#on the bright side though: she doesn't have to think about long covid and the fact i was hoping to do something fun with the husband

[taito-division]

Since you've pretty much asked this of every other division, we only feel it's right for you to answer it, as well. So...

With the COVID numbers slowly rising again (unfortunately), that's got me thinking of a question I wanted to ask...

If COVID took place in the HypMic universe, how would your OC's handle it? Would they slowly go insane from being trapped indoors? Would they develop an unhealthy drinking/smoking habit? Or would they be perfectly fine?

(😒 Darn you, Alex. But I suppose I had this coming...)

If he was back in America, Ace would be worried about COVID. And seeing as how it came from a foreign country, it would only redouble his hatred for Asian countries, specifically. But seeing as how he is stuck here in Japan as a diplomat... well, he's not too bothered. His job involves him traveling all the way from Okinawa to Tokyo to meet with the Prime Minister and other officials. But seeing as how the whole country is in lockdown and safety regulations are in place, he basically has a free vacation. He'll spend his time in Eagle's Nest on his phone on PROFILE, or playing pool on Rashaad's new pool table that he got for his birthday.

Of course, he'd keep up to date with the virus. He'd also call his family back in the States and make sure all of them are safe. Though he is worried, he knows that there is little that can be done about it.

Evelyn... this girl is going to lose her freaking mind. She is an extrovert to the umpth degree. It is not right to keep her confined indoors for too long! She needs to be outside, either on the beach, soaking up some rays from the sun, or in a nightclub, dancing the night away! She loves Eagle's Nest, and she loves Ace and Rashaad, but she can't stand being indoors forever! So whenever a chance to go outside comes, even if it's just to buy groceries, this California girl is going to take it. She'll keep up with safety regulations cause she doesn't want to get sick. But knowing her, she'll probably spend more time than is required outside. It'll take Ace calling her to get her to come back, which she will, begrudgingly.

Like Ace, she is also going to be worried for her family back in the States. She'd call them like five times a week, just to make sure they are all okay. She'd be worried sick for all of them and hope that they make it out of this alright.

Rashaad is going to be the one most hurt by this financially. He relies on customers to keep his bar going, but due to the pandemic, nobody's going to be stopping by Eagle's Nest for a drink anytime soon. He'll still keep the place open, but he'll definitely have to make some changes. For example, he'll have to change his hours: no more opening and closing at 6 or 7. Plus, he can only allow a certain number of patrons. And those he does allow in will have to either be vaccinated or must be following safety guidelines. Plus, when the bar is closed, he'll have to sanitize it from top to bottom. So yeah, things are definitely going to be tight for awhile for Japan's favorite bartender.

On the bright side, this pandemic will allow the bar owner to catch up on some much-needed sleep. Plus, with all the free time, he'll have more time to practice with his saxophone and start working on putting together his jazz band for when the pandemic is over.

Azusa... this pandemic is going to be a challenge for her, financially, physically, and mentally. She was barely making enough money as it was with her dojo. But with the pandemic, fewer and fewer students are going to be showing up for classes, putting the dojo in jeopardy. What's more, her father, who is already sick, is obviously going to be in even more danger because of COVID, since it is detrimental to the elderly and the weak. Azusa will stress to her father not to move much and to always call on her should he need anything. Though he doesn't agree, he knows that his daughter is just trying to take care of him, so he reluctantly agrees.

Meanwhile, Azusa is going to try to find other ways to make some wealth. She'll search for odd jobs around Taitō with limited success. If all fails, she'll have no choice but to ask her teammates for a short loan for a while. She will insist on paying back once the pandemic is over, despite her teammates telling her not to worry about it. All in all, Azusa just hopes and wishes that the pandemic ends soon before it takes anything else of value away from her.

Fleuret, like Azusa, will unfortunately be out of work since the museum will be temporarily closed due to the pandemic. Thankfully, this won't bother her family none since her father receives a stipend due to his time in the service. So in the meantime, the museum curator will be taking care of the household. She'll do the cooking, cleaning, etc. So really it is no different than before. However, she hopes and prays that the pandemic will be over soon and won't harm or kill too many people. She'd be worried for her mother, who is over in the States. She'd call her frequently, making sure she is okay. She'd also have her boyfriend, Rio, come live with her and her family, since she is absolutely not allowing her boyfriend to live in the woods during a plague. She knows he may not be comfortable living indoors, but she would do her best to accommodate him.

Meanwhile, with all her free time, Fleuret would spend it either practicing her art or music, or spending time with Rio. She'd also be a stickler for safety and cleanliness, making sure that every time one of her family members steps out of the house, they immediately head to the shower upon re-entering.

Despite the pandemic, Eldrid, surprisingly, wouldn't be out of work. She and the other MMA fighters would still be allowed to compete, but they'd have to do it in empty arenas for a while. This would obviously bother the MMA champion, as she needs to hear the roar of a crowd when she fights. Fighting in an empty arena with only the officials would be boring. Still, she'd be making money and doing what she loves, so she can't complain too much. Still, she wishes this stupid pandemic would hurry up and be over with so things can go back to normal.

She'd be a worrywart when it comes to her younger brother. She'd make sure he masks up and is sanitized before he leaves the house. She'd also be the one making supply runs and would tell her brother not to let anyone in the house or open the door for anyone. Though Yuma would get a bit annoyed with his big sister's over worrying, he knows she's doing it out of love.

Kotan is going to have a lot of pressure, due to both his role as leader of his tribe and the pandemic. His tribe lives on the outskirts of the city of Hakodate and keeps much to themselves, so they wouldn't have to fear the pandemic much. Plus, due to their skill as hunters, they wouldn't have to worry about food much, either. However, their main concern is the fact that they live outdoors in the wilderness, which doesn't protect them should anyone with COVID come near them. Therefore, Kotan will encourage the tribe to mask up and social distance, even with other tribe members just to be safe. He'd also encourage them to get vaccinated, just to be safe. He would also have to quarantine off part of the camp should anyone get sick, unfortunately. He doesn't want to, but he knows that his father would have done the same. As stated, the young tribal chief would be under a lot of pressure, but with the help of his grandmother, he would persevere.

It isn't often that Ted gets sick, but he'd still take the pandemic seriously for the safety of his son. He'd encourage Aiden to be careful on his way to school and don't touch or talk to anyone if he doesn't have too. As for himself, he'd follow safety guidelines, but he wouldn't be too worried about getting sick, since, as stated, he doesn't get sick often.

As for how he would feel, Ted wouldn't really notice the pandemic happening until Kotan, Kokomi, or his son told him. He spends his time up in the mountains away from civilization, so he isn't fully aware of what is going on in the city below. He'd feel sorry for those who may get sick, or have already gotten sick. But as long as he, his son and his friends are okay, then he is content.

Kokomi would notice the pandemic a lot earlier than Ted, but would still not be fully bothered by it since she lives up in the mountains with the woodsman. She'd be worried for those who may get sick, but there is little she could do about it. Her thoughts would turn to her father, and she would debate between calling him or leaving him to wonder about her. Though he is family, Kokomi still cannot forgive him for ruining snowboarding for her, so she'd be confused about what to do.

As for guidelines, the snowboarder would mask up and sanitize, but only because Ted advised her to. Otherwise, she wouldn't be too bothered by guidelines. Not many people come to the mountains anyway, so she has more free range to ski and snowboard. Though she knows the pandemic is bad, she'd look at it as a blessing of sorts.

Thanks for the ask! (<_< Even though it took me a while...)

[time-is-honey]

Letter (to and) From Ajax

just letters between the two of u when he goes away, nothin much. apologies for the inconsistency in posting, ive still got some lingering covid symptoms ;;!

warnings sorta: angst if you squint, childe's real name used, reader lives in liyue, job is vague but baizhu and qiqi are mentioned, not proofread

Your letter -

To my lover Ajax,

Work has been frustrating with nothing to look forward to coming home to. Dr. Baizhu has been away all week attending to matters in Sumeru, so Qiqi has been left under my care during the day. She’s a good kid, of course, just a bit tiring having to repeat myself constantly. You'll have to visit the two of us more often when you return, I can't explain how special it feels when she remembers my name.

How is your family? You seemed antsy to see them while you were getting ready to leave, so I hope your visit has been meeting your expectations. Say hello to Teucer for me, by the way, I've missed him since he visited all those months ago.

I've been hanging around the Northland Bank as of late to fill in your presence in a way. I can't exactly comment on the effectiveness, though. On the bright side, Ekaterina and I have been conversing beyond small talk. She really is a sweet woman.

I miss you more and more each day. I've been telling myself that these 2 months will pass quickly, but it doesn't seem to work. The house is quiet, as much as I used to complain, I miss your antics making this place seem brighter. Now and then I find myself wishing I soaked in our last few nights together just a bit more. Nights are difficult, I've grown used to your touch soothing me to sleep. The space in our bed leaves me restless some nights.

I hope your trip is going well, I'll be here to greet you with open arms once you return.

With everlasting love,

[Name]

Childe’s letter -

My dearest [Name],

My visit home has been nothing short of eventful, that is for certain!

Teucer has been well, he has been attached at the hip with me since I returned. He always asks about how you’re doing and when I plan to ask for your hand in marriage. I wish I could say ‘soon’ and have it be true. Seeing my family again only makes my mind wander to what children of my own would be like. You’re not opposed to the idea, no?

Work has been tiring for me as well. The Tsaritsa always seems to have some new task for me to give my attention to. I try to get as much done as I can in a day so I can return home to my angel as soon as possible. Please don’t hold your breath, though. No matter how much I do in one day, I always seem to be just as busy the next. There is so much to do. I hope to bring you here without having my duties as a Harbinger looming over me.

I've found myself connecting every little thing around me to you in some way or another. Even if it is completely ridiculous, the smallest things make me think of you. It is difficult to keep myself from associating aspects of Snezhnaya to my lover when you are my home in my heart. Curse you for making me feel such sappy things.

I'd be lying if I said I did not miss you just as much as you say you do me. Perhaps I miss you just a bit more, but I don't mean to make it a competition. Don't get me wrong, I love my family more than anything, but my heart aches being away from you for this long. My bed feels empty as well. I never used to hug my pillows as a child, but Tonia poked fun at me this morning for doing so in my sleep. You've brought out a new weakness in me, I can never forgive you.

I'll tell you what, join me in looking at the stars every night from now on. Find your favourite, the one that shines brightest in your eyes, I will do the same. Tell that star you love them, and really mean it. Maybe that love will reach me all the way over here.

I greatly look forward to returning home to you as soon as I am able. I'm ashamed to admit that I may begin to slack on my duties if I yearn for you any more.

Forever yours,

Ajax

tags:

[hologramcowboy]

Sorry, this is gonna be a long one, but I seriously need to rant:

You know what I love the most about AAs and hellers, is how wrong and hypocritical they can be. They love to say that Jared "hired" Gen on Walker, when anyone (be it a general audience member, a Jared fan, or even a normal Jensen) bring up the fact that Danneel only got her part on Spn because of nepotism, not because of her non-existent talent.

First off, Jared didn't hire her, Anne Fricke considered her because of Covid regulations and then asked Jared to talk to her about it. Jared wasn't even thinking of Gen to play the dead wife. AAs also forget that Gen was very honest about how she got her role, she was even nervous about how people would perceive it and say it was nepotism, even though that wasn't the case.

But oh how they change their tune, when Danneel was named as executive producer, when she has no experience in producing, showed no interest in producing, creating, running a production company, or even working behind the scenes. Now they have their son named as an EP, but they somehow can't afford to hire more writers or qualified producers and ep's. But of course, it's not nepotism when it comes to the Ackles. Also if they can't see how Jensen is giving her a job via it Spn, FBBC, and now the prequel, then they really are not that bright. That woman hasn't worked hard for anything.

For example: her jewelry line (didn't get publicity until Jensen and she hasn't promoted it or talked about it in almost 2 years), FBBC (her brother-in-law gets a job, and she and her parents get credit as owners, even though she wasn't there at the beginning of the process, and then used a line from Spn the same time she started guest starring- courtesy of Jensen), getting a role in a lifetime movie (courtesy of Hilarie) her cleaning service (didn't get much traction, until Jensen started promoting it, and Danneel hasn't talked about it in almost a year). I hate to be the one that says it, but she's flaky as hell, especially when something (a project) doesn't give her the attention (and money) she craves, she abandons it and moves on to the next thing.

If AAs and hellers would turn on their thinking caps for 1 minute, they would see how much of a narcissist she really is, and how much she craves for attention and stability, albeit using Spn and Jensen's name. Also side-note AAs really did prove they're not fans of her, when they started blaming her for the disaster the prequel is (the leak and the stereotyped characters), all to protect the perfect image of Jensen they created. It was also funny how her 10 stans tried to defend her, by bringing up Gen, when they be one of the main ones hating on Gen for no reason.

I have one question: The Easy Tiger cleaning business was a real venture? I thought it was Jensen being ironic. #outoftheloop Now, back to your ask: Genevieve is a professionally trained actress, she got the part on SPN by auditioning! She was later brought back on since she was a part of the SPN legacy. So her presence in the series was legitimate. I may dislike her acting but Genevieve works on her characters, like I said, she's a professional actress.

Gen was later cast in Walker as his wife due to Covid restrictions and Anna Fricke needing to find someone suitable. Choosing Jared's actual wife was a smart choice under those conditions, because they chemistry was there and there was no time and no way to test actresses for chemistry with Jared. Plus she lived in the area which does matter to production. Why search for an actress suitable when you have one in your home? Danneel was brought in only after she was sure no one would attack her for being on SPN, she had them write a character for her (nowadays no one remembers she initially said she would never accept a part in SPN), a one dimensional, useless character and she got the part by...well, I'm going to write nepotism but we all know what I meant to write. (Obviously to build up to the character being written for her she pretended to like SPN and Misha and lied about watching episodes and knowing Cas' lines.) Danneel is also untrained and not professional. She got ahead by being naked and playing the other woman, cheater, etc. all roles which basically require a set a boobs and no scruples and you got it. She always plays herself and does not comprehend what acting is. Need I go on? So it's one thing to choose a professional actress and another to insert someone like Danneel who has no place and also has an awful attitude. Fully agree with you, anon, AAs and hellers refuse to open their eyes. They will easily bash Gen (I get not liking her we all have different tastes) for made up reasons or twist things to match their narrative but, when it comes to Danneel, she's placed on a pedestal without ever remotely earning it.

Genevieve has earned her career and is a respectable woman who chooses to stand on her own, that's a huge difference in my book.

[raschuuuu]

WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK? // M.YG angst (Suga)

Summary: You finally had your debut with your girl group with Big Hit entertainment. That was your absolute biggest dream but what happens when you have to decide now? Do you want to live your idol life and let the love of your life go for it? Or do you decide for the life of your life?

Word count: 5k

Genre: angst

warnings: established relationship / swearing / soft yoongi / mentioning of breakups / mentioning of suicide/death

Pairing: Yoongi!idol x female idol!reader

A/N: Hello guuuuys! Today I hope very much that you will like this one here! I didn't get any requests so I want to say it again one more time: FEEL FREE TO SEND ME YOUR REQUESTS!!! 😟🥺It’s my second fanfic on this blog I worked very hard on it so I really really hope you guys will enjoy it. If you guys think I could do anything better or you have another preferences please let me know. I’d be very happy if you guys leave a like so I know you read it and liked it. Another note: English is not my first language I’m very sorry if you guys find any mistakes.. 💔

_____________________________________________________________________________

5th December 2020

What could be better than having a debut just before the year ends? My group and I were supposed to have our debut much earlier but that was  postponed due to the COVID pandemic so it was complicated to have a debut this year but nevertheless our company managed to give us a debut before the year ends and I really have to say it's the best thing that could ever happen to me!

My dream has finally come true. How long was I a trainee? Exactly. Six years. Six freaking years I was hidden behind the scenes of my big and famous company. It feels really shitty to be in the shadow of two famous groups in South Korea. Don't get me wrong I'm a really big fan of BTS and TXT but we got tired of being told that we're going to make our debut but at the end we didn’t. I know the guys from BTS and TXT  personally and we all get along super well even the other members of my group. But to be honest BTS and TXT couldn't wait for our debut to happen and finally it's here (y/g/n) finally gets the recognition.

31st December 2020

Of course our lives have changed dramatically since we made our debut. Of course it's much harder to go out alone now than before. Before I was a nobody. No one knew me but now I don't even dare to go alone to the convenient store that is just around the corner of our dorm. You might think I'm exaggerating a bit but no, unfortunately it's the truth. Nevertheless, I don't want to spoil my idol life. After our debut we had a lot of promotions and interviews. But even before that we didn't have much time because we had to shoot our music video and photo shoots and we were all sent to the hairdresser because our old look was officially bye bye. I’m happy with my new look I think I look so beautiful I can't believe what a haircut and a nice makeup can do to a person.

Today is the 31st of December. New Year's Eve! New year takes place in less than 24 hours! Where am I? I'm at this year's MBC Gayo DaeJeon. My first new year's eve without my family and officially my first new year's eve as an idol. I'm so excited I can't believe it I'm going to be on stage with my girls and I'm meeting other idols how exciting is that. I'm sitting in the makeup room getting my makeup done by our makeup artist and on the side our hairstylist is making me a high ponytail. I hope I'll look good. Dabi, the oldest of our group and therefore our Unni, has just finished and looks adorable. Miso sits to my left and is also getting her make-up and hair done. Hyemi is getting ready after me because she doesn't take up much time. She has the shortest hair of all of us. I’m sitting with my mobile phone in my hand and texting with my mother. Sometimes I wish I could be with her and with my father and my siblings. I miss them all like hell. I haven't seen them since before our debut. I can't wait to hold them all in my arms next time.

(eomma):

y/n we miss you! New year's eve isn't the same without you but hopefully you'll have fun on stage today. We'll all be watching you! Your dad and I your grandparents and your siblings so don't worry we're always with you! Good luck my child fighting! 🎉🎆

I notice how i get tears in my eyes but no I mustn't cry my makeup gets ruined. Just as I want to answer my mother i get a new text on my phone.

(yoongi):

I'm excited to see you tonight! You'll be great I believe in you.

By the way... I guess I didn't tell you that I'm dating Min Yoongi. That's right, Min Yoongi.

flashback

2014

"Y/n! We're about to meet BTS!" says Hyemi as I just walked into the dance practice room. What BTS? The group that made their debut last year? "Really why?" I ask looking at her confused. Apparently all new trainee male or female, are introduced to BTS because they want to give us some nice words and encouragement on our way as trainees. Just as I was about to sit down, the seven men came in the door. One after the other, they passed us by. Wow, these guys can count themselves lucky that their time is up. But one boy in particular stands out to me. He has red hair. Not too light and not too dark, a red that almost goes brown. He is beautiful.

I haven't really informed myself about who BTS is, of course I still have difficulties to remember their names, I just became a trainee before I didn't care who was a trainee here... but this man is beautiful!

Oh crap he looks at me. Why is he looking at me. Someone tell him to look the other way please I’m so awkward I don't know how to act when someone looks at me I better look the other way. The leader said some nice words to us they all wished us luck and said that they can't wait for us to make our debut and that when the day comes they're all gonna be happy and supportive! Really nice of them I never thought that they would do something like that. We all got up and bowed and said thank you, while BTS was about to walk out I saw the red haired boy looking at me one last time before he went out. Crazy man do I have something on my face stop staring!

2015

I started to get to know them better each and every one of them. I get along best with Hoseok and Taehyung. Every now and then we run into each other in the building and talk for a few minutes. We trainees also got to meet all the guys in person, they are all so nice and down to earth I don't regret it one bit that I joined this company! Jungkook is about my age and every now and then we have a few laughs together. Once you are in the company you are like one big family whether it is with the trainees or the staff. However I have not been able to get close to one person and that is Min Yoongi. I don't know what it is but every time he and I are in a room with other people it just gets awkward. I don't know what it is but every time he is near me I feel intimidated and just want to get out of there. We've never spoken a word to be honest maybe it's because he feels awkward around me too? I can't understand why he feels this way I always try to get along with everyone even if i don't want to and make everyone feel comfortable around me because I want it to be mutual. So what's his problem?

2016

I have heard from his members that he has a crush on me and gets shy around me which I totally don't understand because how can anyone be into me? Especially back then! I don't want to go into too much detail but I can tell you that after a while and with the help of Hoseok and Taehyung he and I started texting at some point. We had been friends for a long time but only online. We were both too nervous to meet in person and to be honest that had been impossible because he was busy as fuck and no one was supposed to find out that we were texting. BTS recognition grew more and more each year and he became busier and busier each day. I was of course very happy for everyone and one rainy day in the evening Yoongi appeared out of nowhere on my doorstep and confessed his love to me. I am still overwhelmed by it and it all feels so unreal and like it just happened yesterday, but I went for it and agreed to be his girlfriend.

back to December 31st 2020

For four years we have been hiding our relationship. Nobody knows about it the whole Big Hit staff doesn't know about it and neither do our managers the only ones who know about it are his members and recently my members. I didn't want to tell them until we made our debut together because I was too scared of being told off during my trainee time. But I have to say that the girls stand behind me and accept our relationship and they all swore they would take it to the grave with them.

I quickly turn down the brightness of my screen because there's too much danger of my hairstylist and makeup artist reading the text. I close my phone and put it on my lap. How much I want to answer him but I don't dare I can't answer him when there are too many people around me. After a while we were called and it was finally our turn I'm so nervous but we managed it all with flying colors and we were the topic of the evening.

In a few minutes it's already new year I'm ready and let 2021 come to me. At midnight Yoongi calls me and I answer the phone with joy.

"Happy new year y/n! I love you and I hope we will spend more time together this year even though it will be harder now." I smile to myself and say "Happy new year Yoongi... how is your shoulder? Are you resting enough? Are you eating enough? Are you sleeping enough? Are you in pain? If you are in pain then take a painkiller and go back to the doctor!" I can't see it but I can tell he is grinning and shaking his head. I don't let him get a word in edgewise.

"Don't worry I’m fine I just miss you you're the only painkiller I can take" - "Hahaha yah! You're so corny! I miss you too sweetheart I wish we had spent this new year together... I’m sorry it turned out like this!" I feel really bad because I know he won't be able to spend new year with his boys or me... To be honest we have never had a new year together except on the phone but this time it could have worked out! He is at home with his injury and if we wouldn't have had our debut then we would have had a first new year together after four years of relationship!

January 10th 2021

At the beginning of the new year our manager gave us our schedule plan at it looked hella busy! This whole January we would be completely busy we don't even have one weekend off! I can’t believe it how will I able to see my family or even Yoongi? I saw him at the first weekend of January we spent it together at his family’s house in Daegu behause to be honest that is actually the only place that we can go to a little far away from Seoul without having to worry that any of the staff could know or see us. My family also knows and loves him to death but with my family living in Seoul it’s complicated to take him there. Our manager left the room and I looked at Dabi with the ‘You and I bathroom NOW!’ look she understood and got up from her place and she followed me to the bathroom. We checked if any other person was inside when there wasn’t I said “What the fuck I’m I gonna do now Unni? How am I able to see Yoongi? How will I be able to even go out. I won’t even have time to take the fucking trash out from our dorm when it’s my turn to clean!” I yell. She stands there giving me a confused look. “What do you expect y/n? You chose to have this idol life you know its busy and complicated to have a boyfriend especially as a fresh debuted idol! Why do you think they won't let us have a relationship? I wish I could help you but I can’t. We’re gonna be busy as fuck!” she yelled back. “Psh shut your volume down unni!” she opened the door to see if there was anyone outside but there wasn’t.

I feel bad I really do. I don't want my members to be in trouble because of me that's the last thing I want. I hug her and apologize to her. I have to think of something I don't know what to do. I don't want us to be away from each other for too long what happens when he stops loving me all of a sudden? What do I do when he goes back to work then it will all be worse! Before I became an idol we could always see each other at the end of the day but now it will be impossible. I have to talk to him about it because one thing we promised each other is that we talk about everything because that's the only way a healthy relationship can work and such a complicated relationship we both have. I take out my phone and write him a message.

(me):

Yoongi. Tonight FaceTime date you and me?

In less than two minutes I already get my answer.

(yoongi):

of course!

evening

I turn on my MacBook and call him on FaceTime. After three rings he answers the phone and turns it off too so he doesn't have to hold it in his hand. He still has his bandage on and his hair is wet he must have been in the shower. He wears cute pyjamas and fight me or not but black haired Yoongi is the most beautiful Yoongi. I always fall in love again when I see him. Hard to believe we were so awkward with each other back then but this year is already approaching 5 years together. I could never imagine my life without him. 

"Hey my darling" he says happily and smiles at me. I smile back and ask him how he is. He tells me that he is getting better every day and that during his time off he has found a lot of time for himself and his music and how much he misses the others. And me too, of course. "What's wrong with you?" he asks me when he notices that my mind is somewhere else. I think he took the Facetime date too seriously. He be sitting there with his cup of ramen. I just laugh. "Yoongi... I'm going to be busy all of January and manager oppa said that February might not be any better," I say and wait for his answer. He swallows his noodles and drinks a glass of water. "Does that mean we won't see each other this month?" he asks. I think he's a little disappointed I know him and I know his tones and his looks and I can hear my heart breaking by now. And how much I'd like to see you Yoongi. Every second every day. "No," I say, and then an uncomfortable silence descends. 

“You know what baby it’s fine don't worry. I mean I wasn’t any better back then do you remember when I always used to be so busy? I never had time for you and I felt so bad. But you were there for me and you stayed by my side and you were and still are the most supportive girlfriend I could ever ask for. I think it would be unfair to be mad at you. I’m happy for you forever and always” well that was unexpected. I start getting tears in my eyes. I didn't think of this reaction not at all! I smile at him and say “Thank you baby... I will appreciate it I really do. But still I feel bad because especially in this period where you're sick I wish I could be there for you and take care of you. This debut was so unexpected I’m really sorry” - “Yah don't be sorry y/n. You worked your goddamn fine ass off to be where you're at right now be proud of you this is just the beginning. And it’s not like that we won't see each other ever again right?” he says. He’s right. He’s totally right. It’s not like we won't see each other ever again.

January 17th 2020

Well... seven days passed and we still haven't seen each other and we haven't talked since one week. We text every now and then cause I really only get to use my phone when it's night and we go back home but every night I'm so damn exhausted and tired that I forget to answer to his texts. I don't even have time to text my parents back or my siblings. I feel so bad I'm such a bad person. I miss them all so much. I miss my parents. I miss my sister and my brother. I miss my grandparents. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my boyfriend so damn much. I really didn't think this life is gonna be so hard for me. I feel like I've been put in the middle of a scale with my career on one side and my relationship on the other side and I have to choose one side or the other. I've never thought about breaking up with Yoongi ever in my life. Never. I just can't. I need this man too much. Even though we never have the most beautiful and perfect relationship and see each other very rarely, it's just the thought that I know there's someone in my life who loves me and accepts me for who I am that counts. He took me with my imperfections he put his career what he loves most in his life in risk to be with me and now that we are both in this situation I don't know what to do I feel bad and selfish for even thinking about it I don't want to make him feel like my career is more important than him or our relationship he doesn't deserve that he deserves the world and he deserves to be happy. But I love my career I love my job I love my members I love our staff I love our fans. Our biggest fear was not being accepted by the society outside especially now in this period when BTS is one of the biggest groups in the whole world and have a very big influence in the KPOP industry. We were afraid that society would think that since we are the first girl group to make a Big Hit debut in a very long time that people would think that we would mess with the boys heads or that there would be any rumors started between us and the other groups. But on the contrary people have been happy for us and love our music and us individually. I feel like Hannah Montana I feel like I am living a double life.

20th January 2021

"I know you are overwhelmed with the situation my child, I can imagine that it is very hard for you but you have to know what is best for you. You can't tell anyone from your company, you are a rookie, if they find out you had a boyfriend during your trainee time then it is even worse. I wish I was with you and could help you or just be there for you. I love Yoongi very much but I love you even more and I am happy with any decision you make. Just make the right one" my mother says on the phone. Tears have been flowing since she got on the phone but I don't want to tell her and I try not to sob but I know she can tell by my tone that I am crying. She is right. I have to make a decision. Yoongi is getting better day by day and soon he will be busy too he will go back to his daily routine and the other members. He will have comebacks he will have dance practices he will have to go to the recording studio he will have photo shoots he will do interviews and when the corona situation allows he will have to go to other countries and I have to do the same.

I love him to death and I will never love anyone as much as I love him but I am just not happy like this and you can tell me what you want he is not either but he doesn't let it show. Yesterday on the phone there was such an awkward tension between us it felt like I was making small talk with a stranger. Even though I might be the bad guy but one of us has to make the first move. I have wished and hoped that this day will never come but I have to do it.

23 January 2021

Yoongi told me that he is back in his flat in Seoul with his mother. Unfortunately he still can't travel alone so his dear mum went with him. I missed her too, she's the nicest and sweetest woman ever. When I imagine that I won't see her again either, tears well up in my eyes. But today I have to do it. Who would have thought that our reunion would be like this? Who would have thought that I would break up with him. He won't expect it but I have to do it. I’m cold and sick and I just want to go to bed and get the day over with. It's 11pm at night and we've come home after a long hard day. I look out the window and wait until our manager is out of sight.

My members know about my plans and of course have asked me a million times if I am sure and if there is no other way out. I am very happy that they are worried about me but I also feel bad towards them. I have been hiding it from them all our trainee years and when I told them they were all so good about it and even want me not to do it. But no I will do it I am young and want to concentrate on my career and what is coming up for us.

I told Yoongi that I would come, of course he doesn't want to because it's way too late but I said it was important and that we had to talk about something. When I said we had to talk about something he was quiet and then just said he would wait for me. I put on a hat and a thick jacket and the hood of the jacket and a mask and a scarf and go out into the high snow that has covered Seoul. His flat is not far from mine but still I have to take a taxi. I ask the driver to wait for me because I don't want to stay there long I want to get it over with quickly and go.

(me):

can you come down?

(yoongi):

why don't you come up?

(me):

I think its better when you come down Yoongi I don't want your mom to be worried or hears any of that were gonna talk.

He doesn't text back instead I just see the lights turning on from his window. A few minutes later he comes down. Oh my fucking lord he is so handsome. I want to run up to him and kiss him from head to toe. I want to be in his arms. I want us to go upstairs together and fall asleep together. I want to build a snowman with him. I want to be with him forever I love him he is the love of my life.

He comes up to me and smiles at me. He stands in front of me and we both don't say a word. His smile turns into a confused look he notices something is wrong. "Don't I get a kiss or a hug?" he asks me. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. I would love to rip your clothes off Min Yoongi.

"I want to break up." Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. "Yoongi say something?" I ask him. He says nothing. He looks at me with a blank look he is sad he is disappointed he is devastated just like me. "Yoongi please?". He does not speak.

"Yoongi, I'm sorry. I-i-I really love you I love you more than anything but I know that I can't give 100% in our relationship now. I just want us to be happy but I see that we are not. It could have been great during your time off but I can't be there for you... sooner or later it should have happened. I want to be with you but I can't anymore it was okay then but it's not okay now we're both famous you're in the biggest boy group in the world if anyone finds out we're together we'll be screwed. Especially me Yoongi. Female idols have it harder than male idols you know that. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I think this will be the best thing for us I-" he interrupts me.

"How dare you to tell me what's best for me? Do you have any idea what you're talking about y/n? Stop trying to tell me what's best for me when you know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life god damn. I was going through a difficult time in my life and you were the only one who was there for me! And now you're telling me let’s break up because you're afraid people are gonna find out? And that they are gonna blame you? The fuck? Theres always two fucking persons in a relationship y/n! I also wanted that. I wanted you. Don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you love me anymore? We hid our relationship for four fucking years why can't we hide it now?" he said yelling at me.

 I am shocked and sad I want to die. I don't want to live in this life without Min Yoongi. But I know it's best for us I do it for him and his career too.

"Yes I don't love you anymore" were my last words before I left.

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A/N: damn y/n!!! did you just break up with the mf min yoongi? you better save your relationship! guys if you want a part two (with maybe a happy ending?) let me know! love you bye 🎀