#okay they are both dead but this ship is winning non-stop since a week

[harritudur]

Grace, who had to deal with tons of hate by stupid antis, watching Joe 100% endorssing Eddissy and Eddie’s crush on Chrissy and the romantic subtext of their scene :

[eryiss]

Ship: Freed x Laxus

Rating: Teen

Prompt: Late Nights, Early Mornings.

Summary: Long distant relationships are difficult, made worse when it's between two men in different colleges. But Freed and Laxus will make it worse, and if secret phone calls late in the night are what's needed then that's what they'll do.

Notes: This was day three for my admissions to Fraxus Week. It's hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus, who you should check out for more Fraxus content.

Links: Event Masterlist ||| Archive of Our Own, Fanfiction

Four Ways to See the Dawn

Year: 1982

Location: Washington DC, USA

"Hey."

"Hey."

Laxus murmured the word, quietly fiddling with the cord to the phone as he glanced at the sleeping man in the other bed. The stranger seemed to be sleeping soundly, snoring without a care in the world, and so Laxus felt pretty confident that he had privacy. So long as he didn't make too much noise, he could speak without being overheard.

Good, this was going to work.

It wasn't ideal. It was nearing two AM, and Laxus had found himself fighting sleep as he'd waited for his roommate to pass out. The guy was apparently something of a party animal, and he was fully taking advantage of the many frat parties, drinking nights and mixers that filled the first weeks of college. Laxus had avoided them all – they were all too loud and rowdy for him – but he understood the appeal. He couldn't be angry that the man was so unpredictable; Bickslow would hardly know that he was stopping Laxus from his phone call with Freed, after all.

Freed didn't have the same problem. His college, which was half way across the country, didn't have roommates to worry about. He'd promised that he'd be waiting by the phone for him whenever he was ready to call, and he'd answered the moment Laxus had rung.

"You sound tired," Laxus teased. "Didn't wake ya, did I?"

"No, but it was close," Freed chuckled, and the sound was incredible. "I missed hearing your voice."

"Me too."

They'd promised themselves that, for the first two weeks, they wouldn't talk. College was a big thing, and they couldn't fuck it up, so decided they need to fully submerge themselves in college culture instead of becoming shut-ins who only spoke to one another. It was the right thing to do, they both knew it, but Laxus had been missing Freed's presence every day, and no amount of taster classes, tours around campus, and bottles of tequila would remove that.

Freed had always been there. They'd grown up on the same street, played on the same sports teams, and attended the same house parties. Jokes had been made that they were attached at the hip, and that they might as well be inseparable with how much time they spent together.

Laxus had to smirk at those jokes. If only they knew.

It had happened quite randomly, really. Laxus had broken his leg in the last year of high school, and he'd had to sit out on the final game in their baseball tournament. Freed had ended up hitting the home run that won their team the game, and had been rightly commended. Laxus had stumbled into the locker room on his crutches when everyone was left so he could congratulate the man in private. Freed had clearly noticed that Laxus was more melancholy that joyful, and forced Laxus to admit it felt shitty to miss the final game of his high-school career, even if they did win.

Freed had waited for a moment, thinking of what to say. Then, with his thigh resting against Laxus' non-broken leg, he quietly whispered 'I won it for you, you know. Not for the team.' The words were packed with years' worth of friendship and passion, and they were forever imprinted on Laxus' mind.

He'd kissed the man without thinking. Freed had kissed him back.

What followed was a summer of making out, going to the romantic spots around Magnolia under the pretence they were still just friends, and, on the last night before they left for college, they'd slept together for the first time. It had all been incredible.

But the summer had to end, and they could hardly keep going as they had. Magnolia was small, and their friendship was known well enough there for nobody to question how much time they were spending together. Now they lived in different states, a long and expensive train ride away from each other. The making out and the dates and the sex would have to stop, because it didn't make senses for it to continue. All they had left was quiet phone calls late at night where nobody could overhear them talking.

It wasn't perfect, but it was enough for now.

"You, erm, you done many classes yet?" Laxus asked, cringing at the awful question.

"No, they start on Monday," Freed answered, and shifted slightly. Laxus idly wondered if he were in his bed or not. Freed looked good in bed, curled up in a dressing gown with a book. If Laxus was there, he'd content himself by running his hand through his hair. "You?"

"A few taster things, just tryin' to find out what I wanna major in, y'know," Laxus all but scuffed his feet. He hadn't expected this to be this awkward. "Guess you don't have that problem."

"No," Freed agreed. He was training to by a surgeon, Laxus was at college mainly because he didn't know what else to do with his life. "How's your roommate?"

"He's good. A little weird but seems harmless," Laxus glanced at the sleeping man, who was stretched over his bed and drooling. "Seems to be out at parties most nights, so maybe I'll be able to call ya earlier in the night. Not force ya to stay up so late."

"It's worth it," Freed said without missing a beat. "I've missed you, Laxus."

"I missed you too," Laxus whispered.

Neither man spoke for a moment, and Laxus wished he knew what to say. He wished he had a ridiculous story of his fun, interesting college life that he could use to break that layer of awkwardness and entertain Freed with. But he'd done nothing; college was much less interesting than he had been led to believe. He couldn't think of a thing to say, and the electric humming of the phone was getting on his nerves.

Freed must have felt the same way, as Laxus could hear him fidgeting across the phone. Laxus wished he could just pull the man into his arms, as he often had in their quiet nights alone over the summer. But he couldn't. For months, he couldn't.

"It's gonna get easier, ain't it?" Laxus asked. "Doin' this?"

"It will," Freed said, and he sounded sure. "It'll take some time, but it will."

"Fuckin' better," Laxus mumbled more to himself than to Freed.

"It will," Freed repeated. "And thanksgiving is only a few months away, and we'll be able to see each other then."

"Guess so," Laxus nodded, trying to feel encouraged. "You still doing thanksgiving with me and Gramps?"

"If he'll still have me."

"He will," Laxus replied immediately, and then forced a smile onto his face. "And I promise it'll be more successful than last year."

"More successful? Is that possible?" Freed asked sarcastically, and Laxus chuckled.

"You saying that me and Gramps getting into a screaming match, the turkey ending up in the cat's litter tray, the two of us getting covered in cranberry sauce, and the neighbours making a noise complaint wasn't successful?" Laxus scoffed, smiling as he remembered the night the previous year.

He also remembered how, just before Freed drove back to his own home, he'd confessed that it was one of the most enjoyable thanksgiving's he'd had.

"You seem to not realise that, with long hair, pureed cranberries really have a lot of space to hide in," Freed chuckled. "A problem you don't seem to face."

"I'll aim for your face this year then," Laxus grinned.

"That's all I ask," Freed was grinning too, Laxus could hear it in his voice.

The situation wasn't immediately remedied, but they found themselves talking about the ridiculous shared moments they'd endured in Magnolia, and Laxus felt the awkwardness seeping away minute by minute. It was nowhere near as good as driving to the mountains, lying on his car's roof with Freed curled against him, but damn if it wasn't the best couple of hours he'd spent since arriving in Washington.

He didn't remember falling asleep, but he did remember waking up sometime later in the morning. The phone was clutched against his chest, the line dead, and the sunlight was fluttering under the curtains. He smiled privately, and closed his eyes, phone in hand.

---

"Freed, you okay? It's four in the mornin'?

"Hey. You're awake. Hi."

Laxus forced his eyes open, groggy and sleep deprived. He blinked a few times, sitting up. The ringing of the phone he'd just answered seemed to still be blaring in his mind, and the overly loud, inelegant words that his boyfriend had just near yelled into his ears made Laxus wince. It was nearly four thirty in the morning. Why the hell was Freed awake?

"Course I'm awake, phone's fucking loud," He complained, sitting up and leaning against the wall. "Why're you awake?"

"Ever and Mirajane," Freed said, as if that answered anything. Laxus waited a moment before he realised that was all Freed felt he needed to say.

"What about them?"

"I told them that it was my birthday tomorrow – or, well, it's today now, isn't it. But it was tomorrow when I told them. Well, technically it was yesterday when I told them, but in the context of me telling them about my birthday, my birthday was tomorrow, which is now today," Freed spewed the mess of words out, and Laxus could hear him frowning. "They said I needed to go out drinking. They wanted to take me out for my first legal drink."

"Yer turning nineteen, not twenty-one," Laxus deadpanned, though smirked.

"Oh yes, so I am," Freed was frowning. "I broke the law many times tonight then."

"Sounds like it," Laxus chuckled. "You only just gettin' in? It's pretty late. Or early, I guess."

"No, we left the club at about one. We've been in the dorms for a few hours, Cana knows someone who can get us beer cheap, so we kept going. Someone made me brownies, but I wasn't allowed to eat them because apparently they had pot in them, so Mirajane slapped the guy and said she'd report him to campus security because we only found out when Jet and Droy started talking about the walls having a face," Freed laughed heartily, and Laxus smiled, imagining the man's expression as he did so. "Why do people always put weed into brownies? It's so overdone. Why do you never hear of a pot carrot cake or banana loaf?"

"Brownies are easy to make, I guess," Laxus grinned.

This was uncharted territory for Laxus. Freed wasn't exactly a total rule follower, but his parents were strict and so alcohol was something he'd never risked. Laxus had always wondered what a drunk Freed would be like. Apparently, he rambled and was happy. It was a nice side of him to hear.

"You think brownies are harder than a banana cake? You know nothing about baking," Freed laughed at him, and Laxus smirked. "Do I have time to bake a pot filled gateau, do you think? It might make mother's book club interesting at last."

"Don't spike your ma with drugs Freed," Laxus instructed, and Freed laughed.

"Yes, it sounds bad put like that," Freed agreed. He was quiet for a moment, and Laxus heard the sound of something hitting the floor. Perhaps one of his boots, given the clunk. Laxus had become something of an expert at figuring out what Freed was doing by the sounds he made. "It'd serve them right. Rather see you than them."

"Come on Freed," Laxus sighed. "They're your parents, they wanna see you."

"Well they didn't on parents' weekend, or at thanksgiving, so why now?" Freed huffed, fabric shifting now. He was probably getting into bed. "They're taking me to dinner, and I saw the place. It's got five stars, Laxus. That means it'll be stifled and pretentious. They won't know what to say to me, so we'll just eat in silence and we'll all want it to end because we know we don't have anything in common and they're only coming because it'll look bad if they don't," Laxus wished he could deny the claim, but he knew Freed's parents and that was probably true. "Would've rather gotten the train to Washington so I could see you."

"Shouldn't I be coming to yours?" Laxus asked, trying to change the subject to something less maudlin. "It's your birthday."

"You saw my campus when you drove us home," Freed dismissed, and Laxus supposed he had. They'd driven back to Magnolia together for some time alone, as Laxus passed Freed's college on the drive back. "It's my turn to see your place. Your classrooms, your student lounge," He paused, and was clearly smirking when he spoke again. "Your bed."

"My bed, huh?" Laxus smirked. "What were you gonna-"

Laxus would have continued, but an airborne pillow slammed into his face. It took his sleep-lagged brain a moment to understand what had happened, and he slowly looked towards his glaring, very much awake roommate. He probably should have realised that the phone would have woken them both up, not just Laxus.

They looked at each other for a moment, Bickslow unblinking. Laxus wanted to speak, but no words came, and Bickslow was the one to fill the silence.

"Look, you know I'm cool with you two being together. Probably been to more of the marches than either of you two, so be as gay as you wanna be," Bickslow's voice was croaky and hoarse. "But don't phone fuck when I'm in the room. It's just bad manners."

"We weren't gonna-" Laxus cut himself off. He couldn't be sure of his words, so instead he said a guilty, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Bickslow shrugged. "Just give me my pillow back and we'll call it even."

Laxus did as he was told, and Bickslow took it, hooked it around his head so it covered his ears, and turned to lie facing the wall. It was as close to privacy they could get in the small room without either of them leaving, and Laxus appreciated the action. When he spoke again, his voice was more of a gentle whisper.

"You should probably get to sleep," He instructed, and grinned when he heard a yawn overpowering his words. "Make sure you drink water before you crash, okay? And don't bother with yer classes, you'll either still be drunk or too hungover to take anything in."

"Yes, I suppose I will be," Freed agreed. "I'll call you once my parents leave."

"Okay," Laxus nodded. "Happy birthday, baby."

"Thank you," Freed said softly. "Goodnight. Love you."

"Love you too."

Laxus hung up the phone, curled himself back under his covers and closed his eyes. Just as he was about to sleep, he heard the grinning words of his roommate as he said, 'you two are so damn cute.' Laxus' retort of 'fuck you' was only slightly less threatening because of the smile he couldn't shake, and the yawn he couldn't hold back.

---

"Don't talk, I need to say something."

"Laxus? What's wrong?"

Laxus was jittery. He'd been jittery all day. He'd had nervous energy throughout the night, and it kept waking him up and he did whatever he could to get to sleep but nothing had worked, and he'd found himself stressed, awake and jittery. He couldn't stop moving. Couldn't stop bouncing his leg or taping his fingers or flexing his arms because he needed to do something with this energy, but he didn't know what.

At six AM, after a night of awful, interrupted sleep, he'd decided enough was enough. He'd changed into running gear, pulled out his Walkman and stormed from his dorm room. He'd ran for however long, and yet the jitteriness didn't go. If anything, it made things worse.

Calling Freed had been a last resort.

He hadn't returned to campus yet, instead finding a phone booth to climb into. It had started to rain as he'd run, and he was dripping wet as he rang Freed's number. The cold and the wet were the last things on his mind. He just needed to get on the call with Freed, just needed to hear that thing's would be okay and that he was making a big deal out of nothing. Freed was a smart guy, and he wouldn't bullshit Laxus about important things. No; Freed would make things okay.

"Dad's court case was moved forward," Laxus spluttered before he could stop himself.

It was supposed to be in the autumn. It was supposed to be months away. That would give Laxus time to prepare himself, to know what he was going to say. To get out of his own head so that he could focus on taking the bastard to jail. It was not supposed to be next damn week!

Laxus was a character witness. In the trial itself, he wasn't all that important, but he knew that the media would love to know what he thought about his father. Ivan was a well-known businessman, and his scandal had been national news. He'd made many enemies over his years working, and people were relishing in his downfall. Everyone wanted to hear how not only was Ivan a bad businessman, but a bad father too. Laxus wasn't ready for the attention, he wasn't ready for anything.

Freed took a moment to think before he replied.

"Where are you?" He asked. "Are you in your dorm? I can hear the rain."

"Erm, no," Laxus shook his head, looking around. "I'm near a park. Not sure where."

"Right," Freed murmured. "What do you need me to do?"

"I need," Laxus faltered.

He needed to be told that everything was okay. That the court case would just be a single day in his life, and he could get past it and move on. He needed to hear Freed saying that he would get past this, and that his life would return to normal. He needed to see Freed's warm smile, the one he seemed to show only to Laxus. He needed…

"It's nothing. Sorry if I woke you."

"Go back to your dorm, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"What?"

"The trains start running early. I can probably be at yours by ten," Freed mused aloud. "I want you to go back and try to sleep. You mentioned that Bickslow has hypnosis tapes he uses to sleep, borrow one."

"Freed, you don't need to come here," Laxus tried to argue, though he didn't want to. "You don't have the money."

"I'll find it," Freed dismissed. "The next train leaves at seven, I believe. I'll be on it."

"Freed."

"Laxus."

Anyone who thought that Laxus was the more stubborn one out of the two of them clearly didn't know Freed.

"You really don't need to come," Laxus whispered, the rain pounding on the small box he sheltered in. "I'll be fine."

"You deserve to be better than fine, Laxus," Freed whispered back.

Silence hung on the line, and at that moment Laxus' world only persisted of the small phonebooth, the rain clattering down on it, and the man on the other end of the phone. He closed his eyes, clenched them shut, and tried to focus on the soft sound of Freed's breathing. Freed was coming. He was coming to make things better. As much as Laxus wanted to protest more, because Freed couldn't afford it and he was going to miss his classes, he just wanted his boyfriend in his arms. He just wanted him there.

"Are you sure?" He asked in a shaking sob.

"Of course," Freed assured him. "Go back to your room and sleep, I'll be there soon."

Laxus did indeed return to his room. He showered off the rainwater, ignored Bickslow's questions as to what happened, and curled up into bed. The white noise tape that Bickslow gave him cleared his mind, and as he assured himself that the clump of blanket he was clinging to would soon be replaced with Freed, he felt everything become just a little more manageable.

---

Sun hit Laxus' face, a gentle warmth that woke him up. He smiled as it happened.

A roadside motel was hardly the most comfortable place to wake up, but Laxus couldn't think of anywhere better to be at that time. No amount of bitter coffee, cramped showers, awful breakfasts, and itchy sheets would stop that. Not when he was waking up with Freed in his arms.

It was Freed's graduation day, the final nail in the coffin of their shared college experiences. Once today had finished, there would be no more dorm rooms, no more phone calls, no more long distance. They just needed to get through the ceremony, and they would be free to spend as much time as they wanted together, without the looming dread of being split apart by the oncoming semester that had previously seemed ever present.

It was over. They were done with college and free to love each other fully and wholly.

They'd found an apartment they could afford. They'd gotten an odd look when their realter had seen two men wanting to live in a cramped, one bedroom apartment, but they didn't care. Three years split apart was over, and they felt they deserved their own place no matter what other people thought about it. They'd more than paid their dues in being apart; they were owed time, and a home, together.

It worked out well. Freed's career meant he needed to continue studying, and he'd found placement in a hospital on a partial scholarship in New York. Laxus, over his time in college, had decided sports journalism was where his passion lay, and he'd been shortlisted for multiple internships in the city. It was all perfect.

Speaking of perfect, Freed made a small mewling sound as he woke.

"Mornin'," Laxus smiled.

"Morning," Freed croaked. He leant up and pressed his lips against Laxus', resting against his body. "You're awake early."

"Excited to see you get yer degree," Laxus shrugged.

"Excited to see me leaving the dorms, more like," Freed chuckled, resting his head against Laxus' chest.

"Can you blame me?" Laxus asked as he ran a hand down Freed's side and kissed his crown.

"Not at all," Freed hummed, contentedly.

Laxus hummed, watching as the new morning sun filled the room. Flashes of a future where this would be his every morning, where Freed would always fall asleep in his arms and wake up beside him. Freed would be his, and he would be Freed's, as they were always supposed to be.

Their love story was quiet, made up of fleeting moments and late-night phone calls. Not the stuff of fairy tales, but, for them, perfect.

[hellowkatey]

Febuwhump Day 24

Prompt: memory loss

Read on AO3

When Darkness Wins

It takes a moment for Cody's eyes to adjust to the bright lights of the med bay. He blinks a few times, taking a quick assessment of himself before he dares to move. An intense pounding in his head and soreness down his neck, arms, and legs let him know that whatever happened-- for some reason, he can't remember?-- he's probably in rough shape.

The lights above him dim, and he hears footsteps approaching.

"Apologies, commander," someone says. "I told the damned droid to turn the lights down, but you know non-sentients." Cody turns his head to look at the owner of the voice. It's a young woman with kind brown eyes and dark olive skin-- if Cody didn't know better he'd say she were a female clone of Jango, but obviously not. In either case, she's unfamiliar to him, but he supposes they could have gotten some new personnel at their last stop on Coruscant... Though, that leaves the question of where Helix is... "How are you feeling?" she asks, walking over to him and taking out a flashlight.

"Sore," he answers honestly. "My head doesn't feel great, either."

She waves the flashlight across his eyes, her lips curling with mild satisfaction. Now that she's close, he can make out the name printed on her smock-- Ledy.

"Well you did smash it against the side of fighter ship after falling from another fighter ship... so that's to be expected."

Cody's eyebrows knit together in confusion. Now, he feels like he's remember something like that. When he doesn't answer or react, Ledy's face turns serious.

"Commander... can you tell me your name?"

"Cody, ma'am."

She hesitates, pressing her lips together. "I meant your number."

"CC-2224."

"Okay good. And do you remember the accident?"

"No, ma'am."

"Okay... I will be right back."

Ledy strides swiftly from the room, leaving Cody alone in the med bay. He lays back, squeezing his eyes shut as his headache continues to rage. If only she'd administered some painkillers before running off.

Cody is mildly concerned he doesn't remember falling out of a damn ship, but he isn't too worried. He can remember everything else fine. He knows they're patroling Kooriva right now, a relatively low-stress assignment compared to the last few months. General Kenobi has taken it as an opportunity to give the men a much-needed rest-- extending liberty hours and allowing the veteran men to give extra instruction to the shinies they picked up last rotation.

Though the spirits have been up, Cody has noticed the uncharacteristically muted mood of his general. Just last week, they were reviewing strategies for General Unduli's next campaign and it as quite obvious he was not paying attention.

"Something wrong, sir?"

Months ago, Cody wouldn't feel comfortable asking such a direct personal question, but the campaigns as of late have really brought them to the point of being candid with one another. General Kenobi has gotten better about actually answering him as well.

"Not wrong, per say, just..." Kenobi sighed and looked at him. "The end of the war is near, Cody. I can feel it, but I'm unsure of how to interpret this feeling."

So Jedi stuff. There's not much he can do about that, but he is curious. Jedi stuff makes absolutely no sense to him, but it has been a huge strategical help. "Is it a bad feeling?"

"It's nondescript."

"So it could also be good?"

The general wagered this. "It's hard to say and difficult to explain, unfortunately. It's like..." He grabbed a half-filled glass of water and his caff. He scooped out some of the caff with a spoon and held it over the water cup. "The Force is like this water. Clear, easy to see through." He then let a few drops of caff fall into it. Cody watched the dark liquid spread and intermingle with the water, making it a very light brown. "But since the start of the war, the Force has become clouded," another two spoonfuls of caff. The liquid darkened again. He took another spoonful but this time tilted it so just a small drop fell from the spoon every few seconds. "And now it feels like there is a constant drip, every day, clouding the Force more and more." The water soon became dark brown, and General Kenobi held it up. Cody tried to look through the glass, but the image of the general's face on the other side was distorted and dark. He could hardly make out the details of his facial features. "So when I feel these feelings, it's hard to tell if they're good, bad, or just too clouded to see through."

Cody stared at the cup and then at the grim expression of General Kenobi.

"And... what if there is more caff than water, so to say? What does that mean?"

Kenobi looked at him and then took the cup of caff, pouring the rest of it into the water. The cup sloshed, immediately turning an inky black from the strong caff, and when it became still Cody sees that it is completely opaque.

"Then darkness will have won."

The med bay doors open and Ledy walks back in, a droid by her side this time.

"Pardon the wait, commander," she says, stopping at his bedside. The droid holds a tray of tools, none of which look pleasant. It's strange to Cody that a droid would be her assistant instead of one of the medical shinies. He raises an eyebrow.

"Is Helix out today?"

"Helix?"

"Well, yes, the lead medic."

Ledy nods and then picks up a scanner.

"Of course. Yes, Helix is otherwise occupied. Tell me, Commander, what ship are we on?"

Cody glances around the barren med bay. "The Negotiator."

"And who is your commanding officer?"

"General Kenobi... why are you asking me--"

"Routine questions, sir. And what planet did you last step foot on?"

"Kooriva."

"Okay..." she stares down at her datapad, typing things in. "I need to do a brain scan."

Her behavior is offputting. When she raises the scanner he dodges. "I would like to speak to Helix. Or General Kenobi."

"I'm afraid they're... both otherwise occupied, commander. Just let me--"

"Both of them?" this sets off warning bells in his head. Of course, the general was also hurt-- he wouldn't have let Cody fall if he weren't already injured himself. If there's anything he can count on, it's General Kenobi putting himself in the line of fire to save the others. If Kenobi really is indisposed, then he needs to find him to give a report to the council. "I must see him immediately." Cody moves to stand, but Ledy presses a hand on his chest, holding him back.

"No, commander, that isn't possible. You must stay in bed."

"I must alert the Jedi council--"

"Commander Cody," she says loudly, sighing. "You're confused."

He blinks, cocking his head. "The only thing I'm confused about, is why you're trying to detain me when I need to be checking on my general."

Cody ignores her pleas and throws the blanket off his body, swinging his feet out of bed. He's in a medical gown but he doesn't care. Something strange is going on here and he is going to find out what.

But as he stands, a wave of dizziness and nausea hits him like a tidal wave, and the walls go sideways. Cody hits the ground hard, his vision going white as his headache spikes.

Ledy doesn't rush to him, only calmly walks around the bed. He watches three of her approach, crouching down and looking at him with a smug expression.

"You're confused, commander. The war is over. The Jedi are dead. Your general is dead."

And it rushes back. All at once. Painfully. Grevious. Utapau. Order 66. Watching the cliffside explode and Kenobi fall hundreds of feet to a pit of water.

They never found his body, though. And General Kenobi has survived worse than a bad fall. A part of him still feels like he's out there somewhere no matter how many times he's been told the old master would have resurfaced by now.

While usually thinking of the Jedi and the war and all of it makes him angry, now he just feels this sense of emptiness in his chest. Cody believes in the Empire, believes in the new order, but he'd be lying if there isn't a part of him that misses living and working alongside his brothers. Working with the Jedi even though they turned out to be traitors.

"Oh," is all Cody can say, staring up at the medic. Helix is gone. So is Kix. She finally extends her hand, helping him to a sitting position. His head still spins.

"You have a bad concussion. With this memory loss, I need to check for bleeds, commander. Preferably without you flailing around like an imbecile."

He nods, ashamed of his outburst. "Yes, ma'am, I will comply."

He climbs back into bed, and Ledy begins her scan. As he lays on his side he eyes Ledy's cup of caff, and is reminded of the conversation he thought was only a week ago but must have been several years back now.

Kenobi was right, he realizes. Darkness took over.

Cody swallows the thickness that has formed in this throat, pushing out the warm memories of the way things used to be. There is no room for him to be reminiscent anymore.

The Jedi are dead. The Republic has fallen. Long live the Empire.

[jessicahambys]

charmed reboot s2 rant below the cut!

so I finished the first season of charmed reboot, started season 2, and got so upset half way through I started typing a rant about the changes that got too long I deleted it. but now a couple hours later I’m still just So Upset I have to type it out. I’m not watching the second season because the changes are too great. the new showrunners really did press reset on the show wow. I’m gonna miss lucy, niko, and parker. they really stripped maggie & mel both of their powers and their main supporting characters didn’t they? cause really niko and lucy don’t seem like they’ll be coming back since they’re attached to the old setting, and it’s a longshot if jada and parker will return from wherever they each went in s1 now that the new showrunners are changing everything. 

I don’t mind hacy, but as a non-shipper from s1, the fact that they are suddenly shoved in our face with sexual tension and dreams despite the fact that 3 weeks ago in canon macy lost the man she loved, really just confuses me and turns me off? i would have preferred a slow burn for them, since I really didn’t see much (if any?) indication that these two would become a Thing until that last episode of s1. like I know they had sentimental moments, but harry had sentimental moments with all the sisters. and when the show tipped over to macy/galvin come the second half of the season, i followed along with them. in fact, coming into watching this show I knew people shipped harry/macy and was prepared to see a lot of them in s1, but was thoroughly surprised at how little I got from the pairing (personally I got more from harry/maggie dynamic), that when they seemed to hint that harry had feelings for macy in the last episode, I was surprised. they really leaned into macy/gavin and harry/charity in s1, that now that they’re leaning hard and heavy into harry/macy right off the bat in s2, I’m just a little blindsided by it. I’m okay with the ship, I just don’t like that they seem to be leading the way with the plots this season, that this dynamic in particular is so big in the show already given that there seemed to be little lead up as to why it is that way. 

I also hate that maggie’s not in school - we saw her struggle with that decision in s1 before deciding to become a pysch major, and now because they’re moved to seattle she’s just like nah, no school just gonna be a receptionist to carry my weight? ugh. I hate that! I hate that all her plots from s1 are basically gone come s2 (her empathy abilities, her relationship with lucy & kappa, her confusion over pursuing school, her love for parker). I hate how this random assassin has moved their lives entirely, and I hate that they used that to move them from their home, because when they inevitably defeat this foe at the end of the season and can come out of hiding, we all know they won’t be returning to hilltowne. 

also, how are these girls supposed to protect all witches if only 1 of them have their powers? I know they’ll get their powers back eventually ofc (tho I hope it’s the same powers they had in s1 and not new ones - that’d just be another thing completely changing for no real reason other than that the new writers want CHANGE! so bad they’ll literally take away the powers the characters spent a whole season learning to channel)  but I’m not a fan of maggie & mel being totally helpless while macy retains her demon abilities (new abilities tbh? we never saw her burn shit before, the most her demon abilities did before was evil sight, give her a new language, and gave her access to dark spells - nothing as active as what she’s got s2). in s1 I felt macy kinda Took Charge the most and had the most active power and thus was the one most involved in the fights/wins (mel’s time stopping was great but not Huge in action scene potential, really macy took the lead there). Now it’s just even more blatant that the girls can’t do anything without macy, and I don’t like that. 

I’m just thoroughly upset of the new direction of the snow. I know the first season was fast, plots were resolved within 2-3 episodes and it was a lil cheesy, but I enjoyed it. it was light, and fun, and when a plot came around that I didn’t much care for (harry’s son, for instance), I knew they wouldn’t drag on, which I appreciated. I also really really enjoyed their array of supporting characters. lucy was a standout - everytime she came on the screen you knew fun things were going to happen, her dialogue alone being enjoyable. niko felt important, the whole rewriting history storyline was emotional, and her relationship with mel felt soulmate-y, and I hate that we didn’t get a proper resolution to the end of their relationship (literally what was that? niko woke up from her coma with all her memories right? she clearly still had feelings for mel, and she was aware mel was a witch now - a secret that was drifting them apart now revealed. by all measures they should have been moving closer together following these revelations to niko, instead mel just gave her a wave goodbye (niko still wearing her magic-resistant ring), and disappeared? and niko’s just cool with that??? especially since everyone beilives they all died, niko’s a pi who is aware of the dangers of being a witch for mel - surely she must not believe she’s dead right??). parker was maggie’s first love, their love akin to that of star-crossed lovers, what with him being  a demon and her a witch, and how much they fought for each other. their relationship was essential to the overarching plot in s1, and at the end of s2 it’s v v clear they still very much love each other despite parker’s need to gain control over his new full demonness. tho he promised to return when he regained control, I’m nervous with the new showrunners, they won’t bring him back, and if they do, it’ll be in a love triangle fashion he might lose with the introduction of jordan as maggie’s new li  (I feel like it’d be just like the new runners to prefer their own li over someone leftover from s1, despite how much that s1 li developed as his own character and came to be important in an “I’ll always love you” way to to maggie).

I’m just upset over all these new changes, and I’m not a fan of them in the slightest. I’m feeling the same way as this reviewer here for the most part, and I’m just not happy about it, because I thoroughly enjoyed season 1, and was excited at the possibilities moving into s2 with the charmed ones leading supernatural forces far and wide (especially excited to see new pixies since chloe was so cute) in hilltowne, I normally don’t have any problems with dark shows, but with such drastic changes all the way through, not just in tone, but in setting and relationship dynamics as well, I just have little to no appeal in watching anymore. anyways, I had to get this down and share bc I’ve been binging this show these last few days and getting so into the relationships and characters, and was so excited to watch s2, that being so thoroughly disappointed and shocked come watching s2 just really surprised me and I wasn’t prepared for it, so I had to rant

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Fifty-Eight: In A Garden ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto, Tenten ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

“...you’re kidding, right?”

“Nope.”

“...but...why?”

“Cuz it’s fun, dude!”

Sasuke deadpans. “...dressing up in costumes and acting, in real time...is fun.”

“Yeah! LARPing is amazing! A few friends of mine from my old school were into it when we were kids! And since I’ve been getting back into contact with ‘em, I asked if they still did it? And they do! And we are totally going to a session and -”

“No.”

“But -!”

“That is the dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard of. I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that.”

“But Sasuke -” Naruto begs, curling fists under his chin. “I told everybody we’d be there!”

“You need to stop making promises on my behalf, Naruto.”

“C’mon, man! You tellin’ me you’ve never wanted to be, like...a badass knight? Or...or a mage? You never played games like that?”

“Yeah. Games. Where I sit and be myself, playing a game. I’ve never thought I should become the game.”

“Dude...do you know anything about cosplay?”

“...yeah. I do.”

“Y’ever looked at some really hot cosplay girls?”

A light tint of pink colors the Uchiha’s face. “...I’ve seen them, yeah.”

“Well, it’s like that...only they actually stay in character. And you get to interact with them, in character! And you can have battles, and sit in a tavern, and look awesome! I promise you’ll have fun. And like I said, it’s mostly people from my old school! You wouldn’t even know anyone there to be all embarrassed in front of!” Naruto nudges him in the ribs. “We’ll get you looking awesome, and they’ll just be impressed!”

Sasuke heaves a long sigh, staring at his friend skeptically. “...and what, pray tell, did you have in mind for me to wear?”

Sensing he’s convinced him, Naruto gives a wide, devious smile. “Oh, I think you’re gonna like it…!”

The event, as it turns out, is being hosted in a large park across town. Good, Sasuke can’t help but think. Fewer chances of being spotted by someone he knows.

Because while he’ll never admit it...he does look awesome. But...that also plays against him for looking like he’s taking this seriously.

Donning a thief build getup, his scheme is black and a midnight blue, with highlights of silver. It’s actually made of leather, for the most part. The armor, at least. He’s got boots, trousers, a tunic...and his armor. A chest plate, bracers, shin guards...the whole works.

And he hates that Naruto was right. Though he tried to resist...the more he looked at himself in the mirror...the more he thought he actually looked...really cool. And he can totally pull off a thief character.

Otherwise, he’s just a human - no pointy elf ears or orc makeup. That...would be taking it  a little far, in his opinion. Wielding a foam dagger, he only has a scar painted over an eye.

You know, just to add to the badass image.

Getting out of Naruto’s car, they soon see the ruckus. A fair number of people - more than Sasuke expects - are out in the grass. A gazebo seems to be a make-believe tavern, coolers of drinks (non-alcoholic - they’re still minors, after all) and food are made up to look like chests. There’s a fair amount of variety in the costumes - both in terms of characters, and of skill level. And no one seems to be ripping on each other. They’re just...having fun. A few people spar with their false weapons...others sit and talk with tankards. One guy even looks to be selling potions...which are just funny colored water.

“Sooo...whaddaya think?” Naruto asks, leaning against his friend to jostle him, wiggling his eyebrows.

“...looks like a nerdfest.”

“An AWESOME nerdfest!” the blond declares, lifting his broadsword. He, of course, is a knight...with armor Sasuke will admit is even more impressive than his own.

“So, where are all the girls?”

“Oh! I think Shikamaru said they were having a, uh...a photoshoot? In the gardens. If I had t’guess, they’re probably all there getting their pictures done before their hair or whatever gets messed up. Wanna go see?”

Sasuke goes pink. “...that won’t be weird?”

“Nah, we’ll just...get our pictures taken, too! It’ll be totally fine,” Naruto insists, waving a hand. “I really do wanna get pictures, though. I want this moment immortalized! Sasuke wearing LARP getup...I’m gonna show your kids.”

“Tch, whatever…”

They head up the hill to where the kept gardens of the park are grown. Sasuke’s been here a few times, but mostly when he was a lot younger. The park really isn’t his favorite haunt anymore. At least, not unless something is actually going on. While his mother used to take him and Itachi all the time in the Summer when they were kids...they’re both a little old for that now. Itachi’s in college, after all.

And, as Naruto said, there’s indeed a few photographers hanging around, snapping pictures of various roleplayers. Most of the ones up here are indeed girls. Barmaids, mages, princesses, knights...anything and everything, really.

“See? What did I tell ya? Aren’t they beautiful?” Naruto whispers, nudging Sasuke again. “Check them out!”

Grunting, Sasuke gives him a glance, not wanting to be...overtly obvious. Pretending to be watching the goings-on, he scopes out a few of them. They’re pretty, sure...but none really catch his eye too dramatically.

“Please, Hina?”

“I-I don’t know about this, Tenten…”

Glancing, Sasuke spies what looks like a weaponsmith talking to a girl in a long coat, which she clings closed with embarrassment.

“But you look awesome! It turned out so great! Shouldn’t you want everyone to see it?”

“I mean...I guess? I don’t know, it’s just...e-embarrassing…!”

“Dude, everyone here is in costume! No one’s gonna make fun of you! We’re all nerds here, right?”

“...r-right…”

“Besides, if anyone gives you trouble, I’ll knock ‘em one!” the one called Tenten assures her, drawing an oversized hammer from a belt at her hip.

Her companion smiles, gaze dropping as the current group moves out from in front of the camera.

“Next?”

“Ooh, us!” Naruto insists, tugging Sasuke forward with a yelp.

“Just you two?” a photographer clarifies.

“Uh...I guess. Unless anyone wants a group shot with us?”

“We’ll join in!”

Everyone looks over to Tenten, who hauls her friend forward by a hand. The other keeps her coat closed. “Got room for two more?”

“Yeah, sure!” Naruto quickly agrees.

“C’mon, Hina! You gotta take the coat off!”

Pink with embarrassment, the one called Hina pauses...then peels the garment aside.

Sasuke’s eyes go wide.

Donning fake elf ears, her hair is long and dark, straight as a blade to her tailbone. Pale lavender eyes match a few layers of her dress, which has several materials of various shades of purple. A delicate circlet with violet gems sits on her brow.

...wow...she looks like the real deal.

She’s beautiful…

“...oi, Sasuke. We gotta pose.”

Snapped back to the present, he blinks, realizing he’s...still in the garden. And everyone’s looking at him. Oh crap, was he staring that badly?!

“Sorry about him, he’s a little spacy sometimes,” Naruto snickers. “Thieves and their short attention spans, amirite? If it’s not shiny, he’s not paying attention!”

Scowling, Sasuke knows he’s trying to cover for him. “...better than starting all manner of brawls just to prove your chivalry, you dunce.”

“Ha! See? Such a kidder…”

...huh...this is actually...kinda fun.

The four of them pose for a few photos before they let someone else have a turn.

“So can we get copies of these?” Naruto asks one of the photographers.

“Yeah, they’ll be on our website.”

“...website?” Sasuke repeats. They’ll be online?!

“What, like anyone you know is gonna be looking at this kinda stuff, right?” the blond counters, pouting.

Likewise, Hinata goes pink. “Tenten...you didn’t say they’d be p-public…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know!”

As their more...exuberant friends try to work out the details, Hinata and Sasuke are left to the side, glancing to each other. “...your costume is amazing,” he offers, trying to make conversation.

That gets her to perk up. “You...you think so? I made it myself!”

“What?! No way!”

“Mhm!”

“Oh...I just bought mine, I’m not...crafty or anything.”

She laughs softly into a hand. “That’s just fine. We all do this differently. I just...r-really like making clothes! Maybe I could make you something sometime, um…?”

“Oh, uh...Sasuke.”

“Hinata.”

“Okay guys, they’re gonna keep ours under a password! Apparently they do that for private shoots, and...they’re making an exception for us! So we can see them, but...no one without the magic word can.” Naruto gives two gloved thumbs-up.

“Oh, g-good,” Hinata sighs in relief.

“Yeah…”

“Now, onward! To the festivities! There’s battles to win and ale to drink!” the blond then announces, leading the charge back down to the belly of the park. Tenten follows with a cackling laugh, wielding her hammer.

“...well, I guess we’re hanging out?” Sasuke asks.

“I guess so,” Hinata laughs.

“...cool.”

                                                        .oOo. 

     ...this is really random xD I kinda wanted to do something else, buuut I don't have a dedicated verse for it (yet), so...maybe another time, lol      I've never done LARPing...I watched a few friends do it BRIEFLY, and uh...they were some of the very low budget kind xD Which is fine! But means in truth, I know very little about it, so...hopefully I didn't get anything wrong, lol!      ANYWAY, I'm FINALLY done with the ship week I was doing on Tumblr, and uh...oof, am I burnt out. I'm surprised I got this done, tbh ^^; So hopefully I'll be a bit more...prompt from now on. And a bit more wordy. Doing two daily writing things at once is uh...a bit much, lol      But anyway, that's all from me for tonight~ I'm very tired, so time to crash! Thanks for reading <3

[rkyooa]

damn, rookies.

okay children, here we go.

i’m putting this under a read more cause, well, this isn’t going to be completely positive, in fact it’ll probably be a good 50/50 positive and negative. we’ve been asked to write about rookies for this fifth year anniversary. it’s amazing that this rp has lasted so long and seems to be the only active, successful roleplay on tumblr to have any kind of significant longevity, so i feel it’s only right to be honest when writing this. rookies has done a lot for me, and this includes both positive and negative things. each person’s experience is different, some will have really great experiences and some will have really negative ones, some will fall on the spectrum in between. i’m definitely in between. i’m gonna do this in a ‘rookies has taught me blank’ kind of way, just so that i can keep a silver lining in the picture, even with the negative. if you relate, then great, let’s chat and bond over it. if not, i hope my experiences help you so you don’t have to go through any of the same hardships i have. 

here we go

rookies has taught me resilience. it’s the first thing that comes to mind, because as much as this community has some amazing people who are supportive and uplift others, there is some really toxic stuff that has happened within the walls of this roleplay. sometimes it’s out of our control, and bad stuff just happens, and that’s okay, so long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. upon joining rookies, i had made yooa and hugo. hugo was a muse already conjured and in the works before he had officially joined, and he was in all honestly, made specifically for a friend’s muse here. yooa was plotted to have a long term ship from the get go as well, and both ships were integral parts of their muses. i lost both of them, nearly at once, and it quite literally took a chunk out of me. i never blamed the roleplayers for doing that, because i understood why they needed to leave. getting upset at them wouldn’t have changed anything either, so i just accepted it. i won’t say i didn’t suffer from it though, because i most certainly did. for a while i had no idea what to do with hugo. yooa, she had a bit of a purpose, because she wanted to be a model and an idol, but hugo especially was so hard to come back from on. failed ships or people leaving happened multiple times after that as well, but because of the initial loss of people i thought would never leave, the impact wasn’t nearly as bad, i was able to weather it and accept it, and move on ic. now i’m so understanding and don’t really get hurt when i lose ships or rp partners, i’m able to just be okay with it and look forward to the next ship or thread or endeavour. i’ve applied this to strictly ooc things as well. i’ve lost friends within rookies. people have stopped talking to me because of things that have happened concerning rookies. it sucks, i don’t like it, but i accept it. i’m becoming more and more thick skinned and level headed by the day. i can take blows and dish back kindness now, and i’m pretty proud of that. the only thing i’m still struggling with is the amount of netizen smack talk or belittling that suho got during the mgas. everyone loved to hate him, and while it’s just unofficial ic stuff, it did still get to me, hence why i stopped writing on my own netizen (and have since even deleted her account). the reason that specifically got to me is very unique to my situation. yooa and hugo got signed after what’s considered pretty long waits. there have been longer, obviously, but 8 and 6 months is still pretty long. they were both signed quietly as well, and haven’t had any special trainee projects or debut notices or anything like that, they’ve simply had their training as private trainees and that’s been it. i’ve never complained about that, because i get that others have been here longer than me, are more deserving of the spotlight, or sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles. i had a third muse before suho that was taking even longer to get anything. she had an audition with kt that failed, that’s about it, and i had had her for a pretty long time (rip rkyukji i miss you terribly but your true fc is dead and reubvleiwubds i just can’t play you cause of it otherwise you’d still be here kicking ass and taking names). now, she didn’t get scouted with chococon and i did complain about that, but in retrospect i realized her charisma was way too low to be street casted hence why i made suho with his insane charisma level and percentage.

CHARISMA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL, ROOKIES TAUGHT ME THIS, IT’S THE ONLY REASON SUHO WON AND IF YOUR MUSE HAS LOW CHARISMA YOU BETTER FIX THAT OR YOU’LL BE WAITING AGES AND AGES TO GET SCOUTED AND ONLY KT WILL TAKE YOU. LITERALLY LEARNED THAT ON YUKJI AFTER READING AN OLD POST ABOUT WHICH SKILLS EACH COMPANY SCOUTS. 

anyways, suho doing well on the mgas and winning was the very first time any of my muses had ever been in some kind of spotlight, really. for the first time ever i was genuinely being rewarded, and everyone was just shitting all over it. had yooa or hugo gotten something special i probably wouldn’t have cared that the netizens were always like ‘idk why suho is special, what’s with this junmyeon guy, he aint even talented, he’s not that good looking, etc.’ but because it was the first time something special was being done for me as a mun here, i took it to heart. it was like i wasn’t allowed to enjoy it, because someone else’s muse wasn’t the one in the spotlight. i still remember waiting up until 5am to see who the winner was, and when it came down to suho and haknyeon the tlist blew up with support and rooting for haknyeon, and then when suho was announced the winner? dead silence. i had never felt so hated within this roleplay before, and i felt the need to say sorry for him winning. bianca worked very hard to give all of us, and me, a very special experience, and all i could feel was remorse and regret by the end of it, which i’m sure wasn’t her intention. carly mentioned not understanding why i thought everyone hated suho - this is why. the moment one of my muses had some kind of attention or spotlight, people were mad, upset, whatever. it... really sucked. i feel really anxious and nervous whenever i mention his mga win in a thread now cause i’m worried i’m upsetting someone with it. i still have to work on this, but hopefully i become resilient to this too. i’m sure, if and when yooa or hugo becomes public or debuts, that the netizens will have things to say about them as well, and i just have to be prepared for it to be bad. people will be petty, they’ll be mean, it’s just how life is sometimes. all i can do is correct my own ways and try to build up a thick skin to it.

rookies has taught me dedication. a bitch has done her trainee replies and evals on all three muses every single week since each other has been signed. that’s right, i do fucking 6+ replies a week, every week. that’s sort of unheard of (except for kyle lol) and it’s shown me my unhealthy level of perfectionist tendencies i have, haha. my non-trainee threads have really fallen to the wayside, which sucks and i need to fix that, but after i’m done all of my trainee replies i’m just so tired. i’ll work on it, i promise, but a bitch is tired she does her replies every week cause she won’t be able to sleep if she misses an opportunity for an achievement she wants. i have goal pages set up on each muse that shows which achievements and what levels i want for them. i update them with my point pages every week, and boi there’s a LOT on there that i want to do. missing a week? it makes me panic because that’s another week on top of everything that i’ll need to get my muses where i want them. the fact that suho is so chillaxed about his training and debuting helps so much because my perfectionist ways reflect in yooa and she will literally murder me if i miss a week on her. i also started an rkresource thing (that i desperately need to update) and even though the mods probably have their own version of it i still kind of like seeing where everyone is at. i’ve got some competitiveness in my personality so part of me really wants to see my muses raise in rank in some areas. it kind of keeps me motivated? and i hope that it does for other people as well, haha. it’s not pinned to my twitter anymore but i think someone posted a link to it in the rkresource tag so! its the leaderboard doc. i also update my points every week cause i need to know where my muses are at, which apparently is also really rare? not even kyle does that lol but i know if i leave it i’ll get lost and mess up the tracking so it’s really just for my own sake of being bad with numbers. i lowkey add everything up now and then to make sure i’m on the right track. 

rookies has taught me how to keep muse. yooa is my longest running muse by far. not many know this, since i’ve been around nearly two years now, but i’m actually notorious for getting bored and losing interest in a muse. i’ve had a lot of muses in my time, more than 100, or even 200 at this point. they always sort of completed their story though, and i’d get so bored on them that i’d go inactive or drop them. these muses in rookies have goals, purposes, aims, and they don’t die. yooa is such a strong muse, as is hugo (suho is eh tbh but he’s there), and i know there’s still so much more for her to do and accomplish, so many paths to explore, and i deeply thank rookies for giving me a place where i can have two whole muses who refuse to die no matter what. that’s such a rarity for me, so thank you rookies. you’ve given me two very precious muses that i love with all my heart. no matter what happens ooc with other muns or even the mods, my love for these two muses keeps me from leaving and dropping, i could never do it.

rookies has taught me loving friendships. i have met some very special people here. they are few, honestly, but they are gems and i would never have known them without rookies. the person who has impacted me the most, honestly, is clara @rkwendy / @rkjohnny. this girl, i don’t think you guys realize how beautiful of a person she is. we aren’t best friends, but we’re close. clara has listened to me bitch, both about real life and things within rookies, even people she cares about, and she has not left my side or held anything against me. there are so few people in this world that could do that. she didn’t even push me to like anyone she liked, she let me realize my faults and errors on my own and she was supportive and proud when i realized them and voiced that to her. i try my best to be there for her as well, but i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be there for her the way she has for me. i’ve got an extremely beautiful ship with her as well, that i hold near and dear to my heart, because as mentioned before i get bored easily, so doing slow burn ships has never been my forte, but wendy is just such a beautiful, layered, intriguing masterpiece of a muse that hugo and i fell completely in love and have been hooked ever since a year ago when the burn first started. it doesn’t matter how fast or slow the replies come, the muse is still there and strong for the ship and i am so thankful to her for being an amazing writing partner. another friendship that has impacted me, and i dont think she even knows or realizes this, is rose @rklisa / @rkyeri / @jinsoulrk. we started out really rocky, and we had some issues that were a good chunk my doing. literally, i came at her over the pettiest, stupidest thing (and i realized she was even right to begin with lol i was such a dumb ass), and then there were things ic that i was taking to heart ooc and it became an ooc issue. i didn’t really handle that well either. the reason i’m mentioning this is because it taught me to see my own faults and own up to them, and even try to change them. if i hadn’t been dumb, rose and i would’ve probably started getting along a loooooong time ago, cause the ironic thing is she and i like a lot of the same groups and share a lot of the same opinions both on irl groups and songs, and ic and ooc rookies things. i’m very excited to be among the new gen royal girls with her and to hopefully have our muses (WHO ARE FINALLY GETTING ALONG! YAY!) debut together one day. that’s obviously way off since luxe debuted this year, but eventually it’ll happen, and i look forward to the queens of sexy concepts yooa and lisa owning the stage together. i’m not mentioning many people because i don’t think there’s a need to. i’m just singling out people who have impacted me and taught me things (minus the mods, that’s sort of their job when muns go astray. thank you carly @taeminrk, lol, you taught me a valuable lesson too when i came at you over something i shouldn’t have and i still regret that to this day. i appreciate you forgiving me for that.) i will also mention ani @rkmiya / @rkmin / @rksohee / @rkchungha because she helped me through a really tough time when i was triggered (unintentionally) by someone in a group chat. we bonded a lot through that, and she’s been there to listen to me rant and complain ever since, haha. she also made me feel very welcome when hugo first joined nova, she hyped me so much and it meant the world to me because it made me feel like people were excited to have me around and to roleplay with me. i had heard horror stories about nova so i was really scared when i decided to have hugo sign. i was tweeting out ‘anything but nova’ during that whole thing but then he got nova and i wanted to cry, die, and pee myself at the same time. i ended up deciding to go for it (it’s only TWO YEARS LOL) and it ended up being the best decision ever. i started off on the right foot though and that’s all thanks to ani. i owe her big time for that. lastly, i’ll mention nic @rknahee / @rkjei / @rkobon. why, you ask? because she has restored my faith in people being trustworthy. especially recently, rookies was teaching me not to trust people. i’ve been very vocal about not being okay as of late, but people kept taking me for granted and just doing whatever they wanted and expecting me to still be there at the end of it no matter what they did. it’s been getting really tiresome and annoying, especially when those people get shocked and upset when i finally put my foot down and express my hurt. nic has taught me that there are people out there who genuinely care and will be there, and can be trusted. she’s gone through similar things to me with other muns, so maybe we’re both just jaded and tired and we can’t be bothered and that’s why we get along so well and trust each other so much. there are days where i wish i could take all of her pain and just put it on myself so she can smile and be happy and not worry about anything. she’s a genuine sweetheart and whoever comes for her will feel my wrath!!! i love her a lot, and always will <3 there are some people i’ve known since before rookies who are still my good friends now. lyn @rkxsnn / @rkavery (your damn urls i swear to god), jen @yujurk, and stef @rkohsehun, don’t think i forgot you guys. i love you to the moon and back. lyn is my ride or die, soulmate, best friend. jen is someone who reteaches me the value of not giving a shit all the time. stef is my fucking wIFE and i will mURDER for her. y’all are great, mwah, i love you <3

[[ amendment! i can’t believe i didn’t mention kyle @haseulrk / @seulgirk / @rksejeong. probs cause you’re a mod too and i was trying to stay away from that cause i don’t want to seem kiss ass LOL but you’ve been a wonderful friend that has taught me it’s okay to rely on people sometimes. i want you to know you can always rely on me too, whenever you need it. you’re a candle in the darkness, with you there will always be light <3 ]]

rookies taught me anxiety. aight, now here’s some of the nasty negative stuff i was talking about. rp in general has given me anxiety, something i never had or experienced before it. rookies festers it a lot, sometimes to an unhealthy point. i can’t help it, rookies is part of me now, i’ve invested so much time and effort into this place, so i can’t leave, even when the place is literally affecting my health. it sucks when i need an escape from all the bs happening in real life, and then i come here and it’s just more stress and hurt, and that’s when the anxiety rolls in cause then i no longer have a safe space. that’s just not the point of rookies, and i doubt the mods want that to be the case for anyone. it’s just tough when there are people i know i won’t ever get along with here, people i know who don’t like me for whatever reason (and still hold a grudge to this day even though they talk about how people shouldn’t hold grudges) or stuff like what happened with suho in the mgas happens, and i can’t do anything about it. mods can only do so much too. i kind of just expect people to not like me at this point? and i worry myself into a place where i feel like the whole world is against me. it’s super unhealthy, but honestly i don’t know how to fix it, it is what it is. it’s a part of me and my rookies experience, and it probably always will be, so like a lot of other stuff i just have to accept it. there are muns that i’m trying to get on better terms with and i hope i get good outcomes like i did with rose (she made the first step though i don’t take credit for that). for some of them, though, it’s very clear there’s just no reconciling, or their personality will just always clash with mine and there’s nothing to be done about it. all i can do is stay civil and keep striving for better outcomes. and i gotta remember to breathe. 

rookies has taught me clarity. i’m way better at seeing where i’m going wrong now. within the past year i notice that when i’m upset i’ll go and bitch in a safe space, or at least what i think is a safe space, but when that person i bitched about bitches about ME and it gets back to me i’m upset about it. kind of hypocritical, and i realized it. so i don’t hold grudges or confront or anything. everyone gets annoyed with people whether they’re close or not, and bitching about them sometimes doesn’t mean we hate them or they hate us. we just gotta VENT sometimes, you know? in retrospect i know i’ve come off as two-faced in some situations, but i’ve learned my personality really well and i know that if i want to tackle a situation with a level head and clarity, i need to blow off the steam out loud elsewhere first. i need to yell to someone who is impartial and won’t lecture me so i can get that off my chest, then go to the person in question and be calm when talking things out with them. in the moment clarity and level-headedness is slowly but surely starting to come as a result of this, and it’s mostly been situations in rookies that has taught me this. 

i keep rambling on and on, this post has been super huge haha, but i guess the main point i’m making is that rookies has taught me a lot of self growth. am i perfect? nope, and to paraphrase a recent conversation with my dear mother, i don’t want to be perfect, i have flaws and i like them, but i also am proud of the person i am becoming. if you hate me or dislike me, that’s perfectly fine, if you like me or love me, that’s fine too. if you’re indifferent, great! lol. rookies has taught me to accept all of it. it’s kind of sucky that rookies has taught me to just accept all the bullshit in life, but in a setting like this it’s hard to escape all of our flaws being concentrated and emphasized here. muses are a part of us and it gets pretty sensitive. having everything so concentrated and intense here, though, has taught me to be more resilient and accepting, and i get to apply that to real life. it’s also made me pessimistic, and to paraphrase a recent conversation with my asshole brother (who is super slytherin and waayyyy more optimistic than i am, and i’m a freaking gryffindor and pessimistic af, who is the real set of good guys rowling? i’m also a ravenclaw though so maybe that’s got something to do with it lol) that makes me dead wrong and i need to look into that, cause everyone inherently wants to do good. i wish i could see things like my brother lol but i’m jaded. one more thing to work on? maybe next year i’ll be more optimistic. if you’ve read all of this, holy hell go get a life friend, but thanks! let’s chat and plot sometime, because we all know rookies aint going anywhere~

sincerely, roe

@rkyooa / @rkhugo / @suhork

[uraichievents]

So here we are! UraIchi Week 2018 will take place:

Monday, May 28, 2018 - Sunday, June 3, 2018.

What is UraIchi Week?

Basically, it’s a week-long event to promote the Urahara Kisuke x Kurosaki Ichigo ship. There’s no sign-up, it’s just for fun, and everybody’s welcome to participate. Hopefully by the end of the week, there’ll be plenty more works for UraIchi shippers to enjoy. What I want for this event is just for UraIchi shippers to enjoy new material, maybe chat a bit, and hopefully add some life to a somewhat dead rarepair that I happen to adore.

What kind of stuff would be accepted for this event?

Fics, fanart, graphics, moodboards, gifsets, fanmixes, and playlists are all welcome. Headcanons and meta too. So long as it’s focused on UraIchi, pretty much anything goes. The pair itself can be written romantically or platonically, pre-relationship or established, basically anything you want so long as it involves these two idiots.

Posting:

For those of you with Tumblr, you can tag your stuff with #UraIchi Week or #UraIchi Week 2018 in the first five tags of your post. I’ll be tracking those two tags so I’ll see it and reblog it to this blog. (If it’s been a couple days since you posted and I still haven’t reblogged it, something probably went wrong, Tumblr’s not always reliable, so just shoot me an ask about it and I’ll reblog it.)

For those of you with AO3, I will create a collection a day or two before the event starts, and you’ll be able to add your work to the collection when you post. (I’ll toss up a notice for everyone once the collection is up.)

Discord:

If you want to chat about headcanons or meta or just random stuff, join Discord! There’s already a a few people lurking so you don’t really even have to wait for the event.

Submissions:

If you’re nervous about posting something for UraIchi but still want to get your work out there, I will open submissions on Tumblr before the event, and you can send it in for me to submit anonymously.

And finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. After looking over all the votes, I’ve compiled two or three themes for each day of the week. It’s your choice whether or not you want to make a fanwork that includes all the themes of that day, or a fanwork for each theme, or a fanwork for just one. You can make something for each day of the week or just one or two. Likewise, you are fully welcome to create fanworks based on any genre or AU you can think of. The official themes are only suggestions. WIPs are perfectly okay too.

Themes

May 28: Day 1 - Time Travel | Dimension Travel | Fix-It

Probably to no one’s surprise, Time Travel was the most popular choice of all the themes. I’ve combined it with Dimension Travel and Fix-It, but of course, you don’t have to include all three in the same fanwork. Prompts with Ichigo travelling back in time, or Urahara during his assassin tenure travelling forward to Ichigo’s present day, or both of them dimension-hopping to a world where the Gotei 13 is in the middle of a civil war, all fit into these categories.

May 29: Day 2 - Soulmates AU | Daemons AU | Wings AU

Also probably to no one’s surprise, Soulmates came in second. I’ve thrown Daemons AU and Wings AU onto this day too since they’re similar enough to combine if you wish (or not if you don’t). Here you could find soulmates with matching soulmarks, soulmates connected by a red string of fate, or soulmates who can only see each other’s wings. Or maybe you want to explore an inverted AU where Urahara and Ichigo are not each other’s soulmates but their daemons spend an inordinate amount of time together anyway and refuse to be separated. Anything related to any of these three AUs goes!

(I’ve also included these two links to some soulmates AUs you can use: here and here.)

May 30: Day 3 - SOMETHING!Ichigo and/or SOMETHING!Urahara | Creatures & Monsters/Supernatural Elements AU

Feel free to go wild with this one. Soul King!Ichigo? Let’s see what he does with the world. Arrancar!Urahara? He’d never work for Aizen so maybe when Ichigo storms Hueco Mundo, he ends up saving a half-feral monster from the dungeons, and God help any Shinigami who suggests putting him down like some kind of rabid dog. Or maybe you’d prefer a whole universe of supernatural creatures. Vampire!Urahara and werewolf!Ichigo? Angel!Ichigo and demon!Urahara? World’s biggest cliches right there but they’re cliches for a reason.

May 31: Day 4 - Mutual (or Not) Pining | Alternate First Meeting and/or Getting Together | Outsider POV

Day 4 is more slice of life than the rest. Meet-cutes or love at first sight, Urahara pining away after an oblivious Ichigo, or Ichigo determinedly courting a confused Urahara. Or maybe you want a glimpse of these two idiots from another person’s perspective. Maybe Zangetsu and Benihime get together to try and make their wielders fall in love. Maybe Ichigo and Urahara have been together for a while and eventually their friends begin wondering when those two became close enough to share whole conversations with a glance. Or maybe the Soutaichou has had it up to here with Urahara making things explode because he’s too busy moping over what he thinks is unrequited love to get his shit together enough to actually do his work, so he sets his entire military organization with the task of getting two of the most stubborn morons to have ever lived together. They’re all at least several hundred years old. It can’t be that hard, right?

June 1: Day 5 - Crossovers | Fusions

I personally wasn’t too surprised that a good chunk of votes went to Crossovers and Fusions. Fancy a Hunger Games AU fusion with the Gotei 13 making up the Capitol, Urahara as a mentor or a stylist, and Ichigo as a volunteer tribute? Or maybe a Pacific Rim AU fusion with Ichigo and co. signing up to fight Kaiju. How about a crossover with Naruto where Ichigo and Urahara find themselves in the Naruto world and they end up rebuilding Uzushio? Or maybe you prefer a crossover with Harry Potter where Urahara is hired as the new History professor and Ichigo the new Defence professor, and holy hell - as they discover - there’s a lot of shady things going on in the Wizarding world.

June 2: Day 6 - Canon Divergence | For Want of a Nail AU | Ichigo vs. Gotei 13 | Apocalypse AU

Post-Winter War, Ichigo never regaining his powers and leaving town as soon as he graduates? Pre-Turn Back the Pendulum Arc, Urahara starts receiving anonymous letters about what Aizen is up to and manages to prevent Shinji and the others from becoming Visored? Aizen wins and ends up bringing about the apocalypse? The Shinigami ‘cleaning up’ and ordering the execution of all non-Shinigami after Aizen is defeated? Give me all the what-if scenarios here.

June 3: Day 7 - Colours | Single-Word Prompts

To be honest, neither of these two themes had a particularly large amount of votes but I wanted to reserve one day for prompts geared more towards artists and those who maybe write better with specific word prompts than general AUs. So, Colours are pretty self-explanatory - pick a colour and make a moodboard or put together a gifset of UraIchi moments. Of course, writers can also work around this - a dozen red roses delivered to Ichigo’s doorstep one day, or five times Ichigo gave Urahara a different green hat and the first time Kisuke stops wearing one around him.

As for single-word prompts, there were people who wanted to come up with their own words, but also people who asked for me to come up with a list for them, so I’ve decided to include a google doc with a list of words here. You can click through or not, it’s up to you.

And that’s it! I hope everybody will have fun with this! I really want this to be a success so get those creative minds in gear and start preparing for the event. Two months actually isn’t that long. I’m looking forward to seeing what everyone will come up with when the time comes! And feel free to send me an ask if you’re confused about anything.

[meggannn]

more for lydia (of course): 21, 24, 45, 49

i am the worst person for taking like a day to respond to this omg

21)   Best Friend(s)?

it’s hard to categorize her best “friends” because for a while she doesn’t really consider them friends, she considers them “acquaintances she has varying degrees of closeness and unique relationships with” while not realizing that like… that is the definition of a friend? lmao (like for example, she only really let herself think of garrus and tali as ‘friends’ instead of ‘crewmembers i’m fond and protective of’ until the shore leave after the battle of the citadel. though while she was close with her me1 crew, i do think me2 is the first time she realizes she’s allowed to think of her team as friends too.

me1: kaidan and ashley at least in the beginning. by the end of the game i think she’s closer to tali as well

me2: at first, garrus and kasumi, and later when they join, tali and samara. i say this with like, knowing she has fondness for all of her crew

me3: garrus and, after renewing their relationship, ashley

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them?

not with any of those mentioned above, though i think her relationships with miranda and jack in 2 are a little… not adversarial, but shepard is wary of them as much as she likes them. miranda for obvious reasons, and jack because she genuinely likes her after a while but being around her for so long is a bit of a drain on her energy, since she kind of reminds her of the kids from her old gangs. zaeed she definitely has a love/hate relationship with in 2, in that she appreciates his talks and advice but doesn’t appreciate his attitude and volatile unpredictability.

45)   Do they use social media?

lmfao I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT SHEPARD ON SOCIAL MEDIA OKAY YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED ME THIS, it’s not that she’s very tech savvy (though there’s some proficiency with hacking) just growing up as a teenager on earth who stole/resold a lot of omnitools and translators and laptops, she had very few other pasttimes when cash wasn’t coming in. i think she was really into social media during ict training with other candidates, as a way of bonding and non-physical de-stressing. and she obviously knows a lot of online slang and shitty corners of the internet from her teenage days. in the alliance she goes through periods of activity followed by periods of forgetting about the internet at all, like when she’s on missions.

by me1, she’s established enough that i think she’s convinced herself a commander shouldn’t post on social media, that’s not appropriate, blah blah. so for a while she’s mostly quiet with only occasional funny but nonoffensive comments on things like pop culture or whatever. then after the battle of the citadel she gets a huuuuge influx of followers, and she’s like ??? cause she doesn’t use her space twitter much, so she kinda posts once like "hey thanks for the support, look out for my album coming out next spring” and everybody loves it, until she starts talking about the reapers publicly and preparing for war, then everybody’s like “god shut up i thought you were cool” so she gets angry when it becomes apparent that most people just want a figurehead, not her to actually say anything, but she can’t go back to making jokes and pretending things are normal, so she stops posting altogether. maybe like, once or twice more about something irrelevant, and then three weeks later she’s dead. (and then her crew like garrus and tali in particular waste so much time on the internet looking at her online profiles, rereading her last posts, hunting through years worth of her feed far back enough to see she was a different person once, both of them in mourning but garrus denying it)

and then me2 happens, and she’s obviously not thinking about social media for a while. when she does, it’s like maybe midway through the game, like maybe on illium kasumi drags her out to dinner cause she found authentic thai in the markets, and shepard’s just content enough to think “this is the kind of meal you post a picture about and share on social media” and she considers it before remembering oh yeah i was dead……. is my account even still there? how weird would it be to suddenly post out of nowhere again? i know the rumor is i was just under cover, but would it help or hurt the war to treat this like normal? and she basically overanalyzes and decides not to say anything at all. (in reality i think after she died her account was given the space equivalent of a twitter verification, like Yes This Was The Real Shepard’s Account, Tweets Might Be Recorded, which she only discovers after she logs in on a whim back on the ship). i don’t think she breaks this social media fast until she either uses it one day because she 1) completely forgets she was avoiding it, like she just wakes up randomly and types “i had the weirdest fuckin dream let me tell yall about it” because she’s still half asleep and convinces herself it’s a good idea, then goes back to sleep and wakes up to a million notifications like “i KNEW YOU WERE BACK!!” and “SOMEONE HACKED SHEPARD’S ACCOUNT THAT’S DISGRACEFUL” and she’s like oh boy. OR 2) she gets so heated over something stupid (that is definitely about human pop culture) that she completely forgets/doesnt give a rat’s ass anymore about maintaining silence online. like “I JUST HEARD SPACE BEYONCE WASN’T NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY LAST YEAR. WHAT THE FUCK?” after the collector base, she feels a little more freedom to be funny and has the time to engage and post about pop culture again, so she gains some attention back for that

by me3, coming out of alliance-imposed isolation, i think she takes back to the internet whenever she can, for better or worse, but because most of the news she swallows is so awful, she tries to be positive and reach out to people who @ her, like she doesn’t want to lie to them, but she tries to signal boost official evacuation and relocation efforts and stuff. when the alliance starts gaining allies, there’s a little bit of expectation for her to use her accounts as a political “so honored the turian hierarchy is joining us” blah blah kind of tweet, so she’s kind of like…. well people deserve to know we’ve made an accord, but i’m gonna do it my way, and she essentially starts sharing all the stuff that’s happening on the citadel that might get easily lost in translation, like

“i can confirm councilor udina was just killed by spectre williams after a standoff on the presidum, after he threatened the life of another councilor. we have confirmed that he was compromised by cerberus after his participation in a failed coup. please see the official statement for more details. the death of a high profile politician is always a shock, but to those feeling betrayed, i want every human and alien to be reminded that spectres are chosen to protect the galaxy from both foreign and internal threats. ashley williams takes her role seriously, as do i, and her actions saved lives yesterday. in light of the recent citadel attack, the alliance would also like me to encourage people to remain vigilant against cerberus cyberwarfare and contact with reaper tech. stay safe, everyone.”

just like, very honest, frank statements or clarifications that might not otherwise get out there, with an emphasis on trying to keep morale as high as reasonably possible. it’s not classified info, but she wants people to stay informed, like she wants people across the galaxy being bombarded who think they’ve been abandoned to know that she’s still fighting for them everywhere she can. even though she’s feeling really dejected and pessimistic sometimes i think she’s determined to make other people believe they can win even when she isn’t sure herself.

post-war (AHHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE AFTER ME3, DIDNT YOU) as soon as she can travel, she kind of shoves her way into politics via reconstruction efforts despite her unstable health because she’s terrified everything will just go back to normal and the underprivileged people in slums and terminus colonies will be ignored. i think she keeps up the informative trend of letting people know what’s going on, like explaining what this or that emergency bill that was just passed by the council means, ‘cause she’s still new to politics and honesty all this dense language would’ve definitely confused her too. eventually as things start getting more settled she feels less guilty posting about how her day’s going. and then at one point, there is definitely a collective internet freakout when shepard acknowledges/makes a joke about one of the memes about her, and she’s like “what, you guys think i never go online or something?? i was a teenager once, i know how the internet works!” (she actually doesn’t spend that much time in forums or the like, she just learned about the meme from garrus and vega.)

(and then at some point post-war garrus, who used to have a dumbass video game let’s play account that gained a ton of popularity after me1 when shepard found out about it and asked to play turian call of duty with him on it (the vid was entitled “i play turian call of duty with commander shepard (my co)” and was mostly just them horsing around and then it went viral, but he took it down after she died and then purged the whole account/his entire online presence when he went to omega. but anyway a while post-war garrus comes to her like “hey you remember that video we made” “i remember the jokes about it” “well uh, i just managed to fix this old console i found at a flea market, do you want to do it again? yknow just kill time and lift people’s spirits?” so he makes a new account and introduces her to a lot of other games, she’s good at space overwatch but then when she gets cocky he makes her play like turian dark souls or some shit, and they record and post it online for kicks too)

fuck, i still have one more question left to answer???? i spent a fucking lifetime writing up this, I TOLD YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT LYDIA WAS A MISTAKE

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey?

mostly i dont think she lets herself think about whether she’s a “good” person because emotionally, and morally, she doesn’t feel much different than she was when she was committing crimes for a living (though she knows logically she’s grown a lot, she convinced herself back then that she was justified in doing bad things by just trying to survive, which is… not entirely too different from now). anyway she still feels like she’s trying to make up for who she used to be, like she wants to put more good into the world than the harm she once contributed to, or failing that, she can at least remove as much of the evil in the galaxy as she can. (i keep forgetting to clarify, she didn’t just do petty theft and break-ins and lookouts and illegal reselling, she was occasionally a debt collector and beat people near to the point of death with biotics, and she hated it but it was mostly out of sympathy that she insisted on going instead of another gangster because if it were anyone else she knows they might’ve dismembered or tortured the person too.)

god i still haven’t answered your question. ive been writing for a full hour, keely. the long and short of it is that i think she’s morally gray. i call her paragade for a reason. she tries really hard to be a good person to make up for who she was (who she “had” to be), so she fights to save every life she can, but against enemies that show no remorse or whatnot, some of her old habits of ruthlessness and reluctance to forgive die hard. 

ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY OCS IF YOU FEEL LIKE SCROLLING PAST MORE LONG PARAGRAPHS ON YOUR DASH, YO

[its-negans-lucille]

The Silent One - Part Twenty-Five

THIS IS A REUPLOAD

You can find my Masterlist HERE!

Synopsis: Negan gives you a little chat about loss. Ships: Negan x Reader Words: 1261 Warnings: Curses, depressed behaviour Category: Angst/ with a sprinkling of fluff

*** Negan’s POV ***

You had been in the shower for almost forty minutes and in that time Negan had been pacing the room while listening, hard, to the water running and making sure that you weren’t doing anything that you may regret.

Negan was still taken aback from earlier in the day when you had both laid in bed. He remembered how the sunlight cascaded down your features which were softened by the oblivion of sleep; he could hardly imagine anything more beautiful. He had wanted that moment too last forever, for you both to just lay there in the bliss of nothingness. But of course, that couldn’t last. At some point, you would both have to immerge from the small paradise you had crafted yourselves to face the harsh reality of surviving.

When you had awakened Negan had suggested for you to go take a shower, too wash away the dried blood that still stained your palms. You had nodded silently and walked into the bathroom without a word. You had not immerged since and Negan could feel anxiety creeping up his spine as he paced back and forth in a repetitive loop.

Negan stopped outside the bathroom door, steam was rising from beneath the door. Negan clenched his fists and unclenched them, as if willing himself to knock on the door. He waited for one more, tantalizing, second before he curtly rapped his knuckle on the door twice.

“You okay in there?” Negan asked in a soft, yet slightly raised, voice. He heard no reply. “(Y/N)?” Negan asked, caution and panic in his tone. “(Y/N), I’m coming in!” Negan called loudly as he tried turning the handle but he found that you had locked the door from the inside. Negan could hear his heart thundering in his ears as blood pounded through his veins.

Negan backed up a few steps before kicking the door which flung open and ricocheted off the wall. Negan stepped inside and saw you, fully dressed, curled in a foetal position, as water pounded over you. You looked almost like porcelain, pale with your hair stuck to your face as water ran down your cheeks. Your eyes were red as you flicked your gaze to Negan who stood before you, his chest heaving.

“I thought- I thought-” Negan spluttered helplessly as he watched you. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, collecting himself. “C’mon.” He breathed as he stepped toward the shower.

Negan turned off the water, not caring that he was getting his shirt wet. He crouched down and gently coaxed you toward the bath tub, the whole time assuring you that it would be okay. Negan crouched down and began to run you a hot bath, he knew that he had already wasted enough water but he didn’t care and he knew that no one would dare question him.

Once the bath was suitably filled with clean, warm, water with steam rising softly from its surface Negan turned away while you stripped down to your underwear. Only when he heard the sounds of water sloshing in the tub did Negan turn to face you once more.

He took his position behind the off-white bathtub. He couldn’t see any of your body as you had your head resting just above the surface of the soapy suds. Negan reached forward to grab a bottle of sweet smelling shampoo. He poured a sum of it in his palm and then gently kneaded it into your hair which was dry and almost straw like.

“You know, I thought that I’d never get over Lucille.” Negan confided in you as he continued to massage the shampoo into your hair. “When she died I… I broke down.” Negan said softly, almost not believing what was coming out of his mouth. “I locked myself away. These- these kids from my high school would try and get me out of the house by throwing ping-pong balls at my window.” Negan chuckled lightly. “Fucking ping-pong balls.” He let out a long sigh.

“What would you do?” You asked in a quiet voice. Negan noticed that your shoulders had relaxed slightly.

“I would tell them to fuck off.” Negan said, all revelry of his nostalgia gone. “To go ‘get a life’.” He continued in an almost sad voice. “They’re probably all dead now.” Negan said in a flat tone.

Negan sighed as he repressed the images of the kids he would teach gym to at the local high school. He had always said that he hated that job, had always said that he resented waking up every morning to go and teach kids who didn’t want to be taught. But now he realised that he didn’t hate it, he had actually enjoyed it.

Negan found himself wishing that he weren’t so hard on the kids now.

“How did you get through it? Losing your wife?” You asked, turning your head so you could watch Negan’s face.

He only leaned forward and took the conditioner from beside you, your skin touching briefly; the touch sent shivers up his spine. He unscrewed the bottle and squeezed it out into his palm, mirroring what he had done with the shampoo. He began to massage the conditioner into your scalp, thinking as he did so. He thought for so long that you had washed out the conditioner by the time he was ready to give you his answer.

“I didn’t.” Negan said simply with a shrug.

“You didn’t?” You replied incredulously, your shoulder sinking.

“No.” Negan continued as he stood up and crossed the small bathroom toward the towel railing. “I still think about her every day. How I betrayed those sacred vows we made to each over on our wedding day.” Negan said more to himself than you as he walked back to you holding a towel in his arms. “I learnt to deal with the pain.” Negan said in a defiant tone as he turned away, allowing you to wrap yourself in the towel.

“Why haven’t you given up?” You asked in an awed voice.

“Because if I did then Lucille could kick my fucking ass for breaking those vows and I have far too great of an ass for it to be kicked by a vengeful ex-wife.” Negan said, a wry smile on his face as he turned around and saw you with one corner of your lips upturned in a miniscule smile.

“Really?” You asked, your head was cocked to one side.

“Yeah! I’m fucking terrified of her!” Negan exclaimed. This time he heard you audibly chuckle and he counted that as a win. “No, but, honestly? Because Lucille, though she cheated on me, would want me to be happy. Though, I always thought we deserved eacchother. Both assholes who care for nothing but themselves.” Negan said in falsely jovial tone.

“Nothing?” You asked curiously as you stepped toward him.

Negan found that you were close, you were looking up at him, less than a foot away. Negan’s eyes flicked from your eyes to your lips as he calculated the situation.

“No,” Negan said in a whisper. “Maybe not nothing.” Negan said, stepping forward one step.

“Thank you.” You breathed. Negan’s lips were but a hairs breath away from your own now and he could feel the heat radiating from his body.

Negan is a hard guy to surprise. He is calculating and he doesn’t like surprises. So when you went on your tip toes and your lips met his own:

Negan was surprised to say the least.

***

IT HAS HAPPENED!!! OUR BOI GOT A KISS!!

So, as many people know because I have been non-stop complaining about it, I am sick. And to top it off I am currently writing this in bed while my family are all downstairs eating curry and not being sick. So I thought, hey, my day isn’t that great so maybe I can make someone else’s day a bit better! So then I wrote this!

Thank you all for being patient with me and the lack of content over the past few days (or weeks) I’ve been busy with school then I just got on a week’s holiday’s and then I got sick. So thank you all for baring with me. Thank you to @perseusandmedusa for the original prompt! I know this is a little off kilter from what I had planned but I am weak!

Thank you all for reading and have a great day!

PS I will not be able to reply to replies until tomorrow! So if you want a reply either wait til then or drop me an ask C:

@negans-network

[its-negans-lucille]

The Silent One - Part Twenty Five

You can find my Masterlist HERE!

Synopsis: Negan gives you a little chat about loss.

Ships: Negan x Reader Words: 1261 Warnings: Curses, depressed behaviour Category: Angst/ with a sprinkling of fluff

*** Negan’s POV ***

You had been in the shower for almost forty minutes and in that time Negan had been pacing the room while listening, hard, to the water running and making sure that you weren’t doing anything that you may regret.

Negan was still taken aback from earlier in the day when you had both laid in bed. He remembered how the sunlight cascaded down your features which were softened by the oblivion of sleep; he could hardly imagine anything more beautiful. He had wanted that moment too last forever, for you both to just lay there in the bliss of nothingness. But of course, that couldn’t last. At some point, you would both have to immerge from the small paradise you had crafted yourselves to face the harsh reality of surviving.

When you had awakened Negan had suggested for you to go take a shower, too wash away the dried blood that still stained your palms. You had nodded silently and walked into the bathroom without a word. You had not immerged since and Negan could feel anxiety creeping up his spine as he paced back and forth in a repetitive loop.

Negan stopped outside the bathroom door, steam was rising from beneath the door. Negan clenched his fists and unclenched them, as if willing himself to knock on the door. He waited for one more, tantalizing, second before he curtly rapped his knuckle on the door twice.

“You okay in there?” Negan asked in a soft, yet slightly raised, voice. He heard no reply. “(Y/N)?” Negan asked, caution and panic in his tone. “(Y/N), I’m coming in!” Negan called loudly as he tried turning the handle but he found that you had locked the door from the inside. Negan could hear his heart thundering in his ears as blood pounded through his veins.

Negan backed up a few steps before kicking the door which flung open and ricocheted off the wall. Negan stepped inside and saw you, fully dressed, curled in a foetal position, as water pounded over you. You looked almost like porcelain, pale with your hair stuck to your face as water ran down your cheeks. Your eyes were red as you flicked your gaze to Negan who stood before you, his chest heaving.

“I thought- I thought-” Negan spluttered helplessly as he watched you. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, collecting himself. “C’mon.” He breathed as he stepped toward the shower.

Negan turned off the water, not caring that he was getting his shirt wet. He crouched down and gently coaxed you toward the bath tub, the whole time assuring you that it would be okay. Negan crouched down and began to run you a hot bath, he knew that he had already wasted enough water but he didn’t care and he knew that no one would dare question him.

Once the bath was suitably filled with clean, warm, water with steam rising softly from its surface Negan turned away while you stripped down to your underwear. Only when he heard the sounds of water sloshing in the tub did Negan turn to face you once more.

He took his position behind the off-white bathtub. He couldn’t see any of your body as you had your head resting just above the surface of the soapy suds. Negan reached forward to grab a bottle of sweet smelling shampoo. He poured a sum of it in his palm and then gently kneaded it into your hair which was dry and almost straw like.

“You know, I thought that I’d never get over Lucille.” Negan confided in you as he continued to massage the shampoo into your hair. “When she died I. . . I broke down.” Negan said softly, almost not believing what was coming out of his mouth. “I locked myself away. These- these kids from my high school would try and get me out of the house by throwing ping-pong balls at my window.” Negan chuckled lightly. “Fucking ping-pong balls.” He let out a long sigh.

“What would you do?” You asked in a quiet voice. Negan noticed that your shoulders had relaxed slightly.

“I would tell them to fuck off.” Negan said, all revelry of his nostalgia gone. “To go ‘get a life’.” He continued in an almost sad voice. “They’re probably all dead now.” Negan said in a flat tone.

Negan sighed as he repressed the images of the kids he would teach gym to at the local high school. He had always said that he hated that job, had always said that he resented waking up every morning to go and teach kids who didn’t want to be taught. But now he realised that he didn’t hate it, he had actually enjoyed it.

Negan found himself wishing that he weren’t so hard on the kids now.

“How did you get through it? Losing your wife?” You asked, turning your head so you could watch Negan’s face.

He only leaned forward and took the conditioner from beside you, your skin touching briefly; the touch sent shivers up his spine. He unscrewed the bottle and squeezed it out into his palm, mirroring what he had done with the shampoo. He began to massage the conditioner into your scalp, thinking as he did so. He thought for so long that you had washed out the conditioner by the time he was ready to give you his answer.

“I didn’t.” Negan said simply with a shrug.

“You didn’t?” You replied incredulously, your shoulder sinking.

“No.” Negan continued as he stood up and crossed the small bathroom toward the towel railing. “I still think about her every day. How I betrayed those sacred vows we made to each over on our wedding day.” Negan said more to himself than you as he walked back to you holding a towel in his arms. “I learnt to deal with the pain.” Negan said in a defiant tone as he turned away, allowing you to wrap yourself in the towel.

“Why haven’t you given up?” You asked in an awed voice.

“Because if I did then Lucille could kick my fucking ass for breaking those vows and I have far too great of an ass for it to be kicked by a vengeful ex-wife.” Negan said, a wry smile on his face as he turned around and saw you with one corner of your lips upturned in a miniscule smile.

“Really?” You asked, your head was cocked to one side.

“Yeah! I’m fucking terrified of her!” Negan exclaimed. This time he heard you audibly chuckle and he counted that as a win. “No, but, honestly? Because Lucille, though she cheated on me, would want me to be happy. Though, I always thought we deserved eacchother. Both assholes who care for nothing but themselves.” Negan said in falsely jovial tone.

“Nothing?” You asked curiously as you stepped toward him.

Negan found that you were close, you were looking up at him, less than a foot away. Negan’s eyes flicked from your eyes to your lips as he calculated the situation.

“No,” Negan said in a whisper. “Maybe not nothing.” Negan said, stepping forward one step.

“Thank you.” You breathed. Negan’s lips were but a hairs breath away from your own now and he could feel the heat radiating from his body.

Negan is a hard guy to surprise. He is calculating and he doesn’t like surprises. So when you went on your tip toes and your lips met his own:

Negan was surprised to say the least. *** IT HAS HAPPENED!!! OUR BOI GOT A KISS!!

So, as many people know because I have been non-stop complaining about it, I am sick. And to top it off I am currently writing this in bed while my family are all downstairs eating curry and not being sick. So I thought, hey, my day isn’t that great so maybe I can make someone else’s day a bit better! So then I wrote this!

Thank you all for being patient with me and the lack of content over the past few days (or weeks) I’ve been busy with school then I just got on a week’s holiday’s and then I got sick. So thank you all for baring with me.

Thank you to @perseusandmedusa for the original prompt! I know this is a little off kilter from what I had planned but I am weak!

Thank you all for reading and have a great day!

PS I will not be able to reply to replies until tomorrow! So if you want a reply either wait til then or drop me an ask C:

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