#poor poor bisexual dilf man

[obscuredilfoff]

Propaganda below the cut!

Uncle Jim

he got bankrupted by his ex boyfriend's parents (ex died and the bank account was in the name of the ex) and had to build his life up from scratch. hes raising his 17 year old nephew for atleast 7 years because his sister did want to be a parent. he has bills to pay but can barely make ends meet. hes the sweetest man on the planet. he famously said 'why do you have to be gay? is it not enough to be poor?' while pursuing a guy he has a one night stand with (its famous because HES gay, hes had to fight his mildly homophobic sister about it and is estranged from her - while raising her child at her request) he nearly got punched by a pretty boy loser of a banker guy (ex bf of one night stand guy). one person is introduced as someone with a long time crush on jim and he turns him down by calling him a Good Kid. the actor for this character is 29 so its a fandom belief that hes probably at most 32 and Dramatique TM. he has so much game. the end scene of the show is him pulling one night stand by his id card, whispering dirty things in his ears and then BITING the lobe. mostest tierdest gay of the neighbourhood, we love uncle jim (additional info with no joke whatsoever because that would be soooo rude and inappropriate - jim in thai slang means pussy, which is the name of this gay elder who everyone in 1km radius wants to fuck. do what you will with this addition)

He's got two young twinks fighting over him. Is like in his late 30s but acts like he's way older. Tells one of the guys who has been in love with him for years that he's a good kid. Dick so good that he got a guy to work for him for free for like a year before he finally acknowledged that they could potentially get together (they only fucked once at the very start). Tells his gay nephew that lives with him that he shouldn't be gay since he's already poor.

Count von Krolock

vampire dilf with a canonically gay son and is implied bisexual. has a dramatic cape and sings about how god is dead

[stardew-shitposterino]

Stardew Valley Random Harvey Headcanons

Its beginning to look a lot like I’ve fallen for the dorky doctor. How long does it take for me to have a thing for the holy trinity of dilfs (give me another week) enjoy!

Content warning: nsfw at the bottom MINORS DNI

-Harvey was not a very popular person in school. He always rocked his dorky glasses and even had braces back then. His fascination for aeroplanes didn’t make him any more likeable amongst his peers. Poor baby, but it made him have an even better personality (and looks, that stache is exquisit)

-Harvey’s social life began to get better in college when he got rid of his braces and was amongst (relatively) like-minded people. He was still one of the quieter, reserved students there, but he still got invited to some hangouts and found friends

-He had his first kiss with another man at one of the college parties. It was during a “spin the bottle” type game. A lot of alcohol was involved, otherwise Harvey wouldn’t have participated in something so promiscuous (he’s shy and well…hadn’t had his first kiss till he was 20, he isn’t exactly flirty)

-The kiss was meant to be for shits and giggles and of course Harvey was well aware of that…but no one knew that it a.) was his first kiss and b.) would awaken a gay/bisexual panic within him. Harvey had a weird crush on that random guy for 5 weeks after that lmfao

-Harvey is a demiromantic/sexual king 👑 that’s why he hasn’t dated a lot in his life. It’s not that he didn’t want a partner, he just hadn’t found many that he shared a strong platonic bond with in order to build a romantic relationship around it. There was one more serious relationship in between the failed dating attempts, but the love of his life is the farmer

-He is highly intelligent. We all know that he isn’t stupid, the man is a doctor, but he has an above-average IQ which also isolated him further from peers as a kid. He had a deeper understanding of his surroundings which his peers lacked at that age, so he never found common ground with them. Maybe one of the reasons why he’s still a bit socially awkward at times

-Maru reminds him of himself in a way and that’s why he developed a mild crush on her. He feels understood by her, though their personalities aren’t exactly alike, but her fascination for science and the desire to learn more about it makes him feel validated in his love for his own hobby.

-Harvey is a closet perv😮‍💨 yeah that’s right, the socially awkward mess of a doctor isn’t himself when he’s with a partner. He loves to whisper risky remarks to them and has a weakness for heavy make-out sessions. He isn’t like that when he is partner-less, but once his demisexuality lets him develop feelings for someone else, oooohh brother…he’s in it deep (if you let him, sure )

-Harvey has always been curious about gay sex. He has never dated a man before, though he would have loved to, so it peaked his interest in those moments where he was alone with himself, feeling a bit lonely and in the mood. He knows that watching porn isn’t exactly healthy for the brain, but he couldn’t resist to at least search up erotic audio recordings of men guiding him through his solo-sessions every once in a while

[cinderkaliningrad]

The Winternight: If you catch their eyes. (Boys)

Pyotr Vladimirovich (if you like DILF's):

Pyotr will always love Marina, his first wife. We have to live with that fact. He will prefer that you do not physically resemble Marina or that you do not remind him of her in any way, and if you do, he will find it hard to get over the memory. Pyotr is a good man, with a good heart and proud of his family. If you treat his children well he will keep his arms open for you and you will be one of the family.

Nicolai "Kolya" Petrovich (I know he's married and he has a son, let's say that he's single):

First you have to be someone who stands out from the crowd. Beautiful or with good attributes. He looks at the body first. He will openly flirt with you, and probably torment poor Sasha with endless flattery about you. He'll get a bit angry if you don't pay attention to him.

Aleksandr "Sasha" Petrovich (aka Aleksandr Peresvet):

Sasha has probably never noticed anyone. You will be the first and therefore special. Someone brave, fearless who can follow you on your adventures. Be patient with him, the boy is a bit restless and quite reckless. He is clumsy in giving affection and will feel bad because he would be betraying his vows as a monk. Patience and more patience. Especially with his more conservative side, don't worry. Eventually he will understand that you don't think like him and he will respect you. But he will be faithful to you and would live and die for you. You respect his freedom and his desire for adventure. If you are lucky he will take you with him on the horse.

Aleksei "Alyosha" Petrovich:

He will love you with all his heart, he will be afraid of losing you as he lost his sisters (who left) and his mother. He will want to keep you close and protect you always. He will understand everything you tell him and will always listen to you. Good match, good husband, good friend. He will be sincere with you, he will like to have little moments in the woods and fields.

Dmitri Ivanovich (I know he's married too):

He will see you behind his wife's back. His heart is with you. He will look at you first for aesthetic reasons, just like Kolya, you must stand out in his eyes in any way you can. Get her attention. Sasha probably knows about this, but he will have to turn a blind eye. He will let you call him Mitya (his childhood nickname). He'll give you expensive gifts, he'll show off in front of you a lot to show off and impress you: Dmitri Ivanovich, your heroic prince in shining armour. He will show you his snake-hilted sword, his skills, etc.

Konstantin Nikonovich:

Obsession, obsession everywhere. He wants you and now, now and for him. The toxic blond of the novel has arrived, ladies and gentlemen. First he will feel guilty for thinking about his priestly vows. Little by little he'll get over it, he won't need you to convince him like Sasha. You'll get his attention no matter what you look like, just your personality and if you're a witch, you've got him. He may try to abduct you and harass you a bit. If you want to stop him, call Medved to control him.

Medved:

If you are creative, sing well, paint well, or are good at some kind of art or activity of some kind you will catch his attention. The same way Konstantin did. He will chase you until you leave to a place where he can't follow you (Death). He's going to pick your brains and manipulate you a bit, but deep down he'll care about you. And if you die, he will mourn for you and miss you. He'll be the monster in your wardrobe (literally because he's gay/bisexual) or under your bed if you want. His bear form is furry, he might let you sleep on top of him if you let him.

Kasyan Lutovich:

YOU DON'T WANT THIS GUY TO LAY AN EYE ON YOU, believe me... Just frienzone him and if he gives you problem call Vasya.

Morozko is not here, because here we respect our Queen Vasya.

[renaultmograine]

May I suggest Edwin for the bingo

The local bisexual dilf...

Two things: he needs a beard and I don't think killing a bunch of poor people was an effective strategy to stick it to the man. Regardless, we must thank him for his service of being aggressively implied bisexual after the EK book. Plus the man knew how to dress.

Send me a character and I'll play bingo.

[mermaidsirennikita]

thinking of starting either the great or the borgias but idk which to start first ?? which would u recommend

Well lol

That is a complex question to be asking me, but the answer is pretty simple: The Great. It's altogether a more strongly-written, strongly-acted show.

Both shows do come with TWs, imo; rape is either depicted outright or mentioned in both of them, they're pretty murder-heavy. The difference is that almost everything dark in The Great is dealt with... emotionally, but with a ton of dark, satirical humor. While The Borgias has its fair share of dark humor, for all intents and purposes the show is a straightforward historical drama whereas The Great is an anti-historical comedy (I'd arguably dramedy, but the humor is heavy). The Borgias is VERY inaccurate, but it follows.... to a light extent... an idea of the Borgia family's history, and it presents itself as a retelling of their story, whereas The Great literally has a disclaimer at the beginning of every episode about its inaccuracy, and its lack of intention to be accurate.

Both of the shows, for me, lived and died on their main ships. But I would say that The Great generally has stronger plot threads going on in the background, a more interesting array of supporting characters, whereas The Borgias.... Honestly didn't. I was ENTHRALLED by The Borgias while it was on, because I was waiting for that ship to happen. But then it did in the final season and after all was said and done I was left disappointed by the overall skeleton of the show.

And to be clear, both of these ships the shows live and die by are problematic lol. Catherine and Peter on The Great are basically Tom and Jerrying it, trying to kill one another while also falling in love. Cesare and Lucrezia on The Borgias are........ full blooded siblings. But ya know, I watched that show live, and 90% of the fandom was into it. Waiting to watch those people with the same DNA kiss kept the lights on for three seasons. So. To each their own.

Main pros for The Borgias:

--really good main ship, incredibly chemistry.... if you're okay with the incest angle

--individually, Francois Arnaud and Holliday Grainger are very entertaining as "sexy bad man who only becomes worse with every season" and "innocent virgin who grows into a vamp and is like I Can Make Him Worse"

--David Oakes does his fabulous "troubled brother of a more famous historical figure" schtick and it is EXCELLENT

--beautiful costumes, beautiful sets, Much Italy (but really it was Budapest)

--family drama. I don't really care super much for a lot of Jeremy Irons's performance on this show; to me he got waaaaaay too much focus when his character was kind of only important in season 1. However, he does flip a table when trying to tackle David Oakes, his son, at one point, and it is hilarious

Main pros for The Great:

--genuinely EXCELLENT writing, Tony McNamara has been on fire for the past few years and it shows

--Nicholas Hoult and Elle Fanning acting their former child star asses off and having enough chemistry to make you forget that he tries to drown her in the first episode

--a good supporting cast! Aunt Elizabeth is my favorite, but we have Archie, the bisexual shrooms fiend who runs the church; the scheming Swedes; Marial in the first season; Grigor!!!!; Gillian Anderson showing up to be a milf in season 2; Jason Isaacs showing up to be a ~~~~ghost dilf~~~~~ in season 2. Some people enjoy Orlo.

--great costumes also

--due to the fact that this show truly doesn't give a fuck, there is a feeling of excitement and unpredictability

Both of these shows feature Sebastian de Souza as Aw Man, That Poor Guy Who Really Shouldn't Be In The Middle of This Love Triangle, Shucks He Is In A Bad Spot. I will say that this is MUCH funnier on The Borgias, as in this case the other two people in the triangle are again, FULL BLOODED SIBLINGS, and he's like oh this is an easy win for me, I'M NOT HER BROTHER and they're like lol who knows

So. Watch both I say, but watch them knowing that The Great is a lot better.

[feelingmadclever]

More thoughts on Midnight Mass after 3 episodes that absolutely no one asked for (SPOILERS):

MATT SARACEN MY BELOVED!!!!!

I know the seven poster is from a movie but is that supposed to be a Friday Night Lights reference?

I could listen to the priest talk for hours he’s amazing

Mike Flanagan truly blessed bisexuals everywhere with milf Kate Siegel and dilf Rahul Kohli good for him

He’s truly the only man that’s allowed to be all “my smokin hot wife” because she’s…phew

Also I love that he’s continuing to include at least one lesbian in all of his shows

THAT POOR DOG OMG 😭

The happy montage in ep 3….things are gonna go to shit real fast im scared

On one hand I really want Riley and Erin to make out already, but im so scared something horrible is gonna happen to them my poor babies

Oh sweet Leeza.

THE SCENE WHERE SHE CONFRONTS JOE I’M IN TEARS

I also care way more about him than I expected to

If one more person is mean to Sheriff Hassan I swear…

So who’s the villain here…Father Paul? The vampire angel thingy? The devil? The Catholic Church? Karens?

As someone who is Christian but honestly hates the institution of religion and the harm it has caused, this show is everything I needed

TLDR this show is fucking me up and I’m loving it.

[bite-me-didyme]

thoughts from my first time watching eclipse:

the vampire chase scene? SEXY

renee is suddenly a good mom? In this movie?? What's that about?? Mainly their mom/daughter hug made me want a hug

Jacob my poor boi what did they do to you

The pack has literal puppy vibes i adore them

oh god Leah could rip me in half just like that outfit and I'd say thanks

jasper really only has like 3 spoken lines in the entire fucking movie franchise, doesn't he? Which is a crime

All the vampires (except Edward, i fucking hate his sideburns ugh) are sexier in this film wow

angela is such a good friend, she deserves better than Bella 'constantly spacing off about big dramatic supernatural problems' Swan

have i mentioned that Bella has two hands; why do love triangles exiiiiiiiiist when OT3s are right there

SETH IS A BABIE HOLY SHIT

I thought I was too gay for Bella and Alice and Rose to get any gayer and then I saw Leah's haircut

But then Carlisle is out there being a total DILF and my bisexuality enters the chat

'But we still get to kick ass, right?' He looks so CONCERNED Emmett you HIMBO

Another person who deserved better - Charlie McDad Swan

Jacob's hair is going through its teenage rebellion phase

CAN ONE SINGULAR MALE IN THIS MOVIE RESPECT BELLA SWAN'S ABILITY TO KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS AND CHOOSE IT

Charlie's list of teenage boys that he wants to bury deep in the Washington woods grows higher every minute Bella spends in Forks

Emmett & Bella ought to have been HBFFs (himbo best friends forever)

ow yay it's about to be the rosalie scene that everyone gifsets, ow ow ow this is hurting me

Rosalie deserved the world a thousand times over she fucking deserved everything she ever wanted she deserved SO MUCH BETTER

haaa jessica's graduation speech is pointed af

I have adored Bella's dad since i first read this series

Alice's graduation party hair is the best

four days is enough time for Bella to be turned into a vampire and be y'know 200× less vulnerable but hey why do anything that makes sense

jackson rathbone was allowed to bring shampoo and conditioner on set in this film I see

by which i mean can he throw me into a tree pls

See when we actually get interactions beyond edward/bella/jacob we have FUN - my proof: the baseball scene, the pack scenes, the training scene

Jake as a giant wolf his EYES his COAT he's so pretty i just wanna hug him forever

i hate that jasper's background was tied to the confederacy but i love that we got background for the hale twins in this movie

"You can love more than one person at the same time. Like Sam, Emily and Leah." That sounds like two OT3s in one sentence - Jake/Bella/Edward and Leah/Sam/Emily

"You and Edward will have the house to yourself tonight" Alice really was trying her damnedest to make sure Edward didn't go to battle a virgin i CANNOT

Charlie's attempts at Dad-ing are so good and so bad

Eclipse reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally reminds us of how virginal Eddie boi is, doesn't it

Bella honey the word isn't 'villain' it's 'monsterfucker'

oh i hate that ring

Edward: "It was my mother's"

Me: "no it wasn't that style is circa 2007 at the EARLIEST"

My partner: "no they got it from one of those little plastic balls that cost a quarter"

I want feral Victoria back, this one does not spark joy

As problematic as the jacob/bella interactions are in this movie, i love how jacob scoops up bella, getchu a werewolf man who can carry you around like that

Um did mike sell edward a defunct tent and sleeping bag? Sleeping bags keep you all wrapped up in your own body beat! She should have been fine! I've slept in sleeping bags in rainstorms on mountains and I was fine! Smeyers have you used a sleeping bag even once in your entire life?

bella, the other two points in your love triangle are fucking insane, and also I ship them. Go date Jess or Angela or Leah and be happy

Edward is so fucking weird man, he looks happier talking about being friends with Jake than he did about kissing Bella wtf??

Jacob: *angrily power walks away in khaki shorts in the snow* Me: *losing my goddamn shit giggling*

Bella: KISS ME! me & my datemate: *IMMEDIATE FACE PALM*

victoria is pretty but I'm not digging her vibe in this movie

OH THANK GOD I REALLY THOUGHT BELLA WAS GOING TO FIGHT RILEY AND VICTORIA WITH A SINGULAR ROCK FOR A MOMENT

Carlisle and Esme saw a bitty vampire needing parents and they had adoption papers signed and ready Bree gets a new home and family right yep alalalalalaaaa HAPPY ENDING FOR BREE 2020

i hate jane can she PLEASE fuck OFF

Bree honey I'm writing an AU where you get the world I'm so so so mad you didn't get another chance you were so little and so sweet and it wasn't your fault baby

:( billy listening to jacob's screams :'(

"I'll always be waiting" "until my heart stops beating" "maybe even then" OH TEE THREE OH TEE THREE OH TEE THREE OH TEE THREE O T 3 O T 3 O T 3 O T -

i like how "blindingly sparkling in sunlight" is optional 🙄 in so many sunlight scenes 🙄

Bella's monologue is lovely, you go girl

beep