#oh wait movie soundtracks can count too actually. Any soundtrack makes me want to rip my heart out of my chest lol

[kaoharu]

i csn get so sad over music guys

[eideticmemory]

EVER SINCE NEW YORK VIII | MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER

Description: I was messaged saying: “If you don’t write a young Matthew enemies to lovers fic featuring an obsession with sucking on boobs then what’s the point 😔.” So, here it is, folks! The ultimate College!Matthew fic.

PART 8! Read Part 7 here!

SOUNDTRACK:

Cry Baby - The Neighbourhood.

Past Lives - Børns.

The Few Things - JP Saxe.

Word Count: 2,832.

Rating: M.

Warning/Includes: Sexual intercourse, drinking, recreational drug use, a bit of angst.

Spring, Senior Year.

Los Angeles, 

California. 

“Not pregnant.”

You fell to your knees, grasping at the air in a fit of relief. You clutched your stomach and gasped for breath. 

“Not pregnant.” Claire repeated, looking at the second test. “Not pregnant.” 

“Fuck!” You shouted. “Thank God!”

Claire broke out into nervous laughter, “Not pregnant! You’re not pregnant!” She squealed. She dropped the tests and ran over to you, kneeling down to embrace you. 

You held each other in a deep hug for a long time. You missed her. You missed her so much. She was your rock. You once thought that when things were going to shit, you wanted Matthew. 

But who you needed was Claire. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered to her. 

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry!”

“I was stupid.”

“I was more stupid!”

“I love you, Claire,” you told her. 

“Aw,” she smiled. “I can’t even say...how much...”

“I know,” you nodded. “I know.”

You didn’t go back to Matthew’s. You threw those terrible tests in the trash, scheduled an appointment at the student health center, and subsequently spent all day with your best friend. You spilled your guts. Told her the full Matthew story from beginning to end. It was like a rush of information, a physical rush of word after word after word. And Claire just listened. She chomped down on some twizzlers, dressed in her pajamas, drowning out the movie on in the background. She didn’t speak a word until you were completely finished. 

“Pass the oreos,” she said.

“That’s it?” You laughed. “I tell you all of that and all you say is pass the oreos?”

“I need oreos to properly digest all of this information, duh.” 

You handed her the blue package, which she gladly took and ripped open. Oreo in hand, a little caught between her teeth, she said, “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”

“I know. He knows.”

“I mean it, kid,” she looked you in the eye. “Matthew and I...we just fooled around. You guys passed fooling around a long time ago.”

“I guess...” you shrugged. 

“You guess? [y/n], I know you better than anyone. There’s never been a guy like this. Why...why aren’t you dating?”

You gulped, “Oh.” You looked down at your fingers, “Neither of us ever brought it up. It’s just...too messy. Don’t wanna deal with it. It’s fine.”

“So, you don’t wanna be his girlfriend?”

“I—“ you were cut off by the sound of your phone ringing against the couch. You picked it up to see Matthew’s name flashing on the screen. You declined the call.

Claire watched you set your phone back down, and you recognized the somber look on your face. “Well?” She continued. “Do you?”

After that, you simply refused to continue any kind of Matthew conversation. Claire noticed your sudden urge to keep quiet, and she pulled back on all the questions. 

“So,” you said. “What about you? Seeing anyone?”

She cleared her throat, awkwardly shuffling in her seat.

“I’ll take that as a yes!” You giggled. “Who is it? What’s his name?”

You sighed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you...but you can’t tell anyone, okay? Especially Matthew!”

You put up your hand, palm facing her. “You have my word. Who is it?”

“Roni.”

You sat back against the couch, physically moved by shock. “R-did I hear you right?”

Claire nodded, “Veronica.” 

“Um...yeah...I’m gonna need you to explain.”

She chuckled nervously, “There’s nothing really to explain. Um, we were drunk...and...you were out with Matthew, and I brought her back here. It—it was a total fling. Until...it wasn’t.”

“Holy shit, Claire!” You exclaimed. 

“I know! But, Veronica, she’s so cool. She’s so hot. She likes classic films, and—and she makes jewelry, and...I don’t know, I like her.”

You smiled at Claire, “I can tell.”

“Y’know, her and I are going to LA this spring break. You should come! You and Matthew!”

You cringed, “I don’t know...you want me to ask Matthew to come on a trip with three girls he’s fucked? Can you say awkward?” 

“Just ask him! We’ll invite more people to make it less awkward, and it’s not like we need to be a foursome the whole time. Just, ask. If he says no, he says no. But promise me you’ll ask?”

You sighed, “I promise.”

For the rest of the semester, you spent a very little amount of time with Matthew. Not only did the whole pregnancy scare shake you up, but you also had a lot of lost time to make up with Claire. She kept her distance from Veronica, as well. Both Matthew and her were very understanding, just taking it to means that the best friends needed some alone time. 

You spent winter break with Claire’s family, and came back with a new, restored friendship. She continued to ask if you’d invited Matthew to Los Angeles, and you always found subtle ways to say no. The trip was quickly approaching, but so was your final ballet performance. You channeled all your energy into practicing, perfecting, all while juggling class and Matthew. 

He brought you flowers on opening night, gave you a secret kiss in your dressing room, and told you to go kill it. You did. You put your soul into the performance, everything you had, everything you were. Until you were so tired that you could collapse on stage. Your ballet friends cheered you on as you exited the stage, and you stayed with them briefly before going into your dressing room. 

Beginning to take your makeup off, you heard a knock at the door. You expected Matthew, but your ballet instructor entered. “Oh. Hey! You happy?” You asked her, stepping up to give her a hug. 

“I’m very happy! You did amazing, [y/n], I’m so proud of you. Proud of everything you’ve accomplished here.”

“Thank you, Ms. Oak,” you whispered. 

“And I’m not the only one impressed by you.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes...the dean of the department has had her eye on you for a while.”

You tilted your head, “Should I be nervous?”

“No, no, not at all. Actually, she wants to offer you a job.”

You looked at her, stunned, blinking slowly. “A job?”

“Yep. Assistant ballet instructor. It’s a paid position, you’d be working under me. And if you choose to accept, NYU will pay for you to attend their graduate school.”

You jaw dropped, “You’re telling me I take this job, I can attend the graduate film school for free?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” she nodded. “What do you think?”

“I—“ you stuttered. “What do I think? I think it’s amazing! Thank you so much!” You pulled her into an excited hug. “Um, when do I have to decide?” 

“You don’t have to decide until graduation. But, the sooner, the better.”

You nodded, “Okay. Okay, I’ll get back to you.”

The first person you told was Claire. She jumped up and down in your dressing room, squealing with you. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! [y/n], this is huge! This is huger than huge! We gotta celebrate. Go find Matthew, we’re going out for drinks.” 

The three of you went out to a bar, and Claire proposed a toast to you. “To our superstar, [y/n], the baddest bitch, the best ballerina, and soon to be assistant—“

“Hey, Matthew,” you interrupted her, turning to Matthew. “Do you want to go to Los Angeles this spring break?”

“LA?” he replied. 

“Yeah, Claire and I are going. We want you to come.” You nodded, cutting your eyes at Claire. She was eyeing you suspiciously. 

“Claire’s okay third wheeling? I mean, you and I kind of come as a package.”

“Well, Claire’s, uh, bringing a friend.” 

Matthew looked at Claire, his arm tight around you. “Really?” He said. “Nice. Do I know him?”

“Yeah,” Claire and you said at the same time. “You do.”

Claire slapped your shoulder once you two got home. “Ow!” You winced.

“Why didn’t you tell Matthew?” She snapped.

“Tell Matthew what?”

“Everything! About LA, Roni, your job offer?” 

You sighed, “I’m going to tell him. Just not tonight.”

Or the night after that. Or the night after that. Or the night after that. 

Matthew didn’t know about Roni until the four of you met at the airport. Awkward doesn’t begin to sum it up. Matthew and Veronica didn’t talk at all. They only acknowledged you, Claire, and other friends, never each other. You didn’t bother asking Matthew what was up, but Claire filled you in. The last split had been bad. It was easier on them now that Matthew and you were...whatever you were. And Claire and Veronica were doing their own thing.

The group of you walked around like typical tourists. It was your first time in California, and you loved every second of it. Matthew and you stuck together like peas in a pod. He showed you around, paid for your dinners, held your hand. He was a perfect gentleman.

Until he got you into bed. Then he was the same old, horny Matthew. He wore you out with a bunch of orgasms. First, sliding underneath the covers and eating you, gripping your thighs, humming against you. Then, he used his cock to fuck you until your legs turned to jello and you came twice. When he told you to get on all fours, you froze.

“Okay, dude,” you giggled. “You have never lasted this long. Ever. What was in your drink tonight?”

“Viagra,” he said simply.

“Yeah, right,” you rolled onto your stomach. When Matthew stayed silent, you turned your head to face him. “Wait. Deadass?”

He laughed, “Yeah, me and some of the guys bought some as a joke. But I took one and now the little guy won’t go down.” 

You glanced down at his rock hard dick, your jaw dropped. You shook your head at him, and placed yourself on all fours, arching your bed into the mattress. “You’re insane, Matthew Gray Gubler.” You giggled.

“Fuck, you didn’t have to say my whole name,” he laughed. He slapped your ass lightly and knelt behind you, lining himself up at your entrance. 

“Why not—ah!” You were cut off by the sensation of him pushing into you. “I—I like Matthew Gray Gubler. Good, strong name.”

“Yeah?” He bit down on his lip, taking long, slow strokes in and out of you. “I like the way you say it.”

“I like...when you pound me.” You whispered, a sly smile on your face. 

He said nothing, just slammed himself into you. Over and over, until you were trembling and gasping. “Fuck,” you huffed, biting down on the pillow. He watched you writh beneath him, held your hips as you pushed yourself back on his cock. Your bodies moved in perfect unison with one another, and it was so good for both of you, even Matthew viagra-boy Gubler was nearing his orgasm. 

He reached around and rubbed on your clit, making sure to keep up his rhythm. You held onto his wrist tightly, calling out his name and beginning to melt into the mattress. You eagerly pushed your ass back, trying to get him as deep inside of you as possible, and make yourself come. Matthew placed sloppy kisses between your shoulder blades. 

“Come on, princess, come on,” he whispered. 

You fell helpless against the bed, your toes curled, your mouth was wide open. He licked the sweat off of your skin and it sent you over the edge. Your pussy tightened around him, and his finished you off with one final thrust. He followed right behind you, finally releasing himself, loudly, into the condom.

Yes, condoms. They’re your new best friend. 

Matthew held you against his chest, the two of you entangled in a soft cuddle session. He kissed your forehead, “My dick’s still hard.” He told you.

You burst out laughing, “Oh, God. Dumb boy, silly boy.” 

“Hey, [y/n]?” He called. 

You looked up at him, “Yes?” 

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, but I just want you to listen. Just hear me out.” 

You sat up, nervous already. “Yeah?”

He sighed, “Okay,” he whispered to himself. “Okay. When I went out with the guys, we obviously got y’know condoms, viagra—“

“The essentials,” you shrugged.

“Right. But we also went to this film expo. And we’re just walking around, looking for jobs and...this modeling agent walks up to me. Tells me I’m very handsome, duh, and that I, uh, should come work for them.” 

You tilted your head at him, a smug smile on your face. “Modeling, huh?”

“Yeah...yeah...it’s legit. And if I take it, it’ll finally be my chance.”

“Chance to what?” You asked.

“To move to LA.”

You sat back, shocked at his words. “Hey, hey, don’t freak out on me,” he said. “Because that’s not all.”

“Oh?” Your voice came out small, weak.

“Yeah...I, um...I—“ he stuttered. “I want you to come with me.”

Talk about a double shot. You sat in utter surprise, your mouth opened slightly, your body numb. “Come...with...you?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Let’s just do it. After graduation, you and I, on a plane, going to live in Los Angeles. How does that sound?” 

You stared at him for a long time, “That...that sounds...perfect, actually.”

“But..?”

You shook your head, “No but...let’s do it.”

Matthew broke out into a huge, bright smile, “Holy shit! Really? Really?”

“Really.”

He tackled you onto the bed, both of you erupting into a fit of laughter and joy. “[y/n]...” he whispered.

You looked him in the eye, your thumb tracing his jaw. “Yeah?”

He stared at you, sighed, and leaned in to kiss you. Softly, gently, sweetly. “My dick’s still hard,” he mumbled.

You didn’t tell Claire until after spring break. It was an accident really. She caught you cruising LA apartments online, and you cracked. Spilled the truth.

“Are you...” Claire started. “Are you dumb?”

“I—“

“[y/n], you can’t move to LA with him. You will regret that shit. You’ll end up pregnant for real, he’ll leave, and you’ll be on your own.”

“Claire, what the fuck?”

“Well, it’s true! Matthew’s not even your boyfriend—“

“Stop!” You shouted. “I don’t want to argue! I don’t wanna fight with you! I love you, Claire! But I love Matthew, too, and I want to be with him!”

Holy shit. Did you just...you did. You said you loved Matthew. Out loud. And you meant every word. 

All of your attention left Claire, and you simply continued your apartment search. You spent that night at Matthew’s, cuddled up and showing him your favorite affordable places. It felt right. Real. Being in his arms, planning a future with him. 

Right. Real.

Claire swallowed her tongue a lot on the subject. She had her opinion, she made it clear. But she didn’t want to spend your last year together in a fight. So, you both ignored the situation. Even when you began to pack up your room. Even when Matthew sent you your plane ticket. Even when the future became painfully clear. 

You stuck together all of graduation day. You partied the night before, had a small movie marathon, and fell asleep on the couch. Your families harassed you two with cameras and orders and their sheer excitement bouncing everywhere. 

You did it.

After four long years, you had your degree. Holding it was everything you imagined and more. And as you wandered through the crowd, you came face to face with the best thing NYU had brought you: Matthew Gray Gubler. 

The two of you smiled at each other across the courtyard, and subsequently ran into each others arms. Matthew picked you up and spun you around in your cap and gown. 

“We did it!” He exclaimed. 

“We sure did, and fashionably, too!” You giggled. 

Matthew pulled you into a steamy kiss, one that nearly made you entirely weak in the knees. “Tomorrow morning,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours. “I will be in that airport, waiting for you.”

“I’ll be there,” you smiled. 

The next day, you woke up promptly at 7 o’clock in the morning. Your bags were packed, locked, and ready to go. So were you. You hopped up out of bed, dolled yourself up. You took one last look at the room you were leaving behind. And you left. 

You arrived at the airport at eight, after getting some breakfast and saying goodbye to a few friends. You saw the plane. 

You sat outside of the airport, on the bare grass, suitcases at your side. Tears rolled down your cheeks, and you saw the aircraft rise into the sky. And something in your stomach told you that he was on it. That, in another life, you would’ve been on it, too.

You sighed, followed by another slow breath.

“Goodbye, Matthew.” 

[maknaesdancersrappers]

Attempt #11: Movie Marathon

<< the tenth attempt

wc: 2.5k

warning/s: male masturbation

When Jaehyun came back from your apartment, he locked himself in his bathroom and stared at his reflection. His ears are still red from what he had witnessed, he almost felt bad for dragging out his stay.

He thought you weren’t home. He remembered overhearing you saying you would go out with Yebin to check out a new cafe or something, so he left his flower shop job early that day to surprise you with flowers and the cupcakes you liked. He felt bad for using the emergency keys your mom entrusted him with to do this, but it would only be for this one time.

The lights were closed and if you were home, you would have had music playing to fill in the silence. He puts the flowers and cupcakes down on the coffee table to grab an unused vase and filled it up with water, trying to recall what the ladies at the flower shop told him to do to make sure the gardenias won’t wilt. As he sets them down, he thinks he hears something coming from the hallway. 

Jaehyun quietly makes his way over, not thinking much of it. Maybe you left the window open and the wind knocked something over. The door is ajar, too, so he puts a hand on the pane to push it until he hears:

“Oh my god.”

He freezes, recognizing your voice. For a split second, he thought you were in pain from the way you whimpered, but then you moaned over and over again. He’s not stupid, he knows what you were doing and it’s taking everything in him not to sneak a peek like a horny teenage boy (that he technically is) but he steps away instead until he’s back in the living room.

He stares at the flowers — that ironically symbolizes innocence, too — a little embarrassed for catching you in a very private and personal… moment. He’s heading for the front door, trying not to dwell on it. He’s shamefully jacked off to the thought of you, t— 

Jaehyun pauses with his hand on the door. Were you thinking of him?

He scolds himself; he shouldn’t care about who you were thinking of at this moment. But still he stubbornly turns around and clears his throat.

“[Y/N]?” He hates himself already for disrupting you, “Are you home?”

And then you come stumbling out of your room, flustered and panting with a light sheen of sweat all over your skin. You looked like you were glowing and it sent reactions to his dick. When he took your hand, he tries to convince himself you weren’t using the same hand to pleasure yourself before he interrupted. On the way to the living room to show you the reason why he was in your home in the first place, he hears a buzzing sound — thinking a bee came in, but it didn’t sound like one. In fact, he can definitely pinpoint when and where he heard something similar. As the buzzing continued while he explained why he was there and your expressions were forced, it dawned on him; you had a vibrator in you.

It was a miracle a boner didn’t pop out of him *immediately* and he pretends to be oblivious to it all. He hadn’t intended to hug you, but it was out of character for him not to do so after you just told him you had a “nightmare.” When your hands grasped onto his shirt and your body lightly shook in his hold, he knew you were cumming so he held you against him until you recovered.

He wanted to tease you so badly, but he bit his tongue and left after pretending Mingyu’s text was from his parents. If you only knew he wanted to get out just as much as you wanted to take care of the growing problem in his own pants. 

So now he’s in his bathroom, sticking his hand down his pants and wincing at how hard he was. He holds up his shirt to his chest and pushed his bottoms down enough until his cock is free, bobbing up and down.

Jaehyun backs up until he’s pressed up against the wall, a fist around his length and squeezing lightly. His eyes are shut as he remembers your expression; eyes blown out, and shy, bottom lip swollen and red, your cheeks flustered and glistening with sweat. Your dress was haphazardly fixed, leaving a very generous amount of cleavage he could have ogled a little longer. When he was about to leave, he saw your essence dripping between your legs and he wondered how you tasted. It was a crude thought to think about his best friend, but he could add it to the list of other obscene things he’s thought of doing with you (and it guilts him everyday.)

He could hear your moans again, how delicate they were. He’s always found porn annoying because of the exaggerated moaning that he had to turn it halfway down and put some music on when he did watch them. He wants to hear you moan again; hell, he wants to watch you. But he knows it’ll be a long time before that could happen — it probably never will.

“Fuck.” He hisses, arm straining as he chases his high. Letting go of his shirt, he brings his hand under to gently knead his balls with his palm. He could imagine your soft hands on him, working them over his length. The brief image of you on your knees in front of him with your mouth agape is what finishes him. He comes with a choked groan, shooting his load onto the floor. 

Jaehyun catches sight of his reflection in the mirror, disappointed in himself yet again. He’s not the pure, golden boy everyone — including you — cuts him out to be. Maybe people can expect him to jack off to porn, but no one would ever think he’d get off to the thought of you.

Despite the whole heated fiasco the two of you dealt with individually the day prior, you and Jaehyun still sat by each other in your living room like nothing had happened and continued on with the movie marathon you planned. After you cooked dinner for the both of you, you let him choose the movie and he picks the first one recommended in the landing.

Neither of you have seen it, but have heard about it. With your respective movie snacks and drinks laid out on the table, you and Jaehyun sat on the couch with too many pillows and a blanket each. As the movie plays, like always, you both made commentary about it; disagreeing with the character’s views on opposite sex friendships.

“He should take a look at us.” You huff, tossing a few pieces of popcorn into your mouth.

“17 years and counting.” He adds with a little laugh.

When the scene turned a little steamy, you both involuntarily leaned away from each other and focused on eating your snacks. You’re feeling your cheeks heat up at the reminder of yesterday’s events, pulling your legs up to your chest and pretending to be cold from the air conditioning. 

Jaehyun is quiet until the movie finishes, even when you started sniffing at the little clips of old real life couples sharing their love stories. If there’s one thing you’re both certain of wanting, it’s growing old together. He wants to pull you into a hug, but he hesitates and watches you skip the credits.

You chose Descendants of all movie choices and when he makes a face at you, you playfully threaten him, “Shut up, I like the songs. We’re watching all three.”

“Fine. But we’re watching all three HSM movies after.”

You don’t have a problem with that, you liked their soundtrack, too. After agreeing to his conditions, you leaned back down and ripped open a new party pack of chips. Jaehyun sticks his hand in after you, humming when the taste of honey butter hits his tongue.

You space out for a minute, genuinely enjoying this moment with him. Movie marathons were a monthly occurrence for the two of you until SATs happened and your friends wanted to hang out more because it might not happen as frequently after everyone graduates.

“Why are you staring?”

It hadn’t occurred to you that you were, but there’s no point in denying it. “Because we haven’t done these in a long time… we haven’t done a lot of things we used to do before senior year and honestly, I don’t think we’ll be able to do them when we’re in college.”

Jaehyun purses his lips, “Well, I can take up Child Education with you.”

“What? Why?” The movie is just background noise at this point, “That was just a suggestion.”

“But I love kids, you know I do. And I get why you want to be a teacher because I want to be around kids, too, and help them learn and grow. I don’t know what other options I have aside from going pro.”

In the back of your mind, you don’t think it sounds so bad if you two both took Child Education and had the same schedule. But you start thinking about Jangmi or other potential, future girlfriends he could have. You would have to deal with them and although you’re hoping you wouldn’t care at that point, you’re a little reluctant to push him. “What’s Jangmi’s plans for college?”

He looks surprised that you asked. Jangmi had specifically told him not to talk about her or even mention her name or any other girl’s name when he was with you, but you had asked and it would be rude to ignore it. “Uh, Zoology, I think?”

“Oh!” You perked up, “Taeyong is taking up Veterinary Medicine.”

His face slightly falls, “Really?”

“Mhm. He loves animals so much, like, think of us with kids, but with him it’s animals. He told me he’d take me to the animal sanctuary he wants to work in next week.”

“Next week?”

“Yeah, for that… auctioned off date. I can’t wait, actually, he keeps talking about it.”

Jaehyun nods, looking back at the ignored movie. “Well, if it’s great, then you should take me there.”

“We should all go!”

That’s not what he meant, and he had every intention of correcting you, but then “If Only” starts and you gasp, “Wait, I need to sing along.”

His somber mood is uplifted immediately, laughing as you exaggerated your actions as you sang along with Mal. From then, you both watch animatedly, singing along whether or not you know the lyrics. After the Descendants franchise and you’re on the last movie of HSM, Jaehyun couldn’t help himself and said after singing along, “We have a garden like that in school.”

You glance at him, “We do?”

“Yeah, Jangmi—” He pauses, “Uhm, when we had those Japanese exchange students, as a bonding activity, they had the students plant and arrange flowers. Jangmi hangs out there sometimes; it’s nice and cool. She accidentally skipped a class once because she fell asleep there.”

You always, always had the butterflies in your stomach after watching the scene for “Can I have this dance?” but it felt like you got punched right in the gut as he tells you this.

“I can take you there during our break.”

“What? But that’s Jangmi’s place.”

Jaehyun frowns, “She doesn’t own it. She actually told me that we can hang out there with her some time. Come on, it’ll be a nice change.”

“Alright.” You relent, taking an extra pillow and hugging it to your chest.

While you still feel uneasy about invading Jangmi’s special place in the school, Jaehyun is excited. He remembered Jangmi dragging him there after school and suggested he’d confess there; it was quiet, secluded, filled with flowers, and overall, romantic.

You put on a horror movie next, thinking you can handle it, but the jumpscares had you grabbing onto Jaehyun that made him tease you for choosing it in the first place. Eventually, you had settled yourself onto him, cheek pressed over his chest while his arm came over you for extra warmth. It had initially bothered you, thinking this seemed too intimate, but it’s past midnight and you’ve wasted all your energy from screaming at the horror movie.

The last movie you remembered watching was Love, Rosie. It felt a little odd for him to choose it, but you were nearly drifting off to sleep to even contest his movie choice. As it goes on, you found yourself almost in Rosie’s shoes: pining for her best friend while he was with someone else.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, dreaded this film when searched up movies about friends to lovers; this one was the embodiment of his fears. Sure they ended up together, but if they had cleared it up in the beginning then they would have been together from the start. The last thing he wanted was for anybody else to come in between you and him because he’s already having a hard time from both yours and his actions interfering with his attempts at confessing. He must have been imagining it, but he hears you sniffing again, probably crying at the scene playing, and he instinctively rubs your arm. 

“Just wait until tomorrow, [Y/N].” He thinks, leaning closer until his chin is grazing the top of your head. 

You woke up startled when you hear a bang, almost panicking if you hadn’t opened your eyes to an action scene playing on the television. You must have fallen asleep. Glancing up, you see Jaehyun’s head tilted away from you with his mouth just barely parted as he softly snored.

You would have moved away or woken him up, but when else would you be able to be like this with him? The clock on the wall tells you that you have 5 hours left before you should start preparing for school, so you encircle your arms around Jaehyun’s waist and nuzzled his chest.

“Jaehyun?” You whispered, softly and barely audible. He continues to snore and you hum, “Jaehyun…”

His heartbeat is nice and slow, like a lullaby coaxing you back to sleep. As it thumbs against your ear, you let out a sigh.

“I love you.”

He doesn’t move and his breathing remains the same, so you continue.

“More than just a friend… but if you’re in love with someone else, it’s okay. As long as we stay best friends, it’s okay.” Your bottom lip quivers and your eyes start to sting, so you shut them as tightly as you can, “I just don’t want to lose you.”

Before you know it, your silent tears are soaking his shirt. You can always say you had a bad dream from the horror movie you watched, you’ve been using that as an excuse lately, because it is — losing Jaehyun would be an absolute nightmare.

the twelfth attempt >>

[aikainkauna]

Movie meeeehm

Thanks to @nitrateglow for these!

1: A movie you enjoyed as a kid that you don't now

-Probs some comedy I'd find awfully sexist/racist/homophobic etc. now. But of course, I can't recall a specific one, probs because the experience is so deeply squicky and traumatic. Oh, wait, I know. I adored The Great Mouse Detective as a kid, but have heard so many "bleh" comments about it later that I don't want to ruin it by rewatching it as an adult. Why take a happy, cherished, pure and joyous memory away, especially as there are so few of those in my life anyway in proportion to the bad memories?

2: A movie you disliked as a kid that you like/love now

-Not a movie, but I was literally too fucking terrified to watch Doctor Who as a kid on cable, because the Tom Baker repeats they were showing terrified me with the title sequence alone. That empty stare and howling, diddly-duming music were enough to give me nightmares. So I only got into Who in my late teens!

3: Your favorite movie as a kid

-Define "kid." I went through several. I loved the Disney Robin Hood, of course, and at puberty, Wayne's World (yes) and The Princess Bride were my own cult movies, before I had anyone to fangirl them with. Ah, the pre-Internet era.

4: An actor/actress it took you time to warm up to

I remember being weirdly terrified and disturbed by Jeremy Brett as a kid, but then I felt the same about Bowie, and... well. Clearly it was my baby self not knowing WTF to do with all this stirring, restless energy that later turned out to be my skinnyandrogynousbisexualguy orientation thingy. And while I'd first seen Caligari and Casablanca as a teen in the early 90s, I wasn't ready for Connie until he pounced me in 2012. I would not have "got" him the same way and as hard until I was a grown-up, with a wide variety of experiences from many areas of life and a boatload of books/learning behind me. Just... no way.

5: A director it took you time to warm up to

-If anything, I've cooled off various directors I was impressed by when younger. So much of the auteur stuff gets wanky and self-imposing, in this Arrogant Artist Guy "look at my GENIUS big VISION and also insecurity about my penis size" kind of way. I like directors who can be warm and have fun and who show some real humanity (not wanky anvilly/kitchen sink-y sort of "humanity" either). Maybe Branagh? I found him a bit annoying as a kid, but now fap all over his stuff because now I'm old enough to Get It. He is the best kind of fanboy director; his geekiness is catching. Listening to his Thor commentary was a real eye-opener into my realising just how massive a nerd he is, and in a good, "one of us" kind of way.

6: Top five favorite soundtracks of your favorite movie composer

-There isn't just one! But Clint Mansell and Debbie Wiseman turn to gold everything they touch. Debbie especially is hugely unknown still, but she has this most amazing, swellingly Romantic music full of sweeping emotion that I just can't rec her enough. Do check her out; she'll give you goosebumps.

7: Three movies that defined your teen/childhood years

-I think I mentioned those already! But as a teenager, Bram Stoker's Dracula, La Reine Margot and Heavenly Creatures were formative. There were others I obsessed about way more than those, but they weren't as influential--it's more like they were massaging buttons I already had.

8: Sci-fi or westerns?

-Blake's 7! AKA "The Dirty Dozen in Space."

9: Are there any movies you own more than one copy of?

-Ahhahaha. AAAHHAHAHAHA! Of The Thief of Bagdad, I own: The Criterion clusterfuck with the awful clumsy cover someone had their 5-year-old draw, the Nordic DVD, the German Blu-Ray because I live on the edge (what with those Veidt Eye Closeups in HD being a hazard to any uterus) and at least three different digital copies. Because I'm me. I also own two digital copies and one DVD of Casablanca, three digital and one DVD of A Woman's Face and don't get me started on the British telefantasy I have on both DVD and VHS. I have spare copies of both the Caligari Masters of Cinema release and the ITV DVD of The Spy In Black, so I guess I should throw them at somebody.

10: Physical media or streaming?

-Neither. Video files firmly saved onto and run from my hard drive. Fuck streaming with its choppiness (ruins the viewing experience for me) and physical media are usually beyond my budget (unless I save up for a Connie DVD). Besides, I rip my favourite movie discs onto my HD anyway. I want to be able to gif that shit, dammit!

11: Are there any movies you watch on special occasions every year (Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, your mother's aunt's wedding anniversary, etc.)

-Used to do Nightmare Before Christmas on Halloween, but not any more. I still attempt ToB every Christmas. And I used to do All Through The Night with wine on my birthday, but as I can't tolerate alcohol anymore, the experience of Watching ATTN Drunk is no more. Someone start a Halloween tradition with me where we watch either The Student of Prague or Eerie Tales (or both) every year?

12: What movie do you most associate with your best friend(s)?

-Gosh, so few have stayed, so it's more like "movie that reminds you of a broken friendship," yay...?! I've learned to try and not associate movies with people that way any more, because it's more painful than it's worth. Connie is my best friend. He's like Krishna that way.

13: Name a movie adaptation you thought was better than or equal to its source material.

-LOTR put in more facial features and characterisation than Tolkien ever did, and did the tales far less fucking tediously. Imagine if you'd had to sit and watch hobbits walking through the countryside for 6 hours with barely anything happening?! Yeah...

14: What genres do your favorite movies tend to be?

-Historical, fantasy, Gothic Romantic, just Romantic stuff on the whole. More old than new movies these days. Why watch shitty modern chick flicks when I have far better characterisation and far less narrowly defined female lives in old-timey "women's pictures?" And guys who actually fucking shaved, dressed in clothes that were tailored for them instead of rented and saggy, whose bodily expressions weren't frozen for fear of "fagginess," and who weren't pumped full of 'roids.

15: Are you a fan of period dramas and if so, what era do you enjoy best?

-Yes. I love me some costume dramas, but I am seriously picky about them--most post-90s ones have been fucking awful and tend to feature shitty costumes and unkempt hair that would've sent real historical people to Bedlam, wobblycam from hell, vomit-inducingly excessive modernisation to be "edgy", and that one painfully skeletal bint they shove into every period drama ever these days, so it's... slim pickings for a history nerd, these days. There aren't many good ones set in the 17th century/Baroque era, which I love the most: the two Baroque dramas I wholeheartedly love are both series. (The Devil's Whore and By The Sword Divided.) The Angeliques and Musketeer adaptations are riddled with flaws, but there are some glowing bits within. As for The Golden Age of Islam... bloody hell, there really aren't that many good ones out there, are there?! ToB and Jodhaa Akbar and Disney's Aladdin, obviously. La Reine Margot isn't "my" period but it's great, as is Dangerous Liaisons (also not my period)--those are so fucking perfect. And the Connie period dramas, well... I think of them as primarily "silent movies" or "old movies," actually. Of those, The Student of Prague, ToB and The Wandering Jew are the best "costume" ones, IMHO. (I'd probs enjoy Lucrezia Borgia and Carlos and Elisabeth way more, were the copies we have not so smudgy.)

16: Name a movie you love that you would recommend to just about everyone.

-Ah, but we know there are always cynical cunts out there who'd give even Casablanca two stars, so what's the point? I'd still recommend it, though. And The Lion King, I guess.

17: Name a movie you love that you consider an acquired taste.

-Honestly, I'm thinking of telly rather than movies again. You will pry my cherished copy of The Time Monster from my cold, dead hands. Does The Devil of Winterborne count as a movie or TV? That's how far back my love for Mark Gatiss goes. Um... Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood makes me fucking cry with laughter (the comedic timing is what does it. *beat* "Ain't dat some shit!"). Of Connie's oeuvre, yes, I know Bella Donna is rubbish, but Connie and Mary are SIZZLING and horny and juicy and it's Valid as a BDSM porn movie. And the novel is actually good.

18: Name a film you like directed by/starring a filmmaker/actor you normally don't care for.

-Not so much actor/director, but I did *not* expect to love Thor as much as I did, because I expected a dumb popcorn movie but got great adventure cinema with a touch of Shakespeare instead. I really am not the right audience for regular Marvel features at all, before or after. Fuck Marvel up its dumb macho Republican ass. But Thor is fucking beautiful and operatic and poetic and majestic and Pagan and shit. Branagh knows what I like.

19: Name a movie that blew your mind.

-A Woman's Face (1941). Because. Holy. Fuck. How can I keep on finding yet more details in it six years after first watching it, having watched it countless times by now?! And obvs all the other stuff, like the shockingly good female POV, amazing and complex woman protagonist, amazing writing, amazing ensemble cast, amazing direction, amazing lighting, amazing evil Torsten Slinkypussy Barring and The. Goddamn. Attic. Scene.

20: What genre mash-up would you most love to see that either hasn't been done yet or hasn't been done enough?

-Feminist-savvy historical romance with fantasy elements and hot explicit sex that's not shit. Basically, like the stuff you see in my fics, but better paced and woven into coherent adventure movies.

21: The coolest movie you've ever seen

-Too, too many. But Bogie was the coolest. And Claude Rains had the best acting skills. And Conrad Veidt was Conrad motherfucking Veidt. So what with those three mountains of coolness all converging under the Moroccan sky, I'm sure it's safe to say "Casablanca."

[analogscum]

ENEMY TERRITORY (1987, d. Peter Manoogian)

I don’t often like to bring up social or political issues on this site. For me, and I assume for many of you, these movies that I write about are a respite. When I want to escape the reality of what modern life in this country has become, then I want to watch something that looks and feels as far away from that reality as possible. And furthermore, I don’t want to shove my own social and political beliefs down anyone’s throat. I don’t know what you believe, and I don’t want to alienate a reader on a site that’s about exploitation cinema based on something that is outside of that sphere. Or even worse, you already agree with me, and I’m preaching to the converted, which is a complete waste of both my time and yours. Anyway, this is all a preamble to say that I find it impossible to talk about today’s movie, 1987’s Enemy Territory, without talking about social and political issues. Because, while this movie is undeniably entertaining, it’s also undeniably racist as hell.

These types of movies were all over the place in the 80s, the Assault on Precinct 13, Escape From New York type of urban jungle, ragtag group of heroes have to survive the night with a bunch of psychopathic baddies hunting them down. And yes, it is no secret that New York City in the 80s was a grimy, crime-ridden hellhole. So perhaps it is not that shocking that Enemy Territory does not present, shall we say, the most subtle or diverse view of black life in America. But this goes far beyond being a product of its time and environment: Enemy Territory represents a conservative white male’s nightmare vision of the black experience. Nearly every black character in this movie is either a gleeful villain or a morose victim. There are scenes in this movie where I couldn’t help but hear our internet troll President droning on about how crime-ridden and poverty-stricken and joyless he and his ilk think modern black life is in my head while it was playing. I’d like to think we’d have gotten better with understanding race relations in the 31 years since this movie was released, but all signs point to nope.

Enemy Territory opens with one of those urban blight montages, just scenes of infrastructure decay and abject poverty, while a Grandmaster Flash knockoff blares on the soundtrack. Everything is covered in graffiti. In fact, we see the title itself being spray painted on a wall, before it pops out onto the screen. Movie magic! We then meet our protagonist, Barry. Barry is an insurance salesman, and it seems that things aren’t going so well for him. He’s arguing with his ex-wife over the phone about money problems. Then he opens his desk drawer, and wouldn’t you know it, but there’s a giant bottle of Jack Daniels inside. Say it ain’t so, Barry! For some reason, Barry’s boss is like, ok Barry, you’re a total drunk fuckup, but I like you, so go get a signature from this old lady named Elva who just took out a $100,000 life insurance policy, and collect the premium. By the way, this old lady happens to live…in the ghe-ttooooooooooo.

Meanwhile, we meet a phone company repairman named Will, who is played by Ray Parker Jr. Yes, THAT Ray Parker Jr. I’m going to do my best to refrain from Ghostbusters puns here, but no promises. As it turns out, Will is also headed over…to the ghe-ttoooooooooo, because he has a lady friend there that he wants to pay a visit to. Makes sense, because I heard he likes the girls! Dammit!

So Barry arrives…in the ghe-ttoooooooooo, and immediately these kids are like, hey you white cracker honkey ass piece of shit motherfucker, give us two dollars to watch your car. And since Barry is so white he makes Dave Chappelle’s uptight white guy character look like Rudy Ray Moore, he’s like well gee golly, here’s your money, I don’t want any malarkey! And he walks away, at which point the kids start robbing his car. He’s not even out of earshot. Ugh, whatever, movie. Inside the building, Barry taps a kid on the shoulder and asks where Elva’s apartment is. The kid responds very reasonably, and is happy to help him find…nah, I’m joking, the kid is like what the fuck you say to me you white devil cracker ass jive bitch motherfuck shit cracker ass punk, and pulls a switchblade on him. UGGGGGGH, whatever, movie. Luckily, the building’s ancient security guard shoos him away, and helps Barry find Elva’s apartment. Every single line that this security guard has is about how bad the building is, how crime and gang-ridden it is, how they’re probably going to die because they’re roaming the building at this hour, etc. When Barry goes and gets the signature and the premium from Elva, every single line that SHE has is about how bad the building is, how crime and gang-ridden it is, how he’s probably going to die because he’s roaming the building at this hour, etc. Tomi Lahren probably thinks that this movie is a documentary.

Barry and the security guard head back to the elevators, but oh no, there are a bunch of gangsters waiting for them! Turns out that the kid that Barry tapped on the shoulder was a junior member of The Vampires, and now he must pay, with his blooooood!

OK, time out. This is how you know a white conservative wrote this screenplay: there has never been a street gang like this in reality ever. The Vampires are corny as hell. They refer to white people as “ghosts” and black people who help white people as “blood traitors,” have silly nicknames like Psycho, and do a little salute to one another where they make fangs with their index and middle finger, and hiss. Oh, and their leader calls himself The Count, and the most evil thing he does for the entire movie is break Elva’s glasses. Speaking of Dave Chappelle, the Player Haters Ball would have a field day with these clowns.

However, despite being totally unrealistic and silly, Tony Todd, who plays The Count and went on to play Candyman, is easily the best part of this movie. He takes all of this nonsense about how The Vampires own the night and the building is their castle and plays it with the verve and seriousness of Shakespeare. He chews the scenery, yes, but his presence is magnetic. You can’t take your eyes off of him whenever he’s on screen. The movie gave him a bunch of garbage to sell, and he sells the HELL outta that garbage.

So there’s a scuffle, and both switchblade kid and the security guard end up getting shot and killed. Ray Parker Jr., having heard something strange in the neighborhood (shit, sorry!) runs out of his lady friend’s apartment and helps Barry get to safety. The movie really kicks into gear here, and I’ve gotta say, becomes rather exciting. They keep the pace going, keep the characters on their toes, and I was surprised to find that I started to become really invested in these characters. I know I’ve been giving him a hard time, but Ray Parker Jr. really isn’t that bad of an actor, you could at least say that he skates by on charisma. But anyhow, these two eventually meet up with Elva’s granddaughter, Toni, played by Stacey Dash (who must’ve felt right at home with all this right wing dog whistling). They decide that the safest place in the building is Mr. Parker’s apartment, as he’s the only person that The Vampires are scared of.

We finally get to Mr. Parker’s apartment, but not before Barry has to stab a Vampire to death, which reduces him to a blubbering mess. Mr. Parker’s door looks like a maximum security jail cell door, and there’s a slot through which he sticks out a gun. Eventually he lets them in, and holy shit, his entire apartment is covered in reinforced steel, wired with booby traps, and Mr. Parker himself turns out to be a kooky crazy Vietnam vet in a fancy, weaponized wheelchair (!!!) played by none other than Jan-Michael Vincent. He goes on and on about how he left one war and found himself in another and says some pretty racist stuff about his fellow tenants and is like, you know why I’ve got this pet bird? So that if there’s a gas leak, I’ll know about it because he died first! And then he’s like, you know why I got this pet cat? So that it can eat my food first, and test it for poison!

At this point, I knew that this character wasn’t going to be in the movie much longer. One, because when you introduce a character this larger than life this late in the narrative, then it’s too good to be true. Two, because at the time, Jan-Michael Vincent was well into his torrid love affair with drugs and alcohol. Despite the fact that Mr. Parker is in a wheelchair, his legs are constantly twitching. You can’t help but speculate that they gave the character a wheelchair because JMV was too drunk to stand up, and considering the sorry state of his health today, that wheelchair becomes almost a harbinger of things to come. Anyway, The Vampires show up and almost immediately kill Mr. Parker. But not before he can give his machine gun to Elva. Chekhov’s machine gun!

Barry, Toni, and Ray Parker Jr. somehow manage to escape, and they find a little boy who claims to know a secret way out of the building that not even The Vampires know about. On the way, they encounter the aforementioned Psycho, who has a giant geri curl that made me chuckle, and they throw him down an open elevator shaft, which also made me chuckle. So they get down to the basement, gingerly stepping over Psycho’s corpse, and make their way to the secret exit. But guess what? PSYCHO ISN’T DEAD! At this point, I got very excited, because, holy shit, what if The Vampires…ARE ACTUAL VAMPIRES?!?! If the movie suddenly went in THAT direction, that would’ve been so awesome. But, alas, they just kill Psycho again, this time for good. RIP, Psycho.

Eventually the kid leads them to the secret exit, but its a really tight squeeze, so Toni decides to run to the nearby NYPD building for help. Of course, she is almost immediately raped and murdered by an entirely DIFFERENT gang as soon as she leaves the building, because the movie hadn’t shoved its racism in your face in awhile. Without giving too much away, eventually Barry and Ray Parker Jr. also get out, The Count has an amazing, borderline operatic (seriously!) death scene, the rest of The Vampires are shot at by Elva and her new machine gun (yaaaaay!) and in the ultimate example of this being a right wing fantasy, the NYPD, yes, the NYPD, arrives right on time to save the day. Hoooooo boy.

So what else is there to say about Enemy Territory? Yes, it is entertaining. It is a well-constructed action movie with some surprisingly good performances to back it up. I haven’t even discussed the cinematography, which is easily the film’s best technical asset, seeing as it was done by the legendary Ernest Dickerson, who shot all of Spike Lee’s best movies. I can’t imagine it was easy for Ernest to look Spike in the eye after participating in a movie like this. And here’s the thing: Enemy Territory isn’t just racist now, it was considered racist for the time, if you can imagine that. After it was released, on May 22, 1987 (the day I was born!), the film played in New York City for a week before it was pulled from theaters due to overwhelming outrage and protests from black activists and civil rights groups. Though it would make its money back on VHS, the film has never made it to DVD, and there seem to be no current plans to change that. Which is fine by me. Enemy Territory is a shiny piece of entertainment that rots from the inside; what purports to be a gritty look at the big bad city is really nothing more than a collection of racist dog whistles directed at a section of the white population whose view of other races is myopic and bigoted. There are plenty of great 80s action movies that won’t make you queasily think of Bernie Goetz, or the Central Park Five, or Amadou Diallo. After all, real life is bad enough, wouldn’t you rather escape?

[thewalkingdeadfanfictions]

Dawn of Corr Kendrick Chapter 3 - Keep Living On

Day fifteen of the global outbreak

           The vibrations of my phone on the tile floor woke me up after I don’t know how long. Rubbing my eyes as I sit up, I then open them to see that sometime during the night Ana and Luis decided to sleep together as they were now sleeping naked, half covered by one of the two blankets we had, on the opposite side of the room, their discarded clothes in random spots around them. But how they managed to do it without waking me I’ll never know. With a shake of my head I then look at my phone to see I’d gotten a call and voicemail from an unknown number. Confused I slowly unplug it from the charger, pick it up, bring the voicemail up, press play, and bring it to my ear to listen to it: “I hope you get this Corr. When we were trying to convince Grandma and Grandpa this thing was real King County started to get really bad. Then they broke in and in our hurry we forgot the phone charger and it took a while to find someone who did and would lend their phone to us. Grandma and Grandpa are gone but your mom and I are currently in Alabama with a group heading to somewhere that claims that it’s safe there. But we don’t want you or your friends to follow until we know for sure so we’re not telling you where we’re going or want you to tell your friends about this. Stay safe and we’ll come and find you when we know for sure. We love you.” My father’s voice tells me causing tears of relief and sadness to start falling from my eyes. They were still alive…at least for now. But I had a sickening feeling that this was actually a cryptic goodbye message telling me they were leaving but they didn’t want me to give up. They wanted me to keep fighting and live…for them. So with a deep breath I plug my phone back into the charger, which I’d remembered to plug into the wall outlet yesterday before we settled in after watching the movie and cleaning up the blood from the room. Laying back down, I pull the blanket I had around me and try to go back to sleep.

****Time Skip****

           “Do you think we should check out the lockers and collect the useful stuff in them and the rest of the food in the store before we leave?” Ana questions as we were packing up the blankets and things we’d taken out of our bags, getting ready to leave, causing Luis to pause and say “We’re not thieves. I left cash for the stuff we ate last night and it was different when it came to the guy’s stuff. They are our friends and won’t care that we took their things when this thing ends.” “When this ends? This thing is all over the world Luis. Do you really think that who took what to possibly help them survive will matter when it does?” Ana questions in a mildly annoyed and angry tone so to try and avoid a full blown argument between the two I offer “How about we only take enough to give us a few days? We lost a lot when…you know. Then we can put the rest in the lockers so the only thing that can get it is the living and if those things break in they won’t destroy or contaminate it.”

           He’s quite then as he looks at me with a hard stare causing me to look down at my feet whispering “It was just a suggestion.” “Luis stop that! She’s right.” Ana angrily snaps then causing him to sigh heavily before saying “You’re right…I’m sorry…It’s just you mentioned yesterday like it was any other day. Not one where we lost six of our friends. Hell, you almost got killed too.” This is when Ana quickly walks towards him, grabs his arm, and starts dragging him out of the room with a “We’re going to collect the stuff in the store. Corr you stay here and start going through the lockers.”

           They’re both out of the room before I can form any sort of response so I sigh and look towards the lockers. With a deep breath I pull out my phone to look up a video on how to pick locks just in case none of the keys I had worked on them. I feel bad for feeling relieved at having no new messages for a second before starting to do what I was told. From the moment I entered our freshman dorm room Ana has always seemed be understand me and know exactly what I was feeling. And being friends was just kind of there the whole time. Which evolved into being friends with people she made friends with. Then Dove and Clark started dating and the rest of the guys were just added into our group…But now…

           Shaking my head of that depressing thought I unzip the small duffel bag in the bottom of the locker I was currently in to find that it was whoever’s gym bag, with a pair of newer tennis shoes sitting on top. They would probably be better for Ana to wear, instead of her flats, so I check to see if they’re her size, which I only know because she’s had me order some for her the last time there was an online sale of some brand I didn’t bother to remember. Not that it matters what brands someone wore anymore…well…it never really did in my book. Luckily they were so I take them out and set them on the bench, next to the other useful stuff I found, just as the two come back in, with the remaining food in their arms.

           “Find anything good?” Ana questions as she just drops the stuff in her arms into Luis’s, earning an “Really?” as half of it falls to the floor. He immediately gets a hard glare from her as she tells him “Separate it and find a place for the rest.” In her “I’m still mad at you.” Voice. He sighs heavily as he starts to do as told so I give Ana my own “Really?” look. I only get a smirk in return that totally meant “He’s doing it isn’t he?” so I explain “Found a few granola bars, an empty water bottle, and a pair of tennis shoes that are in your size. Oh and I found the window paint. I thought it would be a good idea to cover the windows of the shop once we get there.” While pointing at said items sitting on the bench. “Good idea. We only use the markers at the shop so we wouldn’t have enough to cover the windows fully. And thank god! My feet are killing me after running in these.” She exclaims motioning to her red flats before she gets one of those scarily happy smiles on her face as she adds “I found something too.” While she reaches a hand behind her. “Okay?” I question giving her a worried look, knowing that look could mean she either found something good or embarrassing…to me. Figuring that we were in the situation that we were in and the place we were it was probably the latter.

“I know we’ll probably never be able to enjoy it again but it couldn’t hurt to take it with us.” She tells me then, emphasizing the word enjoy, while she brings a movie case from behind her back causing me to raise an eyebrow at her and question “What is it?” “This!” she exclaims happily finally showing me the front of the case, revealing the face of Gerard Butler as Cable in the movie Gamer, before she shoves it into my hands. I instantly start laughing with her doing the same. Gamer was one of the movies that we watched repeatedly from the moment it came out on DVD. I liked the story, despite the bad reviews, and the soundtrack while Ana liked watching the, in her words, “ripped” actors. I even used a few of the songs in my game.

“We don’t know if we’ll survive the day and we’re taking a movie.” Louis mutters then causing Ana to snap “Like I said, it couldn’t hurt!” To which he just sighs but thankfully drops it as he continues to fight with balancing most of the food in the locker, the rest sat in a pile next to his and Ana’s bags. “That’s what I thought.” Ana huffs practically kicking off her flats as she sat down on the bench, to put on the shoes instead, so I turn to my bag, leaning against the wall next to the plug. Going over to it I unzip the bigger area, move the blanket and clothes over, and slip the movie in the computer case with my computer, that I couldn’t bring myself to leave behind even though it may become a paperweight if this thing continues, which was next to my books, that I couldn’t bring myself to leave behind even though they take up space and add added weight. The two bottles of water, jar of peanut butter, two packets of chicken flavored ramen, couple of granola bars, baggie of Cheez-Its, a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puffs, and couple of bags of the Cheez-It and Chips Deluxe Gripz where stored in the smaller area, and the rest of my things were still stored in my satchel bag.

“What are we going to do once we get there? Wait it out there or what?” Ana questions, having gone over to her bag and started shoving half of the snacks into it, causing Luis says “It’s going to depend on how safe we can make it. Then if we can find some camping things and a survival book or something we can think about going to that quarry. I mean it’s not like any of us have gone camping before or anything like that.” in a tone that probably meant it should be obvious, while doing the same as her. Of course Ana gives him a quick glare as she zips up her bag before pulling it over her shoulders with a “No need to be a dick about it.” So I, take her cue, and pull on my bags, as he taunts “You asked.” While doing the same after zipping his up, earning a snapped “And I said no need to be a dick about it!” from her as she stormed back over to the bench and picked up the plastic store bag which I had emptied of a change of clothes and put the paint in.

           With that she turned, held it out to Luis, and added “You can carry it. You are the only one with a one handed weapon.” “Only because I’m actually trained in bladed combat.” He says stepping forward and taking the bag causing her to scoff out “Bladed combat? You fenced.” “It still counts.” He snaps which just causes her to say “Let’s hope so and let’s go.” As she pats him on the shoulder before she picks up her crowbar, which was leaning on the wall with my bat near the door, picks up the keys from the floor next to it, and heads out the door. With a sigh he motions for me to come on so I nod and quickly collect my bat and follow him out the door.

           We join Ana at the door before she motions for us to listen and presses her ear against the door. We do the same and after a few moments of hearing nothing she takes her ear off the door and whispers “Shouldn’t we still hear gunshots and stuff?” “Maybe it’s calmed down.” Luis offers, earning an eye roll and a “Really?” from her before she mutters “Whatever. If it’s really calmed down we should go now.” And slowly unlocks the door. Louis and I step back as she slowly opens the door and looks around outside.

           “It’s clear.” She says stepping and holding the door for us. So we join her outside and look around as she lets the door close behind us. It was quiet and empty, which was unnerving, as we start to make our way to the department store, occasionally having to step over or around things or even bodies, which we were careful not to touch in case they were like the former employee of the video store.

****Time Skip****

           “This is really weird.” Ana breathes out as she opens the back door to the department store, her workplace, after our surprisingly uneventful journey. “Yeah, where is everyone or any of those things?” Luis questions as we step into the storage room that was so full of shelves and boxes that the large delivery door was pretty much unusable. “Maybe they’re being drawn to the refugee center?” I offer remembering how sound seemed to draw them, figuring that the refugee center would probably be making a lot of noise, causing Luis to offer “Or it’s actually ending.” “It’s entirely possible.” Ana says closing the back door behind us before adding “But if they’re all being drawn to the refugee center we should stay as far away from there as possible. And if it is ending, and I’m not saying that it is, we should stay here until someone comes and gets us.” “Agreed.” Luis says as I nod in agreement causing Ana to say “Let’s get this place secured then.”

Day sixteen of the global outbreak      

The three of us decided that we should start to go through the stuff in the store, including the Lost and Found box and sort of pick up and sort the merchandise and decorations we’d emptied out of or taken off of some of the different stuff we used for barriers at the doors. Figuring that we should do so before we got too comfortable, if we ever did, since the most we had done was set up in the manager’s office, which just entailed laying out our blankets, storing our bags, and plugging in my laptop, my phone, and Ana’s phone. All with the plan that if the things broke in we’d barricade ourselves in there, which we did mainly because there was apparently no way to lock the door to the roof, get into the neighboring store as their door to the roof actually locked, or barricade the door to the small employee room that contained the small metal staircase to the roof. And because we did find that Ana’s manager had been hording junk food and snacks in a drawer of their desk, had a mini fridge with some water bottles, and had a microwave as well. Thus, the three of us wouldn’t have to worry about starvation or dehydration for probably another week with that plus what we had in our bags.

However, we had no idea exactly what’s going on outside with most of what was being posted on the site being just more of the same; with stuff starting to go bad or even bad to worse, rumors of safe places, people sharing what’s happened to them, and the like, and how we couldn’t even tell what time it was now unless we looked at the clock due to how we covered the windows and door with the window paint and barricaded them. Though, in the grand scheme of things that’s probably a good thing as if we couldn’t see out, they couldn’t see in.

****Time Skip****

           The three of us were currently eating our sad dinner, of a noodle cup and bag of chips, as we attempted to watch the news on the small rabbit eared TV we had found in a box labeled Emergency, basically hidden in the corner of one of the shelfs in the storage room, with the, tag less and somewhat dirty, small pink neopets snowbunny plush, surprisingly and happily discovered in the bottom of the Lost and Found box, currently sitting in the small space between Ana and I, as if it was a real bunny. We couldn’t get the sound to work, figure out how to get the captions on, or get the image to have no static. But it was better than nothing as the radio that was there didn’t work at all. How the manager stayed the manager without keeping the stuff needed for emergencies working or updated was a mystery.

           Luis had just gotten up to smack it again as the screen filled with static when we heard what sounded like helicopters. Ana and I quickly stand up our heads snapping up to look at the ceiling as Luis questions “You two hear that?” “Yeah.” I respond nodding before Ana announces “Let’s go look.” While grabbing my hand and starting to pull her with her.

“Maybe this is a bad idea.” Luis says as we step out on the roof and look up at the sky, searching for the source of the sound. “Too late now.” Ana says before releasing me and exclaiming “Look! There they are!” as she pointed into the semi-dark sky. “Thank god.” Luis breathes out as we all watch some helicopters fly overhead and wave at them causing Ana to sigh out “It’s really over.” relieved. But that’s when some flares are released from them causing Luis to say “I don’t think so.” His tone worried. “What’s happening?” Ana questions, in a scared tone, as another set of helicopters fly overhead causing Luis to shout “We need to go back inside!” We turn to go back inside but there’s an explosion and flash of light from in front of us causing us to freeze and look up as a fire ball rises a little over the tops of the buildings.

“They’re bombing us!” Ana cries out as there are more following after it getting closer and I breathe out “We’re going to die.” That’s when Luis grabs our hands and quickly pulls us into the building with him just before it shakes with the force of one that is closer. He forces us into the corner as the building shakes again and things could be heard falling from downstairs. We stay huddled in the corner listening to the explosions as they got further away until they eventually stopped causing us all to breathe out in relief.

“We’re alive.” Ana whispers so Luis says “We’re alone.” “What?” both Ana and I question looking at him in surprise causing him to look at the ground and say “We’ve been abandoned. The bombs are the last ditch effort after the military and National Guard fail or are told to retreat.” “But we’re alive! They can’t just leave us!” Ana cries causing Luis to yell back “They can! And they did! You were right! This thing isn’t going to end! We’re alone and we’re going to die!” “No!” I cry then feeling my eyes start to water so I close them and shake my head as I continue “We can’t die! We can’t!” “Corr.” Ana whispers then pulling me into a hug as she continues “We’re not going to. We have each other and that’s never going to change.”

Day seventeen of the global outbreak

           We now could hear at least one of those things groaning when we were near the front door and windows. That plus the events of yesterday we didn’t really feel like continuing our sort of the clothes, shoes, and accessories in the store and just picked up the rest of it and piled it in a pile in the, now empty, middle of the store and simply just shoving the stuff that fell in the storage room back on the shelves. We also posted about what happened on the site to get out that there was still uninfected people here in the city since we never know who might reach out to us with a safe way to get out of the city or a safer place within the city. We also were watching the posts from the site to see if anything similar had happened in other cities. And we, well Ana and I, also placed the snowbunny on top of said pile, our own little copping bunny pile.

We were both used to seeing my own snowbunny on the top shelf of my bookcase along with the limited edition silver lupe neopets plush Ana managed to get her hands on last year, the Mattel Masters of the Universe Samurai Battle Cat action figure I’d gotten from my father, the couple Pokémon figures I had and decided to put on display (a few Eevee, a couple Togepi, a couple Mew, Poochyena), my Pooky Beanie Buddie, the two Beanie Babies I’d gotten from my grandparents Hoot and Sniffer, and the Basket Beanie Hippie I’d gotten from my mother one Easter. And it was at this point that I wished I had packed at least one of them and the small Kero plush from Cardcaptors/Cardcapter Sakura.

I’d gotten that Kero for my eleventh birthday and I still slept with it, it had practically been clued to me for a few years after all. It was also one of the things I had gotten from one of my dad’s army buddies over the years. Usually I got things like GI Joes, comics, or action figures, things that tough military guys wouldn’t be embarrassed to get so finding the small orange winged cat plush in the simple boxes, they were notorious to put them in, with a new Lady Jane figure was a surprise. My mom always said she’d pay to see him picking it up and going to the cash register with it, the other guys agreed, and his brother claimed it was hilarious. Maybe we can go back to our apartment and I can get them once we have to leave here. That is, if our apartment isn’t damaged from the bombs and everything.

I wonder if they’re all alright but none of them answered when I tried. Though Dan “Campbell’s” Campbell and Jorge “Red” McCallister were still deployed, Jed “Jedi” Martin had moved back home to Michigan to help his sister out with his three nieces when her husband just up and left a few years ago, and this was around the time that the Eckert brothers, Nicolas “Nicky” and Mathew “Mattie”, visited their mother in Florida, so who knows.

Day eighteen of the global outbreak

Ana and I were currently walking around the roof getting some much needed air and checking the ground for how many of those things were actually around us. Luckily there were only two of them around the front of the store, one behind it, and none on either of the other two sides.

“I think we should clear the back door.” Ana says suddenly causing me to stop and say “I don’t know. I think our plan of holing up in the office is pretty safe. There’s no windows so those things won’t be able to see us and they’ll eventually leave.” “I know…It’s just what if it isn’t those things that break in?” She replies slowly stopping as well causing me to ask “Not those things?” “Other people.” She says before turning and looking at me and continuing “The world wasn’t very nice before this.” With a weird look on her face. “Ana?” I question concerned causing her to give me a small smile before she looks up at the sky saying “Never mind.”

I follow her gaze up at the sky and watching as a cloud slowly moved across the sky, as if it wasn’t probably the end of life as we knew it, and slowly disappeared into another one.

Day nineteen of the global outbreak

           I was busy trying to clean myself in the small bathroom, using one of the clean shirts as a washcloth, as we had started to stink, trying to sleep was harder having to smell it, and well…Lady Red decided it’d be a good idea to visit me last night. That and the fact that Ana still wanted to clear the back door while Luis still wanted to keep it barricaded, had “quietly” argued about it all night, and were still arguing about it within the office didn’t help any of our moods. At least with the door closed they were muffled and I could barely hear them in the store and couldn’t hear them within the bathroom.

****Time Skip****

           Ana and I were now moving the stuff barricading the backdoor, her having won and Luis keeping watch of the back door on the roof. “He should just accept that I will always win.” She huffs as we set the final bench back where we found it so I nod saying “Yeah.”

Day twenty of the global outbreak

           “What the hell is wrong with this thing now?” Luis groans smacking the T.V. filled with only static after he turned it on for us to check the news as we ate our “breakfast” of the last of the pop-tarts from the drawer, having decided to eat that stuff before the things from our bags. “See if it’s the same on the other channels.” Ana says so Luis starts pressing the channel button and changing the channel, each one showing static, causing him to state “It’s all the same.” “Maybe it’s gone.” I suggest causing them to look at me with an ‘Oh god’ look.

Day twenty-one of the global outbreak

           “Ana we need to ration our food.” Luis scolded as Ana opened another bag of chips only causing her to snap “Are you calling me fat?” and me to decide to fish my Mp3 from my satchel bag. “Did I say that?!” He questions angrily, as I find it and place it on the ground next to me and start searching for the headphones, only for her to say “Well I don’t know mister sleep with other girls.” “I thought we were over that!” He exclaims, as I find the headphones and connect them to the Mp3, causing her to question “Why? Because we didn’t talk about it because the world went to shit?” “Yes! The world did go to shit! Who I did or didn’t sleep with isn’t important anymore!” He exclaims, as I place the buds into my ears, earning an “It is important! You’re supposed to love me and only me!” from her before I press play and let the voice of Sia flood my ears while I watch them continue to argue…yet again.