#or worse kylo made to kill Hux to show his loyalty to the dark side

[kyluxforlater]

Goddamnit I need time-travel-meeting-vader-and-temp-working-at-fortress-inquisitoris Kylux and I should write it myself but I fucking ahfncoshwnelfhksganxbchfkdhfkeidnhxinghdhdiwkehbdkandshfhfkshdk!!!!!!

[heliotrope-r]

I’m a bit miffed that there’s a comic coming out set between TLJ and TROS and Kylo’s still in “seething about destroying the Resistance” mode and ordering the destruction of planets for just helping them. It’s like...I guess his expression and demeanor in the last Force bond didn’t mean that much? It’s also impacting my view of his redemption, not going to lie, he has the authority as SL and is doing a lot worse things and hasn’t learned anything at all, fully regressing...

Oooh! Thank you for asking this, as I was JUST thinking about this very thing tonight and considering writing something up on Twitter about it. Now I’ll do it on Tumblr instead! 

I completely understand (and share!) your frustration with Kylo’s ongoing crusade to crush the Resistance, especially when he knows Rey is with them, and may even know by now that his mother is still alive. How could he behave so cruelly and ruthlessly after what happened at the end of TLJ? Surely after venting his rage against Luke’s Force projection and then finding the base on Crait empty and nothing left for him but the fading illusion of Han’s dice, surely after seeing the reproach on Rey’s face as she closed the door of the Falcon and cut off the Force Bond contact that had opened between them, he should have realized the error of his ways and repented? And if weeks or perhaps even months have passed since then and he’s still raging and frothing about destroying the Resistance and everything and everyone associated with them, doesn’t that look like distressingly like a sign that Kylo Ren is only going to plunge deeper into the Dark Side from this point on, and never repent or return to the Light at all?

At first glance, it certainly does look like that -- and I think a lot of fans are going to see it that way (even including some who sincerely care about Kylo and hoped to see him redeemed in the end, but who can’t imagine how that could be possible anymore). But Kylo’s behaviour in Allegiance #1, disappointing as it may be, is far from being out of line with a redemption story. In fact, it’s perfectly in line with one of the most famous redemption stories of all time -- that of Saul of Tarsus, a man who started out as a fanatical enemy and persecutor of the early Christian disciples, and later ended up being a leading disciple and preacher of the Christian faith himself.

Bear with me here, I’m about to get Bibley on you but it’s all relevant, I promise.

Saul’s first big chance to repent and change -- his TLJ moment, you might call it -- is found in Acts chapter 7, where we meet him witnessing the execution of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. Stephen delivers a powerful, moving speech before his death by stoning, including praying for God to forgive his executioners, and Saul is right there to hear every word of it. But how does he react to this moving scene? The answer is right at the start of chapter 8:

... Saul approved of [Stephen’s] execution. And there arose on that day a great persecution against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria ... Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him. But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison.

Judging by his behaviour, it looks like Saul was the very opposite of touched by Stephen’s eloquent speech and courageous death for what he believed. In fact, it just seems to have made Saul hate Christians even more. But then we get to Acts 9, when Saul, who is still “breathing out threatenings and slaughter” (sound familiar?) against the Christians and has even doubled down on his efforts to destroy them, is suddenly struck on his way to Damascus by a vision of Jesus speaking to him from heaven:

And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”

That’s all we get in that chapter to explain what happened to Saul, but it’s the beginning of an absolutely monumental transformation -- his conversion into Paul the apostle, a man who would dedicate the rest of his life to preaching and teaching the message of Jesus Christ and eventually became a martyr himself. And although it might seem like this transformation came out of nowhere, Paul admits in a later account of his conversion that Stephen’s death had made a big impact on him and left him ashamed of what he’d done:

And I said, ‘Lord, they themselves know that in one synagogue after another I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And when the blood of Stephen your witness was being shed, I myself was standing by and approving and watching over the garments of those who killed him.’ (Acts 22:20)

But here’s my favorite part, from an even later version of Saul’s testimony:

And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew language, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ (Acts 26:14)

In other words, the exact reason Saul was so fiercely motivated to destroy the Christians, the reason he doubled down on attacking them after Stephen was martyred, was not because Stephen’s words and his courage hadn’t moved Saul but precisely because they had. They’d left Saul feeling ashamed of himself for the part he’d taken in Stephen’s murder, and uncomfortably aware that he was very likely taking the wrong side. But instead of admitting he’d been wrong and changing his ways, he’d thrown himself desperately into doing even more harm to the Christians, in an effort to harden his conscience and get rid of those nagging, goading, nastily prickling doubts.

And this is very often the way human beings in general behave when we’re confronted by someone, or something, that tells us we’re doing wrong. We don’t want to hear it, it makes us unhappy and uncomfortable, we’re scared of how much damage we may have done to ourselves and others if we really are wrong -- so we snarl and snap and fight that possibility with everything we’ve got. We can’t see any way out of the hole we’ve already dug for ourselves, so our instinct tells us to just keep digging and pray we end up somewhere.

That’s what I think Kylo Ren is doing in Allegiance #1, and what I expect to still find him doing at the beginning of TROS. He’s kicking against the goads. He knows deep down he’s on the wrong side, that he shouldn’t have refused the chances for redemption that Rey and Luke offered him, and his guilty conscience is driving him wild with frustration. He invested everything he had in becoming Supreme Leader, in proving that he could bring order and peace to the galaxy, and yet the Resistance keeps slipping through his fingers and gaining more and more support for their rebellion. Their very existence taunts him with the knowledge of the good man he could and should have been, and that’s unbearable to him. He has to wipe them out, or (he tells himself) he’ll never know any peace.

Hux and the other First Order generals can afford to be cool about the Resistance, to consider them an insignificant threat, because they’re completely convinced of their own power, superiority and ultimate rightness. Their consciences are so seared by a lifetime of loyalty to Snoke (and before that, the Emperor) that they don’t feel a single iota of doubt or remorse. But Kylo can’t be cool, because he’s terrified. He can’t relax and bide his time, because every second the Resistance continues to exist reminds him that there’s another, better side in this war and he should be on it. 

So in essence, Kylo’s fanatical zeal to destroy the Resistance is exactly what shows us that he isn’t fully committed to evil, despite all his best efforts to prove otherwise. The pre-TFA Kylo who coolly stuck his lightsaber through the Benathy king’s skull and cut his lieutenant off at the knees, who smirked after carving through a Zillo Beast from the inside out and strode into Tuanul like he owned the place, was the closest we’ll ever see him to being a true sold-out-to-the-Dark-Side villain. But the Kylo we’ve been seeing since Crait is a panicked, hysterical mess who makes his own officers side-eye him for his bad strategic decisions, because he literally cannot see past his own obsession with destroying the Resistance. And that very fixation tells me that he’s closer to turning than he’s ever been before.

[sserpente]

A/N: MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!

Words: 2768 Warnings: slavery

The planet you had been born on was anything but pleasant. With humanoid creatures trading humans like mindless animals, like obedient pets and an alien ruler who despised your race to his very core, your chances of survival were miserably little.

“Creatures” like you, they didn’t get to live normal in this rotten place. They were born into families whose owners had instructed them to produce offspring to ensure a never ending existence of unwilling slaves to then carelessly dispose of those they were fed up with or even worse, those who were unlucky enough to suffer from their demolishing anger. A natural trait of the humanoids.

Once in a while, however, something extraordinary happened to the human people on your home planet. Once, maybe twice or thrice a decade, they were born, unknowing of their peculiar fate. Force sensitives. And you were one of them.

You had found out by coincidence, the hot rage surging within you whenever you had to face your masters, those ugly humanoids demanding your loyalty. Light bulbs burst, lights flickered and then, when you had imagined squeezing that fat little throat of those disgusting aliens, you had choked them with nothing but the strength of your mind.

Force sensitives like you were valuable, priceless even. Your powers were beyond imaginable and they sold for a quite descent prize. So here you were. Rotting in a tiny cell and waiting for the next auction which would take place any minute and where creatures and humans from uncountable planets would come and examine you like an object. If you got lucky, the person buying you would show mercy, treat you like a person even.

All of your hopes were crushed, however, when you saw a bunch of soldiers enter, dressed in white armour. Even you, lacking of education and knowledge about the universe, knew instantly they were dangerous. And certainly, they would bring no good.

Followed by a figure clothed all in black, they respectfully stepped aside and made room for their leader—she… or he looked eerie, intimidating and powerful. Black robes and leather gloves and, what scared you the most, a black mask hiding… what? A face? A shudder went through you when you thought about what could be lurking under those very clothes.

“Commander! The First Order! To what do we owe the honour?” Your master bowed so low his nose almost reached his toes. The First Order. You had heard of it. A powerful organisation, by all means, a threat to the humanoids that held you captive.

“Spare me the false loyalty,” he spat in reply, making you flinch. He was male, his voice distorted by his horrifying helmet. “I have been told you habour force sensitives.”

“I- uh, uh, of course, we have one… but I’m afraid she is not… she is very expensive, you must know.”

“Is she?” Raising his voice a bit, the stranger tilted his head. Only the fraction of a second later, you could literally feel his burning gaze on you, even if you couldn’t see his eyes. Swallowing thickly, you shifted in your tiny cell.

What he did next surprised you at the very least. Terrified, you jumped when he pulled a metallic weapon from his belt and turned it on, drowning the auction room in a creepy red light as it crackled loudly and seemed to surge the air around him. Was that… a lightsaber? Was he a force sensitive too? Maybe that’s how he could tell it was you your master had been talking about.

The humanoid being screamed when he rammed the glowing weapon into his chest, turning and twisting it to his ear-piercing screams. Then, it was over. Silence spread in the room as the Commander returned his lightsaber to its rightful place and then clenched his fists.

Danger was radiating off him like heat and fire, making you breathe in sharply and recoil to the back of your small cell when he started walking towards you, your gaze fixed on the now dead body of your former master.

He knelt down in front of you and mutely ordered one of his soldiers to open the cell, which they did by simply firing a blaster at the lock. It shrieked when it fell open, broken, and eliminating the last protecting barrier there was between you and him.

Please don’t kill me, you attempted to say, but no matter how hard you tried, no sound would escape your lips.

It was then you heard a smooth and throaty voice in your head. His voice. Without the impact of his eerie mask.

I won’t. I came to save you.

Grunting, you turned around, burying you face in a pillow when you heard the doors to your quarters open to rouse you from your slumber. Other than the cleaning droids, there was only one person who could access your private rooms.

“Five more minutes,” your voice was muffled, dull from the sheets you had wrapped around your whole body.

Kylo’s footsteps got louder, his tread threatening and intimidating.

“No. Get up.” Usually, whenever the two of you were together, undisturbed and alone, the Knight of Ren would remove his helmet. Today, however, he seemed to be in a hurry. You rolled your eyes, turning once more to face him with sleepy eyes.

“Are we having a stare down contest, I can’t tell.”

“Get up, (Y/N),”

“I’m training every fucking day, can’t you give me a break? Just… five more minutes, alright?” It wasn’t like you weren’t respecting him—quite on the contrary. You were dedicated and grateful; not only had he saved you from slavery but also given you a home, a purpose and training to become a powerful force user.

He had taught you everything, from your enemies, The Resistance and the Jedi to Supreme Leader Snoke’s demands. The First Order was your family, Kylo Ren was… the man you could never have. You had been stunned the first time he had removed his mask. A beautiful face with even more beautiful dark eyes, full of pain and determination was what you’d been confronted with, causing you to do the one thing you weren’t supposed to do—fall in love. From that day forth, you had started practicing frantically, making sure he wouldn’t be able to see inside your head and sense your feelings.

“There’s no training today. You will join me on a mission.” He boldly interrupted your thoughts.

“A mission? Wait, are we… are we… I mean, are we actually leaving Starkiller Base?”

His answer was a brief nod, barely visible because of his helmet. A gasp escaped your lips. You nearly knocked him over as you jumped out of bed, careless of the fact you were wearing nothing but a thin tanktop and your panties. Despite the fact you wanted to pull off a show for him, that man right in front of you had been inside your head numerous times. Therefore, there was no reason to be shy about your body.

“Yes, we are. Get dressed, we’re leaving in ten minutes.”

“You seem particularly grumpy today, something the matter?” Innocently, you put on a black and long-sleeved shirt and equally black pants, followed by black boots. Kylo had insisted on dressing you in his colour so everyone would show you respect and know what you were capable of. Thus far, it had worked perfectly, besides, you liked black anyway—it was way better than the dirty grey you had had to wear as a slave back in the days.

“Hux will be joining us.” Kylo simply gave back as you walked into the refresher, his fists clenching angrily in the process. A silent giggle escaped your lips.

“I really don’t get how you hate him so much.” In fact, however, you knew exactly why he despised the ginger General. He fancied you—way more than a General should fancy an apprentice of Kylo Ren and despite the Knight of Ren himself had never approached you in a romantic way, he acted awkwardly jealous whenever the three of you were together. It was hilarious, really.

“You know very well why. Now let’s go.”

Grinning, you saluted. “Yes, sir.”

It was even better than you had expected. Although Kylo hadn’t told you what exactly the mission was about, you enjoyed the fresh air. The planet you had landed on was beyond beautiful, with billions of green plants, bushes and trees, despite it was inhabited by the very same humanoids that had enslaved you, only they had been quite friendly towards you thus far. Apparently, Hux was going to recruit their people to join the First Order, for that cause, the disgusting aliens had even offered you accommodation which you had rather reluctantly took. With Kylo by your side, however, you figured you’d be safe.

The best part of this though, was how Hux and Kylo were constantly quarreling. Fighting over the littlest things, it ended in your master force pushing the General into a nearby tree, inflicting a bleeding cut right on his forehead.

Screeching, you rolled your eyes.

“That’s enough! If I knew you brought me to be your babysitter today, I wouldn’t have come in the first place, damn it!” You rushed over to Hux, gnashing your teeth as you did, and pulled some clean bandages out of one of your pockets.

An injured General was a mad General and as much as you both hated to admit it, he was still in charge of your living conditions on Starkiller. For all you knew, he could make you sleep in a broom chamber.

You could literally feel Kylo tense and squirm as you patched him up again. First, you assumed it must have been your connection through the Force. Hux disapproved of that theory when he spoke up and caused all hell to break lose.

“What’s the matter, Ren, are you jealous?”

His response was a judging tilt of his head, a split second later you could hear the General choke. Frowning, you looked at him, watching his skin turning a light blue colour in his face.

“Kylo! Kylo, stop it, Kylo! Are you fucking insane?! Stop it. Grow up. Both of you.”

“Maybe…” Hux started, panting heavily.  “We should call it a day so the Commander can cool down. You can join me in my tent, (Y/N).”

The Knight of Ren clenched his fists. “She sleeps in mine.”

“Ren, are you aware that…”

“She is my apprentice, she sleeps in my tent.”

“Guys…” Breathing in and out loudly, you massaged your temples. The tension between the two of them was tangible and what made it even worse was that one of them was awfully jealous, the other liked you more than he should. You were right in between a testosterone-driven kindergarten brawl.

Why can’t you fucking see I love you, Kylo Ren? Never had you been happier about the fact the Knight of Ren couldn’t read your mind anymore—unless you let him, that was.

“Is there anything we can do for you? General? Commander?” The humanoid interrupting you was a little taller than the one who had enslaved you. He was still ugly though and he didn’t speak English—his rough language pestering your ears like hot needles.

“They’re fine, leave us!” You answered tetchily, feeling the sudden urge to wash your mouth for speaking in their tongue again. Trembling, he backed off, leaving both Kylo and Hux turning their heads to you, a confused expression on their faces. Well, on Hux’ face, for your tutor was still wearing his mask.

“How are you able to understand them? Hardly anyone speaks their language.” The General spoke up, almost disgusted all of a sudden.

“I grew up speaking their language, Hux. You seem to forget that English is not my mother tongue either.” You growled, sensing how Kylo sent waves of angry energy towards you.

“Yes. I tend to forget that a lot. Your language skills are beyond exceptional.” And that was a compliment? That wasn’t even worth a try. The Commander chuckled darkly in your mind.

“You tend to forget a lot lately, General. Perhaps it’d be wise for you to study your acquaintances more precisely.” He said out loud then.

Bloody hell, here we go again. You could practically see him frown behind his mask.

“You go to bed, now. Good night, General.” And with that, he firmly grabbed your arm and yanked you with him. His grip was so painful you yelped, hot rage washing through you as he pushed you into the tent and then reached up to his helmet to take it off.

“Are you mad at me now, what have I done?!” You complained.

“It’s the General. If it wasn’t for the Supreme Leader, I would have long pierced his throat with my lightsaber. He is into you.”

“Right, and you’re jealous.”

Having these kinds of conversations was always dangerous. Both you and Kylo knew that he liked to lash out on occasion, destroying everything and everyone in his environment. You couldn’t have that, not here. Not over you.

The Knight of Ren said nothing. Instead, his gaze was so menacing you felt the urge to take a step back. You could feel the Force gushing around him, drawing you even closer to presence.

“You’re jealous,” You repeated. “You’re jealous of Hux. God damn it, Kylo, I don’t want Hux, I don’t know why you’re so fucking worried. You’re the one who saved me, you’re the one who’s teaching me, you’re the one who gave me a home and you‘re the man I love!”

Stopping dead in your tracks, you tensed, swallowing thickly. You had not meant to say that last bit out loud.

Kylo frowned. His lips parted in confusion. For once, you could hear millions of thoughts tumbling inside his head. Your head was buzzing when he finally spoke up and started at you, stopping mere inches before your stature so you had to lift your chin to face him.

“You can’t love me. You’re my apprentice, I am your master.”

It was like he had ripped your heart out.

“Is that all you have to say? You told me the Force was all about passion and power. What stronger power is there than love? I fucking fell for you the first time you showed me your face. I fell for your eyes, the way they looked at me. You’re my hero.” You admitted. Biting back your tears, you settled for chewing on your lower lip instead.

I’m not a hero. I’m one of the bad ones, you heard his voice in your head.

“You’re a hero to me.”

“Am I?” You could feel his breath on lips, inviting you to kiss him.

So you did. You leaned forward, grabbing ahold of his hair so he couldn’t escape your assault and then pressed your mouth against his. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, nor was it a rough one. But it was passionate and it grew more so with every second that passed. It was like your power connected, mixing like blood and water and tangling in each other like dozens of thin ropes.

“Let me. Please. Just let me. Fuck Hux. Fuck everything else. Just let me.”

“Let… you… what?” Kylo whispered out of breath after you’d pulled away, pressing yourself against his muscly chest.

“Let me love you.”

His strong arms wrapped around your body. You could feel the cool leather of his gloves on your back as he held you close, resting his chin on your head. His eyes were closed, you could tell.

“If I do, then will you promise me that it won’t hurt? Ever?”

“It won’t. It won’t. You’re everything I have, Kylo.”

You didn’t need a response, for you could feel it, sense it in all of your cells. Your body was linked to his, like it couldn’t exist without his presence.

Maybe that stupid mission had been a good idea after all. Maybe Hux’ scornful remarks augured well in the end, for after as long as you had known the restive and stubborn Knight of Ren with a bad temper, he was lonely and lost. You had been inside his head, you had felt the pain that he had felt. Maybe there was no one else who understood him, no one else who could comprehend his actions. But you could. You were there for him and he was for you. To hell with all those who thought him evil.

Kylo was good, you thought peacefully. He was whenever he was with you.