#really exciting things are happening. maybe this is an actually workable solution to my bad posture->back+neck pain problems

[epicdogymoment]

havent watched this video (bernadette banner shoulder harness posture video) all the way through yet but woah. didnt realise the shoulder construction of the garments themselves impacted the posture so much -> oh hey one of these prototypes looks basically identical to how people tie back kimono sleeves -> wait i (notoriously bad posture) have a shitty fabric belt thats long enough to do this with

[jmwriters]

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings...

What are feelings? 

Feelings are usually defined as a sensation, a perception, a sense - i.e., perceived though our senses of hearing, smell, taste, seeing, and feeling and also as a consciousness of the body. 

Let me share some examples:

At a basic level we are all familiar with feelings such as “I feel cold” or “I feel too hot” - an expression of one of our sensory organs, in this example the skin, but there is also a more intricate level of feelings that express themselves as body consciousness for example “I feel exhausted” or “I feel excited.”

 We often hear terminologies such as “this hurt my feelings” or people will say things like “I feel I should say yes and go” or “I don’t think this feels right to me” or other will just assert “I am feeling good/not so good.” When observed and taken seriously these perceptions tell us our truth in that very moment. Someone might exclaim: “that doesn’t sound right!” or “yes, that looks good to me” - these comments are not measurable against anyone else, they represent your own unique feeling - and it’s right for you. Often other people will try and argue with our feelings, like when we say “when I ate it, it did not taste quite right” and say- yes it tasted fine - well, maybe for them, but we FEEL this is not true for us. Full stop. “When I saw this, it made me feel sick” - or “this does not look right to me” or

“I felt shivers when I listened to the music again” - feelings express what is uniquely going on for us, our consciousness is speaking. 

Feelings are accompanied by physiological reactions in our bodies. Some signs will be similar in many, such as sweating when hot or faster heartbeat when stressed. However, many bodily signs and symptoms are unique to us: for example, some people may sense a tight throat when nervous others a fluttering in their stomach. 

Some people seem to be noted as ‘the emotional type’: they seem to feel everything, appear sensitive to what happens around them and what is said; they also may withdraw or react openly.

Others appear to be not concerned with feelings, rather ‘the logical type’, who present solution focussed and apparently ‘getting on with things’. 

In reality we all have feelings, but our conditioning, understanding and choices determine how we deal with feelings and how open and practiced we are to experiencing the full range. 

In a world that constantly brings changes and challenges it can be difficult to know how to navigate. We all have our own ways, often learnt from our parents and upbringing, we often follow long established patterns of dealing with situations and feelings arising. There is really no right or wrong, as long as it is workable for us and those around us and we and others around us remain feeling well and safe. So where do feelings fit into our world?

Emotions/ feelings are part of the intricate human existence.  

We all probably know or know of people who are labelled as ‘cold’ or ‘unfeeling’ - may this actually be a preferred state if possible? With the range of challenging experiences we are exposed to and news we receive daily, would one be actually better off not feeling? While that may or may not be, fact is that most of us DO feel, not just sometimes but all the time. The difference between people, as I perceive it, is that there are those who recognize and acknowledge their feelings- or are at least open to it- and those who are not. 

At the end of the day, most of us do feel- a lot. From my understanding of reflections by Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha, even highly advanced spiritual beings- have, or had at some time in their earthly existence been challenged by the presence of emotions.

Most commonly, we are able and willing to label feelings such as sadness, happiness, boredom, and tiredness. I have also noticed, that within the English language feelings are often also expressed in very basic terms: when asking someone how they are the answers, more often than not, range between ‘good’, ‘bad’ or ‘not too bad’. This still intrigues me - coming from a European background, where a) the question ‘How are you?’ actually requires an honest, detailed answer and b) feelings are expressed in their detailed form, using terms such as ‘terrible’, ‘awesome’ or ‘annoying’. A version of ‘not too bad’ I have not yet found - what does it even reflect? 

More so upon reflection, does the casual question ‘How are you’ allow people to remain hidden? Give permission NOT to reflect, to attune? I do know that some people will argue that “How are you?” is just a greeting, but if it is, why not just say “Hi” or “Hello” instead of using words with actual meaning? On the funny side, when I first lived in an English speaking country I used to get ready to fully engage with people about my wellbeing when asked “How are you” only to quickly learn that this would cause irritation in others, as it was unexpected and in fact unwelcome  - which is the other side we notice about feelings: on one hand the aim is to actually attune to our own feelings, and express them if possible and appropriate, but on the other hand it is also about being open to listen and understand others feelings - empathy. 

So, feelings - what are they, where can they be found, are they worth discovering and learning about, or is it better to ignore them? As defined previously, feelings are related to our senses, perception and body consciousness. While feeling ‘hot’ or ‘hungry’ is probably common to most of us and expressed through reading the signs we perceive: hot skin/sweating or rumbling tummy/lack of energy. Easy. Also, easy to respond to: take off some clothing/turn the heater down or eat/drink, rest. 

Other feelings are however just as important to notice as all feelings, sensations or perceptions give us important messages about ourselves and our state of being at that particular moment in time. For example, if we sense feeling uncomfortable around certain people, maybe in our stomachs, getting a headache, feeling tenseness in our shoulders, these are important early indicators as they - if noticed- can give us an opportunity to act, if we wish to do so: then choose to stay or leave; say something to the others etc… Not noticing at the time of the event may mean that we, at the least, spend unenjoyable time in the presence of others or in fact have overlooked a safety warning, which could be detrimental. On the positive side, we may- if conscious of our bodies and its messages- may recognize feeling butterflies in our stomach, a tingling sensation on our back and recognize excitement, or joy that goes with that. This allows us to gauge our innermost reactions to situations. Sometimes feelings just come as sensations or a ‘knowing’ other times we can clearly label the feelings; important is to know what the particular sensation means for us.

Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha has often shared tales of her childhood growing up in the forest, where attunement to the senses was at times a matter of survival.

 Are we always required to act on our feelings, to make them into something or to ‘fix’ them up? NO. Becoming attuned to feelings is a process, a learning and we get better at it over time and with practice. First step is to become aware, which involves stopping long enough to notice. Often it helps to complete a scan of the whole body, from toe to head and play the ‘noticing’ game. I purposefully use the word ‘game’ because it can a playful exercise in getting to know ourselves better. The better we know ourselves, the better decisions we can make for ourselves, those that feel ‘right’ and pursue an outcome that is right for us.

‘Stopping long enough’ as mentioned, involves becoming mindful, engaging in the present moment. To rephrase how Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha has often expressed this: to stop all the ‘Doing’ and practicing more ‘Being’.

As I shared throughout the paper, feelings come in many shapes and forms. While we may be happy to discover joy, love, happiness we may not be so happy to find anger, frustration or boredom, to name a few. The point of ‘noticing’- it is just that: when we notice we do not need to judge the feeling, we do not need to fight unwanted feelings - all feelings are just that: feelings, indicators of who we truly are. 

Accepting the feelings, we discover as vital parts of ourselves can certainly be confronting and I do understand why some people avoid checking in with their feelings. While some feelings we notice can be really challenging to hold, by accepting their presence we become very honest about who we are, tap into our innermost being, can stand up and take responsibility for what we feel and if needed, act. If for example someone discovers feeling angry often, this not only gives them the opportunity to ACT rather than REACT (with often serious consequences) as noticing feelings functions as an early indicator, but also provides for the priceless opportunity to look at anger further when the time is right (hopefully with much self-love and maybe with professional assistance) and address those feelings that do not serve us. If one does not know what they feel, or access feelings, this is not possible. Holding strong feelings may not be an easy task, but with self-compassion we can hopefully realize that all make up part of the whole - YOU. And to normalize things: most people experience a range of feelings we are not alone. 

A feeling then is a very subjective experience, a perception, paired with a bodily sensation.

While many people will recognize basic emotions such as sadness or anger or happiness, the same emotion can be perceived in different ways, levels of intensity, different physiological responses - such as faster heartbeat, tense muscle groups, tight throat etc. in different people. Over time and with practice, the ability to attune to what is going on in our bodies, and senses can lead to being able to refine these basic emotions. For example, ‘sad’ may have variations of ‘irritable’, or ‘flat’ and feeling ‘happy’ may be expressed as ‘excited’ or ‘joyful’.

 In summary, getting to know ourselves and our feelings intimately and honestly can serve us in daily interactions with others and promote our personal growth and development.

Being attuned with, responsible for and honest about our feelings also allows for improved openness about how we feel around others, and, increases ability to express ourselves more appropriately and clearly, which will aid any type of conversation and may improve communications in any type of relationship greatly. Derived from awareness and acceptance of our feelings, we can express our unique truth through our minds, thoughts and words, and Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha always reminds of the power of our thoughts and words.

 Often the term ‘emotions’ is used interchangeably with feelings and in the last many years the idea of ‘emotional intelligence‘ has been discussed widely, especially related to engagement with others and in children’s education. Emotional intelligence relates to both recognising and accepting own emotions, and being able to evaluate whether an emotion is to be held or requires management, but goes a step further: the recognition, evaluation and management of emotions of others. Learning to read ourselves better can assist in reading other’s better. Again, from my perspective, if we, for example, notice early signs of someone getting agitated or angry, we may be able to act protectively or assist the person early on, rather than being at the receiving end of an anger outburst, thus possibly keeping us and others safe. Emotional intelligence, now often taught in educational settings, enables people to better understand, engage with and respond to their environments. When people embrace their own feelings as part of themselves without or with little judgement, they may also be able to show empathy towards others- the ability to perceive others’ emotions and be compassionate in a sense of wanting to assist others with deep care and consideration for the needs of others. In the human condition, while, - as Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha would put it - we are all unique and no one else has our fingerprint (!), we all share the fact that we have feelings: what we do with this gift is up to us.

 © ADI- 2022 

 This post originally appeared in JMWriters blog. Republished by permission.