#posting my writing never gets less nervewracking for me

[johnslittlespoon]

it's almost time. when? idk, when i stop being a coward LOL

[williamaltman]

Ok, so... I finally finished Room No.9. I have some mixed feelings...

The third route was really sweet. There are so many sweet moments between them. In Daichi's narration. The tasks of hurting Daichi were kind of nervewracking, but not too much really. The way the whole post-enema shower thing turns out makes me, again, sad at how that went on the end B/C route, because it really, really was avoidable...

I won't even talk much about ending E. It just feels like the "wrong/bad" option of the route. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to take that Seiji is really fine and distanced himself like on ending D, or if he got taken out by the people responsable for the study. Anyway, it doesn't really feel "real", even less than endings D or B.

The F ending one... Yay, they got out, they're fine, they're still friends.... They're still friends. Ugh. It's so frustrating to hear Daichi talking about just forgetting everything that happened. Like, yeah, I get wanting to "leave the room behind", but that he straight up says he'll just ignore it? That they didn't learn ANYTHING really? Even after that sex scene? Come on. They even have Seiji saying he doesn't want to get married, and Daichi talking about maybe drifting apart because they would have their own families, as if to hammer home the point that they'll really stay just friends?

Look, I can kind of appreciate the feeling of holding onto your friendship. I do. I managed to appreciate it after the other endings where that is lost. But that should be like, one of the endings. Or maybe, not even that. If it was one or the other, there should've been a romantic ending. There should've been a romantic ending one way or another. Because it's honestly so frustrating that at the end of all that they're still in denial. Or at least Daichi.

Like, again, I get valuing friendship, but Daichi is SO IN LOVE. Like he's so in love it's stupid. I'm sorry but there re SO, SO MANY LINES THAT SHOW THAT!!! Not just the ones where he generally compliments Seiji as in appreciating his good qualities as a person, but like, the ones where he notes how attractive he is. And there are a lot of those, some horny ones but also some that are neither platonic nor sexual, just, romantic. There's no way they really wrote some of those with us not meant to think that.

I guess the writers didn't want for there to be just one ending that was fully great and satisfying above all the others? I don't know. I guess ending C is the romantic one? Sure, whatever...

I don't want to read too much into it but it really does feel like the game is sort of trying to send the message that lust/physical attraction and a true/pure love are inheretly incompatible? Like it's a good thing that they'll only stay friends and never have sex or even kiss again? Like that's the only option because anything else is just a ruined friendship? I really hope that wasn't the creators' intentions.

In the end I guess I can still headcanon that in the F ending they will eventually come to terms with being in love and getting together. Who knows. Maybe I'll write something.

I'm a bit disappointed to end this with such a sour taste in my mind. I, overall, really loved the game. But I'd be lying if I said this (the way the "good ending" goes and no romance issue) doesn't make me really sad. I saw people sort of complaining about it, but I thought it was just gonna be that they didn't outright said they were in love/gonna be in a relationship but that was still implied, you know? That's what that CG in the train looked like to me... Like I saw someone frustrated that they didn't talk about their feelings but I thought it was just gonna be something like "but after everything Seiji and I are even closer" as they held hands implying a romance.

Anyways. Still a great game overall. I love the premise, the characters, the unsettling vibe that we're able to feel, the sweetness in it, all the horniness and guilt and exploration of the human psychology. The art, the voice acting, all the technical aspects. I guess it's really over. I've been finally freed from room no.9. 🫡

[mogai-sunflowers]

Honestly the reason pple think everyone in the mogai community hates them is probably because 1. Theres alot of toxicity here, pple can be downright mean towards others and 2. Pple here are paranoid because alot of pple will call others out for no good reason and then #1 comes back into play cause pple bully others. Tbh a mix of the toxicity and lack of motivation(mostly caused by the toxicity) is the reason we just dont really post anymore :/ Pple started bullying our error fictive because he couldnt fully translate his typing quirk and i think seeing pple treat him that way, calling his quirk "ugly" and calling him stupid and freaky, killed any of my desire to keep posting stuff.

At this point, we wanna abandon blog and just make a blank one with no extra personal info and not care about interacting with pple or writing a huge indepth dni. Just post our stuff an leave it be.

Sry to rant in ur inbox lol but were very happy your slowly and spottily but surely coming back, we missed you :)

-millie

honestly i agree completely. while overall i love this community because it's given me so much, there are undoubtedly issues that can make it hard to enjoy at times. i've definitely felt a huge amount of pressure to always say the exact right thing, which is really difficult with my autism because i never really know what a social situation entails and i try my best to be appropriate but people attack me when i mess up which feels discouraging. i feel like if there was less focus on never messing up, and more focus on just being a messy group of weird queerios who are allowed to mess up, more focus on the actual point of the community than pointless discourse and respectability politics, then it would be a lot easier to stay. personally one of the reasons i left for awhile was because it had a deeply negative impact on my OCD since i have the religious/moral/scrupulosity kind, and i started coming back because i realized was that, while i did miss the community aspect, what i truly was missing was why i joined in the first place- my love for lighthearted coining and conversation, not constant nervewracking social performance. i get the importance of being responsible and respectful but we're all bound to say the wrong things, do the wrong things, sometimes, and it's much easier to apologize and forgive yourself and grow as a person when you know that the community that surrounds you is willing to let you.

i missed interacting with you too millie, i'm glad to slowly be coming back :)

[mrsbhandari]

Hiya! First off, I just wanted to say that your fics are amazing! I love reading them so much, which I why I also decided to start writing fics for choices!! I was wondering if maybe you had any writing tips?

Bonjour! This ask actually made me get super teary eyed, you’re just so sweet!! I’m so happy you like my stuff, and i’m so happy that you’ve started writing too!!!! It’s always exciting and nervewracking to get into fanfiction because you get to write super amazing stuff and post it!! I can’t wait to read anything you put out. As for tipsssss uhhhhhhhhhh 

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Writing is something that is so subjective that it’s impossible to have a ‘perfect’ piece. And pressure can mean for anything that involves your writing: the audience’s opinions, the grammar, the concept, anything. A really big part of why I love writing is that I get to write stuff that I want to see, which happens to line up with what other people want to see!! If someone didn’t like my stuff, it’s just because we have differing opinions on what’s good, not because i’m a bad writer. Always remember that!!

Don’t compare yourself to others. This one sounds so basic, I know lmao Other people have wayyyy different ways of writing things, and that’s dope!! But using it as a basis of what’s good for your own writing is undope. It’ll get into your head until you either give up on your writing or focus on writing exactly like that person, both of which don’t do you any good! You can look at what you think worked in other fics and try and put your own spin on it, but make sure you know that everyone’s unique, which also goes for their writing style. 

Do what works for you. I mentioned in another ask that I rarely use outlines because they lowkey scare me and make me feel like I’m not writing correctly if i don’t follow the exact plan, but for other writers, an outline might be their savior. It all depends on what helps you write your best work.

Don’t be afraid to experiment. Going along with my last point, sometimes you don’t know what works for you until you try it! I once attempted to have an outline when I was writing a fic, and i discovered that the product wasn’t what i wanted it to be, so i moved on to using more of a list of ideas for my fics rather than an outline. This also applies to different writing styles and formats!! if you want to experiment by using less dialogue, or less description, or more dialogue, or more description, etc., don’t be afraid to! some really cool stuff can come from it if you go out of your comfort zone. 

Don’t listen to every piece of advice given. This may sound counterintuitive to the entire point of this post, but sometimes, someone’s advice doesn’t work for what you’re trying to do, and that’s okay! you’re not a bad person or writer because you didn’t feel like someone’s suggestion helped you. 

This is way longer than I thought it would be but oop-

anyway for some less philosophical advice:

Write in Comic Sans. Did a shiver go down your back at those words? Me too. But, for me, comic sans helps me write faster and a bunch of other writers do it (I swear. you can look it up if you don’t believe me.) 

Look at your writing in different fonts and formats. When you’re looking for any mistakes that spellcheck didn’t catch, change the font so that your brain can look at it like a whole new piece of writing. if you prefer to physically write your fics down first and then transfer it to a computer (I do that with my Artsy as Fuck series), then the transfer to the computer can really help with catching any mistakes. 

Have multiple fandoms/characters to write for, even if you don’t publish them. I write for two fandoms (choices and haikyuu), and within those fandoms, I have a bunch of characters that I write stuff for. This isn’t to confuse myself or make my life harder; it’s to give me multiple creative outlets. Sometimes, writing for only oliver or only colt gets kind of boring, and I get a little blocked, even though I’m still itching to write something. To solve this, I move to a completely different fandom with completely different characters. I get to continue publishing stuff and continue writing so I get those juices flowing for when I want to go back to writing for choices. 

Take breaks. I bet you’re like “Penny, you dumb bitch, of course I take breaks.” Okay good! Taking breaks from writing can help you fight feeling burned out, plus it gives you the chance to give your brain a break so that when you get back to writing, it’ll be much easier to work with new ideas and catch more mistakes. 

Have fun! I sound like a camp counselor. and ive never even BEEN to camp. but!! you should never feel like writing is a chore, because it shouldn't be!! if you’re not enjoying writing, don’t be afraid to step back, take a break, look at it later with fresh eyes and a new angle. 

I hope this covered everything and I hope that you enjoy posting stuff!! I can’t wait for you to start!!! <3

[madzilla84]

VidCon London 2020

I wrote up some rambly thoughts on Vidcon, my trip, and Phil day!

I arrived in London the night before the others, last Thursday (a week ago?? WOT), so went straight to my friend’s place in London – we went to a pub near his for pizza, and while I was there I saw Dan’s cute tweet. After a few wines, it made me super emotional as you can imagine. I love him. <3

We had some more drinks once we got back, which made the next morning … well.

Friday – Day 1

YUP, HANGOVER. But luckily not a ‘can’t function’ hangover, so once I’d packed up I made my way over to the Airbnb (it was fuckin WIMDY) to leave the luggage (too early to check in). The previous occupants were a group of Lads who’d left the place in a state, so it was still being cleaned. HONESTLY BOYS SMH)

Then I headed to the complex’s on-site café (ooh errr) and spent some time trying to figure out what to write in the card I wanted to give to Phil. My roomies @yikesola, @ahappydnp and @calvinahobbes arrived a little later and we checked into the flat, and basically hung out and chatted until it was time to head to registration. Which was a good decision as the line was super small on Friday night. Gotta say, the feeling of seeing Phil so big and so central on all the banners and posters for the con made me feel so proud of him. As other people have mentioned, there was some – curiosity, I guess? Worry? – about whether it would be weird seeing him there doing his first event like this on his own in a *very* long time, but somehow it wasn’t, at any point.  

We spotted Martyn checking in further down the hall, which was probably the first moment it all started to Feel Real. We (slightly awkwardly at first in my case lol) met a bunch of online folks in the registration area, and tagged along for a cable car ride over the river (did I mention it was WIMDY) to the O2 arena for dinner. When we all sat down to eat I realised I was sitting opposite two friends from IDB! \o/ We headed back after the meal to hang out and PREPARE for what was about to come.

Saturday - Day 2 - PHIL DAY

We started off by going for breakfast – naturally pancakes – and then headed across to the con. The first event of the day was the comedy panel that Phil was on, so we went across to the panel room early and ended up sitting through the panel before that one, ‘Out and Online’, which was probably – Phil notwithstanding – the better of the two I saw.

During that first panel – and really all morning up to that point – I’d started to feel increasingly nervous. I’d never met Dan or Phil before, and the fact it was happening imminently was suddenly hitting me. Not to mention it was very hot in the panel room that day, and – yeah. By the time the LGBT+ panel finished, I was just like the *screaming internally* meme.

The only other time I’d seen D&P in person with my own eyes was at Interactive Introverts – non-VIP, and I was quite far from the stage, so I couldn’t see them well, y’know? So when the panellists walked in for the comedy panel, I turned around and saw Phil properly in person for the first time. And… wow. I’m sure I hardly need to tell anyone on this forum how attractive he is, but I was just blown away by how beautiful he is in person. He just seems to, like, glow. 

And I was absolutely in love with his jacket, which I thought was new at first (it took me a while to place it was the one from the II promo photos). He just looked wonderful, and I went full Heart Eyes Motherfucker as he took his seat with the others. And once I’d actually seen him, somehow I felt less anxious and stressed. 

The panel was okay – I wasn’t familiar with the other attendees and I’m not sure theirs is the sort of content I’d necessarily watch – lots of prank vids and the like, but they def had some fans in the room. But it was obvious the majority of the attendees were there for Phil, and I noticed him looking around the room at all the people there for him throughout, making eye contact with lots of people. I’m sure he made brief eye contact a couple of times, which made me go !!!!! It was obvious the panelists were at quite different stages of their careers, which was a little dissonant sometimes, but also quite sweet – Phil was very encouraging to the younger, more inexperienced members of the panel, which was very lovely. Lucky them to have such a kind senpai.

After that we only had a quick break (mainly to down water after being boiled to death in the panel room) before it was time to get in line for Phil’s meet and greet. The wait for him to arrive was weirdly fast but also interminably long, and I spent most of it panicking about what I was going to say to Actual Phil Lester in a matter of minutes. 

But soon enough he arrived, shook hands with the photographer, did a lil hop to wave to everyone in the crowd who was waving at him, and then off we went.

I wasn’t sure what to expect – I’ve had pics before with celebs at conventions, and every con is different in how they handle photos. Some really rush you through, but this one was pretty good, I thought – you had plenty of time to say whatever you wanted to say, or give gifts – I thought we were supposed to leave them in a box somewhere, but no, we were to give them directly to Phil, who had a little table to put them on. Obviously I wanted to give him a hug, too, but would I be too awkward to ask for one once I actually got up there, I wondered?

But as it turned out I needn’t have worried; I could watch people meeting him from where we were in the line, and from the very first person, he opened his arms for a big hug from everyone who went up to meet him. Watching people running into his arms was making me really emotional – he just has such a great connection with his people. You could tell he was happy to be there and liked meeting us all. He took so many cute photos with people. We noticed he had a Sharpie and was signing things, which we hadn’t been told about beforehand, so I hadn’t brought anything special - ended up getting him to sign my con badge as a souvenir.

There were 3 of us, and @yikesola took one for the team and volunteered to go first. I watched how much fun they were having, how easily they chatted and hugged and posed for their cute photo and thought to myself, please don’t be a total buffoon when you go up there…

Soon enough it was my turn. Walking up for these things is always nervewracking and awkward – except this time, once it was time, Phil turned around, looked at me, smiled and opened his arms and I knew it would be okay.

I walked over and hugged him, and he probably had to bend down quite a lot, lol. I reached up over his shoulder to hug him, which meant being on tiptoes, of course; as many people have said in the past, he didn’t let go until you did. He was so gentle. <3 I maybe hugged him for a little longer than I might usually with someone I didn’t know because of it; he just has such comforting and welcoming vibes. And no, before anyone asks, I didn’t notice what he smelled like – we were talking about it after and I don’t think any of us did. I don’t in general unless someone’s wearing reasonably strong perfume/cologne, I don’t think, unless I’m hugging them for a really long time. ANYWAY.

The now-famous jacket (which looked so good!!) was soft AF. I handed over my lil gift – he spotted the chocolate and was pretty happy about that.

I then had a little time to talk to him but, like, how do you condense into a few seconds what someone means to you, how much they’ve helped you or how much you appreciate them? So I ended up going with one of the main reasons I came to love Phil so much as a creator – someone around my age still making such fun content. I don’t mean it like, ‘wow, at your age!!’ lol, which I’m not sure he would have appreciated, more like – when you get to a certain age, people often expect you to leave certain interests and behaviours aside (we see it all the time with these ‘ew people over 30 in fandom?? Gross’ posts), and Phil is still being himself and doing what he wants and not letting that affect him, and I just think that’s really great and it’s meant a lot to me. So we talked about that a bit. He said you should be able to be creative at any age. <3 Talking to him wasn’t like I expected – I don’t know what I expected, really, but I thought he might have more of a – nervous energy, maybe? Or just a bit more – y’know, ‘AmazingPhil’? But no, he was chill and confident and had this ease about him that was so comforting in person. I know he’s an introvert and probably holed up on the couch for a week after meeting all those people (hard same), but he really is so good at talking to people and making them feel at ease; everyone looked so happy walking away from him.

About halfway through the convo I had to work really hard to keep my brain on track and not just descend into babbling nonsense because he was looking me in the eye and listening attentively and bruh!!! That is … a hell of a thing! Not only is he so beautiful, but he really listens, and cares about what you’re saying, and is actually interested and not just going ‘uh huh, uh huh …’ like other celebs can do. His expression and demeanour was so friendly and open and welcoming, and honestly I just felt like I could talk to him for hours.

We then posed for the official photo they took, and hugged for it – when I’ve had other photo ops in the past where I’m standing close to the person I’ve been prone to nervous giggling, but this time I felt really relaxed and happy.

And that was it! I reluctantly said goodbye and headed off and was so flustered I a) forgot my little card to collect my photo, the guy had to chase after me, though it looked like everyone was doing that because they were on cloud 9, and b) picked up someone else’s sequin Dan bag from the bag pile. (Which I immediately noticed because I had a keychain and pin on mine, but I mean they *are* identical.) We went to get food and download our photos and watch all the videos we took. Even though I now had pics, I still almost couldn’t believe it was actually real.

And, wow. We were just floating for the rest of the day. It was such a wonderful, positive experience and I’m so glad it worked out that I was able to meet Phil. I didn’t think I could love him more but after that day I definitely did. Obviously, because it’s me, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I said to him and how I said it and was it the right thing and did I say it right and lejslkdjkjfkdhks, but at the end of the day he was lovely, I said more or less what I wanted to say (of course there’s more I’d have wanted to say, but there’s never enough time), and it went wonderfully well. So I really shouldn’t worry too much.

We paid a quick visit to the AP shop booth in the Expo Hall – they didn’t have a ton of stuff but they had all the t-shirts (I think it was just all the t-shirts, corgi jumper, corgi keychains, glitch hoodie), so I bought the yellow Try New Things shirt from Sarah. (And got a free pixel Phil sticker; they really want to get rid of those huh)

The only other Phil-event for the day was his appearance at the Night of Awesome that evening, so we went along for that. Apparently the theme of the evening was ‘collaboration’, so most of the performers didn’t appear by themselves aside from a couple of music acts. But it quickly descended into madness – most of the performances were some sort of challenge which involved the loser getting a pie to the face or gunged – i.e. perfect Saturday night entertainment if you’re ten. So maybe it was more aimed at kids, I thought, until one of the music acts started swearing up a STORM and a load of horrified parents started dragging their kids out while I almost died trying not to laugh. There was a lot of TikTok stuff, but the animators challenge was pretty good and a couple of the music acts were great.

You probably read about the guy who crashed the performance to make an offensive anti-trans joke and then got chased out by security … when I figured out who it was later I wasn’t surprised, he’s done stupider shit in the past, but Vidcon didn’t react very well to it right away. Throughout the event I generally thought security and staff were very good, but they really dropped the ball on this. The music act gamely carried on though, as did a number of other acts after them, and *just* as everyone had pretty much lost the will to live, Phil randomly appeared on stage with Kian and JC (…no, me neither) along with a science Youtuber. Yay! I thought his bit was really cute; kind of random but that made sense when he explained the original plan had gone awry shortly before the show started. He was *so* into it and I thought it was so sweet how, again, he kept looking for his people in the crowd. He was so confident on stage and even when the stuff he was being asked to do was so random and weird he just owned it, went for it and made it funny. Thomas Sanders came on after science!Phil to do a very wholesome set which kind of saved the evening, lol.

And that was the end of Phil day! Naturally we had to order Domino’s in the evening after our emotional and intense day (and to recover from whatever tf most of that concert was). I feel like I’ve become some sort of addict, and now the rest of my existence will be sad and grey until I can hug Phil again (which might well be never). I have peaked. I also remembered what I like so much about (good) conventions; being with your people and feeling so free to express yourself and what you love - between the phannies and the fanders there were so many pride flags, and so many people walking around wearing merch. (Also it was the first con I’d ever been to where there were no cosplayers! Which is unsurprising given it’s youtube fandom, but still – new experience.)

Sunday - Day 3

Sunday we slept in after staying up until like 3am chatting (whoops), so I missed jacksepticeye’s panel but I did get to the Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher one, which was really funny. I wish I’d gotten to meet the boys but what can you do. I also went to the Expo Hall and met PJ (who was very nice, and friendly!! But had exactly that nervous energy I was talking about earlier, which I’m more accustomed to when I meet celebs at cons; Phil really is something special), and bought a few enamel pins, because ENAMEL PINS.

And then … the worst bit of any con, people started to leave. :( My 3 roomies left first, which was the worst bit of the weekend. I ended up tagging along with some twitter friends to get coffee, and we ended up sitting around for like 3 hours outside the cloakroom because no one wanted to leave.

We found out about Dan’s half marathon during this time, and I know people have this view of phannies like we’re all obsessive, invasive weirdos who just want to find out things for – I dunno, clout? But honestly everyone there was so proud of him and just like the whole weekend, it was great to be with people who understood. Like, I can hardly tell a co-worker that a youtuber I follow ran a marathon, they’d be like - okay, and…? So it was nice to sit there and sort of – celebrate it, in our own lil way.

We all parted ways on the train - I went back to my friend’s and watched Phil’s liveshow there, which was really a perfect way to end the weekend. I’m glad it sounded like he had such a nice time at Vidcon. Someone tweeted about him seeing all the people who had come to see just him and how excited they were to see him, and that warmed my heart. And hopefully his too.

The next day I returned to the Excel to have pizza lunch with the last two friends who were still in town, which really helped with the post-con blues, and then it really was it. Since then I’ve been hanging out at my friend’s flat and taking a couple of trips out to various shops or whatever, but I’ve mostly been tired and lazy and catching up on sleep a bit.

As I mentioned, I’m now a filthy addict. I will be … keeping an eye on future vidcons/events, for sure. >_> And I might be back in London in April, maybe. >_> many thoughts head full

[littlefrenchiefangirl]

It’s July 19th and I’m turning 19 today so it’s time for a yearly introspection lmao so buckle up folks I don’t know how long this post is going to be.

Two years ago on this day I just came out to my best friend, by text because I wasn’t able to tell her face to face. Partly because we kinda drifted apart at this time due to life problems and partly because we were both figuring out our sexual identity ( not easy to do when you go to a Catholic high school in a little town with homophobic folks lmao). So yeah, I was not doing good at this point of my life, internal struggles and all. I felt suffocated so I reached out to her, telling her I was a lesbian ( spoiler alert I still am, more than ever if possible). And she just took it so well it was a breath of fresh air in my life. She also came out to me this night and we were closer than ever once again and from now on whatever happened we had each other’s back.

During high school we made friends, with whom we’re still very close even if we don’t see each other as often as before. Last year on this day I came out to them during a small party. I’m an emotional drunk and I was quite tipsy ( apparently drunk me has no filter ). And they asked me questions, some stupid ones, some very interesting, but they were so supportive and so proud of me for telling them, we hugged it out with me crying from sheer hapiness in the middle of them ( btw, group hug where you are in the middle are awesome but it also feels like you’re fighting with an octopus). So yeah I’ll be forever grateful for my friends.

Around the end of March, the beginning of April this year, I came out to my brother in the most random way possible lmao. No build up, no long talk before, I just blurted it out during a car ride. He told me he already knew, that he had figured it out a long time before I was even ready to come to terms with my sexuality. Two weeks ago I came out to my mom and it was such a relief, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t cry when she said she’d loved me no matter what, that I’ll always be her daughter, that it didn’t matter who I love. I didn’t cry in front of her, but the next day I was alone at home and I cried my heart out, all the doubts I had, all the fear, the relief, the uncertainty that comes with coming out... I cried for at least an hour, sitting on the living room floor, smiling so wide my cheeks hurt. It was a cathartic moment for me, and one I’ll probably always remember tbh. Of course I’m not out to all my family, hell my dad doesn’t even know I’m gay. But coming out is a slow process, and it’s as nervewracking as it is healing. So I’m out to the people I love ( dont get me wrong I love my dad but i genuinely don’t know how he’ll react). 

Of course during this time I had a few bad experiences, people I came out too, by sliding a comment in a conversation, who stopped talking to me out of the blue afterwards, tactile people who wouldn’t even look me in the eyes anymore...  Some took their time and came back to talk to me, some I’ve never seen again, some who began to question their sexuality even. Anyway, coming out is always scary, you don’t know how the people you love will react. For that I’ll forever be thankful for the universe or whatever deity out there to bring those friends into my life, online and irl friends, they are all a part of my growing process, and I wish they knew how much they matter to me. If only I wasn’t so emotionally stilted lmao.

During this time when I was in the closet, I wasn’t really miserable but I wasn’t exactly happy either. I was monitoring everything little thing I did, I still catch myself doing it sometimes, out of habit. I would always think about the way I dressed, the way I talked, the way I walked for fear of being outed. But during my time in the closet, I grew up, watching lgbtq+ content on the Internet, looking up to openly lgbt+ celebrities, secretly smiling at a gay couple holding hands in the streets, or queer people in my high school who would kiss in front of homophobic people to show them that queer people exist and they live their life freely, not caring about the judmental stares of bigots. So even if they don’t see this post, I’d like to thank them, seeing openly out lgbt people is so important when you are struggling with your sexuality yourself. It made my heart warm, it gave me hope that maybe one day I could have this kind of freedom too.

 It’s the first time I’ve written so much about myself on here, so much of my internal process and I’m literally crying rivers as I write this, all the feelings coming up to the surface in waves. But I feel like I need to write everything out to start a new chapter of my life. God this post is a mess. But again thank you to the one who came out before anyone was ready to accept lgbt+ people, thanks to the ones who recently came out, thank to the ones who’ll keep on coming out and fight for our rights until we don’t have to come out anymore. We still have a long way to go but I’m hopeful. Thank to the lgbt+ couples I see in the streets, kissing, holding hands, acting like a couple basically, but I know it takes a lot of courage for lgbt+ couples to act like a straight couple in the streets, the increasing of homophobic attacks in France these last few years have shown it after all. So thank you thank you thank you.

This post is already huge ( guess I’ll have to add a read more lmao) but I’ll keep going. I was not doing great this last year, my grandma passed away, it will soon be a year since she died and I miss her deeply. On top of that college was tough for me, I’m redoing my first year because I failed and it took an emotional toll on me. It took me a long time to accept it because I’ve always done good at school without putting much effort into it. French school system teaches you ( at least that’s how I perceive it) that failure is not an option, that if you fail you’re not good enough. I learned this year that it’s not true, you can fail and you can keep failing, it’s okay, you’re good enough, you just have to keep trying. Failure is okay, it doesn’t make you any less of a person. You can mess up, you can make mistakes too, as long as you learn from them it’s okay. You’ve got your whole life to learn, to grow and bloom. I’m finally coming to terms with that, I’m finally doing okay now, good even. There are always good and bad days, always will be and it’s okay. You can’t be at your full potential everyday, doing the best you can in the moment is already enough, whether it is writing a 12 pages essay due the next day, saving the oceans or just getting up from your bed. 

What I’m trying to say I guess is that, even if you’re not doing good now, it will pass eventually, the storm always go away. You just have to hang on the best you can until bad times are behind you. It’s okay, you’re okay, and if you’re not today, you will be someday. Life gets better, it truly does. You just have to give it a chance. 

[cmhoughton]

This interview by Karen (the Site Admin for Diana’s pages on the LitForum and previous CompuServe forum) is split up into two pages.  It’s been ten years since she started her blog, so this interview celebrates that.  However, since the pages took FOREVER to load I will spare everyone the frustration and post them both here.

However, since this is long, I will put it behind a cut:

In celebration of the 10th anniversary of Outlandish Observations, I'm very pleased to bring you my first-ever interview with Diana Gabaldon! Frankly, the idea of interviewing Diana Gabaldon was a little nervewracking for me at first, even though I've known her online since 2007 and we interact almost daily on TheLitForum.com (formerly the Compuserve Books and Writers Community).  I've never interviewed anyone before, and it took me a while to decide what questions to ask. I did my best to come up with questions that are somewhat different from the usual things people always ask her.  I'm just DELIGHTED with her answers, and I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did! (The photo above is from my first meeting with Diana, at a book-signing in Maryland in 2009.) You've published a number of novellas and shorter pieces in the last few years. What do you see as the advantages of the shorter format, for you as a writer? They're shorter. <g> I.e., I can finish one in much less time than the four to five years it takes for one of the Big Books. Basically, it's a bit of a mental vacation to deal with something that's very interesting, but on a smaller scale--and offers a quicker gratification in completing it. The novellas offer me the opportunity to go explore the byways of minor characters and interesting storylines that lie outside either the temporal or the logistical reach of the Big Books. Do you still write in "pieces" when you're working on a novella or short story, or is it more of a straight-line process? I always write in disconnected pieces, no matter what I’m writing; that’s just how my mind works. (I had one interviewer recently pause for a long moment after I’d answered one of her questions--obviously thumbing down her list--and then say, “I had a lot more questions, but you seem to have answered most of them already, while you were answering the one I asked you.” I apologized <g>, and explained that I inherited my digressive story-telling from my father--he’d begin (usually at the dinner table) with a recollection of someone from his past, and would start telling you a story about them--but every second paragraph or so, something he’d said would start a digression that added social context or personal opinion or associated history or data on location, and then without missing a beat, the story would swerve back onto its main track--until the next digression a minute later.) As I always tell people, “There’s a reason why I write long books; it’s because I like digression.” You've made very effective use of Twitter and Facebook in recent years, and many fans are addicted to your #DailyLines. How has the rise of social media affected the way you interact with your readers and fans? With your busy schedule, where do you find the time? Well, social media has sort of grown up around me. Back in 1985, I first went “online” (a concept that really didn’t exist in the popular consciousness yet) when I got an assignment to write a software review for BYTE magazine, and they sent with the software a disk for a trial membership with CompuServe (aside from government services like DARPA, “online” in the mid-80’s basically consisted of three “information services”: Delphi, Genie and CompuServe), so I could poke into the support forum the software vendors had set up there, and mention it in my review. After writing the review, I had a few hours of free connect time left (in a time when you were charged $30 an hour for using CompuServe—at 300 baud, dial-up), and so I started poking around to see what else was available. I stumbled into the CompuServe Literary Forum. This was not (as people sometimes assume) a writer’s group. It was a group of people who liked books. There were a few writers there, of course, both established and aspiring, but the main focus was simply on books: reading, impact, thinking in response to reading--and it was also just a fertile ground in which enormous, digressive and fascinating conversations could flourish (there was one truly remarkable conversation that became known as “the Great Dildo Thread,” that went on for months…). Anyway, that was where social media (which didn’t exist as a concept yet, though plainly it existed in fact) and I met. The next step was my website, established in 1994 (I think I was the first author to build a website for readers--and my eternal thanks to Rosana Madrid Gatti, who generously did the hard work of making and running the site; I sent her material and she’d post it for me (this was a looong time before WordPress and other blogging software made it possible for anybody to communicate directly with the world online). I did the website mostly in response to reader’s enthusiasm; I got a LOT of mail (regular letters) about the books, from people being complimentary, asking questions, taking issue with various aspects--but all of them wanted to know more: why did Claire do this, where did I find out about botanical medicine, did people really do that…and most particularly--when was the next book coming out. So the website was a means of answering reader questions--both for the readers who had asked those questions, and for the entertainment of other readers who perhaps hadn’t thought of those questions, but would be interested in the answers. The benefit of only having to type an answer once (many people naturally ask the same questions) was obvious--as was the benefit of being able to inform people of pub dates, book-signings, etc. So, knowing the benefits of such a channel, when other channels became available--AOL, for instance--I’d use them, at least briefly, and see whether they seemed helpful. Some were, some weren’t--I never bothered with MySpace, and in fact, it took some time for me to try Facebook (which I still use sparingly; I never go anywhere on Facebook other than my own page, and it’s what they call a “celebrity” page, which means that I don’t take “friend” requests. Nor, I’m afraid, can I read the private messages that people kindly leave me there--at the moment, the page has more than 700,000 members (or whatever you call regular visitors), and if only one percent of them send me messages…that’s 7,000 messages. There’s no way I can even read that many messages, let alone respond to them. Twitter also proved to be very useful; it provides instant access to a lot of people--and more valuable than that, it provides organic replication. If you post something interesting, many, many more people will see it, beyond the people who actually follow you. And it’s very good for making short-term announcements or asking urgent questions, because somewhere in the world, the person who can answer that question is awake and reading Twitter. <g> What's the most challenging, or frustrating, or difficult part of your role as consultant on the TV series? (I understand there are things you can't talk about, but can you comment on this in general?) Well, frustrations are of two types: 1) when a scriptwriter has done something that I think is not consistent with a character’s…er, character, and I can’t get them (“them” meaning not just the scriptwriter, but the production team in general) to change it, and 2) when they’ve shot something absolutely beautiful, in terms of acting, honesty, emotion, etc.--and then cut it out of the finished episode. What's the most fun part? The fun lies in seeing something remarkable evolve from a huge number of component parts, day by day by day. It’s like watching a forest grow in stop-motion time that speeds everything up. Would you be interested in writing another script for the TV show, after BEES is done? Yes, I would. It was a deeply interesting (if occasionally frustrating) experience. Script-writing is a very collaborative process, in which the script writer ultimately does not have complete control over the final product, which may have been rewritten several times by different people. That’s a very different experience from being a solitary god, as novelists are. <g> But it’s a fascinating experience, both in the consultation and writing (and revision and revision and revision…) and in the eventual final result: the filming. Filming is long, tedious, hard work--but very entertaining. As the OUTLANDER TV series approaches its fourth season, we're starting to see many more readers who've found your books as a result of the TV show. Aside from the effect on book sales (which must be considerable <g>), I'm interested to hear what you think about that. Do you find that people who found the TV show first tend to have different expectations, or different reactions to the books? People who’ve read the books first definitely have different reactions to the show <g>, but I don’t think the reverse is really true. I haven’t heard a lot of show-first people express any sense of shock or disapproval as to things happening in the books--they expect to see an expanded version of the story, with a lot more detail and more storylines, and that’s what they get. Many OUTLANDER fans, including myself, have re-read (or re-listened to) your books many, many times. Do you have a favorite author or authors whose books you re-read often, and if so, what is it about those books that makes them stand up well to re-reading? Yes, dozens. Right now, I’m re-reading all of Dorothy L. Sayers’s Lord Peter Wimsey novels, for probably the twentieth time. (I continue to enjoy them, but to be honest, I’m re-reading them now because I can put them down easily in order to work.) James Lee Burke would be another one, though I haven’t re-read his Dave Robicheaux novels as often as Sayers. And then there are Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey/Maturin novels--I’ve read the series maybe three times, but listened to it on audio probably twenty times, at least--the reader, Patrick Tull, is fantastic, and the story always holds my interest while dog-walking or gardening. Like these, all the books I feel are worth re-reading depend on unique and engaging individuals. I like to spend time with these people (and on a lower level, I enjoy seeing just _how_ the author did what they did; knowing as much now as I do about the craft of writing, it’s hard to avoid seeing the techniques in use--a book that can suck me in sufficiently that I _don’t_ notice the engineering is definitely one I can re-read).

Part 2:

I'm not a writer of fiction, but I love it when Diana explains various writing techniques. So I thought it would be interesting to explore this particular one. I was astounded, and very grateful, that Diana replied in such detail! Be sure to click on the links about halfway through this post to read the examples from the text. *** SPOILER WARNING!! *** If you haven't read WRITTEN IN MY OWN HEART'S BLOOD (Book 8 of the OUTLANDER series), you may encounter spoilers below. I was listening recently to the section of MOHB that deals with the Battle of Monmouth. It must be quite a challenge to write a complex series of scenes like that, with so many moving parts and different characters involved. Are there specific techniques that you use in writing battle scenes in particular, to give a sense of immediacy or heighten the dramatic tension? Managing a complex situation in fiction comes down essentially to Point of View.  You have to know whose head you’re in, and stay firmly there. Until you change to a different point-of-view character, that is… Who the point-of-view character is determines what kind of detail will be available to you, and guides the shape and flow of those periods of the text that belong to that specific character. For example (as you mention the Battle of Monmouth section of WRITTEN IN MY OWN HEART’S BLOOD), the first thing I considered was whose viewpoint(s) to use in depicting it.  I’d read several accounts of the battle, including a very detailed step-by-step description provided by one of Osprey’s Men-at-War books, so I knew the general character of the battle:  it was a huge military encounter, involving more than 10,000 troops on either side, multiple commanders, and a ragged, rolling terrain that didn’t accommodate the standard eighteenth-century military formations and positioning At All. (No one chose the ground on which to fight; that particular stretch of farmland was just where Washington’s troops caught up with General Clinton’s troops, who were retreating from Philadelphia with a large number of fleeing Loyalists (and their property) under the army’s protection.) It was also a very long battle, fought from slightly before daybreak until well after dark, on one of the hottest days known (temperatures were estimated--ex post facto--at over a hundred degrees during the hottest part of the day). And it was an indecisive battle: neither side “won”--the British withdrew with their dependents and baggage trains and retired toward New York (which is what they’d been doing when the Americans attacked), and the Americans staggered back to their camps to recover, tend the wounded, and bury their dead. The significance of the battle, though, was subtle but Very Important--the Americans didn’t lose. This discomfited the British extremely, and heartened the Americans to an equal degree, enabling Washington to pursue his campaign. OK, so we have a very complex mess to describe. Obviously, no one person could possibly see enough of the battle to have any idea how it was going, let alone what strategy was in use. So I knew from the start that I’d need more than one viewpoint character, and could then switch among them as needed to give their separate takes on what was happening to them, and the reader would get both the necessary information as to what was happening overall, and the sense of chaos and struggle that marked the day. Obviously, Jamie Fraser had to be one of those characters; he’s a central figure of the story, and he’s a trained and very experienced soldier. So I contrived a way for him to be in command of a sizable (though informal) company of militia during the battle. Militia companies were normally fairly small bands of thirty to fifty men, who signed up for short enlistments and returned to their farms or businesses when the enlistment period ran out, and a great many militia companies joined the American army just before this battle--not all of them were documented, and thus it was entirely plausible for the temporarily-appointed General Fraser to be in command of several. So, Jamie would naturally see combat, both personally and as a commander. He’d be in communication with other commanders, and would know the proposed strategy, as well as specific moving goals as the battle was going on. And he’d be interacting with the soldiers under his command and responding to emergencies.  [NB:  Notice, through these examples, the sort of details that each character is conscious of and how they respond to them.] Example #1 (Jamie in the cider orchard) Then, of course, I wanted Claire. Both because she’d never leave Jamie on a battlefield alone again, and because as a surgeon, she’d have a completely different view of the battle. She’d be handling the wounded who came off the field, in a series of medical procedures/emergencies, but would also have a general sense of the battle as a whole, gained from the things the wounded men told her while she was treating them. Example #2 (Claire tending the wounded at Tennent Church) But we can’t overlook the other side of the conflict. What’s going on, on the British side? Well, we have a choice of POV characters on that side:  William, Lord John, and Hal. I used both William and Lord John (Lord John’s thread has been running through the whole book and the punch in the eye Jamie gave him at the beginning is affecting what happens to him throughout the battle and its aftermath). But while Jamie and Claire are carrying out fairly orthodox roles in the battle--a general in command/soldier on the field and a combat medic at a static aid station on the edge of the conflict--William and Lord John aren’t. William’s been relieved of duty and Lord John is essentially trying to stay alive long enough to reach the British lines. Both of them, in storytelling terms, can drop in or pass through just about any situation I need or want. They aren’t compelled to follow orders or fight through a set conflict; we get a revolving set of pictures of the British side of the conflict and its various personalities from them. And finally, there’s Ian Murray, Jamie’s nephew. He’s a scout for the American side, so is not fighting on the ground, but--like William and Lord John--can occur just about anywhere during the battle. And like William and Lord John, he’s fighting a personal battle (whereas Jamie and Claire are fighting the more usual kind of battle involving troops and military movements). So Jamie and Claire are providing a more or less structured view of things, while William, John and Ian are giving us the smaller, vivid glimpses that add both to the overall picture of the situation and to the encompassing sense of chaos. Or at least we hope that’s what happened… And to close this exegesis <g>--note that each character involved in this battle has his or her own arc within the battle: how they enter the battle, what happens to them, what decisions they make and what actions they take--and finally, how (and how altered) they emerge at the end of the fight. -------------------------------------------- Many thanks to Diana Gabaldon for taking the time for this very interesting interview! I really appreciate it.

It’s always interesting to read Diana’s comments on her own process, and I like what a fan of books she is.  

[da-at-ass]

Hey everyone. Sorry it’s taken so long to get myself together. 2017 was actually a really rough year for me, in many ways that I can’t really talk about. That’s why writing this post was so hard to do: I’ve been constantly wondering how much I can say and how to say it. I try to be pretty frank and open, but there’s some things about my life that I won’t openly say to a crowd of a few thousand people at least. At the same time, I feel like when life holds me back from doing what i want to do for the community, that an explanation is warranted. I LIKE having an explanation for things. I also like you not reblogging this post, so: please do not reblog this post, or I will block you. It doesn’t belong anywhere but on my blog.

So, I can give a brief summary. I am now at the tail end of the five year journey that was my early transition. I say was, because I’ve shifted enough that by now, I’m in a different stage or about to be in a different one and am currently in an interstitial one. The big difference is that my weight redistributed enough to be noticeable after enough consistent testosterone doses, and also I’ve made a lot of psychological progress and that’s made a huge difference in my demeanor. So yay, the me that is in the present is in a good position to go forward! But the me that went through the last five years is... still me, and I am exhausted.

Let’s talk about the last five years, because I have been very silent on a lot of details here and I’d like to finally be able to talk about them.

Five years ago, I had just bought a house and started a new job. I bought the house with a friend--oldschoolers will know her as Tif aka tiferetstrokes aka some other account after she deleted that blog but she forgot the password to. She co-ran @merkavahpartyvan when I first started running it, although co-ran really just meant she posted an article when she felt like it. But when I started it, she insisted on being a part of it, so co-admin it was. She also defined a lot of the early “stance” of MPV, which accounts for why the attitudes in the articles sort of drift over time. Tif and I actually had very different opinions about magic and spirits, but she’d use MPV as a device to frame her attitudes as legitimate, and make me have to account for them as “canon” if I stated my own views.

People who don’t know what was going on with Tif will tell me they miss her or they’ll ask me to extend their well-wishes, without knowing that by now I simply will not contact her and barely have a clue about her life by now. You can see in the previous paragraph some obvious annoyances I had, and there was a lot of other stuff going on besides. I won’t trouble you with the details, but suffice it to say that she decided to leave in early 2016. (I want to make it clear that we never had a romantic relationship, owning a house was about paying less for housing.) Since then, obviously some paperwork and other stuff has had to be settled, and it’s left me exhausted as it only just all finished up in late December 2017. I spent the holidays either traveling or collapsed. And I spent every moment between 2016 and December 26 2017 feeling utterly, completely nervewracked about what my future would possibly be, and if I could ever truly trust anyone I was friends with. In early spring of 2017, feeling like I had figured out the answer to that and feeling confident in my relationships, I experienced a huge breach of trust from a friend and, when I tried to hold them accountable for that breach of trust, they pretended to take responsibility... then threatened a week later to end our friendship if I ever criticized them again. I ended the friendship myself after that. It really wrenched me, and made it even more difficult for me to handle the issues I had to wrestle with in 2017. It’s the first full calendar year i spent totally out as a trans man, and... man, was some shit stressful.

Now I’m not really threatened, you know? The people that messed with my life are out of it, and I don’t have to deal with them anymore. But they still left messes. Just today I had to clean up a giant mess that Tif’s kids left in some of my cabinetry and she never cleaned up (that’s the origin of the google honey cleanup post). It’s hard not to keep seizing up. I get distracted a lot. Sometimes when certain songs play or pop culture references come up, I have to skip them or the media they’re on.

I’m doing BETTER now. But this stuff left me unable to produce. I have been exhausted. I have been nervewracked. I have been so stressed that my body was in pain from it. Now that it’s all over, I still haven’t fully relaxed yet. But I am, slowly, making things again.

At some point I’m going to make a new thing to replace Merkavah Party Van. I may leave it up as it is and just reblog the new things articles to it. But I need to leave MPV behind. Tif imprinted too much onto it, in a way that’s too snarled-up to untangle from the site itself. I’d rather start again in the direction I wanted to take in the first place. And I’m excited about where that’s going to go.

Updates on the Patreon soon.

[sapphirescales]

hey! i was wondering if you had any advice for anyone who has just joined the community? how to get interactions and stuff like that? i've just joined and i'm not really sure what to do or how to set myself up

hey there! i’m working off the assumption that you know some basics. i’ve been in the rp for years now so a lot of this is borne from my own experience roleplaying here and what i wish people told me way back. it’s a lil harsh but i hope you’ll find this helpful

anyways, here’s a crash course:

ic =/= ooc: what this means is that, before you start roleplaying, remember that things that happen in-character are not supposed to be a reflection of out of character feelings. so, for example, if someone’s muse absolutely hates your muse, that doesn’t mean that the writer hates you. just because you, personally, hate a muse doesn’t mean that your muse should either. your personal assumptions about another character are unrelated and shouldn’t be reflected in what your muse assumes about another character. for example, you might personally think that iro.nman is overrated but your character might idolise him or aspire to be like him or be completely neutral; it’s not the same thing.

standard roleplay etiquette: read through all of someone’s available pages before you follow them; if someone’s taken the time to write up all those pages, take the time to read them. even if you think you’re a Veteran Roleplayer, who has seen every variation that you can about someone’s pages, read them. don’t reblog their out of character posts / headcanons / graphics unless it’s marked as okay to reblog. during interactions try not to godmod or metagame your partners ( if you don’t know what that is, a quick google search will help you out ). sometimes, certain blogs might cool with you following them but aren’t open to interacting with your character for various reasons ( for e.g. if your muse is someone who is dead in their canon and they want to keep that a fixed point, they might not be open to interacting with your character, especially if they have set headcanons already ) or they might not be okay with you following them at all – that’s okay, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea. people come and go in the rp community fairly often. keep your head up.

writing samples: if you’re really new to the rpc, and you’ve never written with anyone before, people might not write with you simply because they have no idea how you write. it’s nerve-wracking but start with some posts that show off your understanding and insight for your character; write some drabbles, do some character-development related things. that will help you for when you actually do start writing as well, because you’ll have developed your muse a little bit more!

get some pages set up: your navigation page isn’t all that important. if you’re playing a canon muse, neither is your bio page necessarily. what is important, and what will tell people the things they need to know about your blog and characterisation, is a rules page and also a verses page. even if your verses page is very basic, and isn’t very detailed or super pretty, that’s okay! get the information out there about what you’re willing & open to write, establish your boundaries and show people you’ve put some thought into your character.

work hard on your character: roleplay is a hobby and i’m fairly certain that this is an unpopular opinion but if your character is underdeveloped – if their personality seems to change for no discernable reason between each person you thread, and your writing style is in constant flux, it makes it really difficult to understand and for people to want to know your character. you don’t have to have someone completely fully fledged out, but work on them, on understanding and exploring them and making them have depth and people will get more interested.

try not to ask for interactions specifically based on ships: ships are wonderful and fun and really great but it can be really disheartening ( especially for female muses ) if you come to them specifically for the sake of writing to ship. it’s happened to me so many times and it’s both a sign that sb hasn’t read my rules and that they don’t really care about my muse, they just want to focus on shallow writing. not everyone is interested in writing ships, and some people might not necessarily be interested in writing ships with you. that’s okay! ships will happen naturally and hugely dependent on writing chemistry; it’ll happen in time.

don’t impose your backstory on other people: this applies to all types of characters, but the ones i see it happening with the most are original characters. if your character’s backstory assumes that somebody else’s muse has done something to / for your muse before you’ve even interacted, you’re probably better of writing fanfiction. many people – including myself – consider this a form of godmodding. 

stick to your guns: when you’re first starting out, it’s really easy to get sucked into doing threads that you personally feel like don’t go with your characterisation or isn’t headed where you want it to. feel free to drop them. stick to your character, and your interpretation. for example, when i was in the te//en wo//lf fandom, i was writing peter, and a lot of people were just looking for A Token Uncle to drag them, and not really interested in writing actual plots with me. it’s okay to want to write other threads; make your wishlist known.

roleplay is give and take: this is related to the one before but basically, don’t be selfish when you write, and don’t let others be selfish when they write with you. good threads that are enjoyable and memorable for both parties are threads where both partners ( or more, if you’re doing multi-player threads ) get to explore their characters and really build a character dynamic together. 

mix things up sometimes: it’s okay to want character consistency but try to mix things up when you’re writing threads with people; no one wants to have sixteen of the same kind of threads, especially from one person. try and mix things up and put a different spin to them! it’ll be fun for you and fun for your writing partner, too.

don’t steal things from other people: whether that means headcanons, verses or the exact way they’ve done their theme. i’ve even known people to go through duplicates’ blogs and basically reblog all their non-rp posts from the source. i’ve seen all kinds of stuff stolen and i’m here to tell you that people will notice. they always notice, whether it takes 5 mins or 50 years, people will notice. don’t do it.

focus less on your follow count: some ppl will have thousands of followers and only write with two people; others will have much less and write with most of them. the number of followers you have doesn’t matter; we’re all here writing because we have a character that we love very very much, whether that character is someone we’ve created or someone already existing in media. your follow count is not reflective of the quality of your writing; the quality of your interactions reflects that. so focus on building your character and character dynamics.

ugly truth #1 – the muse you play will reflect the interactions and attention you get: i’ve been in about five to six different fandoms since 2009, and i’ve noticed one thing – if you play a canon character, you’re more likely to get followers v quickly compared to original characters, regardless of if they’re fandom or fandomless ocs. if your muse is a cis man, you’re more likely to gain followers very quickly compared to if you’re playing trans man, women, trans women or enby folks. if you play a white person, you’re more likely to gain followers compared to if you write a person of colour, especially black muses. if you play a muse that does not ship sexually with men ( e.g. a lesbian muse or an ace muse ), you’re less likely to get followers very quickly. it’s an ugly truth, but don’t be discouraged. there WILL be people who write with you, you DON’T have to change your character in any way to make them more palatable. keep loving your muse and people will love them in return, i promise.

ugly truth #2 – aesthetics matter: they’re not reflective of quality of writing but they are used, in this rpc as a whole, as a way to measure the amount of time and dedication you put into your character. you don’t have to go and code a theme from scratch or create your own psds – although some people do, and if you can / like to, good for you! – but try and set up a nice, clean theme with clear links that isn’t one of the preset themes on this website. it’ll help so, so much with getting interactions, even if your theme is really really plain. it’s unfortunate that aesthetics do matter but no community is perfect.

ugly truth #3 – the rpc isn’t pretty: there’s always really disgusting people lurking around. there’s callout posts flying back and forth to the point you don’t know who to believe. whilst one person says one thing is okay, someone else says it’s not. there’s other petty drama, vagues everywhere. it’s pretty nervewracking and hugely intimidating. it’s likely that you’ll get involved. it’s very likely that someone could call you out for something you’ve written that they find is a problem. the rpc isn’t pretty – but neither is real life, and because we’re a community of people, Real Life Issues ( like racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, islamophobia, anti-semitism, ethnocentricism, etc etc ) often get carried over to the online community. it’s not a pretty reality, but it is a reality that you’ll have to deal with, just like you would have to in real life. if someone points out that you really messed up, it doesn’t matter how long ago you did that thing, find out how to apologise sincerely for the hurt you’ve caused, and apologise properly. if you’ve overstepped your bounds, apologise properly. if someone is throwing baseless accusations, defend yourself clearly and calmly and the people who matter will know and understand. if you see something someone else has said or done or written, which is offensive, talk to them first ( and, yes, this means if you’re white and you see a mutual doing a racist thing, you should definitely go and talk to them ). the rpc isn’t pretty at all, but it’s our community – and now it’s yours, too. you have a social responsibility to make the community safe. 

the energy you put out is the energy you’ll receive: you’ve just joined the community but the community is huge and no one will necessarily go out to receive you. there’s no easy way to get interactions, but i firmly believe that the amount of time and effort you put out is what you’ll get in return. don’t just sit around waiting for other people to interact with you; make an effort. if they ask for compliments or constructive feedback, send something in. if they reblog memes and their blog is open to memes from non-mutuals, send something in. make starter calls, make open posts. ask for constructive feedback – maybe it’s something in your interpretation or the way you write that might put some people off ( and if it’s legitimate, think about it, and if it’s not or it’s something nitpicky, move on and find new people to follow ). i understand that it’s hugely nerve wracking – i’ve got anxiety as well, and i’m always nervous when following new people. in facti’m pretty guilty of this particular thing myself, even after all these years. but roleplaying isn’t like fic-writing; it’s necessary to interact with others. and, just like in real life, sometimes you just have to make the effort first and not keep track of how many times you’ve done it, and focus on the fact that you’ve got a ton of new friends and writing partners.

treat others how you want to be treated!!!