#oh fuck me will we were having such great progress with you and hannibal but here we are with the trying to murder each other again

[transsexualhamlet]

watch me psychoanalyze will graham solely with will wood lyrics

I Am Mentally Ill

In general I feel like the overlap between Will Wood’s discography and Will Graham’s character arc is quite large, and I feel many selections of lyrics well capture the conflicting issues inside Will as the story progresses as told through the Existential Crises of these songs. 

Under the cut because it is literally 3000 words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel good pills and no psychiatrists, we just bled out in our bath, and goddammit we liked it

Doctor, what's my prognosis if the studies show that disease is in the eye of the beholder? Tell me "so it goes", we depress to impress I guess, in layer after layer to get off our chests. It's cold out now, you can take it off later, better safe than sorry, we both know the danger, so doctor, could you run another test? I got a feeling that this time I might just pass it, well if you raise the average

-Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, But I Need You To Leave

Once again I feel like this is very plain text applicable, but yeah. Will has never been quite a believer in the psychiatric side of things, and why should he be when all the interaction with them he’s had is people calling him a psychopath murderer and that autism is the precursor to eating babies or something? He doesn’t want anybody to help him, he’s always been on his own and having to argue for his right just to be treated like a normal person, he doesn’t need another diagnosis to have another target on his back, it’s become so ingrained through who he works with that means he’s bad. If he dies or lives or suffers he wants it to be on his own terms, he doesn’t want anybody meddling. Yet yknow. Look who comes in and meddles, our dear psychiatrist.

Will is searching for a reason other than his own flaws to explain what is happening to him, to find some easy solution that they are telling him just doesn’t exist and it’s beginning to seem like either they’re lying to him or he’s just fucking going crazy and a terrible awful person or somehow faking the problems he’s having.  He is not ready to be seen like they are viewing him in his x-rays, he doesn’t want the truths Hannibal is telling him, he wants out. And at this point he almost just wants to be crazy, he wants to trust Hannibal and entrust himself to his care because it’s easier, somehow even more the more that he suspects it might not be good for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It doesn’t take a killer to murder, it only takes a reason to kill. We’ve all got evidence of fantasies, it’s “everything’s coincidence”, the difference twixt fate and free will is whether you’re singing: oh, could you take a look at me? (It’s an awful chemical) Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad? (it’s only natural) Oh, whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, you see I wear the same size as you (Somebody help me!)

-Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

This is something that Will knows from the beginning of his career, it’s what he teaches his students, but when he’s thrust into it himself he’s forced to truly reckon with it and draw lines between right and wrong that make little sense. When he takes his first life, he is not a killer, it is just what happened to take place, and those righteous fantasies that had always been there, that potential took root in him eventually to grow exponentially. Was it his free will that killed Garrett Jacob Hobbes, or was it some greater fate pulling the strings- Hannibal’s purposeful interference in pulling him that direction like a puppet? No amount of debate in his muddled head will give him a meaningful answer, and thus the guilt festers, as he turns to the very worst person to ask for the truth of the nature of his being- Hannibal, who goes to great lengths to show Will that he is a killer- and that guidance thrusts him into an even further crisis of identity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? I'll stay awake tonight. Cry my name, remind my brain of my identity! I'm not gonna listen, I'm not my volition ah, shananananana free will AGH Am I to blame for riding this train right by my destiny? Ah, prove I can crack, ah, loose from the track, ah, shanananana free will! Rolling my third eye into the back of my head and squinting through the black- Saw no center, saw not where it led, it's times like this that make me wish that- I wish that I were dead, I don't wish that I were dead but somebody's got to go! 

Carving my initials in the back of my hand in case of losing track

I wanna make my murder look like a suicide (kill me, kill me), but they'll all know they'll all know they'll all know that the body's mine (kill me, kill me), I wanna go anonymous to identify (kill me, kill me) but they'll all know they'll all know they'll all know they'll all know they'll all know that the body's mine!

-Cotard's Solution (Anatta, Dukkha, Anicca)

Classic season one Will Breakdown Core. The man's got no anchor to reality and riding along the brain waves is not going well for him. He is being pulled in all directions by all manners of people without his best interests in mind, divided into cuts of meat to share, blindfolded not even knowing what's happening to him or why. And he begins to wonder what is him and what is not, if anything he believes to be himself is true, and his long held nightmares begin to hold more sway on him than waking life. This descent of his sanity, free will, the blurring of the lines between victim and perpetrator is a long held nightmare of his and with every thought it is becoming reality. He must turn to methods previously untouchable just to make it through the day, there seems to be no way out, everyone is lying to him, so scrambled he cannot tell who is holding the knife that cuts into his skin, if in the nightmares he is the carved or carver.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She’s got the touch of an anesthesiologist, please put me under, because I tremble with the notion that there’s something unsaid, but in my head I’ll mumble reticently: I wonder how I woke up in the middle of my surgery, and I watched them botch my heart, only the second worst thing that I could’ve thought was that this doesn’t have to end if it doesn’t start!

-White Knuckle Jerk (Where Do You Get Off?)

Every time a “she” is mentioned in one of these, assume Hannibal is the she. Will Wood only writes about terrible awful manipulative girlbosses /pos /pos /pos Hannibal perfectly fits this category<3

Will’s sweaty bloody please help me doctor lecter era once again, I am going to Put Him Down!! 💞💞 He doesn’t know how he got here he doesn’t know what’s happening he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him all he knows is that Hannibal is simultaneously the only clarity in his life and everything wrong in this world, he’s being lied to and gaslit and that man is just fucking fishing around in his insides like a scavenger hunt! Love loses

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It just seems unlikely that it's me who was to blame, so I bookmark my DSM, cause I need to remember my place

-Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In!

Agh Will and mental disorders. He has an interesting relationship with them. He doesn’t want to believe there’s anything wrong with him, he in the beginning is adamant that he’s fine. That’s not him, he wouldn’t do things like that, and it’s for sure he’s not a murderer. There’s got to be something else wrong. But it becomes so frighteningly evident otherwise he no longer knows what to think of himself. Can he keep calling himself a good person, someone who saves people? How is he supposed to define himself? All that seems to be available from the opinions around him is frightening, demonizing diagnoses and accusations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never trust in yourself, or anyone else, we've always all been wrong, and we built these walls strong, even I might defy, won't deny, that I’m trying while my eyes do defy and belie quiet liars as I say what I say anyway I might be saying it but I've been wrong before! You can break a shovel when you break new ground, you dig dirt up when you dig deep down, you should know better than that by now, it's not profound to know that you could never know

-The Song With Five Names (Soapbox Tao aka Checkmate Atheists! aka Neospace Government aka You Can Never Know)

Will is struggling between two versions of the truth, everything his eyes tell him is wrong and his words and convictions seem so ridiculous even to him at this point not to mention how discredited he is to everyone else. And in the search for the truth in unearthing his memories, dealing with that absolute terror of sitting in your cell not even knowing what got you there, who’s pulling the strings, finding the truth is somehow worse than never knowing, wishing he could have just believed the easy thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good luck finding creepier critters than me, they shoulda fried me, I’ll give ya PTSD, vodka shots droppin down the throat they been stompin on, cockin guns lockin up the quota’s all for shock n’ awe, Drivin’s tirin and I’ve been hotwirin, to make my getaway from this jailbreak riot and cellmates scrapin ‘pon the bricks in the basement, tryin to escape this probation generation, too late crazy fuckers gotta do the time, committed to the mental ward committin all the crimes! I’m alive and kickin till the split ends fray, maybe plead insane, guilty but I’m not to blame- I’m a slave to the main vein sprayin on the mainframe, sufferin the infrastructure hopin I can maintain… Please policeman no heel to toe, oh please let me go, please policeman is it a test, I won’t know till I’m under arrest

You bear a striking resemblance, some kind of semblance of somethin’ I been rememberin’, you appear familiar dear, you look just like my bathroom mirror

-6up 5oh Copout (Pro/Con)

This whole verse is fucking gibberish sung, but altogether it clearly fits him. Will is obviously alienated from the rest of the FBI in a major way from the beginning, and these creeping fears and suspicions of himself have always been there, fed by the paranoia and fucked up ideas the whole department has around the sort of brain that he has and how they've treated him and criminals that are too much like him. It’s a role that will never fit for him, an institution that will always be against him and he knows it’s all bullshit, and there is a breaking point where he can no longer maintain it. It all breaks down, and he begs just to know who he is. He’s always been worried one day if he kept going into BSHCI one day they wouldn’t let him back out, and in some ways, he’s almost happy to prove them right, to embrace that otherness. Though he knows that he wasn't at fault for the murders he's on trial for, he will become exactly what they believe he is despite it.

The second (much shorter) lyric excerpt is finding that the one thing he is most scared of is himself. He is searching for himself and who he is, and what he finds in the depths of his own lost memories and delusions is that all his nightmares of the pursuer, the hunter, the stag and Hannibal are reflections of himself. The truth of himself might be something much more deadly, what he’s found is the worst discovery, he is much more sinister than he believed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who makes the call? What's a symptom, what's a flaw? Could it be both? Well I suppose that's an answer. Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity cause god knows it's not like it's cancer!

-Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, But I Need You To Leave

And at this point he is trying to define what does make him a good or bad person, what other people see as either a symptom or a flaw, especially the way Alana flip flops about him, like there’s always one right or wrong answer. Either he’s not in control of his actions and he’s a sorry victim or he is and he’s an evil villain. And he’s starting to think he’s willing to give up trying to be seen as human altogether, to go to that dark side so he might at least have some clarity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My name was soiled by a last call spill with a backwash swill and the blackout killed me sober on impact from a fall from grace! Take the road on higher ground and tell me don't look down, you'll fall and break your back, but that just reminds me how there's more to be found beneath the black

-Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!

Will’s jail brooding arc. No one believes him, everyone thinks he’s a killer, no one who cared about him wants anything to do with him, the one person he thought he could trust gaslit manipulated hypnotized drugged and framed him. And yet Hannibal is the one who is seen as the sweet perfect nice guy, giving him such fake well meaning advice for how to get better like mocking him from outside the bars. It makes him so frustrated he just. Decides to go the exact opposite way and thrust himself entirely into the world of the dark. (Hannibal loves him for that.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This chastity is Greek to me, the meat is still fresh, the gnashing teeth will masticate the bones from the flesh, since nobody will tell me where these bastards go, I’ll see for myself- I think they might go to hell. You said “Let loose!” but now you’re lost, while you tied your boots like a tightrope noose, the problem chased the taste of the cause, while the evidence supports the truth, is 80 enough proof for you?!

-Front Street

I don’t really know how to explain this one in words I wish I could just show everyone the little slideshow of images I have comprised but I will try. It’s a sort of monologue that starts as a voice in Will’s head and builds to himself saying it. It’s the story of him going down this gruesome path convinced he’ll be fine, pushed along on the line of just sane enough to keep going, and that quality of himself becomes exaggerated and warped as time goes on, beginning to form the characteristics of the killer shaping him, and when he finally regains his autonomy, he can no longer find his way back. He also wants to mutilate corpses now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When did I become afraid of the dark? Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back? If we can't see each other there's no more use for hiding, I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black? I'm not a flower, not a solar powered calculator, damn my eyes for seeing what's not there! I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition, till my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared!

…All that I ask is, keep those empty frames, if nobody's in them then no one is to blame. For your self portraits, sign another name… well who should I be then, if I'll never be the same!? I will be the sunshine, I will be the moon at night, well who else could I be, when I can't fucking see?! I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night, I'm nowhere now, here's no one now to be.

-Dr. Sunshine is Dead

This is a common theme within My Blorbo Typecast, the whole "the only way to overcome your fears is to become the thing you fear" routine corruption arc. Will was desperately frightened that deep down he was a terrible, horrible person, he couldn't handle what he was exposed to in his job and it didn't used to be nearly as much of an issue as it's gotten to be. Hannibal has consumed his whole life and there is no way he can return to the way he was before, and now he sees that the only one who can be with him in this darkness is Hannibal. And Hannibal is right- he isn't a tool to be used by the FBI, just a pair of specially fucked up eyes, he can be so much more than that. If he takes that step into the dark himself, he can’t be caught by surprise. So, if you can't beat em, join em, embrace the fear and make the darkness your home. If you can't escape your tragedy, make it your becoming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see, you’d look through illusions, hallucinations and lucid dreams, and I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep but I’ve got facts and I’m not afraid to use them, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front! Some days I am glad that I am a madman and I’d rather be that than an amicable animal, a mild-mannered cannibal. But I’m more level headed than ever and I’m getting better one forever at a time and if sick is defined by what’s different, well then pull the plug out and let me die!

-2econd 2ight 2eer (that was fun, goodbye.)

At this point my guy has found the humor in it all, and has decided to weaponize it instead. He’s over going oh no what shall I do I’m literally suffering so much to LOL what if i KILLED HANNIBAL what if I fucking Rickrolled Him by Stabbing Him 37 Times In The Chest isn’t it so funny how this stag is haunting me forever now what if I Became It. But genuinely this is his girlboss corruption arc era. He’s started to see the best in his situation and take advantage of it, he’s now taking ownership of that label upon him cause at least he’s not Hannibal, he knows what’s up with Hannibal and he starts to take a corrupted pride in how he feels about Hannibal. He knows what he’s doing, he’s full aware of where he’s going and maybe he is fucking crazy and maybe they’re gonna go down hand in unloveable hand and they’re utterly doomed but yknow! That would be just desserts! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the cattle fall dead and the waters run red I’ll be your lamb’s blood on the wall, oh and God isn’t dead but that’s exactly what we’ve been dreading, and after all the meek inherited fuck all! Jesus Christ, I will die for my own damn sins if you help those who help themselves, my superstitions, your visage, my visions, furthering the fever of my fervor for believing

-Your Body, My Temple

I don't know, I feel like this is pretty self explanatory. This song represents for me when. When he's gay /ref

This is at once him in the end of season one + two and in the end of season three, depending on how it’s interpreted. On one hand, it is of Will clinging to Hannibal for solace even knowing he’s the one gutting him on the spot, he is the reason everything has gone wrong, he cannot trust his eyes and he knows Hannibal will be the death of him, when he’s starting to see the full picture of everything in horror and futility and strings around him and just not even giving a damn. 

But on the other hand! Despite the fact that read this sounds really Negative will wood is a fucking horny bastard and this is a song about him and his fucked up sex with a cult leader, the mental illness is just decoration. So I would carry this over as well to the resolution of Hannibal and Will

You know. When Will’s whole head is just filled with blood and Hannibal and he has abandoned all pretenses of it being any other way. He knows who he isn’t, casting away the ill fitting world and taking the knife into his own hands. When he is thrilled by what they have done and he’ll never go back, when the two of them stare at a mutilated corpse and see the same thing and that thing is art. You know. When they’re gay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well they always ask you not to leave, and I am as they remember me. So when all my friends forget my name, no I won't come back and be the same.

-Self-

Short lyric, I know. I think of the last part of the show with this one. Will kinda sucks, yknow. He spent three years desperately trying to return to the way things were, he could never tell anyone how much he really changed, no one could know what went down between he and Hannibal, and no matter how hard he sticks himself in that nuclear family and pretends to be a version of himself that no longer exists, his mind is still fucking soaked in blood. So when it all breaks down and he throws everything away to disappear into the night with Hannibal, he knows he is never going to see them again, he’s never going to attempt to explain himself to them, there’s no point in it. The world will form whatever conclusions they decide on and it won’t be up to him anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[slashyrogue]

It wasn’t easy for a human to attract a shifter. 

Or so Will had heard. 

He’d never had much experience with them, but the rarity of human x shifter couplings were so that there were even classes in order to help those who were desperately attracted to the idea. 

His shifter wasn’t hard to attract at all. 

The minute he’d met Dr. Hannibal Lecter, the cat shifter had formed an odd attachment to him. This phenomena was even more rare, as cats were the most fickle of the shifter types. There were some cats who didn’t mate at all, finding solace in being alone, and others who only stayed amongst their own kind. 

Hannibal seemed the first type, or so the many people who remarked to Will later would tell him, and as the weeks progressed Will found himself with a conundrum. 

He wasn’t interested. 

Will had never been interested in relationships with other humans, let alone becoming a shifter mate for life, and though Hannibal tried his best to woo him he really wasn’t Will’s type. Shifters in general had never paid much attention to Will that way so he’d ignored them when he found someone to spend the night with, and Hannibal’s attractiveness aside there was just nothing about him Will found interesting. 

But how to tell him? 

Jack Crawford had remarked to Will how “sensitive” an issue like rejection was to shifters. A wolf shifter himself, Jack was the only shifter Will knew outside of Hannibal he could talk to. 

“You’re sure about this, Will?” Jack asked, frowning, “I mean...you know what they say about cat shifters.” 

Will blushed. 

“I do."

“So, I mean...”

“I’m not interested, Jack,” he sighed, “And it’s getting to be a problem.”

Cat shifters were said to be amazing in bed, like one night with one and you’d never want to be with anyone else again. 

Will thought that sounded terrifying. 

Hannibal’s attempts at wooing him so far had begun to increase, nightly offerings of food and companionship that Will didn’t want or need but couldn’t turn away. He knew this was supposed to be a compliment, but it was starting to effect his entire life. 

“Well,” Jack sighed, scratching behind the brown ears on top of his head, “Just do it gently. I’ve heard cats can get...prickly. Hannibal doesn’t seem the type but you never know.” 

“I’ll try.” 

“And maybe I’ll start looking for another psychiatrist to...help you through your...problem.” 

Will nodded and left Jack’s office, feeling a bit better, and yet as he waited for the elevator doors to open he knew he’d miss that aspect of all this. 

His weekly visits to Hannibal’s office were nice, friendly, and Will didn’t genuinely hate them. Hannibal treated him like a person, more so than most humans did, and as much as he wasn’t attracted to him he wanted to remain friends. 

Would that even be possible after this? 

The doors opened and Will was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t notice he wasn’t alone till the doors closed. 

“Hello, Will.” 

Hannibal’s accented purr startled him, making Will jump in surprise. “Hannibal,” he squeaked, coughing, “I...I didn’t notice you. Sorry.” 

“You seem upset. Is there an assignment from Jack that’s troubling you?” 

“No,” he whispered, squeezing his hands at his sides, “Nothing like that.” 

“I see.” 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I was looking for you,” Hannibal said honestly, “And as you were not home I suspected you to be here.” 

Will blushed. “Oh.” 

“Is there something the matter?” 

He couldn’t bring himself to look at him. “No.” 

“Will...” 

“Not here,” he mumbled, shaking his head, “It’s best if we...” 

The elevator suddenly lurched and he fell back only to have Hannibal catch him. He stared up into Hannibal’s amber eyes, surprised, and pulled himself away a moment later. 

“What was that?” 

Hannibal walked to the elevator buttons and pressed them. 

Nothing happened. 

“It seems we’re stuck. The elevator must have stalled.” 

Will sighed, leaning against the wall. “Perfect.”

Hannibal smiled at him. “Is it?” 

He frowned. “I didn’t mean...” 

“We will have some time alone together until it’s fixed I suspect. If you wanted to talk about your problem now....” 

“No,” Will sighed, “I...” 

“Will, you’ve never had a problem speaking your mind to me before. What is it that makes this different?” 

He blushed, looking down at his shoes. “It’s not--”

“Is this because of my interest?” 

Will looked up at him. “Um...” 

He watched Hannibal’s face fall. “I see.” 

“It’s been a few weeks and really I like talking to you in sessions but---” 

Hannibal moved as far away from him as possible. “No, it’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated to accept my courting if you weren’t attracted.” 

Will’s stomach tightened. “I’m not....into shifters. Okay? I haven’t really ever been that much into men in general. It’s not you, it’s---” 

“Please, don’t,” Hannibal hissed, his eyes suddenly flashing, “I do not need your pity.” 

“Hannibal...” 

“I think it best if you call me, Dr. Lecter from now on. I’d prefer it.” 

The dismissal made Will sadder than it should have. “Ok.” 

Silence followed, and while Will’s phone didn’t work he was able to track fifteen minutes passed before someone’s voice came through the speaker. 

“Hello in there!” 

They both looked up from where they sat on the elevator floor and Will shot up rushing to the speaker. 

“Hey, we’re stuck!” 

“We see that! It’ll be a bit of a wait, fellas! Bobby called off sick and he’s the only one who knows how to handle number three but we’re calling in the repair guys who’ll be here in an hour.” 

Will sighed. “Fine. Just...let us know.” 

“Will do!” 

He saw Hannibal had moved away from him again and seemed to be doing everything he could not to acknowledge Will’s existence. 

“It--” 

“I heard,” Hannibal said, glaring at him, “I have very good hearing.” 

The pale brown ears at the top of his head were down low in his anger. Will had never seen them look like that before. “I know.” 

“And I’m very highly sought after,” Hannibal continued, “Many others want to mate with me. Many, many, others.” 

“I...” 

“Cat shifters are amongst the highest regard to mate with, did you know that?” 

Will blushed. “Yes.” 

“And yet...” 

“It’s me, Han---Dr. Lecter. Not you. You’re...great. Attractive, nice, and just...great.” 

Hannibal frowned, his ears raising. “And yet you do not find yourself attracted to me.” 

“No.” 

“Have you even attempted to see me in that regard?” 

Will cocked his head. “What do you mean?” 

“Have you...let yourself see me in that regard? Thought of me when you were pleasuring yourself? Imagined what mating with me would be like?” 

Will felt his cheeks redden. “No.” 

“Why?” 

“I just...didn’t.” 

Hannibal crawled closer to him, staying on his hands and knees as he looked at Will. He could smell his aftershave, and the light in his eyes was oddly beautiful. 

“Because you don’t think you ever could or because you’re afraid if you did you wouldn’t want to stop?” 

Will licked his lips. “Hann...” 

Hannibal leaned down to run his tongue across Will’s knuckles. He shivered, and a sudden throb of desire seemed to kick in. “I would do my best to pleasure you, Will. As much as you could handle and often.” 

He nuzzled Will’s hand now, and Will couldn’t resist scratching under his chin. 

“Dr. Lecter...” 

“Hannibal,” he purred, looking up again, “Please, Will...call me Hannibal.” 

Will’s cock twitched. “Hannibal, this...” 

“Are you interested now, Will?” 

“Yes,” Will said without hesitation, “What are you doing to me?” 

Hannibal smiled and licked Will’s hand again. “Absolutely nothing.” 

Will sighed. “No, you have to be. I...” 

“You saw me as a sexless figure, Will, and were unable to get past that. This seems to have been what was stopping you.” 

“No, I’m not even into shifters.” 

Hannibal lifted his head and Will watched as his whiskers grew more prominent. 

“Perhaps you’re only into me.” 

He reached up to touch Hannibal’s cheek and swallowed past the dryness in his throat. “Or you’re using some kind of cat sex trick on me.” 

Hannibal climbed up into his lap and Will groaned as he felt him grind against his already hardening cock. “Mmmm...” 

Will found it hard to concentrate on anything else, grabbing hold of his hips and arching up to meet the tease. “Fuck...” 

He licked across Will’s cheek and the loud purr he gave made Will whimper. 

“Shall I stop?” 

“No,” Will sighed, “Fuck, don’t...” 

The sudden lurch of the elevator made them both pause. Will felt them start to move and they looked at each other. Hannibal smiled and teased another lick to Will’s cheek. 

“It seems we’ll have to continue this another time.” 

He got up and Will whimpered at the loss. “Wait!” 

Hannibal stared down at him smugly. “It seems...you’re attracted to shifters after all.” 

Will sighed. “You can’t just leave me like this.” 

The elevator doors opened and Hannibal walked through to the other side. He turned to wink at Will. “If you’re interested in continuing our...discussion...you know where to find me.” 

And with that he was gone. 

Will stood up slowly, blushing as several people stared at him, and rushed out of the elevator. His cock was so hard he could barely walk and yet he got to his car barely able to stop thinking about Hannibal. 

The minute he was alone he had to resist the urge to jerk off. 

“Fuck.” 

It seemed he was interested after all. 

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

3, 8, 11, 19, 22? (for t he fanfic meme!)

Thank you friend! (Sorry for the long silence guys, I’m in the last month before my wedding and shit is Real. But it’s all for a very happy occasion X3 Just bear with me a bit longer.)

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?  

Oh, NBC Hannibal, hands down. I’m sorry, not trying to be mean to other fandoms, but the Hannibal fandom has legit spoiled me For Life. Not only are all the people you meet nice (and that’s true for every fandom I’ve ever been in for the most part), but the content is NOBEL PRIZE worthy, the meta is ASTRONOMICAL, the fan vids and gifs are gorgeous, the content creators are generous, gracious, and actively involved with the fandom. Just... I hate to use the word, but the level of discourse in the Hannibal fandom is truly a cut above. I’ve never seen meta like I’ve seen Hannibal meta, not even in the LOTR or Untamed fandoms, it sates a deep and precious desire in my soul. I fucking love the show and I fucking love the fandom, bless every last little cannibal heart <3 

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

My wife had mentioned that her brother was starting to play this game, Yakuza 0. I had heard of it before but knew nothing about it. Her brother is a game designer though and has very good taste so if he was enjoying it, it was probably good. Still, I wasn’t particularly interested until my wife started telling me about it. How there were these two protags, a young man trying to clear his name and beat the odds and another young man with an impossible responsibility. And no matter how bad things were for the first young man, and they were Bad, things were somehow, always, 10 times worse for the second young man. Sounded like a pretty good story to me. 

But I still didn’t get into it until I cam home from work one night and my wife was watching probably the fifth fight with Kuze. She wanted to stop since I had come home and she knew I wasn’t into it. But I didn’t want to make her stop so I sat and watched for awhile, because it was very pretty and the graphics were very smooth. And since we were neck deep in plot, she backtracked for me to Kiryu meeting Tachibana and then... him. The manager of the Grand. Oh brother, sister, I ain��t got words for my reaction to that. 

So yeah, that’s approximately how it happened and then I just slammed through the rest of the games with her and here we are : |

11. Who is your current OTP?

Oh man, Yakuza’s got a lot of good ships. But mmmmmmm. There is but one king. 

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Always! There’s always a couple ships in every fandom I’m in that are popular and I can see why, but I’m just not feeling them. 

Daigo/Ryuji is the big one. I know it’s very popular, but I’m just not feeling it. I’m not quite sold on the whole rival thing, but then I don’t like how “rivals” are written 99% of the time. There’s a lot of cute Majima/Nishitani content on my dash right now, very sweet, and I get ti, but definitely not my ship. Hmmm, there are probably others, but those are probably the big ones for this fandom. 

I go back and forth on Kiryu/Nishikiyama. I like it a lot as a past history thing, an aborted relationship, something they tried that didn’t quite pan out, or maybe something they wanted to try and never did. Especially because I think Nishiki definitely did have confused feelings on his side, or at least was willing to entertain romantic notions. His attachment and hero worship of Kiryu often skews that way. Not sure about Kiryu’s side. I mostly think he thinks of himself too much as a big brother to Nishiki, too responsible for him, to view him as a possible partner. But I think that background history would be a really cool thing to influence Kiryu’s take on later possible relationships. So I dunno, I go real back and forth.

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Oh, woof, probably. If you look deep on my AO3 account, there’s some Sherlock shit. So, there’s a scarlet letter for that. I’ve written some trash for Doctor Who, I’ve written some good stuff too, but I’ve written some trash. 

You have to understand, I’ve been writing fanfic since I was 12. That’s 15 years I’ve been writing, more than half my life. So sure, I’m embarrassed of the shit I started out with and that’s why I don’t have links back to my FF.net account. That was a different me from a very different time and not at all a reflection of who I am or my capabilities now. However. Those gave me a great deal of joy to write while I was writing them and I was quite proud of them at the time. I do not wish to do them a disservice or my past self a disservice by calling them bad. They’re not bad, they were the best I could do at the time and I was right for posting them. I try not to look back and cringe because that’s not fair to past me. I was doing my best and they made me happy. I’m still doing my best and it makes me happy. So really, how can I scoff or judge? 

I do sometimes worry about all my unfinished works. If you’ve been following me for awhile, you’re probably well aware that I don’t finish shit all the time. And I know I have disappointed many with my inconsistency there and I do genuinely feel bad about that. I’m trying to do better and am very proud of myself to have completed two major works (major for me anyway) during the pandemic. That’s a great deal of progress for me and I’m proud of that. I’m trying to form good writing habits and expectations and not do injury to myself or readers with poor writing habits. 

We all have regrets man but I think I can say that I work very hard at not having writing regrets and mostly I have been successful c: 

[randomwordprompts]

If It’s Magic | Chapter 1

A/N: Hey y’all, I’m still here! Aight so boom, this is gonna be a college series for our my fave demons that picks up about a month after the epilogue of Intimate Friends. (If you ain’t read that btw, go do it!) This chapter is just intro/filler but how else can we start right?

Taglist: @bartierbakarimobisson @oceanscorazon @wakandas-vibranium @wakandan-flowerz @yaachtynoboat711 @great-neckpectations @storibambino @babygirlofwakanda

July 14, 2014 - New York City, Greenwich Village

“The New School? I still don’t quite understand what was wrong with the other place you were accepted into. I thought you liked that school, frau.”

Amira rolled her eyes at her father and handed him a box to carry into the building, ignoring his prodding questions as she grabbed a packed bin of her own.

“Papa, I already told you. There were too many pros to say no. They offered more money, more options, and their curriculum is a lot more progressive than the other school.”

Hannibal snorted, “And it was the only school you and Xavier both got accepted to?”

“That’s just a bonus.”

Francois snorted about how it was more than just a bonus but walked towards the door that Pauline held open for them. Following behind was Jonathan, Amira, Hannibal, and Diana while Elisha kept the car running, planning to go park it once everything was taken out. At the sight of Francois walking towards the door with empty hands, Hannibal called out to his eldest.

“Frank, I believe you’re missing something. You’re not carrying a box.”

“I just got my nails done, I’m not risking it! Plus everything is so...heavy.”

Just when Hannibal opened his mouth with a rebuttal, Amira spoke up.

“Frankie, can you at least take my makeup bag up? You know that’s precious cargo.”

Francois grinned at Hannibal and complied with the simple request, picking the bag up carefully. As they went inside they were almost immediately greeted with the dorm director, a young woman that looked just a hair too awake for 9am. She had a clipboard in her hand and was directing other students as they scurried about the lobby.

“Good morning folks, I’m Madison! May I ask who our newest student is in this lovely bunch?”

Amira pushed past her brothers to stand in front of Madison with a short huff, “That would be me, name’s Amira Lector. Nice to meet you, Madison.”

“Please, call me Maddie! And it’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Amira. Your room is on the second floor and I believe your roommate is already up there! It’s 212, I’ll be handing out dorm keys once everyone is settled.”

After thanking Madison, Amira and family made their way upstairs, thankful that dorm 212 wasn’t far from the elevator. The door was slightly cracked so Amira kicked it open so that everyone could get in, startling her new roommate. The dorms were more accurately two bedroom apartments that were provided on campus, so Amira took her things to her room with a short wave to her roommate. Once her boxes were put down she went back out into the living area to greet the young woman. She was about 5’9, slim but muscular build, skin a lovely honey tone. She sported a pair of gold-rimmed round glasses and looked up at the group of people that were now in her dorm. A slight smile graced her lips while she walked up to introduce herself.

“Hey, my name’s Lucy, nice to meet you. I assume you’re my roomie?”

Amira smiled and nodded before extending her hand to Lucy.

“That would be me, yes! I'm Amira, nice to meet you too.”

After some brief introductions to her family followed by a visit from Maddie to drop off their dorm keys, Lucy left to get food and Amira prepared to say goodbye to her loved ones with promises of bi-weekly video check-ins. Once they left, Amira set off to decorating her room while dancing around to her 90’s playlist.

Xavier laid on his bed with a sigh once his room was finally finished, chuckling as he thought of the conversation he’d had with his mother before finally getting her to go back to her hotel for the night.

“So are you going to tell me why you decided to come here instead of St. Johns? That was a great school.”

He shrugged a bit and put more clothes into his closet before speaking, “It was and still is, but I feel like I can grow more here.”

“And the fact that you and Amira are still in business together didn’t sweeten that fact?”

Xavier grinned. He and his mother had little to no secrets, including how he made his money. She knew enough to be aware but not enough to be considered implicit, so the fact that she mentioned the exact reason he’d picked this college only proved how well she knew her son.

“It did, but with good reason. With the right connections and partners, we could make a big difference here. I know we have our disadvantages at home but here people that look like us go through some really horrible shit and it’s systemic. So, we learn the system and change it from the inside out.”

She leaned back in his chair and nodded thoughtfully, watching him for a moment. It was so quiet that Xavier turned to make sure his mother had heard him properly.

“Oh, I heard all of it. What can I say to that, though? My son is working towards a noble cause for people that aren’t afforded the same opportunities as us. I can’t fault you for that, darling.”

He nodded and sat on his bed for a moment before meeting her gaze.

“I think we can do some really good work here. And if not, I’m pretty sure Amira will find a way to overthrow the government as a contingency plan.”

She laughed but stood and walked over to give her son a hug before getting ready to leave, making sure to remind him to call home if he needed anything.

“Canadian, huh? I’ve always wanted to go but my parents said there were no black people there.”

Amira choked on her green tea laughing at that, looking at her roommate incredulously from the couch.

“Maybe not in Toronto, but there are plenty of us all over Canada. Hell, my mom Pauline is from Jamaica!”

“I thought your mom’s name was Diana? I’m confused,” Lucy paused her writing to look over at Amira curiously.

“Oh, my bad. My parents are poly. My biological mom is Diana, but technically I have three mothers because my father has three wives. That’s still illegal here, isn’t it?”

“You mean bigamy? Yes that’s still very illegal,”Lucy chuckled softly.

“Oi oi, not bigamy. Polyamory, and they work well together. Were really a big happy family and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Amira and Lucy continued to converse well into the night, learning about each other as well as teaching one another things about their respective homes. Just when they were about to turn on some Netflix there was a knock at their door. Lucy, assuming it was their dorm director went and opened the door only to find herself face to chest with the finest man she’d ever seen. Just when she was trying to figure out how to shoot her shot he asked a question that dashed those thoughts before they could even get good.

“Hi, is Amira here?”

The girl in question emerged from her room dressed for bed, wearing a shirt she obviously stole and a pair of boy shorts with her curls covered by her trusty and large bonnet. At the sight of him her face lit up but she folded her arms to feign annoyance.

“Dammit Xavier, you couldn’t show up when I was cute? Or wait till tomorrow like we agreed?”

“I could have, but I didn’t want to. Plus I like seeing Barney,” he said with a grin, referring to the purple of her bonnet.

She would’ve smacked him had he been closer but she opted to just roll her eyes and walk over to the door. Meeting the gaze of her roommate she addressed her sweetly.

“Lucy this is my friend Xavier, he wasn’t supposed to show up tonight so I’ll take this convo out in the hall.”

Lucy nodded in acknowledgement but made her way back over to the tv to pick out a movie. Once the two stepped outside and Amira closed the door behind them she launched herself into Xavier’s arms without much warning. He chuckled and caught her by her thighs, hugging her tightly as she wrapped her body around his. Pulling back to kiss him softly, she scratched at the nape of his neck as she felt her back press into a wall.

“You know...if we were quiet enough I could fuck you in this hallway.”

“Xavier Rose, you are not getting us expelled within the first 24 hours as if it’s an accomplishment.”

He smiled against her lips before dipping his head to press a lingering kiss to her throat. She sighed and hugged him once again before moving to pull her legs from his waist only to have him hold them in place.

“We can talk just like this, Mimi.”

Amira chuckled but played along as she felt butterfly kisses going from her shoulder to her ear.

“Alright, well I’ve been talking to my roommate and learning more about how things operate around here. Have you gotten anything from yours?”

“I have, actually. Turns out my roommate works for a nonprofit that helps disenfranchised people. He’s a good guy.”

“Ooh, that sounds promising. I’m going to look into some student activities tomorrow, find out if they have a BSU and whatnot.”

Xavier hummed thoughtfully but nodded to show that he was listening to what she said. They talked a bit more about their plans and how they would hopefully progress as well as what classes they’d probably start with in registration. After parting ways with a kiss and a promise to spend time together as soon as possible, Amira was back in her dorm room where Lucy was watching Netflix.

“I started watching this movie but we can throw on a baking show after?”

“Um, yes I love baking shows! I just need to go call my brother and I’m all yours, sis.”

Amira went into her room and called Jonathan to check in on the business, happy to hear that everything was running smoothly under his watch. She reminded him to deposit the money that was brought in and who to make payments to, then she found herself talking to her oldest sibling because they took the phone. Francois checked to make sure she ate and was comfortable, then offered to shoot her roommate if they happened to do anything bad to her. She reassured them that she was fed, fine, and that her roommate was a pretty nice person before they finally said goodnight with a laugh. After putting her phone on the charger, Amira went out to watch tv with Lucy until they both finally got tired enough to go to bed.

[rorykillmore]

what themes and dynamics do you enjoy writing out most in rp? are there any you'd like to explore in the future?

i’ve had this sitting unfinished in my drafts for 2000 years because i was like “wow i’ll never be able to think of all my favorite things” but here are SOME

-family dynamics! both strained, tragic ones and also really close ones. i love siblings who are super close, like obviously, sara and laurel. i tend to love consuming stuff that has Important Sibling Dynamics in it, which is why i eat up stuff like charmed or jessica jones. but i also enjoy when family ends up on like, two different sides of two different causes, like loki and thor. or like... especially when a son or daughter has to go up against their Evil mother or father, which was a huge reason why i love alias so much (although ‘evil’ is a bit of a stretch for irina; but actually the entire bristow family dynamic was so messy and complicated and so fucking good) or like... why i loved rping sarafine and lena back in the day, or tigerstar and bramblestar now. love that stuff, especially if the evil parent figure redeems themselves somehow for their kid in the end (also why i love darth vader... oh shit i remember when eps played him and i had leia and we had some REALLY interesting interactions with them, loved that). in rp, obviously this is the kind of dynamic you only get when people pick up canonmates, or make ocs together, soooo....

-i also love FOUND family, which imo is one of the most rewarding things to organically build up through rp ever. like just... when characters go through a lot together and hit that point of considering each other family, bonus points if some of the characters involved have never really had a family before/had a shitty family/lost their old family tragically. some of my favorite rp dynamics have come from this trope! katherine/nagato/red, the superfriends, the weird hannibal family we had for awhile, some of the heathers cast + max, the denny legends are growing towards that point...  i think raptor red/rocket/siobhan could even get there... god yeah, good stuff. as you know that’s what originally drew me into grey’s anatomy too. 

-this one i haven’t done as much in rp (although i guess i have a couple of dynamics floating around that could... potentially turn into that,,)  but something i love in fiction, generally: the tragedy of friends turned enemies. especially on a really epic scale, like... the easiest example i can think of is clark kent and lex luthor in smallville. like, it gets extra tragic if there’s this implication that two people were always DESTINED to be enemies, but they start out as friends. god, i know there are more examples of this -- OH LIKE MERLIN/ARTHUR AND MORGANA IN BBC MERLIN. yeah that’s my shit. it’s so fucking sad. oh and i’m such an idiot, how could i forget optimus and megatron!!! god and one of my favorite tropes related to this is when they fight almost to the death and then end up like, lying their bruised and broken side by side and kind of poignantly reflect on how messed up everything’s become. yeah actually rping this out would make me Die from the pain but it’s still a story i’m always really interested in so i could easily be persuaded...

-ALTERNATIVELY THOUGH i also love rping characters who start out as enemies and then progress to friends, or even ultimately lovers. enemies-to-lovers is a huge weakness of mine (i guess chansaw kinda sorta hits that?? but they’re definitely going through the ‘friends’ phase first) and i’d love to explore a few variations of that dynamic in the future, but i’ve had the pleasure of rping out a lot of good enemies-to-friends stuff. i mean very obviously, edith and lucille come to mind, that’s development i’m still proud of. but i know there have been others, like regina and mithos, uhhh clara and sarafine... i can’t think of more right now but i LOVE this stuff when circumstances allow for it. 

-ummm i just like romantic ships in general, i have some really important platonic and familial ones that are Always going to hold that importance and i love rping that stuff too, i just feel like for awhile on denny/am i was like. tentative about wanting to explore romance?? but now on the site’s current climate i feel like i’ve been able to approach people/or be approached with suggestions much more easily so, maybe i’ll do a few more of those in the future. i don’t even know where to begin in saying which kind i like -- i like all kinds! messy, complicated, temporary, slow-burns, sweet and healing, two villains being assholes in love together... whatever man. just not like, unchecked abusive stuff obviously.

-i really love when characters develop like, mentor/apprentice esque relationships. like, obviously warrior cats is a great avenue for these kinds of dynamics, but i feel like i’ve developed stuff even outside of that that i really had a soft spot for. like remember rachel and nagato?? we didn’t do a ton with that but like.... god they were tragic and good. anyways in movies and stuff, i always fall for the wise (or jaded) mentor figure so i love developing that kind of stuff in rp too. or like... man idk how you would even describe arnold and dolores’ relationship because it’s not QUITE that, but stuff like that too.

-in general i like, love redemption and recovery arcs, particularly when they entail abuse/trauma survivors supporting each other and healing together, and i also love watching characters spiral into villainy (although i think thats a little more rare on denny), or like characters on a journey of self-discovery (probably why westworld has so many hard-hitting moments for me), uhhh... i know i’m gonna post this and think of a million more things BUT YEAH THIS SHOULD DO FOR NOW

[darkpotatorises]

Diary of Soul #1

It is Tuesday  28th of July 2020. Yes the 2020… As years starting to get progressively worse ever since 2012… People thought, oh as soon as it passes, We’ll close that book and open a new one. It can’t be worse… Can it? Well as you already know, even thought it is debatable for the ones coming before it… The accursed 2020 has single handedly won, the objectively worse year for anyone on planet Earth, award. Now where was I? Oh yes. I should explain what I’m doing here. Diary of Soul… It’s the first thing that popped in my mind honestly. I haven’t written a diary since elementary school. Nearly a dozen entries in my whole life… It was one of those diaries with a little lock & key. It was very cute and stylish… If I could find one now, I’d get it in a heartbeat. Consistency, Staying committed is one of the things I was never good in. Unless it comes to Video Games, and even then, evidently by my backlog… There are tons of them I leave unfinished because something else grabs my attention… (Either that or I’m being reeled in back into Phantom Pain yet again) The structure of this text should be a clear indicator of how inconsistent I can get about all stuff imaginable. Jumping from one topic to another in a simple conversation, going all the way back to the stuff that happened years ago only to make a full circle in order to get back to subject at hand…. One thing just leads to another. Back to point. Diary of Soul….. “What is a man? A miserable little pile of (flesh and?!?) secrets!” Quoting our man Darcula himself felt natural for this paragraph as to show how wrong his statement was. (Even though it completely deviates from original Japanese script that had cool voice acting too, screenshot provided for more details) (Please watch Netflix adaptation of Castlevania, it’s cool) So, What is a man really? Can a person be defined by any conventional means….  It should be logical and established by any sort of individual who likes using their brain that nothing in this world is black and white. The best forms of media out there that use formulaic stories of heroes and villains always make their so called villains have good sides too….(Metal Gear Solid series as best example… Hannibal, even Batman, when talking to Superman in regards of how he could beat him despite how powerful he is, “Deep down, you’re a good person and deep down I am not”) It’s safe to assume that there’s not a single person on this planet that is rotten to the core or White Knight through and through. That is the human nature. We are fallible. We’re not machines. But there is a certain kind of beauty in it too… I’m sure it was already described in all kinds of ways through various forms of media from loose film adaptation of “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” to the heavily underrated Bicentennial Man starring Robin Wiliams (Fuck you Rotten Tomatoes, but that’s the subject for another time) Even If a man was able to replicate ability of infallible thinking and become a living google or even worse, A POKEDEX, I feel like he would rely too much on it as we are dependent now on search engines and wikipedia for literally anything. It would erase this little critical thinking we have and are capable of…. Furtherly executing our soul. (Yes that was “A Scent of a Woman” reference) So yeah, Diary of my soul…Soul being the integral and unexplainable, not definable part everyone overlooks in favor of factual…. Things that happened, and things that person done….. While I do agree everyone should be held accountable for the things they do we must not forget that behind every tragedy that happens, the same humanity that judges the guilty party Is the one that should be judged too as it created an unbalanced society with needs that can’t be sated in given conditions….And everybody knows what happens once you start juggling with red bars in the Sims…. Rules of that society and Environmental factors could easily turn someone from the state of a kind soul to something as prolific as the Joker. One can only share the views of society as long as that same society provides one with security, existential items that feed both body and soul, sanity and just a pinch of fake freedom. This brings us to another valid point which is… As long as we need to differentiate ourselves as people from different countries, from the other side of the border… As long as there are borders and things only money can buy, Freedom will not exist and Humanity will not reconnect and thrive as a whole, reaching its true potential and next step of evolution. We’ve been rather stagnant… Money was necessary to achieve some form of civilization, but I think every sane person is able to be civil without its existence… As a matter of fact, the lack of it can only lead one to be uncivil…. a monster rather than a good person. It let that individual get so fed up with everything, or didn’t help a person on time, or just turned a blind eye on that one person who begged for money on the street…. I’ve been so guilty of averting my gaze from the people I didn’t know,  that were in need so many times, because society raised me that way. And I despised every single encounter like that I had to the point that I implanted myself with an emotionless persona, as a defense mechanism that did more harm than good in my further development on all fields of my life… Every single encounter in which I know I can’t help anyone leaves me with a great dose of discomfort. Simple things like that normal people would overlook stay with me for awhile… Making me paint a picture of a monster every time I look myself in the mirror… or some other unrealistic imagery my mind can come up with in that given moment…. I have many problems… My introvert nature and a cool guy personality would never let me talk about them with anyone else. So I internalize them till they burst making me look like a mad man and painting the wrong picture about me. A man can only take that much….. So writing this journal of mine also serves as a form of therapy and one of the rare few ways I can be productive in. I better stop before we spiral out to some other theme. I have problems struggling with being perfectionist too much already…. So I’m not gonna even proof read this. Just be mindful of that. I think this was a good starting point. Tomorrow, I’ll be writing on a subject of ‘90s… and my childhood… It seems fitting as a focal point for the very existence of my soul, and limiting myself to one subject, even though is as broad as a time period will help me keep my track of thoughts. Until the next time.

[dragonlands]

hannigram - an abusive relationship?

Spoiler alert: it’s not. (But it kind of is. I’ll go in depth about that in a moment.)

I wrote this for a conversation I had in twitter, and thought I wouldn’t need to post it here, but since I saw yet another person claiming that hannigram is abusive I thought I’d post this.

People use the term abusive about relationships that are unhealthy (in their opinion), as evindence for why it should not be shipped/supported. The correct definition of abuse is:

“Treating badly or injurously, mistreating, especially psysically.”

And of relationship abuse it is:

“A pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern of control.”

So according to this it is abusive, I get it. They both try to kill each other multiple times, they manipulate and lead each other on. They don’t sexually abuse each other though, which at least in my opinion is the worst sort of abuse and I couldn’t ship a couple who did that to one another.

The other thing in this description that doesn’t quite match Hannigram is “abuse tends to escalate over time – it is always a part of larger pattern of control”. The mental abuse between them is at it’s worst in S1 where Hannibal manipulates Will into believing he’s a killer - but this is not to show his power over him, it is simply the only way Hannibal can bring Will into his life. Hannibal has after the first half of S2 been ready to drop the manipulation and violence between them as soon as Will does. And I haven’t seen anyone blame Will of being the main abuser, even though it could be argued that it’s solely his fault that the abuse continues.

The reason why Hannigram doesn’t fit the normal description of abuse is because their relationship is meant to be read as symbolic, not as a literal ideal of love. It’s fiction, and it should be treated as such. Fiction is great, because we can explore possibilities and relationships etc. that aren’t possible in real life. Thankfully the majority in this fandom are really intelligent and understand this, and only few people have failed at understanding what the shoe is about. That group still exists, and that’s why I felt the need to post this

What I believe the antis actually mean when they say it’s abusive is not just that it is violent and manipulative, but that “It’s an abuser/abused relationship, Hannibal is evil and Will is innocent, their relationship won’t work and does more bad than good for both of them, or at least for Will”.

Like I said earlier, it’s not a healthy relationship and it’s not one that I literally want for myself or for anyone I care about - but it’s not unbalanced. At least when we reach the end of third season they are certainly equals, there’s no denying it. I understand that some people don’t ship it because it’s too far from an ideal realtionship, and that’s okay, but hating on it and denying the fact that they’re equals who both choose each other in the end is just plain ignorant.

Will has always been alone, always been different. His relationship with Hannibal gets so close so fast because Hannibal is the first person who actually sees him. I’m gonna quote a Hannigram fic here because I think it described their relationship so well. (Will to Hannibal:) “You always wanted me to be the best version of myself when no one else accepted me for what I already was.” Just like Hannibal let Will see him, Will also let Hannibal see him. Hannibal didn’t “make an innocent puppy become a murderer”, he helped him to become what he already had the potential for.

If the antis and/or deniers have only seen season one, I need to admit that I understand them. Will did kind of seem like an innocent dog loving introvert back then if you didn’t pay much attention to details (like how coldly he treats the parents of the missing girl, how he isn’t afraid of human contact but despises it, how his humor is so dark that it often shocks his colleagues and friends and so on. I could make a post about this, if anyone is interested about that let me know). The first season is about Hannibal manipulating everyone into thinking Will is a killer, experimenting on Will and he does seem like a coldhearted psychopath there.

In season two we see Will gaining more power back, him manipulating and even seducing Hannibal. He isn’t afraid to kill a man in the progress, he eats people with Hannibal almost flirtatiously. This is not what an “innocent” man would do, or even what innocent man physically could do. The darkness inside him is becoming more clear, and even he himself admits that even though he wants to, he can’t hate Hannibal.

Will (to Peter): “I envy your hate. Makes it much easier when you know how to feel.”

He still betrays Hannibal in mizumono (even though he does call him at the last minute to warn him). Before I always though it was just because Will was still trying to cling to some sort of morality, but after Hugh’s comments it is obvious that Will was also afraid Hannibal didn’t and/or couldn’t love him the way he loved him, and so he thought it would be dangerous for him to run away with him and trust Hannibal with his life and wellbeing. Here is what Hugh said:

“I think Will has probably in some way never conceived the possibility that Hannibal could be in love. I mean, he’s got such a black heart. The awareness that they have this connection is something Will knows and is probably in some way profoundly ashamed of, and is also, you know, he keeps coming back to and actually kinda fills him with joy as well. But I don’t think he’d ever give it the name love, because I don’t think he’d ever associate love with Hannibal. – He’s never thought of Hannibal as being capable of love. Because like most of us, he probably had love put off on a kind of pedestal, as an idea, a more perfect thing, as he made the awful realisation: ‘Oh crap, maybe this thing I’m feeling is like love.‘”

I think it is clear to everybody at this point that Hannibal loves Will. His love, though, isn’t your typical “murderer obsessed with a beautiful and innocent woman (obviously man in this case)”. Hannibal loves Will because they understand each other, because they share a way of seeing the world, but also because they have interesting conversations and because they share the same sense of himor and have fun together. In a way, it’s just normal love, just deeper and richer since neither of them has ever had a change to explore that kind of love with anyone else before.

So to conclude: if you take it literally, yes, it is abusive, but that doesn’t make it wrong to ship it, by Hannibal standards at least. (The whole show is a little fucked up so if you can’t live with that why are you here?) Also, it has been abusive until this point only because they (well, mostly Will) have still struggled to accept their feelings for each other. Hannibal has only physically hurt Will if he has betrayed his trust or tried to hurt him first. Personally I don’t believe Hannibal would ever hurt Will again if they were to be a real couple. He also stopped the mindgames and manipulation as early as when Will got out of prison, knowing what he was. And Will has hurt and betrayed Hannibal mostly because of the reasons I stated earlier, because he thought it was the only way to save himself. If they stopped their game of cat and mouse (a game of cat and mouse where the roles change from time to time, or maybe even better description would be a game of cat and cat like Bryan called it) I wholeheartedly believe that they could live in a relationship where neither of them abuses the other.

Like Bryan once said, the core of their relationship is that:

“They had imagined they were unique before they saw each other. Obviously it took Will longer to appreciate that because he didn’t quite realize what he was dealing with in Hannibal, but Hannibal sees it instantly. It’s two people who have never been - I mean Will probably wears it heavier - but still, essentially alone in the world and then see some kind of, maybe not mirror image but the other side of their coin.”

And like Hugh said:

“In a sense the two of them have been wandering the Earth, totally isolated, because they have such a specific and elevated mentality. Not identical, but it is as if not only are you the greatest chess player on the planet, you’re actually the only person on the planet that can play chess. And then suddenly you walk into a roon one day and there’s a guy playing chess. I think that’s how they feel about each other.”

If you leave out the murder and cannibalism and manipulation, Hannigram is about two people who are different than anyone else finding love in each other. Their relationship evolves slowly from friends to lovers, and even though they try to move on neither of them can because they share something so intimate. So in its own, weird and symbolic way, i think Hannibal and Will’s relationship is build on a much better base and is possibly even healthier than many other ships and canon couples out there.

[calamity-bean]

American Gods 1.01

AT LONG LAST, after literally YEARS of waiting and waiting and clinging to the faintest of rumors, two of my favorite flavors of weirdness -- Neil Gaiman and Bryan Fuller -- collide on screen. The result is as bizarre as expected, in an extremely exciting way.

Not everything in the premiere worked for me. I reckon there will continue to be things that don’t work for me. But honestly, I’m just so dang HAPPY that one of my favorite books is in such capable adaptation hands, and I can’t wait to see how elements get translated to screen. Regarding the first episode, here’s my very personal & informal take on what was good, what was not so good, and what made me glance around nervously and giggle, “What the fuck? What the fuck???”

Spoilers for episode 1 and for a few comparisons to the novel, but only to book material that was covered in the ep.

The Good

The CASTING. Of everyone, so far. I actually wasn’t really familiar with Ricky Whittle before this, but dang — that man can carry so much emotion in just the twitching of his jaw and the trembling of his hands as Shadow spends a large part of the episode alternately numb and quaking with suppressed grief and rage. Ian McShane is not as rugged in appearance or wolfish in manner as I always imagined Wednesday, but he’s got this charm that is at once oily and debonair and very intriguing. I approve.

Pablo Schrieber, meanwhile, is just so fucking fun to watch as Mad Sweeney — always one of my faves. He’s got this infectious streak of madness and high-spirited but mostly good-natured bloodlust that you can truly see shining in his eyes even before he unleashes his fists. The coin tricks and the bar fight were both two of my favorite parts of the episode, and I also love his whole character design, particularly his hairstyle. Yetide Badaki, likewise, is enchanting to watch, absolutely radiating sensuality, mystery, and a hint of deep vulnerability -- a neediness that is partly a show but partly genuine. I’ve always had a soft spot for Bilquis, and her sex scene is honestly incredibly hot except for all the ways in which it’s not.

But my favorite so far may actually be Jonathan Tucker as Shadow’s cellmate. Like, his eccentric mannerisms, his bad teeth, his accent and rapid speech ... On one level, all of that so strongly telegraphs that this is some kind of backwoods petty criminal, one of those twitchy, kind of hillbilly guys. But it's all anchored by that perfect dagger-sharp, lopsided, mischievous smile. I really liked how Shadow “sees” him in the airport; I wonder if that’ll continue to be a thing?

On that note, I’m glad they managed to fit in the “don’t piss off those bitches in airports” anecdote. Giving it to Tucker’s character was a smart choice. A good lesson for us all, and again, I loved Tucker’s delivery of it.

Wednesday’s introduction was, I thought, an example way of showing things that the novel largely tells at first. The show gives his and Shadow’s initial meeting a lot more breathing room and space to play out in, and the sharp contrast between when we first see him -- disheveled and seemingly senile -- versus his smoothness on the plane serves both as a great establishing character moment for the audience and as an excuse for Wednesday and Shadow to connect over the fine art of the con.

Shout-out also to the poor beleaguered waitress at the Crocodile Bar. She expected better of you, Shadow. She expected better.

The cinematography. Visually, of course, the show is stunning. Gorey and gritty and high-contrast, like an extremely color-saturated noir. Unsurprisingly, it reminds me fondly of watching Hannibal, which is never a bad thing. The vikings’ battle in the prologue was a bloodbath of straight-up “Mizumono” proportions, and just as beautiful, in that very special way that bright, vivid splashes of slow-motion blood splatter are.

And the titular bone orchard! Eerily gorgeous and fascinating. I want to visit. Probably not the smartest travel decision I’ve ever made, but also probably not the worst.

The music. I had a notion that I’d probably be pretty damn into the music on this show; the first trailer set my expectations high by using Fantastic Negrito’s version of “Black Girl,” so I’d been hoping that the overall auditory landscape of the show would likewise be in keeping with my tastes. The verdict: heck YES it is. I need this soundtrack stat.

Oh, and did I mention Ricky Whittle is great? Cause he’s great. My mum and I have been fan-casting our perfect Shadow for years, but I don’t know if we ever hit on someone who does such a good job of combining Shadow’s imposing physicality with his soft-spoken and often gentle demeanor. And then to see his reserve shatter at Laura’s graveside, as he’s speaking to her and finally lets his heart pour out ... I loved that scene. Right up until the moment I didn’t.

Which brings us to...

The Not So Good

*sighs* Audrey.

Apparently, the only reason that scene didn’t actually progress to the proposed blowjob is that Neil Gaiman, bless his heart, threatened to throw himself in front of a bus if it took place. Thank you, Neil. In the original, fellatio-filled version, was Shadow supposed to be into it, I wonder? Or would it still have been sexual assault? Because that’s what we got on screen, at least: Audrey aggressively and physically assaulting him, though thankfully all she managed to do was shove him around.

I don’t entirely know what the point of that scene was meant to be, in terms of character or of narrative. Audrey, poor drunken Audrey, spends all of her appearances stumbling back and forth between sympathetic and repugnant — which is actually exactly how her character should be. But was it really necessary to do that by having her alternating between assaulting and hugging Shadow?

In the novel, Audrey’s shocking moment is at the funeral itself, when Shadow sees Audrey walk up to Laura’s open casket and spit on her corpse. I’ve always thought that moment extremely effective. It’s a much smaller gesture than trying to revenge-fuck Shadow, of course, but that’s kind of what I always liked about it. Not a grand, aggressive assault; instead, a small but stunning slap. And directed against Laura herself rather than at a proxy.

I don’t know. That whole scene just felt immensely uncomfortable, which I know was the point, but also unnecessary. Moving on, though—

I also did not particularly care for the Technical Boy’s goons. Their costuming / character design was weird and ineffective, imo, and doesn’t it rather undercut the entire nature of the Technical Boy — whose big threat is to delete Shadow, to literally overwrite him in the programming of reality, such that he never was — that he follows up that deletion threat by having his “children” just ... kick and lynch Shadow instead? That’s ... not really in keeping with his theme. Technology has advanced a lot since this novel was first published back in 2001, and although some aspects of the Technical Boy’s scene, such as the virtual-reality-limo interface thing, reflected that, the “children” and their methods felt incongruously low tech.

Overall, though, I didn’t really have many legit complaints with the episode. Just some things that made me cackle with incredulity, horror, and delight:

The WTF

An ARM flew through the SKY with a SWORD in its hand and STABBED A MAN in the THROAT.

It was VERY ELEGANT and AMAZING and I LAUGHED OUT LOUD.

Also laughed out loud at the viking who became a human quiver. I’m honestly so baffled by that. It’s a striking image, but it doesn’t make a lick of sense. That honestly seems like more arrows than any locals were likely to have on hand, and even if they did, why would they shoot them all into one person. For the sake of my sanity (and the show’s dignity), I have chosen to believe that things like this and the arm did not, in fact, happen; that they are merely embellishments on the part of Mr. Ibis, who has a lively and imaginative mind, after all, and who possibly has watched a few too many action movies.

And then there was That Scene. The one I had been eagerly awaiting above all others. The Bilquis Scene.

Bilquis’s first chapter is one of those moments in literature that fundamentally changed me as a person. I had a life before I first read the Bilquis scene, and I continued to have a life after, but it was not the same life as before. Ever since this series finally started moving forward, my number one question has been how the HECK they were going to execute it, and ... well. They executed it, by golly. They really really did. I think I’m pleased by how they executed it, but also deeply, viscerally disturbed, which is as it should be, I suppose.

Overall? A really interesting and promising start. Even though I’ve read the book many times, I still feel as though I don’t truly know how to expect, which ... is honestly a delightful feeling, considering how much faith I have in the creators. (It is not always a delightful feeling. Even before GoT surpassed ASoIaF, I increasingly found myself uncertain what to expect from it, too, but in a much more aggravating and disappointing way.)

Whatever happens, this is going to be a wild ride. The book is also kind of a wild ride, but the show is, I suspect, going to be even wilder. And I’m all for that. Now where is that soundtrack? I need it in my ears.

[boleynns]

The Textual Failure

I’ve seen a lot of people’s complaints being invalidated today on the faulty logic that the only reason people are unsatisfied with this episode and season is because of the lack of explicit confirmation of a ship. If you honestly believe that, please continue reading - because, completely divorced from any subtext, this was a mess for every character around.

It was just bad writing:

1.) Eurus & Sherlock

If the intention all along (which from today’s interview bits I’ve see from Moffat is the case) was to explore what it would be like if Sherlock had a sister, this execution fails on every level. Sherlock is our main protagonist, so by the nature of good storytelling, all other characters and their actions should either be an impetus for him to change. Eurus shows up as a “emotional” character 10 minutes before the end of Season 4, and will not have any future impact on his story. 

If this was the intention from the beginning, Eurus should have been textually involved a long time ago. Why would I now, after 12 episodes and 7 years without her, suddenly care about her? Why, after all this time, would I think it was genius writing to shove in, in the very last episode, that the only reason he is the way he is is because he forgot his dog/friend died 30+ years ago, and forgot his sister somehow. 

Imagine, for a second, that at the end of Deathly Hallows, Dumbledore tells Harry that he has a twin sister who is locked away in a tower that he completely forgot about, but he’s only who he is because of her, and his emotional arc will only be complete after she tries to kill him, Ron, and Hermione, and then he forgives her and hugs her. You would probably say “Hey! But Ron and Hermione are the point - they’ve been there all along, they’re the ones who matter to Harry and his arc!” So why is this any different?

It is bad storytelling.

2.) John

Oh, John. Out of all the characters that got decimated this season, John really got the brunt of it. Again, not even paying attention to the subtext, on a purely surface level, Culverton was completely right to laugh in his face during TLD:

John, the doctor, was driving the car, while Sherlock, not a doctor, was in the back seat with the woman who was giving birth.

John, the doctor, does literally nothing when Mary is shot.

John, the doctor, doesn’t care that his best friend is pronounced weeks away from death, and doesn’t even seem to find this to be alarming whatsoever.

John, the doctor, kicks said dying man while he’s down, to the point he is coughing up blood.

John, the doctor, doesn’t know the difference between dog bones and child bones.

On an emotional level, John has absolutely no coherent arc. In chronological order this season:

Has fun solving cases with Sherlock and a pregnant Mary.

Becomes a father. I think he likes it? Who knows.

Starts texting Fake Bus Girl.

Keeps texting Fake Bus Girl.

His wife runs away, and when he sees her again he says he used to like her. Textually, is pissed and unsatisfied with their lack of communication.

One day later, she dies saving his friend, and he blames his friend.

He drinks a lot, hallucinates his dead wife, and is still hardcore blaming Sherlock for everything.

He doesn’t care that Sherlock is dying, and then beats him extremely harshly.

He leaves Sherlock in the hospital, and leaves his cane - I guess as a final “fuck you!”.

He sees that Mary told Sherlock to “go to hell”, and only then does he care that Sherlock might die.

He gets irrationally angry at Sherlock receiving a ‘Happy Birthday’ text message.

He says he’s only a good person because of Mary, and wouldn’t have saved Sherlock any other way.

He then confesses his text affair to Sherlock and Invisible Mary, and literally says that he wanted more out of it, and he still does. 

So tell me, what is his arc? What is his motivation for anything? I don’t see a common thread anywhere - he loved Mary, but he texted this chick, then he didn’t like Mary enough to say it straight to her face, then Mary died a day later and she was the love of his life, and then he wishes he’d gone further with Fake Bus Girl; Sherlock is his best friend, his best man, the Godfather to his kid, but who cares if he’s dying, it’s totally his fault that Mary died, let me kick him in the stomach until he bleeds, let me never see him again, oh Mary said he’ll probably die maybe I should care now, oh now we’re in a bunker and he’s going to shoot himself in the head no biggie. ????????

It’s actually embarrassing.

3.) Mycroft

Aside from how he was able to lock his little sister away on a high-security island without their parent’s knowledge, why would he do this? There is literally no logical motivation for this. And beyond that, what was the point of him having Moriarty go to the island? What was the point of any of that stuff with Lady Smallwood? Why did he do any of this - what was the point???

4.) Molly

I’ve seen quite a few “Shove your fake feminist concern about the ‘I Love You’ scene up your asses, it was a wonderful scene for Sher/olly” posts - a lot of them, actually. And honestly, whatever - if you think that was a beautiful scene, that’s your right. But as I said, I’m not interested in subtext here, and all the text shows is:

Eurus setting this up to make both Sherlock and Molly feel horrible, and that is what is shown to us. Molly has always been used as a ‘human’ reaction to Sherlock’s ‘inhumane’ harshness, and we see the same character beat for her again here. Like all of the characters this season, it is just...disappointing to watch, when seeing Molly progress as an independent character would have been so interesting. Same shit, different day.

5.) Mary

I have seen equally as many “You are a horrible feminist if you don’t like Mary” posts, and again, no. I love villains - honestly, antiheroes are BY FAR my favorite type of character. From the Hannibal Lector (NBC Hannibal), to Spike (BtVS), hell, even Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl) - characters that are really terrible people, in one way or another, but through their progression become something more complex than they were to begin with.

Mary did not do this. We meet her as the benign and snarky fiancé, then she is revealed to be an assassin when she literally kills Sherlock, and threatens to kill him yet again the that empty house. The very next time we see her after this entire ordeal, John forgives her in front of the fireplace - and that’s it. After that, she’s Rosie’s mom, she says John was “her whole world”, and then she dies. And then she sends a couple videos to narrate the next two episodes. The end.

So where was the character progression? Where was the evolution from “fiancé” to “ruthless assassin” to “devoted wife and mother”? Where was her guilt, her feeling torn between being a mother and being “free” and on the run, where did she (or John, for that matter) ever show true emotional connection before that death scene, where was her personality (beyond being quippy)? They skipped the entire middle part of her story, and just expected everyone to go along with it without suspicion or complaint - well, here I am, complaining.

I wanted so much more, because I wanted to believe that they wouldn’t just flatten her character out into a pancake - but I was wrong.

6.) The Point

What was the point? Truly, was there one? That lesson that so many great shows impart: the idea of found family, the wonderful steadiness of gaining trust, the overcoming of circumstances, knowing that someone will catch you when you fall. 

The lesson here seems to be: don’t pay attention to the details, your childhood trauma created you, you can’t trust your best friend, if you are dying your friend will only save you if he happens to hear his dead wife tell him to, you can’t trust your family to tell you the truth, all you are is that one character trait, but that’s not important anyways - this is just a detective story, and your emotional arc isn’t important.

So why are we watching the show? I can read the stories - and I have. The point of the show should have been the characters. But it wasn’t, and that is the most disappointing thing to unearth after all this time.

It is what it is. And what it is is shit.

[nofomoartworld]

Flying Lotus Made a Feature Film and It's F*cking Disgusting

Steve Ellison, the artist primarily known as Flying Lotus, wants to "show people the ugly," so the Grammy-nominated producer made a film. His directorial debut, under the name mononym,"Steve," comes with Kuso, a new body horror comedy that follows the lives of disfigured men, women, and children living in Los Angeles after a catastrophic earthquake. Projected through a network of discarded televisions, Kuso bounces from screen to screen in a series of interwoven vignettes that depict intimate character profiles set in a post-apocalyptic universe.

The film has made a lot of noise since massive walkouts during its first screening at Sundance back in January prompted critics to call it both "grotesque" and straight-up "disgusting." The Verge went as far to label it "the grossest movie ever made." Within the film's 95-minute runtime, among other things, an erect penis is stabbed with a giant steel rod, a man gives birth to a cockroach anally, and a talking neck boil performs oral sex.

Beyond the profusion of bodily fluids, the costume and set design seen throughout the live action sequences are perhaps the most eye-grabbing components of the film. Kuso combines eerie animation, comedy, bizarro special effects, dynamic prosthetic work, with, expectedly, a kickass score featuring contributions from Kamasi Washington, Aphex Twin, and Akira Yamaoka. The film is also riddled with brilliant cameos from Hannibal Buress, Tim Heidecker, Anders Holm, and George Clinton. Creators recently spoke with Steve over the phone to talk about his hands-on approach to filmmaking and some of the things he learned during this two-year making of Kuso.

Creators: The physical layout of each scene, from the furniture to the props, creates a thoroughly complete image that's hard not to appreciate. How did you and the other writers work with the art department to bring this vision to the big screen?

Flying Lotus: I was so in the trenches with this film. I got to get real specific about the details. Like, the early Tim Burton movies are so him, and I knew I was gonna do that with this movie; I knew this was gonna be the one I got super dirty with. This is the movie where you see things from my sketchbook come to life. I really wanted it to be that kind of project. I really wanted to dig deep for it, but I also had really talented designers around so it was a combination of both. I had this vision of this taking place in kind of like a pre-internet world, a world where the technology hadn't really blown up yet. I wanted to show that mid-90s kind of vibe. Everything kind of stems from that place—it was a lot of fun, though. I love doing all the little details, designing the characters outfits, designing some of the prosthetic stuff, and the monsters.

What was your introduction to animation and video like?

I was just messing around in Photoshop, learning how to make things look weird and funky. And then I just kept doing it. I would have my friends send me pictures and stuff and then I would just do up their faces all crazy, just for fun. It was something else to do other than just draw in my sketchbook. And then it just kept evolving into this thing.

I imagine making electronic music and editing sound translates pretty well to using programs like Photoshop and After Effects. Was that your experience?

Absolutely. That's why it didn't feel completely unnatural to go in that direction. It just felt so similar, it just felt like now I'm editing visual, photoshop layers instead of audio. But I mean they are also so different. I think early on, when I was just fucking around with PS and AE, I saw how much the stuff I made was bothering my friends. They would be like, "Ugh, oh my god, what is that?" And I was like, "Well, something about this is doing something for them right now."

Was it your intention to make a film that would elicit that sort of reaction?

I didn't set out to make this vile film that people couldn't even sit through. More so, I wanted to show people the ugly. I wanted to show people some ugly at a time when everyone is trying to look pretty and everybody wants their face on everything. I wanted to show you your ugly ass in all its glory.

I saw that Eddie Alcazar is one of the producers on the film. Does Kuso feel like a sort of natural progression from the short you made with him last year?

It was all a perfect storm that led up to this. But yeah I think the last pieces of the puzzle came when I worked with Eddie Alcazar on FUCKKKYOUUU. To me, that film was hugely influential in my wanting to make a movie and mustering up the courage to actually do it. He and I became really good friends after that project, and while we were working on it, we pretty much came up with it together. He had the idea, I had the music. But it didn't happen until we met and were in a room together. We just kept exchanging ideas and it became what you saw. And I felt so close to that. I felt like, "Man I can do this. I'm ready. And you know what? Eddie can help me. If he says we can do it, and he knows some people, lets just do it. Fuck it." Then I got some money and so we were like, "Let's make this shit." And then Royal [a short film by Steve] happened, and the rest is history. When we first had the idea, I was already working on some animation stuff, and I had some time off of music, too, so I didn't have to focus too much on that. I had the time I could just carve out for doing something new. So it was sort of like a perfect storm.

A lot of the editing and sound design featured in Kuso reminds me of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and other Adult Swim classics. Did these programs influence your work at all?

Absolutely. I think Tim and Eric and Adult Swim were hugely influential. You know it's funny, I started showing Tim clips of the movie and he'd be like, "Wow! We never pushed this far in the show." And I was like, "Yes! I got you, motherfucker." And it was super fun. Tim was a such good sport about everything. He was so awesome. I would tell him, "Man, I'm like your child. This is the result of your efforts, too." But also, and a lot of people don't know this, but people like Dave Willis from Aqua Teen Hunger Force helped write some of this with me. I mean, Aqua Teen Hunger Force was hugely influential in the film, too. The scene with the aliens and the girl on the couch and shit. That's Aqua Teen right there. So it's got a lot of Adult Swim-ness in there definitely. We also worked with the editor from The Eric Andre Show, Luke Lynch, so he helped me out a lot, too. There's a lot of different influences in there.

You've also talked about the influence of Japanese cinema in your work, specifically horror films. How did that genre play a role in Kuso's aesthetic?

I think more than anything, what I got from Japan was their openness to the ideas; the abstractions, I love that. I also think I picked up the way I like to use the camera, and the way I like to direct scenes. I feel like I learned a lot of that stuff from watching Japanese films, period. Whether it be like [Akira] Kurosawa or Takashi Miike. Those guys are on two different sides of the spectrum, but I always followed how they put scenes together. You know, like, Seven Samurai, I love that movie. I think a lot of that influenced my decision-making with the cameras and stuff. There's one film specifically that I think is the closest thing to Kuso: Funky Forest. I feel like if anybody likes Kuso, if you're a fan of the movie, you should go check that out. It's a really cool film.

In the past, you've talked about using film as a platform to address some of your fears and anxieties, as opposed to railing about them on Twitter. How does filmmaking provide a unique outlet in terms of your self expression?

I think with films you get different interpretations of an idea, and you get a lot more room to play with different perspectives and different voices that can agree or disagree with one another. With Twitter, I just try to keep my mouth shut. Motherfuckers will try and make a headline out of anything, so I have to be careful with that. But with films, I can explore a lot of different things. And I've found that by working on this film and finding my way through this process, I've kind of figured out my place in the universe in a way. I feel like, "Oh, ok. I have to be this guy now. This is my opening. There's nobody in this lane so I'm gonna be this guy right now because there's something missing and I can fill it."

Is the film intentionally ambiguous?

I didn't want everything to be spelled out, but I did leave all the piece there for people. If anyone cares enough to watch it again, you might see something you didn't notice the first time that will make it all make sense for you. I definitely left all the pieces there, or at least I tried to without spelling out.

Are you surprised by the reception thus far?

Completely surprised. The fact that it even went to Sundance, I mean, that's every up-and-coming filmmaker's dream. Regardless of whatever happens, to me that was super fun. At the end of the day, whether or not it was a positive thing, no other movie got talked about as much as the 'grossest movie of all time' or whatever they want to call it. So I was really proud of it just existing in the landscape. It's so hard to even make a movie and just the fact that it can exist and be seen is huge to me. You know I'm new to this shit, so it feels like a miracle that we've gotten this far.

Kuso is set to release July 21st in select theaters throughout Los Angeles and online via AMC's Shudder streaming service. Learn more about the film, here.

Related:

Step Inside Flying Lotus's Mind-Blowing Performance Sculpture

Flying Lotus And Lilfuch's Animated Video Ventures Inside The New Moog Synth

The Making Of Elijah Wood's Phantom Limb In Flying Lotus' New Video "Tiny Tortures"

from creators http://ift.tt/2t51Xmo via IFTTT

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Gotham 4x05: A Liveblog

Phew... long, long day, super delayed liveblog, but here it is, in all its glory. And frankly, after last time, I am not hoping for much : |

TL;DR - So there was a footrub and- HEY LET’S TALK ABOUT SOLOMON GRUNDY!

You know I’m disappointed in Gotham when I have not been chomping at the bit to see the next episode. If they get ANYTHING right today, I'll be pleased

Buuuutch :c my baby, my angel :cccc

...there’s literally location called “Slaughter Swamp” there’s literally... *throws book on floor* *walks out*

And yeah, I'm sure dumping a mostly dead body in... this swamp is Very Safe and will not lead to Anything Weird Ever. After all, it’s not like the waters in this town have literally resurrected people...

HARVEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. HARVEYYYYY *sobs* Oh god and you look so good and your boyfriend has been AN ALL TIME LOW recently and... HARVEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *cries into 50 pillows*

This season was supposed to be about you two getting married. And instead what do I get? The divorce. I fucking hate how this show writes Jim. HATE.

Is lil Bruce contemplating murder??? Daaaamn boy. Is this show finally actually going to become ABOUT Batman??? Am I actually going to start giving a fuck about Bruce? Jesus, how the turn tables.

Side note: David was younger here, they shot this episode earlier, not later

MMMM, all them good funeral feels for Bruce, MMMMMM. This is fine. I’m sure he’s... fine.

Jim what the fuck, fuck off. None of your shit now.

Oh my GOD Jim, you’re going to lecture ALFRED about PARENTING??? JIM. JIM. REMEMBER WHAT YOUR USELESS ASS WAS DOING FOR LITERALLY ALL OF LAST SEASON? IT WASN’T FUCKING HELPING BRUCE. FUCK YOU.

Why this show is choosing to make me hate Jim is beyond me. Holy fuck.

Bruce, I know you’re not Batman yet but... Batman is No Killing for a reason buddy. *pets* You gotta learn that lesson.

Babs hair this season continues to be... I don’t even know what her style is this season

HOLY FUCK WHY IS RA’S IN A HANNIBAL CAGE. HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

How Hannibal is this show going to get??? HOly SHIT.

Don’t tell me they gave Babs the fucking “soft paper, no clips, no staples, do not accept anything he hands you” rules (that BY THE BY we used on Frank too and that will NEVER stop being hysterical, although most of you are probably not in that fandom) too??/ HOLY FUCK WHAT THE SHIT

RA’S IS NOT A SERIAL KILLER, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU JUSTIFY THIS... WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD

I want to be paid a dollar every time Gotham borrows from Hannibal because... WOW. wow.

Jesus Fucking Christ What Even Just Happened

Oh thank GOD we’re back in Slaughter Swamp, I’m so sorry for what I said about you earlier, NEVER MIND, you are MUCH better than that, VERY welcoming, bless you Slaughter Swamp

...is that Oswald’s murder trailer? Welp, for the purposes of amusing myself, I’m just going to say that it is. Just come full circle on it. That trailer stays in the family.

Apparently none of you have seen Frankenstein or you would know not to wave fire at the recently returned from the dead : ||||

That... I guess that’s as good a way to get a name as any

*groaning about Sofia’s existence*

Is it an f or a ph? does anyone know? Meh

Mmmm... Oswald’s twitchy, he makes bad decisions when he’s twitchy. Of course, why Oswald should be twitchy now is a mystery. I can only hope the decision to abandon Ed isn’t sitting well with him. BUT that might make Too Much Sense because Fuck This Show

Hi Ed. I see your pill addiction is... still a thing. I’m not sure how i feel about the fact that you turn to drugs when you can’t handle shit.

...okay, I kinda love that Ed is now bad at everything in a new and entirely understandable way, as opposed to when he was bad at everything but we were SUPPOSED to think he was oh so smart (personally I think there are WAY better writing angles in that in regards to hubris and you know... actual fucking development but, WHATEVER writers, you do you). I have no idea where this will eventually lead, probably nowhere, because this show sucks and is determined not to make any progress of any kind but rather run us round and round in the same circles for all eternity, but this gets props for being entertaining if nothing else

“Butch, I have never had an issue with you” ...Ed. Edddddd. I’m. I’m just going to sit here silently.

Butch, I love you to death, you are everything, please drag Ed, both figuratively and literally, back to your cave and fix him. I love you so so much, please take care of him and then the two of you can be bros for life

Niiiiice, Alfred in his casual Night on the Town clothes, mmhmmmmmm

JIM SHUT YOUR FUCKING USELESS WHORE MOUTH YOU SELF-ABSORBED PRICK, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT DEAD WEIGHT TO EVERYONE HERE, DON’T YOU DARE PRESUME TO TELL ALFRED HOW TO PARENT YOU UNWANTED CODPIECE

NANANANANANANANA BATHOOK!

...you’re kidding me, I’m supposed to believe Bruce has memorized the changing of the guard at Blackgate? *siiiiiigh*

...yes, I also keep my ceremonial murder weapons stuffed down my shirt. It’s almost like you need a utility belt or something

I hope to god Sean flubbed that line and everyone just went with it

“Under crackers” is now the only way I am going to refer to my under garments and/or genitals

...OKAY SO GRUNDYGMA IS THE NEW NYGMOBBLEPOT WE ALL KNOW THAT RIGHT?

Holy shit, I thought y’all were just being crack but THIS IS SUDDENLY THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS SHOW I AM IN LOVE THIS IS PERFECT PLEASE GOD MAY THEY NOT RUIN IT IMMEDIATELY

Holy shit, ONE good scene, ONE good fucking scene in A MILLION years, oh... sweet jesus THANK YOU, I’ve waited SO LONG for literally ANYTHING to be good again and HERE IT IS

Uhhh... is Sofia gonna murder Oswald over lunch? Because if so: No.

Oh boy, back to overplot

...okay, I have no idea what to make of Ra’s al Ghul, if he’s lying or not, not a clue

Ed... Ed you REALLY need friends right now, would you please just TRY to human being for a second. Jesus. You’re stupid and you’re still SO BAD at EVERYTHING.

Awww, see, there you go! There you go sweetie, you can be friends!You can do it, good job not letting your only friend burn to death, that’s a good step forward!

Uhhhhhh oh, Oswald’s having mom feels. Oh boy.

Alfred, confirmed 300% more useful than Jim ever was

Poor Oswald... damn, without an Ed as a clutch for balance, Oswald’s spinning his wheels. This is 100% what I expected when the season started, but I”m a little upset at the pacing. This should have been obvious and building from day 1 and AGAIN, LAST episode should have had a VERY different emotional tenor. His limp is also atrocious right now, he’s very stressed and jumpy and there are obvious reasons why, but they haven’t PLAYED any of them, which is annoying.

...

...

. . .

The List Of Things I Could Say Right Now. I’m Just.

.

.

.

do you know who fucking else has seen Oswald’s fe-EDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

ALL OF THE ANGRY GIFS IN THE WORLD CANNOT EXPRESS MY RAGE

So uh... are you a mummified corpse in all reflective surfaces and you’ve just been avoiding mirrors, or does this trick only work in puddles?

...really milking that death there Alexander. Which is fair, this is a comic book show after all.

GREAT acting on David’s part tho, mad props

Yes, yes, cute jaw drop, very hammy, good job

Jim, I’m pretty sure this is the first time you two have spoken in like... 2 seasons. Just saying. you don’t know each other that well... or at all really.

Also, I‘m not positive killing someone who was immortal and who wanted to die is really murder either. Especially considering he was The Worst. Like... you shouldn’t feel bad, at all, that he’s dead, you’ve actively saved lives by killing him. Even if this is murder, I”m just saying... probably the best murder you could have done. Good job Bruce? Meh, I really don’t have any investment in this storyline, I'll be real.

Ed, why must you lie to your own and only friend? Why Ed? *siiiigh* Baby steps of friendship I guess, baby steps

...annnnnnnnnnnd there it is.

Knew it was too good to be true, couldn’t have ANYTHING nice this season could we. No, no of course not. Ooof course not.

May the all-consuming void swallow me up whole so I don’t have to deal with This.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Gotham 4x04: A Liveblog

Once again, friends, I come to you with review and summary of the latest Gotham events. And Ed’s back this time. ...god help us all.

TL;DR - I wonder what’s happening in the REAL Gotham where character motivation still makes sense

Ben, whatever happens, I’m holding you personally responsible

Side Note: what exactly IS an embalming knife? Like... where does a knife come into the embalming process? Is this the knife you use to carve out the mushy bits, is that it? Because like... to my knowledge, embalming is a primary function of embalming liquid. Like... mostly it’s preserving and shit. And I don’t know how a knife preserves fuck all. But maybe someone who knows anthropology or mortician practices can explain this to me.

“That cuneiform is definitely pre-Venetian” ...did... did I just hear that right? Oh, PHOEnician... that makes way more sense. I was just... had a heart attack for a second. Carry on.

Look Bruce, you could have a friend your own age! Or... you know, continue to live alone with your butler like... all normal kids do. I suppose you have Cat but... mmm. mm.

...Ed’s fine. He’s fine. Upside down in his... obsession pit. He’s fine.

It’s a TOTALLY NORMAL and HEALTHY thing to paste thousands of pictures of your ex all over the walls while you contemplate revenge, yeah that... this is fine. It’s all Fine.

You’re uh... looking a little ramshackle and disheveled there Ed, OH HEY KNIFE. HI, uh... Okay. Did you fucking... DRAW sketches of Oswald yourself? Oh my god Ed... oh my god. See you haven’t changed at all really.

Yeah, he seems fine

Meanwhile, stuffed birds all over the place. I’m sure that’s... fine

You know, it’s pretty great how ancient cultures are always keen to write their hellish prophecies on their murder weapons, always appreciate that

UHHHHHH SABER SKELETON. UHHHHHH. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Randall Tier flashbacks* UMMM UMMM UMMM UMMM. I JUST UH. I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS MIGHT WANT TO BE CAREFUL WITH THE ALLUSIONS YOU’RE MAKING GUYS. YOU DON’T HAVE A WILL GRAHAM TO SAVE YOU.

Just... just all of the safe. All of the safe.

Maybe uh... maybe don’t talk about the Demon’s Head being a person and then cut to a saber skeleton. Maybe we don’t encourage brutal fledgling serial killers hahahahaha. 

That uh... sure is some hair, there, Alexander Siddig. God this show’s aesthetic is fucking weird. 

...this whole sequence has been nothing but Hannibal allusions.

They are REALLY pushing for the Hannibal aesthetics. Got a real crush on that show.

Look Bruce! Your new friend has ALSO been traumatized by witnessing the death of his guardian! You have so much in common!

*frowns* Harvey left and didn’t tell Jim??? Like, given what happened this summer, I can totally understand Donal not being around for filming but... write it better than “Harvey left and didn’t tell Jim” Because that’s bullshit.

I also DO NOT WANT TO PARTICIPATE in a love triangle where 2 women fight over Jim’s soul NO NO NO NO NO. So if that’s where this is going FUCK OFF, FUCK EVERYTHING, AND FUCK YOU.

Welp, seeing another dead guardian should stir some shit up for Bruce

At least this sends Jim back to Barbara... I mean, that’s not really a positive, but at least I don’t hate Jim and Barbara, mainly because they have the stamp of canon on them

I don’t know how I feel about Babs hair this season, it’s... different

Okay, HARD NO on Ra’s-al-Ghul’s underlings, HARD NO. I just came from American Gods and THAT IS NOT ANUBIS. For one thing he’s white. What.

Intense staring contest with bowler hat. Oswald’s So Over It.

What’re you expecting Ed to jump out of it? Holy shit Oswald, calm down

I... you didn’t want to be disturbed... during your staring contest with the hat??? I... okay. Also, maybe close your fucking door then, it was wide open. Just saying.

Huh... Oswald and Sofia are meeting. Okay. Better put the masturbation hat away then Oswald, it’s a little too revealing

Hmmm... be careful Oswald. You’re right to be wary of her, don’t let her fool you. Also, Maybe Talk To Jim About This.

...White Rabbit. Really. *long, put upon sigh*

AAAAAAAAAAND the worst rap of all time! Well DONE Ed!

Oswald’s reactions to this are everything. Bless you Oswald. I love you. 100% everything I feel too.

Belated Side Note: Zsasz used to work for Falcone, and Falcone has taken control of him back from Oswald on occasion. Why then does Zsasz offer to stab Sofia? Is he truly loyal to Oswald now? Or was his relationship exclusively with Carmine? OR is it a bluff and Sofia’s already tapped him? Or will she tap him later? Lots of questions... lots of questions.

Yeah because WHY would you murder the guy??? It’s WAY more healthy for your psychological state to just... keep him on ice forever. That’s progress.

“I want Ed Nygma” we... we know Oswald. we know.

Always, ALWAYS the fucking docks. Goddddd. PLEASE GET A NEW SPOT YOU TWO.

Also, Oswald, DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO THAT??? That WASN’T a riddle, that was... statements. His brain is SHOT. God knows what a second spell in the ice will do.

Also also, I can guarantee that Ed won’t even be at the docks because he’s a dumbass now. And somehow the obvious answer will be wrong.

Um, frankly, I wouldn’t trust Bruce if I was Alex, Bruce is 100% the person who got Alex’s granddad killed. I’d be super pissed at Bruce. But... y’know, okay, whatever. Moving the plot forward.

Ahhh, Alex is giving Bruce the benefit of the doubt, I see. Nice kid. Very generous in his grief.

Also, why the shit would he come after you? He wanted the KNIFE, that’s it. I mean... I guess you’re a witness, but he didn’t see you so he doesn’t know about you. You’re not in danger kid. At least, not so much danger the police can’t take care of it, for once. You’re very much safe as houses until the plot inevitably fucks this up.

It would be a good idea to give up the knife tho, then you’re really in the clear

How the FUCK is Ra’s-al-Ghul at the library! How does he know to come here? Presumably he knew to come to the antiquities room because he was tracking Bruce because Babs told him to... I guess he could have tracked Bruce here then. Meh.

Ah yes. The creatures. Fuck that.

White people speaking ancient Middle Eastern languages. Mmmm nothing like it.

Ah, the old collapsing book case technique! Because no one thinks to GET OUT OF THE WAY of that shit. Nah, just gotta stand here and be crushed by the 3 ton weight of literature. It was my destiny to die this way.

Oh, I see, you’re just going to make like a harmless academic and this knife has been in your family for generations, of course...

You’re awfully paranoid kid. I mean... I suppose you were attacked now, so... I guess that’s justified

Uhhhh, kid, Bruce is not a Good Example of literally anything. He’s been training to become the world’s most popular vigilante for a few years now and that was born out of this very trauma so... y’know, don’t compare yourself to him. Please don’t. We don’t need more Batmans.

“No, you’re cool” I think you mean wealthy. Wealthy and cool CAN intersect but I feel like this is a classism thing. Let me provide you with a book on Marxism, kid.

If this doesn’t turn into another exploration of sexuality subplot, I’m gonna be disappointed

Uh, if he’s here on international business, like... check his visa Jim, he should have legal paperwork and shit to take that knife back to Nepal

JIM. WHY ARE YOU TELLING A MURDER SUSPECT THAT THERE IS A LIVING WITNESS. YOU’RE ACTIVELY PUTTING THE KID IN DANGER HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT NOT GOOD PROTOCOL JIM. Unless you were planning to trip him up on a lie, THIS IS NOT GOOD PROCEDURE JIM. THIS IS A HANNIBAL LEVEL FUCK UP. AS PEOPLE CONTINUE TO TELL HANNIBAL, THE ACTUAL CHESAPEAKE REAPER, SENSITIVE CASE DETAILS ALL THE FUCKING TIME. HOLY SHIT NO.

This... this whole interrogation is a shit show, oh my god, not great work, very bad work, the both of you. Awful lying, Get Good.

Welp. I guess Ra’s-al-Ghul can teleport. Or turn fucking invisible. Glad that’s very justified. Everyone know if you get resurrected you get Special Powers. The divine amniotic sack gives to all.

Yeah because Sofia Totally Won’t Challenge Penguin For Power. That Defs Won’t Happen. And It Especially Won’t Involve Jim.

Oswald You Good. You Good Good Good Villain. How I Love Thee.

Brilliant babe who is rightfully suspicious after 3 seasons of this bullshit. Y’all fucking forget that Oswald is a sewer rat, you cannot trick him.

Oh boo hoo Sofia, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you

Her criticism may be valid, BUT, on the other hand, as I said, Oswald’s lived through 3 seasons of this bullshit, while you lived the high life in Cuba. You might have your father’s perspective, but you don’t have any of Oswald’s hands-on experience. I still stand by Oswald’s decision to just murder them, he’s played the politics here long enough to know there is no loyalty amongst thieves. Not for him.

You know, it’s very considerate of Ra’s-al-Ghul to break shit every time he enters a scene so we know he’s here. Very thoughtful of him.

Oh it’s his fucking creatures again... ugggghhhhhhh...

More quality rapping! Good job Ed! Continuing to be the Best!

HAHAHAHAHA *more Randall Tier flashbacks* HAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL of the Hannibal allusions! Phew!

...no. no to the bone gag. just no.

Yeah, kid’s dead. Good job Ra’s-al-Ghul, at least you come through on your weird ass threats.

I mean... Ra’s totally made you make that call tho Bruce, this is his sick game, it’s on him. No one should have to decide between the death of one innocent or the deaths of millions of innocents. That’s a bullshit moral quandary that doesn’t actually exist. He wants you to think like he thinks, that’s all, this is psychological warfare, that’s the whole point. Remind yourself he did this, not just for the active murder, but more so because he thinks there is something to be gained by making you do this. He’s the asshole responsible.

Ed, I’m just... sweetie, pumpkin, if your point is to prove Oswald is a coward or an idiot, then... you proved it. Running after him sorta... disproves your point. If you want to meet him and murder him then... make that the point. Just... show up and murder him in the first place. *siiiigh* Or invite him to a cordial murder, whatever, but don’t make it a contest of wits if what you rally want is a confrontation. Get your shit together.

*nods* He’s right, they do suck, they were AWFUL

This... that... was bizarre. This was bizarre. What... exactly does Oswald want? I don’t understand. I know Ed isn’t himself anymore, but... you could help him. You could help him become himself again. And you both hate and are afraid of the Riddler. Why... would you want him back? As you just said, you want him only to freeze him. And just... that personality wasn’t even WHOLE, it was a fractured disaster. That wasn’t even a person. Just like this isn’t even a person. Why would you taunt Ed with saying “you’re not him”? I know you want Ed as an equal, but... do you think he can only be your equal as the Riddler? Who you hate and fear? You’ve got some weird ideas floating around in your head, Oswald. I would make the argument that you don’t hate or fear the Riddler nearly as much as you claim to and you want to bang the living daylights out of him, but like... *siiiigh* I dunno. You didn’t always want that. You wanted Ed to be whole and your equal. Nothing you’ve seen of him since he was your chief of staff has been real. None of it, all of it was a mistake, aborted attempts at personalities. And I just don’t know what you want anymore if you won’t take this broken, defunct Ed and help him.

You’re pushing him towards becoming the Riddler again, so I guess that’s what you want. And maybe you’re tired of being his mentor, after all, you tried that, reluctantly, and that went SO well. Maybe you hope/expect him to work it out for himself, and come back to you when he’s ready. That would put your relationship in a WAY different paradigm than it has been... but... okay??? I guess??? I’m having another time of not knowing what the hell the writers want for them

Why. why why why why. I hate everything.

I hate Jim so much

Ben You Done Fucked Up.