#ok ok *last* post and then i gotta get to work -
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ANOTHER will wip i cannot stop painting this man.
#gave will a huge ass forehead and a terrible haircut i will cut that out later lol#not the first or last time say this but hannibal i get u for drawing will so much.#trying a new style for funsies#oil but digital#cuz this man(or hugh overall) deserves to be captured with an oil painting#but i am NOT bout to pull out a canvas drawing him with actual oils cuz first my place is not ideal for oils#and second my family will see it when its drying. and how do i explain this.#drawing a beat up bloody man. no#explaining my social anxiety topic to my east european immigrant parents was hard enough.#especially when u gotta translate ur meaning and words which u usually make up in english to ur mother tongue. I CANT EXPLAIN IT WELL ENOUG#ok this has become a rant#enjoy anyhow#i am procrastinating again#nbc hannibal#hannibal#will graham#fanart#wip#work in progress#digital art#hannibal fanart#will graham fanart#rumaiq art#my post
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GLORY HALLELUJAH PRAISE BE TO GOD
MY STUPID GRANT WRITING CLASS IS DONE AT LAST!
#taleweaver speaks#I hated that class so much lol#and the last couple weeks (when I've been sick and very busy with work and family and writing)#have just been a lot of 'ok. gotta force myself to care about this long enough to do this discussion post/assignment.'#but I have submitted my final project#and I know I fulfilled the requirements enough to get a decent grade#and now I'm DONE#for the record the class is objectively fine#it's well-structured and well-taught and the course materials are good#the subject matter just makes me want to die and/or run away to narnia lol
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time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist
#snap chats#can i even call it cosplay. why are police sirens going off in the bg oh my god shut UP#anyway yeah ill elaborate. Super Snap Stalkers will remember my p4 era and will remember the time i did in fact do an adachi cosplay#i deleted the og post like an hour later. plus that blog's gone. but im sure some freak can find it if they dig hard enough#ew i think i was 17/18 in that pic (not at all that long ago) ok anyway.#i use the same loafers for my aoki outfit. and yeah i do Regularly wear my rgg outfits i TOLD YOU its functional cosplay i QUIT#just funny that like.... damn everything always goes back to square one LOL#these busted ass old ass loafers still rockin with me years later#if im feeling cheeky i think i will post all my rgg outfits actually. for halloween#hang on gotta be depressed and cringe for a moment#cause ive always liked cosplay but whenever i did it it never felt. Good Looking#like i always just felt like my face never worked for the charas i wanted to portray and so thats why i say with a heavy heart#that aoki's round-ass square-ass head is perfect LOL it makes me wanna throw up looking in the mirror#i got the same weird lips. ok not that squished Similar but Its Awful that he makes me feel comfortable with my face now#at least my eyebags arent double deckered... i at least look like i get sleep.. some days.#breaking !!!! objectively one of the most vile bitches in this franchise makes you feel comfortable with your body and existence#NAW to continue from last post if i had a webcam i prob coulda done a cosplay y7 stream LOL thatd be funny#anyway since this tag ramble is just pure cringe let me round it off with a final bit of cringe#the Forbidden Mention of my trans masato hc cause one reason why i have a Teehee over the thought is how raspy his voice is#and i only really now realized how right i was tonight because my prof called on me to speak and when i tried speaking DAWG.#the forbidden acknowledgement of Myself GROSS#BUT DAWG MY THROAT WAS FUCKIN CRUSTY it felt like sandpaper EW?? WATER FOR YOU?? christ. i hope that was just a one-time thing#ok im leaving now BYE
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Woof grrrr
#negative#a little??#(just to be clear!!!!! this is not about anyone its just feelings im working thru abt a subject. this is in no way meant to judge!!)#not mouse noises but whatever#im >:| tonight. jus thinking#i gotta address something soon and its eating at me unnecessarily#yes i did draw bruce in a diap in my last post i do that sometime#and im trying to deal with the fact! that that's ok to do theres nothing wrong with nappies in regression#buuuut i still get bent out of shape about it#im not sure if im comfy bringing it up here yet#like its truly not big a deal but. you know#it makes some people uncomfortable and theres always the possibility of creeps finding it which would be super upsetting#and i dont want to give people a false read on my feelings toward it. if that makes sense#mostly for commissions#cuz honestly im still very all over the place about my comfort levels with diaps in commissions#its like very hit or miss whether ill do them or not it depends on the vibe#and ofc none of this has to do with anyone else this is NOT a judgement#its just about my personal comfort putting certain stuff out there#anyway. woof#if you're wondering if im gonna address i will im just. buffering
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omg i get a little stressed and to cope i end up playing esthetician until 130 am and go to bed feeling worse than before. and like id pluck every leg hair out but haven’t brushed my teeth yet. and after that my skin gets soo bad and im like whattttt why is this uappening.
#text#the past couple of months have been crayzeeeeeee but now things are cslm. but im still 🫨🫨🫨 mentally bc im not in a good routine or anything#it always starts bc im like ‘i need to take better care of myself’ and then ends badly. lol#tiktok ‘everything shower’ joke kinda made me get back into the strange habit of doing the absolute bare minimum + doing everything in one#night and feeling worse. instead of like having a more consistent routine#rly i need to start working out again. it helps me regulate things bc i like to plan ahead lol#im on anxiety meds now so im gonna TRYYYYYY to help myself by getting in a better routine#AND BY THAT. i mean SLOWLY bc ive gone through this cycle before and and starting things all on the same day is a variant of this.#and i gotta get off my phone. my neck fucking hurts from sitting weird and scrolling too long#tiny bit cringy to admit but i want to find a stim toy that i could do the same scroll motion on. if that makes sense#like a smooth peice of metal or something. maybe i’ll buy a little keychain and see if that could replace the motion while im chillin doing#something else#SORRY if anyone does read this usually i reread my posts to make sure im coherent before posting but its 140 something am and im high again#ALSO 2024 resolution im done being high on most week nights. i need to calm down w it#ok last thing bc this is funny#phoebe bridgers song came on while i was driving home and the one lyric was like im not afraid of going back to school…….#and it hit me in that exact moment bc I AMMMMMM AFRAID TO go back to school but im not‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ it’s fine‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i am not gonna#ok goodnight. i brushed my teeth#sabotage this.
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made an account and immediately unfollowed staff, that's my streamer o7
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me 5 minutes after deciding that TS4 needs more ~Life~ and ~Layers~ and ~Lore~ so i must dredge up as much of the lore, the connections, families, individual sims, and convoluted messes of TS2 & TS3 into the mix
#the wiki: they're cousins. me checking the family trees: there's like 8 missing links here what do u MEAN#also uh. let it be known that when i refer to TS4 default townies etc i DO include the gallery sims that maxis posts#which it looks like they've just. stopped doing for the last ??? however many packs but anyway.#so the baseline number of s4 sims is HIGH and i try to use traits and physical similarities to make inter-household family connections#once everyONE is mapped out and in game THEN they get friends from work and clubs and neighbours but#AND ANOTHER THING is that trying to connect sims is one thing but makin it Make Sense with their ages is a NIGHTMARE#like 'alexander is a child' yep cool. oh he marries a cecilia in a past game. oh s4 cecilia is already a young adult.#ok alex guess it's time to insta-adult!! but then i gotta change the whole goth family to make THAT make sense.#so it's just that Over and Over
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Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'
#text post#idk why i have such bad post-survey mental dips every time but I always do#literally last night before end of my shift was like okay brain. it's ok that we aren't working after this. this is fine.#there's another survey in two weeks (for ONCE they told us in advance) and in the in between other things I can do to keep making some mone#and I felt really confident abt that at that point! wish that confidence hadn't been so misplaced bc I did in fact spiral#was actually exhausted enough to just eat shower and sleep after work but the shower was just a big spiral w/crying and scrubbing lmao#whatever. did a mini vid in the new outfit i have for the side job and will do dishes tonight#plus I'll get my shot done bc that's a day late now too#prolific and cloud i got a bit done too and i'll keep checking those thru the night#i actually wanna play gta for a bit & try it with the controller but i feel guilty every time i so much as look at steam so. we'll see#i just need to do something else useful today bc tomorrow will be a full filming day most likely so. gotta make today useful too#I know it must sound like im not really trying to work with my brain on this but i shit u not#this is my brain when im actively employing coping skills and other things to try and counteract the 'work or die' mindset#i dont know how to make it any better and at this point I don't think I can#this was baked into me as a kid lmao bc even playing needed to have a point/story/some goal to achieve#or why the fuck was i playing with my barbies or metal toy cars or dinosaur and horse figurines to begin with#im rambling to put off doing the dishes ignore me lmao
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#i think ive hit my breaking point#3 missing assignments in my ap envirosci class#brings my grade down to a 66 ://#im gonna fucking lose it oh my god#it's fine bc i can turn it in late and hope my teacher takes pity on me#but . oh i want to strangle myself for forgetting to turn it in#i am not a freshman anymore !! fucking christ i need to get my shit together !!!#also . near tears because of precalc again#teacher assigned us homework and i Cannot figure out the last 6 problems#want to bash my head in bc i dont get it#im supposed to be smart istg#oh And i have my debate guide + art history notes that im behind on#ok . first thing i need to turn all my late work in#i do not have energy to care i just . cant have a zero in for my labs#gonna do that when i get to school and pray i dont cry in class#gotta finish my debate guide tn and then attempt some notes in the morning#Fuck why do i keep putting myself in this position#hey if any of yall have read this far into my vent post please send words of encouragement#D.vents
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god gives his biggest, honkin-est shoes [only caring abt old blorbos from, by today's standards, badly flawed media] to his silliest clowns [me 🤡]
#I went back and read some of my old fic for an *old* pairing and it is so fun! and I can tell like#I had so much fun writing them. they're actually quite good tbh like characterization is good dialogue fits plot is sturdy#and its like. it was so much fun! I enjoyed it! I would never write fic for the ship again cause of.... disc horse. that I caught wind of.#after I wrote the fics.#the blorbos I have been feral over the last couple weeks... like I enjoy them. immensely. but.#I think I overshot the scope of what I could actually do and the lingering omg don't ever actually post this cause disc horse#got way into my brain and killed my joy for it#then the like only current still airing media I had a ship for decided to cast aside one blorbo entirely#like a doll left in a sandbox at the park just... completely forgotten. so that's 🤷♀️#like I get that there's always fan works but. unpopular opinion. I don't like to entirely rely on just fic#I want the fic to be established off *something* and if they just toss blorbo out the window on the freeway#there's nothing anyone can do abt it#so here I sit. blorbo bermuda triangle. can't work on my wip. don't want to work on anything else.#back is out. again. my fckn nerve damage bro is so bad. gotta loe around all weekend and not do fuck all nothing#makes me CRAZY ok I get way too far into my own brain.#erin explains it all
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AHHH i wish i could remember exactly when i made these guys cuz i cant remember if it was in elementary school or middle school. but i think it was middle school. (they didnt have tails or floating limbs before this is a NOW art. if it wasnt obvious. it would be scary if i were drawing like this on a computer in middle school) ANYWAY its funny to see how similar some of these guys are to future (and now current) ocs riffing on the same thing. nature is beautiful
#i dont want to change their designs too much but i at least want them to be.. interesting. or more than they were before. exaggerated stay#ed the most the same because she is perfect but everyone else can go to hell#flowers arts#the shapes#<- im not ever going to post about them again but aww. aw#not memory being sentimental 🤣🤣🤣#OH YAH that blue guy wasnt an animal thingy before either but thats probably obvious#i think he can stay mostly the same too BUT the red guys gotta freaking get something!#he has a pet too. its an mp3 player YOU KNOW WHAT im just going to put the old picture i have of them in the post too#(the one on the right)#i think they all had pets IDK#IN UNIVERSE they were from a game that chell made (if you know him)#and i dont remember anything else except maybe it had space in an intro sequence and they were in a white void#(which was not manifested in physical way by me but whatever)#im sad cuz there was a lot of art and stuff in a server but everyone left it and the last guy who did named it storage and i was like I don#t know what that means and i deleted it... NAUR!!!!! all my old art and ocs and everything!#well its ok.. i guess kicks pebble....#if discord had a thing for like We will bring back your server it wouild be so joyous..#if only the way back machine worked like that with discord. aww..#ok im done typing up a storm i gotta go to bed! BAIII good night and ect :3
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started replaying tp (NOT TOILET PAPER!!!!!) with my sibling yayyy yayyyy skipping around
#I LOVE THIS GAME !!!#im also excited to play it saur soon after. i ws gonna say oot AND mm but oot ws like.. half a year ago bc we took ages to finish mm#BUT. i am excited nonetheless..bc ik theres a ton of references#4 now..ots my bedtime#everybody use yr magical abilities to repair hals cell tower !!! likes to charge Dont rb this bc its personal. idk how we cast#i didnt think that far ahead#but um yay :] i have umm work tmrw#and the day after tmrw as well even... but after that day off 4.therapy...#i have soo much t tlk abt but also ik as soon as i get in there ill be like Umm ya ive been pretty good..smile#but m excited t have th full session since last time j got there so late....#BUT YA that ws yr connor update. everybody if you have any magical power left over from fixing hals cell tower. manifest#th hotel not having enough rooms tmrw Grins.. its unlikely since weekend but who naurs. not me#forgor this post ws abt tp. NAYWYS i love twilight princess.. my first zelda game AND STILL my number one always and 4ever#everytime they say Twilight Princess i go :Y#itis super fun.. basically :]#sry i always ramble sm. i hope u guys see it as like little Connor updates. like im a segment in th newspaper#i wish newspapers were still a fing ik they r but theyre lame now.. me in 1976 or wtvr.. i wouldve loved newspapers bc well! there wouldnt#be anyrhin else 2 do. so ya#ok thats all. i gotta make my lunch 4 tmrw justtt in case I GET PAID TMRW YAYYY YAYYY .. its all going into savings but im still excited :D
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#main part of pokemon video is done!!!!!#lol i gotta be real i was very lazy with like the last 4 sections because i got tired of working on it#i still think its fine but like it could be better#however. my brain has this thing where its like ok either finish it now or youre never finishing it amd no youll never come back to it#so its kinda either i be lazy on some parts or i dont finish the video and post it. so im being lazy so i can put something out#it is what it is though. this shit is fuckin done lets goooo!!!!!!#i dont think im going to like do any 'polish' im just going to do a pass on audio levels and make sure its understandable#and then do the conclusion and send it#so maybe friday??? probably friday#also i gotta say my job has sucked recently. my boss has given me more responsibility and i fuckin hate it#i hate it so much i wanna get fired right now and quit my job forever#it sucks but it could be worse. so many things that slightly annoy me are happening all at once#my conspiracy brained coworker always wants to talk and i hate listening to him bc hes dumb and stubborn as shit and so fucking annoying#and all this bullshit means i cant even listen to a fucking book at work anymore. i hate it!!!#after this video is done im fucking reading house of leaves and nobodys gonna stop me
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ughhhhh i emailed astro prof to be like i cant reliably go to class so i want to audit. and now shes like "i'm worried. why don't you come have a talk with me." girl can i not just audit the class !! please!!!
#ok but i gotta write out my reasons so i know what to say tomorrow.#1. i get scared when im not in the dairy building with my dairy people#2. spring semester has historically been bad for me but because youre a mandatory reporter i will not be elaborating#3. i literally cannot put this into words but i just cant attend class regularly !!#god i dont even know#i tried to audit last semester and she was like nooo. youre so smart take it as a class#and now im realizing that i dont LIKE astronomy class. i love astronomy but not when its a class!!!!!!!!#and im working 16-18 hours a week and coaching for roller derby and activities coordinator for [club]#and im tired of school!!! i am 4 months away from being done and senioritis has hit HARD#god idk. and im sooo sensitive right now and tired and the department has some big drama going on rn#and i just cant commit to going to astro class and lab. i just cant.#this sucks. time to get ready for roller derby practice i guess#school post
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gm!! was it sunshine meme share last night!!! aeughghggh and whats this abt tumblr being put on a skeleton crew?? funky,,
#jupiter.speaks#> quick post sleipnir thinkin shhdjdjd#> also jeez. what a rough night when i got up i was like man. just do some work off the bat n itll be fine#> strat that never fails fr (i did also journal abt it. annoyed that that helps >:((( grrr)#> but also. skeleton crew bare bones tumblr? girl i thought we were already on that....uh oh....#> i did notice they added readmore as a lil button on mobile now. which is nice! but thats literally the only slightly useful thing-#> that theyve done/added in ages. i dont even think theyve fixed the axolotl image bug. just forced users to not post it#> one thing i do appresh abt knowin pcs n shit is that. i can look at tunglr n go yeah u guys are fucked LMAO#> i may revive my twt but i deleted my last se.lfship in a bit of a meltdown n just never remade now its just my main#> n no offence gang but i got my 28 irl friends/acquaintances on there n they dont know abt sel.fship its not comin out ayo#> ok ok i gotta get back to work eughgh
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