#our boy has a bird for underpants

[kindlyones]

I’m doing a Sandman rewatch and seeing so many things I missed the first time because I was too worked up over it finally being here.

Roderick Burgess after taking the sand and ruby: Let’s see what other treasures he has! *rips off Dream’s clothes*

A WHOLE ASS BIRD FLIES OUT

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge that Dream kept Jessamy UNDER HIS CLOTHES and doesn’t have underwear? Just a whole bird down there?

[cscclibrary]

[Horizontal graphic; background yellow streaks on black. Black, blue, and orange text: “Top 100 Most Banned and Challenged Books of the Past Decade / ALA American Library Association.” Image courtesy of the American Library Association.]

In 2020, the American Library Association released a list of the 100 most frequently banned and challenged books from 2010-2019. Most of them are for children and young adults, or are commonly assigned in schools. They range from century-old classics to current popular novels. Some were challenged for predictable reasons--swearing, violence, or sex. Many were challenged because they contained LGBTQ+ content. Some were challenged because they critiqued social institutions.

All of them are available either in the Columbus State Library or via the OhioLINK system. Clicking on any of the titles below will tell you where you can find the book; OhioLINK items can be requested and sent to the Columbus State campus. In the case of a series, the link usually leads to the first title in the series. Enjoy your right to read!

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

Captain Underpants (series) by Dav Pilkey

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

Looking for Alaska by John Green

George by Alex Gino

And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell

Drama by Raina Telgemeier

Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

Internet Girls (series) by Lauren Myracle

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

I Am Jazz by Jazz Jennings and Jessica Herthel

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Bone (series) by Jeff Smith

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twiss

Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg

Alice McKinley (series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris

Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

Scary Stories (series) by Alvin Schwartz

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

It’s a Book by Lane Smith

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien

What My Mother Doesn’t Know by Sonya Sones

A Child Called “It” by Dave Pelzer

Bad Kitty (series) by Nick Bruel

Crank by Ellen Hopkins

Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby by Dav Pilkey

This Day in June by Gayle E. Pitman

This One Summer by Mariko Tamaki

A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl by Tanya Lee Stone

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Goosebumps (series) by R.L. Stine

In Our Mothers’ House by Patricia Polacco

Lush by Natasha Friend

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

The Bible

This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Gossip Girl (series) by Cecily von Ziegesar

House of Night (series) by P.C. Cast

My Mom’s Having A Baby by Dori Hillestad Butler

Neonomicon by Alan Moore

The Dirty Cowboy by Amy Timberlake

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya

Draw Me a Star by Eric Carle

Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia

Fade by Lisa McMann

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Feed by M.T. Anderson

Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach

Habibi by Craig Thompson

The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende

Jacob’s New Dress by Sarah Hoffman

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Monster by Walter Dean Myers

Nasreen’s Secret School by Jeanette Winter

Saga by Brian K. Vaughan

Stuck in the Middle by Ariel Schrag

The Kingdom of Little Wounds by Susann Cokal

1984 by George Orwell

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher

The Awakening by Kate Chopin

Burned by Ellen Hopkins

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card

Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers

Glass by Ellen Hopkins

Heather Has Two Mommies by Lesle´a Newman

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Madeline and the Gypsies by Ludwig Bemelmans

My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis

Prince and Knight by Daniel Haack

Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology by Amy Sonnie

Skippyjon Jones (series) by Judith Schachner

So Far from the Bamboo Grove by Yoko Kawashima Watkins

The Color of Earth (series) by Tong-hwa Kim

The Librarian of Basra by Jeanette Winter

The Walking Dead (series) by Robert Kirkman

Tricks by Ellen Hopkins

Uncle Bobby’s Wedding by Sarah S Brannen

Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks

[mrsomewhere]

Top 100 most banned and challenged books of the last decade:

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

Captain Underpants (series) by Dav Pilkey

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

Looking for Alaska by John Green

George by Alex Gino

And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell

Drama by Raina Telgemeier

Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

Internet Girls (series) by Lauren Myracle

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

I Am Jazz by Jazz Jennings and Jessica Herthel

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Bone (series) by Jeff Smith

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twiss

Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg

Alice McKinley (series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

It's Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris

Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

Scary Stories (series) by Alvin Schwartz

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

It's a Book by Lane Smith

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien

What My Mother Doesn't Know by Sonya Sones

A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer

Bad Kitty (series) by Nick Bruel

Crank by Ellen Hopkins

Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby by Dav Pilkey

This Day in June by Gayle E. Pitman

This One Summer by Mariko Tamaki

A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl by Tanya Lee Stone

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Goosebumps (series) by R.L. Stine

In Our Mothers' House by Patricia Polacco

Lush by Natasha Friend

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

The Holy Bible

This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Gossip Girl (series) by Cecily von Ziegesar

House of Night (series) by P.C. Cast

My Mom's Having A Baby by Dori Hillestad Butler

Neonomicon by Alan Moore

The Dirty Cowboy by Amy Timberlake

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya

Draw Me a Star by Eric Carle

Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia

Fade by Lisa McMann

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Feed by M.T. Anderson

Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach

Habibi by Craig Thompson

House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende

Jacob's New Dress by Sarah Hoffman

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Monster by Walter Dean Myers

Nasreen’s Secret School by Jeanette Winter

Saga by Brian K. Vaughan

Stuck in the Middle by Ariel Schrag

The Kingdom of Little Wounds by Susann Cokal

1984 by George Orwell

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher

Awakening by Kate Chopin

Burned by Ellen Hopkins

Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers

Glass by Ellen Hopkins

Heather Has Two Mommies by Lesle´a Newman

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Madeline and the Gypsies by Ludwig Bemelmans

My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis

Prince and Knight by Daniel Haack

Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology by Amy Sonnie

Skippyjon Jones (series) by Judith Schachner

So Far from the Bamboo Grove by Yoko Kawashima Watkins

The Color of Earth (series) by Tong-hwa Kim

The Librarian of Basra by Jeanette Winter

The Walking Dead (series) by Robert Kirkman

Tricks by Ellen Hopkins

Uncle Bobby’s Wedding by Sarah S Brannen

Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks

[shanastoryteller]

Saw your post mentioning reading your favorite poems and I was wondering what they were? I've never really liked poems but I really liked that one by Emily Dickson you put in the front of that teen wolf fic so you probably have really good taste in poems, and I've been trying to find some to like.

Good Bones by Maggie Smith

Life is short, though I keep this from my children.Life is short, and I’ve shortened minein a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,a thousand deliciously ill-advised waysI’ll keep from my children. The world is at leastfifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservativeestimate, though I keep this from my children.For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,sunk in a lake. Life is short and the worldis at least half terrible, and for every kindstranger, there is one who would break you,though I keep this from my children. I am tryingto sell them the world. Any decent realtor,walking you through a real shithole, chirps onabout good bones: This place could be beautiful,right? You could make this place beautiful.

~

Because I could not stop for Death (479)

Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death – He kindly stopped for me – The Carriage held but just Ourselves – And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no hasteAnd I had put awayMy labor and my leisure too,For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children stroveAt Recess – in the Ring – We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed us – The Dews drew quivering and chill – For only Gossamer, my Gown – My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemedA Swelling of the Ground – The Roof was scarcely visible – The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – ‘tis Centuries – and yetFeels shorter than the DayI first surmised the Horses’ HeadsWere toward Eternity –

~

this one is an old nursery rhyme:

One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. They turned their backs and faced each other, Drew their swords and shot the other. One was blind and the other couldn’t see, So they chose a fool for their referee. A mute eyewitness screamed with fright.A cripple danced to see the sight. A deaf policeman heard the noise.He came and shot the two dead boys.A paralyzed donkey passing by,Kicked the copper in the eye, And knocked him through a rubber wall, Into a ditch and drowned them all.If you don’t believe this lie is true,Ask the blind man. He saw it too.

~

She swearsshe will nevergive birthto a daughter.Won’t evenplant a garden.— Adira Bennett

~

Do not go gentle into that good night

Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,Because their words had forked no lightning theyDo not go gentle into that good night.Good men, the last wave by, crying how brightTheir frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,Do not go gentle into that good night.Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sightBlind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.And you, my father, there on the sad height,Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~

My mouth is a fire escape.The words coming outdon’t care that they are naked.There is something burning in here.

— Andrea Gibson

~

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weepI am not there; I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow,I am the diamond glints on snow,I am the sun on ripened grain,I am the gentle autumn rain.When you awaken in the morning’s hushI am the swift uplifting rushOf quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.

~

Never regret thy fall,O Icarus of the fearless flightFor the greatest tragedy of them allIs never to feel the burning light

— Oscar Wilde

~

Annabel Lee BY EDGAR ALLAN POEIt was many and many a year ago,   In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know   By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought   Than to love and be loved by me. I was a child and she was a child,   In this kingdom by the sea, But we loved with a love that was more than love—   I and my Annabel Lee— With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven   Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago,   In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling   My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsmen came   And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulchre   In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,   Went envying her and me— Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,   In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night,   Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than the love   Of those who were older than we—   Of many far wiser than we— And neither the angels in Heaven above   Nor the demons down under the sea Can ever dissever my soul from the soul   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side   Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,   In her sepulchre there by the sea—   In her tomb by the sounding sea.

~

self-parodies & psalms for shit-scared twenty-somethings by gyzm

is perhaps my favorite poem and just gut punches me whenever i read it but they are a tumblr person who’s poem deserves more attention so please reblog/comment on their poem directly :)

1.

most of what i’ve learned in the first half of my twenties is to embrace statistics i’m not smart enough to verify; theones about black holes and how much of the universe is justempty space: between atoms and from one planet to another.it makes it easier, to stare at my overcrowded sink and thinkthat to get from the floor of this filthy kitchen to the neareststar would take more lifetimes than i could borrow or steal.maybe there is a single withered raspberry molding beneath every single plate i own but in the scheme of things that’s insignificant, a non-event in the life of a non-event, and so canwait until tomorrow, when this hangover is gone.

2.

please, god, don’t let me die before i turn thirty. i’ve heardthat that’s when it all comes together, and i know those’re allfish stories, probably, the lies of those who need to pretend justlike me, but hell, i choose to believe. because the thing is, god, if idie tomorrow, a few years from now, i can pretty much guarantee it’ll be in torn underpants, on a bad hair day, in a bra that doesn’t fitthe way i’d like it to; please, god, don’t let me die before i work outhow to drag myself out of bed in time to dry my hair every morning. i’vebeen promising myself for years i’d learn to get off the couch on monday nights and do laundry, god, okay, i don’t mind living in dirty jeans but i don’t want to die in them, i’m begging, i thank you, i’m sorry, amen.

3.

there should be a page at the back of every baby book thatsays “baby’s first moment of cold realization that they are an gigantic shitheaded asshole.” it’s important, as milestones go. iknow it’s not as glamorous as a first word or a graduation but i’dargue that developmentally, it means at least as much — god knows i put more thought into the bleak portrait of myself at two a.m., staring haggard out from the filmy surface of my mirror, than i did in my ham-fisted infant attempts to say my father’s name. it would benice, is all, to have a warning, to flip through pages of childhood accomplishments and see that placeholder, at the end; to know that the future was coming, inevitably, to make dipshits of us all.

4.

don’t put liquid soap in the dishwasher. don’t put your vibrator in the dishwasher. don’t forget that your mother is coming over until fifteen minutes before she shows up and put every scrap ofevidence that you are a disaster zone living underneath a veneerof overdone eye makeup and slapdash dreams of better tomorrowsin the dishwasher. don’t put your grandmother’s china, that vase you bought at the flea market, a bowl half-full of aged guacamole,in the dishwasher. on the mornings that will keep coming — when the shower does not seem like enough, when you can feel your long history of mistakes pockmarking your face and oozing out from beneath your armpits — don’t put yourself in the dishwasher.

5.

the human body replaces skin cells so quickly that two weeks from now, every part of me will be brand new, and i will still feel as though i have spent my first quarter-century on this planet touching both too much and not enough. that feels profound atthis moment but the human body replaces humiliations fastereven than skin; two weeks from now i will remember saying this,stare at the ceiling above my bed and think: no one has ever been as big of an asshole as you are. there are billions of stars in our galaxy and billions of galaxies in our universe and my ceiling is the only clean part of my apartment. i know it’s a fish story, but c’mon, god, okay — i’m just asking to believe i’ll make it to thirty better dressed; less selfish.

[megs-readstoomuch]

Top 💯 Banned Books of 2010-2020:

☑️The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie

▪️Captain Underpants (series) by Dav Pilkey

▪️Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

▪️Looking for Alaska by John Green

▪️George by Alex Gino

▪️And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell

▪️Drama by Raina Telgemeier

☑️Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

▪️Internet Girls (series) by Lauren Myracle

▪️The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

▪️The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

☑️Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

▪️I Am Jazz by Jazz Jennings and Jessica Herthel

☑️The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

☑️To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

▪️Bone (series) by Jeff Smith

☑️The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

▪️Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

▪️A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo by Jill Twiss

▪️Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg

▪️Alice McKinley (series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

▪️It's Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris

▪️Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

☑️Scary Stories (series) by Alvin Schwartz

▪️Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

☑️A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

▪️Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin

☑️Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

☑️The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

☑️The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

▪️Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

▪️It's a Book by Lane Smith

☑️The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

☑️The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien

▪️What My Mother Doesn't Know by Sonya Sones

☑️A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer

☑️Bad Kitty (series) by Nick Bruel

▪️Crank by Ellen Hopkins

▪️Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich

▪️Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

▪️The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby by Dav Pilkey

▪️This Day in June by Gayle E. Pitman

▪️This One Summer by Mariko Tamaki

▪️A Bad Boy Can Be Good For A Girl by Tanya Lee Stone

▪️Beloved by Toni Morrison

▪️Goosebumps (series) by R.L. Stine

▪️In Our Mothers' House by Patricia Polacco

▪️Lush by Natasha Friend

▪️The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

▪️The Color Purple by Alice Walker

▪️The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

☑️The Holy Bible

▪️This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson

☑️Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

▪️Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

▪️Gossip Girl (series) by Cecily von Ziegesar

▪️House of Night (series) by P.C. Cast

▪️My Mom's Having A Baby by Dori Hillestad Butler

▪️Neonomicon by Alan Moore

▪️The Dirty Cowboy by Amy Timberlake

☑️The Giver by Lois Lowry

☑️Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

▪️Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya

▪️Draw Me a Star by Eric Carle

▪️Dreaming In Cuban by Cristina Garcia

▪️Fade by Lisa McMann

▪️The Family Book by Todd Parr

▪️Feed by M.T. Anderson

▪️Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach

▪️Habibi by Craig Thompson

▪️House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende

▪️Jacob's New Dress by Sarah Hoffman

▪️Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

▪️Monster by Walter Dean Myers

▪️Nasreen’s Secret School by Jeanette Winter

▪️Saga by Brian K. Vaughan

▪️Stuck in the Middle by Ariel Schrag

▪️The Kingdom of Little Wounds by Susann Cokal

▪️1984 by George Orwell

▪️A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

▪️Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher

☑️Awakening by Kate Chopin

▪️Burned by Ellen Hopkins

▪️Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

▪️Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers

▪️Glass by Ellen Hopkins

▪️Heather Has Two Mommies by Lesle´a Newman

☑️I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

▪️Madeline and the Gypsies by Ludwig Bemelmans

▪️My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis

▪️Prince and Knight by Daniel Haack

▪️Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology by Amy Sonnie

▪️Skippyjon Jones (series) by Judith Schachner

▪️So Far from the Bamboo Grove by Yoko Kawashima Watkins

▪️The Color of Earth (series) by Tong-hwa Kim

▪️The Librarian of Basra by Jeanette Winter

▪️The Walking Dead (series) by Robert Kirkman

▪️Tricks by Ellen Hopkins

▪️Uncle Bobby’s Wedding by Sarah S Brannen

▪️Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks

[smg4andbeetlejuicefanatic]

(You guys seem to like these a lot)

*The school day was like any normal school day. Except for all the “April Fools” jokes. Yes, today was April 1st, April Fools Day—and Mr. Krupp’s birthday. The only birthday wishes he’d gotten during the school hours were from Ms. Anthrope and a few students, and Ms. Anthrooe gave him a coffee-scented candle in a mug that said “I ❤️ COFFEE” on it. Though he didn’t admit it, he did kind of like it. He did love coffee, after all. But the end of the day came quickly, and now Mr. Krupp was on his way back to his office do some extra work before heading home.*

Mr. Krupp: *walks into the office and sees streamers, balloons, a cake, and a banner that says “Happy Birthday”* What the—

Captain Underpants/George/Harold: *jumps out from hiding* SURPRISE!!!

Mr. Krupp: *startled* AAHH!!! What are you guys doing in my office?!

George: *gestures to all the decorations* Isn’t it obvious? We threw you a surprise party!

Mr. Krupp: Really?

Harold: Yup! We even all brought presents!

Cap/George/Harold: *each holds up their present*

Mr. Krupp: *looks around* You mean to tell me...that you all took the time to throw a party for ME?

Cap: Yeah!

Mr. Krupp: ...Why?

Cap: Because you’re our friend, and we care about you!

Harold: Yeah! And George and I figured you deserved it after all the anger and possible stress we’ve put you through with our pranks.

Cap/George/Harold: *grin*

Mr. Krupp: ...

Mr. Krupp: *lip quivers and eyes fill with tears*

Cap/George/Harold: ?

Mr.Krupp: *starts crying*

Cap/George/Harold: ?!

George: What’s wrong, Mr. Krupp?

Mr. Krupp: Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me!

Cap: Well we have today! And the boys and I are going to make sure that this is the best party you’ve ever had!

George/Harold: What he said!

Mr. Krupp: *smiles genuinely* Thank you!

Cap/George/Harold: *all hug him* You’re welcome, bub!

Cap: *after they let go* So what would you like to do first?

Mr. Krupp: I think I’ll open my presents first.

Cap: Alrighty! Here! *hands him his present*

Mr. Krupp: *opens it; it’s a pair of white sunglasses with some colorful plastic gems glued to the sides and on the rims and an Elvis hair toupee* Oh wow! *puts them on* This is nice! *his best Elvis voice* Thank you very much!

George/Harold: *laughing*

Harold: Now open mine! *hands him his present*

Mr. Krupp: *opens it; it’s a gold-colored tie* Now THAT is one snazzy tie.

Harold: My mom embroidered some sparkles on it to make it look shiny.

Mr. Krupp: Tell her I said thank you. *puts it on*

George: Lookin’ good, Mr. K!

Mr. Krupp: *Elvis voice* Thank you!

George/Harold: *giggling*

George: Alright, now mine! *hands him his present*

Mr. Krupp: *opens it; it’s one of bird desk toys that dips its beak in water over and over again* Huh. I’ve actually been wanting one of these.

Harold: You should name it!

Mr. Krupp: Ok, I’ll name him Elvis. *sets Elvis on his desk*

George: Nice. And from both me and Harold— *holds up a comic book*

Mr. Krupp: *takes it* Captain Underpants and the Blasphomous Battle of the Birthday Balloon Banshee.

George: It’s the first and only copy—

Harold: —made specifically for you!

Mr. Krupp: Well I’ll definitely be reading it later. *sets it on his desk next to Elvis, then goes back over to the boys and ruffles their hair* I guess you two aren’t so bad after all. Thanks.

George/Harold: You’re welcome!

Cap: Let’s have cake now!

George/Harold: YAY!

*The party was a blast. Mr. Krupp has never smiled as much as he did during that time. Once it was over, he gave George and Harold each a prize pupil gold star sticker before they left with the Captain. Later, when Krupp arived home, he discovered that the Captain had left one more present for him in the fridge.*

Mr. Krupp: *opens the fridge and sees a big bowl of fresh guacamole with a sticky note on it saying “Happy Birthday! -CU”* Haha! Captain Underpants, you son of a gun!

*Krupp now sat in his chair in the living room in his pajamas eating the guacamole and reading the comic George and Harold made for him.*

[roarformeprettylion]

List of Banned Books

How Many Have You Read?

Children’s Books:

Allan, Nicholas. Where Willy Went

Allard, Harry. Bumps in the Night

Allard, Harry. The Stupids series

Allington, Richard. Once Upon a Hippo

Ancona, George. Cuban Kids

Avi. The Fighting Ground

Babbitt, Natalie. The Devil’s Storybook

Bailey, Jacqui, and Jan McCafferty. Sex, Puberty, and All That Stuff: A Guide to Growing Up

Bannerman, Helen. Little Black Sambo

Birdseye, Tom. Attack of the Mutant Underwear

Blume, Judy. Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret

Blume, Judy. Blubber

Brannen, Sarah S. Uncle Bobby’s Wedding

Brittain, Bill. The Wish Giver

Brown, Laurie Krasny, and Marc Brown. What’s the Big Secret? Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys

Brown, Marc Tolon. Buster’s Sugartime

Butler, Dori Hillestad. My Mom’s Having a Baby! A Kid’s Month-by-Month Guide to Pregnancy

Carle, Eric. Draw Me a Star

Christensen, James, C., Renwick St. James and Alan Dean Foster. Voyage of the Basset

Clutton-Brock, Juliet. Horse (DK)

Cohen, Daniel. Ghostly Warnings

Cohen, Daniel. Phantom Animals

Cole, Babette. Mommy Laid An Egg

Cole, Joanna. Asking About Sex and Growing Up

Collier, James Lincoln, and Christopher Collier. Jump Ship to Freedom

Collier, James Lincoln, and Christopher Collier. My Brother Sam is Dead

Collier, James Lincoln, and Christopher Collier. With Every Drop of Blood

Cormier, Robert. The Chocolate War

Coupe, Peter. The Beginner’s Guide to Drawing Cartoons

Curtis, Christopher Paul. The Watsons Go to Birmingham—1963

Dahl, Roald. James and the Giant Peach

Dahl, Roald. The Witches

de Haan, Linda. King & King

DeClements, Barthe. Sixth Grade Can Really Kill You

Elliot, David. An Alphabet for Rotten Kids

Fierstein, Harvey. The Sissy Duckling

Fogelin, Adrian. My Brother’s Hero

Fox, Mem. Guess What?

Fox, Paula. The Slave Dancer

Garden, Nancy. Holly’s Secret

Geisel, Theodor Seuss. Hop on Pop: The Simplest Seuss for Youngest Use

Geisel, Theodor Seuss. If I Ran the Zoo

George, Jean Craighead. Julie of the Wolves

Gordon, Sharon. Cuba

Grove, Vicki. The Starplace

Hahn, Mary Downing. The Dead Man in Indian Creek

Hanford, Martin. Where’s Waldo?

Harper, Charise Mericle. Flashcards of My Life

Harper, Kathryn. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Harris, Robie. It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health

Harris, Robie. It’s So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families

Harris, Robie. Who’s In My Family?: All About Families (Let’s Talk About You and Me)

Henkes, Kevin. Olive’s Ocean

Henson, Jim. For Every Child a Better World

Hergé [Georges Remi]. Tintin in America

Hergé [Georges Remi]. Tintin in the Congo

Herthel, Jessica, and Jazz Jennings. I Am Jazz

Hill, Douglas Arthur. Witches and Magic-Makers

Homes, A.M. Jack

Ignatow, Amy. The Popularity Papers

Jukes, Mavis. It’s a Girl Thing: How to Stay Healthy, Safe and in Charge

Kehret, Peg. Stolen Children

Kellogg, Steven. Pinkerton, Behave!

Kilodavis, Cheryl. My Princess Boy: A Mom’s Story About a Young Boy Who Loves to Dress Up

Kotzwinkle, William, and Glenn Murray. Walter the Farting Dog

L’Engle, Madeleine. A Wrinkle in Time

Lewis, Richard, comp. There Are Two Lives: Poems by Children of Japan

Lindgren, Astrid. The Runaway Sleigh Ride

Lowry, Lois. Anastasia Krupnik series

Lowry, Lois. The Giver.

Madaras, Linda. What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons

Madaras, Linda. What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters

Martin, Michael. Kurt Cobain

Mayle, Peter. Where Did I Come From?

Mercado, Nancy E., ed. Tripping Over the Lunch Lady and Other Short Stories

Merriam, Eve. Halloween ABC

Merriam, Eve. The Inner City Mother Goose

Mochizuki, Ken. Baseball Saved Us

Nelson, O.T. The Girl Who Owned a City

Newman, Leslea. Heather Has Two Mommies

Okimoto, Jean Davies, and Elaine M. Aoki. The White Swan Express: A Story About Adoption

Opie, Iona. I Saw Esau

Orgel, Doris. The Devil in Vienna

Pardi, Francesca, and Tullio F. Altan. Little Egg (Piccolo uovo)

Park, Barbara. Junie B. Jones (

Parr, Todd. The Family Book

Paterson, Katherine. Bridge to Terabithia

Paterson, Katherine. The Great Gilly Hopkins

Perritano, John. Amityville

Peters, Lisa Westberg. Our Family Tree: An Evolution Story

Pilkey, Dav. The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby: The First Graphic Novel

Pilkey, Dav. Captain Underpants series

Pittman, Gayle E. This Day in June

Polacco, Patricia. In Our Mothers’ House

Pullman, Philip. His Dark Materials series

Quinlan, Patricia. Tiger Flowers

Reavin, Sam. The Hunters Are Coming

Richardson, Justin, and Peter Parnell. And Tango Makes Three

Rodgers, Mary. Freaky Friday

Rosen, Lucy. I Am Bane

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter series

Ruby, Laura. Lily’s Ghosts

Sachar, Louis. The Boy Who Lost His Face

Sachar, Louis. Marvin Redpost: Is He a Girl?

Schniedewind, Nancy. Open Minds to Equality: A Sourcebook of Learning Activities to Affirm Diversity and Promote Equity

Schreier, Alta. Vamos a Cuba ( A Vist to Cuba)

Schwartz, Alvin. And the Green Grass Grew All Around

Schwartz, Alvin. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat

Schwartz, Alvin. Ghosts! Ghost Stories in Folklore

Schwartz, Alvin. Scary Stories series

Sendak, Maurice. In the Night Kitchen

Sherman, Josepha, and T.K.F. Weisskopf. Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts

Silverstein, Shel. A Light in the Attic

Smith, Jeff. Bone series

Snyder, Zilpha Keatley. The Egypt Game

Speare, Elizabeth George. The Sign of the Beaver

Steer, Dugald. Wizardology: The Book of the Secrets of Merlin

Stine, R.L. Goosebumps series

Stroud, Jonathan. The Amulet of Samarkand

Stroud, Jonathan. The Golem’s Eye

Stroud, Jonathan. Ptolemy’s Gate

Tamaki, Mariko, and Jillian Tamaki. This One Summer

Taylor, Mildred D. The Land

Taylor, Mildred D. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry

Telgemeier, Raina. Drama

Texier, Ophélie. Jean Has Two Moms (Jean a deux mamans)

Toriyama, Akira. Dragon Ball: The Monkey King

Willhoite, Michael. Daddy’s Roommate

Winter, Jeanette. The Librarian of Basra: A True Story from Iraq

Winter, Jeanette. Nasreen’s Secret School: A True Story from Afghanistan

Yep, Laurence. Dragonwings

Young Adult Books:

Adler, C.S. The Shell Lady’s Daughter

Alexie, Sherman. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

Alva0rez, Julia. In the Time of the Butterflies

Anaya, Rudolfo A. Bless Me, Ultima

Anderson, Laurie Halse. Speak

Anderson, Laurie Halse. Twisted

Anderson, M.T. Feed

Angelou, Maya. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

Anonymous. Go Ask Alice

Asher, Jay. Thirteen Reasons Why

Atkins, Catherine. Alt Ed

Atkins, Catherine. When Jeff Comes Home

Atwood, Margaret. The Handmaid’s Tale

Barnes, Derrick. The Making of Dr. Truelove

Barron, T.A. The Great Tree of Avalon: Child of the Dark Prophecy

Baskin, Julia, Lindsey Newman, Sophie Pollitt-Cohen, and Courtney Toombs. The Notebook Girls: Four Friends, One Diary, Real Life

Bauer, Marion Dane. On My Honor

Bauer, Marion Dane, ed. Am I Blue? Coming Out from the Silence

Benioff, David. City of Thieves

Block, Francesca Lia. Baby Be-Bop

Block, Francesca Lia. Girl Goddess

Block, Francesca Lia. I Was a Teenage Fairy

Block, Francesca Lia. The Rose and the Beast: Fairy Tales Retold

Block, Francesca Lia. Witch Baby

Blume, Judy. Deenie

Blume, Judy. Forever

Blume, Judy. Here’s to You, Rachel Robinson

Blume, Judy. Tiger Eyes

Bode, Janet, and Stan Mack. Heartbreak and Roses: Real Life Stories of Troubled Love

Bower, Bert, and Jim Lobdell. History Alive! The Medieval World and Beyond

Boyle, T. Coraghessan. The Tortilla Curtain

Bradbury, Ray. Fahrenheit 451

Brashares, Ann. Forever in Blue, the Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood

Burgess, Melvin. Doing It

Card, Orson Scott. Ender’s Game

Cart, Michael. My Father’s Scar

Cast, P.C., and Kristin Cast. House of Night series

Chambers, Aidan. Dance on My Grave: A Life and Death in Four Parts

Chbosky, Stephen. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Choldenko, Gennifer. Al Capone Does My Shirts

Clerc, Charles, and Louis Leiter, comp. Seven Contemporary Short Novels

Cohen, Susan, and Daniel Cohen. When Someone You Know is Gay

Clinton, Cathryn. A Stone in My Hand

Colasanti, Susane. When It Happens

Cole, Brock. The Facts Speak for Themselves

Cole, Brock. The Goats

Colfer, Eoin. The Supernaturalist

Collins, Suzanne. The Hunger Games Trilogy

Conly, Jane. Crazy Lady

Cooney, Caroline. The Face on the Milk Carton

Cooney, Caroline. The Terrorist

Cormier, Robert. After the First Death

Cormier, Robert. Beyond the Chocolate War

Cormier, Robert. Fade

Cormier, Robert. Heroes

Cormier, Robert. I Am the Cheese

Cormier, Robert. Tenderness

Cormier, Robert. We All Fall Down

Coville, Bruce. Am I Blue?

Cox, Elizabeth. Night Talk

Crawford, Brent. Carter Finally Gets It

Cruse, Howard. Stuck Rubber Baby

Crutcher, Chris. Athletic Shorts

Crutcher, Chris. Chinese Handcuffs

Crutcher, Chris. Deadline

Crutcher, Chris. In the Time I Get

Crutcher, Chris. Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes

Crutcher, Chris. Whale Talk

Daldry, Jeremy. The Teenage Guy’s Survival Guide

Dandicat, Edwidge. Krik! Krak!

Danforth, Emily M. The Miseducation of Cameron Post

Davis, Deborah. My Brother Has AIDS

Davis, Jenny. Sex Education

Dawe, Ted. Into the River

Dawson, James. This Book is Gay

Dessen, Sarah. Just Listen

Deuker, Carl. On the Devil’s Court

Doctorow, Cory. Little Brother

Dorfman, Ariel. Death and the Maiden

Dorris, Michael. A Yellow Raft in Blue Water

Draper, Sharon M., and Adam Lowenbein. Romiette and Julio

Drill, Esther. Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL

Duncan, Lois. Daughters of Eve

Duncan, Lois. Killing Mr. Griffin

Eleveld, Mark, ed. The Spoken Word Revolution: Slam, Hip Hop & the Poetry of a New Generation

Elish, Dan. Born Too Short: The Confessions of an Eighth-Grade Basket Case

Ellis, Elisabeth Gaynor, and Anthony Esler. World History

Ellison, Ralph. Invisible Man

Erlbach, Arlene. The Middle School Survival Guide

Ferris, Jean. Eight Seconds

Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby

Forman, Gayle. Just One Day

Franco, Betsy. You Hear Me? Poems and Writings by Teenage Boys

Frank, Anne. Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

Frank, E.R. America: A Novel

Frank, E.R. Life is Funny

Freedom Writers. The Freedom Writers Diary: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used Writing to Change Themselves and the World Around Them

Freymann-Weyr, Garret. My Heartbeat

Friend, Natasha. Lush

Gaiman, Neil. Neverwhere

Gaines, Ernest. The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman

Garden, Nancy. Annie on My Mind

Garden, Nancy. Good Moon Rising

Gardner, John. Grendel

Giles, Gail. Shattering Glass

Glenn, Mel. Who Killed Mr. Chippendale?

Going, K.L. Fat Kid Rules the World

Golding, William. Lord of the Flies

Gould, Steven. Jumper

Gray, Heather M., and Samantha Phillips. Real Girl/Real World: Tools for Finding Your True Self

Green, John. An Abundance of Katherines

Green, John. The Fault in Our Stars

Green, John. Looking for Alaska

Green, John. Paper Towns

Greene, Bette. The Drowning of Stephan Jones

Greene, Bette. Summer of My German Solidier

Haddix, Margaret Peterson. Don’t You Dare Read This, Mrs. Dunphrey

Halpern, Julie. Get Well Soon

Hartinger, Brent. Geography Club

Hautzig, Deborah. Hey Dollface

Heller, Joseph. Catch-22

Hernandez, Gilbert. Palomar: The Heartbreak Soup Stories

Heron, Ann. Two Teenagers in Twenty

Hinton, S.E. The Outsiders

Hinton, S.E. Taming the Star Runner

Hinton, S.E. Tex

Hinton, S.E. That Was Then, This is Now

Holliday, Laurel. Children in the Holocaust and World War II: Their Secret Diaries

Holmes, Melisa, and Trish Hutchison. Hang-ups, Hook-ups, and Holding Out: Stuff You Need to Know about Your Body, Sex, and Dating

Hopkins, Ellen. Crank

Hopkins, Ellen. Identical

Horowitz, Anthony. Snakehead

Hosseini, Khaled. The Kite Runner

Howe, James. Totally Joe

Huegel, Kelly. GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens

Hurston, Zora Neale. Their Eyes Were Watching God

Hurwin, Davida. Time for Dancing

Huxley, Aldous. Brave New World

Hwa, Kim Dong. The Color of Earth series

Jahn-Clough, Lisa. Me, Penelope

Johnson, Maureen. The Bermudez Triangle

Jukes, Mavis. The Guy Book: An Owner’s Manual

Kehret, Peg. Abduction!

Kenan, Randall. James Baldwin

Keyes, Daniel. Flowers for Algernon

King, Stephen. Carrie

King, Stephen. Christine

Klause, Annette Curtis. Blood and Chocolate

Klein, Norma. Beginners’ Love

Klein, Norma. Family Secrets

Klein, Norma. Just Friends

Kleinbaum, N.H. Dead Poet’s Society

Knowles, Jo (Johanna Beth). Lessons from a Dead Girl

Koertge, Ron. Arizona Kid

Koertge, Ron. The Brimstone Journals

Koerge, Ron. Where the Kissing Never Stopped

Korman, Gordon. Jake Reinvented

Kuklin, Susan. Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out

LaCour, Nina. Hold Still

Larson, Rodger. What I Know Now

Lebert, Benjamin. Crazy: A Novel

Lee, Harper. To Kill a Mockingbird

Lester, Julius. When Dad Killed Mom

Levenkron, Steven. The Best Little Girl in the World

Levithan, David. Two Boys Kissing

Lipsyte, Robert. One Fat Summer

Locker, Sari. Sari Says: The Real Dirt on Everything from Sex to School

Lockhart, E. The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them

London, Jack. The Call of the Wild

Lopez, Tiffany Ana. Growing Up Chicana/o

Loux, Matthew. SideScrollers

Lyga, Barry. I Hunt Killers

Lynch, Chris. Extreme Elvin

Lynch, Chris. The Iceman

Mackler, Carolyn. The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things

Mackler, Carolyn. Love and Other Four Letter Words

Mackler, Carolyn. Tangled

Mackler, Carolyn. Vegan Virgin Valentine

Martin, W.K. Marlene Dietrich

Martinac, Paula. k.d. lang

Mazer, Harry. The Last Mission

McBain, Ed. Alice in Jeopardy

McCormick, Patricia. Cut

McCullers, Carson. The Member of the Wedding

McKissack, Fredrick, Jr. Shooting Star

McNally, John, ed. When I Was a Loser: True Stories of (Barely) Surviving High School by Today’s Top Writers

Mead, Richelle. Vampire Academy series

Meyer, Michael, ed. Bedford Introduction to Literature

Meyer, Stephenie. Twilight series

Morrison, Toni. Beloved

Morrison, Toni. The Bluest Eye

Morrison, Toni. Song of Solomon

Mungo, Raymond. Liberace

Myers, Walter Dean. Fallen Angels

Myers, Walter Dean. Hoops

Myracle, Lauren. ttyl; ttfn; l8r g8r series

Naylor, Phyllis Reynolds. Alice series

Nix, Garth. Shade’s Children

Nixon, Joan Lowery. Whispers from the Dead

Nunokawa, Jeff. Oscar Wilde

O’Brien, Sharon. Willa Cather

O’Brien, Tim. The Things They Carried

Oates, Joyce Carol. Sexy

Ockler, Sarah. Twenty Boy Summer

Oh, Minya. Bling: Hip Hop’s Crown Jewels

Orwell, George. 1984

Parish, James Robert. Whoopi Goldberg: Her Journey from Poverty to Mega-Stardom

Park, Barbara. Mick Harte Was Here

Parks, Gordon. The Learning Tree

Paulsen, Gary. Harris and Me

Peck, Robert Newton. A Day No Pigs Would Die

Pelzer, Dave. A Child Called It

Picoult, Jodi. Nineteen Minutes

Pike, Christopher. Bury Me Deep

Pike, Christopher. Chain Letter 2

Pike, Christopher. Die Softly

Pike, Christopher. Last Act

Pike, Christopher. The Listeners

Pike, Christopher. The Lost Mind

Pike, Christopher. The Midnight Club

Pike, Christopher. Remember Me 3

Pike, Christopher. The Star Group

Pike, Christopher. Witch

Plum-Ucci, Carol. The Body of Christopher Creed

Pomeroy, Wardell. Boys and Sex

Pomeroy, Wardell. Girls and Sex

Rapp, Adam. The Buffalo Tree

Reiss, Johanna. The Upstairs Room

Rennison, Louise. Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging

Rennison, Louise. Knocked Out By My Nunga-Nungas

Rennison, Louise. On the Bright Side, I’m Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God: Further Confessions of Georgia Nicolson

Reynolds, Marilyn. Detour for Emmy

Riley, Andy. The Book of Bunny Suicides: Little Fluffy Rabbits Who Just Don’t Want to Live Anymore

Rivera, Tomas. And the Earth Did Not Devour Him

Rowell, Rainbow. Eleanor & Park

Salinger, J.D. The Catcher in the Rye

Sanchez, Alex. Rainbow Boys

Santiago, Esmeralda. When I Was Puerto Rican

Sapphire [Ramona Lofton]. Push

Satrapi, Marjane. Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood

Schouweiler, Thomas. The Devil: Opposing Viewpoints

Scott, Elizabeth. Living Dead Girl

Selzer, Adam. How to Get Suspended and Influence People

Shakespeare, William. Romeo and Juliet (No Fear Shakespeare)

Shusterman, Neal. Unwind

Sidhwa, Bapsi. Cracking India

Sittenfeld, Curtis. Prep: A Novel

Skloot, Rebecca. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

Smith, Lee. Fair and Tender Ladies

Smith, Patrick. A Land Remembered

Snyder, Jane McIntosh. Sappho

Sones, Sonya. One of Those Hideous Books Where the Moher Dies

Sones, Sonya. What My Mother Doesn’t Know

Sonnie, Amy, ed. Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology

Speare, Elizabeth George. The Witch of Blackbird Pond

Spies, Karen Bornemann. Everything You Need to Know About Incest

St. Stephen’s Community House. The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality

Steinbeck, John. The Grapes of Wrath

Steinbeck, John. Of Mice and Men

Stine, R.L. Double Date

Stokstad, Marilyn. Art History: Eighteenth to Twenty-First Century Art, Third Edition

Stone, Tanya Lee. A Bad Boy Can Be Good for a Girl

Srasser, Todd. Give a Boy a Gun

Summers, Courtney. Some Girls Are

Tarbox, Katherine. A Girl’s Life Online

Taylor, Mildred D. Mississippi Bridge

Touchette, Charleen. It Stops With Me: Memoir of a Canuck Girl

Trueman, Terry. Stuck in Neutral

Twain, Mark [Samuel L. Clemens]. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Twain, Mark [Samuel L. Clemens]. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

von Ziegesar, Cecily. Gossip Girl series

Walker, Alice. The Color Purple

Walker, Kate. Peter

Watkins, Yoko. So Far From the Bamboo Grove

Wersba, Barbara. Whistle Me Home

Williams-Garcia, Rita. Like Sisters on the Homefront

Wittlinger, Ellen. Sandpiper

Wolfe, Daniel. T.E. Lawrence

Wolff, Tobias. This Boy’s Life: A Memoir

Wood, Maryrose. Sex Kittens and Horn Dawgs Fall in Love

Wright, Richard. Native Son

WritersCorps. Paint Me Like I Am: Teen Poems

Zindel, Paul. The Pigman

Zwerman, Gilda. Martina Navratilova

Classics:

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger

The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck

To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee

The Color Purple, by Alice Walker

Ulysses, by James Joyce

Beloved, by Toni Morrison

The Lord of the Flies, by William Golding

1984, by George Orwell

Lolita, by Vladmir Nabokov

Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck

Catch-22, by Joseph Heller

Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley

Animal Farm, by George Orwell

The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway

As I Lay Dying, by William Faulkner

A Farewell to Arms, by Ernest Hemingway

Their Eyes Were Watching God, by Zora Neale Hurston

Invisible Man, by Ralph Ellison

Song of Solomon, by Toni Morrison

Gone with the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell

Native Son, by Richard Wright

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, by Ken Kesey

Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut

For Whom the Bell Tolls, by Ernest Hemingway

The Call of the Wild, by Jack London

Go Tell it on the Mountain, by James Baldwin

All the King's Men, by Robert Penn Warren

The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Jungle, by Upton Sinclair

Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D.H. Lawrence

A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess

The Awakening, by Kate Chopin

In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote

The Satanic Verses, by Salman Rushdie

Sophie's Choice, by William Styron

 Sons and Lovers, by D.H. Lawrence

Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut

A Separate Peace, by John Knowles

Naked Lunch, by William S. Burroughs

Brideshead Revisited, by Evelyn Waugh

Women in Love, by D.H. Lawrence

The Naked and the Dead, by Norman Mailer

Tropic of Cancer, by Henry Miller

An American Tragedy, by Theodore Dreiser

Rabbit, Run, by John Updike

Source: http://www.ala.org/advocacy/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks

[ponderings-of-a-wildflower]

The Visitors

(Scene opens to a sitting room. Low sexy lighting and soft sexy music. On the sofa are Victor and Iris just beginning to make passes at each other.)

Victor (Graham Chapman): Would you mind terribly if I hold your hand?

Iris (Carol Cleveland): Oh no, not at all.

Victor: Oh Iris, you're so very beautiful.

Iris: Oh, do you really mean that?

Victor: I do, I do, I do. I think I'm beginning to fall in love with you.

Iris: Oh Victor.

Victor: It's silly isn't it?

Iris: No, no, not at all dear sweet Victor.

Victor: No I didn't mean that. Only just us being so close together for so many months in the soft-toy department and yet never daring to...

Iris: Oh, oh Victor.

Victor: Oh Iris. (they move closer to kiss; just before their lips meet the doorbell rings) Who can that be?

Iris: Oh, well you try and get rid of them.

Victor: Yes I will, I will.

(Victor opens the front door. Arthur Name is standing outside the door.)

Arthur (Eric Idle): Hello!

Victor: Hello?

Arthur: Remember me?

Victor: No I'm...

Arthur: In the pub. The tall thin one with the moustache, remember? About three years ago?

Victor: No, I don't I'm afraid.

Arthur: Oh, blimey, it's dark in here, (switches light on) that's better. Only you said we must have a drink together sometime, so I thought I'd take you up on it as the film society meeting was cancelled this evening.

Victor: Look, to be frank, it is a little awkward this evening.

Arthur: (stepping in; to Iris) Hello, I'm Arthur. Arthur Name. Name by name but not by nature. I always say that, don't I Vicky boy?

Victor: Really?

Arthur: (to Victor) Is that your wife?

Victor: Er, no, actually.

Arthur: Oh, I get the picture. Eh? Well don't worry about me Vicky boy, I know all about one-night stands.

Victor: I beg your pardon?

Arthur: Mind if I change the record? (takes the record off)

Victor: Look, look, we put that on.

Arthur: Here's a good one, I heard it in a pub. What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Victor: I beg your pardon?

Arthur: What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! Ha, ha, ha, that's a good one. I like that one, I won't keep you long. (the gramophone plays the 'Liberty Bell March' very loud) That's better, now don't worry about me. I'll wait here till you've finished.

(The doorbell rings again.)

Victor: Who the hell...

Arthur: I'll get it. It'll be friends of mine. I took the liberty of inviting them along.

Victor: Look, we were hoping to have a quiet evening on our own.

Arthur: Oh, they won't mind. They're very broad-minded. Hello!

(He opens the door; Mr and Mrs Equator walk in and go straight up to Victor.)

Brian (John Cleese): Good evening. My name is Equator, Brian Equator. Like round the middle of the Earth, only with an L. (wheezing laugh) This is my wife Audrey, she smells a bit but she has a heart of gold.

Audrey (Terry Jones): Hello, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Victor: There must have been some kind of misunderstanding, because this is not the...

Brian: Who's that then?

Victor: What?

Brian: Who's the bird?

Victor: I'm...

Brian: You got a nice pair there haven't you love? (puts hand on Iris's boobs and gives a wet kiss; Iris screams) Shut up you silly bitch, it was only a bit of fun.

Victor: Now look here...

Brian: Big gin please.

Arthur: I'll get it.

Victor: (going after Arthur) Look, leave those drinks alone.

Audrey: And three tins of beans for me please.

Brian: I told you to lay off the beans, you whore!

Audrey: I only want three cans.

Brian: Button your lip you rat-bag. (laughs uproariously)

Audrey: (joins in) Ha, ha, ha, ha!!

Brian: It was rather witty, wasn't it? Where's my gin?

(The doorbell rings again)

Victor: Who the hell's that?

Brian: Oh, I took the liberty of inviting an old friend along, as his wife has just passed away, and he's somewhat distraught poor chap. I hope you don't mind.

Arthur: (opening door) Come on in.

(In walks Mr Freight in underpants, sequins, eye make-up, white wellies, and necklace.)

Mr Freight (Terry Gilliam): Oh? My God, what a simply ghastly place.

Brian: Not too good is it? A pint of creme de menthe for my friend. Well how are you, you great poof? (sits down) Bit lumpy. Ah, no wonder, I was sitting on the cat. (throws it into fire)

Iris: Aaaagh! Boo boo hooo.

Mr Freight: I've asked along a simply gorgeous little man I picked up outside the Odeon.

Brian: Is he sexy then?

(In walks Mr Cook with a goat. Freight kisses him.)

Mr Cook (Michael Palin): I had to bring the goat, he's not well. I only hope he don't go on the carpet.

Brian: (to Iris) Come on then love, drop 'em.

Iris: Aaaaaaagh! (runs out)

Brian: Blimey, she don't go much do she?

(He sits in chair which collapses.)

Audrey: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oooooh! I've wet 'em

Mr Cook: The goat's just done a bundle.

(A group of singers run on, dressed as Welsh miners. All talk at once.)

Victor: Look, get out all of you. Go on. Get out! Get out!

Brian: I beg your pardon?

Victor: I'm turning you all out. I'm not having my house filled with filthy perverts, now look, I'm giving you just half a minute then I'm going to call the police, so get out.

Brian: I don't much like the tone of your voice. (shoots him) Right let's have a ding dong.

All: (singing) Ding dong merrily on high, in Heaven the bells are ringing etc...

- Monty Python's Flying Circus

[hashtagsmitty]

Smitty's Thailand Adventure - Day 2

Big day. My phone is saying 27000 steps. The highlights include getting a suit tailored, having a thai woman rub my naked body down for an hour, meeting Keith Urban's green beret brother, and a friendly, spirited discussion about Islam. No spoilerinos though!

I didn't sleep well, the bed was way too hard and the springs jabbed me all night. I'd told Josh 10am but I was up at 6. I read some more of "Growth Mindset" - talking about sports stars and CEOs that had fixed mindsets vs those with growth mindsets.

Josh texted me and said that he was going to meet me at 11 because he didn't sleep well, so I went out exploring. I got turned around a few times trying to find the train station on the main road. Think a giant freeway overpass with four train lines on it, and a huge station connecting them all. This one has two mega shopping centers like the Emporium attached. It didn't open until 10, so I went for a walk in the park instead.

There were heaps of people just doing normal park stuff - walking, exercising. I saw a couple kids practicing punches. There was an old woman cutting a hedge, and most of the park was well maintained - except for a set of steps I found. They were leading to a jetty that jutted out over the lake in the middle of the park, and the steps leading down were covered in bird poo. It was weird seeing the juxtaposition. There's another one in this picture I took yesterday:

I really liked the architecture of this building, and it was odd to see the rats nest of phone cabling framed in front of it. That wasn't even the worst one. It highlighted something we saw quite a bit of - lowest possible effort to look good.

I walked around the park for a while, then grabbed some food from the White Family Mart on the corner of my street. The name jumped out at me. I grabbed some godawful dried strawberries and a rice and grilled chicken packet that was way better than I expected.

Josh texted me, so I left the hotel and went back to the Emporium and walked around a bit. There was this cool shop called Another Man Story with unique custom men's accessories. Some of the stuff was cool, but it struck me as a desperate attempt at buying individuality through conformity. "Look at these unique expressions of you that anyone with enough money can buy!"

Says the guy with too many stupid expensive leather jackets.

I was looking at my leather bracelet that I made myself for like $5, and compared it to these bracelets that cost hundreds. I like mine better because I made it and it has meaning to me.

I met up with Josh eventually and we got some pad thai in the food court. I'd never had it before, and it was pretty good. I've always been a picky eater, so eating new shit is a bit outside my comfort zone and I'm proud of the small steps I'm taking.

After brunch(?) we went to a tailor Josh knew, in the first of many trips across the city. We took the skytrain - it cost about a dollar per trip. We needed to change train then walk a bit. I was boggled at how well Josh knows the city, and again reminded how screwed I'd be if I wanted to do any of this shit without him.

The tailor was cool - spoke English, very business-oriented. I ordered a 3-piece suit in grey wool, and two white shirts. It'll be ready the day before I leave.

We left the tailor after Josh finished texting one of his friends - something about organizing a business together. Josh had many words to say about this guy, and the tailor, and anyone who walked slowly...

After the tailor Josh wanted to check out a market to get ties and cuff links. I told him I'd look at one market - we went to Cambodia together a few years back, and I got burned out walking from market to market trying to save 3 dollars on some bag. He led us on a crazy whirlwind tour of the backroads and skywalks across Bangkok, until eventually we ended up at the same market we'd gone to last time we were here!

It was a sprawling shopping centre, with as many stalls crammed in as the fire code would allow. Josh described it as "an inside market with air conditioning." We wandered around looking at shirts for a while until we found the ties and cuffs place. I hemmed and hawwed for a while until I picked out a tie and some cuffs. The tie looks awesome - it's skinny and red.

We left the market and took the winding route back to a different mall - we had some meat and rice dish. Josh told me that beef in Thai was "moo". I called bullshit. The menu had "grilled beef/pork/chicken" on it. When we ordered, Josh pointed at that item and said "moo". The waiter nodded. I grabbed Google Translate and typed in moo - it came up as "swine". Sure enough, the waiter brought out pork.

As we ate, Josh told me the plan for tonight - I needed a haircut, so we planned to walk into a place near his AirBNB. We planned on meeting up with his friends for drinks and a meal, right around the corner from his place. And, I'd expressed that I wanted a massage. So the plan was dump my bag at the hotel, find a massage, get a haircut, then meet his friends for dinner.

Another quick train ride. The thing they don't tell you about the skyrail is that you gotta climb stairs to get on and off each time.

I dumped my bag. Josh warned me about the massage girls outside my hotel, and again, they disappointed by not heckling me.

We tried a couple of massage places near my hotel - the two non-dodgy ones near my hotel, anyway, ones that didn't advertise "Vip Room", "4 Hands Massage", or God forbid "Teen Love". If you need to emphasize that your "masseuses" are teenagers, you're not an establishment I'm keen to visit.

The two non-dodgy ones near the hotel were full. We caught the skytrain again, this time to near Josh's house. We found a massage place that looked OK and went inside.

We had to take off our shoes to go inside. I was wearing blundies that slipped off, and Josh had some sneaker things. I waited awkwardly inside after telling the lady that my friend was coming and he spoke Thai. Josh came in and asked for a massage for each of us, in English. Bastard.

We got led into a cubicle each. Shower curtain walls, a very small cot. I sat down and my masseuse walked in. She was a middle-aged Thai woman. She dropped down under the cot and pulled out a basket, then said "leave your underpants on" and left. I took off everything except my underpants and sat cross legged on the cot. I was nervous. What if she touched something I didn't want touched? What if I reacted in a way I wasn't comfortable reacting? I did some deep breathing while I waited.

My masseuse came back. She said "lay down, back first." I lay down on my back. She said "no, back first!" I rolled back over onto my tummy. She covered my back with a towel, then unrolled the towel down to my underpants. She oiled her hands and started rubbing my back. It was nice - Thai massage is firm, more of a deep tissue massage than relaxation. She worked her way across my back, my legs, then my chest. There was a weird one where she raised one of my legs into a bent position, foot flat, and pressed it down into the other leg. It felt like my balls were getting squished in a sandwich press. Clearly, these techniques were designed for Asian men.

She finished with a neck and head massage. She couldn't speak English, but she communicated humour in other ways - she started rubbing my neck and flicked the weird lump on the side that I have. I wondered how to say "misformed conjoined twin" in Thai, which led to a mental rabbit hole about Siamese twins and whether it was a faux pas to talk about that in Siam. She massaged my scalp and flicked my quiff, then spent time straightening my hair when she finished.

I rate the massage a solid 5/7 - staring at a bare stone wall while an Asian woman grinds her elbow into my spine isn't necessarily my thing, but it was an experience and I'm glad I did it. I'm also glad none of the things I was worried about happened.

While we were putting our shoes back on outside, a sketchy white dude walked up to us. He commented on Josh's shoes and stretched his hand out to me to shake. I shook. He asked where we were from. I said Australia. He said his brother came from New Zealand and that we'd know his name. I said I'm sure I don't. He said his brother's name was Keith Urban and that his name was Greg. I said that I knew his brothers name. He said that he used to be a green beret and asked me to rate his handshake. He did his left hand, then without letting go did the right hand. I said his shake was firm. He said the green beret thing again and twisted my thumbs around. Then he wished us a good night and walked off.

We shrugged and walked on down the road towards the barber. We bumped into Greg Urban again - he commented, and asked where we were going. I said we were getting a haircut. He said "you need one!" I said "thank you!" He said "you need one because you look like shit." We kinda just walked off a bit faster. Both me and Josh were getting major sketchy vibes. Josh compared it to a foreign 5 year old who can speak fluent English walking up to you and talking to you - a distraction for something more sinister.

We kept walking. The barber was in Josh's area. He decided that he was going to show me all the street animals he was friends with. We had to cross another skybridge to get there. As we walked across this one, there was a dude laying down covering half the bridge. Josh said we should go single file. As we walked, the dude sat bolt upright. It felt like something out of a zombie movie and I almost sprinted off. Josh later explained that he was likely an opium addict, and likely at rock bottom because of it.

We walked to the barber. They were super full, so we booked in for tomorrow at 3. My fade needs a touch up. We left, and Josh started pointing out his dog and cat friends. He called them all cutesy names in Spanish, like gordo (fatso) or nino (little boy) or chico (little guy). It was weird to see this super intense friend of mine, fiercely competent and ruthless in business and his personal lives, acting like a kid in a candy store with these street animals. It was a weird juxtaposition, but it definitely humanised him a bit more. The animals were really cute too.

We sat down in W District, an outdoor dining and bar area. Josh ordered us some ribs and chips and we waited for his friend and business partner to arrive. Josh had been texting him all day about their planned business venture. Josh wanted his friend to pick one idea, develop it, and pay Josh to implement it. Josh's friend wanted to develop a whole bunch of ideas at once, and give Josh equity in his company and a place to stay in exchange. His friend was arriving early to negotiate.

Josh had been talking up the ribs all day - he said he should get a commission from the ribs lady for all the business he drove to her. They had a chat, and she agreed to send out 3 things of ribs ASAP.

Bill, Josh's friend, arrived. They negotiated while I listened. I wasn't following everything, but I asked Josh later and he said he got what he wanted. As we talked, more and more people showed up, and Josh introduced me to some of his other friends. His current girlfriend, his Egyptian friend who hates Islam, friends of friends. A Thai girl named Ben - that threw me a bit, let me tell you.

I spent the night mingling. I don't normally hang out in large groups, and definitely not with people I don't know, and rarely around people who are drinking. Further outside the comfort zone, I guess. I put aside my nerves and chatted to people, drawing on my inner extrovert. I played improvisation games with Josh and Bill. I talked about Islam with the Egyptian guy. I did my best to make myself, if not the life and soul of the party, at least a net gain to the gathering.

The ribs arrived after 2 hours of waiting. Bill and I joked about Josh's failed celebrity status. They gave us some plastic gloves to eat the ribs with. The group ordered tower after tower of beer - portable taps with 3 Liters of beer inside. They cost 650 baht, around $25.

I ended up staying way longer than I expected, and headed home around 11. Josh walked me to the station and we talked about expectation and visualization and the universe providing and the great magnet turning. We made plans for the haircut tomorrow, as well as lunch with his current girlfriend and dinner with the same group as tonight. Bill said that he was definitely going because I said I was.

I walked past the"massage parlor" again on the way home, still no harrassment.