#p’aof the way you write family

[jemmo]

i cant even begin to explain how interesting i found this ep, but i think it all centres on night saying that day was a crybaby as a child, and yet in this ep he’s the one we see cry the least. and while i dont want to diminish how insanely difficult it is for day to lose his sight completely, i mean, we all saw the end of last weeks ep, i find it so interesting that it was the other people in his family that struggled with it the most, in their own ways. it makes me think about how for day, this is something he’s known is coming, and it’s only he who knows how his sight is deteriorating, so it’s not a shock, and while it’s upsetting for mohk, day confides in him enough that he knew it was coming to, and they had that cathartic moment together. but for his mom and for night, they didn’t see it coming, which is why it’s completely understandable that she panics. it might not seem like panic on the surface bc she’s a very put together woman, but the need to protect day and keep him away from any possible harm and do it herself, it tells us that she’s panicking, both bc this change they thought they could beat by getting a transplant before it got this bad, but also bc it brings to the surface that for all this time, the last months of day having some sight, she’s been absent and swamped with work and hasn’t been there with day, taking care of him, doing things with him, enriching that time, and the guilt makes her double down, at the expense of day. and it’s nothing anyone but herself can deal with, address that feeling and know that maybe she could’ve done different, done better, but ultimately that time has passed and change can only be made now, in the present.

and for night, wow. i wanna commend mark so much bc for me, he managed to capture that sense of a child in an adults body so well, bc this ep was about him healing that child inside of him that felt second best and not cared for like his brother was. and it says a lot that he cried more when his mother made his favourite dish after so many years than he did when day forgave him, bc for the whole show we think that the heaviness he is carrying is the guilt of the accident, but it’s only in the past few eps we really know what the root of it all is. and that’s not to say that day forgives him lightly, he absolutely doesn’t, it says more about how he actually has been keeping count of all that night has been doing to make it up to him, from taking him to go with mohk on the trip to bringing him a phone, night has constantly been trying to show that he does care, and none of it feels insincere, like just trying to get rid of a guilty conscience, he actually wants to be the big brother he wasn’t before. and when he cries at his favourite meal, it feels cathartic not just for all the obvious reasons of feeling loved and included, but for night that’s been doing all this stuff to show day he cares, finally someone is doing that for him, and it’s like he finally knows what that feels like on both sides, for someone to care enough to do something like that for you, and to receive that act of love. finally, it feels like all that care he was showing other people is being returned to him, and it’s not out of courtesy, it’s bc they care for him just as much as he cares for them.

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Love Sick/Love Sick 2 Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. I’ve covered SOTUS so far, but now I’m correcting for chronology, and present to you today my review of Love Sick.]

Well. I climbed the mountain and saw the view from the top. After 48 episodes -- BL edit cuts, mind you, but still, 48 episodes -- I finished Love Sick and Love Sick 2. 

Before I dive into the review, I want to meditate on something that kept cropping up for me as I was watching the show. I always say this in my writing, but I’m an #old cishet gal, in my early middle-aged years, and when I was in high school in the States, casual homophobia likely looked different than it does now, or maybe even at the time of Love Sick’s airing in 2014 and 2015. 

I’m not sure if young people in high schools do this now... or maybe they do. Maybe I’m clueless and just not watching enough Western and/or cishet content to know. But when I was a teenager in the ‘90s, “gay” was the adjective for everything. "This bagel is gay.” Your handbag was “gay.” Your handwriting was “gay.” The way in which you stapled your papers together could be called “gay” -- I literally heard that in high school, and I still remember it as being one of the dumbest things I had ever heard. And, of course, most doomingly for certain individuals -- many were labeled as “gay,” too. 

As I rejected much of the biases and racism that my Indian family operated by when I was growing up -- so I also rejected the nonsensical usage of the word “gay” as an adjective for anything else but someone’s sexuality.

I was a seriously protected, hugely nerdy Indian kid growing up. But I kind of inherently knew that this unconscious/conscious/implicit/explicit/simmering hate for a group of people vis à vis this adjective wasn’t for me. At that time of my youth, I didn’t actually know queer communities. I just didn’t want to be associated with biased people who insisted on seeming like utter idiots via their language against a minority group. 

(I’m aware now that “gay” as an adjective is likely being appropriated back by young queer communities, just like the word “queer” itself. I want to clarify that “gay” was NOT being used in a "nice” sense when I was a kid.)

I’m meditating on this because, of course, I watched Love Sick well out of order of my introduction to Thai BLs. I started with KinnPorsche, with The Eclipse, with Bad Buddy, and then began to correct that by watching SOTUS -- all shows that have dealt with homophobia in various ways...or seemingly not at all, in the case of BBS, and to just a touch of an extent in KP between Big and Porsche. 

So. I watched Love Sick to learn about Thai BL history. But my mindset is out of order, right? It’s because I’ve already watched many influential shows that carry the influence of Love Sick within them. (As I did in my SOTUS review, I’ll cite @miscellar‘s tremendous analysis of how Bad Buddy was based on Aof Noppharnach’s meta commentary on existing BL frameworks, and I’ll do a lot of comparisons to BBS in this piece, as I’m aware that P’Aof was influenced himself by Love Sick.)

In rewinding my perspective and my mind to set myself up to watch Love Sick: I wanted to be very aware of how this show would deal with casual homophobia among teenagers, and the ever-present question of how it would deal with the question of if the main coupling of Phun and Noh would fall into the “gay for you” category that I discussed in my SOTUS review, and that @absolutebl discusses in this post. 

If @absolutebl flagged Love Sick as likely problematic of mistakes that are being corrected for now -- of course, they’re right. The casual homophobia was rampant. The “gay” question was easily squelched, loudly and early by Noh, who clarified throughout the show that he was not, and never would, be gay. And Phun clarifies that as well, later in season 2. Our boys “called it love.”

Bad Buddy dealt with this differently, very obviously. There was no homophobia. Pat likes all genders. Pran will consider liking girls at some point, to Ink’s joy and advice that it’d be “gainful” for Pran to do so. 

But. (And I think P’Aof recognized this.) In history, we have to start somewhere. I had to get comfortable in my jibblies to watch this, and be reminded from whence I came, an environment of casual homophobia that very directly led to my deciding to live my life in part as an ally.

It’s unfortunate that I don’t get to read commentary on the regular about these shows from a Thai queer male perspective. (It’s why reviews from the very dear @bengiyo are so important for me to read, from his queer male perspective.) (And I think I need to watch more Soonvijarn.) I want to know, from a Thai queer male perspective, if it was OKAY for Love Sick to depict the casual homophobia that we saw, and if the perspective accepts Noh and Phun’s trajectory as a couple, calling their relationship not gay, but love. And certainly -- maybe that perspective has changed over the course of the airing of BL in Thailand, as expectations and artistic strategies have changed with the progress of time.

Throughout my liveblogging of my watching the show (and I want to take a second here to give a HUGE SHOUT-OUT to the DARLING MUTUALS who commented on my seriously late-night posts: @clairificusrex, @lurkingshan, @nieves-de-sugui, @aliceisathome, and many more, I LOVE YOU ALL, YOU AMAZING STANS!), I expressed a lot of love for Phun and Noh, and for other characters, too, like Yu, Per, and Win. (Yu and Per have a special place in my heart as allies-in-the-making, and Per trying everything to make Win, his BFF, happy -- and recognizing his limits while doing so.)

But now that I’m done with the show...I feel like a line of intimacy wasn’t crossed. Maybe I shouldn’t blame the show for this. The show WASN’T a BL. The show wasn’t SOLELY focused on Phun and Noh. Maybe the line of intimacy that I’m thinking of COULDN’T be achieved in a high school setting in 2014 Thailand.

I really wondered about the length of the show as I was watching it. For the MAJORITY of the second season, I thought the length HELPED the boys grow into their relationship. We really saw shades of gray. We saw shades of emotion, of development, especially from Noh to Phun. We saw Noh grow TREMENDOUSLY, maturely, figuring out his boundaries with lovely Yu. We saw Noh figure out his boundaries with Phun. I thought all of that development was truly lovely, very important to see between two young men, and gorgeous to watch. Captain acted the hell out of it.

At the same time, I think the length of the second second ultimately hurt the endgoal of the revelation of their relationship to their communities and family. To the end of the show, we were hearing that the boys were not gay. I think this was designed as a necessary part of their coming out in their relationship -- because I’m not sure that the airing of Love Sick 2 could have been considered successful at that time if it did NOT include that element, the element of MAKING SURE that the audience was TOLD that the boys were not gay. 

And I think -- because I watched things out of order, I’ve watched brilliant shows already correct for these mistakes -- that deflated me just a touch as I wrapped up the series.

As well, up until the VERY end, we saw that the boys were still in a place to consider heterosexual relationships, as in the case of Phun and his friend, Pam, who Noh confused for being a potential interloper. With Phun *not* communicating and clarifying to Noh immediately that Pam had a boyfriend, it set up a moment of real confusion for Noh, as if their already-committed relationship (which they had committed to multiple times already!) was on the rocks, for an interloper of another gender.

While I was watching it, I was confused -- I was wondering why the show needed THIS to close out Phun and Noh’s storyline. 

I wonder if it’s because, in 2014, the show could not have ended WITHOUT that question. The boys would be in a relationship now... but in the future, would things “straighten” out? (Of course, years later, we had ReminderS, which I haven’t peeped, but did establish that the guys were still together, as BL continued to be filmed and as attitudes slowly have changed.)

I think that if Love Sick 2 had ended after the pharmacy camp -- I would have felt settled and happy about this show. Phun and Noh ARE darlings, after all. Captain as Noh, his AMAZING ability to demonstrate a teenage kid’s overwhelmed reaction to the world around him so comedically -- it was really perfect. Both White and Captain are fantastic actors (especially as compared to Krist in SOTUS). 

But there was something about the ending that gave me the jibbles. As if the show couldn’t just leave the guys alone in their happiness. There HAD to be one more dramatic storyline that wasn’t clear. There HAD to be the clarification that the boys were not gay -- not to their schoolmates, not to Phun’s dad, not to the audience. No way were they gay. Again, I think this was where the length of the second season ultimately hurt this series.

And Ohm’s internalized homophobia as well. The way in which he rejected James, left James in the dust. The way in which things were left not quite clarified between him and Mick, although their relationship was alluded to at the end. (I might have missed some clarifications in the BL edits, but I ain’t going back to the full-length episodes to find out.)

And Earn and Pete. Good LORD, Earn. An “I fucking love you” next to the urinals? Dude. PETE COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU, EARN. (I frankly wanted to see Pete with Yu. Earn was the Thai version of The Situation from Jersey Shore, getting all up in Noh and Phun’s business and trying to break them up. Fucking Earn. SMDH.)

I have complaints. And I can’t help but think... yes, THIS is what Bad Buddy corrected for. THIS is what The Eclipse corrected for. With Kinn being out and out gay, THIS is what KinnPorsche corrected for. 

Phun and Noh found their love, which I am desperately happy for. Captain acted the HELL out of Noh -- I could not help but laugh out loud, night after night, at how Noh wiggled his way in and out of situations. He is, in Asian parental parlance, a good boy.

But, as dear @absolutebl meditated on, there were mistakes in this show that, thank goodness, are being corrected by the filmmakers that I have fallen for now. I see what Bad Buddy was doing. Instead of “I’M NOT GAY” -- P’Aof had Pran be gay, and Pat be bi, and Pran consider girls to Ink. That flow of that conversation among Pat/Pran/Ink/Pa -- that was sophisticated stuff. P’Golf had Akk say to his parents, not that he was in love with Ayan -- but that he likes men. 

I have previously loved these nuances in Bad Buddy and The Eclipse. Love Sick now makes me WANT THEM, HUNGRILY, as admissions of truth and acceptance. 

Do I need characters to be out and out, like Kinn? NO. That’s a person’s business, that’s a character’s business, if they want to define or call themselves gay. I’m not here to tell anyone where to land on the sexuality expression spectrum, that’s not my place. I’m not here to ASK anyone’s preferences. Just live. Pran certainly wasn’t out and out. He loved Pat -- that’s who he loved, he loved Pat, and there was no other nonsense, no other side explanations, no covering up or jibbly clarifying of any other positions. (And Pat’s statement was so simple, too: “I like both genders.” Boom, done, move on, live and LOVE and be happy.)

What was hard for me was the repeated denial of gay throughout Love Sick and Love Sick 2. I just didn’t think the show needed that -- because the love between Phun and Noh could have spoken volumes WITHOUT those statements. But I also get it. I get that the writers of Love Sick likely thought they NEEDED those statements in order to get the dang show aired in the first place, in 2014 Thailand. I get that there wasn’t that paradigm, yet, as leveraged by people like P’Aof, P’Jojo, and P’Golf, that lets love STAND as the STATEMENT ITSELF, à la Bad Buddy and The Eclipse.

I see what Love Sick did to begin setting up a tremendous, TREMENDOUS paradigm of BLs in Thailand. It was simply groundbreaking. And the ads! The advertisers were also making their statements. These boys were drinking and eating the Oishi like there was no tomorrow. That was big for nascent BL and capitalism accepting nascent BL.

But the show wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot. And @absolutebl Sensei -- you nailed it by listing it as one of your three original recommendations for us understanding what GMMTV is doing, NOW, with their progressive and groundbreaking art. I’m glad I watched Love Sick. I’ll get more Phun and Noh when I catch up with ReminderS -- and I’m glad, for me, that Love Sick is over, and that I know that Phun and Noh end up happily together in drama land, hopefully in a place where their cinematic preferences are NOT in control of the fictional communities around them, and the real audiences watching them.

[For those of you who are following, I’m now going to make a purposeful dive into a few shows that cover a number of priorities. I’m going to watch Make It Right, Make It Right 2, and Love By Chance -- all to learn about the works of the very prolific New Siwaj, as recommended to me by @bengiyo. I’ll also be crossing off groundbreaking shows featuring my simpy darlings, Ohm Pawat and Perth Tanapon, who are currently destroying in Double Savage. Finally, with MIR and MIR2, I’ll learning more about the early high school pulps after having watched Love Sick. Here’s the road front and back. I’ll ALWAYS take input if anyone reading thinks that something’s missing on this list! 

AND AS ALWAYS: MANY, MANY THANKS TO THE FAM that always comments on these posts and gives me unbelievable feedback: @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @respectthepetty, @lurkingshan, @wen-kexing-apologist, @clairificusrex, @nieves-de-sugui, @manogirl, @miscellar, @dribs-and-drabbles, @solitaryandwandering, and anyone that I may have missed! I so appreciate you all, and I LIVE for the conversations we have about these shows. 1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) 2) SOTUS (2016) (review here) 3) Make It Right (2016) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) 5) Love By Chance (2018) 6) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) 7) He’s Coming To Me (2019) 8) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) 9) TharnType (2019) 10) Theory of Love (2019) 11) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) 12) 2gether (2020) 13) Still 2gether (2020) 14) ITSAY (2020) 15) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 16) Not Me (2021-2022) 17) My School President (2022-2023)]

[charthanry]

BBS: P’Aof Tells His Story, His Way

In several interviews as well as his Soonvijarn EP8 recap, Nanon reveals that if we want to know who P’Aof is as a person, we would only need to watch the BBS finale, saying “it’s so Aof!” I thought this was really telling so wanted to dive a little deeper into what I think this means.

We all know that the source material for the show came loosely from the novel. I say loosely because really beyond the basics (childhood rivals, family feud, and character names) a lot of the series was original to P'Aof and his scriptwriters. I think a more apt description would be "inspired by the novel." I say this not to belittle or disregard the source material in any way, but more to highlight the significant changes P'Aof's team made to Pat and Pran's story. Changes that were met with an overwhelming positive reaction by all those who loved the novel as well as those who went into the show without any preconceived ideas of what we were getting.

So, back to Nanon's comment that one only need to watch EP12 to know and understand P'Aof. I think he meant the reveal that Pat and Pran chose love above all else. They decided that they weren't going to let the toxicity change who they are and what they mean to each other. They instead let everyone else’s issues stay external and separate from their relationship. They said our relationship is just that, ours. Everyone who can’t accept it, can go screw themselves. And honestly, that is so refreshing. I know some might critique that it’s sweeping obstacles under the rug, ignoring reality, or even romanticizing love as being capable of conquering all, but really, why can’t it? If you love someone and you’re not hurting anyone else by doing so, why can’t you set everything and everyone else aside for your love? It’s not that complicated.

So, what can we infer about P'Aof from this? As a queer man telling a queer love story, I love that he normalizes falling in love – that their genders weren’t even up for discussion, not with the parents, not with their friends and not with each other. Moreover, we had moments that drove home “I like all genders” or “maybe one day I’ll like girls, too” or “it’s our son’s date, not ours, he can date whomever he wants.” P’Aof’s story was never about queer identity. In fact, it went out of its way to show that it was gender blind. AND THAT IS SUCH WONDERFUL AND POWERFUL MESSAGING. Love is love to P’Aof. It’s not boys love, it’s not girls love, it’s love that’s no different from what you or I have experienced, it’s ALL LOVE.

Everyone can see that Ohm and Nanon have a very special relationship with P’Aof, one that is deeply rooted in friendship and respect for one another, but most of all TRUST. Why else would Nanon agree to do his first (and possibly only? sobs) BL simply because P’Aof was at the helm and said it would be a perfect role for him. And why would Ohm agree to take on yet another BL without hesitation once he heard Aof and Nanon were involved? After all, he’s a genre veteran and doesn’t NEED to do it for his career. It’s because they both trusted P’Aof and his vision for this very specific story. His list was short, and they were the only two names on it. And his intuition paid off because they delivered Pat and Pran onto the screen and right into our hearts. Nanon said if not him for Pran, then who? Indeed. Likewise, if not Ohm as Pat, then who else could do justice to the character? It isn’t a stretch to think P’Aof and his scriptwriters pictured Ohm and Nanon while in the writing room even before the roles were offered.

And the trust goes both ways. You can see it in their easy affection for one another. OhmNanon believed P’Aof that these characters were meant for them and he in turn trusted the boys to bring Pat and Pran to life. And a lot of this had to do with the overall message he wanted the audience to takeaway, leaving it in OhmNanon’s capable hands to impart on screen – that love can truly overcome anything. It can be blind to challenges, it can choose not to see color or gender or status, it just IS. All because two people decided they wouldn’t let any of that nonsense darken their world. And that’s the crux of EP12 and the entire show, really. Love is love, your willingness to fight for it means it’s yours to have and keep. It’s yours to work at and maintain and build, no one else’s. Is it idealistic of P’Aof? Yes, sure. But what’s wrong with creating an ideal world for yourself? And really, if not you then who? Especially with all the craziness that’s happening in the world, why does love even have to be questioned? When truly it should always, always be the answer, every time.

[boyfriendsmalec]

Bad Buddy and Poor Narrative Choices

I feel I’ve processed a bit more what happened on Bad Buddy and now I’m pretty sure that the promo is unfortunately very likely to be what actually transpires (though I really hope it isn't, thinking about ep 11, it looks to be the case).

There’s been a lot of talk on whether or not the show is poor writing. I myself said it was poor writing previously but I want to clarify it’s not the writing that’s poor, it’s the narrative choices that’s poor.

It may contain realism but that realism doesn’t make sense when taking into account what we know of the show. Besides knowing how committed Pat and Pran are to each other, I cannot fathom why the “it’s us against the world” storyline suddenly becomes “the world won.”

Also the fact that Pran’s mom in the end of episode 10 had said she didn’t want their kids to hate the neighbors next door anymore, that the only despicable person was Pat’s dad like… it really seemed like she was coming around. And I can’t believe Pat would completely just fall in line with his dad. Yes, Pat talked about taking over his family business but he also clearly would give up everything to be with Pran.

It’s poor narrative choices because it doesn’t allow the parents to grow at all. So what’s going to happen in episode 12? After 2-3 years apart and seeing how depressed their children are, they finally agree to let them be together? Is it not enough they were separated once, they have to be twice? (And in the book they were only separated once and I believe it was for around 18 months)

Also you’re telling me that Pran and Pat literally will live across from each other the next 2-3 years and don’t talk or interact? After everything they've been through it also feels weird their friends don’t try to help them reconcile, knowing how much Pat and Pran care for each other (seeing that Wai and Korn are now friends they must intermingle in the same social circles).

I have no idea what will go down at their high school reunion, but I’m guessing it happens around the time they graduate from university (or the year after graduation so they’re likely around 22 at the time).

I think I'm mostly just disappointed and tired. Frankly this was narratively uncreative. You can have a different take on it. I’ve seen break ups done well and poorly.

(For example for satisfying breakups that I UNDERSTOOD: Cherry Magic because it felt very in character and while it was upsetting the break up actually felt earned and not out of place. GSP [a show that has an open ending that actually felt right] where again it felt highly in character.)

Obviously it’s clear Pat and Pran love each other but the reasoning behind their breakup seems really forced in. Like yes the parents are an issue, but is the issue so large they can't stay together? Is it just because being together will upset their parents and make them unhappy? If we’d seen some more stakes in episode 10 then maybe I could understand more but all it seems to be about is family approval (which both Pat and Pran seem to not care about anymore). Neither parent was threatening to disown them or to send them abroad or anything.

Rewatching and reading about episode 11 I can see between the lines of the break up but the red shirt scene to me read very different upon first viewing and still does. Like they understand each other and read each other week enough to know what’s happening but— I hate it. I honest to god hate this is the route P’Aof has taken.

A break up followed by a time jump has slowly become a staple in the BL genre. I can name several shows off the top of my head with a break up and reunion:

ATOTS (2 year split), We Best Love (5 year split), Lovely Writer (some matter of months split), Until We Meet Again (some matter of months split), etc.

It’s become a cop out way for writers to separate couples for months or years and then bring them back together. Break ups shouldn’t be the only way to develop angst. I had hoped the angst would only stem from trying to get their families to accept them but instead their families win and they have to suffer for YEARS because of it.

This break up surprised most of the audience because it wasn’t overt. Literally I didn’t see it until I watched the ep 12 preview. To me the whole episode was about Pat and Pran confirming and further establishing their love, so to me it seems wildly off that such an episode would end with them breaking up. I know people say the whole episode was clearly leading to a break up, but keep in mind everyone interprets things differently and I certainly didn’t see it that way upon first viewing.

I know there’s cultural context to Southeast Asian families and how that pressure for parental acceptance is tantamount but the way the show compared Pran missing his mom (because she fed him and took care of him you know… basic things a parent should do) to Junior who is a like a 9 year old child while Pran is a 19 year old college student was a large reach for me. Like I saw the parallel they were going for and didn’t buy into it for a second.

I can understand now more of the choices that were made but I still don’t believe this was the way to carry out the storyline. P’Aof is appearing to fall back to old and tired separation tropes and it does feel like it’s for drama’s sake (to me) rather than for narrative or character development.

I’ll conclude this on a slightly happier note by saying, after all the marriage and honeymoon allusions, I do think we will get a marriage proposal (again at what cost).

But a marriage proposal when they’ve been broken up for 2/3 years you say?

Yes. While it’s not a BL, Shadowhunters had a breakup between the two leads and upon reconciliation the two immediately got engaged. In Cherry Magic after reuniting Kurosawa immediately proposes to Adachi.

I could see Pat doing the same for Pran honestly and him saying he got the ring years ago or something and everyone crying over it.

I know Nanon said to watch to the very end and that the end is very “P’Aof” and so I’m like 95% sure this is going to end with a proposal of Pat to Pran.

TLDR; Everyone can view this differently and has different interpretations. I am personally very disappointed with the narrative choices made and find it’s become very formulaic at this point to separate the two leads for the sake of dramatic tension. While some aspects of it may make sense or have been told well, it doesn’t mean it was the right choices for the story, and goes against sort of the core concept of this show (Pat and Pran against the world). The one bonus in all this is we are likely getting Pat proposing to Pran in the end.

Still trying to hold onto a tiny shred of hope that the preview is lying but most of my hope is now squashed. Sorry to say as I try to stay hopeful and optimistic but the more I think about it, the less likely it is, though I really do hope and wish for that to be the case.

[petekaos]

i was tagged by @transgaylanwangji! thank you so much cai, you’ll notice our tastes overlap in some cases! :D

list which 5 shows make you feel better then tag 10 other blogs.

1. would it even be a post by me about anything if i didn’t mention dark blue kiss? yes, that show does stress me out but there are such wonderful and tender moments that truly mean so much to every lgbt person out there, especially asian lgbt people. the quiet love in every frame, the way all the friendships and family relationships are fleshed out, the unrelenting support... not to mention pete and kao talking about the future, their families, their sexuality, getting married, and then sun and mork running a café together and falling in love over coffee... i could talk about this show for ages. for ages! even when it gets angsty, it’s still so viscerally relatable that it hurts. it’s different, isn’t it? when lgbt people are written by an lgbt person? the warmth that echoes through this show is resounding. it’s astounding how much i love it, how much it calms me down, how safe i feel once going back to it after a long day and seeing them grow together.

2. of course we have to mention still2gether! more so than 2gether, this is the one that makes me feel all safe and warm inside. just like dark blue kiss, it was directed by p’aof, and is one of the most wonderful shows i have watched! all the unlikely little friendships sprouting up! the love! the romance! the domesticity! the hilarity! all of it culminates into a wonderful little special show that i looked forward to every week and that just kept getting better. how sweet!

3. kinou nani tabeta! i will never get tired of mentioning this show, it’s so underrated. the growth of these two middle aged gay men over food and dinner as they navigate coming out and taking pride in themselves is so lovely. it’s such a quiet little show, tucked away into a corner, and yet so evocative. i adore shiro’s growth, i love how much kenji adores him, and the general premise of this show is fantastic. it’s like a hug, honestly. also? SO funny! that scene of shiro screaming he’s gay at his neighbour lives rent free in my head.

4. y’all don’t even know this one but made in heaven. this show is STRESSFUL but also... there are so many golden moments that make it so lovely to rewatch, as bittersweet as it is. it’s one of my most favourite shows and so underrated! karan and tara’s friendship is so so lovely, and seeing them getting their wedding business started as different parts of india are represented through them and criticised is so necessary and fresh. also... karan and nawab...... the fleeting moments of happiness we get from them....... made in heaven s2 when please...

5. and right now? gaya sa pelikula. i have waxed so much poetic about this show and so has everyone else. everything means something, everything is written so well, and even deep conversations handling heavy issues are dealt with such care and love that it absolutely shines through the show. this is the result, really, when you let lgbt people write lgbt characters. i cried at vlad and karl dancing to ride home by ben&ben, one of my comfort songs, and i cried seeing gege (juan miguel severo, the writer) say that the latest episode was dedicated to every lgbt person who stopped dancing when someone opened the door. because that’s me, and i feel so seen in this show. and not to forget - it’s SO funny. “jesus is way too forgiving to be a capricorn” lmao BYE vlad.

i’m tagging: @earthfluuke, @sunsetskyline, @wjmild, @pangwave, @class2clown, @wavelovespang, @asianmelodrama, @oh-aew, and anyone else who wants to do it! these are not 10 and i am certainly forgetting people but oh my brain is blanking :(