#pascalxcarl

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Pascal x Carl Moodboard

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 16 (Final Chapter)

Hello everyone, this is the final chapter of the Pascal x Carl fanfiction.

I would like to thank everyone who supported this story and who waited for the end. I really enjoyed the writing experience and plan to do more fanfics about KazeKi and other classic manga of the same genre.

Normally I would link to the version available on Wattpad, but I've unfortunately lost access to my account and I don't know if I'll be able to recuperate (if I can, the history will be updated there too).

Well, It’s under the cut, enjoy!

Blue Rose Tears

Chapter 16 – The Ending

 P.O.V Narrator

 Provence, Lacombrade Academy - 4th June 1886

 Carl Messier, a simple young man with a hair color darker than night, was contemplating a pleasant summer afternoon and the shadows formed by the sunlight.

Through the large windows of the room, it was possible to observe in detail each small part that made up the landscape, from the greenish leaves to the animals that climbed the trees.

With one hand resting on the window glass, the young man could subtly see his reflection. He could see the effects that time had done to him, his face hadn't changed much, he just looked older.

Even though he combed his hair every morning, a few strands of hair still fell over his forehead, which made his grooming remember his past and gave his a more youthful appearance. He remained pale, had grown a little, and he could tell his voice had changed.

  He wasn't 16 anymore, but memories of his younger days were still vivid, mostly because he never left Lacombrade. Looking back, he sees a table with several papers on it, and he notices that the decor in that place hasn't changed a bit.

 After five years, he found himself daily in that room, a place where he had attended a few times, and where he could meet his brother Sebastian a few years ago.

 Rosemariné's former office, “The White Prince”, now occupied the old Principal's post after his death. It was not as if he was surprised to have occupied this post, from a very young age he knew of this possibility, but it still seemed far away.

 Everything was different now, for Carl, the one who changed the most overtime was Sebastian. His brother would turn 13, the beggining of his youth, perhaps the most troubled period of his life.

Although he was proud of what Sebastian had become, he feared his brother would stray into some inadequate path, as he knew how much Lacombrade was capable of corrupting even the purest of individuals.

It reminded him of his past when his life began to change thanks to the people who entered it. He remembered vividly his brother's first day of school, the moment he'd met Gilbert, every memory he had with his friends.

Everything remained fresh in his memory, It was as if time simply hadn't passed. He saw his youth with affection, filled with good moments, some bad and others he preferred to forget.

  But Carl promised himself that he would make an effort to think more about the present, and that's what he tried to do as he sat facing the paper-covered desk. However, certain things remained the same, Sebastian was still Rosemariné's favorite.

He made several visits to his office, always accompanied by a tray containing a cup of tea. He also frequented his brother's office daily, whether to deliver mail, report what was going on in the hallways, or just annoy him.

He didn't deny that Sebastian took advantage of Carl's position, being related to the superintendent gave him a certain advantage and protection from the other students.  The dark-haired youth just hoped that it would be enough to protect his brother, as he knew how Lacombrade could corrupt even the purest of individuals.

 Something that was easy to notice was the large number of plants that were scattered around the school, which transformed the atmosphere with the different shades of green. In his office, Carl preferred to keep only small plants and a few flowers, as he often forgot to water them.

New students visiting the institution marveled at the innovative decor of the place, being very different from any place they had ever attended. Whether in hallways, rooms or even in less unlikely places, there was a touch of color present.

It wasn't hard to guess who was responsible for this big change, Pascal Biquet, now a science teacher at Lacombrade, made sure there was a bit of nature in each location.

 Carl laughed to himself, because deep down he was always sure that Pascal's true vocation was teaching. After giving up to leave for Germany and study medicine, the redhead had decided to attend the University of Arles.

He graduated in Biology in a few years, and after thinking he had no choice but to work in a laboratory, he received an offer from Rosemariné. Lacombrade needed new teachers, those who were willing to change the outdated teaching method.

 So, thanks to his reputation during his student days and his academic training, Pascal had definitely returned to Lacombrade earlier in the year. This was not a surprise to Carl, as they exchanged letters and visited each other weekly.

 One day, Carl decided to attend one of Pascal's classes, just to satiate his curiosity. He stopped in front of the door and watched him through the small opening, the satisfaction he felt from teaching about something he loved so much was evident, and the look of delight on the students made it all the more satisfying.

 It was amazing how everything in the place had changed, even the loneliest corridors were safe to walk in, the students felt happier and everything seemed to work perfectly.

 Obviously, there was still a lot to be fixed, things that happened back when Carl was a student were still happening, but he preferred to focus on ending it.

 Another factor that increased Lacombrade's popularity was the fact that it was one of the few schools that had banned physical punishment, an innovation for the time, but attracting more and more students.

 The changes in the environment were as significant as the changes in the student’s lives. Carl could clearly remember how his friends had changed, Kurt and Neka, for example, looking like completely different people.

All the jokes, the times they were caught breaking the rules, all the injuries caused by football matches, all of that was etched in his memory.

 He knew that they were both enthusiastic about sport, and that it was one of his favorite pastimes, but he didn't imagine that it would become the direction of their lives. Kurt and Neka remained an inseparable duo, since the day they met, they were like brothers.

 It reminded him of another iconic pair, a pair that had been through a lot of trouble and seemed to finally find the peace and happiness they deserved. It seems like it was on the last night when Serge and Gilbert escaped to live in Paris, Carl kept all the details of that dawn fresh in his memories.

 All the letters he exchanged with the two of them were in a special box, kept inside his locker, along with other objects of sentimental value. Of the various correspondences, his favorite was the one in which Serge sent news after his eighteenth birthday.

 He knew how much his friend looked forward to this date, as he would officially receive the title of Viscount and his father's inheritance. He would no longer have to live in a small room in Paris, he would no longer tolerate the abuse and insults he heard every day, and above all, he could follow his dream of becoming a pianist.

 Everything had really changed over the past year, in the letters he had read, Carl happily absorbed all the details of his friends' new lives, and was especially interested in Gilbert's reactions to all the changes. Serge frequently related the progress of his life, he happily wrote about every minor event, and constantly repeated how satisfied he was with his present condition.

 There were few letters written entirely by Gilbert, he was simply quoted in Serge's descriptions or writing short paragraphs at the end of pages.

 However, these rare occasions were very well marked for Carl, he still partially recalled the contents of the first letter he received from him.

  “April 7, 1885.

     Dear Carl Messier,

Don't be surprised to receive a letter written entirely by me, Serge suggested that I should try to write a letter myself, although I no longer remember how.

Maybe I should tell you about me? I'm currently living in Serge's old house, he seems happy here, I'm satisfied with anywhere away from the unhealthy dwellings of Paris.

I like the gardens, they are similar to the ones in Marseilles, but without the sea breeze around. I got a job at the Conservatory, and maybe in the future I'll perform on stage.

Has Lacombrade changed as much as you describe in your letters? My curiosity is kindled to see it with my own eyes, but I promised myself that I would never set foot in this place again.

I have nothing more to tell you, writing this letter was a different but pleasant experience.

            Best Regards,

                                                  Gilbert Cocteau.”

 The way the letter was written, considered somewhat disorganized, , really reminded him of Gilbert. His handwriting was as elegant as ever, though he could feel the emptiness and sadness his words carried.

 Even though he was in one of the best moments of his life, Gilbert's essence was molded in melancholy, Carl could only visualize his sad gaze from what he wrote.

In fact, he knew that one of the first things Serge would do when he became Viscount was to send his cruel aunt somewhere far away, and he could have full rights to his father's property.

 One of his achievements after reaching adulthood was being able to dedicate himself completely to his music career, Gilbert did not support the idea of having to stay at home while Serge spent the whole day away, so he decided to follow his partner and become independent.

 There was no further news of Auguste Beau, from what the pianist described, he probably didn't know his nephew's whereabouts. Gilbert never mentioned his name again, it was as if he was trying to erase his past.

 It was remarkable to Carl that, in a way, everyone achieved the happiness they wanted in some way. It was like a reward for the suffering they had gone through in their youth, all the troubled days, all the times they felt afraid as they walked the halls, they were free now.

  A sense of peace flooded the dark-haired boy, who couldn't concentrate on the papers he was reading, was focusing only on his memories of not-so-good times. He could feel the sun warming the right side of his body, while the left side was covered in shadow.

 The night was approaching, a sign that he would soon be getting ready for dinner, that meant supervising the hallways to make sure everyone was in the dining hall.

  That could wait a little longer, the young man completely lost himself in his own definition of happiness. He wondered how a word could have such an abstract meaning, which could vary depending on perspective.

 He wasn't a hypocrite, his life wasn't what he imagined for himself, and it wasn't what social convention described as ideal either. He had no intention of looking for a wife and getting married, he spent his free days inside the school he grew up, rather than going to balls or trips.

 He didn't have much contact with his family, their relationship is limited to occasional correspondence. He had no intention of fulfilling his childhood dream and pursuing a theological career, besides having a relationship considered unnatural, running the risk of being caught at any moment.

 Three knocks on the door interrupt his reverie, making him realize that part of the sun had ceased to illuminate the room, which was now practically dark.

 The young man recomposes himself and tells whoever is behind the door to enter. A creaking sound is made before revealing the figure of a boy, with equally dark hair, who is wearing a school uniform and sketching a childish smile.

 He looked a bit sloppy in Carl's eyes, in one hand he was holding his coat and in the other he was carrying some papers. He enters the room and closes the door, not caring about etiquette rules, the boy stretches out in the nearest armchair.

 This was nothing new to Carl, he knew Sebastian visited him daily, and used the time he spent with his brother as an excuse to rest. The older boy watched him, noticing how much he had grown over the past few years.

 He remembered this uniform well; it had been worn for a few years before being handed over to the younger boy. The speed with which time passed was unsettling, she remembered clearly the day Sebastian was born, and now he could wear some of his older brother clothes.

   The boy had some correspondence in his hands, and made a point of reading the ones that caught his attention, even if it was against his brother's wishes. One in particular seemed to entertain him, enough for Carl to suspect something.

 "What did you find so interesting in the mailbox this time?" – The eldest asked, preferring not to worry about having his letters read by someone else.

 Rising from his chair without taking his eyes off the paper, Sebastian walked to his brother's desk while he was still reading.

 "It seems that we received an invitation, there will be a premiere at the Paris Conservatoire and we were invited to attend." - The boy said showing a certain excitement by his tone of voice, but still keeping some information secret.

 A wave of surprise and excitement washed over Carl, he knew who had probably sent this invitation, but a part of him couldn't believe it. He only knew one person whose biggest dream was to perform at the Conservatory, and he couldn't be happier about it.

 "Don't tell me that..." - Said the eldest, being immediately interrupted.

 "Yes, Serge and Gilbert will do their first performance on Saturday, and they've sent us three invitations." – Sebastian handed the letter to his brother, making his euphoria visible.

   It was to be expected that this would happen, the young man followed all the progress and hard work done by his friends through his letters. Although he has not yet had the opportunity to visit them after they moved, he has been to the Paris slums on a few occasions.

 He felt honored to have invited him to attend such an important moment, he knew that this was Serge's biggest dream since he met him, and that this would be a fundamental step in his career.

 He was also happy that the envelope contained three invitations, he knew that his brother cultivated a great admiration for the pianist, and seeing him play in his debut was a unique opportunity.

 Carl readily accepted the invite, along with the boy in front of him, but he still needed to ask the third recipient.

 "Write a reply saying we'll come and we are thankful for the invitation, I need to ask Pascal if he can come too." – He said getting up after putting the papers back inside the envelope.

 Before he could walk away, Sebastian quickly withdrew a folded note from the other cards he held. It was a slightly yellowed paper and folded so that it would fit in the palm of his hand.

 "By the way, he left this with the other letters, you should read it before you go." – The younger brother handed him the note, smiling slightly.

 Carl unfolded the piece of paper, already imagining what he could expect, he was somewhat embarrassed by Sebastian's curious stares. The boy watched him intently as his brother read the message, looking for any sign that might confirm his suspicions.

 Annoyed by this, the eldest turned his back, facing the window as he continued his reading. The disorganized handwriting hadn't changed a bit over time, he could still notice small smudges between the words and a faint floral scent coming from the paper.

 The note said:

 “Dear Carl,

   In the late afternoon, come to the lab please, I have something to show you. I'm sure you will like it.

            - Pascal"

 Smiling without realizing it, he refolds the paper and puts it in his pocket, just before turning back to his brother. Sebastian had both hands behind his back, grinning mischievously as he glared at Carl.

 The eldest brother soon made a point of keeping the expression on his face as serious as possible, but that could not lessen the boy's suspicions.

  "Was it a love poem?" - Sebastian said, not missing the opportunity to make fun of his brother.

   Rolling his eyes, Carl just ignores him and sends him back to his room, hearing some laughter as he leaves. The boy grabbed his coat and left the room, showing mischievous looks that could hardly be disguised.

 The truth was, no one was aware of or even suspected of involvement between the superintendent and the Science Teacher, except young Sebastian. His suspicion was well founded, but he hadn't found any hard evidence so far.

 What made him suspect that something else was going on between the two was the way they treated each other publicly. Always distant, but with looks that were exchanged frequently, in addition to the various letters that were placed in his older brother's mailbox.

Sebastian knew he still had a lot to live and learn, but he recognized his natural talent for knowing what was going on with people without even having to ask them.

What he really wanted was for Carl to admit and trust him a little, at least once in his life.

  The superintendent was preparing to head to the laboratory, with the invitations and the note in hand, he followed the same path he did every day. A few students passed him, making a gesture of acknowledgment but showing no apprehension.

It was noticeable to notice the difference in the students' treatment in relation to the new superintendent, he remembered that in his younger days, authority figures like him were highly feared.

 When Rosemariné walked through the corridors, most boys changed their path, just out of fear of being near him. The fact that he carried a whip with him wherever he went helped to frighten anyone, but Carl didn't see himself acting that way.

More casual and friendly approaches were part of his strategies for disciplining boys, and that made him more approachable and sweeter, no one feared him.

 After a short walk, he arrives at the wooden door of the old laboratory. Nothing had changed, except the increase in the number of plants and the wood in the door, which looked older than usual.

Unlike past occasions, this time he knocks confidently on the door, already imagining that the voice on the other end would invite him inside. A few seconds after the act, he hears his confirmation and calmly enters the laboratory.

The floral fragrance flooded the place, as the open windows allowed the smell to dissipate, the aroma was similar to jasmine.

 He heard the sound of agitated footsteps after entering and closing the door, only to find Pascal pacing in front of him. He looked a little tense and uneasy, which was soon a cause for concern for Carl, who wasn't used to seeing him in that state.

 When the scientist realizes that he is no longer alone in the place, he walks quickly towards the young man, who had an apprehensive expression on his face.

 "What happened?" – The dark-haired boy asks, fearing that something bad had happened.

 Pascal limited himself to a simple smile as he searched for words that could express what he felt. He awkwardly takes Carl's hand and takes him with him to one of the lab tables, not before saying,

 "I did it!" -He said cheerfully, in a low tone, as if he couldn't believe it was real.

 The dark-haired man, still not understanding, goes to where he is guided. So, all his doubts are clarified after observing a small clay vase that absorbed the last rays of light present in the environment.

 That small vase contained a growing plant, the stem was thorny and the leaves were perfectly distributed. To him it looked like an ordinary rosebud, like any he had seen growing in the gardens, but there was a difference.

 This little bud was not pink, red, yellow or white, it was a well-known primary color.

 Pascal's eyes were wet, but no tears were running down his face, he was content to just keep the most genuine smile ever seen by Carl. The dark-haired man approached the vase slowly, not sure if what he saw was real.

 His hand went towards the plant, he touched the small closed petals gently, fearing it would melt like sand. He still struggled to believe that the flower was real, he saw in front of him, a blue rose blooming.

He wondered how this was possible, he didn't know if it was a kind of dye or ink, he considered himself a layman when it came to biology. Carl had seen other attempts at the experiment that failed, and none of the failures looked like this.

 "You did it..." - The younger man said turning to the scientist, who still looked emotional, he nodded.

    They stared at each other, that was a look unlike any he had ever seen, their eyes remained bright from the first time they passed together in the greenhouse, where the sun's rays made them sparkle.

 He felt an immense joy that could not be expressed in words, the two just hugged each other smiling. It was a simple gesture, but it was enough for the moment.

As he felt Carl in his arms, Pascal recalled his entire life, from the moment he arrived in Lacombrade to the most recent moments. He never imagined being where he is now, he felt complete.

 The dark-haired man felt extremely happy, that was Pascal's dream since he met him, and knowing that he had achieved what he wanted so much was comforting for him. It could open up so many opportunities for him, maybe he could get into the history books and Lacombrade would gain a lot more recognition and students.

 But all the consequences could wait, he just wanted to make sure the scientist was satisfied with the results, and he wanted to show that he was proud of him.

 He wanted to ply him with questions, but held back to just let him enjoy the moment.

 Pascal's heart raced, perhaps at the same pace as Carl.

 All the effort made, the research and failed attempts, would all be in vain and easily abandoned were it not for Carl's constant encouragement. He always supported him, even when it seemed impossible to continue, the dark-haired boy continued beside him.

The scientist's fingers slid through the short, dark hair of the one who hugged him, this was one of the most comforting sensations in the world. He was in no hurry to take the flower to a research center and register his discovery, he could do it the next day, he just wanted to enjoy the moment.

 "Thank you, Carl." – Pascal said, still not letting go.

 "Why are you thanking me?" – Carl replied, a little confused, as he hadn't made any contribution to the discovery.

 “For not having given up on me…” – The scientist replied.

 For Pascal Biquet, the blue rose was nothing more than a reflection of Carl Messier, but he preferred to keep these thoughts to himself. Blue was the color of serenity, harmony and spirituality, while being associated with monotony and melancholy.

 It couldn't look more like the way he saw Carl, the blue petals reminded him of his pale face on winter days, and the very mystical meaning of the rose resembled what he felt for him.

 The color of sadness and delicacy,

Fragile petals with grace.

 Its color reflects the sky during the day,

While Carl's hair was as black as the night sky.

 The rest of the day went on normally, Carl asked all the questions he wanted, and Pascal answered them with enthusiasm.

It was just two people living quietly in the crowd, the dark-haired man knew there was nothing exciting or extremely interesting in his life.

However, he could not be happier, for in his so-called simplicity, he found himself complete.

With his friends' invitations in hand, he changes the subject of the conversation, which was no problem for the scientist.

  Pascal Biquet, it was all thanks to you,

It was thanks to your kindness and kindness,

It was thanks to you for offering me your friendship.

You are like a God to me, a synonym for perfection.

My feelings are not in vain as there is a place for me in your heart.

Our souls found themselves in the same place and time.

My best friend, companion, confidant.

There are so many ratings I could fit you into,

But none of them fit you other than the person I love.

Pascal Biquet,

Look what you did to me.

You don't get out of my thoughts, that's all I think since the day I met you.

  I love you, Pascal...

I couldn't be happier about this.

 The End.

Written by KimKimury, thank you for reading

[kimkymury]

Thanks to Takemiya Keiko for further increasing my strange obsession with Pascal x Carl with illustrations like this

[kimkymury]

Oh my god, this is so adorable!😍

Woahh kazeki was so good i wish gay people were real

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 14

Hello again,

 I’m back with another chapter of the Pascal x Carl fanfiction. The story is coming to an end, there will only be two more chapters before the Carl Messier saga comes to an end, so stay tuned in the next updates.

This chapter is softer and cuter, so prepare your hearts for the next ~

The Portuguese version of this story is available on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1048844817-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-14

I'm also posting the English version there, so if you want to follow it over there or reread a chapter, here it is: https://www.wattpad.com/story/262308791-blue-rose-tears

Under the cut!

Chapter 14

P.O.V Narrator

Carl's restlessness had persisted for three weeks, a period of time considered even short, but that was enough to depress him. He rubbed his pale hands together, trying to keep them from the cold. Winter had come, Lacombrade was surrounded by a vast white desert, which made the whole atmosphere of the place even darker. The school corridors managed to keep the temperature cool even on the hottest summer days, and now it looked like the walls were meant to freeze them.

The last month of the year always seemed to be the most physically demanding, getting out of bed in the morning became a more arduous task than usual. All he could think about was the comfort he would receive after the end of the school year, he could return to his family's house and spend Christmas with Sebastian. The sky was greyish in color, as if life was not present in that place, making everything even darker. But young students had no time to notice details like this, most of their time was spent preparing for final exams.

This time of year was both a delight and a torture, veterans were immensely concerned with the possible approval of a renowned university, while the other students focused on impressing their parents with good grades. There was a small portion that didn’t care about the tests, it was those repeating students, delinquents or even those who had no goal in mind for the coming year. Carl found himself in the large percentage who devoted themselves entirely to studying, putting other needs aside for a short period of time.

His thoughts could not keep his focus only on the books he studied, several flaws took his concentration, making him frustrated by wasting time. A red-haired figure was still rooted in his mind, for three weeks he had avoided contemplating the image of the scientist, but the memories of past moments were alive inside him.  That was still something that depressed him daily, he felt empty and dejected, what most led him to exhaustion was to act normally for his friends, avoiding any suspicious behavior. But life was not in Carl's favor, as if that wasn't enough to make him gloomy, he had still received sudden news.

Serge had recently said that he needed to talk to Carl in private, and that the matter was of the utmost importance. The religious boy did not know what to expect, a part of himself just asked what it could be, but another small part, in which his subtle fixation by the pianist still existed, made him nervous. He said it directly, without outspokenness or worries, explained the whole situation to his friend. Serge and Gilbert were leaving for Paris next week, and they had no intention of returning. The concept of the idea itself did not startle Carl, he had already heard stories of students who left Lacombrade without authorization or notice, deciding to live on their own or with a partner elsewhere. But when it came to his friends, his reaction was different, he feared what might happen.

He knew that life in Paris would be complicated, especially for two young men who had not even reached the age of majority, and were marginalized by all of society. His first concern was whether his friends would have somewhere to sleep and what to eat, and how they would survive until Serge officially received his title of Viscount, along with his father's possessions and inheritance.

Knowing Gilbert, he imagined that it would not be easy for him to live in an environment where he would be completely unprotected, not to mention the absence of his social skills. There were no questions or doubts, he knew all of Serge's motivations and how difficult the last few days have been for both of them, as he and his roommate were forcibly separated. It was not the time to expose his own insecurities, he should support his friends, even if he did not agree with his choice. He felt lonely, even though he was not literally alone, but everything would change over time.

Everyone grows up someday, the days of youth would eventually end, but that does not mean that this process would not be painful. Perhaps that was his farewell, there was a chance he would never see them again, especially after graduation.  Carl just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, when his life was under control, when he was happier. His reaction was neutral when he received the news from Serge, he made his concerns evident, but he never failed to support him.

 He even offered to help them pack their belongings and organize their luggage. It would be a difficult time for everyone, especially for them, any sign of positivity and help was welcome.

The pianist was delighted with the response of the religious boy, just as he expected, he spared no thanks before going.

"I knew I could count on you." - A simple sentence that meant a lot to Carl

.

Being alone again, the dark-haired boy was left to reflect on what he was doing. After only a few minutes, he was able to firmly understand the gravity of the situation, and his despair began to surface. Breaking one of the school rules was not what frustrated him the most, but to be witnessing a sin without intervening, the motivations of his friends' flight were diverse, but the relationship they had was what most influenced the decision.

Even if he wanted to, he could not deny the request coming from Serge, he would not endure the guilt he would feel at the thought that it did not help in any way. Looking more closely, when he looked at Serge and Gilbert together, he didn't see anything negative. He felt a certain relief when he saw them close, as if this situation were natural and common, thoughts of judgment rarely appeared.

He recognized that the independence of the pianist would be extremely useful to live alone in Paris, but what intrigued him the most was how the blond boy's adaptation would take place. He hadn't handled changes, rules or responsibilities in general well, but Carl didn't criticize him for that, he just wished he didn't suffer. The empathy he felt for Gilbert gradually increased, and it was not long since he had an experience that made him look at it differently.

~ FlashBack from two weeks ago ~

 Carl's warm breath left a mark in the air as he exhaled the cold winter air, with his clothes made especially for this harsh season, he felt protected from the cold that surrounded him.  He was beginning to regret having gone for a walk around the school, he did not imagine that the thick layer of snow that covered the earth could slow his steps. The only sounds he could hear were the noises of the few animals that had not heard, along with the sound of the wind passing through the dry branches of the trees.

 Nothing would be different from what he was used to, except for one detail that caught his attention, they were low noises that seemed to come from close by. He could not immediately identify what it was about, he imagined that it could be some wounded or abandoned animal, but as he followed the sound, he was surprised by what he saw.

A boy whose skin could camouflage himself in the snow thanks to his coloring, lying face down, totally immobile. Only a thin piece, which resembled sleeping clothes, covered his torso, leaving the rest of his body exposed. His blond hair covered his face, making it impossible to decide whether he was conscious or not. Around him there were red spots, together on his body and on the fabric that covered him, which made him resemble a deceased.

For a few seconds, Carl felt completely frozen, there was no reaction. His heart started to race, he quickly knelt beside the body, checking immediately if there was any sign of life left in him. He was not as surprised as he expected, after all, it was Gilbert, he had already seen him in situations similar to this one, although it was not as serious as this time. He turned him over and placed him in his arms, relieved to see that his cheeks were flushed and that he was breathing.

There was a cut on his lips, the red liquid spread over a part of his face, making Carl even more tense when he saw him in that state. He should call for help, leaving Gilbert in such a sick state in such precarious conditions could be considered a homicide. The school was a few meters from where they were, the blond boy visibly could not walk, he could barely stay fully awake. The religious boy would have to carry him until he found someone who could help him, which immediately made him think of Pascal.

It was not the time for such thoughts to take hold of him, his greatest concern was to keep Gilbert alive, he could not bear to see him leave precisely in his arms, when he could save him.

"Gilbert, answer me, please! Can you hear me?" - He asked distressed, fearing that the worst had happened.

The younger boy's icy hands moved in vain, trying to reach something that didn't exist, while his lips trembled due to the low temperature. He was staring at a specific point, although he blinked a few times, before looking at whoever held it.

"Serge ..." - A faint murmur came out in an almost inaudible tone, a single word was able to sadden Carl.

Gilbert did not care for himself, at no time did he cry out for help or any kind of comfort, he just longed for the presence of his beloved pianist. He didn't think he could be confused with Serge, so he supposed it was a request for him to be taken to him. The communication methods of the green-eyed boy were confusing, subjective and not always coherent, but those who knew him the longest could understand. Carl quickly removed his coat and put it around Gilbert, trying to keep him warm; and with a handkerchief that he kept in his pocket, he wiped away most of the blood that spread on his face.

"I will have to carry you, please, hold on a little longer!" - Wrapping his arms around his thin, weak body, he used all the strength he had to get him out of the snow and take him to school.

It was easier than he imagined, the blond boy's lightness made him easy to hold, it made him increase his speed in the direction he had come from. Along the way, he constantly checked vital signs by pressing his hand on Gilbert's chest, where he could feel the slight contractions of breathing and heartbeat. Upon entering Lacombrade, he quickly ran to the infirmary, asking for immediate help and handing the boy over to one of the teachers to put him on a bed. It didn't take long before more people came to know what happened, but the only thing that interested him was Serge.

Carl managed to catch sight of him from a distance, and waved as he came running towards her. He was taken by surprise, a desolate embrace enveloped him, he had to hold on to whoever was in front of him so as not to lose his balance.

"We were told what happened, we came as quickly as we could, Pascal and Kurt will be here soon"- The pianist wraps around him in torment, his voice could express the pain he felt.

Still in silence, he hugged him back, saying words of comfort to calm him down. He doubted his own words, prayed internally that Gilbert would resist, he couldn't leave now. His condition was serious, perhaps worse than the other occasions that found him injured. They were anxiously waiting for Professor Watts to bring good news, he still remembered the blond boy's expression when he stared at him. Time passed quickly, Pascal's medical care would certainly make a difference in Gilbert's improvement. He was still asleep, only one of the boys could enter at a time, which made everyone even more anxious.

The countless thanks from Serge soothed him, as he knew he had been useful, and if he hadn't made the decision to go for a walk, the blond boy would probably not be among them.

Carl was the last to enter the room where Gilbert rested, accepting only by requests from his friends and teachers, since he was the one who had saved him from death. The sight of the young blond man sleeping soundly was a relief to the religious boy, he could observe the movements of his breathing, and his appearance seemed healthier. He approached lightly and cautiously, already imagining a possible outbreak from the blond boy, similar in other situations that occurred in the past when they tried to help him.

The eyes of the one who slept before opened slowly, trying to understand what was happening and where he was. To the surprise of the dark-haired boy, there was no aggressive or immediate reaction, it was as if he was conscious all this time. Gilbert looked at Carl with his usual empty expression, which left him a little scared and at the same time paralyzed, he feared the younger boy, even if he did not admit it, perhaps because he did not fully understand him.

"Where did you bring me?" - A low and soft voice asked, without showing much emotion.

"We are in the infirmary, how are you feeling?" -He replied hesitantly, since he had not had the chance to have a dialogue considered "appropriate" with Gilbert.

The blond boy sat on the bed, despite the protests of the dark-haired boy, saying that he shouldn't be bothered and needed to rest. He wrapped himself in the blankets and covered his face with his hands, as if he were avoiding being seen in such a vulnerable state.

"You didn't have to do that ... I would be better out there." - Gilbert said as he rested his head on his knees, raising just a little to look at him.

 He could feel his pain with just one sentence, knew his "bad habits", knew that he tried several times to take his own life. A feeling of sadness invaded Carl, even though he didn't know him well enough to give his opinion on something, he didn't want to see him suffering like that.

"I had to do it, you would die if you were still there!" -Carl said anguished, not understanding the reason behind Gilbert's behavior, and blamed himself for having sounded more emotional than he expected.

 There was a silence, none of them said anything else after that, and the religious boy felt that he should go back to his own room. Gilbert was safe and he had been useful, just as he should have been.  He said goodbye and started walking towards the door, stopping in front of it after hearing something.

"Thank you ..." - The green-eyed boy said as he watched him leave the infirmary, in an almost inaudible and emotionless voice on his face.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" - Thinking he was wrong, Carl asks what was said, he never heard Gilbert say something like that.

"I said thank you, now leave me alone ..." - He replied, using an arrogant tone this time, making it evident that he was not comfortable saying this kind of thing.

The religious boy did as he was asked, but from this day on, he started to have more compassion for Gilbert, seeing him in a more humanized way. The blond boy felt that he could trust Carl, if only a little. Both established a bond that determined the beginning of a friendship, perhaps in a peculiar and dark way, but it was still important.

~ End of Flashback ~

Thoughts like this made the future farewell a difficult task, but his restlessness was filled daily with studies and chores, which took up most of his time as the end of the year approached. His winter afternoons, which in the past used to be quiet, were now spent within the Church, taking up full-time Bible studies. He had decided to dedicate himself to Theology after graduation, leaving Lacombrade in about a year or two, along with the memories he created there.

The innumerable verses were not enough to erase the images that haunted him, the moments he spent in the greenhouse or in the laboratory were still fresh in his mind. He constantly martyred himself, because even after he left the scientist, his presence continued as much in his life as in his thoughts. None of his friends had known of the disagreement that had occurred between them, which made it all the more difficult, since they saw each other frequently and could not make evident the coldness with which they treated each other.

The days that followed had not been easy for Pascal either, he could hardly keep his concentration on his experiments, and his failures frustrated him more than usual. From the laboratory window, he could occasionally watch Carl walking around or heading towards the Church, and this was a way to fill his loneliness.  He was preparing to leave Lacombrade in a few weeks, but his main concern at the moment was with the escape of his friends. He had carefully planned how he could help, and all the advice he could give before he left.

His letter to the German University had been answered recently, along with an invitation to the admission test that would guarantee his entry, even with his poor academic performance. For days he had been rehearsing inside his head how he would say this to others, he did not worry about their reaction, he already imagined it would be at least positive. What distressed him was the dark-haired boy, according to the circumstances, it was not appropriate to just say it as he would have done in the past, but he could not leave in secret. At the same time that he yearned for new opportunities and a decrease in his pain, he knew that he would suffer for not having him around, and that made him reflect more than he would like.

Pascal was to leave with the veterans, travel to the neighboring country to accomplish his parents' ambition, and which in the future would become his own. His departure date would be close to when Serge and Gilbert left for Paris, the second week of December would be one of the most turbulent. Part of the luggage was ready, the farewell and thank you cards were already written, it was enough to wait anxiously for that day. He still had one more concern, he didn't tell anyone he was leaving Lacombrade, and he had no idea how to do it. He reluctantly made the decision to tell his closest friends about his departure, and kindly asked them not to say anything to Carl, as he wanted to say it on another occasion. The boys were suspicious, which was in fact natural, as they assumed he would be the first to know, but they listened to the scientist and did what was asked.

His sisters and parents were informed afterwards, they would probably receive his letter after departure, but he explained in detail the reasons for his choice and what he would do next. In the letter, he said goodbye to each of his sisters, asking them how they were doing and making them promise to keep in touch.

Dorothy, Mei, Nina, Lila, Sonya and, her favorite among all, Patricia; he expressed the immense longing to have them close by, and that he would endeavor to make them proud. He reserved a part of his letter dedicated to his parents and his half brother, Michel, who had recently fallen ill again. He couldn't help it and was a little thrilled by rereading the words dedicated to his younger brother, he was very concerned about his fragile health and recommended frequent rest and healthy eating.

Part of his duties had been done, now he must prepare himself to be as convenient as possible to assist Serge and Gilbert's escape. He then decided to write a series of instructions, recipes and advice for when they are in Paris, and knowing the blond boy well, he focused on teaching the pianist to take care of injuries and advising him on how to deal with possible outbreaks of his companion.  The written pages were carefully folded and placed inside a small wooden box, where there were some medicines, produced by Pascal himself. This served both as a substitute doctor and as a reminder of him.  A considerable amount of money was placed in the middle of the medications, just before being closed and tied tightly with a ribbon, in order to withstand the long journey.

The redhead sighs looking at the calendar again, the end of the year was approaching faster than he would have liked, and to make matters worse, it was not ending the way he would have liked. The classes that day had ended, the scientist insisted on attending all of them, as he wished to have Lacombrade's memories recorded in his mind. There was nothing more to be done, he could do whatever he wanted until nightfall, boredom chased him as he walked slowly through the laboratory. Harvesting specimens of plants that survived the winter did not sound bad, it would be a good distraction to prevent bad thoughts from depressing him.

With reasonably slow steps and a calm expression, Pascal heads for the greenhouse, passing the corridors full of students. That everyday scene managed to awaken a feeling of nostalgia in him, which made him happy and saddened at the same time. In the midst of that crowd, the faces of the boys who walked there were mixed and confused, he was unable to recognize them, except for one in particular. A boy with white skin and a little pink from exposure to low temperature, with perfectly combed dark hair, came towards him while carrying a small pile of books.

They walked in opposite directions, there was not even an exchange of glances, both went on their way without imagining what was going on in the other's mind. The dark-haired young man hid the tension he had felt when he saw the scientist in a discreet way, rushing his steps to the library, while trying to appear overly frightened not to arouse suspicion. His efforts were not in vain, Pascal firmly believed that his presence was not noticed and there was no relevance to Carl, which hurt him deeply. The attention of those who wanted it so much and who had always been by his side, was now a very rare event to happen, and it was always covered by a thick layer of coldness and formality.

He rubbed his hands, warmed by wool gloves, in order to relieve the pain he felt at his fingertips. There were few species of plants that were able to withstand the dense layers of snow, most of which consisted of dry branches or leaves that could fall apart with a single touch. Walking in a straight line, he crossed a part of the forest and ended up finding a large building in front of him. It was the well-known chapel of Lacombrade, he did not agree with the choice of name, the structure was too majestic, a masterpiece of architecture to be considered just a chapel.

It had been some time since he had visited such a place, he would go only in times of extreme need, he was not interested in religion at all. Even with his lack of belief in the divine, he could not deny that he was able to admire every part of that wonderful building, he was enchanted by the details and the grandeur of the torrers. He watched the small snowflakes falling delicately in different regions, especially under a cross that was at the top of the Church. It was this same cross that facilitated the identification of the building over long distances, and it was the one that cast a long shadow on summer afternoons, where the sun was in the perfect position.

The scientist remained motionless for a few seconds, lost in thought, and feeling foolish for what he was about to say to himself:

"I doubt your existence, I don't think you are around here or anywhere else." - He said in an almost inaudible tone of voice, still keeping his eyes towards the sky - "But if it is, do not allow that depressive countenance to remain on Carl's face ..."

He did not believe that his words could change anything, he quickly moved away from the Church and walked in a random direction, berating himself for speaking to a being, who for Pascal, was nonexistent.  His words might seem vague, but his intentions did not, he could see the changes in the religious boy's behavior from a distance. He no longer smiled as often, he isolated himself from his other companions, with whom he had always accompanied him before.

 He could use whatever excuses he wanted, he didn't want to appear arrogant, but he felt that such changes had occurred thanks to what they felt for each other. Pascal still remembered perfectly the moment when Carl confessed everything he felt, remembered how strong his heart was beating and the feeling of the last time they embraced.

The same boy who missed him so much, was now surrounded by books, forcing himself to keep his eyes open and continue to read them. The most varied subjects were not enough to keep him focused, his mind was often lost in thoughts that he wanted to avoid. The causes of his distraction were the most diverse, he was concerned about the escape plan that would take place on Friday night, he feared that his lack of concentration would hamper his performance in the final tests.

It wasn't just that that troubled him, Pascal's image came to mind when he least expected it. He missed his presence, his conversations, having him around and all the good times they shared, delving into this type of memory was what made him worse. But there were other sensations that young Carl remembered more than he would like, he lowered his head when he remembered the arms around him, and the texture of his lips next to his. He felt like a failure for not being able to forget, but deep down, he wished he could experience it all again.

The dark-haired boy reflected on how difficult the past weeks had been, it frustrated and tired him. He felt prickled in his head, which made it more difficult for him to concentrate and caused continuous discomfort. Such pain was caused by the excess of alcohol he had consumed the night before, he used to drink when he felt frustrated, but what was something occasional, started to be a recurring habit.

Most of the time, the amount was not enough to make him drunk, but the dark-haired boy had crossed his limits yesterday. He needed to get his feelings out, his frustrations were too heavy for him to carry on in silence. The bottles hidden in his closet were his confidants, the only ones that saw him in his most deplorable state.

He felt weak, he knew it would happen if he drank more than he was used to, so why did he insist on continuing? He was becoming what he promised not to become, he feared that those bad habits were his only reason for living.

Fiery waters erode inside him, inflict so much pain on him that he is able to forget what it really hurts.

"The only moments I stop thinking about this is when I can't even think ..."

His greatest comfort was the calendar, the days passed quickly and the moment when he returned home was getting closer and closer. That year's vacation would be a good one, he could stay with his family during the holidays, and maybe even travel together. He planned every detail of the next two months in his head, which served as a distraction and gave him hope. He would participate in dances, he could cycle around the house with Sebastian, just like when they were younger; he would wake up without the worries and fear of judgment.

He would walk the long corridors of his house, listening only to the sound of his own steps, read all the books he wished and enjoy the visits of family and friends. It all seemed too perfect, and it really was, all he wanted most were moments of joy like these. But everything was still not quite right, the harsh reality would come back to haunt him at the beginning of the following year.

He would feel even more alone, thinking about how Serge and Gilbert would be living on their own in Paris, facing the dangers that surrounded Lacombrade outside.

He focused on what was about to happen, he would need to be there that needed his help, he could take care of his own problems alone, after everything was over. Everyone had been informed in detail about the big day, counting down the minutes to Friday night, where they allowed friends to achieve freedom and hope for a happier life. Carl felt anxious, feared that they would be discovered, that something unexpected would happen, or worse, that they would not be able to survive outside.

This was his biggest fear at the moment, he realized recently that his feelings towards the pianist had diminished considerably. He no longer saw him as an idol or someone unreachable for some time, his presence turned into something normal, and his anguish about this matter seemed to be finally disappearing.

There was only one thing about Serge that Carl longed for: his happiness. He was delighted at how devoted, loyal and enamored the pianist was for his blond companion, when he saw them together, it was as if they could complement each other in some way. He saw them as opposites, which was really true, but they worked perfectly well together.

They were kindred spirits, that was a fact, however immoral and sinful Carl might find, he somehow wanted to experience it. He dreamed of being able to have someone by his side, someone who knew him better than anyone else and that he felt completely comfortable being himself. The young Carl Messier longed for someone to love, and when he was finally able to find ...

The sentence was not completely formulated in his mind, because soon after he started to cry among the books, silently and with caution so that he would not be noticed by the other students. He begged for forgiveness and to give him strength, it was the moment when he needed it most.

A few days have passed since what happened in the library, which Carl would rather not remember and imagine that nothing happened. He was now in room 17, surrounded by suitcases and crates, along with his friends. They had agreed to assist Serge and Gilbert in packing their belongings before the trip, since all help was welcome and it was another opportunity to spend a moment together before leaving. That half of the second week of December had been hectic for everyone, those who were staying were busy preparing for the final exams, and those who were leaving longed for their longed-for freedom, and took every possible care not to be discovered.

 The room seemed even smaller with the number of people present; Kurt and Neka, boasting of their physical strength and athletic build, chose to carry whatever was heavier. Serge and Gilbert carefully removed their clothes from the closet and folded them on the bed, the blond boy preferred to do this silently and alone, while the pianist talked to little Sebastian, who helped him with the task.  And lastly, Pascal and Carl arranged the books in small piles and tied them up so they wouldn't be wrinkled during the trip. Although they did the same task, the two boys remained physically distant, each preferring to occupy an opposite side of the room.

The presence of everyone made the atmosphere more pleasant, although they had to pretend that nothing had happened between the two, that they remained close as always. This made the situation even more embarrassing for both of them, who struggled to maintain physical and emotional distance.

There were many moments when they exchanged glances across the room, they looked at each other frequently and tried to hide it afterwards, they could feel the tension rising in the air. The little space did not contribute to the distance, since they had to get out of the way so that Kurt and Neka could carry the heaviest luggage around the room. They were sitting on the bed of Serge, the red-haired scientist with Carl, beside a pile of books and other objects. Gilbert sat on his own bed, close to Serge and Sebastian, who watched the other two boys position their bags in the center of the room.

The religious boy greatly appreciated the fact that his brother was sociable enough to be able to hold a conversation for a long time, preventing the awkward silence from taking over the room.

The body language of Pascal and the boy who was now sitting next to him could not deceive anyone. They avoid eye contact and act as if the presence of the other does not exist, hoping that this will not be seen strangely. In a moment of carelessness, where everyone engaged in casual conversation, Carl was distracted from the subject and lost himself in his thoughts. He admired Pascal carefully, watching the details of his appearance and trying to see if anything had changed during the time they stayed away.

His red, tousled hair remained the same, perhaps a little longer than he had noticed the last time, sometimes falling in front of his eyes. Carl realized what he was doing, and punished himself mentally for it, the withdrawal would be of no use if his mentality remained the same. He didn't know how long he had fixed his eyes on the red-haired boy, but he just hoped it wasn't long enough to be noticed. Unfortunately, the person the religious boy had so praised earlier for keeping the conversation flowing was responsible for exposing what he so longed to hide.

"What's the matter, Carl? Do you see something that caught your attention?" - The younger boy said, mocking his brother.

He hesitated to answer for a second, everyone was looking at him curiously now, he felt frozen and avoided this as much as possible. He made a point of mentally recalling having a conversation with Sebastian later, being irritated by looking like a fool. His brother looked at him with a mischievous smile, as if he knew something

"What are you talking about? Don't change the subject so suddenly." - Carl luckily was able to formulate a convincing sentence, he returned to the topic that was being discussed before Sebastian's provocation

Fortunately, there was not much more to be done, in a few minutes they all went back to their respective rooms. The corridor of room 17 was empty now, except for the presence of two brothers, who enjoyed the silence to talk.  Carl made Sebastian wait for everyone to leave to talk to him, he seemed authoritarian, but that didn't bother his younger brother. The younger boy already hoped that his antics would have a consequence, but that only served to amuse him even more. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed and a smile on his face, Sebastian asks his brother:

"What would you like to talk about, Carl?"

Cynical as always, it irritated the older brother from time to time, because he did not have this malice when he was his age. Discussions between them were rare, Carl usually scolded him and he smiled as if he didn't care.

"Keep your inopportune comments to yourself ..." - He replied with a serious expression, trying to command respect, which didn't work much.

Sebastian never saw him as an authority figure, even though he tried very hard to make it happen, in the end he was still his good older brother, victim of his mischief. His comment did not bother the youngest boy at all, on the contrary, he only made him smile before positioning himself in front of him. With a childish and innocent laugh, the younger brother subtly mocked the sermon he was receiving.

"Be smart, hiding that you love someone makes everything more noticeable, I've told you that before!" - Sebastian said before running out towards his own room, which was in the opposite direction from room 17.

The religious boy, perplexed by what he had just heard, did not answer anything and stayed there for a few moments. He did not believe that someone as young as his brother, managed to understand the real reason for his behavior.  He wondered what else he could know and be omitting, he feared rumors would spread through Lacombrade, since his brother was Rosemariné's assistant.  He would be more cautious from now on, especially with Sebastian, as his childish appearance was only a cover for his great intelligence.  Indeed, one of the most pure and naive young men, he had the precocious brother he could ever have.

Continued in the next chapter

Written by KimKymury, Thank you for reading it <3

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 13

Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here! Sorry for the delay, the next chapters will not take so long to be ready.

 I really liked to write this chapter, so I hope you enjoy the story ~

Warning:  Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1018668258-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-13

Under the cut!

Chapter 13

P.O.V Narrator

The words that came out of his monologue did not provoke immediate reaction, the stillness of the laboratory was disturbing, as if both reflected what they heard. He had done what he feared so much, said everything that tormented him and that was in his mind, created a distance both physical and emotional. The two boys no longer wrapped their arms around each other, they could barely maintain eye contact. The sensation of realizing what had just happened took time to reach them, but when he did, it desolated the interior of both, drowning them in even more doubts. Carl deeply regretted every syllable he uttered, but there was no courage to go back, seeing the scientist's sullen countenance was enough to make him feel even more despicable.

Pascal's face was marked by an expression of emptiness, it was not similar to when another one of his experiments failed, or when he was angry with someone, it could not even be compared to the frustration of his own failures. A part of him left him the moment I heard the monologue of the religious boy, he felt totally helpless, what he feared most and what was the reason for his concerns, had finally happened. For a second, deep in his innermost thoughts, the red-haired boy still thought that there was hope. He imagined himself with a different ending, that he could be with whom he so longed for. Frustrations always accompanied him, and the feeling of emptiness was replaced by desolation. He was adrift now, his brilliant mind could not reason in any possible solution, it was not something that involved exact numbers or formulas. Humans were intriguing creatures, he himself had thought this several times, they can be down for something considered so superficial.

"I'm sorry ..." - Carl's voice, which expressed so much unhappiness, said in a failed attempt to lessen the scientist's suffering.

What he had done was considered enmity and could even be worse than betrayal, he had renounced his friendship. The scent of lavender no longer as pleasant as it seemed, made them feel sick, perhaps thanks to the sudden stress. What surprised the scientist the most was the way he received this news, he expected to see a look of anger or at the very least disgust on Carl's face, but the only thing he could observe was the dejection. Pascal sketched an expression of contentment, together with an empty look. He had imagined that there was a possibility that something like this could happen, but he did not expect that the reality could be so distressing. He was angry, not at Carl, but at himself. In other times, he could have been around without even worrying, but now he had ruined their relationship, guilt now haunted him.

"Are you sure about this?" - He still felt a hope within him, an expectation that refused to die, yearning for the religious boy to change his mind.

He remembered all the moments they shared, it was as if they were being reduced to dust, whoever else was at his side was about to abandon him. He could see that the younger boy was not feeling well in that situation, his slightly watery eyes showed everything he kept to himself. He controlled himself intensely not to withdraw everything he had said and ask for forgiveness, but succumbing to his wishes was out of the question. He kept telling himself that he would only do that for Pascal's sake, because he liked him so much that he would not hesitate to guarantee his salvation, even if it meant hurting him.

"There is no other alternative, it is the only way to save us ..." - After nodding, the dark-haired boy answers the question that was asked, hoping that the redhead would understand his real intentions.

Pascal's suspicions were confirmed, he knew that his friend would not be able to face the fact of the attraction he had felt for him without worrying about his own salvation. They were perfect opposites when it came to religious themes, there was not even one topic they could agree on. Carl, was an immensely Catholic devotee, and Pascal, on the other hand, did not believe in the existence of a god or superior force, preferring only to believe in science. Opposites are completed until a shock occurs, where each one see the same situation in different ways. The scientist could not even understand what all this had done to the religious boy's mind, and he did not even know how long this departure would last. What comforted him was Carl's description of his own feelings, he felt the same way, although this news was quickly drowned out by what was to come.

Now he imagined all the suffering he put into his friend, the same as a friend who was always by his side and never knew how to deal with his own thoughts. For Carl, it was all a delight and a torture at the same time, the redhead's presence comforted him and made him fear what was ahead. He was not surprised that he saw the situation so naturally, after all, it was Pascal. He humiliated himself inside his head, both for exposing himself in this way considered outrageous, as well as for everything he felt.

"I will pray for you later ..." - The scientist knew the real meaning of this sentence, and how it could sound ironic, considering his lack of faith.

Still with his head down, the dark-haired boy said goodbye and turned to go, preparing himself for the punishment he would receive for not attending class the day before. Carl would spend more time in the Church from now on, both for his devotion to religion and to redeem himself from his sins. He preferred to think positively, even if he was deceiving himself, and that after a while, everything would be as it was before. His slow steps took him towards the laboratory door, not before holding his books against his chest, in a failed attempt to contain himself. The scientist, who watched everything without spontaneous reaction, thought quickly about what he could do. Everything was over, he had nothing to lose, now would be the opportunity to do what he thought for so many nights. The dark-haired boy might come to hate him, but Pascal couldn't let him go without first admitting what he felt, it would probably be the last time he could talk to his friend for a long time.

"I also have something to say." - The redhead said, taking a few short steps while trying to reach the younger boy, who stopped immediately after hearing these words.

Carl turned quickly, waiting for a sign of understanding or anything to ease his pain. The scientist stopped and stared at him for a few seconds, before lightly pushing his glasses up with his fingers. He imagined the suffering he caused in his friend, he knew about his problems, worries and self-deprecations, and yet he set it all aside for a selfish desire. If this were really the last time that it would be appropriate to talk to the dark-haired boy, he would ask for forgiveness for any affliction caused.

"It wasn't right for me to have acted so impulsively, I'm sorry for all the anguish I caused, I should have think about your emotions." - Pascal said, again without sarcasm, showing his most vulnerable face while asking for his absolution.

That somewhat comforted Carl, it seemed that the rational scientist had finally understood why he was denying his friendship, and being available to collaborate. The religious boy listened attentively, not knowing if it was the right time for an answer or thanks, he chose to wait a longer pause and continue listening to what his friend had to say.

"I don't think there is a need for such a rigid distance, because ... Your presence makes me experience something that is not literally rational, however, it is something I like to feel." -The older boy continued to say, no matter how embarrassing he might say this, since he was not used to expressing himself that way.

Bewildered by what he had just heard, the dark-haired boy reflected on these words again, trying to understand their real meaning. He remained static, just watching while his thoughts took care of the rest, while the redhead approached slowly. They faced each other again, this time they managed to maintain eye contact for longer than they should have, losing some sense of time and space. Pascal seriously considered whether to proceed or retreat, but since he received no reaction from Carl, he decided to continue with his monologue.

"You were the only one who believed in me from the start, the only one who was willing to listen to my daydreams, no matter how bizarre they sounded." - The scientist said being a short distance from the boy who listened without showing an immediate reaction.

"Whether to rejoice or regret, you have always been here, you have never belittled my eccentric way of looking at life or my exotic interests." - He tried hard to sound as honest as possible, not letting his lack of practice in demonstrating complex emotions hinder him. - "Your presence is what cheers and motivates me, I just wish it would never end, that we would stay that way forever."

Open-mouthed, both because he never heard anything like this, and because these words were coming out of Pascal, the religious boy felt his own heart racing. Even though it sounded almost unlikely to happen, deep in his thoughts, he believed that he could feel the scientists' beats increase along with his. The shadows of both mixed on the floor of the laboratory, forming a single figure, thanks to the position of the Sun and the proximity between them. Carl was able to feel his own heat up, as if his own blood was circulating faster, as he analyzed the scientist's expressions.

We are halves of the same soul, divided into different faces. The same reflex seen from different perspectives, created on the basis of the same matter. In addition to being corporeal or mystical, it is irrational and plausible.

For a young man as ingenious as Carl Messier, that situation still seemed extremely confused, his own daydreams did not allow him to see what was right in front of him. All the statements made by the friend the previous day, amid the greenhouse light, made reference to him. Pascal tried to be as clear as possible, leaving no doubt about what his monologue was about, much to the delight and panic of the dark-haired boy.

"I used to think that this kind of feeling was purely rational, perhaps due to the lack of logic that is imposed on it, however, it would be hypocrisy on my part to deny that my feelings for you exist." - Apprehensive, and at the same time, a little indifferent, Pascal expressed his thoughts while preparing to finish.

The words that were usually so simple to understand, seemed to need more time to be absorbed by the religious boy, who tried to calm himself at all costs. The scientist would then say the sentence that would end any questioning that would follow, putting at risk a friendship that, according to Carl, was practically eroded.

"I love you, Carl. It took me a long time to reach this result, but I suppose that is the only conclusion."-

His heart had stopped beating for a few seconds, returning to an accelerated rhythm shortly thereafter, causing even a certain physical discomfort. He felt as if his throat was closed, blocking the passage of air in the way he was used to, which resulted in a failure in his voice. He did not understand what most intrigued him, he had heard these words before, and they were always spoken by his parents or his brother. He wanted to believe that this phrase had a different meaning, something more than a simple fraternal consideration, a sentimental meaning.

Not even a lady had even gone so far as to confess to him in this way, and he never thought he would hear anything like that from a friend. He had stopped deceiving himself some time ago, he recognized that it was reciprocal, which made everything even more dangerous in Carl's distorted conceptions. Both realized that they appreciated each other in ways beyond what was considered acceptable, what they would do next remained a mystery. The dark-haired boy gave himself the task of putting an end to this situation, considering himself a heretic from the moment he started to look at what he felt more closely.

"I'm sorry, but ... that's not true." -Carl replied after a considerably long period of silence, denying what he had just heard.

"I will go to confession before dinner and all this will pass with time, we don't have much contact with women, it can just be the imagination!" - The religious boy said with false hope, in the expectation that his positive thoughts would dispel worries and the desire to go back - "After graduating, we will meet ladies and marry them, and we will not even remember this day."

All torment will disappear, only if we have the strength. Doing what is right corrodes me inside, maybe I can even make myself unhappy. Reality can be cruel to us, although we prefer to close our eyes to this.

The disappointment was evident on the face of the red-haired boy, that was not only the denial of his friendship, it was the denial of the veracity of his feelings. He knew more than anyone about what was going on inside him, he carefully analyzed each behavioral change in order to discover the cause, he understood exactly what he felt. This was no longer just a fantasy or the fruit of his imagination for a long time, he was not a hypocrite and recognized his desires, he could dream of the presence of a girl if he was bored, but even then he was unable to do so. Carl's purity, considered by many to be one of his greatest qualities, could become a flaw in other aspects of his life. The scientist understood that this was the way he saw the world, and did not reject it, it was just another reason that made him be charmed by the religious boy.  With a small, slow step forward, Pascal questions his friend again about the accuracy of what he had said, while giving him a curious look. Slightly embarrassed, both by the situation itself but by the intensity that they looked at each other, Carl nods before saying "yes".

As most of the time it was there, that lab really stopped time from setting it up to determine if this was a quality or defect. The dark haired boy remembered that he should hurry up for his punishment, after all, he felt that he deserved it for more reasons than he could count. It was time to go, he wasn't sure how to end that dialogue, he just wanted everything to go back to how it was before. He lied to himself and to Pascal, he was not sure of anything he said, just did what he thought was right. It hurt, the fact that knowing that if he was redeeming himself from his sins did not help ease the pain, it just made him feel more miserable.

"I'm sorry ..." - The younger boy said, looking at the floor and getting ready to leave.

The scientist did not fully understand that last sentence, because knowing the friend well, he did not know if he asked forgiveness for him or for God. He imagined that the second option was the most plausible, within that context. Comforting people was not the redhead's strong point, he struggled, but his condolences usually ended in philosophical reflections that contradicted religious doctrines. Nothing came into his mind so that he could alleviate the situation of the younger boy, all he wanted was to make him forget what tormented him, even though he knew it wouldn't be so simple. At times like these when the fact that they were perfect opposites damaged their relationship, they did not see life in the same way, and managed to be so close at the same time. He regretted not having said anything, remained silent while the religious boy hurried towards the door, leaving the scientist alone afterwards. The sound of the wooden door closing quickly, but still in a discreet way, was like a sting in Pascal's interior, he knew what was coming next.

He did not plan to inform his friends about this sudden separation, and he imagined that Carl would prefer his discretion, since the reason for his conflicts were more complicated than they would have liked. He did not fully understand, he thought that the reciprocity of the feelings of both would cause a completely different result, his extremely rational mind had a certain difficulty in reflecting on more subjective themes, such as what occurred inside the minds of other people. The scientist returned to the table where he was doing his experiments, stared in dismay at the variety of flowers displayed on the bench, his empty gaze was enough to worry anyone who saw him at that moment. He sat while he leanned both arms on the table, watching the large laboratory window as he felt the sun warm his skin, marked by small freckles. Somehow, he saw himself in Carl's confused and desperate expression, he could slightly understand how he felt about it all. He remembered the moment he realized when these feelings came to light, they were accompanied by a surprised feeling along with several doubts.

He did not consider them immoral or sinful, just pointless, irrational. He believed that a type of attraction that could not lead to reproduction was devoid of logic, which was against his purely rational principles. He knew that relationships of this type were not well regarded by most people, he had used the situation of two close friends as an example, Serge and Gilbert had to endure countless problems, implication, hostility and rejection by the affective bond they had. Why should there be one more obstacle in his life? His life choices and eccentric interests already did the job of complicating everything, feelings, which the scientist deemed as "unnecessary", would only put everything to waste. But there was no alternative, he tried to forget or stop thinking about the dark-haired boy in more affectionate ways than he considered acceptable, and to no avail. Leafing through his notebook, which was on the table, where he recorded each new discovery he made, he decided to reread his notes on the aspect of human feelings.

He was more confused than he could have imagined, what he wrote was perfectly consistent with reality, the mind was an unknown quantity that could hardly be unveiled. He used all of his knowledge to find out what had happened to the religious boy and the reason for his attitudes, and without making much effort, he knew that these were religious matters. Continuing to think about what happened would bring nothing but more frustration, the best thing to do would be to be distracted by something that would grab his attention. Immediately, a white rose stained by dyes of different colors, mainly blue, aroused his interest. He would work on his beloved and dreamed blue rose for as long as he used to, he would spend the next entire weeks focusing only on it, in order to forget what was hurting him. The blue rose was his escape valve, his goal for a long time, he would not be fully satisfied until he completed it. He forced himself to perform calculations and remember chemical formulas while choosing each plant he would use, he repeated to himself that everything would be fine with time, but the image of what had happened earlier was still present in his thoughts.

After some time, the plants were cut, crushed and distributed in small containers. The petals of Violets, Orchids and Lilies formed different shades of blue, which made the scientist observe them more closely. He wasn't thinking about the colors themselves, but about how those colors reminded him of Carl. There was no logical explanation for this, he just thought that blue matched the dark haired boy, it was a color that conveyed sadness and peace at the same time. Reflecting more deeply, the religious boy always had a sad aura, not in a depressing way, but that managed to be melancholy and peaceful. His experiments failed to keep him distracted for so long, as everything reminded him of Carl. Looking at the small calendar that hung on a nearby wall, Pascal could see that winter was approaching, and along with it, the end of the school year. As he had always done, he would repeat another year to continue his research, he imagined that he would see his friends graduate and continue in school.

He had always been determined about this, never thought or cared about the consequences, but this time he hesitated. A few years have passed since he began to dedicate himself entirely to his so unrealistic blue rose, and he did not feel that he was making as much progress as he wished, which brought even more frustration. Everyone in Lacombrade knew his purpose, although they did not always fully understand it, but his great intellect was never doubted. He wondered what he was doing there, he used to reject his father's advice, he had always said that his son should become a doctor, that he would succeed in that way. Pascal always rejected this idea, although medicine was something of interest to him and one of his talents, the red-haired boy still did not approve of the possibility of studying something just for capital. He had a natural tendency, a genuine interest in nature and chemistry, although he was inclined towards biology.

When asked why he was still there, he always answered using the laboratory and his blue rose as a justification, but he used to omit some more reasons. He felt the need to stay in Lacombrade for his friends, especially after getting close to Serge and Gilbert, he couldn't leave them alone without knowing if they would be okay. Also, he would miss Kurt and Neka's jovial and somewhat reckless personality, he knew he would do his best to help the pianist and his blond companion, but he still feared for their safety. Lacombrade was his home, it was where he grew up and lived with people he dared to call his second family, he couldn't imagine himself anywhere else. But, there was one more specific reason that made the scientist not want to leave school, someone who motivated and inspired him. Staying away from the religious boy was what he feared most if he left boarding school, the mere thought of not being able to see him every day as he had always done was a pain. However, he recognized that his presence there could become a burden on Carl's life, and knowing all his motivations for ending that friendship, he imagined that both would suffer from that separation.

He looked thoughtfully at some sheets of paper that were next to an inkwell, considering what would be the right thing to do and becoming even more frustrated by it. His hands were stained by the blue color of the petals, it was as if he had touched a part of the sky.

We feel empty, because we leave a part of us in what we love.

The sun had been covered by some clouds, which made the whole atmosphere of the place a little more gray. The tracks left on the grass around the school indicated that someone had come by in a hurry, perhaps in an attempt to take refuge. It was a few minutes before Carl was due to appear at the Church for his punishment, he felt that the quietest place to wait would be outside, on the outskirts of Lacombrade. He just needed to calm down from everything that happened, sitting and breathing fresh air could help. The sleeves of his coat were busy drying up the few tears that could not be contained, he just wished that no one saw him at that moment. But it was when something caught his eye, from a distance, he saw a pale boy with equally dark hair sitting on an old wooden bench, entertaining himself with a book. Occasions like this were rare, seeing his agitated younger brother, who always ran and played, focused on a single activity.

He decided to get closer, any time they could spend together was good, since they were most of the time apart. It didn't take long for the boy to see his brother walking towards him, he smiled sweetly at him as he watched him approach. Sitting side by side, they started a calm conversation, which was great for Carl, since distractions were what he needed most at the moment.

"It is unusual to see you reading of your own free will, which title did the grace to attract your attention?" -The older boy asked in a cheerful way, both to hide what he felt and to amuse his brother.

The already leafless branches swayed as the wind dragged through them, causing some last leaves to fall around the two brothers. The elder tried not to extend the conversation for too long, as he would be late for his punishment, and the younger brother just had fun without worries. After marking the page he was reading with a small piece of paper, Sebastian closes the book and shows the cover to his brother, not long before saying:

"Sense and Sensibility, a Jane Austen novel." -He responds looking at his brother, showing an excited expression to share something he likes with Carl.

The religious boy had never read the book, although he had heard about it and saw it a few times in bookstores, but he knew that the plot was about themes that little Sebastian might not understand. He had no idea how he managed to get his hands on it, his parents would definitely not gift him with such a thing, even though they were more understandable than they used to be. The school library did not have many popular books, mainly of this genre, being focused only on educational purposes. Carl trusted his younger brother, acknowledged that he was much smarter than other children of the same age, but worried that he was consuming something that was not aimed at someone so young. He wanted Sebastian to live a happy childhood, without the worries he would have when he was older.

"Where did you get that? As far as I know, there are no books of this type in the library." - The older brother I ask curious and somewhat apprehensive, I just hoped that the answer would not be very worrying.

He did not want his question to sound like a sermon, he expected to be seen as companionship by his younger brother, not an authority figure.

"Liliath lent it to me, he brought it with him the last time he went to Arles." - He says looking at the cover of the book for a few seconds, before turning to his brother.

How to explain Carl's feelings for Liliath Florian? The older boy saw him as someone unreliable, had a certain dislike for him, especially after the conflicts he had had with Serge and Gilbert. Even so, that blond boy was still esteemed by some people, had affinities with those considered delinquents and participated in the "Pretty Boys Club". Liliath had the company of some close friends, just like Carl, and such a group was made up of Necroix, Sebastian and a few other members that he did not insist on remembering the name. He did not like the idea of ​​a helpless child like his brother always being with people of doubtful nature, what comforted him was knowing that Necroix was always around, because he knew that his nature was not questionable.

"I don't think it's appropriate for someone at your age to read novels like this, you know you're too young for books of this type." - Trying to appear understandable, but still a little strict, he advises the boy thinking only of his well-being.

"That's what most people say, but I don't mind, I learned a lot about different subjects in books, especially with this one." - The little boy responds, in order to prove to his brother his own point of view.

That sentence might have seemed foolish coming from a child about Sebastian's age, but Carl knew that his brother had the greatest intellect that he could have imagined. He had become accustomed to the boy's precocious personality, but he was distressed by what he might be learning.

"Give me an example." - The elder boy said, curious with possible responses.

"Using romance as an example: during the history of the world, at different times and in different places, there were people who could not be with those they loved by the judgment of others." - Sebastian began to explain what captivated him so much in romance books, in an attempt to convince his brother not to tell his parents about this - "It is a synonym of injustice, there were so many who gave up their own happiness or even their own life, just to fit what was expected of them. "

Admired by what he had just heard, and still reflecting on some information, Carl could feel a shiver down his spine when his brother finished his monologue. He had remembered what had happened a few minutes ago, in that laboratory. He looked at Sebastian with a confused expression that at the same time conveyed pride, he had always been considered the most brilliant by his family, but the truth is that not everyone had the ability to see his younger brother's intellect. He wondered how they could share the same blood and at the same time be completely different, the youngest son in the Messier family was really a mystery.

The religious boy's prolonged silence worried the little boy a little, he imagined that Carl had heard all that with a disapproving look, and that perhaps he would tell his parents everything.

"Please don't tell anyone about my interests, Mom and Dad may find out." - The boy asked his brother, hoping he would understand and help him.

Carl did not consider himself a cruel brother, like those presented in stories, on the contrary, he was overly concerned for Sebastian. He knew that his parents would not approve of him reading it at such a young age, and he would not want to take away a source of learning and leisure from his brother. Throughout his life, he had completely obeyed his parents, reported all the antics done by the youngest son and took responsibility for his well-being. But only this time, he would break this rule, he could not bear to see an intellect so developed having its source of information forcibly removed.

"What I'm doing is not correct, but let's say that no one else but me will know this." -The older boy said, still a little thoughtful about what he had heard.

Grateful for what he had just heard, the boy tries to show his gratitude in some way, even without knowing how.

"Thank you very much Carl, I am glad  we are brothers!" - He says smiling, before being interrupted by the sound of church bells.

It was time for the religious boy's punishment, he should hurry up so he wouldn't be late. After saying goodbye to the younger boy, he starts walking quickly towards the Church of Lacombrade. His legs stop moving when he hears a childish voice calling him, he turns to listen to what his brother wanted to tell him.

"I feel bad about letting you go without a proper thanks, you swore to keep a secret, so the least I can do is return the favor ..." - Sebastian said, trying not to speak slowly, as he saw that his brother was in a hurry - "I promise not to tell anyone that the real reason you didn't attend yesterday's classes involves leaving without permission with Pascal."

The older boy could feel his heart rate accelerating when he heard that, he couldn't imagine how Sebastian knew it. How much did he know? Was he watching them? He had a lot to ask, but the words didn't come out of his mouth and the seconds ticked by as he thought. With an innocent laugh, just like the ones he let out when he was doing some mischief, the younger boy was amused by Carl's confused and frightened expression. This was not his initial intention, but he still managed to be funny.

"Hurry up, don't be late!" - Sebastian said as he watched his brother run towards the large building that was close to the school, wondering what had happened to him.

The temperature dropped a little, which made some students retire into the school, leaving Carl more relieved. As he headed for his punishment, there was someone still in the lab, with his hands stained with ink. Pascal rewrote a letter several times, he just needed to find the right words. He wondered if it was the best decision, but a simple analysis of the pros and cons was enough to end his doubts.  He had at his side a dictionary that helped him to correct his own grammar, as his dissertation must be impeccable. When he finished again, he reread it carefully several times, looking for any errors.  His writing was excellent, the redhead placed the letter, which was quite extensive, in an envelope. The recipient was the Medical University of Düsseldorf, Germany.

His admission letter was ready, he explained all of his goals, from the reason he was still at that school and why he had failed so much. The scientist would finally leave Lacombrade after so many years, become a doctor who had attended a renowned college, and perhaps return to France after many years. Sighing, he closes the envelope and keeps it in a safe place, far from where it could be lost or spotted, was inside one of his favorite books. Writing was not the most complex step, he had no idea how he would tell this to his friends, especially Carl.  He knew the boys would be happy, they would miss him, but he didn't know how the religious boy would react. He didn't want to cause him more pain, that was one of the reasons that made him want to leave.

Church candlelight illuminated Carl's pale face, marked with desolation and anguish, as he repeated long verses from the Bible. His knees hurt, he could imagine they would have bruises, but even the discomfort couldn't bother him. The thoughts of better times were what kept him sane, he just wished he could go back in time.

Continued in Next Chapter

Written by KimKymury, thank you reading <3

[kimkymury]

So cute!!!😊☺

Carl & Pascal 🥺🥺🥺

[kimkymury]

I was bored, so I put Pascal and Carl's names in an OTP prompt generator and I can't deal with this cuteness!🥺

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 11

Hello everyone, I’m back with the chapter 11 of PasCarl fanfiction! Did you like the ship name? ;)

I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings​ for  for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning: The characters have distorted views on sexuality and other subjects that can generate disagreement, and these points of view are not what I think in real life, they were written only to match the character's personality and the environment in which he is inserted.  This chapter focuses a lot on internalized homophobia, so it's just a warning ~

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/985633625-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-11

Under the cut!

Chapter 11

P.O.V Narrator

The religious boy's eyes slowly open after the act, his perception of time was still altered, but there were still a few seconds to realize what had happened. His heart was pounding faster than it had ever beaten in his life, a wave of strong emotions hit him, leaving him in shock. He couldn't believe what he had done, or rather, he didn't want to believe what he had just done. For a short while, his mind had been cleared of any negative thoughts or worries, leaving only the sensations to flourish. But what would happen next was inevitable: he would return to the harsh reality, where he was drowning in guilt and regret. Thoughts about the worst things that could happen to him invaded his mind, leaving him with difficulty breathing and a startled look in his eyes. It had not been his intention, he had managed to keep what he felt to himself for all these years, he didn't even allow himself to think, and much less talk about it, and yet here he was, putting everything at risk due to one slip. Carl could have walked away, he knew that. But even so, it was as if something attracted him, something he didn't realize he wanted.

The red-haired boy watched the way his friend reacted, it was nothing like what happened the day before. He looked scared, probably blaming himself again, and wasn't reacting clearly. Pascal felt guilty. He knew the problems that Carl had regarding his own feelings, and yet, he'd let his emotions guide his actions. He'd been negligent, but he wasn't worried about himself, the focus of his attention was his friend, who remained static. The scientist's hands, which had previously rested on the younger boy's shoulders, had been displaced by him. He was staring at a fixed, distant place, as his thoughts disturbed him. Amid his doubts, questions and self-deprecating thoughts mixed, making the boy blame himself for surrendering to "temptation".

He felt like his throat was closed, partially blocking the passage of air. Words wanted to leave his mouth, but the silence continued. Pascal worried about the condition of the younger boy.

"Is everything okay?" - The older boy questioned, trying to look into the eyes of the dark haired boy, which seemed to be full of water.

He couldn't even think of an answer, he was not at all well, he felt a deep remorse eating at him, it was a sensation similar to what he felt during the walk in the forest, the day before. He couldn't bear remaining there, even if he wanted to enjoy his best friend's company. The fear of the possible consequences was greater, and it was this fear that made him retreat.

Pascal could feel Carl's agony. He knew he'd made a mistake. He should have thought about his friend's worries, his inner demons. He woudn't usualy feel guilty over obeying his own urges, even if they bothered someone else. But this time, it was different. It was inevitable to feel bad when he saw Carl's suffering, he cared for his well-being more than anyone, perhaps even himself. He usually managed to solve problems in a rational way, but that was now out of his reach.

"I'm sorry..." - The dark haired boy said, almost whispering, while keeping his gaze at the floor.

The scientist was not entirely sure that his friend was addressing him, since there was no reason to apologize, but on thinking a little more, the redhead found out who he was possibly talking to.

"Why are you apologizing?" - Pascal asked, hoping his friend wouldn't blame himself for what had just happened.

"I should go..." - Carl said, getting up from the wall they were sitting on, walking quickly towards the exit of the greenhouse.

After leaving the glass building, the legs that struggled to maintain their balance begin to run quickly, in unknown directions through the forest. More tears are shed, as they had the day before, but this time they were loaded with more pain. Dodging the trees and branches in his path, the dark haired boy continued to run, he didn't care about running out of breath or where he would arrive. He felt lost, ashamed, and as much as he continued to run, he could not escape from himself, from the guilt that chased him. He feared he would be punished by God for what he had done with Pascal, he also feared that their friendship could be affected. He feared so many things. He felt as if he was sinking, far from his longed-for salvation. His sanctity had been ruined, but what truly bothered him was the fact that he felt happy while sharing that brief moment with his friend.

Carl was forced to stop running when he reached the edge of the lake. He was breathless and tired, tears mixing with adrenaline, he needed to stop and rest. He leaned on a nearby tree, turbulent emotions racking his mind as he slipped into a sitting position, his face hidden behind his knees. Everything he had kept inside himself all this time finally exploded out. He sobbed hard, trying to steady his breathing. In his thoughts, he asked for forgiveness countless times, praying that all that suffering would simply go away. He imagined what he would do to atone for his mistake: help in the school chapel with all the free time he had, deprive himself of his favorite pastimes as long as necessary, maybe even renounce his friendship with Pascal. The simple act of thinking about the last act made him shudder. He couldn't imagine himself without the redhead's presence, he couldn't even consider losing Pascal's friendship.

When thinking about him, Carl's mind was frantic. He imagined what he might have thought after his sudden escape, and he felt even worse when he wondered if he had hurt his feelings. He didn't want to admit it, but the small amount of time he'd spent with Pascal during these last two days had felt better than the entirety of the last few weeks. After his breathing returned to what could be considered close to normal, the religious boy rested his head on the tree, closing his eyes with a pained expression. What he feared most had happened. It was excruciating to discover that he was what disgusted people, what they judged, and it worse still to know that he was an affront to God Himself. Tears continued to make their way down his face, this time born of the frustration and shame over what he felt. Pascal's lips coupled with his sparked an unknown sensation, which in a way felt similar to peace. It was something that made him forget his problems and worries, even if only for a few moments.

The truth was cruel and cold to young Carl. He had been mistaken for a long time, afraid of his own feelings. But there was no answer other than the truth, and it was lancinating. He had finally uncovered what he had kept covered up for so many years: he had feelings for Pascal Biquet. He didn't want to, he uselessly tried to rejected the idea, but inside he knew it was the only answer.

He hated himself for it.

"Of all people...why me?" - He asked himself in a whisper, cringed and propped his head on his knees, as a means of hiding from reality. The beautiful landscape no longer seemed to matter, being outside during class no longer bothered him, he felt too tense to think about anything other than his current situation.

Amidst the greenhouse plants, the scientist paced up and down, thoughtful and concerned about his friend's sudden departure, fearing that their friendship might be irreversibly compromised by that slip. He blamed himself, he was always so smart, why did he have to act stupid right now? His experiment was done, he already knew that Carl most likely wouldn't respond to his feelings, and even then he'd put everything to waste. He regretted not having been more cautious. The image of the dark-haired boy walking away, with a shaky voice and teary eyes, that was enough to make him realize what he had done. He didn't think that there would be a place for him in younger boy's heart, since it was filled with worries and fears, not to mention the one person who already was the center of Carl's attention.

Seeing the flowers the religious boy had picked scattered on the floor, the redhead made a point of picking them up one by one, gathering them carefully as they were before. One flower in specific caught his eye, the red rose that Carl asked about. It looked even more resplendent when seen now. Pascal analyzed the flower in a different way. It reminded him of how well and happy they had been just a few minutes ago, sharing a special moment. He felt a discomfort that he could not explain, it was as if his heart was being squeezed. He wondered if that was the sensation commonly described as "a broken heart". He needed to find Carl, see how he was doing, maybe apologize and hope that their friendship could return to what it was before. He felt frustrated, he had fallen in love with someone who clearly did not see him in the same way. It was not a problem that could be solved in a rational way, and it bothered him deeply.

The scientist hurried out of the greenhouse, trying to imagine the whereabouts of his friend, who ran away aimlessly. He covered most of the forest's surroundings, calling for the dark-haired boy over and over, but did not receive an answer. No matter where he walked, he always ended up heading back towards the greenhouse, and with no sign of Carl. He started to worry, wondered if something could have happened to him, if he had gone back to school, or if he simply preferred to be alone. The Sun now indicated the arrival of the afternoon, calculating from the time they left, Pascal deduced must have been nearly three o'clock. There was still some time before classes ended and the redhead could return to Lacombrade without causing suspicion, so the only thing left for him to do was wait. He concluded that he would not find his friend any time soon. He wanted to speak with him, but now wouldn't be the ideal time even if he knew where Carl was. He still carried the flowers picked by him, he looked at them sadly, blaming himself for what happened.

Downhearted by the situation having taken such a course, Pascal calmly removes the red rose picked by his friend and places it on the grass, right in front of him, it would be impossible not to notice it when passing by. It was a gift for his friend, the chances of him finding it were few, maybe the wind would blow it away, or he Carl wouldn't even walk by. However, the scientist's intentions were clear. Every time he looked at the flower, he would remember what they had been through together; regardless of how it was interpreted, the memory would still be there. Disillusioned with his own idea, Pascal returns to the greenhouse to spend the rest of the afternoon amid the flowers. He felt comfortable in that place, it was ideal to reflect and be distracted.

The dark-haired boy's eyes were reddened by constant tears, he seemed calmer now, but he still felt a pain even stronger than he did the day before. He deceived himself, said that he had only transferred his feelings for the pianist to Pascal. He wanted to believe that, but he knew he was lying. He compared himself to Serge, he wanted his attention, he wanted to be in his place. Perhaps this was not the most correct definition of love, but any strong feeling was a cause for shame for poor Carl Messier. In most of his memories, be they happy or sad, the presence of the scientist was indispensable. He still remembered the day they met, it was not an extremely planned moment, different from when he met Serge, but it was still special.

~ Flashback from eight years ago ~ On the 5th of January 1872

The beginning of the school year was an exciting time for everyone, the feeling of the new things to come was enough to liven up any pupil of Lacombrade. It was no different with young Carl, who, with his eight years just completed, was reason for pride in his family, thanks to his excellent grades, impeccable behavior, and sense of responsibility. He would be considered perfect, if not for one detail: his shyness and naïveté. He was determined to be taken seriously this year; his grades and school record allowed him to be elected Class Representative. His duties mostly consisted of assisting teachers, managing and organizing activities and events, and being responsible for them. He liked most of his work, which gave little Carl the feeling of being useful and respected, helping build up his low self-esteem.

But he feared one of the Class Representative's obligations: welcoming new students. After so much practice, it became an everyday action that no longer bothered him, but he could still remember how nervous he felt, the first few times. Professor Watts warned him that he would have to welcome a new student before classes started. Happy to have been given such an important task, but anxious at the same time, the dark-haired boy presented himself at school, ready to do as he was told.

"He's waiting for you at the entrance, you can go see him while the Headmaster and I talk to his parents." - Professor Watts said, addressing the little boy, who tried at all costs to remain calm.

He walked to the Lacombrade Academy's entrance, wondering what the new boy would be like, and rehearsing what he would say when he met him. The difficulty in socializing had created some problems for Carl, it was one of the reasons why he had spent quite some time friendless. He was determined to be more sociable, especially now that he would have a younger brother or sister. He needed to set a good example and show himself as successful. With his dark hair perfectly arranged and well-tailoed clothes, the young boy appeared in the most presentable way possible at the entrance to the school, looking for any sign of the newcomer. The only thing that could be seen was a boy sitting on the steps of the entrance, he had an open book on his lap, which was the focus of his attention. It was as if nothing mattered to the newcomer, except the content of his book. Carl didn't know how to act, he had to talk to the boy, but at the same time he was afraid to interrupt him. He couldn't sit and wait for the boy to notice his presence, after all there were many places to be shown. The boy steeled himself and decided to speak.

"Excuse me ..." - The child's voice said in a low tone, drawing the attention of the boy who sat on the steps.

The boy who was reading carefully, realizes that whoever is going to welcome him has arrived, he then closes the book, gets up, and goes up some steps to talk to the other child. Seeing the newcomer, one thing caught little Carl's attention: his peculiar appearance. It wasn't peculiar in a bad way, it was just different from most other boys. He was taller, probably a little older too, wearing a casual outfit, with dark tones, a little similar to the school uniform. He carried with him the book he had read moments before, as well as a daisy that looked like it had just been picked. The reddish hair was neatly combed, although it still looked a little messy. The boy had a few freckles on his face, as well as rounded glasses with a light colored frame.

After a few seconds of silence, the younger boy remembered what he had to say. Overcoming his shyness, without looking into the older boy's eyes, little Carl said:

"Welcome to Lacombrade Academy, I'm sure you will like to study here. My name is Carl Messier and I will show you around." -

It was his first time talking to someone he did not know without first being introduced by his parents, he was a little nervous and focusing on remembering the correct way to speak to someone, that his mother had taught him at home. However, the older boy did not notice his nervousness, he acted calmly, introducing himself and thanking him for his assistance. At that moment, Carl felt like that boy was someone he could trust, maybe even be his friend someday.

After a few hours walking around the school, the two boys talked as if they had been friends for a long time, conversation between them flowed in a naturally, both felt comfortable close to each other. In little time, Carl had discovered many things about the newcomer, he was a little surprised by the stories he told, and how curious the boy seemed with each new thing he discovered.

"What were you reading, sitting on the steps?"- Little Carl asked, looking at the book Pascal was holding.

"Experiments on Plant Hybridization, it's an Austrian article written by Gregor Mendel, nothing very interesting." - The red-haired boy replied looking at the cover of the book, trying to change the subject, a little embarrassed.

"It seems to be interesting, what is it about?" - Carl asked again, wanting to find out more about the newbie, who seemed to hide certain interests.

"Well, it's about genetics, more specifically speaking, it's about a hereditary trait that would invariably be dominant over its recessive alternative. Indeed, the remarkable regularity with which the same hybrid forms reappeared whenever fertilization between the same species occurred was the stimulus for the experiments, whose objective was to monitor the development of hybrids in their progeny. " - Pascal replied, somewhat excited to be asked about a topic he actually liked, not realizing that he had used complicated terms that even older children might have trouble understanding.

Carl stared at him, trying to process the words he'd heard. He had heard about genetics and hereditary traits in class before, but he understood nearly nothing of what Pascal said, and so he floundered internally, trying to think of an answer. Pascal, noticing the younger boy's reaction, immediately made a point of apologizing for being too enthusiastic about the subject.

"Forgive me, I shouldn't have talked so much, my father always tells me not to disturb others with unusual or uninteresting subjects." - He replied, a little embarrassed, putting the book under his arm again.

"It's okay, I don't know much about science, but it's okay to be interested in that. We have a laboratory here in Lacombrade, I think you'll like it." - Carl responds smiling innocently, making the older boy feel comfortable, having shared an interest that before was so repressed.

And so the two boys headed for the school laboratory. That day was special not only for Carl, but for Pascal too, as it was the first time that he had not been judged as weird for his peculiar interest in science.

~End of Flashback~

Those were memories of happy moments, he felt better thinking about the past instead of the present. The tears had dried, and he no longer felt like crying, letting the gentle breeze wash over his face and calm his breathing. There was still some time before classes were over and he could return to school. It was astounding how, in just two days, he had felt emotions that he had never experienced in his life before. There was nothing more that could be done but wait, now. His memories would work well as a distraction. He tried to remember happy moments from his childhood, and as usual, Pascal was part of them.

~ FlashBack from 8 years ago ~ On the 10th of December 1872

The winter holidays had finally arrived, and Carl couldn't be more excited. The opportunity to spend the end of the year with his parents was not the only reason for his joy, as he would finally meet his little brother, who was born in October, while he was still at school. The day he received the letter from his parents telling the news was one of the happiest of his life, he looked forward to the end of the year to see his family and finally meet his little newborn brother. The letter he received from his parents told him in detail about his brother, they had named him Sebastian, and said that when he was old enough, he would attend Lacombrade Academy together with his older brother.

The trip back home would take a while. Little Carl sat at the window of his compartment, the locomotive travelling over the tracks as fast as it could. He watched the landscape that remained untouched, free from human alteration, that grew around the train line. An additional reason for his happiness was the fact that, this year, his parents had allowed him to bring a friend to stay over at his house until the week before Christmas. He had actually been allowed to invite someone over for a few years now, but little Carl never had anyone he could call a friend. Until now. The young Pascal, in his 11 years of age, was sitting next to him, and seemed excited about the idea of ​​spending the holidays with his new friend, since he rarely had opportunities like these. The boys' friendship progressed quickly: they had met at the beginning of the year, but considered themselves best friends.

The trip ended quietly. The path to the Messier family home was taken calmly, as the excited boys talked about what they would do when they arrived. Being at home always brought peace to Carl. It was as if he were in one of the safest places in the world, close to those who loved him, somewhere he felt comfortable being himself. He expected his parents to scold him for being friends with an older boy, but he could see a change in both after his brother was born, they seemed more understandable, less rigid. After being reunited with his family and introducing his guest, the moment he'd been waiting for arrived, he would finally meet his younger brother. Carl and Pascal approached the cradle, where little Sebastian was asleep. His white skin and fine dark hair were similar to Carl's, who felt an inexplicable happiness when seeing his brother for the first time. He looked like a little angel, and Carl was grateful for the opportunity to have a brother, promising internally to himself and the baby that he would take care of him until the end of his life.

It was one of the best winter vacations of his life, it was like nothing could spoil that perfect moment. Carl considered himself the happiest child in France, as he was at home with his parents, his younger brother had been born, and he had his best friend by his side.

~ End of FlashBack ~

It was moments like those that the religious boy longed for, it was the hope that everything could improve that motivated him. He no longer felt like crying, although he still felt horrible and full of worries. Memories were a good way to cheer him up. He watched the sun shine, reflecting off the water, losing track of time and not realizing that classes would end soon. What made him snap out of his thoughts was the sound of the school bell, which frightened him at first, as he would have to return without being seen, and he risked being punished. Punishments were his last concern however, he just wanted to go back to his room and rest, maybe try and occupy himself until he stopped thinking about what happened back at the greenhouse. The dark-haired boy stood up and walked towards the school entrance, pondering the question of how he would react when he met Pascal again. He didn't know what to do, perhaps the correct thing would be to simply forget about it all and act as if nothing had happened, though he imagined that things between them would feel a little strange.

During the walk back, he found a red rose in the grass, which at first was strange, as there was no rose bush nearby. But soon after, he realized that the flower had possibly been placed there by the scientist. Carl took the rose with him, holding it tightly as he wondered if his friend was alright, and blamed himself for his rather emotional reaction. What bothered him the most at the moment was how he had to cross many of Lacombrade's long corridors to get to his dormitory, giving the opportunity for many students to comment on his absence from today's classes. Even though he already expected their comments, Carl couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. He felt as if everyone was judging him, internally.

He couldn't stop himself from heaingr Liliath's sarcastic comments about his absence as he walked by him, the blond boy leaning against the wall with a few other boys in tow, including little Sebastian. It didn't bother him like it used to, causing problems was one of Liliath's habits, and Carl already had enough worries. What made him smile internally was the answer that his younger brother had given to the blond boy's comment, he didn't allow anyone to belittle his big brother.

He thanked himself internally for arriving at his room, closing the door quickly as he leaned back on it. He was alone, he didn't know where Necroix could be nor when he would return. He had to calm down, it had been a very troublesome day, and he only felt more apprehensive as he thought about it. Carl sits on his bed, reflecting on the earlier events, feeling awful and exhausted. He rests his elbows on his legs, placing his hands in his hair while he thinks. He had come to the conclusion that no matter how much he prayed or tried to repent, that feeling would not go away, it would continue to torment him. He knew that he was putting his salvation at risk, and that was what most despaired him, he'd found out that which he feared the most.

"Why did I agree to go to the greenhouse?" He asked himself in a low voice, holding back the tears that threatened to fall again.

He turned slightly and saw the red rose he'd left beside him. He looked at it with an empty look, thinking about all it meant. He picked it up and analyzed it again, remembering Pascal's explanation about the flower, and how he found the words he spoke poetic. He lied down without putting his feet on the bed, and continued to stare at the rose, gently running his fingers through the petals and admiring their color. He had learned that red was a color full of deep meanings. The rose reminded him of Pascal. In fact, the color that most suited him was orange, not just for the color of his hair, but for its definition. He associated the secondary color with extravagance and creativity, adjectives he could certainly use to describe the redhead. The religious boy realized that he was thinking of his friend in a more affectionate way than usual, and so he decided to change the subject. The first thing he should do was find some place to put that flower.

He couldn't simply leave it on his desk, as that would risk him spending more time than he should focusing on it. The best place to keep it would be his closet, where he had a small wooden box that contained items significant to him. When he opened the box, he stopped to look at what he kept there, again: the letters his parents and brother had sent him, a picture of his family, and now, the red rose. He wondered if it would be right to keep a flower that symbolized such a sinful act along with such important things, but he was not comfortable with the idea of simply discarding the rose. The closet doors were closed. Carl couldn't think of anything else he could do until dinner time. He didn't feel sleepy, and he probably wouldn't be to sleep even if he did. He felt it was time to ask for forgiveness for what he did.

Kneeling before his bed, with his arms resting on the mattress, the boy closed his eyes and began his daily ritual of regrets. He concentrated on everything that had happened during the day, from his delay in the morning to his sudden departure from the greenhouse. He begged for forgiveness and that his friendship with Pascal would not be affected. He was thinking about Pascal more than he liked to admit, it was as if he had become his new obsession. He wanted to be in his presence, but at the same time he feared the possible consequences.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but it was time enough for Carl's knees to hurt, which made him struggle to get up and limp in his first steps. He looked at the clock on his desk and saw that he had definitely spent more time than usual praying, it was understandable to be in pain from being in the same position for so long. He didn't care, believing the pain was the least he deserved for what he did earlier. There was still some time for dinner, he needed to be distracted, or he would lose his sanity if he couldn't stop thinking about it all. The only place he could go at this time would be the library, where there weren't usually many students, and where he could perhaps read until he forgot what bothered him.

The way there was much more peaceful than his trip back to his bedroom, most of the students being in their own. He needed to pass in front of the school's laboratory to get to the library, and the simple act of walking past that door brought back memories of the day before. He shuddered when he remembered the "experiment", trying to deceive himself by saying that nothing had happened, failing once more to lessen the guilt that always haunted him. No, that wasn't important, he needed to focus on the present. He noticed he'd arrived at the library. The few students who were there didn't react to Carl's presence, which suited him fine, as he definitely did not want to catch anyone's attention right now. Now, he had to choose something to read, something that could distract him, something that would take some concentration to be read. Fable, novel, short story, chronicle, philosophy, religion, mathematics, poetry, history, science; there were so many to choose from.

Something caught his eye from a distance, as he grabbed one he discovered they were scientific articles, a type of reading that he wasn't used to. He was surprised that such articles were available in the school library, as most could be considered irreligious. He wondered how they ended up on that shelf. Perhaps the insistence of a scientist for the study of biology made this possible?

"Pascal would love to read them..." - He thought before putting the articles back in their place, only realizing what he'd said to himself afterwards.

Even the scientific books made him think about the redhead, who had been in his mind for longer than he should have been. It frustrated young Carl even more, who felt stupid for having such thoughts. He tried his best not to despair by breathing deeply. Continuing to walk through the library, he reached a more isolated area, where there were only a few empty tables that surrounded by bookshelves. The sconces' weak light illuminated the place, helped by the little natural light that still shone through the windows. No matter how hard he tried, the scene that happened in the greenhouse kept repeatedly flashing through his mind, memories that he fought by focusing on self-control.

It was not enough, nothing was. Carl leaned on one of the shelves and started to cry again, this time silently, his face remained expressionless as he tried to empty his mind. It was an inexplicable sensation, one which made him think too much, and left him tormented. He felt useless, like a failure. Something that he'd kept buried within his heart for a long time was now slowly clawing its way out. He succumbed to his own melancholy and the degrading words he spoke about himself. It was not a problem he could simply step up and solve, even though he had been trying throughout his entire life. He stared at the ground, his mind ripped apart by countless thoughts, none of which seemed to make sense. He felt doomed, he felt that his very salvation was at risk, and it maddening. Justifying his actions to himself in a failed attempt to ease his guilt, he continued to deceive himself as he had always done. Carl felt judged under the eyes of God, and begged for forgiveness countless times, until reaching the point of not knowing what he exactly apologized for, anymore.

Both the students' departure from the library and the hands of the clock indicated that dinner would start in a few minutes, which made the religious boy try his best to compose himself. He didn't feel well enough to dine with all his friends, that was a fact. He strongly wanted to go back to his room and sleep, so he could again forget what haunted him, for at least a few hours. But he knew it wouldn't be like that. Things never worked out for Carl, he had learned that as painfully as possible. At dinner, he would have to exercise maximum self-control. The simple act of imagining that both Serge and Pascal would be present there was too much for him. However, it would be worrying for the others if he didn't show up for dinner, and improper, too. So he made a point of drying his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, and started walking towards the exit of the library.

Continued in Next Chapter

Written by KimKymury, thank you for reading!

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 10

Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here, I can’t believe that we have reached chapter 10, thank you very much to everyone who is following and supporting the story.

I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings​ for  for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning:  Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/971396659-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-10

Under the cut!

Chapter 10

P.O.V Narrator The sun was at the top of the sky, indicating that half the day had already passed. Only part of the way had been walked by the boys so far, and they seemed to be the only ones in that place. It didn't look like the same Lacombrade they always saw, it was too quiet. Usually there were several students hanging out outside the school after classes ended, but now the lonely landscape brought a feeling of freedom to Carl quite unlike anything he had ever felt, a strange blend of adrenaline, fear, and excitement. They took a shortcut through the forest in order to avoid being seen, as was likely if they walked through an open area. The journey to the greenhouse was done silently, as the religious boy apologized internally several times for his truancy. The older boy, who led the way, decided to start a conversation, so that he perhaps could calm down his friend's nerves.

"You surprise me sometimes." - The redhead spoke as he walked, catching the attention of the dark haired boy.

"What? How so?" - The youngest one asked, relieved that a conversation had started and that the deafening silence was broken.

"I thought spending time with Serge was what you wanted, but not only did you decline his offer, you also agreed to go to the greenhouse with me." - Pascal replied, smiling a little bit.

"I've never seen you take so many risks in such a short period of time." - He spoke again in the middle of a laugh, leaving his friend a little embarrassed.

Carl did not know how to respond. It was true that being with Serge had been his greatest wish for a while, but that didn't feel like such a great priority right now. It was strange, because the only thing he felt right now was the desire to spend more time with Pascal, which made him feel a little shy.

"I just thought it would be better to get away from him a little bit, until those unwanted feelings disappear." - The religious boy replied, dodging a branch that was in his way.

After a few minutes of walking, the two boys were in a clearing with a small dirt path to the greenhouse, which reflected the sunlight on its glass walls. The place was a contrast to most of Lacombrade, which used to be so cold, always with its gloomy atmosphere. It seemed that the greenhouse was a little piece of paradise on Earth, a place that felt almost otherworldly, so warm and welcoming it was. Entering the glass-walled room, the old surroundings, seen before so many times, still managed to impress the two friends. A great many plants fought for space, varying in colour and size, some falling over others, making the entire room messy yet comforting. What stood out most was a radiant pepper plant, which carried its long branches as high as it could. The sun shone behind the plant, making it look even more charming. Delighted at how long it took him to realize the beauty of that place he'd already frequented several times, the dark-haired boy touched the small peppers that reflected the sun, disappointed in himself for not having noticed the greenhouse's beauty before.

They did not feel like they were in an ordinary place, they didn't even feel as if they were still in Lacombrade Academy, nor did they feel they were doing something wrong. It was just the two of them before the dazzling beauty the greenhouse provided them. Spending the afternoon analyzing and picking different species of flowers was one of the Pascal's favorite pastimes, and even though Carl didn't quite agree with the activity, he understood why his friend enjoyed spending his time doing so. It was like a sanctuary, away from all the worries and uncertainties that the school's aura conveyed. It was a place to rest, think, or share a moment with someone special. Glad to finally be able to show Carl one of the reasons that always motivated him to escape classes, Pascal gives his friend a list of some species of flowers to be harvested, which ranged from roses to weeds. With his paper in hand, the religious boy starts walking slowly through the greenhouse, looking for exactly what was written, and taking the opportunity to admire the environment even more, noticing the small details that always went unnoticed.

Meanwhile, inside one of Lacombrade Academy's classrooms, the same one where the two boys had been hours before, their names were the subject of a conversation. It was only a few minutes before class started, and everyone was surprised that the Class Representative was not there. Some asked what happened, worried if something might have happened to him, others, more malicious, already imagined that he'd been led astray and followed the steps that some cute boys followed in the school.

"Did you saw Carl and Pascal after lunch?" - Serge asked the friends who sat next to him, they seemed curious and worried.

"We didn't see either of them, Pascal is probably busy working on his Blue Rose, but we have no idea where Carl might be." - Kurt replied, as Neka agreed with a gesture.

"He didn't look well, he was late in the morning, and now he doesn't come to class, what could have happened?" - The pianist asked worriedly, flipping through the pages of a book that would be used in that class.

Carl's perfect reputation could be a flaw at times, as everyone always expected the best from him and admitted no less than exemplary attitude. He might not show it, but he was tired of being seen as a reference or a model, it was exhausting to keep all aspects of life perfectly balanced. His grades were always high, he wore the cleanest and tidiest clothes, had an exemplary education and was seen as a true gentleman. His kindness, qualities and purity hid someone who, even though he was surrounded by people and received lots of praise, felt lonely. It was not very noticeable, but most times he smiled, it was possible to see that deep sadness, that melancholy look that never failed to worry. Rare were the occasions when Carl's smile was entirely devoid of any negative feeling.

"Maybe he wasn't feeling well today, we can talk to him after class." - Neka said, reassuring his friends while trying to think positive, he couldn't imagine any other reason for Carl to miss classes.

Amid the flowers that bloomed in the glass room, the list of the two boys was slowly decreasing in size, with only a few species left to be harvested. They carried in their hands the most polychromatic bouquets they had ever seen. They looked like those sold in Arles or Paris, any girl would sigh when she received one of these. They carried in their hands the most polychromatic bouquets they had ever seen, they looked like those sold in Arles or Paris, any girl would sigh when she received one of these. The last item on the dark-haired boy's list was roses, and Pascal had not specified exactly what kind of rose he should pick. He decided to choose the color himself, as he imagined that it would not make a difference in his friend's experiment. And so, some red roses were picked and placed next to the other flowers that were in his hand. Pleased to be able to complete the list, Carl took the bouquet to the scientist along with the list, saying:

"In the list you gave me, you didn't specify what kind of rose you wanted, so I picked the red ones, is there a problem?"

After turning to talk to his friend, Pascal analyzes the flowers that were picked before answering the question asked. The truth is that the dark-haired boy was standing exactly where the sun's rays perfectly framed him, giving him an angelic aspect.

"It was exactly red roses I needed, you picked the right ones." - The redhead responds trying to act naturally, although he was a little enchanted by how radiant he looked in the sun and the plants.

"I thought the color of the roses didn't matter, as you always try to make them blue." - The religious boy said, slowly running his fingers over the soft red petals of the flowers.

It was impossible not to mention the scientist's obsession with changing the color of flowers. Ihat had been his life goal since he was very young, even though his own family disbelived that it would ever be possible. Carl was one of the few people who understood his dream, it was one of the reasons that brought them closer, because he always supported him, even though he had little chance of success.

"The colors are extremely important, because in addition to the different pigments, each of the roses has a different meaning." - Pascal replied, happy to have the opportunity to teach his friend something.

"White roses symbolize purity and innocence, they are the ones I use the most because they have a color that is easy to change. Yellow roses symbolize joy and friendship, they have a pigment that is not really useful to create the blue color." - He explained in detail, articulating well and naturally, as he spoke about one of his favorite subjects, one of which he was the most knowledgeable about.

Carl had become accustomed to his friend's peculiar interests, but he was surprised to learn the symbolism of each type of rose, after all, he had never presented anyone with flowers and didn't have much knowledge on the subject. What he admired most was the way Pascal explained things. It was possible to have a genuine interest in what he said, it was exhilarating to see just how much the older boy wished to learn, to know more about the flowers. Soon after a relatively lengthy explanation of what each color of rose meant, the youngest boy realized that the meaning of one flower had yet to be explained: the red rose. Even though he already had a brief knowledge about the flower, with a bit of shyness, Carl decided to ask his friend, just to hear his explanation.

"What about red roses? What do they mean?" - He asked taking a single red rose from the bouquet, making it very visible.

Surprised by the sudden question, a part of Pascal wondered if the youngest boy really didn't know what the meaning of the flower was, since it was one of the best known and most used types for gift-giving. Perhaps he had noticed a little audacity on the part of his friend, as it was as if he just wanted to hear what he had to say about the rose. These thoughts were soon put aside, it was evident that Carl would never provoke him that way. He was just imagining things again. Assuming Carl didn't really know, he explained normally, just as he had done with the other colors.

"Red roses, the flowers of Aphrodite, Venus and Maria. They are the most symbolic species in the West, and even though they are so similar to the others, they have a much deeper interpretation." - The older boy answered the question, taking the reddish flower that was in the hand of his friend - "They are the flowers that are most used to present the loved one, as they mean beauty, consummation and love."

Pascal analyzed the flower he was holding as he continued his explanation, not realizing the effect his words had on those who were listening. The religious boy felt a little shy hearing words as sentimental as these, and felt flushed like he did the afternoon they spent in the laboratory.

"They have the same color as blood and heart, they symbolize the respect and devotion that an individual has for the loved one." - The scientist said in the midst of his daydreams, the explanation about the other colors was simple, but with the red rose, he went on talking.

The dark-haired boy was surprised at the times when Pascal was able to think in a more emotional than rational way, as he usually boiled down to numbers and calculations, but this time he seemed more emotional than usual. It was eccentric the way he knew so much about relationships, but never had anyone pique his interest. This was one of the few things that Carl did not know about his friend. The two rarely talked about matters of the heart, and the neglect towards this type of conversation resulted in neither of them knowing about the other's romantic interests. It was evident that Pascal had extraordinary knowledge in several subjects, even in interpersonal relationships, as he had helped Carl in his moments of doubt. He was afraid to be indiscreet, to make things between them awkward, but he needed to know:

Has the rational genius, Pascal Biquet, ever fallen in love?

The redhead was not the favorite suitor of the girls or their families, that was a fact. His disregard for strict social rules, his careless appearance, his eccentric interests, and his unique way of thinking were not exactly what was considered attractive, though being one of the oldest children in a family with a good reputation and financial condition did give him some advantage. In all these years he had known him, Carl had never heard his friend mention a lady's name, or give any sign that he had been interested in anyone. This in a way comforted him, even though it was a selfish and immature desire, he was happy to be the closest person to his friend at the time. He couldn't imagine the redhead with anyone, even if that was eventually going to happen. Whenever thoughts like that crossed his mind, he felt a kind of discomfort and didn't know why, he just stopped thinking about it and tried to distract himself.

"You understand so much about love and its aspects, but have you ever met someone who made you feel it?" - The question was asked timidly, he felt so embarrassed that he couldn't even properly pronounce the word "love".

It was the first time he heard Carl ask him about love, as it was a subject rarely discussed between the two. Obviously the scientist would not miss an opportunity to joke about the situation.

"First, you agree to truancy, and now you want to talk about a subject that we don't normally talk about? I must admit, the imposter they put in your place really isn't very good at all." - The redhead said in a sarcastic tone, making his friend forget his shame and laugh a little.

"There's no need to answer if you don't want to, I was just curious." - He replied looking away and returning his attention to the flowers again, trying to escape from the subject and avoid further embarrasment.

Pascal thought about possible answers. It was rare to see Carl so boldly mention this topic, so changing the conversation was out of the question. If the answer was negative, he would be lying to himself and to Carl, but if it was positive, he would have to be careful that his true feelings were not discovered. The dark-haired boy looked at him expecting an answer, but also afraid that he had asked something too intimate. Deep down, he knew that most things people considered embarrassing or inappropriate would not affect Pascal, but he still feared he had gone over the limits of what was acceptable in their friendship.

"Yes, it has already happened to me." - Pascal replied, this time without sarcasm or with a joke involved, he was being sincere and direct.

Carl found himself surprised, even though he knew it was likely to have happened. He felt a little frustrated, and guilty too, because he should have been feeling happy for his friend. He imagined he would have been be the first person to know, they were best friends and shared everything that happened in their lives. The younger boy tried not to care, after all the scientist owed him nothing. He wondered who was be the person who managed to arouse such interest in Pascal, in his head he projected the image of someone with the characteristics that would attract his friend. He had several questions, such as who that person was, how he found out what he felt, and most importantly: what he did about it. He considered asking or not, but preferred to remain silent so as not to be invasive. Pascal was amused to see Carl's confused expression, he probably wanted to continue the matter, but he didn't know how.

"Feel free to ask anything you want to know, you know I don't mind that." - The older boy said, leaving Carl surprised to have guessed what he was thinking. - "If you keep imagining too much and don't ask, you'll get even redder than you are right now."

That was enough to make the boys laugh. The fact that Carl got red in the face in situations where he didn't know how to act was in a way attractive, it was a unique and subtle feature. Normally he didn't like that detail in himself, he felt even more ashamed when others noticed it. But with Pascal it was different, having the freedom to laugh at each other was an advantage of being very close, it was something they did only when they were alone.

"How did you find out what you felt?" - The religious boy asked, gently sighing after saying so, still feeling guilty over the feelings he had for Serge.

The redhead knew exactly what made him attracted to the dark-haired boy, his shy and somewhat withdrawn personality, the way he was always so diligent, and how he always tried gave his best to fulfill his responsabilities. Besides, he understood him like no one else, and he could count on Carl for whatever he needed. The words were carefully thought out before being said, as he took care to make them clear but not too revealing.

"How can I explain? It happened in a natural way, I knew it right after I realized how comfortable it feels to talk to that person, and even when we don't talk, their presence is sufficient." - He said as he continued walking slowly through the greenhouse, being accompanied by his friend.

Carl knew that the women closest to Pascal were his sisters and other girls in the family. The redhead's social life was not very busy, and he could hardly think of who the person described by his friend could be.

"They support me in my experiments, even though they're not sucessful most of the time. What I like most about them is the fact that we have fun together and how they know almost everything about me, as well as I know almost everything about them." - The scientist continued to speak, arousing his friend's curiosity.

"Please, continue." - The religious boy told his friend, who had paused a little to look in his direction. Carl seemed a little disappointed to hear those words, and he was trying hard to look excited.

He was really innocent, thought Pascal. He could hardly imagine that the scientist was talking about him, in his monologue.

"Let me think ... When I'm with this person, I feel that I don't have to try to adapt to what is expected of me. They understand me, and they've seen all parts of my personality, even the most fragile ones." - The religious boy was impressed with the ease wish with his friend spoke about his feelings, while he could not even express what he felt.

"They've helped me in many difficult moments, moments that even I couldn't believe in myself. Sometimes they scold me, saying that I should try harder at school, but deep down I know that they only do it because they care about me. " - He said, hiding the happiness he felt when he said those words, for fear that Carl might be suspicious of his true meaning.

The younger boy did not know how to answer. He should be happy for his friend, after all Pascal was old enough to marry, so finding a girl with whom he identified was wonderful news.

"You two must be really close." - The dark-haired boy said, trying to look excited and proud of his friend.

"Yes, the best part is that when I'm with them, I don't feel like being with anyone else." - Pascal said, this time looking at his friend, while pushing his glasses slightly upwards.

For some reason, those words kept echoing in Carl's mind, what did he mean by that? Did "not feel like being with anyone else" include him, too? Even though he knew he was being selfish, hearing that made him feel anxious, as he feared that they would grow apart after they graduated, each one following their own path, maybe never seeing each other again. All the criteria his friend listed as the reasons he fell in love seemed a bit strange, they didn't fit with what he felt for Serge. Maybe his feelings weren't as strong as he thought. This in a way motivated him, made him realize that those feelings could be, in fact, fleeting, and that everything could maybe return to normal with the passage of time. In fact, if he tried to use Pascal's criteria to choose the ideal person for him, he wouldn't be able to think of anyone.

In fact, there was a person who met those criteria, but young Carl Messier was not able to see it.

"Well, whoever she is, she must be adorable. I'm glad you found someone you like!" - The dark haired boy said, showing himself happy for his friend, who was trying to hide his disappointment when he heard the answer.

Pascal had planned to tell Carl what he felt for him for some time now, but first he needed confirmation that his feelings were mutual. Carl's somewhat neutral response did not help, he still couldn't figure out what to do. He wanted the relationship of the two to progress somehow, but at the same time he feared that their friendship would end tragically, and by the redhead's calculations, there were great chances of this happening.

The conversation changed there, and they continued to look for flowers to complete the lists. After a while, the bouquets in their hands was even more colorful and every flower on the list seemed to have finally been picked. They sat side by side on a small wall in the greenhouse to compare the species of flowers harvested. The distance between them was minimal, a fact that did not bother either of them.

"All the flowers on the list were picked, I just couldn't find as many lilies as you wanted." - Carl said showing the small amount of lilies in the middle of the bouquet; they weren't widely cultivated in the greenhouse.

"No problem, I only need one component from them." - The redhead replied, still with his eyes turned towards the list.

Only on rare occasions like this did they allow themselves to be so close. Physical contact was generally not well regarded by people, but they felt comfortable being close to each other. The sun's rays reflected on the glass opposite from where they were sitting, bathing them in a golden glow. That moment seemed perfect, just two friends together, creating good memories amidst the tranquility of the greenhouse's beauty Suddenly, their faces were closer than usual, as they talked about the flowers they had picked. It was not strange, but still, both felt themselves a bit mesmerized. The last time they were so close was in the laboratory, during their experiment, a memory that heated the hearts of both boys.

Carl did not move and did not say a word, he was static and did not know what to do, what he would normally do in this situation would be to avoid, but he continued to stare at his friend. The redhead, on the other hand, slowly leaned forward, getting only inches apart from his friend's face. They looked deeply into each other's eyes, unable to move or look away. Carl's heartbeat started to quicken, he tried to calm down but it was no use. He didn't feel like pulling away. Being so close to the scientist allowed him to take in every detail of his appearance, his reddish strands were uniquely hit by the sunlight, giving his hair a fiery glow. The dark-haired boy felt uncomfortable when evaluating the appearance of the people he saw; he didn't feel entitled to do so, especially with other boys. And yet, he did it now: even though Pascal didn't have angelic beauty or a flashy appearance (or just didn't care enough about his looks to have one), Carl still managed to find him attractive. He'd seen him every day for many years, he was completely used to his friend. He didn't try, but could still somehow look handsome while his hair was messed up, his glasses were over his head and he wore a wrinkled lab coat.

The scientist's gaze went from his friend's eyes to his mouth, which was slightly open as if to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. After a few more seconds in that same position, Carl obeyed his instincts and approached slowly. The day had been full of adrenaline, broken rules and, mainly, a lot of guilt. Maybe he shouldn't care, just for today. He really needed a day off, a day away from all his daily stress. The guilt could haunt him later, after this was over. The older boy took the initiative, seeing that he had nothing to lose, and that the consequences of his next action would most likely not be negative. He touches his friend's lips with his own, just as he had done the day before. This time, it was different. There was no experiment to be an excuse. They were simply doing what they wanted to do, and that was what frustrated Carl. All his life, he'd been taught that it was wrong. He'd repressed himself so much, and felt guilty in a way he couldn't explain. Now, he was here, out of class during school hours, sitting on one of the greenhouse's short walls along with his best friend, doing something he would probably regret later.

While Pascal was happy to be having moments like this with Carl, he worried about what he was thinking. He didn't want to pressure him, to speed things up too much. The religious boy, however, let himself be carried away by the emotion of the act, allowing himself to forget, even if just for a few seconds, the guilt that always haunted him. The position of the Sun indicated that it was well past noon, but time seemed frozen in that greenhouse. The glass building kept a newly created memory that would be deeply engraved in the minds of the two boys.

Continued in the Next Chapter

Written by KimKymury, thank you for reading it!

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 9

Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here, I hope you like it!

I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings​ for  for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning:  Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/963625097-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-9

Under the cut!

Chapter 9

P.O.V Narrator

The boy who had been concentrated on the teacher's lecture now found himself exchanging messages with the friend next to him. Carl's every movement was made with care and apprehension, fearful that they'd be discovered. On the other hand, the red-haired boy didn't care so much about discretion. His indifference towards the classes was evident: every time he attended the class, he always counted the minutes to return to the laboratory. The dark-haired boy discreetly unfolded the paper he was given, preventing the act of unfolding it from making any noise and hiding it in one of the pages of the book. The almost illegible handwriting was one of the scientist's characteristics, and it took a little effort to understand what was written. Carl was already used to it, reading what was on the paper was not a problem.

Carl begins to read the note hidden inside the book:

"Latin truly is a dead language, they could teach us actually useful things, like Biology, ne in vobis? (Don't you agree?)"

The last part of the sentence was written in Latin. The redhead liked to make clear that the fact that he found the subject useless didn't mean he was ignorant of it. Complaints on his friend's part were common, Carl just didn't think he would expose his whining during class. Pascal looked at him as if waiting for an answer. The dark haired boy needed to think about what to write and return the paper without causing suspicion. The pencil slides over the surface of the paper quickly, as the writer struggled to make as little noise as possible. The redhead is pleased to receive the small piece of paper back, he opens it and gets ready to read and answer. Carl's careful and beautifully rounded handwriting carried the words the scientist had already expected.

"I know you prefer to study other things, but you need to learn Latin if you plan to graduate someday."

Carl's words were so predictable that Pascal had an answer ready, he just needed to know if it was the right time to make his proposal. The small piece of paper is passed again to the friend, who was eager to continue the conversation, despite being afraid of getting caught.

"We have yet another class after lunch, the teachers must be trying to destroy our brains, like this. I was thinking of going to the greenhouse to pick new species of flowers after noon. Would you like to join me?"

The religious boy repeatedly reread what was written, for fear of being mistaken. Had Pascal just invited him to go the greenhouse during class time? The friend's habit of failing on purpose was known to everyone, and no one was surprised when they didn't see him in class. But with Carl it was different, he was the complete opposite of Pascal, he could count on the fingers of one hand how many absences he had in an year. It would be risky, they could be caught, punished, warned and maybe even their families would know. His good nature and rigidly constructed morals screamed at him to refuse the invitation, the fear and emotion of being doing something wrong mixing together. But the desire to spend some time with the redhead proved greater than all that. Fervently hoping that they wouldn't be seen or discovered, the dark-haired boy internally asked for forgiveness for what he was about to do, feeling unimaginable guilt. But it was his curiosity won the control over his actions, not his guilt. The note is returned slowly. Carl could not believe what he had written, there was still time to change his mind, but he didn't.

Pascal opens the paper and smiles, satisfied with what he'd read. The opportunities to see his friend doing risky things were rare; he liked seeing him leave his comfort zone.

"As long as we don't get caught, I accept." - That small sentence was enough to end the message exchange. Now they had to calmly wait until the right time.

In a way, the scientist wasn't so bothered by how long Latin class was taking now, he seemed distracted, thinking about what was going to happen, with a simple, surreptitious smile on his face. The religious boy, on the other hand, turned his attention entirely to what he was learning. For him the hours seemed endless, as he felt a sickening mixture of anxiety and excitement at the same time. He'd never agreed to doing something so risky before. The truth is that Carl would have refused the invitation had it been made by anyone else, but with Pascal was different, he knew that he would have fun, as long he was with his friend. It was a time that deserved to be spent and a risk that was worth taking, he concluded. And while the religious boy was lost in his thoughts and feelings, the scientist's mind worked at full speed. He was extremely determined in what he did and felt, and didn't make the proposal to his friend without a proper reason behind it. He wanted to put his feelings to the test.

With his chin on one hand and a bored look that watched the professor read the passages in the book, Pascal remembered what it had been like to discover what he felt. It was a strange feeling, it wasn't like anything he'd read in his biology books. It was a genuine happiness, that seemed to have no particular cause. He was surprised, but he was not disappointed, after all, he knew he was liable to have feelings like anyone else. He just didn't expect those feelings to be for the person he least expected. Someone who was by his side all the time, someone who probably wouldn't feel the same way about him. Frustration was part of his life, but the frustration he felt now burned like impotence, it wassomething that even made him feel physical pain. Discreetly, the red-haired boy's gaze turned to the boy next to him; he carefully analyzed his friend, who was concentrated on what he read. The white skin had few imperfections, just a few slight marks, too subtle to be noticed. The hair was as dark as black ink, its texture was smooth, and it looked thin, soft, and easy to comb. The eyes, dark as the night sky, showed a permanent expression of sadness or worry, as if something was always troubling him.

Pascal might consider himself stupid for being enchanted by such common things, things he saw daily and for so long, and yet, no matter how much time passed or how close they were, Carl kept fascinating him. A slight sigh is released, the expression that seemed bored before, now seemed thoughtful. Every second until lunchtime was counted impatiently by both boys, who were surprised at their excitement over going flower-picking together.

After a few hours, the lunchtime bell rang, providing a great relief for all students. The way from the classroom to the cafeteria was walked quietly; Carl still wondered if it had been a good idea to accept the invitation, and whether he should have refused. But that thought changed shortly after they sat down to eat, as Serge was unaccompanied and sat next to Carl just like the night before. The pianist asked some questions about Carl's morning tardiness, but soon his curiosity was placated with some excuses. However, the other boys present, like Kurt and Neka, quickly took the opportunity to make all kinds of jokes possible with the situation.

"Professor Watts often complains that we are late for the first class of the day, next time I'll just tell him that even the Class Representative does it, so there's no reason why I shouldn't do it too." - The boy with curly red hair said, making everyone at the table laugh, even Carl.

It almost made him forget why he had been so excited for lunch, but the exchange of looks he had made with Pascal quickly reminded him. It was as if they agreed on the right time to act by exchanging looks. Conversation between friends flowed naturally, the dark-haired boy was so distracted that his thoughts about the gypsy boy, which had previously disturbed him, were forgotten for a few moments. The minutes passed and the number of students in the cafeteria decreased. The boys' dishes were progressively emptied as they became more apprehensive about how to leave without being caught. The older boy, who sat across from Carl, nodded discreetly, indicating that it was time to act.

The two young men stood up after making up some excuse for their friends who were still eating, afraid that their nervousness was evident in some way. Everything would have gone perfectly, were it not for Serge's intervention:

"Carl, Gilbert didn't come to class today, why don't we sit side by side in Latin class after lunch?" - The pianist asked before Carl could walk away, leaving him at a loss for an answer.

Pascal stopped walking after hearing this. He had his doubts whether Carl would really continue with the plan after receiving Serge's invitation. He wasn't a hypocrite, he knew it was difficult for his friend to deal with unrequited feelings. Yet, he couldn't help but feel frustrated at the gypsy boy's attitude. He knew that feeling wasn't reasonable, it wasn't as if Serge had asked that just to annoy him, he didn't even have any idea about what was going on with Carl. The scientist patiently waited for the religious boy to respond. Carl's conscience was split in two. It was a fact that spending time with Serge was all he wanted, especially now that the blond boy wasn't near. But a part of him, the part that controlled his decisions, made him think that perhaps the time he could spend with Pascal, as risky as it could be, would be more worthwhile.

"I'm sorry, but I promised Pascal that I would help him in today's class" - The dark-haired boy said, trying to look as convincing as possible, feeling bad about lying and refusing his friend's invitation.

It was difficult to refuse the request of a person he so yearned to be close to, but in a strange way, he found himself wanting to be with Pascal even more than with Serge. The redhead understood him like nobody else, he could be who he really was with him, he felt understood and safe. Pascal, on the other hand, was somewhat jealous of the way Serge was deified by Carl. But the scientist made an effort to be rational, and he would not let a feeling or a whim impair his relationship with his friend.

With a gesture of understanding, Serge made no further inquiries and soon went back to talking with the other boys. The two friends then took the opportunity and left the dining hall, which was already getting empty as the students finished their lunch. In the corridors were some teachers and other school staff, who guaranteed the supervision of the students, so that they didn't escape the school or avoided attending classes. Some boys used the last minutes of lunch to talk or rest outdoors, at the small courtyard in the center of Lacombrade.

A feeling of nervousness came over Carl. He walked calmly beside his friend, who seemed to be concetrated on his own thoughts. It was practically impossible to get out without being caught, but the red-haired boy was already an adept truant, and so had a plan already orchestrated in his mind.

"There is no way to leave without being seen! What are we going to do now?" - The dark haired boy asked in a low voice, doubting the possibility of his friend having an answer.

"At exactly five to one, Professor Watts crosses to the other corridor, leaving free passage to a small room used to store materials and other useless things. There's a small window that gives access to the outside. After leaving throught it, we simply follow the path to the greenhouse. " - The redhead replied as if describing an everyday act, which it really was, to him.

While he was somewhat impressed wish his friend's experience in truancy, the dark-haired boy felt the need to reprimand him for taking such risky and immoral actions, but he knew that now was not the ideal time for that. And even if it was, Pascal would not hear his sermons; he was used to his routine of going to look for flowers to pick, and would have no intention of abandoning it. The two friends waited (one of them anxiously) for the moment when the professor would leave his post and the passage would be free. The scientist as naturally, as if nothing was amiss, while his religious friend watched the surroundings in fear of being caught. There was nobody else in that part of the school, it was a seldom frequented place, which relaxed their worries over being watched.

However, it would have surprised them to know that there was one person who watched the scene intently. A young boy who also carried the surname Messier, saw his brother accompanied by the redhead, and was surprised by what he saw.

 In a deeper part of his mind, he had already imagined the scientist's possible intentions, and noticed that he had some sort of strong affection for Carl. Sebastian did not imagine that his brother would go as far as breaking a Lacombrade rule however, rules that he defended at any cost, just to be able to hang out with Pascal. He let out a tiny sigh and started walking in the opposite direction. Sometimes, it seemed that they weren't even brothers, so different they were.

After the short journey was made without raising suspicion, they approached the old wooden door. It was not well cared for like the other school doors, and it seemed to not having been changed in a long time. Carl vaguely remembered this room. He hadn't had many opportunities to enter it, but he knew it was always locked and could only be opened with a key that only the school staff had access to.

"We don't have the key, how are we going to open it?" - The religious boy asked while turning the knob and failing to open the door, wondering if his friend had any solution to this problem.

From inside one of the pockets, the red-haired boy took out a small key that he used to unlock the door, prompting Carl to ask where he got it from. He did not believe that his friend would be able to steal something just for his own benefit. Pascal had many defects, but dishonesty was not one of them.

"This type of doorknob is an old model, similar to those in my house. I just took a key of mine and filed it in a similar shape until I managed to open it." - The redhead said just before opening the door.

Really, he might not look like it, but he was a real genius. An eccentric and even rebellious genius, but one who possessed a greater intelligence than most usually expected. He went in first and waited for his friend, who was still standing at the door, hesitating. The dark-haired boy looked around before entering, asking God's forgiveness for doing something wrong, letting guilt consume him before proceeding. Carl had gone delinquent. He wasn't proud of it, but something was telling him to continue. Maybe it was the strong desire to forget about his problems and get a little distraction, or to just enjoy the company of his best friend, which was comforting. Their friendship was inexplicable, unshakable, they understood each other better than anyone. Pascal didn't show it much, but he was extremely happy that Carl had accompanied him. It meant a lot to him, it meant that the dark-haired boy liked his company.

The scientist's feelings, which were already strong, had intensified in recent days. He knew that he was not reciprocated, that Carl's heart was already broken and he would not surrender easily, but he was satisfied with only his presence.

I loved you from the beginning, Since I saw you, you have won a special place in my heart. I don't know what makes me love you so much, it's irrational, it's against logic. It's like breaking the laws of physics, it hurts me to see you so close, And to know you are so far away. If numbers could describe us, we would be the Riemann Hypothesis*.

Frustrations were part of Pascal Biquet's life. He had already become so used to them that he saw no problem in having one more in his collection.

* Considered one of the most difficult mathematical problems of all time, this equation has never been solved and there is a prize for those who can solve it.

Continued in Next Chapter

[kimkymury]

hey !! i loved reading the released chapters of your blue rose tears fic, it's so well written (pascal x karl is my new otp because of it jskkd) but i was wondering, are you of roma descent? the word "g*psy" is a negative term meant for romani/roma peoples and they're being really messed over in europe still to this day. ik that you wrote the fic to reflect the times but a little note abt it would rlly help to clear up confusion & not lead people to assume. tysm anyway and gl with ur work!!

Hello, I'm sorry for taking so long to answer!

Thank you so much for your nice words and for supporting the story, It means a lot to me 😊

I'm happy PasCarl is your new OTP, because this shipp deserves love 💙

Answering your question, I am not a roma descent and I don't know much about it culture (I searched a little bit before writing the story). I didn't know that word is a negative term, as I saw that word in the original story, I thought it had no negative meaning.

I am glad you warned me, because I did not know this information, in the next chapters I will not use that word anymore.

If the use of that word has offended someone who has read the story, I apologize and guarantee that it will not happen again.

Thank you for your message Anon! 🤗

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 3

Hello everyone!

I’m back with the third chapter of my Carl x Pascal fanfiction. I hope you like it!

I would like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings​ for  reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning:  Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is also Available on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/928977847-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-3

Under the cut! Enjoy the story.

Blue Rose Tears

Chapter 3

P.O.V Narrator

The whole situation was new to Carl, he had already talked to the scientists about psychology, but being one of his "patients" was new. Pascal held a clipboard and a pencil, he wrote quickly without worrying whether his handwriting was legible or not. After a few more minutes of silence, the redhead turns his attention to his friend.

"I will ask you a few questions, all of which are basead on my research and on reliable sources."  - The elder boy said, he seemed excited to help his friend.

The dark-haired boy nodded silently. It was the first time he had vented to someone like that, It felt like a consultation with a doctor. Carl hoped he would be "fixed", that after those series of questions, he would stop feeling things for Serge.

"First question, descibre in detal how you feel being around this person." - The redhead asks patiently, preparing to write down the answet that would come.

For a few moments, the religious boy thought about how he could verbalize the feeling he had for the pianist. He had never felt anything like it. It felt mote like an obssession, if he could call it that.

"When I am with this person, I feel happy and I want to be closer to them. I really admire that person, they are everything I am not and will never be." - He says, praying internally that all that would pass.

"Okay, can you tell me what it's like to know that this person doesn't love you back?" -  The eldest boy asks, carefully writing down every word his friend said.

Carl felt desolate, that was the perfect way to describe what he was feeling. It was like he was never going to be good enough to be with someone like Serge. He tries to turn his feelings into words, in a way that is easier to understand and at the same does not sound so desperate.

"I feel...horrible. It's like I'm drowning in a wave of guilt, every time I'm with this person, I need to pretend I don't feel anything." - The dark-haired boy answers the question as he lowers his head, his eyes were fixed on the floor.

Pascal was surprised by his friend's response, It was normal to be sad because he fell in love with someone who doesn't correspond his feelings, but there was no need to feel guilty about something he couldn't control. That was when he decided It was necessary to find out who Carl had fallen in love with.

"Why do you feel guilty about loving that person? I mean, you're not doing anything wrong." - The redhead looks at the friend who sat opposite him with a worred look.

He didn't want his best friend to get involved with someone who might hurt him.

The religious boy was silent, not knowing what to say. He couldn't belive tha he was feeling things for another man, It was too much for him.

"Do I know this person?" - Pascal asked, diverting Carl's attention from those bad thoughts, making him focus only on question.

"Yes, you know.." -  He replied, afraid of the possible reaction of the scientist to know who he was referring to.

"I see, is this person your friend?" -  The redhead asks while looking at the boy in front of him, It was as if he was analyzing him inside and out.

"Yes, they are..." - At this point, Carl just wanted to his friend to stop trying to find out who was the person and to come up with a solution right away, so his problems could be solved.

"Last question." - After the scientist said this, the religious boy was more relieved.

"Is this person called Serge Battour?" - Pascal said with the same naturalness that asked the other questions, that phrase shocked Carl.

The dark-haired boy went pale when he heard that, he didn't expect it to be so easy to find out who he was in love. His mind was littered with fears and worries about what would happen next.

Would Pascal remain my friend? Would Pascal continue to treat me the same way? Would Pascal tell Serge this? But the most important, Could Pascal find a way to heal me?

"How did you find out?" - Carl said startled, looking at the scientist. He expected an aggressive reaction from him, but he received the usual calm look.

"It was really easy, actually. I just needed to analyze what you said, compare it with your social cycle and see who else fit in. As you said that we both know and the person was your friend, I just thought and discard the options that didn't match." - Pascal replied calmly, taking another drag on his cigarette that was in one of his hands.

No matter how long they had know each other, the scientist always found a way to surprise him.

"Aren't you...disgusted?" - The youngest said confused, his reaction was of someone who had just heard the most normal thing in the world.

"Of couse not, I'm surprised you think I would react in that way. So many conversations we've had, I've already explained to you that same-sex love is a natural thing." -  The eldest replied while leaving the clipboard aside, noting was no longer necessary.

"But...this is wrong. If someone finds out I could end up being expelled from school, and if Serge finds out, he-" - Carl was saying before he was interrupted by his friend.

"He won't find out because none of us are going to tell him, and about school, chill out. If they expel you. it'll be for the best, if it weren't for the lab I woudn't be in this school full of people who are limited and have closed mind." - The redhead replied while lying back in the armchair.

" Pascal! I can't leave this place, I grew up here. You too spent a lot of your life here, would you leave if you had the chance?" - The religious boy spoke a little irritated by the friend's comment.

"Of course not, I am being ironic, Despite all the defects, I would not leave Lacombrade, I would miss you and the others." -  The scientist replied, being a little kinder than usual.

"I would miss you too...but that is not important now. I need you help, that's why I agreed to answer the question." -  The dark-haired boy said the beginning of the sentence in a lower tone, before changing the subject.

Demonstrations of affection weren't exacltly Carl's thing, he didn't know how to express his feelings for people, sometimes others thought he didn't care much. But when he wanted someone to know that they were special to him, he found a way to demonstrate.

~Flash from a Year Ago ~

When Carl was younger, until he was about thirteen, he was closer to his younger brother. They moved away because the older one was too busy with his studies and did not like to hang out with his brother's friends. But the love Carl felt for Sebastian never changed, even though they didn't spend much time together or argue from time to time, he always protected his brother On a normal day, Sebastian looked more downcast than usual. He was usually smiling and running around, but this time was different.

"What happened?" - The eldest says approacing his brother, who was surprised by his presence.

"Tomorrow is my birthday, I asked Rosemariné if I had received a letter, but he said no. Mom and Dad must have forgotten about me." -  Sebastian replied saldy, it broke Carl's heart to see the 8 year old boy like that.

"They haven't forgotten about you, there was probably a delay in the post office and the letter may arrive after your birthday. Don't be sad." - The dark-haired boy tried to comfort his brother, bending down when speaking to stay the same height as him.

"Sometimes, I miss them..." - The tears threatened to flow from the small dark eyes, but were prevented by the same.

"I miss them too, but don't be sad. Tomorrow is a special day, so you better be smiling!" - Carl tried to cheer up the sad boy, running his hand lightly through his hair.

The two said goodbye and followed different paths, Carl's intention was good, but he was not very good at showing what he felt. Sebastian thought about his parents' letter all day, forgetting about it only at bedtime. The following morning, he was eight years old. Upon waking uo early as usual, he gets up and looks at his table. What was on it surprised him: there was a note wrote in a very familiar calligraphy, along with a small miniature hare, carved from wood.

That made the smile, he excitedly opened the note and read in a low voice;

" Happy Birthday, Sebastian.    I hope you like the gift, I bought it when we went to Arles and I thought you would like it.   I know it's not like the toys that Mom and Dad could give you, but I think it can be a susbtitute while we´re here. As much as they don't show it, know that they love you, and so do I. Congratulations for your eight years. Your brother,                          Carl Messier."

If Sebastian had ever doubted whether he was loved by Carl, those doubst were gone. He smiled, not cating if he hadn't received a letter from his parents. He knew he was not alone, as he had his brother by his side."

~End of FlashBack ~

"Why do you want my help?" - Pascal said, taking his friend out of those memories.

"Well, because I did imagine that maybe you could heal me. Can't you do something to make me stop feeling this way?" - He replied seriously, showing his concern

The religious boy was surprised by a laugh, of all the hours that Pascal could laugh, this was the least suitable. Carl watched his friend with an incredulous look, he didn't know why the scientist was laughing so hard.

Had he said something funny?

" How do you want me to heal you if you are not sick? Carl, you are just in love, there is no reason to see this as a disease." - The eldest speaks composing himself, while drying the tears that flowed while laughing.

"Yes but, feelings these things for another man is wrong. In fact, I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore..." - He replies, worried as always.

"I already said and I will repeat, if you want to sleep with someone, just go and do it. Life is too short to worry about what society will think." - The redhead says still recovering from the laughter

"P-Pascal! I did not mention that I would like to do these things, that would be outrageous!" - The dark haired boy says as get up from his chair.

He hadn't been thinking about that, had he? Feelings things for Serge, wanting to be around him was one thing, but...sleeping with him? This thought made the religious boy red with shame, he was not used to having that kind of though.

Since he was a child, he was taught not to question and not to think about this type of thing, especially with other men. People around him taught him to leave that kind of thinking only after he got married.

Pascal, different from his friend, saw no problem in thinking, studying or even talking with other people about sex. For him it was a natural thing, he was delighted at how the human body was capable of generating life. The relationships between people of the same sex did not boher him either, he used to ask himself why they did this, since it did not lead to reproduction. But that changed when he discovered the relationship between Serge and Gilbert, he realized that the feeling of love was more important than biological factors.

"Well, forget about that. You  said you're confused what you feel, what exactly confuses you?" - Pascal asked, motioning for Carl to calm down and sit down again.

"I don't know exactly, maybe I just admire him a lot and I'm confusing things..." - The youngest replied, with his usual shy way.

The two were silent for a while, the scientist was thinking of some way to help his friend understand what he was feeling. The questions were useless, he knew he felt something for Serge, but he wasnt sure what it was. Until suddenly, the older boy had an idea: he wanted to find out if Carl was attracted to other boys, just so he could discover the kind of feeling he had for the pianist.

"There is a way to make you understand what you feel." - Pascal said, with a smile from someone who made a discovery.

"Whatever it is, I am accepting it, I can't take this feeling anymore." - The dark haired boy spoke, showing a little excitement.

Seing that his idea had a good reception, he continues with what he was doing:

"Sit in front of me." - He says, right after that Carl gets up from the chair and puts it in front of his friend, before sitting down again.

The two are close, with only a slight inclination their face would meet. Carl seemed a little apprehensive, he was not used to being so close to people, but the desire to find out what he was feeling was bigger than any fear.

"Let's do an observation experiment, the fuction of it is to relax your mind and let your subconscious guide you." - Pascal explains to his friend, carefully analyzing every trace of his face.

"And will it help me understand and get over what I'm feeling?" - The youngest question, curious about what comes next.

"Maybes yes or maybe not, it's very relative. What matters most is the moment itself and how you felt." - The scientist explains, reassuring his friend.

"Okay, I accept. What do I need to do?" - Carl asks, determined to continue with that.

"I'll explain, but first I have to ask you...Do you trust me?" - The redhead asks, with a serious expression, showing that he expected an exact answer.

Carl did not hesistate, he trusted Pascal more than anyone else, perhaps even more than Serge. The two boys have know each other for a long time, have always been honest with each other and never keep secrets from either of them. In all the bad times, the scientist was there to help him, and vice versa.

 The answer was obvious to Carl, he trusted his friend and knew that he would never do anything bad to him.

If I could choose from all the people in the world to know one of my secrets, It would obviously be you. The one who never judged me, even though I was wrong. The one who was by my side in difficult time.

"Yes, I trust you." - The religious boy replied, assuring the eldest that everything was fine.

CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER

Written by KimKymury, thank you for reading <3

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 8

Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here, I hope you like it!

I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings​ for  for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning:  Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad:  https://www.wattpad.com/955909044-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-8

Under the cut!

Chapter 8

P.O.V Narrator

The moon was shining in the sky during a dark night at the Lacombrade Academy. It was the only source of light that illuminated the rooms with open curtains. It was past midnight, the silence was deafening. All the students were already in their rooms resting after another day. The nights of the school used to be very different than its mornings, which were always busy and noisy. The corridors that were full of students running during the day now were empty and dark. There were few boys who dared to go out at night in the middle of that darkness.

In the midst of all that peace and silence, someone was having trouble resting peacefully. Carl's expression was no longer tired or relaxed as in the early evening, it was more like discomfort. His blankets had become messy and tangled because of his unending tossing, it was as if the boy was being disturbed in his sleep. His expression was frowning and agonized, his breathing was more intense.

Inside his head, he dreamed that he was alone in a blank space that had no beginning and no end. The place was empty and quiet, and of a shade of white so bright that it made his eyes hurt. The silence was agonizing, he always walked in a straight line but it was as if he did not move. Despite being an empty place, it gave him a feeling of sadness, or even of being trapped. But it was at that moment that the tranquility of the blank space disappeared. 

Carl kept walking, but as he stepped ahead, cracks appeared on the floor. The seemingly infinite white floor began to crack and break, causing pieces to fall into an endless dark limbo. The boy was scared and started running in the opposite direction from which he came, only to see that more and more pieces of the floor were breaking and falling. What would happen if he fell into that chasm? The answer was uncertain, and it scared him. There was nowhere else to run, the only blank space was gradually being destroyed, the sadness and emptiness he felt before had turned to fear.

Now only a small piece of the ground remained, where he could barely balance himself to keep from falling. It was inevitable, the last piece broke, taking him to what he believed to be an endless fall. But Carl didn't feel the impact of the floor or the sensation of falling, the only thing he felt was something holding him by the forearm. The boy had his eyes closed preparing to face the abyss, and after feeling himself being held by the arm, he raised his head to face what prevented him from falling. It was someone's arm, probably a fellow student, as the jacket's sleeve was easily recognizable. However, he had no idea who could have saved him and even how that was possible, his first impulse was to ask.

"Serge?" - The dark haired boy asked without thinking, to him it seemed a little obvious that the pianist would be the one with the attitude of so readily helping him.

He received no answer, and that's when he looked more closely at the hand that held him. It didn't look like Serge's hands, its skin color was lighter, and it wasn't thin and delicate as the Gypsy's hands. Carl had no idea who it might be, he tried to recognize the mysterious figure, but the more he looked up, the blurrier his vision became.

The only thing that he could see were unclear shapes, only colors were recognizable. The last thing he saw in the fog was the dark blue of the school uniform and some warm colors just above, they looked like orange or red. That feeling was excruciating, Carl's vision was slowly fading as he heard his name being called several times, the distant sound seemed to be getting closer and closer. He felt something on his shoulder, like a shaking that tried to wake him up.

"Carl, Carl, wake up!" - A voice called him, making the eyes of the boy still in bed shoot open, leaving him with a frightened expression.

The dark haired boy was breathing fast, he felt every quick heartbeat. Standing next to him was Necroix, who was already ready for classes and was carrying some books in his hand. Carl quickly sat up on the bed, while his breathing slowly returned to normal.

"The alarm clock went off and you didn't wake up, what happened?" - The boy standing beside the bed asked, surprised from never having seen his roommate in that state before.

It had been just a nightmare, that relieved the boy who had just woken up, bad dreams were common when he went to bed worried about something. The fact that he had a nightmare didn't bother him, he was more concerned with the possibillity of being late for breakfast.

"I'm fine, I think I was just really sleepy...What time is it?" - Carl replied reassuring his friend, who did not believe much in what he heard, as he'd seen Carl's agonized expression before waking him.

"It's twenty to six, I went down to breakfast, but as I didn't see you I thought I'd better come back and wake you up." - Necroix said as he went towards his desk, setting the alarm clock to the next morning.

"Thanks for waking me up, I'll be going soon." - The dark haired boy thanked his roommate, getting up from the bed to make it up.

Carl couldn't believe he was almost late because of a dream. If he said that the reason for being late to the first class was a dream, he would be punished for presenting such a stupid excuse. The blankets were folded in the correct order, it was as if they were not messed up. But he couldn't waste time thinking about it, probably his friends were already waiting for him and would be worried about his delay. He was the Class Representative, his reputation and credibility could be affected if he was late.

"I'll see you later." - Necroix says before leaving the room, leaving the boy who was still in pajamas alone in the room.

The hands of the clock were moving. He changed his clothes quickly, taking care that he was well groomed and not seen as sloppy. Carl opened the cabinet that had a mirror on the door. He looked at himself at first to comb his hair, but ended up staring at his reflection longer than he should have. He was looking intently at himself, analyzing every little aspect of his appearance after running the comb through his dark hair. He did not consider himself handsome nor ugly, he had a normal appearance, so normal that he found it tedious to look at. He did not have a very striking physique, but he was not considered strange. How could anyone be so normal in every possible way? By what criteria was he considered normal?

He quickly closed the closet door and took the books he needed, he would only waste time by thinking about nonsense. After leaving the dormitory, it was possible to hear the voices and footsteps of several students, Carl went quickly to the Dining Hall and hoped they would not notice his delay. Unfortunately, that's just what happened, in the way to the Hall he could hear comments from other students who realized that he was in a hurry. Ignoring them was the only thing he managed to do, he had neither the time nor the courage to confront them.

The dining hall has less students than usual, probably due to the time, since most had eaten breakfast and now enjoyed the last few minutes before classes started.  After entering the Hall, Carl grabs the meal of the morning on a tray; he would have to eat quickly to get to class in time. He imagined that he would eat alone, since his friends wouldn't have been able to wait for him for so long, but he was mistaken. At a table with few people who all sat some distance away from each other, the red-haired scientist sat alone with a somewhat bored expression. It looked like he was waiting for someone. Seeing this, the dark-haired boy decided to sit with him, wondering if he too woke up late. Carl placed the tray on the table and sat across from Pascal, who was happy to see him.

"I heard you had trouble waking up. Let me guess, you kept thinking about what happened yesterday, right?" - The redhead asked ironically, starting to eat together with his friend.

"How did you know that?" - The religious boy asked a little confused, since he had not discussed it with anyone.

"Necroix told me earlier, everyone was worried that you were late. The class representative is always so punctual.” - The scientist responded, before taking a bite of his slice of bread. As with almost everything he said, he used irony as a way to add humor to any situation.

Carl was a little surprised, he had already imagined that his delay would generate a little concern, but there was still something that he wanted to ask.

"At least I wasn't the only one to arrive late. Did you stay up late studying again?" - The dark-haired boy replied, indicating the fact that his friend was still having breakfast.

"Not this time, I woke up on time and I thought you wouldn't want to eat alone." - Pascal replied, this time without sarcasm, explaining why he was there.

Simple words that meant a lot to Carl. To think that his friend had waited for him so he would not be alone was a gesture of kindness. He knew that the other boys wouldn't do that, in fact he couldn't imagine anyone doing this but Pascal, not even Serge ... That simple and ordinary act was enough to brighten up his day, even if he didn't show it much. The two continued to eat in silence, until Carl asked a question.

"And the others, where are they?" He asked, before taking a sip from the cup of tea, wondering where his friends would be.

"Kurt and Neka went out to play football before class, Serge went back to his room to try to get Gilbert to go to class, and Necroix joined Liliath to do something, I think your brother was with them." - The scientist replied, easily remembering the details.

Carl had expected all that, the boys always did the same things, so their routine was already etched in his mind. He was only bothered that Sebastian was hanging out with Liliath, he knew it was not good to leave his brother with older boys, especially those of questionable reputation. The concern in his eyes was visible, he feared for his brother's safety in a place like Lacombrade, but he had to accept that he would not listen to his sermons.

"Don't worry so much about him, Sebastian is young but very independent, he'll be fine." - Pascal reassures his friend, who felt as if he could guess what he was thinking with just a look.

"I know that, I just wanted him to interact with the boys his age." - The religious boy says, exposing the real reason for his concern, just before taking the last bites of the slice of bread.

The two boys finished eating quickly, soon the bell would ring and they should go to the first class of the day, which would be the same for both. With great effort Carl convinced Pascal to attend the first class, which was the one he liked the least: Latin. He knew that his friend did not care about his grades, as he had the hobby of repeating grades, but Carl worried that he would be punished for excessive absences. The way to class was ordinary, there were no signs of their friends, who were probably in other classrooms of Lacombrade. When they entered the room, there were already some students, most of them having conversations or trying to stay awake.

Although the night before was cold, the sun shone and illuminated the room, the large windows created a friendly, inspiring atmosphere. That room brought a certain nostalgia to Carl, he still remembered his first years studying there. As they went up the steps of the room to get to where they wanted to sit, Carl observed the place and felt happy, in a way.

How can a place as beautiful as this have such a sad atmosphere?

It was true that Lacombrade had excellent teaching methods, but that school gave him such a sad feeling in his heart, he'd felt it since the first time he stepped into the school. Maybe it was due to its cold walls or its secluded location, or it could also stem from the horrible things that happened when no one was around. His thoughts are dispersed when the boys sat down side by side while they wait for the class to start; Pascal looked bored and unwilling to be there, going to class only because of Carl's requests. Some students were surprised to see him in class so early, especially in one whose subject he couldn't stand. Carl knew that Pascal saw no sense in studying Latin, its words and grammatical rules could confuse even someone as brilliant as the redhead. It was precisely in this aspect that they differed.

The dark-haired boy turned to look at the friend who was sitting on his right, he calmly flipped through the pages of a book, as far as Carl could tell, it was something related to Biology or Chemistry. He then noticed a detail so simple that he had not noticed it before: Pascal's red hair had a shade similar to the one he saw in his dream, before waking up. He spent a few more seconds watching his friend, no words were exchanged. Oddly enough, the situation was not awkward. They could stand side by side for hours without talking and would be fine with it, just enjoying each other's company without worry.

That was a quality present in the best friendships, wasn't it?

It was only a few minutes before class started, and Carl found himself thinking again as a form of distraction. His first thought was of Pascal, his best friend, who was right beside him. He analyzed and remembered all the times they were compared with each other for being extremely different. Pascal was certainly nothing like the ideal model boy that people admired, he was just the opposite. He didn't care about grades or a good reputation, his appearance was considered careless, he didn't care about fixing his hair nor was he bothered by his eternally wrinkled clothing. He was constantly late, missing classes to do experiments, and he was kind but did not behave like a gentleman. As much as it was considered a defect, the dark-haired boy admired the fact that his friend could always be so detached from the opinion of other people and be focused on his goal.

He had no more time to think about it, the class had just started and the whole class was silent. Some were concentrated, and others were frightened by the possibility of being punished if they did not know how to answer a question. Carl opened the book he brought with him on the page ordered by the teacher; he followed the explanations carefully, trying to memorize each verbal conjugation. On the other hand, the boy who was sitting next to him did not take his eyes off the scientific book, he did not bother with the possibility of a punishment, and seemed very focused on what he was reading.

A few minutes passed and the scientist calmly closed the book that made him so interested, the truth is that he'd already read it so many times that he'd memorized the whole thing. Pascal, bored and with no interest in continuing to listen to those explanations about Latin, decides to turn his attention to Carl. He seemed focused on what he was learning, although the source of his concentration was the desire to get a good grade, not genuine interest in the subject. But Carl's attention is taken from the book when he sees a small piece of paper folded a few times being left close to his hand by the boy who sat beside him. Pascal gave the paper to him discreetly, without raising any suspicion. While he was curious to know what it was about, he was still afraid of being discovered and punished for not paying attention.

Continued in the next chapter.

Written by KimKymury, thank you for reading!

[kimkymury]

Kazeki fans, please help me!

Does anyone know if at some point in the manga it is said where Carl and Pascal were born? I need this information for a story, but I'm not sure what city they were born in.  I looked in the manga but didn't find much information (besides that it would take a long time to read all the volumes just to look for that information).

The cities mentioned in the story are Paris, Arles and Marseille, I know Gilbert was born in Marseille, but I don't know what the other characters' hometown is.

It would be very useful if you could answer me, thank you!