#craig cahn x dadsona

[anna1306]

So... 1/13

Jealousy

Craig Cahn x Reader

Craig wasn't a stranger to jealousy. He was very confident man, don't get me wrong, but still he was jealous of few things here and there.

One of reasons he trained the whole team was that he wanted the girls to be the best. And who would teach them the best, if not their father? There were couple of candidates and girls were okay with them, but... Craig always found the reason to stay no matter what.

Before that there was Ashley. They hadn't had the healthiest relationship, not even by long shot, but they tried their best. And when they were together, Craig had something in him that always was against some weirdos near her. Or someone cool. Cooler than him. He was confident in himself, but still. Good thing their friendship was better.

But there was someone before girls. Before work, sports, Ashley, anyone and anything. There was you, his one and only bro, Y/N. Damn, you had a history together.

You were his bro. His roommate. His partner in every little and big crime he commited. You were always near him, in hangover, in sad times or in session times. There were happy times too, of course, but you were with him through thick and thin. Of course Craig fell in love. But... He couldn't be gay, could he?

He was dating girls. And while you were obviously gay, as you were very open about it, Craig wasn't. So it was... Strange, to say the least. He wasn't gay, yet here he was, crushing on a guy. On his best friend.

Of course he didn't say anything. You had Alex at the moment, and besides... You were bros! You can't say to your bro that you are in love with him. That's weird. But the silence didn't cancel the fact that Craig was jealous. He tried not to, but... Every time he saw you with Alex or just being flirted with by anyone else - his heart clenched and he yearned to be on their place.

When you parted ways and the years went by, Craig thought this crush would go away... And then you moved to cul-de-sac.

And from the moment you laughed at his first joke, Craig remembered, how deep in his crush was he. Shit, he was hopeless... Ashley joked on this theme too long time ago, noticing the "looks". But still, you weren't teenagers anymore. You were adults. Mature and serious, with children. And Craig was in love.

At first he tried to distract himself. With trainings, with work... He was doing what he could do the best - running away from the problem by drowning himself with chores and stuff. But you still found him time and time again, getting him out of his shell. And eventually you grew closer and closer up until the night in the forest.

He should have been happy. After all these long years and attempts in forgetting about his bro, he finally got to be with you. He could hug you, occasionally kiss and snuggle with you like old times at any moment, but... Craig was jealous.

Suddenly you became popular. You weren't ugly or nerdy at college, but still... You weren't THAT popular before. Never. And now it appeared that whole cul-de-sac was near you!

***

"Was that Hugo?" Craig stretched, jogging up to you, standing on his porch with cup of coffee. You were still sleepy, but smiled at him softly.

"Yep. Wanted to invite me to some... Wrestling match." You sipped on your coffee. Craig scoffed.

"You? Sorry, bro, but you aren't exactly wrestling material." He hugged you and kissed you before you could answer. You smelled like coffee and yesterday's nachos. So-so combination, but he had worse in his years and to him you were like home. You licked your lips, moving a bit away from him.

"Who told you we were talking about sports?" You made innocent face and looked in his eyes. Your act lasted just for a few seconds, but you broke it and laughed. "You should have seen your face, bro. Relax, I'm joking."

"Yeah... Right." Craig knew you were joking, but for a second he was panicking and darting between his thoughts. If not for the fact that he could be late for work, he even stayed with you and thought this over, but he was running late.

***

Next up was Joseph. He was pastor, Craig knew that, but... Did he really need to stay at your house with martini all the time? And even more than that...

"Craig, good to see you. Can you come over for a second?" Christiansen called out to him, when he was jogging near his house. There was no way out of this, so Craig sighed and ran to the pastor. "Please, return this to Y/N. He forgot his jacket when he was over at my place for the cookie baking. You.. seem a little stressed, are you fine?"

"Never been better." Craig managed to squeeze that out of him, jogging with your jacket right away. He was irrational. Joseph was married, he was very righteous, he wouldn't cheat on anyone and wouldn't interfere with your relationship... But why were you always at his house trying to bake?! He had a kitchen too!

***

Damien... Always so intelligent, so polite, so... Dark and alluring! Craig could have looked at him once or twice, but that was before you returned into his life.

"Wait, you are going where?" Craig turned to you with very puzzled expression. He heard it right... Right?

"Tea party. Damien and me meet once every two or three weeks and discuss... Books. Yeah, books." You came up to him and kissed him on cheek, blushing for some reason. "I'll be back for your awful healthy dinner and then we'll spend time together."

"My cooking isn't awful!"

"But it is healthy, that is the same, bro." You snickered and went out the door. Maybe Craig should have been more... Interesting? Elegant like Damien? Read more, be extravagant? He imagined himself in Victorian cloak and shivered. Nope... Wasn't for him.

***

Brian was friendly with everyone and Craig himself went with him fishing. He didn't even thought that something was wrong, but your bickering with him was entertaining to say the least.

"You have a good fish, but I got bigger one." Brian showed his trophy and Craig couldn't help but agree with him. He did get the bigger one.

"And I... I..." You looked around as if finding something to boast about and your gaze fell on Craig. Oh no. "And I have a boyfriend." You blurted out.

"That's so cool! Happy for both of you!" Brian laughed and for a second Craig was relaxed. Finally, he could just be calm and enjoy quiet fishing with his friend and boyfriend... "Have I told you, guys, about the woman I met the other day?.." Oh no (x2). But you looked so energetic, so happy right now, bickering with him. Maybe Craig should argue with you more? It got you fired up like nothing else, for sure.

***

"What's the smell?" Craig hugged you from behind and kissed the nape of your neck, making you shriek from surprise.

"Bro, you gonna give me the heart attack!" You smacked his shoulder. He only laughed and looked at the sweets on the table. "Mat gave his new menu to try. Said he's positive the girls will love it."

"Mat? Girls have the game soon, they can't have all of that." Craig furrowed his brows, knowing fully well that the twins would be ecstatic about these, but... You were so excited too. "And I thought you cooked it..."

"You kidding me? If I cooked that, the kitchen would be on fire!" You laughed and turned in his arms to kiss him quickly. "The girls can have a cheat night. And you should too. Other 80% of goodies I will deal with. Mat would be glad to hear my opinion."

Another thing for him to think about? Should he listen to you more? Craig watched you as you were munching on muffins and thought about every time he asked you on your thoughts. Maybe he did have to ask about your opinion... And cook sometimes something like that, and not just healthy food.

***

Alright, this was the last straw. Wake up in the middle of the night to the phone call from none other than Robert to hear your drunk voice in the background? No way Craig could let that slide. His imagination was throwing things in his head and he imagined you with Robert in not very friendly way.

Cahn nearly ran his way from the house to the Robert's place, thanking God that they all lived very closely. Small opened his door as soon as Craig stepped on his porch, as if he had been waiting for him. Robert scowled at serious Craig, but let him in.

"He got drunk before I even knew it." You were sprawled on the floor, mumbling something under your breath. "Came here, said he needed to unwind, I got my old stash."

"I thought you got sober." Craig came closer to you, kneeling and sighing in relief. He was stupid. You were drunk, but not... Cheating. Shit, he had to think better of you.

"I am. But whiskey didn't disappear on its own, you know. The shit is happening between you two?"

"Nothing. Why are you asking?" Craig looked up in confusion at annoyed Robert.

"He was blubbering about how strange and distant you became. Look, I'm not a fucking psychologist. I'm not gonna intervene in whatever the hell you have going between you two. But he's my friend. And you don't want to know what I do with the ones that hurt my friends." For a second his eyes became cold and almost angry, but Craig knew better than that. Robert wouldn't hurt anyone for that matter. Cahn sighed and helped you get up from the floor.

"I guess we'll both have to talk it out. Thanks." The man sighed and got you on the street. The walk was silent, you were drunkenly moving your legs, he was in his head. You stopped on Craig's porch and sat on it, not going to get up apparently.

"Let's go, we need to get you to sleep." Craig sighed and tried to raise you up again.

"You don't love me anymore?" Your quiet question made him freeze. You looked on the ground and didn't react even when he sat beside you.

"What?! Of course not, why are you asking?"

"You react strange. Always in your thoughts, or frowning. Even Briar asked if anything happened." Shit, if his daughter noticed something, he couldn't hide it. But still he couldn't say his stupid thoughts outloud. Craig sighed and tried to smile.

"It's nothing serious, I promise! It's just... You often go to others... And I work and everything, so it seems like there's a problem and we don't have it, just you are busy being friends with everyone and I am busy with work and..."

"Wow, wait... Bro, are you jealous?" You looked at Craig questioningly and now it was his turn to look at the grass.

"What?! No, I am not, I..." He chuckled and looked at you. All of his fun was gone. "Is it that obvious?"

"Dude, yes! Gosh, I thought I did something wrong and here you are thinking some bullshit!" You pushed him into his arm, but he didn't even move. "Why are you jealous? I literally didn't do or say anything. And others didn't too, did they?"

"It's not your fault, it's just... You spend so much time with them and I am glad that you have friends, believe me, I'm just... I am not enough, right? I don't go to the sports games and not so smart like Hugo and don't cook sweets like Mat. I am not that elegant and have shitty advices sometimes. I am just boring and not interesting. Sometimes I think I am not enough for you." Craig blurted all of it and lowered his head. He was too much in himself that now it all just flew out of his mouth. He stiffened, when he heard a rustle near him, but you only put a head on his shoulder.

"You're an idiot, bro, you know that?" You whispered. "If you were all of that, I would stay at my place all the time and not come over. You... Inspire me to be better, remind me that you have to work in order to get somewhere. Dude, you are more than sexy body that I like to hug and kiss. You are more than enough."

"You really mean that?" Craig looked at you hopefully. You smiled softly at him and smacked his leg.

"Ask that one more time and in the morning I'll throw up in your running shoes instead of toilet, bro." Cahn laughed and hugged you tightly. He sighed and closed his eyes. "Sorry I forgot how low your self-esteem can be. I promise, bro I will say that I cherish you more. No arguements on that."

"I'm fine with it. If you let me cherish you too, bro." Craig leaned in and kissed you slowly. Even if you smelled like whiskey and Robert's couch. Shit, all more reasons for him to just replace that scent with anything else...

"Dad?" Craig moved away from you and looked up to see sleepy Hazel in the doorframe looking at you both. "River woke up and is crying. Should we feed her or you..."

"Sorry, dear, I will go to her right now. Go back." He almost forgot about children in his feelings. The girl went back into the house, while you slowly stood up.

"So I guess you gonna kiss River and me goodnight." You giggled a bit drunkenly, walking into the house. You wondered where Craig was, but only for a second. He went right after you, grabbing your waist and almost biting you in the neck.

"I will not only kiss you for the night..."

[leisurelypanda]

Here We Go Again ch. 20

“They didn’t.”

Michael sipped his chamomile tea. Damien had come over to keep him company while Craig left to get the girls. He wasn’t dressed in his usual Victorian getup. He was wearing an ordinary polo shirt and khaki pants with his hair tied back in a ponytail. He provided a soothing, stabilizing influence. Or maybe that was the tea. Or both. Michael was still reeling from the sudden… visit from his parents. They still haven’t changed, he thought dejectedly.

“They did,” he said, resting the cup on his stomach. “It was like a car crash. Everything happened in slow motion from the moment I saw them at the door.”

“So uncouth,” Damien muttered. “Showing up unannounced and uninvited, then insulting the host. At least your beau was able to convince them to leave.”

Michael cursed silently as he felt the tears return. Damien gracefully produced a handkerchief and handed it to him. My parents, he thought ruefully. He dabbed at his eyes as he began to sob again. They couldn’t even be bothered to let me know, then they insult my family.

Damien slid over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to console him or tell him it would be okay. Michael knew that, in some part of his logical, analytical brain. He knew that it would be all right. In time. But right now, this entire day felt like it had been complete shit. And it had started out so well, too.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” he said when he was able to form words again.

“Not at all, Michael,” his friend replied.

“Are your parents…” he trailed off. The rest didn’t need to be said. Damien paused for a moment before he answered.

“I didn’t come out until after I had gotten pregnant with Lucien,” he said thoughtfully. “My boyfriend at the time, well, he didn’t think much of transgender people and he left. My parents, well, I never was able to tell them why he’d left. They always assumed he was a deadbeat who couldn’t commit to raising a child.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said.

“Thank you,” Damien replied. “But to answer your question, no I never told them, but I think they knew. After the pregnancy was over and I began to fashion myself as I wanted to present myself to the world, they took it in stride. They never asked. Though I did go to their gravestones after each died and tell them that I had changed my name and who I was.”

“I’m sorry they never got the chance to know you as you are now,” Michael replied, wiping another stray tear from his eyes. He huffed. “I swear, I’m ready to have my boys if only so I’ll stop crying at everything.”

Damien laughed good naturedly. They went back to sipping their tea in companionable silence.

“Say,” Damien said. “Have you ever watched a show called Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood?”

Michael looked at him and shook his head. His friend smiled and dashed out of the house and returned a few minutes later with a laptop and a long cable, which he plugged into the tv.

“I’m certain you’ll love this show,” Damien assured him as he set up his equipment. “It’s about two orphans who try to bring their mother back with a magical formula system and then get sucked into the conflict of a dystopian military state.”

“This sounds like a pleasant show,” Michael said.

By the time Craig returned home with the girls, Michael was crying his eyes out watching the end of the fifth episode of the show. Craig looked at him, at his neighbor, then at the screen displaying some kind of anime and walked away to the kitchen.

“Thanks for agreeing to stick around, Damien,” he said. “I owe you one, dude.”

“It was no trouble at all, Craig,” Damien replied, gathering his things. “Let me know if I can be of any more assistance.”

“Thank you for keeping me company, Damien,” Michael added. “We should do this again sometime.”

“Certainly, my friend,” he replied, smiling. “Just let me know when you’re free.”

Craig walked him to the door and the twins sat on either side of Michael. Hazel put her hand to Michael’s stomach and waited to see if the boys inside him would start moving around. Michael took her hand gently and guided it to where they were usually most active. This was a good day. They had been quiet for the most part. Michael was grateful for that at least.

“Did the doctor say anything about when the babies will be here?” Briar asked.

“No,” he replied. “But we figure that they’ll be due around early June sometime.”

“Have you figured out names for them?”

“Almost. You father insists that they have to be nature names, like the rest of his kids,” he said. “Do you have any thoughts, since we’re on the subject?”

“You should name one of them Spartacus,” Hazel said, excitedly, her eyes aglow with mischief. “You know, like that guy in Rome who fought lions and tigers and stuff with his bare hands! That’d be a great name!”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Sure kid,” he said, ruffling her hair. “Right after we name the other one Hannibal after the guy who tried to take over Rome with an army of elephants”

“Yeah, that sounds awesome!” she exclaimed, jumping up on the couch.

“Hazel, get down off the couch,” Craig said, coming back into the room on his way to the kitchen. “Go and get your homework done.”

Hazel climbed down slowly.

“Is dad angry?” Briar asked.

I swear these kids are psychic or something, he thought. Just not with each other for some reason. “Yes,” he replied. “But not at you.”

“What’s he angry about?” she pressed. “Did something happen?”

“Yes, something happened,” he said. “But don’t worry about it. It’s nothing for you to concern yourself with.”

Briar didn’t seem convinced but before she could ask more questions the phone rang. Michael groaned, sat up, and managed to get up and waddle over to the phone receiver. He picked up the phone and his blood went cold as he heard the person on the other end of the phone.

“Is this the Cahn residence?” his father asked.

“How did you get this number?” he demanded. “I know for a fact that you didn’t get it from anyone here.”

“We looked up a phone book, Michelle,” he replied. “You know, those things that people used to own once upon a time before the Internet. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that we’ll be leaving in a couple days. When are your babies due? We expect to be there for you. We have a right to be there.”

“I’m not telling you,” he said, his voice shaking. He felt ashamed. Here he was defending himself from his transphobic parents and he couldn’t even keep his voice even. He felt his lip starting to tremble. Shit not again, he thought.

Craig, like an angel, appeared. “Is it them, bro?” he asked. Michael nodded and Craig scowled. Michael was a bit taken aback by it. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Craig look so… frightening. Like he was pumping himself up for a fight. It was a bit wonderful, actually. The thought of Craig being protective over him, even against his parents was oddly satisfying, though a bit embarrassing, as well.

Craig held his hand out, silently asking for the phone. Michael hesitated, but decided to give it to him since he was on the verge of tears. Again. Why can’t my parents just leave me alone? he thought bitterly.

“Listen,” he said. “You showed up here without warning and demanded that my partner let you into our home. You took advantage of the fact that he couldn’t keep you from coming in and insulted him. If you ever show your face around my family again, I’ll file for a restraining order. Have a nice life.” He hung up, slamming the phone down on the receiver. Hazel and Briar jumped from where they were doing homework nearby.

Michael looked down at the phone in amazement and then looked up at his boyfriend. Craig still looked angry, but also somewhat satisfied and tired. Like he was coming down from an adrenaline high.

“Can we talk about this?” he asked. Craig nodded and walked toward the study. Michael followed him, wondering briefly if they should tell the twins not to follow them. They might just follow anyway if they out of curiosity, he mused. He shrugged and left them alone. If they wanted to know about his family drama, he’d tell them. After he told Amanda. I wonder how she’d feel about this, he thought.

Once they were safely ensconced in the study he looked at Craig, who stood with his arms folded across his chest. He was still angry, Michael realized.

“Did you mean that?” he asked. “What you said to them?”

“Absolutely,” he replied. “I don’t care that they’re your parents, they crossed a line.”

“They did,” he admitted slowly. “It was definitely terrifying to realize that they were here today, that they know where we live.”

“But you sound reluctant,” Craig said.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I’m not really sure how to feel about it.”

“Glad right, bro?” Craig asked. “I mean, your parents have never tried to understand you. I remember, dude. They didn’t think you should be roommates with me because they said you were a woman.”

“Yeah, I remember,” he said. “But it’s still… surreal. Threatening them with a restraining order is sort of a big deal, dude.”

Craig unfolded arms and took Michael’s hands in his. “Hey, if you don’t want to file the restraining order, I’ll support you,” he said. “I won’t agree with it, but I want you to be happy here.”

“It’s just… it’s complicated,” he replied. “I want them out of my life, I want them to go away…”

“But?”

“But they’re my parents,” he continued. “I still, kinda, love them. They’re infuriating but still.”

“So do you want to file the restraining order if they come back or would you want to hold off on it?” Craig asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “That’s the problem.”

Craig looked into his eyes and Michael felt his eyes well with tears again. “Goddammit,” he muttered.

His bro laughed. Michael retaliated by shoving him.

“You ass, stop laughing at me!” he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped them away with his palms.

“You know bro, you should be drinking water,” his boyfriend said, his smile teasing and his eyes light. “You’re gonna dry up into a shriveled old raisin if you don’t watch yourself.”

Michael replied by shoving him again, but he laughed. “Bro… thanks.”

Craig smiled. “I got you, bro.”

When they left the room they were startled by two pre-pubescent girls falling through the doorway and onto the floor. Immediately the scrambled to their feet and ran out the door before they could be scolded for eavesdropping. Craig stared after them in shock.

“I guess we should have told them not to listen in on us,” he said, rubbing his neck.

“Bro, they’re kids,” Michael said, taking his hand. “Even if we told them not to they would have done it.”

“So do we punish them?”

“Yeah, but nothing too drastic. It’s been a long day. Like no dessert.”

Craig frowned. “But we don’t give them dessert.”

“We don’t?”

Craig narrowed his eyes at him. “I hope we don’t.”

“And you should always have hope, bro,” he said, grinning. “But sometimes you’ll be disappointed.”

“Maybe you’re the one who needs to be punished, then,” he said, his voice low.

Michael blushed fiercely. His face was probably the shade of a ripe tomato. Suddenly Craig let go of his hand and shot up to his sides. He dissolved into fits of laughter as Craig began to tickle him.

“NOOOOOO!!!” he shrieked. “N-no s-stop! You’re g-gonna make m-me pee!”

Michael backed up against the wall and slid down, trying desperately to get away from his torturous lover. Craig, however, was merciless. He knew every spot on his body where he was ticklish (and there were many).

“Say uncle,” Craig demanded.

“Never!” he cried through the laughter. “Death b-before d-dishonor!”

Then, as quickly as the tickle match had started, it ended, with Michael feeling something leak between his legs. He sat up quickly and shoved Craig away as he looked down at his pants. Around the swollen mound of his pregnant abdomen, he could see the fabric darken. He managed to stop himself.

“Bro, I’m- shit, sorry dude,” Craig said.

“Dude, it’s fine,” he said, a bit exasperated. “But could you get me up off the floor so I can go change?”

Craig hurriedly helped him up to his feet. They avoided the dining room where the twins were supposed to be as they walked towards the stairs. River was playing with some toys in the living room and blessedly ignored them as she was engrossed in whatever game she was playing.

“Sorry dude,” Craig said again when they got to the stairs.

“Don’t worry about it, it happens,” he replied. “When I was pregnant with Amanda, there were a few times when I did this because I couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time. I learned to bring spare clothes everywhere I went. I was actually hoping that I’d have a little more time before this started up.”

“Can I help at all?”

“You mind cleaning up the spot?” he asked. “I’m gonna shower before I do anything else.”

Craig smiled apologetically. “Sure, no problem.”

“Stop beating yourself up, bro,” he said, as he started up the stairs. “I’m not mad, I promise.”

Craig still looked apologetic but he nodded. Michael turned and dragged himself up the stairs. As soon as the water hit his back he sighed. Just what the doctor ordered, he thought. With any luck, this would last a while.

[arietisprimavera]

so... craig and robert being there for each other and supporting each other to become the best versions of themselves? craig being roberts rock and getting him out of his own head (and away from the liquor cabinet)? robert helping craig relax and give him the quiet he needs by taking him to the hilltop while dadsona and mat babysit? robert and craig being in love? yes please

[multi-lia]

If it's not too much trouble, could I request date night headcanons with the lovely Mr. Damien Bloodmarch?

You wouldn’t believe how much I slept on Damien’s character when DDADDS first came out, but now I’m giving him the appreciation he needs!

Gender Neutral

Date Night HC w/Damien Bloodmarch

~ I mean have you seen Damien’s dadbook profile

~“It's night. We are at an industrial darkwave club in Berlin. The music drums to the beat of our hearts.”

~But seriously, he actually doesn’t mind a more simple date night with you

~If you don’t currently live with him, then he loves to invite you over to his house for a date night

~In this case, you could have it in variety of places within his home (I mean have you seen his house)

~Damien prefers to have dates in his library

~His library brings both of you comfort. He loves to hold you and read your favorite book to you.

~If you do it for him, he’ll lay his head in your lap and purr if play with his hair

~Just play with his hair, it feels so good for him and it makes him feel great to be complimented on his hair

~“Damien, you must tell me your secrets, how do you make it shine like this? And it’s so incredibly smooth...”

~“I’d have to kill you if I were to tell you the secrets of my hair.”

~“Death is nothing to fear, if I can go to my grave having soft, silky hair like yours.”

~“You got me there.”

~He also likes dates in his garden if the weather is a little warmer

~Sipping on some tea and listening to slow music

~You’re going to find yourself dancing with Damien, his arm draped around your lower waist with your body pressed against his.

~Surprisingly really good at the waltz and swing dancing

~If you’re not too good at it, he’ll be happy to assist you in getting better at it

~“You’re footwork is... not very desirable, but that’s why I’m here to help.”

~“Way to ruin the moment, Damien.”

~“My love, I’m only being honest. If it makes you feel better your spin turns are beautifully graceful.”

~Also, you will make flower crowns for each other which brings another opportunity to play in his hair

~He loves his hair being braided, add in some flowers, and you got yourself a formula for the cutest goth dad you’ve ever seen

~Damien also thinks you look rather dashing with a flower crown

~“You look breathtaking, My Dear y/n.”

~On the chance that you do live with Damien, you’ll both probably want to get out

~Not saying that dates in the house are offlimits now, but he’s more likely wanting to take you out

~Damien will take you out to the fanciest restaurant he can find that still serves... “meals”

~I’m not sure if y’all have ever been to a fancy ass restaurant, but I swear some of them have very tiny portions of food like... what am I supposed to do with this ?

~Don’t even bother looking at the check, he will not allow you to pay for the meal. Ever.

~You may be able to tip, but he doesn’t really want you to pay for a thing.

~For him this was something that he’s doing for you to show how special you are to him.

~If it really does bother you, he’ll allow you to go half with him, but that’s it

~After a date, Damien loves to take long strolls through the town and hopefully to the cemetery

~It makes sense if you’re a little hesitant at first to walk through a cemetery, but he’ll assure you you’ll be fine

~He’ll hold onto your hand if that makes you feel any better

~It ends up being more romantic than you might’ve thought so

~If you get cold he’ll wrap his cape cloak around you and make sure to hold onto you a little tighter to ensure that you stay warm

~Damien loves making poems for you and reading them to you during these late night strolls

~“My dearest of love, you are to me what peanut butter is to jelly.”

~I didn’t say the poems were good btw...

~But they still make you smile no matter how cheesy they can be

~That’s really all Damien cares about, is making sure you’re the happiest you could ever be with him

~Last but not least, ending the night with a deep, passionate kiss

~Possibly it could lead to more exciting adventures in the bedroom, but that’s to be told another time...

That’s all I have folks

I really hope you enjoyed it and thank you for the request. I feel like I’m not the best at writing Damien, but I still hope this was satisfactory.

Requests are open ✨🌈

~Lia’s Work

[cynergy-laughter]

Something has been bothering me... (spoilers)

In Dream Daddy... How do you keep your money flowing? Like, when do all of the dates take place? Like the weekends? What is your Dadsona’s job? Heck I think I forgot what Robert’s job was... Mat works at the coffee shop, Craig works to sell fitness gear the little entrepreneur, Hugo is a teacher, Joseph is a minister, Brian is a contractor, Damien is practically a member of Geek Squad, but... what is your Dad’s income earning living? Because the burritos, cakes, and fancy cheese boards aren’t paying for themselves over here?!?!?!?! Is this the start of a new headcanon?! I think it is!!!

[hohnoni]

some more dadsona x craig shippy things feat! college days memories 

[commander-krios]

Bro…. 🍆 💦 💕

[ademonandherbentley]

Copacetic

Post Craig’s Good Ending. Smashley accepts an invite to a cul-de-sac get together, eager to finally meet the person who’s taken her vacated spot in Craig’s heart. Craig x Dadsona ft. Hugo x Damien. ~2k.

A/N: The mildest of spoilers for Craig’s route. Entirely inspired by @mythicalmodernity‘s theories about college!Craig-MC-Ashley.

D/N = Dadsona’s Name

Joseph’s yard was already bustling by the time Ashley pulled up at the end of the drive. As soon as she climbed out of the car Briar and Hazel came bounding up to her; each was gabbling over the other as they jumped into her arms and she tried not to drop them.

“Woah woah, girls! Come on, you know I’m not your father, I can’t bench press you both.”

They let go, and she knelt down to pull them into a bear hug. It had barely been two weeks since she’d seen them last, but they were still in that stage where they were growing almost before her eyes.

“Now girls, mom’s had a long drive and needs to take advantage of Mr. Christansen’s excellent grillmanship, but after that you gotta catch me up on all the gossip, yeah?”

“Ernest’s dad and Lucien’s dad have been going on dates!” Hazel burst out. Clearly she’d been waiting a long time to break that news to someone new.

Briar hit her sister on the arm, “Shhh, we’re not supposed to know about that!”

“But they’re so obvious about it!” Hazel said indignantly. Ashley scanned the crowd and spotted Hugo and Damien by the food table. They were, indeed, cosied up rather more intimately than she was used to seeing from them.

She grinned and ruffled Hazel’s hair, “If they tell me I’ll act surprised. Maybe you should too, huh? Now where’s your dad and your sister? I should say hi before I dive into the snacks.”

Briar pointed over the opposite side of the yard where Craig was deep in conversation with another man. They were laughing about something, but even from a distance Ashley could see something in Craig’s smile that went deeper than some funny joke.

She pulled her girls in close, “So is that him? Your dad’s new friend?”

“He’s his boyfriend,” said Hazel.

“Not yet he isn’t. They’re just hanging out together,” Briar said.

Hazel scoffed, “Yeah. That’s what dad says.“

"Ah, you know girls,” Ashley said, “You’ll find when you get older sometimes the difference between friend and boyfriend isn’t as obvious as you once thought.”

“Amanda says she saw them kissing,” Hazel offered.

Briar wrinkled her nose, “Eeeewww!”

Ashley laughed and stood back up, “Go on girls; run along and we can talk properly later.”

They twins dashed off across the yard and Ashley made a beeline for Craig, saying hellos and exchanging pleasantries as she went. It had been almost two decades since she’d last seen D/N. God, where had the time gone? It felt like not even last year she’d been running rings around frat boys and watching her boyfriend eat his body-weight in tacos. Now here they all were – responsible adults and parents.

Craig spotted her as she drew closer and waved her over with a grin. D/N turned to her with a slightly less confident smile.

“Smashley! How you doing?” Craig pulled her in for a one-armed hug and she felt herself squish against his rock-solid chest. She’d never gone for the jock types back in college but man, Craig worked it.

“I’m good bro. And how’s my little darling?” She reached out and took River from Craig’s other arm. River gurgled happily. “Oh, you just get bigger ever day don’t you? Your gonna take after your daddy and be huge when you grow up!”

River giggled. God, she could stare at this kid for hours. “You’re not allowed to grow up, you hear me? I couldn’t stop your sisters, but your going to stay my little bean forever. Deal?” She took Rivers tiny hand and shook it. There – no take backs.

Craig cleared his throat, “So Ashley, you uh… you remember D/N right?”

Ashley finally turned her attention away from River. “Course I do. It’s been too long, man, how’ve you been?” She landed a friendly punch on his arm. He held his ground, but he had the look of a hedgehog caught in an unexpected blast of noise. She bit back a smile. Poor kid had never been great with people.

“I’ve been good,” he smiled, recovering slightly, “what about you? I hear the business is really taking off.”

“We were talking about signing D/N on as a model for us,” Craig told her, “Figure we’d pull in more customers if we went down the dad bod angle.”

Ashley barked a laugh, “You gonna let him insult you like that, bro?”

D/N chuckled, “I mean he’s not wrong.”

“See?” Craig said, “Self-awareness. Something you always sucked at.”

“Nothing wrong with a little bit of healthy denial, my dude.”

“Yeah, denial. Not delusion.” Craig reached out to poke her belly and she swatted his hand away. “How do you think I got custody of the girls? Who knows what you’d fill their heads with.”

Ashley looked at D/N, “Hope he’s not this rude to you.”

D/N’s look of bewildered panic was starting to creep back in. She decided to take pity on him, and handed River back to Craig with a kiss to her forehead, “Go check on the girls for me?”

Craig nodded and left, and Ashley took D/N’s elbow. “Walk with me dude.”

They walked around the side of the house and through the passage to the back garden. Everyone was still socializing out front so they had the Christiansen’s beautifully tended flowerbeds to themselves.

Ashley was the first to break the silence. “Do you think they hire a gardener or is this their handiwork?”

“It’s the kind of thing Joseph would be good at,” D/N said, “doesn’t seem Mary’s style. But… well, she’s surprised me before.”

“She pull the drunken floozy act on you too, huh?”

D/N looked at her in surprise, “You too?”

“Believe it bro.”

“When?”

“Couple of years back, when Craig and the girls first moved here. Poor woman, she seems to have a lot going on.”

“Hmm.” D/N fell silent. Ashley couldn’t tell if it was the silence of someone with nothing to say, or someone who didn’t know how to start. She observed him out of the corner of her eye: he was older (weren’t they all?) but she could still see the guy who had impulsively stolen a goldfish for Craig when they were teenagers.

He cleared his throat, “So… how are… things? With you?”

She stopped walking, and turned him round to fully face her, “D/N, things don’t need to be weird between us ‘cause you’re dating my ex-husband.”

His brow furrowed, “Really? Seems like that’s exactly the kind of thing two people who haven’t seen each other since college would wanna be weird about.”

“If things were different with me and Craig, maybe. What’s he told you about our situation?”

“He’s used the word copacetic,” D/N said.

Ashley chuckled, “He’s a smart boy these days.”

“No kidding.”

“He wasn’t lying to make you fell better or anything like that. We really are fine.”

“Are you sure?” The frown is back, “Craig said you only divorced last year.”

“Officially,” Ashley said, “but it was one of those, you know? Relationship was over way before the marriage. Honestly no one was more surprised than us when we had River.”

D/N smiled wryly, “Last throws of a dying relationship, huh?”

"Pretty much. But in the end it’s all about the girls, isn’t it? River’s too young to remember any of this, but Hazel and Briar… They’re the priority.”

“Of course. They’re lucky to have two such loving parents.”

Ashley felt herself blush. “Thanks. We do our best. And hey, the more the merrier, right?”

She clapped D/N on the back and he squeaked in surprise.

“Uh,” he stammered, “we’re, we’re not really – I mean – It… it’s only been a few weeks. And Craig’s been trying to focus more on himself for once.”

Ashley nodded thoughtfully, “I thought he looked more relaxed. Good for him. And you, though I dunno how you talked him into it. Lord knows I never could.” To tell the truth she hadn’t been much better when they were married. The girls came before everything, but occasionally work had come before Craig.

D/N said, “I think a missing sleeping bag played a part somehow.”

Ashley roared with laughter. “That sly little shit. Don’t tell me, he hikes you out into the middle of nowhere and then it’s all 'woah looks like you forgot your sleeping bag bro! Guess we’ll have to snuggle for warmth bro! Oh gosh bro, is that my tongue in your mouth?’”

“He do that to you too?” D/N sounded scandalized, but amusement was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Nah, but it is one of the oldest in the book.” She carried on laughing. “Our boy’s never been great at just saying how he feels, has he? Took him months to work up the guts to ask me out.”

“It is pretty obvious in hindsight.” He allowed himself a small, fond smile.

“He ever totally accidentally spill water on himself, forcing him to take his shirt off in front of you?”

“No. I’ll be on my guard for it.”

“Good man.”

They both calmed themselves as they wandered round the far end of the garden. Ashley coughed and looked over at D/N.

“Seriously, man. I’ve spoken to Craig a couple of times over the past few weeks. He’s happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. Briar and Hazel have noticed it too. The two of you might not be serious yet, but… If Craig has any say in it then you will be.”

D/N blushed and smiled. “Obviously Craig is his own person, but… I’m sure the Smashley Seal of Approval would mean a lot to him.”

“Well you got it. It’s been a long time man, but you were a great friend to Craig back in the day. I’ve not forgotten that. All I ask is you be good to him like that again. And you be good to the girls.”

“Oh, I think the girls are more than a match for me.”

“Damn straight. I raise 'em hardy, you know.”

D/N laughed, then became serious. “I… I like Craig a lot. I just want him to be happy. Whatever he needs to find that.”

“Then you and me are gonna be just fine.” Ashley held out her fist. D/N hesitated, then reached out and returned the fistbump with a grin.

Up the other end of the garden the other guests were milling in from the yard and forming a loose scrum around the grill. The smell of cooking meat tinged with lighter fluid reached them, and Ashley’s stomach rumbled as if abruptly remembering the long drive.

Craig came into view chatting to a small ginger child, River on one hip. He glanced over and spotted them, and a second later a radiant smile was spilling across his face as he beckoned D/N over. Something almost like wistfulness curled in Ashley’s chest. He’d never looked at her quite like that – which, on reflection, should perhaps have been their first clue.

“Come on,” she looped an arm around D/N, “let’s go get our burger on. Oh, and I meant to ask, how’s Amanda? She settling in to college alright?”

“She and a group of friends crashed a fancy art event,” D/N said, “they ate a whole bunch of food and tried to pass themselves off as critics before getting kicked out.”

“She takes after her father then?”

“Yes, which unfortunately means I have no authority to tell her off for anything she might do.”

“Could you tell her off for anything anyway? That’s not my experience of teenagers.”

He’s shrugged in acknowledgment, “I can at least say that for a while I tried.”

“Ha! Whatever makes you happy. So aside from being a public nuisance how’s she doing? Craig said she was a photography major?”

D/N told her all about Amanda’s college exploits as they headed back up the garden. Talking about his daughter seemed to light something up in him – the last of his awkwardness was smothered by his evident pride, and Ashley smiled to herself. Her family was in good hands. He might not even need the 'hurt them and I’ll kill you’ talk, though she was sure that once she had a few whiskeys in her he’d be getting it anyway.

They reached the others, and she let D/N peel off and rejoin Craig while she helped herself to a burger and tracked down Briar and Hazel. She found them on the grass with Mat’s kid (Carmensita? Or something? Man, she really needed to get all these names straight) and sat with them.

“So, girls, mom’s ready to hear all the gossip. And then I wanna know about school and softball and everything else, yeah?”

“Is D/N dad’s boyfriend then?” asked Hazel.

“Oh, it’s ’D/N’ is it? Whatever happened to 'Amanda’s Dad’?”

“He’s told us to call him that,” Briar insisted. Hazel nodded.

“Does he tell all the kids to call him that?”

They both hesitated. Then Briar nodded reluctantly.

“He’s doesn’t kiss the other dads though.”

Ashley stifled a laugh, “I certainly hope not. Well, listen girls, you certainly didn’t hear it from me, but I think dad would very much like D/N to be his boyfriend.”

“I knew it!” Briar exclaimed.

“Shut up, Bri, we all knew it.”

“Now now, girls. Are you going to fill me in on the gossip or not?”

That distracted them sufficiently, and Ashley allowed herself to turn all her focus to her daughters.

D/N would be part of the family in no time.

[pixelsandpins]

I did more Dream Daddy fanfiction because I have to write ALL THE DADS, now. 

A Year Later: Craig

Dadsona/Craig

Mature Teen?, Mostly Fluff

Words: 4468

I close my eyes and step on the scale. I open them and look down.

"Hot damn!"

"What's up, pops?" Amanda asks from her room. She's only been back from school a few days, and it already feels like old times.

"Somehow, through some small miracle, I'm back to my college weight."

"Ugh, can we not talk about college weight? I have one working pair of pants."

"I told you what that cafeteria food would do to you, panda. A couple visits to the gym with us will probably get rid of that freshman fifteen." I step down off the scale and try to catch Amanda's eye in the bathroom mirror through the slightly open door. She's too busy FaceSpacing or Twitjournaling or some other portmanteau of two social media sites that make me sound like the old man I am.

"I'm perfectly happy with my nacho and pop-tart diet for the time-being, but don't let me stop you, my dude." She throws a peace sign up at me as I pass by her door, and I stick my tongue out at her. She'll learn soon enough. Youth is wasted on the young.

Craig greets me warmly when I find him near the ellipticals. River's gotten too big for the chest carrier, so she's started going to daycare. That means there's nothing between us when his arms come around me in a lingering hug. There's a lightning quick squeeze on the tush thrown in for good measure. The first month or so, I had thought it was just the change from  platonic to romantic that had made Craig's shows of affection so weird and squirrely. Turns out with him it's all about the space. Right place, right time, he can't keep his hands to himself. The gym is the one in-between place. Fortunate considering how little time we get just the two of us during the week.

"Good morning, babe," he says quietly into my ear before pulling away. "Leg day, bro. You ready?"

"I love leg day!"

I actually hate leg day, but my god my butt looks amazing afterward.

Craig takes the nearest machine, and cranks the resistance up a couple of notches. I take the one next to him, and don't touch the knob. After a year, I'm still not at Craig level cardio capabilities.

"So I was reminded of something the other day that I had kinda forgotten, and now I feel a little guilty about it," he says after a moment or two.

"What's that?" I pant in response.

"Do you remember Christina Schroeder?"

I search through my internal rolodex. It's not ringing a bell, and I say as much. "She was friends with Ashley? Really short? Poly-sci major? Insanely good at flip cup?"

"OH!" I remember. "Tipsy Tina?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Our nicknames weren't very inspired back in the day, were they?"

"I think we managed to do pretty well considering our theme."

He smiles that half smile that turns my insides to pudding.

"Anyway," he continues, "I don't know if you ever knew this, but she had a humongous crush on you. Like she was majorly in love with you."

"O-oh?" I don't remember her well enough to feel one way or the other about this information.

"Well, Ashley told me I should try to hook you up, so she said we should all go on a double date. But, you know, I didn't want you to feel on the spot, so I had the idea that I would just invite you to go to something with us, but not tell you Tina was gonna be there, too."

"Okay?" I know my brow is crinkling trying to figure out where this is going.

"Yeah. Um. Do you remember that movie thing we were going to go to, but we ended up not because I got food poisoning from something at the make-your-own-pizza place?"

"Oh my god yes. You were throwing up for, like, 2 days. Shit, was that supposed to be the double date?"

"Yeah. Yeah it was. And I remembered, and I felt bad about it, and...I don't know."

"Dude, you shouldn't feel bad about cancelling a double date because you were sick."

"There's more." He starts to slow a little bit on the machine, looking down at the timer with an unsure frown. "I told the girls that you were the one who was sick, and I was taking care of you, and that's why we couldn't go. But that they should go ahead and go without us."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just felt...weird...at the time, and it was fun making you take care of me."

"Considering it's been twenty years, I'm inclined to forgive you...just this once."

He smiles again and punches me in the arm. Then he looks around to make sure no one's looking directly at us, and leans across the machine to peck me on the cheek.

"This is why I love you, bro. You understand me."

It's not the first time he's said it. Not by a long shot. He's always said it. Even when we were just friends back in college. It's not that I don't think he means it, but it's hard to know how he means it, still.

The pizza place is a madhouse. There's at least three birthday parties going on, and the entirety of Briar and Hazel's softball team high off their championship win is making things even rowdier.

"Makes you wish we didn't promise them pizza after every win, doesn't it?" I lean in and say to him in a low voice as we survey the crowd, trying to keep an eye on each of the twins. He throws his arm around my shoulder. In front of the team is not one of the PDA-approved places, but an arm around the shoulder doesn't count.

"Ah come on, bro. It's your first winning season as assistant coach. Get excited."

I give a little sarcastic "whooo," and he grins at me widely. When the title of "assistant coach" had become available, he'd really only offered it to me because I had the extra time now that Amanda was off and semi-on her own. I'd only accepted it because it was the only way I could find to spend time with him. I really didn't know the first thing about coaching softball, but no one questioned it. Thus the elaborate ruse had been allowed to perpetuate long enough for me to actually learn the ropes and start to pull my weight.

"Hey boys." Oh god. It was one of the new moms this year, Elizabeth. She and her daughter had just relocated from the midwest, fresh off a nasty divorce.

"Some of the girls and I were talking," she starts.

You mean you were talking and everyone was just nodding in agreement hoping you'd go away.

"And it might not be a bad idea to start talking about fundraising for next season early. What if we have a little meeting?"

Alone, in your house, probably.

This is one thing that hasn't changed, and I can't stand it. Us being together is not a secret. Not in the least. They even poke fun at us and called us "the lovebirds." And yet it's like they don't think it counts because I'm a man. That I'm not going to feel equally perturbed by someone hanging all over my significant other and flirting with him right in front of my face. They wouldn't do this to a guy if his wife was standing right there.

But then again some of these ladies might.

Craig, at least, knows how to shake 'em off.

"I like the initiative Elizabeth, but let's let everyone celebrate the win before hitting it hard again." He half-smiles at her, one of the fake ones.

"Oh, well, I took loads of pictures today. Next weekend would be the perfect time to go through them."

"I'm pretty much booked up all next weekend."

"Mr. Assistant Coach isn't, though. What do you say?" and her arm comes around mine, and I panic. This is new. Craig's perfect eyebrows knit together in thinly veiled surprise.

"I-uh-" I sputter. Then Craig's hand comes around mine.

"He'll be with me that weekend. The girls are with their mom, so we're having some time together. Alone." Daggers come shooting from Craig's eyes, and Elizabeth is completely unable to comprehend what's just been said to her. She stands there, wide-eyed, not moving. "And we're gonna be having, just, tons of sex the entire time. So you know. No time to look through pictures." Elizabeth goes white as a sheet, and walks off without another word. I'm fairly certain I have a similar expression when I look up at Craig.

"What the shit was that, Craig?"

His face's lost a little color, too, though, and his hand comes up to cover his mouth.

"I don't know. I just...I don't like her. And I wanted her to go away as fast as possible." He's still holding my hand, squeezing tighter now. Elizabeth has fallen back to a gaggle of moms, and now they're darting glances at us. They're trying to hide it and not doing a very good job. He finally lets go.

"God they're gonna talk about that for a week," Craig sighs. "But whatever, bro, right?"

"Right," I respond unsure.

I wake up Monday morning with a start. Something's off. I check my phone. I should have been at the gym an hour ago. There's about a fifty percent chance on any given day that I'll sleep through my alarm. I've come to terms with that and so has Craig. That's why he always texts me before he's about to leave the house. He knows I won't actually go unless he does. What's going on?

I send a quick text.

"Where are you? Are we not going to the gym, today?" I type. It's a solid five minutes before he responds, practically an eternity.

"Sorry, bro. I'm feeling a little sick, so I decided not to go. :("

The frowny face is a nice touch. Oh well.

"Want me to bring you something? Need help with the girls?" I text back immediately. I only have to wait half a second this time.

"No. It's cool. Twins are at camp and I managed to get River to day care. So I'm just gonna sleep."

There he goes trying to do everything himself. I've told him again and again that I'm here. That I can help. He's slowly getting it, but he's more stubborn than he realizes. In any case, I decide that, despite his protests, I will be taking care of him. If only a little.

"Amanda, I'm going to the store for a few things, then over to Craig's. Do you need anything?" I tap on her door and only get a groan in response.

Guess not.

It's only a five minute drive to the small grocery store down the road. It's across the street from the gym and a new hyper-organic, gluten free, paleo, vegan-ultra-plus juice bar that's making everyone nervous. It only takes another fifteen minutes or so to pick up the whole "sick boyfriend" bundle then I briefly entertain the thought of getting him a mango smoothie. It's his favorite.

I only just pull into the parking lot, though, before slamming on my brakes so hard I almost ram into the car ahead of me.

Craig is coming out of the gym looking as fine as ever. Which, for Craig, is extremely fine. Behind him is a gaggle of the softball moms.

What in the hell is this shit?!

I want to yell out the car window at him, but I don't. I can't. I'm too utterly perplexed. I take a few breaths to keep myself from getting mad. There's an explanation. Craig has given me no reason not to trust him in all the time I've known him.

Right?

I'm back in my living room without being totally sure how I got there. Amanda's sitting on the couch staring at me.

"What's up, Pops?I thought you were going to see your booooyyyfriiiieeend." She flashes a quick smile as she draws out the last word, but it fades quickly. "Seriously. What's going on? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I flop down on the couch and sink back into it.

"What do you do if you find out your boyfriend lied to you?"

"Um. Okay? How big a lie we talkin'? Because it's just self-preservation to not tell you if a pair of jeans make you fat."

"He said he was sick, and he's not. I just saw him coming out of the gym with some of the softball moms."

"Oh. Well. Um. Hm." She makes a few more noncommittal sounds. "Sounds like you should have one of those 'communications' you're always telling me is so important to a proper, mature relationship."

"Yeah...yeah, you're right."

"Of course I am." She pats me on the head.

I don't call or text him right away like I would have recommended to my own daughter. Instead I convince myself that this is a conversation better to have in person.

Tuesday we're supposed to go for a run, but there's something he has to deal with at River's daycare. It ends up being an unexpected no-go.

Wednesday is a gym day. It starts with a text in the morning that his car's acting weird, so he's taking it into the shop. No need to worry about it, though. He has it covered. I understand car issues, but the insistence that he doesn't need my help bothers me immensely. I don't know how to react to it.

"Oh, and tomorrow is daddy/daughter day at camp, so I'll be doing that." He texts next.

That's classic Craig and I can't fault him for it. I love that about him, actually. I feel myself relaxing a little.

"And let's do 9:00 instead this Friday."

No.

That's too far. I've been waking up at 6:00 (sorta) to get to the gym by 7:00 regularly for months. We've never EVER shifted times. His daily schedule is too tight. No. Something's wrong. I give him an out.

"Everything okay, bro? Anything I can help with?" I stare at the screen, waiting, watching. A whole year passes, it feels like.

"No. It's cool."

Then just ":)" about ten seconds later.

Craaaiiiig. I am gonna wring your neck. Your hot, muscular neck.

I feel like the ultimate stalker watching from my window for Craig's car Friday morning. He's off in his gym clothes (which, admittedly, are often his regular clothes, too) about 6:45.

What the hell is he up to?

I give myself a buffer of three minutes, then head out to my own car. Four or five times while driving I tell myself I should just go back home. That I'm being literally the worst. Each time, though, I remind myself that it's Craig's fault I'm like this, right now.

Oh my god. I've become the crazy they say not to stick your dick in. When did this happen? Craig doesn't deserve this.

Still, I pull into the parking lot where the gym is. I see Craig's car and park next to it to make a point to myself. I don't find him right away in any of our usual areas, so I wander toward the back of the gym where they hold classes in large, tiled rooms. There's a small group of people huddled around one of the large windows that peek into the classrooms, and I have a sneaking suspicion they'll lead me to Craig.

I'm not wrong.

This, however, is not what I expected to find.

So he's not shirtless. That would cause a riot. He might as well be, though. Instead of his sweats, he's in a tank top loose and thin enough that you can pretty much just see everything, anyway. And those are short shorts. Real, honest-to-God booty shorts. The kind that have "Juicy" written across the butt of them. These, specifically, don't. They're just black. It would be an appropriate label, though.

Once I've taken in the whole...ensemble...I'm able to break my attention away long enough to appreciate the context of the outfit.

"Is this a pole dancing class?" I say quietly to no one in particular.

"Yeah!" a woman responds next to me. "They used to be only at night, but she just started a new morning class. You should try it. I bet you'd be really good." I glance at her, and she's wiggling her eyebrows at me just a little. I give a little breathy, half-hearted laugh, then focus my attention back on the class.

I can't hear it, but I feel the music start through the vibration of the glass. A handful of women take places at the poles lined up in staggered rows. I'm slightly horrified to note that some of them are softball moms. They're clothes aren't as revealing as Craig's by a long shot (yoga pants and baggy t-shirts), but it takes me a moment to shift my frame of reference.

They start with stretches. The usual. Nothing particularly interesting. The group around the window starts to scatter.

Then they actually take to the poles.

Oh. Oh my god.

I don't know pole dancing beyond the one time that I was dragged to a strip club against my will (by Craig come to think of it), but even I can figure out that he's just terrible at this. When the girls spin, even if they're just sort of falling around the pole, it at least looks graceful. Craig is clunky and awkward, and when he throws his weight against the pole he just sort of flops like a fish in midair. As the class progresses, it becomes clear that he has the proper upper and core body strength, but lacks the coordination to actually pull off any of the minor feats of acrobatics.

I'm riveted for the entirety of the hour long class, long after the rest of the onlookers have left. Despite his inexpert flailing, a single thought keeps going through my head: how much I'd love to be that pole.

I knock on his door that evening. I don't tell him I'm coming. I don't give him a chance to give me an excuse. He doesn't seemed confused that I didn't show up to our later gym date. I was out of there before he could catch me at the end of class, so as far as I know, he still doesn't know that I know.

The girls are with their mother this weekend, though, and this is getting figured out before I lose my mind.

Craig shows a flash of surprise when he opens the door, and I step in before he can say anything. I don't get to come over often, so his house still feels strange to me. That doesn't stop me from crossing my arms in his living room and staring him down like I own the place. I don't know where any of this bravado is coming from, but I need to ride the high until Craig answers.

"I'm sorry, bro. I guess I've been blowing you off a little this week," he says, folding his arms together and looking down at his toes. I deflate pretty much instantly.

Damn.

"It just seems like you've been really busy, and you don't want to take my help," I prod just a little. Then I prod him quite literally in the calf with my toe. "Were you gonna tell me about the pole dancing class?" I decide to end this. To deal the killing blow. Craig goes white as a sheet.

"Uh-h-how did you-?"

"I came during our normal gym time this morning." No need to mention the part about following him. That's a secret I'll just go ahead and tuck away forever.

"Oh…you...watched?"

"Yeah."

He rubs his hand across his mouth, thinking.

"I'm so bad at it, bro."

"I saw. In the outfit and everything."

"It's too much, isn't it?"

"I mean...I'm not gonna complain if you were to slip into it right now."

Craig raises an eyebrow at me.

"I can do that, you know." He steps toward me deliberately, bringing his hands down to my hips. I puff out my cheeks at him a little. I very much would like to go ahead and follow through with the look that's in his eyes, but I need to stay focused. Communication. Adulting.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I've been going crazy all week thinking that I did something or that something was wrong or...I don't know. I probably went through a thousand different possibilities."

He brings his hands from my hips to my shoulders. Then from shoulders to cupping my cheeks with his hands.

"Babe. I'm so, so sorry. Things just got really weird all of a sudden, and I got a little blindsided, I guess." He lets out a quick breath of air then looks down and away, collecting his thoughts. "You know Colleen? Becca's mom?"

"Yeah. Of course. I love Colleen. She's the best."

"Right? Well, her sister runs that class, and normally it's only at night but she's trying to do morning classes, too. So she offered free lessons to all the moms or something? I don't know. Anyway. Monday. I legitimately just forgot to send you your wakeup text. I'd been talking to Ashley about arranging the girls' pick-up this weekend, and it really just slipped my mind. When I got to the gym, though, I saw all these moms we know and they told me about this class they're taking and they sort of...bullied me into taking the class with them."

"They...bullied you?" I ask, trying not to smile as I imagine this manliest of men being pressured into anything by these suburban moms. He moves his hands from my jaw to rest them on the top of his head. He shifts on his feet and looks down at the ground again.

"'Oh come on, Coach, I bet you're really good at it. Mr. Assistant Coach should join us, too.' And I thought… I'll just do it once. Then it'll be so weird that they'll never bring it up again."

"And?"

"I liked it?" He bites his bottom lip. "But to be totally clear on something. There was an actual problem at River's daycare and it really was daddy/daughter day at camp. So I only technically lied twice. That sounds awful when I say that outloud."

"No...it's fine." I punch him in the chest, then wiggle my fingers when it hurts. "You could have said something, though. Anything. Hell. I might have even considered joining you. It might-"

"No!"

He says it so loudly and forcefully that I catch my breath in my throat.

"Sorry. Um. If you want to take a pole dancing class, I'm not gonna stop you. Like...you know I'm not gonna get in the way of your physical fitness goals, bro. But...um...can you not with the moms from softball? I'm gonna stop after the free classes this week." He rubs the back of his neck, nervously.

"I was joking, but now I'm a little worried again."

He sighs and pops his lips a few times.

"No offense intended but-"

"You're about to almost offend me, anyway?"

"I-hrrmm." He purses his lips at me. "I was hotter than you back in college. I didn't quite realize it, at the time, but I—and this is gonna sound terrible—kinda liked it? That I got all the attention when we were out together. Because you were smarter and funnier and nicer. So I had this one thing, but because people were always looking at me, they weren't looking at you and seeing how amazing you were and I got you all to myself. It's really stupid, now, obviously, but at the time it was important."

I don't know what to say. This is the deepest Craig's ever gotten with me. I feel like I'm seeing a new part of him.

"But, now you're hot, bro. Like...objectively. And the moms talk about you all the time. 'The new assistant coach really fills out that shirt.' 'Too bad he's taken.' 'Man knows how to use a bat.' It's been driving me nuts all season,"

This was news to me. I had maybe caught a few catcher/pitcher jokes at my expense, but I still only ever heard swooning over Craig.

"And I don't know why it bugs me," he continues. "And I just don't want you around them if I can help it. I never said any of this because it makes me sound like a creep."

"Craig...are you jealous?" I ask, very unsure of all of this nonsense and remembering how much of a creeper I am, too. He looks at me like he's confused by the very word itself.

"Oh my god, I might be."

"You might be?"

"I don't know, bro! I...shit." He's laughing, pressing his palm to his forehead. "Is that what it is?"

"You're a mess, dude." I'm smiling, too. We're both a disaster, really. A couple of idiots still stuck in that weird spot between friends and boyfriends.

While I'm still taking deep breathes and settling into the absurdity of it all, Craig steps up to me again, chest to chest. One arms wraps around my waist and the other finds a place behind my neck. Then he kisses me hard and deep, really getting into those back teeth. I suddenly remember I haven't seen him in a week, and now that we're squared away I really need to see him. As much as him as possible. He pulls away for a moment.

"I love you," he says.

'I love you, too, dude." It's an easy thing to say. It always has been.

"No." He looks me straight in the face, locking eyes with me. "I love you. I really do. I think I might always have at least a little, and now you're just...my world….after the girls."

"Obviously. Kids always get the top spot." My face hurts from being angry and smiling and getting kissed out of my mind, unexpectedly. But Craig is looking at me with that look, and I realize he's expecting an answer. "I love you, too. Really."

He pulls me in again, his mouth next to my ear.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to see some of my new moves in person, but...you know."

"Yeah, your old moves will do just fine."

And yeah. They certainly do.

[leisurelypanda]

Life is Good chapter 24

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11676360/chapters/28940058

It was Valentine’s Day and Andrew was an emotional wreck. He had been working himself up into a frenzy. It hadn’t even been a full year since they had met each other again after years apart. They had been together for a grand total of 10 months. It wasn’t exactly a huge length of time. If he had been half his age, 10 months wouldn’t have been that long at all. Certainly not long enough to start thinking of their lives together. At 20, that was generally kind of creepy. Though in fairness, he and Alex had started a family right out of college. They had been planning to be together for their entire live and they had had many happy years together, raising Amanda.

It had been so long since Andrew had thought about having a life partner. Never in a million years would he have guessed that it might have been Craig. Not before they had run into each other again last year.

Craig had also been more secretive and aloof than usual. He never really said what was on his mind, beyond that he had a plan for the evening. He refused to elaborate. The last time he had tried to figure out what was planned, Craig had picked him up and tossed him on the couch to tickle him into submission. The guy had to know how agitated he was, but there was no helping it.

“I’m 1000% sure that they’re up to something,” he said to his daughter. He was skyping her for her birthday. “Even River looks like she knows something that I don’t!”

“Pops, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason for that,” she replied. “And it might be that they do know something you don’t.”

“That’s not helping, Panda,” he said, grinning. “You know that I’m a chronic over thinker.”

“Yup, and I know that some people decided co-opt my birthday and plan great romantic gestures for their significant others,” she said drily. “So if the dude does have something planned, could it be that bad?”

“Noooo, I suppose not…” he replied. “I’m just nervous, I guess.”

“Pops, it’s been, what, 10 years since you’ve had a Valentine to steal attention away from your beloved daughter?” she said. “I would be concerned if you weren’t nervous.”

“Speaking of Valentines…” he said. “Got any exciting plans for your birthday, kiddo?”

“Actually,” she said. “I forgot to mention that I have a hot date with this guy from my digital editing class.”

“Do I need to have the talk with this disgusting lech—I mean, fine young man?” he asked.

“No problem, Pops,” she replied. “If he turns out to only have one thing in mind, my roommate’s got my back.”

They chatted for a while longer about their respective plans for the evening and if Amanda enjoyed her birthday present (since her dorm room was too small for anything she didn’t really need, the gift was basically just a gift card to a restaurant relatively near campus). She was planning on using it with her friends some time, rather than for the date she was going on tonight. Eventually he had to leave to get ready for his own date. He reluctantly bid farewell and good luck to Amanda.

“Try not to worry too much, Popsicle,” she said. “Just be yourself.”

“You know who you’re talking to, right?”

Amanda just laughed and signed out of the skype session. Andrew hesitantly closed his laptop and wandered off to get ready for his hot date. *************************************************************** Craig was literally losing his shit. He was pacing back and forth in his closet as he deliberated on what to wear. Which he normally didn’t care about that much, but since tonight was supposed to be special, he wanted to put actual thought into it. Hence the actual crisis he was having while he tried to figure his shit out.

 Should I go with a white shirt? A red one? Yeah, red makes sense it’s Valentine’s day. But wait, what tie do I wear? Should I wear a black suit? Wait, duh, why wouldn’t I? I can’t wear blue on Valentine’s day. It’s sad. But wait… I wear blue all the time. Am I a sad person? God, when did I become so stereotypically gay?

He really needed to get ready before Andrew was finished skyping Amanda. He wanted to surprise him, and also be surprised by him. Which wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to manage when boyfriends lived in the same house, it turned out. He finally settled on a solid black suit with a dark red button up shirt and a tie that was a brighter shade. He got dressed quickly and went into the bathroom to style his hair into that spiky style that Andrew loved, but he didn’t actually wear unless he wasn’t at work. He tended to encourage more professional appearances with the people who worked for him.

He heard the door open and close and then the closet door opened and closed. Craig took one last look in the mirror and judged that he was set and quickly sneaked out of the master suite and rushed downstairs. He wandered into the kitchen where he found the girls and Smashley were mixing together some cookie dough with a bowl of red sugar and a bag of Hershey kisses.

“Hey bros,” he said, grinning, trying to mask his nerves. “What’s cooking?”

“Nothing you’d be interested in, dude,” his ex-wife replied. “Lookin’ good!”

Craig chuckled and rubbed his neck. “Thanks, dude,” he said. “And thanks for agreeing to watch the girls tonight.”

“No problem. Now, come on Craig, don’t be nervous,” she said. “Everything is going to be fine. You ready?”

“I’m pretty sure,” he said. “Just you know…”

“Yeah, I get it,” she said sympathetically. “By the way, Briar has something for you.”

Craig looked at his daughter. She dashed over to her backpack and he bit down the instinctive reflex to tell her not to run in the house, not that she and Hazel ever listened. She took out a big, pink foam heart cut in the uneven style of a child with scissors. She held it out with a big, proud smile on her face. “Bro” was written on it in big, rounded letters.

“We made these in art class,” she said. “You pin it to your shirt, see?”

“Aww that’s sweet, tiny bro. And you wrote our thing on it!” he said, picking her up. “Thanks, Briar.”

“Yeah, we figured if you won’t stop calling each other that, we might as well just get used to it,” she said. “Andrew’s getting one, too! But Hazel made that one.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make these for people you’re interested in,” he asked. “You know, like a boy, not your parents?”

“Dad,” she said. “Boys are still gross. I don’t care what anyone else says.”

“Well, thank goodness for small favors,” he replied, kissing her on the cheek.

“Besides,” she continued. “You and Papa aren’t boys. You’re bros. At least, that’s what mom says.”

Craig laughed, finally feeling some of the nervous energy begin to dissipate. “Heck yeah, we are, tiny bro.”

He pinned the heart to his suit and settled down to wait for Andrew to come down for their date. River was having lots of fun with the flour and Craig steered clear of the cookie station, lest his suit get ruined by River’s toddler aged antics. Hazel showed him Andrew’s heart, which was red and decorated with the word “bro” but with silver, glitter paint. Hazel, for her struggle in school, had very good handwriting. There were also flowers drawn on it whereas Briar had just written, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Bro!” and that was that. She wasn’t as artistic as Hazel.

Finally they heard footsteps walking down the stairs and Andrew walked into the kitchen in a matching black suit with a white button down and a burgundy vest and a red bowtie. Craig’s mouth went dry. It was a rare occasion for Andrew to dress up, but he cleaned up nice. His hair was in its usual pony tail, which he was glad to see. It didn’t really count as a hobby, but he really enjoyed pulling his hairband out of his hair and seeing it fall down around his face. Craig was suddenly thinking of situations where he could have an excuse to drag him along to formal occasions so he could see him in suits. He suddenly wanted to go shopping for suits with this man just to see what he would look like in them. He was the most handsome man Craig had ever seen, there was no mistaking it.

Andrew was the first to recover. “You look great, bro,” he said. Then his eyes fell on the heart pinned to his suit and he grinned. “Where’d you get the heart?”

Craig chuckled and rubbed his neck again, but Hazel answered first. “Briar gave it to him!” she said and ran up to him with her heart. “Here’s yours! You’re ‘sposed to pin it to your suit!”

“Thanks Hazel,” he said sweetly. “I’ll put it on right now.”

Craig cleared his throat, having finally found his voice. “You look amazing, bro,” he said. He walked up to him and kissed him lightly. He smelled of aftershave and cologne and Craig was nuts for it.

Andrew blushed. “Thanks, bro,” he said. He pinned the heart to his suit as promised and looked back up. “You ready to go?”

Craig responded by taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. “Ready when you are, dude.”

“Oh! Before you go,” Smashley shouted from the kitchen. “I’m taking the girls back to my place tonight as soon as they’re done with their stuff.”

“What? Why?” Craig asked. “When did this happen?”

Smashley gave him a look. The look she reserved for when he asked a dumb question. “Dude, it’s Valentine’s Day.”

Realization dawned on him and he felt his blush creeping up on his face. “Oh. Right.” he said eloquently. “Thanks. Behave yourselves, girls.” He rushed out of the house leaving behind a chorus of questions about why them going to their mother’s house just because it was Valentine’s Day.

Andrew was grinning at him. “Shut up,” he said, though he couldn’t help but grin himself.

“I didn’t say anything,” he said through bits of helpless giggling. “So, what are we doing after all this? We just going to come home and sleep? Is Smashley getting the girls away from your snoring?”

“I’m never hearing the end of this,” Craig said as they got in the car. *************************************************************** Craig was uncharacteristically closed lipped about where they were going. Andrew wasn’t nervous. Well he was, but not about this. He was trying his best not to fidget and be obvious that he was nervous. Which was sabotaged by the silence that stretched on and on as they drove wherever Craig had in mind. Andrew hadn’t felt more awkward around him since they first met in college. And that was saying something, considering how awkward their first date had been when they were surrounded by thirsty softball moms. Finally Craig turned into a parking lot and Andrew’s jaw dropped.

“The Boar’s Crown?” he asked. It was by far the fanciest restaurant in the area.

“It’s our first Valentine’s Day together, bro,” he said. “I wanted to make it special for you.”

Andrew felt his face start to burn. “How did you get a reservation for this place?”

Craig smiled. “I know the owner.”

They walked into the restaurant hand-in-hand and Andrew’s jaw dropped again when he saw who the host was.

“Robert???” he exclaimed. “This is your restaurant?”

Robert looked… clean. And sober. He was wearing a nice suit and his face was clean shaven. He grinned at him as he took their coats.

“What? You thought I was jobless?” he asked as he hung their coats up.

“Well…” Andrew replied. “I kinda thought you were a tomb raider or something.”

“Only when I’m hunting cryptids,” he said. Robert marked their arrival down and grabbed two menus. “Right this way.”

The restaurant was a large and open with all the ambiance of a high end establishment. The lights were turned down and The tables all had red, pink, or white tablecloths with matching napkins neatly folded in crystal wineglasses. There was also a cleared space in the center of the room with an elevated wooden platform. Nearby, there was another stage with microphones and a piano.

A dancefloor, Andrew realized. I wonder if we’ll dance. God, when was the last time I actually danced with someone. Do remember how?

Robert broke his reverie by presenting their table to them. It was, shockingly, near the dancefloor. Andrew’s heart started racing. Well, more than it already was He wasn’t sure whether he was excited or terrified.

“Enjoy your evening, lovebirds,” Robert smirked.

“Thanks, dude,” Craig said and he sat down. Andrew hastily sat down across from him. Craig grinned, bemused. “You okay, bro?”

“I’m fine,” he whimpered. He looked up and met Craig’s eyes. Craig’s look had gone from bemused to smug.

He’s planning something, he thought, scowling at his lover. He promptly opened the menu and hid behind it.

This was definitely the fanciest restaurant Andrew had ever been to. The meal was served in several courses and Andrew had never heard of most of the foods outside of the entrée section. Even then there were foods that he had never heard of. None of them actually listed a price. Thankfully their waitress was patient and knowledgeable about it and answered all his questions. He placed his order and tried not to be concerned about what the price would end up being.

“So is this your first time here, dude?” Andrew asked.

Craig smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, actually,” he admitted. “I’ve been to other of Robert’s restaurants in the area, but this is the best by far.”

“You were never curious about it?” he asked.

“Well…” he said. “There was never anyone I cared about enough to take out here.”

Andrew blushed furiously and couldn’t help but wish that they still had some menus to hide behind. He contented himself with hiding behind his wineglass. It was a lovely, earthy white wine. It didn’t help the blush at all. He didn’t have to look up to know that Craig was grinning at him. He did, however, hear Craig pour himself a glass.

“A toast?” he asked. Andrew looked up at him.

“What do we toast to?” he asked, smiling.

“To us, of course, bro,” he said. “To our first Valentine’s Day together.”

Andrew smiled as they clinked their glasses together. “The first of many.”

It was Craig’s turn to blush as he sipped from his glass. The first course arrived and the music began to play. It wasn’t anything special. Just someone playing the piano on the stage. He wondered what kind of music they would play. It was hard to hope for a dance when he didn’t know they were going to play next. The songs played and a few couples got up to dance. Some of them did ballroom type stuff, but most of the young ones especially just sort of swayed with the music.

Craig seemed antsy. Like he was pumping himself up mentally for something. Does he have something planned, too? Andrew thought. Oh God, what if we steal each other’s thunder? What if it’s really awkward? What if I totally screw up? Maybe I should just hold off on all—

Suddenly the pianist began to play one of those old-fashioned love songs, the kind that they used to play in black and white movies back in the day. Andrew could swear he knew the cords to this song, but he couldn’t remember what the song was. Then Craig stood up and held out his hand.

“Come on, let’s dance,” he said.

Andrew’s heart was racing. The last/only time he had danced in front of so many people was when he married Alex. Well, it was a partner ceremony. Gay marriage hadn’t been legal at the time, but still. He wondered if he still knew how to follow. He took Craig’s hand and followed him to the dance floor. Craig’s hand went to his waist and, amazingly, he gracefully led him in a waltz. The pianist began to sing.

 Some day, when I'm awfully low When the world is cold I will feel a glow just thinking of you And the way you look tonight

 Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm And your cheeks so soft There is nothing for me but to love you And the way you look tonight

“You chose to dance during an old Frank Sinatra song?” Andrew asked.

“What?” Craig asked, grinning. “You like old movies and stuff like that.”

“You know me so well, bro,” he replied. He stared into Craig’s eyes as they danced. Craig smiled down at him. Somehow the moves came back to him and he managed to move through the steps without stepping on Craig’s toes. They danced through the first song, then the second. Then the third song played and it wasn’t an old love song. It was definitely a newer song. An alto vocalist had come on stage to sing this one. He didn’t recognize it. It was a beautiful song, though. When the song reached the first chorus, he started to tear up.

 I have died every day waiting for you Darling, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years I'll love you for a thousand more

He rested his head against Craig’s shoulder as they danced. He felt his lover softly kiss his cheek as the music played on. When the song finished, he stopped, took Craig’s face in his hands and looked up into his eyes. They were shining as his arms wrapped around his waist.

“I love you so much, Andrew,” he said. “I never thought I’d have a chance to be with you. But here you are.”

“I never thought I would ever have a second chance at love,” Andrew replied. “But then you ran into my life, literally, and the year since then have been the most amazing, happiest of my life. Well, aside from the months when Amanda first started sleeping through the night.”

Craig laughed. “I’d be offended, but I know what you mean, bro,” he said.

Andrew backed out of Craig’s embrace and took his hands in his. “You’re the most amazing person in the world, Craig,” he said, dropping to one knee. He pulled out the box from his pocket and opened it, revealing the ring he had bought. “Craig Cahn will you marry me?”

Craig looked down at him, stunned. “Dude!”

Andrew’s heart skipped a beat. “What?”

“I was gonna ask you, dude!” he said, bringing out his own little black box. There was a ripple of laughter from the other customers, who of course had taken notice of the proposal on the dance floor.

“Sooo…” Andrew said. “Is that a yes?”

“Dude! Of course I’ll marry you,” Craig said. Andrew’s face broke into a grin as he took the ring and put it on Craig’s finger to their audience’s enthusiastic applause. Andrew got up in time for Craig to pull him into a passionate kiss. Andrew blushed as people whistled and cheered.

“I love you, bro,” he whispered against Craig’s lips.

“I love you, too,” Craig replied. They returned to their table, where their waitress was waiting for them with another bottle of wine.

“Congratulations,” she said, smiling. “This bottle comes with our compliments. Enjoy!”

They thanked her and she left to get their food. Craig picked up the previous bottle and poured a glass for them both.

In the background the alto sang a lovely song to other dancing couples while they spent the evening enjoying each other's company. Andrew couldn't help but think that it applied to them perfectly.

 I only know what I know The passing years will show You've kept my love so young, so new

 And time after time You'll hear me say that I'm So lucky to be loving you

“You know what, bro?” Craig asked.

“What?” Andrew asked, amused that his boyfrie— fiancé was still using that word from their college days. He doubted that they would ever stop.

“Life is good,” Craig said, holding up a glass.

Andrew held up his glass and they toasted. “To life.”

“Our life,” Craig said. “And to our new adventure.”

End of Part 1

[evillittlebirdie]

Stress Fracture Moodboard

“After Craig asks Nathaniel to move in, he returns to his old ways of overthinking and overworking. Nathaniel becomes insecure in their relationship and worries about his place in Craig's life. When he pushes himself on a run with Craig, he injures himself and desperately tries to cover it up, making it worse. Miscommunication ensues. However, Nathaniel has lost one love of his life. He is not going to lose another.”

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11700363/chapters/26345106

[cerealmonster15]

ddadds kids....

i like thinking about them as one big extended cul-de-sac family... [headcanons and stuff!]

imagine all the families spending the holidays together! i’m sure some celebrate things that the rest dont but theyd probs have one big generic get together during The Holiday Season

all of the kids are crammed together on one big “kid’s table” even tho like half of them are teenagers and there are more offspring than parents

someone always ends up starting a food fight,, usually ernest and lucien, or the twins [either pair. both pairs?? christie and christian vs hazel and briar??]

this was referenced in game once so amanda probs ends up babysitting a lot when she’s home from college for breaks+ during that short time shes still around before she leaves! she’d be  a cool fun babysitter, but tough enough to keep some of the more rambunctious kids in check ;p

[ernest voice] dad i dont NEED a babysitter!!! [hugo voice] son i want to know that i can be away for the weekend and come home to a house that isn’t on fire

ernest is probs really snarky to amanda when she babysits like “youre not the boss of me” and going out of his way to cause trouble, but amanda is Cool and probs gives him a run for his money with snark and idk shenanigans ensue and he probs secretly admires her and thinks she’s awesome but would rather die than let anyone ever find out

lucien looks like he might be fairly close to amanda’s age? they probs dont have all that much in common, but damien’s date revealed that lucien listens to mcr, and amanda made her dad listen to black parade, so I bet they could bond over some music tastes here and there

LET LUCIEN GIVE AMANDA A COOL GOTH MAKEOVER

amanda: pleeeeeaaaaassseeeeeee ;D??? lucien: no way. the goth lifestyle isnt for posers i think with enough pestering she’d get him to cave. he’d take great time and care while painting her nails to make sure he does it Right

amanda probs comments on how careful and skilled he does it like “wow you really take this stuff seriously” “uh obviously??”

once he finishes, amanda takes a pic, and then all the other neighbors see her and are bothering lucien to make them look cool too. he pretends to hate it but actually has a lot of fun and is secretly really happy that they think he’s good at what he does

amanda convinces lucien to do like, cool goth makeup videos and put them on youtube/instagram. she helps him with filming and doing photography of final looks and together they get a lot of followers. sometimes she’ll guest star in his videos if he needs a face model other than his own

amanda’s kinda freaked out by christie and christian at first but over time gets used to and sees past their “creepy twin shtick” and, much like her dad [in the joseph brownie date] learns to use it to mess with them and possibly other people

at first chris probably doesnt talk to amanda a lot and keeps to himself when she’s over, but maybe over time she’d adapt to him and learn a few things hes interested in and express gentle interest in those things to kind of help him open up to her more

chris gets quietly attached to her like shes an older sister

everyone in the cul de sac does. they love amanda

AND EACH OTHER

i want daisy to be involved with the carmensita and amanda girl band thing mentioned briefly during one of mat’s dates. that’d be adorable

you know what else would be adorable? allllll the cul de sac kids coming to briar and hazel’s softball games to support them. 

the kids going to each others’ anything to support them!! when theyre in clubs and activities that put on shows or performances or other sports games, as many of the neighbors that can make it are there

when they get older, they try to be more and more obnoxious to embarrass their neighbors in front of everyone, like making huge support signs and banners with glitter with a stupid yet supportive pun that one of their dads helped come up with, or printing their neighbor’s face on a tshirt or a giant cutout on a popsicle stick, shouting as loud as possible 

they def went to amanda’s actual graduation and PROBABLY ALL CRIED

a lot of this has amanda centric bc i Love Her, but also,,

maybe hugo and craig start going to wrestling matches together [+dadsona] so ernest sees a lot of the cahn kids. if amanda’s in town, she’s with them and in charge. if not, ernest is technically in charge, but secretly [not so secretly probably] the dads are counting on briar and hazel [briar, mostly] to keep things from falling to disaster for the few hours theyre out

they all like to take turns riding on the Giant Dog that ernest got in damien’s route [duchess something i think?] [a good component that should be canon in all universes]

“lets put river on him” “no she’ll fall off” “wheres the duct tape” “n o”

if enough disaster happens leaving these kids alone together, they probably get dropped off at another dad’s house to be looked after for a while. joseph volunteers to look after them but since he and mary are already looking after 4 and KEEP LOSING CRISH, they tend to try and ask literally anyone else

[not that theyre bad parents lmao but it’d be easier for all the other parents that just have One Kid]

i bet christian and christie love robert’s wild spooky stories. he probably makes up so much bullshit to fuck with any kid that’s listening

they’d carpool if they could fit enough kids in one car. it’s probably a 2-3 car carpool depending on who’s driving what size car and who needs to go where at what time

there are probably so many inside jokes[CUL DE SAC MEMES......] that are born at every cul de sac gathering. 

when amanda’s home from college, all the kids wanna be the first to tell her all about the SHENANIGANS she’s missed out on

river and crish are bffs once theyre old enough for human interaction. they Have To Be.

pranking each other in the school hallways plz, or just all around chaos. god help the teachers that somehow end up with 2+ of the cul de sac kids in the same class

ernest definitely sends his dog to poop on damien’s lawn outside lucien’s bedroom window / probably does the flaming bag of dog poop ding dong ditch when he knows lucien’s home alone and will be the one to answer the door

christie and chris like when briar and hazel pretend to be each other, so they get their hands on a pair of scissors and chris gives christie a terrible haircut. possibly briar and hazel try and help with the scheme and things just get Worse and joseph has to take his daughter to a Professional [or maybe one of the dads is really good with hair/has had their child do the same thing and is good with fixing a bad haircut ;p]

carmensita goes through a goth phase after she goes over to lucien’s to be babysat one day. mat does not know how to Deal bc this isnt the type of music hes used to playing but he loves and supports his daughter regardless and likes to hear her singing all kinds of music to broaden her horizons and strengthen her talent

G R O U P  T E X T between all the kids old enough to have phones

there are lots of memes. lots. of memes.

they take candid shitty photos of each other all the time and send them in the chat, and particularly amusing ones end up reused as reaction photos

lucien: [sends photo of ernest having just spilled cereal on himself with duchess in the background making off with a piece of pizza] ernest: fuck u carmensita: mood daisy: why are you having pizza and cereal for breakfast? ernest: dont tell me how to live my life amanda: lol tag urself i’m duchess

this is just something i like to do w/ my friends but they’d probs also stealthily take pictures  of each other when theyre out and about and send them to each other in secret like amanda’s out with her dad at the grocery store and spots lucien and damien in the dairy isle and is like FUCK,, she hides behind a stand of donuts or w/e and takes a pic of them and sends it to lucien w/ no context or like “lol hey” 

it becomes a war of sending pics of each other to each other/the group without getting caught. lucien and ernest probably act like they think it’s stupid but get so competitive about it

they all keep score and it probably also would extend to taking stealthy pics of cul de sac dads too Just Because

the dads find out about the competition somehow and like,,, secretly are so into who’s winning. especially brian and dadsona. sometimes they’ll try and serve as a distraction for their child to get a sneaky pic so they can win, but usually the kids prefer the solo missions

val comes and visits sometimes with cool stories. sometimes she brings her girlfriend, and amanda especially looks up to them like two cool older sisters [i dont remember if it was jacket pins or photography that val said her gf is into, but whatever it is i’m sure amanda would geek out about it with her]

christie and christian eventually grow out of their “creepy twin” thing but still have a more unique brand of humor/personality. the cul de sac kids are used to them by then, and will THROW DOWN with anyone that bullies them/ calls them freaks or anything like that, or anyone that picks on chis [and eventually crish] by association or for any other reason

THESE KIDS MAY ARGUE AND FIGHT AND STUFF SOMETIMES BUT THEY’LL STICK UP FOR EACH OTHER IF ANYONE OUTSIDE THE CUL DE SAC TRIES TO START SOMETHING W/ ONE OF THEIR OWN

i could go on forever making up headcanons or scenarios for these kids bc i love them and constantly crave more content about them but imma stop here bc it’s been over an hour and this is Long but anyway plz talk to me about these kids + the cul de sac as a whole. share ur headcanons,,,,, i l o v e the m ,,

[varunani]

craig cahn x dadsona are the new bokuto x kuroo don't fight me on this please i don't like confrontation

[multi-lia]

Can i ask for fluffy Joseph headcannons ????

Yes, you can! I really like Joseph and his creepy ass kids lol.

This will be in AU where Joseph decides to divorce his wife.

Gender neutral

~Joseph is honestly the most goofy, adorkable one out of all the dads, so expect a lot of fluffy moments with this guy and facepalming

~Joseph and your relationship is going to be awkward at first after the divorce, but it improves once you both get more comfortable with each other.

~It’s no secret that Joseph loves to bake and he loves to share that passion with you. Baking all sorts of sweets with Joseph is always fun.

~If you happen to burn yourself taking something out the oven, Joseph will immediately help you cool the wound down and kiss you on your burn mark

~Then put a pink princess band aid on it

~Yes, he will draw a smiley face on your cheek with frosting. Yes, you will have a mini flour fight. Yes, he will feed you whatever you guys make together.

~Perferably likes to bake with the kids out of the house because things can get a little “frisky”

~Joseph is a big flirt

~Most of it just makes you want to facepalm because of how much of a dork he is

~But at times he can be really sensual

~Loves to keep in physical contact with you

~Holding your hand while eating dinner, keeping his arm around you when you guys are walking, having you sit in his lap when you watch movies together

~He just loves being with you

~AND CONSTANT COMPLIMENTS

~I swear if you ever feel insecure, Joseph will make it his mission to make you feel better about yourself

~He’s going to tell you how much he loves your body and looks every day.

~But will also remember to compliment your personality

~You’re an all around great person and he wants to make sure you feel the same way about yourself as he feels for you

~Of course if you do want to change something about yourself, HE WILL SUPPORT YOU even if he doesn’t fully agree with you!

~You’re going to have his support in everything you do

~“Okay what if I drive my car off a cliff?”

~“I mean if that’s what you want, I’ll support you till the end.”

~“Would the end be me in the car going off the cliff?”

~“... there is Heaven.”

~“Oh.”

~Okay maybe he won’t support you in ways like that, but you get the point. You can do about everything and he’ll have you’re back on it

~kisses. Kisses.KISSES!!!

~Sweet kisses on the forehead and cheek

~Sensual kisses that leave you seeing stars

~Lazy, sloppy kisses in the morning

~All the kisses are for you and only you.

~Joseph is beyond happy if you get along with his kids and of your kid(s) also gets along with them as well.

~Often taking dates with the all the kids to the park, beach or his yacht

~Picnics are a must with Joseph, like there’s no getting out of it.

~He loves to play cards or do a puzzle with you and the kids during one of these picnics

~It makes Joseph really happy to see all of you guys happy and enjoying yourself together

~Speaking of games, he has tons of board games and will whip them out on rainy day

~The kids may not be that excited for them, but for you and Joseph it brings back some nostalgia

~It can get a bit heated too during these board game sessions

~Joseph constantly telling you how much he loves you

~“Y/N, you know how much I love you right?”

~“You tell me every day, Joseph.”

~“Do you want me to tell you again?”

~“Do you want to tell me again, Joseph?”

~“...Uhh yes??”

~“Have at it.”

~“I really love you, y/n and I want you to know that I’ll always be by your side no matter what. Just remember that okay?”

~Joseph is a cheesy romantic and will do plenty of cheesy things, not to say they aren’t appreciated

~Joseph will run a bubble bath for you, put rose petals in the water, massage your feet, crack open a bottle of wine, the whole nine yards

~If you do something similar for Joseph, he’ll lose it

~He really likes back rubs and scratches, do that for him and he’ll fall in love with you all over again.

~One day, I don’t know what day, but one of these days you’re going to come to find roses in a heart shape with all sorts of gifts in the middle of it

~You’ll ask him why he’d do something like this for you and he’ll be genuinely surprised.

~“Why wouldn’t I spoil the person I love?”

~“Yeah, but Joseph, it’s not a special day like Valentine’s Day or?”

~“It doesn’t need to be a special day to treat you. You’re special to me everyday.”

~He truly means that by the way!! and will do this at least once a month.

That’s all I have. Thank you for the request and I hope you enjoyed it.

Requests are open ✨🌈

~Lia’s work

[krikklekrakkle]

Why not

I was tagged by @ducksofrubberz I have no other people to tag on tumblr for this thing tbh Relationship status: Single Favorite color: Anything pastel Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick Last song: Boba Beach by Grynpyret Last movie: Mean Girls Top 3 Shows: Voltron; Stranger Things; TWD 3 ships: Klance; Victuuri; Craig Cahn x Dadsona Lol bye

[daddy-hotline]

Craig Cahn x dadsona ［picnic date］

［here I am back at my deleted post for no apparent reason but I’ll write it again from what I can remember :“) enjoy! ask was from my gr888 friend @pringlethatssingle . btw this is a fic where dadsona is a gay male］

It had been a long time since you and Craig had an outing without the kids. River always had to be taken care of while Craig himself was either busy with work or coaching the girls for softball.

So this time when Carmensita asked if she and Mat could take care of River for a day, you immediately jumped at the chance. Craig himself was rather nervous and you kept on reassuring him night after night as he rambled on about all the bad things that could happen to her in bed.

"Bro, you know Mat’s a good guy. And Carmensita’s so sweet, the worse I think that could happen to River is that she gets attached to them,” you soothed him, gently kissing his nose as you rubbed his arm comfortingly. “But she’s my baby girl,” Craig insisted. “And I’m your baby boy,” He snorted but nuzzled you anyways.

Eventually the day had arrived and Craig had gotten up early as usual to pass River to Mat and Carmensita at the Coffee Spoon. He had came back with a worried look on his face, ad well as a bag full of sweet treats from Mat. You had laughed at how strange he looked.

Either way you were thankful for the food Mat had given you two. You packed it with your picnic food, mostly which was Craig’s salads and stuff. Before you left the house you texted Briar, the twins were at a stay-over with a friend.

Craig carried the picnic basket in one arm and held your hand in his other. You hummed softly to yourself, the walk to the park rather quiet. Once you arrived at the empty field and found a good spot that had some shade, you laid out the mat and sat down with your shoes at the edge of it.

You took out some of the food and pushed Craig’s salad towards him. He was uncomfortable before you slapped his thigh gently. “Hey, relax. We’ve finally got some alone time. Eat your healthy food and romance me more,” you teased. Craig broke his nervousness as he laughed along with you.

Grabbing some banana bread, you flopped onto Craig’s lap. You grinned up at him and he brushed your hair away from your forehead, smiling back at you. You watched his jaw move as he chewed on his vegetables and watched a couple of kids play frisbee on the other side of the field.

You closed your eyes and threw your arm over your eyes as a breeze blew through the park. Craig was once again playing with your hair absentmindedly. His soft pads of his fingers brushed against your skin and the sides of your lips quirked up. He chuckled softly before leaning down and kissing your lips briefly.

An amused giggle escaped you. You removed your arm and squinted as you stared at the sun, then grabbed his face firmly with both hands and kissed him again. Craig’s cheeks were a little pink, like whenever he was doing cardio and pushed through his tiredness.

You batted a hand lazily at his fringe before Craig kissed you again. Quickly leaving small smooches all across your cheeks, forehead and chin. That elicited a squeal from you and you sat up, finding it ticklish. He laughed as he saw your flustered face properly but you couldn’t help but laugh along with him, your dorky husband.