#problems is an appropriate way to show his love. and he doesnt think god takes constructive criticism

[writer-room]

Obsessed with Lloyd never mentioning his grandfather is the First Spinjitsu Master, apparently to the point even Arin didn't seem to know, because "eh, it never came up". Cause like, yeah, sure, my grandfather is God, what of it? Normal day for me. Shit happens. My dad is also evil, you wanna talk about that? I sure don't.

It's also funny from a character arc perspective. Here's itty bitty baby first season Lloyd, loudly proclaiming he's the son of Garmadon, and probably also making sure everyone knows he's God part 3 electric boogaloo. And then one Tomorrow's Tea and a few more years later and he's doing everything physically possible to NOT care about his heritage. In fact he'd probably rather his parentage was literally anyone else. Dude could care so less he forgets about it most of the time. King behavior.

[inversionimpulse]

there’s a difference between ‘internal consistency’, ‘canon’, and ‘faithfulness.’

Internal consistency is necessary to the suspension of diselief. Your story needs to be consistent with itself to be believable, and a story that isn’t believably is hollow. ‘Believable’ doesnt mean it has to mimic reality exactly, it means it has to portray its own reality effectively.

Internal consistency is incredibly important and not really up for debate. You can bend it or break it when it’s necessary to make the story more effective, but you shouldn’t do that too much lest the audience stop believing.

(everything below this point might be a bit of a hot take, I actually dunno. Also, this is just me trying to work out some recent thoughts by putting them on a page, I might change my mind next week, who knows. Hell, I’m not even sure I agree with all of it now. Also I’m gonna slap it under a readmore because I have anxiety)

Canon is something that’s very silly to get too caught up in. While I don’t encourage some of the more extreme uses of Death of The Author I’ve seen, the fact remains that personal experiences and interpretations are extremely valuable. Every story means something a little different to each person who reads it. The author’s intent is, of course, still very important, and knowing what it was can enhance the experience. But the thing that matters most to the reader is the reader’s own engagement. Canon is not your god - treating stories like mathematical problems with only one proper solution is what high school English teachers do, not what you should be doing.

And then, when ‘canon’ extends past the creator, what does it even mean?

I think I should illustrate with an example. The Killing Joke by Alan Moore, one of the most famous Batman stories ever written. The ending is a common subject of debate. Did Batman kill the Joker? The ending is open-ended. I don’t know what Alan Moore intended, and I don’t care to look it up - and I don’t think he’s ever said, anyway. I don’t think Batman killed Joker, other people (such as Grant Morrison, one of my favourite comic book writers) think he did - both these interpretations are completely valid, even though they create radically different stories - one where the Joker’s nihilistic view isn’t entirely wrong, and one where, as Gordon says, they “show him our way works!”. These two endings are completely different and they change the meaning and themes of the story, but saying that only one is valid is rather wildly missing the point. What’s important is the story that you read (it’s still possible to be wrong, though. You’re still working within the constraints of the written word - if your interpretation goes completely against the text, it’s still wrong).

Now, ‘canon’ agrees with me. The comics continued on, and Joker kept breathing. But why is this ‘canon’? Why is this a more valid an interpretation than that of people who think Joker died? These continuations, they weren’t written by the same person as Killing Joke, they were appended on to it by other people. Why is their writing a more valid continuation of Moore’s work than, say, a fanfic? Because executives at DC said so? What gives their approval so much weight? They didn’t create Batman, Bill Finger did. These corporate suits don’t have anything to do with Batman outside a court of law. What makes Moore’s work more valid than a fanfic, even? Bill Finger created Batman, not Moore, and Finger was too dead to give his approval to Moore’s work, and again, the corporate suits who say what goes and what doesn’t never had anything to do with Batman’s creation.

So what i’m getting at here, is this: why are these things ‘canon’? Even though Batman comics kept rolling and Joker kept breathing, why is that more ‘canon’ than Joker’s death? Why is The Killing Joke more canon than a fanfic? Because Copyright law says so? First of all, that copyright would have expired long ago if not for a certain mouse’s all-consuming greed. Second of all, that’s all just words - the only person to have a moral right to authority over Batman is Bill Finger, and he’s gone.

So if we look at this, what is ‘canon’? By the strictest definition, the only canon Batman work is Finger’s and everything else is invalid. But I think a more appropriate answer would be that ‘canon’ is something entirely up to the reader’s interpretation. The stories you like are part of your canon, and the ones that you don’t, aren’t. Because it’s more important that a reader has a good, meaningful experience than that you can slot everything into some strict timeline. It’s modern mythology, not in the hands of any corporation, but in the hands of anyone who can tell a story. Every Batman story is technically valid, whether DC published it or not.

And my use of the word ‘technically’ just then brings me to my third point, what ‘faithfulness’ is. Even if every Batman story is technically valid, that doesn’t make it good and it doesn’t mean people have to like it. The character of Batman is malleable, having been passed through as many hands as he has, but there’s still a core to it. if your Batman story has him as, I dunno, how about, a Yakuza dude who kills people with a bat-shaped knife, why is that a Batman story? You really think people are going to see Batman in that? A Batman story at the end of the day should still be a Batman story and people who love Batman should still be able to see the character they love in it. And if they don’t see that, they have every right to hate it.

The example I’m going to use here is MCU Spider-Man, who I’ll try to be as neutral as possible because otherwise I’m just going to piss everyone off. For a lot of older Spider-Man fans, Spider-Man is a working class schmuck who claws his way to greatness entirely under his own ability, who is a hero because he knows it’s the right thing to do, even though he’s so often tempted to use his powers for selfish short term gain. And a lot of them don’t see that in MCU Spider-Man - what they see is someone whose suit was made for them by Iron Man, they see someone who rarely faces real consequences, they see someone who cares more about being a hero than doing the right thing. These people have every right to hate MCU Spidey; if they can’t see the character they loved in this new character, they have no obligation to love the new one just because of a shared name. I’m not making any judgments on MCU Spidey himself, I’m just laying out some opinions people have about him. And if you do see the Spidey you fell in love with in MCU Spidey, you have every right to argue the point with those people.

(Confusing canon and faithfulness is silly, too. Just because, I dunno, Ra’s Al Ghul isn’t actually immortal and doesn’t have supernatural powers in some adaptation doesn’t mean it’s not a faithful adaptation of Ra’s Al Ghul if you can still tell immediately it’s Ra’s Al Ghul, if you still see the parts of Ra’s Al Ghul that really matter. Canon is the little nitty-gritty details that don’t matter as much as some people think if the whole is still faithful - more than the sum of your parts, right? Maybe a character doesn’t quite look the same, maybe they don’t quite have the same backstory - but if it’s still recognizably that character, if it’s still faithful to the spirit, I think it’s usually still good. When arguing about faithfulness, you’ve gotta learn to pick out the details that really matter and not worry about the ones that don’t)

So when making a story using a pre-existing character, you really ought to be as faithful as you can - not to some nebulous idea of ‘canon’ but to what you interpret to be the spirit of the character. Because at the end of the day, if you’re making a Batman story, it’s for Batman fans, isn’t it? If you’re making a Spider-Man story, it’s for Spider-Man fans, isn’t it? And it’s for the people who would be Spider-Man fans if they had been exposed to it - which hopefully your story will do. What’s the point of radically changing Batman to appeal to people who don’t like Batman instead of people who do or who would? If they even bother to bite the bait you’re dangling for them, which doesn’t happen often... what then? Now you have people who expect something that isn’t really Batman and you’ve lost the people who like things that are Batman. You’ve got Johnny-Come-Latelies who are after something very different from what other Batman stories offer who will leave when they realize that and you’ve lost the loyal, established fans. This sort of thing can work out and be mega-profitable, but not often.

And leaving aside all talk of profit and fans... if you’re writing a Batman story, shouldn’t you be trying to write a good Batman story? Not something entirely else you’ve put the name Batman on? Snyder.

Basically what I’m trying to say is this: If the original author has left the figurative building (and only if. While the original author still has a hand in things, their word is pretty much law), then everything appended to it by anyone is equally valid, no matter if the law says so or not. But that doesn’t mean it’s good or that people have to like it equally. Also copyright law is bullshit and Disney should not be allowed to fuck it up any further.

Oh, and I should add that a bad story doesn’t erase the good stories. If a video game you like is remade and the remake is bad... well, the original game is still there, isn’t it? And even if the remake is good, the original might just offer something different that’s still worth experiencing. Nothing can negate the original work’s quality. So if, say, I think the most recent Spider-Man film is bad, then, well, no skin off my neck - as much as I’d like new good Spidey films, the old good ones are still there and so are the comics they’re based on.

[blessyourheartdharps]

band-aids don’t fix bullet holes but they do cover bites || Platonic Soulmates

who: Dani Harper & Abel Hayward

when: 8/25/18 - night (I literally forgot to post this)

where: their house ; Dani’s room

what: after an argument, Dani bit herself and Abel fixes her up

warnings: blood, depression, technically this is self harm, mentions of death and abuse

It was stupid, the way she felt. She knew he had a point. She knew he was right, but she was frustrated. Dani had never had this issue. Never had to worry about hurting someone like this. Whatever was happening with Mercedes was weird. It was wrong, but not in the way it should be. Dani knew Mercedes deserved the world and that Dani wasn't that. She was a wreck and that wouldn't change anytime soon. In truth, it was likely not to ever fully change. Abuse stayed with a person and that mistrust, especially with people who talked to her drunk was part of it. It sucked. And she'd gotten frustrated and bit her arm, hard. She'd tasted the blood fast but hadn't let go until Abel was gone. Until she'd heard  the door close. His words felt like a kick to the gut and she'd ended up just getting up and going into her room, door locked tight behind her. She didn't even look at her arm, she knew it was bleeding, but she wasn't going to deal with it. She deserved to hurt. So, she'd laid on the floor, her depression playlist blasting and closed her eyes, letting the darkness and the lyrics consume her.  It started with Pain by Three Days Grace and then transitioned into Sharp Edges by Linkin Park as she let everything sink in, doing her best to ignore the feeling of blood running down her arm onto the wood floor beneath her.

Abel knew he was out of line when he told her that things, but he knew that if he didnt try, he would be watching his best friend going after someone and it somehow turned on a switch for something, that he didnt know. He hadnt discussed what he told Dani yet in therapy. When he got to his car, he hit his hand against his car and he groaned out of pain. He let out a breath, knew that he couldnt be running off somewhere else when Dani was this down. He headed back into the house, ignored the pain in his hand and closed his door once he was in there. He put his headphones on, started to play songs from Aaliyah and turned up the volume as he tried to ignore the pain and tried to draw. He kept messing up and it still wasn't getting any better. He turned down his music some, placed his headphones around his neck and swallowed hard as he gotten up. Abel knew that he needed to check on Dani, since he didnt leave and he felt bad for doing so. He headed into their bathroom, grabbed the first aid kit and headed to her door. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. He rested his forehead against the door, let out a breath as he closed his eyes. "Dani! If you don't open the door, I will kick it down! I dont feel like replacing a door at the moment!"

The music continued to play, her arm still bleeding onto the floor, as she lay there. So much of her begged her to get up, to change the music, to clean up the blood , to patch up her arm, to stop hating herself. But she couldn't. The exhaustion of the day mixed with need to not feel but also feel, kept her from doing it. If she let herself bleed, this was just an accident. This would keep her from doing it on purpose. Because she as scared she would. Scared that if she fixed the bleeding, she'd just want to make it a new escape. Even as she heard Abel yell at her through the door, she just continued to lay there. She cared but she didn't. She couldn't let him in. Couldn't let him near. She was scared of what she might do to him.

"Dani Harper, get your ass off of the floor and let me in. So I can bandaged that up! Im seriously going to kick down the door if you don't let me in five minutes!" Abel shouted over her music and knew that he needed to get into her room. "Seriously, I don't really want to replace a door, but I will if you just continue to lay there! Also, I don't want to explain the blood that would be stained on the floor!" He placed the kit in his left hand as he gotten in position and looked at his left wrist. "Five..four..This is your last chance!"

His words had her huffing and she got up, ignoring the way she felt the blood change direction towards her palm. Swallowing she stared at the door, trying to convince herself to do it, to open the door, to let him in. As he started to count down she turned the lock, and opened the door, simultaneously turning on her heel and going back to her spot in the middle of the room, sinking back to the floor. Clenching her fist she grimaced at the feeling of blood on her hand. It was worse than she'd thought. There wasn't a lot of blood on the floor, most of it still on her arm, but there was enough to warrant needing cleaning up.

Abel raised one of his legs up as he kept an eye on the door and looked up when he saw Dani. He turned off his headphones, placed them on a box as he headed into her room, being careful not to step in the blood and turned off the music. "I'll get that cleaned up after I clean you up." He replied softly as he ignored the pain in his hand before he started to pull out what he needed and started to clean her arm up once he put on gloves. "Im sorry for saying that and then leaving you. Something clicked and I knew that I needed to get away from you, but I hit my hand against my car. So that's karma kicking my ass for you." He whispered as he grabbed another wipe and looked at her. "Why did you bite your hand? I mean, I would get it if you bit my hand, but why yours?"

Dani didn't even really respond as Abel turned off the music or started talking, all too fascinated by the blood on her arm. the bite mark in her arm. She'd never actually broken skin that badly before. It was weird. "I don't know... I was frustrated and I didn't really have anything to scream into and I don't know the sound proofing in this place so like my arm just seemed like the best way to muffle that but... I bit harder than normal. Cause I do it a lot when I don't want people to hear me scream..." She couldn't look at him, even as he cleaned up her arm, instead focusing her eyes on her own arm, what he was doing. "I'm sorry."

Abel listened to her, glanced up at her and looked back at the bite. "You could always scream into my chest next time, okay? Or even into my arm. Anything besides biting at your own skin." He said softly as he raised an eyebrow as she spoke and looked at her. "No need to apologize, D." He grabbed a bandage and placed it over it. "It doesnt look too deep for stitches, but if it worse. I advise for us to go to minor care and see what they can give you, since you're recovering." He took off the gloves before he put on new gloves to clean up the blood. "Also, I hear going outside and screaming might be a good idea. However, not around here, obviously or they might call the police."

Dani sighed as he spoke. "Felt like I deserved it, I guess. Always do. It's easier, attacking my own body. I control how bad I get hurt. I don't hurt someone else." She shrugged a bit as he said she didn't need to apologize. Maybe she didn't, but she felt like she did. "Yeah, I guess." Dani hated the idea of going to minor care, or really anywhere, where the reasoning behind her actions would be questioned. Yes, she was getting help. Yes, she was recovering from multiple addictions. Yes, she was a domestic abuse survivor. No, this would not save her from being admitted to the psych ward. That was the last thing she wanted, to be locked away like that. "That's why I didn't just scream, cause God forbid the neighbors heard. That's the last thing we need right after moving in."

Abel paused his movements and let out a breath. "Dani, you don't deserve any of this shit thats happening. I know me saying it wont change your mind, but honestly. You dont deserve heartache or anything like this. Especially attacking yourself, when you're punishing yourself.  Its not right. Im gonna see about installing a kickboxing bag down in the basement. I know it wont solve all of our problems, but it will be a step." He looked at her, swallowed hard before he started to clean the blood. "Im sure they would probably think we were watching some show and get pissed because let's be honest. We've done that before. Besides, it wouldnt be anything surprising since we're living in New York and people screamed at each other before."

Dani pulled her knees to her chest, resting her head on her good arm. "Attacking myself is better than hurting you. I hate hurting other people, but especially the people I love." She sighed. "I normally don't break skin anyway, but now I'm scared. Scared I'll do it on purpose. Cause I've felt the pain and the relief and the feeling without feeling..."Dani closed her eyes for a moment then breathed out. "I need to get back into derby so bad. Get back to being physical like that. The extra energy is causing problems. Problems we don't need."

"I can take it. I dont look like it, but I can take it." Abel said with a shrug and looked back at the spot as she talked, hoping it wouldnt leave a stain. "Then make sure to talk about it in therapy." He paused as he looked back at her before he slowly nodded. "We've got 99 problems but a bitch aint one." Abel hoped it would make her smile but he knew better than that. "Sorry, I thought it was appropriate since we're in New York and Jay-Z is from NY. Yeah, you definitely need to get back into Roller Derby because honestly, you need it and we need it as a family. Like I need to get back into working out and doing shit that makes me focus my energy into something." He paused as he bit his inner cheek. "I wonder if Saph can give me a number of a celebrity trainer who is willing to come here and help me get back into the gym. I honestly need to get a manager so that way Saph doesnt need my shit on top of everyone else's." He looked at Dani. "So, will I be expecting you in my bed? Or you?" He asked when he heard Batman near the door. "Also, if you want, we can change his last name again before I leave town. If I leave town." He sighed.(edited)

Dani groaned, shaking her head. "So could the bitch, but that doesn't mean I want to take it out on you. I didn't even want to take it out on her and she fucking deserved it most of the time." It was true. Dani hated the way her and Angela would fight, even if Angela started it. It was something Dani hated doing and it made her feel sick, more than the thought of relapsing with self harm tended to. She tilted her head at him. "Yeah and I'm sure they can, though if Saph is the kind of person I've been told they are, your shit isn't an issue." Dani could remember the things Puck and Quinn had told her and it seemed reasonable that Saph was the kind of person who took on the weight of the world for everyone. She furrowed her brows and stood up, walking so she was in front of him before making it so she was on eye level with him. "We will figure the dark knight name situation AFTER you get back from picking our girl up. None of this if you leave town bullshit."

Abel relaxed a bit before he started to attack the stain again. "I know and to be fair, she still deserves it." He pointed out once the stain was gone and took off his gloves. "Saph is and I know, but they need a break from everything." He watched her get to eye level with him. "Will you be here when we get back? Because I need you to promise me that you will go to all of your appointments while Im gone."

Dani sighed. "Maybe, but the less I have to think about her, the better. She's my past and as painful as that is, as hard as it will be to get over, I will. Given enough time." Dani nodded a bit as he talked about Saph. "I can almost guarantee they've had quite the break while in Lima." She smiled at him gently and held out her pinky to him. "I, Danielle Maria Harper, promise you that not only will I be here when you get back, still clean and sober and harm free, but that this house will be perfect for our family when you do. That I will go to my appointments, even if it means having Hunter force me." Her face was serious and sincere as she spoke, looking him directly in the eyes.

Abel listened to her and gave her a smile. "I know, you can do it. Remember, baby steps." He nodded. He raised an eyebrow. "Wait, they're in Lima? Damn. Oh, OooOh. Damn." He saw her gentle smile as he held out his pinkie as well. "I, Abel Cyrus Hayward, promise to be clean and sober while Im traveling with our kid and I will also find an AA and a therapist while in Lima. When I get back, I will go to a meeting & a session. Good." He said as he wrapped his pinkie around hers and shook it as he met her eyes.

Dani nodded a bit as he spoke. "Yeah, Puck is one lucky fucker." Dani laughed a bit and then her face fell serious as she listened to him. Nodding her head, she curled her pinkie around his the rest of the way. "We've got this."

Abel looked at Dani and chewed on his inner cheek. "Lets hope so." He said, hoping that it would be true.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i’m not really sad or anxious. i’m more or less kind of pissed off. and i wish i had anxiety because in a way being pissed makes me sad because it means my personal patience has run out.

this person is sick and the way they treat me is abnormal to any relationship, romantic or not. it’s very harmful of them to act the way they do and then pull away. its wrong and manipulative and disrespectful. i’m tired. my whole life is built around them and when its not you can tell theyre disappointed and like ‘well fuck u then’.

i do nothing. even if i was asking for money, which i dont, it would pale in comparison to the trauma he causes and he pays to get away with it. he believes people talk shit about him, that no one is trusted - but all theyve heard is these things hes done. when he freaks out and stops talking to me for a few days, for little to no reason. when im blamed for the pitfalls of his life.

he told me it was “not nice” and “not appropriate” to i guess even respond to his message that he doesnt want to be asked to hang out or help and that hes “taking a step back”. like, in no previous relationship id i have to account for the days when my boyfriend is “taking a step back” and no longer exists in my life but teyll be back in three days having done their own thing which includes trolling dating sites and talking to other women and i’ll be asked in back handed ways if i’ve been with anyone else.

my response was that i wasnt about to argue with him and that ive been nothing but appreciative of the help hes given. around noon the source of his stress right now popped up and wante to give hm money so i tried to work that out for him but that was a huge mistake even remotely being involved. i shouldve taken and kept all the weed and stayed quiet. when our mutual friend called again to ask to get a hold of him in the afternoon, i tried to call then texted him to call this guy and he responded “youve already bothered me x amount of times since i asked you not to”

and “bothering” is literally just sendng a text message. i’m not allowed to send even a text message. and if i do, god forbid it’s more than one and longer than four sentences or else ive sent “a wall of text”.  like i’m tired of living by arbitrary rules that benefit no one but him. he forces everyone close to him in his life to follow these rules or he legitimately punishes them. but he first will put in just enough time and effort for you to feel like you want to be around him before slowly subjecting you to these rles one by one and telling you everytime by ignoring them you’re disrespecting him when he does nothing but give to you.

i needed a small reminder that this behaviour is abnormal. when i told a friend, she said ‘why would anyone think that sending a message like that would get no response in return? no one would feel okay about that especially if you hold a romantic relationship with this person’

i’m tired of being seen like an inanimate object that he pumps money into to keep around / for maintenence. like i feel like one of his tools. just another tool he has to service and take care of and oh sure he loves his tools but theyre kept on the floor in the garage.i’m not even allowed to be myself with him because he’s forced all of the “myself” out of me. i’m whatever came out of his mold. i don’t tell him half of the shit i would tell someone else, i reguarly choose not to talk to him about things in my life and i dont even speak to him the same way i do other friends.

but he presents, sometimes, the things i want. like maybe even what i want most in life. like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. so because i so desperately want these things - not that i want him, anyone coud fill his shoes, but what he presents - i tend to do more to have them in my life. i put up with being treated unfairly. being belittled. being asked to wait on him hand and foot. perhaps the role has even brought me comfort since i did the same for my mother and perhaps a same sort of resentment was built there too. sure - my mother would “always be there”. an she would “always help” but like .. it had to be the very worst situation and no other option in the world but to ask her to do something. and she would use it - i bought her pants, why doesnt she clean up after me.

but i wanted a mother, you know? i still wanted a mother and a family and i still begrugingly did all the stuff she wanted me to do until i just stopped one day. i say hes alot like my father because he has endearing qualitles of an old man. but he does not share the personality of my father. my father was a strong man emotionally and mentally. he saw some shit and he did not once take it out on the people around him. maybe thats the most important thing my father ever did in his life. he didnt become violent or hold resent towards women or treat children badly. but he had “excuses” to do so. he had the traumas and lonliness and shitty dealings of life.

my mother was coddled, expected to care for her family. but our days were run by her emotional instability. everydays success was based on her mood and how she would lash out on people. by noon i may have had several arguments with her. and she didnt want a kid - but wasnt she a great mother. she hated helping me - but look at all the toys she bought.

i see this sickness in him. what is it? narcissism? borderline? bipolar? does it matter? who cares what its called when it affects all the same. i’m predisposed to being a victim - perhaps they know this and see it. this is all over a garage door. but he wont say that - its about the money, its about his time, its about my lack of job but this doesnt matter until the garage. its “no problem” until the garage. its trapping. 

on a strategic level i feel like i should play the game until i can get the money to get a business liscence, which he already offered. i may be able to just help myself with that last boost and it would be a really hard independent road to take but a really respectable one i may proudly suck dick for one last time. 

i am everything he wants to be, really. independent, making my own rules, putting up with the people i choose to put up with, bartering services for goods, hanging out with a variety of people doing a variety of activities and being responsible for something people want to be apart of. i dont have to answer to my parents and i have no family responsibility - i could just run. 

today is the launch of something ive worked really hard on for the past few weeks. he will forget and ill receive nothing about it. its proof of the insignificance of my life to him. i am trivial. my whole being is trivial. nothing i do is that important. maybe thats my last straw.  you know, maybe thats the pinnacle of disrespect for me - all i want is to be acknowledged for something i actually worked on and i’m nothing more than a bag of meat. i have no brain, no concious. 

i wanted to cry when a friend took it upon herself to mention my website at a meeting recently. like someone actually saw value in something i do. he shows me photos al the time of the things he builds and i’m supposed to feign interest on a regular basis. i wont even get that.