#ok the times i have cried this year. 1 time in january that i dont remember aside from that it happened

[orcelito]

Tho ex assistant manager aka miss bitch, her boyfriend came in. Or ex boyfriend at the time, except he used her rewards account & I had to see her name (ughhh), so I'm like. Are they back together? Who fuckin knows

Anyways I had to make a drink today that possibly went towards the person that holds the #3 spot for most hated in my personal life. I was Slightly tempted to spit in it, but I did not.

[cconcerned]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My mom ;w;

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Not rlly anyone-

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends. If work then no, if just hanging out then i think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

‘‘I like’‘ friend: probaly. ‘‘I like’‘ crush: idk

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

outgoing ppl and taht just like memes and gaming. Dont know really

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my older, middle brother 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

little bit

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mom

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Just some pics or text: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Musical songs. Mostly Heathers 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Not really. I have hair that is greasy 24/7. So the person would probaly be grossed out before they touch it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Ye

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer sucks so badly- but I guess.....I- dont know actually

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

V i r g i n  l i p s. never kissed before 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Nah

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

nope, I told him and after years of being good/best friends we stopped talking

19. Do you like bubble baths?

absolutely

20. Do you like your neighbors?

dont have them. Or I just never talk to them

21. What are you bad habits?

This is kinda embarassing but thumb sucking. like a baby. Also nail biting

22. Where would you like to travel?

Japan or China

23. Do you have trust issues?

Eh, idk

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sitting behind my computer

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My face

26. What do you do when you wake up?

think about life and lay there for 30 mins

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. Im an marshmellow now

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My older youngest brother

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Ye, suprisingly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Probaly yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

I think it has to say ‘‘Is’‘, so yeah, it is

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Intresting question- I dont keep in touch with the new celebrities so idk. 

33. Spell your name with your chin.

oh god- Ill just use my nickname ppl know me as, not my real one:

RfdIkVERf     -  River

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I have worse condition then an snail

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv. Dont watch it. Also you have youtube

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Ye. I like someone now but I am to afraid to tell them

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Likes gaming, horror, memes, and is overal an nice guy to talk to

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Outside? You want me dead?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Probaly go into game design

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on what they done

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Im being myself

43. Do you smile at strangers?

If I try to smile I look like I am dissapointed in them or angry

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space. 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Remembering I have youtube vids to watch and I have books to read

46. What are you paranoid about?

the things I dont know

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yeah. So I aint going to tell it

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yeah, constantly

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My face

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I dont do makeup

54. Favourite store?

Dont go to stores

55. Favourite blog?

Cant think of anything on the top of my head. Too many

56. Favourite colour?

Purple or black

57. Favourite food? 

Brocoli or something unhealthy like hamburgers

58. Last thing you ate?

chocolate cereal

59. First thing you ate this morning?

chocolate cereal

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah. Won a playback competition in 4th grade of elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Never been

62. Been arrested? For what?

Im too much of an pussy to do something to get myself arrested

63. Ever been in love? 

Of course

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Mk. It all started when I was an baby and my mom kissed me on the head

65. Are you hungry right now?

Just ate

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Dont have tumblr friends, (Or real friends)

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

I guess I only have one, Roksana. 

71. Craving something? What?

Chocolate milk

72. What colour are your towels?

blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

around 4

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

over 100 probaly

75. Favourite animal?

Bears or cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

Light pink- dont judge me goddamnit

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Chocolate

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white with pink and black hearts. Stfu

80. What colour pants?

same as shirt, Im in pyjama

81. Favourite tv show?

Tanked

82. Favourite movie?

UhHHhh Osomatsu san the movie probaly, not sure yet.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen both but I think I like Mean Girls from what ive seen and heard

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Uhhhh- hard to pick favorites

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

random, but Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

My older middle brother

88. Last person you talked to today?

Its morning-

89. Name a person you hate?

Alexia

90. Name a person you love?

Roksana

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

100% 24/7 yes

92. In a fight with someone?

Have been.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

around 3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

7

95. Last movie you watched?

uhhhhhhhh-- shit I dont watch movies

96. Favourite actress?

dont have one

97. Favourite actor?

dont have one

98. Do you tan a lot?

Eh

99. Have any pets?

ye

100. How are you feeling?

could be better, could be worse

101. Do you type fast?

ye

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

of course I do

103. Can you spell well?

Depends if Im rushing: not

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Ye

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Probaly once

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Mhm

108. What should you be doing?

Getting ready to go meet someone

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Nah

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Nada

111. Do you have trust issues?

Isnt this question asked before?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Mom

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Never had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?

Used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Never tried it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Kinda

119. Favourite book?

Warrior Cats

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Pretty spoopy shit

121. Are you mean?

I dunno

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Waste of time when they are going to be dirty again by the next day

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Never thought of it.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Probaly not

126. Are you currently bored?

YEah

127. What makes you happy?

Spending time with myself

128. Would you change your name?

Mhm

129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra

130. Do you like subway?

Never tried it

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Think about life and what to do

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

This has been asked before

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Blue from Heathers

134. Can you count to one million?

Yeah but I aint gonna try

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Alot, hard to pick one

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Open

137. How tall are you?

around 5′7

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

January

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Neither

146. Was today a good day?

Dont know yet, only morning

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

‘‘Bruh’‘ i think not sure

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Ye

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

dont have an book next to me

I like to answer these ok dont judge-

[taesamorcito]

What’s your love story with your gf if you don’t mind me asking?

anon this is going to be long because i never get to tell the story or talk about my relationship since me and my gf aren’t out yet :( don’t worry i’ll add a tl;dr at the end in case you wanted the short version

so we met in uni, we shared a few classes at the end of 2015 but truly got to know each other during the second half 2016 because shared almost every class during that semester. She was really easy talk to and really friendly and funny and so smart so i was always asking for help in class :( we started hanging out more often and i saw her every day so i kind of started liking her but didn’t want to admit until she got a boyfriend and that felt :/// that happened in september/october idr, but i do remember i always got mad when she cancelled plans with me to be with him or like got really sad or uncomfortable would bring up the subject :( so by now i knew i liked her but just brushed off as a simple crush. 

Fast forward to summer 2017 january i came out to her while i was drunk lmao i sent her multiple texts saying that i was bi that i was sorry and if she didn’t want to be my friend i understood it and blah blah blah, i didnt tell her i had a crush on her tho!! she replied the next morning saying she was okay with it that i shouldn’t be apologizing and that it was really (tbh i was too embarassed to even read it so idk what else was there) i just told her “let’s forget abt this pls” and we did, we didn’t mention it ever again lmao So idk when but thing started to change when classes started in march again we didn’t have classes together so i didn’t see her a lot in uni but i visited her house quite often and things started to change . she was always very touchy but now she held my hand more often or if we were watching movies she would cuddle with me it was really nice, but it just fueled the crush i had :(( 

MAY 2017 her birthday came and she had a party obviously her bf was there :) this is where i knew that it was more than a crush because i remember that when i saw them kissing my heart really fucking hurt even though i was drunk, later that night he went home and i stayed over with other friends and for a few minutes we cuddled a bit while sleeping and that just felt so perfect :((( but it didnt last long because one friend was so drunk he wouldn’t shut up and we had to calm him down. so now i KNOW im in love with a straight girl with a bf

JUNE 2017 all the cuddling and hand holding and hugs and touchy acts were starting to get to me on one hand it felt nice and wonderful and perfect on the other she still had a bf and for me she was in love with him so :/// i was determined to put some distance between us so one saturday night my parents were out of town and i invited some high school friends over and got really really really drunk and i just texted her “hey im sorry but i need to stay away from you” or smth and she called because she wanted to know why or what had happened i couldn’t fucking talk to her, words literally wouldn’t come out of my mouth and all i could say was “you don’t realize?” (TALK ABT DRAMATIC) she got frustrated with me and said “i wanted to fix this but if that’s what you want ill give your space” MY DRUNK ASS THEN THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA TO TELL HER THE REASON BEHIND AND JUST CONFESSED VIA TEXT it said smth like “i like you but i know you dont because you have a bf and that’s okay but i really need to forget abt you so i need space” she answered the next morning saying she was surprised but now understood better and she will give me the space i needed but if i promise i would go back to being her friend after, i was too embarassed and was kind of short with my answers and the whole thing ended up in bad terms that day

destiny was a fucking bitch because the next day and the following days i kept running into her at uni and it was so awkward  we both didnt know what to do :/ three days later she texted me if we could talk and i agreed and she cried bc she didn’t know what i expected her to do if i wanted her to ignored me completely or if a hi was okay and i just didnt know how to handle everything and at the end we agreed no contact or speaking but that lasted like a day because i thought everything over that night and realize that i was being a selfish idiot and that the situation was making everything worse because now i thought about her even more and just wasn’t working as i thought. we talked the next day and i asked her if we could forget abt everything and just act normally BUT BEFORE THAT AKSCLNAS i asked her to tell me that she’ll never see me like more than a friend and that she loved her bf she did and then we agreed to forget abt this

the following days were so awkward for me because i was so embarrased abt this whole fiasco but she didn’t let me avoid her lmao and well she was extra touchy now i remember that not long after we got back too being in good terms we took a cab to her house and during most of the ride she was hugging me or holding my hand she says it was bc she wanted everything to go back to normal.

JULY 2017 my favorite month sooooo she and her bf started having problems (i think this started months before but i was just finding out because of our mutual friend) and our cuddling and hand holding had increased a lot :( one night we were skyping and her mom comes in and she mentions smth abt her bf being in the past and i was just :O but didnt say anything until the next day and she confirmed it, she said the feelings just weren’t there and that she had tried to break it up much sooner but he asked for a second chance but at the end it wasn’t fair for either of them to continue so she ended it, i told her i was sorry to hear that and didnt really talk abt it that much, days passed and midterms started and i had trouble with this particular course so i asked her if i could sleep over her house and stay up studying she agreed and well KCLKCNANCANCM it was late like past midnight almost 1 am and i wasn’t getting any of the stuff she was tired so we kinid of said fuck it. she turned off the lights and i was just messing around with the music from her lap we both layed down and obviously she cuddled and i tried to distract myself changing the music  but i could feel her face really close like realllyyyyyy close so i turned my head and i could feel how close our lips were but i quickly turned back to looking at the laptop because i thought it was an accident but she didnt move and i turned my head again and i could see she was awake but didnt move away so i did lmao i was so fucking nervous and i turned again to see her reaction but this time she kissed me!!!! it was so soft and tender and just magical it was an undescrible feeling still one of my favorite moments ever :( after that she just smiled  and said “let’s sleep” so i closed the laptop and hug her and tried to sleep but i couldn’t because i didnt know what it meant or what she expected from me or if she even liked me dkascla next morning was cute too we were woken up by a noise and she just got closer to me and gave me a small peck on the lips and went back to sleep and i just died again and held her closer and went back to bed 

we talked abt it days later lmao midterms ended and there was a party and after it i slept over her house and just drunkly asked her if this was a game or just smth she was curious abt or why she had kissed me that day, she said she liked me :D and that this wasn’t a game and i told her ok let’s talk more when im not this drunk mvlmsnackjc we dated for months but we count as part of the relationship and  i finally asked her to be my gf in november 2017 after giving her a cd with all the songs i listenned since i knew i liked her aslcnscncl dumb i know but in that moment i thought it would be cute and i also gave her this necklace i used as a charm 

now she’s in this uni program that’s really good for her career but it involves her being in another continent for a year, she left in march 2018 but came to visit in august !!!! and still has a few days until she has to go back but will come for a few days for christmas and then she’ll be back in march for good nnckascnaskcnasnd  it’s hard but i love her and wouldn’t change any of it 

TL;DR we met in uni, i liked her, she had a bf, i confessed while drunk, she said it was okay but only saw me as a friend, broke up with her bf, kissed me and now we’ve been together for a year and 2 months

[dustenough]

what was your last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my mother

3. text message - “ok just phone me whenever x”

4. song you listened to - why won’t you love me by 5 seconds of summer

have you ever

6. dated someone twice - no i haven’t even dated anyone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it - no

8. been cheated on - if when your best friend calls someone else their best friend is cheating then yes

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - i’ve been clinically depressed for five years and counting

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - almost

fave colours

12. fave colour - yellow

13. fave colour - burgundy 

14. fave colour - baby blue (and any other light/pastel colour)

in the last year have you

15. made new friends - yes, i met @soundshoodfeelshood​ last year and it was the best recent friendship that i’ve made i appreciate and love her a lot and it feels like i’ve known her forever

16. fallen out of love - no

17. laughed until you cried - yes, the most recent was when i was watching bottom with my parents

18. found out someone was talking about you - yes

19. met someone who changed you - i don’t think so

20. found out who your friends are - yes, i’m still finding out

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all of them

23. do you have any pets - i have a cat named harry he’s 16 now, i used to have another cat named hermione who passed away last year at 15. i also used to have a hamster named pumpkin, three chickens named jessie, lilo and buttercup and fishes. my family also fostered a dog for few days who we named lola

24. do you want to change your name - no, i really like my surname too and don’t want to change it so if i ever get married i’ll probably still keep it baha.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - i spent the day at home with my family and my friends in the evening

26. what time did you wake up today - 8:30am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - watching loey lane’s most recent ghost adventure on youtube

28. what is something you can't wait for - a miracle, no mental health issues, to know what i’m doing with my life and what career i want, for my parents to sell our house and finally move into their dream house on the coast and for me to be accepting of myself

30. what are you listening to right now - explore by sundara karma

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - i don’t think so but i’ve spoken to people i never knew the name of so maybe i have talked to someone named tom

32. something that's getting on your nerves - eveything tbh i get irritated really easily i don’t want to write a list otherwise i won’t stop

33. most visited website - twitter or instagram??

34. hair colour - brown

35. long or short hair - my hair is in the middle; its quite long but not really long and sometimes my hair is super curly so that makes it significantly shorter

36. do you have a crush on someone - no but i’ve been thinking about this one boy for almost four days straight now lol help me

37. what do you like about yourself - literally nothing

38. want any piercings -  i’ve wanted a nose ring for a really long time, i also want an orbital ear ring and a rook ear piercing with a heart shaped ring

39. blood type - i have no idea

40. nicknames - lillian and lily-pad. my english teacher used to call me lilith which means the mother of all evil which is lovely

41. relationship status - um i never went to oovoo javer

42. zodiac sign - my birthday is on 20th january which is the end of capricorn but the start of aquarius, every website and book says something different so i don’t know

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv show - i don’t really watch tv shows but i have a list of ones i want to start watching. i grew up watching miranda so i’ll always love that. i also really like stranger things and i’ve watched a lot of episodes of friends and only fools and horses with my family which i enjoy

45. tattoos - i have an idea of a tattoo that i want, i like really small and delicate ones that are meaningful

46. right or left handed - i’m right handed

47. ever had surgery - no but my wisdom teeth are almost fully grown and i’m scared to get them removed

48. piercings - i think some of them are nice but i can’t stand some of them, i don’t like gauges and for some reason studs in the flat ares of the helix in the actual ear make me cringe

49. sport - i used to do a lot of sports including: dance, gymnastics, netball, basketball, and swimming but stopped during secondary school; i also used to go running with my father and sister and do annual charity runs. i want to get back into dance again since i really enjoyed it and loved performing at the theatre and start running again.

50. vacation - i’ve only ever been abroad to paris when i’ve been to disney land with my family since we go to cornwall every year and have been for as long as i can remember. (this is the first year we’re not going because we can’t afford it lol)

51. ?

more general

52. eating - i just ate some grapes

53. drinking - tea

54. about to watch - probably a random youtube video

55. waiting for - a miracle of some sort

56. want - myself and my family to be happy, content and healthy

56. get married - i need to find a significant other first which is already a huge and almost impossible task alone

58. career - anytime someone asks me this i’m on the verge of tears i’m literally begging for someone to choose out of a hat for me at this point

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs are nice. ( never been kissed is a 1999 romantic comedy film and stars drew barrymore a-)

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - taller

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - arms

64. hookup or relationships - relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no

67. drank hard liquor - yes

68. turned someone down - yes

69. sex on first date - no wtf

70. broken someone's heart - i don’t think so

71. had your heart broken - no

72. been arrested - no

73. cried when someone died - yes

74. fallen for a friend/ as in crush?- yes

do you believe in

75. yourself - not at all but i wish i did

76. miracles - i dont know?? if it counts i think that everything happens for a reason

77. love at first sight - maybe?? like true love?? i think that exists because of my parents

78. santa claus - i believed him for too long

79. angels - no one is an angel

misc

80. eye colour - dark blue on the outside then light blue then green then like an olive?? i just say blue

81. best friends name - chloe (and my school friends of course)

82. favourite movie - i like a lot of films i don’t think i have a favourite, at least i can’t pick one just now so i’ll just say any disney film

83. favourite actor - i don’t know, any films which tom hanks and robin willims act or voice over are always great, they’re great

84. favourite cartoon - the cartoons that i watched when i was younger from the 80′s/90′s cartoons like bear in the big blue house (the songs are still on my family ipod) to the ones on disney cinemagic before i left for school (i used to watch emperors new groove everyday before and after school.) my little sister watches we bare bears and the amazing world of gumball which is great

85. favourite teacher - my old textiles teacher was really kind and supportive of my and my work which had a huge impact on my quality of work e.c.t. also my photography/art teacher, shes so lovely and wonderful, i’ve cried, threw up, had a mental breakdown and complained in front of her on occasions and she she helped me every step of the way, i always went to her for advice and such so i appreciate her a lot

i was tagged by @everyteardrop and i tag @soundshoodfeelshood @amazingseren @00my-secret-world00 @palettegguk

(i don’t have a lot of mutuals on here so if you want to do this then just do it and pretend i tagged you lmao)

[deeeelightfuldee]

How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? oooo boy. ok lets see. 5 dogs, 9 cats?

Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My mom doesn’t play anything. My dad is a drummer

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Yes. I’ve done it this week alone, just to try and calm down a little.

Can you crack crab legs without a tool? i have no idea. I don’t eat crab or anything in the sea for that matter. 

How many light sources are in the room you’re in? ooo good question. umm, eight? lol

What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? uhhh cream cheese.

Who’s your favorite director? i really don’t know, i don’t follow who directs what.

Bats: cute or gross? i mean, I don’t really care.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? lung pain during this whole nonsense.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? either. 

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I would love to, but I don’t see it happening with the travel restrictions these days.

What is your father's middle name? He doesn’t have one. he’s got a family name and the men who have it do not have a middle name. Where did your last kiss take place? uhhh I believe on my driveway 

Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? no clue, tbh. none that come to mind

Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I don’t think ive ever done that. 

Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. one of my brothers and my sister.

Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? brand names just don’t matter to me, but if i was forced to choose i guess shoes?

Are you a good liar? no. not at all.

Are you proud of your parents? Im super proud of my mom.

Which is better: orange or grape soda? orange

Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? hot. so yummy.

Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? uhhhhhhh, idk who was here when I wasn’t in town, but prior to that I would imagine em/nathan

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? green 

Can you remember the last song you listened to? something from the toy story soundtrack lol. I’m binge watching all four today... I am using Kile’s disney+ for as long as he has it. I don’t think he watches it ever, so I imagine it’ll cut off soon.

Have you ever been dumped really harshly? once. it was horrible. every other time I’ve done the break up.

Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? heck’n no. unless im going into a pool maybe.

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? yes

What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? he sexually assaulted me

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? my preference is laptop, 

Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? not currently.

If not, do you want one? yeah i’d like to have income.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? yes. a few.

What’s your favorite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias omggggggggggggg.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes. bulls games, bears games

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? of course.

What months were you and your siblings born in? january, july, august, august

What did you have for dinner last night? nicks.

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely. to keep the shape n such.

Has your town ever flooded? uhhhhh to my knowledge once. it had rained SO heavily for like a week and the local ponds and lakes were over-flowing. a car literally floated down my road. it was so weird.

Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? when I was a kiddo yes. not often tho cus I didn’t like the smell, it was always sticky, and there were always bratty kids.

Have you ever taken a picture of snow? only every single day it snows

Do you cry easily? i notoriously do not cry in front of anyone. I am not a crier. when I lost Kile I cried for weeks.

Are you happy with where you live? I love it.

Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No

Do you hate the last person you kissed? no, i’m not a hateful person

What genre is your favorite movie? drama, romance, kids lol

Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. she picked me up from the airport.

Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? yes. I always seem to get the nice workers and they help so much.

When was the last time somebody hit on you? yesterday. blegh. 

Was the last person you met a male or female? hmm. Iiiiiii wanna say male. 

What brand is your underwear? I think the pair im wearing is hanes.

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? usually green bean casserole.

Do you have a TV in your room? yup. watching TS1 right now.

Are any of your electronics charging right now? my phone. of course it was on 2 percent.

What was the last video game you played? acnh on the switch.

What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? that they will be there for me forever and always take care of me. no. 

Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google.

What was the last song you had on repeat? more by bobby darin

Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? froggy fresh

How many college degrees do you want? i have two. I’d like my masters and/or phd

Can you wink? yes but I dont think it looks good lol i have to get better

Do you own any jerseys? I did, I dont know if I have any still

Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? No. i wasn’t a dumb child and i certainly wouldnt do that as an adult

Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? not really no. 

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? no. 

Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? im not into piercings on guys. tattoos are fine if they arent trashy

Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? all the time.

What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? kind of a creamy taupe-y color

Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? no

Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? i probably consume more fruits? but i love both. 

What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white

Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? no. sadly

What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? i cant even tell you the last time i went to a dollar store.

Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! I would have been murdered lol no i dont do that. it grosses me out.

When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? something on a lot of land, big front porch.

Where do you want to get married? probably a courthouse. maybe outdoors?

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? no. just mom.

What is your favorite childhood TV show? recess

Honestly, do you like school? no. i looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

Last thing that made you cry? probably dejavu.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? sort of yes.

Last person you took a walk with? liza, em, dutch, della

Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? i think currently to be honest. 

Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? lol either mario or an old friend david

Does any part of your body hurt? yeah. my muscles have been weakening sooooooo bad it is so painful. 

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? Million bucks. noooooooooooo question.

Can you keep a secret? Sure.

Your favorite romantic movie? sleepless in seattle probs.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I loved it for the longest timeeeeeeee. i dont think ill love it as much this next year, but maybe by then ill have met someone new who knows.

Who was the last person you took a picture with? uuuuuhhh probably one of my nephews/niece

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? Some do, some dont. 

Do you celebrate 420? Nope. verrrrrry much not my thing.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? i think so lol

How do you eat Oreos? with milk. 

Do you wear your shoes in the house? sometimes. my preference is slippers. we usually wear something on our feet because gram needs to and so does mom.

Would you survive in prison? probably not, tbh. 

Ever been to Georgia? the state, yes. many times. the country? never.

Do you get your hair cut every month? gosh no. my dream is to get my hair done professionally again sometime, but its so daggum expensive.

Current relationship in detail. I am single. i will probably start casually dating soon. 

If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? i dont even know. I always imagined I’d go to kile. but who knows now.

List things you spend money on in an average week. i can go several weeks without spending.

Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. ooooooohhhhhh, id rather not.

Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? i am convinced bill would not give a fig whether or not im in a relationship. mom, however, would probably be EEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXtra cautious now.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? oh im sure. 

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? yes. even if we don’t talk anymore... theres just always a connection.

What board games are you good at? oooo, i’m very good at board games.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? quilting. its expensive and im not wanting to get it all cvid-y

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? Immature.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? there are people who can pull it off, but it is notttttttttt my style.

Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? debt bill put my mom in. they don’t speak tho.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? the first couple years. 

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? I don’t use the switch handheld, despite really wishing i could. the controllers are broken and beyond what I can afford. so I just use the tv dock.

Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? i’d pick it up 1000000000000000% , I just would be so curious what they would say.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? absolutely.

Are you afraid of falling in love? I am. I don’t ever again want to feel the way ive felt with my two heart breaks. 

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? yes, but the feeling is lessening. I responded to him for the first time in... idk how long. thinking he’d be eager to talk and be responsive. he wasn’t. it just pushes me further and further from feeling those feelings.

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? no, i dont think so.

Did you get kissed last night? goodness no. 

Do you enjoy going through a carwash? I love it.

How did you get most of your scars? benny. by far.

Ever had to take an inkblot test? I have taken 2. One for a fellow student in a classroom who had to administer it for a project. another time in a psych class the prof asked me to for a demonstration

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep! the only time ive been grounded.

Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? no. I do not get physical in my anger. I withdraw. 

What/who woke you up this morning? Just me.

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? My mom. dropping off ice water and benny.

What’s one of your locked text messages? I don’t even know if this phone locks messages tbh. I used to do that all the time on my t9 phones.

Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think maybe 1 time.

Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? Yes.

The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? I wouldn’t say alllllllll, but i do think inhibitions are lowered so it makes it easier

When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? messaging kile and realizing he isn’t interested in responding. makes me feel so dumb.

How about feeling disappointed in someone else? something a family member did to me this past week.

For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? ummm. lately it’s been jealousy. i dont like people taking what was mine. but i’m learning if they had access to it, that likely means that it is best to let it go. so maybe im now leaning towards envy of like beautiful relationships.

Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? uhhh, not unless its like in a joking, light-hearted manner.

Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? when im not sick... i vacuum, dust, do dishes, wipe counters and table, do laundry of others, disinfect, etc.

For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? I would say 51% comfort and 49% looking nice

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? yes. lots of jealousy due to their feelings toward me.

Do you like Laffy Taffy? No. not my style of candy

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? manual.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? hardly.

Have you ever seen a walrus? absolutely!

Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? no. one time moms friends daughter (who was significantly older than me) lent hers to us... but there were no mixes of anything. so I didn’t know what to do with it.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? nope.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? uhhhhhhhh 3 if you dont include the garage door.

Are there a lot of trees in your yard? i wouldn’t say a lot. I wish.

Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? treating me like crap cuts down my interest like immediately.

Have a best friend? meh.

Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? no.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? yes. I dont need to concern them or worry them.

Does anyone hate you? kiles ex(?) i am sure does.

What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? hm. i dont really have any.

Do you remember important dates? yes. almost always.

What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? “what if we could put the world on hold and finally meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you... would you meet me?”

Who gives the best advice? mom

Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) It varies. depends on who I think about.

What type of cake did you last eat? graduation cake. 

How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? I have like 4 casual friends that are, but my closest friends are all straight.

What’s your favorite type of sandwich? buona chicken one. bless it.

When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? tonight. I said maybe once this quarantine business is over.

Do you like The Offspring? I know a couple of songs but I definitely can’t call myself a fan. << same

One pillow or two? 12

Do you like Mad Libs? not really no.

Are you suicidal? no. I mean there are moments where I think wow, i dont want to be here. but not like let me put together a plan.

Where do your grandparents live? my fathers parents were killed by a drunk driver bout ten years ago. My mothers father passed away maybe 12 years ago. My gram is fine and lives in the room down the hall. 

Do you cut yourself? not purposely

What is your pet’s name? benny and lottie.

Have you ever been to Canada? not yet.

Aren’t babies overrated? no, no. theyre expensive af though.

Have a built-in pool in your backyard? i wish more than anything but no.

Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? maybe once or twice. I one time had a guy win me an animal at a carnival and i found that sooooooooooooooooo attractive.

Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? woops. yes. lol

Ever been to a circus? i think when i was really little.

Ever shot animals? I have not. i couldn’t. 

Do you consider yourself intelligent? I do. It is something I have some confidence in.

Have you ever run away from home? when my dad was abusive, yes. 

Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? faith, family, friends, school, relationships (only cus im not in one)

What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? my faith.

What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? my degrees and honors.

Are you satisfied with your body image? no. I am honored to have a body that is capable of all that it is.. that has been my “home” all these years. the body that still breathes life every day, thats all incredible. I dislike having the fat that I do, as I worry it could be off putting to others. but then I realize im fine being single, so then my body imagine is fine. its a weird cycle.

Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? yes. when I worked and a customer didnt like a policy or whatnot.

Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? never to my knowledge have I taken advantage of someone else seriously. I have been VERY seriously taken advantage of.

Have you ever been seriously ill? trying to get over it now tbh

Have you ever befriended a former enemy? uhhhh, not that I know of. I tend to be friendly to everyone, but I can’t think of a situation where it was an enemy.

If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I do pray for others quite often. it’s important to me. I sometimes will see strangers and immediately start praying over them. I actually almost started my GRE late because I was praying over every person I saw in the room lol.

Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? no. not to my knowledge anyway.

Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? yes! like 8 miles lol. I have not. 

When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? this past week.

Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? shes everyones favorite. shes kind, funny, sarcastic, down-to-earth, warm.

Who have you been talking to the most today? mom lol

Are you nosy? I think it could be perceived as nosy but I love to make people feel ridiculously special. So I will sit and ask questions just to get them talking about themselves. If I recognize the personal questions are not working, I’ll keep it totally light.

What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? i really dont know.

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? if we consider kile an ex, it would probably be that he feels overwhelmed and feels alone because he doesnt have me or his ex anymore. :(

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? ooooo thats hard to narrow down.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? no. everyone comments on how they love when it turns wheezy.

[pansexuanarchy]

Answer them all!

1: is there a boy/girl in your life? Yes and no2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Yeah I do3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” I think of cat???4: what’s something you really want right now? Constant stream of attention5: are you afraid of falling in love? Terrified6: do you like the beach? Eh its alright7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes8: what’s the background on your cell? A picture of a guys head opening up and it says "never stop learning"9: name the last four beds you sat on? My bed, my dads bed, my moms bed, my friends bed10: do you like your phone? Its cool11: honestly, are things going the way you planned? Not exactly but that's life12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? A coworker 13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? Rottweiler14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional pain 😢15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Museummm16: are you tired? Constantly 17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact? Probably forever 18: are they a relative? Yeh19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Yes 20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? Not sure if youd count it but I guess this morning21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? Yeah I would22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again? A million times 23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? 2 if u count my watch 24: is there a certain quote you live by? You do what u gotta do25: what’s on your mind? How adult life is so fucking shitty and I have to be ok with it26: do you have any tattoos? I have 327: what is your favorite color? Purple28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Who knows...29: who are you texting? My frandsss30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Yeah31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? My anxiety is bound to be right at some point 32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes33: do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yeah lmao 34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Kinda often tbh35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? I would probably have a mental breakdown tbh36: were you single on valentines day? Nope37: are you friends with the last person you kissed? I like to think so but idk by the way shes been acting 38: what do your friends call you? Jay39: has anyone upset you in the last week? Not in particular 40: have you ever cried over a text? Yes41: where’s your last bruise located? My ass42: what is it from? Bug bites 🙄43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? This summer 44: who was the last person you were on the phone with? My best friend45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes? I guess my docs??? But I dont wear them much in the summer 46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? I wear hats all the time47: would you ever go bald if it was the style? No48: do you make supper for your family? Sometimes49: does your bedroom have a door? No50: top 3 web-pages? Tumblr Facebook and Instagram51: do you know anyone who hates shopping? Meeee52: does anything on your body hurt? Everything always 53: are goodbyes hard for you? Depends on the person 54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Coffee55: how is your hair? Long and luscious 56: what do you usually do first in the morning? Take a shower 57: do you think two people can last forever? I guess its possible58: think back to january 2007, were you single? I was 759: green or purple grapes? Green60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug? Hopefully tonight after work61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now? In bed lmao62: when will be the next time you text someone? Probably later today63: where will you be 5 hours from now? Hopefully home64: what were you doing at 8 this morning. Taking a shit65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked? Yeah66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Maybe67: did you kiss or hug anyone today? I hugged someone today c:68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Man I should really go to sleep earlier 69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? My whole life 70: how many windows are open on your computer? Like 571: how many fingers do you have? All of them?????72: what is your ringtone? The arrested development theme song73: how old will you be in 5 months? 1974: where is your mum right now? Puerto Rico 75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? Toxic toxic toxic 76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Barely but yeah78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? A girl named Brianna79: is there anyone you know with the name mike? Yeah my old suspension school dean lmao hes the homie80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Dont remind me...81: how many people have you liked in the past three months? One.82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? My dad lmao83: will you talk to the person you like tonight? Probably not84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? That's fucking gross wtf85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care? Depends on the drugs and as long as they share86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? The theatre applauded87: who was your last received call from? My bestie 88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Hell yeah89: what is something you wish you had more of? Reliable sources of love that I can trust90: have you ever trusted someone too much? It's my biggest problem91: do you sleep with your window open? Nah I have fans and AC92: do you get along with girls? Yeh93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? I dont think so??94: does sex mean love? Definitely not95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? I wish we were so we could finally talk96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Yeah I think so97: did you sleep alone this week? Sadly98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Yeah I guess I do99: do you believe in love at first sight? I thought I did100: who was the last person that you pinky promise? My ex.

[raefill]

I would legit love to hear you answers to every single question. I don't know if you feel like actually doing them all, but if you did... I'm JUST SAYING I'D READ THE ANSWERS, ok.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yeaaaah but my romantic prospects are pretty bleak tbh, I graduate and move away in a few months

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No, not really. But I’m not mad about it anymore.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CUTE BABY CLOSE BY !!!!!!!!!

4: What’s something you really want right now?to cry, i’m having the big sads

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?always

6: Do you like the beach?i love the beach!!!!!!!!! i grew up in a seaside town, the beach feels like the best parts of home

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?yes ?? it was cramped and uncomfortable 

8: What’s the background on your cell?the photo of me, san, kahl, chez, frau, bagel and spags in the louvre

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?mine(right now), Thea’s, Lizzie’s, .. Keir’s?

10: Do you like your phone?yeah but i’d like it more if the screen wasn’t so cracked

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?lol no, it’s definitely not

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?i genuinely don’t remember !

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweiler, i love dogs that look a little mean but have big hearts

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?pffffft, that’s hard to answer but i’d say generally emotional, most of the time it’s harder to get rid of emotional pain

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?both ?! i want to support the breeding of endangered animals that happens in zoos and see the cute animals but also i love a good rembrandt ?!

16: Are you tired?exhausted

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?since i was born

18: Are they a relative?my mother!

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?not a fucking chance

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?a few hours ago, i think

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?i don’t believe there’s a way to know nor do i think love works that way

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell yeah i would

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none!

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?“if you make bad choices, own them” - my dad 

25: What’s on your mind?god, everything, idk im having a high key anxiety day

26: Do you have any tattoos?one pretty big one on my thigh

27: What is your favorite color?black !!!!!!!!!!

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?maybe tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes

29: Who are you texting?uhhh, no one? everyone is asleep

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?yes

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?all the time, my gut rarely lies

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?yes, his name is keir and he’s one of my best friends

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i mean i’m dating someone so i fucking hope so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?no ? i dont think ? i’ve had people say they’re big or the colour is interesting but idk

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?i’d cheer her on

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yes!

38: What do your friends call you?rae ?

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text?pffft, yah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?my knee

42: What is it from?i fell over my own computer chair

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?today

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mum, i think

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?not right now, most i just wear my plain black docs

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?no, i just tie is back

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no, i really dont like my ears, idk why

48: Do you make supper for your family?yeah, my mum and step dad can’t cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?ofc it does? what kind of bedroom doesn’t have a door? get these pretentious loft bedrooms out of my face

50: Top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3, youtube

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?plenty!

52: Does anything on your body hurt?period pains are all the rage today

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah but i don’t tend to cry until they’ve already left so i look like i take them just fine

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?water......... this morning

55: How is your hair?fine? a bit damaged from the cold weather

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?wish i was still asleep

57: Do you think two people can last forever?yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?i dont fucking know

59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN or get out of my face

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?tomorrow~

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?yes

62: When will be the next time you text someone?tomorrow!

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?probably in bed still, but asleep

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.sleeping

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, i was getting over the end of a four year relationship

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?no

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?this sucks

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?many times

70: How many windows are open on your computer?ten! and they’re mostly your fics corey, go figure

71: How many fingers do you have?ten

72: What is your ringtone?i dont know, my phone is always on silent

73: How old will you be in 5 months?22 ~

74: Where is your Mum right now?sleeping in bed probably, idfk, she lives hours away

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?we grew up and grew apart but we were still okay until i had about four-six months of depression where i had to stop myself from doing something stupid daily and he didn’t notice despite us living together and sharing a bedroom (and those times i told him and he shrugged)

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?yes

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?yes! i still love them very much

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?annabelle

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?yes, there’s some grad students in the psych department called mike, they all look kinda the same too

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?yeah, i miss being able to do that regularly

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?more than i can count, my polyamorous ass has a crush on about seven people currently

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?no

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?i’m talking to one of them

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?i’d literally never do this

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends which drugs and how often, no one cares about a joint every few months

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?i spilled my popcorn and managed to hide that i had spilled it from my date pahaha

87: Who was your last received call from?my mum, wow it sounds like i talk to my mum a lot more than i do

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?yes, i hate bugs, give me the money

89: What is something you wish you had more of?time, energy, patience, money

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?no, i’m not someone who trusts easily

91: Do you sleep with your window open?only in the summer

92: Do you get along with girls?yes, anyone that doesn’t get on with someone because of their gender is an asshole

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?nope

94: Does sex mean love?hell no, it can be an expression of it but no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?yeah she wold be freaking the fuck out because she’s locked in a room!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?no, actually, i haven’t

97: Did you sleep alone this week?yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?yes ? 

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?no, not at all

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?one of my besties, holly

[lil-red-panda]

Do 1-100 and I’ll send booty pics

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

You can say  that

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Forgive but never forget

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Cats?

4: What’s something you really want right now?

To stop feeling the way I do, I guess

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

Its the falling out part usually

6: Do you like the beach?

Yes

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yea

8: What’s the background on your cell?

My crush, so its not super weird, she knows and is 100% okay with it

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

,Mine, Shawns, technically Eulissas, and um and my old studios one

10: Do you like your phone?

It does me well so far, but I do want to upgrade

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Its only day 6 into this new year, so the plan was just made 

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

My friend’s new number

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Im okay with a poodle.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Art Museum

16: Are you tired?

Fucking always

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

12 years now

18: Are they a relative?

Nope, but he’s definitely closer than most of my family 

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Yikes in my Nikes! Nah

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

A couple of days ago

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I’d wait for her to be ready first, marriage is a big thing

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

None

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Not that I can think of a t the moment

25: What’s on your mind?

Alot but usually her :D

26: Do you have any tattoos?

Two, a lotus on my calf and a backpack on my forearm 

27: What is your favorite color?

Purple

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Im not sure but I have a hunch

29: Who are you texting?

My friend whom I call, Bubblegum

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Stop this, yes lol

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

I asked you stop asking about exes haha

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Most of them?

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I think so, but dat virgo moon doe

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

I think so?

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

Ok?

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Most likely going to be

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Nope

38: What do your friends call you?

Mostly by name, but some call me Panda

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

When theres Emotions and Alcohol mixed, it happens

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yee

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

Fuck if I remember

42: What is it from?

N/A

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Like two days ago

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My mother

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

No, I get one pair and just stick to them

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Sometimes

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

No

48: Do you make supper for your family?

No

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes

50: Top 3 web-pages?

Im just gunna go with the top 3 used, Youtube, Twitch, Tumblr

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Me

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

My knee tbh haha

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Usually

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

An alcoholic orange soda

55: How is your hair?

Hair-y?

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Hate myself? 

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

Yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yes

59: Green or purple grapes?

Puple

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Look at #28

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yea

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

I know for a fact in a few hours lol

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Hanging with the person Id be texting in #62

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Getting a ride home

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

This time last year, umm, I dont remember

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yea

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

No

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I dont rmemeber

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yea

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

! window, 2 tabs

71: How many fingers do you have?

All 10

72: What is your ringtone?

For The Damaged Coda by Blonde Redhead, but my notification tone is Cuccos from Link to the Past

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Nobody likes you when youre 23

74: Where is your Mum right now?

In the Kitchen

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

She deiced my friend was a better choice 

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

No

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Most of them

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

God there were two friends, Katie and Ari

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

A few lol 

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yes

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

One

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

No

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Most likely

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

Noone becasue I dont

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

I would, but on the other hand, depends what it is?

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

My friend went to Northern Lights before hand, Im just cant remeber what they bought

87: Who was your last received call from?

My mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Probs

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Yes

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Yes

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Its 4F, its cold enough with it closed

92: Do you get along with girls?

Yea

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Not that I know of

94: Does sex mean love?

Not all the time

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Yikeis in my Nikes!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

I think so

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

I mean, if the story works out that way, one can hope

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I’m not sure

[fatgumtouille]

all the creepy shit, i dare you to answer all of it

MATT PLEASE omg ok 

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

idk who I said it to tbh??? probably @trenazlore and YES I LOVE HER SO MUCH !!

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

NO OH MY GOD IM JUST AN OLD GRANDMOTHER 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

always ???? I mean like lately people have been really nice to me and Im happy because wow!! you like me!! also Im aggro because I hate me lol 

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Yeah I smile at them all the time?? Its kind of something I got used to after working retail for so long 

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Im not dating anyone lol also who the fuck cares ??? 

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Heathens by 21p is ALWAYS on the radio and it reminds me of @bearlylocal because Josh Dunn is her boy 

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

omg my Yamaguchi Tadashi cosplay shorts and a Celty Sturluson t shirt with the neckline cut lower and the sleeves cut off 

8. How often do you listen to music?

Every day but its usually pandora or the radio in the car

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Im not a pants wearing girl but I wear jeans/nicer pants to work  

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

TWENTY THIRTEEN 

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Social! I used to be antisocial but working in retail has really helped me open up to people and now I wont SHUT. UP

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Nope 

13. What about ‘R’?

No lol 

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

NOOOO Scary

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Yeah and no like ???? Ok if I dont know abot it then whatever I guess

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Going up to LA for an anime con in January!! 

17. When was the last time you cried?

I almost cried last night for no reason??? um probably a few days or weeks ago??? 

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeah all the time!

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

I would LOVE green eyes omg

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

FATGUM Or Justin Tomimori OR my pet rabbit Quincy

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I bought a vacuum that was too small and now I have to take it back to the store ugh

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

Sure!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

NO Omg

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my bed which is currently unmade and naked (also theres a bunny in my lap!)

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Kristin and I say it to each other all the time ! Also Danni and most of my other friends 

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

YEAh

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

UUUuhhh tumblr user @fatyumm

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Maybe one or two bad ones a year

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

I think I bought it at an anime con? 

30. Does anyone hate you?

P sure my two ex besties lol 

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

AHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahHH YEAh

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I love scary movies omg!!! rec me some !

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

No Im too much of a weenie for that 

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

GOD 

freshman year of college? I would want to never move away fro school tbh 

35. Did you have a dream last night?

YEAH it was almost sexy but I kept getting INTERRUPTED

then I had another one with my ex bestie in it 

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Last night!

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Doubful 

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

At least two tumblr anons I think 

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I hope so!

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

I felt really sick when I first got to work and then later on before bed but other than that it was ok 

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

lol no try a whole year back 

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

I HOPE The cute sample girl is working at the store Im stationed at tomorrow 

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

not that I can think of off the top of my head

44. What’s the best part about school?

NOTHIng 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

So many

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

I DID in like seventh grade lol 

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

YEA all the time 

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Think so, yeah!

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

nope! I dont go to school anymore and i dont work at a pet store so things are p different 

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

fuck idk??? Id LIKE to be writing fic

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

My dad ???? No but he IS a homophobe

52. Are you nice to everyone?

I try really hard to be !

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

YYEeeeaaaa

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Ive done it before and I know I can do it again 

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Im SO good at pretending Im not crying 

56. Do you think you like someone?

Fatgum

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

NOoooo

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Girls and nb people

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Kristin had to deal with me crying all through the second half of RENT

60. Do you hate anyone?

No one I know personally but I wouldn’t be mad if something really terrible happene dto T/r/ump

61. How’s your heart?

It’s beatin

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

UUUMMM.....I just dont really like talking about what I was like in middle school I guess

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

YEAH64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

the ex besties lol 

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

they arent painted at all lol

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

sure hope not!

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

FUck if I know! I mean, I would hate to see the person Im with crying 

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

my pants are always falling down because my butt is small 

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my mom 

70. How do you look right now?

probably.....tired

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

lots of people!

72. Can you commit to one person?

yes!

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

”Opposite” sexes dont exist but I only have one close guy friend and we havent talked in a while but! I feel like I can tell @adol everything

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

lol when your bestie gets a bf

75. Did you wake up cranky?

no, just exhausted

76. Are you a jealous person?

I like to think not

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

I like to think so but....havent really ever experienced one that was

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

HMMMmmmm

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Id kill to see any of my friends rn but they all live far and Im poor lol

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to work and sell some Indian food

81. Last person you cried in front of?

honestly, probably Kristin but if we’re counting non humans? my bunnies

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

most of my friends, I HOPE

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

god I hope Fatgum is protective of me 

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

I DONT SPEAK JAPANESE so probably just staring at each other awkwardly 

(this is about both Fatgum and Justin)

85. Are you over your past?

who knows

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

WHATS AN OPPOSITE SEX LOL and no

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Kristin!! 

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I mean who says anyone Ive dated in the past has been a “true love” of mine 

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

IT WAS LITERALLY A RANDO AT SOME ANIME CON SO GOD NO 

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

UUUUUUmmmmmmm.......I dont think my friends or family were ever fond of some of my exes....

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

dang, sure hope so

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Ye, but we dont talk anymore

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

nah

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

No, I had just broken up with someone :/

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

IDK if I liked anyone in March??? I dont think I did

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

@hamsa-heart???? YES97. Who do you have texts from?

Kristin, Hazel, my mom, my boss, etc

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

sucks to suck but live your dreams dude

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

YEa

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

I dont think theres anyone else in any of my profile pics

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

GOD I WISH102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

YYEEEAaahhh

[sunnysidewrites]

Memorize and positive vibes💘💘💘

my bby i love u 💟💟💟💟

memorize: describe in detail the happiest day you’ve had this year.

(2017) honestly meeting my ults in person and creating this blog are tied! so i will explain both:

1. my boys b1a4 visited my city!!!! or the one closest near me, and it was amazing for so many reasons! typically my city isnt visited v often bc we get overshadowed by the other most known city in my state, and the fact that this was their actual 2nd visit to my city blew me away!!! they visited back in 2014 too but i dont think i would have been able to go anyways. i went w 2 of my closest friends n it was a such a blast!! i met this 1 girl from twitter n tht was cool LOL but it was more like she posted “hey guys im here at the venue come say hi to me!” so its not like we were mutuals, we just wanted to meet! it was a v v fun day despite waiting in the cold for several hours but it was sooo worth it!! when we got inside the venue, there was a cutoff starting at this one row n they said we could sit anywhere we wanted, so my friends n i snagged the front row seats asap LMAO and once more girls sat around us, we befriended a few and exchanged social media n stuff!! they were such lovely n amazing ppl, and i can happily guarantee u tht they will be all u meet in the bana fandom!! and ofc, when the actual concert started IT WAS LIT AS HELL!!!! (baro even used lit,,,, jfc save him) im still bitter as hell tht none of the members paid attention to my section except baro!!! so baro is the real mvp n hes now the only member in b1a4 whoops. im just kidding i still love my hubby jinyoung ofc but tht night baro was the only one who mattered LOL they wasted so many water bottles to get everyone wet ;) LOL IT DIDNT EVEN REACH WHERE I WAS BUT IT WAS STILL FUN!!! ok this got 2 long rip sorry i just get so excited :’(( they replayed their ending ment song 297492927 times n i still have pcd to this day. whenever i play good timing album, it makes me SUPER EMO!! anyways guys listen to “a lie” and u can then say u listened to gods

2. if u asked me in the beginning of 2017 if i wanted to make a blog, i would have flat out told u NO. and i did when i talked abt this w my friend. i was just so against the idea of managing a blog or regularly posting or just posting at all. she tried to coerce me but i was v against it! it was also amidst of my rock bottom times, so i didnt even wanna think abt running a blog or whatnot. i took a rlly long writing hiatus, but i wrote a lil in january and then took another hiatus n picked it up again in may. from may to july, i was writing more than usual, and i thought hmm,,,,,,, it wouldn’t be too bad to run a blog,,,,, right???? and it was on the night of wednesday, july 26, that i finally put an end to all the contemplation and spontaneously was like IMMA MAKE A WRITING BLOG. IMMA DO IT!!!! so thats how this blog came 2 be on july 26 @ 11pm and i posted my rules n shit when it was technically july 27 at like midnight or 1am. it was a rlly tough decision to make, but im rlly glad i did it in the end. sometimes this hellsite makes me wanna d*e but all the ppl ive interacted here, mutuals and anons, have been so wonderful n it always makes me happy whenever i think abt how much my life has changed since then. ive never gotten much feedback of my stories, save for maybe 2 or 3 ppl irl. when i uploaded that daycare helper!seungcheol, i was so convinced that it was just gonna be 20 notes max. when it reached 75 one day, i was like oH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. i actually have a shot!!! n when i posted vigilante!wonwoo, it BLEW TF UP. AND I WANTED TO CRY. i remember i was outside at tht time and my phone was just blowing up w notifs n i was gonna break down right then n there. it was so surreal to be hit w that much attention. n then all the mutuals came in later n thts when i rlly cried lmao anyways long story short, i don’t regret making this blog even tho sometimes it feels like crap, but i wouldnt have traded it for anything else

positive vibes: you’ve made it through another year! i’m so proud of you and my year wouldn’t have been the same without you

jane i freakn lov u so much thnk u cupcake :’(((( 💞💞💞💕💕💕💕

Send me more new year asks!

[akira-seijuro]

1/3 Last brain pill

I should have been something else. I could have made more days less painful for everyone. I love my family, friends more than I love myself. I can't do it. I can't love myself enough to let them go.

On 27th April, 2020, one of the anti depressants that I have been taking for over an year, is over. My doc, reduced the dosage and I think I'm finally done with it and I was so damn fucking happy. I think, for the first time in my entire life, including my childhood, I don't see myself as a victim anymore. Victim of being bullied, unfriended, heartbreak, academics and most importantly my friends and family.

This lockdown is like shit worst. I can't even imagine people being alone and trying to take care or themselves. It's nightmare. I can't even imagine myself in my pg or my hostel room anymore. I mean, sure I could have survived like I did all those years, but that chronic self care obsession would just make me let go of myself. On May 31st 2020, I'll be officially completing one year of my medication and June 2nd would be my father's first death anniversary and July 15th would be the time I probably saw my friend, for the last time, who totally instilled hope in me. I'd probably never see him again.

I could have been better. I don't know why I didn't. I don't know if it was my best thinking now. I could have been more patient, a better daughter. I could have been more honest, a better friend. I could have been more kind to myself. I lived in fear for so long, I don't care about my last minute anymore. I don't am have any regrets. I tried my best. I don't like when people say 'Poor you, take care of your mum. You had to go through so much at a very young age. Everybody goes through this. Everybody dies sometime. I get it, I understand your pain.'

I think what I wanted was 'It's alright. I believe in you. We'll be ok. We will go through this shit together and finally make peace with it someday.' I did have my best friend saying that to me until January 2nd, 8.30pm. Now I don't know where he is. How he is doing. I wanted to escape my life so badly, I wanted to run away from my bitterness. But it was all inside of me. I didn't want my dad's death another thing for people to say sorry for. It means something for me. Sometimes he means everything to me. Every little piece of my existence belongs to my parents. I love them very much that I can't be this girl who went through her childhood without almost making a single friend. But yeah, teenage is shit. I changed. A lot. I became more open, accepting, strong and brave. I was never afraid to tell the truth, I used to postpone but I know I would do it anyway, I would do what feels right to me. C'mon I proposed 2 guys. It was real. The love I felt. I think being in love makes you feel that everything is possible, mostly that it deepens the hope that someday you'll be happy. Chill. Both are one sided and failures. I've never been loved or cared that way. I don't think I need to. I mean my friends wholeheartedly love me and would go almost out of their way to do anything that would make me feel better at times. I never looked for a fucking replacement of the man whom I loved the most. No body can be that man who chants my name to feel better while in pain.

Rather than hurting people. I think I scared alot of people away because of my love. I guess it's so intense and feels weird. I don't know. I've started therapy for the first time in my life on October 23rd 2016, because I couldn't bear the fact that I couldn't wish the person on his birthday because my existence was irksome i guess. I still don't know what it was. But yeah. It continues till April 30th 2016 while I was in college. Every week Thursday at 3pm, a counselling session. I felt more accepted and more cared for with the space I wanted there. But frankly, I started therapy because I just wanted someone to listen to me and just try to not have an opinion good or bad about my pain, but be with me while I was processing it. I went there because I thought they'd not have any choice but to listen because I paid. But it was the best thing I did in my life. My dad's illness came back again. I mean March 2nd 2012 to December 17th 2012 is not enough. I was a lid. I didn't process shit. I just believed in god blindly and performed my duties of packing, buying groceries, boarding public transportation, learning how to ride a scooty without ever having a cycle, waiting outside operation theatre, outside radiation hall, outside chemo sessions, all while preparing for my bard exams and jee mains. I just blocked it out. All the pain and emptiness. It had to come again. Being close friends with dad, his illness pushed me to the edge of depression and I was meds which he manipulated me to stop after reaching home. I would isolate myself and would be blamed for it later. I would feel guilty that the person, my best friend whomi trusted the most left me to hang dry. Actually 2 of them. Then comes the job.

But I came to Bangalore with my cousin. When I entered royal orchid for my job orientation everyone is with someone and I was all alone. Just how I entered my college. All alone from Hyderabad to Surathkal. I opened my door, saw my roommate with her family came out and cried so much for my dad. He called my cousin and then he came to see me. It's new for him as well. So I dont blame. My dad knew what I needed until he knew he was gonna die sometime soon. I suffered, wished it to end. I tried therapy and meds again but I felt its hopeless and I stopped once the side effects were horrible from July 2017. My therapist was wonderful though. I loved her. I felt like she's my friend and I didn't want to go down that lane so I stopped. Then people told me that I'm so pessimistic to think 2018 December 22nd would be my last birthday with dad. You know it's not the worst thing to imagine the worst, sometimes its callous reality. Some doctor said this. You dont know what your people want whether they want to fight on ventilator or not. But it would be nice to get to know them. My stomach turned in may so much that I thought something bad is going to happen to my dad the whole time. Once he was scared and the practical prank he pulled took a toll on me and I colored my hair blue. It became green. I wanted to cut ties with my family and friends. No body was there then, all my friends were on business trips or we had a fight. But I made a new friend who's accepting and weird. Then another new friend with whom I randomly broke out after storming out of a meeting. I guess I started developing feelings for the former one. I didnt want all that shit because I know it's not going to work out or that it won't be reciprocated. So, I didnt want that shit to make my suffering much worse. So I realized everything is so messed up and I needed help. I stuttered and stammered dude while my dad thought he was dying but didnt. I barely remember what words I spoke or repeated. Well, second time when they called, it's true. Anyway on 31st may, with all the complications I decided I might need meds because even my body is going out of control now. Then on 1st I get that call and had to dye my hair back to brown and go see him there. This time no words came out of my mouth, it's like I forgot all the languages and how to form sentences. I couldn't promise him that I'll come out of depression, so I said I'd try in my head which obviously didnt come out because, well, like I said my body wasnt under my control. Then the only thing I wanted him to know about my life is Ayushman, lets call my first love that. I dont want to name. That I love Ayushman so much but he doesn't and its ok. I called to tell him about my new friends Bhavana and Bennington, let's call second guy that. But instead it all turned out something. But once after all that agony injecting rituals and processes, I came back and the only person o wanted to see and talk was Bennington. Then I realised what I was feeling and I accepted it and felt good that while grieving, I was able to love and not feel guilty about it. True, I tried very hard, wanted to cross oceans for him. I wanted to be there for him. But then I didn't want to force it. I don't know what the fuck I did anyway. Then a lot happened, prathista entered my life and I was loved and accepted and I could feel people wanting good for me. And that's all I needed. Besides the belief thing. Some more fights with my best friend sneha, with whom I got matching tattoos.

Then my best friend, lets call him sunshine had to like go out of the world to save love. I was alone. I was a workaholic. Knowing that someone loved me gave me immense energy to work harder, to do more good. But then Voila, my mom and cancer again. God. I didnt feel that someone is inflicting pain or that I'm a victim. I felt that these things happen and its life. It's bad but it's how it went in my life. I have no control over what happens to her. Whenever I assist her or do some stuff, I keep correlating with my dad's time with cancer. It gets so confusing. Idk. I love my mum too. I grieve. I cry. For both mum, dad. Sometimes for sunshine and Bennington. But I think it's ok. It's not something to feel bad or sorry for. It's a part of my life. I am glad I was able to back to my friendships. Gowtami, Chandu, Bokade are like pillars of support for me. I realised being kind is a way to deal with the crisis. I liked the way I lived for the first time. But I'd do anything for the people I love. I'm not going to force it. I wish them all good. People keep saying I'm strong and brave explicitly. No, I was always them. They are implicit things. Thats my character. Being able to be strong, brave, vulnerable, real honest, intense and sometimes messy. Anyway 2 more brain pills to go and still more therapy sessions. They will end when they should. I am glad that this is something that I did for myself. It's my effort despite all the discouragements I've faced about it. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I'm so glad it has a name. I miss my dad very much right now. My mom's chicken curry too. I miss my friends.

Love,

B.

[wereg0blin]

for the ask meme? all of them u thot

For ur and Cris' demand1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Yes!!!!! 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?UhHHHHHH it is 3 years older than me but hhhhhhh probably not3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Bicth ten mins ago4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?ALWAYS5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?If there are they can go fuck themselves right in the butthole6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?CHOKE-I dont know how but they found me - mr seen aka my eX hHHhH7. What exactly are you wearing right now?a cute ass blouse thingy some tights and christmas deer antlers on top of a Santa hat8. How often do you listen to music?every chance i get9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans i guess10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?i dont even remember 201311. Are you a social or an antisocial person?both damn12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?On the cheek yes13. What about ‘R’?platonically yes14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can climb sticks???? does that count??? 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?they 100% do and i dont really care bc everyone talks shit about everyone 16. Are you going out of town soon?i dont know how to reply to this because i live in two towns17. When was the last time you cried?Wednesday i think,, i wish i could cry more often 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?i try to say it as much as i can bc i have a lot of love in my heart19. If you could change your eye color, would you?maybe a lighter blue bc gray blue isn't that pretty20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?not counting evan,,, uhh Boys ARE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD FUXK YEAH21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.am planning to tell mh parents abt my depression but hHHHHH22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?if it has boy in it iT CUTE23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?NopE cris is like,,,, my best friend wtf24. What are you sitting on right now?b e d i t s o f t25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?FRIENS. LOVE THEM. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?ALL THW TIME B I TCH27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?my roommates 28. Do you get a lot of colds?nop, but when i do its fuxked up29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Switzerland 30. Does anyone hate you?yepity depity do and i hope they burn in hell fucking pieces of shits31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?it will be a cold day in hell when i drink my dudes32. Do you like watching scary movies?BITCH I L OV E MAKING FUN OF MOVIESSO SEEING SHITTY SCARY MOVIES IS A FUCKING BLESSING 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Nah how tf am i gonna eat spicy shit then???? ¿¿¿¿34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2015????or 2016??? i think that was the worst my depression ever was35. Did you have a dream last night?i think????? 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?right now37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?hope not???? but then again???? kinda hope i do????? probably not doe38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?yes i know at least 2 boys and i feel so sorry for them39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?probs40. Did you have a good day yesterday?mmmeh41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?oh shit i have no Fucking idea 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?y e s43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?i think???? cris must've told me at least one time and evan too so Uhhhh i guess???? ¿¿¿¿44. What’s the best part about school?i get to have unnecessary crushes45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?ppppplenty46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?yeah but he called me a slut and a whore 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?god fucking hell all the time 48. Were you single over the last summer?yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nope thank the whatever the fuck is out there 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping i guess51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?evan is a precious cinnamon roll fuck off 52. Are you nice to everyone?YES YES YES YES ALWAYS as i saidk i l l t h e m w i t h k i n d n e s s53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?h hh hhh fuCking tAke a wIld Gue Ss m854. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?bitch when i cheat will be the day i cut my throat 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?bad feelings? yescrushes? n0Pe56. Do you think you like someone?i think but i hope not57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?nop i do not Think so my dude 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?why THE FUCK would that matter59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?current ones?? i dont think so??? 60. Do you hate anyone?nah i just,,,, strongly dislike themexcept the fucking bitches i called friends i hopr they die in a fire 61. How’s your heart?idk i guess ok??? im always okay62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?not really pffft63. Have you ever cried over a guy?yes all the time,, boys r beautiful 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hmmmmmmmmm idk i can think of a few people but i hope not 65. Are your toenails painted pink?I W I S H66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?bih i wish i could have my first kiss67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?if boyfriend cries i cry thats bad 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?poor poor souls that actually had this happen to them69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my sister!!! 70. How do you look right now?bored Even doe im honestly just relaxed 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?i do that with everyone bc if u don't like me u don't have tk be around me 72. Can you commit to one person?yes ofc!!!??? 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?even bby ilu74. Have you ever felt replaced?i think?? yes probs75. Did you wake up cranky?nop76. Are you a jealous person?hhhhHA YOU DONT EVEN K N O W77. Are relationships ever worth it?Theyre fun but the end of them makes me wanna die78. Anyone you’re giving up on?crushes and teachers 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?3 more years bih u better wait for meand u too eben b safe u dork80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?sssstudy h81. Last person you cried in front of?mom82. Is there someone you will never forget?yyyES83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?nope he doesn't really care about me anymore (although i dont think he ever did) 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?BICTH ID BE KISSING THAY THOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND WATCHING SAW AND VORING PIZZAEVEN DUDE HHHHELTS WATCH SAW 3 AND LAUGH AT THAT DUDE BREAKING HIS LEG AND THWN I CAN HUG YOU TILL I DIE FROM DEHYDRATION 85. Are you over your past?i ggggUess??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?i have no idea 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? @lady-misfortune @space-ace-sneevee @thelilshadowchild88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?what has been has been but i guess idk yet bc ive had like 1 bf for now 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?never kissed 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?i guess???????? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?i sure as hell have no idea92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Michael Jackson and I are best buddies bItch93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?noPe94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i was in a relationship with my laptop and i didnt leave him from 7pm to 6am 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?he a dicky 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?bicth fucjing prettiest people youll find97. Who do you have texts from?crissy gorl that im too lazy to reply to98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?happened to me and i said "glad u told me earlier i dont want u being with me if u r uncomfy" it did hurt like a fucking bitch doe99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?bitch never kissed 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?me, myself and i101. Ever kissed under fireworks?NEVER KISSED FFS102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?IN a jar nicely packed and handed to me? no but stomach butterflies so bad i wanted to throw up? yes

[kvndeathmusic]

THE BEST RECORDS OF THE 2010S PT 2 (THE TOP 10!!!!!!)

if you thought the last post was long, you just wait. ive also decided to actually number this list, but pls keep in mind my opinions change often and drastically so dont think anything is set here.

please read my other post too if you want to know about the records i like a little less than the ones here as well as some honorable mentions

#10: Some Rap Songs  -  Earl Sweatshirt (2018) 

This record is a perfect fusion of rap and lofi hip hop. Nobody makes a beat like Earl, and this record is a perfect example. Earl uses his samples to create layered soundscapes of distorted vocals and sounds, paired with his emotionally blunt flows. It’s short, but it really doesn’t feel that short, and frankly I could re-listen to it a handful of times in a row and probably not care that much. Not to sound like Todd Howard, but it just works dude. 

#9:  ゼロコンマ、色とりどりの世界   -  Mass of the Fermenting Dregs (2010)

According to Google, this record’s title translates to Zero Comma, Multicolored World. Which is interesting. I wish I knew Japanese just to understand this kind of stuff to be honest. But that’s besides the point.

Zero Comma, Multicolored World is a fantastic collection of tracks from my personal favorite J-Rock band, Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. Like for context, I got into this band around the same time as I got into Nirvana. I spent the entire summer of 2016 crying to In Utero, playing Overwatch while listening to MF DOOM, and jamming to Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. I managed to find a copy of their fantastic self-titled EP when I was in Tokyo a few years back. Anyways I’ve gotten off track. 

This record is a breathe of fresh air for those tired of American “alt-rock”, incorporating elements of shoegaze, post-hardcore, pop, and more to create a totally unique and explosive record. Every member of this band is playing out of their minds on some of these tracks, and lead singer/bassist Natsuko Miyamoto’s vocals are powerful and blend so well with everything else this record offers. At this point in most paragraphs I’d gush about some specific tracks but I don’t have a Japanese keyboard to write the track titles and I’m lazy, so just trust me and go listen to this record, their self-titled EP, the reunion record No New World from 2018, and their EP World is Yours if anything I’ve said interests you. 

#8: Fetch  -  Melt-Banana (2013)

This record melts my fucking brain dude. Melt-Banana is some of the most eccentric and weird music I’ve ever heard, blending noise, punk, and just plain absurdity to create music that I want to simultaneously describe as cursed and blessed. From the wailing walls of pure volume coming from the guitars to the sporatic and often manic vocals, this record sounds like no other I’ve ever heard. My personal favorite tracks are Hive, Candy Gun, Zero, and Schemes of the Tails. Seriously, if this sounds interesting to you, set aside 32 minutes to just appreciate this record. It’ll be worth your time. 

#7: Joy as an Act of Resistance - IDLES (2018)

On Joy as an Act of Resistance, British band IDLES offers up some of the best punk of the decade in a package that is full of hope, anger, and love. From singer Joe Talbot’s cries for unity in tracks like Danny Nedelko and Great, to self love anthems like Television and I’m Scum, Joy offers an alternative to their much angrier and sad 2017 debut record Brutalism, which I now realize I forgot to include on my fucking honorable mentions god damn it. Anyways, this record isn’t all sweet. IDLES tackles some heavier topics on this record as well, with songs like Samaritans dismantling toxic masculinity, Rottweiler tearing into sensationalist news and media, and the introspective June seeing Joe speak bluntly about his experience being the father of a stillborn. It’s also some of the unique punk out there at the moment, with jangly guitar “riffs”, Joe’s accent heavy shouts, and noisey drums. IDLES is definitely a band to pay attention to going into the 20s. 

#6: Adults!!!... Smart!!! Shithammered!!! And Excited By Nothing!!!!!  -  Bomb the Music Industry (2010)

Adults!!! is short, coming in at 21 minutes over the course of 7 tracks. And yet, this EP contains some of the catchiest and refined ska punk of the decade. The record acts almost as a condensed summation of BTMI’s entire career, featuring some of the repeated themes that has defined Jeff’s whole discography. Not only that, but some of BTMI’s best tracks are on this EP, from Jeff’s strained vocals on You Still Believe in Me?, to the peppy and depressing Planning My Death, to the defiant Slumlord and the explosive penultimate track, The First Time I Met Sanawon. I could wish it was longer, but I’ll be honest, with the quality of tracks here, I don’t care. It’s a near flawless EP that represents everything I love about one of my favorite bands ever.

#5: The Money Store - Death Grips (2012)

Like Fetch, The Money Store is similarly mind melting in completely different ways. This record is brutal. MC Ride’s “vocals” are like no other, with some describing them as the shouts of a drugged up homeless man. Paired with ear bursting, stereo busting beats, and esoteric dark flows, the picture this record paints is one of filth and primal violence. And I love every minute of it. And despite the harsh nature of this record, some of these beats fucking slap. This record features some of the weirdest uses of sampling, like seriously who the fuck finds Arabic Nokia ringtones and thinks “yeah let’s sample these in like half the tracks on this record” and make it sound this good. And at times I have no clue how they even managed to make some of the sounds they did. All of this is backed with Zack Hill’s extremely technical and wild drumming. I contemplated putting other Death Grips records in this spot, but The Money Store is the complete DG package. It also has Hacker on it. im in your area 

#4: Teens of Denial  -  Car Seat Headrest (2016)

I’m a fucking moron and I’ll tell you why. When I initially heard the first few tracks from this record when I was 17, I wasn’t that blown away. Like, I added Fill in the Blank, Vincent, and Destroyed by Hippie Powers to my big ass shuffle playlist and didn’t bother digging much deeper. Here I am now, 20 years old, kicking myself in the ASS for overlooking Car Seat Headrest for this long. I only gave this album a proper listen to back in January! And I LOVE it! Teens of Denial is a fantastic record, full of complex, multilayered tracks that are not only incredibly catchy, but full of heart and passion. Lead singer and songwriter Will Toledo has voice that sounds equally uneasy and leaking with confidence, and that confidence spills over into every aspect of this record. While not as emotionally intense as their only other studio LP as of February 2020, Teens of Denial is just track after track of some of the greatest indie rock made this decade. Including the songs I mentioned before, you’ve also got Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales, 1937 State Park, and the powerful Cosmic Hero. And if you like reading, the narrative of this record is interesting to follow.  And while I was working on this list they literally just announced a new record so like I’m fucking hyped dude. 

#3: To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar (2015)

Ok. Look. I know everybody is putting this at their #1 spot. And they probably have even more to say about this record than I do. There’s probably nothing I can say that hasn’t been said a million times by literally everyone. But that’s just a testament to the quality of this record. This is one of the greatest hip hop records ever made, if not the best depending on who you ask. Some of my favorite rap songs are on this record, Wesley’s Theory, King Kunta, Alright, The Blacker The Berry, and more. TPAB offers detailed glimpses into one of the biggest rappers in the world’s psyche and pain, mixed with profound social and political messages. The beats on this record are beautifully mixed with jazz and gospel influences, starting a trend many artists have since continued. And Kendrick’s signature flow from gkmc are at their absolute finest on TPAB. There is something to enjoy out of this record no matter your background, which would explain this record’s near universal appeal. To Pimp a Butterfly is just full of life, energy, and passion. It’s weird to think this record is only 5 years old, because it feels just as powerful as it did when it came out.

#2: Twin Fantasy - Car Seat Headrest (2018)

Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. The emotions expressed on this record are intense and laid flat out for you to hear, dissect, and empathize with. The entire record being structured around the idea of reflection works both as a fun way to organize a diverse and varied track listing, while also playing into a handful of the record’s motifs and themes. Speaking of which, each song on this album has a unique identity, both in terms of sound and feeling, and how it plays into the larger narrative of this record. Some songs have multiple tonal shifts, such as the epic Beach Life-In-Death, split into three distinct parts making it a song that, despite its 13 minute run-time, is a song I never grow tired of listening to. What each track shares, however, is the same fantastic songwriting, with layered instrumentals and some of Will’s greatest vocal performances. It also helps that all the tracks are just flat out catchy, like the fantastic Bodies, the chill Sober to Death, and the energetic Nervous Young Inhumans. While the 2011 original is great, the 2018 rerecording adds so much new complexity and clarity to this record. In addition to the original themes, the 2018 version adds new perspectives and meta commentary to the 2011 original, with Will reflecting on the feelings he was experiences at the time he wrote the original record, 7 years afterwards, adding an additional layer to this record’s larger narrative. The final 22 minutes of this record provides a strong emotional climax to the record, sending off a fantastic and absolutely classic record. There’s a good chance that, in 10 more years or so, I may look back at this record and put it above my #1 record. Hell, while I write this I really question whether or not I should do it. What I’m trying to say is, take that #2 with a grain of salt, because I love this record just as much as my #1 at this point. No record has managed to leave such a profound and strong impression on me this quickly after my first listen a few months ago, besides Twin Fantasy. Because Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. It’s a perfect record.  And now it’s time for my favorite record of the decade. It’s probably obvious what it is considering some of the things I’ve said on this list, so without any more delay...

#1: WORRY.  -  Jeff Rosenstock (2016)

WORRY. is my personal favorite record of the decade and of all time. It is an absolutely triumphant record. Every song here is a classic. WORRY. radiates pure, unfiltered energy that I haven’t been able to shake for the nearly 4 years this record has been out. Songs like Festival Song and Wave Goodnight to Me still get me pumped, and the so called “WORRY. medley” that spans the back half of this record rivals the medley of Abbey Road. And the opening track, We Begged 2 Explode, fuck man it’s a hell of an opener. Hell, I know every line spoken on this record. This record is a product of a man who has spent over 20 years perfecting his music, never compromising to trends or demands. Jeff has always been open about what he loves and what he believes in, and it’s no more apparent than on this record. Trying to describe every way in which this record works for me leaves me grasping for the right words to describe the feeling. It’s a record that makes you wanna chant along to it, move your body to it, and tell everyone you love about it.  So just listen to it. I don’t care if you don’t like punk, or ska, or ska punk, or just garage/indie rock in general, or if my enthusiasm hasn’t sold you. This is one of the best records out there and you can either realize it now, or regret it later. 

I know the record literally says that the perfect sound doesn’t exist. But it does. And it sounds like this.

And that’s it for this list. I’m excited to see what the new decade brings. If my mind ever changes about these records, or I get around to listening to a record that deserves to be on this list, maybe I’ll do an updated version, but like right now? This is how I feel.

[yawoser]

1-102 🤪

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?I sure mf hope!2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?Yes..3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Today i think or last night4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?Yes! Do it all the time5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?Nope!6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?Haha yes lots7. What exactly are you wearing right now?Sweatpants and my school shirt n some socks mm8. How often do you listen to music?All the time9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?Jeans10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018?Well idk if it did 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?Both? I can be both im p good at talking to ppl but im not rly abt tons of ppl 24/712. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? No13. What about ‘R’? No14. Can you drive a stick shift? Haha no15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Ugh.... duh16. Are you going out of town soon?No i dont think17. When was the last time you cried? Nye18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yes....19. If you could change your eye color, would you? Mmm hazel20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? Uhh not a boy21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. Ummm didnt have a good nap22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? UghZzzz hello yes23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Nope24. What are you sitting on right now? A bed but im layin25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Yep!26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?UghZzzz yes27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Carson... duh28. Do you get a lot of colds? Nope29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? My school30. Does anyone hate you? Yep31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Haha no32. Do you like watching scary movies? Kinda i need someone w me33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Nah34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Mmm 200735. Did you have a dream last night? Yes36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Idk not tht long ago maybe an hr37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Mmmmmm id say no..... but literally sm can happen so idk!38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Ughzzz idk39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No40. Did you have a good day yesterday? Yep41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Nope42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? Ugh.... jadyn43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Nope44. What’s the best part about school? Uhhh relaxin45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Duh46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? Haha yes47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Duh48. Were you single over the last summer? No49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Nope 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Umm this51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Nope52. Are you nice to everyone? Try to be53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yep54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Uhhh yeah?!?!55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Ughh probably no idk56. Do you think you like someone? Maybe57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Haha no58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Girls? Idk59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Ugh yes60. Do you hate anyone? Nah61. How’s your heart? Shes doin ok62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Duh63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Not a guy a girl yes64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Ughhh 65. Are your toenails painted pink? No66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? How would ik!67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? No?!68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? Haha kinda69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Umm taylor probs70. How do you look right now? UghZzzz71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yep! Taylor n carson mhmmmmm 72. Can you commit to one person? Mf duh!73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Nah74. Have you ever felt replaced? Duh75. Did you wake up cranky? Umm i took a nap and woke up cranky76. Are you a jealous person? Duh77. Are relationships ever worth it? Duh78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Nah79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Duh80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Coffee81. Last person you cried in front of? Taylor82. Is there someone you will never forget? Yep83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Ugh idk!84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Talkin 85. Are you over your past? No one is!86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Hehe yes87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Yes..... how many times will this be asked88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Idk just wanna see her change shes got a mf kid to be worried abt 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Hell no!90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Haha yes91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Idfk!92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Yep!93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Nope94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? This jan? No Last jan yes95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? Nope!96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Most attractive person i mf know!97. Who do you have texts from? ?!?!?! People i text.. friends... family98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Idk! Id be so embarrassed Try to help them out ig?!?! 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? No one101. Ever kissed under fireworks? Nope102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Duh

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 019.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I wish he did.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? oooo, no. that makes me uncomfortable.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? Probably saturday

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? do it all the time.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? yeahhhhhhhh

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes. A sweet christmas song that talks about wanting the other person there next to them for Christmas. naturally, I think about Kile. THIS HAS TO GET EASIER.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? a pair of black shorts. a skin tight pink vneck tshirt. 

8. How often do you listen to music? daily.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? I don’t wear either all that often. Typically shorts.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014? I mean.. its 2021. 

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? I am easily social but i prefer to be antisocial.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Hmmm. no

13. What about ‘R’? UUUUhhh no.

14. Can you drive a stick shift? At one point I could, but I don’t think I’d remember how to after all these years. 

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? No.

16. Are you going out of town soon? Yep! traveling this week out of state.

17. When was the last time you cried? today. 

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? absolutely. life is just way too short to not say that you love someone.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I am fine with my eye color. Though, deep dark brown eyes are crazy beautiful.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? yes

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. another day without my best friend. My pool has a leak. 

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? i love it.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? No.

24. What are you sitting on right now? my bed.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? my friends and I say it.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? boy, lets rub salt in this wound!

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? I want to sayyy Charlie or Roger

28. Do you get a lot of colds? no, not usually.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Hahahaha wow, I couldn’t tell you. I think maybe ON

30. Does anyone hate you? I don’t know. maybe? not really my concern.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? I do not. there would be no need to hide that stuff if I did.

32. Do you like watching scary movies? if I’m with the right people.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Not even a little.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? like 17.

35. Did you have a dream last night? yeah. Kile showed up at my house and was pleading for me to talk to him. we drove down a dirt road and parked the car and sat on the hood and stared at the stars and just talked about all the things.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? today

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? maybe so.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? feelings, sure.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? yeah, or so they said

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? yes yesterday was OK.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? no. but I was happy.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? yup

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yeppppppp. 

44. What’s the best part about school? the knowledge you gain and being able to see it all come together.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I do but I don’t use FB

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I passed notes to my brother, because we were homeschooled.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? oh yes.

48. Were you single over the last summer? i was.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? no, its really not.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Probably laying next to a husband or nursing a baby of mine or something.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? no, hes a little... out there, but no i dont hate him.

52. Are you nice to everyone? pretty much

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? 1000000000%. I never planned to like Kile.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? cheating is just so not a problem on my end. I refuse to get into a relationship with someone if I am not passionate about them. There is no need to cheat. I don’t understand it. If you’re unhappy, leave.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes

56. Do you think you like someone? i’m trying not to. 

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? yep. a few.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? it doesn’t matter to me. 

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Yes

60. Do you hate anyone? Nah.

61. How’s your heart? It's broken at the moment, but it will repair. it’ll get better. these things always do.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? my assault isn’t the most enjoyable topic. 

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Yes.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? the other woman.

65. Are your toenails painted pink? No. orange.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? that certainly isn’t my plan

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? Depends. Personally, I like to know there is emotion. stop the pretending to be a tough guy.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? uhhh, not to my recollection. but they are getting so baggy lately

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? sibling probably.

70. How do you look right now? Like I'm going to bed.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?" i did.

72. Can you commit to one person? again, not a problem I have. 

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? not anymore.

74. Have you ever felt replaced? YEP

75. Did you wake up cranky? No. I woke up heartbroken.

76. Are you a jealous person? I can be.

77. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes, definitely.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? I’m trying to move on from Kile. It’s not going super smooth yet. But he seems to be losing interest so theres that.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? “what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world? I would meet you. would you meet me? On a park bench, on a skyscrape, on a mountain, oh yeah whatever it takes. I would meet you, would you meet me?” those lyrics speak to me on repeat.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? my makeup.

81. Last person you cried in front of? uhhh, i really don’t know. OH sam, for how proud I was of his therapy.

82. Is there someone you will never forget? yeah

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? I used to think so. I don’t anymore. He’s watched me be hurt by him and by people hes close to, and didn’t step in. 

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? talking

85. Are you over your past? parts 

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? when I was growing up yes

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? not anymore

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? oh boy. that is quite a question. that would make me very happy.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? no way

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? uhhhh HAHA one of my friends yes

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Who knows?

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? yes. hes amazing

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? No. I always thought I’d marry a matthew.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? No.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I was then

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? he is unique. has attractive qualities.

97. Who do you have texts from? no one wants to know that long list.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? i’m not surprised

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? I’ve only kissed older than me

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? only myself

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? no

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Yes.

[bullwrinkledmagnum]

Easy Self Test for females

My suspected natural mother (genetic) says she's never had kids.

So this is rather odd. But i had always had milk come out of my nipples since for a long time. Since the 90s. So i know i had been previously pregnant (now in 2019 and for a few years) when i first remember this And i had an adverse emotional reaction.

Its understood, scientifically through research you cannot have breast milk without having a baby.

This article states 20-25% of people can.

I believe this is a cover-up to make you shut up and stay out of the way.

Someone told me it was oil like i had weird zits inside my nipples... Or on the edge.

Whatever it worked. I had to avoid the emotions of my children dying or being taken away because I would have killed myself. I couldn't handle knowing and doing nothing about it.

I feel this is a risky post.

1. I dont tell you and you never know or you never believe you do have a kid

2. You find out you probably did and can't handle it.

So. I am going to believe the world is mentally stable and strong and post it

Now before you decide to check, maybe you should get yourself a DNA test kit for Christmas -- Ancestry.com is currently allowing. My Heritage is cheapest but anyone can see your DNA. 23andme you can hide it from the public but the militaries have access (limited just to match they dont download it) and DNA4U is a private currently not on the market company as they have never been and will not be soon as all their resources are going to this crisis.

https://www.crigenetics.com/index-v-3

Is also participating in allowing access.

My Heritage allows any company's DNA to be uploaded to their system for free.

However. Genetic information will not be available without paying.

So you can get any test really and then upload it. Check they allow you to download the raw DNA. Most do as it is your own information.

Doing this will allow you peace of mind. If you have breast milk then you won't worry of they overlook you in returning your child. You will be one step ahead.

I know this is super difficult.

It's kinda stressful for me to write it, knowing I am opening a Pandora's Box.

Remember to seek counseling if you need. Look online for free resources. Talk to a friend. Keep busy.

Now

To test all you have to do is squeeze the tip of your nipples. There will be colostrum. It will look like a dirty oil.

It can be a dark gray to a yellow to a clear color.

If you "clean" your ducts regularly, like daily but don't express the milk, you can have seperated milk, a thick white. Bright white spongy material. This can also come out of your armpits. Which can be confused as deodorant or may be deodorant.

Now if you are brave. Rub your armpits daily for a week. And check your nipples for expression.

The milk ducts are located in the arm pits also. And down through the breasts.

Feel free to massage your boobs but if you don't feel comfortable, do your armpits.

If after a week nothing comes out you have not had children. Most likely.

I suspect that many will have children in China. So please if you can, get a DNA kit.

If you cannot afford to. My Heritage will set up a system to give them to you free of charge. The system needs to be made and i will notify you. But you may write in as of now if you would like. But if you get a non valid response try again. There's many customer service people and they will need to be notified.

By January they should be together on this. So write in and title it "human trafficking"

They will make a system available ASAP. So its a special team you contact but for now know you may get an idiot and then just start over.

This is actually developing news so...

I'm sorry. I truly am.

Some people have had breasts and tissue removed due to cancer. It is Likley you had a clogged milk duct and doctors removed it. And called it cancer.

So if you have suffered from breast cancer, its Likley you have had given birth.

I'm extremely sorry.

They tried to do that to me when I was 13. But my dad fought them.

He told me over and over "you don't have cancer and don't let anyone Tell you and if They do, tell me and i will kill them. Or call the police if i am not home"

So i believe that most cancers are a lie. That cancer doesn't exist.

That does not mean people have suffered.

I am sorry you have been a victim.

I know this is horrible news right before Christmas.

I choose to tell you now because I know you're busy thinking about how to make people happy with gifts and etc and your focus is on,Christmas.

So please continue to focus on Christmas and allow this to be a business issue that will become personal when you have the answers you need.

This is a later issue that you will need to prepare for. Combined with the now issue of family and friends.

Soon you will have family and friends around you and you may xhoose to,express you may be a victim. A 22 year old. No kids. Rarely or never had sex but has breast milk.

I thought i was a virgin until i was 18!!! I had kids at 10!! A bunch!!!

So I KNOW this information can be bad.

This is why I choose to expose it now.

Because at Christmas even if I'm in the dumps, I can either pick myself up Or be glad i know an actual reason I'm so sad feeling!

So please don't let the anger exist in you. Use that energy to research. Pound out some dough for the holidays. A King's cake perhaps with a baby hidden in.

That can make you sad but also make you feel, you know what? It Is Gonna Be Ok.

So it is an item on the task list that you put away until later.

I say this because you want to know Who they are. Where they are. What has happened to them.

Don't.

Do not do that.

They will tell you.

Focus on you.

Remember you are good enough to be loved.

Remember to brush your teeth -- crest will make them brighter white but can turn them brown if you dont get every dip and tilt. Colgate is good at not doing that.

Do laundry.

Take care of You and Your family you habe now. Yoir friends.

That is what you habe now. Enjoy this last time without Yoir kids. Because right now they're at a free baby sitters. And always have been.

So enjoy Yoir time off from being a mom to a bunch more people.

We are doing the best we can to find them and give them to you.

So you do the best you can in being happy to see them.

Thank you.

And i am sorry if you are someone like me. But one day it will get better.