#omaha preferences

[unseededtoast]

Turtle Doves | Joel Miller

Part Twenty Two

Chapter Directory

Series Summary: In which two broken souls connect so deeply, that if one should perish, the other would surely die of a broken heart. (slow burn, timeline changes. After TLOU1, before TLOU2, assumed knowledge of infected, uses elements from both show and game)

Series Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and sexual content.

Also cross posted on my Wattpad and AO3, if you prefer those formats. Here is a link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted.

"But that night you got hurt, I enjoyed killing them. I liked hearing them die in front of me, their blood staining my hands."

Joel and I don't stay in the town for another night, we continue on. Our pace is slower than what I've become accustomed to, but Joel's wound isn't completely healed yet. The two of us have been silent after our discovery, Joel didn't have anything to say after I declared my death threat. No, instead of saying anything, he just handed me the photos and nodded solemnly.

With the two of us getting closer and closer to Omaha, I find myself feeling appreciative of Joel's slower pace. This gives us opportunities to find things we may have otherwise missed. And it also gives me more time with him. Since his near-death experience, I find myself trying to memorize the way his eyes shine golden in the sunlight, the way his voice sounds in the morning, how his shirt clings to the broadness of his shoulders, just small details. The small details are the ones I know will fade first, and I want to be able to hold onto them for as long as possible.

I know this to be fact because I can no longer quite remember what Ryan's voice really sounded like, and I can't quite remember just how soft Lucas' hair was. The simple things about them have slowly faded from my mind without me realizing it, until I thought about them one day and could never truly remember. I've never been able to forgive myself for forgetting, and I know I don't want to forget these things about Joel. After all, he's the man who has kept me alive all this time.

A part of me wishes I could be there when he's reunited with his pseudo-daughter. I wonder if he's going to tell her about this, or never mention it to her at all. She would have no idea I exist, or that Joel and I took this trip together. I know Joel is trying to protect her from the people of this world due to her immunity, so it makes sense if he never tells her about any of this. She's still a child at the end of the day, and no child should hear that there's a bunch of crazed men out there trying to find and kill them. Even if she never knows about me, or any of this, I know I'll still be able to rest peacefully at night with the knowledge that I helped protect her.

"This okay for tonight?" We stop walking as Joel points out a small, run-down gas station. It's likely the only building for miles, and so I agree to stop here for the night.

As we set up our makeshift camp, I continue to think about the girl waiting for him back in Wyoming. After hours of on-the-road thoughts, I can't help but to be fascinated with someone who is immune. It's glaringly obvious that she's one of a kind. Sure, I've known for a while that she's immune, but I think it just took some time to process it, to really understand what it means and the ramifications of it. But mostly, I just want to know how it happened. What caused her to be immune and why it's not being replicated anywhere else, that we know of.

My eyes follow Joel's form as he starts the fire for the night, my thoughts anywhere but the present. I watch how he situates the flammable material while wondering what his life is like in Wyoming and if he's excited to be back. Obviously, he's probably eager considering he's got family waiting for him. He lights the fire and the amber glow illuminates his features in soft light. His eyes look warm and inviting, the curve of his nose beautifully adorns his face with unique character, the plumpness of his lips reflect with the drink of water he just took. As if he feels my eyes lingering on him, he looks over and meets my gaze.

"What's on your mind?" He asks, shifting back from the fire a few feet as it takes flame. My eyes dance between him and the fire, debating if I should confess or not.

"I um, I've just been thinking about a lot of things." It's not a complete lie, I guess. Orange flames rise and dissipate, crackling in front of us.

"About what? You've been quiet since this morning." Instead of confiding in him my most recent thoughts, I decide to unload the other thing that's been bothering me for a while now, since he was stabbed. With a sigh and a quick lick of my lips, I tell him my moral dilemma.

"I've never been one to enjoy taking a life. Didn't like it when I was on FEDRA gate duty, and I didn't like it when we ran into the Fireflies. But that night you got hurt, I enjoyed killing them. I liked hearing them die in front of me, their blood staining my hands. And I've been having these thoughts of what it's going to feel like to kill these people. It's almost anticipatory." Our eyes stay locked on one another as I speak, my words quiet and somber. With a shaky breath, I continue,

"And I'm not sure what that makes me. Am I really any different from them if I look forward to killing?" My throat constricts, like my body doesn't want me to voice my fear. The silence between us is palpable and dread grows in me with each second Joel doesn't say something. Not being able to handle the criticism when he opens his mouth, I focus on the fire.

"Doesn't make you a bad person, if that's what you're worried about." He finally speaks, and his words catch me off guard, the total opposite of what I was expecting.

"Then what does it make me? Because it isn't good." My voice cracks. I know it's not fair to be asking him these questions, but, I can't stop from asking them. He shifts his weight to his other side and leans forward slightly, looking deeper into my eyes and I fear if he looks too hard he'll be able to see right into my soul.

"Makes you human. Means you have purpose, something worth protecting. Or, in your case, a ledger to balance." There is no trace of anything but authenticity as he speaks, his words settling into my mind. My eyebrows come close together as I mull over what he's said and I realize he may be right.

"You know I really thought you were going to die that night." I change the subject slightly, not wanting to admit to him that he's becoming my 'something to protect' and a part of my 'ledger to balance'.

"And if I did I suppose it was just my time." He relaxes his posture as if the thought of death is no more stressful than deciding what he's going to wear the next day.

"Don't say that." I shake my head, not wanting any more images of his dead body in my mind. The one from this morning, from the photos, still haven't left my mind. Each time they pop up behind my eyelids, it instills a new fear in me each time.

"You did a damn good stitch job." He tries to lighten the mood, pulling up the hem of his shirt to show the still intact sutures.

"It's a wonder you didn't bleed out. Do you even remember what happened?" I'm not entirely sure how much he saw, or what he remembers. To answer my question, he shakes his head.

"Not really, just remember you gettin' there and the rest is just kind of-" He motions with his hands that his memory of the night has become scrambled.

"One of them got you real good with their machete. I stuffed the wound with my shirt to try to stop the bleed and then I had to get you to another building. On the ground just outside of where we ended up there was one of their torches, barely still burning on the sidewalk. So I took it and heated the blade of my hunting knife, then I cauterized the cut. Found the sewing supplies when I was looking around and just did my best. Truthfully, you lost a lot of blood, like, way too much." I give him the brief recounting of the night. His fingers lightly trace the stitching before he meets my eyes again.

"Thank you." He tenderly says, dropping the hem of his shirt.

"It was the least I could do." I shrug one of my shoulders. The silence between us returns for a few more moments before Joel announces that he's going to get some sleep for the night. I tell him I'm going to as well, but end up staying awake.

After a while, the flames of the fire begin dying off but my eyes remain affixed to the back of Joel. The shirt across his shoulders is drawn tight, battling to stay intact. His dark curls are barely brushing the collar of the shirt, more prominent from the humidity of the day. As my eyes wander down his solid form, the chain around my neck seems to burn my skin. Disgust with myself boils up from within, and I force myself to look away from Joel.

My gaze turns up to the ceiling and I try to flood my mind with how Ryan sounded, how he felt, how he loved me. Bits and pieces come back, like how his hand felt on my cheek, how solid his chest felt when I hugged him, but I cannot remember his voice. I can feel the timbre of it, but can't place the true tone and inflection. Tears well in my lower lash line as I accept that I genuinely can't remember him fully anymore. I've known for a while that certain things have faded, but I never took the time to mourn that loss, I have not allowed myself to mourn Ryan the way I should have all those years ago.

My hands curl into frustrated fists, my nails digging crescent shapes into my palm as silent tears run down my face. Tears of guilt for forgetting, tears of sadness because I can no longer remember all of my husband. Tears of fear because I realize that I may be falling in love with another man; one whom I cannot be with. I grit my teeth together in lieu of screaming and a hollow feeling opens in my chest.

Moving faster than my mind can keep up, I go outside where the air hits the wetness of my face and sends a shiver down my spine. Once I'm sure that I'm far enough to where Joel can't hear me, I let myself cry. With each ragged breath I take my chest heaves up and down unevenly. Tears uncontrollably run down my face and I grip the chain around my neck tightly, wishing I could just have one more second with my family, wishing I could feel the warmth of their skin on mine, to tell them how much I love them one final time. Hoping and praying that my love for them and their absence is enough to stave off the feeling blooming inside of me for Joel.

All through the past ten years I've yearned to have my family back, there's been a hole in my heart, a void that has never been filled since outbreak day. A void that hasn't been hurting as much the past couple of weeks. I've always missed Ryan and Lucas, but lately their absence has been a dull ache as opposed to the sharp stabbing I'm used to. I'm not sure what this means, because I know I love and miss them vehemently. But I also know how I feel about Joel.

Unable to stay standing, I lower myself to my knees, burying my face in my hands. My eyes squeeze shut and the tears fall off the ends of my eyelashes. Guilt overtakes me as I remember how on outbreak night Ryan protected Lucas and I to the best of his ability. How he told me he loved me, and that we were going to be alright. If only I had turned that corner first. Why was I the one to survive, but they had to die?

Guilt burns into anger and I blame myself for what happened. If only I had been brave enough to go first, then maybe they would still be on this Earth. I know they could've forged a life for themselves somewhere. Meanwhile I was content being shipped everywhere and ended up being a lowly pill runner. Why couldn't that FEDRA guard have shot the infected two seconds earlier and spared them? It just isn't right.

Sobs strain my throat while I try to stay quiet and I use the sleeve of my button up to wipe my nose. The stars above me shine brightly and I stare at them, stray tears falling down my cheeks. If only they could reach out to me and let me know that wherever they are, that they're together and they're not suffering, that they're not angry at me for feeling this way about Joel.

Ryan and Lucas will never be able to be replaced, they will always occupy a special place in my heart. I know I can never have them back with me physically, yet I know that they are forever with me, tethered to the very fiber of my being. But I feel that my heart is opening up a new spot, and I'm not sure I'll be able to kill whatever is blooming. I'm not sure I want to.

With wide eyes I search the sky for some sort of sign, some indication that my feelings are right or wrong. But my search is cut short when I hear the door of the gas station open. Quickly, I use the sleeve of my shirt to wipe my face and hope that the darkness of night will conceal my puffy face. As my head turns to face Joel, I can almost swear I see a streak of light in the sky. But by the time I do a double take, whatever I thought I saw, is gone.

"Are you okay?" Joel's voice cautiously asks as he slowly approaches me. The stars are shining so bright tonight that I can see the familiar crease between his brows. His boots crunch softly on the loose pebbles on the pavement and I nod my head, trying to stabilize my breathing.

"I'm okay." My voice betrays me as I speak, it comes out hoarse. Joel comes to my side, and lowers himself next to me, crouching instead of resting on his knees.

"Why don't you come back inside? I'll get the fire started up again." I feel his eyes on me as I stare back at the sky, one last lone tear sliding down my cheek. Joel's words are smooth as honey, calming and soft. A gust of wind blows past us, sending another shiver up my body.

Joel must see the slight quiver as the breeze passes, and he puts an arm around my shoulders, the other under my elbow, and he helps me back to my feet. He keeps his arm gently wrapped around me as we go back to the gas station, and I lean into his touch out of instinct. Before we enter the building, I stop and take one last look at the sky, hopeful to see whatever it was that zoomed past when Joel stepped outside just to confirm what I think it was. But nothing happens.

I step back into the building in front of Joel, who works to get the fire reignited. My body begins to physically calm down from my crying, jagged breaths turn into hiccups. The first one shocks us both, but after the second I think I can almost see a tiny smile on Joel's face. However, when he turns to me after the fire is rebuilt all signs of a smile are gone and is instead replaced with a caring expression. Joel's dark brown eyes are wide and I see how his eyes look over my face, his shoulders aren't tight and rigid, he almost looks relaxed.

He walks over to me and leads me to what I've claimed as my spot for the night, marked by my backpack. Gingerly, he sits me down and crouches by my side once more, moving a rogue strand of hair out of my face that was plastered to my cheek from the tears. His fingers are warm against my face, and he lets them linger there for just a second longer than he needs to. My eyes slowly blink, appreciative of the contact. He licks his lips and his eyes look over my face once more, trying to piece together what's wrong.

"You don't have to tell me why, but I just need to know that you're alright, that you're not hurt." I look into his eyes that are inches from me and I nod with another hiccup jolting through me.

"I'm not hurt." My hoarse voice confirms to him and I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand to dry them fully. I feel that my eyes are puffy, my lips swollen from keeping quiet and I hope I don't look as disheveled as I feel inside.

"Okay." Joel nods and only then does he back away from me. Though I wish he would stay. However, I know that with my uncertain emotions, that it's probably better he that he doesn't. For his sake. He doesn't need to be roped into my personal shit show.

Every few minutes a hiccup interrupts the quiet, and each time I see Joel struggle to keep a smile at bay. I'll admit, they do sound a little ridiculous and if I weren't so upset I'd probably laugh at them too. But as my hiccups calm down, I find myself transfixed by the dancing flames.

Perhaps I needed to come to terms with my reality, accept my losses, and understand how Ryan and Lucas are still a part of me to be okay with something new. And perhaps this something new is for the better. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I know I'm still human enough, capable enough, to keep going.

Twenty Three

[fighterpilothoe]

His Sweatshirt - Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x F!reader (Part 1)

A/N: I’ve had this idea for a while and I finally got it executed. I’m actually really excited for this and I hope that it turned out okay. Like, reblog, follow – do whatever but please don’t steal my work. It’s taken me forever to finally get my idea down and formulated correctly. 

Please, let me know what you guys think!

Word Count: 2.7K

Warnings: Ankle injury and a swear word, I think.

The summer sun was beating down right through the open top of your Jeep as you drove to the Hard Deck. It was a hot day in San Diego, so what better way to spend it other than playing dogfight football with the Dagger Squad? You had woken up to a text from Rooster saying that since it was so nice out, he had requested a “team-building” day and Mav had approved. Even though you weren’t a Navy Aviator, you were always invited.

The Dagger Squad had taken you in as one of their own after Rooster had accidentally spilled his beer all over you one night at the Hard Deck. He felt so bad, in his drunken stupor, that he insisted that you come back to his group of friends with him, literally not taking no for an answer.

Ever since then, you have become one of them. You were included in the squad group chats, invited on outings and general hangouts, and they even gave you a callsign: Duck. Fanboy was actually the one to coin you your callsign, solely on the fact that you and Rooster had become really close friends and he thought it was hilarious; Rooster and Duck.

Pulling into the parking lot of the Hard Deck, you saw that you were one of the last ones to arrive. You pulled into a spot that was between Rooster’s Bronco and Hangman’s F-150. After putting the Jeep in park, you pulled out your phone to see where everyone was meeting. Phoenix had texted the group chat 5 minutes ago, saying to meet on the back patio of the Hard Deck to figure out teams. After grabbing your beach bag and water bottle, locking the Jeep, you started towards the back deck.

Walking around the side of the Hard Deck, you were met with a chorus of laughter and basic conversation. Making your way up onto the deck, Rooster was the first to notice you, walking over to greet you with a hug. “There she is! Glad you could make it, Quacks.” For some reason, he preferred to call you “Quacks” versus “Duck,” which you didn’t mind.

-

After hanging out and talking for a bit, the teams were picked and everyone made their way down to the beach. The teams consisted of Rooster, you, Coyote, Bob, Harvard, Fritz, and Payback versus Mav, Hangman, Phoenix, Fanboy, Omaha, Halo, and Yale. Mav and you had an unspoken rule that with one look, you’d both retire out of the game for two reasons: you weren’t in as good of shape as everyone else and as Mav put it, he’s “old.”

With everyone lining up against their designated person, you saw that you were lined up with Hangman. He looked across to you and gave you a megawatt smile that stirred your stomach up. With a blush that seemed to come out of nowhere creeping up your neck, you gave him a small smile back. He seemed to notice your body’s response to his smile and lightly chuckled.

Apart from what everyone else said about Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin, you and him got along really well. He was always kind and nice towards you, never sending unwanted and unwarranted banter your way. On nights where you’d hang out with the squad at the Hard Deck after a busy day, he always made a point to ask about your day. He would check in on you to make sure you were doing okay, seeing if you needed another drink or some company. It was the same way on other gatherings between the squad. He always seemed to be in your corner.

The group didn’t know what to think of his mannerisms when you were around. He was sweet with you but to others, he was his normal self. You really didn’t know what to think of it either. On one hand, him being sweet had your heart thumping and your head spinning. On the other hand, you didn’t think he thought of you any more than just a friend.

The sound of a whistle brought you back to reality. The footballs were snapped back and everyone was scrambling to get open and also block their person at the same time. Hangman was on you in a second, blocking your line of sight to Rooster. He, however, had a perfect line of sight to Mav, and being that he towered over you, he was able to catch the football with no problem. He took off towards his end zone with you trailing behind. Being that he was taller, he had longer legs so he made the touchdown in no time.

After Hangman had scored three more touchdowns, Harvard and you switched so you were now guarding Halo. Hangman had a small frown on his face as you switched places with Harvard but quickly shook it off. With another snap of the ball, everyone was in motion. Halo and you were on the far side by the water, taking your time moving around each other. What neither one of you failed to notice was Coyote and Omaha barreling your way, trying to catch an in-air ball. They hadn’t noticed you either.

What happened next, happened in slow motion. Omaha plowed into you and Coyote plowed into Halo. Being that both you and Halo were on the smaller side, the impact sent you both straight into the shallow water, soaking both of you. You felt a sharp pain shoot up your leg from your ankle.

Another whistle blow and you’re being pulled from the water. Coughing up the water that you had inhaled, you look up to see Hangman holding you, bridal style and carrying you to the set of towels on the beach. “Are you okay?” Concern was laced in his tone as he set you down on the towel.

“Yeah, I think so. I felt a sharp pain shoot through my ankle, though.”

“Let me take a look. Which ankle, darlin’?” The nickname sent your heart racing.

“Uhm, the right one.” You choke out with a stutter. He doesn’t seem to notice though as he looks down at your ankle.

“Well, it’s not broken. But there’s some serious swelling and bruising that’s starting. I’m going to run up and see if I can snag some ice from Penny. I’ll be right back, okay?” He looks back up to your face, studying your expression.

“Okay. Thanks, Jake.” You say with a small smile.

While he ran up to the Hard Deck, Rooster came over to check on you. “Hey Quacks, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. How’s Halo?”

“She’s fine. Just wet and annoyed.” He responded with a laugh. With that, Jake came jogging back with a bag of ice in his hands.

“Hey, I got some ice for your ankle.” He sat down by your feet and put the ice gently on your ankle.

“Thanks, Jake. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s not a problem, darlin’.” He sent you that megawatt smile again, still holding the bag of ice on your ankle.

The others decided to call it after Halo and you had taken a plunge. Rooster had the idea to start a little bonfire in one of the nearby pits. Everyone agreed, not wanting to leave yet.

The sun was starting to set and so the San Diego heat was starting to fade away. The fact that you had gotten slammed into the cold Pacific Ocean and now, had a bag of ice on your ankle, sent shivers through your body. Jake noticed your body trembling and looked up at you. “Do you have a sweatshirt with you?”

“No, I didn’t pack one with me. I wasn’t planning on getting soaked.” You say, laughing.

“I guess that’s fair,” Jake responded with a smile. “Tell you what, we’ll head over to the fire that Rooster’s got going and I’ll run back to my truck and grab one for you.”

“Jake, I don’t want to take your sweatshirt from you-” He stopped you by holding up his hand. “I have a couple in my truck. It’s okay, really. Now, let’s get you up.” With that he stood up, extending his hands out to you. You grabbed onto his hands and he pulled you up. Being that one ankle was out of commission, you stumbled forward into Jake’s chest.

“Woah, I gotcha.”

Sheepishly, you looked up at Jake and smiled. “Thanks, Jake.”

“Not a problem, darlin’.” Once Jake made sure you were steady, he turned around and crouched in front of you. You gave him a questioning look before he told you to hop onto his back. With a giggle that developed into full on laughter, you found yourself hugging Jake’s neck and breathing in his scent. He was careful as he walked over to the fire, finding an Adirondack chair to place you in. He gently set you down, working to prop your foot up so it wouldn’t swell any more.

The rest of the squad watched all of this unfold while standing around the fire. They all shared knowing smiles and went on to different conversations once Jake pulled away from you.

“There we go. Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You respond meeting his eyes and smiling.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” And with that, he made his way back to his truck. You watched him walk away as you became deep in thought. Rooster sauntered over to you and sat down in the Adirondack chair that was next to yours. “What’s going through that head of yours?”

“I don’t know what to make of Jake, Roos. I can’t tell if his affection is stemming from friendship or something more and it’s driving me crazy. I really like him, and my feelings for him just keep growing. I don’t want to lose him as a friend by saying something. What do I do?” You look at Rooster with pleading eyes.

His gaze softens as he grasps your hand in his. “Quacks, I can say for certain that you wouldn’t ruin your friendship with him. Just talk to him and be honest about how you feel.”

“Thanks, Roos. What would I do without you to keep my head level?”

Laughing, he responds back saying “your head would probably explode, if I’m being honest.”

-

While Jake walked back to his truck, he couldn’t stop thinking about you and your cute little smile. He had taken a liking to you soon after the squad had adopted you in. You were always welcoming and sweet to him, which was something that he wasn’t used to. Other women would throw themselves at him, but all they were were uniformed chasers. They wanted the bragging rights that went along with sleeping with a Navy Officer, nothing more. Yeah, Jake gave in to a lot of them, but they meant nothing. He always dreaded the next morning, and the conversations that would follow. They only wanted him for his rank, they never wanted the real ‘Jake.’

You had been the only person, outside of the squad, that actually wanted to sit down and get to know him and who he was outside of the Navy. It made his smile thinking about the night that you both had played drunken 20 questions at Phoenix’s apartment. The giggles that erupted from your mouth had him smitten.

When he made it to his truck, he found a beach blanket and his Navy Academy sweatshirt. He wore that sweatshirt more than he cared to admit, but it was extremely comfortable. He did a smell check on the sweatshirt, and when he decided that it smelled fine, he made his way back to you.

When he arrived back at the beach, he could hear your beautiful laughter, mixed in with laughter and commotion from the others. From a distance, Jake could make out your beautiful smile and he felt his chest flutter. God, he was so far gone.

-

Rooster had just finished telling a story about how Fanboy would sing show tunes throughout their last deployment and how Phoenix threatened to throw him overboard if he didn’t stop singing “Let It Go” from Frozen. Your sides had started to hurt from all the laughing, which you’d think you’d be accustomed to by now.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Jake make his way back to the bonfire. You met his gaze when he got close to you and gave him a small smile.

“Here ya go, darlin.” He held out a sweatshirt for you, which you happily accepted. After slipping it over your head, you were overwhelmed with the smell that was Jake. His body wash and his cologne were prevalent smells. It took everything in you to not pull it up to your nose and inhale it all. He wrapped the blanket over your lap, being careful not to bump your ankle.

“Thank you, Jake. I really appreciate it.” You say with a smile, meeting his gaze again.

“It’s not a problem, darlin’. Honest.” He responded with a smile that reached his eyes.

With that, you both joined back into the conversations that were going on around you. Jake stayed close to your side throughout the rest of the night, checking on you to make sure you were okay.

-

A yawn had pulled Jake from his current conversation with Coyote. He looked over to see that your eyes had started to droop a little and you were curled up, as best as you could, in the beach blanket.

“Are you tired darlin’?”

“I’m getting there, yeah,” you responded lazily.

“Do you want me to take you home?” He asked.

“Honestly, that would be great. It’s been a busy day,” you say with a little laugh.

Jake stood up and helped you up, his weight supporting yours. Once you were good to stand on your own, Jake crouched in front of you again. With the blanket in your hand, you slowly crawled onto his back. Once you were situated, you both said your goodbyes and headed for Jake’s truck.

Sleep seemed to consume you for the little journey back to Jake’s truck because the next thing you knew, Jake was buckling you in and placing the blanket back over your lap. He looked up to you and gave you a heartwarming smile before closing the door and jogging over to his side of the truck. You rested your arm on the center counsel, supporting your head while he pulled out of the parking lot.

The radio was playing a 90s country music station at a low volume while Jake drove. Sleep must’ve pulled you under again because the next thing you knew, Jake was waking you up.

“Hey sleeping beauty, we’re at your apartment. Do you want some help getting upstairs?” You responded with a mumbled “mmhmm.” With that, Jake jumped out of the truck and helped you down from his passenger seat. He gave you another piggy back ride up to your door. He smiled when he felt you snuggle into his back and give a content sigh. When he arrived to your door, he asked for your keys.

Once you were both inside your apartment, he easily found your bedroom. He had been to your apartment a few different times for dinner or movie nights with the squad so he knew his way around. He loved how your apartment was decorated exactly to match with your personality, and how it smelled exactly like you.

He slowly sat down on your bed, moving your hands from around his neck and laying you back on your pillows. He smiled to himself when you let out a discomforted grunt and scrunched up your face. With the loss of contact, you slowly opened your eyes, looking up at him. Jake moved to prop up your foot with an unused pillow, then he came and sat back down by you. He brushed some of your hair out of your face, studying it as he moved the strands. Your voice brought his out of his thoughts.

“Jake?”

“Yes darlin’?”

“Thank you for taking care of me today. And helping me get home. I really appreciate it, and you.” Jake didn’t know how to respond so he leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead. Your eyes fluttered closed and sleep threatens to take over again.

“Sleep beautiful. I’ll text you in the morning to see how you’re doing.”

That was the last thing you heard before you let sleep engulf your mind and body. Jake quietly got up and made his way out of your apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him.

[mrsbradshaw-seresin01]

Omaha: You have your weirdly sincere humility.

Bob: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

[missathlete31]

Nowhere to Run Chapter 1

Once the Daggers are allowed to be a permanent squadron, Maverick expects everyone to want to join. When Cyclone tells him he has one hold out, Mav decides to question the lone pilot, leading to a confrontation of epic proportions.

The Dagger Squad will never be the same

(Aka Bradley probably shouldn’t have gone on the mission and Jake states why)

In hindsight, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell should have known this was going to end badly. It wasn't that he had gone into the hanger expecting such a confrontation but he should have known that cornering any pilot, especially Jake "Hangman" Seresin was a dangerous move. So dangerous in fact that he wondered if their Dagger Squad would ever recover.

It all started when the team was called back after their three week courtesy leave from the Navy. They were told to report to Top Gun where Admiral Simpson and Admiral Bates met with each pilot and gave them the offer of joining the Daggers permanently. It seemed the Navy was impressed by what they were able to accomplish during the Uranium Mission and felt it was advantageous to keep this elite squad together. Maverick was overjoyed when he heard the news, it meant that Bradley would be stationed out of North Island, close to Maverick and Penny while also getting to stay with his friends. When Captain Mitchell was then offered to run the squadron (only in training, no more missions for him), the older man thought he couldn't be happier.

Maverick knew he shouldn't expect everyone to agree. These 12 pilots were the best of the best and had squadrons they trusted, postings they liked, or families that needed them elsewhere. He tried not to get his hopes up too much, chatting up Penny's ear whenever they had a private moment about how Payback might prefer a station closer to home, how Yale was always going to want to be on the East Coast, how Halo and Omaha might not have like flying together, how Pheonix and Bob might want to head to Lemoore, or any other excuse he could think of for each pilot. Penny would humor him each time with a patient smile that told him he was over thinking it and that he would just have to wait and see. Pete Mitchell hated waiting.

So when the day came and Simpson and Bates called him into their office, Maverick took a deep breath and waited to hear that the squadron wouldn't be happening. Too many no's, too many other squads or other plans or other choices. He was so ready to be turned down that Pete was shocked when Simpson began the meeting with a congratulations. So much so that the Captain missed most of everything else the Admiral was saying.

"-so the 11 will start and then when we find a replacement-"

Maverick zoned back in time to hear Simpson's last words, "wait" he held up a hand and tried not to smile as Beau rolled his eyes at being interrupted, "11? Who said no?"

"Lieutenant Seresin opted out of the squadron."

"Hangman? Really?" Pete couldn't contain his surprise. After the mission, after Hangman defied orders and saved Maverick and Rooster, everyone could see the way the man had changed. He was more open, less hostile, still cocky as anything but at a more accepting level. Hell Maverick was even growing rather fond of the kid. It stung a bit to think Seresin of all people would have declined working with them all. Though Maverick didn't know much about the Vigilantes, he assumed Hangman would have jumped at the opportunity to be a part of the best of the best. Pete tried not to show his disappointment, "So Seresin's going back to his old squadron then?" he questioned curiously.

"Actually" Bates drawled from the corner, "Lieutenant Seresin didn't request to go back to his squadron either."

Maverick's face turned quizzical, "so where does he want to go?"

The older of the Admirals shrugged, "he asked for a bit more time to think."

"Which is why" Simpson cut in, "we were hoping you could try talking to him."

"Me? Really?" at the flash of annoyance on his CO's face for yet another interruption, Mav gave an apologetic smile, "sorry Sir, but I mean, you think talking to me will help?"

"We are hoping he might be more forthcoming with you. It seems like the team as a whole has been much more receptive to each other since we've docked back in Miramar. If there is a hesitancy to get back in the cockpit, Seresin might find it easier to share with you than either I or Admiral Bates."

"You think he doesn't want to fly at all?"

"We're not sure" Cyclone motioned to the papers on his desk, "he passed his psych evaluation but we fear perhaps the mission was a bit more for him to work through than originally thought."

Bates nodded from the back, "And he did get another kill” the older man added solemnly, “that could be affecting him."

Maverick cursed himself for not noticing sooner. Taking a life, even in the armed services was a hard task, one that was also rare in their section of the Navy. Besides himself, Seresin was the only other active duty pilot with two to his name. While the psych evaluation was meant to look for any difficulty in the processing process, it wasn't foolproof. It could be very likely that Hangman was struggling with what he had to do in the air that day. If there was any doubt in his mind about his role or duty, as his CO and as someone that had grown to care for the man, Maverick knew he had to talk to him. "I'll talk to him this afternoon Sir" he offered Simpson.

"Good, let us know if you need anything on our end."

Maverick nodded, saluted them both and headed down to the hangars. When he arrived he was happy to see Hangman was the first to arrive, sitting in his usual seat in the front. Pete strolled down the aisle, trying to stay casual as he thought about the best way to start the conversation without seeming like a full fledged confrontation. As he got to his row, Jake looked over, offering a nod and a small greeting, "Sir" he acknowledged.

"Seresin" Mav answered back, "how you doing kid?"

The blonde shrugged, a look of suspicion in his green eyes, "fine Sir, you?"

"I'm alright-" Pete's voice died away in his indecision of how to broach the next subject. He knew the rest of the Daggers would be in any minute, so he had to ask fast, "Look Seresin, can we talk after the hops today?"

For once the blonde pilot refused to meet his eyes, instead looking nervously down at his hands,"Is something wrong?"

Pete leaned down on the desk, feeling like he was dwarfing the other pilot as Jake sank further in his chair, "I wanted to talk about you declining the Dagger squad. I was hoping we could discuss it together."

"With all due respect Sir" and Hangman was officially flushing in unease, "I made my decision on that matter."

Pete leaned back, surprised at the tone, "From what I hear from the Admirals," the captain broached delicately, "you seemed to make no decision. You don't want to join the squad but you don't want to go back to the Vigilantes either. Is it the flying Jake?" Maverick tried to move down to meet the man's eye a bit more, "are you nervous to fly another mission?"

"No" he shook his head, "I plan on going back to my old squad. I'm fine-"

"Jake" the other Daggers were filing into the hangar but Maverick didn't want to let the conversation stop right here. He knew it wasn't the smartest move but Maverick wasn't known for thinking things through, "don't you want to fly with your friends?" he continued to press, "Coyote? Omaha? Halo?"

"Of course I do."

Pete shook his head, not understanding, "Then why won't you join the Daggers?"

"It's because of you."

Of all the things Hangman had said in the weeks Maverick had known him (and it's been quite a bit from the talkative blonde), nothing had floored the seasoned pilot more than what he just uttered. He was so shocked he didn't even notice that the room had gone silent, the rest of the team catching the tail end of the discussion and was now listening with interest over the interaction. Pete cleared his throat, "I don't- what do you mean because of me? What did I do?"

"I don't trust your judgment Sir" and there were a few stunned gasps from the back of the room.

Mav ignored all the others, his eyes zeroing in on the pilot in the front row, "Is this because you were only the spare?"

Seresin moved his eyes to the floor, an obvious tell if Maverick ever saw one. When he didn't reply Maverick pushed again, "tell me that you aren't turning down an amazing opportunity because you're upset you weren't picked for the mission?"

"Wait, Bagman you're not joining the squad?" Phoenix asked in obvious surprise and then suddenly the room seemed to erupt with noise. Omaha was asking what the blonde was thinking, while Fanboy yelled about being a sore loser. Pete could see he was losing his moment, losing his chance to finally get into the infamous Hangman's head and see what the normally cocky Texan pilot was thinking. He raised a hand and looked to the rest of the room, "quiet" he ordered and everyone took their seats with closed mouths. "Jake" he turned back to Hangman, noticed the hitch in the man's shoulders, the way he was tapping his foot and playing with his fingers on the desk. "Let's go have this discussion in my office, okay? I'm fairly confident that if you really think about it, you'll see that being part of this squad would be the best place for you. I know that your ego was hurt not being picked but letting it ruin this chance for you-"

Green eyes flared up at him, an anger that he never saw in Hangman before appearing within them. "This isn't about my damn ego-"

"Jake" Coyote was standing up, the uncharacteristic display of emotions from his best friend making the other pilot instantly want to jump to his side, "we should go get some air. Sir, can you excuse us for a minute?"

"No" Jake rose too and flashed a look at Javy before motioning towards Machado's chair, "no, Javy sit, he wants this discussion then let's all have this discussion right?" He turned back to Maverick, a shark like smirk on his face, "you want to know the truth?"

"I do."

"Fine" the blonde slammed his hands down on the table dramatically, "You didn't pick me for the mission, fine. Did it sting? Yeah, it freaking did but you know I could have gotten past it if you had picked someone that deserved it instead of trying to use the spot to buy forgiveness."

At first the room was silent. Then as everyone processed Seresin’s words, the room seemed to explode again. It didn’t last long before a voice rang out louder and more pissed than them all combined. "Oh well fuck you Seresin-" Rooster began as he stood from his chair so quickly that it fell back behind him. The image of it all took Maverick's mind back to the eerily similar altercation during training. Except this time Hangman didn't look on smugly, he looked livid. "No" Jake turned around to face Bradley head on, "I'm getting this out Rooster so help me fucking God, so sit your ass down and shut the fuck up."

"I'm not going to let you talk about us like this" Bradley's brown eyes flared, no intention of backing down, "I'm not going to let you talk to Mav like this-"

"Then you can leave for all I care Bradshaw, if you're too cocky to listen-"

"Cocky ha!" Rooster looked around the room as though he was on a hidden camera show, "that's rich coming from you."

Jake shook his head like a disappointed parent, "you don’t get it."

“What don’t I get?” The other man egged on, his temper flaring, “that you’re still nursing your wounds from not being picked team leader or even a Dagger that you need to come in here and attack me and attack Maverick’s decision making?”

The blonde shook his head in exasperation, “you really don’t see it? How you should have never even been out there?”

“Screw you, I earned my place here!”

“No you were picked so Mav could win back your affections-“

Bradley looked murderous as he stared down Jake with visceral disgust, “Screw you, you asshole! Don’t even pretend to think you understand anything about our relationship!”

”You shouldn’t even have a relationship!” Hangman yelled back, his normally non-existent temper on full display now, “I’m sorry but there’s a reason that the Navy makes you disclose personal relationships with others especially your COs, to prevent conflicts of interest-“

”There was no conflict of interest!" Rooster yelled even louder, as though the higher the volume the more right he was in his convictions, "I was chosen because I did what needed to be done and got everyone home!”

”Is that really what you believe?” Jake asked despondently, “Jesus I always knew you were stubborn but I didn't think you were that oblivious. You need a wake-up call"

Rooster's eyes turned to slits, "I'll give you a fucking wake-up call-" he moved to take a step but Payback was holding his arm to keep him back. "Easy" the sidelined man urged but no one seemed to listen, their anger and emotions making them almost feral.

"Guys!" Phoenix was standing now too, looking to Maverick with a pleading expression for him to intervene. "Guys come on-"

"Yeah come on man," Billy called from the back, "let's all just take a minute-"

"No," Bradley brushed off Reuben's hand and moved to the aisle. He squared himself up facing Jake noticing both Coyote and Harvard moving to defend if necessary. Maverick though still stayed silent in the front of the room, whether shocked still or just watching how everything would proceed, no one could tell.

Hangman and Rooster locked eyes, inches apart. Bradley gave a sneer, "Okay I'll play along, let's let Hangman of all people tell me how I wasn't the right person to go on the mission. Go ahead."

"You were the only one who never made the time Rooster" Jake spoke viciously, his voice dangerously low.

"Excuse me?"

"You never made the course under the time. Not once in training-"

"I made it when it mattered!"

"Did you?" Hangman took a step back, "Maybe you don't remember but I sat on the carrier that day and listened to Payback and Fanboy beg you to speed up. Beg! And what did you do? You still slowed down!" The blonde walked away from the other pilot, pacing as he ranted to the shocked silent room, "You know what else I heard?" Jake continued, "Command, when they noticed that Payback had to rise up in the air to avoid hitting you. You know how close he was to hitting the SAMs threshold? Two feet. Two feet higher and we would have had two empty coffins to bury in the ground. No one talks about that huh? No one cares? Well I fucking care."

Before anyone could respond, Hangman turned swiftly back to his CO, Maverick shifting just the tiniest bit with unease when he was locked with devastating green eyes, "you asked us every damn day what would we tell our wingman's families" Jake reminded him, his voice sounding purely demoralized, "Well what would you have said to Payback's fiancé Jacqueline? Or Fanboy's parents Marco and Marcella? Hmm? That their fiancé and their son died because Rooster was having an existential crisis during a mission that he should have been disqualified for from the start? That he was chosen by the man that was the closest thing he had to a father growing up in a clear case of nepotism?"

Jake watched as Rooster instinctively turned to look at Payback and Fanboy, both looking pale as the truth came out. With the happiness of the mission being deemed a success no one talked about how close things came to falling apart. "You spent all of training convinced that your way was the right way Rooster, you didn't even listen to Mav-"

"And you did?" Rooster asked back incredulously, "you left everyone hanging- like you always do. Like you're known for. But I'm supposed to listen to you criticize me? You, the least team oriented man in the world?"

"I'm a lot of things and you can say what you want but I tried to do better. My last hop with Phoenix and Bob- we gelled perfectly, you all said it yourselves." Jake turned to the two other pilots, Phoenix watching him with wide eyes and a pained expression on her face, Bob with knowing eyes. "The two of you said it that last day too, 'It felt good, it felt right', you know you did, because we all listened to each other, we listened to Mav." Neither voiced an agreement but Jake just continued on with his argument, shifting to the back rows, "and Fritz with Payback and Fanboy, they were smooth and hit bull's-eye each time. They were the stronger team! Rooster was the only one who never had a successful run, who refused to even try to hit the time, who stubbornly insisted that going slower was fine."

"Fuck you-"

But Jake refused to stop now that he had gotten it going, "And how about the bombing? You didn't even give Fanboy a chance to lock on-"

"We had no time."

"You did" Hangman insisted, "It took Bob a few seconds too but Maverick waited. You didn't Rooster. You took the shot blind, a huge risk, all because you had no faith in Mickey."

Rooster's face blushed and he spun around to face the man in question, "That's not true" he told Fanboy but the man just stayed silent. Bradley turned back to Hangman, rage in his brown eyes, "I took the shot because the laser wasn't working. It wasn't Mickey's fault."

"I know it wasn't his fault."

"It wasn't my fault either asshole-"

“It could have been” Jake argued, “Rooster it was an almost impossible shot-“

“Yeah and I made it!”

”What if you didn’t? What if you going in blind, what if you not waiting, not giving Mickey a chance, meant the mission was a failure?” Hangman dropped his eyes to the floor, before he looked back at the others, “I know it wasn’t the case but does that mean we don’t talk about the risk he took out there? We don’t talk about all the ways it could have gone wrong?”

When no one replied, not in agreement or argument, Jake signed and turned back to Bradley. "How about coffin corner" the blonde edged, "was that your fault?"

Bradley paled, "what about it?"

"Dagger three and Dagger four came back with flares intact, you know why? Because you refused to even let them try to defend themselves-"

"I was protecting them you self righteous dick," he pushed into Jake's chest harshly but the other man held his ground, "I was protecting them like a good wingman does" Rooster pointed behind him, "like a teammate does. You wouldn't understand-"

Jake shook his head, "You're right I wouldn't have done what you did. I actually have faith in all the other pilots on this team. I wouldn't follow Phoenix's shadow or Payback's wing unless they called for me, unless they needed it, because every pilot in this room is the best of the best and knows how to evade. But not you Rooster, you didn't even try to get out of there, you put yourself and your team in more danger trying to cover them all and then when you really needed it, you had no flares for yourself. You forced Maverick to risk himself to save you. He was too compromised not to."

The room was deathly silent.

"And then you went back against orders, because you were too compromised to listen. You both should have never been allowed to serve together. You both could have died a million different ways. You both could have caused the deaths of other pilots on the squad as well." Hangman shifted, the last part of his argument directed right to Maverick who's green eyes looked sad at the way the conversation had turned. "So that's why I don't trust your judgment Sir," Jake began sadly, "I'm sorry but I can't."

"Seresin-"

"And the worst part" and somehow, embarrassingly, Jake realized that he had started to cry during his ranting. He wiped at his greens eyes stubbornly, "the worst part is that I want to be on this squad so badly, I want this team." He shook his head, "but I can't, it already compromised me as well.”

"When you flew out against orders" Maverick supplied gently. The blonde nodded, swallowing roughly, "I can't have that. I can't. I can't get attached to you all and then almost lose you. I can't have your relationship with Rooster mean I have to bury a friend. I need to be detached, I need separation-"

"Jake-"

But the blonde was done listening, all his fight was gone. "I don't belong here" he told the group, "and you don't want me anyway. Let me be Hangman, let me be the one man squad, it's better this way." He picked up his things from his desk and moved forward. Rooster, the only one still in the aisle, stared him down before moving to his left allowing the other to pass. Jake, for just the briefest moment thought someone would speak up, someone would stop him but they didn’t. Instead Hangman continued his walk out of the hangar as he left the best team he ever was a part of, the best chance he ever had at a family, behind.

[cherrylng]

Headline - Bright Eyes+Muse interviews [ROCKIN'ON (March 2000)]

The year 2000 starts here! Is the impatience that can only be tolerated by a dazzling youth the birth of the Year Zero generation? Rockin'On fully supports Bright Eyes and Muse, the two passions that run around while showing off the physique of young boys, and offers tickets to support their visit to Japan!

Interview: Mariko SAKAMOTO Photography: JIM NEWBERRY (Bright Eyes) Interpretation: Erika YAMASHITA (Muse)

The noisy days of Y2K! and the bubble era have returned to normal, and the onslaught of millennium visits to Japan has come to an end, but is it time to breathe a sigh of relief? Has anything started to happen? Year 2000 = Year Zero. It's only a matter of time, but we'd like to introduce two newcomers who make you feel that the year 2000 is just around the corner. Bright Eyes is a band centred on Conor Oberst, a home recording poet from Omaha, Nebraska, USA. Their interactions with the Athens scene are also a hot topic, but technically they can't be called newcomers, having released a compilation even before their debut full-length album was released last year. However, the self-denial and (literally) exploding shouts heard on their latest EP 'Every Day and Every Night' show an awakening of the core of expression in a style that has tended to veer towards experimental pop. Already waiting for their second release, it is a unique singing voice that cradles bottomless sadness in their clear eyes. In contrast, Muse are a three-piece from Devon, UK. They first attracted the attention of an American record company and were signed to Maverick. Although there was a feeling that the band was ahead of its time, their single ‘Muscle Museum’ broke through on the UK indie charts last year. The drama is sharply played by a blue, straightforward guitar sound that has been compared to early Radiohead. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is reminded of Jeff Buckley, with vocalist Matt Bellamy's rich expressiveness underpinning the high level of perfection of their debut. Both have very different sounds, but their straightforward voices are tugging at your heartstrings. The voice that started it all was always so vivid. With that voice, the clock starts ticking again.

"Writing songs was like smashing a windowpane."

(BRIGHT EYES/Conor Oberst) ● You started writing songs when you were about 11 years old, what was it like when you ‘discovered’ guitars and four-track recording equipment? 「Yeah, it was like, “I'm glad I found something to do”. It's like keeping a diary. It's a way of expressing your feelings in a more proper way. …… Compared to when I was a smaller kid. It's like writing a song on a four-track or throwing something at a window and smashing it, they're both the same thing.」

● Were there other kids around your age when you started writing songs who were making songs with four-tracks and guitars? 「Not quite the same age, but I had older friends who were writing songs. They were about five or six years older than me. They all encouraged me to write songs too. I'm still hanging out with them and making music with them.」

● I see. So you prefer sitting alone in a dark basement and recording than going out and playing with friends or skateboarding or anything like that? 「Haha (laughs). No, there are two sides to me, I guess. I like having fun too. I like to have fun, I like to throw parties, but…… But I always end up going home and spending time alone (laughs).」

● Yes, yes (laughs)…… Well, I believe you're 19 (20 this year), you're attending university, aren't you? 「Yeah…… Um, I'm actually going to take a leave of absence from next semester. I'm thinking of doing a lot of touring and stuff.」

● So you're planning to concentrate on your music? 「Yeah, hopefully. I'm going to take this semester off, and if it goes well, then I can continue with music. So I'm putting off my studies for a while (bursts out laughing). No, it's not that I don't like university, but I don't know exactly what I want to do……」

● That's unreliable. I have the impression that you write and record songs almost every day, but when do you feel the strongest urge to write songs? 「Well…… It's a bit of a strange feeling. Sometimes songs come out of a depressed mood. In that case, I just run to the guitar and play it straight away. But if I try to force myself to sit down and say, "Come on, I've got to write", I feel like it's never going to work. So I guess you have to wait for the ‘moment’ to come. And those moments are when I don't feel very good, like when I'm sad. That's why my songs sound like that. But I'm thinking that I need to get out of that. I want to write happier songs. Because …… I don't want to just make the listener sad all the time.」

● I see. And your debut album as an original, "Letting Off the Happiness", seemed a bit scattered. It was more like a collection of songs rather than an album. 「No, it was meant to be a single album. But because of the way we recorded it, the result was kind of…… It's a bit of a jagged, cut-and-paste, patched-together kind of sound. Because the album was recorded partly in my parents' basement, partly at a friend's house, and partly at Ascend in a completely different environment, so it's got that kind of disjointed sound. It ended up being a kind of collage of different sound qualities. In terms of the songs, I think thematically it's like an album, but maybe in terms of the way it sounds, there's a lot of ebb and flow to it.」

● Are you satisfied with the results? I got the impression that you weren't really interested in the cohesion of an album. 「No, not at all. I've just finished a new album, and it's more…… smooth and unified. I'm trying to work in that direction now, but when I was making ‘Letting~’…… I wasn't so concerned about cohesion (laughs). What can I say, I just…… I wanted it to sound intuitive, like I was reacting to something. I didn't want it to be a nice, well-proportioned piece of work.」

● Is that so? So, when I listen to your EP ‘Everyday and Every Night’, I feel that your songwriting is becoming more straightforward. 「Yeah, I think that's right. I always hope I'm growing as a writer (laughs). But you can't tell if you're growing or not, can you? But I feel like I'm more in control of what I'm doing than I used to be. It's not like I'm just waiting for something to happen. I'm starting to understand what I'm doing. I used to be, how should I put it…… I was trying to feel something in the darkness, or rather, I was searching for what to do in the darkness. I think cool sounds and cool songs came out of that. But now…… Everything is much more direct and well intentioned.」

● I love the song ‘Perfect Sonnet’ on that EP. Especially the part where your voice shakes and turns inside out and explodes into a shout - I've never heard such an intense expression of emotion. 「Oh…… I try not to rely too much on that kind of singing…… No, I think that a tiny whisper, for example, can convey just as much emotion as a loud, broken shout can. There are definitely some shouting on this album, but I think emotions are a very broad thing, and I think that up until now I've only been able to capture very, very extreme emotions. I've been able to shake off a lot of extreme emotions, such as despair, burnout, joy, and so on. But there are a lot of emotions in between. You can be perfectly depressed or insanely happy, and there are days when you don't feel either. People's emotions are more subtle, and that's what we're aiming for with the new songs we're writing. Of course, I like the feeling of being able to scream and let all the emotions out. But I want to be able to do more than that. I don't want to be able to express only one emotion. …… I want to be able to convey all sorts of grey emotions, not simply black and white.」

● Yeah, yeah. I think your songs express a strong longing for perfect love, happiness and joy, but at the same time, I feel like there is a fear of losing such joy and happiness. 「Ah…… You know, you're exactly right! That's the problem I have with myself, or…… That's a great description of the problems that come from my depression. I see things. I notice that there's something beautiful, and already at that moment I'm like, that beauty is going away, it's gone, it's turned into something ugly! That's how I feel. When I see something wonderful, the moment I see it, I think about the end. Everything seems like that…… I can't help thinking that, all my favourite friends, they're all lovely, but one day they're going to get old. I know that's the fate of all things, but everything changes…… But that's a great insight to realise that!」

● No…… (chuckles). 「Even though I've never met them (laughs).」

● Certainly (laughs). The words ‘Bright Eyes’ appear several times in your songs. What do these words symbolise? 「Yeah. Well, I can't remember the name…… Um, I used to watch an old film channel at my parents' house. It was a very long time ago, way before the first CD came out. Yeah, I really don't even remember the title of the film, but it was an old film with, like, Humphrey Bogart in it or something. And the main character calls out to a pretty girl, ‘Bright Eyes’. "Don't worry, pretty girl. You'll be on time for the train" or something like that. And I thought that was a nice way of expressing my fondness for the girl. So I wrote a song about it. I think it was the second song on an early compilation…… I wrote a couple of other songs using the words ‘Bright Eyes’ before I decided on the band name. I think that word has everything I love in it, like beauty, youth and…… When you look into someone's eyes, they are full of life…… I think that's the image. I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world. I think that's where it comes from.」

"I think everyone is thinking, I want to leave my mark on something."

(MUSE/Matt Bellamy)

● What impact did your first encounter with music have on your life? 「I started playing piano when I was 8 or 9. I liked Ray Charles and that kind of boogie-woogie piano. I didn't learn at first, I just listened to records and imitated what I heard. Then, when I was 12 or 13, I started playing guitar. I was influenced by British indie bands like Sonic Youth and stuff like that. But until I was 16 or 17, I couldn't make up my mind whether I was going to be serious about being in a band or going to university. So I spent four or five months travelling around Europe with my acoustic guitar and I learnt a lot of different guitar playing techniques. Flamenco, traditional Italian, and Greek guitar. It was totally different from what I had been playing. So when I came back from the trip, I had a lot of new ideas. So I think that was probably my biggest musical encounter.」

● I see. This is reflected in the variety of songs on this album. You say that Nirvana's 'Nevermind' and Radiohead's 'The Bends' are your favourite albums, but you must have been 13 or 14 when you listened to those two albums. 「Yeah, that one. Well, I just wanted to say that those two albums are two classics of the 90s. And we're an extension of the succession of bands like that. They were the successors of bands like the [Sex] Pistols and the Smiths and Echo Bunny [aka Echo & the Bunnymen], and even further back, the Beatles and [Elvis] Presley. In R&R [rock n' roll], everything is inherited and evolves, and we are the new generation in that. We're just ten years younger than Nirvana and Radiohead.」

● You can feel the change in the generation. The album was produced by John Leckie. Did working with him bring new inspiration to Muse's music? 「He helped us a lot with setting up the environment and where to record. It's about creating the right atmosphere for each song. He didn't have any input into the songwriting. I think the biggest thing he's given me is the Radiohead comparisons (laughs).」

● (laughs) It's an unavoidable part of the process. What do you yourself think about that comparison? 「Um…… It's fine, isn't it? Hahaha. Because, as I said before, everything originates from somewhere and can be traced all the way back. In the end, I think it all starts from the moment a musician wants to communicate their feelings and their situation. In that sense, we have something in common with Radiohead and the other bands I mentioned earlier. We want to express what we feel as people born and raised in this era.」

● I see. So, the town you grew up in, Teignmouth, seems to be a beautiful seaside town that attracts people in the summer as a resort. Was it ‘dead’ so to speak? 「No, it's not that bad, but it's just a bit boring. There's not much to do. But I'm sure there are many, many, many other towns like that. I'm sure lots of people live a similar life. But when we moved to that town, we were 13 or 14, and of course we looked around for something interesting to do, but there was nothing, except watching TV. That's when we started playing music, and we formed a band and started rehearsing and so on. We're a bit fed up with the town because every time we go into town we get into fights. There were people who didn't like us. All I remember is violence, and I don't like it. At first glance, it looks like a peaceful town, but whenever I go out at night, I get the stink eye.」

● Is it because you're a young guy who thinks he's an artist playing in a band? 「Hahahaha! That's exactly right.」

● (laughs) Muse's music has an excessive amount of emotion and passion. What is it that drives you to create such intense music? 「I think everyone wants to express what they feel, to be understood or misunderstood by others, and in any case to leave some kind of mark. That we are here, and that we are feeling this way. I think it's part of human evolution. Whether it's art, science, or contributing to the maintenance of the system by raising children. So I think what we are doing is talking about the system and how it affects us, for better or for worse. There is a significant element of the absence of religion. Our generation is one that has grown up without a specific religion, and everyone implicitly accepts the media and television as a way of connecting with others. Part of the album is about whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, and whether technological advances are destroying us or liberating us. It's something I myself don't know the answer to.」

● I see. And you have a beautiful falsetto voice— 「Uhuhuhuhu……….」

● You don't have to be so shy (laughs). Despite this, the words you sing are harsh and sometimes even challenging. 「Yeah, yeah.」

● By releasing the darker, self-destructive side of yourself into your music— 「Eheheheheh.」

● (laughs) Do you feel like you're sort of redeemed by letting go? 「Yeah, I think the first album was definitely like that. You go deep into yourself and look at the dark side and the good side and express that. But if you succeed by expressing yourself openly like that, there's a danger. You think that if you don't do that all the time, you won't be able to go on. And then the next work goes deeper and darker. But I don't want to do that. I think it's important to know other people's emotions, not just your own, and sometimes you need to become someone else's character and express yourself from their point of view. It's dangerous to be too focused on yourself, I think it's important to look outside the cocoon that is you.」

● Yes, that's very perceptive. I'm really looking forward to the gig in March, as the live show is highly acclaimed. So, do you have a message for Japanese listeners? 「What message? Oh, hahaha… Well, the album alone is only half of us. The other half is our live shows. So if you see us live, you'll get the whole picture. I would also like to say that the message itself is all in the music.」

☆ The weeping acolytes Bright Eyes and the rising star Muse, who twist and turn on the opposite emotions. The magazine's acclaimed Hope are all coming to Japan! Bright Eyes is an in-store gig. It's a free event, so please feel free to attend. Muse's Japan show is a ticket-purchase event! We will be inviting 10 groups of 20 people, so please apply using the enclosed postcard (must arrive no later than Wednesday 16 February). This is your chance to experience first-hand their sound, which marks a moment in time that will never come again. Don't miss it!!!

Translator's Note: Was it necessary for me to translate the Bright Eyes interview? Not really. But since the article was covering both bands and I've already scanned and extracted the texts, I thought I might as well just do it anyways. It gives a nice compare and contrast about Conor and Matt.

[jeannereames]

Dr. Reames! I read where you promised you wouldn't put up a Tumblr paywall and haven't created a Patreon either, because your school pays your salary so you can answer asks here for free.

That's cool, and super generous. Seriously. I've learned so much. The level of detail in your posts I wouldn't expect outside a university class or buying a book. So if, yeah, you get paid by them, is there a way your followers here who aren't your students... but kinda ARE ...support what you're doing? Other than buying the novels (which is actually how I found you to begin with).

Also, do you have any online classes on Alexander like those "Great Courses"? I'd love to take an online course with you if you have lectures.

Thank you!

I’m delighted people read these things! Ha. Some are rather long. But sometimes the answer is complex. (I should make a couple polls; I’m curious how much/many of these people do read.)

Anyway, to answer the questions:

No, I don’t have any online ATG class at present. I am working on putting up Alexander the Great and the Macedonian Origin (e.g., from early Macedonia/Alexander I to ATG). But you’d need to be enrolled with UNO to take it. It’s still a couple years out, at least.

As for other ways to help.

First, buy the books. (The asker said they already have.) Ironically, I get greater royalties from ebooks than paper. Sometimes people buy paper thinking it helps me more. I prefer paper books myself, so certainly buy paper if you also prefer them, but don’t pay the higher price for paper just because you think that benefits me.

TALK ABOUT THE BOOKS … on both Tumblr and TikTok (+ Bluesky and Twitter). I understand Song of Achilles had only a minor following until it blew up on BookTok. So, if you have a TikTok and really liked the books, talk about them and tag it #booktok & #historicalfiction (et al.). There have been a couple BookToks done in Italian, but I’ve not seen any in English. Doing one would be fantastic. On Tumblr, people have mentioned it and shared lines from it in the past, and some folks have found it that way. Word of mouth works. The recent Alexander Netflix series has brought new people looking for fiction (and queer-positive fiction) about him.

Rate (and review?) the novels on Goodreads and/or Amazon (or elsewhere), especially if you liked them enough to give them 5-stars. But of course, be true to your honest opinion. If there’s a fair bit of skepticism about the value of Goodreads/ Amazon ratings in the publishing industry, agents and publishers still (perhaps hypocritically) pay attention to them.

Last, and not book related, but if you read and enjoy my posts here on Tumblr, and feel you’ve learned something from me, keep in mind that it’s the University of Nebraska-Omaha History Department that’s making this possible by paying my salary. 😊

[eptodaytommorowforever]

Events In The History And Of The Life Of Elvis Presley Today On The 20th Of June In 1977.

Adios Lincoln Monday, June 20, 1977, 8:30 pm, Lincoln, NE, Pershing Auditorium sadly these were some of the final live tours and live shows performances concerts Elvis Aaron Presley would do here in is very short lifetime.

Most of Elvis'Presley's musicians prefer not to talk about Elvis Presley's final tours, but whenever they do, they usually agree that the final tours was ones that should have never been undertaken. It was simply one tour too many. At this stage it was impossible to hide the fact that Elvis Presley was in serious problems. However, the Lincoln concert is one of the finest shows from that last tour. Elvis Presley sounds much better than in Omaha the day before. Surprises include a well-sung 'Help Me' and arguably the best ever version of 'Unchained Melody', which for the first and only time was performed before the band introductions. Interestingly, and completely unknown until now, is that Elvis Presley asks J.D. Sumner and the Stamps to perform 'Walk That Lonesome Road' during the band intros, which is very unusual for the time frame in 1977.but like Elvis Presley said to is tcb band members backing singers many many times you are all just important as me and this why had them join him as the lead vocalist musicians as well what an amazing and an incredible human being he was. rare live in action! two fans and audience members candid photos of Elvis Presley here at this show and this venue wearing the aztec mexican sundial jumpsuit and white silk scarfs and also a blue one and the matching belt.

[royalpain16]

Seven things poor people waste their money on by Warren Buffet

High-Interest Debt: Avoiding debt, especially high-interest ones like credit card balances, is crucial. High interest can quickly erode your financial health.

Get-Rich-Quick Schemes: Buffett warns against trying to make a quick buck and falling for schemes that promise high returns with little risk.

Unnecessary Luxuries: Living below one’s means and not spending on things that aren’t necessary is a principle Buffett has always lived by.

New Cars: Cars lose value rapidly once purchased. Buying and maintaining a reliable used car can be more economical than always opting for a new one.

Paying Unnecessary Fees: Whether it’s investment fees, bank fees, or any other kind of service charge, Buffett believes in keeping costs low.

Brand Loyalty Over Value: Not overpaying for brand names when a lesser-known brand offers the same quality at a lower price is a value-oriented approach Buffett endorses.

Eating Out Excessively: Frequently eating out, especially when done out of convenience, can add up over time. Preparing meals at home is often more economical. Buffett prefers the cheap value of fast food.

[topguncortez]

Crocodile Rock

Word count: 3.2k

synopsis: Phoenix finds the new pilot to be both mysterious and endearing, however, he is hiding something that she's not sure she can handle

warnings: a lil angsty, suggestive language, brief description of abusive relationship, military sexism.

Phoenix & Cerberus Masterlist | Opposites Attract Masterlist

“Ya know, staring in some countries is considered illegal.” 

Phoenix jumped as she heard a voice next to her and looked down at her little sister, who was leaning against the pool table, “I was not staring.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Dragon rolled her eyes and turned around to see what her sister could possibly be looking at. The Hard Deck was packed for it being Friday night. A fresh shipment of TopGun hopefuls had arrived and the bar was crawling with young officers hoping to get lucky. There was one officer in particular that had caught Phoenix’s attention. 

“What do you know about Commander Preston?” Phoenix whispered to her sister. 

“Cerberus?” Dragon asked and Phoenix nodded. Dragon smirked, liking the shy look on her older sister’s face, “Well, His name is Luke Preston, callsign Cerberus. Newly promoted to Lieutenant Commander, taking Omaha’s spot, pretty sure he’s from Arkansas or some shit. . . and that’s all I know.” 

“Rooster doesn’t tell you much?” 

“Rooster and I have a no work talk at home rule, cause apparently I have anger issues,” Dragon rolled her eyes and Phoenix chuckled, “But, I think he’s nice. I only talked to him for like thirty seconds and he asked how I got my callsign.” 

Phoenix nodded her gaze going back over towards Commander Preston. He was standing at the bar with Jake and Rooster. He seemed to fit right into the group. He was tall, his brown hair was cut to perfection and Phoenix could see hints of curls poking through. He was wearing his khaki uniform and the gold insignias on his collar shone brightly. Dragon glanced between where her fiance was and her sister, a mischievous thought coming to her mind. 

“Oh my god… You have a crush,” Dragon pointed. 

“Do not,” Phoenix spat. 

“Then you won’t mind me going over there.” Phoenix crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head, “Alright then.” 

But panic rose in her chest as Dragon started for where the men were, “Wait, Dragon!” Phoenix tried to grab her sister’s hand but she shook it off, “Oh god.” 

Phoenix felt her heartbeat in her ears as Dragon nestled up to Rooster’s side. She was one of the only aviators that had changed out of her service uniform saying the khakis give her a rash if she wears them too long. Rooster smiled and put his arm around his soon to be wife and introduced her to Commander Preston. Phoenix sucked in a breath as Dragon pointed over to where she was standing. Phoenix quickly tried to look like she was busy, but she was the only dagger squad member standing by the pool table. She cursed at herself for not going over to Y/N and Val were sitting. 

“So you’re the legendary Phoenix,” Phoenix looked up from the green lining to see Commander Preston standing in front of her. She gulped and nodded, words suddenly failing her, “I’m Luke or Cerberus, whatever you prefer.” 

“Natasha,” Phoenix said, nodding towards the man, “Nine ball?” 

“Sure, rack ‘em,” Luke smiled.

From across the Dragon was leaning against Rooster, who was sitting on a barstool. She picked up her beer to take another sip, but Rooster took it out of her hand. 

“Hey!” She glared at her husband, “I was drinking that.” 

“And now you’re not,” Rooster smiled and took a sip of the drink, “What is your sister doing, by the way? What’s wrong with her face?” 

Dragon turned her head over to where Phoenix was standing with Luke. Javy and Jake had joined them, looking over at the aviators playing a game of pool. Jake squinted his eyes, trying to size up the situation in front of him. 

“What is going on with Phoenix?” Jake asked. 

“I think she’s laughing?” Javy said, “And not at Hangman.” 

Dragon just smiled and slipped the beer from Bradley’s hand and took a drink. Her work here was done, and now she can focus on spending the night unwinding with Rooster. She set the glass bottle down and patted Rooster’s shoulder. 

“C’mon piano man,” Dragon nodded her head towards the piano at the end of the bar. Rooster smirked as he picked her up bridal style, making her giggle as he carried her over to the piano bench. She sat next to him on the bench, and took the aviators from his shirt and put them on her face. His fingers danced over the keys, playing some random notes. 

“Tell me what I should play, sweetheart,” He asked her. 

“Hmm. . . Crocodile Rock,” The smile on Dragon’s face was one that Bradley wanted to frame forever. Rooster bit his lip as he found the right keys to the song, and started playing. It was the song that was playing the night Rooster decided to propose to her. It had been totally impromptu, he didn’t even have a ring, but he knew that she was the one for them. 

“I remember when rock was young, me and suzie had so much fun”

Phoenix lifted her head up as she heard Bradley’s voice fill the bar. She shook her head with a laugh at the sight of her future brother-in-law and sister sitting at the piano. Luke looked a bit confused as he looked over in the same direction. Phoenix licked her lips, feeling a shot of confidence fill her, she set the pool stick down, and walked over to grab Luke’s hand. He looked startled and Phoenix blushed. 

“They do this every Friday night,” Phoenix said. Somewhere along the lines, the music had switched from Bradley playing the piano to the jukebox playing the song, “Care to dance?” 

Luke looked from Phoenix’s outstretched hand and to where Dragon and Rooster were giggling and dancing in the middle of the hard deck. He looked back at Phoenix’s hand and placed his in hers. They both felt butterflies in their stomachs as Phoenix led them through the crowd and to where the patrons were dancing. Jake and Javy sat on a barstool watching everyone, singing loudly to the chorus of the song. Luke placed his hand on Phoenix’s waist, pulling her in a bit, and she rested her other hand on his shoulder. The two of them swayed in time to the music, both a little stiff, not used to the feel of one another. 

“Oh lawdy, those Friday nights,” Rooster sang to Dragon, twirling her around and dipping her. The crowd seemed to love their Friday night dance breaks, and Phoenix loved watching them. They reminded her of her parents when they were younger. 

“Those two really do this every Friday night?” Luke asked, a smile on his face. 

Phoenix nodded, “At least they chose this and not Fake ID by Big & Rich. Better clear out of the way if that song comes on.” 

Luke laughed, and god did Phoenix love the sound of his laugh, “Guess we need to practice a bit more.” 

Phoenix swore her heart stopped in her chest and she looked up at Luke. His eyes were sparkling in the light of the Hard Deck. He looked like the real life version of Prince Eric. Luke looked down at Phoenix, seeing the different strands of golden brown in her eyes. It was if he was committing her face to memory, and he gently ran his knuckle over her face. 

“BABY, PLAY FAKE ID!!” Dragon yelled, and the two of them snapped out of their daze. 

They awkwardly pulled away from each other and cleared their throats. Phoenix stuck her hands in the pockets of her khaki uniform and Luke scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. After a moment, Phoenix turned to Luke. 

“Hey could I get your-” She was cut off by his phone ringing. 

“I’m sorry,” Luke said and pulled his phone out of his pocket. She only caught a glimpse of the caller ID and her heart dropped in her chest, “I’m sorry, I have to take this.” Luke swiped to answer the call and held it up to his ear, “Hey, honey.” Was all Phoenix heard as he walked out of the Hard Deck. 

Dragon twirled her way over to her sister, a big smile on her face as she watched Rooster, Jake, and Javy start the line dance to Fake ID, and Penny shaking her head at how fast the aviators turned her bar floor into a dance floor. 

“Hey, where did Luke go?” Dragon asked. 

“To call his ‘honey’,” Phoenix spat and Dragon’s smile dropped, “Don’t worry about me. It’s your song, and everyone wants to see you dance with Rooster,” Phoenix pointed to where the boys were dancing. 

“Tasha,” 

“No, seriously,” Phoenix said and pushed her sister towards the floor, “Go dance, before Rooster embarasses himself.” 

“I love you,” Dragon said and squeezed her sister’s shoulder before running to the floor right in time for the last chorus. 

Luke stood against the railing outside the Hard Deck. He could hear the loud bass and the cheers from inside the bar as he held the phone to his ear. His eyes never left Phoenix, seeing her shoulders sag a bit when she pushed her sister back towards her husband. He felt a pit in his stomach. 

“Did you hear me?” The voice on the other end of the line said and Luke stood up a bit straighter. 

“No, I’m sorry, honey, what did you say?” Luke asked, pressing the phone closer to his ear.

“I asked when can I come see you, daddy?” The little girl asked and Luke smiled down at his brown dress shoes. 

“Soon, babygirl, soon. Daddy’s gotta get some stuff settled here first. But I promise, you and Grandma can fly out soon. Now tell me about this school project you gotta do? Interview a hero?” Luke smiled as he heard his little girl ramble on about her school project, his eyes glancing to where Phoenix stood by herself. 

— — — 

Phoenix dwelled on the events of Friday night into the next day. She thought things had gone well between her and Luke until that phone call. If she would’ve known he was involved with someone, she never would’ve asked him to dance. The last thing she wanted was rumors to fly that she was meddling in someone’s marriage. Dating another person in the military came with its own risks, besides the biggest of all being that you put your life on the line for the country. The other was the risk of a ruined reputation. 

Phoenix had worked hard to make a name for herself. It wasn’t easy to be a female fighter pilot, especially a female TopGun graduate. It was only thirty years ago that the first female ever graduated from the prestigious training school. Now, Phoenix was among the best of the best, being chosen for the infamous TopGun dagger squad, alongside her sister. The Navy had talked so much about them, the two Trace sisters from a small town in Wisconsin, now two of the Navy’s best fighter pilots. With holding such a title, came talk and scrutiny from the males. Phoenix had watched first hand the kind of damage that rumors and backtalk can have. She remembered the nights holding her sister as she cried about what some lieutenant had said about her and her relationship with Rooster. 

“Hey, birdbrain, you gonna stand there or help me paint these?” Dragon said, snapping Phoenix out of her repertoire. 

“Sorry,” Phoenix said and continued to paint one of the cabinet doors white. Dragon and Rooster recently moved into their first house, and there was a lot of work to be done. Pretty much everyone in the Dagger squad was helping them get some small project done, “Wait, where is your husband-to-be? How come he can’t help?” 

“It’s book club day,” Dragon shrugged. 

Phoenix snorted. It was Javy’s idea for the men to have an outing once a month, and for some reason, he decided that it should be to the golf course. None of them besides Jake golf regularly. But they had fun drinking and racing each other in golf carts on the course. Phoenix, Dragon and the wives would meet them at the golf club afterwards for dinner and more drinks. 

“So have you talked to Cerberus?” Dragon asked, looking up from the paint can she was holding. 

“Nope, and don’t plan on it,” Phoenix huffed. 

“Tash-” 

“He has someone,” Phoenix said, looking at her sister, “I am not even going to attempt anything. I’d rather stand clear than get my nose into stuff where it doesn’t belong. It’ll only give the misogynistic assholes more fuel.” 

Dragon sighed and set her paintbrush down, “Look, I don’t think there is anyone else. I’m pretty sure he would’ve mentioned it to Rooster or Jake or someone.” 

“Jake never mentioned his wife before we met her, and I was stationed with him for a year,” Phoenix argued. 

“All I’m saying is don’t count him out yet,” Dragon held up her hands in surrender, “I haven’t seen you look so googly eyed and happy about someone since. . . well since Tanner.” 

Phoenix clenched her jaw and felt her heart thudding in her chest. Tanner was a sore subject and Dragon knew it. But the younger sister had a point, Phoenix hadn’t felt the butterflies in her stomach since Tanner. In fact, she swore that they weren’t butterflies, they were more like birds trying to break out of a cage. Phoenix felt her eyes get watery and her throat tighten as memories flooded her mind. She gulped and looked up at her sister. 

“I don’t want to have to fight again for someone’s affection,” Phoenix said and wiped away a stray tear, “I won’t do it. I won’t put myself back into that box.” 

“I’m not saying you have to, Tash,” Dragon said, “I am saying that you need to give the guy a chance. Because that look that you have for him, he’s got the same exact look for you.” 

— — — 

Later that night, Phoenix and Dragon joined the rest of the squadmates at the golf course. Javy was already three sheets to the wind, talking loudly about how Bob completely missed his shot and sent his golf club flying into the other fareway. Phoenix sat next to her sister, like she usually did and Luke sat across from her. The two of them shared quick, longing glances every so often. 

Luke felt horrible leaving Phoenix by herself the other night. He wished that he had her phone number or anyone else in the squad's number to reach out to her. He had been shocked when he got a phone call from Jake this morning, inviting him to their monthly golf outing. His old unit was nothing like this one. He could tell from day one that everyone here saw each other as family, and he loved that about them. Not once did he feel like the odd man out, and everyone made sure that he was welcomed in. 

“So Luke, where did you transfer from?” Val, Coyote’s wife asked. 

“Virginia Beach, ma’am.” Luke smiled. 

“Oh shit not the ‘ma’am’,” Javy slurred and Val smacked her husband’s arm playfully, “Do we got ourselves another cowboy!?” 

Phoenix nodded to herself and thought ‘I knew he had an accent’. Dragon nudged her sister, causing Phoenix to look at her, and wiggled her eyebrows up and down. Phoenix rolled her eyes and looked back towards Luke. 

“Yeah he grew up a fucking SOONER!” Jake exclaimed and his wife swatted his arm. He was also very intoxicated and slurring every word he spoke, “Can y’all believe this shit??? I’m friends with a sooner!” 

“Baby, I don’t think anyone else is concerned about this,” Y/N chuckled, “Ignore him, being from Texas is his whole personality,” Jake looked at his wife and scoffed, “Do you have a family or partner?” 

Luke licked his lips and glanced quickly at Phoenix. He felt his palms grow sweaty and wiped them on his gray shorts, “No partner, but I got a family back home.” 

Phoenix felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. There was no one else. She wasn’t going to be the “other woman”. But not everything settled just right. Maybe he was talking to someone? Maybe he had something complicated going on back home? Still, the curiosity rose in Phoenix as she wanted to know more about it. 

After dinner, the squad found themselves outside on the patio, surrounding a fire pit. Most of them were snuggled up with their significant others, opting to share a chair instead of sitting in one next to them. Phoenix hadn’t ever minded seeing her friends paired up with their partners. It usually brought a smile to her face seeing the other halves of the guys she worked with every day. But now, she felt awkward as she sat between Bob and Luke, a little bit off of the main group, looking at the flames rising from the ceramic pit on the ground. 

“Hey, I gotta go call home,” Bob said and excused himself from the group. 

Luke felt the awkward tension grow even heavier as Bob left the group. He could also feel a pair of eyes burning holes into his head. He slowly turned his head to the left and saw Dragon Trace glaring at him. He had been warned that she was the one person you didn’t want to make mad, and he feared that he had already done that. Swallowing, Luke raised his hand and gave her an awkward little wave, and Dragon just tsked and turned her head back towards the conversation she was having with Payback. 

“Don’t worry, she doesn’t hate you,” Phoenix whispered to him, “That’s not her ‘I’m going to cut your brake lines’ glare, that’s more of her ‘I’m going to hide your flight plans’ glare.” 

Luke nodded, “Glad I have a Dragon translator nearby.” Phoenix nodded and sipped her drink. Luke shifted in his chair so his body was more pointed towards her, “Hey, I’m sorry I left like that.” 

Phoenix just shrugged it off, “It’s alright. No big deal.” 

“No, Phoenix, I. . ,” Luke said and sighed, grabbing her hand in his, “Do you trust me?” 

Phoenix scoffed, “I kinda have to-” 

“No, take the fact that we are teammates out of this,” Luke said, “Do you trust me?” 

Phoenix didn’t trust people. The list was small and she could probably list the names on one hand. But there was something about the way Luke held her hand and looked at her like she was the only thing that mattered that had her nodding her head to his question. Luke squeezed her hand in acknowledgement. 

“Then know that I’m not hiding a wife or husband or partner from you,” He said, “There’s no one else just. . . something else.” 

“I don’t-” 

He was once again saved by the bell as his phone rang. Phoenix felt that pang in her chest as she saw the same caller ID as the other night. His light eyes looked up at her, and she frowned. 

“I’m so sorry, but I need you to trust me.” 

Every fiber in her being was telling her not to. That nothing good could come of this, but she had never been one to listen to what was good for her. So once again, Phoenix nodded. Luke stood up quickly from his seat to go answer his phone, leaving her alone again.

[108garys]

Sherman battle

So for an entirely silly little poll I'm pitting the Shermans against each other to see who gets voted the ultimate Sherman, both are off screen characters from subplots that died decades before the main story and are at best depicted as corpses(also you learn about them through recordings)

First up we have Sherman Crow, "the bulldog of Omaha beach"

A WWII vet, a gun nut(he named they machine gun in hoa Bessie), fist fights in bars for money in his spare time, probably brought the dynamite on the expedition, definitively has a mustache(is actually named Sherman), interested in ancient history

Our second contender is Manny Sherman, "the beast of Arkansas"

A serial killer and (fake)Realtor, Prefers knives, is an artist and puts a lot of thought into his schemes, Cool voice, refused a last meal out of spite, sometimes has a mustache(not actually named Sherman), interested in the Victorian era(mostly HHH but probably architecture too)

[missathlete31]

Work In Progress.... Thursday?

This little conversation came to me when, (shockingly) I was thinking about Hangman angst. Basically it's a conversation between Javy and Nat after the mission, where Javy can't seem to take everyone bashing his best friend anymore (aka fandom Javy is the best Javy).

It paints Hangman in a good but sad light, (sorry I can't help it, I'm VERY BIAS towards him). But I would love to hear what people think about it.

Fair Warning: It's a very rough first draft! Also some adult language in here.

"Are you really all that fucking blind" Coyote spat, an unusual show of animosity dripping from his tone.

"Excuse me?"

"It's an act, Jesus Christ, it's a fucking act" Coyote looked her right in the eyes, any drunkeness she thought she saw was long gone, "he acts like a dick, he acts like the world's cockiest asshole but god he doesn't know any better."

"Don't excuse his bullying-"

"It's how he gets you all to fly better Phoenix, and don't even try to deny that it didn't work. He a shitty communicator but he gets results."

"Why would he bother-“

"Because he cares, shit he cares. He worries non-stop about all of you, about all of us. He brought up Bradshaw's father, a dick move I know" he cut in before Natasha could, "because he was petrified that Rooster wouldn't fly fast enough without it. He knew Mitchell was picking him for the mission and he needed to get him motivated."

"Maverick wasn't even team leader then, don't tell me Hangman knew-"

"Of course he knew, we all did. Everyone saw there was history, everyone saw the way Maverick chased after Rooster on the tarmac that first day. It was obvious he was on some sort of apology tour and was going to use the wingman spot to curry favor- I'm not saying Bradshaw didn't deliver in the end" Javy raised a hand to stop the argument she was about to make, "but you cannot tell me that he was the right choice prior. He never made it through the course under the time. He constantly ignored his group to make a point that slower was fine."

Natasha's gaze turned to Rooster who was chatting with Omaha, Fitz, Fanboy and Payback at the pool table. All was good now but Phoenix remembered the fear in Payback's voice over the comms when he knew Rooster wasn't flying fast enough; wasn't leading them fast enough. Coyote was right; she was blinded by her loyalty at the time but choosing Rooster was clearly Maverick's attempt at making amends, a decision that could have resulted in people not making it home. She turned back to see the other pilot was watching her gaze, "You knew it too,” Coyote told her softly some of his anger burned away, “you just didn't want to accept it."

"I couldn't" she looked down, "not at the time."

"I get it."

But Natasha raised her head, her own anger coming back, "Of course you do," she chided, "you’re blinded by your best friend too. You can't honestly convince me that his actions are because he cares. He insults us regularly.” she spat bitterly.

“He pushes you, in the only way he knows how.”

“Coyote-“

"Believe whatever you want" Javy shrugged, "he prefers you think the worst of him anyway."

"I mean it's just- he's-"

"I know what he is" and again that sobering look was on the man's face, "I know better than anyone and if you or any of the other's would bother to take a second to really look, you'd see it too."

"He's horrible to everyone, can you blame them-"

"Who is always the first one to text you for your birthday Natasha, no matter where either of you are stationed?"

"Okay but-"

"Who sent flowers for your grandmother's funeral? Who drove you six hours to your parents that time you were stuck four years ago? Who helped Yale get the leave he needed by trading in his own? Who made sure Rooster got to the hospital the night of his car accident in flight school? Who salvaged Halo's birthday party when everyone got reassigned at the last minute? Who fought those guys that jumped Omaha despite having no other backup? Who cleaned up when we all got trashed after the dogfight football game so Penny didn't have to on her own? I know it's easier to think of Jake Seresin as a dick but don't deny he hasn't been a friend all these years as well. I thought better of you."

"That's not fair-"

"Isn't it?” His eyes narrowed dangerously, “tell me, do you know when Jake's birthday is?"

The woman couldn't help the heat that rushed to her face from her lack of answer, "I- I don't" she admitted.

"Do you know anything about him? His family? His hometown? Anything? Did you know he never goes back home during leaves or holidays? He stays on base alone or he goes with me if I'm off the same time."

Again Nat shook her head, "I- I never realized-"

"Yeah" Coyote finished his drink and stood up from his barstool, "I didn't think so."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go check on him. I want to make sure he's alright-"

Her brow furrowed, "Why wouldn't he be?"

"Just forget it."

"No wait," she pulled at Javy's arm so he couldn't walk away, "I’m serious. I know he didn’t come out tonight but I figured he had other plans or something. Is that not the case?”

Coyote looked her dead in the eye for a moment and Phoenix felt like she was taking a test she didn’t know how to pass. Finally Javy seemed to lower his defensives, “He didn’t come out because he was trying to get some sleep” the man shared carefully.

“Oh-“ Nat couldn’t contain the surprise, “he’s having trouble sleeping?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re worried about him” she observed softly.

“Someone has to” he shot back tightly, “because he sure as shit isn’t going to worry about himself.”

The statement caught Natasha off guard but she opted to not question it. She always thought of Jake Seresin as self centered but clearly from the stress in Javy’s posture, it seemed that cockiness was just another part of the Hangman show. Phoenix cleared her throat to get her companion’s attention, “do you think-“ she huffed out a breath, not sure how her request would be received, “do you want some company to go check on him? Maybe I can help?”

Coyote stayed silent for a moment as he watched her with a frown. His eyes shifted to the other Daggers still having fun before they rested back on the female aviator, “don’t you want to get back to the others?”

“I want to check on my friend” she amended with a raised brow, relieved when Javy matched her expression but didn’t exactly contradict her. “He’s not going to like it” Coyote offered instead, “Jake didn’t want anyone to know.”

“When have I ever done what Hangman likes” she tried to joke. It barely landed but Phoenix counted it as a win when Javy gave the tiniest of a nod towards the door, “alright, let’s go.”

Part 2:

Javy headed into the gym quickly, immediately reaching for the speed controls on the treadmill and slowing it to a walking pace. Hangman offered a weak nod as he staggered off the machine. "Thanks man" the man's voice was breathy as he panted, "went a little too hard."

"'A little hard?'" Coyote mocked, "you look ready to collapse-"

The blonde waved him off, reaching for his water bottle and taking a big sip, "I'm fine- what you doing here anyway?"

"When I didn’t see you in your bunk, I figured your dumbass would head to the gym, do you have any idea what time it is? What are you doing Jake? The treadmill says you’ve been running for 11 miles already! Are you crazy?”

The blonde pilot bristled in indignation but Javy could see the touch of embarrassment that colored Hangman's cheeks, "It’s fine” Jake argued, “It’s just a work out, don’t get all upset-"

"I will get upset because you’re meant to be trying to get some sleep" he emphasized the other man’s sweating body, "this doesn't look like sleeping."

"Just needed to get my body a little more tired before I try again-"

"Jake this is the fifth night in a row-"

"It's getting better, I was able to get twenty minutes before-"

Javy shook his head sadly, "You need to talk to someone man,"

"I'm handling it-"

"No you're not, you haven't gotten a decent night sleep since we docked and I'm getting worried.”

Hangman opened his mouth to respond but stopped when he noticed another figure in the gym, a dark haired woman standing just a few feet back, "Phoenix?" he gaped out in surprise, “what are you doing here?"

Nat offered a weak wave as she stepped closer, "Hey Bagman-"

Jake’s green eyes narrowed onto his best friend, cold with betrayal, "Why did you bring her?” He asked sternly.

Javy shrugged, "She insisted."

"For what?” Hangman asked, “ I texted you before that I was fine. I told you to enjoy your night-"

"And I wasn't. Not with you here not sleeping- come on man, let me help-"

"There's nothing to help" Jake turned to Phoenix, his voice short but with more emotions than he normally showed, “I don't know why you felt the need to come but you can head on back to the bar now, nothing to see here."

The woman refused to be deterred, "I heard you’re having trouble sleeping-“ she began.

Jake’s shot Javy another nasty look before turning back to Nat with a smirk on his face, “no actually,” he retorted icily, “I felt like a late night workout. It takes a lot to look this good-“

"Jake-" she couldn’t contain her eye roll, “you don’t have to lie”

“Lie about what Natasha?" He opened his arms like he welcomed her argument, “I’m sleeping fine okay? Javy is just being ridiculous. I’m good-“ but he cut off when Natasha’s hands grabbed his. “Jake” she whispered, waiting until his green eyes finally met hers, “please. I'm not here to judge you. It’s okay.” she motion to Javy and herself, “we both just want to help you.”

“I don’t need help!” The man continued to argue. “I told you I’m good- I can sleep anytime I want okay,” his composure started to slip, his words becoming more frantic, “I can. It’s fine. I’m fine-“

She squeezed his hand tighter, “it’s normal what you’re going through” she reasoned but the blonde aviator only shook his head, “it’s not” he finally admitted, voice broken, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” he let out a loose sob.

“Oh Jake” Nat pulled him into her chest despite their size difference, “there’s nothing wrong with you. I get nightmares too you know-"

But it was clear she said the wrong thing as Hangman jumped from her embrace as though burned. He scrubbed at his face, erasing any evidence of his breakdown. “It makes sense you have nightmares” the man explained, his tone softened at the woman’s admission, but he kept his distance. “You had the bird strike, you flew the mission. Your nightmares are warranted.” He shook his head, “I was just the spare, I never flew the course-“

Nat's eyes widen as she stared at the exhausted man in front of her. One look at Javy and she could tell that he felt just as horrified at Hangman's rationale. “Jake- you flew the mission-"

"I didn't. I was just a dick to everyone and compromised the team.”

She shook her head, "You saved Bradley and Mav, you got a confirmed kill, you saved the day-"

"And I was almost too late, the missile... I-" he trailed off, his face contorting with emotions before he was able to pull the Hangman mask back on. Jake steeled his features, “look I don't need your concern alright? Go back to the others, both of you. I'm fine-"

"Jake-" Javy argued reaching forward and gripping his best friend's arm. Jake gave it a second before he shook of the touch, "Leave me alone, I mean it."

TO BE CONTINUED: (Maybe?)

[madcatdaderpydrawer-blog]

Monty and Mangle Date 2

Monty? is there, and incredibly British. And a waiter. If it’s really Monty, they refuse to break character

FMonty? says their name is Montfathery, and leads them through the whole restaurant before seating them near the entrance.

Monty? insists that the orders are raw meat and vodka. Mangle ordered steak (didn’t get to say her preference) and water, and Foxy didn’t get to order.

This is still better than the one with Forkface.

Monty? brings them strawberry lemonade, because they’re out of water. Monty? claims to have drank it all.

Foxy and Mangle bond over their mutual hatred for Gregory.

Monty? violently throws pancakes at their table, claiming they’re steaks. And then starts yeeting drinks at them in the name of refills

Monty? runs up and grabs Foxy’s neck. Then picks up a plate of pancakes off the floor and sets it back on the table.

Foxy lost his drink. Mangle finds him a blue one at the table behind them. Both their drinks are so thick they aren’t really liquids anymore.

Monty? brings them a whole goose. Foxy asks them to fuck off and let them enjoy their dinner. Monty? is not pleased.

Foxy suggests just ignoring Monty? from now on.

Monty? is doing something with the goose in the kitchen, that involves beating it with a frying pan.

Foxy and Mangle decide to sneak up to the upstairs lounge while that’s happening.

Another Monty shows up on stage and starts performing, wearing their Daftpunk 2 costume that they got a lawsuit for.

Daftpunk Monty get stuck. Foxy takes their mic.

Monty calls Foxy. Foxy mutes his phone.

Mangle was sleeping in backroom of the Fazcade and the vents near Glamrock Chica’s room for awhile.

Daftpunk Monty starts up again. They start singing without the mic.

Mangle now sleeps in Glamrock Chicas room. I am behind on that channel, too, but apparently Glamrock Chica was kicked out of the Plex because she kept damaging herself and the repairs were getting too costly.

Daftpunk Monty leaves.

Monty appears! For real! And needs to talk to Foxy.

Mangle has to use the men’s room because the other bathroom is backed up.

Daftpunk Monty was there to distract Foxy and Mangle while Monty fixed things.

Mangle made a mistake when she ordered steak. Waiter Monty is currently on a killing spree in Omaha county to make steaks.

Monty leaves, they’re finally alone. It’s almost peaceful, but there’s something awkward about it.

Waiter Monty is back, spying on them from the stairs. They’re holding a phone, dialing something.

Foxy and Mangle decide to leave.

Waiter Monty approaches them with a $2000 bill. Foxy and Mangle decide to dine n dash.

Foxy kicks Waiter Monty in the shin. Waiter Monty makes it weird.

Waiter Monty: Alright, I have an available table for you, in July, 1988.

Mangle: 1988?

___

Foxy: Why is it Every. Single time I do anything, it gets weird?

___

Waiter Monty: Your mother *censored* in hell.

___

Foxy: right in the shin, just *kicks Waiter Monty*

Waiter Monty: *horny noises* Harder!

PFFF “horny noises”

[skippyv20]

Why so angry? NYTs OP ED author info. Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim here with some info on this highly opinionated writer who IMO is not a student of history. Instead, she finds it easier to eloquently state, in perfect grammar, big fabrications to fit her very angry drift. Talk about “influencer” of the day! Roxane Gay is from Omaha, NE, born in 1974 and is of Haitian descent in a well off family who supported her through college and paid her rent until she was 30. She was a high school student at the prestigious Phillips Exeter Academy in NH; undergraduate for a while at Yale; graduate from Vermont College; a master’s from Univ of Nebraska-Lincoln; PhD from Michigan Tech. University; finally becoming a professor at Purdue and visiting prof at Yale.

She is 6'3" and obviously has a very big health problem. This photo was taken at U.S.C. Oct, 16, 2021. In 2018, she revealed she had a sleeve gastrectomy which helps one lose weight.

She is bisexual and is married to writer Debbie Millman.

She is a favorite award winner for her edgy subject matter. In May of 2019, Gay and Medium media launched Gay Magazine. The list of her writing and editorial projects is long. That is why, as I was trying to slog thru the obnoxious Op Ed from the New York Times, I was shocked to see her highly educated background.

We learned when PinEvil produced her Op Ed on her so-called miscarriage these are PAID for pieces. They are on the opposite page of their Editorial page and are up for grab$$$.

What is sad is she seems to be really intelligent. How she was swayed by the Harkles is a big question. Are they part of this community? There have been hints about both of the Harkles over the years for their leanings/preferences.

So tired of the Harkles media onslaught while there was a whisper they are off yachting in the Bahamas presumably for some R & R after all their hard work.

Wonder how the daily press reviews are received out there…choppy conditions? Chilly off-shore breeze?

Thank you for researching her for us!  Interesting ❤️

[coyotesamachado]

I posted 1,917 times in 2022

That's 1,917 more posts than 2021!

198 posts created (10%)

1,719 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@notroosterbradshaw

@struggling-with-space

@d4r32bstup1d

@babyrooster

@wildbornsiren

I tagged 1,328 of my posts in 2022

Only 31% of my posts had no tags

#fic rec - 535 posts

#hangman rec - 215 posts

#jake hangman seresin - 171 posts

#rooster rec - 166 posts

#bradley rooster bradshaw - 130 posts

#stardust reblog challenge - 124 posts

#sarah speaks - 90 posts

#hangman - 89 posts

#rooster - 77 posts

#bob rec - 66 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

if it's worth your time masterlist.

Javy "Coyote" Machado x Female!Reader

It has been a little over two years since the Uranium Plant Mission, when Omaha needs to recuse himself from the specialized squadron created after it's success. You're called back to replace him, packing up your two year old daughter, and heading back to Top Gun. You know you're heading back to work with old friends, ones you haven't seen in years. What you don't expect is there's someone else waiting there for you, too.

Considering this will be multiple parts, I thought I'd throw up a masterlist for it. I'm really excited to be writing this. It's based off a line from the song "Chelsea" by The Summer Set, and Bozer and Riley's interactions in the first season of the 2016 Macgyver. Chapter titles are from the original Macgyver, for no reason other than I love Richard Dean Anderson and wanted to tie it all together nicely.

Preview.

Two times the trouble - Prologue. High control. The road not taken. Every time she smiles. For love or money. The black corsage. Ten percent solution. Split decisions. On a wing and a prayer. The gauntlet. Unfinished business. Three for the road - Epilogue.

I'm going to have a separate taglist for this, so let me know if you'd like to be added.

207 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#4

I’m feeling like a winner

Robert “Bob” Floyd x Female!Reader

By the time the night is ending, you’re happily wrapped up in his arms, leaning up against him, smiling at the group of people surrounding them. Bob is whispering sweet nothings in your ear, at least, that’s what you happily let people think. Instead, he’s whispering filthy little things, causing a blush to bloom across your chest and up your neck.

This is a three shot based on the song Blow by Ed Sheeran, Chris Stapleton, and Bruno Mars. Each shot is based on a different verse of the song and will have a different lead. This came about thanks to @notroosterbradshaw reminding me how freaking good this song is and I have listened to it far too often in the last 24 hours. 

WC: 722

Warnings: Allusion to sex, drinking. No use of Y/N, no physical description other than a dress. Under cut because Reader discretion is still advised.

Hangman. Rooster.

He watches you carefully from his perch by the bar, the two of you are very much polar opposites when it comes to being out and about in a crowd. Where Bob is happy to sit on the side of the action, observing what’s going on, you much prefer being the center of attention, running around and talking to anyone and everyone. To anyone who doesn’t know the two of you, it would be strange that it’s your engagement party and he’s not by your side, but to the people who do, they recognize that it’s a part of the reason the two of you work so well.  

You talk to everyone with a bright smile on your face, the shiny ring on your finger a happy distraction for all your guests. Bob watches as you hug his parents, a thank you for throwing this party for them. You hug your own parents, grateful that they had been able to fly out and be there. You even hug Hangman, a surprised expression on his face when you fling yourself at him in your champagne haze, but you thank him for coming with a bright smile before turning around to find someone else to hug. This is one of the reason’s Bob loves you so much, why he can’t imagine spending his life with anyone else. Even when he’s supposed to be the person receiving the attention, you’re more than happy to take all of it, give him a chance to breathe.

By the time the night is ending, you’re happily wrapped up in his arms, leaning up against him, smiling at the group of people surrounding them. Bob is whispering sweet nothings in your ear, at least, that’s what you happily let people think. Instead, he’s whispering filthy little things, causing a blush to bloom across your chest and up your neck. You’re able to pass it off as warmth from the champagne you’ve been drinking all evening when Phoenix asks if you’re feeling okay. Honestly, you’ve never felt better. He presses a kiss to your naked shoulder, the tulle of your strapless dress scratching at his hands where he has the fabric balled in them. You turn your head towards him, smiling sweetly.

“Think we can leave now?” you ask, desperate for something more than just his words.

He lets go of you, finishing off his drink and pushes you forward gently so he can stand behind you. The movement interrupts the conversation happening around you.

“Well, everyone, I think it’s about time I got my wonderful fiancé home, feel free to stay and keep drinking,” he says, wrapping an arm around you as everyone shares a look.

The two of you make one last round, saying goodbye to everyone before finally making it out of the venue.

“I thought we’d never get out of there,” you muse as the two of you take the short walk back to your hotel. “And Jesus, Bobby, did you have to start talking like that in front of everyone?” Your tone is teasing, but he can hear the frustration in your voice as well.

“I don’t know, baby. Your mom asked me when we were gonna start giving her grand-babies, and seeing you in that dress, it just got me thinking babies aren’t all that far away...” He trails off, looking down at his phone to make sure they’re still going the right way.

“What are you saying Bobby?”

“I’m saying I want to make a baby with you.”

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk and he only notices when he feels your hand pull from his. He turns back around to see you taking off your heels, and looks up at you confused.

"Well, what are you waiting for Mr? We might as well start practicing,” you say and he’s holding out his hand to take your heels, a dumbfounded expression because he wasn’t expecting that reaction from you. Instead, you take his hand in your own, and start moving on quicker feet than before.

Your laughter rings out in the streets, and the person at the front desk of your hotel smiles knowingly when the two of you run past her in a daze. The elevator doesn’t even begin to close before the two of you are on one another.

---

Tag list

@luckyladycreator2

226 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

#3

Wouldn’t you love to love her? 1/3

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw and Original Female Character

Then Hangman is telling him to follow her, and it takes a moment for him to blink out of his reverie. He scrambles out his seat and Phoenix barks out a laugh. No one knows who else is going on the mission, but they all know that Mac will be one of those pilots. A lot of them would be lying if they said that they hadn’t known that from the minute she walked into the Hard Deck that first night. While all of them were cocky pilots, outwardly so, Mac was just confident. The rest of them were quick to try and discredit each other's abilities, trying to make themselves seem bigger and badder, but she just simply let her flying do the talking. However, with her being a guarantee to fly, it means there’s a guarantee that she might not come back, so maybe that affords her a few little luxuries.

Long time reader, first time publishing something for other people to read. This was heavily inspired, loosely based on "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac. Apparently there's just something about Fleetwood Mac and shirtless men with a 80's editing wash that just gets to me. I say semi-reader insert because the main character is never identified by anything other than her callsign.

Callsign is "Mac". I know I'm so creative.

It has been about two weeks since I saw the movie so if anything is out of whack in terms of sequencing, I apologize. I also want to apologize if there's any mistakes in Americanisms. I am Australian, and though I have been writing for very long time as American characters, sometimes the Australian still peeks through.

This is cross posted from my AO3, link in the source.

WC: 5560.

Warnings: eventual smut, explicit language, explicit sexual content, drinking, safety first, gratuitous use of commas. Under the cut because it is 18+ Reader discretion is advised.

Part two. Part Three.

Who will be her lover?

They watch her take off, can hear the smile on her face when she speaks over the comms.

They were brought back to Top Gun because they were the best of the best, as Phoenix reminded them the night before, but when Mac takes to the air with a lightness and grace, even Hangman has to admit that she’s the best among them. She has this air of coolness that when she’s in the air, nothing phases her. She deals with the g-force amazingly and her breath control is insane. Hangman would make a comment about it if he wasn’t so impressed. She breathes out slowly as she pulls the F-18 into a straight climb, narrowly missing being “shot down” by Maverick. She barely makes a sound over the comms as she shoots through the sky, where they could hear everyone else’s heavy breaths, snide comments, and quick rebuffs. She flips her plane easily, dropping down behind Maverick in their dogfight exercise, her sight set on him as she aims, but he drops out quickly before the kill tone can sound.

They fly around for what feels like hours before Maverick’s breathing heavy and Mac’s hands are shaking. He tells her to land her plane, calling it a draw, and the rest of the class are looking at one another wondering what that means for her push-ups. She has sweat dripping down the back of her neck, the tank underneath her flight suit heavily drenched. Her breathing finally seems heavy, her chest heaving despite the broad grin on her face. She grips Maverick’s hand in a firm shake, and he’s shaking his head at her with a laugh. She passes him her helmet and walks back into the hanger to the slow clap from the rest of the team with the exception of Rooster who is still completing his push-ups.

She waits there while everyone else is showering and when he doesn’t come back once the hanger is cleared, she goes in search of him. Hondo isn’t out there anymore, but Rooster is still doing his push-ups.

“They’re all gone Rooster, you can stop,” she says as she approaches, but he only gives her a grunt in reply and continues.

She goes to walk away when she hears the choked-out sob. She doesn’t turn to stare, instead she sits down on the tarmac looking out over the runways. She’s not too far away but she’s close enough that he knows she’s there if he needs her.

-

She moves easily through the crowd, spinning and ducking and weaving through the hands and voices trying to capture her attention. Her feet move with the agility of a dancer, and she supposes that she was in another life. In another life, she was dancing on the stages of the world, high on tip toe, graceful and delicate. But it’s not another life, it’s this one so she’s dancing through the crowded bar, four beer bottles dangling from her nimble fingers.

“MAA-AAAC!!!!” rings through her ears in a singsong fashion and she grins as she approaches her new friends. Rooster’s voice is loud over the noise in The Hard Deck and it only makes her chuckle. Passing out the beers to Bob and Phoenix, she holds Rooster’s just out of reach, teasing it back and forth, frustration etched in his forehead until she holds it out a little too long and he’s able to grasp it, snatching it from her. Her laughter rings out loudly, and Bob’s and Phoenix's joins it until after Rooster has swallowed his first mouthful and gets over it.

She sits with them and brings her own bottle to her lips, tipping her head back for a moment, and Rooster can’t help but stare for a moment as her throat bobs when she swallows. Phoenix coughs when she catches him, and Mac opens her eyes glancing at the woman she considers her closest friend here as she continues to down her beer. She misses the way Rooster’s eyes darken, but Phoenix and Bob don’t. A look is shared between them before Rooster blinks and brings his eyes to anywhere but her.

-

“You look like you need a dance partner, Mac.”

Hangman’s in her ear, and her hips stutter from their swaying movement, the skirt of her dress still moving despite the sudden stop.

“And you think that’s going to be you?” she asks, a smirk appearing on her lips. She twirls away from him, her laughter following as she sways her way over to the bar and parks herself next to Bob.

“How many times do men need to hear the word no?” she asks him with a sigh before picking out a peanut from his bowl.

“Some men, only once,” he states factually, “But men like Hangman, probably another dozen.”

Mac smiles at the smirk on his face, happy to see him enjoying himself. Anything to bring Hangman down a peg and prop Bob up just a little more. His quiet demeanor reminds her of her own. She appreciates having him at Top Gun, a grounding force when it should be so easy to fall into a cocky stride alongside the other pilots.

“Do you need another drink?” she asks him, turning back to the bar to get Penny’s attention. He barely has a chance to answer before she’s ordering two beers on her tab and passing one over to Bob. Then she’s standing up again and dancing away. He can’t help but be impressed that she’s the same on the ground as she is in the air. She’s calm, cool and collected, never staying in one place too long and constantly dancing away from scenarios. He admires that about her.

She finds her way over to Phoenix, her eyes fixating on the other woman from the moment they land on her. She takes a swig of beer as she shimmies over to her. When she reaches her, her beer is thrust into Rooster’s hand without a sideways glance before she extends her other hand to Phoenix.

See the full post

231 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#2

if it's worth your time - prologue

Javy "Coyote" Machado x Female!Reader

“Are they a thing?” Javy leans in, talking to Jake quietly so no one else can hear him, watching you and Bob interact. 

“No, they’re just really close. Have been since Top Gun. You’ve heard us talking about Mercy before,” he says, throwing a questioning glance at his friend. 

“Yeah, but I didn’t think she was going to look like that,” he looks you up and down, your attention directed at Bob so you can’t see them. 

I wasn't expecting to hit 300 quite that quickly, but here we are. Welcome new followers and hello again to all of you. I am very excited to be sharing this fic with you, it's been my little brain baby for the last two or three weeks. I planned something out for the first time ever and I'm really hoping that you all enjoy it. The plan had been to write the next part before posting, but I am incredibly impatient and excitable. This whole fic takes place two years after the events of Top Gun: Maverick, so I will be taking liberties as I please, but it is based on the thought that the twelve of them stick together as Dagger Squad. Feedback is very welcome, but I hope you end up loving this whole series as much as I do.

callsign: Mercy, it will be explained at some point in this story.

WC: 1.5k

series warnings: eventual smut, swearing, drinking, reader is a mom!, 18+ only. More warnings in each chapter.

chapter warnings: drinking, swearing, protective!Bob and Hangman.

series masterlist | my masterlist | next chapter

taglist: @notroosterbradshaw @writercole @lj13oct @creativitybeware @jakexfmc @stargurl-battleship @peachiicherries 

Two Times the Trouble

Walking back into the Hard Deck was a sentimental experience for you. You’d been stationed out at Lemoore for the last three years, and since the Navy had built their specialized team based on the Uranium Plant Mission, you had thought that was pretty much it for you. It was nice, having the stability and being close to your parents, but that hadn’t stopped the envy and disappointment you had felt when you couldn’t be selected to go back to Top Gun. 

You had no intention of making an entrance, but that wasn’t to be the case when your name rings loud and clear across the music of the bar. 

“Mercy! Is that you?”  

Phoenix’s voice makes you laugh, because you’d only told Bob that you were coming back to town, namely because your daughter wanted to call and let him know that she’d see him soon, in her two-year-old, babbling manner. 

Eyes flick towards you as you walk through the crowded bar, throwing a quick wave towards Penny. Phoenix moves quicker than you, throwing elbows to get people out of the way so she can wrap her arms around you in a tight hug. 

“Missed you, Mercy,” she says softly so no one but you can hear her. 

“You too Nix, missed you too,” you reply. Emotions are not something either of you really like to display in front of others, but there were moments, like now, that while you’d prefer your privacy, it’s been too long to not let emotions get the best of you. 

You let go after a moment, eyes scanning the other pilots she was with for your best friend. 

“He’s in the toilet,” she explains, and you laugh. 

“Alright then, come and introduce to everyone I don’t know.” 

Phoenix wraps a hand around your wrist, like you’re easily lost in the crowd. You do that to your daughter but never really think of people to doing the same to you. You’re then thrust into the center of the of a group of pilots, some familiar, others not. You wrap your arms around Hangman. The two of you had a small detachment together a few years ago and fell into a quick and easy friendship, based solely on your own determination that he had people he could call friends. You grin at Rooster, Jake’s arm still around you. You pull away from Jake and walk over to Fritz, falling into his hug quickly, a grin on your face at getting to see him again. Then you’re introduced to everyone else. Halo (who Fritz has told you about), Fanboy and Payback (clearly a package deal the way Phoenix has spoken about them), Yale and Harvard, and Coyote. You smile brightly at him but then your attention is brought right back away from him when Bob comes walking in from the back. 

“You came?” He calls out excitedly, and you push between Jake and Coyote to get to him. 

“Robby!” falls affectionately from your lips as you wrap your arms around him and he swings you around, pulling your feet just off the floor. 

The rest of the group look away for a moment, like this is a moment just meant for the two of you. 

“Where’s my favorite girl?” He asks when your feet land on the ground again. 

“She’s right in front of you, Rob.” You smack his chest lightly and he grins at you. “She’s with Amelia,” you continue throwing a nod in Penny’s direction.  

- 

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280 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Picture Perfect Porcelain

Robert “Bob” Floyd x Reader/Original Female Character

Her arm curls around the door so it’s lined up along the edge of it, Bob thinks he sees a droplet of water track from her wrist back down to her elbow, but his glasses are back in his locker and he really wishes they weren’t right now. He swallows thickly, because it’s different when he knows she’s naked behind there as opposed to it being salt water after she had been thrown into the ocean by Coyote during dogfight football.

Basically, I love hot showers.

Title is from Ever After by Marianas Trench.

Callsign is Mist.

This is cross posted from my AO3, link in the source.

WC: 2907.

Warnings: 18+, smut, hot showers, girl can’t deep throat, oral (male receiving), vaginal fingering, rooster is a menace.

Walking into the shower room, Bob could kick himself. She always waits until everyone else is finished with their showers, because she likes to have hot showers, the kind of ones that turn the room into a sauna, and leave no hot water for anyone else. Apparently, he hadn’t been fast enough though, because Mist is in here and he still hasn’t had a shower.

The door closes behind him and he flinches as the resounding bang echoes around the room. He hears her gasp, and she’s opening the door to her stall and peaking her head out.

“Bob! Shit, sorry, I was told everyone had been through already, I’ll finish up,” she rushes out.

“No, no, it’s fine, I’ll just have a cold one. I don’t mind,” he says quickly, trying to placate the situation because he doesn’t want to take away her shower time. His own are a moment to decompress from the day, and since she tends to take the longest and the hottest whenever she has the chance, he can only imagine that it’s the same for Mist. Her arm curls around the door so it’s lined up along the edge of it, Bob thinks he sees a droplet of water track from her wrist back down to her elbow, but his glasses are back in his locker and he really wishes they weren’t right now. He swallows thickly, because it’s different when he knows she’s naked behind there as opposed to it being salt water after she had been thrown into the ocean by Coyote during dogfight football.

“No seriously, just give me a minute and I'll wash all this soap off and then it’s all yours, plenty of water left.”

She pulls her arm back and goes to lock the door behind her when Bob speaks again, it’s so soft that she can barely hear him.

“What was that?” she calls out, her voice singing out over the noise of the shower.

Bob rubs the back of his neck, wondering whether he should repeat himself or just let those words disappear with the steam.

“Bob?”

This was going to end badly, he could tell.

“What if...”

The door opens again, her head and shoulder appear before him. While he wishes he had the kind of easy assurance that Hangman does to ask for what he wants, he doesn’t. It deflates him a little and he sighs.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be out in the locker room when you’re done,” he says, turning away from her and going to walk out.

“Wait! Were you... Are you... Will you...” she stutters, and she wishes she had the kind confidence that Phoenix has, to say what she wants without stuttering over it.

The steam is still thick around them, but it feels thicker than it had a minute ago.

“Bob, what if you just joined me, instead of waiting or...” she trails off again, and it’s so difficult to just put herself out there.

He turns back to her, and the door is open a little more, her collarbone now in his line of sight and he feels ridiculously overdressed. He stands there staring at her a beat too long and she breaths a long sigh.

“Sorry Bob, I just, I promise I’m nearly done, just forget what I said.”

It’s the door closing again that pulls Bob from his head and he’s dragging his shirt over his head, and unbuttoning his pants as he walks over. The shower turns off before he can knock or speak again. He feels like his lost his shot, but for once, he doesn’t want to walk away from it without trying.

“Turn it back on,” there’s a demand in his voice, and it kind of shocks him because he only really talks like that when he’s in the plane and needs Phoenix to do something in particular. He hears the gasp behind the door, and he smirks to himself. But her shower is back on and he feels the steam where he’s standing. The snick of the lock opening again captures his attention, and his heart is beating an unhealthy rhythm. Her hand is darting out like she’s trying to grab his shirt and pull him in, but when she only meets the smooth skin of his chest, there’s a choked off groan hitting the back of her throat.

She pulls open the door and steps back into the heat of the water, hoping the steam gives her a little bit of modesty. For the fact that Bob isn’t wearing his glasses, he really wishes she was closer right now. He drops his shirt on the little bench seat next to him, and turns to lock the door behind him. He takes in a deep breath, it’s all humid air at this point, and tells himself he can do this. She’s watching him carefully from where she’s near pressed up against the back corner. She feels like she should look away, but he’s bending down to shed himself of his pants and she can’t take her eyes off him. He folds both his pants and underwear neatly and puts them with his shirt, and her eyes are glued to the curve of ass down to the muscle of his thighs. When he turns, she’s suddenly very interested in the tile beneath her feet.

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573 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[shoplobster]

Shoplobster review

Shoplobster review

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[sakizm]

For the Nebraska Ask:

1, 4, 7, 11, 13, 30, 32

:)

hopefully the answers aren’t too corny🌽

1) unl, unk, or uno? •been to all 3 and prefer unl (tho uno parking is still ridiculous even after 10 years)

4) favorite thing to do in nebraska? •attend local maker/artist events. check out new restaurants & bars with friends in those omaha neighborhoods (blackstone, benson, old market, etc.)

7) what's your hometown? if you're apart of annexed omaha, do you say you're from omaha or your town?•i’m from a rural small village located south of the omaha area. i tell people i’m from the omaha area cause even people FROM omaha don’t even know where my hometown is at lol even tho it’s a 30 mile drive😅

11) favorite local store? •this is like asking me who’s the favorite child lol, i have too many favorites so i’ll list my top 3: made in omaha, dusk goods gifts, & goldenrod pastries

13) runza or valentino’s? •runza, hands down

30) favorite nebraska fact™? •the reuben sandwich was invented at the blackstone hotel in early 1900s omaha (for the best reuben experience, go to crescent moon which is across the street)

32) least favorite thing about nebraska? •aside from the politics… i hate interstate 80 with a passion. sure it’s a faster way to get to colorado blah blah, but nebraska has so so so much more to see beyond the boring flat platte river valley plains