#pursue this. and maybe. just maybe. she'd get her husband back. as they promised in return for Her.

[amberjazmyn]

so much blood 💔

pairing : daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

summary : daniel's wife, alessandra, at a grand prix, suffers from an awfully traumatic late misarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. the ricciardo's had been trying for children for ages when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely before the wags find her. 

warnings :  mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, infertility

a/n :  i have already written this multiple times and now i wanted to write it for danny ric. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone. this will also be in lowercase because i just feel like it will set the tone if it's written in all lowercase

attending grand prix's with the rest of the f1 grid was most probably alessandra ricciardo's, the wife of daniel ricciardo, favourite thing to do. especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be her and daniel's future baby and that was what made the australian grand prix all the more special for everyone. however, recently, alessandra had been having some painful and strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a potential miscarriage coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, alessandra just didn't think to mention it to her midwife. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be alessandra's first one either. it wasn't new news that the ricciardo's had been trying for ages, since their wedding in 2012, to be parents and everytime they did try, it would always end in heartbreak so, after that, alessandra promised herself and daniel that she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until they stopped actively trying and one day that alessandra felt similar symptoms, she decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. and it came out positive which brought alessandra and daniel so much excitement that maybe all they had to do was just to not try so hard. all alessandra wanted for years was to manifest a positive, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for herself and her husband. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in alessandra's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had finally reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she'd never get past the actual pregnancy test saying anything but negative. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that alessandra had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy after so many negative and infertility issues just this past week gave her so much comfort and solace. because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her husband everything he had ever dreamt to have and that was to have a child with the love of his life. 

whilst alessandra, the wags, alexandra, kelly, carola, francisca and daniel's sister michelle were on their way to the garages where they were going to be watching their drivers. but, it was on their walk to their separate garages that they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of baby ricciardo and whether or not they had come up with names just yet.

"---so, whilst you look divine being pregnant, alessandra, have you guys come up with names for baby ric yet?" carola, checo's wife asks as alessandra giggled whilst alex, francisca, kelly and sister-in-law michelle smiled at each other as alessandra rubbed the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really. i don't think we're personally focused on names just yet. i mean, i know i'm not, i of course, can't say the same about daniel but, all i know is that scotty and his girl know the gender so, i think that's what we're waiting for," alessandra spoke before the girls smiled, their eyes all focusing and sparkling at the baby bump 

"yeah, i think soctty's actually told me a couple of names he had been thinking about but, for now i think we're still calling the little cherub baby ric," michelle, daniel's sister chuckled as the other girls nod their heads and smile brightly as kelly speaks up 

"well, aless, no matter what gender baby ric is going to be, you and daniel will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," kelly coos as she rubbed her warm hand across alessandra's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her 

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which alessandra had not once been experiencing, she quickly and quietly excused herself from the wags and sister-in-law to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that alessandra could use. 

💮

"...welcome to the australian grand prix, everyone! for our pre-race interviews, we have one of the australian greats, mr daniel ricciardo with us! hello daniel!" martin brundle and david crofty were interviewing the racers before the race, and it was currently daniel's interview

"hello martin and crofty! what a lovely little intro there, mate! how are we?" daniel smiles his signature smile and laugh as the two interviewers can't help but smile as well

"we're very well, thank you daniel! and we're glad you're doing well too. before we get into our interview questions about the race today, it's an even more special grand prix today isn't it but for different reasons, correct?" crofty asks this time as daniel nods his head - this was the first grand prix in a while that both ricciardo's were attending together

"yes, that is very true, crofty. this is an even more special grand prix for me today. even though home races are special, it's even more special for me this time because my beautiful wife, alessandra, is with me today which has been a long time coming..." daniel trails off, not wanting to blurt out the news straight away

"...it has been a long time coming, we've all missed seeing the lovely mrs alessandra ricciardo in the paddock! and now she's back, is it true that maybe, just maybe, there's some news you'd like to share with us before we go any further?" martin asks as daniel chuckles at the interviewers - and thankfully, he had been given permission by his wife to announce it

"yes, there is some news and that news is that alessandra and i are having a baby!" daniel announces as crofty and martin smile sweetly at the driver as they then see alessandra and give her a wave

"wow, that is amazing news! congratulations daniel and to alessandra as well! we had heard you guys had been trying to get pregnant for a while, correct?" crofty asks, the two interviewers no longer caring about the actual interview - they just wanted to hear more about baby ric

"yeah, correct. me and alessandra had been trying for what felt like forever and now, we've finally gotten pregnant which is exciting and we cannot wait to meet the little ric!" daniel giggles, his smile covering his entire face as martin and crofty share similar smiles on their own faces

then, the interview actually begun properly and daniel started getting asked the proper questions about the race. how he felt about it, whether or not he had trust and confidence that he'd do well. all that sort of stuff that was normally asked during a pre-race interview. alessandra watching in pure joy at the joy that stayed on her husband's face the entire interview after announcing their pregnancy. who wouldn't feel like that. alessandra for sure felt like she was on cloud nine over the child she would be giving birth to. however, throughout daniel's interview and the happiness of the baby announcement, fear started to spread through the paddock as michelle and kelly ran through the paddock to find someone from daniel's team so they could tell them that daniel was urgently needed at the garages in the paddock. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the first half of daniel's interview with martin and crofty until a member of vcarb ran up onto the mini stage, making the crowd in the stands make noises of confusion. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, the vcarb staff member made a beeline straight to daniel. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, daniel lowered his microphone, and the member started whispering something into daniel's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. martin and crofty, with confused faces watched on as the duration of their interivew with daniel was starting to finish. but they still tried to keep the energy up from earlier by mumbling some crazy things under their breaths to keep the audience occupied. their faces of confusion turning into looks of concern as within seconds, daniel's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up towards the vcarb staff.

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for the makeshift table, daniel wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at martin and crofty before leaving without even saying a word. the vcarb staff giving an apologetic look to the men before giving them looks of "it will be explained later".

martin then spoke up, "we are so sorry guys. everything right now is fine, daniel ricciardo driver of vcarb just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency by his team. as of right now, crofty and i assure everyone that everything is okay and all parties involved are okay. we are not entirely sure when daniel will return for his interview but that's not important right now. so, we will just move on to our next interview whilst daniel takes care of what's happening out in the paddock," martin announces as crofty nods his head and they begin the attempt of continuing their pre-race interviews with the drivers

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, whilst shrouded in worry, still erupt into cheers as martin and crofty continue as best as they can. not even able to imagine in their heads of what the emergency that was going on in the paddock that had daniel sprinting over. and it wasn't like it was the first time that f1 commentators had to commentate and conduct interviews whilst tragedy's occur

💮

bursting out of the paddock and through the garages and hospitality rooms, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past doing their job, daniel demanded answers as to what was going on, especially due to the fact it was in regards to his wife, alessandra. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of alessandra's screams and cries of desperation. 

kelly and now daniel's sister michelle were on the ground, desperately trying to coax alessandra to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door.

standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw daniel, kelly spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, michelle's made the call to 000, any minute they should be arriving," kelly was updating daniel, well, trying to as it seemed as if daniel was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" daniel's usual calm tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was alessandra repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small rounds of screeches to herself 

out of breath, with the same vcarb staff and the ricciardos' mum right beside her, francisca mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as kelly and michelle shook their heads as the vcarb staff and grace turned their attention to daniel who was looking for answers, which kelly gave to him 

"in all honesty daniel, we have no idea what exactly happened," kelly shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friends, "we were all having a sweet, nice conversation about baby ric and names and just having a right old laugh when alessandra just suddenly got up and excused hersel to the bathroom without another word. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried since she never spends longer than a minute in there when just before i could even knock on the door, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for any of us, that was until i told your sister who ran over to grab someone from vcarb to grab you and then grace, so, sorry for having to grab you from your interview but, maybe, for you, danny, she'll open it?" 

daniel shook his head at kelly's apology for making him leave the stage during an interview with brundle and crofty as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forhead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "aless? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, daniel tried a second time, "alessandra, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his wife was potentially injured whilst pregnant with their baby and he had no clue what to do to help her 

a few seconds went past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i...i can't daniel, please, go...go away! there's...there's so...so mu...much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

daniel tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his wife and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, aless, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from alessandra suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his wife did move out of the way, as his sister, mum, kelly, francisca and vcarb staff watched on in fear, daniel jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood.

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was alessandra surrounded and somehow sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and hugging herself to self-regulate and comfort herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world for his paddock outfit, only stripping off the first layer that he was wearing, and throwing out everything in his pockets chucking them aimlessly at vcarb staff, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into daniel's brain was to comfort his wife. dropping to his knees, he messily slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where alessandra was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side limply, her chin resting on daniel's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. daniel was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small and petite as his wife could have this much blood rush out of them. esepecially when she's currently pregnant. 

"i'm so sorry dan," alessandra whispered out ever so quietly to the point where daniel could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

grace, michelle, vcarb staff, francisca and kelly looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, grace gave one last look to her son and daughter-in-law before she also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, alessandra?" daniel whispered as he rocked his wife back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught wife 

"baby..." was all alessandra could at first whisper, which confused daniel

"...baby? what do you mean baby, aless, what's happened, babe?" daniel pushed for some more answers as alessandra's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened

daniel hugged his wife tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or lash out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do their child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his wife. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, alessandra once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i...i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as daniel felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh aless! i am so sorry baby!" daniel whispered as he pulled his wife closer to him, his lips smooshed against her light blonde hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the husband and wife sat on the bloodied up bathroom floor for what felt like hours whilst the pre-race fun continued in and around the paddock of albert park, melbourne before paramedics ran through the hallways of the vcarb garage before reaching the ricciardo's and the rest of the wags. in a strange way, relief flooded daniel's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his wife. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his wife was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics to have their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of alessandra and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to alessandra like an infection. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never. 

💮

daniel picked up alessandra and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his wife to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the pre-race festivities inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us? i presume you're alessandra's husband?" 

turning around to face the man, daniel gulped, "umm, yes, i am alessandra's husband, daniel ricciardo but uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can though if that's okay," 

the fifty-ish year old paramedic nodded his head, telling daniel the name of the hospital they were sending his wife to, making sure grace was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his wife and mum when daniel was finally alone and he felt himself walking back inside into the vcarb garage, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his wife, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and alessandra's loss but also the rest of his family's, especially since it hadn't really been that long since they stopped actively trying for kids. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his wife just released from his body in violent convulsions, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering the majority of his body from his legs to his upper chest, not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, max verstappen had been calling out his name, lando norris and carlos sainz not that far behind max. 

daniel's raw, bloodshot, puffy eyes met up with max, lando and carlos' worried ones, "...hey, daniel, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before daniel collapsed into max's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the blonde's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also daniel, max doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaking, sobbing, bloodied-up daniel as he holds him tightly. encouraging the older driver to continue to cry over the emergency that still no one knew about.

"that's it daniel, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

💮

...daniel had just incoherently tried to explain to max, lando and carlos about the emergency that had happened backstage that caused him to miss the rest of his pre-race interview with brundle and crofty. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing their bloodstreams. urging for daniel to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which kelly and francisca had walked in on the drivers trying to comfort their fellow driver. 

that was when, with some encouragement, kelly came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "max, what daniel's trying to say is, alessandra was hanging out with us and daniel's sister, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, alessandra just quietly excused herself, rushing away into the bathroom. four minutes later, after i became worried since aless is never in there for longer than a minute, i went to check on her when before i could even reach the door handle, i just heard her scream and refuse to open the door. that was when we got michelle and francisca to get someone from vcarb to grab daniel from his interview and grace from her seat in the vip area and then, that was when we came to the realisation that alessandra had gone into stillbirth, the...the baby's gone..." kelly's voice faltered at the end as daniel let out a sob as max held him tighter, lando and carlos both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes 

covering his mouth with his hand, lando softly spoke up, "...oh, aless...where is she and grace? have they gone to the hospital?" lando's voice also faltered as kelly nodded her head, confirming something that she knew daniel couldn't do himself 

"yeah, lando, hun, the paramedics found out that the baby was still inside alessandra so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby. because if the baby isn't removed, the baby wouldn't be the only one we could potentially lose," kelly sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as max once again squeezed daniel tightly as lando gestured to carlos to say that they should go over and help max comfort daniel 

and, without another word, lando and carlos squeezed themselves into daniel and max's hug as they all, max included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been another f1 grid baby. the wags, kelly and francisca, and daniel's sister michelle, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried together and grieved together before they realised that they had left daniel's mum all alone with alessandra. 

but, before they left, max whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

💮

now that it was well known within the paddock of melbourne's albert park that alessandra had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital. the rest of the pre-race festivities that involved daniel and vcarb specifically was cancelled which meant that ultimately, the race would be delayed. the drivers couldn't even think about driving at this moment when they knew their fellow racer and teammate needed them. all of them going to the hospital alongside their wife/girlfriend. so, within minutes, everyone, except for one, had all changed from their paddock outfits and rushed out of the race circut to one of the vans of vcarb's to get to the hospital that daniel had been told that alessandra had been transported to. 

however, this whole time, daniel's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his fellow racers had seen daniel really break down and cry. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all daniel ever wanted to be in this life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before max got into the car with daniel and lando, max realised that daniel still hadn't gotten changed and was still holding his clean clothes. 

so, to calm their distraught teammate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, lando this time speaks up, "hey, dan, come on, look at me, alright?" pushing him away, daniel still does what he's told and makes eye contact with lando

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, alessandra and your whole family will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you guys out. and eventually, alessandra will give birth to the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and back into this car so we can get to that goddamn hosptial because out of everyone here right now, alessandra needs you, your mum & sister needs you and you need your mum, sister and your wife!" wiping his tears away, daniel nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and teammate

but not before looking down and realising, lando was right, daniel did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied paddock outfit, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i...i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." daniel hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the paddock so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his teammates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through lando's heart, it smacked carlos across the face and it just broke max's heart to see how distressed and inconsolable daniel had been that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up paddock outfit this entire time whilst everyone else had done so before walking to the vcarb van. daniel then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied paddock outfit and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and a white t-shirt along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else this time, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside. lando waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to alessandra and grace. 

💮

alessandra couldn't believe that she could get so excited about finally getting pregnant after struggling so much with infertility to only, in the span of what was only a few months, have her body fail her. all she wanted to do was to give her husband and herself a goddamn family and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of all the other negative results and heartbreaking infertility appointments was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was now normal for her to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby, she had allowed herself and daniel to get so excited about because it was the one and only time that they hadn't actively tried to get pregnant just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had once again failed daniel since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her husband ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of her mother-in-law, grace, "...hey darling, you're awake, i'll get the nurse-" 

"-grace, where...where's dan? i...i need to apologise to him, and...and to you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry grace! i didn't mean to lose the baby i-" 

"-hey, hey, no, aless! we won't be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of you and daniel's baby! i don't blame you, daniel doesn't blame you, no one blames you alessandra! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" grace stressed as alessandra timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her husband 

"do you know when dan will get here?" alessandra then timidly asked her mother-in-law as grace sighed, she could tell that alessandra was trying to stop her from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't darling but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" grace smiled softly as alessandra timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down grace's spine

"thank you, aless, and dan shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads drivers and wags since they will have also been made aware. now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" grace winked at the end as alessandra breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited

💮

by the time daniel and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his wife's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her husband had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the husband and wife to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped daniel apart knowing that not only did alessandra have to go through the surgery alone since grace isn't considered "immediate family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye. 

"...please aless, baby, say something, just anything." daniel whispered out in a teary beg to his wife as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her husband in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her husband and therefore everyone else 

"i...i...i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." alessandra whimpered out in a whisper as daniel choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his wife as they cried together 

then, they moved from the hug and wheeled the cot over to them so they could meet their baby for the first time...

...the baby that was going to be their little baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

max, lando and carlos all cried as they watched their teammate and wife grieve over the loss of what would have been the new f1 grid baby. 

"...we were going to have a baby girl danny..." 

"...our precious little princess, aless..." 

fin

very depressing i know but hey, it's what i do best when i don't have any original ideas, i just go back to the depressing old ideas and just change it to whoever it's been adapted to. 

[knifeoverheart]

𝐤𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 / penned by 𝘩𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑦 ( 28, bst, she/her )

walking through the picturesque streets of cardinal hill, you find zhang 'phoenix' feng (dong sicheng), the 25 year old late night dj at soundwaves originally from seattle, washington. living alongside them in such a small town, you know that they're empathetic and timid, but what you might not know is that they are a witch, and that they’re hiding something…

name: zhang feng / phoenix zhang age: 25 gender & preferred pronouns: male, he/him faceclaim: dong sicheng three positive traits: empathetic, gentle, hardworking three negative traits: naive, timid, repressed

quick intro !

he doesn’t officially have an english name, but his chinese name means ‘phoenix’, so that’s what he goes by (feel free to call him nix as well tbh!!)

his parents emigrated from beijing to seattle in search of a better life and the illusive american dream, but struggled to make ends meet

nix's mother was a promising ballet dancer from a wealthy family back in china, but she gave up her career and lifestyle to move to the us with nix's father, who was from a humble background but determined to make it big

she stayed with him even after a string of failed businesses — until she found out that he was cheating on her

around the same time, she also found out that she was pregnant with phoenix, deciding to keep the baby as a last ditch effort to hold onto her husband

her husband eventually left her, leaving her to raise a child that she never even truly wanted on her own

she was very hard on nix growing up, enrolling him in ballet classes almost as soon as he could walk in an attempt to regain what she'd given up through him

for his part, nix did inherit his mother's talent and won quite a number of accolades as a child, but he felt suffocated by the weight of his mother's expectations

eventually, they had a falling out when nix decided not to pursue ballet professionally after high school; and because he'd never been given the opportunity to have a life outside of ballet, he ended up not going to college at all

he got in his car and just drove — eventually ended up in cardinal hill, where he's lived for the past 6 years

now, he's a late night dj at soundwaves while he tries to figure out who he is outside of his mother's ambition, although sometimes you might find him at the stream studio outside opening hours, retracing his steps from the past and trying to reclaim something he once thought he loved

wanted connections !

someone who first took him in / helped him out when he first arrived at cardinal hill, completely lost and barely able to function independently — [0/1]

owner of the stream studio? while there is a fair bit of trauma attached to it, there is also a part of him that genuinely loves and misses dancing, so he asks to use the dance studio outside of opening hours — can be an arrangement between the two of them, we can plot more about what your muse gets from nix in return — [0/1]

maybe someone who regularly listens to / is a fan of his late night radio segment — [1/?]

someone who gets him out of his comfort zone — maybe they have a tendency to call him out in the middle of the night to explore the woods, or enjoy watching his reaction as he tries new foods — [1/1]

first male crush — he spent most of his childhood and teen years hyper focused on ballet and never really got to do normal things, which is why it'd come as a surprise when he found himself getting nervous and flustered around another man. did anything ever come out of his crush? or did it eventually fizzle out? — [1/1]

cooking buddy — he's taught himself how to cook since moving to cardinal hill, but everything's more fun with a friend. either your muse is terrible at cooking and phoenix teaches them, or they could also be really good at cooking and teach phoenix new dishes — [0/1]

[medtech-mara]

Does Mara have a personal dream she's trying to achieve? Does she have a vivid concept of what her "End Game" is?

If she is rather, go with the flow; then why?

If you want to earn bonus points, cause it's a gameshow now; What was her inspiration for this?

Does Mara have a personal dream she's trying to achieve?

Before the killswitch, before the merc life. Mara had only one dream. Go to Brazil and see her homeland before its totally gone. Walk through the forest as her ancestors have.

After the killswitch though, its been a fight everyday to keep going, to keep pushing, to find a way to remove it. Each day she gets to wake and spend with the few she loves and cherishes, is the closest thing she can have to a dream currently.

Does she have a vivid concept of what her "End Game" is?

Mara is clueless in what her end game is.. Life is pulling her in so many directions.

Her husband J I H Z Z Y pulling her to live a normal life after its all over, she does what she wants to do, if thats back to working at the clinic so be it. If that is her pursuing a boxing career, do it. Just don't sign herself away to a corps.

Her Brother wants her to come work for him. Whatever he has planned with that, she'd have no choice but to obey his every command as long as she is clocked in. While, she won't remember what she's done by the end of day, it's right back to where she was, being ordered to look the other way because someone has enough money to force them to.

If she is rather, go with the flow; then why?

Going with the flow implies theres only one direction to go, and there are many, some I know I'm not seeing clearly.

Now that it's Mara & Gordie against time and other corps who might want to profit off having a few desperate mercs to remove their killswitch by capturing the rogue A.I. Maybe there is only one way?

I can't see the future and LoNC Mara and I haven't spoke in a while.

If you want to earn bonus points, cause it's a gameshow now; What was her inspiration for this?

Her inspiration for her dream before she became a merc, was from the stories her mothers side of the family passed down. The stories about living in the rain forest, or living in village for her great-great grandmother. The animals she would see just from her bedroom window always intrigued, Mara. While, she knows she will never see it on that grand of a scale, she still always wished to visit, for years that was always her birthday wish, to see Brazil. Her father promised that once he retired, they would go together. As we know, he died before they could make that happen.

[datastate]

tracing hearts around michiru...she makes me so unbelievably sad

[missymurphy1985]

The Strip Club - Cillian Murphy X Female OC

A/N - Set in 2010, and I've used fictional names for his wife/children

A night out with his brother and closest friends doesn't end the way Cillian expects it to.

Warning - Smut

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone

"I'm really not up for this Pad, can't we just go for a beer at the Anchor instead?" Cillian complained to his younger brother.

"You haven't been out with us in months, Dermot has had this all planned out for ages Cill, come on!" He rolled his eyes, knowing he couldn't get out of it, no matter what he said. Pulling his boots on, the two of them left the house, getting into the waiting taxi outside.

Walking into the strip club via the VIP entrance at the back, Cillian kept his head low and his brother and friends close around him so as not to be seen. Last thing he needed was photos in the press of him coming here!

"We're here for The Secret Show? Booked under Padraig Murphy?" Paddy told the bouncer, who checked everyone's ID and led them through a curtained off section at the back of the club. No cameras, no members of the public, completely private.

The boys sat around the stage area, a waitress coming over to take their drinks order. Once she returned with them, the lights dimmed and the music from the movie Burlesque began to play through the speakers. A single spotlight on a stool on the stage.

Cillian could feel his cheeks burning, he genuinely had never felt so uncomfortable in his life. He'd never been to a place like this, had always avoided them like the plague. The idea of a stripper had never appealed to him. Someone he'd never met, stripping to her underwear to please him and his drunk friends and even more cringe-worthy, his little brother, was not something he was remotely interested in.

The dancer came out, swaying her hips as she walked to the stool. Perching herself on it, legs crossed. Dressed in a black corset, short black skirt, fishnet stockings, black stiletto heels, and a black masquerade mask covering the top half of her face. Her long, silky brown hair flowing loosely down her back.

She was beautiful, there was no mistaking it. Cillian spotted Paddy nudging Dermot and whispering something in his ear and rolled his eyes. Probably something incredibly inappropriate about the young girl in front of them. He couldn't help feel sorry for her - lecherous old men creeping all over her as she danced for them, throwing money at her like she was a cheap prostitute...

The routine began. Cillian remained stoic, arms folded across his chest while the other lads cheered, louder each time an item of clothing was sexily removed from her lithe body. Her heels had been kicked off, her stockings slowly moving down her thighs, he couldn't watch any more. Standing, he made his way over to the bar to order another Guinness.

"I'd have thought you'd be over there enjoying the show with your friends?" A familiar voice from behind the bar startled him.

"Kate?"

"Long time no see," she smiled.

"Wow! Last person I expected to bump into tonight, how are you?"

"I'm okay, I see you're doing pretty well too." He nodded, his latest film, Inception, had been a box office smash. Professionally, at least, he could say he was doing well.

"Yeah, I guess so." His head lowered slightly, as Kate placed his pint in front of him.

"You guess? You okay?"

"What? Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine. Although, no disrespect? Kinda wish I was anywhere but here right now!" He chuckled. Kate smirked.

"I get off in 20minutes, fancy a walk?"

"You know what, I'll take you up on that Kate. I'll meet you outside?"

"Deal."

Thirty minutes later, after Cillian had made his excuses to his brother, he was smoking a cigarette walking along the canal with Kate at his side.

"Did you travel the world like you planned after school?" He asked, stubbing the cigarette out on the floor.

"I did, a full year of travelling before I went to university."

"Where did you go?" She told him about Australia, backpacking across Vietnam and Thailand, before heading to California for three months on a work visa.

"It was amazing. Truly wonderful. I met some great people over there. But all good things must come to an end, right?" She looked at him, and quickly looked away.

"I couldn't stand in the way of you living your dream Kate, you know that. We ended on grand terms though, right?" She linked her arm through his and squeezed it.

"We did. Promised we'd stay in touch though didn't we..."

"Yeah, I admit that was my fault. Tanya wasn't overly keen on you was she?" His ex wife. Or soon to be ex, anyway.

"I'm sorry about what happened Cill. Are you okay?"

"I'm getting there, you know? If she'd rather fuck her friend's husband instead of her own, then so be it," he smiled as much as he could.

"Well if it's any consolation, she's clearly lost her mind." She squeezed his arm again, and he found himself moving it so it was wrapped over her shoulders. He could feel her shivering and pulled her a little tighter against him.

They approached a small apartment block around 100yards further down the canal, and Kate dug her keys out of her handbag.

"Thanks for walking me home. It was good to see you again," she smiled, unhooking herself from him.

"Maybe I could - " he was interrupted by the door opening, and a younger girl stood in the doorway with a toddler in her arms.

"I'm so sorry Kate, I gave her Calpol an hour ago but I couldn't get her to settle..."

"Hey it's okay, I'll take her now. Get yourself home sis, I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" The young girl nodded, before nodding at Cillian and heading off down the street.

"Liane grew up!" Cillian laughed. The last time he'd seen her she'd still been in primary school. "And who's this little one?" He reached for the toddlers hand, grinning when she took his little finger and squeezed it.

"This is my daughter, Lily."

"Well Lily, you've certainly got your mama's eyes, haven't you?" Cillian glanced quickly at Kate's left hand.

"Her Dad isn't around Cill, I'm not married." He bent his head down. Busted.

"Then am I allowed in for a coffee at least?"

"If you don't mind sharing me with a teething baby, then yes, you can come in!" Kate led him through and fetched the teething granules from the cupboard and a teething ring from the freezer. Cillian offered to take Lily while she prepped a cup of warm milk for her.

Seeing him bounce her on his arm made her smile.

"Reminds me of Jack and Niamh when they were teething. Had to be moving around, constantly needed distraction. You okay if I take her a walk around after? See if I still have the magic touch?"

Kate nodded, and took her back to give her the nurofen, teething granules, followed by her sippy cup of warm milk. Once she'd finished, Cillian offered his arms out for her. She reached up for him, surprising Kate as she normally shied away from strangers, and off they went around the apartment. She watched from a distance as he took her around, showing her the ornaments on the window ledge, her reflection in the mirror, bouncing her up and down as she giggled lightly.

After around fifteen minutes, he made his way over to the radio in the kitchen, fiddling with the buttons before he found the station he was looking for. Soft, gentle classical music played through the speakers. He turned the volume down so it was barely audible, and leaned Lily into his shoulder, rocking her side to side gently. She nuzzled into his neck, Kate watching, smiling, as her baby's eyes grew heavier. She could feel past feelings coming back as she watched them. As much as she'd pretended losing him when he left University to pursue his acting career was fine and she had gotten over it, she never had. And now, bumping into him again all these years later, those feelings were coming back with some force.

Lily was snoring gently in his arms now, and Kate gently took her from him. Taking her into a small room at the back of the apartment. Coming out ten minutes later and closing the door as quietly as possible.

"I'd say you still have it Cill," she laughed, switching the baby monitor on in the corner of the living room where he sat on the sofa, two glasses of red wine in front of him. "You read my mind."

She sat next to him, clinking her glass with his.

"Did you meet her Dad while you were travelling?" He asked, after taking a sip.

"Yeah.. he erm.. he died not long ago. Cancer."

"Shit I'm sorry... Oh Kate that's awful..."

"No it's okay.. it was just a brief fling you know, we weren't together or anything. But it's sad for her. She'll never have that father figure. Just me and her against the world now." She felt his fingers brush her hair out of her face and gently down her cheek. Turning to him, she put her glass down on the table and turned to face him. He placed his down too, and moved closer.

Their faces centimetres apart, she could feel his warm breath against her own.

"I should probably go..."

"Again?" She whispered. She didn't want him to leave her again, as much as he had no intention of actually leaving. Their lips met, a kiss that was fifteen years overdue.

"I haven't spent a day not thinking about you, Kate..." He smiled, pulling away.

"You mean that, or are you just looking to get your end away?"

"Which is why I'm going to kiss you now, and go home. But I want to see you again. If I can?"

"And what if I don't want you to go home..." She kissed him again, this time straddling her legs over his thighs on the sofa. Even if this was a one night stand for him, she needed him, and he wasn't getting away this time.

"Then I'm not going home." His hips rose to meet hers, gyrating over his erection under his jeans, both of them removing each others clothes in record time until they were left in just their underwear.

"My god, you're incredible... Let me taste you..." He flipped her onto her back on the sofa, spreading her legs and placing gentle kisses along the inside of her thighs. His fingers teasing against her underwear, softly caressing her mound, before sliding a finger inside and groaning at how wet she was already.

"Cillian please...." She almost whimpered underneath him, her hips squirming against his lips and fingers. He pulled her underwear down her legs, and unceremoniously threw them across the room before moving his lips to her open slit, drawing his tongue slowly up and down her folds. Her hand flew to her mouth, stifling the cry of ecstacy within it so as not to wake Lily.

"You need to be quiet, you're not going to want me to stop once I've started Kate..." He smirked, before attacking her clit with his mouth, drawing it between his lips, rolling his tongue over it, increasing the pressure. His fingers pressing into her thighs, surely leaving bruises, as his mouth worked magic on her, her hips rocking against him.

"Oh god... That's so good, please don't stop..." Her words coming out in breathy little moans as her orgasm built quickly. Her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him where she needed him. Two fingers suddenly entered her, making her gasp as they found the small bundle of nerves deep inside her, pushing and rubbing against it hard, matching his motions against her clit. Suddenly his mouth was off her, his fingers pumping into her, the palm of his hand pressed against her clit now as he moved his body up, his lips now pressed to hers. The taste of herself on him turned her on further, and she could feel herself letting go.

"Cum for me..." He whispered in her ear, sending her over the edge with a small cry into his shoulder, her body writhing against him. His fingers removed, replaced with his now solid cock as it pushed inside her quickly, picking up the same pace his hands were, hard and fast thrusts as he hooked her leg up under his elbow, forcing himself deeper.

Her nails scraped over his shoulders as she buried her face into his neck, frantic thrusts against each other, fifteen years of buried feelings coming out of them with a force that took her breath away.

"Yes... God yes..." Her moans into his neck drove him wild, her walls contracting around him pushing him closer. He could feel another orgasm building inside her, and angled his thrusts to hit that magical spot inside her perfectly.

"I'm so close Kate... So fucking close, you feel so good around me..."

"Cum inside me Cillian, please..." He grunted against her ear, nibbling on it gently as his hips pounded into her relentlessly now. Reaching his high, he flooded her, spilling inside her with a deep groan into her neck, sending her into her second orgasm, her legs wrapping tightly around his back pulling him even deeper inside her as she felt his cock pulsate, emptying into her.

He rested his forehead against hers, both of them panting, smiles forming as they looked into each others eyes.

"You're on the pill, right?" He chuckled, coming back to his senses.

"No." He lifted his head quickly.

"What?" She started to giggle, grinning at him.

"I'm on the coil, you're fine, don't worry!" He rested his head back into her neck, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Good to hear. I think three kids between us is enough for now, don't you?"

"What do you mean, for now?"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving you Kate, I'm not planning on doing it again," his lips gently kissed the side of her neck, running the tip of his nose along her jawline softly.

He pulled out of her with a groan, taking her hand and leading her into her bedroom - he'd clocked which one it was earlier that evening.

Kate smiled watching him grow hard again, knowing not much sleeping was going to be done once they got in there...

[amberjazmyn]

nicky byrne one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - so much blood

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, infertility

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - nicky's wife, alessandra, at a westlife concert, suffers from an awfully traumatic late misarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. the byrne's had been trying for children for ages when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely before the westlife wives find her. 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i have already written this with mark before but obviously it'll be changed due to this version being about nicky. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone. this will also be in lowercase because i just feel like it will set the tone if it's written in all lowercase

masterlist

- - -

attending westlife concerts with the rest of the westlife family was most probably alessandra byrne's, the wife of nicky byrne, favourite thing to do. especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be her and nicky's future baby and that was what made westlife's "number one's tour" 2005 all the more special for everyone. however, recently, alessandra had been having some painful and strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a potential miscarriage coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, alessandra just didn't think to mention it to her midwife. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be alessandra's first one either. it wasn't new news that the byrne's had been trying for ages, since their wedding in 2003, to be parents and everytime they did try, it would always end in heartbreak so, after that, alessandra promised herself and nicky that she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until they stopped actively trying and one day that alessandra felt similar symptoms, she decided to take a pregnancy test and it came out positive which brought alessandra and nicky so much excitement that maybe all they had to do was just to not try so hard. all alessandra wanted for years was to manifest a positive, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for herself and her husband. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in alessandra's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had finally reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she'd never get past the actual pregnancy test saying anything but negative. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that alessandra had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy after so many negative and infertility issues just this past week gave her so much comfort and solace because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her husband everything he had ever dreamt to have and that was to have a child with the love of his life. 

whilst alessandra, the westives, gillian and jodi and nicky's sister gillian were on their way to the backstage wings where they were going to be watching their husbands, they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of her and nicky's baby and whether or not they had come up with names just yet. 

"---so, whilst you look divine being pregnant, alessandra, have you guys come up with names for baby byrne yet?" gillian, shane's wife asks as alessandra giggled whilst jodi and sister-in-law gillian smiled at each other as alessandra rubbed the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really. i don't think we're personally focused on names just yet. i mean, i know i'm not, i of course, can't say the same about nicky but, all i know is that yvonne and nikki know the gender so, i think that's what we're waiting for," alessandra spoke before the girls smiled, their eyes all focusing and sparkling at the baby bump 

"yeah, i think nicky's actually told me a couple of names he had been thinking about but, for now i think we're still calling the little cherub baby byrne," gillian, nicky's sister chuckled as the other girls nod their heads and smile brightly as jodi speaks up 

"well, aless, no matter what gender baby byrne is going to be, you and nicky will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," jodi coos as she rubbed her warm hand across alessandra's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her 

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which alessandra had not once been experiencing, she quickly and quietly excused herself from the wives and sister-in-law to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that alessandra could use. 

*

"--hello london! how are we feeling tonight?!" nicky cheers into his microphone as he laughs at the enthusiasm of the london crowd in front of him 

nicky then continued on with his little speech since it was a break in-between songs since it was coming towards the middle of the show which was when nicky did his very long and always hilarious speeches. until it was time for nicky to introduce my love which was approximately around the middle of the concert. 

"--this next song takes us back to the year 2000 and it was another song that went to number one and it actually got us our second record of the year in a row back in 2000..." nicky trailed off as he smiled before continuing on, ignoring the other three bandmates who were teasing him 

"...for those who don't already know, the song is my love but--" 

"--nicky and alessandra are having a baby!" mark out of nowhere blurted out, the fear in nicky's eyes ever so present, turning back to his bandmate before relaxing as he saw the smile on his wife's face

"yeah...after trying for what's felt like forever, alessandra's finally pregnant so that's exciting but anyway! continuing on with the show, this next song is my love, enjoy!" nicky giggled as alessandra and the westives plus nicky's sister gillian all smiled lovingly at the mention of alessandra and nicky's pregnancy 

then, the cords for my love began to play and the lads started to sing. nicky felt like he was on cloud nine after mark's accidental announcement that nicky was about to become a father, i mean, who wouldn't feel like that. alessandra for sure felt like she was on cloud nine over the child she would be giving birth to. however, throughout my love and the happiness of the accidental baby announcement, fear started to spread through the backstage as the two gillian's ran through the o2 to find baz whelan who was the band's security guard so they could tell him that nicky was urgently needed backstage. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the first half of my love when baz ran up onto the stage, making the crowd make noises of confusion whilst others squealed that the security guard was on stage. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, baz made a beeline straight to nicky. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, nicky lowered his microphone, and baz started whispering something into nicky's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. the other three boys, shane, kian and mark, with confused faces watched on but still tried to keep the energy up by mumbling some crazy ad-libs and harmonies under their breaths to keep the audience occupied as their confused faces turned into looks of concern as within seconds, nicky's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up towards baz. 

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for one of the steps, nicky wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at nicky, shane, since he was sat right next to nicky, grabbed nicky's microphone from the floor as baz shot him and the other two boys a look of "i'll tell you three later"

the other three all looked at each other in concern for their eldest bandmate and also now at the crowd who were waiting in nervous anticipation as to what the hell had just happened and why nicky just ran off stage. 

baz then spoke up, with nicky's microphone that shane had just handed him, "i am awfully sorry everyone. everything is fine, nicky just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency. as of right now, everything i repeat is okay and all parties involved are okay. i am not entirely sure when nicky will return to the stage however, for the rest of this set, shane, kian and mark will continue whilst nicky takes care of what's happening backstage," baz announces as the other three, whilst absolutely fearful of what could be going on backstage right now, give each other comforting looks and decide to continue with the rest of my love without nicky 

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, whilst shrouded in worry, still erupt into cheers and baz walks off stage trying his best to maintain his cool and not let his facade crumble since he was the only one that actually knew what was happening backstage (and that everything was anything but okay). shane, kian and mark, now knowing that whatever was happening backstage that involved nicky, would be told to them later on, terrified them yet they had to hide that fear and continue the song and show because not only were they just told to by their security guard but also by their fans reactions. i mean, singing after a tragedy shouldn't be too hard, especially when they weren't aware of it, right? 

*

bursting out of the backstage wings and through the back rooms of the o2, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past doing their job, nicky demanded answers as to what was going on, especially due to the fact it was in regards to his wife, alessandra. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of alessandra's screams and cries of desperation. 

jodi and now nicky's sister gillian were on the ground, desperately trying to coax alessandra to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door. standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw nicky, jodi spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, gill's made the call to 999, any minute they should be arriving," jodi was updating nicky, well, trying to as it seemed as if nicky was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" nicky's usual calm tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was alessandra repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small rounds of screeches to herself 

out of breath, with baz and nicky's mum right beside her, gill filan mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as jodi and gillian shook their heads as gill and yvonne turned their attention to nicky who was looking for answers, which jodi gave to him 

"in all honesty nicky, we have no idea what exactly happened," jodi shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friends, "we were all having a sweet, nice conversation about baby byrne and names and just having a right old laugh when alessandra just suddenly got up and excused hersel to the bathroom without another word. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried since she never spends longer than a minute in there when just before i could even knock on the door, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for any of us, that was until i told your sister who ran over to grab baz to grab you and then yvonne, so, sorry for having to grab you off stage but, maybe, for you, nicko, she'll open it?" 

nicky shook his head at jodi's apology for making him leave the stage during a song as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forhead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "aless? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, nicky tried a second time, "alessandra, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his wife was potentially injured whilst pregnant with their baby and he had no clue what to do to help her 

a few seconds went past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i...i can't nicko, please, go...go away! there's...there's so...so mu...much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

nicky tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his wife and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, aless, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from alessandra suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his wife did move out of the way, as his sister, mum, jodi, gillian and baz watched on in fear, nicky jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood.

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was alessandra surrounded and somehow sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and hugging herself to self-regulate and comfort herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world for his concert outfit, only stripping off the first layer that he was provided by the stylists and ripping off his in-ears and his mic-pack, chucking them aimlessly at baz, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into nicky's brain was to comfort his wife. dropping to his knees, he messily slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where alessandra was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side limply, her chin resting on nicky's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. nicky was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small and petite as his wife could have this much blood rush out of them. esepecially when she's currently pregnant. 

"i'm so sorry nicko," alessandra whispered out ever so quietly to the point where nicky could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

yvonne, the two gillians and jodi looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, yvonne gave one last look to her son and daughter-in-law before she also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, alessandra?" nicky whispered as he rocked his wife back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught wife 

"baby..." was all alessandra could at first whisper, which confused nicky 

"...baby? what do you mean baby, aless, what's happened, babe?" nicky pushed for some more answers as alessandra's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened

nicky hugged his wife tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or last out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do their child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his wife. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, alessandra once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i...i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as nicky felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh aless! i am so sorry baby!" nicky whispered as he pulled his wife closer to him, his lips smooshed against her light blonde hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the husband and wife sat on the bloodied up bathroom floor for what felt like hours whilst the westlife concert continued on stage before paramedics ran through the hallways of backstage before reaching the byrne's and the rest of the westlife wives. in a strange way, relief flooded nicky's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his wife. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his wife was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics to have their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of alessandra and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to alessandra like an infection. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never. 

*

nicky picked up alessandra and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his wife to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the westlife concert inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us? i presume you're alessandra's husband?" 

turning around to face the man, nicky gulped, "umm, yes, i am alessandra's husband, nicky byrne but uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can though if that's okay," 

the fifty-ish year old paramedic nodded his head, telling nicky the name of the hospital they were sending his wife to, making sure yvonne was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his wife and mum when nicky was finally alone and he felt himself walking back inside into the backstage area of the arena, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his wife, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and alessandra's loss but also the rest of his family's, especially since it hadn't really been that long since they stopped actively trying for kids. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his wife just released from his body in violent convulsions, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering the majority of his body from his legs to his upper chest, not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, shane had been calling out his name, kian and mark not that far behind shane. 

nicky's raw, bloodshot, puffy eyes met up with shane, kian and mark's worried ones, "...hey, nicko, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before nicky collapsed into shane's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the brunette's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also nicky, shane doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaking, sobbing, bloodied-up nicky as he holds him tightly, encouraging the older lad to continue to cry over the emergency that still, he, kian or mark had no knowledge of. 

"that's it nicko, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

*

...nicky had just incoherently tried to explain to shane, kian and mark about the emergency that had happened backstage that caused him to miss the rest of my love and a few other songs. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing their bloodstreams. urging for nicky to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which jodi and gillian had walked in on their husbands trying to comfort their fellow bandmate. 

that was when, with some encouragement, jodi came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "shane, what nicky's trying to say is, alessandra was hanging out with us and nicko's sister, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, alessandra just quietly excused herself, rushing away into the bathroom. four minutes later, after i became worried since aless is never in there for longer than a minute, i went to check on her when before i could even reach the door handle, i just heard her scream and refuse to open the door. that was when we got gill and gillian to get baz to grab nicky off stage and yvonne from her seat in the crowd and then, that was when we came to the realisation that alessandra had gone into stillbirth, the...the baby's gone..." jodi's voice faltered at the end as nicky let out a sob as shane held him tighter, kian and mark both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes 

covering his mouth with his hand, kian softly spoke up, "...oh, aless...where is she and yvonne? have they gone to the hospital?" kian's voice also faltered as his wife nodded her head, confirming something that she knew nicky couldn't do himself 

"yeah, kian, babe, the paramedics found out that the foetus was still inside alessandra so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby because if the baby isn't removed, the baby wouldn't be the only one we could potentially lose," jodi sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as shane once again squeezed nicky tightly as kian gestured to mark to say that they should go over and help shane comfort nicky 

and, without another word, kian and mark squeezed themselves into nicky and shane's hug as they all, shane included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby after shane and gill's little nicole. the westwives, jodi and gill, and nicky's sister gillian, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried together and grieved together before they realised that they had left nicky's mam all alone with alessandra. 

but, before they left, shane whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

*

now that it was well known within the london o2 that alessandra had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital, the rest of the westlife concert had been cancelled since the band knew they couldn't and wouldn't continue the show as a three-piece and leave nicky in the hospital on his own with his mam. so, within minutes, everyone, except for one, had all changed from their concert outfits and rushed out of the arena to baz's van to get to the hospital that nicky had been told that alessandra had been transported to. 

however, this whole time, nicky's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his bandmates had seen nicky really break down and cry. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all nicky ever wanted to be in this life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before shane got into the car with nicky and kian, shane realised that nicky still hadn't gotten changed was still holding his clean clothes. 

so, to calm their distraught bandmate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, kian this time speaks up, "hey, nicko, come on, look at me, alright?" pushing him away, nicky still does what he's told and makes eye contact with kian 

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, alessandra and your whole family will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you guys out. and eventually, alessandra will give birth to the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and back into this car so we can get to that goddamn hosptial because out of everyone here right now, alessandra needs you, your mam needs you and you need your mam and your wife!" wiping his tears away, nicky nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and bandmate  

but not before looking down and realising, kian was right, nicky did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied concert outfit, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i...i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." nicky hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the venue so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his bandmates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through kian's heart, it smacked mark across the face and it just broke shane's heart to see how distressed and inconsolable nicky had been that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up concert outfit this entire time whilst everyone else had done so before walking to baz's van. nicky then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied concert outfit and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and a white t-shirt along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else this time, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside, kian waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to alessandra and yvonne. 

*

alessandra couldn't believe that she could get so excited about finally getting pregnant after struggling so much with infertility to only, in the span of what was only a few months, have her body fail her. all she wanted to do was to give her husband and herself a goddamn family and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of all the other negative results and heartbreaking infertility appointments was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was now normal for her to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby, she had allowed herself and nicky to get so excited because it was the one and only time that they hadn't actively tried to get pregnant just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had once again failed nicky since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her husband ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of her mother-in-law, yvonne, "...hey darling, you're awake, i'll get the nurse--" 

"--yvonne, where...where's nicko? i...i need to apologise to him, and...and to you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry yvonne! i didn't mean to lose the baby i---" 

"--hey, hey, no, aless! we won't be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of you and nicky's baby! i don't blame you, nicky doesn't blame you, no one blames you alessandra! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" yvonne stressed as alessandra timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her husband 

"do you know when nicko will get here?" alessandra then timidly asked her mother-in-law as yvonne sighed, she could tell that alessandra was trying to stop yvonne from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't darling but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" yvonne smiled softly as alessandra timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down yvonne's spine

"thank you, aless, and nicko shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads and wives since they will have also been made aware, now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" yvonne winked at the end as alessandra breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited

*

by the time nicky and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his wife's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her husband had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the husband and wife to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped nicky apart knowing that not only did alessandra have to go through the surgery alone since yvonne isn't considered "immediate family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye. 

"...please aless, baby, say something, just anything." nicky whispered out in a teary beg to his wife as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her husband in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her husband and therefore everyone else 

"i...i...i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." alessandra whimpered out in a whisper as nicky choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his wife as they cried together 

then, they moved from the hug and wheeled the cot over to them so they could meet their baby for the first time...

...the baby that was going to be their little baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

shane, kian and mark all cried as they watched their bandmate and wife grieve over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby girl. 

"...we were going to have a baby girl nicko..." 

"...our precious little princess aless..." 

- - - 

very depressing i know but hey, it's what i do best when i don't have any original ideas, i just go back to the depressing old ideas and just change it to whoever it's been adapted to. 

ok ily bye xx

wc; 5633