#rebuilding yourself into a you you can stand to look at is grueling but ultimately worth it just for your own sake

[absentlyabbie]

*stares vaguely into the middle distance and tries to remember where i left my brain cells*

[fics-of-culture]

Grace and Sacrifice

Summary: Gadreel gives up his grace to be with you

Ship: Gadreel x Reader

Words: 1,697

You sighed as you roamed the halls of the bunker. Things had been... difficult since Gadreel died. It was no secret that the two of you had gotten close before he passed. He had revealed himself to be your soulmate. Much to the Winchester brothers chagrin. You had even shared a searing kiss before he went to heaven and ultimately sacrificed himself to save everyone. You sobbed into Castiel’s chest for hours when he delivered the news. Gadreel had apparently made Cas promise to look out for you before he plunged the rock into his chest. After the first year without him, you’d managed to put yourself back together. You stayed in the bunker for the most part. You offered your assistance to the boys whenever you could, but for the most part you stayed inside and did research. You had contented yourself to live out the rest of your days like this. That was, until one night a few months later when the Winchesters heard a knock at the bunker door. The boys answered it hesitantly, only to find Gadreel standing before them. Looking very much alive. They had questioned the fallen angel for hours to no avail. He had no recollection of anything after he sacrificed himself in that cell. It was clear that whatever had brought back Gadreel would remain a mystery for now. But the boys were unsure how to break the news to you. They had assumed that you were passed out in your room. Resting up after a particularly grueling hunt and therefore completely unaware that anything was going on. It also didn’t help that the newly resurrected angel kept demanding to see you.

“I don’t understand. Why can’t I see Y/N?” Gadreel was pacing back and forth in the library. “Is she alright? Has she been injured?” Gadreel was getting upset thinking about you having gotten hurt while he was gone.

“Calm yourself, brother.” Castiel approached the stressed angel, attempting to soothe him. “We are simply trying to figure out the best way to break the news to Y/N. We want to avoid upsetting her.”

“Why would this upset her? I thought she’d be happy to see me.” Gadreel cocked his head in confusion. Dean just rolled his eyes, not entirely pleased with the idea of Gadreel being here.

“I’m sure she will be, but these things can be quite stressful to humans.” You were looking for the guys as you heard the tail end of the conversation that Castiel seemed to be having. You decided to enter the library to see what was going on.

“What’s stressful to humans?” You ask as you step into the room. Your eyes focus on Cas as you notice from your peripheral that there’s an extra presence in the room.  You froze as your eyes came to rest in Gadreel.

“Hello, Y/N.” You gasped as you heard his voice. You hadn’t heard that voice in a year. Somewhere in the background you could faintly hear Sam and Dean speak to you. But you couldn’t make anything out. As Gadreel approached you, you felt your legs give out under you. Gadreel was upon you suddenly, arms wrapped around your body to the floor as your knees hit the ground.

“I... I don���t understand.”

-

It took about ten minutes for everyone to catch you up to speed. Even then, you weren’t sure how much of it had actually registered in your shell shocked mind. At some point, Gadreel had offered to escort you back to your room and you accepted. You were eager to speak to the man one on one. Gadreel shut the door as you just stood there, not quite sure what to do next.

“I truly am happy to see you, my heart.” You smiled at him gently as he regarded you.

“I never thought I’d see you again.” You replied softly. He took a hesitant step toward you.

“Are you... happy to see me?” Gadreel asked, shy. You let out a small laugh at that.

“Of course I am. I missed you.” Gadreel let out a relieved sigh. He raised his hand to brush some of the hair away from your face.

“I’m happy to hear it. I was worried that you had forgotten me.” You couldn’t help but lean your face into the palm of his hand.

“I could never forget you, Gad.” Gadreel surged forward then, surprising you with a passionate kiss. You return it eagerly. Since the moment he had left you so long ago, your angel had wanted nothing more than to return to you. Having you in his arms now, Gadreel finally felt whole.

-

Weeks had passed since then. You and Gadreel had spent the time rekindling your romance. But it wasn’t long until those familiar feelings of guilt and inadequacy came creeping back in Gadreel’s mind. He saw what you refused to acknowledge. This could never truly work out. Being an angel, Gadreel was effectively immortal. He would have to sit by and watch as you age and eventually die. As if that wasn’t enough, he also could never give you the family the two of you so desperately desired. Any attempts at creating a child would result in a nephilim. And you would die giving birth to it. You brushed off his concerns whenever he tried bringing these things up to you. You told him you could be happy without a child. Despite your reassurances, in his heart, Gadreel knew what had to be done.

-

“You’re not thinking clearly, brother.” Gadreel had blindsided Castiel with his request to become human.

“As a matter of fact, this is the clearest I’ve been able to see in a long time.” Gadreel remained composed as he stood before his brother.

“All this time, you have been looking for redemption. And now, you do not want it? You could help me rebuild heaven.” Castiel tried desperately to discourage his brother. There were so few angels left in the world.

“I have found my redemption. But now, I have also found my family. Someone somewhere was generous enough to give me a second chance. I will not waste it as I have my first life. We are free now, to do what we want. And she is all that I want.” Castiel sighed in defeat. It was clear that Gadreel would not back down from this.

“Are you certain, brother? There is no going back from this.”

“Yes.” Neither of them had realized that you were standing by the door, listening to this exchange. You had been looking for your lover when you heard Castiel trying to discourage Gadreel from doing... something. You weren’t sure what. You knew you shouldn’t be listening in on this, but something stopped you from leaving. You weren’t blind. You could see that Gadreel had been pulling away from you as the days went by. But, you weren’t sure what to do about it. It had seemed though, that your angel had decided to take things into his own hands. Panic flooded your system as you hear a groan of pain. You can’t keep listening for a moment longer. You burst into the room suddenly to find Castiel inhaling a blue light as he stands before Gadreel, angel blade in hand.

“What are you doing?” Gadreel’s head turns to you suddenly. You can see the light in gaping hole in his neck that was slowly fading as Cas sucked the rest of his grace from his body. Cas then healed the wound on his neck. Gadreel had just given up his grace. Tears burned in your eyes as you approached. “Why... why would you...” You trail off. Unsure of what to say. Gadreel smiles softly at you as he gathered you into his arms.

“I asked Castiel to make me human.” He said, softly.

“But why?” You looked up at him with tears in your eyes. You saw no regret in his face.

“Because I wish to be with you for the rest of my life. I wish to age with you. To have a family with you.” Your lover gently rests his forehead against yours as he speaks.

“Family? Does that mean...” You trail off.

“Gadreel is human now.” You look to Cas standing beside you as he speaks. You turn your head to look at him. “He will age and any children he bears will be human as well.” You look to Gadreel as he smiles down at you.

“Aren’t you upset? You gave up your grace. You’ll never be an angel again. What if you regret your decision?” Your doubts start to pile up as you continue speaking.

“As long as you are with me, my heart, I will never regret this decision.”

-

A year had passed since then. You sigh calmly as you walk into the living room of your small home. A short while after Gadreel had given up his grace, the two of you decided that it was time to find your own place. Somewhere the two of you could call home. You smile at the scene before you. Your husband, Gadreel stood in the middle of the room, rocking your newborn baby in his arms. His eyes lit up as they landed on you and he shot you a lopsided grin.

“How is she this morning?” You ask quietly as you notice your baby fast asleep in your angel’s arms.

“She’s happy to see you this morning, my heart. As am I.” Gadreel leans down to peck your lips and you smile into the sweet kiss.

“Why don’t you hand her over and you can grab some of the coffee I made?” Gadreel gently hands you your child, a baby girl the two of you had decided to name Grace, and turns to exit the room. He pauses for a moment, observing as you murmur affectionately to the little bundle in your arms. “What is it, Gad?” You ask as you notice that he hasn’t left.

“Nothing.” He whispers back to you. He turns to grab the two of you some coffee and somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks ‘Best decision I’ve ever made.

[dr-nwo-blog]

Dossier: Goodbye Outpost 11  | Epilogue

[ ♪ ♪ ♪ ]

It was easy to forget how nice the cold wind could feel upon the skin. The smell of the outside world was a welcoming scent and the sounds of the ocean crashing against the beaches below. It was almost overwhelming.

The group finally emerged Outpost 11, with the breeze in their faces and a whole new world before them.

Almost immediately, they could see the cheerful face of Kazuya Sato as he was being wheeled towards them by a tall man with brown hair and glasses. As the group were finally reunited, it was almost saddening to realise that out of 18, only 6 had survived.

In the distance, the sound of the rotary blades of a helicopter could be heard as a small number of Future Foundation Agents kept moving the bags of bodies from Outpost 11 and towards the extraction point. 

The survivors stood together, in front of the doors as they saw two older figures approach them. Almost immediately, the eyepatch man headed over and bowed in greeting to them, before all three approached the group once more. Those faces... they were recognisable, even if the times in HQ seemed eons ago. They were two admins of the Future Foundation Research Department, a couple that you had seen frequently around Admin Tsukigami back in the day. They were, much like him, former teachers of Hope’s Peak Academy as well.

“Oh thank goodness, I’m so relieved that Kirimizu didn’t kill you all as a last stand. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten, but for formality’s sake - I am Ageha Kachou, assistant Admin to the Research division of the Future Foundation.”

“And I am Namaka Tougaku. Admin of Research.” She pointedly glares at a certain member of the group before sighing. “I am sorry that we could not get you out sooner.”

Namaka gestured to the man with the eyepatch that stood beside them and also to the tall boy with glasses who was next to Kazuya.

“If it weren’t for the efforts of Naragachi-shi and Tsutsumi-san, we likely would have not been able to hack into the killing game when we did.”

“-Shi? You’ve never called me that before.”

“Well, you have proven yourself more than a captain today- I digress, enough on that, what matters is that we have managed to get you all out of there. The losses are... tragic. We are filled with so much regret that we couldn’t get to you sooner. Sadly, that traitor Kirimizu had us tied at the noose as well. It’s effects have been... well.”

There was a solemn silence that befell the three Future Foundation heads. It seemed that whatever was coming next was not good news.

“I'll give you the debrief on our current situation. The future foundation as you once knew it... Is no more. Our remaining forces have been relocated to a classified location in the Sea of Japan." 

She pauses as she looks at each of the remaining agents before she continues.

"Our ranks have been thinned. No other admins of equal or higher rank than my own, remain alive or..." 

She grits her teeth for a moment, clenching her hand into a fist at her side.

“What Tougaku-san is trying to say is that the Future Foundation is in shambles. We have, effectively, been wiped off the map as any sort of opposition to the Warriors of Despair. During your time in the killing game, their numbers have quadrupled. Shortly after Kirimizu revealed herself as the person who was behind the whole tragedy, we lost contact with almost all of our squads. As far as we know it... they were slaughtered by the Super High School Level Despair.”

Ageha closed her eyes and ran a finger through her fringe.

“That class of students from Hope’s Peak Academy, they have resurfaced and are now wreaking havoc across the wastes of Japan. As for Kirimizu Sadako, we have no idea where she has gone.”

The two ladies looked at each other for a moment before glancing at Jiro Naragachi, who appeared to be biting his lip with a look of anger on his face. Ageha reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder as Namaka took over from speaking.

"You will need to make a choice. You can stand with us. Rebuild the world to one where such atrocities will never be committed again. Or... You may choose your own paths to walk, out in the wastes. Though the possibility of survival is approximately 3,720 to 1... I do realize that the probability of saving this crumbling world might look just as bleak to you, but at this point, there are people out there who still need the Foundation’s help. After all, Kirimizu’s lies and Okamura’s betrayal have only twisted more to despair, which have caused a restart of the riots on a scale that was last seen at the very start of the Tragedy.”

Finally, Jiro spoke out, a solemn look of sadness and regret on his face.

“Not all Hope is lost. We may be small in numbers now, but we are strong together. Whilst Kirimizu and Okamura have managed to restart the Tragedy, their lies have had one significant effect that I don’t think she had accounted for in her experiment. Former students from Hope’s Peak Academy, both Main and Reserve course, have been coming forward to sign up for the Foundation in solidarity against the lies that they were fed. It’s not much, but it’s a start on the path to rebuilding.”

He paused for a moment.

“The choice is ultimately yours. It’s tragic at the immense loss of life that this killing game brought, but what matters is that we keep living for those who cannot live anymore. I know that all too well...”

As the three quietened, they stood in front of the 6 remnants of the Future Foundation’s SpecOps project; the hope for a better future, the Agents that were to bring an end to Super High School Level Despair.

After 6 grueling classroom trials, the group were finally ready to make their last life changing decision. Do they stay with the Future Foundation and rebuild from the ground up? Or will they disappear into the wastes for good?

[ You may now submit your decisions in the form of a final post for the RP. Please make it clear whether they will stay or leave. This will be your last post in NWO so make it a good one! ]