#opy slides in Presentation

[ravennaortiz]

This is part of the choose your own Halloween Ghostface Adventure. As always 18+! Smut below the cut

While Opie tortured your clit he lifted you up effortlessly so that he could slide his hard length between your ass cheeks. "Mm" you moaned at the feel of his tip at your tight asshole before he started pulling you down on him. After a couple minutes he had you fully bouncing your ass back on his hard cock like a feral creature as you both chased your release

Opie pressed his hand flat to your lower back.  Pushing down and making you arch more, presenting yourself to as he thrusted in and out of you. His other hand rubbing deliciously against your bundle of nerves. “I… I,” you pants, eyes rolling back,

 "Gonna fill this ass" grunted Opie before he slammed you  hard as you came undone around him.

[reaperlost]

something in her tone has an image of juice popping in to his head. those nights when he went with his brother over to the dispensary he was part owner of and all the weird shit they'd talk about around the glass cases. now that opie was thinking about it, he's pretty fucking certain he could hear these exact same words coming out of the younger man's mouth. at the time, the biker brushed it off as a bunch of people talking out of their asses. it wasnt because mj was ( much ) prettier that he was taking everything more seriously but she's a journalist. research and truth are essentially her job no matter the capitalist agenda.

as his fork stabs into the pile of noodles, he's suddenly self conscious of his lack of education. both he and jax were very, very street smart but they dropped out of high school to be prospects with the sons. once they'd become patched members they finished the process for their g.e.d.

" i don't remember what it's called but i've heard this theory about civilizations going through cycles. kinda like the ice age, i guess. have you ever read wheel of time? i can't imagine the language being up your alley because jordan is not... " both eyebrows raise up at some of the language he forced himself to get through, mainly when it related to descriptions of the female body. " but it's a similar concept. their past was much more technologically advanced than the present. because of the, " opie clears his throat. " the wheel. "

he never mentioned to anyone that he read in his free time. mainly because he didn't have much of it. most of his reading was done when everyone in the house was asleep. in fact, several of his books were tucked away in his room over at the clubhouse. " none of which is very relevant to the aliens. " yet, he could understand why it was a racist ideology to think someone else swooped in to help all these people. he heard racist pieces of shit talk every day of his life.

when her shin presses up against his leg it's oddly automatic to lower one of his hands to slide against her calf. the warmth seeps down into his skin, settling something indescribable. he and donna never had conversations like this. fuck, when was the last time they had a conversation that didn't end up with one of them walking away all pissed off?

" yeah, " one shoulder shrugs as if it would be the easiest thing in the world. oswald comes to mind. that might be the fastest way to find something. hell, even juice might be able to come up with something. " i'll talk to juice and see if he can put out some feelers at the dispensary. then talk to chuckie to see if anyone's mentioned anything in the office. " gently, he gives her leg a squeeze. " it's not imposing at all. kinda been nice having you around. helping you stay longer? i'm all in. "

"Believe it or not, the whole aliens built ancient monuments and wonders has pretty strong links to Nazi-specific occultism and white supremacist ideology. Same with Atlantis. And with the slow shift of the political center further and further towards the right it's starting to pick up a little bit of steam. I try not to think about what it's gonna look like after Obama, if shit doesn't change."

With the lo mein re-homed and the sight of the gentle flush to his cheeks prompting a smile, Mary Jane reaches towards the table to pick up the orange chicken she'd set aside earlier. She gestures emphatically with her own fork as she continues speaking. "But basically it starts with the aliens built the pyramids because ancient civilizations couldn't have had something like math or engineering and then it builds to the aliens did everything remotely impressive and then it starts morphing into truly bananas race science. Not that there's really a point where it's not bananas but..."

Her voice trails off and she shrugs one shoulder, looking at one a little bashful for the unexpected rambling, and pleased with being able to show off some of that knowledge to someone she'd actually like to impress. As if to see just how much is allowed, Mary Jane shifts forward just a little, just enough that her shins are leaned against his thigh. It's a slow build, a gradual build, no matter that she'd like to do more, no matter that she's used to doing things much faster.

Funny. If someone told her that she'd be showing up in the middle of nowhere, California, and catching herself staring a little (a lot) too long at a biker to call it unattached and professional interest, she'd probably have believed it, but she would have guessed she'd lose interest with taking things so slow. And yet, here she is, second- and third-guessing her every move, determined to build some bridges without frightening him off. She feels like a teenager again, in those years before she learned how to wear confidence like armor and wield it like a weapon.

Her lips spread into a bright smile and she straightens a little more at the offer. "Seriously? You'd do that for me? It would be a huge help. Nothing's guaranteed, of course, but I have a really good feeling about this. We've been talking about a west coast office for ages. If we set one up in San Francisco, I can go down for a day or two a week, have a place I can actually afford out here..."

She's beaming, fork suspended over her food and dinner entirely forgotten as she thinks about it. She's a little more in love with the idea than she cares to confess. "I'd always wanted to move out here," she says, a little wistfully. "Granted, I always imagined it would be Hollywood, but I think this is about a million times better. You sure you'd be okay with that? I don't want to impose."

[queencfwolves-archive]

when juice proposes :)

drabble time // @fcundwings // selectively accepting

it’s been a surprisingly quiet week in charming, and it might have everything to do with the heatwave that’d been rolling across southern california. it seemed like it was even too hot for outlaw biker things, and for now, it was a nice change of pace, because it gave way to fun things, like today. 

the bikes that usually lined up at tm’s had been moved into the garage, replaced by a huge slip ‘n slide, next to unser’s trailer, under a huge umbrella the kiddie pool was set up for the smaller ones, and the grill was heating up in the parking lot, because samcro was having a family cook out. erica had gotten there early to help the other women set the whole thing up, while the guys had taken the van to the butcher, in order to stock up massively on all kinds of grill meat, which would most likely make a vegetarian cry.

when they returned, the long picnic tables had been set, beer was cooling a massive buckets filled with ice, and a make shift bar with hard liquor was set up in the small garage office. erica was keeping an eye on the kids in the pool, the reaper crew shirt she’d stolen from juice and the shorts that covered her bikini soaked as thomas and abel kept throwing water at her, causing the blonde to giggle along with the boys. her eye wandered to the returning guys for a moment, smiling at juice as he winked at her, before turning her attention back to the task at hand. 

it wasn’t long before the smell of burgers and hot dog grilling filled the air in the compound, and after getting lyla to take her spot as life guard, erica wandered around, a wide smile on her face at the sight of her family, all together and having a good time. the guys were shirtless, busy manning the grill, probably some alpha thing as she noticed jax and opie fighting over when to flip the burgers, which caused erica to chuckle and roll her eyes in a fond way. she passed chibs and tig, who lounged back, beers in hand, and she stopped for a second to drop a kiss to tig’s cheek just because, before finding the person she’d been looking for. juice is sitting with sack and rat, playing poker at one of the tables just out of the burning sun, and with a smirk, she plopped herself into his lap, but not before getting a quick look at the other guys’ cards. she leaned back into his chest, her head tucked under his chin as his hand wrapped around her waist, securing her there as he raised the bet with fifty dollars. taking a peek at juice’s cards, she shook her head at the other two, and mouthed a bluffing in their direction, which earned her a pinch to the side from juice. 

“oh shut up, you love me, juice box,” she squeaked, pressing a kiss to his jaw to soothe his loss, and settling back against him with a content hum leaving her lips.

“i do. that’s why i was thinking we should get just married.”

the words had erica do a double take as she pulled back, eyes wide as she looked up at juice, who had an insecure smile on his face as he presented her with a ring. a very familiar ring, and for a second her eyes flicked to tig, and that’s when she noticed that the ring on his left ring finger is missing. when their eyes met, he lifted his beer with a smile and a nod, and she realized that juice must’ve asked tig for her hand before this whole thing.

speaking of juice…

her attention went back to him as he cleared his throat.

“i had this whole speech planned out, all romantic and shit with a pretty ring and everything, but then i realized that you would hate that, because you always say how much you hate pretentious shit. so i am asking you, right here, right now. marry me.”

erica was still tongue tied, trying to wrap her head around what was happening. they weren’t even really, officially dating, but this was juan. her jc, her baby, and as she thought about it, she realized that this made perfect sense. so slowly, as she regained her sense, erica nodded, slowly at first, but faster and faster when it finally hit. 

“yes!”

the scream rolled around the compound, and suddenly all eyes were on the two of them, but erica couldn’t literally give a lesser fuck if she tried.

“of course i’ll marry you,” she added, before cupping his face and kissing him like her life depended on it. when she pulled back after a long minute, she held her left hand out, and giggled when juice put the way too big ring around her ring finger. with another kiss, the two stood, and tig was the first to approach them, hugging first juice, and then erica tightly to him.

“you made the right decision, doll,” he whispered to her, and erica nodded, her face still pressed into his chest.

“i know. just like i know i am definitely getting this ring resized and this will be my engagement ring,” she teased, before she pulled back a little to look up at him, tears shining in both their eyes.

“thank you, dad.”

[groovyzombiellama]

Someting you don’t have

Title: Something you don’t have Requested? No. Plot: Going out to see Jax and the gang get released from jail and Jax being determined to give you something you don’t have yet as a present for your birthday that he couldn’t celebrate properly with you. Word count: 2069

---***---

“Come on Ope, please! I just need to see him as he comes out through that gate.” You were desperately trying to convince your friend Opie to give you a ride to Stockton Jail so you could see your Old Man, Jax Teller, and the rest of the MC that were doing time there, finally get released. You had been dating Jax for about three years before he asked you to be his Old Lady, and you gladly accepted. The two of you went through so much together and it just made your bond stronger. He still keeps proving that to you every single day. Even though he had a lot on his mind during his time in Stockton, Jax didn’t forget to call you on your birthday. Even though he insisted you stay at home, since he’s got nothing to give you as a gift, you went over to visit him, just like every other day, wanting to see that incredible smile of his in person.

You honestly have no idea how you could stay sane without being around Jax 24/7 like you were used to, but you did your best to focus on the kids and getting everything ready once he was back. The nights were the worst though, for both of you. Neither one was used to sleeping without his arms around one another. You would always nestle into his chest, one of your arms around his waist, and the other one around yours, your fingers intertwined with Jax’s as one of his arms was securely around your back, the other tracing patterns on your arm around his waist. But you had to make it somehow, and you chose to sleep on his side, the smell of the man you love so much etched into the sheets, no matter how many times you’d wash them, it was still there. Or maybe it was your mind imagining it, as his face never left your thoughts. Either way, you wanted to go see him walk out of jail for yourself, but your Harley was in need of repair, so you hoped Opie would lend you some help.

Opie knew he was going to take you with him, but not without teasing you a little, saying he’s gonna have to think about it a little bit, laughing as you plead with him. As you see the smirk spread across his face, you realise he was messing with you all along and you punch his arm. “Ow, Y/N, I totally forgot you’ve got a mean right hook. I was only joking, of course I’ll take you to see him.” Ope said, rubbing the spot where your fist connected with his arm, and you apologise to him, him responding that it’s fine, and that you should get ready quickly if you plan on going, or they were gonna leave without you. You run to your and Jax’s shared apartment and quickly got ready, and in the rush, you almost forgot to bring Opie Jax’s kutte that was neatly placed over the chair in front of your work desk. You trace the pattern on the back of the kutte and you remove it from the chair, gently, yet swiftly and you rush out the door. Getting on the back of Opie’s bike, you were all off towards Stockton.

The roar of an applause filled the air as the guys were walking out of the gates, Opie tossing Jax his kutte, before hugging him. “Good to see you on this side, brother.” Opie said to Jax as everyone else was greeting the group’s return to freedom. You stood among the crowd until Opie turned to you and gestured to you with his hand. “And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for…Jax Teller’s Old Lady!” He joked, but you were too focused on your Old Man to scold him. Once Jax’s eyes met yours, a huge smile appeared on his face and he smacked Opie’s shoulder, thanking him for bringing you. And before you knew it, Jax rushed over to you and engulfed you in his arms, the feeling making you breathless. All this time visiting him in jail, you would only be able to press your hands on the same area to meet his own on the glass panel separating the two of you. Jax felt terrible that he couldn’t hug you for your birthday, a week and a half ago. He was so close to being free, but not close enough to celebrate with you. But you didn’t care, because to you, every single day you spend knowing you are his Old Lady is a celebration.

“Jesus Christ, how much I missed this. How much I needed this.” Jax exclaimed as he held you tightly in his arms, your scent reminding him that he’s finally home, with his family. You can only nod, afraid that your voice would crack, as a few tears cascaded down your cheeks. The familiar feeling of his kutte wrapping his figure perfectly still feeling like a dream as you hold on to him as if he could disappear any minute, like sand through your fingers. Once you part slightly, you feel his lips on your forehead, your nose and finally, your lips, kissing you passionately and longingly. As it was time to head back to TM, you follow Jax to his bike, watching in pure adoration as he puts his gloves on. “I still haven’t fixed my Harley, so if you let me, I could get back home with you.” You wink at Jax, and curtsy, just to add to the joke. Your Old Man chuckles, shaking his head slightly, bowing to you as he offers you the spare helmet left on the seat of his bike.

“My bike is not the only thing you’re going to be riding when I get you home.“ Jax whispers to you as you get on the bike behind him, your arms wrapping around his waist. You feel your cheeks turn red, as a tingle flows through your spine. The effect this man has on you, after all this time, still amazing you. You place a kiss on his jaw in response, before hiding your face from him, feeling the vibration of his body as he chuckles again. After coming home, Gemma and the others that didn’t go to the jail greeting them and giving him that “ride“ he was telling you about, the two of you lay in bed, his your hand sliding up and down his toned stomach, his doing the same to your arm. You were silent for a while, before Jax spoke up, making you roll your eyes. “I didn’t get you anything for your birthday...I’m sor-“ You don’t let him finish as you place your lips on his own. You shake your head at him once you pull away, telling him he doesn’t need to be sorry or to get you anything. That a simple fact that he’s here is enough for you, but if he really wants to get you something, a simple rose would be fine, a black one, if he wants a challenge.

“How did I get so lucky?“ Jax says, looking at you with so much love in his eyes. You shrug jokingly and his hands find their way to your sides, tickling you. You beg for him to stop, through fits of giggles and when he finally does, he tells you he wants to give you something you don’t have yet. “Well, I don’t have that black rose, if we’re being honest here...“ You say, immediately regretting it as he gets ready to tickle you again, you raise your hands in defense, repeating a few “okay’s“ in an effort to stop his tickle attack. Luckly for you, it works and Jax’s hands go back to their previous position around you. He mutters that he’ll think of it later, even though the idea was already in his mind, but he didn’t want to let you in on anything. So the next day you wake up on your own in bed, realising Jax was not with you as you pat his side, your eyes opening immediately, wondering where he was. He just got home and he’s probably already sorting some “club shit“ as he calls it. Coming down the stairs, you notice a bouquet of black roses in a vase on the living room table, and you smile to yourself, shaking your head a little in disbelief as to how Jax managed to find them.

Walking further into the living room, you notice Jax sitting on the sofa and you walk behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and placing a sweet kiss on his cheek. “Oh, good, you're awake.“ He says before placing a kiss on the back of your hands and getting up to walk around the couch and in front of you. The look on his face making you lift your eyebrows as you can see he’s nervous about something. He notices you are waiting for him to start speaking and he does, but not before sighing deeply. “Darlin’, you have been there with me through all of my ups and downs for the past four and a half years, and I keep asking myself every single day how did I get so lucky to have you as my Old Lady. You somehow always know what to say and you can always calm me down. Abel and Tommy love you as their mother, and you have been doing that role so perfectly and effortlessly that it amazes me every time I see the three of you together. You get them to go to sleep faster than I ever could, they always listen to you.“ A wide smile present on your lips throughout this monologue Jax was blessing you with. But you had no idea where it was leading.

“There is no one who can take on this world with me better than you can. And it didn’t take me long after coming out of Stockton to realise that I want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you and going to sleep next to you, and so I found the perfect present for your birthday.“ By now you were catching on to what he was saying, but you could’t believe it was true until you saw Jax reach into the pocket of his kutte and pull out a diamond ring. Your hands automatically flew to cover your mouth as tears began to form in your eyes. “Something you don’t have...My last name.“ And with that, Jax was down on one knee, his hand extended to you, waiting for you to give your hand to him. And even though you were still shocked out of your mind, you do so, placing your hand into his, them falling into place perfectly, as if the two of you were molded for one another. “And so, would you do me the honors of becoming my wife? Y/N, will you marry me?“ The tears finally started flowing down your cheeks as you nod, soon finding your voice and answering verbally too, with about ten “yes’ “. Jax placed the ring on your finger and got up to stand in front of you, only to stumble back slightly as you jump into his arms, a chuckle vibrating through his body as he holds you.

After parting, you place a deep, passionate kiss on his lips, the feeling of the ring on your finger confirming to you that you are not dreaming. After parting, Jax placed his forehead on yours and a kiss on your ring finger, close to the actual ring. He wiped the tears off your cheeks and placed another kiss on your lips. “I love you, Jackson Teller.“ Jax smiled at you, his eyes looking up from the ring to your own Y/E/C ones, his infamous grin curving his lips as you wink at him. “I love you too, future Y/N Teller.“ His grin grows into a smile before he lifts you up and spins you around a couple times, your laugh being music to his ears, kissing you once again after setting you down, back on your feet. You just wanted that moment to last forever, and the happiness you were feeling right in that moment. You couldn’t wait to be Mrs Teller, and neither could Jax.

---***--- I have returned to my obsession over Charlie Hunnam and Jax Teller (not that it was ever far away from me) but I got this idea after reading so many fics about him and I’ve got another one planned for tomorrow, so I hope you like this one :)

Y/E/C (your eye color)

[weirdochick56]

Love You Too Darlin’ - Jax Teller One Shot

Jax Teller x Reader

Warnings: Explicit language. A kissing scene. 

Disclaimers: I don’t own any SoA characters/plots mentioned.

Word Count: 3,634 words (WOAH. Went a little overboard today!)

Summary: In which the reader is Jax’s best friend and of course, in love with him. Only problem? Tara and Jax are back together. This breaks little Y/n’s heart. That is until Chibs offers the perfect solution. Y/n gets a boyfriend and presents him to the MC in hopes of gaining Jax’s attention. Let’s just say; things don’t go as planned.

***

You sigh, not being able to tear your eyes away from the heinous scene unfolding before you. Tara Knowles, you’re fucking nightmare incarnate, was seemingly making it a point to show off her and Jax’s new relationship.

Jax is talking to some of the sons and Tara is all but clinging onto his arm. You burn holes into her head. And almost as if she could sense your gaze (but then again, how could she not?) she turns to look at you. You refuse to back down, so you just raise a brow at her, as if to say ‘do I owe you something?’ and she shrugs, her eyes still on you as she pecks Jax's lips. That bitch. 

You press the dirty rag of the counter you were wiping more harshly than necessary. “Biggest mistake that boy’s ever made was choosing Tara over you.” You jump at the voice, taking your eyes away from the bain of your existence. 

“What?” You blush, acting stupid when regarding Chibs’s remark. 

He grins a little, his eyes trained on the couple across the room. “You heard me, Y/n. You deserve him way more than her.”

You gulp thickly, switching your gaze to rest on the table you’d been wiping. “I’m not so sure that’s true Chibs. And even if it was, what makes you think Jax would even turn to look at me as anything other than his best friend?” your voice is significantly lower than your usual, confident, tone. 

Chibs hums thoughtfully. “Y/n, you’re a beautiful and smart lass. Any man would be fucking lucky to have you. Which isn’t exactly ideal for any of us because you’ve been pining after him since you two were really young, everyone knows that. He’s the only idiot that refuses to see what’s right in front of him.” Chibs nudges you lightly. 

You chuckle, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “You got that right.” Then your tone turns serious. “But no matter. Seems Tara ‘snake’ Knowles has already found a way and slithered her way back into his life.” 

Chibs chuckles then sighs. “Then you should yank that serpent right out.” 

Snorting, you pick up empty beer bottles. It wasn’t an ideal situation to be in whatsoever. The love of your life, the only man you’d ever loved, didn’t love you back. And to top it all off, Tara, who’d broken his heart previously (leaving you to pick up the broken pieces by the way) has sauntered her stupid little doctor ass back into Charming and somehow swooped Jax right off his feet. 

You were having none of it. Could he not see the fucking master manipulator he was fucking and sleeping next to at night? Bullshit. That was what she was full with. And you weren’t going to stand around while Jax gets his heart broken again. 

You raise a brow at Chibs, hands on hips. “What do you suggest I do to accomplish that?”

Chibs smirks. “That’s the spirit, love!”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but Jax gets mighty jealous when he sees you around any potential conquest.”

You scoff then frown. “What? That’s impossible.”

Chibs’s smirk widens. “Ya’ think? Have you ever tried to look his way when you’re flirting with someone else?”

You ponder on that. Well, no actually. You flirted with other guys in order to get over Jax in the first place, it would make much sense to look at the person you’re trying to forget while doing it. 

You’re not buying it. “He’s probably looking at something else.”

Chibs huffs. “And you say he’s oblivious. Y/n, he literally glares holes into your head. And he starts grumbling under his breath, thinking the rest of us can’t hear him. Tough luck.”

You try to brush it off. “Fine then, maybe he is jealous. Friendly love.” Jax had never given you any signs he wanted anything but a friendship with you, so why would you believe anything Chibs was saying? Friends don’t get jealous over eachother. 

Chibs huffs shakes his head and mumbles something about ‘oblivious youngsters’ before looking back at you. “Just...give it a try.”

***

A FEW DAYS LATER

You inhale deeply, stranger’s hand in your own. This is by far the most nerve-racking thing you’d ever decided to do. In part because you’d never actually presented a boy to the club (thanks to Jax), and they were your family.

And in major part because of Jax’s reaction. Would he really react like Chibs had promised or would he be fine with this? In truth, the latter wasn’t the reaction you were looking for. 

The boy toy you’d randomly met as some bar was relatively handsome. He had nothing Jax, sure, but he’d have to do. 

You step into the MC, boy toy in tow, the loud rock music, smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and motor oil hitting you in the face almost immediately. You inhale deeply. It smelt like home. 

Almost immediately, you spot Jax, hanging out in the corner of the clubhouse, unaware of your presence. No Tara this time. Good. Strange but good. You ignore him and slip your arm into Liam’s. 

Tig slides over to you with a big smile. “Y/n! You’re here, with...” his smile fades in the slightest and his gaze flickers over to your hooked arms and then Liam. The man cowers a bit back at the son’s scrutinizing gaze and you hold back the urge to roll your eyes. What a wimp.

“Tig, this is Liam. My boyfriend.” You force a smile. 

Tig clearly can’t hold back his shock as his eyes widen. “You...have a boyfriend?”

You brush off his remark and smirk at him. “Yes, Tig. I have a boyfriend. Ya’ know, it’s a guy you’re together with. In a relationship, and you-”

Tig waves his hand in your face. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. I’m sorry, I just,” his gaze goes back to Liam. “He’s so...not biker material.”

Liam shifts uncomfortably beside you. You tilt your head to the side as a response. “Who said I could only date bikers? Jax is dating a doctor and none of you bitch to him about it.” Your voice comes out angrier than you’d like it to be, but you can’t help being attacked by it. And saying ‘who said I could only date bikers?’ you really meant ‘who said I could only be in love with Jax?’ because you knew that’s what he meant.

Tig opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, trying to find an excuse to offer you. “Whatever. C’mon Liam.” You scoff and brush past him, tugging your fake boyfriend along with you to some stools. 

You sigh plopping down. “Hi Gemma,” you offer the older woman a smile. She returns a weary one, her eyes on Liam.  

“Hi, Y/n. And who might this handsome feller be?” She sips on her drink. 

“Oh, this is Liam. My boyfriend.” Gemma chokes on her drink, her eyes wide with alarm. You lean over the table, tapping her back lightly. “Gemma? You okay?” 

When she stops coughing, she looks at you with disappointment. Oh no, you knew this was a bad idea. You shouldn’t have faked a relationship, it was becoming too real. You were breaking Gemma’s heart, you could see it in her face. She didn’t like Tara and had been trying to set you and Jax up for the longest time. 

“But he isn’t even a part of an MC! Y/n, honey, you-”

Here we go again. “Why the hell is everyone so intent on me being with a fucking biker? It’s not like it’s a goddamn requirement!” You’re livid, turning around to face the club. “Fuck this shit. If Jax can have a non-biker girlfriend why can’t I?” you’re mumbling to yourself at this point. 

This had become something more than just making Jax jealous, who hadn’t really noticed your presence, and more about you being jealous of him and Tara and trying to make yourself feel better about it by bringing the male version of Tara and rubbing it in his face. 

‘Hey look! If you can completely disregard my feelings, I can too!’ Was your mentality.

“Hey, guys! Can I get everyone’s attention?!” You stand up on the stool, waving your hands wildly and in an attempt to gain everyone’s attention. “Gemma pats your leg urgently. “What the hell do you think you’re doin’ Y/n?” she yells in a whisper. 

You glance back at her with a small smirk. “Letting everyone know that I’m not still hung up on your son.” You shrug, jumping off the stool and looking at everybody. You catch Jax’s bewildered gaze, which then shifts to Liam. His face hardens and he glances back at you with a small frown. 

You disregard his steely gaze, turning your attention instead to the rest of the club. “Thanks, guys. Just let you know that you might be seeing a lot of Liam around here.” You motion loosely to your quivering boyfriend. 

Opie crosses his arms over his chest, raising a brow and looking Liam up and down. “Yeah? And why’s that?”

You smile innocently at him. “ ‘Cause Liam here,” you reach for his hand blindly and interlock your fingers awkwardly. “is my boyfriend.” 

Loud mumbles immediately erupt amongst the sons at your words and you tune into some of them. ‘That ninnyhammer? For our little Y/n?’ and ‘Is she kidding? We all know they won’t last a week. Y/n’s too much of a woman for that little guy’ amongst the many protests. 

“Guys,” you growl, gaining their attention again. “This isn’t up for discussion. Liam is my partner, whether you like it or not.” 

Jax pushes his way to the front. “This asshole isn’t the man enough for you Y/n.” His jaw is clenched and you almost feel sorry for the glass bottle gripped way too tightly in his hand. 

Liam opens his mouth to protest, but you grip his arm, ignoring Jax’s degrading scoff at the man.

You chuckle humorlessly, folding your arms over your chest. “Oh, bite me, Jax. That isn’t your choice to make.” 

Jax releases a small breath, gripping the bottle even tighter and clearly struggling in his attempt to remain calm. “I’m your best friend. I think I should have some say in who you date as such, darlin’.” 

You look at him incredulously. “Are you out of your fucking mind Jax? Being my best friend does not constitute as having any in regards to who I date.”

Jax steps closer to you, his nostrils flared. He completely disregards Liam, but you find yourself uncaring as his crystalline blue eyes look into your own y/e/c ones. 

“Fine, then. As president of this club, I hereby ban him from so much as stepping foot anywhere near the clubhouse or teller morrow.” He looks into your eyes challengingly. “As a matter of fact, if he doesn’t want me to put a bullet in his head, he won’t come anywhere near you.” 

“What the fu- “ Liam attempts to protest again, but you put your finger on his lips, shushing him. 

“Why?” You snap. 

Jax smirks sarcastically, looking Liam over with disgust then turning his attention back to you. “Because he’s a threat to SAMCRO. We don’t need his normal-looking ass to bring attention from other clubs.” 

That little jerk. He knew exactly what he was doing. As president of the club, he had the right to declare anything or anyone a ‘threat’ to the club and can, therefore, make any decision he saw fit on it.   

You gape at him, anger making your stomach churn painfully. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me, Jackson! That is bullshit and you fucking know it,” you ball one of your hands into a fist and poke his chest with the other. 

The sons have by now left you to your business, dispersing into their own little activities with quiet grumbles. 

Jax softly swats your hand away. “I think we should take this outside sweetheart.”

You push aside how good his big warm hand felt against your hand and yank it away from his touch, tucking away it away into your jean pockets.  “Good for you Jackson. But I think I’ll just stay in here, with Liam.” You spit with a fake smile, patting Liam’s arm. 

Jax sucks on his teeth, laughing humorlessly. “Y/n, I think we should take this outside.” 

You raise your brows. “You act like repeating your earlier statement will somehow change my mind.”

Jackson sighs exasperatedly. “Fine darlin’, just remember you were the one who asked for this.” He shrugs and next thing you know, you’re being thrown carelessly over Jackson’s broad shoulders. You gasp, the wind being knocked out of you.

“What the fuck Jax?! Let me go!” You wiggle harshly, trying to get him to let you go and hurting your stomach in the process. 

Jackson tightens his grip on your knees. “Stop moving or I’ll drop you, Y/n,” he warns, making his way towards the outside. 

You don’t listen pounding on his back as you passed by amused sons. “Let me go Jackson or so God help me-”

Jackson ignores your loud protests, stepping out into the cold night. 

*

The sons glance at eachother with amused grins. “You think they’ll finally do it?” Juice inquires, glancing at the door you and Jax had just walked through.

Gemma sighs. “I sure hope they do.”

Chibs clicks his tongue. “Meh, it was a long time comin’ too.”

Liam stands up, blushing. “I think it’s best if I go. it was, uh, nice meeting you all.” he waves awkwardly then clambers out the back door.

*

The sound of skin against skin is the only sound that echoes throughout the relatively empty night. Jax’s face snaps to the side and your hand stings. 

“You’re a dick Teller. I hate you,” you push through the tears obscuring your vision and bite the words out through clenched teeth. 

Jax flexes his jaw, gripping his cheek. Then he slowly turns to look at you, his eyes fiery with rage. “That’s not fucking true and we both know it, babe.”

You step away from him. “Don’t call me that.” your voice, aimed to be sharp as a whip, breaks and you curse it mentally.

He returns the gesture, stepping forward. “Why’s that Y/n? Does it bother you?”

You clench your teeth, not being able to find the strength within you to fight him off any longer. “Stop Jax,” you warn him, stepping back again.

Why were you even trying to fight him off? Because although you wished Tara’s death, she was still with him.

He raises a brow, repeating his earlier action. “Stop what, Y/n? Hm? This?” he motions to the minimal space between you. “Sorry, but I can’t.” The air had turned tense, so much so you could cut it with a knife. But it wasn’t the type of tense that made you uncomfortable. Not really. 

You were suddenly made more aware of Jax’s presence. I mean, obviously, you knew he was there. you meant more in terms of him in general. Jax Teller had and you were sure would always be a part of your world. But you also took notice of the small things. Of his body, lean and able to hold you effortlessly in the air. And his face, which held your favorite things to stare at in the whole world. Jax’s lips and eyes. If you could trace every crease and crevice that lined lips, you would. If you could simply swim in the beautiful blue pools of his eyes, you would. There was nothing you wouldn’t do for Jax Teller. The thought in itself both scared and excited you endlessly.

When your back makes contact with a hard surface you curse under your breath, averting your gaze from his face. “Shit.” You gulp, finding no way to escape. “Yes, you can Jackson. You have Tara. And I-”

“I don’t love her.”

 “What?” you breathe shakily.

He purses his lips. “I don’t love Tara, Y/n. I-I love you.”

SLAP.

You bring your hand onto his face again the sting from earlier suddenly becoming ten times more present. “How dare you, Jackson? What the fuck makes you think you can play with me like that?”

He growls. “I’m not fucking playing with you Y/n, I-” he sighs, his gaze softening. “I love you.”

You can’t help it. You raise your arm to slap him again but he catches it just before it makes contact with his face. Tears silently slip down your face. “Don’t fucking do this Jax,” you whisper, your heart racing at the sincerity in your eyes. “Don’t give me false hope.”

He yanks you closer to him, bringing you to rest chest to chest with eachother. Forcefully, he pulls your hand, sneaking it under his clothes and placing it on the smooth skin of his chest.

Your heart skips a beat at the skin to skin contact and the fact that you could also feel his heart wasn’t helping. It was beating at a strangely erratic pace. “Jax what-”

“You feel this Y/n?” he presses his palm on yours. “That’s my heart. And that is what you do it anytime you’re near.” He looks in your eyes, his voice dropping several octaves. “Darlin’, I swear on my dead father, I am not lying to you.”

Your breath hitches and your heart races even faster. You’re running out of excuses. “I’m with Liam now Jax. It’s too late.” Welp, that was a lie.

Jax’s face falls as he releases your hand. He presses his lips together, running both of his hands through his hair. “That dick, Y/n? You can’t really choose him. He- he’s a fucking brick wall! Boring and bland.”

You laugh. “Same could be said for Tara. Yet here you are, choosing her over me.”

His shoulders droop. “But I’m not anymore! It was a mistake to choose her over you, but, damn it,” he runs his fingers through his hair again. “I thought it was the right choice, letting you go.” He shakes his head, leaning against the wall beside him. 

Silently, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes, and places one between his lips, lighting it up. “I thought that letting you run into some other guy’s arms by acting oblivious and going out with Tara would give you a better shot at a normal life. I’m a dumbass. Shoulda’ known you weren’t a ‘normal life chick’ and that seeing your with someone who wasn’t me would end me.” He inhales deeply.

You gasp. “So you knew that I-”

He looks at you, opening his mouth and releasing the smoke with a small smirk. “Oh darlin’, everyone knew.” 

You huh, leaning against the wall next to him. After a few moments of staring out into the night and Jax smoking in complete silence, you scoff. “You’re an asshole Jackson, you know that? Did you ever even stop to think of me and my feelings during the entirety of this genius plan you  concocted?” Although your words are harsh, your voice is soft, weak. 

Jax laughs. “Babe, you and your feelings are the reason I even concocted this plan in the first place.” 

“That’s extremely hard to believe from my standpoint. Do you know how many times I held back on ripping that bitch’s hair right off her scalp? Now you’re telling me I could’ve actually done that?” you joke, trying to steer the conversation of you and Jax's unspoken feelings (or more like, your unspoken feelings. You hadn’t really responded to his confession.)

Jax caught on. Of course, he did.

He presses his lips together, trying to hold back a grin. “Woah, no! That is not what I’m saying at all. Truth is,” he sighs, facing you. “I didn’t only do it to push you away, I tried to forget you using Tara. As shitty as that is from my part,” he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, looking into your eyes.

You refuse to meet his gaze, sure that it would mean your ultimate demise. “That is pretty shitty Jackson. Truth is, Liam isn’t,” you chuckle. 

“Y/n.”

“He isn’t really the person I want to be with. He’s just some random dude I met at a bar and brought back to the MC because-”

“Y/n.” He tries to gain your attention, throwing his cigarette bud on the ground, stepping on it and standing in front of you. 

You continue to talk, ignoring his hands as they snake their way slowly up your neck and cup your cheeks. “Because I needed to get back at you and Tara. God, Jax, I was so jeal-”

Jax interrupts your mindless babbling, crashing his lips against yours.

You suck in a sharp breath, taking in the feeling of his lips against yours. Soft and rough all at once, just like Jax. You fight it at first, try to push him off. he doesn’t budge, so you decide to give in, tilting your head and sinking your fingers into his soft hair. You deepen the kiss, slightly parting your lips and allowing his tongue to slip in. 

He tastes like beer, mint, and smoke. It’s intoxicating and works effortlessly in leaving you a dazed mess.

Jax bites your lip teasingly and sigh, tugging at the strands of hair harshly. Jax growls into your mouth, moving his hand to rest on your hip. His thumb lifts your shirt up in the slightest and caresses your bare skin lightly. You shiver at his touch, placing your own hands on his chest.

He breaks away from you panting, his lips red and his hair a mess. You don’t think you’re much better either. He places his forehead on yours, his labored breathing fanning your face. “Sorry, you were talking too much.” 

You pause for a moment, wanting to catch your breath. “You’re breaking up with Tara.” It wasn’t a question or a request, it was a demand.

Jax clicks his tongue, running his hands through your hair. “You’re breaking up with Liam too then.”

You smirk at his possessive tone. “Deal.”  You last a minute enjoying each other's presence in a serene silence until you finally decide to break it. 

“Jax?”

“Yes, babe?”

“I love you.”

He smiles goofily, “Love you too darlin’.”

***

I...I don’t even know what this is, so don’t ask me. It’s such a fucking mess!! But, I kept erasing and rewriting it so... I finally got tired and this came out. 

Anywho, reply with ANY feedback you may have (please do), send me asks with any question and comments you have and messages if you’d prefer something a little more private. Do whatever fits you best my loves!!!!

A Special Thanks to:

@jessikared97, @sherlockedtash88, and @lilypalmer1987 my beautiful forevers!

[asposecloud]

Reorder Multiple Slides in Presentation in One API Call & Add Slides to Presentation in Cloud Apps

What's New in this Release?

Aspose team is pleased to announce the new release of Aspose.Slides Cloud 18.12. It has introduced an API that let users reorder multiple slides in one API call. Moreover, Aspose team has added separate APIs for adding, cloning and reordering presentations. Please use POST /slides/{name}/slides/reorder to reorder multiple slides in a presentation in one API call. It also supports adding slides to a presentation, copy slides within the current document or from another presentation, move slides to another position,  Add Slides to a Presentation and many more. This release includes plenty of improvements & bug fixes features as listed below.

Reorder multiple slides in a Presentation in one API Call

Create sub-resources for adding, cloning and reordering presentations

Add Slides to a Presentation

Copy and Move Slides

Overview: Aspose.Slides for Cloud

Aspose.Slides for Cloud is a REST API which allows you to process presentations. It allows you to create, modify, and convert presentations and provides a wide variety of features for working with presentations in the cloud. You can convert a presentation to TIFF, PDF, XPS, PPTX, ODP, PPSX, PPTM, PPSM, POTX, POTM, HTML and image formats. Aspose.Slides for Cloud allows you to extract different elements or a presentation including slide, text, color schemes, font schemes, shapes and images etc. Aspose.Slides for Cloud’s powerful API lets your apps process Microsoft PowerPoint presentations in the cloud, saving you the time it would take to develop your own API.

More about Aspose.Cells for Cloud

Homepage of Aspose.Slides for Cloud

Download Aspose.Slides for Cloud

Online API documentation with code examples for Aspose.Slides for Cloud

[imagineredwood]

***Possible trigger warning for pregnancy, talk of abortions.*** You blew out a shaky breath as you stared at the positive pregnancy test in your hands. You'd taken it 4 days ago and had kept it stowed away in the back of the medicine cabinet, hoping that if you left it alone, maybe it would change. Maybe it would go from this dreaded positive and transform into the negative that you were banking on. Maybe it was just a false positive. By this point though, you were sure that wasn't going to happen. The test wasn't going to change. You're life was though. The life that you knew had suddenly shifted within 10 minutes and everything that had been sure before was suddenly out the window. You hadn't told Happy yet, no way in hell you were going to. You wanted to figure out everything on your own. You weren't sure how he felt about it but he was always able to read you like a book. Suddenly asking him about having kids was totally out of the question, he'd definitely pick up on it if you did. Not to mention you didn't want kids. It just wasn't something you wanted. You and happy had been together gong on nearly 7 years. You were enjoying your life now. You didn't want to bring kids into the equation. It just wasn't something you wanted and if there was anyone you figured would be understanding was Lyla. She had been in the same boat and you knew she was the only place you wouldn't receive judgement. Tossing the test into the trash, you took out the bag and took it out to the outside dumpster with a full mind. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Are you sure you don't wanna tell him before you do this?" You sighed and shook your head throwing down the pamphlet back on the table in the waiting room. You tossed your head back and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. Lyla's hand on your knee pulled you to open your eyes and look over at her, a sad and sympathetic look in her eyes. "I know you're scared about it but just think about it. Me doing the same thing is what ruined me and Opie. It's still your choice, just like it was mine. But it's still his kid and even if he never finds out, the last thing you want is for that guilt to eat at you. I think you should at least run it by him. Learn from me. But it's up to you." She smiled softly and leaned over to kiss your cheek. "Regardless, I'll still be here to support you and love you. No matter what you do." You smiled and gave a breathy laugh, leaning over towards her to wrap your arms around her, the comfort of her embrace soothing you some. Only for the minute or two though when they called your name. Your eyes widened and you looked up, the assistant smiling warmly at you. "We're ready for you." You looked back at Lyla and she squeezed your hand, nodding. "Do what you think you should do." You hesitated before nodding and standing up, walking to the hallways to be escorted to your room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A soft sigh left you as you looked down at your tummy. It wasn't looking much different yet, still in its exact same shape. But you knew what the difference was. You knew that it was now nearly 2 weeks after your appointment at the Family Planning center. Nearly 2 weeks from the day you had your consultation to have your abortion to look at your options. They'd spoken to you about both abortions and adoptions, and every subcategory in between about what you could do with your unwanted child. You hadn't made a decision just yet because you were scared. Scared to have a kid, scared of the guilt that might come after, scared of making the wrong choice. You'd been nervous the whole time, Lyla's words echoing too loud in your head. You had thought you would come to terms with your decision but as the days were ticking by, you didn't feel nearly as confident in your decision as you'd thought you would and at nearly 10 weeks pregnant, you still hasn't picked what you were going to do. All you'd done was think and think, just as you were doing now. Until Happy popped his head into the room. "Babe, you got cash?" It took you a couple seconds to register his words before you answered. "Uh yeah, go check my wallet. Side pocket." The Son nodded and walked in quickly, leaning down and grabbing the back of your head to press a kiss to your lips. "I got some business to take car of for the club today but I should be home on time tonight. Go ahead and make dinner. I'll be here so we can eat together." You grinned and nodded, leaning to kiss him once more. "You got it Killa. See you for dinner." Standing back up straight, Happy walked out of the room and down the hall, heading to the kitchen to get the cash from your purse. You'd stopped by the grocery store the day before and taken out some singles, something Hap never seemed to carry on himself but always needed. Your purse was like a piggy bank, the go to for whenever he needed some small cash. You'd donated $5 of the $20 you had pulled out to some little league kids that were standing out in front of the store and you'd stuck the rest of the cash in your wallet in the side pocket; the same pocket you stuffed your paperwork about the abortion consultation in. Your eyes widened as your jaw fell open and you shot up from the bed, your vision going slightly blurry at how sudden the movement was. "Hap, wait!" Your shout was frantic as you dashed out of the room, hoping you caught him before be found the paper. As you entered the kitchen though, you realized you hadn't been that lucky. There he stood, paper in his shaking hands as he looked down at it with furrowed brows. You stood there silently, scared to move. You hadn't even told him you were pregnant and now the moment he found out was going to be the same moment he found out you were trying to get rid of it. His head snapped over towards you with a ferocity hat you'd never been on the receiving end up and you couldn't help but look down at your feet. "Hap..." "What the fuck is this?! You're pregnant? You didn't even tell me! You kept the fact that you're carrying my baby from me, and now you were just gonna kill it without even saying anything?!" His whole body was shaking, a steering anger coming off of him. His eyes were wide in disbelief and betrayal, unable to believe that you had kept this from him. You looked back down at the look in his eyes, an overwhelming feeling of guilt starting to consume you. He wasn't done yet though. "So when were you gonna tell me? Were you ever gonna tell me? Were you just gonna kill my kid and not even say anything? Tell me one day when your 90 on your deathbed that I could've had a kid but you have it up without ever even telling me I had one in the first place?!" Tears sprung to your eyes as he yelled, not even realizing how this decision might've made him feel. Lyla was right. You never even gave him the chance to have a say or even be present for the passing. You hadn't felt this shitty in a long time. You stayed staring down at your toes while Happy sucked in a harsh breathe before letting it out shakily. He repeated the action a couple more times before he finally stopped and stepped out in front of you. You avoided any eye contact but he gripped your chin and pulled your face up to look at him. "Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you. That's fucked up though. We've been together for years. We're family. I tell you everything. Ever since we've gotten serious, I've never kept a singe secret from you. Not one. Anything about me or the club or ma was already your business. I've never kept anything from you, and I always though you were telling me everything too. Were you really just gonna get rid of my kid and never tell me? Never even let me know?" "I was scared Hap. I don't know how I'll be as a mom. I don't know that I'll be a good mom or that I'll be able to give them a good life. I'm just scared and I didn't want to have kids. I just..." "You're not alone in this. You really think I would've let you do this on your own? After everything my pops but me and my ma through? You really thought I would do that to you?" You shook your head feverishly, placing your hands on his. "Of course not. I knew you wouldn't. You'd be a great dad, I knew that. It wasn't you I was worried about, it was me. You would be a fantastic father. No doubt in my mind about that." He nodded and let his hands slip softly off of your face. "But you weren't gonna give me the chance to show it." You swallowed around a dry throat, your years welling up again. "Well what are we gonna do?" You looked up at him puzzled. "Are we gonna get rid of him?...or her? I ain't gonna force you to carry a kid you won't love but, fuck I don't wanna lose my first kid." There were the beginning of years starting to form in his eyes and now it was his turn to look down. "I wanna be a dad. I wanna have a kid that I can love and take care of and protect. I wanna be a dad so I can be a good one. I wanna be a better dad than my old man was and give my kid a better life tan I ever had. We can do that. The both of us. Together. If there was anyone I was gonna have a family with, it's you. I don't want kids with anyone else. Only you." He paused and took a deep breath that he had been depriving himself of while he ranted. His hands reached out to grip your waist before sliding down around the front to softly press against your tummy. "That's our baby in there. We ain't getting any younger. The club is in a good place, things are safe, we're stable. We can take care of our family babe. You'll be a good mom, you don't need to be scared." He stopped there, watching your fave to see if he was making things worse. Your tearful smile and laugh told him it was the opposite though. Your smile stayed and you looked up at him. "You really wanna have a family with me?" He immediately nodded his head, not a single second of hesitation. "Only you babe." You thought about his words, a weight being lifted at the realization that not only was he ok with you being pregnant but that he was happy and willing to start a family with you. Your fears slowly started to dissipate, and while you were still nervous, the thought of being a mom making you sweat, you knew that anything was possible with Happy by your side. So with another smile and a nod, you squeezed his hands. "Then I guess we're having a baby."

[callmemrskozik]

Father’s Day

Here’s an Opie one-shot as requested of @redwood-writer, hope this does your Nonny justice sweets! Apologies if it’s not enough, or too much, I am a little rusty. This One-Shot is smutty so it’s rated 18+ and only suitable for Mature(ish) audiences.

Father’s Day

-XX-

Father’s Day had gone off without a hitch. Ellie and Kenny helped with the breakfast prep and before Opie could manage to drag himself out of bed it was presented to him with a chorus of Happy’s Father’s Day so loud she swears her ears are still ringing, and letting out a steady breath she stares at herself in the mirror.

Her hands shake as she smooths her hair over her shoulders. She feels a little ridiculous in all honesty. She spent far more on the frilly bra and panties than she probably should have, but hey, Father’s Day only comes once a year, and with a smile that grows steadily on her lips she knows this is going to be one of the best Father’s Days yet. She hopes at least.

“Babe,” Opie’s voice drifts through the door, “you okay in there?”

“Yeah,” she calls back smiling softly, “just getting your gift ready.”

“I told you I didn’t want anything,” he trails off as she rolls her eyes, “besides I’m not sure I want anything from in there…”

Stifling a laugh, she pulls the door open to reveal herself and when Opie’s eyes widen as he lifts his fingers to rub against his lips.

“You sure about that?” she asks bracing a hand on her hips.

“Mmm, I might take some convincing,” he murmurs reaching out to cup her waist between his hands but she her hand planting on the center of his chest stops him.

“I better get to work then…”

Her seduction is slow, teasing, as she laps at him, her tongue dragging deep moans from the back of Opie’s throat as it circles the tip of his cock, and when she takes his length into her mouth she can’t help the smile of satisfaction when he growls.

“Fuck…” the word rumbles through him vibrating under her fingers, and by the way his fingers flex in her hair she knows she’s driving him crazy. So, she decides to have fun, changing the depth she takes him in, the pressure of the hand circling him; and when his stomach clutches she stops, setting back on her heels to look at him.

She’s always loved seeing him like this. Hands grasping the bed sheets, broad chest heaving as he rides the wave that was so close to taking him over the edge. His jaw clenches tightly as she straddles his waist, and when his eyes clear and focus on hers she slowly reaches between them guiding his cock between her swollen, wet lips, and knowing she has his full attention she lets him slide into her; filling her.

Her head falls back a ragged breath being pulled from her lips as she begins to rock her hips, slow and steady. She could stay in the moment forever if given the chance, feeling the weight of Opie’s hands on her breasts, the friction against her clit. Her eyes roll back his hands sliding down her body to grip her hips, spurring her on to quicken her pace and she complies, how could she not? She wants to give him everything he wants, and with the orgasm building inside of her she doesn’t see why they can’t both have what they want.

 -XX-

She listens, the sound of Opie’s heart beat playing the perfect lullaby and just as her eyes start to drift closed Opie’s voice drifts through the darkness.

“Is it too early to tell you what I want for my birthday?”  

[imagininghim]

Chapter 13

Where she went Masterlist

The ride back to the club was a quiet one. I held onto Jax’s cut we I laid my head against his back. I thought back to what Jax had said.

Flashback:

“What?” Jax said as he stared at me in disbelief.

“I’m sorry I never told you before but I didn’t know how. You were so happy with her and I didn’t ruin that.” I said as Donna and Ope began to venture back out from the woods.

“You hid that from me for all those years and then you just decide today that you’re going to finally tell me?!” Jax questioned as he raised his voice. Opie and Donna shared a confused look as they made their way over to us.

“What’s going on?” Opie questioned as they reached us.

“Why don’t you tell them (Y/N)?” Jax questioned as anger laced his words. I stared at Jax as I felt anger and heartbreak come across me.

“Fine. I got pregnant by Jax when I was seventeen and a few weeks later when Tara and I got into a fucking fight and she kicked me in the stomach with her high heel boot and I had a fucking miscarriage. I was so upset and afraid that I didn’t tell Jax till right fucking now!” I snapped as Opie stared at me in shock and Donna looked at me with her same sympathetic look. I didn’t know I was crying until I felt the tears slide down my face and hit my hand. I turned back to Jax with tear stained cheeks. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.” Was all I said as I began to turn away and walk back to the bikes.

Opie and Donna followed me as they headed towards Opie’s bike. I grabbed my helmet as I begun to put it on as Jax came behind me. I could feel his eyes burning a hole into the back of my head as I ignore his stare. Jax climbed on his bike as I climbed on behind him. Opie and Donna climbed on as we started up the bikes and began to take off down the road.

Present:

Opie and Donna pulled next to us as we pulled up to a red light.

“We’re going to head home.” Jax nodded as I stayed in the same position as Opie and Donna turned up the road and headed home. Once the light turned green, Jax took off down the road till we reached the club. We pulled into the parking lot and backed into his space as I climbed off the bike and took off my helmet before heading into the club.

Jax’s POV:

I parked my bike as a million thoughts ran through my head. (Y/N) immediately climbed off my bike as she took off her helmet and head for the club. I sighed as she walked in. I laid my helmet on my handlebars as I headed for the club.

“Aye, Jackie boy!” I turned to see Chibs walking behind me. I stopped to let him catch up.

“Hey,” I said simply. Chibs looked at me with a concerned.

“Where’s the lassie too?” Chibs questioned as I held the door open to the club for him as he walked in.

“She’s in the dorm.” Chibs nodded his head. I could tell he knew something. We walked to the bar as Half-handed us two beers.

“What’s wrong Jackie boy?” Chibs questioned as I sighed.

“(Y/N) just told me that she was pregnant for me when she was seventeen but when she and Tara kicked her in the stomach when they had that fight it caused (Y/N) to have a miscarriage.” Chibs nodded as he took a sip of his beer.

“Ah, she finally told you,” Chibs said as I turned to him wide eyed.

“You knew?!” I questioned in shock. Chibs chuckled.

“Knew?! Heck, I was there when it happened! Your father bent over to help her when you took Tara outside and Donna told him that she had just found out she was pregnant. We rushed her to the hospital and your father stayed with her all night. The doctor eventually told him that the impact caused the miscarriage. When (Y/N) awoke, he told her.” I sat in shock in disbelief.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I questioned as Chibs took another sip of his beer.

“(Y/N), begged everyone to not say a thing to you. She was afraid that she would ruin your happiness or you would hate her.”

“I would never hate her,” I said as Chibs turned to me.

“I know that we all know that but she was so afraid.” I sighed as he continued. “Jax, she never forgave herself for what happened.” I sighed as I turned and stood up from the bar stool.

“I’ll talk to you later,” I said as I stood up and headed for the dorms.

(Y/N)’s POV:

I walked into the club as I ignored everyone around me as I let the tears stream down my cheeks. I walk all the way to the dorms until I reached our shared dorm. I opened the door as I walked in and closed it behind me as I headed for the bathroom. As I reached the bathroom I looked into the mirror to see that I had streaks of black mascara running down my face. I soaked a washcloth in the sink as I began to wipe away the streaks. A knock came to the door as I turned off the water with a sigh.

“Who is it?” I questioned annoyed.

“It’s Jax.” I sighed as I walked over to the door and opened it.

“What do you want?” I questioned as annoyed as I walked back over to the bathroom as I headed for the bathroom.

“I wanted to talk.” I stopped in the doorway of the bathroom and turned around.

“About?” I questioned with the same amount of annoyance and a little bit of curiosity.

“Come here,” Jax said as he patted the spot next to him on the bed. I sighed as I walked over to the bed and took a seat next to Jax.

“What did you want to talk about?” I questioned as Jax looked down at his hand before back at me.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean to sound so mad. I was just so… Hurt.” I frowned at Jax’s words as I looked up at him.

“I’m sorry too. I should have told you as soon as I knew. I shouldn’t have gotten into that fight that night.” Jax reached over and put his hands on the side of my face as he spoke.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You were only trying to do the right thing and Tara shouldn’t have started the fight in the first place.” I smiled at Jax as I laid my hands against his.

We sat there for what felt like an eternity, just staring into each other’s eyes. I felt Jax beginning to lean in as I did the same thing. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips press against mine.

At that moment, I felt all the butterflies in my stomach go crazy as my lips moved against him. We pulled away at the sound of a door opening. We turned to see a heartbroken Hale standing in the doorway with a rose.

“Hale…” I spoke breathlessly as he just stared at Jax and I. Hale’s face turned from sadness to anger in 0.5. He threw the rose to the ground before turning away and walking out. I looked at Jax as I stood up and ran after him. I could hear footsteps coming behind me. “Hale! Wait!” I yelled as he continued to walk out of the club. By now we had caught the attention of the rest of the club and a scattered few croweaters.

“What?!” Hale snapped as he turned back as anger covered his face.

“It’s not what it looked like.” Hale scoffed as he spoke.

“Really? It seems like you were cheating on me or am I wrong?!” Hale snapped as I stood back in shock.

“Hale…” I whispered as he began to laugh sarcastically.

“Don’t. You know, I thought I was wrong about you. When I first saw you in the graveyard I thought you were some drunken slut but when I got to know you, you were so much more. You were intellectual, you were kind and you were most definitely not a slut but I was wrong. You are and never will be anything more that a stupid biker slut.” I felt the air leave my lungs at his words. Tears brimmed my eyes as I watched Jax leave my side as he spoke.

“Don’t you ever fucking call her a fucking biker slut!” Jax yelled as he threw his fist up and socked Hale in the jaw. I stood in awe as Hale attempted to throw a punch at Jax as he missed miserably. Jax raised his fist again as he threw another punch at Hale. Soon enough, Jax had Hale pinned underneath him as he continuously threw punches. Opie and Chibs hauled Jax off Hale as they pulled him back. Hale began to stand as Jax spoke.

“If you ever come near her or this fucking club again I will put a bullet in between your eyes.” Jax spat as he regained his balance and came to stand by me. I looked at Hale who was now bloody and bruised.

“I actually liked you. I thought that this could work… I thought that I could trust you but I was wrong. Dead wrong.” I snapped as Hale looked at the ground. “Not only did you disrespect me but you disrespected my club and for that, I will never forgive you. We’re done.” I said as Hale looked back at me as I looked at him one last time. “Now, get the fuck out or I’ll put that bullet in between your eyes and I won’t fucking hesitate,” I said as I grabbed Jax’s arm and pulled him into the club as everyone stayed quiet.

I walked Jax back towards our dorm as I sat him on the bed and went to wet a washcloth before coming back to him. I sat on his lap as I began to wipe away the blood as Jax stared at me with a curious look.

“Thank you,” I said simply as he smiled.

“You’re welcome. No one talks to you like that and gets’s away with it.” I smiled at him as I continued to wipe away the blood. “(Y/N)?” I stopped wiping the blood away as I looked at him.

“Yes?” I questioned.

“You’re not a biker slut. You are the strongest woman I know besides Gemma.” I giggled as he continued. “I’m serious. You’ve been through Hell and back. You lost your mom, you finished high school, you moved to New York and went to school, you got out of an abusive relationship, you’ve stood up for yourself and this club. That’s a whole lot more than most people can say. I am so fucking proud of who you became and I know my dad and your mom would have felt the same way.” I smiled down at Jax as he moved his hands from my waist to my face. “And for that… I love you.” I felt everything around us fade away.

“I love you too,” I said as Jax smiled. “I always have and I always will.” Jax smiled again as we began to lean in for another kiss. We pressed our lips together in a gentle embrace as we both smiled into the kiss. We pulled away as we continued not to speak as we stared into each other's eyes. “Jax?” I questioned quietly as he nodded his head.

“Yeah?” He questioned back.

“Tell me something.”

“Anything.” I smiled as I spoke.

“Tell me that I’m not dreaming,” I said as Jax chuckled.

“You’re not dreaming.” He began as he pulled me back to his lips.

“This is real.” He said as we reconnected our lips again.

[jefferyh0925679-blog]

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[branlao]

journal 12/8/2018

“To study Buddha’s words in their exact sense means to study them through some activity which you face moment after moment.”

-- Shunryu Suzuki, “Communication,” Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.

I’ve never thought about it like this.

It seems as if lack of awareness towards the present moment grants strength to the illusion of alternate times and places.

Consider FOMO and the “Millenial’s Folly” of being unable to commit to plans. This stems the perception of alternative realities.

Millenial’s contemplation of a future Friday:

(1) go to the concert, buuuttttti’mbroke, dasd;lkjgfas;lkg, don’tlikethevenue a;slkdjf;lksjadogi it’ssnowingsandthedrivesucksasstogetthere,afhgal;kdjtgao ws;eitnh;  askljdfnalw;eoitbna

(2) go out drinking with my coworkers, buuuuttttti’mbroke, ;lksjdf;lashjoigjntganglk;sadjg;ijc,cmnxz.,isaidi’dstopdrinking, lksfgwerqpoiul;djghnosa;ligukdfh;aslgsdf;glkjager she’sgoingtobethereandthingshavebeenawkwardsincethatnightwehookedup, ajstgo[ipwejtgoinga;ldfkjxz,m.n sl;kzdnfg;asdt g;opi jsdfgp0weoqj[asdlkjfsadflkjasdiojg parkingissuchafuckingbitchdowntown l;aksjdgfoip;argj

(3) stay in wqop;iejrqwoirjnoxzlif;gjnxzi;ocjbv[pobjsprgoijnmwasgjg;poinwerynbcvm,.nbedrpg[qrwentpwqinpgwo4engsap gfdg,isolationisablessingandcurse,isanyoneevenmissingmeaswespeak?

This mind vomit occurs all the fucking time. To something as trivial as PLANS FOR RECREATION. How much worse towards shit that actually matters?

But this dilemma comes from being unable to commit to plans in fear of missing out on “something better” going on. This is such dumb illusion of the mind.

The only “going on” is what is in front of your face and the illusions that you’re letting take hold of your mind in this tiniest sliver of a moment.  So I guess in this specific instance, it’s that ugly look of indecision about your plans for the night, about shit that’s actually not occurring while you’re walking to the lecture of the class that you house residual feelings of guilt for, for not catching up on readings because you promised yourself you would and now you won’t fucking understand what the professor is saying because he doesn’t even talk about any of the shit that’s going on in the slides and it seems like the dude who sits in the second to front row with the beer and tahoe stickers on his hydroflask and the girl who he always sits next to him but i’m not sure is his girlfriend (but they always seem to be together, like even walking to class and in the library) are so on point with the random tangents the professor goes on, that it makes you question if this shit is like in the reading so now you feel like you’re REALLY behind, and you kind of have to pee, but not like quite yet to warrant a trip to the bathroom, but you KNOW you’ll REALLY have to pee in 33 minutes.

But, the only thing that’s actually real in that moment is you walking to class.

So, studying Buddhism then, is strict in its practice, but not in its doctrine. There isn’t a strict objective “correctness” to the teachings, because the essence of the teachings are mean to by understood in the instance they are experienced by the learner. The only way to understand your Buddhist teaching is through its application in that exact moment in your life that you happen to be encountering it.

In that same vein, not being surprised by thoughts and ideas you learn or relearn is pivotal. This doesn’t mean to just chuck out lessons you encounter because you’ve already thought about them, but rather, looking at thoughts and ideas as Suzuki-Roshi characterizes “receiving them as old friends, even though you appreciate them with new feeling.”

I often feel guilty reading old journal entries, because it sometimes seems that I’m making the making the same mistakes, housing the same doubts, and coming to the same revelations over and over again. 

But where does this guilt come from? 

This guilt is a wrong view of life, because it comes from the perception of life and “self” as a linear progression. “I AM ME NOW, AND ME NOW IS BETTER THAN ME THEN.” but “you now” is and always has been a product of “you then.” Without “you then,” there wouldn’t ever have been a “you now.” And on that same ticket, “you then” is only a mental construction created by “you now” . It’s ONLY you now. Always. 

That being said, the relationship between a lesson in the moment is always unique, because this moment is always unique and dynamic.

There may be cycles where a moment seems similar to a moment remembered, but then again, this is a construction of the mind. The way a lesson applied “then” is different then how it applies “now.”

Claiming that each instance is unique, shouldn’t be seen as a pass to continue making the same mistakes over and over like a chubby hamster tripping over itself when it goes too hard on the hammy wheel. That view would be using Buddhist perspective in a toxic way and muddles practice. 

The “right choice” is simple in avoiding the previous mistakes, and that is to be within the present moment. When ‘you’ becomes ‘you’ is making the decision to be responsible for right now, because right now is everything. It’s actually the only thing.

- bran