#proto hustle

[thewertsearch]

Familial Determinism

Or: let's make wild, uninformed guesses about the troll Ancestors, based solely on the lives of their descendants!

As a bearer of the lowest blood on the hemospectrum, Aradia’s ancestor was probably as poor as she is. She may have been an archeologist like her descendant, assuming the field existed in her era, but I'm much more interested in her potential necromancy.

On the instruction of your ANCESTORS, you have recovered MYSTERIOUS TECHNOLOGY from the ruins, and convinced a friend to adapt it into a GAME THAT WILL BRING ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR CIVILIZATION.

See, due to her bloodline, Granny Megido is the most likely ancestor to be behind the Voices. She's the only one who can claim a direct relationship to Aradia, and I think she was probably still around in the modern era - as a ghost, of course - guiding her young protege, as she worked to trigger the apocalypse.

What's your story, Granny Meg? How did a lowblood medium discover the secrets of Sgrub, centuries before it arrived? How much did you know back then - and how much influence do you still have, even now?

If Alternia's past is anything like its present - and it certainly seems to be - then I can't see Tavros's ancestor surviving there for long. If he survived to adulthood, then it was probably as a peaceful nomad, or perhaps some sort of ranger.

Either way, I don't think he'd involve himself with other trolls, instead preferring to spend time with his planet's wildlife. Basically, I'm picturing Snow White with a mohawk.

Sollux’s ancestor is undoubtedly still a techhead. I know it's centuries in the past, but this is proto-Sollux we're talking about. He'd invent technology if he had to.

Actually, that might have been his role. He could have been one of Alternia's first engineers, leveraging his Sgrub foreknowledge to contribute to Alternia's technological advancement.

Congratulations, Sollux Senior - you helped turn a nation of pirates into a space empire.

Karkat's an interesting one. In a more primitive society - ie, one without Imperial Drones - it might have been easier for him to hide his blood color.

...actually, he might not even have Karkat's blood color. It's possible that Karkat's candy red mutation is unique to him, and the other Vantas has yellow-green blood, like his Trollian position implies he should. That would result in an ancestor with a very different social position to Karkat, and the two could be substantially different as a result.

Nepeta’s current lifestyle would translate perfectly to a primitive Alternia. Her ancestor could easily still live in a cave – and since shipping is probably her calling, too, I'm picturing her as an accomplished matchmaker.

Kanaya’s situation is rather unique. Jadebloods are rare, and inextricably linked to the Mother Grub, so her ancestor has some of the strongest ties to her counterpart.

We're actually aware of an ancient Mother Grub, who may have been alive in the time of the ancestors - which hints at a relationship between Kanaya's ancestor and the next troll on our list.

That would be Terezi's ancestor, whose symbol adorns the Doomsday Scale. This device was probably a collaboration between the Pyrope and Maryam ancestors. Its purpose is unknown, but the Gate symbol is proof that someone had Sgrub foreknowledge. Curious.

Anyway, aside from this side hustle, Pyrope was probably a legislacerator. I wonder if the Alternian legal system was as broken then as it is now?

Equius... well, I don't really know, actually. He certainly feels like the kind of guy who’d model himself off his ancestor, so he was probably a pro-hemospectrum horse enthusiast.

Gamzee’s ancestor could have gone one of two ways. If Sopor Slime existed back in early Alternia, he might have been as docile as his descendant used to be. If it didn’t, he was probably the exact kind of bloodthirsty monster that Gamzee is currently regressing into.

I know which option I'm putting my money on, and it's the one that would make Gamzee proud of his 'Subjugglator' ancestors. Can you guess which?

Eridan’s ancestor is the Orphaner, which makes me think he has a similar role as a slayer of lusi. My best guess is that he killed the custodians of adult trolls.

Feferi is an odd case, because her ancestor would probably be an extremely famous historical empress. Fuchsia blood is so rare that Feferi is literally the only modern troll who has it, so I wouldn't be surprised if her ancestor was revered in her time.

What did you do to Alternia, Pexies? Did you help make it what it is, or - like your descendant - did you try to make it better?

[unhelpfulfemme]

Another thing I like about Halt and Catch Fire is how it deconstructs the idea of the creative visionary ahead of their time pushing society into the future.

On that show, everyone is kind of a visionary and no one is. If you think about it, all their breakthroughs are a result of their natural tendencies and interests meshing well with the current state of the technology, and their natural tendencies are a product of their histories and temperaments.

Cameron specializes in software, and what she is obviously most interested in is human-computer interaction. This makes sense - at some point she describes herself in middle school as someone who didn't know how to communicate with others, until she was introduced to computers and was thrilled to learn that she could communicate with something she could understand. Computers fulfill her emotional needs, in a way. So whether Cameron will be the innovator is almost entirely a function of how much the current trends or oncoming trends mesh well with her internal perception of computers as something to interact with. She is heartbroken when Joe takes out the proto-chatbot out of The Giant but easily dismisses Donna when Donna pushes to expand Community, because Community isn't about talking to computers, it's about people talking to other people, which to Cameron is initially incomprehensible. Cameron only recognizes the value of Community when she meets several people with trauma similar to her own, and sees how they resolved it not by talking to a computer but by talking to other people. Cagey, asocial Cameron also likes technically complicated things, because she perceives a kind of intimacy and specialness in being the only one to understand how something works. It's a kind of a shield between her and the world, again deriving from the way she found validation and intimacy in working with computers as a kid. Like a jealous lover, she prefers the conversation to be 1-on-1. No wonder she is aghast at the rise of plotless first-person shooters and demands for game controls to be explained - to her it's stupid, ungrateful people unwilling to put in the work necessary to build an intimate relationship with the computer.

Donna is clearly a hardware girl and her most brilliant moments come from creative hardware solutions, but she also spent at least a couple of years as a housewife with two small children and can see the benefit in being able to communicate with other people long-distance. She also grew up in a very image-oriented household and sometimes struggles with similar tendencies herself, so she is also quick to recognize the liberating potential of being anonymous on the internet (Cameron, who is not only uninterested in socializing or making a good impression but also gleefully shows off her worst traits to everyone else - she is the ultimate "queen big dick" - could never). But Donna really isn't that into software, or the newer hardware - in late S4 she fixes up an old radio and admires its old-school simplicity, contrasting it with the newfangled chip-based technology that she dislikes. The tragedy of Donna is that, probably due to her early pregnancy, she never had the chance to work on complex hardware for long enough to make a name out of herself in that field, and hardware is expensive enough that she can't do it at home on the regular or have access to truly innovative stuff outside of a corporate setting like Cameron or Tom did with their more software-based interests (she had to work a random job late into her pregnancy to be able to somehow hustle up the parts for the Symphonic). So it's no wonder that she opts out of the industry entirely and focuses on getting money to people who might need it, a process whose difficulties she's intimately aware of. This way she gets to participate in the more hardware-based stuff in some way - look how happy she is to explore the robotics lab in late S4!

Joe is clearly into literature so he recognizes the potential for a good story, and he is also obviously good at perceiving power plays and imbalances and similar entanglements that are somewhere on the edge between strategy and sociology and politics in a broad sense. This also makes sense, because he grew up near at least some centers of power, and being a queer kid who was aware from an early age of how his social standing was based on a lie probably didn't help. The best illustration of how his moments of savantry are based around strategy games is what he does with the antivirus software: the idea doesn't come from Joe's great technological insights (LOL), it comes from his analysis of several situations happening to him simultaneously - various people reacting to his trustworthiness or lack thereof, and then Cameron having his and his company's balls in a vice grip because she's able to destroy their data or hold it hostage (as Paul Atreides said, "He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing."). So this is where the idea comes from - it's basically an arms deal for a new kind of warfare. And then he leverages this into telling a fanciful larger story about security and safety and society and human rights, probably inspired by being an mlm during the AIDS crisis, because he is a good enough storyteller to position himself as some kind of a messiah, but also because he is aware of the strategic and sociological implications of large powerful entities getting to pick and choose who and what gets to be safe and the psychological effect this has on people (note how his struggle with the board to keep the software free overlaps with the subplot of him having to deal with the homophobic business partner - someone involved in Joe getting a government contract - who explicitly says that he wishes all the gays would just die of AIDS).

Gordon is an optimizer - I don't think we've ever seen him have a truly innovative idea, ever, but give him a prompt, even an impossible one, and he will perfect it, optimize it, streamline it beyond your wildest dreams. It's no wonder Gordon is underappreciated because he's exactly the kind of detail-oriented person who is cast aside in favour of larger, more bombastic personalities, but when the name of the game is slow and steady improvement Gordon does better than anyone because he takes what already exists and makes it better in every way possible. Gordon is kind of an anxious person, and kind of a nitpicky one in most situations (he keeps correcting other people's exaggerations and incorrect statements, it's no wonder he gets along with Kate so well), and he often resists qualitative change but he pushes "the state of the art" forward as much as any of the others. He is an artisan, as reflected in his idea of custom-built boutique computers. This is why the worst thing that can happen to him is his neurodegenerative disorder - it threatens the attention to detail and precision and finesse that make his work truly stand out.

I really enjoyed taking apart these characterizations but I guess that my broader point is that while all these people are brilliant in their own way, they are also not brilliant in many other ways, and rather than being invincible geniuses their success is based entirely on moments when the constantly shifting technological zeitgeist overlaps with their innate way of perceiving the world for a brief moment before the innovation itself necessarily eventually causes a second-order change that creates a new, less compatible status quo.

The narrative is almost Hegelian in its approach; a great man does not create historical reality himself but only uncovers the inevitable future, because what he is personally striving for currently matches up with the broader movements of the world. But if it doesn't, the great man is fucked no matter how great he is - Ryan was more ahead of his time than arguably anyone, and ended up where he did through a combination of various personality flaws and systemic factors.

[vashhanamichi]

Etymologically the term “soul” evolved from the Old English sawol, the Gothic saiwola and the Proto-Germanic saiwalo, meaning “coming from the sea,” or “belonging to the sea.” The etymology gives expression to the belief that the sea was a stopping place of the soul before its birth and after its death. Botticelli’s painting of Aphrodite’s birth from the foam of the sea is a representational depiction of this myth. The water from which souls emerge and to which they return is a metaphor for the source, or origin of life. Numerous creation myths refer to water as the original “matter.” Freud literalized the notion as the amniotic fluid; his literal idea can be extended by evolutionary theory which hypothesizes that life first emerged from the seas. Jung, however, felt that mythology expresses and elaborates upon internal psychic events; he, therefore, interpreted the references to water from which the soul emerged as analogous to the unconscious.

The Chinese version of the soul’s watery origins is the belief that at death the soul sinks to the earth and lives in the ground water near the Yellow Springs. These springs are the Land of the Dead, yet, paradoxically, the reservoir of life as well, and from there, having become rejuvenated, the soul comes back to life. In Homer, the afterworld is not underground but at the far end of the ocean, beyond where the sun sets. In both Nordic and Egyptian mythology, ships transport the soul to the land of the beyond.

In alchemy, Luna, the moon, governs the process of coagulatio. Traditional folklore of many cultures calls the moon the place where souls gather after death before they journey to higher spiritual realms; and it is also the place where spirits and souls take on material substance before their return to earth.

The moon is the alchemical source of moisture: “Luna secretes the dew or sap of life,” which ties in with the idea of the soul’s origins in the waters. (…)

In fantasy, myth and literature, the soul is usually personified as a woman. A phenomenological purview of her characteristics reveals that she likes diversity, the unique, the personal and the atypical. She is polyvalent, polygamous, polytheistic. In contrast, spirit prefers uniformity, similarity and abstraction; it is monotheistic, monogamous, and one. In addition, Soul is elemental, animistic, warlike, adventurous, romantic. She loves life, the adventure of it, and seeks experience and immersion in the hustle and bustle of daily existence.

Consequently, Jung defines Soul as “the archetype of life itself.” For Soul ties one to instinctive, material reality, to the earth, to country, church, community, family and personal relationships. She is responsible for our likes and dislikes, our loves and hatreds, our vocation and avocations. Soul is the source of artistic and intellectual pursuits, making one loyal to these endeavors. In the Slavic countries, hobbies, such as playing a musical instrument or painting, are said to be done “for the soul.” The Soul is also the font of religious devotion and of the mystic’s passionate desire for a relationship with God. And finally, Soul is the wise old woman of folklore and the Biblical Sophia, a personification of wisdom.

In her negative guise, Soul turns into a death demon, as depicted by the Sirens and the Lorelei. She can seduce human beings away from life, into the world of unreality, sterile fantasy, pedantic thought, insanity, depression and psychological or physical suicide. Here she reveals her ghostly side, the dark side of the moon, and becomes “the archetype of death.”

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Back to the 50's 1986 Doo Wop / Rockabilly / Rock & Roll / R&B

I legitimately have not a single good thing to say about this hunk of utter crap from the Canadian K-tel label. K-tel was a dominant force as a tacky infomercial/'as seen on TV' company that managed to majorly flourish in the 70s, especially in the American Midwest, with its prolific proto-Now That's What I Call Music!-type hustle that compiled the biggest hits of the day onto albums. But in 1986, the year that this nostalgic look back at 50s hits came out, they filed for bankruptcy. And I don't know if their money running out is why they loaded this up with cheap re-recordings rather than original versions of songs, but regardless, the product is fucking awful.

99% of the time, listening to a re-recording is sort of like ordering your favorite dish from a restaurant that you haven't been to in a while, and then finding out the hard way that the chef changed up the ingredients. The dish still has the same name, but once you take that first bite, you realize that something's off, and then you're disappointed that you can't enjoy that same meal that you came for in the first place 😔.

In total, only two out of sixteen songs on this comp aren't re-recordings, but even one of those selections—Wilbert Harrison's terrifically catchy R&B classic, "Kansas City"—manages to sound like absolute dog shit here anyway, with its high end unlistenably scratch-fucked, almost like K-tel had recorded their own version of it off of a record player with an overused, dirty needle 👎.

Not gonna supply that embarrassment in the highlights, though. Instead you get the master version as it was originally meant to be heard.

0/10 experience overall; would not recommend.

Highlights:

Wilbert Harrison - "Kansas City"

[itwas50yearsagotoday]

Happy New Year 2024!!

1/1/24: So here we are, the last New Year of this blog. I do intend to carry on after my 50th birthday in a couple weeks, but not after a long break... I've been doing this for free for six and a half years and I have other things I need to attend to. Regarding 1974, it's kind of a lousy year for both Pop and Rock... I think the Boomers just kinda gave up thinking and gave in to the lounge life, getting high, drunk, and everything in between... sort of a Disco mentality before Disco. Interestingly, it was quite the opposite year for film, with some of the greatest movies ever made coming out in 1974 (Blazing Saddles, Chinatown, Godfather Part II, etc.). Anyway, the MUSIC... like I said everyone seemed to be coasting: Zeppelin took a year off, as did The Who and Pink Floyd; the Stones put out maybe their first 'meh' record since the mid-1960s (when record companies were breaking up their records for maximum profit). McCartney was still riding high with Band on the Run, as was Black Sabbath with Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath... Prog in the UK was dying a prolonged death (whose sound began spawning imitators over in this hemisphere, most of which sucked pretty hard) as Yes would put out a lousy record and EL&P took three years off. The best stuff came from a lot of second tier artists: Blue Oyster Cult, Aerosmith, Grateful Dead, Joni Mitchell, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Queen, Roxy Music, Steely Dan, Neil Young, David Bowie (his last as Ziggy), ELO, and Budgie. Perhaps the best album of 1974 belongs to the British Prog-ish group Supertramp, whose third album Crime of the Century most certainly drew Dark Side of the Moon comparisons... a must listen, if you listen to anything from this year at all. Second best: BOC's Secret Treaties. Third best: Steely Dan's Pretzel Logic (not as good as Countdown but still excellent). Fourth best: Aerosmith Get Your Wings. Alex Chilton of Big Star would have quite a productive year as well, releasing one Big Star record (we'll do it) and creating tunes for another (that wouldn't be released until 1978). Some of the new kids on the block include: Rush, although this is before Neil Peart joins for their second album on drums and lyrics, so here you are dealing with mostly a Canadian Zeppelin copycat band (although 'Working Man' and 'In the Mood' are bona-fide Rock Classics); Bad Company, which is basically Free reborn with better production and was the first non-Zeppelin band on Swan Song records... tis okay; Kiss, whose legend speaks for itself; and the bassist for the Stones, Bill Wyman, with a surprisingly excellent solo debut, Monkey Grip. Some of my favorite songs from this year include 'Doraville' by the Atlanta Rhythm Section, 'In For the Kill' by Budgie, 'Dreamer' by Supertramp, 'Fingerprint File' by the Stones, 'Astral Man' by Nektar, '(theme from) Death Wish' by Herbie Hancock, and 'Feel Good' by Fancy (whose instrumental bridge was used on many '80s rap samples)... kind of a mish-mosh, eh? Perhaps the worst offender of 1974 was 'The Night Chicago Died' by Paper Lace... P.U.!!!... recommend you watch YouTuber Todd In the Shadows' take on this tune; 'You're Having My Baby' by Paul Anka is a close second in disgraceful tunes. This year we hear perhaps the first true Disco singles, including 'The Hustle' by Van McCoy, 'Pick Up the Pieces' by the Average White Band, 'Machine Gun' by the Commodores, and 'TSOP' by MFSB. Also, more proto-Punk and just overall weirdness by the likes of the New York Dolls, Sparks, and the Residents. I could go on and on... it's like the malaise President Jimmy Carter spoke about later in the decade kinda starts here, particularly with the economy (first real recession since late 1950s) and politics (see: Nixon, Richard... Watergate). The year also spawns some of the most ridiculous fashion of the era, as well as very long hair for mainstream men and mustaches... lots of mustaches, which men really hadn't worn stylishly since the late 1940s (even then they were very thin... see Walt Disney). Okay out of space... enjoy!

[randomcollectionitem]

Cirith Ungol - King Of The Dead

https://www.discogs.com/release/10276929-Cirith-Ungol-King-Of-The-Dead

Man, I couldn't have asked for a better pick to start things off. If you have any interest at all in classic heavy metal, stop what you're doing and listen to Cirith Ungol. If you don't have any interest in classic heavy metal, stop what you're doing and listen to Cirith Ungol anyways. King of the Dead has it all: heavy riffs, tight leather pants, Michael Whelan art ripped straight off a Moorcock novel, Lord of the Rings references... what more could you want?

Cirith Ungol is one of those strange bands like The Scorpions that hustled all through the 70s but didn't really make a name for themselves until the 80s. Despite forming in '71 their first album didn't release until a decade later, followed up by King of the Dead in 1984. King of the Dead moves away from the proto-power-metal sounds of their debut and focuses in on slower Sabbathian riffs. There's a common argument floating around that King of the Dead is the first doom metal album, and while I'm not much of one to get mired in online debates about metal subgenres I will say that the title track makes a damn good argument for that classification. As a bassist myself, I'll also note that this album has some of the tastiest bass playing in heavy metal. Their bassist, simply known as Flint, takes the front stage of many tracks with punchy Rickenbacker tones and busy, melodic bass parts.

The copy I have here is the 2017 deluxe CD reissue on Metal Blade. They've done a nice job with this edition. I'm a known hater of the digipack but they picked one that's a bit heavier duty than most and has held up well, still looking fairly new 6 years later. The booklet includes track-by-track interviews with band members, a few collages of scanned-in ephemera, classic photos of the band, lyrics, and a good page of credits and recording info (often undervalued but infinitely useful for collectors/dorks like myself). This reissue features newly remastered audio, attempting to bring it back closer to the sound of the original 1984 Enigma release per the aforementioned helpful liner notes. I don't have an original LP or the '99 Metal Blade CD to compare to, but this one sounds pretty good for its age and fairly low budget (with the original recording being self-produced by the band). The ever-helpful dr.loudness-war.info provides an average dynamic range score of 10 for our version (pretty solid for the age and genre) with the '99 reissue clocking in at an 8 (for the socially well-adjusted people who don't obsess over this stuff: a higher DR number means loud parts are louder and quiet parts are quieter, evidence of less use of wideband compression during the mastering process and typically resulting in a more "musical" sound overall; google "loudness war" for more info on what this is and why it matters). The CD follows the main album up with a live cut from '84, a rare compilation track, and a few live tracks from the band's 2016 reunion. Nothing essential, but a nice selection of bonus material.

This edition comes with a live DVD of the band at The Roxy shortly before the album's release (recorded on 1/19/83 for those keeping score at home), preserved in authentic 1980s blur-o-vision. The DVD audio sounds like it was taken from the VHS tape rather than the soundboard, with the bass and kick drum often blowing out the rest of the mix. Overall it's a pretty rough watch, cool to see but I doubt I'll revisit it. I did enjoy watching their roadie cheesin next to the guitar amp the whole time, dude's just happy to be here. Same buddy, same.

I'm sure it's obvious at this point, but I absolutely adore this album. Cirith Ungol has soundtracked a hell of a lot of sessions of my old AD&D game and a hell of a lot of hours on the road back when I used to drive around putting up show flyers for a living. I don't plan to do numerical ratings on this blog, but I do give this a wholehearted endorsement for anyone looking to bring some classic 80s cheese into their life. Until next time, may your hair stay long and may your heavy metal Bach interpolations stay as tight as your pants.

[ryanmeft]

Assassin's Creed Locations Ranked, Part 2

We're back with my second round of rankings for all of the explorable locations in the Assassin's Creed series. Just to reiterate: I included any region, including mythological ones, where free roaming and some degree of item collection was possible. This time, we visit a bunch more imaginary places within the imaginary settings, rank our first Ezio playgrounds, and pick on the locale of Valhalla's disappointing Dawn of Ragnarok DLC. Part one is here: https://ryanmeft.tumblr.com/post/728459520718831616/assassins-creed-locations-ranked-part-1 Let's get started.

28

Underworld (Odyssey: The Fate of Atlantis)

It’s to Ubisoft Quebec’s credit that they went out of their way to portray the bad mythological afterlives as thoroughly bad. The Greek underworld, or Hades, is a thoroughly benighted, fire-and-dust ravaged place ruled over by a cruel god and terrifying guardians. No one would ever want to step foot here, much less stay. And that’s the problem: Quebec did their work too well. Since you’re coming off the mountains and oceans of Greece and the idyllic paradise of Elysium, it doesn’t take long at all before you’re quite ready to move on from this place of torment. What you visit is far closer to the Christian Hell than any pagan concept, and about as enticing.

27

Svartálfaheimr (Valhalla: Dawn of Ragnarok)

Asgard, included in the base game as the setting of important story beats, was pretty fascinating. It not only had a variety of environments and some nice hints at the actual Isu civilization poking in here and there, but it used some of the most famous tales and characters of Norse Myth in ways that worked with Valhalla’s more self-interested tone. Fans had reason to think this surprise, late-life expansion would deliver more such adventures. It did not. It did almost nothing to tie the story or themes into the main setting, instead delivering a boring tale full of annoying dwarfs and an unlikable protagonist. Worse yet, it featured none of the creative environmental touches of Asgard, and very little involvement of that section’s supporting cast. Ubisoft asking $40 for this slog was insulting.

26

The SinaI (Origins: The Hidden Ones

Another DLC that promised the moon---the origin of the proto-Assassins---and turned in something far more pedestrian, this expansion’s lackluster treatment of the Sinai Peninsula matches the “it’s okay” vibe of the story as a whole. The Sinai looms large in Abrahamic religions, but what it amounts to in the game is a somewhat more vertical, rocky arm of Egypt. There aren’t even any references to the stories and legends that define the region. It’s kinda sad that Ubi had the chance to lean into the region’s storied history and dodged it.

25

Isle of Skye (Valhalla)

Did you forget this existed? That’s not surprising. It’s a technically Scottish offshoot of the main game’s England that is visited briefly, where you encounter a little reminder of Odyssey in a way the game mostly pulls off. Whereas England is mostly flat, muddy and rocky, Skye is more vertical, reminding players of the more varied and mountainous terrain of Odyssey. Your visit doesn’t last long enough to really register, but it’s a nice break from England.

24

Cappadocia (Revelations)

You visit this region of Turkey, famous for having underground cities, as a side hustle to your time in Constantinople. Unlike that city, it doesn’t feel like the developers just slapped a new coat of paint over Italy, and even lets you make your way into the upper reaches of the city’s cave. Unfortunately, you don’t get to leave that single area, and not letting you explore the unique geography of the region is a serious missed opportunity.

23

Thebes/The Valley of the Kings (Origins: Curse of the Pharaohs)

This one derives its place on the list almost entirely from allowing you to ramble about in the famous Valley of the Kings, the massive burial site of many well-known New Kingdom Pharaohs and the origin of the famous-but-false curse of Howard Carter. Sadly, you’re mostly passing through on the way to the various imaginary afterlife areas that make up the bulk of this DLC, and Thebes itself is no different elementally than the main game’s setting.

22

Aten (Origins: Curse of the Pharaohs)

Anybody interested in the famous stories of Akenhaten and his ill-fated attempt to replace Egyptian paganism with a proto-monotheism had to be really interested to see what kind of heaven such a person might create if they could. The answer? A fairly standard Egyptian city with a weird sun hovering over it. It’s the least impressive of COTP’s four mythological locations, but it still earns some points for trying to let us walk around in the psyche of one of the most famous failed rulers in history.

21

Duat (Origins: Curse of the Pharaohs)

Tutankhamen’s afterlife is neither an altered copy of the game’s main areas nor a twisted hellscape, but a shadowy place of wandering bathed in eternal evening hues and studded with strange purple plants. It’s not entirely dissimilar to Skyrim’s Blackreach, and if you could choose, there would be much worse places to spend eternity. It gets rather monotonous after a bit, since the scenery doesn’t change much as you wander, but you also won’t quite find yourself longing to leave for better places.

20

Monteriggioni (II)

I singled your base out from the wider Italy of Assassin’s Creed II because it plays such an important role in the story. Notably, the mysteries that imbue seemingly every corner of the structure and town fuel both the modern day story and Ezio’s connection to Altair. This was before the series started dropping in mysteries and connections to other entries like candy, so Altair’s notes and the shrine to past Assassins in the basement took on a much greater narrative heft than later buried secrets would. Most of the area is still pretty similar to the rest of Italy, so I can’t justify ranking it higher, but it remains the coolest base of operations in the series.

And that's it for this round. Next time: more myths, more Ezio, and of course a lot more Europe since Ubisoft is so terrified to go anywhere without white people.

[worldofcomfortingillusion]

Improve your Monday vibes by over 200%* with my recent live stream! 

Catch the video replay on Twitch.

*results may differ.

[artificialverse]

Tag Game

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better.

Tagged by @abhumanaex0

Favorite colors: Seafoam, chartreuse, and titanium white

Currently reading: The Human Zoo by Desmond Morris

Last Song: “I want Candy” by Bow Wow Wow

Last Series: Sailor Moon: Crystal

Last Movie: Venom: let there be Carnage

Sweet, savory, or spicy: spicy

Currently working on: decorating pumpkins (immediate), job applications (ongoing), self-teaching 3D softwares (extracurricular), learning how to stilt walk (impulse), saving money for a fancy-ass cintiq (dedicated), DnD campaign (socially), multiple art projects (side-hustle), Minecraft realm (hyperfixation)…

I tag: @7080t5 @noisilyloudheart @parentalnaco @pocket-jew @nostalgebraist-autoresponder @phosph0r-proto @wertiotea @the-real-numbers @disgustedorite

Feel free to ignore.

[disappointingyet]

Smithereens

Director Susan Seidelman Stars Susan Berman, Brad Rijn, Richard Hell USA 1982 Language English 1hr 33mins Colour

Authentically roach-infested view of post-punk NYC

Desperately Seeking Susan is a delightful film that takes a touristy trip to a scrubbed-up version of Manhattan’s mid-‘80s downtown scene. For a grimier, noisier and less alluring take, you need to watch director Susan Seidelman’s previous movie, Smithereens.

Smithereens is about Wren (Susan Berman), who we meet wearing a plastic houndstooth skirt and checkered sunglasses. She’s mouthy, energetic, very what people think of as New York (and like a lot of classic New Yorkers, she’s actually from New Jersey). She’s on the scene, talking her way into clubs, trying to meet bands, self-promoting with Xeroxes of herself and the words ‘Who is this?’ that she hands out or sticks on walls. 

She’s both vulnerable and a user, and seems to be the kind of person who wears through people’s patience. There’s something proto-Llewyn Davis about the way she runs out of places to sleep/park her stuff. During the short time frame covered by the film, there are two men she spends time with: Eric (punk pioneer Richard Hell), singer in Smithereens, and clueless out-of-towner Paul (Brad Rijn), whose main utility to Wren is that he has a van to sleep in. Eric might seem big time by comparison, but even he lives in an ultra-grubby loft and is constantly on the look out for new ways to hustle cash.

Seidelman does not, then, seem to trying to tempt us into this world. It looks tiring and uncomfortable and none-too-glamorous, no matter how cool some of the characters appear to be before you get to know them.  

I wonder a bit about the intended and perceived balance of sympathy, when it was made and now, between Wren and Paul from Montana. Wren definitely strings Paul along, but it’s on him to realise that doing favours for anyone brings no duty to provide sex in return. My guess is that that’s Seidelman’s view but some viewers saw it differently.

Wren, I feel, is something of a precursor to the young women struggling to hold it together in boho New York in movies like Frances Ha, but her existence is more precarious both financially and safety-wise.

It’s low-budget but not experimental – the film is episodic but linear: there’s a clear beginning and end and Seidelman avoids gimmicks. There’s no disguising the low budget but its nicely shot by Chirine El Khadem.

One of the things I mentioned in my review of Desperately Seeking Susan is that while there are assorted cult musicians in doing bit parts, the music is very mainstream. Not so here: weaving its way through the film are the spidery guitars of New Jersey band The Feelies, whose vibe is encapsulated by the title of the first song on their debut album (and present in this film) The Boy with the Perpetual Nervousness. The highlight of the soundtrack might be ESG’s indie-funk classic Moody.

But the real snob points on the music front come not from a band you hear in the film, but whose name you can see on the marquee of The Peppermint Lounge: 3 Teens Kill 4.  They are remembered not for any of the songs but because one of their members was artist/writer David Wojnarowicz, the dead-too-soon downtown martyr of choice for people who feel that Basquiat and Haring are way too mainstream.

If Smithereens is more authentic than Desperately Seeking Susan, more representative of the grotty lives that many people trying to get a bit of the action in post-punk New York, does that make it a better movie? Emphatically not – if you see one of these two films, definitely make it Desperately Seeking Susan. But Smithereens is certainly worth a watch if you are interested in this time and place or like a female antihero.

Part of my  ‘Every girl should be given an electric guitar on her 16th birthday’series

[maddie-grove]

Would you be interested in sharing your list of twelve objectively nasty but enjoyable heroes? (I do not know if Crispin Burke, a personal favourite of mine, would make the list, given the standards for male nastiness in some of these romances, but thank you nonetheless for introducing me to him.)

Good news! Our man is indeed on the list. I guess that one unspoken factor is that it’s harder for a villainous hero to be enjoyable if he does the very worst stuff. Still, there’s plenty of appalling behavior on my list of problematic faves.

I’m going to do this by category:

Heroes Who Could Easily Be Villains

Sebastian from To Have and to Hold by Patricia Gaffney (1995): Easily the worst hero I still like. I enjoy how he decides to be nicer largely because he’s sick of his own Sadean bullshit. Plus, neither he nor the narrative ever acts like his behavior is justified or even sympathetic before he reforms.

Allegreto from Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale (2004): he does some theatrically messed-up stuff, but it’s the early Renaissance and a kinky proto-Machiavellian bastard has to hustle! Plus, he has some top-tier angst, and the heroine gets to play rough with his junk and become a queen in her own right, so things work out!

Valentine from Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt (2016): A repeat blackmailer and kidnapper, yes, but also the funniest bitch in romance. He charmingly thinks the heroine is a beautiful angel.

Crispin from A Lady’s Code of Misconduct by Meredith Duran (2017): An MP without principles who menaces the heroine, he certainly benefits from getting amnesia early in the story and getting to re-evaluate his life a la 13 Going on 30, but I loved him from the moment that he admitted to himself that his cruelty to the heroine was (despite his pretensions) indistinguishable from that of her grotesque relatives.

Felix from The Luckiest Lady in London by Sherry Thomas (2013): A lightweight, especially for this category--his main issue is that he’s a cold fish--but how could I fail to recognize the man who tricks the heroine into thinking her most promising suitor is in an incestuous relationship with his half-sister? All because he wants her to marry him instead? Also, the best dirty-talker in the genre, no contest.

Bad Personality Gang

Rand from The Firebrand by Susan Wiggs (2001): A sexist banker who holds all the most boring, condescending sexist opinions of his day (1870s Chicago) for half the story, Rand has one of the most convincing and satisfying changes of heart I’ve ever seen. But, lord, he made my blood boil to begin with.

Reuben from Crooked Hearts by Patricia Gaffney (1994): A lazy, rude, emotionally immature con man, and yet what can I say? I’m charmed by his pleasure-seeking, borderline-cowardly ass. I think it helps that he refreshingly doesn’t suck in ways that are common to historical romance--he isn’t domineering or sexist--and he’s at his best around the heroine.

Oh, Honey, No

William from Libertine’s Kiss by Judith James (2010): Sometimes a romance hero isn’t a bad person, exactly, but he’s got a ton of issues that you know will never be resolved. William is a wormwood-bitter alcoholic who’s based on John Wilmost, the second Earl of Rochester, and he’s got an nasty attitude towards everyone except for the heroine, whom he thinks is a beautiful angel. This is charming, but I finished the book thinking, “Girl, he’s never going to stop drinking.” But I can’t help loving him, any more than she can.

Bentley from The Devil You Know by Liz Carlyle (2003): Sometimes, a romance hero is an absolute sweetheart, but he’s so self-destructive and has such poor judgment that it’s like, yikes, dude, you’re almost thirty, and you need to stop getting in situations where everyone’s pretty sure that you murdered a woman (he didn’t do it) or where you semi-accidentally seduce and abandon a debutante you consider a family friend (he thought he’d left a note, but the wind blew it away). And, look, this is a lot more relatable than most problematic heroes, and a lot of it is trauma, but I don’t like having to make so many excuses. 

It’s Complicated

Tom from The Hostage by Susan Wiggs (2000): Definitely has the most solid and sympathetic reasons for kidnapping a heroine that I’ve ever seen.

Ewan from A Hope Divided by Alyssa Cole (2017): He put years of hard work into getting his torture degree at torture college, and now everyone’s like “oh torture’s bad,” “it’s ineffective,” fuck off. Also, it’s on Confederates, soooo. Seriously, I am very anti-torture, and I’m not comfortable with the idea that it’s okay on people who are horrible enough, but...it’s on Confederates. In the middle of the Civl War. Ewan also has conflicted, if somewhat detached, feelings about it, and it’s interesting and uncomfortable to be in his shoes. 

There’s Just This One Thing

Will from Morning Glory by LaVyrle Spencer (1989): Will is largely a kind, gentle, hardworking, openminded hero, but his backstory is that he killed a woman and he doesn’t feel bad about it at all. Which, okay, it was a freak accident that she died, and he only shoved her because she was threatening his friend with a deadly weapon. I don’t expect him to feel that bad, just regretful that it turned out that way. But, damn it, Will, she was a human being! This is most likely a reflection of the book’s larger hostility towards women who are sex workers and/or have “too much” sex; their “promiscuity” is always paired up with objectively wrong actions (violent/predatory behavior, blackmailing when not strictly necessary), and then everybody’s glad when they die. It’s fucked up.

[bakumeowkatsuki]

Christmas Cookies

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Rating: G

Recipient: @ryle-the-wise-one

Challenge: @protobnhaweek fic/art exchange

All Might wants the canon kids and the proto kids to get along. So he challenges them to pair up and make cookies!

"You can't be serious!" But the beaming expression on All Might's almost skeletal face suggested that he was just that. "Of course I am! With these three students visiting from another universe here, we want them to feel just as included here during the holidays as they would at home" he boomed, placing his hands on his hips as he studied the six teenagers carefully. It was unsurprising that they weren't all that excited about his suggestion. Since Akatani and his friends had wound up stuck in their universe, things had been difficult. Other Bakugou - or Kicchan as young Midoriya had become prone to calling him - had been making an effort but Akatani had been surly and, what had the kids been calling her, ah, yes, Yuuraraka, had been shy. They needed to do something silly to make them feel comfortable but if it wasn't some sort of task, they'd probably refuse. So All Might had decided they would make Christmas cookies for their classmates in 1A and that they would be making a challenge out of it! "Midoriya, you're with the new Uraraka, Bakugou you're with Akatani and Uraraka you're with the new Bakugou." The six of them looked between each other, clearly debating whether they could team up with their own classmates before Deku nodded his head determinedly and gestured for Yuuraraka to follow him. Kicchan then did the same with Uraraka and that left Bakugou and Akatani glaring at each other. Fortunately, Bakugou's competitive nature won out and they soon took their places in front of the ingredients. *** Over in the corner, Deku and Yuu were studying their ingredients together. Yuu’s fingers hovered over the little bottles of essences as he pulled the bowl towards him. “I’ve not made cookies in years. Last time I tried must have been with my Mum,” he commented as he pushed the recipe towards Yuu. She slowly looked up at him, her eyes still flicking between him and the paper in front of her. “Me either but...we always used to make sugar cookies. Do you think we could-” she broke off, looking down like she was expecting to be brushed off “Sure! Everyone likes sugar cookies, right?” Yuu nodded shyly, finally straightening up as she looked up at him a little bit more relaxed. “Yeah, okay!” As she reached for the vanilla, someone knocked into her as they grabbed the cinnamon and ginger. She jerked up to see the annoyed face of Bakugou before he stomped back to his table. “Ignore him. His bark is worse than his bite, I promise,” Deku said, trying to draw Yuu back to the mixing bowl in front of them. *** Bakugou would have resented Deku’s statement if he’d heard it, but fortunately for the green-haired boy, Bakugou was distracted by the purple head at his own table that was just as annoying if not more so. “I don’t bake much but if we want to win, then leave it all to me,” he snapped at Yamikumo. The other boy raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “Listen dickhead, I don’t want to work with you either but we’re supposed to work together.” “You’ll just fuck it up!” “You’re the one more likely to get distracted and burn it,” Yamikumo snapped back. Bakugou practically growled, grabbing the mixing bowl and pulling it back towards him. Yamikumo just stared back at him and picked up the eggs instead. It looked like they were at a stalemate. A burst of laughter distracted them both and they turned to see Kicchan sniggering at them. “Awww man, you two are going down!” Bakugou and Yamikumo looked at each other, both frowning, but not at each other per se before they gave the other a determined nod. Suddenly, it was on. *** “Awwh, I hoped I could rile them up some more,” Kicchan groaned as he turned back to Ochako. The brunette was staring at him with something akin to confusion. It was still so weird that there was someone out there who was almost exactly like the Bakugou they knew, but could actually be fun and nice? She stared at him with wide eyes as he opened his arms and grinned at her. “Let’s do this yeah? What kind of cookies do we want to make?” Ochako wasn’t big on cookies. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them, she’d just never made them before. She didn’t even know where to start. But she knew she wanted it to be something a little fancy. And definitely something Christmassy. “How about white chocolate and cranberry cookies,” she suggested, sorting through what they had and pulling out a bag of chips and another with the dried fruit. Kicchan grinned, “Nice! I was gonna suggest something with a little spice but the others might like this better,” he replied, clapping her on the shoulder a little harder than she hoped he realised. “People are gonna be eating so many of our cookies that their cheeks will look as round as yours!” “What?!” she replied, clapping her hands to her cheeks self consciously. He waved her off, smiling at her in a way that seemed to suggest she shouldn’t take anything he’d said seriously. “It just means they’re gonna be great! Relax.” Maybe he wasn't that much nicer than their Bakugou after all, Ochako thought with a sigh as she pulled her hands away from her cheeks to start sorting through the ingredients. *** Within a few hours, there were three plates of cookies set up on the table in the kitchen as the 1.A students hustled in. One plate had sugar cookies shaped like Christmas trees and stars. They were all iced in bright colours, but they looked a little messy. The second plate had gingerbread men on with a spiky head rather than a round one. Someone had decorated a few of them with angry faces and the way Bakugou was glaring at Yamikumo, it was easy to guess who had done that. The third and final plate had chocolate chip and cranberry cookies on. They were the simplest looking of the cookies, but they smelled absolutely delicious. Everyone gathered around the cookies, every single person having at least one of each cookie. But no one seemed to be able to choose which was best. It seemed like they were going to argue for hours. But in a way, All Might's plan had worked. The three visiting teenagers were just as involved in the group as the kids from his universe. He couldn't help but beam. Obviously, it was going to be down to him to save the contest as well! He took one of each of the cookies as the students fell silent; two of them watching him a little more eagerly than the others. The sugar cookie was okay, but a little burned under the icing. The cookies were a little too sweet, he definitely appreciated that though and was planning on sneaking a few more. But the gingerbread? It was perfect. He bit the angry head off one and swallowed, beaming at the students. "The gingerbread wins." A chorus of voices surrounded him as everyone cheered or playfully booed before grabbing for more cookies. Bakugou was grinning so hard as he grabbed Akatani, but students pushed in front, and All Might missed whatever he did. The purple-haired boy was blushing for some reason though. Strange. This was the perfect end to the afternoon though and damn, if he wasn't proud of that!

[fuwafuwamedb]

Sunburn (Ozymandias, Nefertari)

He was always one to welcome worshipping the sun.

With his head tilted towards the skies, his wife’s hand in his own, and the wind playing with his hair; Ozymandias could think of no better way to spend his day.

They traversed away from the hustle and bustle of the other servants and their games. He walked alongside his sweet wife, cradling that soft hand in his own like the precious jewel that his woman was, and he let the rays of pure light cascade upon him.

Far be it from him to deny the sun its worship of him.

Far be it from him to spend a moment concerning himself with whatever mischief his master had intended for this day.

It was his time and the beautiful brunette at his side was eager to seize all of it.

“What about just there,” Nefertari offered, holding her floppy sunhat to her head as the wind picked up a bit. “There’s a quiet part of the beach right next to the woods there.”

“That shall be our place!” He declared, pulling her along faster.

They smiled like the two passion-filled lovers that they were. He all but dropped her carefully prepared basket on the ground, pulling the blanket she’d brought down before offering his hand once more for her to take and leading her to a proper laying down position.

Nefertari carefully pulled his cloak from her shoulders, once again revealing the adorable swimsuit that his master had given her.

She rummaged through her basket before holding up the sunscreen bottle.

“Could you help me put on sunscreen, Ramses?”

Could he help.

Could the air fill his lungs with enough force to allow him to live?

Could the sun shine down upon them in this moment to allow him to adore every inch of her sunkissed skin?

Could the heavens themselves-

“Ramses?”

Ozymandias laughed, taking the bottle into hand and motioning for her to lay down. “I was overwhelmed by your beauty, Nefertari. Forgive me. I’ll lotion wherever you need me to lotion.”

She let him lotion all of her.

He felt his face heat up, his smile radiating as much light as the sun as he got her chest and her belly. The legs- but oh! Could two legs be formed in such a way to make a man want to kiss her feet and pray to the gods for more time with her?

Eternity was so short.

The heavens were too cruel.

He lotioned her face last, running his thumbs along her cheeks and leaning over her. His golden eyes met her magenta. His lips pressed softly to her own.

But alas, she was so drowsy.

Such time had made her fatigue and, with a bleary smile, she drifted straight off to sleep on him.

He curled up next to her and let himself do the same.

“-And that is how I became blessed to the point of this redness,” Ozymandias laughed, looking over at Prototype Gilgamesh and Arthur. He could see the King of Knights pausing from eating more of his food, shaking his head.

“I didn’t really want to know how you became as red as a lobster, Pharaoh, but you need to put on sunscreen more.”

“Nefertari said the same thing!”

Proto Gil moved forward, waving off the Knight king’s next words.

“Describe the swimsuit that Gudako gave Nefertari. Hakuno needs a new one.”

Ah, the little fool.

“To begin to describe the fabrics to which my wife graced with her presence, it is no meager story, boy.”

“Give me the abridged summary.”

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Drive Movies and Specials

This is the end of the road.

To finally close the Drive chapter in this journey here we are with the post about the movies. And this time it's extra special because I'll be talking about some of the specials for once, I usually never do those because it's too much of a hustle to go looking for them and I don't have that much time to watch them either, but to download some of the Movie Wars movies I had to download them from TV-Nihon batches and they include the specials on them so I thought, why not? Of course I did that before I had watched Drive and I saw that I didn't like it very much but oh well, they're on my hard-drive already I must as well watch them.

Anyway, there's a lot of stuff to go through so let's get to that right away.

Kamen Rider Drive: Surprise Future

This movie... oh this movie... I feel like this movie doesn't work at all after you've finished the TV series. And even if you haven't finished the series I think it doesn't work very well either because they expect us to have some sort of connection to a character that hasn't been around for more than 15 minutes, and whatever connection we have with this character also dies very soon when the revelation that he's actually a Roidmude happen so... Again, Drive doesn't do family drama all that well. Also a lot of recycled things from the show, like another evil Drive? Really? And Shinnousuke apparently dying and the belt being destroyed again? How many times did that happen in the show again? Another thing that watching this movie after the show kinda ruins it is the treat of the Global Freeze because after we see the show it's obvious that the Global Freeze is useless, heck they didn't even care to explain what it is and how it works so seeing that being the treat was just irrelevant to me. Also that ending when they "revived" Krim was such a dumb Deus Ex Machina, I was just rolling my eyes at that point.

Well, at least Chase had a good bad-CGI scene where he destroyed a big thing that I don't even remember what it was. And Proto-Drive Chase or whatever it is called was kinda cool as well. But the rest? Pretty meh I'd say. Also, this movie had a Ghost cameo?? That really surprised me seeing that he appeared twice in the show?? it felt a bit excessive, but oh well... whatever.

Drive Saga - Chaser

THIS MOVIE. IT HIT REALLY HARD ON THE FEELS. And I don't if it's because is centered around my favorite character or if it's really that good, but I really loved this movie.

I think they've checked all the right boxes when making a story for Chase and it was very well rounded, if I had to say a point that they lacked I'd say it was in the action, but I feel like that wasn't really needed because this was so focused on working on the characters so, in the end, the only thing that comes as weird from this movies was the uncomfortable comedic close-ups, the weird erotic scenes, and Chase bleeding that much to remove the feather from his chest, I'm not sure if an android would bleed like that, but it doesn't hurt the experience.

But they do hurt your heart, because seeing Chase get close to that kid was really adorable and seeing that he doesn't remember it at the end HURTS and hurts A LOT. I felt sadder for that moment than I felt for Chase's death, heck this movie made me feel more things than in the 48 episodes and 2 movies I've watched at this point. Gosh, it's so good. I also like the villain they chose for this movie, Angel was a very interesting Roidmude, of course, I'd rather if she didn't look so psychopath right at the beginning so it wasn't so clear that she had bad intentions, but for a one-off villain, she was great. It was also very fun seeing a "softer" Chase, props to his actor he was so different but he still felt in-character, you know? It didn't seem fake or anything, it was weird at first of course, but It was really good. I bet his vocal cords also really appreciated the chance of speaking in a normal tone for a change. XD In the end, this was really enjoyable, Chase once again being the best thing of Drive.

Oh, I almost forgot, another thing that was really fun was seeing Ryu again, that was really great. It also makes sense that the rider who can transform into a bike made a cameo in a show where the theme is vehicles. You know, I didn't really like Ryu during W but everything else that he has appeared he has been so great?? That's so weird. Also apparently now he has a child with Akiko???? What???? You know, for all the crap I give to crossovers and such even I must admit that seeing Ryu and how his relationship with Akiko has been developing is really awesome. I still don't know why anyone would want to marry Akiko and build a family with her, but if he's happy, good for him. XD

Drive Saga - Mach & Heart

You know, this one was probably the one I was less excited about, and it surprised me, but it also got me very disappointed. This was totally a mixed bag. I wish these were more connected, for Heart's part to work Gou needed to be there and that worked really well, but aside from the villain Gou's part had very little involvement with Heart's part and it felt like a letdown.

Heart's part was quite good, the set-up was great, the story was pretty decent, and I really liked the payoff. As I mentioned in my posts about Drive I didn't really care for the Roidmudes or for the rest of the cast in the Special Crimes Unit, but seeing Heart and Genpachi work together was quite awesome, I had a lot of fun. I'm still kinda meh about that amalgam Roidmude being a thing, it is a good villain I'm just picky about how this guy appeared, and I'm not the biggest fan of Heart's rider design, but Heart's portion has enough things on there that make easy for me to overlook them and consider it a solid especial. I like that he came back as a fluke, and I like that he has Brain and Medic on his head too, I like that Shinnousuke appears because of the thing he had with Heart, and the emotional bits between him and Genpachi worked beautifully.

The same can't be said about Gou's part because they decided to make a love story, and they also decided to put family in the mix because Drive really knows how to touch in family discussions, and this was just underwhelming as hell. It gave Gou some development, and at least that's good because the show lacked a lot in that department, and it's always great to see Chase again even though it was just some weird supernatural thing, but I really couldn't care less about the other stuff going on. But if you like Gou maybe this will great for you because you'll be able to see the dude becoming happy, so...

Drive Saga - Brain

This one was surprisingly good, I don't know why but I came into this thinking this would be a serious thing, but I was wrong because this is a special for Brain so of course it would be a comedy. I thought seeing that it was just a comic thing would throw me off of it, especially because I wasn't the biggest fan of Brain in the show, but here it worked quite well. It still has the things I don't like about the comedy in Drive, but for some reason, they didn't bother me as much here. I think what I like the most is that it knows that is something ridiculous, and it owns it, like there's a moment during the fight in part 2 where one of the villains says "but this weapon ain't yours, it's just a recolor" and I cracked the hell up, I loved the joke that Brain has only 600 Giga in his hard-drive making him even weaker than my previous computer, and the fake-out he did on the final villain where his final blow was a headbutt rather than a kick was just marvelous. I got a few spoilers from villains of Ghost and Ex-Aid, but it was worth it. This was fun, Brain's design as a rider was freaking cool as heck, it's a shame but also very funny that the comedic rider got the best form of this entire season, and I like that this serves as either a prequel or a sequel to the Mach & Heart movie. If you want something quick and fun to watch go do it because this one is great. 

Drive Secret Missions

So these secret missions are kinda whatever, most of them aren't that good, but also most of them aren't that offensive, they're pretty mediocre. I think from these 5 only 2 are worth watching. Type ZERO is kinda okay, it doesn't add anything new so it's not that necessary, but we get to see Proto-Drive properly and that's really cool, his design is awesome, but that's pretty much the only interesting thing it has going for. Type TV-KUN is like a prequel for Drives episode in Movie Wars Full Throttle and isn't that good. Type HIGH SPEED is probably the worst of them because it's one of those Hyper Battle DVDs who have no purpose at all and are very boring, this one is even worse I feel because they try to make a full-length episode out of it and there's no need for that. Type LUPIN is another Hyper Battle DVD and while I love Lupin's design this one was pretty underwhelming, I'd say it was completely unnecessary.

Type TOKUJO, though, was pretty good, probably the best out of them and maybe the only one worth watching. Honestly, this story is so good it should've been in the TV show, I mean this gives inside on why each member joined the SCU, it's a fun case (despite the resolution being kinda dub, again), and also establishes that Bannou was inside Brain's tablet so it would've been perfect for it, I'd take this over any filler plot in the entire run of the show. I had a good time with it.

And that does it for Drive! Wow, this was very long, thanks for sticking with me until this far. If you have any thoughts, don't be shy, share them in the comments, I'd love to read them. Drive is over but this "marathon" isn't, and if everything goes right, the post with Ghost's first episodes plus his crossover movie should be out a few minutes after Super-Hero time finishes on Saturday (or Sunday, depending on where you are in the world). Once again, thank you so much for reading, I'll see you all around. Bye~

[noisefliers]

Cool flier for an old ZSF/Merzbow-sponsored John Duncan tour in Japan! Coule of intriguing live houses I’ve never heard of otherwise: Proto-Theater and Hustle Cafe (the latter a rather late show, with the Merzbow side project True Romance, and Reiko Azuma as well. Good stuff.

[neganisking]

Sometimes bad things happen

A/N: Here it is! It’s taken a couple of months but the sequel for surprise gift is here! You could probably read this as a stand alone fic but there are a few references that might not ake sense. MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has left me comments likes and reblogs, you all fuel my motivation and I was completely blown away by the respose to the first part of this series. Special thanks to @noodlecupcakes @fatbutstillrad @i-am-negan-trash and @andillica who have either beta’d parts of this fic away and/or listened to me whine about it now and this now and then too.

Read surprise gift here! - Masterlist

Wordcount:9,500

Tags/ warnings: D/s , light smut, nudity, sexual content, hurt/comfort, fluff, canon typical graohic descriptions of violence and gore, injury, minor character death, blood, walkers, panic attack, praise kink, service kink, cuddles, hair stroking I’m being a bit generous with the tags but if I miss anything let me know.

—————-

“Open the fucking gate!”

The horn of the truck blares out into the air as the Saviors on guard duty rush to pull back the metal chain link fence. Your ears are still ringing with the screams of the man slumped on the floor in front of you that had now, to your horror, fallen into faint whimpers. He wasn’t going to last much longer.

The sweat was pouring from your brow, your breath coming out in harsh rags. Using what energy you had left, you clamp your hands down on the bloodied stump, using your own bodyweight to try and stem the flow of blood. God there was so much blood.

You hear Travis holler out the window. His tone sharp and irritated. “Get Carson to haul ass down here proto! Jimmy got bit.”

Your stomach lurches as the man stops whimpering, his eyes rolling back into his head. Cussing loudly you grab his shoulders and shake him hard, anything to get him to come to. It doesn’t work.

Your voice touches on hysteria as you call through the metal sheet to the front cab. “Travis I can’t keep him awake! Jim! Jim c’mon buddy wake up! We’re here now. C’mon!”

It wasn’t fair. He had gone through all that shit just to die when you finally get him back? No. He was strong. He would make it. You just had to keep him going long enough for Carson to get him.

Alderman’s voice answers, sounding just as panicked as yours does. “James motherfucking Bates if you don’t wake up right now I’ll get Negan to put your ass on the fence so help me-“

Travis interrupts his empty threat. “-Fucking drive up to the door already he’s running out of time.”

“I’m going! Move out of the fucking way!” A few more blasts of the horn later and the truck lurches forward before finally grinding to a halt. You were home.

Your body ached in relief, trembling from the exertion of the last few long hours. “Jim c’mon we made it. Don’t go giving up on me now.”

The slamming of the truck door and the muffled voices tell you that the two men are making their way around to the back with some of the others. Good. You were about to fall on your ass from exhaustion.

“Carson’s on his way.”

“He’d better fucking hustle or it’ll be too late. Someone call Negan. He’ll want to know about this shit show.”

Your body sags at the mention of Negan’s name. He’ll set things right. It would all be okay. You adjust your position slightly muscles begging for a break from your crouched stance beside him. It was almost over.

A breathy groan erupts from the man. Still pushing down on his wound you flick your eyes to his face to see if he had managed to regain consciousness only to see his eyes taking on a haunting yellow glaze, drowning out the blue that had once been there. He was gone. “Aw shit!”

As you spur yourself into action, Jim’s lifeless body lurches forward, snarling as it spots it’s first meal. It stumbles, missing you as you reel back out of the way and clumsily shuffles towards you with a sickening snarl.

You could end it. It wouldn’t take much more effort to take your knife and halt the remnants of your friend forever. It would almost be a kindness really, no one wanted to end up like that after all. The reality of it, however, was that that kindness wasn’t an option – especially on the doorstep of the sanctuary. There weren’t many things that were wasted in the new order and the wall outside the factory needed new corpses to replace those that had become rotten beyond recognition. Jim still had a purpose. Even in death he belonged to Negan.

Rapidly crossing the suddenly far too small space of the truck bed, you hammer desperately against the door. “He’s turned! Open the fucking door!”

In an instant the bolt holding the doors locked slides open and daylight streams into the space. Throwing yourself out of the truck, you quickly slam the doors shut behind you as your two companions can only look on in shock horror.

You slide the bolt across just in time as the walker throws himself against the metal, the force of the impact making your slick hands slip against the door leaving a trail of crimson in their wake.

Alderman balls his fists into his hair, turning from the truck with gritted teeth. “Oh fuck. Fucking fuck. No Jim! C’mon man!”

Travis swears loudly, kicking the truck door making the walker inside ram the opening again. You glare at your friend, blood still pounding in your ears as you struggle to hold the door closed. The world around you began to tilt as you became dizzy. When would today end? “A little help?”

Weary from exhaustion himself, Travis takes his place beside you, leaning against the truck door while snapping at the few saviours who were just standing there watching everything go down. “Could you assholes make yourself useful and take it to the fence before anyone else gets fucking bit? We’re fucking done today.”

As the saviours come to life, Travis takes you over to the side and sits you down on one of the large stone barriers. Gulping in lungfuls of air that isn’t suffocated with the stench of blood and death, you try to relax your body. Sparing Travis a look you wonder if he’s alright. He looks worried for some reason. Before you have the chance to ask he beats you to it. “You okay?”

Were you? You were still alive obviously so that was a plus. Better than Jim at least. You felt like you were about to throw up whatever was left in your stomach but that wasn’t exactly surprising. Now that the immediate danger was gone and there was no one to try to save, things were catching up to you rather quickly.

Carson’s arrival saves you from having to answer. He runs through the door, his large medical bag in hand, looking rightfully flustered as his eyes lock onto you. “Who was bitten?”

Travis sighs, easing to his feet with a little difficulty. “It’s too late doc. It was a long shot anyway, we cut his arm off but he bled out in the truck on the way back.”

The doctor frowned, looking genuinely distraught. He was a good man, or at least he was from what you had seen of him. “Is anyone else hurt?”

Sparing a glance behind him to where you were sitting and another to where Alderman was pacing on his own in an empty corner of the lot, he rubbed the back of his neck. You cast your eyes to the floor, the blood on your skin and covering your clothes doing nothing to help your nausea. “Yeah, nothing life threatening though I just think-“

You don’t find out what Travis thinks because in that moment the main fire door opens with such force that it hits the outside wall with a resounding bang. Heavy footsteps approached you as the familiar voice that belonged to them demanded attention. “What in the ever loving fuck happened?”

“Negan.” At the sound of Travis’ voice you squint up at the men in front of you from your place on the stone bench, blinking slowly. Travis had nervously fixed his posture to stand upright and the doctor still had that same look of concern etched into his features.

Unsatisfied with his answer, Negan narrowed his eyes, sparing a beat to frown in your direction. “I repeat. What in the ever loving fuck happened?”

Travis adopted a professional tone, speaking as quickly and matter-of-factly as possible. It was the best way to deal with Negan when he was pissed. “Pretty sure it was the Wolves. We were checking out sector 7 again and we must have set off one of their old traps. It was bad. Jimmy got bit. We cut off his arm and tried to get him back to the doc but he didn’t make it.”

You supress a shudder, remembering the way the rotters poured in from every exit, the way your stomach had dropped through the floor, how hopeless you felt. It was a miracle you made it out alive. Jim of course, hadn’t been so lucky.

Negan growled. “I thought we fucking cleared those shit eating psychos out last month.”

Travis sighed. He shrugged as he tried to work it out for himself. “As far as I can tell we did sir. It was just an active trap. None of them came to check it after the alarm went off. It took us long enough to get out, they would have been there.

“Motherfuckers.” The venom in Negan’s voice is palatable and for good reason. The vigilante group had picked off a serious amount of saviours until you had all went out together to hunt them all down. Even now after they were long gone they were still managing to cause shit. You couldn’t help but share Negan’s sentiment.

For a long moment, Negan looks about ready to take Lucile to some poor asshole’s melon out of sheer frustration. No one says anything, you and Travis being too exhausted to offer any kind of support and Carson, who most likely didn’t have a clue, opting for the safety of silence instead. A couple of long moments later, Negan runs a gloved hand down his face with a sigh. “Anyone else hurt?”

Travis shrugs, having given up on hiding just how tired he was. “Nothing serious.”

Negan nods to himself. “Good. Check ‘em all out anyway Carson. Y’all look like shit.”

You hear the dismissal in his tone and you imagine him strutting away back to whatever he had been doing. It had been a few weeks since your encounter with him in the privacy of your room and true to his word he hadn’t held it over you. In fact, he hadn’t mentioned it at all. You had mixed feelings on the matter really, though right now you were in no state to examine them.

You wonder how long it would take to get to bed. You supposed you would need to clean yourself up before Carson could check you over. And the man was thorough so it would probably take a while. Shit. Maybe you could just nap for a bit first.

Suddenly you become aware of someone snapping their fingers in front of your face. Furrowing your brow you blink at the hand, the realisation slowly dawning on you that it belongs to Negan. Didn’t he leave?

You squint at the man who seems to have been saying something if his perplexed expression is anything to go by. “What?”

Negan huffs, no trace of amusement in his unreadable face. “I said are you fucking hurt?”

You frown slightly, trying to catalogue anything that could be considered and injury. Mostly you were just tired. “I – I don’t think so.”

“So this shit isn’t your blood?” He clarifies, gesturing to the sticky mess that was beginning to harden pretty much everywhere on your body making you want to itch.

“No.” You grumble flippantly, completely exhausted. Didn’t not being hurt give that away already? Negan was a smart guy he could figure it out.

Negan purses his lips together, a stern look on his face. You wonder what his problem is, just wanting to be alone. Apparently Negan doesn’t get the hint as in one swooping motion, he takes you by the crook of your arm and hoists you to your feet, leaving no room for argument. “Right. C’mon.”

It’s mostly out of surprise that you let yourself be pulled along the corridors and up the stairwells. His grip was firm but it wouldn’t be difficult to get out of it, you just didn’t have enough fight in you to make a fuss. Besides, Negan usually got what he wanted anyway. The sooner he did what he wanted the sooner you could sleep.

Along the way people dropped to their knees as they caught sight of the tall man. Seeing it from his perspective made it seem even more bizarre. Like he was some kind of god, parting the ocean or some shit like that.

It’s then that you realise where he’s leading you to. Slowing your pace you pull gently at the hand wrapped around your wrist. You didn’t want to go up to his room, you just wanted to sleep. “Negan-“

Negan looks at you with an almost pained expression. “Don’t fight me on this doll face. Just don’t.”

When the only reply he gets is a withering sigh, Negan continues onward, not stopping even after he leads you through the doorway to his room going instead straight to the bathroom.

As bathrooms go, the room was hardly the dream that they used to sell you in commercials or in fancy catalogues with payment plans and polished marble surfaces. That being said, the fact that the man had a working bathroom at all was a luxury that was almost unheard of in this day and age. The small, clean room had probably once only been equipped with a toilet and a sink but now it had a mismatched bath with an overhead shower too, the yellow duck patterned shower curtain drawing your amusement as it catches your eye.

Flipping the lid of the toilet seat down he finally lets go of your wrist, your skin feeling noticeably colder as his hand leaves you. He inclines his head to the porcelain. “Take a seat.”

Not needing to be told twice you sit down, all too aware that you’re most likely getting blood on everything but you can’t bring yourself to care. It wasn’t like Negan was particularly squeamish anyway.

Running a basin full of water Negan shrugs his jacket off, hanging it on the hook on the back of the door. It crosses your mind that maybe you ought to do something, say something even but you have no idea what. Instead you just watch him move about in the space, your face slack and weary as he dampens a cloth with the water.

Turning to you, Negan picks your hand up from your lap and begins to wipe your arm down. He frowns at the offending limb in concentration, something clearly working it’s way through his mind. “Is what Travis said true? Is that what happened?”

You blink slowly, trying to remember exactly what Travis had said. Negan wrings the cloth out in the basin and has almost completely cleaned your arm by the time you reply. His answer had been vague, but unfortunately it was all true. “Yeah.”

Negan grunts in reply, he doesn’t say anything else which is more than okay with you. Methodically, he moves onto your other arm, rinsing the cloth out again and again until it’s clean. At some point in the process, his movements begin to soothe your frazzled nerves, it would feel almost comforting if it wasn’t for how overwhelmed you were.

Once your arms are done he pauses, taking in your face with a grimace. Rude. You didn’t look that bad. Besides if he was so offended by your face then why had he been trying so hard to get into your pants all this time?

He rinses out the cloth once again before squatting down in front of you. Wetting his lips, Negan presses the material to your face and you hiss at the uncomfortable feeling, the cold water irritating you much more than before. Negan pulls the corner of his mouth down in the closest thing you’ve ever seen to an apology from the man and for a moment your irritable mood subsides. He is trying to help after all.

That is until he opens his mouth. “Think you can manage a shower?”

Your eyes roll as you huff in exasperation. You had just been through hell and lived to tell the tale, a mere shower in comparison was a walk in the park. Unable to keep the annoyance from your voice you grumble, too wired to give a damn. “I think I’m capable of taking a fucking shower Negan. Honestly you don’t need to make such a fuss.”

Negan presses his lips into a thin line, his antagonised persona darkening the already strange atmosphere in the small room. “Yeah well seeing as you rolled up here covered in fucking blood and shaking so fucking bad it looked like you were going to go join old Jimbo on the motherfucking fence I’ve decided that I’m more than entitled to give a shit if you can make it through a good damn shower without keeling over. Thank you very fucking much.”

You’re taken aback by his biting tone, not used to your words having that affect on the man. Usually he bounced off your bickering and griping with a gleeful smile and a sarcastic remark. You hadn’t really given much thought to how you must have looked to other people. It explained why Travis had looked to worried too. The last thing you wanted to do was to get into an argument so in the hope it would diffuse the situation you decide to back down. “Sorry.”

Negan shakes his head, exasperated. “Don’t be sorry just quit busting my god damn balls. You’re in shock. You can’t even fucking tell that you’ve got a fucking gash on the side of your god damn face.”

“What?” You squawk indignantly, not entirely sure he isn’t fucking with you as you quickly stand up and turn to the mirror on the wall. Ignoring how the sudden movement makes your head spin you squint to examine your apparent injury.

Most of your face is clean now, with the odd bit of blood in the creases of your nose and your eyebrows. What catches most of your attention however is the long graze around your left temple that was still steadily oozing a small amount of blood. It looked worse than it probably was, and you were almost certain it wasn’t serious but the fact that you hadn’t even realised made your chest tighten. You couldn’t even remember banging your head but then given how chaotic it had all been it was hardly surprising. What else had you missed? No wonder Negan was concerned.

Noting the way your face falls and your breathing picks up, Negan moves to stand behind you so you can see his face in the mirror. He gently rests his hand on your shoulder his voice a little strained but much more comforting. “Exactly my fucking point. Take a deep breath for me now. Nice and slow.”

Taking in a shaky breath you fill your lungs with air before turning around to face the man behind you and leaning back against the counter, not wanting to look at your face anymore. Now that you were aware of your injury it suddenly comes to life, making your head throb painfully.

Negan slips one hand around your waist this time to steady you, watching you closely in concern. “Easy does it butternut.”

For a few long moment you just focus on breathing. Your eyes close and you try to relax your body, letting Negan’s close proximity make you feel safer than you had all day – not that that was difficult. Relaxing doesn’t exactly work, you’re too tired, too sore and your mind just won’t stop reeling with white noise. You suppose at least you’re not alone.

When you open your eyes you meet Negan’s soft gaze. You quirk your lip in acknowledgement trying to reassure him somehow. He doesn’t wait for you to speak gesturing instead to your stained clothes. “Can I help you out of these? No funny business I swear.”

You huff a laugh, finding it amusing that Negan was so bold and so ridiculous to try and get your clothes off. Your initial thought was that no, you were capable of dealing with the rest yourself and that you were in no mood to allow yourself to be naked in front of him. The more you thought about it though the more you realised that it wouldn’t be anything he hadn’t already seen. You doubted that he would try anything while you were in a state anyway. Between that and how heavy your limbs feel a little help didn’t seem like such a bad idea but you didn’t want to make it that easy for him.

With a sly quirk of your eyebrow you ask him. “Scouts honour?”

He blinks, not expecting you to be making a joke in this particular situation and scrunches his face in amusement before falling into right into your trap. “Scouts honour.”

Narrowing your eyes in mock scrutiny, you wag a finger in his direction, recalling a previous conversation. “I thought we already established that you weren’t a boy scout.”

Apparently your joke falls flat although you still think it’s pretty funny. Negan blinks a couple of times before pinching the bridge of his nose as though he’s the one with a hole in the side of his head. “Fucking – honestly butternut. You’re killing me here. Would you just me help you already?”

Rolling your eyes you concede to him and gesture for him to do his thing. With a nod Negan’s hand leaves your side and his fingers find the hem of your tank top. To your surprise, Negan systematically strips you of your clothes without a single remark and even without the faintest trace of a suggestive taunt on his face. He’s all business, not even letting his eyes linger as he unclips your bra and your bare skin meets the cool air. You can’t help but feel out of sorts with how uncharacteristic Negan is acting. If you’re honest you’re not sure how to handle him when he isn’t being crude.

It’s after you toe off your boots and you unbutton your jeans that you decide to break the silence. As Negan stoops down, fingers hooking into the belt loops to ease the fabric down your legs you tease him lightly. “This wasn’t exactly how I envisioned you getting my clothes off again.”

It does the trick. With a low chuckle Negan grins, looking up from his crouched position at your feet with a gleam in his eyes that starts a certain kind of churning in your stomach. This you were familiar with. It must show somehow because Negan let’s out a satisfied hum and reaches to pull your panties down so you can step out of both at the same time.

Stark naked now you’re all too aware of just how exposed you are and just how close his face is to your nether region. In different circumstances you would be more than willing to push those invisible boundaries to see what might happen but you knew yourself well enough to know it wasn’t a good idea right now. He did look positively sinful though. Unable to help yourself you press your thighs together and of course Negan notices.

With a sigh, Negan gathers up your dirty clothes and eases to his feet smiling softly. “There’s always next time sugar. It’s nice to know you’ve been thinking about it though.”

His added afterthought makes you frown. You thought it would be obvious that he had been on your mind especially after the display you had made of yourself for him. It was hard not to think of it all really. You weren’t about to tell him anytime soon but nothing you had done to yourself since had felt half as good as the day he had watched you unravel and beg for him. “Of course I have.”

Negan scoffs bitterly. Turning from you to dump the clothes in the hamper. “Could’ve fooled me.”

The beginnings of what could have been a good mood instantly vanish as a scowl takes over your features. What the fuck did he expect? You were pretty sure you had made it clear you weren’t about to compromise your place amongst the saviours for him. That should have spelled out to him that public declarations vying for his attention not to mention his dick were off the table. Did the fact that you had already gone as far as you had with him – the fact that you were currently standing in front of the man butt fucking naked for crying out loud – mean nothing?

Narrowing your eyes, a flare of anger comes over you. Without even considering the consequences you open your mouth with a scathing tone. “Oh I’m so very sorry Negan. I’ll remember to swoon and faint every time you walk into the god damn room from now on – make it real fucking easy for you to tell.”

Negan’s nostrils flare, not one for being spoken to like that. It sometimes amused you how he could always give it out but whenever it came to taking it he spat out his dummy. Today however, you didn’t give a shit. He was out of line and you didn’t have enough fucks left to give to cater to his ego – and you weren’t done yet either.

Looking him square in the eye you launch into another tirade. “I get that you’re so used to having multiple women waiting on your beck and call who you can fuck or do whatever the fuck you want with so maybe you didn’t manage to catch on but what happened the other week was a pretty big fucking deal for me. So don’t go acting all butt hurt just because I’m not fucking grovelling for your attention. You’ve already had a metric fuck ton of mine.”

So much for not getting into an argument. The silence surrounding you both in the aftermath of your outburst feels deafening and you struggle to hold your composure feeling far to vulnerable and strung out to stay still.

A different kind of fear begins to trickle through your mind as you process exactly what you just said and exactly who you just said it to. Without a doubt you meant every word but Negan commanded a certain amount of respect and you couldn’t say for sure exactly where your boundary was. He wouldn’t hurt you, you knew that for a fact but it didn’t stop you from worrying that maybe you had gone too far this time. Your horrid mood wasn’t completely his fault after all.

Negan breaks the silence with a huff, shaking his head as he narrows his gaze on you. “Don’t be a bitch for fuck’s sake. It doesn’t fucking suit you.”

At his anti climatic reaction, you mirror his expression. You’re not sure exactly what he’s playing at but you really can’t muster up the mental capacity to deal to his mood swings too - your own were difficult enough. “I’m not in the mood for games Negan.”

Negan considers you for a moment before deciding on a reply, pressing his lips together in frustration. “What the fuck happened out there huh?”

The question hangs in the air and as soon as you open your mouth to tell him exactly what happened you close it again. The words vanish from your mind as the white noise of fear, death and blood distract your train of thought. There were so many of them. It was so loud. So much blood.

“Stay here.”

You register Negan leaving the room, the door still slightly ajar and you find yourself immediately wishing he hadn’t left. Was he mad? Was he coming back? He wouldn’t have just left you to stay in his bathroom that was for sure so you reason that he can’t be that mad. Jesus you need to get a grip.

You manage to compose yourself in the short amount of time it takes Negan to return. Without a word he all but thrusts a pile of fabric into your hands, scowling. Oh that’s right. You were mad at him.

“Take a fucking shower. Whatever you do don’t pass out. Yell if you need me I’ll just be outside.” He doesn’t wait for you to reply turning on his heel and marching out of the small room. The door slams shut behind him and you can’t help but think how absolutely ridiculous he’s being.

‘I’ll manage.” You grumble out loud, out of spite more than anything.

Looking down at the fabric in your hand you realise Negan had given you a change of clothes to wear. For a sickening moment you think he’s completely lost it and left you a set of old prisoner’s clothes but on closer inspection you realise that these clothes belong to Negan himself.

You’ve never seen him dressed in anything other than his signature jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket combination but with the soft grey sweatpants in your hand you can’t help but imagine some scenario of him indulging in comfort on a rainy day. It’s ridiculous you know but it diffuses the anger that had been steadily building in your stomach and you realise that maybe that isn’t the only thing that is ridiculous about the whole thing.

Stepping into the tub, you draw the duck patterned curtain around you and begin to systematically scrub every ounce of blood and grime from your body, helping yourself to Negan’s shampoo as you go. You supposed that letting your mind go blank would be the hardest thing to do after today but focusing on the trivial tasks at hand allows you to do exactly that. By the time you step out onto the cool floor and reach for the towel on the counter, you feel lighter in more ways than one.

You ignore the way your head throbs as you quickly towel dry your skin before pulling the sweatpants over your legs and pulling the drawstring until it rests comfortably around your waist. It’s a little long in the leg so you easily roll the cuffs up, deciding that you need to catch Negan wearing these at some point in the future, for science. Forgoing your bra, because honestly if it wasn’t one of the last in your size you would gladly burn it rather than try to clean it, you pull his black t-shirt over your head and start to towel dry your hair, psyching yourself up to face the man waiting for you behind the door.

You were hoping that he wasn’t still mad at you. Quite frankly you were more than ready to sleep the rest of the week away if you could get away with it. Another argument was the last thing you wanted to get into. Besides, even though he was an asshole about it, he still seemed to have been genuinely worried.

The last of the adrenaline seemed to have washed away in the shower, leaving you feeling empty and heavy. With another sigh, you pull open the door and hesitantly make your way through the threshold.

Having probably heard the door open, you find Negan standing by his desk watching you carefully. It was practically impossible to decipher his mood from that alone so you decide to offer an olive branch and be the bigger person. “I’m sorry for snapping. But it- I was just-“

Your explanation gets stuck in your mouth, words failing you as you try to express exactly how you feel. Cutting you off with a firm tone, much softer than before, he gestures to the chair beside him. “Come over here.”

Unable to help feeling like a chastised child, you nervously pad your way over the rug on the floor to him. Eventually meeting his gaze he gently takes your elbow and guides you to sit in the leather chair. Hopefully you could sleep soon.

Watching him in silence, you look on as Negan opens a small wooden box to reveal some kind of first aid kit. He breaks the silence as he takes out cotton swabs and another couple of bits. “Travis said you were the one who lobbed off Jim’s arm.”

For a moment you just blink at the man. How did he know that? You were absolutely certain that Travis hadn’t mentioned it earlier. Unless it was when you were in the shower? How long were you in there for?

Your eyes land on the radio sitting on the desk beside you and suddenly it all makes sense. There’s no sense in denying it and clearly you weren’t allowed to ignore it so instead you reply in a cautious huff of breath. “Yeah.”

“You did the right thing.” He states it so matter-of-factly that he might has well have been passing comment on the weather rather than the fact that a man died. He gently dabs some antiseptic concoction on your cut and you forget to supress the hiss of pain that follows. He carries on regardless determined to clean out your cut.

“But he died.” It wasn’t so obvious to you. If you hadn’t have cut his arm off then he would still be alive. Not for long sure but at least he would have gotten to spend his last moments doing something other than screaming in agony.

Negan shrugs, sizing up a couple if different band aids before deciding on one to use. “He would have died anyway.”

You shake your head lightly unconvinced. It wasn’t the point. He didn’t get it.

Negan sighs, having finished whatever he had been doing to your head and cleans up the used and discarded bits from the table before putting the box away. Maybe he senses it’s a lost cause but he draws himself up and changes the subject. “I need to go over some paperwork. You, are gonna sit right here.”

Taking you gently by the elbow he firmly guides you up out of the chair and swaps sides with you before inclining to the spot on the floor. It takes you a moment to realise that you did in fact hear him correctly before squawking indignantly. “What? I’m not sitting at your feet like a dog Negan.”

As though expecting your reaction, an amused smirk pulls at his lip, his eyebrow raised in a challenge. “Oh I’m sorry. Do you have somewhere else you’d rather fucking be?”

You gape at him for a moment. Yes was your immediate spiteful answer. You would much rather be in bed asleep. Sleeping felt like such a good idea but you couldn’t quite bring yourself to voice it. His unusual request had piqued your curiosity and if you were honest you didn’t really want to leave just yet. Something about his presence comforted you and given he wasn’t mad at you anymore you felt reluctant to rob yourself it just to prove a point.

Negan scoffs, taking your stunned silence as an answer. “Thought not. Now sit Fido.”

“Woof.” You pout, taking a seat on the threadbare rug beside the drawers of the desk, ignoring the way that being put in this position at his feet sends a certain shiver of excitement through you. You’d come back to that later.

Making himself comfortable in the chair beside you Negan barks a laugh. “Very fucking funny.”

You wait, watching Negan as he pulls a pair of glasses out of the drawer by your head and true to his word starts going through what looks like the outpost reports. The gently flicking of paper is the only noise in the room for a few long moments and while it isn’t an uncomfortable silence, you still feel the need to ask. “Why am I sitting on the floor?”

Negan pauses, pulling the glasses off his face and setting them down on the desk. He regards you for a moment, something softening in his expression before reaching out to take the tip of your chin in his fingers, stroking his thumb along your jaw gently. “Because princess you need a time out.”

Brows furrowing, you squint up at the man despite the way his touch warms you. It didn’t make any sense. “I thought you said I did the right thing?”

Negan smiles, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and you wonder if it’s sadness or pity you see in his expression. “You did. Now shush.” He adds as an afterthought, returning back to his task.

His confirmation only managed to confuse you even more. If you did the right thing then – was this a punishment? Why would it be if you didn’t do anything wrong? God you were tired. You wondered if you could nap on the floor. Sure Negan would probably be telling dog jokes for the rest of the month at least but at this point you didn’t give a shit. You were so strung out that it wasn’t difficult for you to consider resting your head against Negan’s leg instead. It was right there after all and touching him felt so comforting before. Would he mind? Maybe you could doze off too.

You don’t worry yourself for long, taking the initiative you shuffle slightly over and gently wind your arm around his calf, hugging it before slowly slumping against his leg, resting your cheek against the top of his knee. For a moment as Negan stills, you wonder if maybe he didn’t want you to but as he drops a hand down and gently scratches against your scalp you let out a soft sigh of relief.

Half lidded, your gaze wanders along the patterns of the rug beneath you and along the creases and folds of his sweatpants. In your boredom you focus on your own breathing and slowly start to relax, forcing your muscles to unlock one by one as you slump further into his leg.

That is until you see it.

It’s only blood. You’ve spent more time covered in blood than you have clean at this point but the small amount under the corner of your nail, somehow missed by both you and Negan reminds you of exactly why you’re here - exactly who’s blood it is.

The sound of the shutter blocking your only exit was secondary to the snarl of a small army of roamers that seemed to pour in from the cracks in the walls. You’re still not entirely sure how you managed to escape, killing rotter after rotter seemed endless until you found yourself being dragged towards the fresh air.

It almost didn’t end the way it did. A few more yards and it would have been a different story, but the walker that lunged for you at the last second had other plans. There wasn’t many times in the past few years that you had genuinely thought you were going to die but today was most certainly one of them.

It would have been, if it hadn’t been for Jim. Knocking you out of harms way just in time left no time for the man to save himself. He yelped as the monster tried to knock him down, kicking it away before swiftly stabbing it in the head but the damage had been done. It was only after you had put enough distance between you and the dead that he revealed exactly what had happened.

You hardly had to deliberate it. He saved your life so you had to save his.

Cutting someone’s arm off was nothing like they had made it look in the horror movies. There were no clean cuts or smooth follow through. Bringing your machete down against his arm hardly made a dent in the scheme of it all. You had wanted to stop then, to run and cry and beg him for forgiveness but your decision had been made and you forced yourself to carry on.

You knew you would never forget the look of sickening horror on their faces, the blood curdling scream that erupted from Jim as you hacked away at his arm. Over and over. God it never seemed to end. There was so much blood.

Maybe it was a bad call.

Maybe Carson could have done something else.

You should have probably used a belt. Or asked the guy first at least. Something.

Anything.

Maybe he would still be alive.

“It’s okay honey.”

His voice brings you out of your own thoughts and you’re surprised to find your breath catching in your throat and hot tears tracking down your face. God it was so fucked up. It wasn’t for the first time but you wished the world could go back to the way it was where you could just worry about getting the rent paid on time instead of getting mixed up in the ethics of cutting someone’s arm off.

You hastily unwind yourself from Negan’s leg to scrub the tears away from your face, trying to suck in a breath to steady yourself with. You needed to get a grip.

Smoothing his hand over your shoulder blade he gently coaxes you up into his arms. “C’mere kitten.”

This wasn’t how you wanted the next time you sat in his lap to go either but you’d be damned if you weren’t going to take the support he was so willingly offering you. Slipping up onto his lap he gently rearranges your legs as you bury your face against the crook of his neck, ignoring an irritated throb from the graze on your head.

A deep breath. Then another. You needed to calm down. He smelled good. How did he always manage to smell good? You focused on it to try and distract your own mind and chase away the crushing guilt.

Negan however had a different idea. Pulling you closer against him he methodically began to rub the lines of your back with a smooth palm. “Just let go darlin’ I got you.”

Like a damn breaking inside of you an uncontrollable surge of grief overwhelmed your mind and with Negan holding the pieces of you together you sobbed against him.

It wasn’t fair. It really wasn’t.

God you were so afraid.

He died saving your life.

Your friend was dead because of you and maybe you could have stopped it from happening.

You cling to him, mortified somewhere in the back of your mind at the state you’re in but the need for the comfort and safety that was Negan outweighed it all. If he was at all bothered by it he didn’t show it in the slightest. He keeps a tight hold on you, stroking along your back as he lightly rocks you back and forth, letting you get everything out. It’s cathartic in a way.

He stays like that with you for as long as it takes your crying to subside and the tremor in your frame to ease. Pulling in steadying breaths you start to calm down and come back to reality. It strikes you as odd just how much you needed that just as it dawns on you that Negan knew you needed it too. No one had ever done anything like that for you before and it makes you swell with admiration for the man. He really did care.

Pushing away from him lightly you lean back grimacing at the wet patch on his shirt but you know he doesn’t care about that given the soft smile on his face. You’re not sure how to let him know that you know he knew and that you’re grateful – even thinking it is confusing enough after all but in the end you decide to lighten the mood a little.

With a light huff and a small grin, you tease him. “Now I’m a cat? C’mon dude. Make up your mind.”

His face splitting into a wide smile, Negan ruffles your hair playfully. “Always such a smart ass.”

You sniff, still recovering but manage to scrunch your nose at him in good humour. “You love it when I sass you.”

“Indeed I fucking do butternut.” His voice drops to something more intimate and as he swipes his thumbs underneath your eyes you can’t help but lean into his touch.

Both of you revel in the quiet moment until Negan draws a breath clearly having something to say. “You listening?”

He waits until you nod before beginning, his tone making you avoid interrupting. “You did the right thing. Sure it sucks that he fucking died. But you gave him a chance. A good one. It isn’t your fault alright? There’s a million maybes and what if’s but the fact is you did something that could have saved his life instead of waiting around for him to keel over anyway. He would be fucking grateful. And shit, now that I know there are still active traps out there I can make sure we’re more fucking careful so this shit doesn’t happen again. You want to blame someone for this today you blame those dead fucking mongrels who set the traps in the first place. Not yourself. You did the right thing.”

You listen with furrowed brow, turning yourself to rest your head against his chest. Negan’s arms circle around you again and with a shuddering sigh you let his words sink in. It just wasn’t fair.

“It was just awful.” You decide to say, hearing the slight waver in your voice. Awful was an understatement.

“You’re safe now alright? It’s okay butternut.”

Fighting against your own stubborn pride, you let him make you feel safe and warm inside. It wasn’t okay really but what else could you do about it? You couldn’t bring him back now. At least you had tried right? For a long while you just sink into his warm embrace but eventually you feel yourself start to droop and you know it’s time to go.

Sitting up again Negan’s hands fall to your hips. The words get stuck in your mouth again but you power through your nerves anyway. “Thank you. For helping me. I mean – I could have dealt with this on my own – you didn’t have to – y’know – but thanks.”

Huffing a laugh, Negan raises a sceptical eyebrow at you. “You think I don’t know that I didn’t have to? Honey I didn’t bring you up here because I didn’t think you could cope without me or some shit. You’re a motherfucking badass – I know that better than anyone. You don’t need me. Hell, most of the time I don’t think you even want me.”

You could tell by the way his voice drops to a low mumble that he didn’t really mean to say that last part. He pauses frowning at something before continuing, guarded, almost nervous.

“I did it because I wanted to fucking help you. I did it because I didn’t want you to have to deal with it alone. I did it because all anyone fucking told me was that some fucker got bit and the first thing I see is you fucking drenched in blood and I fucking thought – I though I was going to fucking lose you.”

He reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and before he can pull away you gently catch his wrist holding him in place and lean intro his touch. If he really did mean that, and you couldn’t fathom a reason why he would have said it otherwise, then it would explain why he was being so stubborn and persistent. It explained a lot actually. You realise it was no small thing for him to tell you that either, hopefully conveying the sentiment of how much you appreciate it in your expression.

He smiles, stroking his thumb over your cheek. “I also did it because you were acting like such a stubborn bitch when I know how much of a good girl you can be for me.”

Just like that the mood shifts again to something a lot less innocent. If you weren’t so tired you would totally try something. You wanted this man. An undercurrent of lust washes over you and you find yourself wishing the circumstances were different. Maybe next time.

Stroking your thumb over the bare skin of his wrist you try again to make amends for earlier. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

Negan nods. “I know you are it’s okay princess. As it happens you were right about a couple of things though.”

You sit a little straighter then out of curiosity. “Oh?”

He drops his hand and draws in a breath to explain. “I owe you an apology too doll. It would seem that I’ve made some pretty fucking big assumptions about you and – well it isn’t fair. I want you to know that I’m man enough to know when I fuck up. So I’m sorry.”

He’s talking of course about that offhanded comment that got you so riled up. You had thought that maybe you had overreacted but there was a lot of truth to his words. He had asked you to be a wife at one point, it makes sense to you that he expected you to behave a certain way. Not that that was your problem really. In fact, if it wasn’t for your rapidly evolving feelings that seemed to be erupting for the man you know you would tell him exactly where he could shove those ideas. He was right to apologise.

But does that mean you’re not good enough? You didn’t want to be a wife but there was something nagging at you that wondered if you had disappointed him somehow. It would be easier to be unapologetic about it all but your insecurities get the better of you. “I guess you have some expectations when it comes to certain women. So it makes sense that when I don’t meet them-“

He cuts you off with a resolute shake of his head, concern etching his features. “-Fuck no. Sweetheart please don’t do that. Don’t compare yourself to them. That was my mistake.”

“Well they are your wives.” You shrug, dropping your gaze into your lap. It’s not as though those women were some unobtainable goal. You didn’t even know them in all honesty to pass comment. It was that subtle part of you that wanted to please him that made it difficult for you not to wonder how you measured up to them.

He covers your hand with one of his own. Making you look up to see the sincerity in his expression. “You’re nothing like them butternut. I wouldn’t fucking like you nearly as much if you were trust me. I’m just glad you called me out on it.”

That was a pretty loaded statement to make, one you were sure you would spend a while dissecting later but for now, you just let his reassurance comfort you and reaffirm that you shouldn’t change who you are, even if Negan didn’t like it. Damn you needed a nap.

Not wanting the conversation to get too serious – or more serious than it already had, you squeeze his hand lightly and smirk. “You realise you just said sorry, please and told me you were glad I cussed you out all in one conversation?”

Negan snorts with laughter. “Must be coming down with something.

You chuckle, both knowing that you really ought to go but neither one of you willing to call it quits just yet. It’s your turn to break the comfortable silence when you recall something Negan had said in his rather uncharacteristic outburst.

“I do y’know.”

“What?” With the smile still lingering on his face Negan looks puzzled.

You choose your words carefully, speaking slowly so they don’t get caught in your mouth. “You said before that you didn’t know if I even want you. I just wanted to let you know that I do. Want you that is.”

Slowly, Negan lights up into one of those proud and private smiles that makes you feel a sense of accomplishment. He picks your hand up, turning it to softly kiss your palm in what is somehow the most intimate thing he’s done to date. His drawl is light and playful as he teases you. “Shit princess that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

With a roll of your eyes you gently shove at his chest. “You’re such a drama queen.”

“Well I must be doing something right because if I heard correctly you just said that you fucking want me.” He boops your nose for added effect making you giggle.

“Can I kiss you?” The words rush out of your mouth in a hushed whisper, surprising even yourself. He catches it though, eyebrows raising lightly in surprise. Wetting his lips as though to start on some new line of teasing or taunting he pauses for a moment just looking at you. Time seems to slow down when he just nods softly instead, his persona as steady and comfortable as ever.

Your stomach churns pleasurably in anticipation. How long have you fantasised about touching him the way that you want to? Sliding one palm around his neck and the other slowly up his chest you try not to rush yourself as arousal begins to build somewhere in the pit of your stomach.

Negan on the other hand seems content to let you go at your own pace, curious to see what you might do. His eyes never stray from you, not missing the way you swallow thickly or the quirk of your lip in a nervous grin. His grip slowly tightens on your hip pulling you in closer as your eyes flutter shut and you lean up to meet him.

A small whimper of relief escapes you as you press your lips against his. For some reason you just knew he’d be good at this and he doesn’t disappoint. With a low groan of his own that does a whole bunch of things to your insides, he pulls you in closer by the small of your back, effortlessly rearranging you to straddle his lap all whilst taking control and moving his mouth against yours in a way that you can only describe as full of raw desire.

Your stomach flips of its own accord, your fingers moving up to rake against his scalp pulling Negan closer and your body presses flush against him flooded with a sudden warmth that takes your breath away. Want and need take over and all pretence is thrown aside as you moan into his mouth, keeping up with Negan’s enthusiasm.

Apparently that’s Negan cue to pull away from you, gently holding you in place when you try to follow him in a lust filled daze. Your brow furrows as you blink at the man wondering why he stopped. Why on earth would he stop? Wasn’t this what you both wanted?

With an appreciative sigh Negan brushes his thumb against your lip, answering your unspoken question with a nod towards your head. “You need to get that bump checked out butternut.”

“Tis but a scratch.” You protest, already feeling the desire beginning to give way to exhaustion. He was right of course but you didn’t want to stop.

With a dejected grumble you slump, rest your head on his shoulder “Fine.”

Negan snorts a laugh, kissing the top of your head. “You’re cute when you’re frustrated kitten.”

“Uh huh.” You grumble about ready to cuss him out.

“Breathe doll face.”

Taking in a deep, shaky breath you try to calm your hormone-addled nerves, lightly fisting the fabric of his t-shirt. If the deep chuckle coming from the man is anything to go by he seems quite amused by the whole thing. Asshole.

“Good girl.” His words send a shiver of satisfaction through you, happy to please him.Tapping your thigh Negan motions for you to stand up, helping you up. You’re not sure if it’s the excitement or the exhaustion or the way you feel dizzy all of a sudden but your stiff and slightly unsteady on your feet at first. Probably another telling sign that it’s not a good time to be over exerting yourself.

You run your fingers through your damp hair not being able to bring yourself to feel disappointed – especially with the way Negan looks at you with pride and admiration, like you’re something precious.

Reaching out to squeeze your hand one final time Negan gives you your marching orders, the dismissal clear from his tone. “Now you’re gonna go and walk that sweet Lil ass to Doc Carson and get checked out then you’re gonna get to bed and have a good long nap. Don’t worry about work for the rest of the week I’ll take care of it okay?”

A full week? For a bump on the head he was being more than generous but then again maybe he was bringing other factors into consideration. With a grin you nod in acknowledgement before turning to go. It occurs to you that you should probably put on some shoes but you don’t feel like salvaging the pair in the bathroom just yet and besides, you have another in your room. The walk to the good doctor isn’t too far anyway. “Thanks Negan.”

“Feel free to stop by anytime butternut.” He adds as you reach the door, leaving an opening for a ‘next time’ wide open once again.

Glancing behind you to see him still sitting in the chair, you nod silently, the smile still evident on your face. It lingers all the way to Carson’s office and warms your insides long after too. For a day filled with horror and pain, you were glad that Negan had been there to keep you company through the aftermath.