#pov: trying to drown the spoiler tag under the read more for tags

[kb-scribbles]

big fnaf ruin spoilers below. dont look at the tags either if you want to go in spoiler free

tbh im actually more excited about the fact candy cadet is back [literally nobody seems to be picking up on how insane and strange it is how hes still alive and functioning] but anyways heres a doodle of the mimic

shes #girl. to me.

[randomyuu]

the way it follows you home, the stories i never told

My guy Vox once again graced us with lovely Goyuu fanfics, and the way it follows you home, the stories i never told, made me go FERAL.

Time travel? Two Gojou Satorus? Double affection for our sunshine Yuuji? Yuuji sandwich? What feels like possible continuation of (you'll whisper, serpent tongue) what you fear you have become???

FUCK.

I need to stop indulging my imagination too much. I should’ve been content with writing long-ass comments but noooooo, my brain goes “you gotta draw it”. DAMMIT VOX, YOU AND YOUR DELICIOUS WRITINGS HHHHHH

So… usually I should’ve picked a favourite scene that is within my drawing capability, but I just… love all three chapters??? So I made a questionable time investment? I can’t stop??? Help???

This is probably the most ambitious fanart project I’ve ever done so far. Fair enough, considering I might combust if I keep these welled-up emotions inside from reading Vox’s Goyuu fics. Fuck.

Fic info:

Title: the way it follows you home, the stories i never told

Author: @voxofthevoid

Pairing: YuuGoGo. Future!Yuuji, Future!Gojou, Teen!Gojou

(idk why I laugh writing YuuGoGo. I’m beyond help)

Currently, it is 3 chapters out of 8. And it’s gonna be NSFW chapter 4 onwards, so don’t forget to read the tags first, folks!

The drawings are under Read More, because I have lots of thoughts surrounding each chapter and drawings. It’ll be hella long if I didn’t hide it here. It was a mess down there. A combination of hours before, during, and after I read said fic. I’d say good luck finding the art among the sea of jumbled words but… you’ll find them easily. Don’t worry about it haha

SPOILERS FOR ALL 3 CHAPTERS! I highly recommend reading those first before diving into these drawings!

Also for the comics, read from right to left please!

From here on, I will be referring to the Future!Gojou as Gojou and the teenage one as Satoru.

Overall, drawing all these is fun! Really fun! This project pushed me quite hard, forcing me to test my limit (because I rarely draw this much back to back). Since this is a combination of drawings and comics, the coloring style will not be consistent. In a way, I want to try some brushes I never get to use, as well as try out my new graphic tablet. Drawing these got me giggling because I was finally able to let loose during line art. It's much easier to do so, and sometimes I just get to reread the fic and giggle to myself for the nth time.

CHAPTER 1:

Whooo. Whooooooooo—

Ok, ok, the premise is just that good. It intrigued me, fascinated me, and I just… oomph. I cannot refuse a Time Travel Yuuji Sandwich. Sign me up.

Honestly, there are two scenes that are just… a bit too clear in my mind when reading this chapter. That would be the one I drew above, and the other is when Yaga called Gojou to come outside of the class. I love, loooove how Vox wrote Satoru’s POV. And when Yuuji fucking giggles?

I lost it.

Can you imagine, drawing Yuuji grins, with shiny stuff, maybe some sunlight, just purely happy and indulging Gojou?

Help me, for I am drowning in my love and adoration for Yuuji.

Page 2 is an experiment on using harsh black as shading (kind of?). I really enjoyed colouring Yuuji, and drawing those buffalo skulls! I wish I can grasp the concept of contrast a bit better tho :v

CHAPTER 2:

This is probably the only chapter where I picture still images instead of comic panels. A bit like those cool chapter covers in mangas. The one I really, really want to draw is the scene with Satoru on the table. Can’t pass the opportunity to highlight Satoru being a brat, albeit a really cool brat.

Cool idea drawing always proves to be a challenge, because of course my artistic skill just so happens to be below the requirement. Thank you, Sketchfab, for the chair and desk’s perspective otherwise I’m screwed lmao

The second scene that I want to draw the most is this:

Gojou is one step away from climbing Yuuji. Also, I have a bit of a problem picturing a man pouting that makes him look crazy instead, so please have Gojou pouting adorably instead. Because, as Yuuji said (with love), Gojou is (also) a brat.

This is possibly my favorite art in this project, after Yuuji's in Chapter 1 page 2. It's clean because I don't have to draw background, and I was having a fun time drawing Yuuji. And Gojou's squishy cheek as well.

Oh, actually, there is a “manga” scene in this chapter. It’s when Yuuji said, “I love Satoru.”

I just—

AAAAAHHHHH YUUJIIIIIII YOU AND VOX ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME. That secure relationship between Yuuji and Gojou? Satoru’s description of how Yuuji’s smile could blot out the sun??? Not me screaming 💀 I also see bits of hints of possible co-dependency, though I could be reading those wrong, but either way I’m good. Secure and possessive relationships are fun to consume hhhhhh

But yeah. There are too many wholesome Yuuji smiles in this fic, and I… I am not confident enough to draw genuine happiness. It’s too much for me ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

For this chapter, another reason why I chose these two scenes is just because I want to try and draw cover-worthy pictures of Yuuji and Satoru, and Yuuji and Gojou (cough)

CHAPTER 3:

We start the chapter with Nanamin. Ah, Nanamin. I forgot what his teen self looked like and was surprised to see his design again lmao

I want to draw Yuuji and Nanami scene because… I just want to, I guess. I have never drawn him before (Yaga as well) so that's an interesting challenge. I got two ideas on how I want to draw it. One is a bit painting-esque, and the other one is like another chapter cover. In the end, I chose the cover one because I want to emphasise the difference between teen!Nanami and the Nanami from Yuuji’s original timeline, and how the watch feels like a connection between the same (yet not) person. It’s a bittersweet feeling? In a way?

I’m not really good at explaining my intention ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

I love Yuuji’s answer to Nanami's question.

AND FINALLY.

A Yuuji SandwichTM scene.

And oh B O I do I love it. Have I told you I like every chapter? I probably have. But this one? Satoru’s curiosity, Yuuji’s on-brand self-deprecation, and Gojou come strolling down to show more of Yuuji to his mini-self. I want to draw this whole scene, from Gojou finding them, feeding Yuuji snacks, bitch-slapping Satoru into the backroom, to Yuuji growling. Them trying to hide a boner from Yuuji’s growl got me cackling so hard I LOVE IT 😭

I love it all. Please love Yuuji in my stead, Satoru and Satonyan :3

Oh! Also! 40-finger Yuuji sounds really, really cool! I’ll be happy with whatever Vox will give us in future chapters, but 40-finger Yuuji… possible scene with this timeline’s Sukuna… my god. The action! The drama! The bloodshed! One can only hope.

However, as much as I love that whole scene, it’s still too much for me :”) I’m still not yet confident in delivering the humour and action. Also my already-long drawing plan had my brain groaning in protest so I can’t push my luck :'D

When Gojou said "He looks sweet, but he's a bit of a beast", I kept picturing Yuuji staring innocently, but there was an edge to his look. As if the moment Satoru looks away, he will pounce. But in the end I just stick with innocent-looking Yuuji because I accidentally drew his eyes that way and I want to keep it in lol

Since Satoru points out how soft and cuddly Yuuji is, I also want to draw soft Yuuji :v

And the last one… is the last scene. For some reason, I read that both Gojou and Satoru share Yuuji’s lap and was having a frustrating yet fun time figuring out how it’s… physically possible, without having their butts on the ground because they both are not small at all. As I lined the art, I reread it again and… perhaps I read it wrong? Satoru is beside Yuuji, and not on his lap? So yeah, this one might be the least accurate, but hey, at least you can view it as a crack drawing or something :v

AAAANNNDDD I HAVE EXCEEDED TODAY’S BRAIN CAPACITY OF FORMING WORDS

Have I told you I love this fic?

…I probably have.

Have an amazing week (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

[along-came-atsushi]

The way Dazai protects Atsushi

When we imagine someone who is protective, mostly it is a person who bursts into a fit of rage or someone who heroically and willingly throws away their own life if it means to protect others. A good example for this would be Kunikida’s actions on several occasions. Dazai is less a person to obviously show rage or to heroically throw himself in front of someone.

Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all, it’s quite the contrary. And it’s sometimes very subtle and tricky, because he always has plans within plans and tries to achieve several goals with a single plan.

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I will only focus here on Dazai’s actions that solely have to do with Atsushi. I’m not going to bring up every single hidden agenda or goal Dazai is also trying to achieve.

In addition, this post has been tagged as #Dazatsu just to be safe. But of course it can be read from a platonic POV.

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Beware: Spoilers starting from chapter 83 and for 55 Minutes!

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How Dazai gets Atsushi into the ADA

Dazai practically tricked and then it may seem like he pressured Atsushi into joining the ADA, even after Atsushi already said that he doesn’t want to join:

The reason for Atsushi’s refusal was not that he didn’t want to join, because he just simply didn’t want to join. But because he lacks the self-confidence in taking a task like this. He doesn’t believe in himself and his abilities and thinks he isn’t fit for the job. This lack of self-confidence together with the fact that Atsushi constantly gets pushed by either people around him or his circumstances to keep relying on himself rather than others runs like a red string through his story.

Dazai on the other hand sees a great potential in Atsushi. In the moment where Atsushi saved him from drowning, he already planned to team him up with Akutagawa. Not only because of their abilities and their compatibility in battle. But because Atsushi would be the person to “teach Akutagawa how to put that sword away”. In other words: to value life. Which is something that Dazai wasn’t able to teach Akutagawa (I covered this in another meta and won’t explain it here any further).

Another reason is that the things Dazai states above are simply the truth: If Atsushi doesn’t join, then there is nothing the ADA can do to help him (or it would be much harder and complicated for them). He needs to do everything a normal adult in society has to do, which is harder for Atsushi than other people, since he has been abruptly kicked out of his orphanage without any further help or assistance. Not to mention that he is perceived as a monster and not in control of his own ability, and therefore a wanted criminal and dangerous ability user. This could lead Atsushi in either getting killed or falling into the hands of other shady organizations who have far worse intentions for him. Saying the above is less Dazai trying to manipulate Atsushi and more him just telling what would happen and to be realistic.

Having Atsushi join the ADA for Dazai does not only help Atsushi to live a safer life and make it easier for Dazai to keep an eye out for him, but also to give Atsushi the chance to safe other people in the progress.

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The Entrance Exam

Since Atsushi refused there was no way for Dazai to have him join the ADA the easy way and then only later testing if he really was worthy of being a true member. Just like it has been the case with Dazai’s entrance exam (Dazai freely joined the ADA after being recommended and was perceived as a new member immediately. Only during his first case with Kunikida was he secretly being tested of being worthy, which he succeeded). Therefore, a plan under a pretext was needed in order to test Atsushi and convince him to join.

During the ADA’s meeting for planning Atsushi’s entrance exam (which is told in the first part of the ‘Untold Story of the ADA’ novel) Dazai anticipated that Atsushi would either convince the bomber (played by Tanizaki) or somehow defuse the bomb himself. Neither of his predictions happened, instead Atsushi was willing to sacrifice himself so that he could protect others. This selfless action honestly surprised Dazai, which not many people are able to achieve, because he always predicts their actions:

Since it’s been hinted by Dazai that he already lost other people close to him in his life, even before Ango’s betrayal and Odasaku’s death, Atsushi’s action probably could’ve served as a trigger for him. He had to realize that there is a possibility that Atsushi would sacrifice himself to protect others. Especially since he doesn’t deem his own life as worthy and has been told many times to be useless and to “just die in a ditch somewhere.”

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“Stalking” Higuchi

Dazai immediately recognized Higuchi to be a PM member and that she’s contacting the ADA under disguise for ulterior motives. The scene with Higuchi is a good example that Dazai does many things which either annoys other people (flirting with her) or are seen as him just being lazy and/or fooling around (listening to music and singing), while in reality he is already following a hidden plan.

Flirting with Higuchi distracts her and everyone else from Dazai slipping a wiretap in her jacket. It helps him to let everyone just act naturally without the possibility of revealing anything by accident. Furthermore, it makes people underestimate Dazai, because for everyone else he was just fooling around.

Due to the reason that the PM contacted the ADA under disguise as soon as Atsushi was their new member could have been already suspicious for Dazai, suspecting that it has something to do with Atsushi and was not just a regular attack on the ADA. Later on, this gets confirmed when it’s been stated that The Guild set a bounty on Atsushi for some reason.

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Is Dazai following Atsushi around?

When Atsushi accompanies Ranpo on his murder case Dazai surprisingly shows up:

This meeting could be just a coincidence, of course. After all it’s just Dazai fooling around again (or in this case, trying to commit suicide again). But since the case with Higuchi has shown that Dazai loves to pretend to do something else, when he in reality is following a hidden agenda, it might be that he showed up there on purpose. Maybe just to see how Atsushi was faring and to eventually intervene if something serious would happen (like he did when Atsushi and Akutagawa were fighting for the first time). Especially with the PM on Atsushi’s tail now.

In chapter 84 it has been revealed that Dazai indeed does have an eye on Atsushi. When he can’t do that himself anymore, he makes sure to ask Akutagawa to keep an eye on him instead:

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Going far for Atsushi’s sake

After getting to know about the bounty, Dazai lets himself get captured by the PM on purpose, without informing any other ADA members, and stays inside the prison until seemingly a right time draws near. He is willing to do this, even though he knows full well that he is perceived as a traitor and that certain people will not welcome him with open arms.

When Chuuya mentions that he suspects that Dazai must be here for a certain reason, Dazai then states that he does all of this mostly for Atsushi. He even goes so far as to provoke a second punch in the face from Akutagawa, by belittling him in saying that Atsushi is a better subordinate than him, after Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi.

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Probably the most visible scene where Dazai openly shows anger and shock towards someone hurting Atsushi (or hurting someone he cares about in general) is during the incident with Q:

He doesn’t act like this again the second time when Atsushi brings him the doll to nullify Q’s ability, even though the whole city is in chaos. He’s also less concerned about Naomi and Haruno in that moment and more focused on Atsushi during this. Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all for others, knowing that Naomi and Haruno are able to handle their situation (which is confirmed by them later). But it also shows that Atsushi is his main priority.

Throughout the story Atsushi slowly notices this himself. At first he is hesitant to believe that he is Dazai’s “most trusted subordinate” and worries that Dazai might be mad with him should he go overboard with something (e.g. during 55 Minutes when he was able to surprise Dazai who was hiding in the trash can).

He only ever claims to have Dazai’s trust, if it means to provoke Akutagawa (which he does for a different reason, but I’m not going to expand on this here). Later, he even wonders how Dazai would react/look if Akutagawa came back with the news of him having died: 

Which means that Atsushi’s former mentality of people not caring should he die gets replaced by having someone actually be mad/sad about this.

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Hiding his “dark side”

It may not be that visible in the anime, since some scenes are either left out or interpreted for the sake of jokes. But the manga makes it clear that Dazai struggles with guilt because of his own past (e.g. when Atsushi asks the other ADA members what they’ve done before joining the ADA, aside from everyone else Dazai looks away. This suggests that this question and the closely related memories of it are uncomfortable for him. Another example is his reaction when he asks Kyouka how many people she has killed).

Dazai is well aware that he can’t hide his past from Atsushi forever and that he sooner or later will find out. This is then almost immediately revealed to him by Akutagawa.

However Dazai still tries to hide his “dark side” from Atsushi. Apparently, he doesn’t want him to see that he’s capable of being cruel or that Atsushi may become too aware of anything that could reveal more of Dazai’s past and the things he has done. During certain situations Dazai purposefully doesn’t let Atsushi go or stay with him:

1.) When he pushed Atsushi out of the room to “interrogate” Kouyou:

2.) When he pretended to need to use the bathroom, because he knew they were being followed:

3.) When he meets Ango:

(Even Kouyou comments on how Dazai lets Atsushi out of certain business.)

The reasons for this may be that he’s afraid to reveal this “dark side” of him to Atsushi and that he doesn’t want to drag him into the business of the underworld. It could also be that he’s afraid that Atsushi might see him in a different light and that he’ll turn deprecating towards him. As of now Atsushi doesn’t know the full extent of Dazai’s past and actions. But due the fact that he’s aware that Dazai was a former PM member (an executive even), he must also be aware that some answers will be frightening. Furthermore, he must also already have some ideas about Dazai’s past.

Throughout the story Atsushi has been shown to be sympathetic with different characters, trying to understand their actions or the reason that drives them. Even when these characters fought against or tried to kill him in the past (Kyouka, Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald, Sigma). Therefore, I doubt that Atsushi will see Dazai in a different/negative light, should his past be fully revealed. But this is something Dazai may not anticipate, since he doesn’t see himself as a good person and as someone worthy of redemption.

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Dazai believes in Atsushi

Dazai has an overwhelming believe in Atsushi and his abilities. He reassures and compliments him from the very beginning:

“Nice, Atsushi. You’re like a real detective already! It’s such a joy to see you grow up so fast!” [After being send back in time] “Ha-ha-ha! I never thought you’d be able to scare me like that! You’ve grown Atsushi!” – 55 Minutes

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“Oooh!” Dazai squealed in excitement. “Look at you, Atsushi! Impressive!” – 55 Minutes

Contrary to Atsushi, who struggles to acknowledge his own self-worth and has little to no faith in his own abilities.

This is the reason why Dazai sometimes pushes Atsushi (not only literally but also figuratively) to do things on his own, whenever he realizes that Atsushi is hesitating. He’s throwing him in at the deep, in order for Atsushi to learn more self-confidence:

He sends him on several missions alone (e.g. sneaking into the Moby Dick) or with other people (e.g. Akutagawa), because he knows that Atsushi is able to do this, even without him:

“[…] It’s up to you to prove the detective agency’s innocence and set us free. You can do it, right?” Atsushi knew – Dazai only asked people if they could do it when he was certain they could. – 55 Minutes

Atsushi’s actions get firmly planned into Dazai’s predictions, knowing that he will choose the right decision:

This great believe in Atsushi gets also noticed by other people (e.g. Mark Twain and Akutagawa):

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In return

Dazai’s positive influence on Atsushi also has a positive effect on his psyche: The headmaster’s voice and image inside his mind – the person who always drags him down, tells him to be useless and that he will “not make it” – slowly gets replaced by Dazai’s voice and image – the person who cheers him up and tells him to believe in himself:

It’s no doubt that Dazai was the person who helped Atsushi to live a better life and he is perceived as “the man who saved me” by Atsushi himself. For this reason and his self-confidence Atsushi admires Dazai and is grateful to him.

But on the other hand, Atsushi was also willing to save Dazai despite his dire situation. Not only does Atsushi put Dazai on a pedestal, it is also Dazai who puts Atsushi on a pedestal and who sees him as the person able to help, protect and maybe even change others.

[theashofwkm]

WAIA Theory // Wilford’s Birth

Me reading between the lines and filling in some gaps.

Something about how the automatronic tells the story gets to me. It tells us more about how Will was after WKM in a way motherloving Warfstache couldn’t. This was from his POV. His words, how he describes it.

Kind of theorizing, definitely trying to break everyone’s hearts more. Spoilers and angst ahead.

This is what he says: “A man goes to a party. The man met an old friend. The two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game.”

He desires himself as “a man”. Not “me”, “a man”. My guess is that he can’t think about as being himself. He needs there to be some distance between what he did and who he is. He needs that distance, can’t talk about it without it, until...

“I... didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?”

Until he comes to the grief and the guilt. Once he gets here, that distance he wants, it crumbles. Once he gets to where Mark dies (and he doesn’t mention that, if you notice. He can’t. If he says the words, it’s real and if he acknowledges that it’s real he won’t be able to rebuild that distance and be Warfstache).

He says, if you say that it is not his fault, that he does not remember who he was. This is either a lie, or the only thing he remembers is the party once it went south. He remembers passing a bottle of wine between him and Mark, taking big gulps, laughing like old times, like... like they’re friends again. That’s what he wants, to be friends again.

But if that was the only thing he remembered about who he was — Russian Roulette with a dear friend and a stranger falling over a balcony, out of grasp — what must he think about who he was? What monster does he think lies in his past, sleeping under his skin?

If that is all he knows, it’s no wonder he becomes Warfstache. It’s no wonder he tries to forget the Colonel and refers to him as a stranger, someone else, someone he isn’t and wasn’t.

He chose to become Wilford.

This is kind of supported by what he says if you tell him that it is his fault. “You can’t change the past. You can tell all the stories you want to tell. It won’t change what happened. You can’t rewrite the past. If you live in fantasy for forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.”

He can’t change what he did. He’s spun his own tales about it, told them as he laughed because he’d go insane if he stopped. It didn’t change anything. So he changed his name, his being, his self. Warfstache lives in fantasy, one where there is no death and guilt. “You’ll lose yourself in the story.” That’s what he’s hoping for. Only shadows remain of the Colonel and he wants them gone.

And if he said “I wish I knew who I was”? That’s him wishing to remember something good. Something that wasn’t him killing a friend and a friend’s friend and laughing afterwards like some maniac. He thinks the Colonel a beast, for murdering and laughing while the blood is still wet. He wants there to be something good about who he was. Something that doesn’t throw his mind in a blender and claw at his heart like Celine wishes she could.

Warfstache does not remember much of the Colonel. He prefers it that way. He remembers sleeping with a friend’s wife, killing the friend in a drunken accident, killing Abe, killing a stranger he’d just met. He remembers all the blood and murder and him laughing.

“I don’t remember who I was” outside of all the death. He wishes he remembered nothing at all.

That’s what Wilford is for. To forget and laugh about the shards he does remember. Wilford was made to protect himself. The guilt was drowning. Even still, Wilford is not perfect.

He feels the grief, still. The guilt. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.” A blanket statement. The part of the Colonel that refuses to die is sorry. He did not mean to.

It was an accident.

He swears.

(In summary, William aka the Colonel could not live with what he did after WKM and decided to become someone who could. He chose the fantasy over reality, chose to lose himself because he doesn’t think there’s anything worth saving in who he was. More sadness in the tags.)

[kilyra]

Life’s Like That

Matt Murdock (Daredevil) One-Shot from prompts

A/N: I received a request from the lovely and incredibly patient  @givemeabite for a Daredevil  story with the prompt “I thought you were happy, I’m sorry”. Right off the bat, while I dig this little story, I may have missed the mark you were hoping for (I mean, I went with lawyer Matt vs Daredevil...) so please let me know if you want me to go for an actual Daredevil story with the same or different prompts!

You find yourself turning to Matt Murdock, and old friend from college when you realize that, not only are you getting a divorce but you might lose everything.

Warnings: This is a female reader pov. I try to keep things as neutral as possible, but it was too awkward. I left the husband and company nameless so you can at least fill in some blanks. Otherwise, it’s spoiler free.

If you want to be on my tag list for this or any character just let me know!

Nelson, Murdock, and Page.

You read the name a dozen times as you stood outside the door. This was it; it was definitely them. It was definitely him.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open to see a blonde-haired woman behind the only desk in the room. Her eyebrows raised as you came in, but her smile was warm. “Mrs. McKay?”

Blinking, it took a moment to realize she was addressing you. “Oh, uh, no..”

The woman's eyebrows creased lightly as her smile grew smaller. Dropping her gaze down to her desk, she started rifling through an open file. "Oh, my apologies. You are...?"

“Ms L/n. I just...was hoping to see Mr. Murdock? If that's possible?”

Your nerves knotted violently as you watched her go through several stages of confusion. “Uh, do you have an appointment?”

Hesitantly, you looked around the empty waiting room area before turning back to her. “N-no?”

“Y/n?”

Following your name, you turned to see Matt Murdock poking his head out of one of the connecting rooms.

Relief rushed through your body, the knots immediately dissolving. “Matt!”

A wide grin spread over his face as he stepped out of his office, running his hand down his tie and smoothing it against his slightly wrinkled shirt. “Wow, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard your voice. How have you been?”

Tucking your hair behind your ear, you chewed your lip for a second before finally smiling. “Uh...good.”

Matt paused. “That bad, huh? Why don't you come in and tell me about it?”

Hesitating you glance back over at the woman behind the desk. Her smile was tight as her eyebrows creased together.

Before either of you could say anything, Matt nodded her direction. “Uh, Miss Page? Foggy can start with Mrs. McKay if she arrives for her appointment...actually, do you mind sitting in with him? That might be safer.”

Despite trying to pinch her lips together, a smile broke free and Miss Page looked towards the door labelled Nelson as though she expected him to pipe up at any second. “Yes, that's no problem.”

Waving you over, Matt's hand fell to the small of your back as he guided you into his office. As you took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, you were surprised when he took the other After he turned it slightly, your knees were almost grazing when he leaned forward.

After setting your purse down, you glanced around the room. “You and Foggy have a nice setup here. You guys really did it.”

His dark glasses reflected the sunlight from the window behind you as he let out a soft chuckle. Shooting you a lopsided-grin, he shrugged. “Well, I'm told it's simple but professional enough to inspire a bit of confidence at least.”

Barren was a better way to describe it. Other than his license, the walls were only broken up by the cheap, plastic blinds over the windows.

“Or maybe confidence is too a strong word?”

“Oh no, it's good, it's nice and...clean,” you said in a rush as you tried to make up for your brief silence.

“Wow. So I guess I should probably agree to Karen's constant requests to spruce up the place.”

A nervous laugh was your only reply as you felt your cheeks grow warm. Your gaze briefly skimmed over him. He was still the same, warm Matt you remembered from college, but his button-up shirt did little to hide his muscular chest. Although you always thought of him as a good-looking man, you didn't remember him being in quite so good of shape.

It was surprising how flustered it made you, considering everything you were drowning in.

Slowly, his smile grew more sombre as he cleared his throat. “Well, if I recall correctly, you weren't any more into small talk than I am, so I hope you don't mind if I just get right to asking what brought you here? Is everything okay?”

Although it was the obvious question, a sudden wave of guilt rolled over you. You hadn't seen him since school. Sure, life carries on as it does and everyone has their own shit to focus on. But it didn't feel great that, after all these years, the first time you finally reach out is because you need help.

“I, uh, I'm going to need to hire a lawyer. I'm not sure it's your field of expertise, but I might end up losing everything and I thought, if nothing else, you could point me in the right direction.”

The last of his smile dropped and his voice gained a sharper edge. It was a noticeable shift from old friend to lawyer. “When you say lose everything, what do you mean exactly?”

Nervously running your finger under the edge of your thumbnail, you frowned. “Possibly everything – my home, my car, my money, but most importantly, my business.”

His head bobbed slightly as his eyebrows drew together. “And why is that?”

Pausing your fidgeting, you let out a soft sigh. “Divorce.”

The word hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity before Matt finally cleared his throat. Nodding, he sat forward and leaned over you to grab the box of tissues from the corner of his desk. As he moved, his fresh aftershave mixed with a warm, earthy scent seemed to float around you. It immediately brought you back to the time you spent together, back before everything started heading in the wrong direction. A longing gripped your chest, a desperate need to turn back the clock, and you had to resist the urge to inhale deeply.

“I'm sorry to hear that, Y/n,” he said as he set the tissue box near you.

Letting out a soft, bitter snort, you shook your head. “It's fine. We can't all be you and Elecktra.”

He only froze for a moment as he settled back in his chair, but it was enough to tell you everything.

Before he could talk, you already started apologizing. “I'm sorry, I didn't know. I mean...it's just back in the day you two were so...I thought you were happy, I'm sorry.”

Huffing a sigh through his nose, his tongue darted over his lips as he waved you into silence. “It's okay. I mean, you're right, we were happy once, but it was a long time ago.”

A faint smile ghosted your lips as you let your gaze trail across his desk and towards the small window. The cramped city view past the blinds didn't provide much of an escape.

“Yeah...I guess life's like that.”

From behind you, you heard the outer door opening followed by muffled voices. Probably Mrs. McKay, Matt's next appointment. You kept your focus on the window. Maybe you were going to need those tissues...

The feeling of Matt's fingers lightly resting on your knee brought your attention back. His head was tilted – a move you've seen so often after your friends find out you're getting a divorce. But, somehow, you didn't feel the same overwhelming pity from him. “I know it's been a long time, and I'm not a divorce lawyer, but I am here for you. I'll need some more details before I can offer any suggestions though...can you tell me why you think you're in danger of losing everything?”

“Because he's hired Desmond Tobey to represent him...”

Wordlessly, his lips parted for a moment before he tried to find his words. The small gesture made your heart drop. “Hogarth's guy? That's uh...that's...”

“Bad,” you finished.

Leaning back in his chair, he adjusted his glasses and lightly bit the edge of his bottom lip. “Uh...yeah. It's not great. I hate to ask this, but what, uh...what are the circumstances of the divorce?”

Crossing your legs, you hugged your arms over your chest and sighed. “He cheated on me.”

Slipping back into lawyer mode, you noticed a drop in his gravelly tone as he straightened in his chair. “Did he admit to that?”

Looking at your sleeve, you unfolded your arms to pick at a small piece of fluff on the fabric. “He did. After I confronted him with the evidence.”

“Evidence?”

His all-business demeanour made it easy for you to do the same. Besides, you hadn't had much time to process your feelings anyhow. "Yes. After seeing purchases and motel room costs show up on his credit card statements, I actually hired a private investigator. So now I have photos too."

“And you've kept copies?”

“Multiple. In various safe spots. Look, he's got money. Serious money. So I understand why he would want to get the best lawyer he could so he doesn't get cleaned out. And frankly, I don't care. He can have the clothes off my back if he wants...but he threatened my company. That's the only thing I want to fight for. It's mine. I built it from the ground up. Myself.”

Matt's lips pulled together in a tight line as his face pointed away from you slightly as though he were looking to the side. “And does he have any claim to this company?”

Staring at the fluff, you balled it up between your fingers before letting it drop in the small garbage can beside you. "No. Well...I mean he gave me the startup money. Which I paid back. With interest. We even did that all through contracts so it was all legal. I don't understand what ground he thinks he has but...I don't want to lose this. Matt, I'm scar-"

Your voice hitched.

Turning back to you, Matt's hand reached for yours and he tightly squeezed your fingers. Holding your breath, you refused to crack as you squeezed back.

“I'm going to help you. Foggy and I, we've got you. Karen too. She's the best investigator I've ever met so if anyone can uncover whatever ace he thinks he's hiding up his sleeve, it's her,” he said firmly, although his voice softened considerably.

Gritting your teeth, you looked upward as though it could force the moisture back into your eyes instead of falling onto your cheeks. Quickly, you brushed along your bottom eyelashes, whisking the potential tears away. Matt's grip on your hand tightened.

“Thank you.” It came out as a whisper.

“We'll set up an appointment for tomorrow and I'll need you to bring in everything. Everything you have against your husband and all of your financial statements, both personal and for the business. And, as soon as you leave here, you need to freeze everything to do with your company in terms of assets and expansion plans. If you were even looking at buying a new office chair – it's on hold, got it?”

“Yes,” your voice was still unsteady.

Hearing how shaken you were, his face fell slightly. “Y/n, he's not going to get your company. I promise. We'll look over everything to make sure your case is iron clad. And if there's even any doubt, there are some legal, if shady, options we can look into as well. It's going to be okay.”

The relief of having someone on your side cracked your hard shell. Swallowing heavily, you finally reached over to grab the tissues.

“Thank you.”

Taglist:  @foreverfaeries  @flower-two  @getlostinyourparadise   @selfishkiddo @angelicshinigami  @kingccbsblog   @natsukitakama  @jobean12-blog  @fiction-is-the-new-reality @mysteryoflovve

[forest-of-stories]

Fanfic Writer’s Year in Review!

I was tagged by @letterblade! <333

The following post will focus stories that I posted in their entirety on AO3 in 2018, and so will not include my X-Men: Evolution WIP Ordinary Town (which I started posting in 2017 and will probably finish this year), or most of the scenes in my Knight and Mage AU (although they total almost 5,000 words, which is Not Too Shabby).

Also, I’m skipping a couple of questions about character and pairing breakdowns.  Spoiler: while I wrote in a few different fandoms last year, I probably wrote more about one character and pairing than all of the others combined.

The stories...

Black Lightning:

Overridden (110 words)

Doctor Who

Three Heads Are Better (180 words)

Gravity Falls:

Like Something From A Dream (635 words)

Odd Twins Out (640 words)

Most Likely To Stay Weird (160 words)

Following Ghosts (1,020 words)

Tell You Anything (500 words)

Seen And Not Heard (2,940 words)

Only One Step Away (200 words)

Star Wars:

Treading Water (380 words)

Your Own Heart As Signal (500 words)

Light Me Up Again (415 words)

Mark My Words (600 words)

Secrets Silenced By The Shame (515 words)

Thank You For Sharing (310 words)

Fold Your Wings (165 words)

Stranger Things:

Missing Girls (560 words)

Tortall:

And We Are Left Standing (340 words)

Set Alight (400 words)

Wrapped In Darkness (465 words)

To See A Friend Go Down in Flames (1,000 words)

Those Seasons Made Up And Undone (1,815 words)

Moves and Countermoves (1,060 words)

We Were Meant To Be Sparks of Light (335 words)

Dreams Of The Spider (1,135 words)

Merciless Kisses (435 words)

If Your Strife Strikes At Your Sleep (670 words)

Sealed With A Spell (185 words)

The Cold Is Closing In (2,072 words)

In Winter Light (608 words)

Great Minds Together (240 words)

And I Start To Drown (1,895 words)

Only The Finest (185 words)

Captive Listener (240 words)

Flight of Curiosity (535 words)

Out Of The Rain (200 words)

As I Burn Up In Your Presence (2,412 words)

Total Fics: 37 Total Words:  c. 30,000

Specifics…

Best/worst title?

Best title:  Excluding the ones that come from songs (which is many of them)? I’m pretty happy with “Flight of Curiosity” and “Mark My Words,” both of which contain puns/double meanings while also – I think – saying something about the characters or tone of the stories.

Worst title: “In Winter Light” is serviceable, but I think I could have done better, and consequently ended up with one less title that included some variation on the word “light.”

Best/worst first line?

Best first line:  The shape of Arram’s mind is as familiar as the long, lean body that trembles beneath Ozorne’s hands.  (”Great Minds Together”) 

Really, what’s better than a sexy mindmeld between mage boyfriends who will one day be enemies? Nothing, that’s what.

Worst first line:  Alex sometimes feels more than a little bit dazed after talking to his knight-master, and so it takes him a moment to react – a moment that could have cost his life in a fight – when another familiar voice calls his name. (”And I Start To Drown”)

I’ve written a few first lines that tried to establish too much in one go, and that’s definitely one of them.

Best/worst last line?

Best last line: Much later, lying sore and spent in the darkness, Alex still isn’t sure whether he’s been punished or forgiven. (”Merciless Kisses”)

I think that does a good job of conveying something that I hope is apparent throughout my Tortall Trash Fire fics: that Alex almost but doesn’t quite realize how bad Roger is for him.

Worst last line: Alex turns another page, still uneasy, but certain that Roger will know what to do. He always knows. (”Those Seasons Made Up and Undone”)

I’m proud of that story, for the most part, but that line didn’t wrap it up as elegantly as I would have liked.

General questions…

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I can rarely predict these things.  My total number of works is higher than it’s been in past years, but some of those works are really, really tiny.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Tortall, without question.  I read and reread the Song of the Lioness books when I was younger, but another fan’s incidental comment about Alex motivated me to take another look at them.  And even when I realized how much the implications about his relationship with Roger (which mostly unfolds behind the scenes) pushed all of my buttons, I’m not sure I could have predicted that I’d be writing so much about it.

I am also not a huge fan of Rey/Kylo (though I totally understand why some people are!), so “Thank You For Sharing” was also decidedly unexpected, though I don’t plan to write them doing anything more than fantasizing about each other.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Probably “The Cold Is Closing In.”  There’s a lot of unexplored potential in Alex’s relationship with his own squire, and it’s always fun to write a character that understands a lot less than the reader (especially if someone else is manipulating their perceptions).

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

I was bemused to find out that “Secrets Silenced By The Shame” had the most kudos, especially since it was a Dead Dove ficlet written for a kink meme, focusing on the pain and anguish of a character about whom I have very mixed feelings, and I hid it behind an “Anonymous Creator” byline until very recently. Story most underappreciated by the universe?

I would have liked to see “Following Ghosts” get some more love, especially since the Gravity Falls fandom seems pretty fond of Wendy (as well we should be).

I always have a hard time answering this question, and it’s even trickier when thinking about the past year, since my most recent primary fandom is not what I would call a hotbed of activity, at least on AO3.  (They have a message board that is somewhat busier, but I haven’t investigated it much.)

Story that could have been better?

“Set Alight” could have worked better as part of a longer work (I can even guess at which one), but I was still very much testing those fannish waters at that point, so I can sort of understand why I was like, “Throw it at the wall and see if it sticks.”

Sexiest story?

I’m very happy with the third section of “Those Seasons Made Up and Undone,” which I think is Hot Wrong all over the place, but “As I Burn Up In Your Presence” had more sexy (and also Wrong) bits, and I’m pretty happy with those, too.

Saddest story?

Everything about Alex’s downward spiral is saddening to me. “To See a Friend Go Down in Flames” gives an outsider perspective on that spiral, so maybe that one.  “Missing Girls” and “Secrets Silenced by the Shame” are also meant to evoke a lot of pity and horror for the characters, and “Your Own Heart as Signal” is very much about grief, so maybe those.

Most fun?

“Most Likely to Stay Weird” (Waddles for Most Valuable Pig!). Story with single sweetest moment?

Either Kali giving Eleven calming visions in “Missing Girls” or the OT3 snuggles in “Flight of Curiosity.”

Hardest story to write?

I had never tried anything like the structure of “Seen And Not Heard,” and it took a fair amount of trial and error before I figured how to organize the sections and transition between them.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

“Merciless Kisses” (it helped that I had a really good set of prompts), or “Moves and Countermoves” (I often cackle when writing Roger, but probably never more than when he was trying to get under Myles’ skin).

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

The need for a fifth POV in “To See A Friend Go Down in Flames” gave rise to some very persistent headcanons about Geoffrey, a character who gets little to no canon characterization.  Also, although my Thoughts About Kylo Ren would probably derail this post more than any of us want or need, I sure did write a lot about his feelings last year.

Most overdue story?

“Following Ghosts” and “Seen And Not Heard” are both based on ideas that I’d referenced in previous works and wanted to follow up on ever since.  On the other hand, I’ve wanted to write the exact scenario in “Three Heads Are Better” for roughly a dozen years.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I think I learned a little bit more about how to set and contextualize a scene from the structure of “Seen And Not Heard,” which was, again, a pretty big risk.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

The first ones that come to mind are: wrap up this round of H/C Bingo, whip another “You Cannot Save Him With Your Love, Geoffrey” story into shape, and finally finish Ordinary Town.  More or less in that order.

I’ll tag @ellekess and anybody else who wants to do it!