#overhearing that conversation brought me right back to being a scared 12 year old not out to anyone yet and hearing stories like that online

[lilyminer]

Tw some horrible homophobia

Me sitting in the back of my moms business waiting for the summer camp I’m helping at to begin. She explains that someone she’s considered hirings brother was kicked out of the house in his early teens with all his belongings burned on the lawn because he is gay.

[newl0ndonfire]

@heyyoucoolemo

this kinda ran away from me sorry :( but this is why you tell people you don’t want to hang out with them soon after you meet, aka the story of my stalker who i pretended i was a lesbian to avoid.

since sixth grade, i have walked to and from school. it takes about five minutes to walk to my old middle school and it’s about 12 minutes to get to my high school, and i left my house for school super early (7:30 even tho school starts at 8) until sophomore year. in seventh grade, i hung out with these kids who i vaguely knew from the year before (since i went to a small private school for elementary school) who got to school early and hung out by the gym, which is on the side i came from when i walked to school.

it was chill for a while since most of us were in seventh grade, but there were a few sixth graders. one of the sixth graders was a boy named kyle. i didn’t know him, so i didn’t end up in any conversations with him for like a week and a half. in that time, i was able to overhear what he talked about and stuff he liked to see if i would want to be friends with him, and by the end of that time i found that i didn’t want to be friends with him. two weeks after school started, he tried to introduce himself and since i didn’t want to be friends with him, i just turned to him and said “don’t talk to me until you’ve seen the adventurous adventures of one direction” (i was in my 1d phase since their music was the only stuff i could hear on the radio and know the artist for)

i thought that would keep kyle away from me, but holy fuck was i wrong. i left for school late the next day so we weren’t able to talk (thank god). but the day after that, i left at my usual time. oooohhhhhh boy. this kid would not stop talking to me until i told him i had to go to my first class. he kept quoting the same parts of aaood (adventurous adventures of one direction) and aaood 2 (the sequel) whenever he saw me and tried to have full conversations about them. he spent a whole morning before school (20ish minutes) telling me how the cereal he created in home ec was based on the tac-os (taco flavored cereal) from aaood. none of the other people in that group knew what the heck we were talking about, so there was no one else to cut into the conversation. and since i was not aware i was being abused until freshman year, i was incapable of telling people “no” or “leave me alone”, so i never told him to hang out with kids in his grade who he could more easily relate to.

he continued to be a human gnat to me for the rest of the school year. i hoped summer would make him forget/move on from me, but alas i was wrong.

i stopped hanging out with the people i talked to in the mornings last school year (whom he hung out with as well) because we didn’t have any classes together and started leaving my house a little bit later in the mornings. that didn’t shake him. we sometimes saw each other during passing period, but i pretended to not see him and talked to people who were in one of my other classes during the time instead. that didn’t stop kyle either. i sat at the same table for lunch because why not but had a different group of people i ate with. at my middle school, there were two lunch periods and sixth graders had the first one, eighth graders had the latter one, and seventh grade was split. since kyle was a seventh grader, i didn’t know if he would have the first or second lunch. he was a floater (knew a lot of people and could basically strike up a conversation with any group of kids, but not in any one group. the popular kids in my grader liked him) so he didn’t sit and stay at one table for lunch. one day, he spotted me and headed over to talk to me. for the rest of the year, he visited me at least twice a week to talk about aaood and lament his love life (he claimed that as a seventh grader, he had already fallen in love 18 times with 18 different girls) while asking me for dating advice. the 18th girl he had supposedly fallen in love with was someone i kinda knew because i walked home with her and she was hella uncomfortable with him. he knew i hung out with her, and tried to get me to open up about her, i didn’t because i knew how annoying he was and how much said girl didn’t like him. when his heart was “crushed”, he came to me for a metaphorical shoulder to cry on.

in addition to the above shit, he followed me as much as he could after school. my last classroom was across the school from the gate (we had a closed campus) that i went through to go home. my path to go home was the one that took the least amount of time and forced me to be around the least number of people (aka i didn’t have to walk through a park and past an elementary school), which was ideal for me since i can’t deal with the kids my age in my town on most days (”a jewish country” “naturally tan AND blonde”). kyle’s last class was in the middle of my classroom and the gate. he would wait for me to start walking home, then talk about aaood/his love life/whatever the fuck he was telling me about during lunch from wherever he intercepted my walk home all the way across the track (the long way). my last teacher of the day loved me (i didn’t talk in class, it was a laptop class and i didn’t mess around on the internet during class, she was a sherlockian and so was i, i was friends with the nerds/could get them to share their tech skills/speak up in class/quiet down, y’know, the normal reasons a teacher loves a student), so she was mostly okay with talking to me for five or ten minutes after school about stuff and me leaving the classroom right after packing up my stuff. i did that so i either left early enough for kyle to still be in class (some teachers are serious sticklers for the bell) or late enough that he headed home. on the days that didn’t work, i slowed my walk if he was ahead of me or ran ahead claiming to see a friend if i heard him close behind. that didn’t keep him away either. i just accepted that kyle wouldn’t leave me alone while we were in the same school, and looked forward to being a freshman because he would be an eighth grader.

the summer passed. my freshman year came and went. i was emo by that christmas. at the end of the summer before my sophomore year, i dyed my hair bright-ass red, as in danger days gerard red (apparently my hair bleaches well but it needs a fuckton of bleach [20oz the first time]). i dressed differently. i had a new backpack and new friends. i never gave kyle my phone number, email, Facebook, or anything else. i had mostly forgotten about him.

my sophomore year started, and i didn’t think anything would happen. in the second week of school, i was walking to my english class (which was after brunch [10-10:10]) with one of my friends. i saw kyle out of the corner of my eye and didn’t expect him to talk to me since i was so different he looked at me before going to his next class. the next day, i was heading over to my english class while talking to another friend and he came up to me and said i looked familiar. i gave him a strange face and a small, awkward laugh since i never really wanted to talk to him. a week later, he came up to my friends and i during brunch or lunch (i don’t remember which) and talked to me the whole time. kyle said he had missed me all of last year because we went to different schools and wanted to reconnect. internally, i was all “well fuck” and “please leave” but externally i was all “well i’m basically a new person idk if we can.....” but i guess i didn’t give off my internal vibes enough.

kyle kept coming up to me during brunch and started a conversation with me as soon as he could, even if i was talking to one of my friends. one day he tried to get me to listen to some song of his on sound cloud, but thank god the school’s wifi is shit. another day he asked me how i would feel if someone wrote a love song about/to me. by then i knew i was aroace so i was like “ummmmm no thank you lol”. my friends were telling me i didn’t have to hang out with him if i didn’t want to, which i knew but couldn’t say and risk having kyle be upset (thanks @ my abusive family). kyle and i didn’t have anything in common (i had thankfully left my 1d phase behind) but HE started to change. idk if it was because the freshmen he hung out with had the whole teenage angst thing going on or if he wanted to connect with me, but he started becoming low-key emo and asking for good teenage angst songs and bands. one day, i was starting to walk home and he saw me. he was going on about how the music he was listening to was such a change for what he had listened to before and how it kinda scared him because it was metal, but it helped with his angst. he tried to get me to listen to this black metal band he had found, but luckily we had to go in different directions to go home so i just told him to tell me the band’s name. it was black veil brides, and the album he was listening to was their most recent one at the time (i just looked it up; it was their 2014 self titled one). we left and i was # shook. black veil brides is not and has never been black metal. i listen to black metal and had listened to black veil brides before. why the fuck did he think they were metal? the album he was listening to is rock (according to the iTunes store) what the actual fuck. i tried to get him to listen to mcr (if you’re gonna have teenage angst, you gotta do it right) but he went off on them because “they were too scary and supported bad things” and it felt like he was calling people who self harm(ed) and were/are suicidal idiots who didn’t deserve to life. needless to say, i was rubbed the wrong way and ready to get this kid off my back. i didn’t know if he wanted to just be friends or something more, but i wanted to at LEAST obliterate any idea he had of being more than friends.

i brought this up to my parents as half joke, half “what should i do please give me advice”. my mom suggested to pretend to be a lesbian, and i was like “fuck it i want him GONE from my life”, so i asked my friend eve (who identified as bi at the time) to send me her favorite/hottest pictures of band member’s wives. she sent me a couple of lynz, someone i didn’t know, and megan camper(? idk but pete wentz’s SO) at eight months pregnant and in her underwear (she’s a model i believe). i was ready to bulldoze any and all dreams of kyle and/or his friend. he spotted me as i was walking home and i cut him off and said “holy shit man. i just seriously fucking love girls, full homo” and he asked “oh you’re a lesbian?” in a “i didn’t know that about you” way, not a homophobic way, and i enthusiastically told him “yeah. i just found some gorgeous photos of women, here, let me show you....” and he said “ oh yes PLEASE do. i’ve seen naked women before so i’ll know if they’re hot or not”.

what the fuck. what the actual fuck kyle. i’m a girl (or at least identified as one then lmao fuck gender). i have pe. I HAVE SEEN BOOBIES IN THE REAL WORLD BEFORE. in what universe would you, someone who was not dfab, POSSIBLY have a better grasp of what makes a women attractive to women than me, someone who was dfab.

anyways, he called lynz ugly (”she has wrinkles” she has LIVED kyle) and i didn’t punch him but i totally fucking should have for that.

later in the year, i was done with talking to him during brunch because he was just a pain in the motherfucking ass, so around march i finally told him "hey dude. this is going to be awkward and i’m telling you that now, but i never really wanted to be friends. i’m glad you like the adventurous adventures of one direction, but i told you to watch it because i didn’t want to talk to you”. he took it well, and we haven’t talked/acknowledged each other since.