#outback miracle

[tirednotflirting]

5sos going to some random outback likely off the interstate in some random mid-sized us town has broken me this is so funny wtf

[fancyfeathers]

I'm Bad, But Then You're No Prize Either Yandere Wriothesley x reader, songfic

part three to this (1 and 2)

This is about Wriothesley’s darling, told more from a 3rd person, following him

When I was a babe, I fell down in the holler

When I was a girl, I fell into your arms

Wriothesley had a meeting with Neuvillette today mostly about employment of guards and incoming inmates. Life was fairly normal for his standards anyway, expect the fact that both his and Neuvillette’s darlings were running around Teyvat. It had been two months now and it’s been a miracle that you two have avoided capture for this long, thanks to ties between nations there was a warrant out for your arrest in almost every nation so you couldn’t stay anywhere for more than a day or two at most. For your friend anyway, Neuvillette’s darling, it was becoming exhausting, at first she was a driven to be free as the anemo archon but now after months of running she became homesick for Fontaine. That leads to what  Wriothesley and Neuvillette are seeing now.

We fell on hard times and we lost our bright color

You went to the dogs and I lived by my charms

Standing in front of them here in Neuvillette’s office is the judge’s darling, soaked to the bone from the rain outside, heavy bags under her eyes, honestly looking like a wreck, all except the anemo vision that rested on her hip, a cruel reminder of what she’s giving up. The guards who escorted her in when she requested to see Neuvillette looked shocked that she just turned herself in. Wriothesley watched as Neuvillette stood from her desk to approach the shivering woman. He stood in front of her, towering over her until he placed a hand on her head, combing her hair out of her face. She broke down sobbing, collapsing in the judge’s arms. From where Wriothesley was sitting he could hear the soft words from the woman of, “I’m sorry.”

I danced for my dinner, spread kisses like honey

You stole and you gambled and I said you should

It took some time for her to calm down, being sat down on one of the couches in the office and wrapped up in blankets. Wriothesley wanted to ask where you were but thought it may be insensitive to how she may be feeling now. But luckily he didn’t have to wait long for that answer because luckily she told it on her own. “She’s saying goodbye to her family.” 

Something with hearing that hurt the duke, but it did tell him where you were. He excused himself from the room, leaving Neuvillette and his darling to talk and to go fin his own.

We sang for our suppers, we drank up our money

Then, one day, you left, sayin' I was no good

He knew where your family lived, in the countryside of Fontaine. He had visited your family after your trail and runaway, it was your mother and younger siblings, your father had died years ago in an accident, leaving you and your mother to look after the rest of the family. Wriothesley had guessed that’s where your tough exterior came from, having to be tough for everyone around you. So now he stood in the entryway of your family’s home, your younger sister had let him in and told him that you were outback talking to papa. He found his way to the back door and looked out the window and saw you sitting against a tombstone under a tree, you had your guitar in hand and then he saw it.

A pyro vision, pinned on your coat.

Well, alright, I'm bad, but then you're no prize either

Alright, I'm bad, but then that's nothin' new

“Just like her father.” Your mother had silently come up behind the duke, watching you as well with a sad smile. He looked over to the older woman, seeing the silent tears falling down her face. “He taught her everything, that guitar she is playing was his, same type of vision, the same fire in their souls.”

“I’m sorry for your loss ma’a-“

“He died years ago, don’t be, it was an accident after all.” She paused in her words before looking over at him, taking the duke’s large hands in her small, fragile, ones. “I know we won’t be able to see her for a long time if ever again, but do me just one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t take her guitar and don’t take her vision, ever. We may still be alive, her siblings and I, but that is all she has left of her father and words cannot describe how much of him is in her.” That request could be tricky, the vision bit, the guitar you could always keep, but the vision could be dangerous. He thought about it longer, you couldn’t escape the fortress even with a vision, so what true harm could it do? 

“You have my word, ma’am.”

The older woman smiled and nodded before excusing herself as Wriothesley stepped out the back door and he could hear your mother’s silent tears become sobs. 

You say you won't love me, I won't love you neither

Just let me remind you what I am to you

He stepped out into the field of a backyard, and he sat down across from you and the tombstone you sat against. You didn’t stop your strumming of your guitar and you didn’t look up to him. You two just sat, not speaking a word, just listening to the music. When you did finish you didn’t look up at him or speak, just sat in more silence. 

'Cause I am the one who looks out when you're leapin'

I am the one who knows how you were brave

“We could come here on weekends, take a holiday. Visit your fami-“

“I’m not going with you, Wriothesley.”

There was a pungent silence for a long moment before he let out a heavy sigh and stood up, reaching down to pull you up.

“I’m afraid you don’t have choice- agh!”

When he grabbed your wrist in an attempt to pull you up, you reached a hand up to slap him across the face, but fueled by the power of your new vision behind it, leaving a burn on the side of his face. He staggered back for a moment, startled by the sudden act of violence. He quickly composed himself and looked up to see you, guitar thrown to the side, you standing up, fists literally blazing and an emotionless expression on your face.

“If I’m going to be locked up, I at least want a reason behind it and not a set up trial. I’m sure assaulting the Duke of Meropide would be enough.”

And I am the one who heard what you said sleepin'

I'll take that and more when I go to my grave

Before you were able to get another strike in Wriothesley slipped his leg under yours, knocking you off your feet and your head it the group with a thump, knocking you unconscious. Your mother was right, you had a fire in your soul, just like your father. He reached down and picked you up, holding you against his chest with one arm before reaching down again and picking up your guitar, swinging it over his shoulder with the strap. He didn’t go back through the house, carrying you around it, giving your mother a view of your unconscious body through the window as he carried you away. Maybe one day you two could come and visit, but that day wouldn’t be for a long time.

It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under

It's sooner than later that you'll be alone

You awoke, hours later, in an unfamiliar room and bed,nyour clothes were changed into pajamas, nothing scandalous or anything, comfortable if anything. Your head had been bandaged up from when it hit the hard ground. You sat up and looked around, you were in a room, a nicer room, you knew you were in the Fortress of Meropide, but this wasn’t a cell, you would much rather be in a cell. You went to stand and found you couldn’t, you looked to your ankle and found it on a very short chain attached to the end of the bed.

So who will you turn to tomorrow? I wonder

For when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own

You sat there, alone for a long time, hours passed or at least it felt like it. There was no clock in the room, so you were only left to your thoughts and the silence. Then the door opened and a slightly disheveled Wriothesley stepped in, he roomed tired. But when he saw you awake, he smiled and walked over to your side, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Hope you got a good rest in, you were out for a pretty long time.” You didn’t respond, just sat in silence one more which drew a heavy sigh from Wriothesley. “Look I know I’m the last person you want to see right now but I’m the only person you’ll be seeing for quite awhile. Just so you know I’m not that bad, you still have your vision, it’s in the bedside drawer. Neuvillette has your friends, keeps it in his coat pocket.”

“Just fuck off.” You said, turning on your side so not to have to look at him. “This is your and Neuvillette’s faults, you did this.”

I am the one who you let see you weepin'

I know the soul that you struggle to save

You felt his hand intertwine with yours, forcefully, because when you tried to pull your hand away he only squeezed harder, to the point where it hurt slightly. You didn’t look over at him but you could feel his eyes on you and you could feel his hand loosen slightly and his thumb rub circles on your skin.

“I may be kind and I will always treat you well as long as you behave, but remember my kindness isn’t weakness.”

You heard his words and you saw your guitar in the corner. He would ask you to play sometimes, but you never would. You may be kind to your family but he is not your family, and you may weak to him but at least you would have the strength to say no.

Too bad I'm the bet that you lost in the reapin'

Now, what will you do when I go to my grave?

[josiebelladonna]

hm. well, let’s see…

-my fics got more autobiographical while fusing worlds of fantasy, i.e., wrote/began writing some of my best work while saturn was in aqua

-my art got a lot honest, too. part of it being i’m working mostly by hand rather than digitization: i still do digital art but i’m having to be wise about it with the rise of ai and everything

-two very sexy men named joey and alex (joey at 0° degrees aquarius, alex at 4°)

-befriended amazing people

-started vocalizing more questions

-started “seeing things as they are”, i.e., people who are all talk and no walk, “fake it til you make it” is bullshit always has been and always will be, and things that are too good to be true, but also good people coming from all walks of life and small miracles in the strangest of places like bowls of soup or the twinkle in alex’s eyes or the way a cloud looks

-started standing up for things i believe in (supporting art and artists, supporting science at its root, taking care of your body, lgbtq+ rights and all things pertaining to sexuality, supporting people from different backgrounds, supporting men as well as women because there’s way too much cartoon “feminism” that’s just an excuse for people to be dickheads to boys and men while acting like girls and women are perfect in every way)

-started becoming really bored and disenchanted with “rockism” and i began paying more attention to smaller acts, weirder shit, and different genres without being all like “why isn’t this more popular?” out the gate in junction with the basic stuff because it’s buried in the same way diamonds are buried

-realized that i’m only a small part of an even bigger thing

-animals began warming up to me more (they always have but it was especially the case then; lots of cats and dogs, but also lots of birds, reptiles, horses, fish, billy goats, deer, elk, and even a couple of foxes?)

-gained 40+ pounds as of my writing this (30 in 2021, 17 last year, and i lost a couple so far this year: 40 pounds is still 40 pounds, and i can barely see my toes anymore when i look down 😅) and figured that it’s actually been a lifelong dream of mine to be very chubby, like i’ve always felt it in hindsight, from looking at my belly in the mirror and wishing it was fat to wanting dessert in a restaurant when my parents refused it. but i also want to stay healthy, like… i like wendy’s, arby’s, dairy queen, jersey mike’s, jack in the box, dutch bros., chili’s, el pollo loco, in n’ out, and outback steakhouse as much as the next fat girl but i actually prefer eating at home, and i eat mainly whole food at that, too—i like foreign food, too, mainly your asian stuff like japanese and vietnamese food. i’ve repressed a lot of desire out of fear of being judged for my weight (pluto is going to make me extra chubby? i’m kinda down 😆😋)

-shit got really erotic with me, like… more so than when saturn was in capricorn because it was all me in aquarius

-with my weight gain, i’ve grown very strong, like i don’t think i would have been able to shovel a pathway through 2-foot snow drifts for my mom, my dog, and myself without having this big, round “mountaineer woman” belly on me. i’m also way more flexible than i was in high school, too (i do miss riding my bike from home to the cafe nearby for coffee and pie, though)

-i’ve grown very disillusioned and displeased with mainstream culture, be it on tv or the internet, and i’ve just decided to go with my heart and what i like and i don’t care if i’m alone in it, too

-my intuition got absurdly sharp during that transit, too, like things would manifest to me after i talked about it in throwaway fashion or thought about it in fleeting detail

-been traveling a lot, usually to the beach or down to l.a., or even just doing “common people” type stuff like going to the movies or to a nice restaurant

-returned to things i loved as a kid that i sort of had to give up during my teen years like meteorology and comics and cartoons i grew up watching and horror and eating whatever i feel like (i had one of those little pies you get at walmart, blueberry of course + a piece of cake the other day: 8 year old me was in bliss!)

-discovered my heritage after not really knowing my whole life (i’m two parts latin, two parts from the british isles, one part scandinavian, and a tablespoon of baltic states: i always thought i was native american and german)

-my mom’s got saturn in aquarius, too, and during her own return, she picked up more hobbies like those diamond paintings, legos, and sewing (she and i are also big on funko pops, rocks, gardening, and books)

-she and i also got into a discussion about dreams in life a couple of times during that transit, how i want to make a comic book someday and go back into ceramics and art glass and working with my hands, while she wants to write and publish a novel and get more into carpentry

-problems with the house came up, too, like my stepdad dying and ownership of the house going into limbo, the septic backing up, the place being ungodly cold in the winter and hotter than holy fuck in the summer, and recently, losing the internet for four days

-saw a lot of weather during that transit, too, like… california is pretty much known for having nice day after nice day after nice day after nice day to the point of monotony, but i saw… snowstorms, the thickest fog i’ve ever seen, the brightest rainbows i’ve ever seen, awful heat waves, monsoon flows, hail, a couple of bomb cyclones, floods, hydrological outlooks, sleet, a shitload of rain, stupidly high winds, whatever tf was happening last spring when i didn’t put my winter clothes and warm blankets away until the end of june, snow up to my hip, the place actually looking like anchorage alaska at one point, and even funnel clouds

-the big thing is “acab” (all cops are bastards)… you know what’s really weird is i actually met a lot of cool cops during that transit, guys who were really good guys, like they were actually doing justice in front of me, a heavyset woman of mixed race. social justice should never be trendy, either: you stand for something because it feels right to you, not because it’s expected of you.

-i’ve also always known the power of lurking, just observing behavior, but saturn in aquarius really made me love doing that. there’s so much power in just watching people and seeing how they behave, especially when they think you aren’t around.

i should also mention that saturn was in my 8th house and conjunct my moon at one point, and i had my saturn return last month on the 17th, too! those transits get way too of a bad wrap, imo: questioning my sexuality and gender to the point of feeling overwhelmed and completely lost aside, saturn in the 8th is actually pretty cool at some points—in some cases, fun. and the saturn return can actually be the best thing to happen to you, too. saturn on the moon was kind of tough, though, like i often felt really robotic during that.

[laresearchette]

Sunday, October 02, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: JACK OSBOURNE’S HAUNTED HOMECOMING (discovery +) AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS (CHCH/ABC Feed/Check Local Listings) THE EQUALIZER (Global) 8:30pm EAST NEW YORK (CTV) 9:00pm THE WALKING DEAD (AMC Canada) 8:00pm INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE (AMC Canada) 10:00pm OUTRAGEOUS PUMPKINS (Food Network Canada) 10:00pm NOTHING COMPARES (Crave) 10:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT: ALASKAN BUSH PEOPLE (Premiering on October 03 on Discovery Canada at 8:00pm) A COUNTRY ROMANCE (Premiering on October 05 on Super Channel Heart & Home at 8:00pm) NIKKI & NORA: SISTER SLEUTHS (Premiering on October 7 on W Network at 8:00pm)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

AMAZON PRIME A QUIET PLACE VERONICA MARS

NETFLIX CANADA THE CONJURING FOREVER QUEENS SEVEN THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION THE WITCHES (1990)

NFL FOOTBALL (TSN/TSN4) 1:00pm: Bears vs. Giants (TSN/TSN4) 4:00pm: Cardinals vs. Panthers (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 8:15pm: Chiefs 49 vs. Buccaneers

MLB BASEBALL (SN) 1:30pm: Red Sox vs. Jays (SN1) 2:10pm: Orioles vs. Yankees (SN Now) 4:00pm: A’s vs. Mariners (TSN2) 7:00pm: Mets vs. Braves

PRE-SEASON NBA BASKETBALL (SN) 6:00pm: Jazz vs. Raptors

HEARTLAND (CBC) 7:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE):  After another "Miracle Girl" moment, Amy reconsiders her role at the Youth Centre; Jack misses Lisa, especially after Tim and Jessica are forced to move into the house...away from THE HORSIES!

BEARS' LAIR (APTN) 7:00pm: Three Indigenous innovators impress the Bears with their new products and technologies that tackle challenges in health and safety, baby care and food security.

FRIDAY NIGHT THUNDER (APTN) 7:30pm: Humberstone's double-header weekend wraps up with a top 10 finish for Aaron, who proves the following week that he's on a roll.

THE GREAT CANADIAN BAKING SHOW (CBC) 8:00pm:  Ann Pornel and Alan Shane Lewis host 10 of the country's best amateur bakers in the baking tent; esteemed Judges Kyla Kennaley and Bruno Feldeisen declare the first Star Baker of the season and decide which baker is first to leave the tent.

HUDSON & REX (City TV) 8:00pm: When Charlie's estranged brother is accused of the death of his recent boxing opponent, Charlie and the team wrestle with the possibility of his guilt.

THE BIG BAKE (Food Network Canada) 8:00pm: Host Brad Smith sees which baking team is top of the class when they use their brains to create some cakes of a zombie high school for judges Danni Rose, Eddie Jackson and Ron Ben-Israel.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE (Lifetime Canada) 8:00pm:  Monica looks for a fresh start as she tries to land a gig as the host of an afternoon talk show. She soon becomes close friends with her new assistant, Simone, a deranged woman who plans to take over Monica's life for good.

PRE-SEASON NHL HOCKEY (SN Now) 9:00pm: Ducks vs. Kings

MOONSHINE (CBC) 9:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): When a mysterious package arrives at the Moonshine, it makes the Finley-Cullens question their fates and whether the road to their destinies begin -- or end -- at the Moonshine.

LISTEN OUT FOR LOVE (City TV) 9:00pm:  A driven podcast producer is forced to make a loose cannon into her next star and save both of their careers with a new show focused on her search for love. As the duo go along for the ride, they start to listen and open their hearts.

AUSSIE GOLD HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 9:00pm:

ISLAND OF BRYAN (HGTV Canada) 10:00pm: Bryan and Sarah make a big decision about the hotel. Bryan has a hard time understanding the design vision for their pool bathroom.

OUTBACK OPAL HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 10:00pm:  The Young Guns face a tough decision; the Cheals break through to an underground mine in Lightning Ridge and it looks like The Poms' dream may be about to shatter.

CAR S.O.S (Nat Geo Canada) 10:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE):  Tim Shaw and Fuzz Townshend undertake dramatic automobile interventions across the U.K.

[dogtheories]

On November 11, 2010, Glenn and Kim hosted a barbecue at her house. Since the supermarket was out of Duke's mayonnaise, he purchased Miracle Whip; he expressed doubt on whether it could be used for a potato salad, but ultimately decided it was worth a shot. During the barbecue, Glenn manned the grill, continuing a long-standing argument about different flooring methods with his friends. After having that argument five times a week, he believed that Swedish flooring was the better option.

Immediately after the barbecue, Kim and Glenn agreed that the event was fun. They proceeded to have sex. Afterwards, Glenn watched The Amazing Race while Kim completed a puzzle. He wondered whether they ever "ran with the bulls on this show (...) like in Spain". When he left Kim's house, he invited her for a date at the Outback Steakhouse in Satellite Beach for the following Friday.

[gokitetravel]

10 incredible facts about Australia that will win your heart

Australia, below, is a country that never fails if it offers its unique blend of natural wonders, vibrant culture and fascinating wildlife as you explore the depths of this vast continent you will find a variety of sure treasures it is a wonder that will surely leave a lasting impression on your heart. From stunning landscapes to bustling beach towns, Australia’s charm knows no bounds. Prepare to be amazed as we explore 10 amazing facts about Australia that will not only pique your curiosity but captivate your heart with their wonder and incredible beauty.

Did you know that Australia is home to the largest living land mass, the Great Barrier Reef? Stretching over 2300 kilometers along the north-east coast, this natural wonder is an ecological hotbed, with colorful corals, exotic marine life and spectacular underwater scenery but the wonders of Australia are not gone there is an end. From the stunning landscape of the pure red rock of Uluru in the Outback to unique wildlife found nowhere else on earth, such as kangaroos, koalas and wombats, Australia unquestionably offers endless pleasures to make you wonder so , buckle up and get ready to discover 10 amazing facts about Australia that will really capture your imagination and win your heart.

Often referred to as the Land Down Under, Australia is a land of vast landscapes, unique wildlife and rich cultural heritage. As you explore its various regions you will discover many fascinating facts that will surely capture your imagination and leave you in awe of this unique land From amazing natural wonders to incredible cultural traditions here are 10 amazing facts about Australia that are sure to win your heart.

10 incredible facts about Australia that will win your heart

1. The Big Barrier: Living Miracle

Stretching more than 2,300 kilometers off the north-east coast of Australia, the Great Barrier Reef is the largest coral reef in the world. Snorkeling or diving in the crystal clear waters of the Great Barrier Reef with amazing marine life in this amazing marine ecosystem, with colorful corals, fish in wetlands rainy and sunny, accompanied by sea turtles and sharks make for an unforgettable experience, allowing you to immerse yourself in the warm underwater world of this natural wonder

2. Uluru: the sacred red stone

Located in the heart of the Australian Outback, Uluru also known as Ayers Rock is one giant sandstone mountain of great spiritual significance to the Australian Aborigines It rises largely from the desert land, Uluru is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and a symbol of Australia’s ancient heritage is Uluru being the wonder of seeing it at sunrise or sunset is a truly unforgettable experience that highlights the natural beauty and cultural significance of this iconic landmark

3. The Great Ocean Road: A visual wonder

Stretching along the southeastern coast of Australia, the Great Ocean Road is one of the most scenic coastal driving routes in the world. This spectacular route takes you through rainforest, steep cliffs and pristine beaches, offering views of rugged beaches, the Twelve Apostles and stunning landscapes such as Loch Ard Gorge Karka or cycling on the Great Ocean Road Immerse yourself in the natural beauty of the Australian coastline , with hidden gems discovered and accomplished along the way

4. Special wildlife: kangaroos, koalas, and more

Australia is home to some of the most unique and iconic wildlife species in the world. From kangaroos and koalas to wombats and platypuses, the country’s diverse landscapes provide habitat for a wide variety of fascinating creatures. Exploring Australia’s national parks and wildlife refuges gives you the chance to meet these beautiful animals in their natural environment and learn more about their behavior and conservation

5. Tribal Culture: Ancient Traditions

Australian Aboriginal culture is among the oldest continuous cultures in the world, with a rich history spanning thousands of years. Aboriginal Torres Strait Islanders have a deep connection to their land, expressed through art, music, dance and storytelling. Engagement with Aboriginal communities and cultural experiences such as bush tucker tours, traditional dance and participatory art workshops provide an insight into Australia’s ancient heritage and foster a greater understanding and respect for Aboriginal culture.

6. The Outback: A different landscape

The Australian metropolis is a broad, rolling desert that covers most of the country. This arid and sparsely populated region has expansive plains, red sands and spectacular cliffs. Exploring the outback gives you the chance to see the true essence of the Australian wilderness and experience the pure beauty of its remote landscapes

7. Exotic wildlife: From imus to Tasmanian devil

In addition to the iconic kangaroos and koalas, Australia is home to an incredible and unique variety of wildlife. From flightless eels and the rare platypus to the aggressive Tasmanian devil, the state’s biodiversity supports an incredible variety of creatures found nowhere else on earth and when you spot those animals they are this fascinating in their natural habitat, adding a touch of excitement and wonder to any Australian trip.

8. Hot cities: Sydney, Melbourne, and beyond

Australian cities are hotbeds of culture, creativity and diversity. From the iconic Sydney Opera House, Harbor Bridge to Melbourne's busy roads and the cosmopolitan beauty of Brisbane and Perth, each city offers its own set of attractions and experiences a unique mix for Discover downtown Australia and immerse yourself in the country’s vibrant art scene, world-class dining and thriving nightlife They deserve it.

9. Surfing capital: Bondi beach and beyond

Australia is known for its world-class surfing beaches, with popular resorts at Bondi Beach and Byron Bay attracting surfers from around the world. Whether you’re an experienced surfer or a novice looking to catch your first wave, Australian beaches offer endless opportunities for surfing adventure. From the sunny beaches of Queensland to the rugged shores of Western Australia, there are waves waiting for surfers of all terrains to ride.

10. Cultural Festival: A celebration of diversity

Australia’s cultural calendar is packed with vibrant festivals and events celebrating the country’s diverse heritage and cultural heritage. From the spectacular fireworks of Sydney’s New Year’s Eve celebrations to the colorful parades of Melbourne’s Moomba Festival and the traditional music and dance of Arnhemland’s Garma Festival, there’s something exciting to get involved with at these cultural festivals across the country Taking it allows you to connect with the local community community, experience traditional customs and create lasting memories.

Conclusion:

Australia is a land of exceptional beauty, rich cultural heritage and diverse natural heritage that never fails to attract visitors From the awesome landscapes of the Great Barrier Reef and Uluru to vibrant cities and unique wildlife encounters -Take an unforgettable journey filled with exploration and discovery. With visa assistance available Australia visa from Dubai or Australia visa from Abu Dhabi, discovering the wonders of Australia has never been easier. So, pack your bags and get ready to explore the land below!

[semper-legens]

128. The Boy Who Followed His Father into Auschwitz, by Jeremy Dronfield

Owned: No, library Page count: 339 My summary: The true story of Fritz and Gustav Kleinmann, two Jewish men living in Vienna who were arrested by the Nazis and imprisoned in various concentration camps. Despite everything, they managed to survive the ordeal, and ended up being sent to Auschwitz. My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

A while back, I read the childrens' book Fritz and Kurt, detailing the true life story of two Viennese Jewish boys during the Holocaust. One, Kurt, was able to flee to America after his mother relentlessly campaigned for him to be allowed to leave. The other, Fritz, was among the first few Viennese Jewish people to be arrested and placed into a concentration camp, alongside his father. Fritz remained with his father throughout the entirety of the war and, incredibly, the two of them survived. (Fritz' older sister would also survive, although his younger sister and mother were murdered, along with many friends and loved ones.) That was the telling for children - this is the earlier, adult book, based on the testimonies of those still living and the writings of those who had since passed, and it's an engaging if harrowing read.

(Obviously, warnings for Nazism, anti-semitism, abuse, brutality, murder, and all the ugliness of concentration camps below the cut.)

It's something of a miracle that Fritz and his father survived. They were in Buchenwald, Auschwitz, and a couple of other camps in their time, from the late 1930s to the surrender of Germany in 1945. That's an incredibly long time - but while some of their survival can be attributed to luck, this book makes the subtle case that the solidarity and ingenuity of the Jewish prisoners played a large part in their survival, and the survivals of others. Gustav (Fritz's father) had a position of authority in Buchenwald. When the SS demanded that no Jewish person should be in command, they feared he'd be killed…but the camp higher-ups dealt with it by making him Aryan. One yellow triangle gone, and he's suddenly just a political prisoner. This gave him (and the other Aryanised Jewish men) a sudden privilege that they could use to benefit the others. They could use the newfound respect and authority they had gained to get their allies into good work positions, get more food, get better clothing, get whatever they needed to survive another day.

And one thing I find interesting is that, while a lot of narratives about Jewish people during the Holocaust focus on the Jewish people as passive victims, this book shows how they were ready and willing to fight. Fritz was a part of the resistance in Auschwitz, and not only helped other prisoners in escape attempts, actually managed to get guns smuggled into the camp towards the end of the war. It was incredibly dangerous work, and people were brutally killed if they were discovered to be a part of it. Fritz himself was almost killed - his friends managed to fake his death to keep the SS off the trail, and reintroduce him to the camp as a different prisoner until they forgot about him. I said in the last paragraph that it was a miracle Fritz and Gustav survived. But really, alongside some luck, it was the efforts and strength of the prisoners, and that strength should be commended. They did their best in an impossibly hard situation, and they ensured that some of their number survived. It's not a happy ending. But it is better than their captors were planning.

Next up, back to CHERUB, and a holy terror in the outback.

[rebeleden]

Watch "WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Kidnapped Aussie child's miracle outback rescue | 60 Minutes Australia" on YouTube

[emzeciorrr]

Melbourne Miniature Miracle from Joerg Daiber on Vimeo.

Melbourne is the capital and most populous city of the Australian state of Victoria, and the second-most populous city in both Australia and Oceania.

I was in Australia to shoot an ARTE documentary in the Outback and decided to stay one week longer and team up with Visit Victoria to shoot my first Little Big World episode in Australia.

Melbourne consistently ranked as the world's most liveable city for much of the 2010s and I can toally see why! It's a big vibrant city with impressive architecture, amazing cultural offers, from museums to street art, live music and theatre. Also there are some pretty great food places in the city. Many beautiful parks in the area invote to relax and the the Yarra River for water activitie. Oh, and the Ocean is just a quick tram ride away. But don't take my word for it. Check it out yourself in less than 4 minutes.

Thanks to Barbara Samoilenko and Cassandra Chapple from Visit Victoria and Viola Munzar from Tourism Australia for making this episode happen.

For all drone shots in this film there were permissions from multiple parties necessary. Please do not fly your drone in any of these locations without proper permission!

Gear list: Lumix GH5 amzn.to/3cqZg3G Lumix 7-14 mm amzn.to/3ckx3f4 Lumix 14-140mm amzn.to/3r61aeq Gimbal Weebill S amzn.to/3r77diC 360° Camera amzn.to/3cnMkeX Actioncam: amzn.to/3ta5QSc Mavic Pro 2 amzn.to/2Yxw0A4 DJI Mini 2 (Great with new EU regulation) amzn.to/2MG5mlW SSD amzn.to/36tQU7T & amzn.to/36r7u89 SD Cards: amzn.to/3agwXSV Boom Pole for Gimbal amzn.to/3tbrPIr Gorillpod: amzn.to/2NRM4uH Tripod: amzn.to/3r4Hibj Tall Tripod for „No drone zones“: amzn.to/3crDKw2 Backpack: amzn.to/3r2x4IH Macbook Pro: amzn.to/3j3KmBH iMac: amzn.to/2NQkSfP iPhone SE as screen for drone and Gimbal: amzn.to/3ox5eT9 Phone wristholder for „gimbal on pole shots“: amzn.to/3rctHPz Post Production: amzn.to/3tbUYDy As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small fee from qualifying purchases.

Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/LittleBigWorld Twitter: twitter.com/spoonfilm YouTube:  youtube.com/littlebigworld   Web: littlebigworld.de

A time-lapse & tilt-shift & aerial video by Joerg Daiber

You can license raw footage clips from the Little Big World series here: gettyimages.de/video/spoonfilm?assettype=film&phrase=spoonfilm&sort=mostpopular&license=rf%2Crr Recent productions may not be on Getty yet. Please reach out to us directly to license those clips.

Music: Peer Gynt Suite 1 – Morning Mood by Edvard Grieg Right Side of the Road by The Lonely Wild Renegades by Tiger Run

Shot with Lumix GH4 and GH5, 14-140mm and 7-14mm Lumix Lenses and DJI Mini Pro 3. Postproduction with DaVinci Resolve Studio.

This video is subject to copyright owned by spoonfilm gmbh. Any reproduction or republication of all or part of this video is expressly prohibited, unless spoonfilm has explicitly granted its prior written consent. All other rights reserved.

Copyright © 2022 spoonfilm. All Rights Reserved.

[stillnotgoodformymentalhealth]

bruh I just read the most fucking intense reddit story possible I am so sad.

Text and link under cut if you wanna be sad too

I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it

Original post by u/tomcThrowaway009373 in r/TrueOffMyChest

I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it - August 13, 2022

When my younger sister was born, she almost died from hypoxia. She suffered severe brain damage, to the point where doctors doubted she would survive. She has survived to 16 years old now, however, she is about as close to brain dead as a living person can get. She cant move, she can't communicate, she can't eat or drink on her own. She has no control over her bowels so she has to wear diapers. She will never get better and she will never live a normal life.

Despite that, my mother has ruined our family hoping she will have a "miracle" and recover. My mother has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on my sister. Everything from wheelchairs to doctors visits. We had to live in a one bedroom apartment for 11 years because my mother spent all of the money she made on my sister. Nothing she bought made any difference. She will always be a drooling mess.

Since my mother believes she will get better, she made me treat her like she was a real sister. I lost all my friends growing up because my mom made me take her everywhere I went. If I told my mom that I was going to the park, she would say,

"Oh, a park, that sounds like something Jess would like, take her with you."

Not once did she stop to think about how absurd she sounded talking to her. One time, my mom took her to a movie theatre. They made it barely 30 minutes through the movie before staff kicked her out because my sister was making so much noise coughing and choking on her saliva.

Despite all this, I somewhat tolerated my sister, until a few hours ago. I mentioned to my mother that I had planned a date with a girl I met at work. My mom said,

"That sounds like fun, but Im having coffee with a friend from college, so can you take care off Jess while im gone?"

I told her that i couldnt because of my date, and suggested that she hire a babysitter. My mother then said that I should just take her with me.

And i just exploded. I told her how stupid she was for suggesting such a thing. Bring my severely disabled, crippled sister along with me on a date with a girl, because you are too lazy to hire a sitter? How crazy are you to think thats a good idea? Every moment of my life has been about Jess. Im not supposed to have a career or a family of my own because I need to take care of Jess when my mom dies. My mom even discouraged my from going to college because then I wouldnt be there to take care of her. I told her how much damage she has done to the family because of my sister. We struggled financially my entire life not because my mom is low income, but because she spent all our money on Jess. We drove a crappy 1996 subaru outback for years, and my mom "couldnt afford to buy a new car" but she had no problem shelling out thousands to see a specialist doctor who will say the same thing every other doctor has.

My sister is a glitch. Shes not supposes to be here. She will never live a normal life. Theres no reason she shouldnt be put in a home.

Im just so frustrated right now. Im thinking about cutting ties with her, and reconnecting with my father. My dad divorced her once he realised that the rest of his life was going to be taking care of jess. I cant fault him. My mom forbid me from contacting him, but hes not the bad guy here.

I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it - August 13, 2022 UPDATE 8/13: Thank you all for your kind words. I realise now that my emotions should be placed towards my mother instead of my sister. As for everyone who says i should contact my father, that is my plan but hes not easy to reach. I havent spoken to him or seen him for a very long time and he lives across the country. I dont have any way to get his number or email address, so im looking through facebook and instagram to see if he may have an account i can message. I also dont have anyone on his side of the family who i can ask to get us in touch.

As for my living situation i am still living at home. I plan to stay for a while longer until i have saved enough to afford an apartment or enlist in the navy. I work part time while im in community college so im not making much. I hope i will have another update in the near future, and i hope things get better.

UPDATE - I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it. - September 8, 2022

UPDATE - I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it.

My mom is dead. I came home to a bunch of police cars around my home. My mom hung herself, and a neighbor saw her from the window. I didnt get a look at her and im glad i didnt. I dont think i could handle seeing anyone like that. She seemed stressed a couple days before but i didnt expect this. Right now plans are getting set to place Jess in a home. She will have around the clock care. Im not sure what stage of grief im at right now. I have a place to stay for a while, and im getting my finances in place. I miss my mom. She wasnt a good mom bit she was my mom.

I tried reaching out to my father through a family member on his side. To make a long story short, he basically said that he had moved on from us, and that he didnt want me intruding on his new family. Pretty much what i expected, but it still hurt to hear my dad say he wants to forget about me.

Im staying at a friends house right now. Im working and im doing school. Things are still rough but im pushing through. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

[leanpick]

Gascoyne miracle rescue: The moment TRG trackers found 80-year-old man missing for two days

Gascoyne miracle rescue: The moment TRG trackers found 80-year-old man missing for two days

An exhausted and dehydrated 80-year-old man lies on the red dirt of the Gascoyne with a backpack for a makeshift pillow, lost after venturing 14km on foot in bushland, as his rescuers from Perth’s tactical response group circle around him. In another image, the man’s pulse is checked by one of his outback saviours as he rests against a weathered tree that provides little shade. Police say it’s a…

[laresearchette]

Sunday, December 04, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: MERRY TEXTMAS (Lifetime Canada) 8:00pm UNDERCOVER HOLIDAY (W Network) 8:00pm HOME TOWN (HGTV Canada) 8:00pm FIT FOR CHRISTMAS (Global) 8:30pm GEORGE & TAMMY (Crave) 9:00pm THE REBELLIOUS LIFE OF MRS. ROSA PARKS (MSNBC) 10:00pm THE L WORD: GENERATION Q (Crave) 11:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT: HOUSEBROKEN (FOX Feed) B&B MERRY (Premiering on December 11 on CTV Life at 8:00pm)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

CBC GEM W1A (Season 1)

CRAVE TV A CHRISTMAS PRESENT GEORGE & TAMMY (Season 1, Episode 1)

NETFLIX CANADA THE BLIND SIDE SPACE JAM (1996)

FIFA WORLD CUP SOCCER (TSN3/TSN4) 9:45am: Round of 16: France vs. Poland (TSN4) 1:45pm: Round of 16: England vs. Senegal

NFL FOOTBALL (TSN) 1:00pm: Commanders vs. Giants (TSN) 4:00pm: Dolphins vs. 49ers (TSN/TSN3/TSN5) 8:15pm: Colts vs. Cowboys

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 3:00pm: Wild vs. Stars (TSN3) 3:00pm: Ducks vs. Jets (SN) 7:00pm: Sharks vs. Sabres

NBA BASKETBALL (SN1) 3:30pm: Nuggets vs. Pelicans (SN Now) 6:00pm: Lakers vs. Wizards (SN1) 6:00pm: Celtics vs. Nets (SN1) 9:00pm: Pacers vs. Trail Blazers

A HOLLYWOOD CHRISTMAS (Crave) 5:00pm: Jessica is an up-and-coming filmmaker who's made a name for herself by directing Christmas movies. However, when a network executive threatens to halt production on her latest film, she finds herself juggling all the classic tropes of Hollywood.

LONG LOST CHRISTMAS (W Network) 6:00pm:  Hayley is an interior designer who plans to surprise her recently widowed mother with the perfect holiday present -- the extended family she knows her mom yearns for.

HEARTLAND (CBC) 7:00pm: Amy and Lou go on a road trip to stop a Miracle Girl imposter; Tim puts on a rodeo school showcase, but a series of mysterious events threaten the show; Amy questions if she should visit Finn...AND THE HORSIES!

FRIDAY NIGHT THUNDER (APTN) 7:30pm: The drivers head to Brockville for the final weekend of the Action Sprint Tour, but there's some nasty weather brewing that threatens to interfere with the championship. The wet track makes driving slow and difficult. Will the drivers get to race?

A MERRY CHRISTMAS WISH (Super Channel Heart & Home) 7:30pm: An NYC advertising executive returns to her hometown to sell the family farm but instead reconnects with her childhood friend and gets involved with organizing the yearly Winter Wonderland, which takes place on the property.

THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (CBC) 8:00pm:  Paul Hollywood, Prue Leith, Matt Lucas and Noel Fielding invite the stars from the drama "It's a Sin" to join them in the white tent to celebrate Christmas.

THE BIG BAKE (Food Network Canada) 8:00pm: During the festive season, Santa Paws delivers presents to the best-behaved creatures. The baking teams hop to it by creating a cake featuring an animal kingdom Santa that won't ruffle judges Ron Ben-Israel, Eddie Jackson and Danni Rose's feathers.

STEPPIN’ INTO THE HOLIDAY (CTV Life) 8:00pm: Sparks fly between a former Broadway star and the owner of a dance studio as they work together to revive a traditional Christmas Eve show.

AUSSIE GOLD HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 9:00pm

KENTUCKY MURDER MYSTERY: THE TRIALS OF ANTHONY GRAY (Investigation Discovery) 9:00pm:  After James and Vivian Gray are found shot to death in their home in 2007, their only son, Anthony, is put on trial for the crime.

OUTBACK OPAL HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 10:00pm:  The Bushmen's new claim turns dangerous; Pete and Sam's vision takes shape.

THE CURSE OF OAK ISLAND (History Canada) 10:00pm: Armed with more evidence that the garden shaft is connected to a possible series of tunnels in the Money Pit, the team begins the arduous work necessary to get a team member underground.

GOT IDENTITY (APTN) 11:30pm: Nelson asks his brother about that time he wore 'brown face' for Halloween, later Nelson sits down with the director of the show to chat about his family's connection to the most famous fake Indigenous person the world had ever seen, Grey Owl.

[epstein19huffman]

Ideal Places to Go to in Australia

Australia has a variety of natural miracles, which means of which the adventurous visitor will be spoiled with regard to choice; this nation in the Southern hemisphere has something for everyone. Involving course, you wish to know which places of Australia to visit in the course of your trip and to find the ideal cities, national theme parks, islands as well as others areas that Australia offers to offer. Now i'm confident everyone desires to visit Quotes at least when in their lifetime and you need to too considering just how full of elegance and natural wonder it is. Australian Culture: Much of Australia's culture will be derived from European roots. Australia will be a product involving an unique mixture of established traditions plus new influences by western European culture, after World Warfare II there seemed to be heavy migration from Europe. Today Australia also defines alone by its Primitive heritage, vibrant mixture of cultures in addition to existence of democratic. Unique Australian Wildlife: Australia teems using different species of animals, many which are found simply in Australia. This specific group includes Kangaroos, Koalas, Tasmanian wolves, wallabies, wombats, and many others. The kangaroo is unique to Australia, it's a from the family members Macropodidae which mean 'large foot' It has large hind legs, a solid tail, small forelegs, and long hearing. Kangaroos live within Australia, Tasmania, Fresh Guinea, and New Zealand. The koala it is oftentimes referred to Australian koala bear, nevertheless they are not some sort of bear. The koala is found within coastal regions regarding eastern and lower Australia. The Koala prefers to move around neither in day or night, but rather just after sundown, as 80% involving its time is definitely spent sleeping. Local climate of Australia: Quotes is a place that experiences many different climates due to be able to its size. Appropriately, the northern Quotes enjoys an exotic climate, and lower Australia a temperate one. The next thunderstorm may range from under zero temperatures inside the Snowy Mountains to be able to intolerable heat in the north-west. In many regions, seasonal higher and lows could be great using temperatures including over 50 � C to well under zero. Great Obstacle Reef, Fraser Island, The Great Marine Road are just some of typically the places we may explore on this particular journey to Sydney. Australia will be the perfect destination for a person, enjoy our advice. 10. Gold Seacoast Introduction: One associated with the major holiday destinations to visit in Australia is the Platinum Coast also the most populous non-capital city in Quotes positioned in South East Queensland, 94km southerly with the state capital Brisbane., There will be a number associated with exciting rides in addition to an amount of entertainment avenues. Using a population around 540, 000 within 2010 year. Together with max temperature 25. 1 �C (77 �F) and min temperature 17. two �C (63 �F). 9. Kakadu State Park Introduction: Kakadu national park (name 'Kakadu' is coming from Gagudjuan, an Primitive floodplain language) is definitely a living cultural landscape and the particular largest national recreation area nationwide covering the area of 4, 894, 000 acres, located in the Crocodile Rivers Region of the Northern Terrain of Australia. Typically the national park Kakadu is home to 68 mammals, more than 120 reptiles, 26 frogs, greater than 2, 000 plant life and over 12, 000 species involving insects, the area is ideal of people wishing to understand more about Original culture. Best places to visit in Australia can drive in your self however for the alligator reason it's very best to take a tour! 8. Broome Introduction: Broome traditional lands of the Yawuru people is usually a tourist city in Australia 2389km north of Perth, a two plus a half hours flight from Perth. Broome is an oasis of shade within the outback plus place to unwind, broome is probably the nearly all relaxing place I have ever recently been, time just appears to disappear in this article. Broome provides a tropical climate, high time of year in Broome will be late May to early September when temperature is a warm 30 �C. several. Kangaroo Island Intro: Kangaroo is third largest island following Tasmania and Melville in Australia but Kangaroo has additional to supply. It is usually the best places to visit in Australia using kids. because Kangaroo is a lot like a zoo with rare chickens and many of kangaroos and koalas the ocean is teeming with fish plus sea lions. Typically the wine is incredibly excellent too to suit your needs. Check out Kangaroo Island. Likely to see why that is a tourism icon. six. The Great Water Road Introduction: The particular Great Ocean Road one of the world's most remarkable coastal drives located at an hours commute from Melbourne. Typically the beauty of this road is contains Australia's signature limestone rock formations, including the famous '12 Apostles' it's fancy doing it by car. Path is a 243km stretch of highway across the south asian coast of Down under between your Victorian towns of Torquay plus Warrnambool. Best time to go, possibly spring and autumn when the scenery is at its greatest. 5. Barossa Introduction: Barossa is one particular of the key wine (red wine beverages in particular) creating areas of South Australia. If you particularly happen to be a wine partner, then Barossa is definitely right place in order to visit. Barossa pit is created by the particular North Para Lake, being only 60km northeast of Adelaide, the southern conclusion of the valley is only about one hour's commute in the city. Right now there are a lot more than 40 wineries in the region and 390 hectares regarding flora & gyvūnai. 4. Uluru Introduction: Uluru should be 1 of the finest known sights associated with Australia and another of the world's greatest natural wonders! For the taste of original culture and background, make your method to Uluru. Ancient name of Uluru is Ayers Rock. Uluru can be a huge monolith rock formation in the the southern area of part of the particular Northern Territory inside central Australia. Typically the best time to be able to visit is Come july 1st, August and Sept. 2010. 3. Fraser Isle Introduction: Fraser Tropical isle is the largest sand island in world spreads across 1840 km�. In truth, Fraser Island will be the only place in the globe where rainforest are found growing upon sand. located along the southern seacoast of Queensland, Australia. Bird lovers is going to be in paradise since Fraser Island hosts over 300 species of bird. One of the best activities to do is hire your own auto and explore typically the island at the leisure also avoid miss the popular clear Champagne Swimming pool. 2. Sydney Harbour Introduction: Sydney Harbour Bridge is nicknamed "The Coathanger" is commonly referred to as the most beautiful organic harbour on the planet place in the very first European settlement nationwide and 134 yards above the ocean level. 20% associated with the population of Sydney are able to see typically the bridge at least once a new day. The ideal time of year to visit is definitely New Year. Even though you can drive across the connection, there is some sort of toll so be mindful! 1. Great Buffer Reef Introduction: The Great Barrier Deep sea the world's greatest reef system growing over 2, six-hundred km with roughly 900 islands, bigger than the Great Wall of China, saltwater is thought in order to be around 6 to 8 thousand years outdated. The truly amazing Barrier Reef could be the top locations to visit in Australia. No trip to Australia would get complete without visiting the Great Hurdle Reef. There survive 400 types of coral, and 1500 types of fish and large populations involving dugongs live right now there also including several vulnerable or dwindling in numbers species, many of which may well be endemic to the reef system. I highly recommend to be able to visit this spot.

[tiarnanabhfainni]

and now for dean poems so sorry everybody

To My Father

David Cooke         So I send these words out, Faltering, along an unlit path Though what words now Can urge your ghost To break its final silence, Terse enough whilst living? Or what do I know Of that life you led The years before I was born When, with a minimal nostalgia, You quit that Sligo outback To skip through towns In a country at war? A potato-picking nomad, A grafter, you biked flat miles All across the Eastern Counties. Your son, And now a father, too, I have taken your place To resemble you more and more: Born one country and a world apart.

Lazarus Risen

Peter Sirr

How could my body not obey the voice Choiring flesh back onto the bones? Lumbering out into the hectic light Like some dishevelled beast, I found myself Notorious, and would have returned to darkness But that cool and candid gaze unstitched My shroud till it fell about me like skin And I walked among my weeping, bewildered kin.

Now their houses fall silent when I enter And children cry. Even the trees whisper Among themselves as I pass, myself a leaf Some thunderous air has blown to this Unnatural resurrection - Sustained by a miracle, like flowers in a vase My astonishing life continues in parenthesis And strangers beat on my door

Who only know that death advances. How should I expect them to understand My need for darkened rooms and blankets To cover my head? I remember Barabas, drunk, circling the cross as blood Issued like a parable no-one understood; How when they buried him I hid and waited To see the wound his body constellated

Burn through the stones. Is it madness Drives me now to watch in the evenings The gentle procession of light From the grey loaves of the cemetery? Here lie the unprotesting multitudes, Prisoners of a dry, persuasive air. And I am Lazarus, venturing forth. My brittling bones have seen the dark before.

An Equestrian Event

Joe Sheerin The most important news that year Was my own death. I read it first In the embers of the christmas tree. February confirmed it baring the knuckles Of the ground and whipping late piety Into the snivelling hedges.

From then on nothing mattered, famine and war Abroad, small family dramas at home, the Relentless patriotism of sport, the sun making His tedious rounds of the world were a dull Backcloth to my fierce play.

Breaking the news to the family was terrible The dinner things half cleared, I coughed For attention and in a newscaster's voice Announced my oncoming death. We had cream And tinned peaches for dessert.

Only my job remained constant. I stuck Like a tick fattening on the body of dull Routine. Over the months surreptitiously I carved my initals deep in the underdrawer Of my desk and read in the deep runes A final sense of purpose through my fingertips.

Let the horseman come.

When the Women Have Gone to Bed James Simmons

Your hand reaches me down, the square bottle of Jim Beam from your sister's drinks cupboard. The glasses are on the shelf Above, tumblers, too big for whiskey. Choose the smallest and pour a measure with your eye, the way you learnt in the bar trade. The years have made you generous, so the customers are lucky. And you are the customer.

Me, I'm a slightly overflavoured whisky, perfumed and rough, sour mash. Under the tap take care. Let it run steady before you proffer the glass. It never works to undilute from the bottle. Whisky's a short never a thirst quencher, and drinking from brimming tumblers is missing the whole point, tasteless, dangerous.

Set down your glass and put away the bottle. This is the last tonight. Douse the lights in the kitchen. Carry your glass back to that easy chair Whose square arm holds nicely Ashtray and drink. Fag lit, lift Tanner's The Rain of Wonder, the chapter on Hemingway. Sip, take a drag.

Remember this. You misunderstood me if you think you need more, if you think of the next glass before you start on this one. I say, 'Drink me, be happy, read til your mind wonders, then go to bed.' If you reach for another, tomorrow night I'll be different, a friend grown dangerous, and so much emptier than you expect.

Bonfire Ryan Vine

Three snowflakes for every black chip of soot we send into the sky. And he can feel the snow always

falling, my father, who orders me to ready the fire. So I pile chopped buckthorn at the edge of the yard

where the switchgrass hasn’t yet turned to swamp and drizzle from the Folgers can dirty oil

across the branches. The bark on the grey kindling peels and darkens where the fuel soaks in,

and beneath the heap – and for the fuck of it on top –   I crumple open sheets of last week’s News Tribune.

The forest is flashing its bonewood, but under my jacket I shine like a marathoner, like a sword in its sheath.

When father comes stumbling through the snow with a drink, I pack the pipe, pass it, pack it again. Every time

I take a hit I hear the stylus drop and drag through the groove: I’m not afraid. I light the fire.

I’m happy with what happens a hundred years from now: the soot I loose gathers like a new moon. My son,

his son, staring through the snow-dappled sky, both swear they can see it, spinning in perpetual eclipse,

even though – like me – they know they lie

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 12

Title: In the Quiet

Warnings: very brief mention of sexual abuse

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip​

He wakes to the press of her warm body against his and the smell of her hair. A mixture of coconut and honey; an inexpensive shampoo that she’s been using for more than a decade and he never tires of. It’s the scent of home; the reminder of the place where he’s the happiest and feels the most comfortable and secure. Where he can be himself without judgment; not looked down upon for his weaker moments or when the darker days of battling his own mind have him feeling scared and vulnerable. For years he’d tucked that side of himself away; using booze and pain meds as a way to mask the pain and escape the demons and the monsters of the past. He’d become emotionally absent; refusing to make connections with anyone out of the fear of becoming too close and getting too attached, only to lose them. And he’d convinced himself that he was unable to love or be loved; years of torment at the hands of his father and the horrible decision he’d made while his child was dying condemning him. It seems like a lifetime ago now; a whole other existence entirely. In the last twelve and half years he’s learned to love again; wholly and unconditionally and so profoundly it is physically painful at times. And he’s allowed himself to be loved in return; blessed with a woman that knows his deepest and darkest secrets and sees past all his faults. Who forgives his mistakes and always gives him another chance, even when he knows he’s not deserving of it. And seven children that he’s had a hand in creating; incredible little human beings that adore and trust him without hesitation.

It’s a life unlike anything he ever thought possible. When both the enormity of his horrible decision regarding his son and his profound grief had set in, he’d sought comfort in the bottle and the unpredictability of a dangerous and bloody career. Relegating himself to a solitary and miserable existence; refusing to allow anyone to get too close and using women for nothing more than sexual gratification. Convincing himself that he didn’t deserve anything beyond that; a warm body on a lonely night and that beaten and battered shack in the outback with its rusted tin roof. Knowing if he wasn’t lucky enough to catch that fatal bullet while on a job, he’d more than likely die there on the dusty floor; drinking himself to death or OD'ing on a mixture of painkillers and cheap whiskey. There were days he prayed for it; an end to the demons that had been tormenting him since the moment he’d gotten the call in Afghanistan that his only child had passed away.

Part of him had died the moment Austin had; all the experiences he’d hoped they’d share, all the dreams he had about what his son would achieve and who he’d become suddenly coming to an abrupt end. Logically, they’d ceased to exist months before. When the specialists had said that despite their best efforts with both chemotherapy and radiation, the cancer had returned and was just far too aggressive and advanced; palliative care and pain management the only remaining options. But while his wife had been devastated and immediately began planning for the inevitable, he’d clung to that faint hope that the medical professionals were wrong; some miracle would occur and Austin would beat the odds. Reality soon began to set in, and it was then that Tyler had discovered just how weak and vulnerable he really was; turning to alcohol to numb the pain, spendings hours and sometimes days away from home because he couldn’t bear seeing his son suffer and his wife run herself ragged and fall deeper and deeper in the pit of despair and grief.

He hadn’t been able to handle it; unable to ‘man up’ and be who and what both of them had so desperately needed. Despite the ongoing issues in their marriage and her long and sordid history of cheating -and the rumours that the kid wasn’t even his to begin with- she had deserved so much better. And he had longed to give her that; a shoulder to cry on and someone to help with the burdens of caring for a terminally ill child. But he’d chickened out. His own grief and fears getting the better of him; unable to handle the realization that he was a total failure. So he ran. Volunteering to head overseas instead of staying behind and stepping up. Leaving his wife to handle everything on her own and his son to wonder what he’d ever done to deserve being abandoned.

It doesn’t hurt as much as now. Not just the trauma of seeing your child suffer and waste away, but the guilt and the regret his poor decision had brought about. It’s taken years of therapy to get as far as he has; moments of profound anguish as every single one of the skeletons in his closet came tumbling out. It took reliving the initial pain to kick start the healing; periods of immense grief for the child he’d lost followed by periods of extreme self loathing and time spent in the deepest and darkest bits of despair and desperation. But it HAD helped; the guilt and regret lessening, the hatred for himself losing some of its power. It will always linger just under the surface; the sting of the decision he’d made, how he sees himself as a monster not just because of it, but because of the things he’s had to do while on the job. Killing had never been about satisfaction or enjoyment. It had always been a means to an end; his chances of survival hinging on whether he could be quicker to pull the trigger or if he could outwit, outsmart, and out strength his opponents. And the only times he had gotten some pleasure out of it -other than just recently in Laos and Cambodia- had been five years ago. When he’d brutally and bloodily taken the lives of two of Mahajan’s men in an elevator in Mumbai, and when he’d had no chance but to eliminate that threat that had drugged and attacked him first. It had been personal then; threats made against his wife and his children. And taking the lives of those who would have delighted in torturing and murdering his family HAD given him a sense of satisfaction.

The demons of the past don’t carry as much weight now. Their power significantly decreased. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t moments when self hate and disgust DON’T return. When his mood is dropping and he’s more prone to returning to the pain and the regret of the past. It doesn’t happen often; medication and therapy helping to keep those moments to a minimum. But they do make an appearance. Self loathing making a comeback; reminding him of all the things he’s said and done that DO make him a monster and telling him that he doesn’t deserve the life he has now. That he’s committed way too many heinous acts to ever be truly forgiven. Absolution would never come his way; he's too far gone for THAT. In the same way guys like him aren’t allowed to love and be loved in return. And that’s when the fear kicks in; the concern that his life is way too good to be true and everything that is beautiful and perfect in it will be taken away to teach him a lesson. His protectiveness stems from it. The fear and worry profound; driving him to hold on to what he has even tighter than usual. On those days it all becomes too much to bear; a tightness in his chest and an ache that reaches to his very soul.

Some of that returns now; the fear that tugs at his chest and gnaws at his stomach. It had started last night; decorating the tree with the kids and coming across the ornament that Millie had made for Austin years ago. It’s always bittersweet; remembering what he’d lost while reminding himself of everything he has now. Had things gone differently and Austin never gotten sick, life would have been dramatically altered. His marriage somehow managing to be salvaged despite her inability to stay faithful, or at the very least being able to co-parent peacefully and amicably. He would have stayed in the military; grief and regret and the feelings of failure never turning him towards alcohol and pain meds to numb the pain and effectively ending what could have been a great career in special forces. Had he stayed with SASR and kept on the straight and narrow, mercenary work would have never even been on his radar. And that’s when things become complicated and troublesome. Even if his marriage HAD still fallen apart, there would have been no chance of ever meeting Esme. It WAS the job that led him to her; years as a hired gun somehow culmination with him coming face to face with who would turn out to be the love of his life. He had always thought he’d loved Sarah; she’d been his high school sweetheart and his first of many things. And it wasn’t until he was thirty-five that his eyes had been opened to just how wrong he’d actually been. Simply by chance meeting someone that would -even twelve and a half years later- take his breath away. Who would see past his jagged edges and the amount of baggage weighing him down and take a chance on him; looking past the mess he’d made of his life and patiently tearing down all the walls he’d build up around his heart. Who still looks at him as if he’s the most incredible man on earth; loving him with everything she has and everything she is and possessing an extraordinary amount of blind faith and trust.

She IS love. Everything that is beautiful and perfect about it. Never given up on him or them. Had Austin NOT died, he never would have found her and would have never known real love in its purest and most unconditional of forms. And his kids wouldn’t exist; seven incredible little human beings that he’d had a hand in creating. And even if he could go back in time and change things, he wouldn’t. He would choose to bear the pain of Austin’s death and the punishment that came with the horrible choice that he made. In the same way he’d accept the Dhaka job a million times over; taking a million bullets to the neck if it meant he’d be rewarded with what he has now.

*****

She lies with her back to him and her head resting on his arm. It had long ago fallen asleep; pins and needles stretching all the way from his shoulder to the tips of his fingers. They’d decided to bed down in the sunroom; pushing the love seat and the couch together to form a ‘nest’ and then fetching old comforters and pillows from the downstairs linen closet. Sometime in the early morning hours, she’d moved closer to him; briefly waking from her slumber long enough to move from her stomach to her side and then snuggling tightly into him. It’s a common occurrence if she has a bad dream. A desire for closeness; needing the feel of his much larger and bulkier frame against hers, quickly comforted by the warmth that radiates from it. His own eyes had never opened, body moving instinctively as he slid one arm between her head and the pillow while the other wrapped around her waist; drawing her even tighter against him, palm flat against her stomach and his face buried in her hair.

In the years he’d spent between his first marriage falling apart and meeting Esme, he’d gotten used to sleeping alone; enjoying the space and the freedom that came with having the entire bed to himself. In Dhaka, he’d been more than prepared to sleep on the floor until tempers flared; a heated argument erupting, fuelled by both sexual frustration AND tension, and his worry and fears surrounding what he was actually feeling towards her. It had taken some getting used to; having a body in bed with him throughout the night and waking up with them still there in the morning. But the adjustment had come quick, and by the third night he’d found himself actually enjoying the way she’d move closer to him; loving the feel of her skin against his and the brush of her hair and that soft, beautiful scent that lingered in it. Now he struggles to find rest without her. Used to the sound of her breathing and the weight of slender frame against his and the little noises she makes in her sleep; the soft sighs and the occasional murmur and giggles and the moments she starts to carry on very detailed conversations. All those little things that make her, her. And that he misses horribly when he’s away from home.

She rolls over to face him, eyes remaining closed as she issues a long, soft sigh and her hand comes to rest on his hip. The tips of her fingers dip below the waistband off his sweats; thumb repeatedly brushing against the slice of skin between the top of his pants and the hem of his t-shirt. For several minutes he watches as she sleeps. Eyes taking in every inch of her face; smiling and marvelling at the thought of how he’d not only somehow managed to both find her, but have her fall in love with him. She’s beautiful; the freckles splashed across and down the bridge of her nose, the long, dark eyelashes that skim the tops of her cheeks, the curve of her lips and the smooth line of her chin. It’s in those quiet moments where he only sees the damage done to her; the handful of small scars left behind from Mark’s fists and whatever ‘weapon’ he could get his hands on; electrical cords, wire hangers, heavy work boots and porcelain mugs and plates. There’s more. So much more. Disturbing ways that her ex husband had come up with to torture her both physically AND mentally.

There’d been other abuse as well; moments she’d been forced into sex itself or terrified into performing acts. And while it’s all equally vile and disturbing, THAT bothers him more than anything else. The fact that someone could violate and betray her in such a disgusting way. Someone that was supposed to love her; who’d taken vows to honor her and cherish her and care for her. And when she finally confessed the true extent of the abuse, the full story had sickened him; horrified and enraged at the thought of anyone touching her...the love of his life...in such a way. And it’s amazing. The fact that she’d not only managed to survive the abuse with her spirit and sanity intact, but that she’d been so willing and able to trust him. Giving everything of herself from that very first night in Dhaka; placing both her body and her heart in his hands and having all the faith in the world that he wouldn’t destroy them.

He places a palm over her ear; fingers splayed against her dark tresses and his thumb tracing the faint scar that cuts through the middle of her right eyebrow and travels up into her hairline. And when his hand moves to the back of her head and his lips find her brow, she gives another sigh; long and content, warm breath wafting against his skin. A soft smile curving her lips as her eyes flutter open and meet his.

“Sleeping beauty awakes,” he greets, and combs his hand through her hair, allowing the silky strands to slip slowly through his fingers. Lips pressing against her brow, followed by the bridge of her nose.

The smile broadens and those dark eyes sparkle. “Morning.”

“Morning. You good?”

“For the most part. You alright?”

“I’m perfect. It actually turned out to be a lot more comfortable than I thought it would be. You sleep okay?”

Esme shrugs. “I’ve had better.”

“You got up pretty early. Bad dream?”

She nods.

“You want to tell me about it or…?”

“Not really. It’s not something I want to relive.”

“Was it about me?”

“And Ovi. And me.”

“So a Dhaka dream?”

“Unfortunately. The first time there. And I haven’t had a dream about that in a long time. I was kind of hoping I’d never have one again, but....”

“Like Doctor Klein said, it’s never going to go away completely. It DID happen. We can’t pretend it never did.”

“Doesn’t mean I want to dream about it. It was bad enough living it. Do I really have to go through it all over again? While I’m asleep? It’s been twelve and a half years. Since it happened. And I haven’t had a dream about it in at least three. Now all a sudden it’s starting up again? What the hell is that about?”

“Me going away probably brought up some bad shit. And you’ve been stressed. That’ll do it.”

“I’m always stressed at Christmas. I always work myself up. Over stupid shit.”

“Doesn’t help that your mum sent that stuff from the kids and she’s been calling five times a day.”

“She knows what she’s doing, you know. This is a ploy. To fuck with me. She doesn’t bother for years and then all of a sudden decides to play the role of the perfect, doting grandmother? How long has she spent purposefully ignoring our kids? Treating them like second class citizens? Playing favourites? She pretty much stopped keeping track after Declan. I’m surprised she even remembered we had three more after him.”

“I’m kind of surprised she even remembered ANY of their names.”

“She’s not doing it for them. It’s not because she loves them and wants to spoil them. Her love is conditional. It always has been. And she knew getting in contact would bother me. That it would get under my skin and I’d dwell on it and I’d eventually cave and get in contact with her. Isn’t it enough that I sent a text message thanking her? Or that I’ll have the kids make thank you cards and send them to her? Do I REALLY have to talk to her?”

“Normally I’d say just ignore her and I’d remind you that you don’t owe her or anyone else in your family anything, but she’s only to keep calling. She’s only going to step it up and get worse. And seeing as we’d like to enjoy Christmas and have a nice peaceful holiday…”

“Maybe I should let my phone die and we’ll just use yours. Chances are she won’t message you.”

“The perks of being at the top of her most hated list, I guess. Why don’t you just block her?”

“Because then she WILL get a hold of you. And that won’t end well. You’re due for losing your shit on someone. That hasn’t happened in a while.”

“Not like she wouldn’t deserve it.”

“I’ll just keep ignoring her. Maybe she’ll get the picture and just give up.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just talk to her and let her say what she has to say? Let her run her mouth and hang up on her. Then block her. Boom. Done.”

“I don’t want to hear her shit though. I’m already not in a good place. Mentally, speaking. Why let her make it worse? That’s just asking for trouble. And I really do not want to spend my Christmas doped up on Valium or drunk off my ass. Maybe you could message her. From my phone. Pretend you’re me. Telling her off.”

“I’m pretty sure she’ll know it’s me. But I’ll take one fo the team. She already hates me and wishes I was dead. Can’t get any worse than THAT.”

“Who gives a fuck what she says. Isn’t that what you always say? Fuck what my family says? Let’s NOT talk about them.”

******

She wriggles closer to him; the fabric of her plaid shirt pressed against his chest and her cheek resting on his pillow. A hand sliding under his tee and over his ribs and around to his back; fingertips repeatedly grazing up and down his spine. And he lays a palm on the back of her head and presses his lip to her temple; allowing them to linger there for several seconds before resting the side of his nose against hers. Neither speak as time ticks on. Eyes closed and warm breath tickling skin. The tips of his fingers burrowed in her hair and gently massaging her scalp as hers continue their exploration of his back; travelling over the various and tracing the outline of the tattoo that sits between his shoulders. It’s when she reaches the scar left behind from Nathan’s attack that he pulls back to look at her, finding those dark, soulful eyes staring up at him.

“Does it hurt?”

Tyler shakes his head. “Not this morning.” Some days there’s discomfort there. More a tightness than an actual ache; damage done to the nerve sometimes causing loss of sensation into his hip and down the back of his leg. Other times it feels as if the wound is freshly acquired; a burning and throbbing that reminds him of the moment Nathan had stuck his fingers into the bullet hole to cause more pain and inflict greater damage.

“It’s been okay? For the most part?”

“More good days than bad days. Sometimes it feels like there’s something stuck in there; moving around and pressing against shit.”

“There’s no actual chance of that, right? That they left something in there? I mean, they showed me the bullet. They got it all out. Or at least it looked like it did. Do you think something could have been left behind? A small fragment? Do you think…?”

“I think you need to stop worrying. It’s been five years. Almost six.”

“Even after twelve years, I don’t think you fully comprehend that I CAN’T stop worrying. It’s who I am. I worry about the people I love. And I love you a bit more than everyone esle, so…”

“A bit more, huh?”

She grins and presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Just a bit. You know what would be nice? If we could stay here all day. Right here. Cuddled up just like this.”

“It would be,” he agrees, and slides his forearm between her shoulder and the cushions; hand coming to rest on her upper arm, thumb repeatedly brushing against smooth skin. “But..”

“No,” Esme protests, and nuzzles her face into his neck; head under his chin and her nose pressed against his Adam’s Apple. “No ‘buts’. I don’t want to hear any ‘buts’.”

“As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, we DO have kids. Who very shortly are going to discover we’re not upstairs and come looking for us.”

“Let them fend for themselves. We deserve a break. A mommy and daddy break.”

“Few more months, babe. And then two weeks. Just us.”

“In Santorini,” she reminds him.

“Wherever you want to go, that’s where we’ll go.”

“Still doesn’t mean I WANT to move anytime soon. I’d still rather lie here with you all day. Preferably with less clothes on.”

“I was hoping for totally naked, myself.”

“Me too. Just lie, totally naked, and make love. All day?”

“All day?”

She pulls back to look at him; a grin playing on her lips and her eyes sparkling playfully. “What? You don’t think you have it in you anymore?”

“I was more worried about you no longer being able to handle that kind of thing.”

“Oh don’t you worry about me. You know how resilient and tenacious I am. And how I’m fully committed when I’m really into something.’

“I’ve seen all of that first hand. I could handle it. I’d need water and food breaks, but I’d be game.”

Placing her elbow on the cushion below, she props the side of her head in her upturned palm, fingers of the other hand tracing the tattoo that decorates the left side of his neck. “Remember our little apartment? Outside of Sydney?”

“I do. I remember it very well.”

“When you finally got out of the rehab place and were finally able to live there full time? Instead of just weekends home? We had A LOT of those days in bed. Enjoying each other as much as we wanted. Rarely wearing clothes even when we DID leave the room.”

“The good old days, you mean?”

“We had some really good times in that little apartment. It was kind of weird though, don’t you think? Living together and having a baby while still in the process of really getting to know one another? It was strange. How we tackled things. Wasn’t exactly a normal way of going about it.”

“I figured we didn’t start out normal, so why bother going that way?”

“There was definitely nothing conventional about how we met. It’ll make a great story one day. For one of our kids to tell on our fiftieth anniversary.”

“Only thirty eight more years to go. Think you can handle it?”

“I think I’ll be okay. Do you think YOU can?”

“I’m pretty sure that if we could survive the past twelve years...especially the last five...that there's nothing we CAN'T get past.”

“Listen to you all sappy first thing in the morning,” she teases, and hooks a finger around the chain that dangles from his neck and pulls him into a kiss. “By the way, your daughter and I had a very interesting conversation yesterday. While you were out with the rest of the spawn.”

Sighing heavily, he presses a final kiss to her forehead and then rolls onto his back; hands pushing through his hair before clasping them together at the nape of his neck. “If it’s about periods or boys, I do NOT want to hear it.”

“I’ll go easy on you; I think I’ve tortured you enough for the time being. I still say you need to be prepared. Just in case…”

“And I’ll let you do what you need to do to get me prepared. I have faith in you. That you won’t throw me to the wolves.”

“I would never.” She rolls onto her stomach and props herself up on both elbows. “And this isn’t about Millie herself. Just something she’s concerned about.”

“And you promise it’s not about her period or boys?”

“I promise. It actually surprised me. And I thought with having a mercenary husband and after birthing four boys, that there was nothing that could possibly surprise me anymore.”

“Is she okay? Millie?”

“She’s fine. She’s Millie. There’s nothing wrong with her. Like I said, it isn’t really about her. It’s about something she’s worried about. And to be honest, I’m kind of worried about it too. A lot worried, actually.”

“You’re starting to worry ME now.”

“It’s about Alannah. And her home life.”

“About how badly it sucks?”

“Pretty much. I mean, you’ve seen it first hand. You’ve been in that home. You’ve talked to her parents. You know what they’re like.”

“If you mean emotionally absent and full of shit, yeah, I’ve seen it. Those people are fucked up, babe. I don’t know how you can have that much money and have nothing all at the same time. I don’t get it; how people can be that soulless and empty. And that's saying something when it comes from a guy that kills people for a living.”

“Normally this is where I give you a stern talking to about how that’s not all you do, but I’ll let it slide. For now. You’ve been in that home. A handful of times. You’ve talked to them. On the outside, everything looks great. They drive luxury cars, they wear designer clothes, her mother is practically dripping in expensive jewelry everytime I see her. I mean, they send her to a really expensive private school. They put on a pretty good show, you have to admit.”

“It’s what they want people to see. They want everyone to think everything is perfect. That they have a great life. Trust me, there’s nothing great about it. Not for the kid, anyway. And I grew up with someone with no soul or moral compass. That house? Worse vibes than the one I was raised in.”

“Which is saying a lot. You lived a shitty life. You’d recognize the warning signs. You were THAT kid.”

“So were you. You didn’t get your ass handed to you on a daily basis, but the mental stuff is just as bad. If not worse sometimes.”

“So we BOTH know how horrible it is. Growing up where we’re not wanted. And I know my mom always put on a big show for everyone. Acted like life was amazing and that she was the perfect mother. Behind closed doors? Mommy fucking dearest. Both of us deserved so much better growing up And so does Alannah.”

“I agree. She does. So where do we come into this? What’s Millie worried about?”

“It’s not just Millie that’s worried. I am too. I know how bad a crappy upbringing can fuck someone up. I’m a mess. And most of it leads right back to my mom. I’m the first to admit that I’m pretty fucked up. That I’ve got some long term issues I do battle with every day. Because of her. In the same way you have your own things; related to your dad.”

“Okay…”

“I don’t want that happening to her. I don’t want her turning into me. I don’t want her ending up with a guy like Mark because she has zero self worth and doesn’t think she deserves better. I don’t want her being forty years old and married to a second guy -an amazing guy, for the record- and completely unable to fully appreciate him because of some shit experience. I don’t want her turning out like this. I don’t want her spending her life hating herself and thinking she’s garbage because that’s all she was told she was. I don’t want some other guy ending up like you; loving someone so wholly and completely yet having to right another man’s wrong. That’s not fair. To you. Or to whatever guy she ends up with.”

“Babe, you…”

“Don’t try and deny it, okay. Don’t try and play it down. I know what I’m like. I know how bad I can get. You’ve spent the last twelve years having to prove you’re not him. And that isn’t fair. And I’m sorry. For ever making you feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re somehow like him. Because you’re not. You are so far from being anything like him. I’ve never meant to hurt you. And if I knew how to stop being this way…”

“Esme…” He lays a hand on the back of her neck and lifts his head to kiss her. “...stop. I love you. I get it. Why you are the way you are. In the same way you get why I’m the way I am. And you know what? We’re both fucked up. But somehow it works. WE work.”

“I just don’t want Alannah ending up like this. She’s still so young. There’s time to stop it. Before it happens.”

“How? You’re not her mother. What are you going to do? Go over there and over advice? Teach some parenting classes? Because that will go over REALLY well.”

“I’m hardly the person who should be teaching parenting classes. I’m not exactly perfect myself.”

“Your kids think you are. I think you are.”

“You think the sun shines out of my ass and that I poop glitter and fart rainbows. You’re hardly a good judge. But…” she leans in and presses a kiss to his lips. “...I love you for always wanting to stroke my ego. For always looking at me like butterflies fly out of my butt.”

“Your ass is nice, but it’s not THAT nice. And this stuff with Alannah. What can we do about it? She already spends more time here than at her own place. What more do you want?”

“Well she obviously likes being here. You’ve seen her at her own house. She doesn’t smile, she barely talks, hardly eats. Doesn’t even make eye contact with people. It’s like she’s nothing but a shell. And then she comes here and she’s completely different. She’s smiling and she’s laughing and she’s so loveable and sweet. And helpful. She’s a good kid. A good kid that deserves so much better.”

“You’re still not telling me what you think we can do about it. And we’re not moving here, so don’t even bring that up. We’ve talked about that. Numerous times. This isn’t the place for us. Not on a permanent basis:”

“I know. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want to live here full time. I love where we are. It’s private and it’s quiet and it’s beautiful. That’s home. No other place can even come close to that. It’s nice to visit here, but living? Definitely not a good idea. Especially for you. And Tanner. You guys need the quiet and the calm.”

“So what DO you want to do? You say you want to help the kid. How do we help her?”

“Millie brought something up. An idea. And it’s not totally horrible.”

“And that is…”

“She asked if we can bring Alannah back with us. To Australia.”

“As in permanently or…?”

“Temporarily. I think. For now. I don’t know; we didn’t really get that deep into it. She suggested it and I told her that I’d talk to you. So, here I am. Talking to you.”

“We can’t just take the kid. We can’t just toss her on a plane and take her home with us. There’s this thing called kidnapping, in case you didn’t realize.”

“And I told Millie that. That we can’t just take her with us. She DOES have a family. A shitty one, but a family nonetheless. We’d have to go through a lot of steps. Just like we did with Ovi. That was a lot of work. Getting everything in order so he could go with us to Colorado. I mean, we were in Mumbai for a month while the lawyers figured everything out.”

“It was a lot of red tape. And Australia’s a lot more strict than the States. About who they let in. And we’d have to get her signed up for school. She can’t just hang around the house. We both work and the kid has to learn. It’s not like we’d just be bringing her for an extended vacation.”

“But it CAN be done. I mean, I was allowed to stay in Australia.”

“Yeah, because we were getting married and we were having a baby. Two perfectly good reasons to let you stay. We bring some random kid home with us…”

“We’d have to call the lawyer. He’d be able to advise us. On how to handle everything. He’d probably be able to handle all the paperwork. And we’re not talking about adopting her. We became Ovi’s legal guardians. That’s a whole other ballgame. We’d just be taking her on an adventure. Let her experience something new. Give her a real family. People that love her and siblings to play with and drive her crazy.”

“And then what? We just send her back home a few months? Just ship her right back to the bullshit here? That makes NO sense.”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just thought for the time being, we could help her out. Give her time away from her shitty life. And if in the end she really loves it and wants to stay, then we think about guardianship.”

“You’re talking about taking on another kid. That’ll make eight.”

“Two days ago, you wanted me to get my tubes patched up so we could have an eighth,” Esme points out.

“Yeah, one of our own. A baby. That we make. Together. Not someone else’s kid.”

“But that isn’t going to happen. We agreed on this. After the twins. That seven was enough.”

“But you’re okay with taking on Alannah? Just not with having our own baby.”

“I can’t do it again. I just can’t. I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone. But I am babied out. And this is a kid that needs our help. You're always the first person that WANTS to help everyone.”

“Usually when I’m helping people, I’m getting sent somewhere to kill someone. Not taking in their kids.”

“I will admit, it’s not a fool proof plan. Or much of a plan at all. And I do have my own concerns.”

He reaches out and pushes a hand through her hair; allowing the dark tresses to slip between his fingers and then looping strands over her ears. “Which are?”

“I worry about us. Me and you. Our plates are full. We have seven kids we’re raising. And we’re doing a damn good job, you have to admit. We make a really good team.”

“Yeah, we do. We always have. Right from day one.”

“But we’re also taking time to nurture us. Our relationship. That’s important. How many times has it been drilled into us? At therapy? That we need to step away sometimes and make the effort to connect and stay close and keep our bond the way it is. We’ve had to work on that. A lot. We’ve both had to step up to make sure we didn’t fall apart. To make sure we remember that we’re not just two people raising kids together. And I don’t want to lose that. Those moments with you.”

“I don’t want to lose that either. It’s a big deal to me. You know that. Keeping things together. Keeping US together.”

“And you’ve been amazing. At putting in the time and the effort. And it’s gone so well. We are so much stronger than we were five years ago. By A LOT. You know how cheesy it would always sound? When you’d hear people talking about loving someone more and more every day? I thought it was so stupid. That there was no way that was true. And in these last five years? I’ve realized how wrong I was. Because I DO love you more every day. And I’m scared something will come along and wreck that.”

“But? I know there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“But I can’t help but worry that we’re letting Alannah down. That we’re just leaving her to suffer and grow up to be just as messed up as us. We have a chance to help her. And I don’t think my conscience will let me just walk away and leave her here. Not without at least trying to help.”

Tyler nods slowly as he considers her words; absentmindedly twirling a strand of her hair around his index finger.

“You don’t think I’m selfish do you? That I want to help? Even thought I’m scared of fucking us up?”

“Actually, I think you’re selfless. Not selfish. If you’re willing to risk something to help this kid....”

“I don’t want to risk anything. That’s the problem. I want to help, but I don't want to jeopardize us. That’s the last thing I want. Because we have come so far and we are so much better now and we’re so much stronger. I do not want this to be a case of a hundred steps forward and a thousand steps back.”

“That won’t happen,” he assures her. “I won’t let that happen. We just keep doing things the way we are. We make each other a priority. Like we've been doing for five years now. Taking on Alannah is not going to change that. If she was a baby or a toddler we were bringing aboard, I’d say no way in hell. Because that would be a lot of work and yeah, things would fuck up. Between us.”

“So what can we do? To help her. You want to, right? Help her?”

“I do. But…”

“I KNEW that was coming.”

“...it’s not just as easy as taking her back with us. I wish it was. But it is NOT that simple. And you know that. From the experience with Ovi.”

“I do. I DO know that. And I told Millie as much. That we had to jump through a lot of hoops to be able to bring him with us to Colorado.”

“And I don’t mind putting in the work and calling the lawyer and putting this out there to him. But it’s only going to work if her parents are on board. And honestly, I don’t know how the fuck we’d go about that. Talking to them.”

“You talked to Mahajan. About Ovi. You went to the prison in Mumbai and spoke to him.”

“That was an entirely different situation. He knew he couldn’t provide a proper home for his kid. He knew he couldn’t keep him safe. He didn’t really have a choice, and he knew that. But I can’t just go walking into Alannah’s house and tell her parents I want to take her to Australia. I can’t just say ‘you’re shit parents, give me your kid’. They’ll tell me to fuck off and most likely call the cops.”

“I guess that wouldn’t be the perfect way to approach the subject. But we could. Talk to them. Rationally. And calmly.”

“And they could turn around and tell us both fuck off and then forbid their kid from coming over here. Which means we break Alannah’s heart AND our daughter’s.”

Sighing heavily, Esme places her forehead against his chest and groans dramatically. “Why does this have to be so hard?”

“We need to figure out how to approach this. Without stirring up the hornet’s nest. And we can’t just make a decision like this overnight. We need time to talk about this. REALLY talk about it. Because this is a huge deal. This isn’t just bringing the kid for a vacation.”

“But we will? Talk more about it?”

“Can we get past Christmas first? Because I would really like to get through this holiday with what’s left of my sanity somewhat intact.”

“Maybe after New Years Eve. Then we can sit down and really talk it out. Pros and cons. The whole nine yards. We don’t need to rush into this. There’s a lot of time before we head back home. And if we DO decide to take her and her parents agree, we’ll need to give the lawyer some time to work on getting past the red tape.”

“I’m not promising anything, Me. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I want to do this and I think we should. I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. But I WILL think about it. And talk about.”

“That’s all I want,” she says, and presses a kiss to his cheek and then the corner of his mouth before placing her head upon his chest.

“You know…” he runs a palm down the length of her hair, then rests it on the small of her back. “...I don’t know what kind of hoodoo voodoo black magic you got going on, but I seem to get talked into the most fucked up shit.”

Laughing, she places her chin on his chest and looks up at him. “It’s the eyes. They get you every time.”

“And the ass. And the things you let me do to it.”

“We are NOT having that particular conversation. That’s just a no from me. We can go there, but we don’t need to discuss it. And speaking of going places, today’s the day.”

“Your little shopping trip with Desi. You ARE going to spoil yourself, yeah? No buying anything for me or the kids. We don’t need shit. This is all about you. So go crazy. Buy a whole fucking store if you want. I do NOT care.”

“Any requests? Something you’d like me to buy? Something you’d like to see me in?”

“Not really. I prefer you out of clothes, not actually IN them. But maybe something sexy?”

“Sexy as in a dress to wear for a night on the town or…?”

“Sexy as in only for my eyes to see.”

She grins. “You mean bedroom sexy.”

“Exactly.”

“I thought you didn’t care about the packaging? I thought you only cared about what’s underneath?”

“I don’t usually care. But, I do have plans. For New Years Eve. After Ovi’s wedding.”

“Really?” Her eyes sparkle mischievously. “What kind of plans?”

“It’s a surprise. But I think something sexy would fit right in.”

“Is it mommy and daddy ONLY plans?”

“Yes. Just us. No kids anywhere near us. No interruptions.”

“You want to have wild and crazy sex all night. The kind of wild and crazy sex that we can’t have with kids in the noise. The noisy kind of wild and crazy sex.”

“That would be nice, yeah. I would love to have some wild and crazy noisy sexy with my wife.”

“In that case…” she slides further up the couch and pushes a hand through his hair, speaking between soft pecks that she places on his hips. “...I will buy something very, very, VERY sexy. Just for you.”

“You spoil me.”

“You deserve it. You’re a good man, Tyler Rake. You’re a keeper.”

“And speaking of spoiling…” Curling an arm around her waist, he unceremoniously dumps her onto the mounds of bunched up pillows and comforters and then sits back on his heels. A grin playing at the corners of his mouth as his palms travel along the backs of her calves; fingertips grazing against the skin of her inner thighs before applying gentle pressure in silent encouragement for her to open them. “...it’s my turn.”

[abismo-sideral]

The history of this cozy house is reminiscent of the plot of the famous New Year’s movie ‘The Holiday’. American writer Amanda Brooks recently decided to completely change her life and moved from noisy New York to such a charming traditional cottage in the English outback, which seemed to come to life from a fairy tale. Here you have a feeling that the time has stopped, and it is in this setting that many of us imagine the perfect Christmas. The hostess and her family take a very responsible approach to the festive decoration of their miracle house, so everything inside is very harmonious and beautiful. We hope you will enjoy it too!