretty cool acts!!

8. What is your go-to album when you’re feeling sad?

There are two albums I have scream cried to: The Black Parade (cliche, I know) and a VERY UNDERRATED album that everyone should listen to: Mannequin Pussy’s “Patience”

9. What is your go-to album when you’re feeling happy?

Tough one! I find myself returning to Pink Floyd, but I’m more likely to listen to a new album when I’m happy!

10. what is one music documentary you love?

Aghhh can’t remember the name but it was on The Neptunes! If you think you don’t know The Neptune’s, yes you do.

11. What’s your favorite concert DVD?

Anything BeeGees.

12. do you prefer listening to playlists or albums?

Albums take the right environment and state of mind for me. I have to be in a space with 0 interruptions. I don’t PREFER playlists per se but for that reason I end up listening to them more.

13. Do you prefer listening to albums in order or on shuffle?

SHUFFLING AN ALBUM!!!!??? The DISRESPECT!!!

14. What is your favorite deep cut song by your favorite artist?

Maybe….Twin Hype Back by Run the Jewels.

15. what is your favourite cd/cassette/vinyl you own in terms of packaging?

I absolutely love the packaging for Paul’s Boutique by the Beastie Boys (geez 3rd mention in this post)….it’s also a very underrated album! Unfortunately overlooked!

[dreamings-free]

How Harry Styles Became A Modern Style Icon

by Phoe­be Luck­hurst - Evening Standard 15/11/19

A man wrought in the fires of teenage boy­band hy­per-stardom is not afraid of a lit­tle commotion. Still when Harry Styles — the One Di­rec­tion mat­inée idol turned lan­guid Gen Z icon — tweeted, at 1.01 pm GMT on Wed­nes­day af­ter­noon, that he would be tak­ing his up­com­ing album Fine Line on tour, you could, if at­tuned to the cor­rect de­mo­graphic fre­quency, hear the howl echo around the in­ter­net: gut­tural, hun­gry, ul­u­lat­ing. This was a pseudo-re­li­gious experience: one vi­ral meme de­picted the Pope hold­ing a copy of his al­bum aloft. The announce­ment has been retweeted al­most 70,000 times.

The 25-year old is a tour vet­eran — he spent five years and five al­bums strapped to the thunder­ing 1D jug­ger­naut — but this new tour is his first as a bona fide solo brand. The al­bum, his first in two years, is synth-soaked and soul­ful, the al­bum’s aes­thetic fever­-dreamy. Granted, he’s not the first per­son to go to So­Cal, try a few magic mush­rooms and de­clare him­self radically trans­formed, but the re­sults are be­guil­ing — and cer­tainly a world away from his years as a Simon Cow­ell Ken doll. Since his last record, he has co- hosted t he Met Gala and been reborn as an Alessan­dro Michele muse. This is your Styles crib sheet.

Melody maker

Styles’s new al­bum — writ­ten un­der a tie-dye mist af­ter tak­ing the afore­men­tioned psychedelics, which also re­sulted in a mishap in which he bit off the tip of his tongue — is “all about hav­ing sex and feel­ing sad”, which, granted, as a topline, does not wildly dif­fer­en­ti­ate the record from the genre of “al l other mu­sic ever”. Still, the early signs for Fine Line are encouraging. Its first sin­gle, Lights Up—which has been streamed al­most 100 mil­lion times on Spo­tify —is­ synth-y, soul­ful, un­der­stat­edly an­themic, very dif­fer­ent to, and bet­ter than, the lead sin­gle on his last solo record, the Seven­ties, soft-rock Sign of the Times( it still, of course, hit No 1), and very, very dif­fer­ent from any­thing he did with 1D. Many thou­sands of words have been writ­ten about whether there is a bi­sex­ual sub­text to Lights Up. It has been noted that the song was re­leased on Na­tional Com­ing Out Day, that Styles’s sex­u­al­ity has been sub­ject to fren­zied specu­la­tion be­fore, the video fea­tures an oiled-up, top­less Styles gy­rat­ing around men and women, and that the lyrics (“Shine, I’m not ever go­ing back/ Shine, step into the light”) could be in­ter­preted as a mean­ing­ful rev­e­la­tion of sorts. Cer­tainly, he has be­come a queer icon — especially with Gen Z — who are thrilled by his se­lec­tion of gen­derqueer singer-song­writer King Princess as his sup­port act for the Euro­pean part of his tour. Speak­ing of col­lab­o­ra­tors, Styles worked on the al­bum with pro­duc­ers Tyler John­son, who has worked with Tay­lor Swift, Mi­ley Cyrus and Ed Sheeran, and Jeff Bhasker, who has collabo­rated wit h Mark Ron­son and Kanye West, and his friend, Tom Hull, aka Kid Har­poon, who co-wrote Shake It Out for Florence + The Ma­chine. He has also been granted a fairy god­mother: Ste­vie Nicks, who called him her “lit­tle muse” at Fleetwood Mac’s hyped Wembley head­line gig i n J une. “S he’s a l ways there for you,” Styles has said in the past. “She knows what you need: ad­vice, a lit­tle wis­dom, a blouse, a shawl.” Sure.

Got Styles

Any young man raised in the white heat of a boy­band spot­light must be granted the space to find his fash­ion path; Styles has done so with no mis­steps and ex­u­ber­ant plea­sure. Once upon a time, he would sem­a­phore his in­di­vid­u­al­ity with a ban­dana; now, he turns up to a cover interview with Rolling Stone in a white floppy hat, blue denim bell-bot­toms and Gucci shades, his nails coloured pink and green. His favourite trousers, un­til he lost them on the beach, were a pair of mus­tard cor­duroy flares; this week, he wore a Lan­vin sweater vest with a sheep de­sign that sent a co­terie of Lon­don menswear stylists into throes of ec­stasy. He wears flo­ral suits and Cuban heels, ruf­fled, New Ro­man­tic shirts, Charles Jef­frey jump­suits and pussy- bow blouses. It is flam­boy­ant, self-con­sciously Bowie/Jag­ger, and in Gen Z par­lance, “very ex­tra”. His stylist Harry Lam­bert is par­tial to an ex­trav­a­gant col­lar, dra­matic neck­line and a vo­lu­mi­nous trouser.

Be­sides Lam­bert, an­other part of this evo­lu­tion has been his re­la­tion­ship with Gucci’s cre­ative di­rec­tor Michele, who has turned the Ital­ian her­itage brand into the ul­ti­mate post-gen­der lux­ury fash­ion la­bel, the first to merge their menswear and wom­enswear, and dis­patch male mod­els down the cat­walk in dresses and women in suits. A good look for a Gen Z idol.

With the brand

Notably, the brand­ing on this al­bum and its tour art­work is con­sis­tent with this new look Styles. The al­bum cover fea­tures Styles i n white cus­tom- made Gucci bell bot­toms and a Pep­to Bismol-pink shirt, open al­most to the waist, shot by mod-goth Tim Walker with a fish­eye lens (it is Walker’s hand in that S&M glove you can see in the left-hand cor­ner). In the dreamy video for Lights Up he wears a glit­tery suit and sus­penders, in a sort of hal­lu­ci­na­tory ver­sion of Satur­day Night Fever. Into it.

Stand up

Then there’s his voice — not the mu­sic, but the ac­tivism. Even as one-fifth of a boy­band manufac­tured by Cow­ell’s al­go­rithm, he was quick, quippy and itch­ing to go off-mes­sage; but now that he con­trols his own, he is am­pli­fy­ing causes such as Black Lives Mat­ter and End Gun Violence. He wore stick­ers for both on his gui­tar on his last tour, which might sound small, except that photographs of Styles gal­lop around the dig­i­tal world at hy­per­speed. At con­certs, he has waved pride, bi and trans flags, and a Black Lives Mat­ter flag. He once bor­rowed a flag from an au­di­ence mem­ber at a show in Philadel­phia that read, “Make Amer­ica Gay Again”. At a show on his last tour, he de­clared: “If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are trans­gen­der — who­ever you are, who­ever you want to be, I sup­port you.”

A vo­cal, en­gaged fan­dom of teenage girls minted his mul­ti­mil­lion-pound for­tune; he is loyal and ad­mir­ing of their zeal. “They’re the most hon­est — es­pe­cially if you’re talk­ing about teenage girls, but older as well,” he told Rolling Stone this sum­mer. “They have that bull­shit de­tec­tor. We’re so past that dumb out­dated nar­ra­tive of ‘Oh, these peo­ple are girls, so they don’t know what they’re talk­ing about.’ They’re the ones who know what they’re talk­ing about. They’re the peo­ple who lis­ten ob­ses­sively. They f***ing own this shit. They’re run­ning it.” Ob­vi­ously, he’s a fem­i­nist. “Of course men and women should be equal. I don’t want credit for be­ing a fem­i­nist. I think the ideals of fem­i­nism are pretty straight­for­ward.” An icon is born.

[j0hn-deacons-perm]

Record Collection : the Beatles 1/?

Again, breaking these albums up to avoid a post that’s too long. Also the ? for number of parts since I think I might be getting a couple more for my birthday/xmas so that might be the last one when the time comes. But for now, here we are.

The Beatles Second Album. 1964.

I think this is the oldest record in my collection considering it is a copy from 1964. This album is some of their North American album bullshit since this does contain some tracks from With the Beatles but America got Meet the Beatles and the track listing is different and just gah...at least they stopped this shit with Sgt. Pepper and beyond.

Favorite tracks : You Really Got a Hold on Me, Devil in Her Heart, Money (That’s What I Want), I’ll Get You, She Loves You.

Hard Day’s Night Soundtrack. 1964.

This one I have a love/hate relationship with. I thought about buying the actual Hard Day’s Night album but since most of the songs are on this bad boy anyway, there isn’t really a point? Plus is still plays perfectly so....

Now, I’ve seen the movie many times and this soundtrack/album has a special place in childhood me’s heart.

Favorite tracks : A Hard Day’s Night, Tell Me Why, I Cry Instead, I Should Have Known Better, I’m Happy Just To Dance With You, And I Love Her, Can’t Buy Me Love, If I Fell (I actually have a tattoo for this song), Ringo’s Theme (This Boy instrumental).

Rubber Soul. 1965.

This album...

This album right here? Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely never been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it.....

It’s probably my favorite Beatles album. No, it is my favorite album. It fucking slaps. As a kid I remember wanting an old ass used copy of this and as an adult I still wanted one. Instead I bought a remaster since damn, that Capitol track listing out here with Help! tracks like, no. I want that unadulterated Rubber Soul experience. Plus the Capital version doesn’t have Drive My Car. That’s a fucking capitol offense right there.

Favorite tracks : Drive My Car, Norwegian Wood, YOU WONT SEE ME (that song is an absolute banger), Nowhere Man, Think For Yourself, the Word, What Goes On, Girl, I’m Looking Through You, In My Life, Wait.

Revolver. 1966.

Another album I enjoy greatly but ruined by Capitol since this is a copy from 1966 and it doesn’t have I’m Only Sleeping, Dr. Robert or Your Bird Can Sing.

When I was younger, I didn’t really care for Revolver. I was more of a Please Please Me and Beatles for Sale kind of bitch. Now? I love this album and I can see why it was my dad’s favorite. It has that Rubber Soul foundation and just built upon that and experimented even more (with music and drugs). The outcome is a fantastic listening experience.

Favorite tracks : Taxman, Eleanor Rigby, I’m Only Sleeping, Love You To, Yellow Submarine, She Said She Said, And Your Bird Can Sing, For No One, Doctor Robert, I Want to Tell You, Got to Get You Into My Life, Tomorrow Never Knows.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. 1967.

If you asked teenage me what her favorite Beatles album was, it’d 100% be this one. Now? Maybe 3rd favorite. I do love this album tremendously and have many memories attached to it. Like how Rubber Soul is my comfort album, this is my drawing album.

Favorite tracks : a Little Help From my Friends, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Fixing a Hole, She’s Leaving Home, Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!, When I’m Sixty Four, Lovely Rita, a Day in the Life.

Magical Mystery Tour. 1967.

While a very questionable movie, the album slaps. Also it comes with a booklet with behind the scenes photos of the movie. One being a full page of John dressed like a waiter shoveling spaghetti for Ringo’s aunt character. If that isn’t quality, I don’t know what is.

Favorite tracks : Fool on the Hill, Flying, Blue Jay Way, Your Mother Should Know, I am the Walrus, Hello Goodbye, Strawberry Fields Forever, Penny Lane, Baby, You’re a Rich Man.

The Beatles/ White Album. 1968

This one was a bit hit and miss for me growing up. I think the first copy I’ve ever owned of this album was burned CD’s from my brother’s friend. I loved Bungalow Bill and Rocky Raccoon and Back in the USSR but as I grew older, I came to appreciate much more of it. My favorite thing about this album , besides the music, is the track listing at the very end. Fucking Revolution 9 followed up by Ringo gently singing you good night. Whoever made that decision, thank you. It’s hilarious like ‘oh I hope you enjoyed that absolute hellscape here’s a lullaby 😘’.

Favorite tracks : Dear Prudence, Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, the Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill, While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Happiness is a Warm Gun, Martha my Dear, I’m So Tired, Don’t Pass Me By, Julia, Yer Blues, Mother Nature’s Son, Everyboy’s Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey, Long, Long, Long, Helter Skelter, Sexy Sadie.

Abbey Road. 1969.

Another album I enjoyed as a child but only a handful of songs. According to my brother, Maxwell’s Silver Hammer and Octopus’ Garden were my fuckin’ jams. I remember really liking Mean Mr Mustard as well. As I got older/ in my teen years I grew to like this album a lot and it was tied with Sgt. Pepper as my favorite. Now? In my top 5 for sure.

Favorite tracks : Come Together (I will never be over fuckin toe jam football like...I have questions, comments and concerns), Something, Oh! darling, Octopus’ Garden, Because, You Never Give Me Your Money, Sun King, Mean Mr Mustard, Polythene Pam, She Came in Through the Bathroom Window, Golden Slumbers, Carry That Weight (I always sing along to this one...it’s the law), the End, Her Majesty.

Let it Be. 1979.

I got my dad’s copy of this album after he died and to my slight surprise, it’s a copy from 1970 that’s in really good condition! Tbh, this isn’t my favorite of theirs. I never cared for this album as a kid. Even now, it’s not one I listen to often but I do enjoy it a lot more than I did previously. It also wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I watched the documentary of making this and while an interesting watch, it was wholesome seeing Mal and watching George and Ringo lift each other up when showing each other their songs and giving suggestions.

Favorite tracks: Two of Us, Across the Universe, I Me Mine, Maggie Mae, I’ve Got a Feeling, One after 909, the Long and Winding Road, Get Back.

That’s my main albums I suppose you could say. Next? Compilations albums!

[elinaline]

hi! i'm french and i'm looking at the news (well, not the ones on tv. the posts and videos from journalists at the trocadero protest) and i wanted to ask how you deal with it? how do you make those posts (and your posts are great!) about all the police violence and the decrease in freedom of the press and civil liberties, and raise awareness of those issues without losing your shit? how can i can talk about it too (because i want to, it's important!) but still have some mental energy to care about the stuff that makes me happy? how do i talk about what's happening without being consumed by it?

Ok je vais répondre e français si ça ne t'embête pas, j'ai du mal à bien exprimer mes sentiments là-dessus en anglais.

Déjà, merci ! Et ensuite, à vrai dire j'ai du mal à garder mon calme et ne pas me faire complètement happer par le torrent d'informations horribles des dernières semaines. Ces posts c'est ma manière de gérer, je me dis que plus les gens seront informés sur ce qu'il se passe et sur les méthodes de lutte que j'arrive à trouver (il y en a sûrement d'autres d'ailleurs ! Comme on dit le tissu associatif en France est incroyablement riche, il ne faut pas hésiter à regarder les groupes locaux) plus on a d'espoir de retourner la situation –et à défaut j'ai la satisfaction mesquine de pourrir la réputation du gouvernement à l'étranger.

En ce moment mon moral fait des sinusoïdes assez violentes entre le concentrer sur le boulot (et puis bonjour le syndrome de l'imposteur en commençant juste une thèse mdr) et stresser sur les infos, cela dit il y a quelques trucs qui font que je me pourris relativement moins le moral qu'avant. En premier, je vais peu sur Twitter, c'est vraiment le réseau des enfers et tout est extrêmement négatif dessus. Je dois utiliser Twitter genre moins d'une heure par jour je pense. Ensuite, je choisis mes sources ! Il fut un temps j'étais abonnée à un tas de reporters de manifs et du coup j'avais les choses immédiatement, mais aussi à chaud et avec toute la charge émotionnelle des gens qui sont au milieu d'événements assez violents. Maintenant j'essaye plutôt de suivre par les journaux (Mediapart et arrêt sur image, mais aussi Libé, le monde, le nouvel Obs...) et par quelques activistes qui ont plus du recul et qui sont déjà dans l'analyse des situations. Ça permet de se dissocier un peu de toute la violence et de voir plus clairement d'où ça vient et comment on peut faire sur le long terme (d'ailleurs je recommande chaudement la Radio Pirate en ce moment, c'est le sang)

Pour finir, tu vas avoir des moments de dissonance cognitive assez forts quand tu vas passer de regarder les infos à genre faire des blagues avec les potes (d'ailleurs hyper important, si tu ne veux pas te sentir isolé•e c'est quand même mieux d'avoir un cercle de gens qui partagent tes opinions politiques, parce qu'ils sont bien rigolos les avocats du diable qui disent qu'il faut protéger les keufs du doxxing, mais la situation est assez flippante comme ça sans en plus se faire backstab par des proches), mais c'est normal. Le monde est hyper complexe et on ne peut pas juste constamment rester en mode colère/panique c'est intenable. Je comprends que ce soit dur de passer de l'un à l'autre comme ça cela dit ! Je dirais que dans ce cas-là, les choses comme les activités manuelles ou le sport, en s'interdisant d'écouter/regarder les infos ça permet de se vider la tête et de passer à autre chose pour un moment.

Mais je ne veux pas que tu te fasses d'idées, je n'ai pas la relation la plus saine avec ce qu'il se passe en ce moment, je développe à peine une conscience politique, je suis tout juste dans le process de rejoindre un syndicat, ça me bouffe de l'intérieur de voir le gouvernement tourner au fascisme et ne pas savoir quoi faire, d'autant plus que j'ai vraiment peur d'aller en manif du coup :/ mais je ne suis pas seule ! On est nombreux et on va tous aider à notre manière et on va s'en sortir, nos grands-parents ont réussi à s'en sortir on va le faire aussi.

[eyos-interlude]

listen to the psychedelic sixties!!!! (and the 70s too) <3

--  I name my playlists using three Apple emojis that I feel matches the vibe I’m going for that specific playlist. --

I've decided to share this playlist next! It's never failed to put me in a better mood. 

I don’t really have a name for this playlist. I just sorta vibe yk? If you’ve got any name suggestions reblog it with an idea or message me - I’m always down to talk :)

here’s the link, hun :)

I listen to this playlist like,,, all the time. So I’ll add songs and take songs off sometimes, but I’ll always update the post along with the actual Spotify playlist so they match :D

(as of 5/23/20, the playlist is 4 hours and 36 minutes long and has 79 songs.)

Here’s the list of songs and everything so that you can vibe on whatever music platform you use! :)

(my favorite way to listen to my playlists is shuffle. But you can listen to it however you want gorgeous)

Here’s the songs in alphabetical order!! (this playlist's a long one) 

All Day and All of the Night - The Kinks

All You Need Is Love (Remastered 2009) - All You Need Is Love

Always See Your Face - Love (great song to belt out in the shower imo)

American Pie - Don McLean

Band On The Run (Remastered 2010) - Wings

Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl) - Looking Glass (this shit SLAPS)

Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison

Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations

California Dreamin’ (single version) - The Mamas & The Papas

Can’t Buy Me Love (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Ça Plane Pour Moi - Plastic Bertrand

The Chain (Remastered 2004) - Fleetwood Mac

Come Together (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix

Dedicated To The One I Love - The Mamas & The Papas

Don’t Bring Me Down - Electric Light Orchestra

Do You Believe in Magic? - The Lovin’ Spoonful

Eleanor Rigby (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Everyone (Remastered 2013) - Van Morrison

Evil Woman - Electric Light Orchestra (this song makes me feel like a bad bitch tbh)

Gonna Buy Me a Dog (Original Stereo Version; Remastered 2006) - The Monkees

Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp (Michael Scott introduced me to this song)

Good Vibrations (Remastered) - The Beach Boys

Got My Mind Set On You (2004 Mix) - George Harrison

Happy Together - The Turtles

A Hard Day’s Night (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Help! (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Here Comes My Baby (Stereo Version) - Yusuf / Cat Stevens

Here Comes The Sun (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Hey Jude (Remastered 2015) - The Beatles

Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede, Björn Skifs

Hotel California (Remastered 2013) - Eagles

House Of The Rising Sun - The Animals

(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction (Mono Version) - The Rolling Stones

I’m a Believer (Remastered 2006) - The Monkees

I’m Still Standing - Elton John

I Want To Hold Your Hand (Remastered 2015) - The Beatles

I Will Survive (Single Version) - Gloria Gaynor

I Won’t Hurt You - The West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band

Jolene - Dolly Parton (literally the only country song I like. I’m sorry don’t hate me)

Life on Mars? - MY BITCH David Bowie

Livin’ Thing - Electric Light Orchestra

Lola (Coca Cola Version, ofc) - The Kinks

Love Me Do (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard - (literally the CUTEST song) Paul Simon

Mrs. Robinson (from the graduate soundtrack) - Simon & Garfunkel

Music To Watch Space Girls By - Spock Leonard Nimoy

My Generation (Stereo Version) - The Who

My Sweet Lord (2014 Mix) -  George Harrison

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Octopus’s Garden (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Oh! Darling (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Oh, Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison

Ooh La La - Faces 

Piano Man - Billy Joel

Picture Book (2018 Stereo Remastered) - The Kinks

Porpoise Song - The Monkees

Rich Girl - Daryl Hall & John Oates

Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going To Be A Long, Long Time) - Elton John

Ruby Tuesday - The Rolling Stones

Season of the Witch - Donovan

She Loves You (Mono/Remastered) - The Beatles

She Smiled Sweetly - The Rolling Stones

Something (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Space Oddity (Remastered 2015) - David Bowie

Stand By Me (Remastered) - John Lennon

Starman (Remastered 1997) - David Bowie

Stephanie Says - The Velvet Underground

This Time Tomorrow - The Kinks 

Tiny Dancer - Elton John

Turn to Stone - Electric Light Orchestra

Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season) - The Byrds

When I’m Sixty Four (Remastered 2009) - The Beatles

Why Can’t We Be Friends? - War (even though it was made in the 90′s, it has the same vibe)

Yellow Submarine - The Beatles

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing - Leo Sayer (MY FAVORITE SONG ON HERE)

You Really Got Me (Mono Mix) - The Kinks

Your Song - Elton John

Here’s the link again <3

my hands hurt so much oml. more playlists coming soon!

have an amazing day! <3

[golgoterror]

Get to Know my Muse in 8 Songs or Less!

Music is a great way to get a sense of a character’s personality, history, or general vibes. You might only have a handful of songs you associate your muse, or you could have a massive playlist that’s impossible to list. Songs make it for all kinds of reasons: the lyrics, the genre, or maybe you just found the song at random and it stuck. The purpose of this meme is to introduce your muse in the span of one album or less, share some of your musical inspiration, or even stuff you’re into right now while you write! You can explain as much or as little as you like (multimuses are welcome to do one track per character too!).

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da by The Beatles. This is just some shit Jake would say and thus vibe to. Besides, I couldn’t not open with a Beatles song. I have an image to keep up. Not to mention, Jake likes classic rock. That’s 40% because I think it would make sense and 60% because I like classic rock. The P in Pi stands for projection.

When I Grow Up by The Pussycat Dolls. Yeah yeah, I know what you’re all thinking. I am once again talking about the parallels between this song and Jake. And boy howdy, are there parallels! Wanting to be famous but then getting all the attention you want and regretting it? Jake of English baby. 

Rasputin by Boney M. Pipe down, I know I talk about this one a lot too. I even wrote a parody of it about Jake while my friends held me at gunpoint! When I first started reading the comic, I thought the parallels were kind of a bit on the nose. Granted, no one tries to poison him, which is a point against me. Nonetheless, I see a striking resemblance. 

When I’m Sixty-Four by The Beatles. Yeah. I’m putting another Beatles song. What of it. And, as I type this, I am blasting the first song. Anyway this is old-timey and domestic and sounds like a grandpa song. That’s it.

Winner Takes It All by ABBA. Oh shit. Oh fuck. A sad song. God damn it. This reminds me of the Dirk-Jake-Jane love triangle. Probably because it’s a song about a love triangle. Whatever. Either way, it’s my “Sadstuck” song for Jake.

You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi. This is a bit harsh, given how Jake didn’t really mean to fuck up that badly, but being shot through the heart was a metaphor I couldn’t just ignore.

Hollywood by Marina and the Diamonds. Living in a movie and being obsessed with Hollywood. Need I say more?

Lollipop by Mika. Trickster Jake song. Love is hard and it sucks. It even has a lollipop reference! 

BONUS TRACK: Post a joke song, a song fitting a relationship, or anything else you couldn’t make room for!  

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious from Mary Poppins (1964). Self-explanatory. Story time: A few weeks back, I was very, very sick and couldn’t sleep. I was up at 5am-ish and had a ton of cold and flu medicine in me. All I remember was playing this song on loop and imagining Jake and Jane singing it together. Do with that what you will.

Tagged by: @rollerthief thank you this was very fun!  Tagging: @thegravecartel @failed-prince and anyone else who wants to yoink it from me!

[bobbystompy]

68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019

Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “I don’t bitch about Millenials.

John Entwistle once complained that he didn’t understand rap. Pete Townsend said, ‘It’s not our job to understand it. It’s our job to get the fuck out of the way.’

New generations come of age. The older generation’s job is to shut up and adapt.” - @danagould

2) “I can’t do drugs with you until we kiss.”

3) “If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.” - @DanaSchwartzzz

4) “A human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.” - Roger Ebert

5) “There are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.” - Dave Hernandez

6) “You can’t put a dollar in a kimono.”

7) “This is how it was.” - rampant takeaway from watching ‘Superbad’ several years after its release

8) “What if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize” - Ben Folds, ‘The Luckiest’

9) “Learn the rules so you can break them.”

10) “Nobody makes chili for two.” - Stacy Massey

11) “‘Best city in the world,’ I mutter to myself, as i adjust my ‘driving blanket’.” - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex

12) “Dude, no one’s ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.” - Ricky O’Donnell, justifying late night music volume at his party

13) Bill Belichick: We’re going to have fun tonight. Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it. Belichick: You’re damn right. Gronk: I haven’t stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight. Belichick: I’m with you, man. I’m even going to step out. Gronk: Oh, I like it!

A Super Bowl winning exchange.

14) Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".

Belichick disagreed with it.

Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot. Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.

Another Super Bowl winning exchange.

15) “We elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.” - Michael Schur

16) “Some of y’all always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it shows” - @thedad

17) “Any app is a dating app if you try hard enough.” - Z.W. Martin (though he says it’s lifted)

18) "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.”

19) “Everything’s a balance beam when you’re 90.” - John Dingell

20) [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]

Me: Check out this song I just wrote

[I begin playing “Ob La Di Ob La Da” without having first built up years of goodwill]

Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass

-- @seanoneal

21) “People change people.” - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World

22) “The easiest thing to do on earth is not write.” - William Goldman

23) “Dan could be like a difficult uncle. I didn’t love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didn’t love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoir—the last truly immaculate piece of writing he delivered—include a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, ‘Fuck people.’

There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicate—or, failing that, try to stand in for a while.” - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins

24) “Never marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.” - La Dolce Vita

25) “An uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but it’s hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals don’t really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because that’s the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, you’d still be reaching.” - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale

26) “You can’t see him because he has sunglasses on.” - Alissa Levy

27) “The cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).” - Roger Ebert

28) “‘Are you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?’ 

Yes tf I am

People talk about politics as if it’s this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebody’s politics is their world view. It’s whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. It’s how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.”

29) “Can the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?” - J-Papp

30) “Any song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.” - Drew Magary

31) “Long neck cold beers never broke my heart.” - Clemson Tom

32) “I’d just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were: 

‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.’”

- @Authoroux

33) “Just once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them ‘Bring the car around’.” - Mike Skully

34) “For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.” - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones

35) “The best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.” - Cheers

36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M. Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

-- Modern Family

37) “You and Lindsey don’t want to be ‘estranged’. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.” - MegFil

38) “Cigarettes are undefeated.”

39) “My toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.” - Tracy Cunningham

40) “Republicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.” - Bill Maher

41) Sam: I don’t understand the vagaries of the Internet Josiah: Post often, without thought, and you’ll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.

-- Blink-155

42) “Hang a lantern on your problems.”

43) “What a weird web we weave.” - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

44) “Let the ocean worry about being blue.” - Alabama Shakes, ‘Hang Loose’

undefined

45) “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” - Shelley Rokos

46) “My whole life is the wrong porn link.”

47) “One parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.” - Joe Gestetner, via “an old Yiddish saying”

48) “There are no heroes in the room.” - Classics of Love, ‘Gun Show’

undefined

49) “If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.” - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)

50) “Every time I’m wearing black, I meet a dog.” - Tracy Cunningham

51) “Shower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamber” - @chridollarsign

52) “My theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.” - Mina Kimes

53) “The contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.” - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019

54) “Got a ‘hang loose’ from the weakside bartender.”

55) “It’s Jennifer’s birthday always.” - Eric Hutchinson 

56) “I can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- you’re every grandma who watches ‘Young Sheldon’ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.” - Dan Ozzi

57) “The past and future are in the mind. I’m in the now.” - Tom Brady, via someone else

58) “Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.” - Drew Magary

59) “Sitting is the new smoking.” - Modern Family

60) “I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.” - George Wallace

61) “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - Rose Garvey via wine country

62) “It’s all ‘ok boomer’ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.” - @OrdinaryAlso

63) “He likes the result of the math.” - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end

64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn? Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.

65) “A cold body carries a warm heart.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas’ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical

66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friend’s recipe]

"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.’ That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking

67) “Usually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.” - The Irishman

68) “An artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.” - Brian Crooks

[ob-la-di-ob-la-di]

Yeah I’m making this now but most of my mutuals have left tumblr. Anyway…

Hell of an intro

Hello I’m Ameera :)

I use she/her pronouns

I am going to college

Biology is my favorite subject

Might become a nurse

Wish me this 2nd of December

No I’m not homophobic or racist (if you are then get out please)

I am chubby, have dark hair and even darker eyes.

I am 5’4”

My blog was mostly a Beatles blog. Afterwards I started to post/reblog classic rock contents in my blog. Now it’s all over the place. But you will still find band related content.

I don’t post my content much here anymore. I mostly reblog stuff. In my blog you will find classic rock, wholesome and shit posts, cottage-core and dark aesthetic, cats, some marvel related post here and there.

I post my artworks here sometimes. My blog icon is Thurston and header is Robert Plant. Yes I have drawn them. Yes I’m self taught.

Yes request is open. It might take me while to complete them tho lol.

I know my blog tittle is shitty that was requested by an anon so don’t blame me.

My favorite artwork is this one:

Get to know ob-la-di :

No ob-la-di-ob-la-da is NOT my favorite song

My Favorite band is Pink Floyd

I am a metal head

Yeap Limp Bizkit sucks, don’t tell me otherwise

GNR do have sone bangers, but I’m not convinced enough

Yea I own band related tshirts and they are mostly black

I really like mushrooms, cats and Land Rovers

My favorite color is blue

I am an introvert but I’m really sweet

I love my mutuals so much, they are my babies

I want to dance in the dark while its raining

I listen to Robot Boy and Carry on My Wayward Son to keep going in this cruel world

Yeah I am Kinda depressed :)

(unbisexulizes your Misha)

And finally, something I thought I Will never do but look at me now. Anyway, here’s a picture of mine :

[thenightisland]

you know the drill:

this is becoming like its own series but idk how else to explain this awful year i don’t even feeling like properly linking so here’s just the URLs of the other ones in the series: 1. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/161087786689/explanationsupdates-under-the-cutmore-i 2. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/161920216354/additional-updatesexplanations-under-the-cut 3. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/163767959805/updates-under-the-cutmore-post-one-post-two-on 4. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/164398486219/on-the-fourth-edition-of-what-the-fuck-is

one of the assessors got jumped a while back. she was just walking past a pt in the main assessment dept and he jumped up, punched her in the back of the head, took her to the ground and beat the fuck out of her. she was out for weeks and weeks and had broken facial bones. i can’t believe she didn’t quit.

our nurse executive quit though. not like, went prn or gave two weeks notice, like just straight up was like I’M DONE and walked out which honestly is the closest i’ve ever come to respecting him.

while having more psychologically unstable pts isn’t new, having more medically unstable pts has been a problem lately. like our crash cart is not like a medical hospital’s crash cart it’s like. an ambu bag some iv supplies and a stethoscope no lifesaving medications. when a pt has a medical issue we send them out to a medical hospital because obv we don’t have the resources to treat complex medical issues where we work. which didn’t used to be an issue because you’d used to see maybe two medical codes a year on my unit. we’ve had /ten/ since my last update post /just on my shift/. two of which weren’t even “pt is going downhill fast” codes they were “pt has no heartbeat and isn’t breathing” like we had to fucking bring two people back from the goddamn dead /within ten minutes of each other/. we’re all like we’re psych nurses man if we wanted to do this shit we’d work er. [and the er we’re required to send these pts to is awful like they sent us back a guy who had almost died twice in three days who had an /untreated brain tumor/ bc obv he’s totally fine]. or we’ve been doing mash unit style medicine like the suicidal kid with partial thickness burns all over his chest and neck that literally no one was doing anything about. we were debriding burns with a mixture of different PO IM and SQ drugs to achieve the same effect as IV morphine because debriding is extremely painful but not doing it will just make things worse and no one else seemed to care so we just fucking did it. like we’ve done so much medical nursing lately. like the one with the uncontrolled severe seizures that led to the medical hospital labeling her first break schizophrenia despite no family history of mental illness but /five different medical issues that all cause psychosis/. or the one they let on the unit despite being on the do not readmit who has untreated hiv that he actively tries to give to other people and /active tuberculosis/. or the one with the aneurysm. or the one with severe CHF. and on and on and on. and remember: we’re not the most medically unstable unit in the hospital because we have a 40 bed /geriatric psych unit/ so you can imagine the kind of pts /they’re/ getting. on the plus side, all of our ten odd codes lived.

my personal life is still a goddamn mess, of course, but that’s a given. don’t even know where to begin with all that. and i can’t talk about a lot of it which makes it that much more fun.

i had an entire crisis about the odyssey [which tbh is still kind of going on even after /weeks/] because i’m getting so cagey in memphis because i fucking hate this town. and i just got back from new orleans which is the closest thing i have to an ithaca at the moment and it killed me to come back to this fucking city.

i’m also really paranoid right now because after i come back from vacations, something terrible always happens and i’m not exaggerating it’s like clockwork to the point that the bad things have all happened between friday and sunday after i’ve returned from my vacation, each time, without fail. well that would be this weekend so i am just waiting to see what great horrors await me this goddamn time. [last time, it was the whole coworker killed in vehicular homicide thing]. but i guess paranoia isn’t the right word. you’re only paranoid if you’re wrong, and my life has already set the precedent. so i guess anxious is the better word.

the anxiety is increased given that my mother has been out of work all week because they’ve had trouble regulating her blood sugar and so she’s been really sick and even said so herself she’ll probably end up in the er over the weekend because she doesn’t think she can make it till her next doc appt because she’s miserable, and she’s already been in the er once when this weird shit started happening a month or so ago so the Vacation Curse has me even more concerned than usual, which is saying something. 

there’s a new psych doc working now and everyone is really unsettled by him and we’re pretty sure he’s a genuine psychopath like completely without exaggeration and he’s already done a lot of really creepy things to/with staff members and one nurse said in passing “i’ve known a lot of doctors like him he’ll end up fucking a pt at some point” which we initially left to hyperbole but he’s been doing shit like transporting female pts to other units without the staff’s consent in his own car which is like all kinds of not allowed, and the way he talks to some of the staff is just downright rapey honestly. and so we had a rough case this summer who, through the combined efforts of my squad, we got her from a diagnosis of intellectual disability with schizophrenia, nonverbal, self harming all the time, history of physical and sexual abuse, constantly in restraints and on a 1:1 obs level to a new diagnosis of autism spec with ptsd because her “hallucinations” were /flashbacks/ and she ended up very social and verbose and like fucking read william blake for fun and had a great sense of humor and was off all special observations and had a transfer to another facility pending so she could get more 1:1 long term therapy, and the creepy doctor was covering her case while her actual doc was out of town and he rode all the way to the other hospital with her which is another thing you do not do, and we found out from a coworker that she is now a /2:1/ [two staff members within arm’s reach 24/7], self harming again, in full shutdown/meltdown mode, and nonverbal. and it was such a rapid deterioration that all of us lost sleep over the possibility that this creepy doctor might have done something because even after she was at the other hospital and therefore no longer our pt, /he kept going to see her/. which fucked us up a lot because we were the ones who worked so hard for so long with her. like even the thought of it.

recently had 25th birthday so naturally had a crisis about that because i’d always said my goal was to be out of memphis by 25 and yet here we are. 

another of our fave pts, esp one of /my/ fave pts, died out of literally nowhere. the day before my birthday. so that was great.

also felt really surreal to see the news about the convictions in the holly bobo case, which i found out about when one of my coworkers was reading the news on his phone during a lull one night i forgot that to him and everyone else it’s a national news story [hell it even has its own wikpedia page] but to me it’s just /holly/ because she was /in the class above me in our nursing program/. my first semester in college i remember seeing her face on missing posters on every building on campus. so it was really a weird moment of dissociation for me. glad the motherfucker was found guilty on all charges, obv. 

the tech of mine who got his skull slammed into the floor, the one who’s been out with what can only be called severe psychological trauma, is supposed to be coming back the third week in october. which i just. i mean i’m glad because he’s one of our best guys, but i’m also like /why the fuck would he come back/ because he could be a fucking english professor again. motherfucker spent part of his youth growing up in italy and montreal, lived on the west coast for years, /was/ a college professor, did time as a script doctor in LA, and was a fucking thriller novelist who just gone girled himself for whatever reason and ended up working with us. there’s literally a reddit thread asking if anyone knows what happened to him and i want to be like don’t worry it’s fine he works with me. but so we’re like why would you come back to this place after what happened to you when you have so many other options available to you????? what are you running from that makes you so desperate to keep centering your life around a locked acute psych ward???? why did you gone girl yourself to begin with??? like he was screwed up enough there for a while that he wasn’t even answering his calls or texts and our boss had to send the police to do welfare checks on him because he lives alone so it’s like man why not go back to the life you had before and /get away from all of this/ it’s not like my situation where i’d rather be living a different life but have never done so, he already has the foundation because he’s already lived a different life he has an in that i don’t have and i can’t for the life of me figure out why he thinks working as an acute pysch tech is the better option. 

but i mean. we /do/ call our unit the hotel california for a reason.

[amorremanet]

You reblogged an OC meme! Thank god, tell us about Josie!

oc profiles meme!

…oh my god, i was so excited to click post and babble about josie at people that i initially forgot to come back and fill in the placeholder with something about how excited i was to talk about josie (—it’s like 4:15 AM where i am, which is probably part of the problem but i digress)

Full Name: Josiah Daniel Quinn — but, please, they explicitly prefer to be called, “Josie,” so unless you’re one of their bosses over at S.T.R.O.M.A*, whom they’re in no position to argue with, call them Josie. If not that, then use their surname. But if you can avoid it, just please do not call them by their full given first name, okay?

Shiny mutant superhero codename: Lyaeus — derived from an aspect of Dionysus who is traditionally invoked as a reliever of pain and a deliverer from anxiety and emotional turmoil and so on, which is one of their preferred uses of their psychic abilities and one of Josie’s larger goals in life (for them, it’s a mix of, “If something bad is going to happen, and you can do something to stop it and choose not to, that’s on you” and, “The world is a mess and largely sucks, but that’s no reason not to do what we can to take care of each other”).

Their codename is doubly special to them because although they were raised loosely Catholic and have a Mormon extended family who mostly doesn’t acknowledge their existence (and hasn’t for their entire life, since their Mom left the Mormon church to marry Josie’s Dad, oops), Josie is a hellenic pagan whose primary relationship is with Dionysus.

They thought for a long time and did a lot of reflection about whether or not it was too presumptuous of them to use one of his aspects as a codename, but eventually, they went with it because they see their codename and its meaning as someone who they’re continually striving to be and a set of values that they’re always trying to bring to bear in the world, and they feel like Dionysus is probably okay with that.

Gender and Sexuality: DMAB Genderfluid. // Bisexual.

This isn’t actually specifically about their gender or sexuality, but I couldn’t think of where else to put it: Josie grew up around all things Rocky Horror. Like, their parents were highly involved in the local community theatre, which did a semi-regular RHPS shadow-cast, and Josie’s parents brought their kid with them often enough that Josie grew up with their blood family and their, “Rocky family.”

Josie would rather deal with their Rocky family than their blood family a lot of the time, because their Rocky family was more immediately there for them during a lot of rough stuff while they were growing up, and their Rocky family handled it better at the various times when they came out, and their Rocky family didn’t say shit like, “Wait, I thought you were gay, why are you going back in the closet” when they came out as bi or ask invasive questions when they came out as genderfluid and was more supportive in general of Josie’s evolving sense of their own identity, and so on.

Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs.

Josie does also answer to He/Him/His pronouns, but that isn’t a choice on their part, so much as it’s an issue of, “Well, I can be out at work and open the door to potential harassment and people who will invalidate my gender identity and likely flat-out refuse to respect my pronouns, which will create more difficulty for myself in a job that’s already difficult because it’s stressful to begin with and I hate working here — or I can suck it up and just be grateful that my friends and parents are all good about this”

Like, one of the things that Seb does when he and Josie first meet that makes Josie go, “I’m still not totally thrilled at being assigned to help out the newbie (especially since I know I’m only getting this assignment because: 1. our bosses are playing a game of, ‘lmao just toss the LGBTQ ones together’ because the newbie’s gay and pretty much everyone here thinks that I am too; and 2. Deputy Director Gray is still cranky with me over that MSNBC round-table that I did last week where Yael kept pushing me to voice my own opinions and not the Bureau’s official line) — but maybe it won’t actually be completely awful and maybe he’s going to be okay as a new partner”?

…is noticing that Josie wears two woven yarn bracelets on one wrist — one of them in the lavender/white/chartreuse colors of the genderqueer flag, and the other in the pink/white/purple/black/blue of the genderfluid flag — and first waiting for them to be alone in Josie’s office, then going, “Oh, so are you genderfluid? What are your pronouns?” and then listening and respecting it when Josie explained that they’d rather Seb just kept using he/him/his at work

Species: Human (mutant with aforementioned mutant psychic powers)

Race/Ethnicity: White, and the only real part of Josie’s ethnic background that’s ever been important in their life was that their late paternal grandmother was very proud of being Irish.

Like, her parents had come to Ellis Island from Ireland — though she was too young to have any actual memories of the passage herself — and she wasn’t so insistent about it that she objected to her son marrying a Mormon girl instead of a Good Irish Catholic Girl, but still, the Irish thing was a big deal for her.

Josie, personally, doesn’t get it beyond, “I’m white and I have a particular aversion to St. Patrick’s Day because first of all, some of my extended family members can turn into a bunch of rowdy, off-putting little shits on St. Patrick’s Day, and I always had to suffer through that because we always had a party for it, first because Grandma wanted one, and then in honor of her memory.

“And secondly, because as soon as anyone hears that I’m partially Irish and/or a Dionysian, it is just assumed that I want to go get wasted on St. Patrick’s Day, which I don’t, but I still end up going out into environments that are absolute Hell for someone who has both telepathy and hyper-empathy, because the spaces are crowded, emotions are running high, and there is basically nowhere to escape to where you can get some peace and quiet and a break from the sensory and emotional overload of being at a rowdy bar on St. Patrick’s Day.

“And I endure all of this with people whom I may not even like that much just so they’ll have a designated driver, because I would feel bad personally if I didn’t go to make sure they all got home okay, and just because they don’t understand my god or might want to get something else out of him than I do, doesn’t mean that I should brush them off and risk them getting hurt while they’re completely shit-faced.

“Which doesn’t make this any less exhausting and awful, but it’s better than taking the chance that they might get hurt, y’know?”

Birthplace and Birthdate: Saratoga Springs, NY. // 22nd February, 1980 — they’re a Pisces (Libra rising, Gemini moon).

Guilty Pleasures: High-quality dark chocolate, high-quality makeup even if they can’t wear most of it as often as they’d like^, the original Vampire Chronicles novels (and though they will sometimes claim that only the original six ones, “count,” Josie owns everything that Anne Rice has published, even the ridiculous Jesus books), binge-watching reruns of Project Runway…

And they don’t feel particularly guilty about it, but one of the simple things that makes Josie happy is playfully teasing their emergency contacts/best friends over how their parents named them after Beatles songs

Jude, naturally, was “Hey Jude” and Rocky got named after, “Rocky Raccoon” because, at the last minute, his and Jude’s parents decided to veto naming him Desmond because he’s a character in “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” but his name is not in the title, which was apparently a deal-breaker because of reasons

Rocky also sometimes gets playful ribbing about all things Rocky Horror, because he and Josie are ridiculous nerds, and RHPS isn’t their exclusive thing because Josie will share it with anyone who gives them half a chance to do so…… but it is still a thing that is special to Josie and Rocky, so here they are

If you ask them, Josie will tell you that they don’t believe in associating pleasure with guilt, and in their defense, they do believe in encouraging people not to feel guilty for enjoying the things that make them happy or that help them survive, because as long as those things aren’t hurting anyone — yes, that includes you, person Josie is talking to — then you have a right to be happy and a right to take care of yourself

The reality is that Josie says this to people so often because it’s something that they often struggle with themself, and even though they’re better, in some ways, than they have been in the past, there are still a lot of places where they need work

Also, Josie wouldn’t call some of the more poppy music that they like, “guilty pleasures” — especially because, if you ask them, there is no reason to feel guilty about listening to, for example, Beyoncé or Nicki Minaj

—but it is still the case that, if they were going to have a mini-reunion with some of the old goth crew friends from high school whom they don’t keep in touch with that often, Josie probably wouldn’t mention Nicki or Beyoncé, unless it was by accident or until they were sure that the old gang wasn’t going to do the judgmental goth kids thing they used to do of going, “ugh, all pop music is soulless empty bullshit for posers” and so on

Also also, there is almost no chance of them ever admitting this to most people, but…… Josie kinda loves the goth kids from South Park. Like, Josie really kinda loves them.

There’s basically no chance of them ever admitting it to most people because for one thing, it’s embarrassing to them, due to the whole South Park of everything.

For another, they’d feel the need to give someone a lengthy, tedious disclaimer about how they don’t actually watch South Park or enjoy it very much, they just know about the goth kids because one of their best friends went, “Oh my god, Josie, you have to watch this, the new Goth kid characters are so you” way back when, after the first episode with them in it aired and said friend (Rocky) was still taping new eps on VHS to watch after he got home from night classes

And…… well. Josie still wouldn’t give South Park much credit for anything else, but they do really love the goth kids, and they agree with Rocky’s, “omg it you” moment because the South Park goth kids are often eerily similar to shit that they said and did as a weird little goth kid back in high school

At one point, Rocky actually made Josie little plush dolls of the goth kids that he’d designed himself, and they are a big reason why you’re not allowed in Josie’s room until they trust you.

Other reasons include:

Josie doesn’t want most people to touch their makeup or put any of it out of order, and they keep most of it in their bedroom, on their dresser, in front of the vanity mirror that they found someone just throwing out shortly after they moved to Baltimore, even though it’s a perfectly good mirror so wtf;

some of Josie’s favorite and most personally meaningful religious and spiritual paraphernalia is in their bedroom (they keep their actual shrine to Dionysus and their, “worship workspace” in a different room at their place, but some of the more personally significant things are in their room most of the time, and they’d rather you didn’t have a chance to touch them);

Josie just tends to be an incredibly private person who places a lot of value on their personal space and having spaces that are set aside as Theirs. They were like this even before their psychic abilities kicked in and made them value even more their personal space, and ability to have a place that is set apart as Theirs Exclusively where they can go to get some distance from all the mental, emotional, and sensory overload that comes from feeling almost everyone’s feelings and hearing many of their thoughts**, to some extent or another, almost all the time;

and the few albums of old photos and framed old photos, some of which are just garden variety embarrassing like, “yes, my hair is naturally blond, here is photographic evidence from before my parents let me start dyeing it, and oh yeah, that was probably backstage after the community theatre production of Oliver! that I did in eighth grade — oh yeah, definitely that one, there’s my Artful Dodger costume and my glaringly blond hair”

but others of which are, for lack of a better term, fairly emotionally complicated for Josie. There are several different reasons why any of these photos might be kinda complicated — ranging from, “they feature Josie’s one particularly heinous ex-boyfriend who used his wealthy family’s connections to get Josie blacklisted from working in fashion after they graduated from Pratt’s School of Design” to, “they’re from the year in high school that Josie wound up having to do over because they had to spend a few months getting inpatient treatment for their eating disorder”

^: even before getting recruited to S.T.R.O.M.A., Josie got really good at finding a balance between the, “I don’t want to look pretty, I want to look otherworldly and possibly like a vampire fairy from Wonderland” style of makeup that they want to wear, and a “more professional” style that is less likely to make their clients feel uncomfortable or get them harassed — but god, do they wish that they didn’t have to strike said balance.

It wouldn’t actually make their fondness for high-quality and often expensive makeup feel like any less of a guilty pleasure, for several reasons — on one hand, their awareness of how makeup is always politically Complicated, at best; on the other, if they got to wear their makeup exactly how they want it every day, they would end up spending more money on makeup, and it would make them feel guilty because they’d feel like it’s very irresponsible and probably going to screw them over down the line because they bought makeup instead of saving the money or putting it toward something else; and on the tentacle, a whole laundry list of other reasons

—but they would still feel more comfortable with themself and more at ease with everything because they’d be presenting exactly as they want, instead of censoring their own personal gender expressions (which they’re more okay with doing when it comes to their clients because that’s a case of compromising part of their well-being in the name of [probably] helping people who need them and pay them for that help, whereas toning it down at S.T.R.O.M.A. is tedious and Josie would seriously rather not)

(They have more than once said that the degree to which they have to tone things down for S.T.R.O.M.A. makes them feel like Ned “I’m not a Satanic sex god anymore, used to be a super gothed out androgynous rock star, but is now a straitlaced and nerdy substitute teacher” Schneebly from School of Rock.

This is not a good feeling, in Josie Land. They don’t like it and they live for the weekend because, barring any major incidents that get them called in to S.T.R.O.M.A., they get to wear what the fuck they want, forego pants in favor of their favorite skirts, do their gender how the fuck they want, and wear makeup that makes them look like a vampire fairy from Wonderland)

Phobias: Josie’s biggest fear, in the immediate sense, is losing control of their psychic abilities and ending up hurting people and/or destroying themself somehow.

Underlying that, they have a bigger and more further-reaching fear of being out of control of themself and their own actions, in general.

They’re simultaneously afraid of crowds (largely because they can get really overwhelming for Josie, really fast), and afraid of isolation, which ends up making them a lot like the sort of cat who goes all like, “cuddle me cuddle me cuddle me please please please i need love and affection… no wait, fuck you, this is stifling me and i need to get out of here… wait shit i’m lonely someone please love me… no, not you, you fucking suck… why am i so lonely, why won’t anyone pay attention to me… and so and so forth ad nauseam”

That said, when I was doing Pottermore quizzes for my kids because that is the sort of thing I find both fun and useful, Josie’s picked, “Isolation” for the, “Which is your greatest fear” question on the wand quiz

They picked, “An eye at the keyhole of the dark, windowless room in which you are locked” for the, “Which nightmare would frighten you most” question on the Sorting Hat quiz

Other miscellaneous fears and squicks: Worms, eels, and anything like that (but snakes are okay, snakes are great).

The possibility of never finding love (which they know is kind of ridiculous, because they do have a lot of love in their life… but Josie does want to be with someone romantically, and all their miscellaneous issues with their blood family aside, it’s weird and kind of disheartening for them that most of their cousins have gotten married or settled down with someone, so yeah, Josie knows that this fear is based on a lot of ideas that they generally don’t like and don’t want to live by, but still.

They’re 35, their closest friends both have longstanding romantic relationships, they’re one of the few cousins left who doesn’t have a plus-one to bring to the next family wedding, and they want a romantic relationship, so being perpetually reminded that they’re not in one kicks them in the larger fear that there is something about them that is just fundamentally unlovable, so they might end up being forever alone).

What They Would Be Famous For: Realistically? Probably how they’re going to start a new superhero team with Lucy, Pete, and Sebastian — later accumulating others — and how they’re all going to kinda stumble into trying to foil some other mutants who also happen to be neo-fascist supervillains. But had Josie’s one ex, Danny, not effectively gotten them blacklisted from working in fashion, Josie might well have made a pretty big name for themself there.

They used to joke about being famous for going on Project Runway and winning, but… this started after they’d already gotten onto the path that led them to therapeutic practice, and seen that they had the potential to do a lot of good in the world by continuing on that path, so the chances of them actually doing the Project Runway thing were almost nothing

What They Would Get Arrested For: While they haven’t technically been arrested before, Josie could have been arrested for illegally overstepping the bounds of what their particular level of metahuman license allowed them to do, and if they get arrested in the future, it is almost definitely going to be for something like protesting or some trumped up nonsense charges that actually boil down to, “getting on the wrong side of neo-fascist supervillains who have wealth and connections and political power.”

OCs You Ship Them With:

Romantically: Pete is my favorite here, but: 1. I’m also going to make them work for it, because they would be good for each other, but it wouldn’t just happen super-easily for several reasons, both about the two of them individually and about how they get on together;

and 2. I’d also dig shipping Josie with Seb, Stephen, Vince, Sylvia, Izzy, Raphael, and Cynthia — though tbh, I like non-romantic Seb/Josie better than romantic Seb/Josie

Platonically: As mentioned, Jude, Rocky, and Sebastian. Aside from them, Margot, Lucy, and Sara Grace (who are all ruled out as romantic options by the three of them being lesbians), and Josie being genderfluid, yes, but not identifying with womanhood enough for them to consider romantically pursuing someone who identifies as a lesbian. Todd (who I kind of feel bad for, because he’s sort of the loser in love so far, but otoh, that’s partially his own damn fault and he has a lot of growing to do before I’m letting him have a romantic relationship that actually lasts). Yael and Elizabeth. Really, everyone on the romantic list is a good platonic relationship, too.

“this is not a ship that i condone but i find their relationship interesting, and exploring Not Good relationships is Important to me”: Julian, who actually hasn’t met Josie yet, and won’t for a while, and their relationship will be…… tricky, in a lot of ways, many of which have something to do with how Julian is a huge tool who has a charming tendency to take his own self-loathing and insecurity out on everyone else while acting campy and making sarcastic quips as though this makes his behaviors totally okay.

Pretty much everything about Julian makes him someone who would make Josie say, “the Lord is testing me”

(only for someone — probably Lucy — to go, “But you’re not Christian” and get told either, “I was raised as one, maybe Jesus’s Dad is still grumpy that I found someone who’s better for me. Anyway, you know what I meant, right?”

or, “Fine. The Almighty Thundering Zeus, lord of the heavens and king of Olympus and He Who Was Cheating On His Wife With Everyone Ever Before It Was Cool, is testing me. There. Does that version make you happy?”)

But, yeah. Julian would make Josie go, “someone is testing me” because so much of who and what he is makes Josie want to help him, but so much of what he does makes Josie want to punch him

(an impulse that Josie largely won’t be acting on because, unfortunately for them:

1. they did not get any super-strength kinds of mutations and in an RPG, Strength would be one of their lowest stats;

and 2. first, they need to learn how to throw a punch without hurting themself more than the other person.

Punching neo-fascists isn’t their strong suit. They can let Seb and Lucy do the actual punching.

And Pete, even though Pete really shouldn’t because Pete also doesn’t know how to throw a punch without hurting himself more than the other person, so Josie is more likely to try and stop him from punching a neo-fascist supervillain in the face.

Not that Josie will always succeed in that, but… well. They and their teammates are all only human.)

Anyway, uh. Josie/Julian isn’t a ship that I’d personally want to see as the endgame of anything, ever, but I find their dynamic and the potential interactions between them interesting, and they’re something I’m looking forward to playing around with more, when it’s their time

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Conrad will kinda want to, because he finds Josie’s sense of ethics to be, “tedious and outdated,” but ultimately, he wouldn’t go through with it because Josie’s creativity would intrigue him too much.

Senator Huntington would also want Josie to die, but he wouldn’t do any of the actual murdering because he doesn’t do his own dirty work.

All things considered, Edward and Desmond are probably going to end up with the job, “Go kill the weird effete one who looks like some kind of vampire fairy from Wonderland” because everyone else is busy, and they will fail at it, because that’s kind of what they do.

They are Those Two Bad Guys, and they kind of suck at almost everything that they try to do.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Fantasy, vampire trash, psychological thrillers, magical girl everything, and horror (pretty much all kinds of horror, though Josie’s most fond of monster horror, anything with revenge-y themes, and religious or cosmic horror. They will probably tell you, “The weirder and more pointlessly, aesthetically symbolic, the better”).

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Josie would tell you that it’s how much romanticized abuse there is in paranormal romance, and to be fair, they do hate that…… but they still read it or watch it and get invested in these fictional relationships, even without necessarily coming up with a counter-reading of the text’s opinion, beyond, “this relationship is abusive even if the author doesn’t get that”

Which, to be fair, doesn’t mean that they don’t hate the prevalence of romanticized intimate partner abuse, just that it’s an, “I hate this thing” where they still engage with it, and not just because there aren’t always a lot of options without it

(Horror flicks that demonize and stigmatize mental illness are a thing where Josie doesn’t like the thing, but suffers through them because there aren’t a lot of other options otherwise)

But one trope that will make them, “nope” out…… uh.

Josie is really sensitive about The Uncanny Valley, and while they may not fully, “nope” out of things over it, they need to take more time than most people to prep themselves for seeing it and recover after seeing it

Also, not a trope, but Shia LaBeouf will make Josie “nope” out of anything. They have no rational reason for disliking Shia LeBouf, so much as he Just Irrationally Bugs Them, but they will “nope” out of things if he’s involved

Talents and/or Powers: Okay, so, a lot of Josie’s actual superpowers are discussed elsewhere, especially in the footnotes, so let’s talk about their other, non-mutant superpowers. They can sew. Even without having been actively designing anything for a while, they can still pull out a good design and they are capable of following a pattern pretty well. They know their limits fairly well, and better than pretty much everyone in the main team (this doesn’t mean that they always). And it’s almost 4 AM, so this answer is getting cut short by, “I am tired and I want to sleep” (and the next two answers will suck for the same reason)

Why Someone Might Love Them: Josie is creative and curious and once you get them to warm up, calm down, and stop worrying so much about anything, they’re a complete dork who, among other things, gives people, “C’thulhu kisses” (done by sticking your hands in front of your mouth and wiggling your fingers like tentacles, and maybe making a silly noise and saying, “C’thulhu kisses!” like you’re Sailor Moon shouting her transformation phrase). They have a pretty good sense of humor about themself, outside of their precious few no go areas. Josie is compassionate and they do genuinely want the best for most people, even people they don’t personally like very much. They try to be patient with people, even when they really don’t want to be, and even if they don’t always know what the best option is, they still try to actually do things and choose the best option for creating positive change.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Their cycle of indecisiveness that leads to recklessness that leads to self-punishing thoughts and behaviors that leads to more indecisiveness, and rinse lather repeat. Their tendency to be really judgmental, even while acknowledging that being judgmental is something that, in their experience, causes more harm than good, and that they want to avoid more often. The way that they can lapse into talking like a high school goth kid who’s up-talking the superiority of goth subculture and doesn’t realize that they sound like an elitist, conformist prick, just like the people they’re complaining about allegedly do.

How They Change: Well, for one thing, Josie has some things to learn about how they relate to people and manage their relationships — which doesn’t necessarily make them special because this is just kind of a Thing for most of my main characters in one way or another. Josie’s specific issue wrt relating to other people has to do with their reluctance to trust people and open up and try to build any new relationships, which has often led to them practicing a sort of interpersonal-level isolationism that has hurt them and other people.

They also have something to learn about managing the façade(s) that they present to the world, much like how Seb has to learn something about his habit of acting like everything is okay while he’s suffering and thinking anyone believes him anymore because he doesn’t want to deal with his problems

and like how Pete has to learn about how…… yeah, okay, he is genuinely angry about a lot of things — some of them fair and really more, “righteous indignation” than anything else, and some of them less fair — but a lot of how he acts that anger out in the world is not actually as truthful as Pete feels like it is, but more a way of keeping people at arm’s length, testing them and testing his relationships with them, and trying to push them away before they can get the chance to hurt him

In Josie’s case, their façade(s) are a bit different because most of them came into being less because of an emotional choice on Josie’s part — e.g., Seb doesn’t want to deal with his problems because they’re painful and terrifying and they feel like they’re too big to handle — and more out of pragmatic decisions

……but then Josie came to rely on them in contexts other than the ones in which they were originally created, and balancing that many different versions of yourself is stressful as fuck-all, especially for someone who already has to do a lot of work to keep reminding themself of where their personal boundaries are, and Josie hides in their different façades every bit as much as every other character who has one, and largely only gets away with that because most people in their life don’t know them well enough to notice this, and their façades do still have pragmatic value, so most people who do notice don’t say shit about shit

Then, there’s Josie’s relationship to time, which

I’m going to explain this really badly now, because it’s 3:33 and I’m tired, but basically, I see Seb, Josie, and Lucy as complementing each other in how they relate to and orient themselves in time, and the negative side-effects that they create for themselves because of these behaviors

On one hand, Seb is way too prone to being stuck in the past. He clings to it too much — but also has a selective relationship with it, where people he cares about get forgiven too easily and Seb tries to deny that he still feels upset about anything (even when basically everyone around him knows that he does feel upset and is just trying not to deal with it), while Seb forgives himself for nothing and defines himself so much by all of his past mistakes

—and he goes past the point of, “honoring and respecting history, such as by not ignoring times when he did fuck up (of which there are many)” to, “actively impeding his own progress in life because, for example, he keeps trying the same shit over and over and over again, even though it literally never works, because it’s what he did before.” Plus, some of his ideas about the past are distorted by various factors, or missing entirely (most often due to intoxicated blackouts and/or head trauma that would have had more disastrous effects on him if not for his mutant healing factor), or otherwise unreliable, so that’s a problem.

On the other hand, Lucy is future-oriented and totally jazzed up about trying new things and meeting new challenges head on and doing things!! also STUFF!!!!! there is an entire world full of THINGS AND STUFF AND BY GOD, LUCY IS GOING TO DO ALL OF IT OR AT LEAST AS MUCH OF IT AS SHE POSSIBLY CAN AND THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BETTER SO HELP HER GOD OR JESUS OR SATAN OR WHOEVER EXCELSIOR YAH YAH YAH!!!!

……which is great and all, but she charges headlong into shit without an actual plan (seriously, most of her plans follow the good old, “step one: do this thing / step two: ………… / step three: PROFIT!” formula), and she’s a case of someone who is averse to learning from history at all because she doesn’t want to be shackled to it, but having no sense of history can be just as bad as being overly chained to it like Sebastian, and… well. You can try to outrun the past like she does, but it doesn’t tend to work out very well, and it’s not going to work for Lucy either

On the tentacle, we have Josie, who ostensibly has a balance between the past and the future orientations that we see in Seb and Lucy, because Josie’s primary focus tends to lie on the present, and at most, the very near future or very recent past

—but that’s not actually a balance like Josie wants to believe, because (among other things), it makes it very easy for Josie to ignore past lessons that are older than maybe the past two or three months; and it means that while Josie can see all kinds of potential consequences, their ability to predict what they could be gets a lot less reliable as you go further into the future; and it means that Josie has trouble actually putting together a longer-term plan, which is part of their problem with wanting to create positive change in the world but not knowing how

Josie also has a tougher road (imltho) to go on about finding a new and better balance here, because their focus on the present is something they learned in recovery, as part of learning about mindfulness, and it does help them sometimes — but on that personal level, Josie’s presentist focus can also hurt them because, even when they notice certain behaviors in themself that could get Bad For Them, they can also overlook some of these budding patterns because they’re not Obviously Bad Enough to feel like a major concern, or they look different from other past manifestations of Josie’s behavior patterns so Josie doesn’t think they need to worry about these behaviors, and so on

I’m mean to my characters and I’m going to make them work to be happy, but they will all be happy, eventually

Uh. Barring most of the villains, because letting the neo-fascist assholes win in the end would be a complete downer that would probably end up undermining a lot of the whole, “just because the world is a crapsack hellhole doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way or that we should give up on it” idea

Why You Love Them: Okay, so, this needs a bit of a story.

See, Josie is a retooled character from an old RP that I was in way, way back. I loved them a lot, and they weren’t entirely wrong for the game — they had a good run in their first incarnation — but they also weren’t entirely right for it, and they kind of floundered a bit because I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with them.

A large part of this was due to how Josie was a senior at their school and, because of the year they did over, they were itching to get out and go to college, and the closest they got to an actual arc was how they didn’t want to leave behind their ex-boyfriend turned best friend (who was in the class below them), but did want to go to college already and get to the rest of their life

and how they had some trouble with accepting said best friend’s new boyfriend when Josie really wanted to be compassionate, because New Boyfriend was mentally ill and dealing with some trauma and Josie sympathized and wanted him to be well because why the Hell would you wish for someone to be *UN*well jfc — but also had trouble with that because New Boyfriend was sometimes aware of how some of his actions affected other people, but sometimes not, but sometimes he was and did the stupid things anyway, and even in working on his problems, he made the mistake that a lot of people do where they focus on getting well as defined by and in order to please the people around them, rather than doing it for themselves

—all of which Josie was sympathetic to in a big way, having been in some similar places before themself…… but they had a hard time always being as compassionate as they wanted to be because New Boyfriend’s actions had been hurting Best Friend, and even knowing that this wasn’t entirely something that New Boyfriend could be entirely blamed for (for several reasons), Josie still had a hard time trying to overlook the, “this lovable weirdo is my friend, my best friend, and even though we aren’t together anymore, I love him, and you hurt him, so yeah, I’m kinda mad at you for that” thing

And this all goes back to why I love Josie because one thing that they’ve kept in a big way, in getting retooled and updated and worked into my dumb little stories about neurodivergent and/or mentally ill LGBTQ mutant superheroes (and Pete, who is not actually a mutant but is neurodivergent, gay, an abuse survivor, and a superhero and I will fight anyone who says otherwise)

(I mean, ffs. Batman doesn’t have any mutant superpowers, and Iron Man wouldn’t have any actual superpowers without his ridiculous power-armor and, depending on the continuities, his arc reactors. So, no, I don’t think that Pete needs to have literal superpowers to count as a superhero — but that’s beside the point and to be fair, I will admit to being biased because I love Pete more than George RR Martin loves Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister)

Anyway. As I was saying.

One thing that Josie has kept in a big way is that ongoing fight with themself over two equally powerful impulses or reactions to things or desires — like their, “I want affections and I want to be around people…… okay no this is overwhelming and I don’t actually like these people fuck this I want to be alone…… oh but being alone sucks and now I’m lonely, I want to be where the people are, let’s go to the movies…… oh my god why did we go see the new Star Wars while it’s still a relatively recent release, I barely remember anything about the actual movie, I was too overwhelmed by the feelings of everyone else in that completely packed theatre… and so on” relationship with other people and being around them or not

Or like their big struggle in the first book of wanting to help people and create positive change in the world, but not being able to do too terribly much on their own for a lot of reasons (some of which are about Josie personally, and some of which are about the whole Lone Superhero thing be a lot of hot fucking nonsense that is fundamentally unsustainable), but not having an official team to belong to because although they work for S.T.R.O.M.A., they don’t like S.T.R.O.M.A., and while they are part of the extended Wardens family, they’re not a fully-fledged Warden and so much of the Wardens’ everything is based around Yael and Elizabeth’s school, so being one and not being up in Poughkeepsie would be weird and mean you end up missing out on a lot and, in Josie’s case, end up feeling like an outsider even when you’re surrounded by people who, for the most part, love you and accept you exactly as you are, but also not entirely doing everything they can to find a team because, in fairness, it can be really difficult to do that even if you don’t work for the U.S. government……

Basically, I love Josie because I love making my characters deal with internal conflict, and while all of them have a lot of it, I’m really fond of Josie’s particular brand of, “self-reflective, doing things but not things that add up to bigger things in the ways that Josie wants, trying to remedy that but it’s hard, not sure what to do or if going after these new possibilities and new ideas will make things worse, getting fed up with themself and needing to try something, but but but five million different elements all converging on each other but but but” internal conflict

And I’m really fond of it in Josie’s case because Josie is savvy enough to know that they can’t fall into the same, “do fuck-all nothing about anything until the last possible minute” trap, but their frustration is less about, “I can’t do anything” and more about, “but what do the things that I do actually mean, who am I helping, am I actually helping them or not, how can I do things that create more significant positive changes or is there a way to do that at all”

And, well. There is, Josie, but it requires you to trust some new people, bond with some new people, build relationships with them and work on maintaining said relationships, find strength in numbers, and learn more about loving and letting people love you back because one of your biggest problems in your previous relationships has been that you don’t open up — not, “you open up slowly” but, “you don’t open up with most people, period, despite knowing that this is not a sustainable way of doing things” — so yeah I’d say you need to learn about that, and learn to stop being such a lone wolf because do you know what generally happens to lone wolves? Either they find a pack somehow, or they die (without making any kind of positive changes in the world around them, relative to the size and interests of, y’know, wolves).

……Because I’m a lonely and bitter and it makes my half-dead little heart happy to make my characters find more strength together than they do apart and learn to love and be loved in return without it coming off as one-sided, like it can do in a lot of takes on that trope that are aimed at children, because…… uh, last I checked, the whole point of a relationship is that it is not exclusively about one person’s needs or desires???

Also, Josie is a compassionate but grumpy grown up goth kid who is trying to be a good person, and doing a better job than a lot of other characters, but definitely has a problem with their judgmental tendencies and how they sometimes externalize them and get super-judgmental of others, because on some level, their mind is like, “fuck, can i get a break from always punishing myself over here, jfc” and I don’t know, it’s almost 4AM and I have lost track of how long I’ve been writing this

Josie’s a nerd and a cat who can’t make up their mind about whether they want to be outside chasing butterflies or inside sitting on your keyboard so that you have to pay attention to them and not your computer and idk, I love them, the end

(except for the footnotes oops)

*: Special Taskforce for the Regulation and Oversight of Metahuman Affairs — or in plain-speak, the FBI’s wing of people who get involved in all of the shiny, extralegal superpowered mutant hijinks.

They have a pretty good working relationship with their counterparts at the Department of Health and Human Services (who actually end up handling most mutant affairs, because this world treats the question of super-powered mutant licensing as more equivalent to getting a driver’s license, and frankly, most mutants in the U.S. just want to go about their lives in peace — like, go to college, get a job, go on dates, come home and watch the Daily Show, and not be bothered about or make trouble for anyone else with the weird superpowers that most of them did not want or ask for — so there’s rarely any actual reason for the FBI to go stick their noses into anything, and there are plenty of cases where they get called in, only to find that they aren’t actually needed after all), but… yeah.

S.T.R.O.M.A. is a faction of people who exist. Josie works for them, for all they would really rather not. Unfortunately for Josie, particularly powerful metahumans tend to wind up on a lot of S.T.R.O.M.A. watch-lists, and they are more likely to do so when they have powers that the people at the FBI consider particularly useful or desirable — for example, telepathy and hyper-empathy, in Josie’s case. For the most part, these watch-lists don’t actually amount to anything because they don’t end up being relevant to most of the cases that S.T.R.O.M.A. has to deal with.

—but then you can have situations like Josie’s, where they were one of many mutants who got in a brief spot of trouble over genuine confusion surrounding a new bill that had just gone through Congress and revised some of the definitions of and privileges associated with/afforded to people at the different levels of metahuman licenses. (Since this is still America and we’re still talking about the FBI, there are also plenty of even worse potential outcomes for people who end up on their miscellaneous mutant watchlists — which is one of the big points that gets brought up by people who either want to reform or do away with the whole metahuman licensing thing — but in fairness to most people, they don’t know the full specifics.)

Anyway, Josie got in trouble because they are an actual therapist and, although they prefer not to use their powers with clients and extensively brief anyone who asks about trying that approach (about the potential benefits vs. potential risks, all the drawbacks, all the potential unintended consequences, etc.) while offering them plenty of chances to change their mind and go, “okay, let’s not do this,” they do still let their clients know that they’re a telepath/empath and that they can use their powers in a therapeutic context but it’s not the best thing to try as a first approach

Which is all great, except that Josie had been assured that they wouldn’t need to get a different kind of license to continue doing this, after that bill passed… except that they did. And this probably would’ve continued with no actual interference from anybody because Josie is hyper-responsible about using their powers with clients, about keeping up on all of the latest research and debates about therapeutic uses for psychic abilities and the ethical issues surrounding this, and so on…… except that one of their clients was a teenager who needed parental consent to go through with this, and one of their parents worked for S.T.R.O.M.A.

Relevant piece of context: Josie was absolutely not the only mutant who’d had some confusion over the revised licensing scheme. Josie wasn’t even the only mutant in the greater Baltimore area who had similar confusion on this issue.

But Josie was one of the only ones who was already on S.T.R.O.M.A.’s radar when they got in trouble, partly by virtue of being a “telempath,” partly by virtue of having trained with Dr. Elizabeth Woodham (who is: one of the most powerful telepaths in the entire world; a respected professor, activist, and philanthropist; one of the first mutants in the States to register for one of the early, “superhero licenses” [not their official name, but that’s the gist of what they are]; and with her wife, Dr. Yael Lehrer, one of the co-founders of the Wardens and co-headmistresses of one of the most respected schools for mutants in North America), and partly by virtue of having a lot of (mostly untapped) potential power.

And, see, one of S.T.R.O.M.A.’s problems is that it is perpetually under-staffed, in all areas but especially in terms of mutants who work for them, and moreover, mutants who will actually do fieldwork (like, Pete’s cousin Emerson is a mutant and he does work for S.T.R.O.M.A., but he’s lower on the powers scale than most of their employees who do active fieldwork, and he has no desire to do fieldwork when he could do lab-work instead). There are a lot of reasons for this problem of staffing, but one of the more noticeable end-results is that S.T.R.O.M.A. can be somewhat unethical in some of their recruitment bids. Like, yes, sometimes, you just get a visit from Some Guy Who Is Totally Not Nick Fury, who offers you a chance to be a part of something bigger than yourself and to use your abilities to help people

Other times, you get treated to a few hours of what S.T.R.O.M.A. sees and treats as the interview portion of applying for a Very Important Position somewhere, except that they don’t tell you that this is what they’re doing and they use “interview” (read: interrogation) techniques that people in law enforcement usually save for wrangling confessions out of suspects.

It will not look like it, but they are actually trying to figure out some specific things about you, including but not limited to: how you handle high-stress and high-pressure situations (like, for example, being accused of using your powers for any extralegal vigilantism, and maybe knowing things about [the biggest mutant-related news of the day] that they don’t; being threatened with a trip to one of the U.S. prisons designed to hold mutants; etc.); various details about your backstory and who you are as a person and what your biggest Deals are (i.e., getting you to help them run a damn background check on yourself); and how in control of your powers you are (since they trust the DHHS evaluations, but prefer to supplement them with firsthand evidence).

Then, once they’ve figured out what they want to know, you might very well be offered something to the tune of, “Alright, this is your first offense, and based on your dossier and this interview, we think that you could be an asset to S.T.R.O.M.A., if you wanted. If you like the sound of working for us, at least as an analyst or consultant if not a fully-fledged special agent, then we can make all of this legal trouble just go away. If you don’t like the sound of that, then……… well… *deliberately trails off to let you draw your own conclusions while still staying within the letter of the law, because hey, they didn’t actually tell you that you’d for sure end up getting prosecuted and going to prison*”

So…… yeah. S.T.R.O.M.A. and Ethics are not always on speaking terms.

Add this recruitment story to Josie’s frustrations with how metahuman employees at S.T.R.O.M.A. tend to get treated — e.g., they, themself, are often trotted out to go liaise with different media outlets as a public face of Mutants Who Work Here, Look We’re Trying Our Best So You Should All Just Totally Cooperate With Us, but they’re discouraged from voicing any of their own opinions and advised to just stick to these Bureau-approved talking points — and at having to be closeted and fairly masc-presenting at work because S.T.R.O.M.A. thinks they’re a cis man, and…… yeah, uh.

“Josie would really, really rather not work here” is an understatement af… but they continue working here anyway because: 1. as a consultant, they can still usually balance things enough to keep working as a therapist;

and 2. Josie wants so badly to help people, and for all S.T.R.O.M.A. is highly unethical (sometimes) and part of the goddamn FBI, most of the people who work there also want to help people and use their work to create positive changes in the world — and it’s not an unfair observation that, on their own, there really isn’t much that Josie can do (because the idea of the solo superhero who works alone… isn’t sustainable, like??

Aside from the political and ideological issues with that whole aspect of superhero mythology, it’s not actually feasible for one person, working on their own, to create any positive change. It would be massively unhealthy for them, there’s only so much they can do as one person, there are no actual safeguards in place if they ever get corrupted, and as multiple deconstructions of the genre have shown, it’s really easy for a classic lone vigilante model superhero to slide into a mindset like Rorschach’s — which is full of hypocrisy, double standards, misogyny and homophobia and ableism, and total moral absolutism that simultaneously allows no room for compassion and keeps Rorschach from being able to appreciate the big picture outside of his little myopic Objectivst bubble — or Frank Miller!Batman, who is often only a step or two off from actual fascism, but we probably won’t call it that because he’s wearing the Batman suit).

At this point, Josie has even had it all but confirmed that the agents who came to recruit them definitely “avoided certain truths to manipulate them” on purpose, so they’re reasonably certain that they could probably leave S.T.R.O.M.A without having their previous step out of bounds dredged up and handed to a D.A. who’d be pressured to prosecute them for it…… but they want to help people, and S.T.R.O.M.A. is one of the only options that they can currently see where they get to help anyone.

So, here they are. Working in a position that they’re not a fan of, looking at the motivational posters of gothed out kittens that one of their best friends drew for them, and trying to take, “hang in there!” kitty’s advice and tough it out at S.T.R.O.M.A. for the sake of doing some good in the world.

**: This mostly happens if Josie doesn’t have the energy enough or keep focus enough to keep their mental walls up — which they are usually very diligent about because on one hand, hearing other people’s thoughts kind of sucks actually (Josie would definitely agree with the sentiment that, a lot of the time, being a telepath is like having a youtube comments section screaming at you in your head)

—and on the other, um, hello, telepathy can, in the wrong hands, become a walking violation of civil liberties. Like, if you ask Josie, telepathy has a lot in common with wiretapping, though they consider it potentially even more dangerous than that, because it’s harder to prove that telepathy has been involved in something, since:

1. yes, the traces of telepathy can show up on a CAT scan or an MRI of the brain, but you’d need a neurologist who is well-trained, very attentive, and up to date on as much of the current research into telepathy as possible — or hey, a team of neurologists might not be a bad idea, if you can get them all, because one neurologist might miss something

—but otoh, the traces of telepathy can sometimes also be mistaken as signs of something else, especially if someone is neurodivergent and/or mentally ill, has suffered any serious and/or recent head injuries, has a history of substance abuse, is sleep-deprived at the time of the tests, may actually have something else going on in their brain in addition to the traces of telepathy

Seriously, just about anything that affects the brain can make it harder to tell whether or not someone’s been hit with telepathy

Plus: telepathic abilities are sort of mid-level common among mutants, and some mutants use them without even realizing it because their powers haven’t manifested in ways that are for sure Outside Three Standard Deviations From The Non-Mutant Human Mean, so some minor telepathic scarring is common, even in people who haven’t been hit by something as awful as, say, memory modification, or having someone go in and pick around in their brain like they’re flipping through an issue of Us Weekly

—and without a keen, well-trained eye, it can be really hard to tell those types of telepathic scarring apart

2. some of the traces of telepathy are more subjective, and while they might show up on a brain scan, the best evidence of them will come from the people who’ve been hit with the telepathic whatever

—but that’s going to be a problem because, in a lot of cases, they won’t have any memory of it, or they’ll have a false memory of it, and there’s no guarantee that further telepathic probing will be able to help here, and it could just make things worse. Plus, there’s no guarantee that the people who’ve been hit will actually be aware that what they’re experiencing is related to telepathy.

This is especially true with experienced, exceptionally powerful, and/or highly meticulous telepaths, because some of them can dick around in people’s heads and leave barely any trace that they were there

Like, for an example of what a more subjective trace might look like: Conrad is a telepath, and unlike Josie, he doesn’t really care about ethics or the rights of most other people. About ten years before the story actually starts, he took an interest in his new brother-in-law’s youngest brother (Sebastian), because he could sense something in Seb — he didn’t know what it was, exactly, but it was definitely a something — that made him go, “huh, maybe this emotionally troubled nearly twenty-year-old boy is also a mutant”

(I mean, he’s not wrong. And the something that he got a sense of back then is the part of Seb that he’s eventually going to call, “La Bête,” because if he’s going to go for the superhero thing and need a codename, then, “Gévaudan” makes sense to him because his family is insistently French [despite not having lived in France since about 1781, apart from one ancestral namesake of Seb’s who stayed in Paris for their Revolution (and Severin Sebastien Moncrieff was a confirmed bachelor, so he left behind a partner but no heirs), well before La Bête du Gévaudan was a Thing, and despite not being from the region of France where that happened] and hey, he can apparently turn into a giant wolf-man, now

—and if he’s calling himself, “Gévaudan,” then, “La Bête” is just thematically consistent. But that’s beside the point.)

Anyway: Conrad wasn’t new to his powers ten years ago, but he was much more reckless with them — especially when he believed that he was absolutely right and would stop at nothing to prove it — and he had less finesse in using them.

So, he left behind plenty of traces when he decided to use his little sister’s wedding reception as a chance to go telepathically play around with Seb, trying to either figure out if his new brother-in-law’s little brother actually was a mutant, or maybe triggering his powers into fully manifesting (plus plying him with alcohol and adding rohypnol to the mix based on the notion that either it wouldn’t affect Seb because he’s a mutant, or if not that, then it’d trigger his abilities into manifesting).

The underlying logic of the rohypnol idea was actually not wrong, because toxin filtering is one of the more common mutant abilities you find in the States (and it happens to be one that Seb has), and some mutants have had their powers manifest in response to poisoning, drugging, exposure to carbon monoxide or other toxic fumes, and even being given antibiotics or certain medications

The idea was still morally wrong and ethically skeevy, but the mutant-related logic actually did work. Where Conrad went wrong on that count was that he overly simplified the situation, only looked for two potential reactions, and didn’t know what to make of how Seb was affected by the rohypnol but not nearly as badly as he should’ve been, so he went, “Was he affected or not?? I don’t know????”

[Here is where I cut a whole big tangent explaining that whole story, but it got way, way off the point, so.]

Anyway, the gist of the story is that Conrad is the only person who consciously remembers everything that happened, since most of the people who cared about it were not present for the encounter itself, and Conrad screwed around with Seb’s memories, both telepathically and not.

Like, Seb has more memories of it than he would if he weren’t a mutant, considering that he got dosed with rohypnol, but he also has false memories about some of what happened, and Conrad repressed Seb’s memories of certain events (like how many times he tried to break away from Conrad, or turn down the offer of another drink, because he’d promised his big brother that he wouldn’t get drunk and make a scene at Max’s wedding or the reception, and it was important to him to honor that promise)

Fortunately for Conrad, Seb is not one of the mutants who has an increased resistance to psychic attacks — largely because, contrary to what Conrad thought until about two years before the story starts, someone’s ability to resist to psychic attacks has nothing to do with whether or not they’re a mutant (aside from some special cases where someone has a resistance to any psychic attacks that falls outside three standard deviations of the non-mutant human mean)

—so, despite the feelings he sometimes gets that something about those memories might be wrong, Seb totally believes that they’re real and he doesn’t notice any of the incongruities unless someone points them out, which almost no one has any reason to do because there isn’t usually a reason for Seb to talk at length about the details of this particular incident that happened almost ten years ago

(there would be, if he ever brought it up in therapy or at AA and/or NA, or dwelled on it when he did, but that has yet to actually happen)

Unfortunately for Conrad, he did a sloppy job of this, and while it would be hard for a neurologist to tell the physical signs of his telepathic probing apart from the other brain damage that Seb’s accrued, the hardest thing for most other telepaths would be trying to find the right memories. The crap-shoot nature of telepathically digging through someone else’s mind is one of the many reasons why Josie doesn’t like using their powers as a first approach in therapy, because you can never guarantee with any reliable certainty that you’ll get at the parts of someone’s mind that you want

—but if someone did get to Seb’s memories of this incident, it would be really obvious to them that they’ve been modified. Like, images might be blurred around the edges, it might glitch like a video or audio track that’s skipping, the voices might get distorted, the colors might look wonky, and so on. Prodding a bit more would also be able to undo Conrad’s memory-blocks without doing too much damage to Seb’s brain (not so much on an emotional and psychological level, but the damage there would be more like the painful truth that hurts now but leads to something better)

Anyway, it’s much harder to get proof of this nature when you’re dealing with more skillful, more attentive, more powerful, etc. telepaths, because they aren’t as messy as Conrad was with Seb

and 3. Wiretapping operations usually involve more people, which doesn’t make them ethical or necessarily justified, but it does mean that they’re easier to find evidence of because there are more folks who can spill the beans and point you to it. Telepathy only needs two people to happen, and one may not even be aware of what’s going on, depending on how sensitive they are and whether or not they’re dealing with an ethical telepath

For example: while not metahuman levels of resistant to psychic attacks, Pete is exceptionally sensitive to them and he’s naturally better at resisting them than some people, so if someone wanted to paw through his mind, he has a better chance of recognizing that he’s being telepathically invaded and getting them out

Sebastian, on the other hand, is Bad at recognizing and resisting psychic probing. Unethical telepaths have an easier time of getting through him because at his best, if he isn’t told in advance, then he feels ill at ease, inexplicably anxious (not that it means much, because he tends to attribute that to his shitty mental health), kind of nauseated, and maybe like he’s being spied on. At worst, he doesn’t even notice.

So, basically, Josie considers it a moral and ethical responsibility on their part to do everything they can to not inadvertently spy on people, because there is already so much about telepathy that can go really bad and poses a lot of ethical problems — but they are only human, and there are a lot of ways for someone’s mental walls to come down or reasons why they would.

Letting their empathic walls down usually makes it easier for Josie to focus on keeping up the telepathic walls, since the empathic ones are a lot harder for them to keep up, but it’s only a temporary thing because if Josie takes those walls down, they open themself up to a looooooot of potential overwhelm from outside influence, and there’s always the option to find a balance between the empathic walls and telepathic ones, but sometimes, it’s easier said than done.

Josie is usually too hard on themself for it when any slip-ups on their part happen, even knowing that every other telepath and every other empath has moments like this and even if they got too overwhelmed to actually remember anything and/or heard nothing.

It’s such a big deal to them because the potential for psychic abilities to violate other people — and especially the potential to manipulate people and compromise or outright remove their agency — is something that Josie never wanted. They went into counseling as a profession, after their original plan of going into fashion went up in smoke, but part of it, for them, has always been about trying to help people get their lives back, or manage them better, and so on. Granted, they knew about their telepathic and empathic abilities before they officially went into therapeutic practice, but that, for Josie, was part of how they developed their approach to being a therapist.

Furthermore, on a more personal and less professional note, Josie never wanted mutant superpowers to begin with. After having their telepathy and empathy first manifest in full, they might’ve done plenty of things that they normally wouldn’t even consider, if they thought it could take their powers away.

Partly, that was because their powers manifested toward the end of a really bad mental health downswing that ended in Josie going back to an inpatient treatment center for their eating disorder. Any of these elements on their own would’ve been bad enough, but having them all come down on them at once was Hell for Josie, and worse, trying to get well while you are in an inpatient center and can feel everyone else’s feelings, hear a lot of their thoughts, and are currently having trouble sorting out which parts are your own feelings, which parts are coming from your eating disorder, and which parts are coming from everyone else (not least because you don’t have any proof that you are feeling things or hearing thoughts that are coming from other people).

Josie eventually got help for that part because one of the therapists at the center was a metahuman and had gone to the Woodham and Lehrer School before deciding that she didn’t particularly want to be a superhero in the traditional sense. She reached out to her old teachers, and Josie got help for that while doing more intensive outpatient treatment until they got better at tuning out other people’s thoughts and feelings.

But there’s a lingering problem here that goes back to the feelings that underlie Josie’s ED. When they are at their absolute worst, Josie can be an absolute control freak, and they tend to turn it inward more than outward because they realize that taking it out on other people isn’t fair and they don’t feel good about it. Additionally, feeling other people’s feelings as intensely as they do gives Josie an additional incentive not to take their issues with control out on other people (and did even before their powers fully manifested, because they’ve always been pretty sensitive). On some level, Josie realizes that they can’t control things like how people react to them, whether or not bad things happen to good people, and so on, but that doesn’t always help because it can lead to them feeling even more of a need to crack down on controlling themself.

Having psychic powers becomes problematic for them in two big ways, here:

1. It’s unfortunately very easy for Josie to slip into overly self-punishing thought patterns if they feel like they aren’t as in control of their abilities as they, “should” be — which happens very easily because Josie’s standards for themself aren’t always realistic, and they usually aren’t the best judge of whether or not they’re being fair to themself.

It’s even more noticeable, for them, when they try to do more complex and demanding things with their powers.

This was one of the big reasons why they’ve stayed on good terms with their friends and mentors at the Lehrer and Woodham School, and among Yael and Elizabeth’s Wardens, but consistently rejected any invites to become a Warden (and then regretted that when S.T.R.O.M.A. got them instead, since Josie would much rather be one of the Wardens than working for the FBI).

Basically, Josie trusted Elizabeth’s guidance, and they really, really wanted to trust Elizabeth’s faith in them to handle their full power responsibly…… but it was hard to believe that when they already didn’t feel like they controlled their powers as much as they, “should” have been doing, and Elizabeth wanted to push them further.

For Josie, it felt like the choice came down to, “be a superhero and do more cool superhero things, at the expense of my own well-being, which means I eventually won’t be able to help anyone and could hurt more people than I help”

or, “quietly go back to training for an entirely different career than I expected, keep in touch with Elizabeth and work on honing my abilities, and maybe not get to help people in as big a way as members of the Wardens get to do, but at least, as a therapist, I will still have the ability to help people and will probably be less likely to screw that up by virtue of losing my control over my powers”

(To her credit, Elizabeth was disheartened by this, because she believes in all of her students and wants them to believe in themselves, and really wanted Josie on her team — but she’s learned that the superhero life isn’t for everybody, and that it’s not her job, as a teacher and mentor, to tell people what they should do; it’s her job to show them new approaches, teach them how to learn, help them find what paths and methods work best for them, etc.

So, disheartening as it was, she’s been nothing but supportive about Josie’s choice not to be a Warden, and compassionate about how much Josie doesn’t like working for the FBI — and without trying to turn it into some kind of, “this could be super-beneficial for us, if Josie wanted to give us any advance warning about S.T.R.O.M.A. business that might negatively affect us here” thing like Yael)

(To her credit, Yael really does believe that she’s helping when she says things like that, because she is so fundamentally a doer, rather than a thinker, feeler, planner, or anything else. She is absolutely capable of all of those things, but she has an approach to life and problems that goes, “Okay, this is a Thing and it’s a setback, but what can we do about it, how can we use this to build something even better”

—so her idea of how to help one of her and Elizabeth’s students and comrades with an unexpected and unwanted “recruitment” to S.T.R.O.M.A.… is going, “But look, see, we can still potentially make something good out of this, and just because a government agency snatched you up doesn’t mean that you have to forget your own values or let them control you, this can be a good thing if you take advantage of the right pieces and opportunities”

—for a moment of MBTI nerdery: Yael is an ENTJ (***) vs. Josie’s INFJ (***), so while she has Extroverted Thinking (Te) for a dominant cognitive function and primarily approaches the world based on how to get results, Josie’s dominant function is Introverted iNtuition (Ni), and while they have an orientation toward the future that appreciates where Yael is coming from with her drive to get results, Josie’s primary approach to the world looks less at objective things and objective results, more at patterns and theories and trying to find the, “higher purpose” or, “deeper reason” behind how stuff happens

Which, oddly enough, is part of why Josie and Yael get on so well. They can butt heads with each other, sometimes, but at the end of the day, they complement each other really well because both of them have vision and the drive to act on it, but Yael is better at actually getting shit done, and Josie is better at checking things through the processes of making them happen, finding potential problems that Yael may not have seen coming and trying to work addressing them into the fabric of her plans.

Their Feeling functions also complement each other really well: Josie is a high Feeler, with Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as their auxiliary function, which keeps them more attuned to the state of the group and all the people in it, while Yael has a very good relationship with her inferior Fi (Introverted Feeling), which enables her to better evaluate how their actions and plans are helping or hurting their causes, where their ideals fit into everything, and so on.

So, basically, Yael is better at making sure that they all remember who they are and what they stand for, both individually and as parts of the whole, while Josie is better at attending to people’s emotional needs and keeping the whole intact by caring for the individual members of it.

And because they both respect and admire each other, neither of them devalues the other’s contributions to anything — and it doesn’t matter to Yael that Josie has a badge and would have an easier time getting a gun if they weren’t really uneasy about guns; Josie’s a mutant, they’ve been one of her students, and they care about helping other mutants, so officially being part of S.T.R.O.M.A. doesn’t mean that they aren’t part of Yael’s (larger, mutant) family

—which all means a lot to Josie because, in a lot of ways, they still haven’t entirely outgrown their early experiences of being one of the weird art freaks at school (which, even for someone who wound up being part of a subculture/clique that’s all about going, “fuck you, I’m gonna do my thing and you can love it or shove it,” gave Josie some trouble because, goth of not, they’re sensitive), and they have a huge tendency to be overly harsh with themself and don’t always love themself very much, so this whole unconditional acceptance thing is a Big Deal to them

But I digress.

2. Having psychic powers also gets Problematic for Josie because, in their mind, they’ve spent so much of their life fighting their eating disorder and their overall mental health to keep control of their life, and it’s difficult, periodically degrading, often horrific, and something that they wouldn’t wish on anybody, period…… so having the power to take away someone’s ability to control their own mind? Having the power to violate someone’s agency, potentially with more or less complete impunity? That’s horrifying, and Josie doesn’t want it

One of the easiest ways to make Josie go off the handle at you is to dismiss how hard it is for them to maintain any sense of composure. Like, okay, they can handle people teasing them about some of their self-care habits because humor is how a lot of people come to be comfortable with and accept things they don’t understand at first, and how a lot of people show that they’re comfortable with you and like you.

But if you act like Josie doesn’t have to work, impossibly hard and daily, on their own well-being, because if they don’t, then they could lose control of psychic abilities and this would be Really Fucking Terrible for everyone? ……Uh.

Just don’t do that. It’s not pretty, it’s not fun, it’s mean and please, just don’t do it.

An even easier way to make Josie snap at you is to play what they call, “the Aslan card” — which means telling them that the proof that they can handle the responsibility of psychic powers, is their own fear that maybe they can’t, their awareness of and attentiveness to the ethical and moral problems attached to them having psychic powers, the fact that they’d rather not have psychic powers in the first place because it can — and often does — feel like these powers and their attendant responsibilities are too big and too potentially Terrible Forever, For Everyone

Which Josie calls, “the Aslan card” because, uh. The first time they heard it was from Elizabeth (whose heart was in the right place in saying this, but she didn’t think about how it might end up sounding to Josie), and the first thing Josie was reminded of was Aslan telling Prince Caspian that he’s ready to become the King because he doesn’t think he’s ready

It’s just…… Josie understands where this idea is coming from, and they appreciate the underlying sentiment

But, to them, it always sounds more like, “why are you upset about how hard this is for you, at least it’s happening to you and not someone who doesn’t give a fuck about ethics or how they treat other people, quit whinging and cheer the fuck up”

Which…… yes, Josie knows that this isn’t what most people mean, but it’s still pretty upsetting for them to hear because of how much it reminds them of things that they’ve told themself so many times, when they’ve been at their worst, in terms of their mental health and emotional well-being — especially the things like, “My eating disorder isn’t bad because it’s only hurting me, not anyone else, and it’s only hurting me because I’m weak”

—and yeah, okay, Josie appreciates that you’re trying to help, but they already have enough work to do on keeping themself from slipping back into the comfort of those thought patterns, so if it’s all the same, can you maybe find a different way of trying to comfort them or praise them or whatever? Please?

Thank you, they’d like that

[littlekatlizzy]

Rant about the most amazing people

Hello @missikowoman I’m choosing you as my first victim of this post since it’s your birthday today. (By the way, happy birthday) (again) I will just get straight to the point of this whole thing which is basically just me rambling about the stuff I love about you and if I don’t get to it now I’ll probabaly never finish but ANYWAYS: I love you. First things first, okay, I love you so much, holy shit alright I never guessed we would become so damn close because we were hating each other so much??? I love how a single mention of a videogame got us to the point we are at now and seriously I could never be any morehappier. You always say I’m the mom friend but then there’s you, the smol bitch that can roast anything and everyone in the blink of an eye, taking care of me like I was the child in the group. Whenever I’m feeling down you always seem to notice and immediately talk to me and try to cheer me up. When I’m sick you just randomly drop by only to fall asleep on my couch (yes I will forever remember this).We can talk about the naughtiest shit together and I never have to worry about you judging me and that is just something I’m so thankful for, regarding the shit we talked about. You give me advice. You didn’t even call me childish yesterday during the poweroutage where I almost started to cry. You’re the cutest DEAN or Wonho stan I know and whener you see Jungkook do some extra thing like he always does..I just love that dissapointed mom look you have on your face. I love how you love astrology. And that biology is pretty much your life is hella cute to me and I have no idea why, probably because you’re an adorable little nerd. I love your rage quits about your english teacher. I love how you aren’t ashamed to tell almost everyone that you’re kinda gay and that’s SO ADORABLE??? WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE??? I know it’s not much gayness but hey like I always say, you’re the cutest pan I know. (And the only one but AHEAM) Your addiction to Marvel is cute because it makes you even more of a nerd. AND THEN THIS CACTUS ADDICTION LIKE I CAN’T EVEN HAVE ALL CACTUS IN THE WORLD PLEASE! Oh and, yes. You ARE a makeup queen. You slay. You slay me. You slay @mermaiqprincess , you slay life. I love you.

Now to @mermaiqprincess yes hi okay this is awkward. We were best friends for around four years. Had a huge ass fight. Didn’t really talk for..4-5 years? But wow. Okay. We’re finding each other again. I’m still flashed by this, seriously. Please forgive me for not saying a lot about you. But I can happily and honestly say that you are fucking amazing. A cutiepie. Yes, you’re thin. You always were. But I still think you’re fucking beautiful okay bitch you better remember this. We’re not fully back, this might take a while for us to do. But I’m so happy we talked things out and that we’re talking again because it really hurt not to talk to you. Sweetheart, I love you, yeah? And I want to thank you for the amazing shit we’ve been through. And that even though we’re still at the beginning, you’re also trying to cheer me up no matter what. I love you. Thank you. You’re amazing.

@littlxravxn yes hello there. My baddest bitch out there. Fuck I love you. I know we fight a lot. I hate myself for every fight I had with you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I honestly sometimes think I dont deserve to be friends with such an amazing being like you. You’ve always been my rolemodel. In everyway. You’re so amazing at art. Skilled in english. You can sing so well. You have an amazing style. You slay at makeup. I know this is childish. But I’m always just so envious of you. You’ve gone through a lot of shit that you didn’t deserve. I wish I could have helped you. I wish I could have been a better friend during these times. I wish I would be able to let you feel the love you deserve, because it’s so much more than what I can give you. I know you’re probably wondering why I’m not answering you on whatsapp right now, but I hope once you see this you will know why. I want to thank you. I want to thank you for always taking care of me. For being able to cheer me up in ways that others don’t even think of. I want to thank you for bearing with me when I’m just rambling about stupid bullshit and probably annoy the hell out of you. I want to thank you for coming over, although you have to go such a long way. I don’t do this. And I feel awful about that. I don’t deserve you. I want to thank you for almost 8 years of being my best friend. Thank you for those times we drove away together during vacation. Thank you for falling asleep against the car seat and waking up witht the marks on your face and making me laugh. Thank you for letting me be an annoying clingy little shit, even when it get’s on your nerves. Thank you for brightening up my days. Gosh I’m about to cry right now, I just really love you so much and I hope you know this. I can’t imagine living without you anymore. You’re my sister now. I don’t want to let go of you ever in my whole life. I love you. I can’t say it enough how much I love you. You just mean so much to me and I really,really,really hope that I will be able to help you go through the future. I want to travel the world with you, like you wanted. We’ll do this together, okay? You and I. Maybe the other two girls come along as well. I just want to be close to you. I want to assure you that you mean the world to me. Lexy I really love you. My best friend and sister, I will love and worship you forever. I will always be your little clingy koala. For as long as you want me to. I love you.

Aheam, now that I’ve stopped crying..(I had to wait 5 minutes to calm down)…let’s continue with you @lazyspida Ah, yes, the bias hoe. You’re crazy, You’re good at everything. You’re so fucking smart???? How??? Teach me your ways?? Okay but like..you’ve been my best friend since seventh grade. I think I just got out of therapy at that time right? When we thought everything was over and then had that one person to fuck us up completely. Honestly, I’m still not over it. I’m amazed by your existance. You look so cool on the outside. Back then I literally thought you had no feelings? Like all you ever did was either keep a poker face or smile when talking about spongebob. I remember the time we watched that movie in german class and everyone was crying asthe sister died and you just sat in the back of the class and laughed. You’re amazing. I remember the first time I saw you cry. I thought the world was about to end. I never saw you cry. I was so fucking worried, you have no idea. I remember the latest time I saw you cry. Las year on your birthday. The surprise party we planned. You’re our baby, and the fact that you didn’t know what to do just kind of upset me. You kept talking about wanting to go out and eat but your parents wouldn’t agree..Well… you know what happened. When we were standing in front of the restaurant and took off your blindfolf..it was obvious that you didn’t really understand what was happening. But gosh, I swear, that moment you started crying inside the restaurant, I cried too. I know they were happy tears but whenever I see you cry my world just breaks into pieces (hi @missikowoman ) and I feel like I did something wrong. I’m still blaming myself for the thing you told us in the café. I swear, I didn’t mean it. Please, the next time this happens just slap me across the face. I love you so much baby I would never do this on purpose. Yes, I admit, sometimes when we meet up I leave the room for a minute or two because it’s so loud. But I love you. I would never want to end this friendship. You mean so much to me. I promise to never hurt you like this again. And if I do, you may hurt me worse. I’ll sign a contract for this. I love you Spida, don’t forget that.

We’re almost at an end. Phew.

@bts-exo-seouls . Yup. It’s you my dear. I’m a bit fucked right now. I don’t know where to start. Okay so first of all, wow. Did I already tell you how much I love the way we met? Because, damn, I really love the way we met. We should have met sooner though. Way sooner. Will you still be able to get a hotel in Germany for this year? I hope so. Oh tell your dad I said hi. Now then..aheam. Yes. Sam. Sameeksha. God your name is so cute. I’ve been practicing the pronouncing. I think I’m getting there. Sammie, the one who knows how to kill me the best. I’m so amazed by you. Wow. You’re a pro at editing, writing, make up on point. Your english is PERFECT, just saying. I feel like a noob. I loved our valentines date. You got so flustered, it was adorable. I’m still trying to fix my camera, but I’m getting there. I’m already planning so many different things to pay you back for killing me. Just wait for your birthday. Just wait. OH and please send me your adress so that I can start working on that package aye. Sam, you’re my baby. Yes, I know, it’s just a few months. But I stil love you and want to protect you. You’re a mom frined. You definitely are. You give such great advice. I’m so proud of you. Sam, I love you. Sameeksha, मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ (I hope this was right, if not blame google)

@littledinox Hi there sweetheart. Mal im Ernst ich wusste nicht ob ich auf Deutsch oder Englisch schreiben sollte aber hey, du siehst was daraus entstanden ist. Junge, du bist korrekt. Möchte ich jetzt mal ganz klar machen, okay? Du bist verdammt geil. Bist du sicher dass du später Koch werden willst? Ich meine, die Sache mit dem Reis…ne kleiner Scherz. Eigentlich wollte ich auf deine stories hinaus. Ich muss ehrlich sagen, dass deine Kapitel kurz gestaltet sind, aber ich weiß auch dass es schwer ist bei so etwas viel zu schreiben. In diesem Moment drehe ich halb durch weil ich befürchte bei dir steht am Ende zu wening. Was ich aber eigentlich sagen wollte ist, dass ich übelst stolz auf dich bin. Dass du dich dazu entschieden hast, dass du dich getraut hast mir zu erzählen was in dir vorgeht. Mir von deinem Erknenntniss zu erzählen. Ich möchte ganz ehrlich sein, ich will dass du weißt dass du immer auf mich zählen kannst. Wie in deiner Geschichte. Ich bringe dir auch Decke und Kissen in die Tiefgarage wenn du sie brauchst ;) Mein Freund, ich bin stolz auf dich. Ich hab dich lieb. Und ich hoffe dass du immer so bleibst wie du bist.

So yeah I’m kinda sorry to everyone who reads this because this is really just me being sentimental but I hope that the people on here know now how much I appreciate them and how much I love them.

I love you all

[ob-la-di-ob-la-di]

Cat goes Meow, Cow goes Moo

What did the fox say,

Ob-la-di wants to know

[ob-la-di-ob-la-di]

I haven't drawn for a long time ahhh haa haa haa. I think I got an art block lol. What can I do?