#or cancels stuff. they analyse her every action

[super-powerful-queen-reyna]

K just gonna put folklore, evermore, midnights and the tortured poets department right there

[avaalons]

Chris Evans Fic: Disney Princess Series Part 6 (Decisions)

If you hated Josh in the last one weeelllllll hopefully Lisa makes up for it in this!

*** PR recommended a complete radio silence about the whole situation. To address the reports would be to stir up more speculation, whereas the less that was mentioned about it, the less fuel added to the fire, the quicker it would all slide away.

So that’s what you did and, it seemed, it was what Chris was doing as well. You’d had a few pap opportunities set up for you, so you could be seen out and about alone, attending meetings or going to the gym and pretty soon, the story fell out of the tabloids. You had sneakily Googled Chris a couple of times, a queasy feeling in your stomach, and he’d done similar things: out walking Dodger, meeting friends at a bar downtown, gym sessions, all alone, all perfectly staged.

You just went about your business as you always had. You needed to focus on your career and what your next move would be off the back of the film you’d done with Chris. The momentum was there, now that the relationship gossip had gone away, and you just needed to act on it. A stack of scripts had been steadily piling up, ones that had been sent to and seen by your agent and then thought to be of interest and passed to you. You weren’t sure what you were looking for in your next project but these scripts seemed to be a good place to start.

All you truly knew was that you needed to get out of your head and focus on what was important. You’d had no problem with that before Chris Evans had waltzed into your life, and you should have no problem getting back there. Nothing had actually happened after all, there was nothing to be upset about. You hadn’t even kissed for Christ’s sake! But that didn’t stop you imagining that one moment every time you stood in the kitchen, his arms wrapped around you tightly, his mouth a mere two inches from yours as he was about to tell you… well, it didn’t matter now, did it? It was over before it had begun and there was nothing you could do about it. The trip to Disney would always hold a special place in your heart but that was all. So, taking a deep breath, you resolved to move on, starting now. You pulled the first script from the coffee table and opened it up.

But when, ten minutes later, you found your gaze once again wandering over to the spot in the kitchen where you’d stood against him, waiting for him to just kiss you already, you huffed out a frustrated sigh, flinging the script down on to the seat next to you.

Wiggling your toes into your flip flops, you located your sunglasses, tossed the scripts and your phone into a satchel bag and headed out into the LA sunshine, locking your door behind you. You needed a neutral place where you could just get him out of your head and your favourite coffee shop might just be the answer.

A coffee, maybe a muffin, and a dark corner were all you needed and soon you were lost in the story being told by one of the scripts. You were really pleasantly surprised by one of the narratives. Given that your resume was various tv spots in the main, plus your break out role in Sleeping Beauty and now your more action-based role in the ensemble drama you’d done with Chris, you’d been sent a whole variety of genres and styles. You hadn’t been type cast so far, and that could be nothing but good news.

The one that piqued your interest was an emotional drama about a couple who had married young and were now, a decade down the line, experiencing problems in their marriage: the husband purposefully choosing to work away more and more while the wife contemplated an affair with a co-worker. But then they find themselves having to take on the care of the husband’s father, suffering with dementia, and move him into their house. Through caring for him, he teaches them a lot about life, love and themselves and they slowly rediscover what they loved about each other and how to make their marriage work, ten years down the line.

It was desperately bittersweet at the end. You were silently crying by the time you read the last line, tears running tracks down your cheeks as the script came to its conclusion. You’d told yourself that it was just the emotion of the story that brought on the waterworks but you knew deep inside that it had simply tipped you over the edge of an overflowing glass. All of the feelings of frustration, grief, hopelessness, and plain sadness of the last couple of weeks came pouring out of you in the hidden corner of the coffee shop.

You allowed yourself a couple of minutes to wallow before shaking your head and pulling yourself back together. Quickly flipping the document to the front page, you double checked the post it note your agent had left, just to make sure it was the female lead you were being considered for and not the best friend or the sister, when a name caught your eye under the ‘Director’ subtitle and you knew instantly that as much as you loved the story and the complexity of the wife’s character, there was no way you would ever get the role.

There it was, in clear black ink: Chris Evans.

You knew he had a movie lined up and he’d spoken about it occasionally during the Disney trip but you hadn’t put two and two together as you’d opened the first page, only giving the title a cursory glance.

You pulled your phone up to type out a message - he deserved to know how amazing this script was and what a brilliant job you knew he’d do with it - before cancelling and darkening the screen. You didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore. You had no relationship at all, all because he’d decided that he wasn’t worth the risk to your reputation and your career.

But as you sat there, post-cathartic release, and really analysed everything that had happened, everything that had been said in his last visit to you, you realised you’d been duped. You’d been conned out of choosing for yourself, and you might be reserved, you might not let your feelings show very easily or very often, you might avoid things that could hurt you, but that didn’t mean you weren’t capable of making your own decisions just because those decisions involved some risk.

You couldn’t have the role, not because you didn’t have the talent, but because if you wanted both Chris and some semblance of career, you couldn’t pick up roles on projects he was involved in. If you were going to do this, business needed to be completely separate from pleasure. But you could, you were confident, make it work if you just tried hard enough.

You blinked, feeling positive and empowered for the first time in two weeks. You couldn’t have the role, but it didn’t stop you from going to the audition.

***

‘Son, I know you’re feeling a bit lost and down but you’ve both made your decisions, right? You’re just going to have to live with it,’ Lisa told him gently.

Not even two weeks after arriving back in LA, Chris was in Boston again, moping around his mom’s house. He’d done what he needed to do regarding being ‘seen’, alone around LA and after four or five 'appearances’ to make sure he had his photo taken, he was straight on a plane back to Boston. He’d expected to feel lighter when he arrived but no such luck. He knew he was being pathetic but he just couldn’t shake the resentment he held towards… everything.

'I know, I know. I’m just… it’s not like she’s just a girl that I’ve met a couple of times, you know? I’ve had time to get attached and I… like her. And I think she likes me. But it’s a hopeless situation. What if this is it? What if she’s it for me?’

He was sat at the kitchen table, leaning his head against one hand. Lisa placed a steaming mug of peppermint tea in front of him before ruffling his hair with her fingertips. She hated seeing her son, normally so positive and energetic, so despondent.

'Oh sweetheart, I don’t know what to tell you. What did she say when you told her what Josh said?’

'Just 'oh I see,’ and then I left pretty much. Didn’t seem much point in drawing it out any more.’

'Chris, baby, did you even ask her what she wanted? I know Josh gave you the advice he thought best from his perspective but it seems like between the two of you, you’d decided the fate of that poor girl before she’d even had a chance to think about she wanted,’ the reality of his conversation with you dawned on Lisa suddenly. Her eldest son always was convinced he knew what was best for others, even if it made him feel miserable. He was self-sacrificing to a fault but needed to understand that it wasn’t always his call.

'Well… I… she didn’t counter with anything. And when I said we could still text and talk and stuff she told me not to insult her like that.’

Lisa could hardly believe her ears, 'Chris! She’s a grown woman! Of course she doesn’t want to keep up some teenager-like phone relationship. And you wouldn’t want that either so why would you even-’

'I know, it was dumb!’ Chris cut her off with his own irritation at himself and brought his other hand up to cradle his head between his palms, breathing in the steam from his tea on the table and hoping it would help soothe him, 'I just - I was desperate.’

His mom sighed, pulling out the chair next to him and sitting down, rubbing one hand comfortingly across his back.

'Listen, I know the press was bad but it was one time. You know as well as I do that the longer a relationship goes on, the more they just have to accept that you’re in it for the right reasons. It means you have to both be strong and probably take some knocks at the beginning, but if she’s worth it, and if she thinks you’re worth it, and there’s a real possibility you could make this work in the long term, shouldn’t you give it a chance?’

'She’s only just starting out though, mom. Those knocks at the beginning, her career might never recover from them.’

'Then that’s a risk for her to take, not a decision you get to make for her. I know I’m biased, but I have a hard time believing that anyone would think my baby boy isn’t worth taking a chance on,’ Lisa playfully pinched his cheek and a half smile tugged at Chris’ lips.

'Mooommmm,’ Chris whined bashfully.

'You’re never too old to have some sappy comments from your mother. Now drink your tea, get your head straight and think about what you’re going to say when you see her next,’ Lisa rose from her seat with a final pat on his back to busy herself with the chores that needed doing.

'Yes ma'am,’ he replied with a grin.

'That’s what I like to hear,’ Lisa nodded definitively, 'When are you going back to LA?’

'Well, the auditions for the movie are being held on Thursday, the scripts have been out for a week with the prospectives now, so I’ve got a flight Wednesday afternoon.’

'So I get you for another three days then,’ Lisa did the math, 'Are you going to talk to her before then?’

Chris shook his head, 'No, I think I want to talk face to face. When I go back.’

'Good choice. Just own up to how you feel and let her come to her own decision. You’ve got nothing to lose, given the current state of things.’

'I know, thanks mom,’ Chris could always count on his mother to help him straighten his thoughts out.

That gave him three days to prepare for both the auditions he was holding for the wife character in his latest film project and for seeing you again. His mom was right, if you turned around and told him to leave you alone forever, he’d be no worse off than he was now. He’d call you Thursday evening, after the auditions were over, and arrange something for the Friday or the Saturday.

And then, he’d lay it all on the line.

[castawxayaway]

haze

​thanks to the anon who requested fluff, you ask and I deliver. 

enjoy! 

oh and I posted yesterday that after sunday I won’t be writing til July due to exams coming up very soon and lots of deadlines. so if you have a request please ask now rather than wait etc :) 

Life often throws challenges at you, some come in the form of accidents, money, relationships etc. But for me, mine came in the form of my flatmate skipping out on me leaving just about enough rent for the next two months and a letter or to be more accurate a note- 'off with Jamie to New Zealand, hope this'll do, nice knowing ya x'

That was it. After just under two years of being room mates, sure we weren't that close but I thought we had a substantial room mate vibe going on. Jamie's not a bad guy, she could do a lot worse. On the plus side I won't have to listen to them going at it like wired rabbits at 1-3 nearly every morning.

Unsure what to do I collapse down on the sofa and ring the one person who knows what to do in any form of situation: my trusted mum. After half an hour of comments on how she never liked my ex roommate and how I could do better than her (which felt as if I had told her I’d gone through a breakup) I was well advised to put an advert up. The following afternoon having only been awake half an hour, since I had the luxury of not being disturbed all night I embraced the quiet, rather than moans I sat down in front of my laptop and began to write my advert.

Roughly four hours later I received multiple responses, most of which were men asking to film ‘entertainment’ videos online- to which I gladly declined. I continued to search through the responses for a while until I finally found one who actually filled the form out in full, giving serious answers. Smiling at the sight of the description I immediately typed out a reply, asking to meet them tomorrow. Once I had sent it I relaxed into the sofa, only to glance around and see how much of a pigsty the place had become.

The next day the flat was spotless, I had sprayed far too much febreze to maintain consciousness but it didn’t matter, first impressions were what mattered the most. A light knock motioned that he was here, the time to put the face to the description and name. Opening the door I had a prepared smile, but as I saw him it faltered. How can a man have all of these qualities, and handsome? Somehow he managed it, effortlessly.

Tortoise rimmed glasses perched on the end of his nose, distorting those bright blue eyes, the colour I’d think back to as summer growing up with a touch of the unknown. He lowered his head as he pulled out a scrap of paper, muttering my name in a question. We both remained quiet as I welcomed him in, his eyes observing the open space through the doorway separating two ways to the bedrooms and bathroom. 

We sat down, opposite each other separated by my glass table, neatly organised piles of books and marble coasters. The continuous silence between us was unnerving and being the one in charge I spoke up, asking a series of questions to which he answered honestly and with a good sense of humour. It was going well, until I could hear my Mum’s most requested question blurt out of my mouth, “So are you in a relationship?” The confused blind look he wore in his eyes at my question, he didn’t respond, instead just remained flustered. “I like knowing in advance so I can purchase noise cancelling headphones.” 

His response was what sold it, the reason he now lives in the room opposite mine approximately 56 steps away. He leant forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, “If I ever do, I’ll buy you them myself.” 

* 

“Dan?!” Yelling from my room I sit upside down, a pair of heavy feet approach me and I hear an exasperated sigh. 

In front of me he knelt down, raising an eyebrow. “Why am I not even surprised.” He joked and joined me, the two of us sitting upside down in silence. “Everything alright?” Turning my head to look at him I chuckled at the sight of his hair hanging down, just brushing the floor like a mop. 

“I’m not sure what to do about tonight.” Groaning I sit back up, letting the blood rush away from my head. Within a second Dan sits opposite me, clearly comfortable amongst my assortment of cushions. 

Closing his eyes he stayed quiet as the dizziness passed him by. “Well for starters you’re coming out with me and the guys.” He nudged me with a goofy grin, his eyes reflecting joy. 

“But I’m so tired, I didn’t get in until 4 last night.” I exclaim and collapse down into my soft pillows. 

Lying there staring at the artex I feel a change in weight, Dan lies next to me and pokes my nose. “It’ll be a few hours, some drinks.” He tries to convince me. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen.” 

If I knew what would go down, I’m not entirely sure if I’d thank him for convincing me or punch him or making me join him. Probably both.

“Fine I’ll go.” He punches the air in success and rolls off of the bed, nearing the door. “But just a few drinks, okay?” I yell as he hovers in the doorway, waving me off and leaving me to get ready. 

Walking down to the bar the faint sound of music brought back fond memories. The first time all of our friends met, all of us bonding and getting drunk together. I remember vaguely stroking Kyles beard and wanting to plait it, unfortunately that never happened. “Like old times, isn’t it?” I speak up as I wrap my arms around his, resting my head on his shoulder as we walk. 

“Yeah, it is isn’t it?” He glances down to me and smiles, the same smile he wore when I first met him. The same smile he gives me whenever I wake up and wander into the main space, stagger towards the kitchen.

As the two of us walk inside immediately we hear cheers, turning to our left Kyle stands on a table in a half empty bar clearly pissed before we had a chance to join. “If it isn’t the love birds.” He slurs his words as Woody tries to force him down with little luck. 

Will walks over to us, offering to buy a round which we gladly accept, I mean it’s just one drink right? Wrong, it was several. 

Unable to stand without support me and Kyle continued to laugh at the most stupid things, Dan was in a different booth as he was in a marginally better state than I was. “So you know, like you two.” He raised his eyebrows to me to which I just stared at. 

Taking a swig of my drink I shook it off, “You know we’re just friends, always have been.” I flap my hands about in front of his face. “He is not my lobster.” Doing the same action as best as I can that Phoebe did he just chuckles, lowering my hands on my behalf. 

“But you two are like a couple without admitting or having sex. You’re the emotional stuff without the active stuff.” I shook my head as he tried to convince me otherwise. Looking over to Dan he was facing me, that smile on his face amongst the two day stubble which I secretly prefered. 

As he turned away and his attention went back to a friend the smile disappeared, “Ah.” Kyle muttered in my ear. “Now you see the smile?” Chuckling I began to gather my senses, “And the penny drops?” 

“Has he always done that?” I exclaim louder than intended and he nods in response. “Right then.” Flipping my hair out of my face I go to stand up and walk over, but as I go to stand a sudden realisation hits me as I’m land on my ass. I haven’t stood up in an hour and drank too much. 

As I sat staring up Kyle remained in full laughter whilst I saw a pair of beaten up converse in front of me. “Come on you.” He muttered helping me up. 

Resting my hands on his shoulders his relaxed at my waist. As I stared at him I could see how blue his eyes were under the off lights, how they quickly moved analysing mine. “Are we going home now?” I yawn loudly. 

“I think that’s wise.” He laughs lightly and helps me out. Waving back to Kyle he just points at us, then does the lobster making me smile. 

Walking home the bitter air bites at my exposed skin, shivering I can feel the effects of the booze wear off slightly. The two of us walk in silence as Dan keeps his arm around my waist, hugging me close even though it isn’t necessary. 

Reaching our front door he fiddles with the keys and the door creaks, swinging open. As I stumble in after him I silently dance around, kicking my shoes off and releasing the few clips holding my hair up. Dan watches with a smile on his face as I dance along to the echos of my giggles, holding a hand out I nod whilst he shakes his head. “I’m not taking no for an answer tonight, Smith.” Reaching out I grab his hand but he pulls me close to him. 

The mood instantly changes. I can hear a soft piano playing as I bore into his eyes, the rippling innocence amongst the care. “I’d be lost without you.” He mutters as I blink, then rest my head in the crook of his neck. The faint smell of the aftershave I got him as a Christmas present as his stubble scratches my jawline. 

“I’d be homeless. Or worse, living with my parents again.” I joke resulting in a light laugh to sound, his shoulders rising and falling gently. 

Lifting my head up my eyes lock with his, the two of us pause. The piano begins to fade, the faint melody rising. Glancing between his eyes and lips neither of us stop, my lips meet his as if it were meant to be. 

*

Groaning I struggle to open my eyes or move, as I try to lift my arm I can feel something stopping it, preventing me from moving. That’s it, game over I thought to myself as I try and recall the events of last night. Everything is too hazy, I remember falling on my arse and sitting with Kyle; besides that, nothing. 

Taking my time I allow my eyes to adjust to the early morning light and gentle breeze scoping through the window. Looking down I can feel my eyes going wide, an arm. An arm which I see everyday, bare. My heart begins to beat faster as I try and remain calm, failing to do so. Turning as gently as I can spooning me is Dan. 

Unsure how to comprehend I lift the covers up, we are clothed thank god. Sighing in relief I can feel how tight he is hugging me, even when he is fast asleep. I take the time to focus on his sleepy face, how everything relaxes including his smile. A slight frown developing. His forehead remains hidden due to his hair hanging down in strands, unable to stop myself I lift them up, brushing them back.  

His eyes flutter open and I freeze. In seconds I fathom every outcome possible, ranging from him storming out to regretting whatever happened. He wraps his arms around me, a sleepy grin evident. “Mornin’” He mutters as a yawn escapes his lips. 

“Dan, what happened last night.” I quietly ask as I relax in his arms, inches away from his face. 

Eyes scanning mine his face drops, “You don’t remember do you?” His arms retract, leaving me feeling cold. 

“Did I make a fool of myself or something?” Concern laces my words yet he shakes his head. “We, did we do anything.” Stumbling over my thoughts and processing them his eyes flash at mine before returning to focus on the grey fabric. 

“We kissed. Then I helped you get into bed. About half an hour later you kept calling me, demanding I keep you company til you fall asleep.” He stated with little emotion and continued to avoid my gaze. 

Blinking I could hear myself, feel myself stumble in here. I vaguely recall dancing to nothing, his gentle lips on mine and then it becoming more heated, the passion rising. “We kissed.” I stated, a smile forming.

“Do, do you, regret it?” He murmurs, fiddling with the sheets to distract himself. 

Moving closer into his arms I lift his chin up, “Not a single bit.” Kissing him lightly warmth radiates through me. Pulling away he half smiles, too tired to put too much effort into it. “Well maybe getting drunk, I feel like crap.” I mutter and curl back up into his arms, wondering if I’ll ever wake up from this dream. 

[unhingedicedlatte]

Just watched this movie a second time and yes. I am still 100%, utterly of the opinion that this is a masterpiece of rare intelligence, invention, creativity and wit. The actors are amazing and Blanchett's performance is a joy to watch, she's so so phenomenal.

I've read some pretty awesome analyses and explanations of the movie by now and will say more on that matter soon, but I find it so puzzling that some people immediately dismiss this gem as tedious and problematic and hard to get into ? I also understand why some people prefer not to watch a movie about a character as potentially unlikeable, power-hungry and selfish as Lydia Tár, but at the same time, I just - well, I personally do not think that movies that have this clear "good guys/bad guys"-seperation are typically the most stimulating and mesmerizing ones. I found the character of Lydia Tár complex and difficult and yeah, she's definitely abusing her power and status and she probably even had a large share in literally destroying young conductor Krista Taylor (first, her career, then, the woman herself...), but I also like the fact that this movie shows that people like Tár, as disgusting and horrifying as they are, are not merely monsters, but have, for example, a soft spot for someone (in Tár's case this is her daughter Petra), strong likes and dislikes, that they even sometimes do good deeds . Life would be so easy if it were all black and white, but it's not and most people have better and worse traits. Most people have done really, really bad, fucked-up shit, but have also done some really admirable and kind stuff, so... that's what basically makes us human and I think it makes exploring characters like Lydia so interesting to me - and no, I do not condone her actions and her reasoning, but some people seem to mistake greatly enjoying and being greatly fascinated/moved by a movie with automatically agreeing to the things its protagonist does and says?!

I could watch this movie many more times. I will probably even watch it again at some point in the nearer future! Yes, it's not an "easy to get into" movie. It does not answer every of the viewer's question. It also does not state that it has a definite, clear stance on anything; it merely raises questions and it's also extremely questionable (to me) whether it really is that much of a movie about Me Too, Cancel Culture, Power Dynamics ect. Yeah, these issues appear throughout the movie and are a part of it, but I just don't think that is what it's essentially about.

And I love these kind of movies, the kind that need time to be properly processed, the kind dthat spark conversation and make me want to go down a rabbit hole of information and research and exchange; the kind that are challenging and unruly and maybe not what they seem or so much more than that...

Phenomenal stuff. Beautifully made. Original, intelligent. Then when things went mad they went really mad. Blanchett extraordinary, as we know. Great support, great music, great build up, great ending. All films should be made with this level of intelligence, bravery, confidence. Amazing.