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time's rlly a funny thing
#🌙.rambles#playing ffxiv rn n being in ishgard just#feels so at home. i wld rmb just afking here n wtvr#oh yeah this specific market board in the pillars i rmb once#coming across the fc lead here n we talked a bit c: n then a bit after that#he. an old.. friend of mine came up n i rmb the /hug n then he tped away wtf 😭😭#i rmb this was all on like. school in the morning n then logging into ffxiv yeah twintani. sometime in october 2021#n then after i still rmb how i checked my friends list n tped to limsa n then w ^^ we did some savage unsynced#just us then apollo n one of the dude's friends joined too. he joked abt some silly stuff. i still remember#nyways it's just. really bittersweet how yk we can't ever return to these memories#n sometimes things that used to feel like home yk stuff we used to be so familiar with. routine. they can just end so quickly#like ppl we used to talk to. or homes we used to have. yeah. so much#not too long ago the thought of 2023 seemed so far away but look—we're now already on the 3rd month#n soon. things that feel so far away wld. yk rlly be closer than it seems#i miss being a child. i miss the friends i used to have but have now lost contact with#just.. the little things. i miss them so much#i wldn't say i'm stuck in the past but it just hurts#when i'll eventually be an adult yk these years of my youth wld feel like a faraway dream#i don't really know how i'll be able to cope with that. all i can do is just.. not rlly think abt it as much. it just hurts#time's so funny huh? look it's nearly 5 pm now.#so much to do n the pressure of time is weighing heavy upon me#the inevitability of end of pain of loneliness is smth i know very well but.. it just. yeah#n there's so much in me that just wants to be let free. all these words n. yeah#fuck it#🌙.vents#i just want to enjoy myself for now but it's so hard w all the pressure i place on myself#to do so much to do this n that n. yeah#i wish. i could at the very least do more for others.#but i don't really know how#how tragic isn't it? nothing in life is ever quite enough. but. we can all just keep on going.. yeah
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NIGHT IN THE BRUME
#🌙 rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#THIS MASTERPIECE. THIS SONG . it's so special to me#wait thinking abt it rn makes me feel like crying. night in the brume represents a lot of my emotions across time#i rmber when i finally reached ishgard way back in early 2021 i cried so much#n that meant so much to me bcs ffxiv really helped me be more open w my emotions again. it was so hard for me for the longest time#n i was so stressed at that time w the future i rmber but ffxiv really slows down time for me and comforts me#the feeling of success i felt when i reached that milestone in game. i finished arr. that meant so much to me#this melody brings back so much memories. it's safe enough for me that i can easily lose myself in it n be at peace#it reminds me of moments n late nights like these where i'm alone in my room w everyone else sleeping n there's just a light to my left#before i knew of emet's existence alphinaud/aymeric/haurchefant were my top 3 faves. all have connections w ishgard#listening to this song reminds me of all those moments as a sprout when i'd just chill in ishgard. or do msq. or wait in queue to level#times where i'd just happily take pics of my wol like i'm her mom or smth. posting on my priv twt. i was so young#i'd find peace and comfort in this little world in my video game. i was on free trial tho so i didn't play w any friends for so long#early months of summer soon i didn't know what i was doing. being stuck in the free trial reflected my own hopelessness w life in general#when finally buying the game tho i rmber logging into the inn of ishgard. i rmber going to ul'dah n finally being able to play w apollo#i rmber later on taking screenshots in ishgard as well n just relaxing. n night in the brume/solid wld play in the back#n it also just reminds me of a lot of things i've written. whether it be related to ishgard for example or while listening to the song#i rmber writing before abt imagining late night walks in ishgard while holding the hand of someone you love#imagine looking up at the beautiful night sky. it's a bit cold w the chill of the breeze but there's warmth w the person by your side#no responsibilities. deep talks or silence; whichever it may be it still gives you comfort.#looking back at my old notes my lore for my wol was 'in hw she learned to trust again'#oh god i already shed a few tears earlier but i feel like crying again bcs i still rmber writing these words so clearly#that was a time where i really really needed a long hug. n maybe rn i need that as well.#;;; i have notes on wolgraha here but for apollo's sake i'll change that to wol/oc omg#damn it's been nearly 2 whole years since i've (mostly consistently) written what happens nearly everyday#huh. 2022's nearly over n it scares me how fast time seems to pass by. remembering hurts so much but it also gives me sm comfort T_T#years months weeks days. sm changes so quickly. it hurts so much idk what to do abt it when there's nothing that cld console that#it's nearly 3 am tho i'll do a few things first then i'll head to sleep
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