#oh and i have a hairdryer but my hair tangles so badly when i use it that it’s literally not worth it

[fingertipsmp3]

Just remembered I really definitely unambiguously need to shower tonight because I’m going out tomorrow

[bambiekat143]

what are we doing

Chapter 1 The fire and smoke

The sky was dark, but the stars were so bright it looked almost blues, the smoke is coming up from behind the tree seeing a car on its side a small fire was starting to emerging from the back of the car black smoke with it, the front window been smashed blood on the side of it, in the front passage seats a girl just looking Dazz hearing the tires of a car speeding off,

her head was spinning around trying to focus, looking around she notices the blood on the corner of the half-broken widow, she brings her legs up to her chess smashed what remained of the front window before undoing her seatbelt falling down hard on the side widow groning,

she slides out the widowed headfirst crawling over the shattered pieces of glass

"ahhhh" she screams making her way across before laying on her back she notices a pain in her leg,

lifting herself up on her elbows she notices how much blood was coming out seeing a bit of bone skiting out, crying out she lays back down her hands covering her face breathing heavily

when she hears a faint voice before hearing it fully

"AURORA" she turns her head to the sound,

"AURORA...please be ok" she hears him wiper

"SAMAEL" she yells back rounding on her stomick to crawl over toward him through the smashed glass around them,

making it over to him hovering over his face he retches his left hand up to move her long hair out of the way,

it looked like it was on fire with the bright flames in the background,

his breathing was shallow as he talked to her

"are...you...ok" breathing heavily she looked down his body and saw big pieces of glass sticking out of his stomick looking back to his face little bits of glass sticking out

"I'm more worry about you" she tears up seeing how much pain he was in, seeing him bleeding out she looked around for help, but nothing

"oh no what do I do...what do I do" her tears falling on his face mixing with the blood, looking up at her sad face made him tear up too,

"I love you" he smiled up at her, she chuckled smiling back at him

"I love you too" she bent down and kiss him not knowing what else to do she felt helplessly there was nothing she could do,

she started to feel heavily she was going to pass out at any minute,

suddenly they feel this heat on them,

it felt hot more than the fire around them,

then a light,

a big ball of light they both turn toward it seeing a man surrounded by fire moving toward them,

the fire moved alongside him unit he kneeling down beside us looking directly at her,

His face was beaten up,

one of his eyes was bloodshot the other Bruis badly,

half of his bottom lip was missen the blood still looked fresh

"Please...please help us" she begs, crying loudly,

the stranger moves his hand up towards the wound on her head moving her hair out of the way looking down at Sam

"I will my child...but you have to do something for me" Samuel looked up at him

"What do you need us to do" the stranger pulled out a piece of paper

"I have some things that...need taking care of, so I'll help you and you help me and we call it even" Samuel looks up at Aurora

"I'll do it, just leave her out of this" the stranger shakes his head

"I'm afraid it an all for one and one for all situations" Samuel shakes his head

"no," Sam said voice cracking, Aurora grabs his hand

the stranger looks at them and smiles "it not like you have anything else to loss"

Sam squeezes her hand she looked down at him wipering

"what do we have to lose" she smiles at him he chuckled and looked at the stranger "ok, we do it just...please save us" the stranger pulls out two stones neckless then put them around their necks moving his hand down Sam body grabbing the pieces of glass in him pulling it out quickly

"AHHHH HO ho" breathing heavily,

the stranger chuckle removing Sam's belt moving over toward Aurora

"This is going to be quick but it going to be very painful, bite this" he fouls the belt putting it in her mouth "ready" Sam grabs her hand nodding

"AHHHHHH" she lay back down breathing heavily

"you might want to go home...help get those pieces of glass out of each other" he got up moving away

"and before the cops arrive" he stops in his track moving his head towards them "oh and meet me at a cafe near here...be there early" as he turns his head he disappeared into darkness nowhere in sight,

Aurora moved up Notices there was no pain anymore she looked down still seeing the blood coming out of Sam and her wound unit it just stop, she helps him up off the ground his arm around her waist they started moving away from the rec heading over to Aurora house closer then his.

As they made it to the door Aurora pulls the keys out of her jacket pocket heading inside as quietly as they could to not disturb her mum,

making their way to the bathroom she sit Sam down on the bathtub going out to grab some towels, tweeter, and paper towels, placing them down she takes off her jacket getting really to pluck out the glass that was in his face she places them on the paper towel

"ouch," Sam said pulling away from her

"sorry" she looked sadly at him, he grabbed her hand kissing her knuckles lending it agents his lips looking up at her

"just a couple more then I'm done" she smiled down at him, he let go of her hand letting her continue.

once she was done she got a handwash to get the blood off his face he grabs her hands moving them away from his face standing up grabbing her head gently pulling it down looking on top

"how's your head" she gasps tweeting her eye

"sore" he looks in her eyes and had a feeling she didn't want to be alone and he didn't want to either

"let's get cleaned up ok" he smiles at her she nodded her head in response so he turns his head around moving toward the shower door opening it turning on the hot water waiting for it to heat up, he turns Aurora around to unzipping her dress moving the straps off her shoulder kneeling down to takes her boots off making sure she was stable before taking off his clothes, he moves them into the water letting the water hit, watching the blood fall down the drain,

he grabs her hair gently washing the blood out she turns around and does the same for him gently running her hands through the back of his hair pulling him in so that her head can touch his, he wraps his arms around her and stays there for a bit, as he runs his hand down her back he can feel the scratches on her, not fully healed but it not getting any worse it stop bleeding but you could still feel it.

They didn't move for a while just looked at each other observing their scratches touching their faces, Sam lend over to turn the water off moving out of the shower picking up a towel wrapping it around Aurora grabbing one for himself,

they moved towards Aurora room, she went to her cupboard pulling out underwear and a big top to put over herself Sam had some of his clothing around here but he couldn't be bothered to find any, so he settles for boxes he moved to lay on the bed really for Aurora to cuddle with him, she lay her head on his chess her hand around his waist .

They couldn't speak to each other what were they going to say

hey, we almost die and now were indebted to a stranger until he decides we pay our debt,

what were they going to do.

Sam was the first one to wake up looking over at Aurora she looked like she'd be crying there wore dark circle around her eyes hair messed tangle around her neck he lifts his hand to move the hair out of the way, she opens her eyes looking at him she smiles at him, moving her hand over his cheek,

"We should probably get up" Aurora nodded her head getting out of bed turning herself to Sam

"Should we eat now or wait" he was looking for his pant

"no, we eat at the cafe" shoving his pants on with his top

"I have to go get the car so I will be back in a bit ok" he walks toward her and kisses her,

she smiles and laughs feeling a little tickled as he went out the window she grabs his jacket handing it to him through the window leaning out the window slightly

"see you soon," she said happily he smiled at her lend in and kiss her

"see you soon" he walk away looking back at me to wave she wave back she walks away from the window to grab her towel leaving her room but when she got to the bathroom she notices that she had left the mess from last night here,

she quickly shut the door grabbing the paper towel wrapping it before throwing it in the bin,

she grabs the nears towels and began wiping up the blood on the floor and some that were on the wall scrubbing the shower clean,

she quickly walks out of the bathroom moving to the laundry room putting a load on with the bloody clothes and towels taking a breath thankful her mum was asleep and that her sister had the night shift at work,

she walks back to the bathroom to have her shower washing her hair actually shampoo and condition it still finding traces of blood falling down the drain,

as she steps out she went to the cupboard draws pulling out the hairdryer the loud sound turned into a white nose she was getting flash back to the night before the crash.

the music blasting in her ears, the light keep changes to pink, purple and blue all she wants is a drink her head was killing her, she makes it over to a table griping it tight feeling like she could fall over when she heard a disembody voice

"hey"  

she snaps out of it clinging to the bathroom bench breathing heavily looking in the mirror seeing grey mark she turn around not really to look.

walking to her room she drops her towel moving to her cupboard put her underwear on and bar moves to grabs a nice summer dress zipping it up turning it around to the front tieing the scrapes around her neck moving to get her boots putting them on moving over to pick up her towel to hang it behind the door moving to her desk to grab a blue headband that matches her dress she grabs her rock around her neck squeezing it tight in her hand making it hurt a little,

walking out to the front door letting their cat in,

he rubs up agents her legs moving for his food bowl meow loudly almost tripping over him as she walks over to the cupboard to get his biscuit for him

"here you go Salem" poring his food "eat slow..I worry about you" but he didn't listen he just makes this really disturbing grunting noise moving away she hears a knock at the door,

heads over toward the door opening it to see Sam he "you ready" she nodded her head

"Just let me get my bag" she ran to her room to grab her phone and little bag running back to Sam "ready"

they step out of the door frame closing it he grabs her hand moving them toward the car opening the cars doors hoping in,

on their way to the cafe, she looks over at him brushing her hand to his face

"how your face" he grabs her hand laying it on his lap

"it's a bit sore but it'll heal what about your head" looking at her for a moment before turning back to the road

"just going to have a headache for a few days" she smiles at him.

They made it there in less than 10 mins they didn't move for a bit they both wouldn't admit two each other that they were scared how could they not be with what everything that happens that fateful night,

they looked at each other before getting out they meet halfway before heading in,

they hold hands entering the cafe looking around for the stranger and there he was sitting in one of the corner booths he's wearing a suit a black one,

Sam took the lead moving around until they made it in front of him the stranger looked up at them Aurora sat down first then Sam

As they sit a waitress comes over to take their order she smiles

"hi I'm betty what can I get for you today" she pulls out a pen and notebook from her front pocket Sam looks at her and smile

"Hi can we get a black coffee, hot chocolate, and a plate of pancakes please"

she nods walking off to the kitchen, Sam looks back at the stranger a little scared trying not to let it show

"so what do you want us to do" the stranger smirks at him reaching beside him and pull a piece of paper out unfolding it placing it down on the table sliding it out to them

"There are seven names on this list, I want you to find them, kidnap them, and put them through a trial" their eyes widen to want the stranger is requesting them to do, he then pulls something else out and places it in front of us

"start with him first, we know where this one is going to be" points to a picture

"you want us to kidnap someone, that not going to happen" he goes to more with the stranger grabbed his arm

"you owe me...know we made a deal, save your lives you do want I ask, know you agree and I haven't gone back on my word but if you do you die" Sam moved his arm away from his grip sitting down

"but want your asking...how can we do that"

the stranger struggles "I don't know but I think you can figure it out I have fate in you" he laughs

Sam couldn't figure out another way out of this,

if this stranger gave them a chance of life he could take it away just as easily he looked at Aurora he couldn't be without her he turns back to the stranger

"fine we'll do it" he looks at the paper reading the name off the front

"Alien Cupidity why are we kidnaping him it says he stop a turf war that was gonna kill hundreds if it continued at the rate it was going, people are calling him a hero"

the stranger laugh "if you hit someone with a car on purpose and then call an ambulance are you a hero, no he started the turf war killing innocent people and not so innocent people" he points to the address in the paper and smiles

"he'll be receiving a medal of honor in the next three days...we have until then" Aurora looked at it confusedly

"Why would he kill so many, just to get a metal" Sam looked at the picture

"Because it gets his name out there, he already somehow manipulate the two most powerful gangs in town, he wants power" the stranger seems surprises by Sam answer

"exactly" Sam just looked at him smugly

"witch means he's going to be surrounded by the present, cops not to forget bodyguards" Sam slide the newspaper back at him

"we'll be shot before we even get close to him" the stranger rolls his eyes getting up

"figure it out" he put his hand in his pocket pulling out his wallet taking two twenty dollars out placing it on the table leaving almost bumping into Betty as she came out holding the drinks placing them on the table moving back over to the counter.

Sam grabs the paper looking for any clues about his where abouts when Betty comes over with the food placing it down Aurora start eating cutting up pieces for Sam putting it in his mouth why'll he looks,

then she had a thought she put down the fork pulling out her phone

"How do you spell his name" she looks at Sam why'll still chewing

"Alien A-l-i-e-n Cupidity C-u-p-i-d-i-t-y" not really paying attention

"here you go" she gives her phone to him grabbing it he looks through the websites as Aurora continued to eat her pancake giving Sam some

"here" he moves the phone to her, "it says he woke at a restaurant maybe someone will tell us something about him, something we could use agents him"

by Angelkat

[cryptid-cryptonomica]

Could you write something where Keith is investigating Aubrey and trying to convince Hollis that she can do magic, but it turns out that Hollis can also do magic or is a cryptid of some kind? Doesn't have to be shippy but it could be.

Hey! Thanks for the request! Sorry it took a little while to get done! I hope you like it! I don’t really know if tumblr tells people when their ask has been answered so I’ll just tag you in it! @auberginesdonthavelimbs

Requests are still open if anybody is interested!

Hollis was wearing purple lipstick today. A deep, plum colour neatly put on. Not a smear in sight. It was what Keith focused on as they helped him up the stairs. Their purple lips, cursing and panting, as they half-carried Keith up the narrow staircase of their house. He knew that staring wasn’t exactly polite, but he couldn’t help it. 

“I swear to god,” Hollis said, purple lips moving, “Next time, break your arm.”

“If I had a choice, I would,” Keith said. He looked down at his leg, stuck straight in a white plaster cast. The names of all the Hornets was written all over it, as well as numerous actual hornets. Hollis’s name was written across the knee, in neat, yellow letters. He tried not to notice the heart they had put to dot the i. 

“Why the hell were you even out on your bike?” Hollis demanded.

Keith wanted to tell them the truth; that he had been following Aubrey Little to see if what she had done on the ski hill was real. And it had been. He wanted so badly to tell Hollis the truth, but he also valued not having his face melted off. He normally told Hollis everything. Now, he was choking on his secret. 

“It was a nice day,” Keith said.

“It was -4 out,” Hollis said.

“A nice day,” Keith reiterated.

Hollis huffed in response as they finally reached the last step. They tossed Keith’s crutches onto the floor.

“Um… I’m going to need those,” Keith said.

“Fuck,” Hollis said, and the arm they had wrapped around his waist snaked itself out. 

Keith stood there, balancing on one leg as Hollis gathered up the crutches. He tried not to notice how their hair fell over their shoulder as they bent down. When they straightened up, he tried not to notice the strands stuck on the purple lipstick.

Hollis seemed to notice that something was up. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Keith said, his eyes snapping to the floor.

Hollis handed him the crutches, and put their hand on his shoulder. Their voice was gentle as they said, “You in pain? Do you need me to get the Tylenol?”

“No no,” Keith said, “I’m fine. Just. Not looking forward to showering with this.”

“Well, now that lawn chair we have can actually be useful,” Hollis said. “Why the fuck did you insist on that chair again?”

“It was free, it was on a lawn, it was a chair,” Keith said, “And now it’s useful. So, ha.”

Hollis rolled their eyes. “You need help getting to the bathroom?”

“I can walk in a straight line just fine,” Keith told them.

“Alright,” Hollis said, “Let me know if anything comes up.”

“I’ll scream,” Keith said with a nod.

Their purple lips turned up into a smile. They patted his shoulder, and walked back down the stairs. Keith watched them go, before he shook his head and crutched into the shower.

The plastic lawn chair was already set up in the shower, as well as a garbage back and some duct tape. Keith spent the better part of five minutes trying to get the garbage bag around his leg and sealed tight. He knew that he was going to lose some leg hair getting the duct tape off, but it was better than having a wet cast. 

As soon as he got into the shower, his mind began to wander back to Aubrey. He thought about how she had healed him, how her hand had lit on fire, how close that fire came to his face. He groaned, and tried to forget about it, but it just kept on resurfacing.

He then thought about Hollis, and how he knew that they should know about this. That they’d know what to do about it. Hollis would know what to do. Hollis always knew what to do. 

He made up his mind. He made to get out of the shower, when the chair beneath him cracked. The leg broke off, and Keith tumbled to the bathtub floor. The broken plastic ripped through the garbage bag protecting his cast. He lay there, face down, water seeping into his cast, and he just thought about how much he hated Aubrey Little. 

“Uh? Keith?” He heard Hollis’s voice from behind the shower curtain. “You dead?”

“I wish,” Keith said. “Fuck.”

He heard the sound of the curtain behind pulled back, and Hollis then shrieked, “Your cast!’

“Yeah,” Keith said, finally pushing himself up from the bathtub. “Fuck this lawn chair.” 

Hollis stepped into the shower. The next thing Keith knew, their arm was around him and they were hoisting him out of the bathtub. Keith couldn’t help the flush that coated his cheeks.

“Hollis, you didn’t have to do this,” Keith said.

“You fell in the shower with a broken leg,” Hollis said. 

“Yeah, Hollis, in the shower,” Keith said.

“What? I’ve seen your dick before what’s the deal?” They said. Their hair was dripping, and their eyeliner streaming down their face.

Keith didn’t have a response. He just let Hollis toss him a towel, and watched as they dried their own hair.

“We’re gonna have to use a hairdryer and try to get your cast dry,” Hollis commented, pulling the towel off of their head. Their hair was tangled, still damp. The eyeliner was mostly gone, staining the towel instead. Their purple lipstick was smudged. More of it was on their cheek than their lips now. Keith just stared for a while.

Eventually, Keith just said, “Sorry.”

“For what?” Hollis asked, “Falling in the shower?”

“No,” Keith said.

“Then for what?”

Keith frowned. “Hollis. I haven’t been completely honest with you. I need to tell you something.”

“Can you wait until I’ve changed and you’re wearing pants?” Hollis said.

Keith nodded.

“Alright. You good to get dressed?” Hollis said.

“Yeah,” Keith said. 

Hollis pulled out the hair drier. “My room?”

“Sure,” Keith said. 

Hollis smiled, and left Keith. 

He crutched as fast as he could to his room and clumsily threw on a shirt and a pair of shorts. He tried not to look at himself in the mirror; he knew he looked like a mess. Hollis had seen him looking worse. 

He let out a sigh, and left his room. He lingered outside Hollis’s room for a while. Maybe he shouldn’t tell them this. Maybe it would be better if he kept this secret. Keith shook his head. He needed to tell them this. 

He knocked on Hollis’s door. 

They answered immediately. Their hair was still wet, but they had tied it up in a messy bun. Their makeup was removed, but sloppily. Eyeliner was smeared under their eyes, and Keith could still see the tint of their lipstick, making their lips look purple still. 

“Sit on the bed,” They said, “Near the wall.”

Keith frowned, but did as Hollis said. Hollis hopped on the bed after him, and turned on the hairdryer. They started drying his cast near his foot, where the most water had gotten. They sat there for a while not talking, the hairdryer filling the silence.

“So you needed to tell me something?” Hollis said eventually,, not looking up from the hairdryer.

“It’s…” Keith started. He pursed his lips, and then said, “It’s not… You’re not going to believe me.” 

“Try me.”

“So… uh… I was out on my bike because I was investigating Aubrey,” Keith said.

“Aubrey?”

“Aubrey Little. She lives at the Lodge.”

“Oh? The one we met on the ski hill, with Jake?”

“Yeah. That one.”

“What’d you find?” 

Keith took in a deep breath, “She’s magic.”

Hollis looked up at Keith, “Yeah? She’s a magician.”

“No,” Keith said, “No. She’s magic. I was following them because I thought she did something to me on the hill. They were at this campground, and I thought I saw something weird in the trailer.”

“Weird?” Hollis probed.

“Like… a monster?” Keith said, “I don’t know. It was dark. But whatever it was, it was huge.”

“Uh huh.”

“Anyways. I was gonna bike back when I got attacked by these goatmen,” Keith said.

“Goatmen?”

“They were like… walking goats,” Keith said. “One of them hit me with a shovel, and I crashed and that’s how my leg broke… I think. Then Aubrey was there? And she healed me? I don’t know her hands were glowing orange and I felt better and then I lost consciousness again.” 

“That sounds… rough,” Hollis said. They still weren’t looking at him. They moved the hair drier up a little higher on his leg. 

“They took me to the basement of the Lodge,” Keith said. “And… and Aubrey threatened me in order to keep me quiet.”

“Threatened you?” Hollis said. Their eyes met his, and Keith could see fury behind them.

“She lit her hand on fire,” Keith said. “Just… holding her hand on fire.”

“So Aubrey Little is magic,” Hollis muttered, “I didn’t think she was one of us…”

“One of us?” Keith said. 

Hollis sighed, setting down the hairdryer, and turning it off. “Keith. I haven’t been completely honest with you.” They stepped off the bed. “Try not to freak out.”

“Freak out?” Keith asked, “Hollis, I’m confused.”

Hollis didn’t reply. They just began to remove their industrial piercing, the one Keith had never seen them without. They did it slowly, deliberately. They never faltered, never hesitated. They pulled the bar from their ear, and they changed.

Their ears became more pointed, their teeth sharper, and their eyes turned a bright orange. They smiled at him with their barely purple tinted lips, “I know that magic is real, Keith.”

“You’re…” 

“I’m a Sylph. From another planet, essentially,” Hollis explained.

“You’re an alien?” Keith asked, trying to sound like this was completely normal.

Hollis laughed, “I suppose so.”

“So… Aubrey is one of you?” Keith said.

“No. Or at least, I don’t think she is.” They sat back down on the bed. They were fidgeting with their necklace; a simple orange crystal on a black chain. They kept their eyes down. “Aubrey’s certainly something else.” 

“Oh,” Keith said, not knowing what else to say.

“You’re freaking out,” Hollis said.

“No!” Keith said. “I mean? It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” Hollis pushed.

Keith felt his cheeks heat up as he murmured, “I have a crush on an alien.” 

Hollis burst out laughing, clearly relaxing. They pushed Keith’s shoulder gently, knocking him into the wall. “Well, I have a crush on a moron.”

Keith’s heart fluttered. He looked up at Hollis, “So what are we going to do?”

“Well,” Hollis said, “We’re going to keep an eye on Aubrey. If she tries to do anything to hurt you again, you let me know. Even if it’s just a threat. She can’t do that to you. I’m not going to let her.”

Keith nodded. “Gotcha.”

“Keith?” Hollis said. They sounded a little nervous.

“Yeah?”

“Are you really okay with this?” Hollis said, “With me?”

Keith locked his eyes with Hollis, “Of course! You’re my best friend! It might take me a while to get used to it… but I’ll try.”

Hollis smiled. “Thanks, Keith.”

“No problem.”

They sat in silence for a couple of moments, before Hollis turned to Keith, holding up the industrial bar, “Can you help me get this back in?”

Keith nodded, taking the earring from Hollis. He leaned in close and brushed Hollis’s hair behind their ear. He fumbled for a little bit, but eventually slipped the earring back in. Hollis changed back to their familiar form, and turned to face Keith. 

“We good?” They asked.

“We’re good,” Keith said.

“Good,” Hollis said, and those purple lips pressed up against his cheek. 

[justtopostwriting]

The Questions We Ask

What time is it? Did I oversleep? It can't be eleven already can it? Well dang, did I forget to set an alarm last night? Didn’t I want to get up at ten? Did I set one and just have it not go off? Does it really matter? I have enough time to get ready. Don't I?

Wait, how much time did I just waist laying here? Only 11:02? So, I do still have enough time? Alight, time to get out of bed.

“Ugh.” Why is it so hard to get out if bed? Why is my neck sore? Did I sleep wrong? Do I have a knot in it? How long is it going to hurt? It isn’t going to affect tonight is it? Maybe the heat from my shower will help loosen it up? Speaking of heat, why is the floor so cold? Is the heating off? What times do mom and dad have it set to anyway?

Can I shower in ten minutes? How long does a normal shower take me? Eight minutes? Ten? Hopefully less than ten minutes at the very least. Do my normal showers usually take more than ten? They might. That's not good. Where is my hairbrush? How much time will shaving and the hair mask add on to the shower? Should I skip the hair mask? It would mean I have to untangle my hair less. Why is my hair so freaking tangled anyway? Why is today going so badly already? How long does it take for the shower to warm up? I have too much to do today for it to take forever.

Geez, why does my skin look so bad without foundation? I’m not even having a breakout right now. Would it be weird if I used foundation on all visible skin? Why do I have to have so many freckles? And why don’t I have a thigh gap or a flat stomach? I'm going to look so fat in my dress. Did the water finally warm up? “Thank god.”

How does that song go?

Crap! Soap in my eyes! Where is my towel? That’s the wall… That's the towel rack? Here's my towel. That’s better.

Am I going bald? Why do I lose so much hair in the shower? Is it because I pull to hard at the tangles? How else am I supposed to equally distribute the conditioner? Did mom take my hairband out if the shower again? How am I supposed to tie up my hair to shave now? I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Did I cut myself? I can’t afford to do that tonight. My legs already look bad enough as is. Is it actually alright? Good.

What body wash should I use today? Lavender or Rose Apricot? Which makes me smell more feminine? Is that too much soap? Will more soap make me smell more like the body wash? This stupid, ugly birthmark isn’t going to peek out one of the cutouts, right? Why does it have to look like a lump of playdoh ran over by a car instead of something cool like a star or a paw print? Or like an actual butterfly. Why does Alice say it looks like a butterfly? It really doesn’t. Why can’t I just scrub it off?

Why won’t the conditioner rinse out? I just want it all out of my hair. What is this water pressure? Why isn’t it better? Why haven't we bought a new shower head yet? Why. Won’t. The. Conditioner. Just. Rinse. Out?

Where’s my towel? Why is it soaked? I didn’t splash it by accident, did I? How would I have even managed that?

Should I blow-dry my hair or would it be better to air dry it? Where even is the hairdryer? Wait. Didn’t mom say it broke? I guess I’m air drying it then? Alright. What time is it? That can’t be right. 11: 34? Did the shower really take thirty minutes?  How did that take so long?

God, why am I so useless? Why can’t I just manage time right? You would think that if someone has to work so hard at looking halfway decent, they would be better at managing their time, right? No. Of course not. Why would I be good at managing my time? It’s not like I’m wasting my time right now, right?

Wait.

What was I doing before I got off track? Oh ya. Taking care of my hair. “Why can’t it be naturally wavy? Or at least have some volume? Geez.” It hangs like limp, brown noodles. It’s like rotting noodles. Stupid, old and rotting noodles. Why did I have to get my dad’s hair instead of getting his eyes? My eyes look like cow eyes. Brown and boring.

Good summary of me though. Boring. Plain. Not eye-catching. Why is that so fitting?

What else do I need to do? Deodorant? Did I already do that? I think so. How often do I apply deodorant twice, I wonder? Do other people do that?  

Alright. Done in the bathroom. What should I eat? Should I eat before I put on my dress? Would I be too bloated to put it on myself? Would eating in my dress get food on it? Should I just wait to eat and go back upstairs?

“Honey, don’t you want breakfast? It's almost noon.”

Crud. Can’t turn around now. “Sure mom. Is that pancakes I smell?”

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Why did breakfast have to take so long? Did I really have to let her draw me into a conversation for over two hours? How am I supposed to get ready with less than three hours to do hair and makeup that I have no plan for? What makeup colors even look good on me? Would the internet tell me? Should I google it? Could I just wing it? Do I even own any good makeup? Why didn’t I watch more YouTube videos for this?

Should I just use eyeliner and mascara for my eyes? Do you put on eyeliner or mascara first? Eyeliner? I think it's eyeliner, right?

Where is my eyeliner? Oh, there it is.

How does someone wing their eyeliner? Does this angle work? Is it crooked? Should I redo it? Do I even have the ability to do any better a job than this? If I redo it, would it look worse? Can I go without winged eyeliner? Would it be weird? Would people judge me? Would I just become that weird girl with the weird eyeliner? Does it look better now? Is the wing alright? Whatever. It’s good enough. Now, how do I match the other eye?

Why can’t I just do eyeliner like any other girl? If everyone else can make it look flawless, why can’t I? Why does it have to look so bad? At least it almost matched. I think. Does it actually look matched? Or does it just look that way to me? Will everyone think it looks like crap? Could I even redo it? It took me like half an hour. Why can’t I just do this right? Will adding mascara make it look better?

What lip color should I use? Pink? Red? Does red look weird on me? Is it on my teeth? Where are my tissues so I can rub this off? There. Does that look better? I guess it does. Or does it look weird? Wait. Does this stain? Are my lips stained? Can I remove the red? Am I stuck with weird red lips? Should I even try changing to a different color? Should I just move on to my hair? Alright, hair. Doing that now.

Should I do side braids? How much hair is too much? How do people make these things waterfall so well? How do braids work? Seriously, how? Am I getting it? Is it good? Does it look lopsided? Should I ask mom for help? She's probably busy. Does it look alright?

Where’s my dress? Why did Amy recommend this one? Why does it look so weird? Why did I think it looked good when I tried it on? Why didn’t I try a different dress that didn’t make me look like a child? Why do I have to look so weird in everything? Why can’t I just be pretty enough to pull this off? Or anything for that matter? Why do I have to look so weird when I try to dress up? Why? Why? “Why?”

Why can’t I do makeup?

Why don’t I have a good figure for anything? Why can’t I have curves instead of the figure of a stupid stick?

Why is my hair so ugly? Why aren’t my eyes a different color? Why do I have to be boring brown?

Why is my leg hair still visible after I shaved? Why do I have to be so unattractive? Why can’t I have been born in a different body? Why can’t I look as good as other girls?

Why am I unable to shut off these stupid, useless, terrible thoughts? Why do I have to be so uncomfortable? Why? Just why?

Why do I care so much?

Why do I care what other people think of me? Why do I care so much what I look like? Why do I not believe people when they tell me I’m beautiful? Why don’t I listen when they tell me not to compare myself to others? Why do people have to talk like it’s so easy to be comfortable in your skin. It's hard. It's really hard.

It's hard to like myself, let alone how I look. It’s hard to shut off these stupid thoughts. It's hard to only be halfway through high school and feel good about myself. I can’t just say a spell and summon up some self-esteem. Especially when the little bit I do have is crushed daily by my own thoughts.

I may care more about my appearance than my peers. I may be the only one looking so critically at myself. I may actually be more beautiful than I feel I am. I may be lying to myself about how I look, but it is just not easy to see myself in a good light. People always talk about self-image as if it is actually easy. That is way too misleading.

I know I shouldn’t care. I know that I should be easier on myself. I know that I should look for something I can like about myself, or if I have my own form of beauty. I know all of this. I know I should be thinking more positive. I know I should try to stop thinking so negatively about myself. I know I should most definitely ignore the media’s portrayal of beauty.

I know I should do all of these things, but I don’t. I can’t.

It just isn’t that easy.