#once dragon thought they were getting robbed and grabbed the fucking gun while at it

[dec0ra-grl]

When I saw this post by @theprodigypenguin I knew what I had to do…

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: The Rogues Gallery of the Powerpuff Girls

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

There are few rogues galleries I hold in higher esteem than that of the Powerpuff Girls. Aside from Spider-Man, Batman, and Danny Phantom, there are few heroes who can claim to have a more colorful and creative set of foes than the crimefighting superheroines of the city of Townsville. Previously I’ve talked about their archenemy, the wonderfully devilish Mojo Jojo, but they have a lot of other great villains worth talking about… so, why not just talk about all of them at once?

This one’s gonna be a little different, and will be divided into two sections: MAJOR ANTAGONISTS and MINOR ANTAGONISTS. Major antagonists will be villains that the girls fought most frequently, while minor antagonists will be notable one shot villains and lesser foes.

MAJOR ANTAGONISTS

These are the foes that the girls face most frequently in the series, and the ones that will likely come to mind when you think of the show’s rogues gallery. Aside from Mojo Jojo, and according to TVTropes, the major antagonists from the series are Him, Fuzzy Lumpkins, the Gangreen Gang, Princess Morbucks, the Amoeba Boys, Sedusa, and the Rowdyruff Boys.

Motivation/Goals: The major antagonists all tend to vary in what exactly they want to do, but they all have one thing in common: their motivations are broad enough that they can fit into a wide variety of plots. Him is the best example, because his goal tends to be a vague mix of “take over the city/world” and “be an absolute dick,” which leads to all sorts of battles such as the bad future where he rules the Earth or the episode where he sends the girls out on a series of ridiculous riddles as part of a bet with Professor Utonium to see if he has to pay his full tab at Him’s pancake restaurant. Considering Him is supposed to be a stand in for Satan himself and is the ultimate evil of the show (even if his power level doesn’t always reflect that), it makes sense he’d constantly be doing crazy, tricky schemes like this.

Of course, not all of these villains are massive threats like Him; others are simply nuisances, like the Gangreen Gang, who just love going out and committing crimes for the fun of it in between their leader Ace moonlighting as a member of the Gorillaz. While they are still dangerous, they tend to be motivated to do things just because they find it amusing, like when they snuck into the mayor’s office and crank called the girls into repeatedly harassing the other villains. Then there’s Princess, who is basically just a snotty superpowered bully who decided to turn to a life of crime because the girls wouldn’t let her become a Powerpuff Girl. She’s motivated entirely out of jealousy and spite, but she never really rises to the level of a truly world-threatening threat, though she did almost screw up Christmas one time to the point Santa decided to slap her on the permanent Naughty List. The final major antagonist who falls into this category is Sedusa, who true to her name, seduces men. That’s… about it. She also has prehensile hair.

The Rowdyruff Boys are kind of a mix of being super serious dangers and just being jerks, as they were created by Mojo to be the opposite of the girls and so have all of their powers but none of their good qualities aside from maybe their love for each other (which they rarely show, but it’s there). They’re mostly just jerks and love to cause chaos, but sicne they have all the same sort of abilities as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup, they’re a lot more dangerous than the typical foe would be, and that’s not even counting the fact that their two “dads” are Him and Mojo, which means they have the cream of the crop when it comes to bad role models.

The last type of major villain is perhaps the funniest, because these are the villains who are just so bad at being evil that it’s comical. Fuzzy is a lighter example, as he’s not exactly bad at being evil; he’s just more not evil to begin with unless provoked or manipulated by other villains. He’s entirely content to just sit about at his shack, strumming his banjo, but if you piss him off he’s gonna grab his gun or a big old rock and cause some mayhem. The crown emperors of being failure villains, however, are the Amoeba Boys. These guys are the most utterly inept dumbasses you will ever see, a group so utterly bad at being bad that no one in the show is able to take them seriously. Since they are amoebas, albeit rather large ones, they don’t have the mental capacity to do much more than the most petty of crimes such as – GASP! - standing on grass when there’s a sign that says not to! Or even… LITTERING! Those fiends!

Performance: Tom Kane portrays Him, and alternately is able to make him hilarious and terrifying. It’s pretty amusing to think that the guy who played Professor Utonium and Mr. Herriman is capable of playing such a messed-up villain (ok, maybe not so much for the latter, Mr. Herriman was wack).

Fuzzy is portrayed by everyone’s favorite Trump supporting Pooh bear, Jim Cummings, and that good ol’ ragin’ Cajun accent he’d use in The Princess and the Frog and Zombie Island fits this southern hick quite well.

Ace, Big Billy, and Grubber of the Gangreen Gang are voiced by series MVP Jeff Bennet, who manages to make all three characters very distinct and unqiue in their voices, capturing the lovable oafishness of Billy and the smug leadership of Ace very well, and obviously whatever it is Grubber is doing. Lil’ Arturo and Snake are Tom Kenny, though the former was in his first appearance voiced by Carlos Alazraqui, which means twice now Tom Kenny has usurped Alazraqui in a voice role (the other time being the title character of the Spyro the Dragon franchise). Tom Kenny, being Tom Kenny, does a great job.

Princess and Sedusa are both voiced by Jennifer Hale, but I’m gonna be honest, neither of them are my favorite roles. Princess just has a really shrill and unpleasant voice - which is the point, mind you, I just don’t love it. Meanwhile, Sedusa is just forgettable.

The Amoeba Boys are Chuck McCann, and he gives all of them the exact sort of goofy, cartoonish Chicago gangster accent you could hope for, though each boy has a distinct voice. The other boy group, the Rowdyruffs, are voiced by Rob Paulsen for Brick and Boomer (the man behind the legend that is Carl Wheezer) and Butch is Roger L. Jackson (Mojo Jojo himself). As can be expected, the RRBs have very distinct voices, though I can’t say they’re quite as memorable as the characters they’re directly copying. 

Best Episode: So yeah, this time instead of individuals scenes, I’m highlighting the very best episodes of the various foes of the Girls. First, let’s get the obvious one out of the way: if we’re talking altogether for Him, Fuzzy, and Princess, their appearance alongside Mojo in “Meet the Beat Alls” is just utterly hilarious, ESPECIALLY Fuzzy’s rock, their breakup bickering, and just how they decide to come together and cause chaos. As far as villain teamups go, you can’t get better than one that is nothing but a constant string of Beatles references (though they lose some points for not drawing attention to the fact that Him is based on the Blue Meanie from Yellow Submarine).

Individually, for Him, it really depends on what you’re looking for, since he’s a very versatile villain. If you want him at his best and most serious, “Speed Demon” is the way to go, as it shows a bad future where he has completely won, which goes a long way towards establishing him as the single most dangerous enemy of the girls. But if you want funny Him, well, “Him Diddle Riddle” is an absolute riot which leads to one of the most shockingly ridiculous punchlines in the show. It’s a real treat.

For Fuzzy, I’d say his main series debut “Fuzzy Logic” is a great solo showing, firmly establishing the character and how he has changed from the initial pilot. Fuzzy is an amusing character to be sure, but I feel his best showings are in ensemble pieces, which is why I say his debut is his best work.

For the Gangreen Gang, the obvious answer is, of course, “Telephonies,” because this is them at their most hilariously petty. They just sneak into the mayor’s office and crank call the other villains, and in the end, the day is saved! ...By Mojo, Fuzzy, and Him. Even the narrator is baffled at this one, but you’ll probably be laughing too hard to care about that.

Princess gets one of the best Christmas specials ever with “’Twas the Fight Before Christmas,” where she scams Santa into giving her superpowers while every other kid in the world gets coal. Of course, the Girls don’t take this lying down, and Princess gets the most awesome comeuppance ever, courtesy of Santa: she gets her name carved into the Permanent Naughty Plaque which has such notable figures as Adolph Shicklgruber, who you may know better as fucking Hitler. That’s right, Santa came right out and said Princess Morbucks is as naughty as Hitler is.

The Amoeba Boys have their main series debut, “Geshundfight,” which does a firm job of establishing these guys as such utterly incompetent morons that you can’t help but love them. It also establishes that these guys could only ever be a threat by complete accident. It’s good to see the boys got better after the girls threw them into the sun in the “Whoopass Stew” pilot!

Sedusa has “Something’s a Ms.” While Sedusa herself tends to be a rather dull antagonist, this episode rules and is her best appearance for one reason and one reason alone: we get to see Ms. Bellum kick ass. Hell yeah!

“Custody Battle” is the best appearance of the Boys because, let’s face it, having Mojo and Him argue over who has the right to be called their dad (Mojo Created them, Him resurrected them) is absolutely hilarious, and a great use of the characters.

Final Thoughts & Score: Alright, let’s go one by one here:

Him

Him is easily the best of the bunch and, aside from Mojo, is the definitive Powerpuff villain. I think part of it is, much like Mojo, Him is capable of being a hilarious jerk or a genuinely intimidating threat in equal measure. You get showings where all he does is try and make the Professor pay a full tab on his breakfast or give everyone tooth decay or even just hang out in his house and do some aerobics, and then you have episodes where he decimates the earth in the future or torments the girls in their dreams. He kind of really fits a lot of the old folkloric tales of the devil, where he could be anything from a prankster to outright malicious, for all it’s worth, and being based on the Blue Meanie certainly doesn’t hurt either. He’s just a very fun character who fits into so many different situations, and so he easily gets a 10/10.

Fuzzy Lumpkins

Fuzzy is an odd one, because as I mentioned earlier, he’s not really a true villain in the sense that he goes out and commits crimes for the sake of it like the others. He’s more of a chaotic neutral force than anything, who goes on angry rampages or gets swayed over to the dark side whenever the mood suits him. It’s kind of interesting how he was a smarter and calmer character in the pilot, where he invented a gun that could turn things into meat… but in the show proper, he’s just a dumb, irritable hick. While he’s certainly not the best member of the rogues gallery, there’s something charming about Fuzzy, and I definitely love his design and voice; I think he gets a 7/10.

The Gangreen Gang

These guys are some of the more enjoyable antagonists in the rogues gallery despite typically not being a huge threat. I think, really, that’s what makes them so fun; they’re a lot more low-key and just in general more prone to just being dicks than doing anything on the level of Him or Mojo. They’re the fun kind of villains where you don’t ever really need to take them seriously, to the point you can fully accept their leader Ace joining the Gorillaz, which is a thing that actually happened in real life and it’s amazing. I think that alone is enough to edge these guys into a 9/10.

Princess Morbucks

So out of all the major antagonists, I think Princess is probably my least favorite, mostly because she’s just a snotty, entitled, rich little brat. That being said, I’m not overly opposed to her, nor do I hate her; I really can’t hate a character that Santa Claus deemed is the moral equivalent of Hitler. I can’t stress enough how much I love Santa came right out and said “Rich lives don’t matter” and just slapped this little girl with the most grievous punishment you could give. Overall, Princess functions as a casual reminder rich people suck, and I’m okay with that, even if she’s not particularly high on my favorites. 7/10 is a solid score for her, I feel.

The Amoeba Boys

Idiot villains wish they could be these guys. Literally, as far as idiotic harmless villains go, these lads are the absolute cream of the crop. The fact these are giant amoebas wearing fedoras and talking like stereotypical gangsters and yet are so incompetent they don’t even know how voodoo dolls work and think that littering and standing on grass is the greatest crime of all is just… amazing. These guys are perfect. And yet they are so incompetent and harmless that it’s almost unfair to call them villains, despite how desperately they want to be villains. The fact everyone in the show treats them as a mild annoyance at best really goes a long way to making these guys endearing. They’re certainly not the best foes in the rogues gallery, but I think an 8/10 is a good score for these single-celled suckers.

Sedusa

I’m frankly not sure why she’s considered a “main antagonist” on TVTropes; when I think of PPG villains, she really doesn’t come to mind. Frankly, if she is a “main” antagonist, she’s one of the most boring and forgettable ones there is. Sure, she has a couple of decent episodes, and of course the one where Ms. Bellum gets her time to shine is a classic, but overall Sedusa is just a mediocre villain who doesn’t do enough to stand out among the crowd. I’d say she’s a 4/10. I think if they had gone with the concept from her third appearance where she had all those cool Egyptian powers from the start she would have been a far more engaging and fun antagonist. But hey, she gave Ms. Bellum her time to shine, so I can’t really say she’s all too abysmal.

The Rowdyruff Boys

So… these guys. I’m not particularly sure what to really say about these guys. They’re some of the most popular antagonists the PPG have, and they have great interactions with Him and Mojo. But they’ve never quite struck me as being as amazing as others have hyped them up to be. Maybe I just don’t quite vibe with their concept. All that being said, though, they’re not bad antagonists in the slightest, I just kind of find them uninspired as a concept. It won’t keep me from giving them an 8/10, so don’t worry about that, I just don’t find the idea of evil versions of the PPG to be particularly interesting.

And now we go on to the lesser rogues, the one-shot or minor antagonists! They don’t have the major presence the villains above do, but remember, you don’t have to be a major reoccurring villain just to make an impact; sometimes you just gotta be good at what you do.

Also, this is by no means an exhaustive list; I’ve left off some minor antagonists and probably forgot some, and then there’s some that just don’t have enough info to talk about. Like, I would love to tell you all the wonders of Salami Swami, but there’s just not enough… oh well… let’s talk about these guys. And they aren’t going to have a best episode listed, because… well, they’re minor one-shot characters. By default their best appearance is their only appearance.

Motivation/Goals: Unlike with the major villains, there’s a lot more variety in the one-shot characters, with their goals ranging from simple robbery to revenge to chaos for the sake of it. And yes, sure, their major villains do that stuff too, but they tend to have a solid theme, whereas these folk tend to have one gimmick that they run with for a whole episode before vanishing, never to be seen again. For instance, Femme Fatale is a raging radical feminist; Abracadaver is a lich who seeks revenge for his violent, untimely death; the Gnome is a cult leader who commits mass genocide of other villains so that he can create a utopian society; and Mr. Mime is a mime.

What I think separates them from the major foes is that they have a singular gimmick and they need to really excel at it, because if they screw it up, they’re gonna go down in infamy. Femme Fatale is not a villain who is recalled fondly, for instance, because her gimmick was horribly botched. Meanwhile, characters like the Boogie Man or the Gnome are looked at more fondly because of their silly and cool gimmicks that make them stand out (being a disco-themed monster under the bed and being a gnome with a beautiful singing voice that sounds like a certain lead singer of Tenacious D, respectively).

Performance: Let’s go one by one on these:

The Gnome is voiced by none other than Jess Harnell, who you may know as Wakko Warner or the current (as of 2020) voice of numerous Crash Bandicoot characters, including everyone’s favorite Wumpa-loving title character. They couldn’t afford the real Jack Black, but I think that Harnell does a very impressive vocal imitation of JB, to the point where you’d be forgiven for assuming that it was JB in the first place. The fantastic singing voice is no shock if you’ve ever watched Animaniacs, but boy is it good to hear.

Jeff Bennet may be the MVP of the lesser rogues, as he voices Major Man, Dick Hardly, and Harold Smith. This is quite a variety of characters each with different personalities and goals, so it’s pretty great he was able to give them all the exact sort of vocal characterization they needed to be distinct. On the subject of the Smiths, though,

Femme Fatale is Grey DeLisle doing a very generic voice. Like, it sounds like a less cheerful Daphne or a less evil Azula. I think she may have just been talking in her normal voice for this one? It just doesn’t really have anything to it to make it stand out among her more notable roles.

Boogie Man is voice acting god Kevin Michael Richardson, who has voiced numerous characters I really should do a Psycho Analysis on such as Chairman Drek and Gantu. There’s really nothing else to say here, really; Richardson gives exactly the sort of glorious performance you’d expect for a funky blaxploitation pastiche boogeyman. Talk about black excellence!

Lenny is Tom Kenny. Tom Kenny really does a good job with weird geeks like this, and so what else can I say but he did a good job with this creepy neckbeard. Abracadaver is played by legendary voice actor Frank Welker, who is in literally everything, but who you mostly know as Fred from Scooby-Doo. Much like with Kenny, he kills it in the role.

Finally, our last speaking villain is Roach Coach, and he’s most notable because he is voiced by Roger L. Jackson, who would graduate from this starter one-shot to become none other than Mojo Jojo. I don’t find Roach Coach quite as memorable a performance, but Jackson certainly doesn’t half-ass it.

Final Thoughts & Score:

The Gnome

I think the Gnome is one of the single most fascinating one-shot villains in the series, and not just because “See Me, Feel Me, Gnomey” is a gloriously cheesy rock opera where he gets to be the villain. His philosophies are incredibly intriguing and are sort of the focus of the episode, and his effectiveness is frankly unmatched as a villain; he succeeds in killing every villain in the series for a time. And while he is a bit hypocritical in that he too wanted to rule over Townsville and transforms it into a cult, he does ultimately realize that he was in the wrong and not only graciously accepts his defeat, but allows himself to die to return the world to its natural order, stating:

“"As I descend to the earth and I view the universe above me, I realize that life evolves, revolves, and dissolves completely around the opposites. Therefore, I conclude that I cannot exist in my...utopian...mind."

That’s a low 9/10 if I ever saw one. They didn’t need to go and make this Jack Black gnome in a rock opera such a fascinating character, but there we have it.

Dick Hardly

Dick Hardly is one of the most “love to hate” characters in the show’s entire run, and it’s not hard to see why; he is the lowest of the low, the scummiest scum there ever was. Look at this excerpt from the PPG Wiki, which was a godsend when writing all this up:

“Despite appearing only once in the 1998 series and never in the various spin-offs or the 2016 series, Dick Hardly is among the franchise's most memorable villans [sic]. This is because he's the only member of the PPG Rogues Gallery who has absolutely no redeeming or comedic qualities. Most villains have lines they will never cross. However, Dick is ruthless enough to kill anyone in order to achieve his goals, even his own ex-friends. In fact, he actually manages to make HIM (who is nastier than Mojo Jojo) look like a saint in comparison.”

He’s a slimy, ruthless, unrepentant bastard, and the fact he’s one of the few villains to bite the big one just helps him stand out even more. Throw in his incredibly cool monstrous transformation, and despite his single episode it’s not hard to give this Dick a 9/10.

Femme Fatale

So not to be lazy, but I did kind of do a Psycho Analysis on Femme Fatale back when I did an Episodyssey on her sole appearance. And yeah, I stand by what I gave her there; she’s a 2/10. She’s just a really preachy, obnoxious, and poorly executed moralizing villain. I’m also gonna go out on a limb here and say that she probably hates trans people. I suppose that’s just a headcanon but… come on. Look at her. If this show was TV-14 and came out today, she’d be even less subtle in her contempt for trans people than every episode of South Park that featured Mrs. Garrison. Enough headcanons though; she doesn’t get the lowest marks possible because, quite simply, she has a pretty nice design and her voice acting is good enough since it is Jennifer Hale.

Mr. Mime

Oops, wrong picture.

There we go! Anyway, Mr. Mime is a really cool character with a frustrating resolution. Through no fault of his own, Rainbow the clown accidentally gets hit by a bleach truck and loses his color, becoming the evil Mr. Mime, gaining the ability to sap the color and sound from the world with a touch. He’s actually a seriously awesome concept, and the episode itself is good… and then comes the ending where, despite turning back to normal, Rainbow gets the crap kicked out of him and sent to jail, which is strangely cruel for the Girls to do. Apparently they later made amends, because Rainbow shows up at their birthday, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. A 7/10 is a good score for this guy.

Boogie Man

The Boogie Man is arguably the greatest villain in anything ever. He is entirely built around one of the most groan-worthy puns imaginable and plays that pun up for all its worth, being a monster under the bed who utilizes a disco theme to the point he blocks out the sun with a gigantic disco ball. The dude has funky style and if that’s not enough, he’s voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson, who gives him the exact sort of voice he needs. The dude is just like something out of the craziest blaxploitation film ever, and he certainly brings the funk to the point where even though he only got one appearance in the series, I wouldn’t hate to bump this guy to an 8/10. What else is there to say but “Blame it on the boogie!”

The Smiths

These guys are just a very funny concept. I kind of like villains who do stuff for the pettiest, mundane reasons, and these guys take it all to the logical extreme. The patriarch of the family decides to dress up in a tacky supervillain outfit to get “revenge” on Professor Utonium because… he envies his perfect life. The rest of his family turn to villainy to avenge him, and are just as pathetic and ineffectual as he is. It’s so funny in a sad kind of way. I think a 6/10 is what they deserve, because while they aren’t particularly effective or groundbreaking, they’re at least good for a chuckle or two. Ultimately though they are a less impressive version of the Nelsons from Minions.

Major Man

Major Man is very interesting because he is very clearly an homage to Johnny Bravo; they’ve got the same hair, the same muscular body type (though Major Man is certainly beefier), the same voice actor! And yet, they couldn’t be any more different. Johnny, as much of a dense womanizer as he is, does have a hidden heart of gold beneath it all and usually means well; meanwhile, Major Man is a self-serving jerk who wants to play superhero. You know, he kind of reminds me of Homelander from The Boys in some ways. Anyway, I think a 6/10 is fair enough for him; he’d get higher if he wasn’t such an interesting concept for a major villain relegated only to a one-shot appearance. He’d have been a better entry in the rogues gallery than freaking Sedusa, for instance.

Abracadaver

So I wanna know how exactly this one got by the censors. This guy is unrelentingly dark, from his origin (he died onstage in front of a crowd which included children) to his absolutely ghastly appearance in which it is very much clear he is decaying and rotten. I honestly kind of love him, despite the fact he only ever appeared once, mostly because I can totally understand why they never used him again. This dude might actually be too scary. I’m giving him a solid 8/10, because I just love how unrelentingly dark he is. It’s definitely a low 8 since he never appeared after his initial appearance (for good reason!), but damn if he isn’t effective and memorable.

Lenny Baxter

Lenny is actually kind of impressive. On the surface, he’s just a gross, exaggerated take on Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons and loony dudebro manchild fans, which is all well and good, he’s pretty effective at being a “take that” and has stood the test of time pretty well/. But, I think what truly makes him memorable is the fact that he actually did manage to capture the Girls and would have won if not for the meddling townsfolk. Then of course there’s the Professor’s wonderfully tranquil takedown of Lenny’s ideology:

"Let me tell you something, Lenny. You may have all of the toys, all of the merchandise, all of the so-called “collector’s value.” But one thing you don’t have, Lenny, is true fandom. For a true fan wouldn't want to selfishly keep the girls to himself. A true fan would want them to be free."

I think that for a disposable one-shot villain, Lenny is surprisingly relevant even today. I think he deserves a 7/10, though obviously he’s not a very high one because ultimately he is just still a normal (albeit very greasy) guy.

Roach Coach

Look, not all villains are created equal. This guy? He’s not too impressive. Sure, he predicted the ending to Team America, and sure, he made a Papa Roach reference, but frankly I don’t think that’s enough to really elevate him into being an impressive one-shot villain. I’d say he’s a 4/10. He’s not lower because he is the starter villain, and his voice actor would go on to bring us the much better and more memorable Mojo Jojo. We all have to start somewhere, right?

The Robbing Leech

This guy is probably one of the freakiest one-shot villains in the series. Unlike Abracadaver, there’s literally nothing explained about this guy. There’s no origin, no explanation, he doesn’t even talk, and hell, the guy might not even be human at all! We the audience are never clued in, and the guy is never seen again, so we’re only left to ponder what exactly this guy is up to. I don’t think he’s quite as disturbing as Abracadaver, but he’s certainly got something going for him in terms of mystery; a 5/10 is fair enough. It would have been neat if they explained something, but I guess he’ll just have to be one of those riddles for the ages. We will never truly know how and why this man was capable of giving people the succ.

And just when you thought it would end...

Salami Swami

Ok, did you honestly think I was going to miss the opportunity to talk about this guy? His name is SALAMI SWAMI. And look at him! He controls MEAT! He only ever appeared once in the episode “Slave the Day,” where his mighty meat powers are no match for the appetites of the reformed Big Billy (formerly of the Gangreen Gang). But like… LOOK AT HIM. The idea and concept and literally everything about him is just so patently absurd and creative that I’m legitimately angry I didn’t come up with it first. He never spoke a single word, but he still managed to find a way into my heart and mind. Can I legitimately rate this guy who had a single joke appearance in the show? Damn right I can! 6/10, baby! If he appeared more or defined his personality a bit better I’d rank him higher but, come on. SALAMI SWAMI. Sometimes all you need to be great is a really incredible, stupid gimmick. And Salami Swami has that in droves; hopefully we can meat him again someday, and he can reignite his beef with the girls while remaining inextricably linked with sausage. 

Ok, I’m done. Goodnight everybody!

[bobowhooo]

Potent Savages

Genre : Thriller/Trigger warningsss/Angst/Smut/exo, oc, and blackpink gang au

Summary : This fast paced kind of lifestyle isn’t for everyone, but for these young rich savages it’s second nature.

Chapter 2 : Riveting

     Welcome back. Lets pick up where we left off, shall we?

After we escaped from the dragons men, we all ended up hiding in some nasty smelling, broken down place that the exo gang usually use for interrogation purposes. Now let me set the mood for you, 14 crazy ass adolescents that hate each other, cooped up in a dark, cold, torture garage. The perfect storm is what this kind of thing can be called.

Hard ass verbal blows were being thrown all over the place, mostly by the more talkative of the two gangs , and guns were being pulled out even though we all knew nobody had it in them to shoot at anyone in this room right now......then againnn

“Can everybody just shut the fuck up! DAMN.” Suho yelled at the room with his stern voice.

I stop my yelling to look at suho with an expression that says “who the fuck are you talking to boi?”

He speaks up again “Just in case you all forgot, JIYONGS  MEN ARE LOOKING FOR US AND WANT TO FUCKING EAT OUR ASSES.”

“NO DUH DIPSHIT.” i yelled right back at him for no reason other than im heated right now.

“Sit down little girl.” baekhyun spoke in a tone that could buy him a hard slap.

I rolled the shit out of my eyes as jisoo spoke to suho, “well do you have some kind of plan?”

“I do have plan that could work out well for us. Is everyone willing to listen?” suho was speaking in a serious tone as he slowly got up and stood above us all, while we all stayed seated on the cold floor.

He took our silence as an agreement and continued, “Jiyong has been trying to beat us at what we’re best at, does anyone know what that is?”

“Being assholes?”

“Being little bitches?”

“Doing drugs?”

“What?”

“God damn it, chanyeol, jondae, shut the hell up.” suho sighed with a fed up tone when he spoke to the two boys before he continued speaking himself.

“I think we can all agree that confrontation is what we’re best at.”

“That’s true, you guys surprised me at that party the other night, i cant lie.” rosé said with her chin propped up on her knees as she sat on the floor next to me.

“same.” the exo member kai finally spoke up. where did they find this one? heaven? 

I couldn’t help but feel weird at this moment. Exo wants jiyongs head, nothing less, and i dont know if im ready to see him die. Yes he does want me dead now, but i still like him. Wait what the hell am i thinking!? i dont care what happens to that douchebag same goes for the exo gang, Its all about, my girls, my coins, and me at the end of the day.......right?

“Aya?” suho called out, and broke my train of thought. “You down?”

“Fuck yeah.”

When suho hyung was done telling all of us about his plan, we went to one of blackpinks gunrunners to get ready for our attack on the dragon estate.

A few different conversations were going on all at once in this car, but the only one im interested in is the one going on right next to me between lay and aya as she sits on his lap, due to lack of space.

“I guess you haven’t caught the asshole disease some of these guys walk around with huh?”

Lay gives her a laugh “asshole disease?”

“Ugh get a damn room you two.” i spoke with an irritated tone because the conversation between the two was going so well.

“Are you mad because im not sitting on your lap baekhyun?” aya looked at me with a teasing pout.

“Dont flatter yourself little girl.”

“You have one more damn time to call me little girl.”

“Litt-”

“We’re here.” suho said from the front seat as we pull into the dark woods that lead to the backyard of jiyongs estate.

I watched aya take a deep breathe. I wonder if she’ll be able to do this, she could love him too much to make any moves. That could be a problem.

According to plan rosé and aya jump out first as the rest of us stay in the car.

“Stay safe girls.” she said to the rest of the blackpink girls in the car, while giving me the stank eye as she got out.

And with that, she was gone.

We walked right in, not trying to hide ourselves.

The dragons men looked surprised at our arrival but they didnt shoot or anything, they dont want these problems.

Once we got to the door of the dragons office, the two guards standing there had an unsettled look, as if they have just seen a ghost. Ahh i get it, these fucktards thought we were dead.

I rolled my eyes while flicking them off and walked right in to the office like an asshole.

“Hi oppa.”

Jiyongs elbows were propped up on his desk with his head in his hands before he lifted it up to look at us.

“I cant say i was expecting you, but im not surprised either.” he stated as he got up from his luxury chair.

“Two faced pig.” rosé spat out in disgust.

“i missed you too rosé.”

“So thats it? after everything?” i asked sincerely curious because his answer determines my next move.

“What do you think this is aya? We only fucked. I never loved you, and surprise surprise, i never will. Its called pretending baby.” 

“And now you want me dead.” i spoke sternly to the dragon in the room.

A sinister smirk crept on his face before he spoke “Oh you have no idea darling.”

“DIGGIE.” fuck.

Out of nowhere comes flying jiyongs death-dealing body guard diggie, heading straight for rosé, but before i could intervene she pushed me in the direction of kwon jiyong, who was about to break the window of his own office and escape.

I ran towards him and jumped over his sturdy mahogany desk. He pulled out a gun from his side and pointed it at me before i robbed him of his balance with my foot. He shot a small hole into the roof of the room in reaction to my sudden move and i got on top of him knocking the gun out of his hand. He started panicking obviously not ready for this, close range, hand to hand combat he was about to experience. Just then gunshots and screams were heard from outside the dragons office.

They’re inside.

We finally entered the mansion of our enemy, i was shooting in every direction with my uzi, trying to reach the stairs. Finding aya and the dragon are my top priorities at the moment. Chanyeol, lay, and sehun followed behind, as i made my way up the stairs, and anyone in our path was a dead man walking.

i was sprinting towards the door of the dragons office before a heavy man in all black came flying through it, i could hardly see his face because of all the blood, as he laid on floor in front of the door surrounded by broken wood.

“Damn.” sehun voiced from behind me. I continued walking toward the threshold of the chaotic office and saw aya on top of jiyong with dark cold eyes. intrigued by the sight i stopped moving and just watched her.

The dragon was bloody and almost unconscious as she pulled his neck up.

“Open up.” she said to him in a voice stripped of mercy and its old lively nature. The enemy obeyed her, and i watched her try to fit her gold glock 26 in his mouth. Her mouth twisted into a frown before she harshly hit him in the face with her gun once “Open wider you little bitch!” her eyes became more like ice cubes with every movement as she started to lose herself to a side she doesnt know she has, as she mercilessly beat him more.

“AYA STOP.” rosé tried to intervene while pulling on one of the girls arms, but she was pushed away and stumbled onto the floor with wide eyes in reaction.

“AYA.” i called out to her this time with a harsh tone, and she whipped her head toward me with the eyes of a bloodthirsty animal hell-bent on ripping the man underneath her apart.  The boys behind me snapped out of their dazed states and ran in to the room about to grab her off of him while they had the chance, she let them pick her up while her eyes stayed on me.

“What happened here?” suho asked from behind me referring to the half gone jiyong on the floor. Chanyeol pointed towards aya and she slapped his hand out of her face. “Whatever, as long as hes not dead, grab him and put em in the trunk.” suho said to chanyeol, lay, and sehun. I decided to make my way towards aya who was crouched down on the floor by the wall, but rosé got to her first and i decided to leave them be.

i took a deep breath in after thinking about how aya was acting just moments ago. Shes so untamed and unpredictable and honestly its starting to grow on me. hell must be freezing right now huh? gotta remember to ask soo.

Me and my girls took one of jiyongs cars so we can get away from exo for a bit, even though we are currently following them to one of their other mansions, a talk between us alone needed to be had.

“Im sorry for losing my shit back there girls.” i blurted out eagerly hoping to break the silence.

“We’re sorry we weren’t there to stop you.” lisa replied just as eagerly.

“Yeah, but you’re a real pain to restrain when you’re in that kind of state, you know.” jennie spoke honestly as always.

Jisoo had her eyes on the road as she listened to the conversation silently. I was in the passenger seat feeling like an idiot as i looked back at rosé who was looking out of the window of the black bugatti veyron. she hates when i get like that more than anyone in this car, i wonder if she’s mad or just dissappointed, hopefully the latter, i damn sure dont want her to be mad at me.

Silence showed its face again and i watched the car take a left into a driveway of an aesthetically pleasing mansion that belonged to exo men.

Our lights were still on as the guys in the car parked in front of us got out one by one. The one i now know as jongdae was the first to the trunk, just like the time i was captured by them....assholes. He pulled kwon jiyong the dragon out and asked for help carrying him. Tonight is going to be the last time i see jiyong oppa alive, well half alive....no regrets.

“You okay?” jisoo asked in concern for me since i was watching jiyong basically get carried away by death in the form of 9 men. The rest of the girls in the car were also looking at me with concern before i spoke up hoping to ease their minds alittle “hell yeah im good, guys he was a piece of shit okay, i was probably gonna kill him myself one of these days anyways.” i gave a playful wink and a charming smile. Why should i be sad about it when i almost beat him to death with my lucky glock 26, i sure as hell wasnt bothered by it then and im not going to be now.

After the girls started to ease up alittle, baekhyun and chanyeol came out of their mansion looking like the calm after the storm and approached our car. Chanyeol knocked on the window of my side as a signal to roll it down and baekhyun stood behind him with his hands in his pockets. His hair is all ruffled and he was looking like a teenage girls dream in that stance.....damn.......i kinda wanna-

“yo why are yall still in the car?” chanyeol interrupted my thoughts as he leaned down and looked at us with his eyebrow cocked. “Does it matter boi?” i asked giving attitude because thats what im best at, sorry, one.....thats one of the things im best at. “Just get out the car and follow us little girl, damn.” baekhyun said with a lick of his lip. “fine.” i voiced before putting my hand on chanyeols shoulder as a signal to back up, he stood there with a smirk on his face in response to the touch, so i opened the car door forcefully not caring if he is in the way or isnt at this point. The rest of the girls got out at the same time and the two exo members had us follow them to the mansion.

“Holy shit!” lisa yelled while looking around inside the mansion. she is so right this place is too nice. “yah aya, why dont we get something like this huh?” lisa spoke excitedly again. “Because we’re not 9 boys trying to compensate for.... things.” i replied to her question while giving the two men that showed us in a stank look because of the smug expressions they had on.

“yeah yeah whatever, what do you guys spend all your money on? purses?” chanyeol asked with a teasing tone.

“Dont be sexist chanyeol, no one calls them purses anymore.” jennie said as she looked at an expensive vase they had on display in the middle of the room we were in. 

“Looks like you all are enjoying yourselves.” suho was coming down the stairs as the rest of the boys followed.

I looked at him up and down about to ask the question thats been burning the back of my head. “yo suho?”

He looked  at me and cocked his eyebrow as he reached the end of the stairs. “jiyong.....are you done with him?” rosé asked before i could, probably trying to save me the feelings that come with asking if hes alive. Even though its unnecessary, im fine.

Bluntly suho spoke “yes im done with him, and yes he is dead.” Baekhyun looked at me quickly probably wanting to see if i was going to break down, thats how everyone was looking at me actually. this is pissing me off.

“The fuck are you guys looking at me like that for, i dont give a shit.” i said with a bored look dominating my features, “can we talk money now so me and my girls can go?” i voiced, looking at suho for an answer.

“Of course but i was thinking we should celebrate alittle. I think after today we all deserve some fun.” suho said his voice sounding something close to a proud dad.

“What kind of fun are you talking about?” jisoo asked. We were in the huge living room of the mansion and the boys took seats all around us as me and the girls continued standing looking curious.

“Nothing too crazy, if thats even possible for us, we promise, come on stay and celebrate with us.” suho replied as his eyes stayed on jisoo. AHA he sooooo wants her. i looked between jisoo and suho with a smirk. Well whats the harm in staying, jisoo never gets any, maybe i can get her laid. But do i really want to “party” with the exo gang? i look at all the boys in the room then lock eyes with baekhyun who is on the couch with his legs in a man spread. He looked at me intently waiting for me to say something, my girls were also looking at me in the same way.

I turned to jisoo “ you wanna stay chichu?” i said as i swung an arm over her shoulders, “yeah i wanna celebrate and im starving.”

“Lets turn up then.” i said with a wide smile while bringing my face closer to hers and giggling.

Everyone stood up yelling their approval of my answer. Acting like rowdy teenagers we got the party started. In that moment we forgot about  everything that happened before it. 

Glad you came back?

AUTHORS NOTE : ayyyy yuh girl finished iiiit it took me so long because i was getting too excited and started doing the most and ugh just long story short sorry for the wait hehheh. anyways if you liked it let me knoww if you wanna stay silent im cool with that too hehe. kisses <3 ~ laila.

[medusasflame]

Writing Prompts

Here’s a fun list of ideas to inspire you. Pick one, pick two, pick sixteen of them and let your imagination flow!

“Technically, it wasn’t on fire.” He/She said. “Of course it wasn’t on fire! You completely blew it up!”

“I never said she stole my money.”

“Sir, we’re surrounded.” “Excellent, we can attack in any direction!”

“Do you even know how to drive this thing?” “Normally, I’d lie and say yes, but considering the fact that I almost flew us into that building, I’m going to assume you know the answer.”

“I thought you were my friend.” “I am. But it is my duty, as a friend, to tell you that you suck at this.”

“That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea. Let’s do it and see what happens.”

“There are at least seventeen ways this could have gone better. Literally. Like, I’m counting them right now, you moron.”

“Children shouldn’t play with guns.” “Who said I was playing?”

“... just to be sure we’re on the same page.” “Page? We’re not even in the same library!”

“Why is he bleeding?” “Because he’s an idiot.” “I didn’t know that idiocy caused people to start spontaneously bleeding from the nose.” “I think it’s a new phenomenon.”

“So, what’s your plan?” “My plan was to follow your plan!”

“Small fire! I said to set a small fire! This is not small!”

“Dude, we are not asking the dragon for directions.”

“I taught you how to pick locks, and this is how you’re using that skill?”

“Ow! Damn it!” “Um, are you okay?”

Two people who are horrible in the kitchen bake a cake.

We live in adjacent apartments and one day I accidentally knocked a hole in the wall and into your living room I’m really sorry oh my god you’re naked.

I broke your nose at a mosh pit.

I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital.

You were chased by the cops, got in my car, and just yelled ‘Drive!’.

You punched me in the face while gesticulating wildly to a friend.

You’re the bastard who keeps parking right in front of my house so I retaliated by keying your car and you caught me.

I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold a shirt and then leave it one more time I’m going to stuff it down your throat.

You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friend’s house and I should call the cops but my cat kinda likes you so we’re good.

You saw me reading the same book you did and we got into a heated discussion about how much it sucks.

This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and you’re deathly afraid of flying.

Someone you know barges through your front door and says: “Whatever happens, whoever comes knocking, I’ve been here for at least an hour.”

I noticed you subtly placed nerd paraphernalia.

Met while trying to set both of our roommates up with internet dates.

Dracula won’t stop hitting on me at this costume party.

You spilled your wine down the front of my dress at a fancy party.

The portrait you painted of me in school is now super famous.

Who the fuck put peeps in the microwave?

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t?

My friends dared me to go up to you and ask about something really stupid and this is super awkward and your kinda cute and I don’t even know what is going on and I’m sorry.

My chips wouldn’t come out of the vending machine and I got mad and tried to grab it but now my hand’s stuck and please stop laughing at me this is very serious I’m going to cry.

Yes, I know this is a bar but you’re a really hot bartender and I panicked and said “chocolate milk” when you asked me what I wanted to drink, now I just want to crawl away and hide forever.

That’s the third fucking toy you’ve played with and didn’t know how to turn off in my store please don’t just try to walk away I cAN SEE YOU.

I lost my little brother at the grocery store and you found him and now it seems like you two are best friends and he doesn’t wanna lose contact with you so it seems like I’ll have to get your number - at least you’re hella cute.

Your best friend and my best friend think we’d be really cute together and keep trying to set us up I am so sorry.

I forgot my umbrella and you offered to walk me home in the rain and I thought this would be the beginning of a cute love story but you’re really shit at this oh my god my shoulder is so wet, hold the damn thing properly what the hell, man?

My friend thought you were cute so she tried to take a picture of you for snapchat and her flash went off but when you looked our way she shoved her phone into my hands and now you think it’s me and oh god please don’t be mad.

We sat next to each other at a really sad film and now we’re sharing tissues while we cry at the cinema.

I was on my balcony playing music and you were walking past and stopped to listen because it’s your favorite band too.

I’m in my underpants in the laundromat waiting for my clothes to get washed and your clothes are in the machine next to mine and I noticed that when you put your clothes in they were all covered in blood what the fuck?

You found me hanging from my fingertips from your window and I don’t want to tell you I was trying to rob you but I don’t know how else to explain this and I don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when I’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life.

You probably don’t remember but you saved me from some bullies once in middle school and god damn it every year you just get hotter.

I know this is awkward, my friend saw that I was alone at the dance and they pulled you over to dance with me and I’m sorry.

I’m a photography student and the light was just shining off your hair so perfectly I just HAD to take a picture and now you’ve found it online, I’m in trouble now.

So my friends dared me to ask a random person out on a date and the person I asked actually said yes what the hell do I do?