#putting that out into the universe

[lover-of-many-things]

Fast approaching 3 years since I started writing my WIP. It’s still sitting at 120,000 words, haven’t touched it in 8 months, and there’s still so much more story to go 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 part of me wants to start posting it, but I know my track record with not finishing chaptered fics. I’m really gonna try to start working on it again. I want to finish it this year.

[onebatch2batch]

i’m not allowing myself to write or post ANYMORE ofmd/blackbonnet fic until the next chapter of my kastle zombie fic is done

[usolu]

i can’t wait to be good at art and not feel like shit all the time 💆🏾‍♀️

[lambourngb]

One last post before hiatus from this hellsite - because well, shit just fell apart hard core and I need to vent. Whining ahead, I’m sorry.

So far in the last two hours I have-

1. Two interviews canceled- well, I say canceled because they didn’t fucking show up at all. I still do not have help in the office. I still am doing all of this on my own and cannot work remote.

2. My barn owner called to let me know my horse saw the vet today (it was scheduled). She explained that the vet would be calling me later to discuss options with me because a few things came up that were concerning regarding my horse’s eyes. She mentioned she had a horse with a similar ailment who after surgery, chemo, drugs, rehab lasted 3 years after diagnosis when the horse was 10. My horse just turned 20.

3. My mom called me to let me know my father was leaving the house every night to see another woman. I said, there’s a pandemic going on, no one is going anywhere. I said I have cameras that show he hasn’t left the house. I said maybe this is something you dreamed. She insisted this is going on and he gets around the camera footage. I was so mentally done, I just let it all out- “Mom, you’ve been telling me this has been going on for 2-1/2 years! What do you want me to do? What? Tell me the magic thing for me to say or do to make this better for you!” and she hung up on me.

4. My vet called finally- to explain about the cancer diagnosis on my horse’s right eye, that it looked like a tumor had taken over his third eye lid and was interfering with the whole eyelid. It’s possibly they could remove the whole eye and treat with chemo, but re-occurrence might be an issue. He was also concerned about swelling around the left eye that could signal a second tumor that was pressing there. My horse would not do well totally blind, so removal of both eyes is not an option for me. We are going to treat him with antibiotic steroids and reassess next week and pray that it’s just some conjunctivitis in his left eye. I do have to think about his quality of life but I’m not really exaggerating when I say my horse and my mental health are intertwined.

I’m so mentally done right now. Like last week was a low spoon week, but I kept telling myself I would feel better soon. My writing mojo would come back. The dark cloud would lift a bit. I just need to keep doing the things I need to do be healthy- eat, sleep, shower, spread kindness to others, and this will pass....keep swimming, don’t let the current pull you under.

I have cried for a good 30 minutes now in my office. This Monday has been the longest week ever. My pep talks to myself are getting low and feeble.

Anyway, it felt good to type it all out. I know a lot of this is completely out of my control- I can’t make my mom well, I can’t make people show up, I need to wait to freak out about my horse next week when I have more information... just it takes energy to be patient with the universe? And I’m out of that.

[for-southendgirls]

I really hope I meet some like-minded lesbians in 2018. 

[weatheredlawmoved]

Definitely think my zootopia self would be an otter with large fashionable glasses and a sun hat. I just really love otters.