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leisurelypanda · 7 years

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Life is Good chapter 19

The immediate problem they had with the Christmas presents was how they would put them under the tree when Carl Jr was still at the age when he was prone to eating random stuff when left to his own devices. Andrew wasn’t willing to risk his presents being eaten by the dog, no matter how friendly and adorable he looked with the kids. Fortunately the gifts could be stored out of reach until Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, Carl Jr had figured out how to open doors and had gotten to the size where doing so was relatively easy. Andrew had taken to locking the doors to their room and having the twins lock their room so that he wouldn’t be tempted to eat pillows or toys or leave some other variety of mess on the floor.

Somehow, by the time Christmas Eve rolled around all the presents were wrapped and intact. River had started speaking in sentences about a week ago and Amanda had taken great pride when she had mispronounced her name as “Panda”. They were simple sentences like “I’m hungry” or “I need potty” or, Craig’s personal favorite, “Bro!” which she used indiscriminately on everyone. Craig’s eyes filled with tears every time she said it.

Today, they were getting ready to hide the Christmas Pickle, the tradition where the parents hid the ornament on the tree and the first child to find it would get an extra present that year. Naturally, Hazel and Briar were extremely competitive about it. Amanda was just as bad, since they had never done the Christmas pickle thing, mostly because she was an only child. But she was determined to find the pickle as if she had spent every year honing her pickle radar in preparation for this day. Craig had already caught and chastised him trying to hide the pickle up high in the tree, putting Hazel and Briar at a disadvantage.

“Come on bro, be fair,” he said.

“Can you blame me for trying, bro?” he responded, chuckling.

“No, but let’s at least try not to be partial towards our girls,” Craig replied. He took the pickle and looked at the tree for a while. “What do you say we hide it… here?” It was on the left side of the tree, behind various branches and a “River’s First Christmas!” ornament, among others a little higher than eye level for the twins so that any of them could spot it, theoretically.

“Looks good to me,” he said. “And I promise not to help my daughter win.”

“Great! Let’s bring them in.”

The girls sped into the living room as soon as Craig called them. Amanda looked at him and he shook his head. She scowled playfully at him but quickly returned her attention to the tree. All of them walked around the tree, staring into the needles, looking for the Christmas Pickle. Andrew sat on the couch with River in his lap.

“What sissies doing?” she asked.

Andrew looked down. “They’re looking for the pickle,” he said.

“Why?”

“So Santa Claus will bring them an extra present tonight,” he said. It was a good thing it was still morning. Someone could sneak out of the house and grab an extra present and be back before anyone was the wiser. He couldn’t imagine racing out of the house in a mad dash to get to the stores before they closed to get an extra present.

“Santa Claus?” she asked.

“Yes, Santa’s coming and he’s going to bring all kinds of presents,” he explained. River went back to playing with Arnold. She didn’t understand yet. Maybe by the time next Christmas rolled around she would. He returned his attention to the older girls looking around the tree. Hazel and Briar had mirroring looks of frustration. Amanda, meanwhile looked determined. They’d been at it for a while now. Craig sat down next to him on the couch.

“We might have made it a little too hard, bro,” he said.

“Are you kidding, bro?” he replied. “They look like they’re having fun! Relax.”

A few minutes later, Amanda shouts, “Aha! Found it!” and reaches into the tree and pulls out the Christmas Pickle. Andrew cheers while the twins groan audibly. The first year neither of them had won. Amanda danced around the room in triumph. **************************************************************************************************

Craig walked into the mall feeling insecure and slightly terrified and regretting his insistence that he be the one to buy Amanda’s extra gift. He didn’t really feel bad, but he was instantly overwhelmed with the knowledge of how little he knew about his bro’s daughter. They had hung out a little bit, but Andrew hadn’t moved in until she had left for college, so Amanda hadn’t been living with him as long. He quietly wondered whether he would ever be as close with her as Andrew was with his girls.

Right, enough of that, he thought to himself. You know enough about her to buy her a nice Christmas present. You got this.

He went to the Goth stores first, since she had some interest in that stuff. However, the moment he stepped foot inside each of them he was painfully aware of just how little he understood Goth. And of course he was afraid of buying her something she already had and he had no idea what she had or didn’t have because hell, Andrew could barely keep up with the names of her friends, never mind what she owned as far as her wardrobe was concerned. And honestly he wanted to get something a little more meaningful than a t-shirt.

He briefly considered going to the video game store, but he didn’t even know if she played video games. And what if she didn’t and he got her game that was not only not her thing, but completely unplayable since it was for the wrong platform? Maybe he should call his bro and ask for help cause this was more stressful than he had thought it would be.

Suddenly his personal phone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out. It was Amanda. Don’t overthink it, dude. I’m a simple gal with simple wants.

That’s helpful, he thought. He looked up. He was in front of a pet supply store. Inside was one of those throws with huskies in some kind of wintery background. The last thing he wanted was to put ideas in his kids’ heads that they were going to have more than one big dog in their house in the foreseeable future, but he did remember that Amanda had been ecstatic when she met Carl Jr, followed quickly by fake exasperated when she heard the name before she raved about how much she loved dogs for a solid 10 minutes.

Simple wants, huh? he thought. I can work with that.

He went in, bought the throw and some more toys for Carl Jr, since he went through toys like nobody’s business. He made sure to get a couple that were rubber rather than stuffed so they’d last longer. Among the original toys they had gotten him, there was only one that he hadn’t completely destroyed; a duck that made some imitation quacking noise. It seemed to be his favorite and he refused to sleep in his bed unless the duck was there. Not coincidentally, Craig was sure, the duck was also River’s favorite toy when playing with him.

The throw was wrapped quickly in a wrapping paper decorated with dogs wearing antlers and red noses. He had the cashier write “To: Amanda Ann, From: Santa” in flowing script on the tag. He didn’t take any chances. Hazel and Briar were going to be 11 next year (God help me, I’m not ready, he thought) and he didn’t want them to stop believing in Santa because they could recognize his handwriting. So Andrew had written most of the “From Santa” gifts and Craig had written the ones that “weren’t”. He texted his bro that he was done and on the way home so that he could get the kids out of the house or something while he snuck the gifts inside without their suspicion. ***************************************************************************************************

Andrew could see the lists forming in Craig’s mind. He was actually pretty sure that if Craig were stressed enough he would make lists in his sleep. Of course, the holidays could be stressful at the best of times so it was hardly surprising. He walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his torso, kissing the back of his neck softly. “It’s okay, bro. Relax.”

He felt his hard muscles relax a bit at his touch and he smiled. “What’s eating you, bro?”

Craig took a deep breath. “I was just wondering if I would ever be as close with Amanda as you are with my girls,” he admitted. “She’s at college so we don’t spend a lot of time together, but I want us to be close.”

“You want her to see you as her other father,” he said. He felt Craig nod. “It’ll happen.”

“How can you be so sure?” Craig asked.

“Because I know her. And I know you. You’ll get there,” he said confidently. He kissed him again. “Now come on! It’s a Wonderful Life is on in like 10 minutes. You want to get to know Amanda better you won’t miss it.”

Craig didn’t follow him immediately, but to Andrew’s immense surprise, he entered the living room with eggnog (alcoholic for the two of them), popcorn, and s’mores supplies. By the time the movie started, there was a fire roaring nicely in the fireplace and they all took turns during the commercial breaks making s’mores. Surprisingly, it was Briar, not Hazel, who took after Craig’s barbaric habit of burning her marshmallows before sticking them on between the graham crackers and chocolate.

“Seriously, dude?” she said to Craig while she expertly toasted her marshmallow to a lovely golden brown. “Who burns their marshmallows and likes it?”

“Uh, I do, kid because it’s great,” Craig said matter-of-factly. “You and my bro just don’t understand how delicious it is.”

“I mean, it’s not surprising that a health nut can’t make a proper marshmallow,” she said, smugly holding out her perfectly toasted marshmallow for him to see.

Craig inspected it, then before she could retract her marshmallow to safety, he opened his mouth and ate it. Andrew covered his snigger with his hand as he watched Craig grin around the stolen treat while Amanda looked on, devastated that she had been outwitted. “It’s okay,” he said smugly.

Amanda glared at him. She punched his stomach and Craig didn’t even flinch. Amanda, however, grabbed her wrist and stared at him in amazement.

“Ow! When people talk about rock hard abs, I thought they were just using a figure of speech!” she cried. “Now you’ve done it. This means war!” At that moment the television announced the return of the movie. “At the next commercial break.”

Sure enough, at the next commercial break Amanda grabbed her set of prongs that she used for her marshmallow and shouted, “En garde!” at Craig, who grabbed his set just in time to defend himself from her onslaught. They battled around the living room while Andrew and the twins made themselves more s’mores. This was, shockingly, the first time they had seen the movie. It was a yearly Wilson family tradition and the only one that he actually liked. Usually, his family went to Christmas Eve Mass, which was nice, but Andrew stopped being religious a long time ago.

Amanda and Craig’s duel had ended. She had lost. Amanda was now firmly in a headlock while Craig nuggied her relentlessly.

“Say it!” he said. “Say uncle!”

“Never! Death before dishonor!” she cried as she tried to escape. No good. Craig was too strong and he was clearly used to smaller, more agile victims. Amanda didn’t stand a chance. “Dad, help me!”

“Do you think we should help her?” Andrew asked the twins. They thought for a moment.

“No,” said Hazel.

“Yes, the movie’s probably going to be on soon,” Briar protested.

“You make an excellent point, Briar,” Andrew replied.

“But how are you going to help? Dad’s too strong,” Hazel said.

Andrew put a finger to his nose conspiratorially. “Watch closely.” He walked over to the ottoman where the struggle was taking place and poked Craig’s side. He instantly yelped and jumped up, throwing up his hands to ward off his new attacker. When he saw that it was his bro, he scowled at him. The twins watched in amazement and Andrew could practically see Hazel concocting a scheme in her wicked little mind.

“Traitor,” he said.

“Hey, commercials are almost done, you can get back to it later,” Andrew said, smugly. He turned to Amanda who was massaging her scalp and handed her a s’more with a perfectly toasted marshmallow. “Great effort, sweet pea,” he said.

“Next time, I’ll get him,” she said with determination as she bit eagerly into her s’more.

“Is this going to become a Christmas tradition?” Andrew asked. “Making s’mores and sword fights with the prongs?”

Craig grinned. “I’m up for it if she is.”

“Bring it on, old man!” she replied. “I’ll get you one of these days!”

“Merry Christmas, everyone,” Andrew said.

“Shhh!” the twins hissed. “The movie’s back on!”

#craig cahn x dadsona #Christmas #river cahn #hazel cahn #briar cahn #amanda ann #Christmas pickle #Life is Good #fanfic #my work

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funnynewsheadlines · 7 years

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People Are Posting Their Most Embarrassing Childhood Photos, And It’s Impossible Not To Laugh (New Pics)

All of us have one or two embarrassing childhood photos that we would go to great lengths to hide away from the world. But these people decided to brave the cruel waters of the Internet and share some of the most cringe-worthy shots from their childhoods and youth days.

Bored Panda has compiled a list of best throwback photographs for the ultimate cringe effect. From odd hairstyles and accessories to questionable fashion choices, the list contains each person’s bump (or perhaps even a trainwreck) on the road of searching for identity. So check them out and don’t forget to vote and comment on your favorites!

My Mum Advised Me Not To Leave The House Like This, Didn’t Listen. That Hair!

Image credits: chunky_rolls

I Often Referred To Myself As Dunderman As A Child. Here’s One Of My Outfits Posing As Such.

Image credits: luke5986

Curly Mullet, Thrift Store Boy’s Anime Shirt, Inability To Look Normal For A Picture: 2003 Was A Cruel Year For This 11yo Girl

Image credits: mollieemerald

My 18th Birthday. I’m The Goth. Still Great Friends With The Beautiful Girl Next To Me. :)

Image credits: GTBlues

This Is What Happened When Ten Years Old Me Started Watching America’s Next Top Model

Image credits: tuckermapocker

I Was 11 Years Old. Too Old To Be Doing Stuff Like This? The School Project Was To Make A Mask, We Weren’t Required To Wear It, Or Make The… Rest…

Image credits: Lillianhom

I Took A “Photo Shoot” With All Photos Like This And Thought I Was So Cool, This Was Also My Profile Picture For Far Too Long

Image credits: maybrad

Picture Was Taken In A Sketch Photo Booth At The Mall, Right After Buying Fake Grillz

Image credits: T-Weezy56

She’s A Maneater

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Sup Ladies….circa 1997

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As A Child I Spent A Lot Of Time Trying To Kill Batman.

Image credits: x2018

I Swear It’s Not Square Anymore…

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I Had To Bribe The School Photographer To Let Me Do This My Senior Year.

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The Triangle Hair And Fake Mole Completes My Senior High School Photo.

Image credits: creepypeaches

My Parents Weren’t Surprised When I Came Out

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My Nickname In School Was Spock.

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When Your “Hardcore Tough Guy Gangster” Picture With Your Homie Turns Out To Look Like The Start Of A Gay Porn Film, But You Post It To Facebook Anyway… Millennial Blunder Years

Image credits: Souper_Troll

Zing! (Made It Myself And Put It As My Fb Profile Pic)

Image credits: RandySNewman

My (Conservative Christian) College Yearbook Photoshopped My Punk Rock Spikes Into A White Afro

Image credits: collarpoppppppin

I Thought I Was At The Peak Of Style. Tipping Fedora, ✔️. Orange Hair, ✔️. Plaid Trench Coat With Suit Jacket And T Shirt Underneath,✔️ . I Was A Female Neckbeard In 2007

Image credits: lizlemonkush

Me 16 Years Ago

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I Thought Listening To Metal Made Me Cool In Middle School

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As An Eighth Grader, I Was 2edgy4u

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Myspace Was One Hell Of A Drug. 2007. Age 14.

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This Surpasses Even The Fivehead

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The Shirt Says, “Team Edward: Because Jacob Doesn’t Sparkle”

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I Used To Wonder Why I Was Bullied So Much.

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1986 In Texas, Complete With Pinch- Rolled Jeans And Hi-Top Reeboks

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Throwback To The 90s. This Picture Describes Me As An Adult.

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My Huge Pants Helped Me Sail Into Y2k, I Was 16 And I Should Have Known Better

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Homecoming 2012. Yes That’s My Real Hair. Yes I Spent An Hour On It Every Day.

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1996, Olan Mills Calls My Roommate Offering A Free Family Sitting. His Family Lived Two States Away, So We Went In To Mess With Them. I’m The Guy On The Right.

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Me And All My Hair In 1988.

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That Time In The Early 90s When I Was 12 Going On 54.

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1990 And 11 Years Old. I Just Showed This To My 10 Year Old Daughter And Thought She’d Laugh. Nope. Only Fear.

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Me As A Goth Making Fun Of Goths Circa 1995.

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After Kris Kross Released Their First Album In The Early 90s, I (Female) Decided To Have A Cross-Dress Themed Birthday Party. The Boys Really Went All Out!! It Probably Wouldn’t Be As Laughably- Received Today.

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My Hillbilly Years

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Unfortunately My Parents Let Me Wear Whatever I Liked As An 11 Year Old Lesbian. I Thought I Looked Like The Cool Boys In The Target Catalog…

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My Stunning Wife When She Was 13 Going On 30.

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I Was Surfing The Web Back In 2001

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My Best Friend And I Gearing Up For Puberty In The Late 90’s

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Dancing Queen, Young And Sweet, Only 4 Or 5

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Thought It Would Be Cool To Make Knex Body Armor

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Why Yes!! My Vest Was Homemade! Pm Me For Orders!!! ;)

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When My High School Marching Band Was Performing At The Liberty Bowl And I Ran Into Two Guys Who Looked Vaguely Like Me (I’m In The Middle)

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My Senior Yearbook Photo.. It Was 2002, Frosted Tips And N*sync Were Actually Cool..

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I Was A 40 Year Old Woman At 13

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‘ginger Hair? Freckles? Pale Skin? This Kids Going To Be Too Popular At School. Can You Level The Playing Field A Bit?’ – Parents To Hairdresser

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Right Before A Brutal Transfer From Homeschool To Public School Circa 2007

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I Grew Up In A Small Midwest Town, My Mom Convinced Me To Take “Urban Hip-Hop” Dance Classes.

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The Blunder Brothers, Circa 1994. I’m In Purple.

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My Legs And Feet Hit Puberty Before The Rest Of Me.

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Glamour Shot Blunder (7 Years Old)

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The Time In Sixth Grade When I Thought It Was Cool To Wear My Naruto Headband Everywhere – Even To School

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My Attire For Homecoming (Male)

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My Senior Pic Makes Me Cringe So Good

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I Was 16 Years Old In 1987

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Its A Pillow, Its A Pet, Its 8 Years Later & Im Full Of Regret

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Get In Line, Fellas

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Bitch, America Was Always Great.

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I See Your Uncle From The 80s And Raise You My Father’s Hair From The 80s

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I Still Don’t Understand Why Girls Just Wanted To Be Friends In High School (2002)

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My Very First Job. Spidermang For Kids Parties.

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Bowl Cut✔️ Gameboy✔️ Inflatable Furniture ✔️ 90’s Were Awesome.

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Not Only Did I Take A Mop To Prom, I Wore Icp Face Paint On School Picture Day In 2002

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15-Year-Old Me Was Terrified Of Touching These Car Show Models. I Cringe Every Time I See This.

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My Kindergarten Picture Is Definitely The Most Epic Of All My School Pictures.

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First Day Of High School, I Was Apparently Going For The 70 Year Old Man Look

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Playing Starcraft On 56k, Strategizing With My Buddy Pre-Bluetooth/skype.

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In 4th Good Grade, I Was Too Badass For Just One Wristwatch.

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I Wore This Everyday In Winter In 2013 The Worse Part Is Was 27

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This Is What Happens When Dorks With Cartoon Obsessions Are Allowed To Bring Props To Their Senior Photo Session. Loved Marvin So Much I Used To Joke He Was My Real Dad, The Cringe Factor Is Astronomical.

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When You Look Over 40 But You’re Actually 12

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My Uncle In The Early 80s

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My All-Time Favorite Christmas Blunder (I’m Top Left)

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For My 2nd Grade Photo I Vouched For The Satan’s-Child-Lawyer Look.

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I Was 14 In 2004, My Mom Let Me Buy That Shirt, My Friends Let Me Have Hair Like A Penis.

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The Coolest Senior Picture Ever?

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Just Found My Glamour Shot From 1995. I Was A Sassy 45 Year Old In 7th Grade, Apparently.

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Permission Has Finally Been Granted To Share My Wife’s Glorious Childhood Perm/greatest Soccer Pic Of All Time. Enjoy!

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Age 13 And My Life Goal Was To Lead A Myspace Follow Train

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I Was 12, Misunderstood, And Forced To Go To A Nascar Race With My Family. I Wore This In The Sweltering Heat.

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Nothing Smoother Than Singing The Quadratic Formula

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They Wouldn’t Take The Photo Unless I Smiled.

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Everyone Knew Me.

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Sexy Teens In Your Area

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Visiting My Family After Several Years And Going Through Albums. Me At About 12. I’m A Girl.

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Parents Thought I Was Gay. Can’t Say I Blame Them…

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Highschool Prom.

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“Promo Shot” For My First Band’s Myspace Page. I Was 16 And Wore Women’s Clothing.

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Give Me The Sassy Grandma Look

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We Thought It Was Funny To Wear Thrift Store Suits To School… Every. Single. Day. (I’m On The Right). 1999

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They Called Me Professor Snape.

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This Was My Senior Photo 1993.

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2006 Senior Picture

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It Was 1996. I Was Obsessed With Vampires And Phantom Of The Opera…behold My Embarrassing Senior Picture.

Image credits: TomPalmer1979

In Fourth Grade All I Wanted Was To Marry Jtt

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This Photo Was Taken In 1996, Dora The Explorer First Aired In 2000

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12 In 1

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The Look Of Disappointment On My Mom’s Face As I “Egyptian Dance” With My New Haircut (Because Of Lice)

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In A Hurricane Simulator, 30 Seconds Before My Bright Green Maxi Pads Flew Out Of My Bag And Swirled Around My Head.

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I Looked 70 When I Was 13

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Painful To Share But I Thought I Was A Badass In Middle School

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My Best Friend’s Birthday Party After She Moved And Got New Friends (Guess Who I Am)

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I Just Discovered This Sub. This Picture Of My Mom And I Immediately Came To Mind. This Was 2000 Lol

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I Logged Into Myspace After 10 Years…

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Look At Me! I’m A Real Fancy Boy!

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Try To Contain Yourselves Ladies!!!

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Senior Photo With Model Cars That Was Supposed To Be ‘Just For Mom’ – Ended Up In Widespread Circulation.

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Allllrighty Then

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I Was About 18 Years Old, And Heading Out For A Night On The Town. Please Note The Nose Ring- It Was Stuck On With Superglue

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They’re Almost Texas Beauty Queen Bangs

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My Sister Has Been Doing Her Best To Embarrass Me With Photos Of My Teenage Goth Years. I Regret Nothing. I Was So Cool.

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On My Way To Steal Ya Man

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Senior Prom 2006, Went Stag

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50% Khaki, 25% Weird Crinkly Tube Top, 25% Platform Sneakers: 100% Confidence

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This Gem Is Hanging In My Mom’s Hallway, Reminding Me Every Time I Visit Just How Cringeworthy I Was In 2005.

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Last Time I Ever Went To Supercuts.

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My Fiancé Got This Leather Jacket When He Was 14. So Naturally He Got His Mom To Do A Photoshoot In His Room.

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Titanic, Western, Newscaster Glamour Shots: 1998 In A Nutshell

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I Peaked At 14 When I Was 45 Years Old.

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I Was Pretty Much The Typical Neckbeard In Middle School. Fedora, Bad Fashion Sense, Unironic Use Of “M’lady”, The “Inquisitive Mind” Pose, And Glasses With Flaming Skulls On The Frames. Yeesh.

Image credits: TwinMonkeys

I Took A Mop To The Prom In 2004

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Had My Grandma Take This Pic Of Me In 99/00 For My “Gf” I Met In An Aol Chat Room.

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I Thought The Other Kindergarteners Were Calling Me “Becky.” It Was “Bucky.” Thank God For Braces.

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I Was Obsessed With American Idol And Believed All Of The Piano And Singing Lessons I Took Would Make Me Just Like Kelly Clarkson

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First Time I Made It To Second Base

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2011. I Have So Many Of These… All On My Facebook.

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Being A Rad Dude Is Serious Business.

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Double Trouble

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I Was Always The Most Photogenic Of My Friends ~2008

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Why Why Why? Am I Boy Or Girl? Why The Balloons? I Made That Shirt. Holy Hell

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My Mother Loves This Photo Of Me So Much That She Had It Printed On A Canvas, And Has It Hanging Over Her Fireplace. No Visitor Is Allowed To Leave Her Home Without Being Forced To Acknowledge It.

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Was Told You Guys Might Appreciate My Boy Greg’s 1992 Year Book Photos.

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Summer 02 Was Hot Hot Hot!

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Got Permission From Gf To Post Her Scene Days –“Please Tell Them I Clean My Mirror Now”

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My Chemical Panic At The Disco

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For My 30th Birthday, Figured I’d Share My Senior Photo. Class Of 05 Represent!

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For My 30th Birthday, Figured I’d Share My Senior Photo. Class Of 05 Represent!

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A Friend Of Mine Gave Me Permission To Post This Gem. Circa Early-90s

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That Time I Wore Moon Shoes Into Meijer.

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(2010) Apparently 12-Year-Old Me Thought Tying A Shoelace To A Cassette Tape And Wearing It Around My Neck Was Fashionable

Image credits: LerkeTurkey

I Was The Spokesperson For Flavortown Back In 5th Grade.

Image credits: VoraciousViking

8th Grade. I Wonder Why My Grandma Didn’t Ask For One Of These.

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I Used Broken Rings As Fake Lip Piercings In 6th Grade…. This Was Me At Church

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I Was Allowed To Go To School Like This And Was Adamant I Needed The Liam Neeson Beard (2001 Ish)

Image credits: slumberingaardvark

Curly Hair Doesn’t ‘Feather’ Like Farrah’s Did. Also I Miss That Neck. Ahh The Early 80s…

Image credits: pachecrissy

A Little Known Fact That Prior To Keaton, I Was The Batman

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We Were In A Band… Played Green Day, Blink 182, And Good Charlotte Covers.

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Nothing Says Cool Like Matching Sweat Suits And A Stuffed Whale On Your Knee.

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I Went To School Like This More Than Once

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My Mom’s Boyfriend In Eighth Grade, Sporting A Mullet/bowl Cut.

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Recently, My Mother Found This Senior Photo Of Me From 1994. I Looked Like Nathan From South Park.

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Caught Somewhere Between The “Emo” Phase And The Boy Band Phase- Here’s Me On My Way To A Jonas Brothers Concert. (2008)

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6th Grade Going On 60

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That Time I Wore A Homemade Naruto Outfit To Church Youth Group

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My Parents Paid Actual Money For This Haircut.

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I’m The Monstrosity With The White Bandana.

Image credits: _reformed_asshole

I Captioned This “My Fricken Sweet Blue Hair” On Facebook. I Was 14.

Image credits: thegeekman

Tie Dye? Check. Huge Glasses? Check. Smelled Like Teen Spirit? Check.

Image credits: FlaxwenchPromise

My First Driver’s License Photo.

Image credits: __rosebud__

Me In 2003 In Third Grade. Photographer: “Smile, Turn Your Head To The Left, Open Your Eyes More, Nod A Little” It Was Too Much For Me

Image credits: zdarlights

12 Year Old Me Thought This Was A Great Everyday Look.

Image credits: sitonmytits

And We Thought Our Family Portrait From Walmart Actually Came Out Good. Circa 2003

Image credits: Sweetorange23

Back In 2011 When I Thought Wearing The 3d Glasses Without The Lenses Was The Cool Thing To Do

Image credits: Raasiboi

Since We’re Digging Through Myspace.

Image credits: NIsaid

In Junior High I Shaved Most My Head Into Two Front Horns Like The Bass Player From Mudvayne. Chimaira Hoodie For Bonus Points.

Image credits: daddyhoffmang

The Time I Went To Egypt With A Cleopatra Style Haircut

Image credits: hkfortyrevan

In Highschool, I Liked To Climb And Wear Xxl Shirts Even Though I Weighed 120lbs.

Image credits: thedailycheeze

So, I Graduated In And On 92.

Image credits: StriKamau

I May Or May Not Have Looked A Tad Like Bobby Hill As A Child

Image credits: zwaymire

You Just Can’t Find A Good Denim Bucket Hat These Days (1998)

Image credits: Rigstone

7th Grade With My Mom Glasses.

Image credits: Poopsmash78

Me (In Red) And My Much More Photogenic Older Brother. Probably Around 3rd Grade.

Image credits: nathanfromtexas

She Had A Disability. Some People Thought I Had One Too.

Image credits: user00015

Thought It Would Look Good To Have Cornrows But It Got Too Painful About Halfway Through.

Image credits: jesser722

Taking The Whole Class To Flavor Town…

Image credits: houndtastic_voyage

Reel Me In, Boyz

Image credits: als_pals

My Friend When He Was Younger. Unfortunately He’s Lost His Sense Of Style Since Then.

Image credits: Twoshae

I Had A Warhol-Esque, Popcart Phase In High School. Yes, I’m A Guy.

Image credits: vaporsynthretrochill

That One Time I Met Fabio

Image credits: A_lot_of_arachnids

I Was Bernard The Elf In 9th Grade…

Image credits: schants

Two Questions: Have You Accepted Jesus Christ As Your Lord And Savior, And Are You Interested In The Deal Of A Lifetime On A 1987 Plymouth Mercury?

Image credits: OctopusSanta

Guitar Guy At Party: Check. Tortured Angst: Check. Wolf T-Shirt: Check. Ignored By Girls: Check. Hole In My Crotch That I Only Noticed Now: Check. Real Life, 1995.

Image credits: mattjh

I Had To Dress Up To Do A Speech

Image credits: ZnKayy

My Hair Was An Actual Triangle In 1987.

Image credits: buffywho

My Christmas Gift To This Group, My Pleather Jacket At Homecoming In 2002

Image credits: rfallon1

Live Long And Prosper. I Was 14

Image credits: Seuix

Living It Up Through The Memes In 8th Grade…

Image credits: Dilata

Just A Girl On A Spring Communist Demonstration In Lviv, Ukraine, 1968

Image credits: xerurg

2003 Was A Rough Year.

Image credits: Brando_Fett

Right Before She Took This Photo, Mom Told Me To Quit Taking Myself Too Seriously. I Told Her She Could Never Understand My Mind. The Teenage Edge Cuts Like A Knife.

Image credits: Thepearlrabbit

My Wife Loved Aaron Carter [2002]

Image credits: empw

Gloomy Goth In 2007

Image credits: ControlTheStorm

My Girlfriend Was The Coolest 8 Year Old

Image credits: HoodedJ

They Gave Me A Choice For Our School Picture- Post And Rail Fence, Or Carousel Pony…

Image credits: olanmillsthrowaway

We Were An Awesome Band…yeah…we..we Were Cool Damnit…

Image credits: theflu

Facebook Just Reminded Me That While You Were All Having Premarital Sex I Was Too Busy Studying The Hat-Tip.