#or like boxing i guess or whatever other sports but i dont give a shit

[ozymoron]

no more buff men!!!!!!!!!!!! no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant takr it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kayyeffsee-blog]

Bangtan fics that I’ve read and liked (will get updated)

uhh, so the thing is that a lot of jikook fics will be in here, as it is my otp. But I have  also put in many others. Thank you!!! (this goes in descending order, so newer ones will come on top, and i still have a lot of older fics, they’ll come at the bottom) (all fic titles in italics are my ult favs and all ships in bold have their plot and are not just implied)

On Patrol  and  On Patrol - Season 2 : jikook, yoonseok, namjin, police au, LOVE this series, check it out!

summary: Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher. Well, cops need some loving too, right?

A Gilded World : i cannot believe this fic aint down there, yoonjin, must read, chaebol au (i love them), ULT FAV, kdrama au, with vmin who has a tiny storyline too, and side namseok, rated E, 169k words, bros jinkook, READ IT, the fic that got me interested in yoonjin.

summary: Jeon Seokjin has exactly four weeks to stop the impending engagement of his younger brother, doomed to a loveless marriage. The only way to stop it is to make a better match, more advantageous, more lucrative for the Jeon family. It's impossible. It's his only option.Min Yoongi does not want, will never want, will never ever even consider, marriage. It's not in the cards. He's stubborn enough to achieve the total ban on marriage talks. Except maybe his grandmother is a little more stubborn than he is, and maybe she's determined to see him march down the aisle.The chaebol arranged marriage au that exactly one and a half people asked for.

baby, love me hard and hold me tight : jikook, ceo kook, tsundere-yet-not-so-tsundere min, lots of smut, dancer jimin. summary’s too long.

all the light we cannot see : yoonkook, spaceship au, tsundere yoongi, wow i read a lot of those, rated E, 109k words.

summary (part of it):  (when jeongguk finally gets his chance to sail the cosmos, it’s onboard the ship of an aggravating man named min yoongi. he thinks it’ll be extraordinarily dull—but the universe, and the legend of treasure planet, have other plans.)

note: another not so common yet not completely rare pair, i honestly love this fic so much.

nobody's like you  : jikook, college au, pissed jimin,dense kook, a cute fic, rated T, 20k words. 

summary: if you have a crush but you don't know you have a crush, is it really a crush? and other great philosophical debates with jeon jeongguk.

or, jeongguk kinda fucks up and jimin can only take so much.

흰 여름 ('White Summer') : yoonmin, non-au, lil angst, rated T, 24k words. 

summary: “Diversity,” Namjoon had said when he had explained the concept to them. “Learning to love yourself, no matter what.” “We already did that,” Yoongi had pointed out. “Literally the same title.” But Namjoon, when he looked at him, had seemed strangely bright and somber at the same time. “Not like this,” he had said.Or, Jimin and Yoongi have to kiss for an MV. And deal with the fallout.

7 Minutes in Heaven : yoonmin, highschool au, fluff, mutual pining, rated T, 8.4k words, too long a summary.

♛ Chrysoprase ♛ : vmin, abo but with a twist, aristocracy au, ongoing, a piece written beautifully, rated E, 39k words, rich tae and poor min.

summary (partial):  Taehyung is a rich boy who gets captivated by a trapeze act from an unknown Omega at a theater show sending him on a ride of emotions--and ruts. 

   Mono No Aware : jikook, rated E, 104k words, divorce au, model agency au, summary’s too long.

Cotton Candy  : highschool au, yoonmin, highscool band au, another GREAT fic, set in the 90s, 240k words, rated E.

summary (partial):  As spring turns into summer, school band Cotton Candy unexpectedly loses its singer and the members are forced to look for a new vocalist. Six boys find one in the form of the promiscuous pink haired boy Park Jimin who makes a home in their hearts and finally finds a place he belongs.

Beta Tau Sigma : come FIGHT me, but this IS a classic, frat au, i scrolled through this long ass post twice, i cant believe its not down there, namjin, you need an ao3 acc to read this, anyways i suggest you to make one, crack, 123k words, rated M, shenanigans, side yoonmin with a tiny storyline, FAV. 

Before This Christmas : taegi, non au, amnesia, a great fic, rated T, 8k words, summary’s too long.

black versus blue : taekook, soulmate au, a LOT of angst, i LOVE this fic, hurt/comfort, dr tae, side yoonmin and namjin, rated E, 41k words.

summary: Taehyung had always dreaded meeting his soulmate, unlike the rest of the world’s population. He always hid the words scrawled in black cursive on the inside of his right wrist and felt terror at the thought of them turning blue, of his soulmate speaking them.

And as he sprinted down the packed Seoul sidewalk, hot tears streaming down his cheeks and sobs choking his throat, he knew he'd been right.

Or was he?

sick boy : vmin, LOTS of homophobia, fluff and angst, dystopian korea, its a really good fic, rated M, 8k words, side namkook and yoonseok.

summary: Jimin has always lived in a society where pride was held higher than anything else. His kind nature is unwelcome, and he spends most of his life alone.

Taehyung is the boy who dyes his hair every week, is too eccentric for his own good and is, most importantly, not like the rest of the town that they live in.

Look out the window, do you see love? : jikook, I LOVE THIS, kidnapping au, ceo kook, college student min, tsundere kook, heavy smut and drama, rated E, 100k words, summary too long.

a blessed touch, skin deep : yoonjin, slightly platonic, oneshot, fluff, massage au, but not the smutty kind, rated G, 3k words.

summary: Hoseok recommends his favorite masseur to Yoongi.

Yoonjin Massage AU, with side Hoseok/Jimin and Taehyung/Jungkook

the heart of a siren : jikook, pirates au, angst, enemies to lovers,rated E, 92k words.

summary:  Beware of what you take from the sea. She is not a treasure to be plundered, but a dark, vast void that will swallow you up and think nothing of it.

The Collabofornication : yoonmin, idol au, rapper au, lots of smut, 32k words, enemies to lovers, rated E, 32k words, summary’s too long, really good.

teeter totter : jihope, such a cute fic, 5+1, i love this one, neighbours au, 5k words, rated T.

summary:  five times jimin accidentally stumbles into his neighbour and the one time it’s very much on purpose.

Take Care : a short jikook, accident au, angst and fluff, rated G, 2k words, college au.

summary:  Roommates Jungkook and Jimin are in the midst of a friendship rift until an accident brings them together again.

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo : yoonmin, rated T, royal au, 34k words, cute, i really like this twist on classics kinda thing.

summary: Everyone (including Taehyung, Jimin's best friend) could only talk about the ball the royal family was going to give in honor of the princes. Every single one was thinking and worrying about which clothes they should wear and how to impress the two, very single, princes. Jimin? He could only think about the new regular, who had a sweet tooth and the cutest smile he had ever seen.

The Universe Has Moved For Us, Without Missing A Single Thing : minjoon, such a feel good fic, tsundere min, canon, with a bit of yoonjin, so good, rated M, 14k words.

summary: Jimin is tasked to create his next comeback with his least favourite producer at BIGHIT, RM.

He is petty and bitter from day one.

Or, is he just really bad at feelings?

yesteryear's charms : jikook, hp au, a lot of fun, enemies to lovers (if you dont know, im a sucker for this particular trope), rated M, 18k words.

summary: After losing a bet, Jimin has to perform the Jingle Bell Rock routine from the iconic Muggle film, Mean Girls, at Hogwarts' annual talent show, dressed in red pleather and black knee-high boots. He receives a bigger reaction from certain people (read: ult rival Jeon Jeongguk) than expected.

a dose of salt : jikook, I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS FIC, with a lot of taejin, doctors au, enemies to lovers, pls check it, its great, rated E, 145k words, ongoing, almost finished.

summary: Park Jimin is a renown cardiothoracic surgeon—a genius, a medical prodigy, the best surgeon at the hospital. He’s kind, friendly, handsome, and patient. He’s also the son of the hospital’s Chairman. But nobody needs to know that since he’s worked for and earned everything he’s accomplished on his own without the help of nepotism.Everyone loves him. 

Everyone but Jeon Jungkook, the hot new military trauma surgeon straight out of the army. The decorated veteran is brilliant and quick witted, but has a hot temper and absolutely zero tolerance for bullshit.

When Park Jimin makes a bad first impression on him, things get extremely salty between the two very different personalities.

playing with fire : vmin, ONE OF MY ULT FAVS, rated T, 30k words, college au, drama actor v, dancer min, enemies to lovers, SO GOOD, laser tag.

summary:  Despite never seeing eye to eye on things, Taehyung and Jimin find that they have more in common than expected through a game of laser tag, a play and a dance competition.

At 4 O'clock, I'll Stay : vmin, footballer (soccer) v, bar owner min, enemies to lovers, a good fic, grumpy min, rated E, 35.8k words.

summary (part of it):  the one where Taehyung goes to Jimin's bar to talk bad about his latest soccer matches and Jimin waters down his drinks by "accident."

Happy Ending : namseok, implied OT7, massage au, rated M, smut, 2.3k words.

Rose Quartz and Pink Opal : such a good fic, i love this, if its down there im sorry just tell me in the comments, jikook, rated T, 21.4k words.

summary:  “Everyone is born with either 1 or 2 small powers. If 1, then your soulmate has the other. They will swap the first time you see each other, and you will obtain both when you fall in love. If born with 2, you have no soulmate.”

tell me how to make this better : hurt/comfort, angst, vmin, non au, such a good fic, go check it, summary’s too long, rated T, 44.6k words.

loverboy : vminkook, a masterpiece, manipulation, assasin au, powers au, rated M, 9.7k words.

summary:  this much jimin’s figured out: sometimes, somehow, his words make people fall in love with him.

Never Judge a Book by its Cover : jikook, rated M, library au, 25k words

summary: Thanks to Jungkook's idiot best friend, he drowned the books he borrowed from the library. Now, he has to work there to work off his debt. He doesn't really like the job but that one boy that always has his nose burried in his books makes his days much better.Or in which Jungkook meets bookworm Jimin and falls harder than he thought he would.

note: squeelll, I love this fic!

we've got chemistree : jikook, rated T, 19k words, fake dating au. (can’t put summary bc its too long)

note: I love love love it. do check it out.

The Pink Envelope : yoonmin, no ratings, 12k words, highschool au.

summary: to a prompt I received on tumblr "Oh shit, sorry I got the wrong locker" When Jimin is sending love letters to his crush via locker but fails because it is Yoongi's locker.au where 6 of them are highschool students (Jin has already graduated)... and Jungkook is also in highschool with the rest of them (please don't ask me why I just want him to be there hahahaha)

note: cute and fluffy.

Him : jikook, rated M, 35k words, college au, dancer!jimin au.

summary: 'And like the dawn, you woke the world inside of me You were the brightest shade of sun when I saw you' or “I mean a muse,” explained Yoongi, eyes traveling to Hoseok. “Someone that makes you feelthe shots. Not only take them.”Jeongguk snorted. “You’re just whipped.”“Maybe,” agreed Yoongi, winking. “But it works.”

note: touched my feels, lovely.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin : jikook, rated E, 34k words, non au, a/b/o au.

summary:  The world didn't think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin's handbook on dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

note: amazing! Omega jimin dont wanna be an omega, and tries really hard to be an alpha. easily one of my faves.

Blackjack : yoonseok, vmin, namjin, chat fic, game fic, slightly creepy but light hearted, happy ending, not your ordinary chat fic, LOVE this, puzzles, mystery, rated T, 78k words, summary too long.

Fake Sugar : jinkook, rated E, non-tropey sugar daddy au, competitive eater jin, rich jungkook, fake sugar daddy, 87k words.

summary: im sorry, its too long. but ill put part of it.

(Hedge Fund wunderkind and Certified Awkward Gay Jungkook needs a sugar baby to show off at work, and Professional Competitive Eater and Objectively Beautiful Human Jin just wants to stop working shitty side-jobs. Fake Sugar Daddy AU. A trope and a half.)

note: a rare pair fic. (that rhymes, lol) i love the author, i have read all of his fics, i think. 

Worldwide Lonesome : yoonjin, rated E, 39k words, non au.

summary:  After the BBMA, Yoongi starts bringing guys back to the house.

note: i honestly love this ship and fic, it talks a lot about how closeted jin is and this fic has a great characterization for jin.

 Pause, Rewind, Play: jikook, non au, rated G, 3k words.

summary:  Jimin doesn’t know why it starts. Maybe it’s the eightieth post he’s seen today about him being rejected by Jungkook. But whatever the reason, Jimin starts to not care anymore.

note: loovve it, short and really good.

The Boy in the Music Box : yoonmin, mystical au i guess?, college au, rated T, 52k words.

summary: Yoongi doesn’t really expect anything special when he finds an old music box in his grandmother’s attic and she tells him to keep it. Oh sure, he expects the music box to be a pretty decoration to add to the stale interior of his small apartment. He expects it to play a tune and he might even dare to expect the barely-functioning little ballerina to dance along to the soft chimes, but that's it, really.The last thing he expects is for the little ballerina to take human form at night and throw his life out of balance with radiant smiles, soft giggles, and a heart-wrenching story.

note: another author i absolutely love, this fic is amazing. its one of the only fluffy ones that has made me weep! do check it out

pick me up, buttercup : taekook, soulmate au, crack au, 9k words, rated G.

summary: AU where your soulmate's first words to you will be tattooed on your wrist when you meet. Which freakin sucks, because Jungkook's forearm will now forever read "Hey baby, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first."What the fuck, universe.

note: a very light fic, i love it so much. its really really good.

Cherry Tree : yoonmin, hanahaki au, angsty, rated T, 10k words.

summary: Yoongi always thought that Jimin looked like a cherry blossom, like Spring had manifested itself in the form of a human.Now he knows for sure.

note: really good, not a tragic ending i swear.

good game, well played : vmin, library au, college au, rated G, 23k words.

summary:  AN EXCERPT FROM PARK JIMIN'S PLANNER (ft. Jeon Jeongguk) -grammar reading :( -get pasta -buy the nice guy from the library ❤MY BIG GAY CRUSH❤ coffee

note: super good, college aus are one of my favs.

fairy brat : yoonmin, 3k words, rated T, supernatural au.

sumary: “I don’t know if you know but,” Namjoon says, “Hoseok’s roommate is a little… difficult. Yoongi hyung is a good guy, though, I promise.”“Anyone who lives with Hoseok hyung can’t be that bad,” Jimin says.Jimin could not be more wrong.

note: tsundere yoongi, really good!

The Perfect Japchae : yoonjin, 19k words, rated T, neighbours/college au.

summary:  In the eight months he’d lived here, neither of them had done more than nod in greeting when they passed in the hallway. Most of the time he just ignored Kim Seokjin and went about his own business while inwardly seething. A little voice deep down questioned why, exactly, he was so pissed all the time whenever he thought about his neighbour… but Min Yoongi really didn’t have an answer.

note: i love this pairing, such a good fic!!!

aye, love (you led me to a miracle) : yoonjin, rated T, 6k words, Cafe AU, tsundere yoongi.

summary: It’s six in the morning and all Yoongi wants is some fucking coffee.(Not to be, not to be assaulted with a possibly illegal stare and a smile that could probably bring dead flowers back to life, god dammit)

note: such an amount of fluff, i love it.

I need you boy (you're beautiful) : jikook, chat fic, rated T, 18k words.

summary: (part of it)

t h e d e s t r o y e r: jimin who is ur future husband

ChimChimz: ok so like

ChimChimz: here’s the thingy

00ngi: omfg you don't even know who he is

ChimChimz: uM

note: love it, really good.

to be with you : jikook, rated T, non au, 4k words.

summary: 5 times jungkook tries (and fails) to confess to jimin and the 1 time he succeeds.

note: really cute fic, but i think ill not put notes on all fics now, im getting fed up

A Wish Your Heart Makes : kook/everyone, polyyy, smut, another venturing into newer waters fic, rated E, 16.6k words.

summary: "This can't be the right translation," Taehyung says, before Jungkook can do something crazy like just ask to suck Jimin's dick. Taehyung has his phone out, and is frowning as he taps the screen. "But I looked it up on Naver, and there might be something called sex pollen? Sex pollen? Like, plants?"

gladly beyond : jikook, 21k words, rated M, enemies to lovers fic, sports fic.

summary: too long, but jimin sees the tattoo of his “enemy” at a strip club.

note: another trope i love :)

Riptide : jikook, i actually visited this 10 times?!?, rated M, non au, 62k words, rated M.

summary (part of it):  A three year story [2013-2016] of coming together, breaking apart, and putting each other back together again. Jeon Jungkook learns about change, growing up, and the hardships of falling in love with a friend.

note: really love it

Hey, Baby, I've Got My Ion You : jikook, chem au, bad puns, rated T, 4k words.

summary: 

everyone: fvck the maknae jimin: i'm trying - (aka: chem au where jeongguk jumps two grades and becomes jimin’s lab partner and maybe a little more than that.)

note: copper tellurium (loll)

honest you do : jikook, idol au, reality show au, 26k words, rated T.

summary: “Do you think you’ll be a good husband?” Jimin smiles. “I’ll really, really try.” 

Korea's darling, Park Jimin, gets married.

note: a great fic, honestly.

In the Line of Fire : jikook, are you even here?, if so ty, frat au, 11k words, rated E.

summary:  For some reason, Jimin was everyone's favorite target.

A truth universally aknowledged : yoonmin, college au, rated T, 6k words.

summary: "It is a truth universally aknowledged that Park Jimin has the most wanted ass out of the whole college."AKA 5 times that Jimin gets asked out and Min Yoongi butts in + 1 time where the tables are turned.

Unrequited : yoonjin, taejin, hanahaki au, rated T, 3k words, not a happy ending.

summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned. 

Seokjin starts coughing up crimson-red rose petals.

pulling shapes just for your eyes : taekook, reality show au, rated E, really good (i cant be bothered to make a note lol), 110k words, a lot of sex.

summary: The number one rule when you're a producer on a show like Miss Right, Taehyung thinks, should be do not fall for the bachelor. It's such a shame Taehyung has never been good at following rules.

ringa linga : fluff, yoonmin, one-shot, best man au, rated G, 3k words, crack.

summary: Best man Yoongi needs to pick up the rings for his best friends' wedding. The problem? The clerk won't hand them over.

Enter lifesaver and fake-fiancé, Jimin.

note: light-hearted, really fun.

Heart of War : namjin, 173k words, royalty au, really frickin good, ongoing, rated M.

summary: For the protection of his people, Prince Seokjin has to marry his fiancé’s killer: the alpha king of the most ruthless and feared kingdom in all the lands with a reputation of being a cold blooded monster on the battlefield.

Worst of all, the omega prince doesn't even speak their language.

my heart flutters from the sugar high : taegi, I LOVE THIS FIC IT’S SO GOOOD, <cough> 5.9k words, rated M, canon compliant, crack, every so slighty tropey, just a teeennyy bit, fake dating au.

summary:  Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They've drawn different conclusions.

Seeking Alpha : jikook, I love this author, 17k words, rated M, a/b/o fic, but not the wolfy (lol) kind, i guess you could say ‘in a modern setting’, cracky.

summary:  It was meant to be a “fuck you” to the dating world as Jimin knew it. He was done with dating, fed up with alphas, so he put a message out to the world to say so. How could he have guessed the sweetest alpha ever would respond to it just to prove him wrong?

The Jeon Pack : jikook, a/b/o dynamics, THE BEST abo fic you’ll ever read, 70k words, rated E, the wolfy kind (heh)

summary: Jungkook's pack had survived centuries in the cold unforgiving forest. They followed strict traditions and laws to ensure their survival against nature and rival packs. Soon the responsibility of leading the pack would fall on his shoulders but before assuming the position of head alpha, he needed to choose an omega mate.

The problem was that Jungkook was in love with an omega that hated his guts.

浮世 U K I Y O : yoonmin, i’m pretty sure you’ve read house of cards and songbird and the sea??, this one goes in the same category, a breed of those two classics, Mafia au, rated E, almost complete, 366.9k words, oh and btw if you haven’t the above two ill link them right below.

summary: “Is that what they say about me? I'm stuff of nightmares?” “You own a city and you painted it with your colors,” Jimin says, his voice is quiet and his scent subdued. “Why wouldn't people have nightmares about you? You are scary.” “Are you scared of me?”Yoongi owns a city that he painted red until a man that doesn't seem to truly exist steals something from him. And all the strings lead to Jimin, a succubus who works in one of his brothels.

House of Cards : the LEGENDARY fic, vminkook, gets you right in the feels, dont waste your time here go read it, 394k words, rated E, mafia au.

summary: Jungkook is the heir to a mob empire, the most notorious in the whole of Seoul. Taehyung is a rookie sent in to infiltrate by his select team and bring the empire crumbling down."You knew the game and played it, it kills to know that you have been defeated."

The Songbird and the Sea : AGGHHHH, THIS IS THE BEST FIC EVERRR, made me love pirates, yoonmin, just read it, 255k words, pirate au, rated M.

summary: (wayy too long, go read it!!!)

time slip : jikook, rated T, alternate canon, 29k words, time-related fic

summary:  Jimin wakes up in the year 2017, which is very strange, considering the fact that last he checked it was 2013.

note: a great canon fic

A Glass of Water : jikook, but namjoon pov, a fresh fic (others aint rotten mind you), 8k words, rated T, college au.

summary: Namjoon is maybe a little over protective of Jimin and takes it upon himself to find out the identity of his new boyfriend. The others are absolutely no help.

Or, Jungkook and Jimin are dating and everyone knows except Namjoon.

You Broke My Heart (but I broke it myself) : jikook (haven’t you gotten fed up yet XD), anggstty, 19k words, rated M, alternate au.

summary:  Jimin's fiancé has abandoned him on his wedding day, and Jeon Jungkook, Jimin's first love and worst heartbreak, is back.

You Don't Bring Me Flour : short jikook, fluff and crack, college au, rated G.

summary:  In order to graduate, Park Jimin must convince cute grocery cashier Jeon Jungkook that this sack of flour is his beloved child.

Shooting Stars and Silver Moons : vmin, rated E, 20k words, fake-dating jikook, college au, bff fic.

summary: Yoongi and Jimin make a bet, Taehyung makes bad decisions.

(Or: "I'm kind of pissed you didn't choose me to fake date, I'm your best friend")

blindside : namhope, namseok, blind date au, rated T, i love this fic so much, 12k words.

summary:  Hoseok finally somewhat has a date. A blind date, but a date nonetheless.

The Shaman and the Exorcist : namjin, spiritual au, ghost au, but not the scary kind, college au, cracky, rated M, 145k words, apparently i visited this fic 21 TIMES (gasspp), i LOOVEE this too

summary: (too long)

in your eyes (it's where i wanna be) : yoonmin, tooth rotting fluff, rated T, 5k words, college au.

summary: Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T.

(Or: Jimin accidentally starts a nickname war with the cute blonde who likes his coffee way too bitter.)

i'll stick to you like glue-cose : jikook, rated T, 7k words, enemies-to-lovers kinda, really good.

summary:  Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy - unfortunately also a past hook up - that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won't let him.

you're only brave in the moonlight : smuutt, bff au, vmin, college au, rated E, 14k words.

summary: There are reasons, very specific reasons that justify why—in three years of being hopelessly pathetically in love with his best friend—Jimin has not said a single word. Certainly hasn’t made a single move or attempt at a pass.But when it comes down to it, three years is a long time. A very long time.So when Jimin’s dam breaks, it breaks hard.(Or, Jimin asks Taehyung for help with taking photographs.)

(it's a paradise) it's a war zone : jikook, vacation au, really cute, enemies to lovers, rated T, 7k words.

summary:  murphy's law states that "anything that can go wrong will go wrong." jimin could maybe make peace with that if it didn't mean sharing a room and a bed with jeon jeongguk, the thorn in his side, for the entirety of his vacation.

once upon a timeshare : jikook, ex fic, rom com style, cute AF, 32k words, rated E.

summary:  Jungkook is in desperate need of a vacation, but spending two weeks in Namjoon and Hoseok’s timeshare in Okinawa with his recently separated ex of three years was probably (definitely) not what he had in mind.

Tie Me Down : taegi, lovvveee this fic, really fun, has drama elements to it, rated M, college au, 24k words.

summary: “I’ve just woken up with a fucking splitting headache, to find myself fucking taped to an office chair in a fucking living room that smells like unwashed socks and takeaway food. How am I? How do you think I fucking am?” “Wow. That’s a lot of f-bombs you’re dropping. Did anyone tell you that you need a healthy dose of positivity?” 

In which Yoongi’s life is a parody of Taken and Taehyung is just trying his goddamn hardest not to get arrested.

a sugar coated pill and a pick me up : soccer dad fic!!! namjin, kids taekook, rated T, really good, rated T, 25k words.

summary (only a part):  namjin are soccer dads who fall in luv

shōnen-ai love you : one of the most fun and cute (read: fluff) fics, vmin, rated T, manga fic, high school fic, 4k words.

summary: "What if I woo him with what he likes?" Jungkook frowns. "Knowing you, it's going to be a disaster." "I'm in pursuit of Park Jimin," Taehyung tells them dramatically, just as the bell rings and the teacher starts writing the first question on the board. "I'll do anything."

Doing anything means, apparently, studying BL manga.

My Cup of Tea : cute and short, minjoon, 6k words, high school fic, milk tea (lol) fic.

summary: One of Taehyung's many admirers tries to woo him by bringing him milk tea every day but Taehyung is lactose intolerant so it's always Jimin who drinks it.

From a distance away, the admirer watches.

Pastel : POLLYY, not really my cup of tea but i wanted to explore you know, jungkook/everyone, i liked it kinda, bdsm, baby kook, daddy kink, rated E, 188k words, bottom jk.

summary: Jeongguk learns the age-old lesson that you can't run from who you are, or who you like, for that matter.

There are a LOT of fics left, I’ll slow update.

[rxcusant]

Lol explain Kingdom hearts to me. Like all of it. Cause I'm confused as fk. Not KH3 tho cause I'm still going through it.

buckle up lads

so theres a buncha keyblade masters called foretellers and theyre all runnin round like headless chickens cause their master disappeared and nobodys telling each other anything so they all start fightin (except this one guy luxu voiced by max mittleman, he grabbed a box and high tailed it outta there) and then it sparks a keyblade war for all the light in kingdom hearts i think ??? and then i legit forget what happens from here because i hate ux with every fiber of my being but it made this cool place called a keyblade graveyard, its pretty dope.

fast forward 1000 years and we got the cool wayfinder trio all living in land of departure about to take their mark of mastery except terra doesnt pass because Mark Hamil Said Darkness Sucks. also we meet this old guy Xehanort he kinda sucks a lot. theres these enemies called unversed rolling around and mark hamil tells aqua and terra to go stop them but ventus said HEY IM COMING TO and ran after terra so aquas left to be the mom to bring them both home idk and its revealed ventus is made of pure light and xehanort literally split the darkness form his heart and it made vanitas-- hes responsible for all the unversed, he sucks, we dont like him but we love him-- in an effort to forge this thing called the X-Blade (PRONOUNCED LIKE KEY BLADE I HATE THIS SERIES) that will open the door to kingdom hearts, and the x-blade can only be made when pure light and darkness clash, and like... restart the keyblade war and bring about balance?? idk. And xehanort wants to live long enough to see this happen so he literally possesses terras body. Cool! Just what the poor guy needed. Ven and vanitas fight and ven sacrifices himself so he goes to take a Very Long Nap and vanitas just dies like the bitch he is. But ven’s heart finds his way to baby 5yo sora who decides HEY ILL HOARD YOU IN MY HEART FOR THE NEXT 11 YEARS and thats why roxas looks like ventus. Aqua yeets him in the land of departure and then like..locks the world up and it turns into castle oblivion.  meanwhile terra and aqua punch each other and terras about to fall into a darkness pit but aqua sacrifces heself to get him out and so she ends up trapped there for 11 years and terra??is now terranort and has amnesia and this old dude Ansem The Wise finds him and adopts him and an apprentice. yeah. bet he wont regret that decision ; )

10 years later kh1 happens and sora and riku and kairi are chilling on destiny islands until it explodes and riku fucks off to the darkness and kairi fucks off to soras hearts -- i hope she said hi to ventus in there-- and sora ends up in traverse town where he meets donald and goofy. YOU SEE king mickey of disney castle also fucked off because worlds are disappearing to darkness and he left donald and goofy a note to go find The Key cause thatll help. so they do and they journey around with sora and become good buddies i love the trinity trio so much. eventually they meet riku at hollow bastion again and hes been posssessed by this dude Ansem whos not Ansem the Wise but is actually Xehanort’s Heartless (i hate this fucking series) and they find kairis comatose body chillin in the corner and they have a fight scene thats engraved in the memory of Everyone whos ever played PS2 KH1 KAIRI! KAIRI! OPEN YOUR EYES! ITS NO USE. THAT GIRL HAS LOST HER HEART. SHE CANNOT WAKE UP. oh my god why didnt they add a skip scene button. anyway they punch the possession outta riku and sora stabs himself with the keyblade to release kairis heart BUT it also releases his own heart which created his nobody, Roxas, who got vens heart???who thats why he looks like ven?? and it created namine who is kairis nobody because??i honestly forget i hate this goddamn series. anyway soras a heartless for a few minutes but kairi got her heart and life back and wanted to get some sweet sweet screentime and so she saved sora and restored him Thank you kairi. so sora dumps kairi off at traverse town and goes to give Ansem / Xehanort’s Heartless a good ol ass whopping ad they win and restore the worlds but kairi and sora are separated again I’LL COME BACK TO YOU, I PROMISE! I KNOW YOU WILL! WHEN YOU WALK AWAY YOU DONT HEAR ME SAY PLEAAAAAAASE OH BABYYY DONT GO oh also riku and king mickey and sora closed the door to kingdom hearts and trapped riku and mickey in the realm of darkness, that was a thing.

and then chain of memories happened. theyre in castle oblivion!!! whoa!! we meet the organization for the first time! whoa!!! we meet namine!! whoa!!! so like namine has sora-memory powers and can tinker with his memories and the memories of everyone hes connected to (AND HOLY FUCK IS THAT BOY CONNECTED TO A LOTTA PEOPLE NAMINE IS VERY POWERFUL) and the organization is making namine rewrite soras memories as he progresses throuhg castle oblivion to turn him into marluxias pawn so he cna use sora to like..overhtrow the organization, i think?? i hate this seriees. but it all works out in the end except soras memories are so scrambled he decides to sleep for a year to get all the right ones back. MEANWHILE RIKUS IN THE BASEMENT OF CASTLE OBLIVION and hes fighting his own demons i mean darkness i mean ansem i mean xehanorts heartless and he meet up with mickey a few times and then he meets DiZ and he also meets a replica of himself--yeah by the way the organization is making replicas, That Sure Wont Ever Be Referenced Again : )-- and its this game that rikus like YEAH I CAN USE THE DARKNESS AS POWER AND STRENGTH and HES GONNA WALK THE ROAD TO DAWN and then every riku rper put dawn in their url and i got confused trying to keep them all straight lord please help me im a little ol sammi

then we have 358/2 days for the DS which i never replayed cause it was tedious af which is all about the organization and roxas’s time in the organization and meeting his best buds axel and xion and saix standing in the corner being a jealous little binch PLEASE SAIX JUST BE NICE THEYLL GIVE YOU ICE CREAM TOO IF YOU ASK POLITELY Xion is another replica except shes a replica of sora but something got messed up and she got his memories of kairi which is why she looks like her but with black hair for whatever reason, i think nomura just wanted a cool goth girl to add to the series and we all thank him for it, and she and roxas become so close they kinda start influencing that weird memory shit going on and xion keeps trying to leave the organization to set things right but axel always gets stuck with the icky jobs and we got the iconic GO ON YOU JUST KEEP RUNNIN BUT ILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO BRING YOU BACK and i think around this time roxas is also super fed up with the organization and decides FUCK YALL IM DONE and punches saix and leaves. but xion finds him and they have a cool boss battle sequence got i love you xion you are a POWERHOUSE but roxas defeats her and she dies and its the saddest thing in the world AND NOBODY REMEMBERS HER WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT!!!! anyway roxas decides hes gonna punch kingdom hearts next cause it was xions last wish but riku, who is sporting a cool blindfold for edge, is like HEY WE NEED YOU TO WAKE UP SORA and roxas is all SORA THIS SORA THAT I DONT GIVE A FUCK and tey fight! and riku loses cause roxas has two keybladees! OBLIVION IS THE BEST KEYBLADE IT LOOKS SUPER COOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH WOW but riku rips off his blindfold and summons the darkness and he takes on ansems, xehanorts heartless, appearance and he squeezes roxas until he passes out and then they yeeted roxas into a data twilight town for a few days.

so enter kh2 with the 6 hours roxas tutorial in the data twilight town until he goes to find sora and returns to him. SO FINALLY AFTER AN ENTIRE YEAR sora wakes up with all his proper memories and so does donald and goofy and theyre like COOL LETS GO FIND RIKU AND KING MICKEY and they go journeying around the worlds again to stop the organization. meanwhile axels gettin desperate to see his best friend for life roxas again and kidnaps kairi but shes like HEY I AINT HAVING THAT and runs off and ends up in twilight town but axel finds her and kidnaps her anyway but then saix kidnaps her to the world that never was. and so soras like WE GOTTA GO SAVE KAIRI AND RIKU NOW cause by the way earlier like midpoint of the game maybe Mickey was like SAY FELLAS DID SOMEONE MENTION THE DOOR TO DARKNESS and its one of my favorite quotes in this hell franchise, so like THYE KNOW KING MICKEY IS OK that just leaves kairi and riku and stopping the organization. so they find kairi and they find riku and sora cries a bit and im just happy the destiny trio is together again. And DiZ showed up again, hes actually ansem the wise, and he talks about computers and hearts and research and xemnas, the organizations leader, is likeI WAS YOUR APPRENTICE! BUT YOU DIDNT LET ME DO ILLEGAL HUMAN EXPERIMENT SON HEARTS SO I KICKED YOU OUT AND RREMOVED MY OWN HEART AND THATS WHY THERES A HEARTLESS AND A NOBODY OF XEHANORT and ansem the wise is like YEAH BITCH and he explodes and riku turns back to normal but he also really needs a haircut. so they go punch xemnas in his zebra coat and riku and sora chill in the realm of darkness for about ten minute son the beach, i guess aqua was hanging out somewhere else, and they get a message form kairi in a bottle and the door to light opens and they go home and it was literally!!!!! a better fucking ending!!!! than kh3!!!!!!!!! thats my tea!!!!!!

so then we have KH3D, dream drop distance, which begins telling us ‘hey when you kill a heartless and a nobody that person is gonna be recompleted so uhhhhh xehanorts coming back Thats Not Good, make sora and riku do their mark of mastery test in the realm of sleep to get the power of waking’ and thats the whole game but its great because flowmotion! dream eaters!  TWEWY TWEWY TWEWY T W E W Y!!!!!! playable riku!!! fun worlds!!! soriku!!! except KH3D’s fatal flaw is THEY INTRODUCED TIME TRAVEL INTO THIS FUCKING COMPLEX HELL HOLE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT. anyway rikus been doing a great hecking job!!!! except sora ended up in twtnw and kept chasing the dreams into the deepest pit of slumber and the organization broke his heart so they use him as one of xehanorts vessels [gesutres to my blog with will smith arms] yeeah babey. and riku is understandably like HEY GIVE ME MY FRIEND BACK and xehanort is like FUCK OFF TWINK and mickey and donald and goofy and axel, whos been recompleted as lea, arrive and steal comatose sora back form xehanort and xehanort monologues about the X-Blade split into 20 pieces- 7 of light, 13 of darkness- and so hes gonna make 13 vessels of darkness with his heart inside them and the guardians of light gotta gather 7 lights to clash and bringg about the keyblade war or bring about kingdom hearts, i-- i literally hate this series so much Why do you think i went on a year long hiatus??? i needed to calm the fuck down-- either way xehanort yeets off with his darknesses and soras STILL comatose and rikus like I WILL DIVE INTO HIS SLEEP AND SAVE HIM BECAUSE DEARLY BELOVED IS PLAYING AND if i continue this joke someones bound to get mad at me for ‘’’pushign a soriku agenda’’’ BUT YKNOW WHAT, RIKUS A REAL MVP AND PUNCHES A NIGHTMARE VEN AND SAVES SORA AND SORA HUGS HIM AND ITS GREAT AND I LOVE MY SONS SO MUCH and the kh3d ends with them saying ‘hey look kairis gonna do something!’ but Little Did We Know.

and thats your summary of what the fuck happened in kingdom hearts. i hate this game so much.

[thedouchebrigadesympathizer]

Hey. Quick ask from me before I go to sleep: do you have some Christmas headcanons for Shigaraki, Dabi and Himiko? Like, what they do, what they think about Christmas and some possible presents they give to each other? (If it's too much to do for all three, I leave it up to you to choose one person)

Coincidentally, I have a Tomura/Reader drabble I wrote a while back and I can add it to this post so you’re in luck~! HC go in order of; What do they do for the holiday, Opinion on Christmas, and Presents they give/want to receive. SFW ahead!!!

Tomura Shigaraki / Tenko Shimura / FuckHands McMike

Tomura just goes along with whatever Kurogiri or maybe All For One has planned for the holidays. He’s Mr. Grinch, but he might watch an american Christmas movie, but for the most part he lives this holiday as if it is a normal day for him. If Toga is running around, however, you might catch him leaning against the bar with a Santa hat on. Because she forced it on his damn head.

He doesnt like Christmas. He is the biggest Grinch known to mankind and honestly he tries to avoid the holiday all together, and holes up in his room unless Kurogiri drags him out to be forcibly festive. He has been known to destroy holiday cheer by walking in a room.

Tomura gives things he would like. Video games, mostly. He isnt very creative and spends as little of his money as possible anyhow. You might end up getting a second hand game from two consoles previous and he will expect you to like it. Tomura wants video games, electronics, and maybe a fucking hug. Someone give him a hug, he really needs one. And some whiskey.

Dabi / Smokey Todoroki / Burnt Toaster Strudel

Dabi, surprisingly, celebrates Christmas. Sure, he isnt decking the halls (maybe decking some drunks in the face, but it’s all in the spirit of the holidays), but he’s got the Christmas spirit, y’know? He spends the day in a ratty old Christmas sweater, wears whatever stupid hat Toga forces over his hair, and has a beer in his hand the entire day. Waking up? Drinking. Sit down? Drinking. Drinking? More Drinks. He’s going to be buzzed and screaming Christmas carols with Spinner.

He likes Christmas. There are a few sore aches in his heart when he wonders how the rest of his family is spending the holiday, but he’s chipper as much as Dabi can be, all while following Toga around to help her decorate and shop. He is a sucker for stealing during the holidays, and often comes back to the base with shit no one needs. Perfume? Uh, i guess it’s Toga’s or Magne’s now. Golf clubs? Kurogiri can take up the sport, sure. A self stirring mug? Mmm, He’ll keep that one for his hot cocoa later- so he can mix in the schnapps properly.

Dabi gifts what he steals, so honestly everything is kind of like a White Elephant gift from him. You could wind up with something cool, or like, silly putty. Its a win-loose situation, but there’s always going to be a laugh. Dabi wants cigarettes, alcohol, and new shoes. Specifically, new shoes that could be similar to docs.

Himiko Toga / Murder Child / Ghost Of Christmas Stabbing

Toga is so chock full of Christmas spirit that she’s the one doing all the decorating, she is the one planning a big “family” meal with certain League members, and she’s up before the rest to stuff presents under a tree in the base. Good noodle. She’s got the Christmas cheer, and she went to Elf Practice, I assure you.

As stated, she loves Christmas. Though, others are kind of worried about the backstory as to why the holiday is so important to her. No one besides maybe Dabi, who is brave enough to ask, and when he does, she ignores him. Most likely, her family didnt want to celebrate many holidays with her, so her new “family” is being set on a grand pedestal to replace them. She’s going to make happy memories with these villains, and she’s sworn it will e the best damn Christmas any of them had ever seen!!!

Toga 10/10 has a list of things everyone wants. and she sticks to it. Surprisingly, there is no random stuff from her, at all. All her presents are thoughtful and just what the recipient had asked for. Where did she get the money? Well. Ask Dabi. He helped get them. Toga would want cute things, and knives. Maybe those rainbow tinted holographic knives? She likes Rilakkuma a lot, and enjoys being gifted makeup.

“Don’t be such a grinch.” You snapped, hanging up your immaculately created paper snowflakes. Each one you had hung before had been shaped and styled differently than the last, the one you carefully tapped to the ceiling of the base being no different.

Below you and standing beside the ladder you had claimed for decoration use, you didn’t need to look down to know your grinch was baring an openly displeased look in his scarlet eyes. He scoffed at your accusation.

“You are way too old to believe in Santa.” He kicked lightly at a box just below the ladder, your army of crafted snowflakes shuffling about inside. “Christmas is stupid anyhow.”

“I’m an adult, I know Santa isn't real.” You shot him a look, stepping down from the ladder and scooting it out of his way, using your foot to push the box back to the step ladder and climbing it once again, a new snowflake in hand. “And like i said, don't be a grinch, Shigaraki. I’ll get you something for the holidays.”

“I dont need your charity.” The pale haired man said, insulted you would even offer. He scratched at his neck, clearly growing irritated. “I don't want to see all this winter wonderland shit, [First Name].”

You attached the snowflake to a piece of string, tapping it to the ceiling just like last time. You were slower now, thinking on Tomura’s actions and how he chose his words.

Why was he such a bitter, bitter man?

You exhaled through your nose heavily, glancing around the base with a somewhat pleased expression. You had done a lot with the time Tomura had given you. You were proud. It truly did look like a winter wonderland… The clean up was gonna be hell.

“No one is going to be here anyhow.” Tomura continued, surveying the bar with disgust. “You won't be here.”

“Actually,” you said softly, climbing down the steps before resting your elbows on the top one, eyeing Tomura with a gentle smile. “I will be here. So will Kurogiri, Toga, Twice and a few others. Dabi too, but i'm sure that doesn't thrill you.”

“It doesn't.” He confirmed quickly, still seeming annoyed, but you got the vague feeling he had lessened his aggression a tad.

There was silence between you as you continued to work at your goal of making the bar area nice and festive, your boss, despite his apparent disinterest, did not leave your side.

After a while, he spoke again. His vice softer than you expected, face bare of a mask so you would see the hesitation behind his eyes.

“Are you sure you’re going to be here?”

You nodded, stuffing remaining snowflakes and other little trinkets in an old cardboard box, which you had marked simply with ‘Christmas Stuff’. You picked the box up, brushing past him.

“I wouldn't miss it for the world, Tomura.”

He watched you leave, a skip in your step despite how off putting he had tried to be. Again, his gaze swept the bar. He noticed all the effort you put forward, the details of the snowflakes and sparkle of the tinsel lining the bar counter. There were christmas theme throws on the single couch in the by the dartboard, and packets of hot chocolate laid on the counter.

Unbeknownst to you, he  felt a quirk at this lips. Not a full smile, but something in the very least. You had called him by his first name, and had cleared your schedule for him. He liked that. Even if he didn't realize quite yet why that fact made his heart flutter just a bit more, he knew it meant something. Something special, so he supposed, you were special too.

So maybe this Christmas wouldn't be so bad, after all, he would have you this year.

[sacrasm]

okay so i usually dont dream/remember my dreams and of course last night i remember what i assume is the later half of my dream 

and of course this one is all kinds of crazy.  im still confused.  how can you put a child lock on a car so it can only go 65 mph.  what is glitterball.   this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life

dont read if you want to keep your sanity intact.   (tl;dr: i hosted the weirdest house party, cars come capped at one speed, tyler hoechlin was our responsible adult of the night, everything seemed so unrealistic but totally shit we’d do.  i think im going crazy.)

it goes like this: 

for some reason im driving this dark blue fiat but it had a child lock on the gas.  it was literally impossible for the car to go anything but 65.  not any faster, not any slower, and if you held your foot down long enough you might get to 66.  

so im driving to my grandmother’s house, and pull up in the driveway, and when i get out my dad tells me that he hired a babysitter to make sure things don’t spiral out of control.  apparently i’m throwing a house party, except the house looks like my grandmother’s, but is actually my parent’s and the inside is a weird fusion of my grandmother’s home, a friend’s home, and the valley fair mall if any of you know what that looks like.

the babysitter gave me the evil eye when i went inside, and told me that just because there were 15+ teens in the house doesnt mean we can go wild and skip bedtime.  she looked like this little crotchety old blonde lady, like the kind you’d get for a sub in highschool that just hates any and all teenagers and stress knits.

i didn’t see anyone when i actually went into the house, aside from a comically large escalator and doorways and thirty or so pizza boxes in the kitchen.  some still have pizza in them, but no one knows which boxes. my fiat was in the middle of the living room.  the babysitter had a shotgun and told me that she’d use it if we got too raunchy.  tyler hoechlin was sitting in an armchair.  he complimented my car. 

for some odd reason the halls and doorways were all the size of one car, so you could drive in the hallways.  the fiat still had the child lock, so i just drove around the hallways at 66mph until i accidentally hit someone, that turned out to be one of my friends, who was riding a horse.  somehow he was fine and uninjured, as was his horse. he refused to answer to anything except napoleon, which doesn’t make sense because that friend isn’t short.

idk how but somehow i’m in a different room, the horse is on top of my car, and all of us are trying to do as much irresponsible shit that we could get away with before getting caught by the babysitter, like drinking copious amounts of alcohol and having indoor paintball tournaments.  time is a social construct inside the house and doesn’t exist, which we’re all fine with.  

and then i drove down a hallway and then a door opened, which the car hit at 66 mph and the door stayed intact.  two of my crushes were sitting in someone’s bedroom, which i guess was mine bc a ton of my shit was in there. they were playing a weird cards against humanity and truth or dare fusion game, that also included pokemon cards.  hoechlin is doing vertical pushups on my bed while simultaneously playing the strange card game.  he’s not doing so good. i went back out into the hallway and my best friend had a rainbow donkey pinata that was as tall as her shoulder.  we both couldve fit in it.  she told me that it was filled with the world’s greatest chocolate, but she refused to open it because she didn’t want to ruin the donkey.  irl that friend loves chocolate.  her boyfriend was following her around the house/mansion trying to convince her to just smash the paper mache donkey already.

i got back in the car, a different best friend was in the fiat with me.  she liked throwing smokebombs out the window at anyone she saw.  somehow she got her hands on a t-shirt cannon and shot confetti in people’s faces despite never leaving the car.  someone bet that i couldn’t kick a hole through a refrigerator. they lost the bet.  everyone was suddenly betting that i couldn’t kick through anything.  i could kick through anything as long as i was wearing my necklace.  my necklace gave me power.

all the tvs in the house only played the sports channel, which had this game going on 24/7 called glitterball.  it looked like football meets ice hockey, except there were pits on the field and whack-a-moles would pop up and players would slam into them or fall in.  there was no glitter involved.  someone stole the babysitter’s shotgun and was trying to shoot her since she kept interrupting us during shit but she was faster than sonic and kept matrix dodging the shotgun shells. tyler was rooting for us.  actually i think he started a betting pool with other celebrity friends to see who could shoot the babysitter.  it turned into a little hunger games, except we were all hunting the babysitter.

one of my other friend’s bedrooms since they all had rooms at my parent’s house was literally filled with weed.  there was a path big enough for a car to squeeze through and a sofa in the middle of the room but other than that, floor to wall weed.  nothing else.  he called it the posey room. he also had a lamborghini which also had a child lock, but his was stuck at 45 mph.  i always passed him in the halls in my tiny ass car even though the hallways are one car so idfk how i managed to pass him.  whenever he honked it was just a yeaaaaaaaaaa boiiiiiiiii.  there was a record player in the exact center of the house, suspended in midair.  it played whatever you wanted to hear the most.  we called i the record player of erised.  no one could hear what it played for themselves, and no one could give accurate descriptions of what they heard for someone.  someone would argue they heard smooth criminal, another would say moaning, and someone else would say fireworks.  we knew they weren’t right.  without fail hoechlin would always say it sounded like wonderwall.  we all looked at him funny because that was the only thing we found weird in the dream.

since the house was part mall there was a weird amc extension.  we watched a movie that was a combo of ferris bueller, me before you, avatar, and your name.  the friend with the pinata had a whole kiddie pool filled with popcorn and was sitting on the pinata, which was still intact even though someone had ran it over in the 45mph lambo.  i watched it get rekt.  but there it was, whole and fully intact.  the friend on the horse was still on the horse and refused to dismount, and managed to convince most of us that he was actually attached to it so he couldn’t get off.  i had seen him get off the horse to kick someone in the balls.  after the movie none of us could find the babysitter.  she disappeared.  we were all fine with that.  we found tyler eating leftover pizza in the kitchen and watching glitterball.  he said the babysitter left him in charge because she was sick of us.  we were fine with that as well.

the fridge that i put a hole in was the door to his room.  there was a camaro in there, and it was locked at 120mph.  my car was faster than his.  no one thought it was strange.  someone drank sriracha like it was water. someone else buttered the hardwood flooring and put lube on the doorknobs and faucets.  we all stayed in our cars for a while to avoid the buttery floors, all capped at different speeds.  the camaro was still the slowest, even slower than the horse. hoechlin’s car horn was just assorted swear words.  every time he honked it would stop our cars.  someone traded cars with him and just honked at random intervals .  we could hear the muted swearing every time our cars jerked to a stop.  eventually tyler traded back.

i got in a fight with my other friend about what would be in a sandwich called the lgbtq+.  i said edible glitter and anything the person making it wanted.  she said that was literally just glittery subway.  she argued that it had to be  lamb, grain, bacon, tabbouleh, quince, and an ingredient starting with the letter of the maker’s sexuality.   hoechlin said that we had to fight and whoever won would be right.  someone backhanded me before the fight started and i woke up.  what the fuck.

mildly concerning facts about this shitshow:

how does someones brain create this nightmare??  

why was i driving a fiat?? 

none of the neighbors filed an noise complaint. 

 im so confused.  

how did tyler hoechlin get into the house.  

do they even make pinatas bigger than small children

how does a fucking pinata survive a rollover from a lamborghini

why did no one stop us

we drank enough alcohol to die of poisoning three times over but werent drunk

a  room full of weed.  an entire room.

this is the second half so what was i doing before this

what was i doing

why did i dream this

what the fuck is wrong with me

if this was the second half, then what the hell happened in the first half

[markyishanthonymartinez]

4/17/17

i rushed home to hopefully do this before you check.

today was alright i guess.

no. no no no. 

today was great. like sometimes i think about my days and I'm like, “eh yeah it was pretty normal, decent day, whatevs,” but like that’s so dumb. like most days are so great. today was average, but there’s so many great awesome wonderful things that happen every day that i dont think about or appreciate cause i’ve become desensitized to them as being good things and that’s no bueno. 

okay gonna talk about even the lil tings.

i woke up a bit late if i’m being honest, but that’s okay. i sprung straight out of bed and made a quick breakfast (quietly of course, cause logan was slep). ate, got dressed. okay tbh i looked cute af today. i wore one of my fav shirts, which is my pink state champs shirt and like i just really think soft colors really work well with me cause they kinda play well with how dark and defined my hair and facial features are and stuff (honestly that’s probably why like 60% of my closet is white shirts). but yeah and not to mention that pink is kinda polarizing and makes people double take and idk fam, i paired that with my favorite khakis (cuffed up once of course), my normal black vans that i’ve probably worn for like 100000 days straight, and my black bomber jacket that i wear sempiternally. idk i thought the fit was fly af and i felt dank and looking good=feeling good and feeling good is always worth noting. 

went to class. instrumentation is half pointless at this point, cause like we already had our last midterm and the final isn't a written final, the only final for the class is a lab practical. and we’ve learned all the things that the practical could be on. so like in a very loose use of the word, class is kinda pointless the rest of the way. obviously there’s homework and learning and stuff so it’s not completely pointless, but having that in the back of my head just makes it a bit difficult to give my undivided attention in class. even poles was doing other stuff and he’s alwayyyyyyys the attention-payer. bags and jeff are always on their phones and I'm kinda in the middle 4ever. wait also, we got our test scores posted online like a week ago, but he hasn't even mentioned passing the test back to us and like, “fam... if the tests are graded and the scores are entered into canvas then why can't i have it?????????? @ ME” 

after class, as we do every monday, wednesday, friday, we went to the ecc and put in two hours of homework time. i almost finished the mech design due thursday and that’s good cause i need to turn my attention to the heat transfer test on thursday as soon as i can. OH DANG ALSO i finally listened to the new kendrick record. that probably sounds ridiculous considering how hyped i was for kendrick last night and i hadn't even listened to his record, but lemme essssplain. i, mark anthony martinez, love love love listening to records in full and will hold off listening to singular songs until i find the time to run through a record. i just love following the story and letting it all hit me in one fell swoop. but yeah DAMN. is DAMN. absolutely wonderful. kendrick has really outdone himself, and that’s saying something considering his last two releases have been instant classics. i just identify so much with the record and i can't say enough great things. but yeah gr8 times, did hella homework and listened to gr9 record, happy merk. 

then we all walk together to systems. okay this one asshole has been kinda trying to take our seats for the past two weeks and i’m gonna kick his teeth in next time he does it.... okay not really i’ve never been in a fight. but forreal, WE’VE SAT THERE ALL SEMESTER, 1-2-3-4-5. JT ON THE END, THEN ME, THEN POLESIES, FOLLOWED BY JEFF, AND FINALLY BAGS. EVERYONE ELSE RESPECTS SEATS. WHY CANT YOU, YOU DISRESPECTFUL UNGRATEFUL TURD BASKET. no, but really, fam has sat in the row behind us allllll semester and like just last week he decided to try us? nahhhhh, aint gonna fly. 

anyways, jt didn't get a seat with us because of that, and like he just walks up and loudly proclaims, “DAMN MAN, WHY DO PEOPLE GOTTA FUCK UP THE STATUS QUO?” same jt, same. 

systems was dope. it’s probably my most fun class considering how dynamic and interesting and just all things it is. v hard, but i love to dip my mind into the material. 

wow okay i just peeked at the clock and whoops.

ummm okay then i came home with poles and bags and logan was on the couch watching the arsenal game on his phone cause i guess the nbc sports xbox app wasn't working. so i came to the rescue and put the game on my laptop and connected it to our projector, yay haps logan. 

then we all hung out for a bit and did guy stuff.

talk shit about each other and talk about memes and make fun of bags for breaking poles’ garbage disposal

arsenal won, logan was haps, i wasn't lol. 

then poles left to go try to fix his garbage disposal lol. and logan bags and i kinda just hung out and continued the previous activities and yeah. bags left for work and logan left for the airport and i did homework while listening to más kendrick. 

then i had a game tonight. tyler didn't show up... which is weird cause like he’s the one that organized this and like is one of our better players and prettttty sure he took and nap and just slept through everything lol. but anyways, we played tke. FUCK TKE. (in case bags reads dis). but yeah uh they weren’t very good. like they weren't garb, and had a few solid players, but in the grand scheme of things they did a lot of nothing lol. we had soooooo many chances that we didn't put away. we got the first goal through nathan early on. then they tied it up and kinda celebrated all over the place, which sorta kinda maybe pissed me off. so, naturally, i scored a beautiful little heel flick that drew cheers form the tke crowd lol. and then nathan set me up beautifully for a second that i got really clean connected on and drilled passed the keeper from outside the box. it ended like that 3-1. oh oh oh also one of the refs was a rad friend that lived on my floor in the dorms that i hadn't seen in 15k years so that was nice to see her. oh wait at the end, okay hold on, why am i always a dickhead? like the the crowd kinda got on my nerves a few times cause they were just being overly rambunctious. so what does lil ole mark decide to do? i go into sarcastic mark mode, but not verbally (well okay a lil verbally), mainly physically. like one time they kicked the ball out and said they were all like WTFFFF FAM THAT WENT OUT OFF HIS BACK. and like it defs didn't and the refs knew it didn't and i’m kinda just chuckling and then one of them is like, “see, he’s laughing, he knows it went off his back” so of course, what do i do. i literally point at my back and just lay down in the middle of the court. then there were other things here or there, but yeah i was nice most of the time. 

came home, eating pizza, gonna shower and slep now. 

april seventeenth is a beautiful day.

happy birthday lil ms orange

ilylots

hope you did fun things//and even if you’re old and grody, stay beautiful

- mark anthony martinez

[paradoxnbstuff]

okay so i need to talk about this for a minute

because usually i can find some shit about this on youtube or a transition blog somewhere but i cant for some reason this time? and its one of those difficult things to think about that I’ve been putting off for like years. so. anyways. top surgery stuff.

so first of all I have this habit of mine that’s taken a while and lot of shit to notice. it was probably a left over from growing up with my abusive dad and trying to survive that. but basically I’m very good at putting something aside in my head and so thoroughly convincing myself it’s not something that’s bugging me (subconsciously) that when it comes time to actually think about it I legitimately cannot tell how I feel about it. I’m talking about sitting and thinking about it for hours, plus research, and actively taking stock of my reactions as they happen to try to just. logically deduce what’s actually going on in my brain based on physical symptoms of emotional reactions I can’t actually feel. and obviously anyone can see how that would be incredibly useful in a situation like my parents where I had no choice in the matter for 18 years, and i could either constantly wallow in misery and agony and hurt and stress and confusion and terror at just living in my house 24/7, or i could section it off. and create like. a new baseline for myself. ex my baseline became that state and then went up or down based on negative or ‘positive’ things that happened from that baseline. looking at it objectively it was all obviously still horrible and stressful and traumatizing but i wouldn’t have been able to get through it if I was consciously aware of that the whole time. So that’s where that developed.

But weird backstory aside this has carried over to certain things in my life on my own since I moved out too. It’s why it took me so long to figure out gender shit and why I still haven’t figured out my sexuality even though I don’t lack the vocabulary or even really experience to. it’s affected my relationships with people, but I’ve been practically religious about trying to make sure I identify it when it happens and dedicating a lot of time and thought to unraveling whatever’s going on and stopping it, because fuck that I refuse to let it mess with the people I care about. There’s certain markers but it’s not like most things where you experience negative emotions and there’s a natural pathway from point a to point b. the markers are me having to stop and look at the past few months or longer and pick out patterns of times when i acted illogically in similar way, and cross ref it to see if it came with a feeling of abstractness where i couldn’t identify what emotions i was feeling. but like. its like trying to identify nothing. anger or happiness or w/e is easy like hey im feeling that but trying to notice when you’re feeling nothing or something unquantifiable? much fucking harder. and the trigger for me to start wondering if something is going on is when it starts to impact my quality of life negatively in some way. so. a really fucking stupidly difficult logical approach to untangle some very complicated emotions. which is sadly necessary.

so that’s the method I use to realize when this is happening. hasn’t really gotten any easier but i can do it i guess. and this is what’s happening now with me and top surgery? it happened with the decision to start testosterone, (’but im happy with how i look and sound!’ god no ur not u fucking disaster ur brain just didn’t want you to be miserable 24/7 and tricked you into thinking u were) and i think it’s the same thing with this. but i don’t. know??? for sure???? so I’m having to figure out this incredibly difficult and emotional decision with only purely factual patterns to go on and my emotions, which im not sure are fake or not, plaguing me every step of the way. so im just gonna fucking write em down and hope it helps.

fact 1: i never wear a bra. ever. it’s always either a binder or binder-adjacent like a sports bra. it’s been like that for 3 ish years now and it’s not stopping any time soon. i’m violently uncomfortable wearing a bra. 

fact 2: i dont like touching my chest or nipples. (tmi ish warning w/e) when I’m having sexual relations with another person im again, violently uncomfortable with the other person touching my chest. i will repeatedly redirect or say no if they start to with absolutely no doubt about it.

fact 3: i don’t like wearing tight clothing if i can’t bind. when I go to the gym and work out I wear a sports bra and wearing tshirts that show that fuckin. again feel nearly ill.

fact 4: i don’t mind seeing my chest in the mirror? like. I have/had a lot of dysphoria about my body, specifically my hips and the kinda hourglass dip in between ribs and hips and the way e gives fat distribution around the upper hips around the waist and thighs and butt. that’s mostly gone now due to a combination of T and working out, but I still don’t mind seeing my chest in the mirror. that’s possibly because I’m literally like 3/4 of an A cup at max but. yknow. this is also one of those things that is COMPLETELY based on feelings. and it feels suspiciously like when I’m trying to gauge my reaction and get ‘yeah I feel neutral about this actually’ but is really just very skillful repression. and I can’t tell. so. that’s great. it is a subjective fact, as opposed to the previous 3. 

fact 5: if i stretch my arms up it looks like i have a flat chest (bc i i have like no boobs to begin with) and the reaction I get to that is a definite. reaction. it’s an adrenaline based one. but another issue i’m working on is i can’t tell the difference between happy excited adrenaline and panic adrenaline and therefore when i feel happy excited about something i start fear panicking instead and it sucks but yknow. so I get an adrenaline thrill. that I can’t identify as fear or excitement. so that’s. there? fuck

fact 6: i’m not male. I figured that out a long time ago but it’s become important again recently that I am n o t a trans man. I’m solidly nonbinary. T was and is the right decision for me. So is building muscle. So is my decision now to grow out my hair again. So is my clothing that is decidedly not masculine fairly often and my makeup (that can be either to help with the masc or just to make me feel hot, or feminine sometimes). But this is something that’s....like. It would make me look a lot more masculine. like a lot. like it would be looking in the mirror and seeing that (without the big scars you see a lot underneath, i wouldn’t have that) and I don’t know if that’s something I want. but at the same time, that’s what I want to look like in clothes. I don’t fucking know.

fact 7: i know there’s probably some underlying fear in there of like societally ingrained disgust for non-cis bodies. and I know for a fact I’m attractive as a feminine person. and doing this means that I’m committing myself to a permanent non-cis state. I’m in no way saying there’s anything actually wrong with that, I’m saying that I know there’s things in the way I’ve been raised that inherently shy away from that still. It’s not something I want and it’s something I have to deal with but it probably is playing a part in my fear in this.

fact 8: currently, my main reason for tentatively starting the application process is my health. I love being active and healthy and exercising and I know that binding long term hurts your ribs and lungs, and I also know that I’m not going to stop binding any time soon if I don’t have top surgery. And getting it just for health reasons is a perfectly valid reason to do it. And if I am actually neutral about my chest and not just tricking myself? I’m totally happy with this being the deciding factor.  

anyways. yeah. the problem with dismantling a mental block you’ve set up for yourself is it involves actively unlocking self hatred and pain that you can’t put back in the box once you’ve opened it until it’s dealt with. so there isn’t a ton of incentive to. ngl it didn’t happen with testosterone fully until after I’d been on it for a few months and realized how fucking desperately I needed this to be happening. but I don’t think that’s how I want it to go with top surgery. I want to know before I go through with it what I’m feeling and what I want. and it is. VERY fucking difficult. god. yeah. anyways. that’s where I’m at. thanks for coming to my ted talk.