#poor sweet artificial children and their existential angst

[regallibellbright]

Incidentally, it should come as no surprise to anyone who’s followed me for more than about ten minutes that the Sonic game I spent the most time in as a kid (though I got stuck in I think Knuckles’s chapter? Maybe Rouge? Someone with a ton of the exploding bots. Never beat it, either way) was Sonic Battle.

A weird fighting game/at times almost JRPG-ish title for the Gameboy Advance starring a sweet little robot who is befriended by Sonic and company, learns skills as he fights by mimicking them, and has immense destructive power that ultimately leads to his heartbreaking death by self-destruction so he doesn’t destroy the world, over Sonic’s protests and to his friends’ dismay. Despite being an obscure GBA game that was never ported - I don’t even think it made it to the Wii U Virtual Console - it ended up introducing a lot of lore that was still referenced even as the main titles took a step back from in-depth stories, which was probably baffling to people who didn’t catch Sonic X and had no idea what a Gizoid is when this robot started cameoing in the Olympics Games.

[milothebastardman]

If it's not too much bother could you do radmond confession? I wonder who would've been the first to come to terms with their feelings and confess

Here ya go Nonny! Hope you enjoy

They’d been tiptoeing around the issue for weeks, neither of them able to muster up the courage to admit what they felt for the other. For starters, Rad was the worst when it came to dealing with emotions that were considered to be unmasculine by society. Sure, he could read all the articles on why crying was healthy and why it wasn’t a weak thing to do, but it would take more than a handful of articles urging him to open up before he could actually do so.

Then there was Raymond, sweet, egotistical, “Nobody could ever meet my impossibly high standards” Raymond. For the record, Rad met every single one of his standards. And that was scary. Incredibly scary. Part of the reason it was scary was that he had no clue as to what Rad’s standards were, so what if he didn’t even come close to meeting them? What if Rad only liked aliens of his own kind? Or what if he wasn’t interested in a mechanic being as himself? Welcome to Existential Crisis 101, folks, with Instructor Raymond.

So, it goes unsaid that the two were painfully awkward when it came to even considering the possibility of confessing to the other. So the silent dance around the subject continued, fights between the two always involving an easily detectable tension that Enid recognized from her Angst Daily magazines. KO, as innocent and oblivious as he could be, was even able to sense that there was something off with the two. So it should be of little surprise that he was the one to try and help them fix whatever was wrong with their relationship, or in this case, the lack thereof of a relationship…

“Do you have a crush on Raymond?”, KO asked, forgoing any pretense of subtlety in a move that normally would leave the turquoise alien full of pride. Since the probing question was directed towards him, though, the pride was quickly drowned out by embarrassment and panic. The soda can he’d been drinking from was quickly crushed as he tensed, the cheap metal giving way and spewing artificial colors and flavorings onto his work uniform. In between trying desperately to clean up before it dried (he’d learned the hard way that you couldn’t remove intergalactic soda stains from clothes), he stammered out a response that was telling enough for the tiny hero.

“You DO have a crush on him!”, KO exclaimed, bouncing up and down excitedly as his best friend managed to choke on air. Rad coughed harshly for a moment, turning purple in the face as he struggled to breathe. KO was actually going to be his cause of death, he thought, then shook his head. No, having a stupid as heck crush on a dumb, evil robot was going to be his cause of death, he mentally amended. “Oh man, I can’t believe it! Well, actually I can, you’re good at all kinds of stuff but you aren’t very good at being subtle.”, KO continued, giving his alien pal a giant, 1,000-watt smile.

“… Please don’t tell Enid.”, Rad whispered, daring to glance over at the inattentive cashier. She had her nose buried in another one of those weird comics of hers, the kind you had to read all backward like, right to left instead of left to right. She didn’t even look up from her comic, she just snorted loudly.

“Rad, everyone and their mom knows about your giant, dorky crush on Raymond.”, she commented, causing the poor stocker’s heart to beat in a way that he was sure couldn’t be healthy.

“Yeah! My mommy thinks it’s like one of her old romance novels!”, KO added cheerfully, getting a little laugh from Enid.

“See Rad? Literally, everyone and their mom knows! Except for Raymond, obviously. He’s just as clueless to your feelings as you are to his.”, she finished, turning her attention away from Rad’s love life and back to the love life of the charismatic lead in her graphic novel. The alien let out a sound that was somewhere between a hysterical laugh and a sob, the idea that everyone knew about his stupid affection for a stupid robot beside the stupid robot in question proving to be a little too much for his brain. KO poked him hesitantly, unsure as to why Rad had suddenly decided to let his head bang against a shelf rather roughly.

Mr. Gar shook his head, grumbling to himself about his best stocker getting a concussion on the job just because he couldn’t buck up the courage to confess. Fully unaware of how hypocritical he was being, he retreated to his office so he could mentally rehearse ice breakers in case he ran into Carol anytime soon.

Meanwhile, things at the large factory across the road weren’t faring much better…

KO had recruited Darrell to assist in his mission of getting his favorite alien and his favorite sports loving robot together, something that everyone needed to happen already. Shannon was so close to retiring her own auditory sensors just so she wouldn’t have to process the constant stream of sincere compliments followed by half-hearted insults geared towards her least favorite Bodega Baby. Lord Boxman, evil as he could be, was still very invested in the lives his robotic children led, and simply wanted the baby of the family to be happy. Darrell was more than happy to assist his hero buddy, especially since it meant he got to play matchmaker for once.

So here he was, standing outside of Raymond’s room patiently, waiting on his youngest sibling to open up the door.

“Raymond! C'mon, I know you’re in there! Just let me in!”, he called, leaning against the metal sliding door lightly. He could hear the tell-tale signs of mechanical life, the rustling of silk sheets (honestly what else would do for the Prince of Panache?) and metallic clank of his feet on the plush carpet. The door finally slid open, a rather weary looking Raymond appearing in the doorway.

“If you ever dare to reference that blasted children’s movie again, I will personally destroy every copy of it that currently exists, and set fire to any factory that hopes to produce any more copies.”, he threatened flatly, giving his older brother a tired glare. Darrell pretended his favorite movie wasn’t just insulted and stuck a grin on his face.

“You really need to let it go.”, he commented, ignoring Raymond’s little indignant screech. He pulled the mopey robot from his room, a surprising strength to his grip as he forced the younger robot to start walking down the hall with him. “Seriously dude, you need to relax just a little bit, and handle your thing with Rad.”, he added, now dragging his frozen brother along.

“I have no idea what you could possibly be referring to.”, Raymond eventually replied with, attempting to school his face into a calm, cool mask of indifference. However, the internal panicking managed to seep into his metal features, ultimately betraying his facade. “Oh god it’s really bad Darrell!”, he cried, throwing an arm across his face dramatically. “He’s just this stupid alien with a stupid crop top and power point high heeled boots and good GOD where did he get the NERVE to pull off pink pants, black heeled boots, and a blue crop top?!?”, he ranted, huffing loudly when Darrell began laughing.

“Jeez, you really do have it bad!”, he wheezed out, patting his baby brother’s shoulder spike affectionately. The two were in in the living room now, where the majority of the robot family had gathered. Shannon was wearing quite the snazzy business outfit (Lord Boxman had secretly had a field day making his daughter such a professional, evil outfit), and was stood next to some sort of projector.

“Ugh, it’s about time you brought the Drama King here. I’ve been waiting for way too long just to give this dumb presentation.”, she griped, adjusting her skirt before she started up the projector. After a couple moments, a power point presentation titled “How to Ask an Alien on a Date” displayed on a nearby wall. Raymond let out a loud groan when he read the title slide, his face flushing as Shannon started going through the slides, using a new laser pointer feature Lord Boxman had installed on her pointer finger to draw attention to key points.

Needless to say, Raymond felt every bit as embarrassed as Rad did. While they weren’t aware of it, they were connected by the crippling waves of anxiety and mounting panic as the day wore on. Now that they knew that everyone else knew, they felt prompted to act. The big issue still remained, though: How would the other react to a sudden confession of pesky feelings? It was Rad who picked up his cell phone first, hesitating and wasting nearly an hour over what to do before he finally gave Raymond a call. As his luck would have it, of course, it went straight to voicemail. He left a quick message telling the robot to meet him in the park at 5 p.m. sharp and hung up immediately afterward.

He actually got to the park about an hour early and decided to shut his phone off, just so he wouldn’t spend the next hour or so checking it frantically to see if he’d gotten even a message back. Five eventually rolled around, and Rad was well into chewing off the nails on his left hand before he saw Raymond casually stroll into the entrance. He jumped off his branch excitedly, forcing himself to try and play it cool in an attempt to not seem too eager. Didn’t want to come off as desperate as he felt, am I right?

“Alright, so what is ever so important that you just had to drag me away from my work to this park?”, Raymond drawled, smirking as his confidence kicked into maximum overdrive.

“Oh shut it, bolts for brains. It is something very important, I’ll have you know.”, Rad retorted, leaning against his tree nonchalantly. He examined the nails on his right hand, managing to look fairly disinterested despite the inner turmoil that his brain was in. “I think we should go do something, together, like together-together.”, he suggested, glancing up after a few moments of silence to see how Raymond was reacting. His face was blank, revealing absolutely no emotion, and that was only slightly terrifying to the teen.

“… Are you asking me out..?”, Raymond replied with, his voice shaking only a little bit. His circuits felt like they were going to explode, and he could hear the sound of his cooling fans turning on as he began over heating. Rad nodded, swallowing roughly before he took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I guess… Well, I know I am. So like… Maybe we could catch a movie this weekend?”, he elaborated, every nerve in his body ablaze as hormones surged through his blood. He got an armful of excited robot in response, a choked squeak passing his lips as he was pulled into a near violent hug.

“I would absolutely adore that, darling!”, Raymond sang, pulling away from the hug with a starry look in his eyes. Rad let out a nervous giggle in response, feeling the stress and worry melt away. “I’ll pick you up around six on Saturday, alright? I’ll leave the movie choice to you, frankly, I could care less what we see.”, he continued, seemingly unaware of the tension that dissipated. No, he was too busy planning the first of what he hoped would be several stellar dates! Truth be told, Rad was too busy trying not to faint now that he realized he actually had a date with his crush. He was going to need all the advice Enid could give! Maybe her comics could help him…