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#one day ill return to it and ill prob come to appreciate all of it
foxstens · 4 years
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time to talk about totono (beware the spoilers)
i knew it was a masterpiece from the very beginning, and i guess the reason for that is the atmosphere. i have never come across a vn that builds atmosphere so effectively, whether it be through the use of music or it’s absence, or the beautiful but ever-so unsettling art, or a mix of all of those. but that very atmosphere is probably what made me want to continue reading even if i was terrified of what was ahead of me
and yet, i only gave it a 7. there’s a few reasons for it. such as the fact that the music, though it works very well within the vn, there’s only one track i really like on its own, and in fact there were times even during the vn that i found the music annoying.
then there’s the protagonist who i won’t really elaborate on bc he barely has a role in the story, and he’s so ugly even though he doesn’t even have a face. i hate him with a passion and he doesnt deserve to be part of such a great story.
then there’s its structure i guess. like going in i was excited bc it’s listed as being a medium-length vn but it only has two love interests so of course i expected both of them to get equal amounts of focus and development. yea no.
other than the atmosphere aoi was hands-down my favourite part of it and i was so looking forward to her route, to have quite moments with her and fun moments with her and for her to get to change and become a /character/ instead of a plot device.
but i never quite got that. because she just doesn’t get enough screentime. like her personal quirks and her opinions and her speech patterns and the way she wears her uniforms and her life /in this world/, they’re all so interesting and i wanted to find out about those. i wanted her to receive character development in other ways than being a love interest.
and even her being a love interest could’ve been done so much better. i just didn’t feel it. when the big dramatic part of her route hit i didn’t feel as attached to her as i should’ve, and i wasn’t rooting for her relationship with the mc at all. tbh most of the emotions i felt during the confrontation scene were just because of how well that scene is done in general. 
so i was very much prepared for aoi to become one of my favourite female characters but it didn’t happen because the story decided that the other love interest deserves so much more screentime.
which brings me to the third and biggest reason that i can’t give this vn a 10. miyuki herself. 
i hated her from the first time  i saw her; i didn’t like her face or the colour of her hair or eyes or her hairstyle or her voice or anything. but i kept going, scared shitless, waiting for her to kill the mc or for me to warm up to her.
and i did warm up to her a tiny bit once i got onto aoi’s route and she acted all nice and  shit. but then the ending happened and i was so happy because i had called it from the very beginning.
and then it cemented itself as a masterpiece even more with how terrifying that ending scene was. and i loved it.
BUT THEN IT KEPT GOING. the entire vn getting messed up and being unable to save and having lost all my saves and not knowing what was happening and her talking directly to me at times - that was all fun. it became considerably less fun when i was stuck in this endless loop replaying the same scenes making slightly different choices at times, using the ctrl button more than i ever have in my entire time.
in real time i probably didn’t spend more than 3 hours in that hell but looking at her face all the time not knowing when it’d end going to the cat shopping a million times was incredibly aggravating. and when i looked up a walkthrough i found out this was called endless loop #1 and there’d be some plot happenings when i managed to choose my way out of it but then there’d be an endless loop #2 waiting for me. 
so after i got out of loop #1 i looked up its various endings on youtube then promptly deleted it. i appreciate so many things about this vn and it definitely feels like it’s a classic already, but the focus on miyuki really breaks it for me, and i can’t help imagining just how much better it would’ve been had aoi received even a fraction of that focus. D:
language-wise it felt quite easy i think. the fact that aoi’s lines are only written in kana is a bit unusual but personally i found it helpful because oftentimes what she says is repeated by others and written in kanji, which i really liked. she does use a fair amount of onomatopoeia which you might love or hate, but other than that the language is pretty simple as far as i could tell. i didn’t understand even close to half of the narration but i never felt like i was lost or missing out or something (except that one time i did a high skip and a new choice popped up without any context whatsoever lmao). i definitely feel like i learned a lot.
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bumbleberrysky · 4 years
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alexa, play candyshop (bass boosted) | 03
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pairing: gabriel x reader genre: soulmate au, canon divergent around s13, hurt/comfort, humour, future smut (probs) wc: 3.7k rating: sfw warnings: none really
You knew there was a reason some divine power brought you to the Winchesters all those years ago, but to this day you still have no idea what that reason is. It’s something you’re destined to find out soon though, especially when you return to the bunker after months away and find not only a new face, but one that belongs to someone who up until that point you’d thought was dead. What does his return have to do with the changes you’re suddenly experiencing in yourself? Will you finally find out the reason you’d been brought here in the first place? Maybe…
Chuck works in mysterious ways after all.
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“Well, whatever it says, we’re gonna have to wait until Cas and Dean get back before we can decipher it.”
You huff, sparing a glance to the angel huddled in the corner, resting his head against the drawers beside his bed. It’s been a few days since you’d first come back and you wish you could say you’ve had all sorts of good progress with Gabriel, but the truth is that you haven’t. He has receded so far into himself that a part of you is actually worried the archangel you knew is gone completely.
“I’m a bit worried,” you admit quietly to Sam after a moment. He turns his gaze to you and you hold it. “He’s… he’s worse than I thought.”
And, put bluntly, you’d thought he was bad.
Sam doesn’t say anything, merely releases your gaze and turns to survey the room once more; the walls are plastered in a scrambled mess of what you can only guess is enochian. You’re not sure when Gabriel had the chance to do it, but you know that earlier you’d visited him to offer him a portion of his grace back and he’d refused, so you’d left and when you returned some time later the walls were like this.
“Did Dean say when they were going to be getting back?” you ask, wringing your hands.
“He didn’t respond to my text, so I can only assume he’s driving.” Sam huffed a laugh. “Cas forgot to charge his phone again so I can’t reach him either.”
You purse your lips, trying not to smile. Of course, it is the little things that Castiel forgets. Like that wireless technology needs charging, that Beyonce is too well known to be used as a cover name, and those straws that don’t always come with fast food drinks.
You’re about to speak when the faint sound of metal hitting metal echoes through the bunker, heavy footsteps on steel stairs following suit.
“Well, I guess that saves us asking,” you say, patting Sam on the arm as you move past. The two of you depart Gabriel’s room, sparing him one last concerned glance before you close the door behind you.
“I’m home! And I brought food!”
Yeah, that’s definitely Dean. You just hope Castiel came in with him so he can see his brother and read the scribble on the walls.
x     x
 The scribble, as Castiel informed you, is a thrilling account of Gabriel’s Story, so to speak. What happened to him after his so-called ‘death’, and you tuned out for a fair amount of it (mostly during the detailed recount of time spent with porn-stars in Monte Carlo) but heard the important bits, like how he was traded in to Asmodeus and what the Prince of Hell then proceeded to do to him for the years following.
It saddened you, despite it being largely something you already suspected if not knew.
After listening to Castiel read the enochian on the walls, you’d had to leave. Uncharacteristic of you, and Dean had given you an odd look as you passed him in the hallway, but you couldn’t spend another minute in there. You felt bile rising to the back of your throat.
You really don’t have an explanation for why you’re reacting so strongly, so viscerally, to everything that has to do with Gabriel. Like you’d affirmed earlier, you only really met and interacted with him a handful of times! You aren’t close with him, haven’t known him extensively—
So why do you have this gaping pit of loss and grief in your stomach, like you’ve lost a limb?
It doesn’t make sense, and you’re not sure if you can make it make sense, honestly. You’d like to be able to put it on the backburner too, but every time you try it just creeps its way back to the forefront of your mind. In a bid to distract yourself, you hole yourself up in your room for the rest of the day, marathoning whatever dumb show is on TV. If you’re lucky, the entertainment channel might have old reruns of Neighbours. That never fails to make you laugh with its exaggerated soapy drama.
To your disappointment, the only thing playing in a marathon fashion is Family Guy, and with a sigh you bundle up in your covers and resign yourself to the afternoon. Well, if you wanted to numb your brain then this result isn’t so bad after all.
You spend the rest of the afternoon in your room, and pass out at some indiscernible hour. When you wake next, it’s a ridiculously early hour of the next morning and the TV is still running. You have a cramp in your neck from your odd sleeping position, and you rub it with a scowl as you emerge from the blankets and turn off the TV. You slept way too long, and there’s no way you can get back to sleep now.
Begrudgingly, you slip from your bed and into a standing position, relishing in the stretch you feel as you lengthen your tight, tense limbs. The floor is cold against your feet but you’re too lazy to search for the slippers that came with your room and instead just go on your way. Destination: kitchen.
You feel like a ghost, wandering the silent halls of the bunker. Dean is most definitely passed out by this point, and Sam… well he’s probably asleep, but you wouldn’t bet on it. That psychopath could also be out jogging. You’re so zoned out that you don’t even realise you’ve reached the kitchen until you stub your toe on the doorframe.
“FUCK!” you curse, managing to restrain yourself from howling like a lunatic just barely, at the last second. You double over, heaving in a big breath. Of course it had to be the little toe—
“y/n? Are you alright?”
The low, gravelly tone that brushes your ears is familiar and always welcome. You stick your thumb up so Castiel doesn’t worry while you grasp your bearings. When you find your voice, you follow up the gesture with a squeaky, “Fine! Peachy.”
“I would remind you that I can tell when you are lying, but I don’t think you aimed to be very believable.”
You straighten, throwing Castiel a bright smile despite the pain still throbbing in your foot. You should have looked for the slippers—this is your hubris catching you slipping.
“Sorry Cas, I shouldn’t be sarcastic. I’m fine, but I think one of these days I’m gonna break my toe for real on that stupid doorframe.”
Unfortunately, this isn’t your first run-in with the doorway. If anyone asked, you would tell them that the design of the hallway is atrocious and that door is not where it’s meant to be. Well, it’s not where you expect it to be every time you come to the kitchen, and is clearly an obvious design flaw.
The angel lets out a soft noise of understanding, lips twitching in the ghost of a smile. “Perhaps. You don’t seem to have very good luck with doorframes.”
“Nope, I definitely do not,” you respond, shaking your foot out before moving over to the fridge and checking to see if Dean bought strawberries. A noise of delight escapes you as you find what you’re looking for, several punnets stacked in the back corner. Ah, and they say old dogs can’t learn new tricks—Dean is a very good learner with the proper motivation!
(Pavlov would be proud of you.)
Castiel has a smile on his face as he watches you remove one of the punnets, hopping up onto the bench facing him and flicking the plastic open. He approaches, movements fluid and calm, and for a few moments you sit in comfortable silence. He is the first to break it.
“y/n… are you alright?” At his repeated question you give him a confused look, and he hurries to elaborate. “I mean… with everything. With Gabriel. I noticed how you left, yesterday.”
Ah. Well, you knew that you hadn’t been subtle, but you hadn’t been sure whether anyone was going to question you on it. You munch on a berry as you think, gaze flicking to the side. You wouldn’t dream of telling Sam or Dean about the odd sensations you’d been feeling, despite the fact they knew how you’d reacted to the news of Gabriel’s death, but Castiel… you felt comfortable confiding this in him.
“Well… yes, and no.” You drop the top of the strawberry into the lid of the punnet and reach for another. “To be honest, I don’t really understand what is going on with me. It’s like… super overactive empathy. It just hurts, to see him that way. And it makes me sad, knowing what he went through. Painfully so.”
Castiel nods, light eyes on you as he listens attentively and with care. You chew through another two berries before continuing. “Hearing it straight from him—well, as straight from him as it could be, I suppose—it just got to be a bit much for me. I had to leave. It just… made me feel a bit sick, is all.”
The look on the angel’s face is pensive, and it’s as though you can see his mind whirring a mile a minute behind the sky of his eyes. “I see,” he murmurs, gaze flicking to the side as he thinks. “Well, you are a very kind soul, so I am not surprised by your empathy. Though, if it is affecting you so strongly…”
He pauses, eyes finding your own again. “If you feel ill again, come find me. I’ll help as much as I can.”
You smile at him, every moment as sincere as you’ve ever been. “Thanks, Cas. I really appreciate it.”
x     x
Sam must have done or said something to Gabriel while you were locked up in your room, because there seemed to be a sudden change in his progress.
For the better, you think. Well, you hope.
He was a little less withdrawn, a little less manic and fidgety. He still doesn’t really speak, and doesn’t react well to loud noises or sudden movements, but Sam told you he had spoken last night.
To correct him about calling the Monte Carlo porn-stars ‘hookers’, of course. You’d wanted to slam your head into the tile wall when you’d heard that.
The day passed quickly after your encounter with Castiel, and you spent it cleaning and polishing your weapons—you don’t want to go down as that one stupid hunter whose greatest folly was improper upkeep of her arsenal. Only when you’d polished your machete to a gleaming shine did you admit that it was likely time for a break. You thought it had only been a few hours, so when you wandered out and found that it was actually almost dinner time, you’d been pretty surprised.
Sam had run into you in the hallway and filled you in, and afterwards had insisted on accompanying you to the kitchen. It seems you spend a lot of your time there, now you think about it.
The large, industrial-feeling space is where you find yourself now, making a lazy stir-fry from pre-packaged vegetables and beef. You’d tasked Sam with cooking the rice since he’d insisted on lingering for conversation, and since you trust that he’s more capable than his brother you don’t bother checking on his progress.
“Castiel was worried when he first saw Gabriel, but after seeing the writing he’s happy because it means the Gabriel we know is still in there, somewhere.” Sam updates you from your side, sniffing and peering into the wok before you in mild interest. “That smells good. You sharing?”
“Maybe,” you answer him, giving him a sly look. “Depends… you got any of that guilt-free ice cream hiding in the freezer?”
Sam peers around to make sure his brother isn’t listening before nodding, “Back corner, behind the frozen berries. We got a deal?”
“Pleasure doing business with you, young Winchester,” you answer with a shake of his hand, putting on an accent for his benefit. He snorts, moving away to grab two bowls—good timing, you have to note, since the stir-fry is almost done. “Kind of sad you still have to hide it from Dean, though.”
“Are you kidding? He has a nose like a bloodhound for sweets,” Sam says, coming back with porcelain in tow. “Did I ever tell you about the time he found an industrial-size bag of Hershey’s kisses I bought? I hid it in the vents in the dustiest corner of the library, and he still found it. That was meant to last me months and he tore through it in a week.”
You blink, mildly impressed. You knew he had a sweet tooth but you didn’t know it was that bad. “Dude, get your brother some therapy.”
Sam snorts, muttering something about how it would be easier to herd cats and juggle at the same time. You’re distracted for the moment by an errant thought that filters across your mind at the mention of chocolates.
Gabriel, in his time spent as a trickster, developed quite the soft spot for them… could it…?
You stir the food before you once more before taking the wok off the heat, moving it to the wooden chopping board on the bench; Sam takes initiative and turns off the stove behind you, something you’re thankful for.
You’ll have to test your theory after dinner.
x     x
The chocolates and candies you’d left for Gabriel after you’d had your dinner are, to your delight, gone the next time you see him.
You’d placed them on a tray for him outside the room and knocked, letting him know you had left him something. Of course, after that no matter how much you wished to stay you forced yourself to be on your merry way so he could retrieve them in peace. The rest of the night had been spent arguing with Dean about the proper name a werewolf-vampire hybrid should be called—not because you have an important opinion on the matter, of course, but because Dean gets very fired up about the subject and it’s very funny to behold.
Back to the point, when you’d returned on your trip past Gabriel’s room this morning (on your way to the kitchen, as anyone would expect), the tray had been placed neatly to the side with the wrappers twisted into the shape of a big, shiny bow. Kind of impressive, especially since you have no idea how he got them to stay stuck together like that.
It made you happy, though, that he’d eaten them. Angels don’t need to eat, of course, but he’d seemed to develop a taste for them ever since adopting the mask of Loki so you thought it might help make him feel a little more like himself.
You try not to think about it too much because it actually makes you a bit embarrassed— why are you so invested? You don’t quite want to know.
Currently, you’re settled in the library with your legs crossed and a tome on celestial beings in your lap. By your side is a plate of celery and a jar of peanut butter, and Dean, who is seated at the oak table with Castiel across from him, is giving you periodic looks of disgust and twisted curiosity. He’d started off attempting to read up on some monster—you suspected it was Werepires, after last night’s argument—while Sam popped off to the store for groceries, since Mary and Jack were meant to be returning tonight. The keyword to note here is attempting; each crunch of celery between your teeth yanks his gaze from the book to you and you can tell its wearing on him. Castiel says nothing, having discovered candy crush on his phone earlier, and merely glances between the two of you every now and then with a faint look of amusement.
“Alright,” He finally breaks after your third stick of celery, giving it a look like it personally offends him. “How can you eat that? Just use a spoon if you like peanut butter so much.”
“What the fuck, ew,” you comment, chomping loudly before dipping the stick into the jar for another coating. “I hate peanut butter.”
“You’re sitting there practically eating it out of the jar!”
“I get cravings sometimes, Dean!” you throw back, somewhat defensively. “It’s like when people eat vegemite—no one likes it, but you get cravings for it, you know?”
“What—ew, no, I don’t know!” Dean’s face has now crumpled into a complete look of disgust at the mention of that particular spread, and he shudders as he regards you. “Every time you leave I almost forget what a freak you are, and then you come back and I’m reminded all over again.”
The way he says it has no bite whatsoever, and you flash him a grin. You don’t realise Castiel has even been paying attention until he speaks, the humour lacing his deadpan tone the only give-away that he’s teasing.
“That wasn’t very nice, Dean. You eat some weird things for a human yourself—like that greasy, fried dessert from the stall in the food festival we drove through.”
Dean at first looks like he wants to argue, but at Castiel’s example a flush of green instead washes over his features. “Ugh, god that was gross. Don’t ever let me buy before I try at a food market again, Cas.”
Castiel snorts softly, turning back to his phone, “You have my word.”
Dean seems to have forgotten he was shaming you for your celery topping, his attention now directed back to the book before him. His face is still kind of pale and you assume he is now adequately distracted enough for you to continue eating in peace. After consuming the rest of the celery in your hold, you go to turn back to your own book. It isn’t meant to be, though, because in the next second the familiar sound of the heavy metal bunker door creaking open splits the air and Sam’s bright voice follows after.
“We’re back! We brought fried chicken.”
You slam the lid back on the peanut butter, putting it on the plate with the celery and launching to your feet in record time, the book unfortunate collateral. It’s like you’re possessed as you zoom into the kitchen, stomach alive and stirring at the mention of chicken despite the fact you’d already been eating.
Upon entry to the kitchen, you’re faced with two new people you have yet to be introduced to—considering you’re familiar with most of Sam and Dean’s other contacts by this point in your friendship, you presume that these two must be Jack and Mary, the Nephilim and the Winchester brother’s resurrected mother, respectively.
“Hello!” you greet, darting forward to help Sam with the food. He gives you a look that tells you he knows exactly why you’d come to help and gives you the bag full of groceries instead of the one with chicken, just to spite you. Your face falls into a pout but your voice is still cheery as you continue, “I’m y/n, I hunt with Dean off and on.”
Both of their faces light in recognition, and you realise that your reputation has preceded you. Exactly which reputation depends on which brother mentioned you—you imagine Dean would have had some very interesting comments to add.
“Hello,” the woman, Mary, speaks, and you’re taken aback by how soft-spoken she seems in contrast with the badass aura and get-up she’s got going on. You’re a little surprised to see her, considering she’s the same age as you presume she would have been when Sam was a baby. “I’m Mary, I’m sure you’ve heard about me. It’s a pleasure to meet you, and… thank you for looking after my boys over the years.”
You beam a grin and it must come across as a very shit-eating one because you hear Dean groan from the next room over as he ambles to join the crowd in the kitchen.
“Don’t encourage her,” he says gruffly as he enters the kitchen, hugging his mother and ruffling Jack’s hair before following his nose to the bag with the chicken in it. “She’ll never let it go.”
“I’m Jack!” Your attention is torn from the previous interaction and redirected to the youthful blonde man next to Mary, grinning at you brightly. “I’ve heard so much about you—it’s nice to finally meet you!”
“Oh, you’ve heard about me?” you can’t help yourself from asking, and you hear Dean’s groan echo behind you. “All good things, I hope.”
It’s a little unfair of you to be fishing in the Jack pond for little tidbits you can use to bully Dean later, considering he’s literally barely a year old and doesn’t really know better to keep his mouth shut, but it is what it is. The question left you out of habit more than anything.
“Oh, definitely,” Jack answers, going to help Mary the second he sees her struggle with a bag from the corner of his eyes, “Well, mostly. Dean—”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Dean interrupted loudly and pointedly, not-so-subtly holding his finger to his mouth to tell Jack to shut it. “Dinner time! Everyone into the library, we have a lot to catch up on.”
Begrudgingly you let it go and follow his directions. He has a point; there is definitely a lot of informing to be done, especially regarding the archangel in the room down the hall.
You take a seat and wait for your meal to be served. The night passes quickly from that point on, the brothers cracking out some beer and Dean snickering when you turn your nose up at it (bad experience, better not to remember it). You get to know Mary Winchester and Jack Kline a little better, and now with all of your heads put together you hope you can come up with a solution to the issues around Gabriel and his recovery.
Well, that and you’re going to see if you can get some good material out of Mary to tease the brothers with. When in Rome, after all!
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arctic-urpo · 6 years
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Hiya hiya, it’s time for me to properly talk abt LRTN - because I’ve talked about it here and there but nothing clear and concise abt my situation and my plans to continue etc, and in general it’s been on my mind. This will be 99% just explanation of my past, uh, over half a year though because this has also affected my friendships with people outside of this too and just, idk, I don’t like saying I feel like I owe an explanation bc I rly don’t, people have been kind and understanding and I appreciate it.
But I want to explain so if you wanna know why I haven’t been writing or answering messages, you should probs find the answer under the cut!!! Warnings though that I’m gonna be talking abt rly personal stuff and some kinda heavy things too, so no need to feel pressured to read! This is meant for those who want answers and not as a plea for attention or anything ^^;
Anyways....
I feel like I should start with the fact that most people following me and LRTN probs know already, but I have struggled with mental illness for.... a long time, half my life in fact. It isn’t something I came here to talk about, but it is related to tons of abuse from multiple sources etc. So please keep an open mind reading!
Anyways so over half a year ago, in November 2017, first of all NaNo happened. I could balance that out with LRTN, at first, but then in the mid of the month I started this uh, work practice experience thing. My vocabulary in English fails me here but, basically, it was this government funded project to help young people get into working life/back to “”””normal life”””” so basically rehab work. It was in a flower shop, owned by my grandma’s friend.
The work experience itself was incredibly pleasant, I loved the job and I loved my boss and she was rly nice to me all the time. But it was time and energy-consuming. And another problem with the work was that - as most of u probs know, I’m a trans guy. But I’m not out to my grandma yet bc she’s very religious and my mom has been so worried for my safety so... Anyways, so I couldn’t obviously be out in the workplace either. And my grandma would visit daily and it was mentally really rough for me.
To also explain, I have bad agoraphobia to begin with. I’m deathly scared of public spaces, wide places, strange people, talking to people and 99% of the time I can’t even go outside alone. Which was what this work was trying to give me rehab for. And it helped, it really did! But my grandma.... made it so much more difficult to manage my mental health bc it was an extra stress factor constantly. She has a way of words to make me feel useless too so, I kept feeling inadequate constantly when she was there and like I was doing things wrong.
Anyways!! That’s for the work part! But also, in the beginning of me starting work there, my friend’s dog who I had taken care of a lot and who was a huge part of my life, passed away sadly. I started seeing nightmares every night and losing sleep rapidly. I used to sleep 8-10 hours each night, but back then I started sleeping 4-6 and that’s continued up to this day and it’s been.... completely exhausting me. I’ll probs talk abt that more in detail but. To continue to this situation:
So, all in all, there was way too many things going on at once that November-December. Add onto that the holiday season which had a lot of relatives - a lot of my grandma too - and it has always been a bad time of the year for me. I managed to hang on by spending time with friends - a friend came to visit me for almost two weeks and that helped me keep myself together.
But also, I was supposed to look for another place to work at through this whole time, because my grandma’s friend had promised to take me only for the Christmas season bc after that she just wouldn’t have work for me due to a quiet season. I did apply for a few places but.... I couldn’t bring myself to put myself completely to it bc of all the phone calls which scare me just as much as going outside.
Anyways, Christmas comes and goes, I’m still somehow hanging on, and then we go on a trip with my friends. It was an amazing trip, I had fun with them, most of them live in other cities so I don’t see them often so I loved seeing them....!!
And then I went back home. Back home into my messy apartment, where I realized I’m almost always alone. And I had a huge breakdown. I stopped eating properly for a while - I can’t exactly give proper dates after this bc it’s been kind of ongoing with various intensity after that..... I go through periods of not eating, I haven’t been able to start sleeping bc I find it so hard to go to sleep, I keep waking up from nightmares - nightmares of various subjects, not rly abt by friend’s dog even but just... all sorts of bad things. 
And I haven’t had the energy to talk to anyone, keep up any relationships. There’s only one group chat where I talk daily, the group of friends I went on a trip with who I’ve known for years now. And even to them, I don’t talk privately! It’s only the group chat! Other group chat I talk semi-actively in is the group of friends in my city, who I go to shop with etc but... Again it’s only semi-actively that I manage to talk there either.
As you may guess, I couldn’t find a new place to work in the beginning of the year. After the trip, I went through weeks without answering any phone calls - my therapist helped me call off the rehab work bc clearly it wasn’t the best option anymore. But that sparked all sorts of money problems that have plagued me since then, and let’s just say things haven’t been great on that front. 
Middle of all of this, I did figure out I had a huge fear of silence, so I need to constantly have videos, games, music, something running so that there is noise. I also need to have something to do to distract my thoughts even further or I’ll start to spiral into negativity.......
I do go through periods of creativity, but it only sparks on the drawing front. So to get on the topic of LRTN! I haven’t written anything proper since November. I’ve started a few background stories for DnD OCs and I can’t even finish those! I write maybe a page and I have to drop it bc I can’t stand the silence, having only me and music and no video or game or anything. (As for why I don’t watch vids while writing, I can’t concentrate on writing if I hear like, speech or smth similar. I can’t listen to rap either when writing bc it’s too distracting.)
But kind of with writing and esp with LRTN has been the problem that, the longer time goes on, the more daunting it feels to return to it!!! I’m already in the spot that I would need to reread LRTN to continue writing it (to remember all the plot things planned and the characterization etc) and!!! I do plan on doing that!!! But I can’t, I just can’t take the silence while I’m reading so I’ve kind of been putting it off and off. For way too long. I’m trying to figure out a way around this, but I DO MEAN TO RETURN TO LRTN!!! That is certain!! I do intend to finish it, I need to get the story out after planning it for so long!!!
But that’s kind of the status quo on the LRTN’s part, I want to continue and with each kind comment my heart just keeps breaking bc  I just want to write it so bad!!!! I want to continue!!!! But I’m just so stressed out from the loneliness and silence that I can’t bring myself to write!!! 
But yeah I’m not saying this seeking answers, this is my personal problem and no one needs to feel bad abt any of this or feeling like you’re pressuring me. All the comments are rather just so kind and inspiring that I feel like the luckiest guy from time to time. So thank you to everyone, the commenters and ALSO ESPECIALLY FRIENDS who have been so understanding and nice and been by my side even when I’ve locked myself up from everyone just to cry and weep over how much I suck....
Anyways to kind of give a status update on what this breakdown has even been abt and why it’s been making me distance myself, it’s bc I’ve been dealing with feelings of worthlessness, fearing abandonment and also just not having plain energy to answer and then feeling like it’s scary to answer after so long has passed without me saying anything. I feel like I’m constantly late.
Also, to current situation, my mental health has been on the rise, which is why I’m talking about this in the first place bc I have the energy to explain properly! On the... life front though, my life has been kind of a void of me waking up, playing mobile games, not eating much, not sleeping much, and kind of being just a messy waste of space. My apartment is a mess, my financial situation is even more of a mess still bc the depression is making me waste any extra money on stupid stuff and then me sacrificing food and such to save money for rent etc. I was also declared “unfit to work” by the government on another paper but “fit to work” on another so now I’m kind of in the space where I’m not actually capable of working fulltime by my health but also being forced to work bc I don’t have the ~right diagnosis’~ to not work.....
SO!! It’s been kind of a whirlpool of stress!!! Anyways idk how to end this huge rant, thank you if you read all of this and I hope this shed some light on the situation????
If u ever wanna reach out to me, I still don’t answer private messages well but you’re free to try and I’ll try to answer to my best abilities, but I feel like asks are the easiest way to reach out to me right now bc those I do get to eventually bc they don’t feel as personal and so scary for my socially anxious mind, idk!!! But thank u for reading, for understanding and for caring abt dumb old me!!!!
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jaemtens · 6 years
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Rescue (Chapter 5)
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seventeen | junhao | side meanie / vernkwan | chapter 5 of 10 | 18.8k
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written with @bulletproof-bad-wolf | updates every saturday morning
summary:  When Soonyoung finally “agrees” to let Junhui get a dog for their apartment, he realizes that he needed something a little bit more than a puppy. Enter Minghao, the bona fide Bad Boy™ with tattoos and piercings. Oh, and he doodles puppies and kittens in their Probability and Confirmation class.
chapter 5: junhui
It was just a casual guess, really, an estimate pulled out of the sky and definitely not decided through hours and hours of intense, unending thought about the subject. It was just a casual guess, but Junhui was pretty sure Minghao hadn’t spoken a word or even looked at him in nearly three weeks. Not since the day at the shelter, when Junhui had adopted Lilli.
He hadn’t acknowledged Junhui was alive in exactly nineteen days, two hours, and forty-six minutes.
Approximately. Junhui absolutely had not spent any time adding that up on an actual, real-life calculator.
He had a life, after all. Even if that life was upsettingly empty, without even the small bit of communication Minghao and he had shared.
The only thing Junhui really had now was Lilli. The small dachshund had become Junhui’s entire world of late, and he didn’t regret it at all. He spent every second he wasn’t in his classes playing with her, teaching her tricks, walking her, and generally just cooing at/around her on a loop. At first, Soonyoung had been openly aghast about all of it. He didn’t like dogs, he didn’t like Lilli, and he didn’t like this new situation Junhui had gotten him into. But slowly, so slowly that Junhui might not have noticed it if he didn’t suddenly have all kinds of extra time that allowed him to pay close attention...things began to change.
Outwardly, Soonyoung didn’t like Lilli. But, when he thought Junhui wasn’t looking, that wasn’t exactly the case.
At least twice, Junhui had caught his roommate petting the dog. That, on it’s own, might have been enough of a Happening to raise alarm.
But it didn’t end there.
Soonyoung began to bring home a variety of leftovers from the campus cafeteria, tucked into paper napkins and shoved into his pockets, and while Junhui really wanted to comment on the sanitation issues there, he didn’t, because every time it occurred, Soonyoung would pull the half a dinner roll or small helping of cooked carrots out of his pocket and toss it on the counter, then say casually, “Oh, I guess I forgot I had this. You can give it to Lilli if you want,” then walk away before Junhui could subject him to any questioning.
Not that he needed to. The action was admission enough.
Anyways, Lilli was his whole life, and Soonyoung maybe didn’t hold as much of a grudge against her as he pretended he did, so things were pretty okay in Junhui’s world. As long as he didn’t spend too much time obsessing over the weight of the Minghao Problem, it was good. Admittedly, he wasn’t doing that great in his classes. But honestly, when had he ever? Wen Junhui was a master at Getting By. He’d done it all his life, the bare minimum, just good enough to not be noticed. It was one of the things that pained his parents the most. They would constantly remind him how smart he was, how much potential he had, how very much he was squandering it by not really trying at his education.
By the time he got to high school, Junhui had run out of ways and willpower to try and explain to them that just because he was smart, didn’t mean he had any idea what he wanted to do with all that intelligence. Hopefully, he had at least another year of taking random, bullshit classes left before he would really have to figure everything out. It was problem for Future Junhui, really. Present Junhui was busy.
Busy spectacularly bombing his midterms.
He studied. A little. Junhui spent at least half an hour or so the morning of each exam cramming information into his head while he crammed breakfast into his face. He got an acceptable return on his Impressionist Painting practical. History of Film wasn’t a total wash. But Beginner French, Prob and Conf, and Principles of Pastry Decoration? Shit. Actual piles of excrement, his grades. Junhui was especially ashamed about Pastry Decoration. He’d mixed the royal icing all wrong, three times in a row, and then he didn’t have enough of each ingredient left for a redo, so he was stuck with runny royal, and the result was an exceptionally sad looking, melty wedding cake. Junhui had tried to convince his professor that it was a metaphor, for the way love eventually becomes a puddle of all the expectations and excitement one had at the beginning of a relationship.
Actually, Junhui spent an embarrassingly long time pleading his case to the T.A., the one and only Lee Jihoon, object of Soonyoung’s previously mentioned, ill-advised crush. He’d cornered Jihoon on his way out of class, and Jihoon stood there uncomfortably for three-quarters of an hour while Junhui likened his oozy, upsetting wedding cake to the way Love Always Dies.
He was maybe projecting. Just a bit. That didn’t make his point any less valid, Junhui figured.
“It’s just like...it’s like…” Junhui fumbled, somewhere around the forty-four minute mark, “It’s like when you just try so hard to be nice to someone, because they’re special, right? You try really hard, you try to, um...mix your ingredients right and not say dumb shit, I mean, not make bad frosting, or whatever…” He couldn’t even look at Jihoon anymore. Junhui stared at the ground instead. He was aware that he should probably stop, that this was all extremely futile. But he had pride, dammit. Pride, an overwhelming need to not fucking fail this exam, and also, lots more projecting to wade through.
“And you do all that trying, until you’re so tired you can’t try anymore, and anyway, they won’t even fucking give you the time of day in class...or...um...y’know, the sugar...won’t...it won’t mix with the...the spice…” Junhui trailed off. He was finally done, maybe. At the very least, he had maybe said enough insane things to make Jihoon take pity on him and talk to the professor. Hopefully.
Jihoon had his arms crossed when Junhui glanced up again. He was a short guy, but he could pack enough intimidation into his gaze to bring down a whole gaggle of jacked weightlifters with barely a word. It was moderately terrifying, honestly. Anyway, Jihoon’s arms were crossed and he was staring at Junhui, but to Junhui’s surprised, he didn’t look angry, or annoyed, or like he was secretly recording every word of Junhui’s brain vomit to use against him later.
He looked concerned. And faintly confused, but Junhui sort of vaguely remembered most of what he’d just said, and that was to be expected, really.
Junhui huffed out a shaky breath, his eyes stinging. He didn’t really realize the rest of him was shaking, either, until tears started to roll down his cheeks, the kind of warm, angry tears that weren’t really sad, but more just made of sheer frustration. He was so frustrated, with himself and his classes and the situation with Minghao. It was just too much, suddenly.
At least they were the only ones left in the classroom. Small mercies.
When Junhui started crying, it was quiet enough that he could still hear Jihoon mutter, “Good god,” before an awkward arm circled his shoulder. Briefly, Junhui wondered how Jihoon could actually reach his shoulder, but Jihoon was trying to comfort Junhui, and he appreciated it, so he stowed away the height jokes for the time being.
Also, Jihoon had the potential to make or break his midterm grade. There was that.
Jihoon pulled his arm back after a few moments, clearing his throat. Junhui continued to focus on every crack in the floor, trying to get his emotions under control. Neither of them said anything for a while.
Finally, Jihoon sighed. “Come on,” he said firmly, dragging Junhui out of the room and down the hall by his arm, and Junhui let him.
*
Junhui didn’t really pay attention to the journey. He was mostly just trying to shrink in on himself as much as possible as Jihoon pulled him along, out of the culinary arts building and across the campus quad and then off-campus entirely, and by the time they got to the little boba shop right on the edge of the university, frequented by students and teachers alike, Junhui had managed to stop crying like a baby.
He came back to himself a little bit in the shop, standing behind Jihoon as he ordered two drinks authoritatively, sat Junhui down at a table and then went back to wait for their order. Junhui didn’t want boba. He wasn’t hungry, or thirsty, even though he felt empty inside. He didn’t know what Jihoon was trying to do, or why. As far as Junhui knew, Jihoon had never been nice to a single person or student in his entire life.
To his extreme and eternal surprise, when Jihoon returned with their order, he gave Junhui a friendly smile, pushing one drink to Junhui’s side of the table. Junhui stared at it, then back at Jihoon. He felt light-headed.
“So. Tell me about the guy,” Jihoon said, and holy shit, he sounded friendly. He sounded like any number of Junhui’s friends. Junhui remembered that they were close in age, closer than Jihoon usually made it seem. Maybe Jihoon was someone Junhui could actually talk to. An impartial party. More impartial than Soonyoung, for sure. Every time Junhui tried to talk to his best friend about the Minghao Situation, Soonyoung just told him to grow a pair and work it out with Minghao himself. It was rich, coming from someone too afraid to talk to his own crush, the T.A. currently sitting across from Junhui at this very moment.
Junhui frowned a little, peeling the wrapper off his straw and stabbing it into the lid, although he still wasn’t thirsty. It was something to do.
“What guy,” he said, unwilling to make it into a question, if only so he wouldn’t be required to provide an answer.
Jihoon quirked an eyebrow, but didn’t reply. Junhui frowned harder.
They got sort of locked into a spontaneous, nonverbal stalemate after that, Junhui because he didn’t want to talk about Minghao, and Jihoon probably because he wasn’t much of a talker to begin with. For a few minutes, the only sounds at their table were quiet slurps of boba. It was awkward.
Finally, Junhui gave up.
“It’s Xu Minghao. Xu Minghao is ruining my life.”
Jihoon didn’t say anything, which Junhui interpreted as an open invitation to continue babbling.
“He’s ruining my life, and now he’s ruining my grades because I physically cannot stop thinking about him all the time. I pissed him off somehow, right, I don’t even know how, and now he won’t even talk to me or look at me in our one class together. He still sits right next to me, but it’s like there’s this giant wall between us.” Junhui paused to take a breath and a gulp of boba. It was good. Maybe he was thirstier than he thought.
“And I know it’s stupid, I really do. But knowing is one thing and life is another thing. Y’know?” Junhui asked, raising his head to meet Jihoon’s eyes.
Jihoon chuckled a little. “I know, Junhui.”
Junhui sighed. “It’s just. I like him so much. Sooooooooo much. And I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know what I’m allowed to do. And clearly…it’s starting to affect other things.”
“Clearly,” Jihoon echoed.
Junhui rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”
Jihoon’s raised eyebrow went even higher this time. “I partially control your Pastry Decoration grade, may I remind you.”
Junhui frowned harder. “Amended to ‘be quiet’. Sorry.”
Jihoon smiled a little wryly. “I’m just messing with you. Listen, Jun…”
Junhui listened. Jihoon seemed much wiser than he was.
“I don’t have a lot more experience or knowledge than you do about this stuff. Love, or whatever,” Jihoon mused. “But I do know this. It’s easier than it seems. All of it. Our brains have a tendency to make everything seem like the worst, but it’s not. I don’t know much about Minghao, to be honest. Not more than what I’ve heard from a few professors. But the general consensus seems to be that he’s fundamentally an alright guy. A little rough around the edges, sure, but probably soft in the middle. Not unlike a cream puff,” Jihoon finished, smirking.
Junhui honestly wasn’t sure if that was an adorable metaphor, or a remarkably suggestive one. He decided on the first option, if only for his own sanity.
“If he’s being distant, he’s probably dealing with things in his own life that are taking up most of his brain power. Maybe you’re one of them, maybe you’re not. You’ll have to work that out for yourselves. The problem is, you’re making him take up most of your brain power, and it’s tanking your grades, and, Jun...no guy is worth throwing your education away for. I promise you that much.” Jihoon said sagely, and Junhui sighed.
“It’s not like I’ve even settled on a proper education at this point,” he muttered despairingly.
Jihoon shrugged. “You’ve got time.”
Junhui snorted. “Mr. Choi doesn’t seem to think so.”
Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I’ll talk to Mr. Choi. He’s not nearly as scary as he seems,” he said with a laugh.
Junhui took another few sips of his drink, considering that. “Neither are you,” he said finally, and Jihoon smiled.
“I know. It’s my deepest, darkest secret, and I’d like to request that you never tell anyone, please.”
Junhui laughed too, for the first time that day. It felt good. It felt, like, cleansing. At the very least, he could breathe again, without it descending into a sob. He finished off his boba, reveling in the sweet taste for a moment, and thinking. Thinking of how Jihoon usually came off to everyone, versus how he was right now. Thinking about Soonyoung and his poor, neglected crush. Remembering his end of the bargain they’d made, when Junhui was on his quest to adopt a dog.
Soonyoung had made him a sheet of topics he was allowed to discuss with Jihoon, when he got around to it. He’d even laminated it, and made it small enough that Junhui could carry it around in his pocket. He’d reminded Junhui not to go off book at least ten times since their first conversation about it.
Junhui went off book.
“You know, my roommate has a massive crush on you,” he said, scooping tapioca out of the bottom of his open cup with a spoon and into his mouth.
Jihoon snorted. “Who’s your roommate?” he asked, and Junhui could tell he was trying hard to sound casual.
“Kwon Soonyoung,” Junhui replied, nonchalantly stabbing the tapioca with his straw now. He didn’t look up for a moment, giving Jihoon time to absorb this information. Junhui hoped to hell he even knew who Soonyoung was.
He knew.
When Junhui glanced up again, Lee Jihoon, the Meanest T.A. in the whole university, was blushing.
Junhui didn’t say anything. He let it sit for a while.
“Oh,” Jihoon managed after a long moment. “Oh. That’s. Um...that’s...cool.”
Internally, Junhui rejoiced gleefully. “Do you know him?” he asked casually, even though it was glaringly obvious that Jihoon did.
“Uh. Maybe? I might. I think maybe I’ve seen him before. Or...maybe he’s in one of the classes I’m assisting with this semester. I dunno. I might.” Jihoon stammered the words out. Junhui felt like cackling. Soonyoung was going to die.
“He seems nice,” Jihoon murmured, almost dreamily. Even Junhui could not have expected this good of an outcome. But, if he was going to be honest with Jihoon, he needed to stop him right there.
“He’s alright when he wants to be,” Junhui said. “Not unlike you.”
Jihoon blushed more. “Shut up.”
Junhui snickered. “I think you mean ‘be quiet’.”
*
Junhui tried not to think too much more about Minghao, after he left the boba shop. He did pretty well, comparatively. Compared to the last few weeks, anyway. He spent long enough considering the situation to come up with a plan for the next step. Junhui needed to go back to the shelter, to catch Minghao outside of class, where he (probably) couldn’t run away or avoid talking to him completely. That made it sound like something of an ambush, Junhui was aware, but he was going to be gentler than that. Nicer. He didn’t want to scare Minghao. He just wanted to know what he’d done wrong, and how to fix it. So, even though things were going spectacularly with Lilli so far, and Junhui was proving to be a great dog dad (even surprising Soonyoung, who was still convinced that he’d end up being responsible for the dog after a while), he invented a reason or twelve to visit the shelter that weekend, a short list of things he needed “help” with.
Speaking of Soonyoung, Junhui had decided not to tell him about his run-in with Jihoon. Not yet. Knowing his best friend, the information would only serve to throw Soonyoung right off his game, to the point where he would make an ass of himself in front of his crush.
Should they happen to meet.
Junhui felt it was very likely, at that point.
Anyway, he waited until Sunday morning before he worked up the nerve to go to the shelter. Junhui was strangely proud of his own restraint. First thing on Sunday morning, he got up and got Lilli ready to go, shepherding her into her carrier and letting them out into the hallway of the apartment building. He had just finished locking the door of his apartment, when Junhui’s ears (and poor Lilli’s, by extension) were subjected to one of the highest pitched shrieks Junhui’d ever had the displeasure of experiencing.
When Junhui managed to stop cringing and holding Lilli’s carrier to his chest protectively long enough to seek out the source of such a noise, there stood Boo Seungkwan, Junhui and Soonyoung’s neighbor two apartments down, staring at Lilli in abject horror.
“What...exactly...is that?” Seungkwan managed to choke out through his extremely palpable fear and dismay. Junhui definitely felt like he was maybe overreacting, just a bit.
Junhui glanced down at Lilli in her small carrier, peeking out of the front timidly.
“Uh. It’s a dog, Seungkwan.”
That much should have been obvious.
Seungkwan removed his hand from his chest, where it had flown when he’d gotten a scare from the least menacing dog in existence. “Yes, but...why ??” he questioned next.
Junhui tried not to make his eyeroll too pointed. “Because I wanted one.”
Seungkwan made a noise of distaste. “Well, there’s no accounting for taste, I guess.”
Junhui didn’t answer.
“You know what’s a great pet?” Seungkwan asked. Junhui still didn’t answer, because he knew he didn’t have to. Seungkwan was going to continue either way.
“A chinchilla. They’re so clean and cute and fun and quiet. You should really look into a chinchilla, Jun.”
Junhui blinked. “‘Kay.”
Seungkwan didn’t go on, so Junhui made an attempt at small talk. “Anyway, how’s things?”
Seungkwan rolled his eyes dramatically. “Oh, y’know. The life of a pre-med. Don’t sleep. Don’t eat. Always interning! Or in class, I guess. I haven’t quite decided which branch I’m going down, yet. I sat in on a few surgeries last week. I didn’t really know there’d be so much blood, Jun.”
Junhui fought the urge to guffaw. “Yeah, I...I’d imagine there would be.”
Seungkwan’s eyes glazed over a little, his gaze far away. “Just...so much blood…”
Junhui lifted himself off the wall. “Okay, well...I gotta go, Seungkwan. Good luck with all that blood, yeah?”
Seungkwan seemed to shake himself out of his waking nightmare. “Yeah. Thanks, Jun. See you later. Good luck with your beastie, there.”
As Junhui walked away, he whispered to Lilli, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’re the most beautiful puppy in the entire puppy world, and no amount of Boo Seungkwan Dramatics will ever change that.”
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fandomscollective · 6 years
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Works in Progress
This is very long so it’s all under a cut, there are several original fiction stories and a couple fanfiction. I’m trying to decide what to write next so I finally made decent descriptions instead of trying to verbally explain them to people. I might be able to write but I can’t talk in a coherent, linear, concise way to save my life.
Opinions on what to work on next are greatly appreciated. 
Original Fiction
     AER 9833(AER): A sort of Dystopian Future. A.E.R. were created as tools. Toys for the rich and powerful. AER are beautiful, elegant, and capable of tapping in to the background radiation of the universe to preform amazing feats. After an AER goes rouge they are determined to be sentient and therefore responsible for their own actions. Suddenly no one feels safe having these Artificially Intelligent beings around and so they are placed in The City, where a special device suppresses their power. Some time later the world is beset by an unknown force that destroys most life leaving the remnants to flounder. Humans begin to seek shelter in The City, which survived the Apocalypse. Things get complected with AER and humans living side by side. One AER breaks the field that suppresses their power and starts a chain of events that lead to a startling truth: we are not alone. This story has a mad max/cloud atlas thing going on. A hyper futuristic society falls to an outside attack that destroys most of the world, leaving wastelands interspersed with pockets where nature has reclaimed the last vestiges of civilization. A few scattered cities survive and humans struggle for security. In this bleak landscape a single AER possesses the power to save the world from a horrific fate, but the cost might be more than they can pay.
     Beyond the Stars(BTS): Sci-fi/Fantasy epic. In a distant future humans and Martic share a world cut off from both civilizations. What began as a short lived and devastating war between the two has settled into a strange and unbalanced power dynamic. The Martic king rules with a pleasant public facade that hides a dark and devious plot. Soon he will have the power to contact his home world and take the humans as slaves into their great empire. But not everyone is fooled, the Maquiya, a group of guerrilla resistance fighters, know the truth. The story follows the members of this resistance movement and other key players as the fight to save this small pocket of humanity from a terrible fate draws to a startling close. Prophetic dreams, confusing nightmares, double agents, and a century old secret come to light. And there is more than the fate of this world in the balance.
     Descendant Effect(DE): Magical Realism. Davin Khaye and his husband Eric Douglas just adopted a baby girl with a mysterious past. They thought they were leaving that whole occult investigation thing behind when they settled on Staten Island but when and old flame develops a magical illness Davin and Eric find themselves, and their new friends, pulled into a fight for the fate of the world.           Descendant Effect Book One: Sins of the Father, Complete (Looking for Beta and Sensitivity Readers and Editors) Davin, a magical historical fiction writer and former occult investigator,  gets a call from his first boyfriend’s sister saying that Gary is deathly ill. When Davin visits out of sympathy for Sarah he discovers that not all is what it seems. A virulent Wrong Magic has infected Gary and it’s contagious. Davin gathers his Chemist husband, the newly minted Descendant, Kaila, and the not JUST a vampire Jeb, along with Davin’s own personal guardian demon to unravel the mystery. Things get ever more complicated with mysterious Hunter Rex, Angels, demons, and Rex’s erstwhile sorcerer adviser Ambrose getting involved. By the end there are more questions than answers and long road to travel before Davin can finally let go of his terrible past.
     Dirty Deeds(DD): Magical Realism. Lady Luck gifted Clay with Power, now he’s fallen out of favor. Can a Demon with a moral compass guide him back into the limelight or will Clay be forced to watch as tragedy dogs his every step. When a goddess tells you to use your probability power for the good of mankind, taking a trip to Vegas is probably the last thing you should do. Clay learns that the hard way when he ignores his duties and a favorite of the Lady dies in a tragic accident. Lady Luck is no mans fool and she curses Clay to a terrible fate. With his powers severely effected he must still try to help, try being the operative word. After Clay is connected to a series of terrible deaths the FBI steps in. The lead detective is more than she seems and when she figures out clay’s secret she has to make a choice, her career or the man she’s starting to fall in love with. Considering her kind aren’t supposed to be able to fall in love it’s not that hard a choice. But Clay doesn’t seem to feel the same, until he does, and the curse is completed, leaving Clay in a sorry state. Kaezon won’t give up easily though and fights to make sure Clay comes back, but Clay isn’t so sure that’s a good idea. (some inspiration for this came from American Gods by Neil Gaiman)
     Nowhere Places(NP): Sci-fi/ Fantasy, Magical Realism. The history of Earth is secretly intertwined with an alien war thousands of years in the making, and so is it’s fate. To save his people the King of the Fay brought them to earth 15,000 years ago, but something went wrong. From a base on the moon the king directs a war in The Nowhere Places, overlaps in this dimension and another barren dimension. The Fay and the Phaedron have been at war for fifteen centuries and the people have had enough. Two of the Fay princes hatch separate rebellions while a Phaedron warrior, having crashed his vessel near a human school, discovers that humans aren’t the stupid cattle he’d always been told they were. Things take a dramatic turn when an archaeologist finds a massive structure several hundred feet below the exactly center of the Sahara desert and learns that this war, which threatens to take the earth out any time now, was never meant to happen because the Fay king… has been in suspended animation in the Cityship for 15 thousand years. This is one of the least fleshed out stories I currently have. Several scenes popped in my head that inspired the story and they almost all look like anime/mange scenes, the one where the archaeologist discovers the king reminds me of the scene where Integra discovers Alucard in Van Hellsing for instance.
     Prince of Darkness(PoD): Superhero, Magical Realism. Jamie was five when she first met the mysterious white haired boy. He didn’t have a name but Jamie could tell he was smart and creative so she called him Donny after her favorite ninja turtle. When she’s 32  her best friend Donny and his ‘boys’ Raziel and Gadreel are back after a ten year absence. Things are going great for the up and coming journalist and then she hits the big time, the very first real life superhero! Henry, her detective little brother, isn’t so thrilled and Donny and the boys seem strangely reluctant to talk about The Prince of Darkness. Soon things start getting even stranger when three people with white hair begin to try to capture The Prince. Tensions run high and weird people keep popping up at Donny’s lounge club. As Jamie searches for answers Donny searches for a connection. Lost and isolated from his ‘true’ family he begins to forge a new one through his Club, The Nine Circles. But the sort of people that hang out in Hell bring their own kinds of trouble. As Donny’s checkered past starts to come to light, the mysterious man finds that his heart wants more than it can have. Starting a relationship with his sister’s best friend was never Henry’s plan, especially since he knows they both love each other, but when Jamie rejects Donny’s advances what’s a guy supposed to do? Comforting his friend leads to something more but the more that Henry gets to know Donny the more concerned his is that he’s sleeping with the ‘enemy.’             PoD: Raising Cain: The story of Cain. Yes, that Cain. After an accident leads to a terrible curse Cain walks the earth searching for meaning. When he learns of ‘Lucifer’s’ fall and those that walk the earth destroying in his name, Cain finds his purpose, because he knows something is wrong. Hêlêl was the kindest of all angels and he would never have turned on the others. But the road to Hell is paved with good intentions and Cain finds that much of the time his attempts to help only cause more problems. After thousands of years traveling the world Cain encounters a spirited young man who calls him Red and falls in love, then one day, he vanishes. It’s the beginning of the end for Cain’s optimism and he spirals into a place so dark he thinks even his long lost friend would forsake him, but he can’t manage to care. Then Cyd and Nancy come along and drag the grouchy old man out of the depths of his despair. And just in time to find that maybe some friends aren’t as lost as previously thought.          PoD: Cyd's Story. Cyd grew up in the sixties. His little hometown was the picture of middle America. On the outside at least. In truth the town is made up of Hunter’s and their families. People who have dedicated their lives to taking out every last Tecum on earth. Unfortunately for Cyd, his mother had tried to get out of the lifestyle and ended up returning home a single mother. Most of the town whispered that she had fallen in with a ‘bad crowd’ and believed Cyd was a Tecum half breed. Only respect for his mother’s family kept them from doing anything, until it didn’t anymore. After ‘The Incident’ Cyd withdrew ever further from those around him and when his mother died when he was 17 he fled the town and never looked back, until Red and Nancy insist on following a Tecum on the run from Red’s brand of justice straight back to the town.                                       PoD: Saints and Sinners: The story of Casper and friends. Casper has never been one to run from his problems so when his team goes missing on a mission he doesn’t hesitate to comply with their captor’s demand. Of course it helps that he knows the guy. Really really well. After liberating his friends from his long time antagonist Ray, Cas find that, this time, he can’t seem to get rid of the man. That’s OK though, because he’s ready to mend the rift between them. Shadow isn’t happy about sharing his closest friend but when a supernatural threat looms they are happy to have an angel on their side. (this is like leverage if it was set in a world were the supernatural exists)                                                       PoD: Charlemagne Song: The story of Charlemagne. When she was in high school, Elle went by Elliot, and had a best friend named Jessica. Back then Elle was head over heels for the tiny blond girl but that was years ago. After a chance encounter with the famous musician Charlemagne Song leaves Elle single and depressed she discoverers that Jess might still be her best friend even though they haven’t talked in years. Suddenly Elle finds herself in a world of pure imagination as she navigates life with one of the most famous musicians of the day, who just happens to be half angel.                                                               PoD: R.E.D.: Story about a band, few details but some characters and lots of song titles and album titles, two of the band members are part of Donny’s ‘family’
     Sad Story(SS): Lucifer’s punishment wasn’t just banishment and when Michael finds out, all Hell breaks loose. Michael wants to let his brother live out his last days on earth instead of locked in a dark cage so he kidnaps him and with lawyer-angel Raziel and his twin brother Gadreel, find a place to hide the erstwhile devil. But Michael’s absence from heaven does not go unnoticed and while the other angels search for him strange murders have been happening in the city. The few witnesses give a description that strangely matches Michael. Can he prove he didn’t do it, or will he be parted from Lucifer before the Brightest of god’s angels fades away completely. (some cross over potential, very sad but with a happy ending cause I like that)
     Sonnets(Son): Inspired by ‘The Good Place.’ Lucifer misses heaven so he tries to recreate it, but to recreate perfection you have to recreate imperfection. (minimal work, the newest of things that have popped into my head)
     Twilight on the Moon(TotM): A Space Epic. Originally conceived of as a graphic novel, this story follows the exploits of the first human intergalactic journey. Humans reach a point in their development where they attract attention from the Galactic Coalition, a group comprised of advanced races from throughout the universe. These races band together to form a peace keeping force and have strict rules and regulations that they expect all members to adhere to, and if a race refuses to follow the guidelines then they are banned from involvement in the larger community of space faring civilizations. Of course, humans, being humans, don’t much care for the Coalition’s ultimatum. A stealth ship arrives on earth and informs the governing bodies that the Coalition isn’t the only group out there and that humanity can find out how other races live by constructing a ship, from plans provided by the individual in the stealth ship, that can travel to all non member systems and pick up ambassadors to have a conference on what humanity should do. The ship they construct is christened La Luna as it was made on a moon base. The captain of the ship is a short delicate looking man by the name of Rane Laforge. He hand picks a complement of characters for the mission that include his ex-girlfriend, Dr. Sandra Fisk as his CMO, Lt. Cmdr. Lars Tavic, Security Chief Anton Talon, Specialist Translator Rendell Hartford, and many others. They pick up several ambassadors including the accidentally acquired Ares LacTon of the La Mer Ray, who falls in love with Lars. It quickly becomes clear that the mission is going to be stranger than expected when we discover that very few of the people on board are actually human! (a sort of comedy of errors in space with the occasional serious moment, the world this is set in is my most elaborate and most complete but the story itself has no coherence yet. There is significant possibility that it will cross over with BTS as two-three of the characters from that likely served aboard La Luna at some point.)
     Unnamed Prince and Regent Story(PR): Fantasy. A princess gets kidnapped but it’s not what you think! She escapes her captors and flees on foot. She stumbles across a caravan and is taken under the wing of their guard who helps her disguise herself as a man. On the trip back to her home she realizes that she’s never been happier and that she is actually a he and he has fallen in love with the guard who seems to feel the same. After getting back to his home however, his love mysteriously vanishes. The now Prince throws the kingdom into chaos and becomes despondent. Spiraling into a drunken haze until a visiting royal entourage brings an unexpected guest and a wild revelation.(another where I have a fairly thought out world but only a sketch of the plot)
FanFiction
     Sherlock Fan Fiction(Sher): A Ghost From the Past. Someone from Sherlock's past shows up and John finds out how little he truly knows of his best friend. Basically Sherlock’s best friend from childhood shows up and it turns out that she was more than a friend and part of the reason Mycroft and Sherlock don’t get along is that Mycroft had asked her to marry him and she had said yes and Sherlock believed(for actual reasons) that Mycroft purposely stole her from him. That’s only the first big revaluation about Sherlock.
     Strange Sounds Supernatural Fan Fiction(SSFF): A Ghost From the Future. The boys are transported to the future where the supernatural is no longer hidden and some major event created a post apocalyptic fallout, but this time it was humans who did it. The result is that massive creatures are roaming the planet destroying any pockets of civilization they can find. Thanks to a few not so dead and reformed archangels there is a part of the US that’s a ‘safe’ zone. When Past Sam and Dean show up around the time that safe zone begins to come under attack both versions of the boys and the future archangels join forces with Occultist John Constantine, Alien Technology Specialist Mickey Smith and his wife Dr. Martha Smith, and the secret organization known as Torchwood as they travel the world looking for clues to put this new threat to rest at last. Features several original characters and many crossover characters from similar worlds with cameo appearances by characters like Crowley and Aziraphale from Good Omens. (Only about Half plotted but the most written of any FanFiction I have so far.)
     Supernatural/Batman Beyond Fusion(SPN/BB): This plot bunny may not make it, basically just replacing the cast of Batman Beyond with the cast of Supernatural but tweaking the plot for supernatural stuff.
     Ultimate CrossOver Fic(C/O): This fic started out in my head with a few comic panels showing Jack Harness falling comet style out of the sky over the impala. The boys investigate and find a very naked Jack in the crater. He of course starts flirting. At the same time that that is happening, the TARDIS bumps into the hull of the USS Enterprise, manifests on a landing deck, and then they both get sucked into some kind of time distortion. Meanwhile, Gabriel, trapped in a spell that Metatron set up to siphon his power to keep the wards on heaven set, uses the last of his strength to send a dream message to Sam. This story would include Supernatural, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Sherlock, Harry Potter, Good Omens, Marvel, Pushing Daises, and basically anything else I can find a way to add and every conceivable mlm ship. (I can’t write sex that involves women because of dysphoria but feel free to believe those ships happen too)
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Ali & Carly
Ali: When your sidechick gotta go though 🙄 Carly: for serious or Ali: Probably not but she's raging and I'm more over it than usual Carly: sorry Carly: you're welcome over here Carly: marital home Ali: *checks in to be petty* Ali: don't even be, it ain't your fault remotely Carly: not trying to be helpful to her tho Carly: no offense Carly: you're mine so Ali: She wouldn't for you so no one can chat shit Ali: Why's everything gotta be so heavy, like? Ali: Already wifey'd up, soz about it Carly: i hear that no guesses on who i cleared out earlier Carly: idc if you wanna fuck rough but get a bit creative w the dialogue Carly: calling me a whore again like you forgot my name boo Ali: Eurgh, what a prick Ali: He definitely did not pass English lit Ali: Hope you returned the favour and kept calling him the wrong name Ali: Not gotta be mine but 😏 Carly: kept it silent that pisses him off more Carly: & blates wants me to lie there and take it until i do then hes sad over not being gods gift Carly: bored Ali: Make up your mind, like Ali: Can't please some people, eh Ali: so why bother, that's what I'm thinking Carly: yea Carly: lets do something not boring Carly: please ourselves Ali: Like the sound of that Ali: any ideas? i dunno if there's even a shit party on tonight Carly: be fun Carly: we can throw one Ali: hostess with the mostest Ali: why not, all welcome except the shit list Carly: is your gf on it Ali: Hmm, an invite would probably piss her off more but she'd not show Ali: too proud Ali: idc if I'm being real Ali: wanna have fun Carly: k Carly: im good for that Carly: ill get stocked wanna come or we doing this on trust? Ali: trust you with my last name, bitch Ali: but also doing fuck all so i'll come Ali: be 💪 Carly: come help me spend the week worth of food money my ma and da trusted me w in one night Carly: like its hard Carly: & my first time Ali: 😂 Ali: long as you got enough pot noodles in, you'll survive Ali: I'll bring you care parcels like the domestic goddess I is Carly: yogurt and strawberry shakes Carly: how i gonna keep my figure for you bitch Ali: 🍓 shortcake's what I'm gonna call you Ali: step up from whore, nah? Carly: aww Carly: what you want your wife to be wearing idk Carly: red & green or Ali: Good point, let's be really lame and couply and coordinate Ali: we'll stop at mine and look at options Carly: k Carly: better wash my hair brb Ali: take ur time, princess Carly: you sweetie Carly: caravan park royalty be like Ali: that how it be when you 👑 Ali: don't matter where you are Ali: I should shower too, smelling like coffee is my signature scent these days but not the goal Carly: blushing again right here Carly: too nice to & for me, babe Ali: nah, you just not been treated right Ali: get used to it, baby Carly: as soon as i do you'll do one Carly: i know the drill k Carly: divorce rates b high Ali: you wish it was that easy to get rid Ali: so stuck soz 💋 Carly: it is Carly: my da's my step Carly: fuck knows where the real is Ali: you wanna know? dead nosy, and my Ma's social, I can probs snoop Ali: not only nosy but persistent, trust, I ain't going nowhere, bitch Carly: shit bitch if your ma's social we can't be married Carly: 💔 Ali: 😣 BUT BUT Ali: she's always doing this, fucking cockblock Carly: yea Carly: mine hasnt noticed we're married Carly: cheapskate on the gifts like Ali: Inadvertently paying for the party favours tho, that's something Carly: only cuz im a fun wife Carly: yous the domestic one Ali: I'M FUN Ali: I'm a cool mom, fuck you 😣 Ali: we can't argue yet, wait 'til companies here, make a scene 😏 Carly: point Carly: kiss & make up Ali: fucking straight girls man 😂 Ali: i know you'd only lemme hit that if ronan was watching babe Carly: youd still have no complaints Carly: how many girls have you been with? ive got 3 or 4 under my belt Ali: 🤷 never said i was opposed to a lil performance art Ali: not wasting my talents on him tho, no offense Ali: Only been out with Lene but I've messed around with about as many as you, nothing serious, just fun at parties and that Carly: k you wanna put on a show for her Carly: lets do it Ali: 😂 God no! Ali: At least Ronan would be vaguely appreciative Ali: Not how I'm getting back in her good books Carly: but you dont care yea Carly: we'll find someone else Carly: impress them Ali: Yeah, see if any rides show up Carly: lads kno im good for a party Carly: they'll show Ali: 🙌 Carly: cant offer any girls as a promise Carly: you 50/50 or? Ali: Yeah, pretty much Ali: I'm not fussed, hot is hot to me Carly: k Carly: im scrolling Carly: wife duties Ali: just don't be swiping right on my behalf, babe Ali: focus on getting you a fittie Carly: cba Carly: wanna have fun w my woman Ali: now who's being sweet Ali: fun we shall have Carly: meet at the shop? Carly: less of a mess now Ali: ✌ see you there Carly: k Carly: be fun Ali: be fun babe 💚
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f05erxay-blog · 5 years
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cheap short term car insurance for 17 year olds
cheap short term car insurance for 17 year olds
cheap short term car insurance for 17 year olds
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insuranceforcheap.info
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fmlfpl · 6 years
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Lineup Lamentations - GW4
Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.
WALSH
TRANSFERS:
OUT: Eyes of the bug and Mommy Sakho
IN: Daveed and Jonny Castro Otto 
:( Time to fire off Ozil out. I still love him and still think he's a good pick, but with two frees it's time to shake up the dressing room. There was much deliberation this week for me and it was a difficult move to make.
Realistically if we all knew Kevin would be out for months Dilva would probably have been in a lot a lot of teams. He's just looked great, on direct frees now, and he's just a better pick than Ozil at the same price in this moment end of. Fixtures are insane for them and having three City instead of two feels nice. I expect Pep to ride Dilv while Kevin is out and with all these tidy home games incoming he looks a great option not to mention tidy diff.
After taking Ozil's .2 price drops on the chin and up the bum I needed to find money. Sakho out doesn't feel great, but, I somewhat insanely prefer to hold Shaw given the presence of Wannybiz in my team. Shaw has been terrific and although it appears that United are collapsing, they still have quality in the side and good fixtures. Shaw could be a long term hold and I don't wanna drop him just yet. Palace have 3 good clean shouts incoming and then fairly bad fixtures for cleans for quite a while. Having 2x with no Tomkins in the back line seems quite bad.
Otto has looked immense this season and I quite like the player. He's playing wingback and is quality. He also dropped to 4.4 so hey not bad. Wolves I still back to find their wits and they rotate decently with Palace for the next 6ish GWs so he kinda picked himself. Pains me to say goodbye to Mom but I have a mom in real life so I'll have to make do with just the one instead of the glutton of riches that were two.
GK:
Alisson Becker just continues to tot along. Classic my wife telling me to get him over Ederson just the gift that keeps on giving. Three cleans on the bounce and up against a Vardy-less Leicester....let's make it four my son.
DEF:
Robbo and Mendy go. Ho hum.
Shaw is thrown back out there at Turf Moor. Shitty ass Burnley just got knocked out of Europe so they will probably be good options for cleans again soon until they hit 40 points but they should be a bit poo on Sunday. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping. United are also a bit poo but maybe they are a firmer grade of poo to watery poo from Burnley and they outclass them. Clean seems reasonable.
Finally, Wannybiz gets his first run out for my team this GW. Home Soton is as good as you can hope for and even without Tomkins a clean feels somewhat doable. Kill for a clean.
MID:
Old friend, great friend, elephant trunk Dilv is back. Good guy to have for City's nice little run hopefully points flow.
Mo goes, ho hum again.
Eriksen repaid my patience with the assist last week which immediately made me feel calmer about holding him. Lots clamoring for Hazard, and he may be a different kettle of fish under Sarri, but Eriksen just still consistently good ticker of points. At Watford isn't GREAT but isn't that bad. Go on Christian.
Last guy to go is Ladro. Got the obligatory blank in the GW I bought him out of the way so he's allowed to get points now. Home Bournemouth seems like a 4 goal game to me so hopefully Ladro is in there with some puntos.
FWD:
Same two friends Kun and Arnie.
Arnie news was very nice and he's just a great guy. Two great fixtures before a tough run at which point I will reassess. Kun is love and Kun is life. Will prob destroy Newc because he's the best.
CAP:
Sticking on Mo. The boy hasn't blanked all season and "should" have probably double returned each game to boot. He's not firing on all cylinders and still returning for fun. Leicester with the slab of heads doesn't scare me even though they have been playing good defense this season so far. Still fancy Livp to go in there and dismantle them. Kun is a shout, obviously, and home Newc is a better fixture than at Leic but Mo is Mo. Twisting around cap is not what I'm trying to do this early in the season and Mo has been extremely consistent to date. Sticking with the Egyptian King.
ALON
TRANSFERS:
OUT: N/A
IN: N/A
“All our unhappiness comes from our inability to sit on our free transfers.” - Pascal (not Gross).
I don’t know, pulling out a quote from a French philosopher felt a fine thing to do as I try to not overreact and appreciate the fact that I spent basically 24 hours a day for a month tinkering with my GW1 team for reasons and feelings......... On thinking about my perspective move or moves for this week I kept coming back to the conclusion that I just don’t know yet.
Keeping Ozil is certainly risky --- but he could also very easily pan out and I back Arsenal attack.
Keeping de Gea seems silly when I have a City spot available --- also a de Gea clean / saves / BAPs would be incredibly unsurprising against relegation fodder Burnley. And I may want to use that city spot on Daveeeeeed Silva instead of Ederson.
Keeping Bavies after an 8 minute cameo is not ideal --- but I expect him to start and be good at attacking as usual. They’ll need Rose’s pace vs. Liverpool next match because if Bavies starts he will be shredded alive.
I don’t know - just talking here... Really what I’m trying to say is that I just don’t know yet. I’m off to a fine start, not especially great, but very far from bad, and I’m gonna roll out the boys one last time before an international break and then I’ll see what’s up. With two frees I’ll have maximum flexibility and then take it from there.
GK:
Alright DDG and Manchester United... are you complete trash or can you keep a clean for once in your fucking lives? We’ll see I guess.
DEF:
5 men now and forever.
Mendy home to Newcastle should be as bankable a clean as you can imagine. Hopefully no one with pace on Newcastle runs at Mendy like Adama Traore did so we don’t have to watch Mendy run scared for his actual life and it’s just a nice easy day with some assists on top.
Robbo and Trent delightful double should be in for a big time clean shout as well, fourth consecutive. Leicester are obviously Mahrez-less but also Vardy-less because he’s still on the suspension. Puel teams have given Klopp’s Liverpool tough matches before but tough in the sense that they defend deep and offer literally nothing going forward. Should be 4/4 cleans from my boys.
Bavies is a fuck. Almost 100% his last week in my side so hopefully can see it out with points. But away to Watford is not an easy task and they look pretty good thus far. Not having lettuce hands in goal is a slight boost though :)...
Lastly the murdering drunk driving lunatic from Spain with no upper lip goes again. Double digit hauls for fun from the lad, go get another Alonso.
MID:
Mo Salah, Mo Salah. Of course.
Lukaaaash Moura gets in there. What a feeling when a punt comes off I feel so alive in this moment. Good guy should be playing OOP striker again vs. Watford and do the business. There will be space, and where there is not space there will be bad defenders.
Lastly I have Cairney in. Interesting little psychological move here because Cairney is both dead and red flagged. He will 100% not play and that’s why he’s in there. I’m making the 3000 IQ play and lighting a fire under Ozil’s big bright mantis ass. He thinks he can just illness over here illness over there and I’m not gonna do anything about it well he’s wrong - that is not the type of team I’m running. Hopefully when you read lambs Mesut, this really gets the blood pumping. Mesut will sub in off my bench.
FWD:
Kun obvvvvvvv Kun legend.
Arnie fit is a good feeling. Home Wolves pretty good fixture too I expect him to get in there as he does. Go on Arnie.
CAP:
All week / all life I was on captain Mo... Listening to “The Friday Show” from The Anfield Wrap reminded me how much of a pain in Klopp’s ass Puel teams have been though.
I toyed with the idea of Kun but really it just did not feel good to me. Newc and Rafa are a good bus, Kun can get rotated any match. I could not care less what his history vs. Newcastle is I just don’t feel good about it...
In Puel’s one season at Southampton, Liverpool didn’t score one goal against them in FOUR matches (two legs of a cup)... I had to go back and do my research and shit and yeah I watched some old highlights and had some bad flashbacks etc etc... But then you dig a little deeper and statistically completely dominant performances especially the last one. And then when we played Puel’s Leicester last season yeah it was a “tough match” had to grind out the win but only felt that way because Salah missed two sitters... LFC still went on to win the game and Salah still went on to brace. He had 6 shots and 2.08xG that match. Fuck Puel back to Gringotts let’s fucking go it’s on MOOOOOOOoooooooo.
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Confessionals!
Hi it is Olivia! So I don't have the gifs of this season or the player banners so this will be separated by day since I was just an intern and didn’t keep track of confessionals or what day it was when they were posted. Its just all of the confessionals for this season on one post. Sorry for the delay!
5/22
Tim
WHY ARENT I ON THE PRETTY TRIBE! I love Aren already he seems super fun and chill! Certain people... however make me wonder why they are all stars.. jk lmao Im here to have fun and do great!
Aren
Spoiler alert, the f3 is trixie/madison/aren!!!
QuilLynn
So its me, QuilLynn, Two-time winner, next first boot of atomic! I'm happy to be with Dana, but idk about the rest of tribe. I don't really click with anyone, so i'll probably just try to let dana have the social game and i'll just like cling to her coat tails until merge or a swap. I'm trying to be my catty self and form a pretty girls alliance with Dana and Sarah since we are all Iconic woman winners, but I know Sarah will be more loyal to dan, or I think it at least. I'll fill you in more later, gotta go mingle! <3 xoxo gossip ho
Stephen
Its what, one hour into the game and I already love sarah. i knew this season was going to be crazy, it is after all all-stars. So that means no inactives to vote out round one. Eek. So I’ve got to work fast to make those social connections and try and get myself a place in whatever majority forms if we lose immunity. Which we wont. I love creative writing, if we lose this because of my writing I might as well give up writing altogether.
Aundra
"THIS IS BRAZY!! Going into this im ""like Jesus do i want any IOS people in?"" ""theres going to be at least one, right?"" SIKE! THERES 3!! i cant deal im super excited that tim and heather are in the same game as me because they're great people Stephens also here which is awkward a little but i dont really feel like theres any bad blood between us, we've basically made up since IOS . ALSO IM ON A TRIBE BUILT MOSTLY FROM WINNERS. I really wanted to have some winners on my tribe that way i could have hopefully a built in alliance but all winners except one is on my tribe thats so much pressure. And unlike most games ive had a small convo with just about everyone on my tribe/ know them or i like them. this game is definitely going to be different experience and hopefully it will be a long and fulfilling im really looking forward to this season.
my game plan for right now is to get on the good side of all the people that haven't won a game yet and get the other winners out. target #1 QuilLynn SHE HAS WON TWICE. did they let sandra make it to merge?? NO do i want to go far with her in this game? NO is she probably a great person? MAYBE but i dont want to take chances and im gonna be pretty limited at the begging of this game so hopefully the will let me survive long enough to establish myself apart of this game.  
Hopefully this game is worth it and is as fun is it was last time even if like time i was sent into a depressive mode thanks pressure last time i think i can take it this time! lmao                                                                                                 xoxo, gossip girl "
5/23
Madison
TOO MANY PEOPLE I KNOW. TOO MANY PEOPLE THAT HATE ME. I’M GONNA DIE SO FAST. 
Dan
"So I like a lot of my tribemates which is cool because if I didn’t I would have quit night one and thrown all the rice in the fire. There’s a ton of Lago representation, which I’m not surprised about, but am v concerned about. It’s like when you were in like 7th grade and you had those friends you talked to every day and then summer came and y’all didnt talk for a while and you come back for 8th grade and things are chill and you catch up, but they still know you’re better than them in every way.
This first challenge is....a choice. I love Cameron with all of my heart normally, but this makes me only love him with my right atrium, so there’s that. I havent taken an English class since 12th grade so y’all know I’m basiclally illiterate now.
I’m just hoping for a cute little jury placement and play a more UTR Sammy-esque game this time around. I know that eventually the wheels will fall off of that plan and I’ll go into full on neurotic, here, queer, and not going anywheer mode where I win like 6 consecutive immunities, but for the mean time I’m goung to try to be diverse, and show I’m not a one trick homosexual. "
Sarah
"Hey so let me just tell yall im stoked for this season bc im back for ALL STARS!
First season winner and flop returning again.
I adore this cast and the fact that I have been put on a tribe with all the winners (except  luke) is amazing. we created a girl winner alliance right away with me, dana and quillynn. I adore them so much!
Also im connecting with stephen and i think he likes me! I will prob be able to control him a tiny bit this season so lets see how that goes :~)
I just want to let yall know there will rocks this season bc me and julia are back! Were not on the same tribe but i adore that bitch and shes just as equal craziness as me
So far i have connections af and i havent burned any bridges with the ppl in this game so im literally in love
Jay will probably want to get me out asap but fuck u im on my own tribe OK
Anyways just like s1 i have an alliance made almost immediately and i have connections!
Also i did the whole immunity so incase we lose they will feel guilty of voting me out WHHAAHAHAHHA
Anyways ill be back later with more news"
Aundra
"A tribe full of mostly winners.. in a way sounds ideal. It’s not the only person that’s attempt the first challenge is Sarah and Sammy helped out i wrote half of one which is better than I bet majority of team has done I highly doubt we’re going to win the challenge becaus Sarah’s story is not all that great it lacks anything it’s just boring but aleast she tried she put forth some effort toward the challenge and I honestly don’t want to go to a tribal that would be the worst also did I forget to mention that the idol system for this season is the exact same way as IOS which I suched and was probably the worst person in the moors of all time cannot l t me just make merge so I can have and isle of skye reunion with my main man tim cause I really need someone that would be my ride or die and I wouldn’t have to worry about betraying me
Also I QuilLynn is a really cool person it would be hard to vote them out ( I think that’s there pronoun caus ewhen we were talking she started using we and what not so I’m gonna call her they/them for now on) and Duncan obviously did some sorta research on the cast cause he came at me with basically my whole tumblr survivor history. I gotta watch him closely                                 Xoxo, gossip girl "
Tim
"Everyone: oh this challenge is so cute its gonna be great
Me internally: It's ok but I thought I'd see it at swap or something its not my favvvorite
Also them: Doesn't write anything for the challenge but some gives ideas
Me: Guess I'll just... write."
Well I just wrote my story for the tribe and trixie drew some bomb ass pictures! It really brought the story to life a bit and I appreciate the partnership effort!
Stephen
"Duncan: Don’t backstab me okay? Me sharpening my knives: Unfortunate Like I love the guy but anyone who asks for an alliance day one can easily become a target or an asset. If we end up losing this challenge I will either throw him under the bus of us or us him to get numbers. Also about this challenge, I feel really bad for not having more input, especially after I bragged about my writing. But tbh this prompt is very specific, and doesn’t really mesh with my style of writing. And by the time I had caught up with messages and read what Sarah had written it was 11:30. Sorry guys."
Duncan
https://youtu.be/5PLE0dQ1mIk
Aundra
"this is going to sound completely under believable but it’s all true and happened day while I was in the the Acadia Mountains on a afternoon hike. So I was walking having a very nice time enjoying a new trail I’d never taken before. It was longer than most and seemed to never end, I almost thought I was going around in circles. When I was finally about to give up my gps went off saying I was near a geocache! So like any normal person I went to go it. When i found the capsule it began to glow. Strongly and brightly it started to shine. I’d never seen a geocache this big so I decided I was going to take it the I noticed something weird on it it had names next to dates on it. QuilLynn- 1902 Samuel- 1913 Dana- 1940 Sammy- 1953 Dan- 1969 Sarah- 1982 Stephen- 1986 Heather- 2000 Duncan- 2012 Aundra- 2018
I had no idea what this list meant or who these people were, I’d so find out. I started my way back to my car but never made it back that day. Once I began to try and leave the geocache started heating up. It became so I dropped it. I would’ve ran off then and there but I started hearing a voice. “Give me what I want and I’ll give you what you want!” Said the dark and gargled voice. “What do you want?” I said quickly to scared to think of anything else to say. “Your soul!” Whisper little voices so close to my ear I could feel there lips nibbling on my earlobes. I got chills and started panicking breathing heavy. Fast. Hard. Deeply. I thought I was gonna pass out but surprisingly stayed awake. “What do o get in return?” I asked the voice. “Happiness” it shot back quickly. “Ok, have it.”
That’s the half of the story I wrote defiantly better than Sarah’s but it’s whatever hopefully her story can pull through with a W                                  Xoxo, gossip girl "
Dan
"Our story is........... garbage honestly.
What happened to Heather’s amazing 7 deadly sins story line??? We got a stale piece of white bread with no plot or anything with just food jokes??? Sarah did her best yes, but when your best is subpar it’s kinda hard to like win a challenge ya know? "
Heather
Wow first confessional after immunity, we stan a mess. So before anyone can get situated we get our challenge thrown at us and of course it is something I am actually terrible at: WRITING. Hun I cant write for shit. But I came up with a great idea that I thought would really sell the judges being the 7 deadly sins. However there are 10 people so 3 would be the ones who find the geocache and use the items in it to fend off the other 7 who are possessed by the sins. Everyone was like super excited for it, but Sarah didn't use it in the writing, which is upsetting since I really wanted to be sloth and be fended off with like Nyquil or something, but aye that's how shit is. Now I guess its time to get these bitches on my side and find out who to get rid of.
5/24
Duncan
so we lost. Obviously i'm not thrilled about it but I'm not filled with rage or anything like that. If i go home first I'll be a little surprised but I don't think thats going to happen. What I'm kind of hoping to form is a foursome of me dan heather and sammy. I think that would be a very strong group at least for now. As for the longevity of the group? I don't know. I just know I told dan and sammy individually that i want to work with them and heather is someone who dan trusts. Sammy and Dan played lago together so hopefully they'll be on good terms. This way Dan can kind of be seen as the leader of the group and if anyone tries to take a shot at the grouping later down the road it will be his head on the line and not mine. As for who goes home at tribal? I don't think people will vote for Quil or Dana as not to stir the pot. We can't vote out Sarah. It would be mcfucked if we did that to her. So that leaves Stephen, Aundra and Samuel. Obviously I would like to keep Stephen around because he can be an asset to me moving forward. As for Aundra and Samuel?  think Aundra is a little enigmatic but i like him. I also like Samuel, he was the last person to add me but we've been talking the most out of all people that are brand new to me. Speaking of being brand new. I kind of want to talk to Heather and Aundra and be like "THIS IS ALL STARS!! WHY Y'ALL ACTING BRAND NEW!?!" because I've talked to them like the bare minimum. Do you know the untucked where that quote was from? God i love untucked. Where was I? Oh yeah. Hopefully they don't send my ass packing first. I haven't thrown out any names, hopefully someone can throw out a name by noon tomorrow. I'll report back later if i have time. xoxo gossip gorl. also woo mitch! im going to try and win this for us since we were robbed in alcatraz <3
Luke
"Hi hello we won immunity and that’s pretty iconic! I like a majority of my tribe but I’m SCARED of if we have to go to tribal because I think I will DIE!
Opinions on my tribe:
Aren: he’s iconic! He’s british and we hit it off right away, I think he’s going to make a great ally for me!
Carson: I love Carson so much ahhhh, I’m excited to see him in this game because we always work really well together. He’s definitely a number for me.
Chris: last time I played with Chris was in Great Lakes when he had a premade to help him get to the end so I can’t wait to get my revenge lol (:
Julia: I love Julia but she always makes it difficult to work with her because she always explodes on somebody and people want her out because of it. I hope she stays a little calm this game because I could use her.
Madison: uggghhhh. I like Madison, I do. She just got me out in BBFurby and I am a LITTLE bitter about but she says she wants to work with me. I believe her like...70% because I think that she’ll take the opportunity to take me out when she can. So I need to get her first.
Ruthie: My Dead Sea queen!! We worked so well together in Dead Sea and she was vital in my plans to win and it worked out for me. I hope she wants to work with me again!
Tim: Tim is one of two people I didn’t know coming into my tribe but he’s super sweet! Our conversations have been nice so far!
Trixie: ugh stupid furby BITCH! i hate this SKANK i want her to CHOKE she will be first boot and we made it no secret in PMs we hate each other >:( HEHE JK i love this bitch can’t wait to work with her again "
Trixie
"Trixie's Alcatraz Confessional Strike Receipt #1
[2018-01-25, 9:51:48 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Pls trixie [2018-01-25, 9:51:51 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): ur gonna get another strike [2018-01-25, 9:52:02 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): why… why are u like this "
Dana
"There are NOT enough horses on this Island Cameron!!!!
Ok but fr me, Sarah, and my mother Quail have a Pretty Girls Only Alliance. This is a strategy Quil and I have used before, where we rope in a third girl and work with her, but Sarah is smart af so idk if she'll just like work with us and not ask questions.
Then we all made a winners alliance, which I love. But the only problem is I have a cersh on Sammy... so we can't vote him out NEVER EVER. "
Jay
I haven't really done much but i want to make the weed alliance aka me chris and Julia
Heather
Ok so when I saw Stephen here I was like " Hey maybe we can make amends and work together this season" Then all of a sudden people are targeting him. Also Aundra is on my tribe which if anyone doesn't know I adore Aundra well I do. But he is having wifi problems which sucks. I also heard Samuel's name which I would much rather like to roll with. Ughh too many icons tho why u do this. Right now I seem to be working a lot with Dan and Sammy a bit ( Wow Lago thanks a lot) even though Dan idoled me out but he d=cant do that this game cause of NO FUCKING IDOLS. Speaking of advantages I got me a heavy rock. The heavy rocks power is that I can throw it at someone at tribal and cause them not to vote. I laughed so hard when I got it cause who doesn't want to throw a rock at someone. I am really loving this violent all star season. I hope next time I hunt I get a heavier rock where I can throw it at someone to get them out of the game. hehe
Sam
Wig going okay so far!!
Ruthie
I'm SO glad that I'm on a tribe with so many creative people, i'm super busy until tomorrow and i'm just READY for summer vacation so I'm glad I'm not flailing about to save myself.  I've connected a bit with Aren after not talking to him in like two years so that's nice!
Tim
Their story was cute! But you know gorgeous (our story) next to cute. Gorgeous is just gonna devour cute. [Plz tell me yall get this reference lol]"
Our efforts actually won us the comp.. I feel so inspired to write now.
This is the season that I came to play hard and win. These comps bettee get ready because Im giving it my all and not giving up.
Ali
just popping in to say cam & olivia are the DREAM TEAM and I lav them both :)
Sammy
okay so woo i have a lot to talk about kinda...so i usually make an intro saying how i feel about everyone but umm let’s skip that. The cast is super cool but I have to be super careful because I’m playing with the best of the best? Anyways I wasn’t around to help with the story that much but I did go through and edit stuff I saw...so I did something! There were three names going around today and they were Samuel, Aundra, and Stephen. Now Stephen probably thinks that like it was me that is trying to go for him but his name was brought to me? I know we kinda said we wouldn’t target each other this round buttt he usually lies to me so why not. He took me out of the last couple games we were in together and I feel like he has something against me? Idk. So yeah...and last night i did the trails thing and I freaking got caught by a park ranger for touching a rock. I’m so dumb. The whole tribe knows I was searching:/ rip. Anyway I’m trying to get the numbers on my side and Duncan wants an alliance with me him dan and Heather. But also I might be getting myself into a little group with Dana and quill and hopefully sarah? Idk but woo.
Aundra
"So look im not that smart and all im looking for is the Ali to my Jay and right now, seems like thats not possible. So we lost immunity like i said we were going to because it was obvious any who QuilLynn decides to make a winners alliance which im definitely not going to say no to that because thats safety and numbers for a little while BUT im stupid and may have just leaked the whole thing to Duncan who i thought was a winner and isn't. ik he pays very close attention to things (or at least i think so) and this could really bad on my part and to my game hopefully it wont and all is good
QuilLynn is like a really cool person but im on to them i just have to wait till the perfect moment to strike or to get voted off lmfao but im watching them. Stephen is unfortunately the vote tonight which really suck because i wanted to kinda work on our relationship from the last game that we played in. He doesn't really deserve this but it has to happen to everyone . im also thinking of becoming very close to QuilLynn they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer for a reason                                                                                  xoxo, gossip girl"
Carson
"Wow I like most of my tribe?? Everyone is really funny and I actually don’t want to quit on day 2. Who would have thot.
Being on a tribe with Chris stoner AGAIN is terrible, but Luke is also here and that makes up for it. I cannot wait to vote him out for playing me in Alcatraz! "
Stephen
So I have heard absolutely nothing about the vote, then I ask Aundra. So then he messages me saying he’s voting Samuel, but before I can respond he deletes the message. Then claims it was a link he sent to the wrong person. Wow, glad to see he’s gotten less messy since Isle of Skye, but he did win that one so I should never underestimate him. I wouldn’t be surprised if I went home tonigh with all this radio silence, so I’m voting Samuel on the off chance I can survive.
Julia
So like these hoes so boring. I rly h8 Chris stoner, and I’ve been so high idk what’s really been happening I’m floating rly bad rn but idrc
Chris Stoner
"So I’ve been in Denver! Not good timing but it’s all good cause we won the first comp and now I’m home to socialize and compete.
Instantly me and jay clicked. Jays a cool dude. I don’t expect jay to take me far but I do think he knows I will work him.
I’ve also talked a bit with Tim and Aren. Both are cool dudes. I played with Luke and Julia before, both whom were against me. So should be fun to see how all these relationships play a role. Hopefully it’s not too bad. "
5/25
Heather
SO Immunity just ended and I am a little bit nervous about it. I definitely did the most for my tribe so hopefully I can pull out a win. We had some people like NOT EVEN PARTICIPATE. Like we in allstars bitches we gotta not flop ughh. I feel bad for voting out Stephen last round because I wanted to talk to him about flipping the vote, but he didn't get on until I was in a concert. Samuel I don't think participated so I can prob get votes on him. IF WE NEED TO WHICH I FEEL LIKE WE WILL. (Im Cam messaging to confess while I am in the midst of it I love you hehe) I hope this didn't put a target on my back, or do it. welp time to go hunting for shit
Tim
Um this challenge is so rushed and Aren and Julia are dead!!!
Madison, who is arguably one of the most beneficial members of the tribe so far, sat out and Im not sute if were gonna win!
Heather
I swear I am about to rip out my hair. I got the most points in the whole hunt and WE STILL LOST. I GOT FOR OVER HALF MY TRIBES POINT. I AM PISSED AND AM ABOUT TO STRANGLE A BITCH BUT THIS BITCH GOTTA BE SWEET.
5/26
Aundra
"So QuilLynn is my new favorite person i mean they kinda already were but like now it official because the feeling are both ways and i could be happier on other news we lost immunity again and im pretty surprised at how close it came down to right now it votes are between Sarah and Samuel. Sarah's apart of the winners alliance so i doubt they'll want to vote her out which i kinda do because im looking at the bigger picture. winners are very intimidating to me and the more there are in the game the scarier im going to be. this round shouldn't result in me going home if the odds are in my favor. ( also if you couldnt understand my wonderfull story sorry that it had alot of typos)                                                                                     xoxo, gossip girl      P.s. I know that its going to be revealed pretty obvious who gossip girl is when these get posted but it so fun to sign off everything with it so your gonna have to live with it.  "
Chris Stoner
Nothing much.  We keep winning which is nice. Gives me some time to find an alliance. I still feel pretty isolated because of my schedule. It’s hard to talk to ppl. I’m sure I’m the easy boot. So maybe a swap will come soon 
Dan
So I feel like I’m personally in a good spot even though we keep losing. I’m on good terms with basically everyone left. Duncan offered me an out of the winners alliance that won’t effect any of my relationships with them. I guess Aundra accidentally leaked the winners alliance to Duncan thinking he was a winner, but Duncan and I talked things out and all is good. I was aligned with him before them and I explained it was a one week kinda thing for me personally to make sure a winner didn’t go home first. So now we have a target of Aundra bc he done goofed haha. Byeeee
Luke
Hi nothing is happening because we won immunity woo! i have some seaglass which is cute so i look forward to using that WOO! Aren made himself a target by not submitting which makes me sad but Julia is basically inactive so I lowkey hope we vote her out first looool 
Sammy
ahh okay so I’m super tired and like I’m flying to California and I have been up for over 24 hours...ANYWAY I did what I could in the scavenger hunt and I think some people didn’t really try. I’m just in so many games but like the problem is I forget I apply for them and I’m like uh oh. I think aundra is going home tonight but at the same time it could be me because I haven’t talked to anyone. I’m trying to find a good balance between the way I played in Alcatraz and the way i played in Lago and hopefully make it far!! 
Ruthie
So I’m really sad that a few people didn’t participate in the selfie hunt but I am happy that so many people did and even more happy that we’re safe another week! I suspect that we’re going to swap tribes soon though which is kind of frightening!! 
Quil
So this is a MESS. Aundra “accidnetally” leaked the winners chat to Duncan. Now I LOVE Aundra but this has made him the target. I’ve been trying my best to help with damage control but people still want to vote him!!! I’m trying to push to get Duncan out because I like just don’t trust him, idk UGH. 
Duncan
its round two and im going home because i worked all day and wasn't able to contribute to the challenge at all rip. I trust that Sammy, Samuel, and Dan wouldn't vote me out but if Aundra teams up with the girls and gets them to vote for me I'm donezo. Aundra leaked the winners chat thing and has basically ghosted me all day and I appreciated their story the first round but if they want me out he can go. Dan told me that Quil and Dana were going back and forth about voting out me or Aundra and if I am safe tonight?? Thank god for Dan. That man can do magic. I just want to spend some more time on the island but i don't know if I'm gonna last in these conditions tbh. The game has only just started and to go home now in round two would be like going to orlando but not going to disney world. Like I want to ride space  mountain so badly, i dont want to go.
5/27
Duncan
Okay so a lot of shit happened. Firstly Samuel got med evacd from the game this canceling tribal council. Like that’s crazy, I really liked him and wanted to work with him but his dog passed so he might be in a funk and I just hope he’s not depressed and he’s doing okay at this point. Now at the same time this could’ve been a blessing or a curse. If everyone was lying to me and I was going out the door then this was a blessing and I’ve been given a second life. As for if aundra was leaving? Then this is a curse. But who can never be sure besides the hosts I suppose. Then we get told to drop our buffs. Drop these buffs honey? I’ll drop more than just this buff honey! Ohhhhh hooooooonnnneeeeeyyyyyy! So yeah! I’ll talk more about my new tribe later 
5/28
Tim
Im really vibing with everyone on my tribe all of them are really neat. The person I've bonded least with is Dana unfortunately.
Carson
HALF OF MY FUCKING TRIBE DIDNT SUBMIT... THE CLOWNS HAVE JUMPED OUT. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I SPENT THE TIME I SHOULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ON THESE PEOPLE. I JUST WANT TO MERGE SO I CAN PLAY WITH LUKE AND WE CAN COWIN AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE
Aundra
"Idk if I already said this but I was probably going to be voted out because of how I told Duncan about the alliance on accident so he and Samuel decide to try to get me out idk if I would’ve stayed if Samuel didnt get med evac because he didn’t vote lmao what a dummy. We had swap which was nice mainly because I got to stay with most of the people in cool with include my allstars bff QuilLynn and Tim now!!! Happy that he and I can work together this time instead of directly against eachother I really like this tribe as a whole really and see good things going for us till we make merge which I feel will be soon do to the amount of people getting evacuated. What’s up with all these allstars being flops?                                    Xoxo, gossip girl "
Jay
I'm so sad that Julia is gone but that's okay bc I have a new alliance. Honestly I made 0 bonds with anyone on my original tribe other than Julia, Chris, and Tim. So once I joined this tribe I immediately went to Sarah and Duncan and said I wanted to work with them. Which I mean, it's half true. I want to work with Duncan far into the game, but Sarah needs to go sooner rather than later. So my thought is I want to take out Madison or Trixie, doesn't matter to me. And then MAYBE try to see if I could take out Sarah the next time. She doesn't have to go that soon but if I can make it happen, I'd like it to happen.
Dan
I’m so pissed I wasted so much time and energy on that stupid ass game for nothing!!! I love life rn, couldn’t be happier (: 
5/29
Dana
Nothing is happening. I like Dan more than I thought he would and we made a cute alliance chat. 
Tim
Rip Aren also me, Aundra, and Quilynn might become a thing!!
Ruthie
"real life is SO overwhelming right now, i thought the summer would give me more time but it's... quite the opposite these days!  As far as the game goes I am SO glad that our tribe is safe and that we don't have to see tribal for another week.  I think it was SO lucky too hehe.
I've really connected a lot with Duncan, right now he's the person I would say I'm the closest to! "
Aundra
"Guess who found a hidden item!!? MEEE!! I found the magnifying glass which many already know allows me to see who someone voted for. This will definitely come on handy if there is a suspected rat and I got to find them hopefully this isn’t the only thing I find on my walks away from camp. Watch out cause I got eyes everywhere lol                                     Xoxo, gossip girl "
Quil
the new pokemon games look so cute!!! Also love Aundra and Tim, trying to set up a side alliance with them that can take out the other winners down the line! Honestly if I make merge with the right people, we might be looking at my 3rd win folks!
Luke
My new tribe is actually pretty lit now. We’ve bonded by being the hosts’ favourites and winning two challenges! Same can’t be said for the other flops. I want to make an OG Bernard alliance with Carson and Chris to secure my spot in this game and make sure I’m not voted out before another swap. I need to be reunited with my friends!
5/30
Chris Stoner
So swap happened! I def feel swapfucked. 3/5 ppl on my tribe were on opposite sides as me in past games. The fourth person, heather, probably knows at least one of those 3 and will just go with them for an easy vote. Luckily we won and I did a lot in the challenge so I hope that keeps me around. I need another swap or merge... my days are limited with this tribe. 
5/31
Dan
I’m so over these creative challenges. I rarely have time for them which sucks because I’d have time for challenges that are more typical. You know damn well we won’t end up producing anything of substance, Heather’s tribe will submit something oscar worthy, and we’ll be going back to tribal 
Ruthie
My tribe... once again has not stated anything yet. I feel like this is gonna be another mess 
Sammy
nothing insane is going on but like we have a lip sync challenge and I’m not home yet so this sucks hahah, I’m glad that we are doing good as a tribe and honestly everyone seems to be super kind and nice about everything. So we def have good tribe dynamics. I really enjoy playing with heather this time because in lago we were kind of against each other. I’m hoping we can work more together this game and I also hope me and Carson could work well. Oh and Luke, he puts off really good vibes and I click with him well.
Ruthie
I REALLY hope my tribe gets their act together this time around. Friday is... tomorrow. 
Sarah
I hate my tribe they can all die in a pit of fire...that is all
Quil
"https://youtu.be/vis4R2MfzNA xoxo"
6/1
Duncan
Umm so we tribe swapped and MY TRIBE SUCCS EGGS!! it’s me and Sarah with jay, ruthie, trixie, and Madison. Ironically despite how inactive our tribe is we have the most members at this point in time. Julia got med evacd after the reward challenge and after the last immunity challenge, which we did not even attempt to complete, we learned the other tribe had forfeited the challenge and decided to have their tribal that night. We’re blessed as fuck to be ahead of the game right now but luck can’t last forever. We have had three days to do this movie trailer challenge but no one is ever on. I threw a while fucking idea and script out there but nothing ever came of it. If I go home because of my tribe’s inability to come together I’m gonna have a bitch fit
Sammy
literally like i keep suggesting things or asking questions and nobody responds I’m so annoyed. The only one that even responds to me some is heather...i really hope we win the challenge or i could be going home:/
Ruthie
So Madison and I just did the whole trailer by ourselves and Madison is doing 95% of the work, my lines took less than 5 minutes to film what the heck is the rest of our tribe doing 
Tim
It appears as if QuilLynn has gone inactive and our tribe isn't going to submit which is sad! Just send me to final 3 tbh. Also our trailer had a cute concept ngl.
Olivia
REMEMBER THIS DAY AS THE DAY QUIL TURNED IN THE VIDEO LITERALLY 30 SECONDS BEFORE THE DEADLINE AND RIGHT BEFORE WE WERE GOING TO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING FROM THE TRIBE BC THEY DIDNT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION 
Carson
Heather is the proud owner of my wig whew
Aundra
"Guess who isn't going to tribal for the first time since the game started!!?? MEEE finally i dont have to try and vote out someone and make sure that im safe from getting voted. tbh i really like my tribe and would've hated to have to vote someone off i would really enjoying playing with all of them once we make merge if there are people left in the game to make merge with. these people are being such flops and not submitting confessional or voting its almost like what was the point of saying yes to playing the game. if only we had some real players in the game so i could be stressed and depressed /                                                                                                xoxo, gossip girl P.s. i know im not a girl but i can understand why someone would sign off with it its fun typing xoxo it makes me feeling like i run something lmaoo"
6/2
Stoner
. I’ve never gone to tribal yet this game and I want to keep it like that. I have a feeling the second I go to tribal I’m gone. Unless I merge. If I make merge I’ll have some more options and places to run and hide. I’ve tried talking to people and forming bonds but it’s just not working. 
Trixie
"Trixie's Alcatraz Confessional Strike Receipt #2
[2018-01-31, 5:16:08 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Hello you have not yet made a confessional this round! Pls do that!
[2018-01-31, 5:17:33 PM] Trixie Stale-Werthers: im so sorry the link isn’t working for me
[2018-01-31, 5:17:48 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Sure jan
[2018-01-31, 5:18:19 PM] Trixie Stale-Werthers: im so sorry but something really bad is about to happen and there’s nothing i can do to stop it
[2018-01-31, 5:18:41 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): can u not [2018-01-31, 5:18:48 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): Can u just make a damn confessional
Heather
"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXmXsntB4RM
This was earlier BUT EVERYONE STEPPED UP AND WE WON THAT SHIT HEHEHE"
Luke
AW THE MOVIE TRAILER CHALLENGE WAS SO CUTE IT WAS SO FUN SEEING OUR TRAILER AND WE ALL INPUTTED SO IT WAS ICONIC! I love the Bernard tribe we work really well together and have won every challenge thus far. The other tribes are messy and have big players on them so it’s going to be interesting to see who leaves tonight. Maybe a winner? That’d be shookening. Although I do like this tribe I’d love a swap or something, there’s never much wiggle room on a tribe as small as this but for now I’m content. Still need to work on that Carson/Chris/Luke alliance. Nothing much else to update on. Happy pride! ^.^ 
Dan
We won woo love life no one talks to me
Carson
We surprisingly killed that challenge after waiting until the last possible minute to start it. I’ve been really impressed with how my tribes stepped up after the reward fiasco a few rounds ago. It’s definitely nice not having to go to tribal, so not swapping would be best for me. I’m still tight with luke and plan on being so for the rest of the game. We’ve already talked about hooking up with the other great lakers come merge. After that, world domination!
Jay
I'm getting voted out it was fun while it lasted i guess :/
6/5
Sammy
woo okay so my tribe is doing so good and I’m so happy because if we lose immunity i know that me and heather don’t have the numbers....I’m hoping i make it to atleast jury. Alsooo i just did my maze and it went really well. Yayyyy, okay yes.
6/6
Carson
"So... is no one trying at these challenges? I'm really shocked that I'm actually dominating every single one of these. I normally do well in challenges, but I've performed better than i ever have before. Its definitely because i'm worried about my place on this tribe. Being that we havent gone to tribal yet, there aren't solidified alliances. I've also had no one start a conversation with me. The conversations I've started with people have never lead to any sort of alliance building either. It makes me believe that I could try to be blindsided because I'm the strongest in challenges and that the merge is on the horizon. I wouldn't put it past these people honestly. I know I have luke in my corner, but stoner is a huge wildcard to me, especially since he's both saved me and burned me in the past. We had a weird relationship in Alcatraz, and it makes me hesitant to trust him in this game.
Also I asked Luke the round where he got caught searching if he wanted to work together with me to find the idol. His response was yes, however nothing has transpired from it. Ive sent him my search route once, but he never reciprocated by telling me the routes he's done since he went many times before I even tried. He probably already has it honestly, which is fine, I just wish he would be honest with me about it."
Tim
Woo we won!!! I CAN RELAX
Sarah
I hate hate my tribe pt 4
Quil
So im in a good spot still, I'm literally queen of this series, but trixies tribe lost again and she's probably going home and I swear i'm going to be so pissed if i lose a jury vote rn because of that fatass tribe of rejects! (idk who is on it tbh but still!!!)
Heather
WOO Another immunity and reward. We stan the Bernard tribe. Even tho Carson basically won the flash game. King of flash games. I kinda hope another swap is happening soon but at the same time our tribe is doing fine with challenges soo hehe. 
Luke
wow hello i forgot about this omg.... we won immunity and reward again that's so amazing! Bernard tribe has been killing it but it's been boring, i need a change of scenery. i need to meet up with my friends again and kill this game and WIN i really want to fucking win oh my lord please let me win 
Madison
IT's boring af! I want to pick this shit up! Tribals have been easy! I want to be SPOOKED! Put me on a tribe with people that hate me or something I want DRAMA. 
In addition to my last confession, I'd love for someone to call me a fake feminist right about now. Do you think Sarah will since we're voting her out? 
6/7
Dan
"Literally so shocked we won. I’m not surprised I did well, but like I was so worried others wouldn’t turn it out. I thought we were getting a one way ticket to tribal, but I guess my tribe is a little more iconic than I thought.
I might actually try to talk to people today???? Idk haha I’m just so pretty and can’t be bothered"
Duncan
Like I said! Our tribe succcccs really bad!! Madison and I and ruthie get to choose which of Sarah and trixie go home. Either way is going to be pissing someone off. Hopefully we make the right decision because I feel a swap coming on
Tim
Fuck my game with this swap huh.
Aundra
"Feet don’t fail me now take me to the finish line I feel so alone on this Thursday thanks to lady O and Cam I think I need wine. ANOTHER SWAPP WHYYYY  my tribe was like the best people ever and we worked very well together now I’m with a group of people I’ve never meet which means I have to sit around and talk to them all to get to know them. This is horrible to me 1) I’m a lunatic and going crazy because I’m hella overwhelmed over the last day of school 2) I don’t really want to work with all these people and will more than likely be an outsider because I know NOBODY on this tribe 3) the only person I think I might know looks like Miranda Cosgrove and she’s allegedly super great at everything and multitalented soon to be governor of some state in America. I literally can not. IM SEPARATED FROM MY NEW GAME BFF QUILLYNN we haven’t really talked in awhile but when your tribe is safe you don’t really have to talk plus we’ve all been kinda busy but that’s besides the fact they err my ride or die along Tim IM AWAY FROM MY BFF TEEM I pretty sure Cam and Olivia hate me but you know what they say the devil can work but Normani works harder                                   Xoxo gossip goat "
Dan
Mcscuse me???? Under construction? You know my ass is Charlie Day-ing this shit searching the blog for things. I'm officially crackdt. 
6/10
Tim
Now I now more about Maine than myself. Lmao but we won woo!!
Quil
Just another day of me being the most iconic winner! Kinda sad Sarah got taken out but, at the same time its one step closer to my 3rd win!
Aundra
"So we’re voting Stoner out my favorite person on my tribe tbh i vibe with him and he’s cool the rest of these people ain’t all that and a bag a chips. I have to sit around and lie to him and say Duncan is the vote when ik that he’s the vote which makes me feel horrible because being blindsided is never fun I lowkey hope I’m getting blindsubwvaus the cast is basically full of the the people that could never and winners and the winner seem over it they’re trash in a way like come on people this is an allstar season and you sit around like your here just to be here at least act like you signed up to play and weren’t forced that’s really all I got to say so here’s to me bein a bad friend and to me possibly getting voted out!                                   Xoxo gossip goat"
Luke
"My new tribe was a disaster at first but now everybody wants a bite of this english muffin :~)
I have Dan I have Trixie I have Madison and Duncan as a threeway
Ugh my mind"
Duncan
I don’t know what’s happening. It’s been a stressful week irl and idk why I’m playing a game rn. I’m probably going home but I’ve heard stoner as the vote so that’s what I did. If I die hopefully my daughter Madison thrives 
Heather
Wooo Tim and I did that kahoot. I thought a tribe swap would mean I would lose for the tribe tbh. 
Dan
This vote seemed way too easy tbh. Did I want a comeback story arc with Stoner? I mean kinda? But like he’s also straight and it’s pride month so he gotta get the boot sis. This all could be an elaborate scheme to get me out but in all reality it’s a waste bc I’m so busy in my real life that I pay an ounce of attention to this. (To clarify I do care about this game I just had a super busy weekend full of social events and you know that this boy doesn’t ever have a social life so he had to take advantage of it!!!!)
Ruthie
"I'm SO glad that the people on my tribe are good at challenges! I hope I can do something with the next one so I can show that I'm useful and not just taking up space on the beach bahah!  
I have no idea what will happen tonight but we'll see!  I don't think that there will be another swap anytime soon. "
6/11
Heather
We most certainly do not stan this upcoming one world. No we most certainly do not.
Dan
I love rigging my random.org so Dana is safe. Gotta look out for my winners after Sarah's messy ass left haha. But seriously random.org picked her. I think Heather and Tim will be a little annoyed that I didn't pick someone from Lago, but if they ask I literally have screenshot proof that I randomized it to be fair with a time stamp so like they can calm down. And if one of them goes, oh well??? I really hope merge is next. I feel like this game is going by so quickly, I am forever thankful for that. 
Aundra
"A tribal twist that I really like but both robes are gonna to tribal I think tonight or tomorrow idk I haven’t been paying attention and am more of a mess than normal I really wish I was working with my peeps and not with these randos that are probably going to vote me out which sucks but hopefully I’ll make jury given that we get to go to tribal second it’s all about the motion of the ocean                                   Xoxo gossip goat "
6/12
Tim
Damn it I thought I had a good score in immunity but I lost :////. Congrats Carson and Dan i guess lol but comp beasts can choke (in the game that is). Dana and uhhh someone else is safe so hsbdd. Yeah so the plan is to stick with Quil, Dana, and Carson so ya!
Quil
Idk if im going home or not. Dan is dead to me for not giving me immunity!!! Ruthie better be leaving or yikes
Tim
So it looks like Ruth is dying because of this ugly twist!!! But hey atleast its not someone active.
Luke
"YES YES YES CARSON CAME THROUGH FOR ME AND HE GAVE ME IMMUNITY I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY. This just proves that the relationships I'm making in this game are working to my benefit and are keeping me safe and I could not be happier right now. This tribal council is a difficult one. I like everybody on my tribe but I said I'd work with Madison and Duncan, I said I'd work with Dan, I said I'd work with Trixie which leaves Aundra as really my only option to vote. It sucks because I like Aundra a lot but they don't really talk to me or anybody and it's getting to the point where if you don't try, you gotta go...
I'm expecting a merge after this tribal council because we'll be at 11 (I think ) which is perfect for a merge. I can meet up with Quil, Trixie and Dana, I can get back with Carson and also utilise my relationship with Madison/Duncan. I think I'm gonna make it far providing I play this game smart WOOOO O"
Sammy
ugg okay so I’m on a tribe with everyone that i like so making this decision is gonna be so hard:/ I’ve heard Ruthie tho imso im just gonna go with it....
Madison
"Me: throws immunity
Also me: feels like everyone is sketchy and that I’m probably going home this week.
Am I mad? Not particularly. "
Aundra
"Guess who’s probably going home! Me!! NOBODIES saying anything to me about a vote everyone is “lost” and i think I’m voting Trixie no need to keep dead wieght on our tribe and if these people vote me out they’re idiots complete dummy’s for keeping people that won’t work with them and can’t contribute to the tribe stupid people do stupid things                                   Xoxo gossip goat"
6/13
Tim
I MADE MERGE WOOOO
6/14
Luke
"Hello well all of the conversations about this game spicing up at merge were true because this cast is fucking CRACKEDT and I have no idea what's going on. I'm in an alliance with Duncan, Madison and Dan... Quillynn, Trixie and Dana expect me to vote with them so I'm kinda stuck between two threesomes but Dan wants to talk to me privately in a few about something and I think it's about the same thing I wanna talk to him about. It's about us being STUCK because we're expected to vote a certain. All I know is my name hasn't been brought up so that's good.
After this round, depending on which way to go I want to work with the group I don't betray, Dan and Carson. I think it'd be smart of me. I just need to talk with Dan before we decide what's going on. Will keep you posted. "
Duncan
I might go home because Tim has the fattest mouth on the block. I was hoping for some black guy magic but I just don’t think it’s in the cards. I think one of us will go home and do I know why he chooses the karringtons over the rest of us? No. Also I haven’t really done shit strategically this game and have barely been around socially idk how I’m stil here. Over jay Sarah stoner and aundra? I don’t know how he does it. Maybe if I do nothing in every game I’ll be guaranteed merge. I just don’t get why people are coming after me. You’re not going to like hearing it but sometimes I forget I’m in this game. I’m just now getting my feet game wise but apparently I can’t go in the kiddy look without enduring a shark attack 
Dan
Honestly I’m really happy that my name wasn’t thrown around this vote it’s a hot ass mess and I’m aligned with too many people
Heather
"This round is a mess. Heres what happened Madison wanted Isle of Skye Alliance Her me and Tim make said alliance I get busy and cant message and only do 12 stones for immunity thinking imma lose I win cuz everyones dead Quil wants to gun for Duncan Madison and I wanna gun for Quil Tim does what he always does in games and snakes Quil confronts me I lie I tell Duncan we should gun for Tim NO ONE IS TELLING ME WHO THEY VOTING WJDJSHD"
Carson
God this round was kind of a hot mess for me. So my main concern going into the merge is not being a target. I knew coming into the merge people would see me as a threat based on my performance in challenges. So my first order of business was to throw the immunity challenge since I would still be among other challenge threats (luke and dan) if I don’t win. Next, I made sure I was still good with my alliance of quil, Dana, and Tim. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s best for me to continue with that alliance. So I went ahead and made a side alliance with Duncan. I view him as a HUGE threat to win, but i feel better going to the end with him knowing I can beat him in immunity challenges. My old alliance is full of wildcards. So at this point, I’m pretty much aligned with everyone, which is both terrifying and exciting. I have been on tribes with Sammy and heather for the past few rounds. Luke and I are super close. I have a new alliance with Duncan that was formed to redeem ourselves from Alcatraz. Dan and Madison are allies of Luke and Duncan respectively, so I need to work on my social connection with them bc jury management. I’m starting to see a path to the finals, but more on that next round. I need to go run errands!!
Madison
Do I lowkey hope they flipped the vote on me and I go? yes. at least then someone will have made a move!!
6/15
Sammy
okay so so so I’m at camp and i feel like I’m missin so much stuff happening in the game. But I’m with quill and Dana....however Carson and Duncan want to work with me. BUT Duncan and Quill are against each other-_- why does this always happen to me.....
6/16
Duncan
I think it’s bananas that Tim went home. Well, not really, he broke peoples trust within the first round of merge. You can’t do that. I feel like no one is really playing the game rn besides like Madison and I love her but if I still have a shot to win, even though I’ve done retroactively nothing in this game, I’m still going to go for the W. So if I don’t go home tonight, expect me to start my cocaine drug abuse problem that I had in Alcatraz. Last time I was here for Mitch, this time im here for me. So once I start being active, it’s all over
Madison
"OKAY TEA. Trixie is literally voting however I’m voting bc she’s gonna be gone I’m CACKLING I LITERALLY HAVE A DOUBLE VOTE! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!
Idk who I want gone. If I go that’s cute too like it’s jury who cares but this is hilarious. Idols make me a little nervy but idk. "
Dan
"I'm so yikes over this vote rn. Like I knew I was aligning myself all over the place, but I wasn't expecting to have to pick a side. Quil basically confirmed today to Luke that votes would be public tonight, which makes this even worse bc I have to own my shit. I'm hoping that Madison doesn't freak the fuck out when she realizes she is really on the bottom. This is what she gets for Mongolia tbh. I turned over a new leaf with her for Lago and now it's my turn to snake. I'm gonna tell her Duncan is going at like 9:50 tonight if she has some advantage or something cute to save him, but like I just also feel like shit???
I don't especially trust Quil, but I need her in front of me bc she'll always be a bigger threat. I know I need to flip on her eventually, but with Quil gone, the drama is gone, the target is gone, and I'm a sitting duck.
Also peep the white gays killing all the POCs, I'm literally disgusted. "
Madison
WHEW okay so I knew the vote was going to flip obviously I’m not an idiot. so this is either going to work and make it seem like I’m on the bottom OR it’s gonna make them all flip and vote me out next round and that works too so. woohoo
6/17
Olivia
Dan searched the trails and found 1/3 idol. Luke searched at practically the same time but like with a 30 second delay. Both went down the EXACT same path. Luke lost the idol by like 20 seconds it was wild. 
6/20
Dan
"I just scrolled 8 miles through the chat to find this yikes.
Honestly like if I go home this round it’s cool and whatever but I just feel like I’m great spot??? Luke showing his cards last week put the target on his back. Of fucking course he had to win immunity bc I didn’t have time to play Casanova, but like I feel like Sammy can go. I’m in 2 strong groups of three and Dana is my number one. I’m just proud I’m getting at least 7th in an all stars season where I’m coming in as a winner. "
6/21
Dan
"Wow so uh I got played huh. That’s what I get for being confident, thanks Demi!!! I just wish that someone clued me in on the Quillynn vote. Like yes I had been working with her, yes she was a big threat, but yes I would have gladly voted her ass out. She would have easily won if she got to the end just bc she’s a 2 time winner.
I did message Heather and Luke and said I would have gone along with the plan if I had known about it so hopefully they believe me bc that’s the honest truth. I really need to do some damage control with Sammy as well. The only reason I voted him was because no one gave me another alternative. I’m definitely not gonna win this game ugh. But again I’m happy that I made at least top 6 in an all stars game coming in as a winner. "
6/24
Dan
"Oh hey it’s me, Lago Dan, here to make an immunity run bc like I feel like I would have been next. I wouldn’t be surprised at all of Dana/Trixie/Luke team up against me and Sammy but also I really want to hope that Luke and Dana will go with the winners to the end mentality. I just realistically don’t see a winner winning if it’s not 3 winners at the end. The jury is fucking bitter bc it’s an all stars season and their entitled asses are just gonna have to get over it.
Realistically I don’t see me having many big moves on my resume besides the Heather vote last round. I think Heather needed to go because she really called the shots at the live Tribal with her vote and she’s someone that is likebale to the jury. This game I tried to get all the lago people out because none of them want me at the end again. The next to go in theory is sammy but I think I might try to give Trixie the boot tbh. Sammy is someone who could win final immunity, but let’s be real the kid lives at camp rn or some shit so maybe he won’t even show up again.
I really wanted to try to have a game with a bit more complexity than my first game but I think I ended up playing pretty similarly. This time I tried to hold off before winning comps and now look at me I’m slaying. But socially I think I faultered a few times in this game and I’m ready to face that bitter af jury"
6/27
Dan
This could very well be my last night in the game and it's super bittersweet. I hate that it's coming down to this fricken comp. I can't figure some things out because some things never got posted on the blog.... *EYES CAMERON AND OLIVIA FROM ACROSS THE ROOM* but anywho, Dana isn't giving me a straight answer about what's going on with everything and I just wanna die. Like Sammy told me he didn't do the comp, which is cool and will self vote to force the tie and then throw fire making, so like now that this confessional has taken a turn for the better I think I'm good (: hehehehehehheehhehehehee. I love being a two time winner (hopefully)
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