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daydreamgoddess14 · 1 year

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My bad habits lead to you pt. 4

MASTERLIST

Sequel to We lie awake in love and fear

From a prompt by @lilacmermaid25:

5 times Ted returns from Kansas for a wedding, one time he returns 'just because'.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Thanks for reading so far! I struggled a bit with this one - I think I'm all wedding'd out! We're getting to the end now... Time for Ted to sort his shit out!

Chapter 4

Leslie and Julie - October 2024

“Julie and I are going to renew our vows.”

“That’s wonderful, Leslie! What made you decide that?”

"It's been 35 years this year. We were so much younger, we had no money, Julie was pregnant… I want to do something special for her."

"That's lovely, do let me know if you need any help with anything." Rebecca said warmly.

"I think we might go somewhere, I would say a beach in Cornwall but… well, it'll be October." He shrugged.

"Why not overseas? There are still warmer places this time of year."

"We've got the kids to think of, and the people here we'd want with us."

"Leslie, if it's about money then I'd like to help. I really would, it's the least I can do. I owe you so much."

"Nonsense, Rebecca. We've both come far in the last 4 years."

"We have indeed. And I'm grateful we stuck together. Let's make sure Julie has the most wonderful renewal ceremony."

Two months later, Leslie had planned a ceremony for Julie fit for a queen. He had settled on an old lighthouse directly overlooking the sea, but thankfully undercover from the wild waters and unpredictable weather. Their children were given central roles - their eldest performing the ceremony, their youngest walking Julie down the aisle. Rebecca found herself sitting near the front in between Ted and Keeley. With Henry back at school, Ted had brought Marie with him to meet his found family. Despite sitting next to his still relatively new girlfriend, for the third wedding in a row, Ted made sure Rebecca had tissues when she cried and held her hand. To make the guilt gnawing at Rebecca even worse, the woman simply smiled and whispered,

“I love that you two are such good friends!”

Rebecca tried her hardest to be nice to Marie, she sat at their table during the reception, agreed with her observations of Ted and smiled her way through the evening. Eventually, finally, Marie was encouraged to dance by Trent and Will, leaving her alone with Ted. They watched Leslie and Julie on the dancefloor, enraptured by one another.

"35 years. To think, Rupert and I didn't last much longer than a decade."

"Hmmm. Nor did me and Michelle."

"Can you imagine loving anyone for 35 years?"

"Pretty sure I can, yeah."

"Really?"

"Sure. I think anything is possible with the right person."

"Sounds like you've got someone in mind already."

"Maybe I do." Ted shrugged.

"I hope she knows how lucky she is." He looked over his glass at Rebecca who wasn't looking at him, her attention was taken up by the dancefloor where Trent was dancing with Marie. Ted didn’t respond.

“You were right, you know.” He said at last.

“I usually am Ted, which bit this time?”

“Feeling guilty. I’ve never… I’m not the kinda guy to…” he sighed heavily. “I don’t cheat. But apparently I do now, and that’s not me.”

“I know. You’re the best man I know, Ted. And look out there,” she gestured to the people around the room - her team and family, “I know some of the very best men in the world. Those boys, Roy, Leslie, Trent, Roy… Beard and Nate? They are my family. The loves of my life. They are flawed and sensitive and caring and witty and I’ll love each and every one of them for the rest of my life. To me, they are among the very best men in the world. But you… you’re the best of the best. You’re the one who helped most of them become the best versions of themselves. I know you feel like the worst person in the world. I did too - I still do, especially now I’ve met Marie. You need to let go of your past decisions and move on with Marie. She’s your future, Ted.” She looked at him with a heartbreaking smile, “I need to let you go.” As she finished speaking, Trent spun Marie back to the table and the younger woman took a seat next to Ted.

“May I?” Trent extended a hand to Rebecca.

“You may indeed, Trent.” He pulled her into the dancefloor just as a much slower song came on. She gratefully stepped into Trent’s arms and hid her face into his shoulder. It took a moment for him to realise she was crying.

“Shhh. I know, I know. I’m right here.” He murmured, swaying them gently in time to the music, one hand on her back. He looked over her shoulder at Ted who looked troubled, he nodded and smiled, reassuring Ted that everything was ok. As the song drew to a close, Rebecca took a steadying breath and looked sheepishly at Trent,

“I’m so sorry Trent, I’ve no idea where that came from.”

“Don’t be sorry darling, I’m right here if you need me.” She rubbed his arm and headed for the bathroom to freshen up before anyone could see that she’d been crying. There was no fooling some people though, and Keeley was hot on her heels.

“Alright babes?” She hopped up onto the vanity and watched with concern as Rebecca touched up her make up and wiped away stray mascara.

“I’m fine, love. Seeing Marie here… it’s harder than I expected. I want him to be so happy. I want him to be so loved and cared for and just… the happiest he’s ever been. She’s so lovely, and if she makes him happy then that’s enough for me.”

“It doesn’t make you happy though?”

“I have you lot out there, the best support system I could wish for. Trent’s a great hugger by the way, I’ve literally just cried all over his fantastic shirt. I’ll be absolutely fine. Maybe not tonight, maybe not this month or year, but I’ll be fine.”

“But you love him, babe?”

“I know, and I always will. But Keeley, he’s not mine to love. Not like that, anyway. I have to let him go so that he can focus on Marie and let himself be happy.”

“I just… I don’t understand why you have to sacrifice everything.” Keeley said sadly, “You deserve to be happy too, you deserve a love that lasts bloody 35 years and more!”

“I’m doing it for him. This is what he needs. He wants and needs to be with Henry, that means a life in Kansas without me in it.” She held Keeley’s hand and looked her best friend in the eye, “I promise you, I’ll be fine.” Further into the ladies, a toilet flushed and a second later, Keeley’s eyes widened as Marie approached the sink and washed her hands. Rebecca smiled calmly, there was no point in wondering if Marie had heard their conversation, it was written all over her face.

“I had no idea.” She whispered, looking at Rebecca in the mirror. Rebecca waved a hand,

“Of course, it’s just some lingering feelings since he left, that’s all.”

“Does he know that you love him?” Rebecca nodded. “Does he know how much?” Rebecca shrugged,

“It’s irrelevant, Marie. You are his future and I know you’ll make him happy.”

“But-”

“Hush now, this is a wedding, no need to get all melancholy. I’ve made it clear to Ted that I’m going to move on. If you don’t mind Marie, I’m going to go back out there and be with my family.” Though she smiled warmly, the pain in her eyes was impossible to disguise, and to ignore. She led Keeley by the hand from the bathroom and straight to the bar. “Can I have like a double gin and a single together? Like a triple? With tonic please. What do you want?” She turned to Keeley,

“Same please. Triple gin for the win.”

“I fucking need it after that. Oh my god. We didn’t say anything inappropriate did we?”

“How should I know! I was busy wondering how you still manage to look so fit after you’ve been crying like that!”

“Shit. We didn’t mention sex? I don’t think we did. So that’s fine, she doesn’t know that bit - she doesn’t need to know. I think we’re safe, right?”

“Babe, I hate to break it to you,” Keeley took the gin off the bar and handed it to Rebecca, “but you just admitted to that woman that you’re in like super love with her boyfriend and that you’ve ‘let him go’. And you look like… well, you. Like that.” She gestured up and down.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re fucking hot, Rebecca. She probably feels a bit…”

“Like she’s won the lottery? Because she should, Ted is like the lottery.”

“Insecure. That he could have chosen you.”

“He didn’t choose. I took the decision out of his hands, I removed myself from the equation completely. Anyway, we need to avoid her for the rest of the night now, I can’t put my foot in it again.”

“Easy babe, it means joining the kids table though.” Keeley joked, pointing across the room at the clutch of tables housing the team and their partners. Ted looked a little disappointed as Rebecca and Keeley swept past his table and went to join the players. He couldn’t help but raise a smile as they all cheered her arrival and pulled out a chair for her. She didn’t leave their side all evening, she joined in with shots, accompanied Jamie and Will in their now traditional Macarena and video called Isaac’s girlfriend who’d been unable to make it. She collapsed into her seat next to Keeley and gratefully accepted a new drink from Simi.

“Is your back hot?” Keeley questioned.

“What an odd question. No, why?”

“Because someone has been staring at you alllll fucking night. I hope poor Marie hasn’t noticed.” Rebecca turned in her seat to look across the room at Ted, meeting his eye. He suddenly found his drink very interesting.

“I’m not sure about this plan to make Ted jealous-” Roy started, taking the seat next to Rebecca.

“She’s not trying to make him jealous.”

“Oh. Well what the fuck is going on then?”

“She’s given him up.”

“Oh. Fuuuck. I see. You do know that works in the same way as ‘trying to make him jealous’?”

“How does it? It’s the opposite of what I’m doing, He no longer needs to think about me.”

“But you made that decision… not him. So now all he’s thinking about is you. And how he can’t have you because you’ll say no anyway.”

“This is absurd. I don’t belong to anyone. I told Ted he should focus on Marie, and now it seems he’s not doing that at all.” The three sat staring over at the other table, a cloudy haze of alcohol getting in the way of them noticing that they were not being remotely discreet. Roy’s phone buzzed on the table.

‘Why are you all staring?’

“Shit, look alive, we’ve been rumbled.” They all turned their backs, Keeley’s giggles setting off Rebecca.

“Oh look! More new drinks!”

“Thanks Colin!” Rebecca and Keeley clinked their glasses. Triple gins were apparently a very good choice.

“Hold on, hold on!” He stopped them before they could take a drink, “Michael and I wanted to let you all know we’ve set a date… New Year's Day!” The team cheered. “I would say save the date, but we’ve got a match the day before so I know you’ll all be there.” The party descended into semi-chaos as the team pulled Colin and Michael onto the dancefloor, bouncing and dancing to the suddenly very lively music.

“Another wedding!” Keeley said gleefully. “We’ve been so spoiled with weddings recently! I wonder who’ll be next.”

“Probably Ted.” Rebecca snorted.

“I doubt it.”

“Where did Marie go?” Roy frowned, looking over at their table again.

“No idea. Oh shit, Rebecca, Ted’s coming over.”

“So? We’re allowed to speak.”

“Yeah but you are extremely, very wasted.”

“So are you.”

“I haven’t been banging him at every wedding babe. Oh no!”

“What?” Rebecca asked as Ted reached their table.

“I just realised your shagging streak will be over. You could have done 4 weddings!” Ted blushed at Keeley’s comment.

“Keeley! Will you keep your voice down!” Rebecca said, attempting a stern tone but dissolving into giggles again.

“Sorry, sorry. No more shagging, I know. Where’s Marie?” Keeley was suddenly on high alert, looking around to check she hadn’t been overheard.

“She’s gone back to the hotel. I’m ermm… I’m getting a different room.”

“Oh shit, what happened?” She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. Roy cleared his throat. “Nope, not my place, thanks babe.” Roy’s hint changing her mind, she instead got up and pulled him alongside to dance with her, leaving Ted to take Roy’s seat.

“I hope I didn’t upset her? She heard Keeley and I in the bathroom. We didn’t say anything to suggest that we’ve… you know, since you’ve been with her.”

“No, no, I know. She told me about overhearing you. I’m the one who accidentally told her that we’d slept together.” Rebecca nearly tipped her glass over into her lap,

“What?!”

“Not recently, I suggested that it was just the one time, before I left last year. She seems to think that makes a big difference in the context of what she heard you saying.” Rebecca scoffed.

“That’s ridiculous. I like to think that our connection is far more than sexual.”

“That’s what I said.” She nodded in agreement, “Apparently that was not the right thing to say. That makes it worse.”

“Oh. Because sex is…”

“Just physical. Can mean nothing, to some people. Now she’s mad because she knows that not only is our connection more meaningful than just sexual but also that the sex wasn’t meaningless.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Ted. What do you think will happen?”

“I think we’ll talk about it tomorrow. See where we go from here.” Rebecca sighed. “Everything you said earlier about me finding someone to love for 35 years? And the things Marie overheard, about sacrificing your own happiness for mine?” He paused, searching her face, “What if-”

“Hmm… no. Don’t say it, Ted.”

“I need to.”

“No you don’t, you need to speak to Marie. You need to make a decision on your own terms.” She brought a hand up to brush his hair from his forehead. “Goodnight, Ted.” She slipped away from his reach and snuck out of the room without saying goodnight to anyone else.

She climbed into her lovely hotel bed a short time later and pulled out her phone, messages from Keeley and Trent wishing her a goodnight, a missed call from Ted. She hesitated before calling him back.

“Ted, it’s late.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have called, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Did you manage to get another room or has Marie let you in?”

“I got another room. Think I’ll give her the night, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Ok. At least they had a spare. You’d have been on Beard’s floor, and this is their first night away from Teddy. I wouldn’t want to be in that room tonight.”

“Hmm you got that right. I’m sure I’d have found somewhere to sleep. I heard you got the best room again.”

“It’s a lovely room. Huge bed.” He laughed.

“That an invitation?”

“You know I can’t say yes.”

“I know. Oh how I wish you would.” They fell quiet for a moment, she could hear his deep breaths in her ear. “Keeley was right, the tradition has been broken.”

“I’m sure I’ll find a way to survive, Ted.”

“Good for you, you’ll have to give me some tips on how ‘cos it’s all I can think about right now.”

“Ted,” she warned “you just can’t help yourself can you?”

“What can I say, seeing you do the Macarena really got me going.” She laughed,

“Silly man.”

“I know for a fact you’re silly as well. Keeley told me so, and I’ve seen it for myself. Heck, I saw you dancing the Macarena with Jamie Tartt and I saw it with my own two eyes."

"Don't remind me. Jan was trying to get me to do the dirty dancing lift."

"Hmm another Dutch fella trying to get into those very expensive pants of yours."

"Jan is perfectly harmless and you know it. Roy would kill any of them if they laid a finger on me."

"It ain't just my fingers I want on you. Or in you."

"Ted!"

"Right, right, sorry. Too much whiskey, not enough of you."

"You're impossible. How come you didn't flirt like this before?"

"I didn't know it was an option before. It's like sleeping with you unlocked new levels of you. Or me. Maybe both. Hey, you wanna come show me how to do the Macarena?"

"I don't think you've got the hips for it, Ted."

"Now you know I don't believe that. I know you love my hip action."

"Do I really?" She giggled.

"Yeah, when I do that thing and the angle means I get to-"

"Stop. You need to stop." She said quietly.

"Why?" His voice suddenly became a little quieter, a little lower.

"You know why."

"What are you wearing?' He asked. She didn’t reply immediately. "Bec?"

"The same thing I was wearing when you came to my house that night right before you left."

"Hmm. I remember. Pretty sure I dream about that at least 5 nights a week."

"Only 5?"

"Yeah, then one night is dreaming of fucking you in your office again, and the other night is in your kitchen."

"Why the kitchen?"

"Cos you'd look beautiful bent over that table for me." Rebecca whined a little. "I'm sorry." He added.

"What for?"

"Bringing Marie. I shouldn't have-"

"If you think her physically being here is the reason you're not fucking me right now then you haven't listened to a word I've said all night."

"I've been listening. I'm always listening to you. I know the way you sigh when I kiss you, I know the little hitch in your breath when I put my tongue on your clit. I know how when you say my name as you come it sends me right over the edge with you. Don't tell me I'm not listening, Rebecca." She groaned into the handset, her hand ghosting over her pajama shorts. "What're your doin' honey? I'm listening."

"Wishing you were here. I miss you."

"I miss you, jesus Rebecca, you wreck me."

"I need your hands on me."

"Close your eyes, you'll feel them. I love how soft your skin is, how strong your legs are. I wish I could touch you, make you fall apart over and over again." Rebecca pushed her hand into her shorts and ran a finger through her wet folds, her breath shuddered as she teased her clit. She was already so close from the sound of his voice. She heard him moving over the phone, heard his breath stutter. "Fuck, baby are you touching yourself?"

"Yes," she replied with a quiet moan. "I need you, Ted."

"What do you need? Tell me what you need."

"I need you to kiss me, I want you to mark my skin, I- god, Ted, "

"Go on sweetheart, you've got it."

"I need you to fuck me till I can't think straight. I want your hands on me, your mouth, your cock, Ted, I-" Her voice faded into unintelligible moans and expletives, his name the only distinguishable word repeated over as she came harder than she ever had before alone. She just about heard his low groan and the whisper of her name as he came. They lay in silence for a few minutes, both breathing heavily, "Jesus christ, Ted."

"Guess the tradition isn't broken after all." He laughed.

"Don't, I think you've made it worse." She giggled.

"Oh really? Cos I'm sure I could come over and-"

"Nope. No, Ted. This phone call was already a bad idea. We need to stop tormenting each other like this, it's not healthy."

"Do you ever get bored of being right?"

"Never. You're going to have to decide what you want, Ted."

"I thought you'd decided for me?"

"I want you to be happy. If that's with Marie then that's fine. Unfortunately your decision isn't as simple as me or Marie. What it really boils down to is London or Kansas. Or to make it even worse - me or Henry, and that's what you need to base your decision on. You need that boy, and he needs you."

"You know at Keeley and Roy's wedding he told me I was happier in London than I am in Kansas?"

"I mean, you were probably only happier because you'd railed me in my office that day, but I'm sure he's got a point."

"I don't want to choose, Rebecca. I can't."

"That's why I'm not asking you to, my love. It's no contest, there's nothing for you to do, Henry gets my vote every single time."

"What about you?"

"What about me? I'll be fine."

"I'm not sure I will be."

"You have Henry."

"I'm gonna sound like the worst father in the world here-"

"You're definitely not that."

"What if he's not enough? He's gonna grow up, go to college and I'll have put my life on hold for him - which I know is my role as his parent, but can't I be happy too? Wouldn't I be a better father if I'm a happy one?"

"Ted… there are some things you need to reconcile with yourself, how you parent and the kind of father you are is one of them. All I can do is assure you that you are one of the best fathers I've ever known."

".... Jeez Becca, there you go again."

"Always right?"

"Always. I should let you go, I don't think tomorrow is going to be a great day."

"Call me if you need anything. And if you do want to make it work with Marie then you need to be all in. You can't keep half arsing it anymore."

"Man, I still love those weird little phrases you guys use. I promise whatever happens I won't half arse it."

"Good. Now off you pop, I need my beauty sleep."

"Bullshit. Off you pop, goodnight Rebecca."

November soon rolled around, Rebecca hadn't heard from Ted. She knew via Roy and Beard that he'd tried to make things work with Marie but how successful that had been, she hadn't dare ask. It was the last Thursday in November, the cold was set in and Christmas was round the corner. She was working late at home on Christmas party plans when the email came though.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Dad

Hi Rebecca,

I hope you don't mind that I'm emailing you. Mom said I could, it's Thanksgiving day here, I wanted to thank you for sending the gift box of candy and chocolate, it's way nicer than the stuff I get here! Thanks for upgrading my kit too, dad said he was going to get another shirt when he came over for Colin's wedding but you beat him to it. He was surprised, he said he hasn't called you for a few weeks I think it's because he didn't want to tell you about Marie. He said you're always right. She was sad at football for a little while but she seems OK now anyway and I still get to hang out with Sophie so it's cool.

Can I write to you again? I'd like to if that's OK.

I'm gonna go to grandma's now for Thanksgiving dinner, it's gonna be so boring but we're gonna take the Star Wars TIE Fighter lego set you sent me.

Come on you Greyhounds!

Love, Hen xoxo

(Hey Rebecca, hope this is OK, his account is all looked after by me and he really wanted to drop you a note. Thanks, Chelle xo)

~~~~~~~

#ted lasso #tedbecca #tedlassoedit #ted and rebecca #rebecca welton #rebecca x ted #ted lasso s3 #ted lasso fic #ted lasso fanfiction

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survey--s · 1 year

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620.

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? I always do something even if it's just housework, having a shower or walking the dog. I used to have days where I never even got out of bed but looking back that was a symptom of some serious MH issues so I'm glad life is no longer like that. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? It's not that I've refused to go sleep, it's that my mind has been too active to let me sleep. What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I've never heard of that show. Well, I have on here but I don't know what it's about or anything. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? No. I don't really believe in that kind of thing. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? About 4-5 hours on the motorway once when there was a serious accident. Luckily we'd just stopped for food/drink so we just sat and ate McDonald's lol. Everyone was leaving their cars to go and pee on the hard shoulder hah. Best field trip experience? Going to Paris in sixth form. Have you ever been to New York City? I have not. If so, is it all its cracked up to be? ... What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Personally, around £30 a head but I've attended meals where it cost over £300 per person before. What museums have you visited, if any? Hundreds of them. I honestly couldn't list them all. My childhood holidays were spent traipsing round museums and churches lol. Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Sure. That's why I much prefer to work alone. What’s your worst traveling experience? Probably flying to Australia and the turbulence being so bad that you could feel the plane drop and all the lights were flickering constantly. It felt like it lasted forever but in reality it was probably only 15 minutes. Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? I never played the third one, but the 1st and 2nd were both good.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? Yeah, when I lived with Chris out downstairs neighbours were always arguing lol. We mostly just ignored it. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? I have no idea - possibly my tutor in year...9 I think it was? Best muffin you’ve ever had? I love the raspberry and peach ones from Starbucks though I don't even know if they sell them anymore. Otherwise I tend to go for blueberry ones. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Yeah. If so, was it required? Yeah, it was just part of our Design Technology. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? I'm logged in pretty much all the time. What area of math are you best at? Worst? I'm not really good at any kind of maths, lol. I mean, I can do basic arithmetic but nothing more complex than that. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It's great. How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? Christ, all the time lol. Most people don't care how much effort you put into something as long as it gets done to a decent standard. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yeah, with messy foods. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Nope. How reliable is your internet connection? It's been fine since the engineer came out to sort it on Friday. He's moved the connection onto a better wall so hopefully it solves the issue we've been having with damp. Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Sure. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Driving in new places. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? I pulled plenty of all-nighters in university. If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? .... If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? My life would be much easier if I didn't need to wear them lol. I've kind of resigned myself to a life with glasses though. My prescription is too complex for surgery and I can't cope with contacts. How many vegetarians do you know? Not very many. I live in farming country and pretty much everyone likes to eat good quality, local meat. Have you ever considered going to art school? Nope. Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Dog owners who let their dogs run up to mine even when they're very clearly fucking terrified. How quickly can you write an essay? It depends on the length and the topic, and how formal it has to be. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Just small local ones. What bug frightens you most? Cockroaches. Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. How often do you take the train to go places? Never. Our local trains are awful - they're always cancelled or delayed and it's just so much more convenient to drive. Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? If I'm alone, sure, but I try not to do it with others. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No, neither.

#survey #surveys

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lesbianlenas · 1 year

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3L lesbian here—just wishing you the best of luck in law school. It is hard but always remember that the worst of it will pass. I’ve met my favorite people in the world, mentors, and my girlfriend at law school. I’ve also had the best conversations of my life (though not in class). It’s been the hardest couple years of my life but also the most rewarding and full of unexpected joy. I hope your experience surprises you and fulfills you and that you shape it as your own.

And yeah. Books are fucking expensive. (I scan the pages from the library for free. That’s not an option for everyone but putting it out there)

thank u for this ask it was so sweet & i really appreciated it 💞 i hope i have as good of an experience w law school we will see but i am being optimistic 🙏 unfortunately my library at my school only lets you take out the textbooks for 3 hrs so idk how effective it would be for scanning the books….i was at least able to get some used and rented books and i had some discounts on the other books so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been at least…..but good luck in ur last yr and w the bar queen 🫶

#anonymous #ask //

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 2 years

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314 of 2022

Skins - Episode Relating Questions < ♥ !!

Tony 1. Do you have any nicknames for your significant other?

Yeah, I call him Waffeltje. Oh God how he hates it XD

2. Have you ever set up your best friend with someone?

No, I don’t play with such things. When it comes to all this romance stuff, I’m better not involved.

3. Have you ever owed someone a lot of money?

No, but I bought my first laptop on loan.

4. Have you or a friend ever passed out at a party?

No, we’re all strong guys and can drink properly.

5. Have you ever overdosed?

No, never.

6. What’s the worst car accident you or a friend has ever gotten into?

Nothing dserious, but it could be; we were driving in the car with our dad and one of the tires burst all of a sudden. Thankfully no one got injured.

Cassie 1. Have you ever gone to rehab or a clinic?

No, just to the hospital.

2. What’s the weirdest thing about your parents?

That they’re still together after all these years.

3. Do your parents openly make out in front of you and anyone else?

No, they don’t even sleep in the same bed.

4. Have you or a friend ever had an eating disorder? How did you/they deal with it?

Yes, I have an eating disorder previously known as EDNOS, I don’t like the current name of it. Honestly, I just live like that. Not even consciously.

5. Have you ever tried to find out if someone liked/loved you? How did you go about doing it?

No. I live in that constant state of “I wonder what does he feel”, but never do anything about it.

6. When was the last time you felt like your parents didn’t care about or you what you did?

Very long time ago.

Jal 1. Do you play any instruments? If so, are you serious about it?

I don’t, but I wish I could. You really need two hands for that.

2. What’s the hardest thing about living in your house, with your family?

I don’t live with my family anymore.

3. Have you ever found out someone liked/was in love with you? How did you deal with it?

Yeah, I did. I was surprised, but I felt the same about him.

4. Has someone ever broken one of your most prized posessions? How did you deal with it?

Only my phone, and I still had to pay it off. I was really sad.

5. Have you ever stood up to your parents? How did it go?

Yeah, but my mum was terrorising me, so.

Chris 1. What would you do if your mother left you?

She kind of did, years ago. I needed my parents, but yeah.

2. Have you ever hit on a teacher? What happened?

No, I haven’t.

3. Have you ever been locked out of your house? What did you do?

Yeah, I gorgot the keys. I called my husband, he laughed. Thankfully he was coming back home in two hours and the weather was nice, so I had a walk and took out the most of that time.

4. What would you do if your father refused to talk to you and didn’t want to see you anymore?

I’d be broken. I’ve always been closer to my dad than to my mum.

5. Have you ever been consoled by a teacher?

No, not really. But I needed it at that time.

6. Have you ever blown a large amount of money on something somewhat useless/not worth the money?

No, not really. If I spend bigger amounts of money, I choose good quality things.

Sid 1. Have you ever failed a course/school? How did your parents react?

I was about to fail PE once. My parents were upset, but not about me - rather about the teacher. I was in a basketball team before and I was so good at it I actually had the chance to go higher with this, but then, my health problems kicked in and I was forbidden to participate in sports at that moment. My teacher didn’t want to acknowledge it.

2. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? How did they deal with it?

I have, apparently. They moved on, and handled it very maturely.

3. Have you or someone you know attempted to commit suicide?

No, but I’ve had suicidal thoughts back in time.

4. Have you ever liked your best friend’s significant other? What happened?

No, never. I barely have feelings deeper than platonic to anyone.

5. When was the last time you felt like your life was falling apart and why?

When I woke up paralysed and unable to speak and I thought I was going to stay like that forever.

Maxxie and Anwar 1. What’s the farthest you’ve ever gone on a school trip and for how long?

We went to Lille, France. I liked it, it’s a beautiful city.

2. Have you ever experimented with/questioned your sexuality?

Questioned for a moment, I kind of didn’t want to admit to myself that I liked other guys and not girls like “it was supposed to be”. I was only surprised that I wasn’t necessarily into romantic gestures and never really thought about having sex with the guys I liked, I thought I was something of “a late bloomer”, b ut I turned out to be ace. It was long before I discovered asexuality. Then I considered myself panromantic for a brief moment because I wanted to be inclusive, but... yeah. It doesn’t work like that, you can’t choose who you’re attracted to. I also had sex for the first time later than average - I was in my early 20s, and while I didn’t feel any desire to do it, I felt my then-boyfriend was the right person to try it with. It has only convinced me that sex was not my thing, but at least I didn’t regret doing it because it was with the person I loved and who loved me.

3. Has a gay/bisexual friend ever had a crush on you? How did you feel/react?

Yeah, three times! That’s how my relationships started :D

4. Has someone ever walked in on you while you were having sex/making out with someone?

No, thankfully not. I would be so embarrassed.

5. Has someone ever caught you doing something you shouldn’t have been doing?

No, not really.

6. Have you ever hooked up with someone while on a school trip? Would you?

No, I haven’t and no, I wouldn’t. This whole sex thing is not for me.

Michelle 1. Have you ever broken up with someone because they lied to you?

No, but someone cheated on me and then he broke up with me. Kind of twisted situation.

2. Have you ever taken advantage of someone who liked you? How?

No. I rather support people, not use them.

3. Has one of your exes ever been the cause of a break up between you and a boyfriend?

No. I don’t even know how it is with my 1st ex, I’m friends with my 2nd ex, though, but my husband accepts it.

4. What’s the most disgusting thing someone has ever sent you?

A porn movie with heterosexual couple having sex in a pretty unusual way. I swear I wish I could unsee it. It’s not even because there was a woman in it. It’s just... anyone having sex that way disgusts me and their sex doesn’t matter.

5. Have you ever sabatoged an ex’s relationship just so the two of you could get back together?

Never. Since I don’t even keep in touch with Jay, I don’t even know his life situation at the moment. And as far as I know, Nielsje is not with anyone at the moment. And I love him, but more as a friend now.

Effy 1. Have you ever been worried about losing a friend? Why?

Yeah, because they started becoming more distant. But we talked and I know it’s nothing personal.

2. Name someone you’d be willing to do anything for and why.

There’s no such person. Not even my husband :P wait, maybe Nielsje because he has never pushed me to do things I didn’t want to do.

3. Have you ever waited what seems like forever for someone, only to realize it’s not what you want at the moment?

No. I’m really stable with my feelings for other people.

4. What would you do if someone was pressuring you to have sex with someone else and you really didn’t want to?

I wouldn’t ever do it. Maybe I’d even become aggressive if they kept persisting.

5. What’s the worst fight you and your best friend ever had? Did you resolve it? How?

I’ve only ever had a fight with my husband, and we resolved it by talking honestly.

6. Have you ever felt like everything was your fault? Was it?

I have felt like that, because of depression. No, it definitely wasn’t.

Series Finale 1. Have you ever been desperate to tell someone you loved them?

No, not desperate. But I like someone at the moment and I’m curious if he knows about it, and how he feels about me. There’s one more man, though, he’s quite much younger than me and it hit me all of a sudden that I like him in platonic way and wish to be friends with him (much like with that first one). I’m not gonna see him again, but I would love to know if he liked me at least a little. In both cases, though, I don’t feel like confessing my feelings to them. I’ll just wait and see where it goes.

2. Have you ever wanted to just break out into song to express how you’re truly feeling?

Yes, and I just do it whenever I feel the need.

3. Has someone you loved ever moved far away? Did you keep in touch? Are you still in touch with them? Do you still love them just as much?

Yeah, Nielsje. The main reason of our break up was that he was away from home for long periods of time, due to his job. We remain good friends and I’m happy he’s still in my life. I definitely love him, but more as a friend than a lover.

4. Have you ever hooked up with someone only to realize they were already taken? What would you do if that happened to you?

I don’t hook up with people. I don’t practice casual sex at all.

5. What’s something that has made you realize just how much you care and love someone else?

Every day I’m hit by this. Nielsje texting me after his workday (a very dangerous job), seeing this one guy I like after a few weeks of not seeing him, and my husband when I found out he was crying when I was in such a bad state in the hospital.

#survey #q&a survey #themed survey #categorised survey

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apathyfairy · 4 years

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not to be a pessimist but literally every single time i have a moment where i’m like “aw you know what ? everything IS going to be okay :)” the universe always has to prove me wrong For Example i was just walking back to my room with my coffee...listening to bruno mars on the throwback thursday playlist...have a good time...then i literally Somehow walked into the edge of the wall and spilled half my cup on my shirt and the floor and i’m like. ok it’s no big deal really, but isn’t it bc it’s Always something like that

#like not to be a downer but it's Always something like that the littler shit gets to me on some other level i cant even explain #because it's ALWAYS something like that. those small times where i'm like ok things are fine :) then IMMEDIATELY something goes wrong.#and tbh it's always big things too and u cant tell me im wrong on this. i wont believe u. for an even bigger example.#when last year for the first time in my life EVER i was Genuinely throughly happy. for the first time in my goddamn life.#and the shittiest part is i was literally saying. just a week before. how grateful i was for my life i was like #yeah things are rough and i dont have the life i necessarily dreamed of but i'm happy. im thankful for all i have and i'm genuinely happy #then what happens? a literal week later my dog dies out of the blue. just for no god damn reason except that i was finally happy.#actually no he didnt die he died in the worst way possible in which he got sick suddenly and we had to put him down but im not talking about #it. i cant even say his name and it's been a year and 3 months in fact ! just typing it im crying now.#ok then after that the literal hardest thing ive ever had to do in my entire life.#11 months later i was finally thinking ok. u know what. i'll never be ok about that ever but maybe i can still live my life and be ok.#and then i did it again thinking ok im happy im ok right now. Then what happens???#my OTHER dog. who i have since i was 8 years old. dies as well. not even an entire year after my other dog died. 11 months later.#11 months and 4 days and i lost both my dogs #and maybe that doesnt seem like a big deal to other people but literally they were all i had and they were my life and i had never lost a #pet or anyone else in my life tbh. not like that. and it's just one god damn thing after another where i start feeling ok and then #the absolute worst happens and im curse and i know it and i need to just stop and realize im not allowed to be happy in this life and if i #am then bad things will happen again and it's gotta end.#i know theres typos sorry im upset but im not fixing it u know what i mean

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kylorenisadorkable · 3 years

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How TROS Failed Rey

These are just my opinions and from my personal perspective, if these things worked for you in the movie then cool, but this is why it was never going to work for me.

A Feminine Power Fantasy

Growing up in the 90s there wasn't a ton of media that had female lead characters. I grew up with strong female characters but they were often relegated to being the token girl of the group (see the Smurfette principle), the story was never centered around them and we never got to experience things from their point of view or really get to know their story. It felt like I was being asked to relate to male characters but boys were never asked or expected to relate to female characters.

Just as young boys see themselves as Luke, leading the adventure I also wanted to see myself as the main character. I wanted to have my own adventures.

When I first saw TFA, I went in knowing nothing about the movie. I had seen the OT and the Prequels as a kid and I had thought they were ok but I wasn't a huge Star Wars fan and in hindsight I really think this was due to the lack of female representation, Leia and Padme are great but I never really felt like I really got to know them as people. Not to mention that these characters are 2 women out of a cast that's predominantly male, it just seemed like the message LF was sending was that Star Wars is for boys, yeah girls can watch it if they want to but this isn't a series that is meant for you. So as you could guess I wasn't really expecting much from these new Star Wars movies, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I fell in love with Rey's character during those first 3 minutes of her introduction. During this brilliant example of “show don't tell,” story telling they were really able to convey so much about Rey's character and personality, I really began to care for her and felt like I understood her, as I could relate to her loneliness and isolation in my own way. And I was excited to see a story from a major fantasy/adventure franchise told from a feminine perspective. It felt like I was finally getting the representation I wanted to see.

So what happened? How did we go from Luke's line “And I will not be the Last Jedi” which is essentially him “passing the torch” to Rey, the next generation, to “One day I will earn your brother's saber?”

As if the saber didn't already choose her in the Force Awakens? Why did they decide that all of a sudden Rey was unworthy? Didn't Yoda say “that library held nothing that the girl Rey didn't already posses?” which yes was a clever way of saying that Rey already took the jedi texts with her but was also implying that she already had everything she needed within herself to be a jedi (courage, humility, compassion etc...). Why did they take a step backwards in the last movie in the franchise? Insisting that Rey needed to train, that she suddenly wasn't good enough?

I can't say for sure what happened to lead up to this point. Was it just that the creative team gave in to the pressuring of a loud minority of alt-right youtubers and bots. Were they relying on Reddit and Twitter for public opinion rather than doing actual marketing research? While I think that this was definitely a big factor I think there was just a general misunderstanding of the characters on Terrio's and JJ's part to begin with.

What Does Rey Want/Need?

To know where they went wrong, we have to ask ourselves who is Rey? All characters have a story goal, or the thing they want. By the end of the story the character will either get what they want after some struggles of course or learn that the thing that they want isn't what they need. So what does Rey want? To understand what she wants we have to first understand her wound or past experience that caused emotional pain and interferes with the character's life. Rey's wound stems from her abandonment. Along with the wound, comes the concept of the false lie. What is a lie that the character believes about themselves that we as the audience knows is untrue? Rey's lie is first, that her family is going to come back for her.

The other lie she tells herself is the belief that she is worthless because she was abandoned, as she tells everyone she meets “I'm no one“ or “I'm just a scavenger.”

When Daisy Ridley was asked in an interview why Rey says she's “No One.” Ridley says it's because our relationships to people define so much of who we are and without relationships then who are we? This makes sense considering that our parents are major influences in our development and in how we think about ourselves through much of our lives.

Rey seeks out parental figures, thinking that through them she'll figure out where she belongs. “Whoever you're waiting for on Jakku, they're never coming back. But there's someone who still could. The Belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.”

Rey initially believes that Maz is referring to Luke and when she later sets off to find him. She believe that he is going to be able to give her answers, and provide her with the belonging that she longs for, but Luke ultimately ends up disappointing her but finds comfort in her relationship with Ben.

This goes back to the idea that what Rey thinks she wants, Isn't necessarily what she needs. As JJ stated in the directors commentary of The Force Awakens, “So there was a very powerful idea that what she desperately wanted was belonging, which she’ll get, but just not how she expects.”

JJ and Terrio try to fullfill Rey's need through “found family” the family she finds with her friends and the resistance, but I think there is more to Rey's desire of wanting family that can't be satisfied by this alone. Finn, Poe, Leia are definitely a part of her journey in finding belonging but they're not the final piece to the puzzle. Otherwise she would have felt completely fulfilled by the end of The Last Jedi when she is on the Falcon surrounded by her friends.

I think part of Rey's desire for family, is also the desire to be understood, to be “seen.” Rey even tells Finn in TROS that “People keep telling me they know me. No one does.” We hear Ben's response in the trailer “But I do...” (which was cut from the movie)

Ben has always been shown to be the person who truly “sees” Rey. He sees even the aspects of herself that she doesn't like to acknowledge. Recognizing that her holding on to her parents is affecting her negatively and that if she really wants to “find herself” she needs to let go.

Which is why when Ben says “You have no place in this story. You're nothing. But not to me.” What is really being expressed is “I don't care about where you come from and I see you for who you are.”

This is why I believe that Ben was always suppose to be the final piece to the belonging Rey is searching for. As their narratives are intertwined. They both satisfy each others needs as characters, Rey's need to be seen for who she is and Ben's need for reconciliation and healing within his family.

Rey Palpatine

Rian Johnson said that when he began working on The Last Jedi, he wrote out all the character's names and next to them wrote what would be the hardest thing for that character to face. For Rey, this was that she needs to stand on her own two feet and define who she is for herself but JJ and Terrio seemed to have misunderstood this as Terrio states that,

“We also thought that Rey’s arc cannot be finished after Episode VIII. You can leave Episode VIII and say, “Well, now, Rey is content. She’s discovered her parents aren’t Skywalkers, or whatever, and that’s fine.” But so much of her personal story was about where she came from, what kept her on Jakku all those years and the trauma that shaped her. We see quite strongly in Episode VII that something mysterious and troubling happened to her. Although she did get some answers in Episode VIII, we didn’t feel that that story was over. We felt that there were still more questions in Rey’s head about where she came from and where she was going. So, that was the other big idea that we had to address in this film. Rian’s answer to, “What’s the worst news that Rey could receive?” was that she comes from junk traders, and that’s true. She does come from junk traders; we didn’t contradict that.”

Rey's conflict wasn't that she came from junk traders. Rey didn't care about “legacy.” Her conflict stemmed from her abandonment. Rey thinks she's “a nobody” not because of her parent's occupation or lineage but because she feels that she must be worthless because why else would her parents give her up? Rey learning that her parents sold her off for drinking money, that they didn't want her, was already a difficult and traumatic truth to overcome. Star Wars is a coming of age story, in the OT Luke grows from being a boy longing for adventure to discovering what it truly means to be a Jedi (following your principles and having a compassionate heart). Rey's journey is about letting go of childhood trauma and discovering her own independence.

It's also strange seeing as JJ had previously stated during The Force Awakens press tour that “I really feel that the assumption that any character needs to have inherited a certain number of midi-chlorians or needs to be part of a bloodline. It's not that I don't believe that as part of the canon, I'm just saying that at 11 years old that wasn't where my heart was. And so I respect and adhere to the canon but I also say that the Force has always seemed to me to be more inclusive and stronger than that.”

And there was still conflict for her to overcome. The one person who she felt truly understood her is now the supreme leader of the first order, will the resistance discover their connection? Will they see her as a traitor? All of this had the potential for great external and internal character conflict, but for some reason they didn't see this as conflict enough to sustain a whole movie?

Instead they gave Luke's character arc in the OT of having a dark side relative to Rey. “Discovering that you actually descended from your adoptive family’s greatest enemy, the same enemy who corrupted Anakin Skywalker and is responsible for the destruction of the Skywalker family in the first place, felt most devastating to us.” This doesn't make any sense to me as it feel like they just gave Rey Luke's internal conflict of being afraid of his dark side, I don't think this was ever a problem for Rey. In fact, in The Last Jedi she leapt into the dark side cave to face her darkness (her abandonment). Luke even says “You went straight to the dark and you didn't even try to stop yourself.”

The dark side cave in The Last Jedi was symbolic of Rey coming to terms with her darkness (the parts of herself she wants to hide). It relates back to Jungian psychology (which much of Star Wars is based on) that people can only become whole through understanding both the light and shadow aspects of their personality. So it doesn't make sense for Rey to be afraid of who she is in the final movie when she just finished a journey where she learned to accept who she was?

Rey Skywalker

Terrio says that the decision to have Rey take on the name “Skywalker” was a way to show that “you can choose your ancestry.” Which is not true and also a strange thing to say considering the trilogy started with this:

But even if this was just awkward phrasing and what Terrio meant to say was that she considers the Skywalkers her family. Does this make sense considering that she didn't have a great relationship with Luke to begin with?

I've seen it argued that she took the name as a way of honoring Leia but Leia never took the name or considered herself a Skywalker. Also this is another step backwards for Rey's character as The Last Jedi was trying to assert that Rey does not need to keep looking for parental figures to define herself.

So why must she be a Palpatine, a Skywalker and “all the jedi” anyways? I think this was done for two reasons, the first was because by killing Ben they were going to kill the last of the Skywalker family and they wanted to keep the name tied to the franchise, in case they need the characters for future projects down the line, so they just pushed it onto Rey. The second reason is that I think they were trying to appease the misogynists' who spent the last 4 years calling Rey a “Mary Sue” so they explained her power away through powerful male lineage. It just feels so weird to me, like the creators are saying that we should like Rey not because of who she is as a character but because of who she is in relation to all these other characters we know you like (Luke, Leia, all the jedi that use her as a vessel etc...)

Daisy Ridley has even expressed her frustration with the Rey's lineage debate multiple times, “I love that Rey is such a great character, they’re like: ‘No, no, she has to be… she has to be-’She’s her own person! Let her be her guys, let her live.

Yet even at the end of the final film poor Rey can't seem to catch a break as she's once again asked for her last name. She once again has to justify herself for just existing. Why are surnames suddenly so important in Star Wars now anyways? Shouldn't the correct answer be “just Rey,” now that she's come to accept who she is and where she's come from and shouldn't that be good enough? What happened to the message of anyone can be a hero? That you don't have to come from or align yourself with a powerful family legacy. That we all have the power to make a difference?

TROS seems to be constantly asking Rey to prove herself. And weirdly enough it reminds me in a strange meta way of my own experience being a woman in the fandom and being constantly asked to prove that I'm a “True fan” (whatever the f@#% that means...) to prove that I'm worthy of consuming and participating in this content that male fans feel belongs solely to them.

In Conclusion

So what did our heroine gain in the end? Did she find family and belonging? No. So what does she have in the end? A yellow lightsaber (for merchandising purposes) and a surname of a dead family? I guess she finally has an answer to give all the nosey nellies, obsessed with ones pedigree that have suddenly popped up all over the galaxy.

It's not a satisfying ending for her, as she's basically right back where she started. Alone, in a desolate desert, once again staring face to face at an old woman (an old woman which at the start of the Force Awakens symbolized her fear of growing old and wasting away her life on Jakku).

Terrio states that this is not meant to indicate that Rey plans to stay here, “The very last thing Rey would do after all that is to go and live alone in a desert.” but when that is the last shot you chose to end the movie on then what is the audience suppose to think? The bigger issue however, is that Rey's ending holds no significance to her or her journey. Terrio says that “In our thinking, Rey goes back to Tatooine as a pilgrimage in honor of her two Skywalker masters. Leia’s childhood home, Alderaan, no longer exists, but Luke’s childhood home, Tatooine, does. Rey brings the sabers there to honor the Skywalker twins by laying them to rest — together, finally — where it all began.” Tatooine, the Lars homestead and the twin suns, don't mean anything to Rey. You know who did mean something to Rey? Who was the one person who understood her, who she had an intimate relationship with, who she explicitly states she wanted to be with? Ben. But he's gone too. But clearly a light saber and surname are more important. Again this all comes from a lack of caring for what Rey wants.

I just wish that the Sequel Trilogy had stayed Rey's trilogy, that she got to be a heroine in her own right not because she was a skywalker, or a palpatine or from some other powerful family. I will always love Rey but I will always hate what they did to her and I'm tired of people invalidating my feelings and telling me that it was a good ending or that it was empowering. I just want heroines to be taken as seriously and to have all the same privileges as male heroes. Let them stand on their own without connecting them back to every male hero in the franchise, let them be their own character, and finally just let them be human, let them fall in love and have relationships if they want to. Male heroes are never considered to be less of a hero for having a love interest, so why are female heroes? Basically what I got out of the Rise of Skywalker, was that it was created by a couple of guys that loved Luke and the OT and could care less about Rey and that's truly heart breaking.

#rey #rey nobody #reylo #ben solo #rey deserved better #rey deserves better #bring ben solo back #I love rey #aTROSity #just rey #reunite the dyad

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lavenderjacobs · 4 years

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true feelings #1 ~ quackity au

hey! so this is gonna be a bit of a different post i’ve been wanting to write a multi-part series for a while now, but i was never sure what to write it about. then i figured that the highschool quackity au could have a lot of potential, so i’m just gonna try it out!

anyways, hope u enjoy! im really proud of how this turned out, and if it’s received well i’m defenitly gonna write more parts to it! <3

(this whole post is gonna make a lot more sense if u read this post first :D)

also thank u sm for 300+ followers u are all very epic

➳ wc; 0,7K ➳ tw; swearing ➳ summary; the aftermath of kissing the stupidest boy in class. a boy that you always thought you hated. ➳ pronouns; she/her ➳ song reccomendation; 505 - arctic monkeys

the last two days have been hell. absolute hell. you didn’t realize how much you enjoyed being around Alex or talking to him until you forced yourself to ignore him.

after what happened at the party friday, you’ve just completely forgotten how to act. everything in your life has lost structure. you had gone years, thinking you hated him. but no one, not even you, knew that that all turned out to be a facade to hide how you truly felt about Alex.

he had kissed you. Alex had kissed you. and you crumbled completely under his touch. it’s like something shattered in your brain. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you were supposed to hate him. he’s such an idiot, he’s everything you despise, how could you ever love him?

so, after it happened, you left the party immediately. after coming home, you checked your phone, and were greeted with countless missed calls and texts from Alex.

‘where are you’

‘we really need to talk’

‘im sorry if i was out of line’

‘i didnt mean to freak you out’

‘answer my calls’

‘c’mon dont be like this’

and after about an hour of you ignoring his texts and calls, just a simple

‘fuck you then’

you completely broke down angry-crying after that. he was so- just so-.

that was the worst part. you didn’t hate him anymore. well, you hated him in a different way than you used to. you used to hate him for being his ignorant self. saying stupid shit in class, always seeking for attention, never keeping his mouth shut. but now you just hated him for being him. Alex with that stupid fucking beanie that he wore all the time. Alex and his adorable laugh. Alex who always smelled like pine and fresh rain. Alex with his goddamn dreamy eyes. Alex with lips, so fucking soft. you hated him.

and now, after a weekend of ignoring your friends, your family, and most importantly, Alex, you had to go back to school.

you sit on the edge of your bed, ready to leave. but the thought of running into Alex has you frozen. what the hell would you even say to him? “Hi Alex! sorry for completely ignoring you after you kissed me, i was just a bit busy crying over how much i hated you.” ..stupid.

when you arrive at school, your friends bombard you with questions about where you’ve been this weekend. “oh, just...you know...busy with homework, nothing special.” you say to avoid any questions. if they found out you had spent all weekend crying over a boy your whole friend group despised, you’d be an absolute laughing stock for the rest of the year. your friends just keep chatting about some upcoming test, and head off to class, as you stay behind, getting your stuff from your locker. as you close it, an all to familiar face pops up behind you.

“you thought you got rid of me huh?”

while internally screaming, you try your absolute hardest to seem unbothered. you roll your eyes at Alex as you put your books in your backpack and try to walk away from him.

“seriously? you’re just not gonna talk to me?” he says while following you.

“why would I?” you answer him with raised eyebrows and a playfull expression.

“you’re literally so annoying.” this time he’s the one rolling his eyes.

“oh yeah? then why did you kiss me?”

your eyes immediately widen, as you realize what you just said. you can feel your face becoming a bright shade of red. Alex looks down on you with a stone-cold look on his face. you try your hardest to read the expression on his face, and to your surprise, for a split-second, he looks a bit hurt.

he nods. “okay then. just forget it even happened.”

as he walks away, you’re just left confused.

how where you ever supposed to forget it happened?

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stxvercgersslut · 3 years

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Love Without Doubt

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Part 1: It’ll be over and I’ll Still Be Asking When

Other people mentioned: Natasha, Tony, Clint, Wanda & others

Warnings: Mentions of death, heartache, language like normal, angry reader, sad steve, dead Tony, smut in the future, pregnancy, a whole load of angst and a whole lot of fluff in future parts.

Description: Losing Tony Stark was the worst thing to ever happen to you. But finding out that you were 3 months pregnant with your late husbands baby hit the nail on the head. You were alone, heartbroken and Scared. Steve’s riddled with guilt, knowing you were out there alone and pregnant hurt him, how could he leave you like that? Exactly he couldn’t.

A/n: I know the pictures are of a white girl but this is by no means a white girl fic. In fact this is reader insert! Meaning that you get to imagine yourself in this fic as y/n, so I will not be addressing the colour of her skin because that is for you to do! :) I know that this chapter is just a short one but this is the prologue. I didn’t think it needed to be that long.

A/n: ahhhh it’s been a while. I’m sorry for my absence I didn’t really plan on writing this again. But after a lot of thinking 🤔 came to the conclusion that I honestly adore this fic too much not to continue it.

Positive.

Shit!

'No no no no no! Y/n this can't be happening right now! How on earth could you let this happen?' You screamed in your head. Just some of the thoughts that were running wild in your brain as you continued to stare hundreds of tiny little holes into the pregnancy test.

Tony had always wanted kids, ever since the pair of your had begun to date those long 7 years ago he'd been open with you about his longing for children. But now the moment you should have shared with your loving husband was shared with you and your reflection in the mirror. The man you loved would never get to meet his beautiful baby and that fact alone was enough to shatter your heart into slivers. There truly was no coming back from this pain.

How could this be happening right now? More importantly, how could this be happening to you right no! After everything you'd been through the world just wouldn't give you a break?!? With Tony gone how on earth were you even going to provide of a baby? Let alone looked after it on your own!

As these questions continued to race around your brain at 100 miles an hour, your hands began to shake uncontrollably whilst tears began to fall from your eyes. It was no surprise that you were understandably distraught with the cards you'd been dealt by the world.

————————————————————

Despite your pain, Steve was going through heartbreak just as much as you were, completely traumatised due to being forced to watch one of his best friends sacrifice himself in order to save not only the world but also the universe it's self. Not only did he have the trauma but he also had the guilt of your pain looming over you.

Due to what he'd witnessed Steve would find himself experiencing nightmare after nightmare every single night, barely managing to sneak in any sleep before the images of his former best friend, Tony Stark, dying in front of him reappeared in his brain for what felt like the millionth time. It had only been 3 days since that dreaded day yet he'd been tossing and turning ever since. Living alone in his currant state was never a good idea. But since he had no one to help him through the PTSD he had to just struggle on through. With all his failures coming back to haunt him it was tough but he had to try. Otherwise what was the point in anything?

As the early hours of the morning sunshine began to shine through his half open curtains, Steve jolted awake. Once again awakened by the deadliness of his nightmare. However, this time, unlike any other time, he woke up with an overwhelming sense of guilt towards you. His entire heart burning from what you must have been going through. After all he knew exactly how close you and Tony use to be, how could he have been so cruel to rip that away from you when you'd been so happy?

Knowing that you'd be all alone in that huge cabin, alone with your thought eating you alive just like his were, truly didn't sit right with him. It was just in his blood to help people, whether or not they actually wanted his help was a different question but if someone was in distress, which he somehow had a feeling you were, he had to at least try and help.

Grunting, the still slightly panicked soldier stretched out his limbs, releasing all tensions from the night before as he did every morning even before the blip. It was just apart of his routine now and he'd never be able to stop that.

'Alright, time to get up I guess' the male mumbled to himself as his feet met the hard wood of his apartment bedroom floor. Ever since the blip Steve hadn't been able to stay at the Avengers compound, too afraid of having to relive all of those failures again. Now, with the compound completely and utterly destroyed, it was just an added reason for him not to go back there. Especially with everything that had gone on in there before.

He may have looked okay from the outside but on the inside? Oh he was a broken man alright. What did anyone expect from a super soldier who'd been through as much trauma as him?

As the male prepared his morning coffee his mind wandered back to you, wondering what on earth you could have been doing in a cabin all alone by yourself. Maybe you were still asleep in bed , shaking off all the loneliness and all the heart break with as much sleep as you could? If that was the case then maybe Steve could rest easier knowing that for the most part you were okay. Maybe he would have been able to forget about you if he knew for certain that you were able to slip into a state of peace when you fell asleep.

But for some reason Steve just couldn't shake the idea of you maybe crying yourself to sleep every night. Or even worse, what if you were listening to that damn hologram again? Or his voicemail again? What if you still hated him? Oh he had to put this right.

Deep down Steve knew you hated the way that he'd handled things, the way he'd brutally dragged your husband away from you. Bursting the bubble surrounding the two of you in the process. But if there was any possible way that he could put all the heartbreak right and ease his Conscience in the process then he had to try right? No matter how much you hated him right now he knew that you'd need a friend right now.

So without a second thought, the super soldier poured his morning coffee into a travel mug (one Bucky had bought him one year), threw on a t-shirt and jeans, grabbed his leather jacket as well as his keys and left the house. There just had to be a way to put this right.

As Steve made his way to the cabin that used to be shared by you and Tony, he couldn't help but lose himself in deep thought. Struggling to comprehend how life had just fucked everyone over so awfully. Yeah they managed to get their lives back and bring everyone home in the process. But what good was that when Tony didn't arrive back home to you safely? What use was bringing all the blipped back when Steve had to explain to you that your husband was never coming home. The world was cruel, that he knew for certain.

It hadn't taken him more than an hour to finally arrive at your cabin, sucking in a deep breath as he slowly exited him car and made his way up to the front door.

Was he really about to do this? Was he really about to attempt to talk to you even though he knew that you most likely hated his guts?

Apparently so since his he curled his hand into a fist and gently knocked on the door, staring is hung that he could hear the sound of joyful laughter. But in reality all he could hear was painful sobs. That was the hardest part, hearing you sob was already breaking his heart. It was times like these he truly did wish that his hearing wasn’t as strong as it happened to be.

With one more breath, Steve finally pulled himself together and knocked 3 times, hoping you’d opened the door for him.

————————————————————

You'd been so caught up in your emotional agony that you'd barely had enough time to hear the first couple knocks, but by the third knock your senses seemed to finally come back quick enough to only slightly hear the very last knock.

After straightening yourself up a little you finally made your way towards the door, dreading the panic attack that was most likely coming your way after everything you’d gone through. However, nothing had prepared you for who you found at the door upon opening.

“Steve?” You groaned almost angrily; practically spitting it out.

Tags: @jtargaryen18 @chuckbass-love @et-lesailes @harrysthiccthighss @cevans-fics @dwights-new-plague @sweetllamaparadise @jessyballet @lharrietg @patzammit

#steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #steve rogers angst #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers icons #steve rogers sexy #steve rogers #chris evans #chris evans cute #chris evans hot #daddy! chris evans #his laugh though 🥺#chris evans and dodger #chris evans sexy #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans characters

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generallybarzy · 3 years

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i loved you first.

an: I wrote this mostly a couple nights ago when I was listening to my "ouch" playlist and sobbing so hard I got a 48-hour migraine over the fact that I'll never see my crush again and I can't do anything about it because a) I'm moving in less than a month and leaving everything I know behind and b) he has a girlfriend. But that emotion eventually evolved into "i'm never gonna see some of my best friends again after we move away from each other next month" and that just turned me into this big pit of anxiety where I felt like time was just moving too fast but not at all and I'll miss everything if I don't go do something. So. I was fucking sad and this was the result. completely unedited angst. probably sucks ass, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Anyway, I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't really been around for a few days. I deleted all my asks so if you had something sent, its gone, and i'm just popping in to post this. idk when I'll be back this time, but i'm trying to take care of my irl relationships and moving and college and all that and it hurts a lot more than i can explain and everythings putting my anxiety through the roof lately. anyway........

song inspo: i loved you first- joan

word count: 2.3k

"You keep running away when I need you most

Running away when I get too close

My heart is full but yours is running out

I think I'm afraid of what comes next

Yeah, I'm afraid you've lost your head

Baby, you know that I loved you first

But now, you're in love with somebody else."

Mat was losing you.

You were his best friend. You'd grown together, laughed together, made stupid decisions together in the wake of your last breakup, he always came to to with his troubles, and, as much as he hated hearing the way your ex treated you, he kept his mouth shut and kept being the shoulder you needed to cry on again and again.

And Mat had been in love with you for as long as he could remember.

Ever since the night of your breakup, he'd been waiting for the right moment to tell you how he felt. You were fresh out of a breakup, and he knew that was the worst time to say anything, so he kept quiet. He helped you get yourself out there and smile once again. He brought that beautiful, gleaming smile back to your face. And it warmed his heart to know he had helped bring some of the sunshine back to your life. He waited and waited, comforting you after all your bad first dates and keeping his cool when you came over for movie night. He tried to ignore the way his heart pounded when you circled your arms around his waist and mumbled "At least I'll always have you, Maty." He tried his hardest to calm his heart and keep his eyes on the movie while you cuddled up with him, wearing his clothes, but the light of his TV betrayed him and lit up the way you were smiling against his chest, deep in sleep, safe and comfortable in his hoodie. He didn't tell you how he felt, all those years. He couldn't lose what he had of you in trying to get more. He would be happy with just this for now.

You rested against his chest, unaware of the way Mat was staring at you as if you'd put the stars in the sky all for him. He was so ready to give you his all, to tell you everything he wanted to say, to finally get to call you his, and hear you call him yours. He leaned down to ghost his lips across your cheek, letting the words fall before he even realized his mouth was moving.

"I love you so much, more than you'll ever know."

Maybe he said the words then because he knew you wouldn't hear, maybe he was afraid of actually telling you, afraid of the chance that he would scare you away with how full his heart was. But he didn't mind. He said it, and as long as he knew he loved you, he'd be content with staying like this for a while while you picked yourself back up and regained your confidence. Once you weren't still reeling from your breakup, he'd let it out. He'd tell you for real.

But then, one of your first dates went well.

He'd gotten his usual post-date text from you, the one he always made you promise to send just so he knew you were safe. He expected another letdown, a list of all the things wrong with your date, or ways they were just like your ex. Instead, you were gushing. Mat couldn't stand the hope in your messages, the way you were so excited, rambling on and on about this guy. He wanted to be happy for you, he wanted to be glad you were finding someone you liked, but he couldn't help feeling the pain from the sting that someone was actually taking you away from him again.

Soon, your movie nights together as friends were overtaken by date nights, and Mat was left alone in his apartment, sitting on the couch you used to cuddle him on, wearing the hoodie you loved to steal, and watching the TV show you introduced him to, half heartedly checking your snap story to see you in the middle of a date with him. He tried to hide his jealousy whenever you spoke of your boyfriend, he tried to appear proud and excited for you, but the hard truth he didn't want to face was that he was losing you. He was losing his best friend, the person he loved the most.

He didn't know when this started. He didn't know how to stop it, but you were pulling away from him. And that scared him. Mat couldn’t stand watching you fall more and more in love with this guy, not when he was right there, willing to give you all the love he had in his heart.

You were the one Mat went to on his worst days. The days when he felt like a waste of space, like he'd never amount to anything more than he was. The days it seemed like the weight of everyone's expectations was about to make him crumble to his knees. The days he needed you most. It only took a quick 'you free tonight? I need you.' text, and you knew exactly the state he was in. 'Of course Mat, I'm always free for you.' But ever since you started dating this guy, his texts went unanswered, unseen, and he was left alone on his hardest nights, with harsh reminders that the girl he loved was falling in love with somebody else right in front of his eyes, while he could do nothing but watch.

This guy had no right to come between you two. After all, Mat had loved you first.

He had comforted you for years over your shitty boyfriends, and this newest guy was no exception. Mat would still find himself, on rare nights, holding you in his arms while you sobbed about how your boyfriend made you cry again, whispering to Mat that 'at least I know you would never do this to me'. But the next day you were gone, running away from him as if you'd never snuggled up in his arms for comfort, as if the late-night conversations meant nothing to you.

'You're right, I would never do this to you." He thought to himself, watching you toy with the sleeve of his sweater and snuggle into his chest to dry your eyes with your best friend's warmth. "So why do you keep going back to the man who hurt you, when I'm right here?'

Mat had so much he wanted to say, and though he didn't want you to run away again, he could only hold his tongue for so long.

"I'm so glad you invited me out for lunch, Mat. He's been such an ass lately, so I'm glad to get away. It's been a while since we talked, yeah?"

Mat couldn't bring himself to answer. God, his heart was throbbing in his chest. He loved you so much, but you were falling in love with an asshole who didn't treat you right. You looked so beautiful sitting across the table from him. The sun was gleaming off your hair, but the beauty was made sour by the necklace that sat around your neck, the necklace your boyfriend had given you on your 3 month anniversary. Mat swallowed back his nerves. "(Y/N), I need to be honest with you."

Any trace of happiness on your face was gone, replaced with dread. Part of Mat felt like shit for making you feel like that, but another, more sinister part, felt a little glimmer of revenge. You'd been running away from him for months, abandoning your best friend for some shitty boyfriend who you still cried over to him, and maybe now you were feeling a slimmer of what dread he had felt when he thought of your crumbling friendship, and the love he had for you that he couldn't do anything with. "What's wrong, Mat? It seems really serious."

"It is." Mat took a deep breath. He couldn't meet your eyes. He didn't know when he started to feel uncomfortable around you. You had always been the person he could admit anything to. Now, you were pulling away from him. "We've been friends for so long, but recently, I feel like I'm… losing you."

"Mat, you're not losing me."

"Yeah, I am. I'm losing you to your new boyfriend.”

Finally, Mat met your eyes, and was astonished by the fear there. How could you spend the last few months drawing further and further away, and then be shocked when he confronted you? Hadn't you realized how little time you spent together? Hadn't you noticed how the only time you spent with him was when he was comforting you from something your boyfriend did to upset you? Hadn't your words- 'at least I know you'd never do this to me'- meant nothing?

"Look, I know you're happy with him, and I'm happy for you… no matter how much you complain about how he's an ass... but… we- you don't come over anymore.”

“I’m- I’m sorry, Mat, I’m more busy than I was when I was single-”

“No, it's not just that. You stopped answering my texts. You know… the ones… when I'm vulnerable. When I need you. I get that you’re gonna be busy, but I opened up to you about shit I would never tell to another person, and I can’t even get a response. You're running away when I need you most…"

He let the silence fall between you again. After a few moments, you spoke up, "Mat…" but your voice fell flat when you couldn't think of the right words to fill the air.

"You still come over, but only when you need someone to dry your tears when your boyfriend did something stupid. You come to me. You only come to me when you need my comfort, but you can’t give me the comfort when I need it, and I’m fucking tired of it.” His words weren’t bitter towards you at all. That’s not what he felt. He wasn’t angry at you, he was angry that either of you had let your boyfriend come between you, he was angry at himself for letting you go, for being too fucking insecure to tell you anything. “You- you keep telling me you wish you could find someone like me. But can't you tell how perfect I am for you?"

"Mat, stop." You were picking with your fingers, a habit he knew all too well.

“I know you remember that night.”

“Mat…”

“It was when you were still trying to date, and always came over after your bad first dates. We cuddled, we…. We got way closer than friends should. I thought- I guess I just thought there was something there. I thought we’d end up as more…”

“I-” Your throat was tight. You hadn’t even realized how much Mat’s words were affecting you. “You can't just… drop all this on me right now, it's not fair."

"What do you really see in him?"

"What?"

"What do you see in him? Does he really love you like you know I do?" You sat quietly, your mouth agape, eyes dropping to the table. Mat’s voice dropped quieter. “You know I love you. I know you know. Friends don’t just cuddle and… and fucking open up about every single little insecurity and promise each other they’ll never leave, and say ‘at least I know you’d never do this to me. I loved you. So fucking much. And it’s so hard to watch you fall in love with someone else, when my heart is so fucking full of love for you.” Mat scoffed in spite of himself. He knew he was fucking it all up, your friendship, any chance of a relationship with you, and it was making his words taste even more bitter. "You know what's not fair? How I have to sit here, watching you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you nearly as much as I do."

“Please stop, Mat.” You quieted him, your hands shaking, in fear of what would come of your surely-shattered friendship. “I- I didn’t know. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Bullshit.” Mat was well aware of the tears beading in his eyes, but he tried his hardest to ignore the burn of them rolling thickly down his cheeks. “I- I was always there to hold you… to comfort you when your dates didn’t go well or when your boyfriend fucked up. Can’t you see?”

The silence that fell between the two of you was deafening. Neither of you could make eye contact, and instead focused on staring at the table, not caring about the people inevitably walking around you and wondering what was happening.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Mat.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn't… I’m with my boyfriend. I can’t just…” You shook your head. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Nothing.” Mat sat back in his chair. He’d said what he invited you here to say, and that was all he had planned. He didn’t think of anything else past this point. “I just… I had to tell you. I’m not gonna tell you what to do, I’m not gonna say you have to choose me or him, and I’m sure this fucked up our friendship like crazy. I just- I can’t keep watching this, okay? That’s all I had to say. I know you love him, and I… fuck, I still love you. I just hope you don’t forget about me, alright?”

“Mat, you’re my best friend.”

Mat stood up, sliding down some money for the drink he had bought earlier. God, he felt like shit, watching the girl he loved move on, knowing there was no way they could keep going on like this, no way she would want to keep seeing him knowing how he felt. But he couldn’t hide it any longer, and now, it was ruined.

“I gotta go.”

#this is probably shit and doesn't make any sense #i just had.......... emotions #welp

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pterodactylterrace · 4 years

Text

Guys Like You Chapter 6

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter: 6

Chapter Summary: More of a filler chapter, not much Henry, I’m sorry.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, pregnancy, poor self image, bad coping mechanisms, low self esteem.

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5}

"I already told you, Faye! I don't want anything to do with this!"

"So because I want to keep my babies, you're leaving me? Is that what you're trying to tell me, David?"

"Yes! Shit, I knew you were dumb, but seriously!"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you deaf too, whore? How do you even know I'm the one that knocked you up? You've slept with just about every guy in town!"

"Get the fuck out."

"Don't come crying to me later! You're nothing without me! No one is ever going to want you. Especially once you have kids. Who the hell wants used goods? Have fun living a life of regret!"

Faye jerked awake, her head spinning as she tried to catch her bearings. Did David really leave her just like that? Sure he wasn't the greatest, but he had never lashed out like that before. At least not where anyone else could witness it.

No. David's gone. He has been gone for almost four years now. New life. Starting over. It's all in the past now.

Have to get the baby up before the sitter comes. Work is coming up soon. Life goes on.

"Briar, what are you doing on the floor?" Faye chuckled, crouching down next to her daughter, curled up on her pillow by her bed.

"I'm a puppy." Briar yawned in explanation, holding her arms up to be lifted, promptly licking her mother's cheek as soon as she was up.

"Briar, we talked about licking people."

"I'm not Briar, I'm puppy."

"Ok then, puppy, no licking people. Now what do you want for breakfast?"

"Puppy food."

"Cereal it is."

Feed the toddler, quick shower, get dressed, throw her hair up away from her face, wait for the baby sitter, hugs and kisses goodbye, then off to work. The usual routine she had settled herself into.

Feed the baby, because she's hungry and she comes first.

Shower, because she probably has some sort of mystery goo on her from the toddler.

Get dressed, avoid the mirror. No one wants to be reminded of how much they've changed. The softness she wasn't used to around her lower stomach, hips and thighs. Her breasts no longer as perky as they used to be. The stretchmarks competing with her tattoo's for attention.

Then, the hardest part of the day. "Ok, Briar, Mrs. Anderson is here. Mommy has to go to work. I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy." Briar responded, hugging her mother tight and kissing her cheek before she was sat back down.

"Have a nice day, Miss Warren."

"I hope she's not too much to handle."

"Never is."

Some days, Faye likes to pretend she's ok. Like she has a handle on things. Like she knows what she's doing and not just blindly stumbling through her life while trying to do right by her daughter.

Other days, she would absently push her sleeves up and her eye would catch on the black lines decorating her forearm, just below her elbow. Some days she's reminded that life is a bitch, and you can't always get what you want. On those days she tried to stay out of her own head, though that rarely worked.

She could slap on a smile with the best of them, but she could never force it to reach her eyes. Her face always remained an open book, free for anyone to read. The past creeps up on you. There's nothing you can do to stop it some days. On a bad day, the ghosts of the past will haunt your mind, echoing the worst days of your life into the void of your shattered heart.

"No one is ever going to want you!"

"You're nothing without me!"

"Who wants used goods?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Warren. There was nothing we could do."

Over and over on a seemingly never ending loop, reminding her of the darkest times in her life.

Why would anyone want her? She's not the same hot twenty six year old she used to be. She was soft. She was saggy. She would never be as attractive as she used to be. Anyone in their right mind would turn around and run once they realized how much she had let herself go.

Days like today were best spent keeping people at a distance. Tell them some story about being tired. Avoid anyone that is going to call her out on her obvious lie. Therein lies the problem with dying your hair obnoxious colors. Among a sea of blonde and brunette, powder blue tends to stick out and make it almost impossible to vanish.

Lie your way out of it. Survive another day. Tomorrow might not be better, but at least it won't be the same.

"Mommy, you're back!" The sweetest sound she could hear all day.

"I always come back, my little love." Faye assured, kissing her daughter's head.

Need to care for the baby. She comes first. She deserves the world. Play time. Dinner time. Bath time. Story time. Bed time. The same after work routine she had established months ago when she decided to drop everything and run.

Her daughter thought the world of her. She would do anything to see her smile. She would wear the stupid costume. She would pretend to be a horsey. She would let her daughter use her as a jungle gym. She would make the same dinner again for the third night in a row for her. So what if she soaked the bathroom floor during bath time? She was a mermaid, and she wanted to show off her tail. Story time, always an adventure with her imaginative little girl. What world would they find themselves in today? Dinosaurs? Princesses? Mythology? A rhyming book?

Ah, yes of course. Her current favorite, the book about the dinosaur cleaning his room. She was a girl obsessed with dinosaurs at the moment.

"Mommy, where's my Papa?" Briar asked, staring intently down at the page depicting a mother and father watching the dinosaur throw away paper scraps.

"Don't worry about him, sweetheart. He wasn't a nice man." Faye explained, resting her cheek on her daughter's head.

"Can I have a new Papa?"

"Maybe someday, sweetheart."

"Can Spider-man be my new Papa?"

"Why do you want Spider-man to be your new Papa?"

"He's my boyfriend!"

"That's not how it works, silly. If he's your boyfriend, he can't also be by boyfriend! Pick another hero!"

"Batman!"

"Well, he is rich." Faye mused, Briar giggling happily. "Now it's time for bed, my love."

"Ok, Mommy. I love you!"

"I love you too, Briar." Faye whispered, kissing her forehead. The nightlight was switched on and the door was left cracked open, just in case. Now for her seldom used free time.

Should she sketch some more? Finish that painting she started forever ago? Ever since she started a "real" job, her art had fallen by the wayside. She was too drained to do much after work and caring of her daughter.

Maybe some drawing will lift her spirits and keep the nightmares at bay tonight. But what to draw? Not in the mood for still life. Brain too fried for something straight from her imagination. Her usual model was sleeping, and her last few self portraits had been a serious blow to her ego. She just drew what she saw in the mirror. Then, when she was finished, she decided she should have worn more clothing before she drew herself. What was supposed to boost her confidence and empower her as a woman instead left her wondering when exactly she developed that roll when sitting in that position.

"Fuck it. I'm drawing a moose." Faye grumbled to herself, turning the page from her self portrait to a blank sheet. Half an hour later when she was trying to remember what a moose's antlers looked like, she finally picked up her phone. Seven unread messages? That seems like a lot. When was the last time she looked at her phone? Oh yeah, when she got home, five hours ago.

All from one person. So she wasn't ignoring everyone at least. Seven messages, all from Henry. Shit. That's not good.

Are you ok?

You seemed off on set today

You didn't even talk to me

Did you at least make it home alright?

Can you send me a sign of life?

I'm sorry if I upset you or something. Can you please talk to me? I'm genuinely worried.

Please?

Well, fuck. Here she was playing unicorn apocalypse with her daughter, and this poor guy was worrying himself to death.

Sorry, I was drawing a moose

Perfect way of saying "I wasn't ignoring you" while also avoiding his persistent questions about her wellbeing. The good old 'drawing a moose' excuse. Works every time.

I think your moose aged me by ten years. Are you ok?

Just had a bad day

Anything I can do to help?

Squeeze me until I stop struggling and my spine snaps

That's called 'murder' Miss Warren

I knew there was a name for it

Is there anything I can do for you that involves less prison?

Nah, if you're not going to take me out, then I'm not interested

I'm not going to take you out by murder. I will take you out on a date.

Faye froze, staring at her phone. He was just playing around, like he always did. No way he was serious. Henry liked to flirt, and she wasn't about to throw herself at him over a joke. She had more dignity than that. So how does she respond? She can't just ignore him, and taking forever to respond is going to give the impression that she was freaking out over what he said.

She was completely freaking out over what he had said, but he didn't need to know that. Was he just looking to get laid or something? Probably. He had gotten pretty close the last time he had been over. There's a difference between dating and screwing, though. He was probably just looking for someone to fuck while waiting for a woman worth his time to come along. Faye was broken out of her thoughts by her phone going off again, alerting her to a new message. Didn't he know she was busy having an existential crisis?

If you're free on Sunday you can come over and show me that moose your working on

*you're

Smart ass

Sunday?

I'll have to see if Mrs. Anderson can watch Briar

Bring her along. She keeps asking me about Kal

Pretty on brand for her

Sunday?

Sunday.

Sunday. What to wear on Sunday? He was probably looking for a little something something for his time, so something slutty? She got rid of all her slutty clothes after she had Briar in a fit of self hatred toward her new mom bod, so that was out. Besides, he wouldn't have invited Briar over too if he was looking to get laid.

So what does one wear on a casual 'date' these days? She had until Sunday to figure that out.

Tag List: @Xxxkatxo @Weallhaveadestiny

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #guys like you #guys like you fic #triggering themes

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lululawrence · 3 years

Text

Wordplay 5.0 Reflections

I dunno what else to call it lmao it doesn't sound right to call this a meme, but whatever it is, here we are! lol @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed came up with these questions after @wordplayfics wrapped up last year and I love them so i'm gonna use them for this year as well.

I'm going to start out with listing the prompts and linking the fics i wrote for each one for everyone's reference, though I'll be linking them again through the answers as well. I'm also putting all the questions and answers beneath a read more because, as usual, I rambled lmao Alright! Here we go!

Struggle: I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right Reduce: I Love This Feeling (But I Hate This Part) Divide: He Carries The Key Rise: Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy Sketch: I Heard You Talking

How did you come up with your ideas for the fics? Can you take us through your process after first receiving the prompt?

I don't know that I have a set way I come up with my fic ideas for Wordplay. It all depends on the prompt and what fic ideas I've got on my "to write list" that might fit that prompt. If nothing on my to write list fits or can be tweaked for a prompt, then I just go through my prompts tag until something strikes me for it, or I just ruminate on the different ways the word can be used and see if something comes up.

So, when I did the random word generator for the first prompt and "struggle" was the word that came up, I immediately thought of "struggle bus". lolllll and when I went looking through my to write list, I saw the girl Payneshaw fic I wanted to write and I was like omgggggg Nick ABSOLUTELY is riding the struggle bus the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME and I knew that was my fic for the week. lmaoooo and there you have it.

What is your favorite fic you wrote for Wordplay this year?

oooohhhh this one is HARD AND MEAN lmaoooo i forgot this was a question asked. okay legitimately i cannot choose a favorite because i'm actually stupidly proud and happy with all of the fics i wrote this year.

If you’ve participated in previous years of Wordplay, what has been your favorite prompt from all years you participated in?

WELP. as the creator of this challenge, i've participated in all 5 years which means there've been 25 prompts i've written. lolllll and honestly i think my favorite prompt is STILL from the first year. it was "bloodsucker". like, how great of a prompt is that???

What was the shortest fic you wrote this year? The longest?

the shortest one this year was... I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right at 4381 words.

the longest one was... I Heard You Talking at 10580 words.

What fic of yours surprised you?

i think all of them surprised me in some way. that's part of the joy of writing fics, isn't it? lollll but i think the one that surprised me the most was Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy. it was a last minute change (i'll elaborate in the answer to the next question haha) and it was a VERY different direction than i had planned. it was all based off of a photo i saw on tumblr, and there was no prompt with the photo. i got to just take in the basic idea of the sticker being placed on a bridge overlooking the city and what might make that spot a good kissing spot.

now, as an ace who doesn't actually ENJOY kissing, i... didn't think about the fact that i would be writing a lot of it. lollll i actually have a super hard time writing kisses and trying to make them varied while also relaying the emotional intimacy of the moment, and then add on top of that the fact that once i started writing the fic, both harry and louis let me know pretty much as soon as words started getting written that they were both genderqueer and that worked differently for each of them, so harry would use they/them pronouns and louis would use he/him still, it just made things more interesting. and the way the fic developed??? like, i had a very vague idea of what would happen in the fic. so the way it actually came about all surprised me.

long answer short, from the very start, this fic surprised me and i was just along for the ride. it was a BLAST and i sure do love it, even if it does have the second lowest hits of all the fics i wrote this year haha

Were there any prompts you struggled to find an idea for?

STRUGGLED HAHAHA sorry. just funny since struggle was a prompt this year. ANYWAY. the prompt i had the hardest time with was defo rise. i've had this fic idea ever since greg james tweeted with shawn mendes months ago about how shawn basically forgot his interview with greg on the breakfast show, so greg had to last minute wing a LOT OF AIR TIME AND SHOW CONTENT and he did a great job, but it brought about some funny content... anyway. that made me wanna write a triad a/b/o fic where greg is louis and harry's beta. rise was going to be used in a lot of different ways through the fic, as well. because breakfast show requires greg to rise from bed early, he gets a rise out of harry and louis with his behavior and overt flirtations with shawn, they have to rise above their jealousy, etc etc etc. i was VERY EXCITED.

except i only had three days i was able to write every week this summer, and those were really really difficult to get. if i wanted to write on tuesday or thursday, i was often curling up with my laptop in a dark room with some caffeine and candles burning to soothe me after the insanity that is my life atm, and write for as long as i could before my brain stopped functioning, which was often only around 30 min. but see, that particularly week was the worst part of my son's 18 month sleep regression, which meant instead of him sleeping and letting me write, i was driving him around or trying to rock him back to sleep or letting him play in an attempt to tire him out etc etc etc and by friday morning i had to admit to myself there was no way i could write that a/b/o fic in my one guaranteed evening to write every week (saturday, btw). so i was suddenly left with around 36 hours to find a new fic idea and develop it enough to be able to write it in one evening.

as i said in the answer to the first question, i usually go to my prompts tag to see what might inspire me with this prompt word in mind, but for this one that wasn't the first place i went. i tried looking at more definitions even though i'd done that earlier and nothing was inspiring me. so i then spoke to several friends and was still having a hard time finding any ideas that felt like something i would enjoy writing and could do so quickly.

by saturday morning, knowing i had less than 12 hours to figure out what i was writing so i could actually WRITE IT in only like 2-3 hours of writing time, i finally sat down and scrolled through my prompts tag. once i did, i saw the photo for the "good kissing spot", and i immediately thought of sunrise. so i ran with it. but i wanted to make it stylinshaw, so how would i work that in, etc etc etc. it was just very fast and very difficult trying to figure out how i would structure it so it could be a fun meet cute kind of fic, but also work into them actually building a meaningful connection etc and... well. it was a lot. haha so yeah, it was just a hard time overall that week, but i'm super proud of it in the end.

Were there any prompts you had an idea for but ended up writing something different? If so, what made you choose to change what you wrote? Do you think you’ll ever write your original idea at a later date?

HA okay well i already answered most of this above, but for the last part of this question, yes i will absolutely write my original idea at a later date. the whole reason i decided not to do it wasn't because i couldn't turn it into a fic that could be written in that one writing session, but because i had hopes for what that fic would be, and i didn't want to shorten and condense it enough to do that. i didn't want to have to lessen the dreams i have for that fic in my head, so i decided i would just put it back on my to write list and save it for later. who knows when, but that fic will absolutely get written.

What do you think was the most difficult as well as the easiest part about the Wordplay Challenge?

most difficult was 100% finding the time to write. that was insanely hard for me all summer, but by the time wordplay was going, things at home had ramped up to being very overwhelming regarding the demands on me and my time, and what i had been doing to carve out some time for myself and writing wasn't working anymore, so i had to adjust even more with the understanding that i was working on a really strict timeline too. so yeah. just finding the time was absolutely the hardest part for me.

easiest part was the actual writing. these fics really flowed from me, outside of the pack fic, that one was actually pretty difficult to make sure i was getting the dynamics exactly the way i wanted to have them turn out, but even with that aspect, it still was like it flowed from me most of the time. these fics really just took over and i was along for the ride. it was a blast.

If you participate again next year, is there anything you’ll do differently? If so, what?

lmao well assuming people still want wordplay to happen again, i'll run it again and very likely will take part. so... with the difficulty i had in finding any time to do anything this summer, i was actually ridiculously stressed when it came to the writing part, but also the modding aspect of it. so i am not sure that i'll run it during the summer again next year. i might have it go during the early fall once school is back in session so i at least have only one child at home instead of three to battle lol so that's one thing i'll hopefully be doing differently.

as for the writing aspect, i don't think so actually. i've done 5 years of this, and i'm having fun with it. haha if i ever find a fic idea i think could work for it, i would consider doing a series for it next year, but it all depends on if there's something i'd like to write that could work for that kind of set up with this challenge.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading!!! xxx

#wordplay 5.0 #writing stuff #my fics #mine

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pa-panda-heroes · 4 years

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Is it alright to request Bakugo, Todoroki, & Kirishima finding out that their usually well put together s/o secretly smokes (only to cope with stressful stuff like a rough home life) but now that she’s with them she tries to quit but then a bad mission happens & they walk in as she’s shakily holding a cig? Happy ending pls. Sorry if it’s complicated recovery isn’t linear & ive been feeling bad just thinking abt going back to it.

Sweetheart, please don’t apologize! I understand, okay? No judgements whatsoever. I’m really sorry you’ve not been feeling well, but keep fighting, love. You can do it!! You got this!! I’m so proud of you for taking this giant step for your health <3 and so are the boys :> I put it under a cut because it’s long ^^

Katsuki, Shouto, and Eijirou with a s/o who’s trying to quit smoking (Scenarios)

Warning: slight mentions of relapse, smoking

Katsuki:

He knew. He knew you’d had a particularly bad day handling an awful situation - the kind of job any hero (maybe even Katsuki himself) would pass off onto a rookie so as to avoid having to deal with it. He knew you’d been trying your hardest to quit smoking. He knew you only picked it up as a way to cope. He knew it was hard. He knew it all. He was right there with you.

Yet it didn’t break his heart any less when he got home from his own hero shift to see you trembling and holding your head with both hands, an unlit cigarette nestled between your shaky fingers. A lighter lay on the coffee table in front of you, seemingly forgotten but not really. Your sniffling was loud, and it pained Katsuki to hear it, as if with each sniffle the hand around his heart squeezed tighter and tighter.

“Y/n.” He doesn’t say or do much else, and neither do you. It’s quiet, save for your sniffling and occasional hiccups. Katsuki sighs, not out of frustration, not out of pity, and certainly not out of anger. Well, maybe there was a hint of anger, but it was not aimed at you. It was aimed at whosoever pushed the put-together, organized you to this habit which was giving you a run for its money. Quietly, he moves to sit next your trembling form, wrapped in the plush blanket you got him for his birthday last year. It smelled like him. No smoke, no ashes. Him.

“Just take deep breaths,” he says quietly, afraid to spook you, as he slowly brings up his arm to wrap around your shoulders and bring you close. You’re rigid. Stiff. And so unlike yourself. “Don’t feel bad, y/n. Stuff like this... it’s hard. There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to recovery. No one gets it right on the first try.” It’s hard, rewiring your brain not to crave a certain substance, or anything else, really. Katsuki hasn’t dealt with this firsthand, but as a hero he’s seen enough to know no one gets it right on the first try; sometimes people slip up.

“People slip up. And that’s fine,” he continued softly. “They just need to push themselves back up and fight back even harder. I’m so fucking proud of you, alright? And you - you’re tough as hell, you know that?” He stops, as if to gauge your reaction. And react you do. You bury your head in his chest, dropping your hands to your lap without a word. Saying something is too much right now. The cigarette is still between your fingers, but Katsuki gently takes it from you and tosses it onto the table.

“Maybe you don’t realize it, but you are.” Katsuki pats your shoulder furthest from him, leaning down to whisper at you. “You’d have to be, to put up with me and my bullshit,” he jokes with a pinch to your cheek, and finally you chuckle with a wee grin. “No, seriously! I always leave the toilet seat up, I scream at the TV, I never put my laundry right into the hamper, and I always forget to wash dishes... I’m kinda hard to live with.”

“You also kick in your sleep,” you quip with a giggle, voice tiny and meek yet full of love and spunk.

“Ah hell, do I? See, the list goes on and on.”

You shake your head wistfully, your grin growing by the second, but then it leaves you for something sweeter, something quieter. “Thank you for helping me quit, Katsuki.” The gentle lilt in your voice is music to his ears, though he wouldn’t outright admit it.

He huffs at you playfully. “Aw, shaddup. With everything you put up with from me, I’d say we’re even.” He almost seems bashful at your thanking him. Maybe he is.

“No, not quite. You also walk around naked at the worst possible times.”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry.”

You turn to look up at him, eyes gleaming - and not from tears. “My friend really didn’t need to see you walking around in your All Might boxers.”

He shrugs it off. “She should’ve knocked. And you shouldn’t have bought them as a gag gift, babe.” Katsuki flicks your nose gently, leaving you to you wrinkle it and recoil from him.

“Jerk!”

Shouto:

Damn paperwork.

His back hurt, his eyes burned, and his wrist was currently cramping.

Yet it was better than everything you dealt with on patrol earlier. He wasn’t sure how you made it back in one piece like you did.

With a yawn he decided that’s it, a break is most certainly due. So he’d go looking for you, maybe even just five minutes together would make him a new man. But he couldn’t find you. Oh. Shouto wasn’t panicked by any means, but he was in a hurry to find you. He knew if even after one relapse, no matter how short-lived, you would beat yourself up about it better than you do villains. Even if there was no need to. Relapse happens sometimes.

Finally, he found you in the alleyway behind the agency. And he found the cigarette. It was lit, snug between your lips and slowly developing ash. Your hand was so shaky, Shouto was worried something was medically wrong for a second before he realized himself. He called out to you, a hand reached out as he approached. You jumped in your skin, head jerking his way, one lone tear trail on your cheek. “Y/n, please put that out.”

You wipe your nose with the back of your hand unceremoniously, but it didn’t bother him. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. “It’s just- it’s hard. I feel like I’m trying to put myself back together, but I’m missing a piece. Does that make sense?”

Shouto looks at you gently. “It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to me,” he says clearly. “As long as you understand it and talk about what you’re feeling, I’m happy. Why don’t you tell me more about what you’re feeling right now? It helped last time.”

“Overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed as fuck.” You suck in a breath and bring your fingers to your lips to pick at them rather than take a drag.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Being a hero is hard work.” He’s being supportive. He understands; he’s a hero, too.

“With everything at home when I started... and being a hero...” your voice breaks, “pushing one down for the sake of the other and trying to hold myself together and quit... it sucks, Shouto.”

Your love’s eyebrows pull upward with worry. “I’m sorry, love. You always do your best, you do so well.”

You glance at him with tears in your eyes before dropping the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out with a drawn out sigh. That... actually felt nice. It hurt, too, but it was nice.

“I know I’ve said this before, but I want you to talk to me when you’re craving, okay?” Shouto’s hands grab yours, thumbs rubbing the back of your hand soothingly and slowly. “It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. I want you to talk to me. I want to help.”

You nod quickly, unable to form words as tears well up and your lips fight against you to grimace. You wipe at your eyes with your free hand, sniffling all the while. You choke out a quiet “thank you,” and swallow thickly, only for Shouto to lean toward you and plant a kiss to your forehead before pulling you in for a warm hug in the cool alley.

“Dont thank me,” he whispers, squeezing you tight for emphasis. “It’s only natural I want to help you. I love you. All of you. No matter what.”

You nestle your cheek to his shoulder. “Even if I fuck up?”

“Are you kidding? Of course, y/n. I’ll always be so proud of you for fighting on.”

Eijirou:

“Hey, y/n-“

You blink at him, cigarette between your lips and lighter in your shaky hand. Your eyes are puffy and your cheeks are red. The flame of the lighter licked the cigarette but did not light it, and then suddenly died out as you pulled your thumb off the plate below the wheel. You reached up and closed the window of the bathroom before sitting back down on the side of the tub with your hands in your lap. “Please don’t be mad...”

The grin he wore just before he saw the cigarette faded. “Hey, I’m not mad.”

“I had a really bad day and... I dunno.” You looked down at your hands and the lighter and cigarette within them. “I just needed one. Just one. To deal with it.”

“But...” He hesitated, worried he’d come off too chiding. “Remember? ‘Just one’ turns into two, then three...”

You nod. “I know, I know, but...” Your sniffle hits his ears and it’s hard to hear.

“I’m not mad, or trying to be mean... I’m just worried.” Eijirou scratches the back of his head almost awkwardly. “Why don’t we go for a walk, yeah? Get some fresh air, too?”

You didn’t feel like it, but agree anyway. Eijirou doesn’t take you anywhere in particular, just walking and turning here and there when he felt like it, your hand in his all the while. You’re quiet the entire time, but he speaks enough for the both of you, talking about everything he sees or whatever a certain sight seems to remind him of. His hand squeezes yours every so often, as if to remind you that you don’t need to say anything, as long as you let him do this, let him distract you, let him help you - how ever you want to word it.

But suddenly he stops and turns to you, red eyes bright and gleaming. “Can I ask something selfish of you?” It’s sudden and unlike him to ask something like this.

You’re taken aback, but nod anyway.

“Any time you get the urge, any time you catch yourself reaching for a cigarette, will you promise me you’ll get out and take a walk?” Eijirou’s voice is quiet and soothing, yet you pick up concern. “Or just get up and walk around if you’d rather not go out. Please? Even if I’m not around...?”

You smile at him, his expression immediately relaxing upon seeing it. “Promise.”

“Good! I don’t know how well distraction would work, but maybe it’ll help.” He shrugs and continues walking again, pulling you with him. He had a point. Some fresh air did feel nice, and hearing the birds chirping as you walked by a small park was relaxing. That, mixed with the warm and kind hand of your lover, seemed to wash away the awful day you’d experienced. It was so soothing, you wondered why you hadn’t thought of this sooner.

With a sweet sigh, the tension in your shoulders dies downs an you relax, finally, for the first time in a while. This was Eijirou’s doing, certainly. This walk would only be half as pleasant without him, but you promised. Push comes to shove, you could go out for a coffee or snack break on your walk to keep yourself occupied.

“Hey, Eijirou.”

His hand squeezes yours before he turns to look at you. “Hm?”

“Thank you.”

He gives you a toothy, closed-eye grin. “O’ course, sweetheart!”

#mha #mha scenarios #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #kirishima x reader #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #kirishima eijirou #take care lovely! 🖤🤍🖤#I hope you enjoy these!!

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lunarliza · 4 years

Text

JJ Maybank Must Die | Chapter 3: Fanny Packs

fuckboy!JJ x Reader

series masterlist | prev. chapter | chapter one

JJ Maybank is the island’s most infamous fuckboy- not that you ever cared. But when a group of tourist girls come to your surf shop crying to you about him, you agree to help them plot revenge. Sabotage is all fun and games, until you find that the playboy you were sworn to ruin happens to be falling head over heels for you.

Yes, this is based on John Tucker Must Die lol

For once, you finally felt like everything in life was falling into place.

Sophia dropped off your Venus Panic ticket last night, you booked a ferry to the city for September, you just earned another ‘employee of the month’ title which basically meant you were a shoo-in for the scholarship, and you noticed in the mirror that your ass was looking just a tad bigger.

You were sorting out the application clipboards one afternoon when you heard the ding of the front door opening. In came a cocky head of blonde hair looking as smug as ever. You dropped the stack on sight.

How did he know where you worked? Was he stalking you? Should you file a restraining order?

“Uh, can I help you?”

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding all this time, huh?” JJ crossed his large arms and surveyed the tiny shop.

“Yeah... how the fuck did you find me?” You bent down to hastily pick up the mess. After the incident at the Boneyard on Saturday, you weren’t expecting to run into him again for the rest of the summer. You didn’t think he’d be this relentless.

He casually shrugged. “Eh, I just asked around town for a y/n and they told me you worked here. Still amazes me how I haven’t seen you around.”

You rolled your eyes. As if you and JJ didn’t have English together just this past semester. Nevermind living on the same island for how many years.

“Anyways,” he continued, I came here to sign up for surfing lessons.”

You flinched your nose. “You’re telling me you’ve lived here all your life and you don’t know how to surf?”

This was coming from the boy that won ‘Most Likely to be a Famous Professional Surfer’ in your 5th grade yearbook.

“Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve hit the water. Maybe I need a refresher.” He flashed you a shit-eating grin- the kind girls around here would swoon over. But in that moment you were just plain uncomfortable.

“Sorry, we’re booked for the summer.”

He inched closer to the counter. “Well, at least let me take you out to dinner. Come on, when are you off?”

You glanced side to side in agitation, racking your brain for some witty remark.

“December.”

“I’m serious, y/n. I want to take you out! You know, get to know you better,” he prodded.

You weren’t born yesterday. But he sure was if he thought he was going to take you out anytime soon. Or ever.

“Yeah well, I think I’ll pass. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have my last session of the day in ten minutes.”

Luckily, you were able to slip past him and out to the beach for your beginners’ class. It was a small group- an old couple and two boys around the age of nine.

You greeted them with you usual work-charm and had them set their boards around you. Just as you situated yourself, you hear a faint “Wait!” followed by JJ sputtering towards the pack with a board under his arm.

You wanted to rip your hair out.

“What the hell are you doing?!” you spat, startling the old couple with you vulgarity.

“I’m here for the lesson.”

“Like I said,” you sneered through gritted teeth, “We’re booked.” The glare on your face was very, very potent, and you knew this wouldn’t be good for the reviews.

“Yeah, your co-worker in there told me one of the guys that was supposed to be here said he couldn’t make it. So that leaves a spot open for me.”

Cody. That rat!

You sighed in defeat, motioning for him to situate next to the younger boys. “Fine, just take a seat and be quiet. You already missed the safety instructions!”

All throughout your session JJ was an absolute pest. He could have at least played the part of someone who’s never picked up a surfboard in their life. Instead, every time you went into detail about a specific step, he’d pitch in his own comments no one asked for.

“Well actually, it’s better if you add a jump when you stand up, you’ll go faster.”

“Well actually, if you try to pivot your board when they wave’s under you, you can ride it longer.”

“Well actually, if you attempt a big wave first, you’ll learn how to balance better.”

The next ‘well actually’ you heard, you were going to fling JJ to the sharks.

When it was time for the group to hit the water, you tried to guide them through the motions, but everyone was too busy listening to JJ ramble on and on about his personal tips.

For the remainder of the session, you sat on the shallow end, watching JJ have a rat-a-tat time with your customers. Blowing away a stray hair that fell on your face, you continued to glare at the light-haired boy cheering on the kids as they attempted the baby waves.

There was a point where one of them leaned over onto JJ’s board and threw their arms around him. You softened at bit at the scene. It was very cute.

Once the hour was over, you called everyone back to shore to give your closing remarks. JJ darted up behind the lot, sparklets flying everywhere as he shook his wet hair. He beamed at you, but you just averted your eyes.

While everyone headed back to the hut, you tucked the cash you were given into your fanny pack and gathered your items to leave. That was, until you felt the player boy grab onto your hand.

“Hey, the waves are absolutely insane out there. This is your last session today right? Come surf for a bit, you didn’t really get to do much earlier,” he offered, blinking down at you with his sky-blue eyes.

“Well I would have if someone wasn’t running my class.”

JJ let out a soft chuckle. “Look, everyone was happy with the way it went. And I’ll even tell your boss that you’re an amazing instructor. Which, to tell you the truth, you are.”

You huffed and picked up your board to tread back into the water. You had to give it to him, though. The waves were indeed on fire that afternoon.

You were able practice a few moves you were working on, executing them perfectly. JJ, too, was flexing his tricks and you made a few mental notes to try a few of them later when he wasn’t around.

When a pipeline wave began rolling your way, JJ tossed you a devilish grin, looking like a kid ready to break something. It was supposed to be one of the hardest ones to surf on.

“Bet you won’t get this one!” he hollered. You flipped him off with a smile.

“Bet I will.”

You both eyed the target, determination evident, as you paddled. JJ quickly bounced up once it tumbled in while you waited a couple seconds after.

Immediately, he plunged from his board while you expertly pivoted and glided along the tide. Poking his head from the water, he yelped seeing you nail it.

Afterwards, you plowed back up the sand with him while he raved about what just happened. “That was so sick y/n! It was a pipeline! A fucking pipeline! I’ve never seen anyone do that before.”

You blushed and tucked your hair behind your ear. “Well, it’s kinda my job.”

As you reached the shop, he turned to face you. “Yeah, speaking of, when do they give you a break around here again?”

You chuckled and shook your head. “JJ, I had fun out there, but I’m still not going out with you.”

“Alright! Alright! I get it. Can’t hate a guy for trying.” He held his hands up in defeat.

You bid him goodbye and started getting ready to close the store.

Later that evening, you met Sophia and the others at Annalise’s condo, spilling the beans on what happened. They all collectively gasped and hung onto their seltzers.

“He actually came back?” Maia repeated as Arabella anxious gulped her drink.

“Yup! Bothered me for my entire session and everything. God, he’s so delusional thinking I’d actually go on a date with him.”

All the girls giggled except for Annalise who stared at the ground in deep thought. “But what if... you did?” she finally spoke.

You grimaced. “Why on earth would I do that?”

“No, like, fake date him,” she re-emphasized, “Think about it- you can fake-date him and we’ll go on your dates and sabotage the fuck out of him! Then, for the cherry on top, you can dump him before he even gets the chance to run! It’s the perfect ploy guys! We need to make sure he never messes with any girl ever again.”

“Uh, I don’t know,” you scratched your head, “Can we really pull it off? It sounds so messy don’t you think?”

“Relax, we’re not killing him,” Annalise assured, “Also, it’s what he deserves! He’s broken practically every heart on this island. It’s time we take a stand in the name of our womanhood!”

“That, I agree with,” Sophia added and the other two nodded.

You were kind of shocked that Soph would be on board with such a preposterous plan. But, then again, this wasn’t the worst thing she’s ever agreed to.

“You know,” your best friend continued, “I heard after you ditched him at the Boneyard, he hooked up with Emma Cohen the same night and ghosted her too. The boy just won’t stop!”

Arabella gasped. “See! Rejecting him just isn’t enough! We need to kick him straight in the balls!”

They did have a point. A twisted, ridiculous point. But you weren’t all gung ho about being the one to beat JJ at his own game. You- the girl who couldn’t even get Pope Heyward to take her to a dance.

“All you’d have to do is bear him for a few dates. I’m sure we can take care of the rest,” Maia noted.

Reluctance was still evident on your face. You could tell Annalise was getting desperate. “You know, y/n, I saw all the UVA gear on your locker at the shop. My dad’s best friends with the chancellor. He owes my family a lot of favors. How about I make a deal with you. If you do this for us, I’ll have my dad write you a rec letter and talk to his friend. You’ll be pretty much guaranteed a spot at UVA when you apply.”

You let out an exasperated breath. Now that was an offer you couldn’t refuse. You wanted to put up more of a fight, but you didn’t want to let an opportunity like that slip from your fingers.

“Alright,” you sighed, “Fine. You sold me with UVA. Count me in your little scheming game again.”

Your friends cheered and clinked their drinks, eyes hungry for revenge. You sat back meekly and sipped yours, knowing the next few weeks were going to be an absolute train-wreck.

“But wait!” you raised in the midst of the group’s plotting , “I shooed him away today. What makes you think he’ll be back to ask me again?”

“You rejected him twice today?” Arabella questioned. You gave her a quick nod.

“Oh girl, he’ll definitely be back.”

-----------------------------------

Sure enough, JJ was back at the hut bright and early the next morning when you started your shift.

“It’s you again,” you greeted as he leaned his arms against the counter, flashing you a smirk.

He had on black aviators and a gray crewneck. For a second he seemed like a cute, innocent little puppy. Until he opened his mouth.

“Don’t act so coy, babe, you know you’re happy to see me.”

Oh God. This was the guy making half the island bawl in tears? You really couldn’t wrap your head around it.

You sighed, ignoring his corny-ness. “What do you want? We’re booked for the day.”

“Ouch, is that any way to treat a customer?” He pretended to have gotten shot in the heart.

As if on cue, Cody’s stocky legs strolled out of the back room, acting like he owned the place. He slid behind the counter to face you, disregarding JJ. You scowled and rolled your eyes.

“Y/n one of my customers had a complaint yesterday,” Cody stated.

“What? They had a shitty instructor? I could’ve told them that,” you shot back nonchalantly, inspecting your bare nails in disinterest.

From the corner of your eye, you could see JJ snort in amusement.

“Actually,” he prevailed, “They were complaining that their board was wobbly because someone let their customers take all the new ones.”

You remained emotionless at his petty grievance. “What? It’s not my fault I don’t make my students do a hundred push ups at the start of the session. Maybe quit the crossfit and then they’ll actually leave better reviews.”

Cody narrowed his eyes. “My students are grateful for my complimentary body-weight routine! They need to be fit for the waters. Whatever, stop fucking taking all the good boards! You’re taking away my customer experience, my good reviews, and my scholarship!”

He proceeded to storm out the front door to his first set of victims for the day. You shot daggers at his back before JJ’s giggling snapped you back to reality.

“Done,” JJ said, lifting his eyes from his phone.

“What are you talking about?”

“I just left a bad review for that guy on your website.”

Your eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

JJ flipped his screen to you with the post pulled up. You read it out loud.

“Do not recommend having Cody as your instructor. Made me do a hundred push ups before I got in the water, voice was too demanding, and shorts were uncomfortably short.” You erupted in laughter and playfully swiped his arm. “No way JJ!”

“What?” he grinned and pocketed his phone. “Dude was being a real asshole to you.”

You lightened up a bit at his kind gesture. Well, kind to you.

“Anyways, look,” he went on, “I know we might’ve started off on the wrong foot yesterday, but I wanted to come here and ask you out again. Properly.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he persisted with his rehearsed spiel.

“And before you say no, I just want to say that it won’t be nothing grimey or weird. Just dinner. Tonight. It’s not gonna be the best night of your life or the worst, I just wanna get to know you.”

You sighed and cocked your head to the side. “If I say yes will you leave and stop bothering me while I’m at work?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

You blinked in disinterest. “Pick me up at seven. And don’t be late.”

--------------------------------

note: dUN DUN DUN!!!

chapter four

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