#recently ive been trying a thing where i draw more messy

[hiro-doodlez]

TUTORIAL/PROCESS ON..Uh… MY ART!!!

Using this recent drawing as reference!

(Blueberror by @loverofpiggies )

OKAY HERE WE GO!

First off, I use procreate, and, surprisingly, NO custom brushes!! Almost all of them are default and you can find just by browsing around. And also, some of the tips are only on procreate, really sorry!! But i bet there are a lot of Ibis, CSP, Ect. equivalents!

BEFORE ART AND.. UHHH STUFF YOURE DOING IN THE BACKGROUND??

Almost ALWAYS when drawing, i have something happening/playing in the background like music, a show/movie that ive watched like a million times (Steven Universe), or maybe even an art stream (jakei my beloved /hj) Honestly anything in the background is nice!

More on that, if you like music, i totally suggest finding mood based playlists that is based on what youre drawing. So if youre drawing just cute fluff then put on something that reflects that!! Does it have any actual effect on the art itself? Probably not!! I just like it a lot LMFAO. You can even find tons of character related playlists on spotify you can listen to!

Also suggest having maybe a small art station somewhere! I personally have a small art area that i set up LITERALLY 2 DAYS AGO and i LOVE IT. Anywhere really works, it can literally be your bed!! I just really like the idea of somewhere dedicated to my hobbies, im a nerd :D

ALSO MAKE SURE TO STAY HYDRATED

I also suggest, especially if you tend to draw for long periods of time, to do hand stretches and stuff. (Above my desk i have a stretching guide thingy by @tizzymcwizzy that i suggest doing before during and after longer sessions)

SKETCHING AND FIRST PART OF THE PROCESS!!

First off, one thing that has always been a huge help has been keeping a sketchbook always to jot down ideas, especially in school when we’re not allowed on any personal electronics. I barely use it now that its summer, but it always has been a huge help keeping one with me almost everywhere i go! Plus, its always a lot of “woah eww” when looking back at old art, its kinda like a little archive!!

BUT THATS NOT WHAT YOURE HERE FOR PROBABLY

The big things youre thinking about when sketching down your ideas is NOT making it perfect. The sketch 99% of the time will look absolutely terrible and thats okay, and honestly preferred! Most of the time nobody will even see it, so dont worry about trying to make it look polished. Youre just trying to put the idea on the canvas, thats all youre focused on! Try to stay loose and simple!

BACKGROUND (sometimes)

Fun fact: I usually go from sketch to background to lineart!

I do this for 2 main reasons: firstly, because doing the background can help establish the mood, and also mainly to help pick the colors later on! Although, a lot of the time i dont even do this lol, only for drawing where theres actually a background (im a fraud)

Also, for backgrounds, especially for things like landscapes, you want to try to work with big shapes to refined details, never just tiny sections at a time!

Heres the original background:

LINEART

Cry. Cry until theres no tomorrow and hope that you make something worthy of looking at /j

OKAY ACTUALLY, HERES WHAT I TEND TO KEEP IN MIND:

Keep most lines in one big stroke, not many tiny ones

On digital, erasing is super easy, feel feee to over shoot your lines and erase back over

For things with more emphasis, make bolder lines, for example, the eyes or hands

If the lineart just isnt working out, feel free to literally just refine the sketch until it looks like lineart (I DO THIS A LOT)

Cry

Thats all I’ve figured out, lineart is still a mystery to me..

BASIC COLORING!! (Yayy coloring the best part)

First what i do when putting down basic colors is just try to figure out what would be the best general colors, sometimes you can use those little dots on character sheets and use that to figure out what colors would look best together

Youre not going for perfect and youre just jotting down the colors, keep it messy n stuff, no refined details allowed!

After you finish putting down the colors, your new bestfriend in procreate (idk about other equivalents) is the curves, color balance, and hue saturation and brightness function (found in the second dot on the top row). These let you adjust the colors very easily!! I love them a lot!!!

BASIC SHADING

(Sometimes)

Now, a lot of the time i use the basic Multiply layer method, where i just use a dark purple and set the layer to multiply, but recently ive been doing it a BIITTT differently

Basically, take the base color from the previous step and increase the saturation, and decrease brightness, like this:

And then, lower the opacity of the brush down to MAYYYBEEE 5%, take that new color that you have, and take the… hue?? Maybe?? Like, blue green purple ect, but keep saturation and brightness mostly the same. Then, layer layer layer with those different colors, or dont! Use funky colors and shading in places where they shouldnt be, make it crazy!! Dont let it make sense!! There are no set rules for this part AT ALL!! Youre just having fun now! >:)

I totally suggest looking at @yo-honne s art for coloring inspiration. I base mine off theirs A LOT.

TEXTURING N STUFF!

Pro tip for this: spiderverse.

OKAY BUT ACTUALLY the spiderverse movies style is INCREDIBLE, i highly suggest just staring at it and taking mental notes on practically everything

For texturing, i tend to go kinda crazy. I like to use the grid and decimals brushes for shading and lighting respectively on procreate

For this part, you can use mostly random colors, and there are literally no rules!! Youre SUPPOSED to make it look crazy!! No rules man! Put it in random places and HAVE FUN! Go fast and try not to think much about what youre doing!! Dont use the right colors EVER!

FINAL DETAILS AND TOUCHUPS

At this part, you marry procreate.

Overlay layers are your best friend, experiment with them A LOT because that REALLY help making your art pop! Especially with overlay gradients

On procreate, theres a thing called chromatic aberration, that can make colors look blurred and glitchy, use that with errored characters! Or dont!

Use halftones feature!!! It really help!! If you wanna do lighting, you can use an airbrush brush and then use the halftones feature, or just use the decimals brush!!

For lighting try to use layers like screen or add! Or dont, make it random colors for lighting! Go and have fun!

On a new layer, set it to something like vivid light, hard light, ect. And use very vibrant colors to go over lines and areas you feel need more emphasis in the artwork!! Especially if, like in this one, the characters colors are so dark you can barely see the lines

Mess with random brushes in your app and use those to your advantage!

Work fast and try not to stress! Take breaks and take care of yourself!

FINAL NOTES

I can not stress enough, EXPERIMENT!! Try to put random elements of art and stepping out of your comfort zone as much as you can! Have fun and go random! (I think thats my new catchphrase)

Reference things if you want to try something new. For a while i thought references really only meant for weird poses, but it can be for anything!! For this one, i literally looked up spider punk spiderverse and used that as reference, and for the background (before i put filters on) i referenced samdoesarts!

If you feel like messing with colors, make the background something random and try to make the character look… well with the background?? Kinda hard to explain lolol

This is a general guide for my art, and i hardly ever even follow it myself. I fluctuate with my art a ton, taking outisde influences to put into the art and never staying with the same thing every time. My art process is wild and random and very much confusing even to me, and i like it that way!

This whole thing ive developed mostly on my own, and by taking tons of inspiration from other art i found appealing! So some of it might literally be wrong!! SORRYY

Would like to note ive never made ANYTHING like this so… sorry if it sucks!!

(((( @overthinkingintrovert-blue ))))

[dotster001]

Congrats on 500! I'd love a matchup if they're still open. Obey me, romantic please!

I'm not quite sure how to do this as ive never requested something like this before but I shall try.

I am 5'3, very pale with lots of freckles. Thick, curly, auburn hair, not quite orange enough to be qualified as a ginger but enough that I have to be wary on international hit a ginger day 😔 My hairs just past shoulder length and pretty messy so I usually tie it back, except for my bangs which are somehow even more messy, I tend to just brush them aside.

I'm a Sagittarius, INFP. I have a cat despite being severely allergic to them. My cat is my favourite thing in the wkrld. Literally my best friend, I don't care if that makes me a loser. She's great. And fluffy. And adorable.

I'm pretty sarcastic, sometimes I get carried away, to the point that I'm mean. I've been trying to do better though. I have pretty bad anger issues, I used to punch holes in walls when I was 3-14. Haven't done it in a while but I still feel anger most of the time. It's just that instead of reacting with violence I react with a cold sort of malice. I still have those out bursts of burning rage where I shout and throw things, but my last one was like a year ago so I'm pretty happy with how far I've come!

I've got ADHD. Common hyper-fixations include animals of all kinds. Crime, torture methods, serial murder etc... I've unfortunately become pretty desensitized to the kind of stuff I learn.

Ive always been creative. I love to read and write. I currently own over 500 books and I've read most of them. Recently I've been trying to get into gaming. I've only ever played games on the Wii and DS before. I love Kirby, the only two games I've ever finished are Kirby ones. I've even watched the anime.

I write mostly fantasy stuff, with magic and dragons. Love dragons. When I was younger I taught myself draconic just because I could. I do tend to write things a bit darker, I love a tortured protagonist. My current WIP shows an assassin joining a normal guild to maintain their cover (as they didn't kill a guild member who saw them and need to keep an eye on them to make sure they don't snitch). Then with time the assassin finds themselves getting attached to the guild and it's members, especially the younger ones. But oh no, their identity gets out and everyone turns against them! The whole things very convoluted honestly. Lots of blood and violence. I find it cathartic.

I also like to draw and paint though I'm not great at either. I tend to like to collecting things. I'm currently collecting the vintage Fear Street books- I started reading them like years ago now but since the movies come out they're so much harder to come by. I've only 40 or so to go though! I was probably too young to read them, won't go into details but there were deaths and scenes of violence in those books that I had no business reading when I was six.

I also collect Pokemon cards, though I'm not buying them as often. I wanted to get all the Eeveelotions, but then they came out with Sylveon and I quit because honestly how dare they? I was only two away and they made a new one. And it wasn't even a dragon type :( My big claim to fame is that I have a number of first edition cards, which is super fun!

I love music so much. I listen to pretty much every genre. My biggest are metal, indie and punk rock. But I also really like musicals. Right now my top songs are probably Ride the Lightning, Fleur de Lis, Ophelia, I Can't Decide, Don't Go Breaking My Heart, the other side of Hollywood and Mr Loverman. I play the baritone/euphobium- think a small tuba. I also play the guitar and harmonica (self taught!). I'm looking into getting an otamatone. My dream instrument, though, is the bagpipes.

My favourite movie of all time is How To Train Your Dragon. SAW III is a close second. Idk why I like SAW III so much, it makes me so angry I literally shake just thinking of it. But I also find it hilarious for the same reason it infuriates me. The main character is horrible. I make a point of watching it with every friend i make. All the homies hate Jeff.

My favourite season is winter because I love wearing toques and sweaters, curling up in fuzzy blankets, snuggling with my cat. I love the snow and the way it sounds beneath boots. I tend to dress mainly in black and red. Ripped jeans, steel toed boogs. I've got a ring in the shape of a snake and another with a bunch of eyes carved in it. I have a padlock necklace with an accompanying skeleton key necklace because I like things to fit together, y'know? I have a fairly eclectic earring collection. My favourite pair is a silver set made to look like meat cleavers.

So sorry for rambling, I have no idea what to say and ended up saying way too much but whatever. Thanks a bunch and congrats again! Go drink some water if you haven't in a while!

❄️☃️ anon

(Yo I feel your pain on the red head thing 😂 I'm strawberry blonde, and some people will fight to the death to say I'm a redhead. Stay safe out there 😂 Also, my cat's my best friend, so we can be losers together)

I match you with Lucifer.

To be totally honest, I could see you with every brother, and Barbs. But in the end, I feel like Lucifer just shone through. Especially when it comes to sarcasm. He can slice and dice someone in three words, so he'll give you a run for your money.

He loves how many instruments you know how to play, and may or may not be looking into finding the best bagpipes teacher to ever exist, so that you can both learn how to play together. Will make the other brothers play instruments as well so that you can all put on a concert for Diavolo.

He has all the ins and outs of everything, so he can help you build your collections. He makes it look like an illegal drug deal sometimes, and he's willing to pay waaaaay too much money for you to feel safe about your financial future, but he gets everything for you. Don't give up on your Eeveelution collection yet. He's got a lead.

He'll watch SAW III with you. He doesn't really understand why you continue to watch it if you hate Jeff so much, but it makes him feel soft inside to watch something you enjoy so much with you.

He birthed Satan from his wrath. He understands anger. If you get overly angry, he understands and will help you figure things out, calm down, or slice a bitch. He's flexible.

You'd gotten dressed to go out for the day, in your black ripped jeans and boots, a red blouse Lucifer had gotten for you, and that new pair of dragon earrings he'd also gotten for you. After finishing getting dressed, you headed to his office.

You knew he was the avatar of pride, but sometimes it was easy to forget until you saw him practically preening like this. He stood up from his desk, and took your hand, just staring at you for a moment.

"What is it, Luci? Is my beauty leaving you speechless?" You said with a playful eye roll.

He gave a booming laugh, before he drew you closer, and whispered, "Have you ever noticed how you tend to prefer my colors?"

"Huh, I guess I didn't," you said. "Anyway, where are we going today?"

He smiled, and again, his pride was staggering.

"We are going to practice your draconic, my love," he said, collecting a couple things and starting to leave the room.

"Wait, so that means..."

"Yes," he smiled. "I'm going to introduce you to my pet dragon."

[origamifarts]

art summary you know the drill 😩😩

[lacieon]

3/9 happy miku day

[kingdom-of-kins]

Hallo! It’s good to see you again. I do paint, hypothetically! You’re right about the time thing haha. It’s been a while since I’ve really painted, art can be hard sometimes and it’s mostly for fun. I have a love hate relationship with my chosen medium sometimes: I hate to draw landscapes and free handing them is messy. But on the other hand…. My favorite thing to paint is the night sky. It’s an interesting combination to say the least. But man if some of the things people build aren’t stunning and make me itch to grab my paints.

We’ve been watching some more of the afterlife stuff. It’s been proving hilarious so far- and even though we know it isn’t really a continuation of empires we might’ve been emotional over something sausage did in his recent episode. Pearls finale in empires was heart wrenching for us, and the quiet little nod to her in the Church of Saint Pearl was just. He surrounded the church with sunflowers too.

It’s snowing outside again, and Ethos tempted to make it snow inside again because someone remembered that one fun fact about how you can make ice cream out of clean freshly fallen snow.

Hermits are insane as always. What are some of the things you’re enjoying lately? Be it with the new season or in general. I hope things are sunny for you as well -🐉

o// hi again!!

yeah, i gotta agree: art, while smth i try to do often, takes more energy then i'd like to admit. ive done a few night sky paintings myself!! im not all that good at it but it is sure fun :] AND so true, i get rlly inspired by other peoples works in different mediums all the time but its so hard to transfer them to my main medium (digital art) while still keeping the vibe i was going for.

i never actually ended up watching empires tbh! i might, now that its done, but that type of series has never really been my thing unless im hyperfixated on someone whos part of it lol. im glad to hear that afterlife is seeming cool so far!! hope you're having fun with that :]

the weather where ive been has been very swingy lately, so i kinda get that. far too many storms if you ask me. but snow ice cream... thats a thought. whats your favourite flavor of ice cream, actually? just out of curiousity. mines probably strawberry or peach, im a sucker for fruit flavors

ive mostly been getting into non-mcyt series, but ive really been enjoying slimecicles videos :] im still partway through the recent scu upload but ive been rlly enjoying it so far!

best of wishes to you :]

[sunnydaisy1]

Arts and Crafts

SAM WILSON X READER

A/N: there is not enough sam fics on tumblr so here I am. I haven’t edited this i am too tired for life right now. Also please send me requests for marvel especially peter parker, sam wilson, bucky, steve and scott.

You yawned as you walked into the main kitchen and living area the avengers shared. Tony had sent a message round to everyone telling them to gather here and considering that the time was 7 o'clock in the morning you weren't best pleased. Nat was leaning against one of the counters and snorted at your sleepy expression as you walked past her to the coffee machine. You glared at her and returned to your coffee making, rubbing your eyes as the machine started pouring caffeine into your mug. Once the steaming beverage was done, you sleepily dragged yourself to the breakfast bar and plopped down into one of the stools. At that moment, Steve, Sam and Bucky entered the room, obviously having just finished a group workout as they were all freshly showered and wafting man smell everywhere. You rolled your eyes at their annoyingly energetic selves and sipped your coffee. When Sam noticed your slumped form at the bar he smiled softly and walked over to you, scooting into the seat next to you and reaching out to take a sip of your coffee. Unfortunately for you, you were too late to prevent the smirking soldier from slurping a large proportion of your beverage. You grumbled and glared at Sam who passed you back your mug with a cheeky grin. "You look cheery this morning." He said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning onto the counter. "Well sorry mr early bird but some of us don't appreciate being woken up at the crack of dawn for a meeting stark called and hasnt even turned up for yet." You snarked back, causing a chuckle to fall from Sam, "It's quarter past 7 love, dawn was 3 hours ago." You glared at him for what felt the 100th time that morning and felt a small heat rise to your face as you saw the obnoxiously handsome smirk Sam held on his face and the way his biceps were bulging as they leaned on the bar top. "Same thing." You mumbled, draining the last drops of your coffee. Tony walked in and Steve grumbled a 'finally' as you all turned your attention to the billionaire carrying some pastries. He dumped them in front of you and Sam and you both instantly reached in to pull out breakfast. "What's this all about then Stark?" Sam asked as he chewed on his pecan twist. "Ive gathered you all here because we have got a charity event today for some of the schools in the area. You all will be hosting an activity for the kids. We have 2 hours until they all arrive." You grimaced as you vaguely remembered Tony mentioning the charity event a few weeks back but you had been so busy on missions recently you had forgotten. Judging by the similar looks on the teams' faces around the room, you gathered that the event had also slipped their minds. "So... Steve and Bucky you will be hosting the self defense taster down in the gym, a few agents will also be down there to ensure you aren't teaching them anything too aggressive..." Tony continued to list off everyone in the room and ticked off his checklist, "Okay and finally, Wilson and Agent L/N will be hosting arts and crafts in the downstairs hall." At once Sam spoke up, "wait why have I got stuck with arts and crafts?" You chuckled at his distraught expression, he obviously thought he was above painting and colouring. "Why you scared of a lil glitter Sammy?" You giggled and he glared at you, hating the effect that nickname had on him. "No...I just think my talents lie elsewhere." He replied causing you to snort. "Well suck it up Wilson." Tony replied and you saw Bucky and Steve wetting themselves on the other side of the room. Sam had obviously noticed too as he had a huge frown on his face and was scowling at them. "Alright everybody go get ready, all your supplies should be in the rooms already. And remember, 2 hours until they arrive." You sighed and stood up, placing your mug in the dishwasher. Sam was waiting by the door, and you nudged him as you both walked out, "Come on Wilson, cheer up, your stuck with me for 6 hours." Sam groaned and rolled his eyes, "Oh great." When you both reached the room, your eyes widened when you looked at the large pile of boxes brimming with craft supplies stacked in the middle of the room. "Jeeezz." Sam breathed out, walking over to inspect the mountain. You both opened the cardboard box lids and scanned the supplies, "Where do we even start?" You asked, baffled at the amount Tony had ordered. "Guess we just start with one box and empty them until it's all set up." Sam replied and you nodded, tying your hair up into a ponytail. Almost 2 hours later, the room had been transformed into a neatly organised explosion with paint, pencils, glitter glue and many other supplies on each table. "Okay, we have 5 minutes until the kiddos arrive." Sam stated, checking the watch on his wrist. "Cool, I'm gonna grab us some water and snacks from the kitchen. Try not to break anything while I'm gone." You teased and Sam playfully rolled his eyes, "Alright." When you arrived back into the room, arms loaded with bags of snacks, you immediately laughed at how awkward Sam looked surrounded by little kids all badgering him with questions. You quickly distributed the food into one of the empty cardboard boxes in the corner and walked over to Sam, giggling at his wide eyed expression of fear. "Hey everyone!" You said loudly, gathering all the little kids attentions, "I'm Y/N and this is Sam. We are gonna be doing arts and crafts with you today, how does that sound?" At once all the children cheered and you glanced at Sam who stood in awe and fear. "Okay then, lets all sit down at a table and we can start." The kids all ran to a chair and you walked over to Sam, "you okay Sammy?" He nodded slowly, "I don't know what I'm meant to do, they're so small." You chuckled and took his hand in yours, dragging him over to a table. "It'll be fine just relax, they can smell fear," You whispered. Soon, each child was creating some sort of masterpiece and you were sitting with a small group of kids who were colouring. "Wow Amy I love your dog it looks awesome." You commented, making the shy little girl beam. "Thankyou." She replied and you smiled, carrying on colouring a picture you had attempted to draw of an elephant. Glancing up to check on Sam, you looked to see he had a girl sat on his thigh as they both coloured something. You felt your heart begin to swell and butterflies fill your stomach as you watched the adorable scene. The girl was happily chatting away to Sam and he was nodding, laughing every so often and replying to many of the kids around the table. "Could you please pass me the green?" Tom asked, one of the boys sitting opposite Sam. "Yep, there you go." the soldier replied and Tom thanked him before returning to his drawing. The little girl sat on Sam's thigh tapped his arm and he looked down to her, "I want to give this to my Mum when I go home." Gracie said and Sam nodded, "that's very nice of you." Gracie blushed a little and grinned, "you should give your drawing to Y/N, then she could put it on her fridge like my mummy does." Sam glanced down at the image Gracie had drawn of Sam and you together that he was colouring. "I don't know about that..." He said and Gracie frowned, "you should give it to her and then she'll want to marry you and stick all your drawings on the fridge." Sam choked on his air a little, "why would she want to marry me because I gave her our picture?" Gracie sighed as if Sam had just asked the most obvious question there was, "because she loves you." "What? No she doesn't Gracie." Sam replied and Gracie shook her head, "Mummy told me when people love each other very much they look at each other in a special way and you and Y/N look at each other like that." Sam gaped at the little smiling girl on his lap and struggled to form any words at how outright she was being, "Oh urh no I dont think so." Gracie then giggled and said, "Plus Y/N was looking at your bum earlier so she definitely wants to marry you." Sam felt heat rise to his face and Gracie shrugged, not phased at all by their conversation. The pair continued to colour together and the topic quickly changed to the pasta Gracie had eaten last night for dinner. When the last few kids were leaving the craft room as it had eventually reached 3pm, you sighed and groaned at the mess of glitter and pens all around you. "I do not want to clear this up." You stated and Sam nodded, standing up from his chair, "Neither, I never knew kids could be this messy." You chuckled and glanced at the soldier walking towards you, instantly breaking out into laughter when you noticed the large red streak of paint across his cheek. At once Sam frowned and stopped next to you, "What?" You giggled and wiped your thumb across his cheek, showing him the red paint he had somehow managed to acquire. "Oh..." Sam said, rubbing the paint with the back of his hand but managing to just smudge it more. You chuckled and shook your head, "Sorry Sammy but your just making it worse." He huffed in frustration and put his hand down, giving up with cleaning his face, "Oh well, I'll wash it off later." Eventually, the room was turned back into a presentable state with only specks of glitter littered across the floor that you knew would be impossible to remove. You yawned and walked to the entrance, followed closely by Sam who turned the light off. "Im exhuasted." He said, trying to stifle a yawn. "Me too, I'm gonna head up for a shower." You replied and Sam nodded, "Alright, I'll see you later, chinese for dinner." You softly smiled and both walked to your seperate rooms, ready to wash off the paint and glitter encrusted into your skin. When you had given up on trying to remove all the glitter from your hair in the shower, you headed into your room and huddled under your duvet, wanting to catch up on some netflix before dinner. A knock at the door interrupted your series selection and you looked up to see Sam standing at your door, a small smile on his face. "Hey y/n." He said, closing the door behind him. "Hey Sammy, did you need anything?" You asked, confused why he looked so nervous. "Oh uh no, I just wanted to give you something." He replied, walking closer to you as you stood up and put your laptop on your cabinet. "Oh okay." You said, smiling under Sam's soft gaze. He handed you a sheet of paper and you frowned in confusion before turning it over and giggling. Sam rubbed the back of his neck nervously watching your eyes scan the drawing Gracie and him had made. "I know its stupid but I wanted you to have it." Sam said quietly and you looked up at his shy smile, "I love it." You grinned and he seemed to let out a breath of relief, "you can stick it on your fridge." You chuckled and rubbed your thumb over the drawing of you and sam standing together. "Thanks Sammy." The aforementioned soldier felt heat rise to his face and saw your eyes flick down to his lips. "Uh I should probably find Nat... see what she urm wants for dinner." You said awkwardly, trying not to focus on the way Sam was chewing his lip and the tight grey shirt he was wearing that unfairly showed off his chiselled chest and arms. "Oh right." Sam nodded, seeming to break out of a trance and opened your door, "I'll uh see you later yeah?" You nodded and he stepped out, looking at you one last time and giving you a small smile before disappearing down the corridor. You looked down at the drawing in your hand again and groaned, heart and muscles aching for you to run after the tall man and press your lips against his. Instead, you shut you door and walked to Nats room. When you knocked on her door, the red haired agent opened it with a knowing smirk on her face. "What's Wilson done now?" She asked and you groaned, stepping in to her room. You held out the drawing he gave you and Nat scanned it quickly before looking up at you in confusion. "Why have you got a drawing of you and Sam?" She asked, frowning. "He gave it to me." You sighed, causing Nat to laugh. "He gave it to you?" You nodded and Nat grinned, "wow he is so in love with you." You rolled your eyes at her sarcasm, "Wow thanks Nat. But seriously how am I meant to refrain from jumping his ass when he keeps doing adorable stuff like this?" Nat laughed and handed you back the paper, "You just need to go and tell him or you'll spend the rest of your lives dancing around each other and not doing anything about it." You sighed, "I know. But what if he doesnt like me back then I've just screwed up our friendship and the team dynamic." Nat nodded sympathetically, "I know it's scary but come on that man loves you to death and somehow everyone but you can see it." You looked down at the drawing again and nodded, "Fine, but if i end up dying on the spot from embarrassment after his rejection I'm blaming you." Nat rolled her eyes and pushed you out the door, shouting a 'good luck.' You nervously walked down the corridor and up the short staircase to the kitchen. Sam was leaning against the table, looking at something on his phone with a frown. Your heart instantly sped up and stomach did a hundred flips. You walked softly into the shared dining area and coughed lightly. At once, Sam looked up and smiled. "Urm I uh need to tell you something." You nervously stuttered, avoiding looking into his deep eyes. "Oh okay." Sam said, mind instantly running with negative ideas that you were hurt or he had done something wrong. "I urm well I... I think that you're urm." You looked up at him and his concerned eyes met yours. "Please could you uh turn around." Sam's face flitted with confusion, "wait what?" "I urm I cant talk with you looking at me like that." You said and Sam frowned but turned around. "Okay." He softly said, and you scanned his form, trying to build up the courage to tell him. "I guess I well I just want to say that I think you're the most lovely person in the world and I dont think that I could live without you Sam. You make me feel so comfortable and calm me down when I feel like the world is collapsing on me. You never fail to make me smile and I feel like the room lights up when you walk in. I love how kind and sweet you are to everyone but also how you make the stupidest jokes in the world and laugh your head off. I'm in love with you Sam and want to spend the rest of my life with you." You looked up to see Sam turning around to face you. You couldnt bear to meet his eye, knowing any possible friendship was now gone. A soft hand touched your cheek and lifted your head up, making your teary gaze meet his. "I'm in love with you too Y/N and I never want to leave your side." Sam pressed his lips against yours softly, making your heart stutter with happiness. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body against his, deepening the kiss as his hands squeezed your hips tightly. "Hey sam whens the chinese.... oh." Bucky said, his voice trailing off when he saw his best friend passionately kissing you. He wolf-whistled and chuckled, "Took you guys long enough." Sam broke apart from your lips, resting his forehead against yours, "Fuck off Buck." Bucky sniggered and walked out the kitchen again, hand raised in surrender. You opened your eyes to see Sam looking at you, "I love you." You spoke softly, "I love you too" before pressing your lips against his again and smiling into the kiss.

[nightingiall]

head in the clouds: part iv

{story page} // {wattpad}

Rory doesn’t want to get up. 

Her body is slowly waking from sleep, limbs heavy and sated, and to be quite honest, she’s too comfortable to move. Soft hairs are brushing softly against her arm. A warm weight against her head is shifting a bit. A heart beat is thumping quietly and rhythmically beneath her ear—

Wait.

Rory opens her eyes only to find that she’s not even in her own bed. This, admittedly, happens sometimes, but not often, and she’s about to catapult out in pure horror when she realizes that the bed she’s in actually belongs to none other than Niall Horan. 

She freezes, taking in her surroundings, mortification melting into confusion. She’s currently laying horizontally on the bed, head on Niall’s chest as he slumbers peacefully on his pillow, perpendicular to her. His arm is curled around her head, as though she’d been resting on it and slipped down to his torso instead. It’s only now that she realizes her hand is curled around his wrist, holding his arm close. Next to her is Spike, somehow curled into both of them. 

Rory has...no idea how they ended up like this.

“G’mornin’,” Niall is murmuring, voice raspy and deep from sleep, and Rory has to ignore the voice in her head that declares how absolutely adorable it is. 

“Sorry,” is what she blurts out instead, getting ready to shift out of his space but getting blocked by Spike, who’s watching her with that signature frown. “Am I crushing you?”

Niall chuckles under his breath and it’s all sleepy and impossibly cute and Rory thinks, Oh my god I am in so much trouble, because now she’s gone and gotten too close and there’s no going back now. “No,” he replies, bringing his other arm around her so he’s holding her to his chest. “You’re very warm. It’s nice.” 

She wonders if he actually realizes what he’s doing or if this is just that half-asleep delirium that happens when you’re drifting between that space of dreams and consciousness. But then his fingers start to curl around her hair, his eyes opening slowly as he tries to fight the temptation sleep must be calling him back into, and all she can think about then is how the morning light suits him so well, rays filtering through his window and washing him in hues of soft gold. She’s so distracted that when he smiles at her, she smiles back. 

The memory is coming back to her now, how they ended up here, and she finds herself relaxing against him as she tries to make sense of it. They’d been up late last night, cooking dinner, no alcohol involved. Rory remembers them trying to get Spike to taste something, chasing him all the way to Niall’s bed before they were able to coax it into the picky cat. 

Then they just...talked. About everything. About nothing. Rory learned about Niall’s family—just a dad and a brother—and his plans after the summer was over—take a gap year traveling the world, most likely, but he really wants to pick up more knowledge on baking all sorts of goods from across the globe. She told him about wanting to take a break for a year as well, about wanting to be an artist but her mom wanting her to do something practical, about feeling suffocated and unsure about everything now that college is over. Butterflies flutter in her tummy now at the memory of him holding her hand and looking into her eyes with a look of conviction, reassuring her that they didn’t need to have everything figured out right now, that everything would work itself out and be okay. 

The entire time, Rory didn’t think about last summer, didn’t think about her broken heart. In fact, her heart didn’t even feel broken anymore. The pieces were somehow mended back together, sealed tight with new memories of parties and laughter with Harry and Leslie, of coffee-drenched mornings with Gigi, of scorching lifeguard shifts with Niall. Of friends. Of happiness. Of that beautiful expanse of time in which her heart had quietly and decisively moved on without her noticing. And she learned how to laugh again. She learned how to be Rory again. 

And somehow, in the midst of all of that, she and Niall fell asleep, all wrapped up into one another. And it felt good. 

Now, he’s smiling that sweet smile at her, all sleepy eyes and messy hair, and she feels new and whole and completely content with where she is. 

“Wanna stay for breakfast?” he asks, one hand tracing circles into the nape of her neck and the other smoothing down Spike’s fur. “I make some mean pancakes.” 

And Rory thinks, what’s the harm? Breakfast sounds nice. Spending more time with Niall sounds nice. So she doesn’t have to think about it when she asks, “Got an extra toothbrush for me?” Niall’s smile grows a little wider at her words, and something smooth and warm slinks around in her core at the sight of it.

Oh my god I am in so much trouble, she thinks again.

Because Niall Horan smiles at her and all of a sudden she can’t think straight.

***

Rory thinks blue eyes are probably a bit hazardous. 

Specifically Niall’s blue eyes. Because she gets so lost in them that she’s nearly stepping onto Spike’s tail, and when she realizes at the last second, she ends up tripping over her own feet when she attempts to avoid hurting him.

And if she ends up spraining her ankle and Niall ends up having to give her a piggyback ride home, then his laugh is worth it. Gigi takes one look at her when they get there and Rory knows she will never hear the end of the I told you so’s. 

But there are 35 days left of summer, and...well, Rory doesn’t really know what to do with herself.

***

They’re in the dog days of summer. 

That’s what Rory and Gigi usually say when it gets to that point in the season where it’s so unbearably hot and sultry that even the guests don’t feel like doing much. August has finally descended on them and today, the pool is full of adults just lounging about, cold bottles of beer selling like crazy and everyone soaking up the last bits of sun before the summer ends, even though that is about a month away. Even the children are lazily drifting through the pool, ice creams melting near their parents on the loungers. 

Rory, for her part, cannot get a certain blue-eyed boy out of her head. It doesn’t help that he’s sitting on the lifeguard chair right across from her. He does this thing to stay focused, sings songs in his head, and when he does he always taps his fingers against his knees or against the arms of his chair or against his reusable water bottle to the beat of whatever it is. Recently, she’s been wondering what song is playing in his head, what that beat is that’s helping him stay focused on the people splashing about in the pool. 

But most of all, she can’t stop thinking of those fingers and how they felt when they were tangled up in her hair the other day. She replays the action at every waking moment, can’t sleep sometimes because the memory of warm, nimble fingers tracing shapes against the nape of her neck haunts her, like the ghost of what could be. 

She doesn’t realize that she’s sketching them until that familiar brogue is shouting, “Hiya, Rory,” and her concentration breaks. She quickly brings the sketchbook against her chest in her panic, hoping that Niall didn’t see whatever was on the page, which is irrational because he’s only now sidling up to her chair. “Jumpy today, eh?” he teases, signature grin on full display. “Whatcha drawing?

He reaches out to flip the book over but Rory hugs it tighter to her chest. “Nothing!” she nearly yelps out, voice all high-pitched and veering on the edge of panicked. She clears her throat when he gives her an amused look, amending her tone. “Um. Nothing. It’s uh...it’s not good.” 

He laughs and Rory feels her cheeks beginning to sting with that familiar burn. “C’mon, Rors, I’m sure it’s great.” Those stupid blue eyes glimmer in the sunlight and Rory really hates him right now. Really hates that he can have her feeling like mush just by doing the absolute bare minimum. She must send him some look though because he drops the subject with a huffed out “Fine.” Then he asks, “How’s your ankle?” 

Rory lifts her leg to look at it and, sure enough, it’s gone a bit swollen on her as she was too busy getting all distracted. She should probably get another ice pack on it. “Well,” she shrugs, trying not to flinch when Niall reaches out to gently press against it. “It doesn’t really hurt anymore.” 

Niall looks at her like he doesn’t believe her, grin sliding off his face only to be replaced with a stern line. “You should really get some ice on it, Rory.” It’s only now that she realizes how close he’s gotten. “It’s not going to get better if you don’t take care of it.” 

She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Okay, mom,” she says curtly, moving to slide off her chair and head over to her next post. As is customary between them at this point, she ignores his hand of help. Just her luck though, her ankle is still tender, and because she’s so focused on keeping her notebook hidden from him, she steps down wrong and her knees end up buckling under her weight as she hits the ground, Niall instantly reaching out to grab her arms and steady her. 

“You’re so stubborn,” he grits out as he helps her up, and this time he’s the one rolling his eyes at her. “Stay here. I’m going to get you some ice.” Rory watches as he motions to Zafar, who is behind him in the rotation, and Callie, another lifeguard who’s in front of Rory in the rotation, that he’ll be right back and scurries off towards the canteen where there’s a first-aid station. 

She huffs to herself as she tries to walk as normally as she can to her next post, but she probably ends up limping because even Callie is calling out to her asking if she’s okay. She waves her off, managing a smile as she gingerly hauls herself up onto the lifeguard chair, glad to be under the shade of the umbrella now. Her sketchbook, now laying closed on her lap, taunts her. Her fingers itch to open it and resume her sketch, but this is dangerous, dangerous territory. 

“I thought I told you to stay put.” Niall’s looking at her all exasperatedly as he hands her an ice pack. She takes it with a frown, a retort ready on her tongue, but it quickly melts away when she presses the pack to her ankle. The cooling sensation that runs through her is so soothing; she didn’t even realize it had been hurting so bad. “You better go straight home after this and get some proper ice on it.” Niall is crossing his arms at her now, watching her so seriously that it nearly startles her. “You can’t keep running around on it or it’ll never get better.” 

A rather enamored warmth runs through her at the way he so obviously cares, but she masks it with yet another eye roll. “But I was meant to stop by the kitchens to get more food for Spike—”

“Don’t worry about, Spike,” he interjects tersely, and Rory wants to reach out to smooth away the little wrinkle that has settled between his brows. “I’ll figure something out. But if you even think about stopping by with that ankle of yours then I won’t open the door for you and it’ll have been a waste of your time!”

Rory can’t help it. She breaks at that, a tiny giggle escaping her lips, and she can’t even be mad at herself for it because it makes Niall smile. “Fine,” she mumbles, defeated, because she can’t ignore the disappointment that settles over her now. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t look forward to spending time with Spike—and, okay, fine, Niall too—after her shifts. It gave her something to do now that she didn’t hang out with anyone else on the grounds, apart from Harry and Leslie when they’re free and Gigi when she actually shows up at their place. 

Niall notices her mood shift because of course he does, and he reaches out to playfully nudge at her, grinning as he starts to move towards his next post because he’ll get written up if someone important walks by and notices them having a conversation when they should be working. “Turn that frown upside down, beautiful,” he calls out when he’s halfway, winking for good measure, and the blush that burns through her this time is so unbearable that she nearly yells out at him to stop the compliments because she doesn’t know how many she’ll be able to handle. 

Luckily, or unluckily, for her, he swings himself up onto his lifeguard chair, attention returning to the people splashing around in the pool, fingers tapping against his knees as his song resumes in his head. 

As Rory opens her sketchbook to look at the drawing, she groans to herself. 

She hasn’t managed to draw in any distinctive features yet, but anyone with a brain would be able to tell it’s of Niall, lounging in his lifeguard chair, fingers of one hand wrapped around his bottle and the other against his knee, posture and build unmistakable. 

***

There are 31 days left of summer and Rory has got it bad. 

***

“What do you mean you told them!”

Rory is glaring and Niall is watching her sheepishly, pinpricks of red coloring his cheeks. Behind him, she can see Harry and Leslie chasing Spike around, the cat making a sort of indignant sound, Leslie knocking over a picture frame in the process. Rory huffs angrily at the sight. 

“Hey, don’t be upset.” Niall is giving her that wide-eyed puppy dog look and it reminds her of that night when she caught him sneaking around the grounds with Spike in a duffel bag. They’ve come a long way since then.

Rory opens her mouth to retort but is cut off by the sound of Harry bursting into a fit of laughter inside and she rolls her eyes. Niall almost smiles but a group of people loudly file out of the apartment across the street and his face changes into an unreadable expression. 

He cautiously looks around before grabbing her wrist and pulling her inside, shutting the door behind them. “The blokes next door made a passing remark one day that they could hear animal noises sometimes and I freaked out. So I asked Harry and Leslie if they’d stop by between their shifts to check on Spike sometimes to make sure he wasn’t too lonely. I didn’t want to bother you about it. You had to let your ankle heal after all.” He tries to smile at her but it looks a bit like a grimace as he anticipates the way she might look at him, but she only watches him warily. “And plus, Harry works in the kitchens so it won’t look suspicious if you kept going over to get food. This way there’s less of a risk of you getting in trouble too.” 

And, ugh, Rory hated how annoyingly endearing he was. It wasn’t fair! She was trying so hard not to fall for him and was hopelessly failing. And Rory did not like failing.

“Rors,” Niall murmured softly, voice syrupy sweet, like the slow pour of honey over Sunday morning pancakes, like the leisurely melt of ice cream sitting out on a hot summer day. He steps into her space the slightest bit, fingers grazing against hers cautiously, deliberately, before retreating a bit, as though remembering that invisible boundary between them. “Please don’t be angry. You know Spikey likes you best. Nothing can change that.” He seems to change his mind on the fingers front, boundary forgotten, because he laces his into hers for a quick moment, squeezing gently. “And that’s saying something because Leslie brought him toys.” 

Sure enough, Rory looks over to see Spike lazily prodding at a stuffed toy. As soon as he catches sight of her though, he plods over. It seems like the exercise has done him well because he no longer drags his paws as much and is all sidled up to Rory’s feet in a matter of seconds. “Hi, Spikey boy,” she murmurs at him, releasing her fingers from Niall’s in favor of kneeling down to smooth them across her favorite cat’s fur. And also because if Niall said one more word to her with his eyes sparkling the way they were then she would have had no choice but to kiss him and it was better if that didn’t happen. Especially not in the presence of their friends.

Above her, Niall laughs, and she can’t bring herself to look at him but knows he’s glowing. “See. He loves you most.” 

She’s somehow swept inside, Leslie cheering at the sight of her while Harry chastises her for not telling them about Spike sooner. Harry adores cats, always talks about how much he’s wanted one. Which is why when Spike continually ignores his approaches, Rory finds it endlessly amusing. 

“Niall, you’re so lucky you don’t have roommates,” Leslie says while petting Spike’s fur. “I can’t imagine how you’d’ve been able to pull this off with one. The other Shack boys aren’t like you.”

Niall laughs his big, buoyant laugh at that, and the sound of it seems to lure Spike close to him. Rory can understand, it makes her lean in to catch every expression of his too. “Well, I had one at the beginning of the summer but he had to leave and then never got replaced, so…” He trails off, shrugging, and they all lament at how lucky he is to not have to deal with another person in his space. 

By the end of the night, Spike seems to have gotten sufficiently acquainted with these new additions to his life, especially once he sees the way Rory and Niall interact with them. And when Rory gets used to sharing this part of her life that she’d been so protective over, she finds herself relaxing and laughing along too. 

Until there’s a knock on Niall’s door. 

They all freeze at the sound of it. Even Spike’s tail pauses in midair as he picks up on the sudden mood shift between them. Niall glances around questioningly, as though one of them would know who it is, before he gets up to answer. Rory feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room, feels as though they’re all collectively holding their breaths as they watch Niall look through the peephole. 

Then he laughs and the tension breaks. 

“I brought snacks!” comes a familiar voice when he opens the door, and when Niall moves aside, Rory is shocked to find that it is none other than her roommate. Sure enough, Gigi grins at all of them, holding up a box of sandwiches that must have been left over from a corporate event and a gift bag that clinks with the unmistakable sound of wine bottles. 

All of them except for Rory cheer when Gigi makes her way inside, heading straight for Spike to nuzzle her fingers against his fur. Harry immediately grabs the wine and Leslie makes quick work of the sandwich box as they head to Niall’s kitchen to get everything opened. Rory, for her part, simply looks at Niall, whose cheeks are already coloring with that familiar rosy tinge, with a look that says, Her too?! Because for something that they’re supposed to be keeping a secret, it seems as though more people have found out in the past three days than in the past few weeks. 

But either way, she’s not really upset. She just likes the way Niall’s blue eyes get all wide as he squeezes her fingers when he tries to console her.

***

“You have a crush on him,” says Leslie when they’re walking home. 

Rory just sighs, because her friends are smiling at her all knowingly, and she knows this is serious because they usually mind their own business. Well, except for Gigi, whose ears perk up at this conversation. So she asks, “How obvious is it?” 

Harry bumps his shoulder into hers, and when she looks at him, he’s grinning wildly at her, dimples pressing deep into his cheeks. “So obvious.” 

Rory looks at Gigi then, expecting the I told you so, expecting the forthcoming round of gloating because she called it. Instead, she receives a soft smile and a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’m so happy you’re happy again, Rory.” 

And she can’t help herself when she stops just to pull them all into a hug. Because there are 27 days of summer left, and some moments are meant to be savored.

--

tell me what you think! :)

[fallen029]

I’ve been trying to get a part of OpB out a month, but this month I got swamped and just didn’t have time. I’m hoping I get it finished by this weekend, but it might not happen, so for the ones of you who follow me over here, I thought I’d post the first half (or quarter, really), for you to read over. This part involves a lot coming together all at once, so it’s just been a bit of a hassle to piece together. 

I don’t usually post OpB shit over here and I’m not going to start, but if you see this and wanna follow the rest of it, it’s over on Fanfic and Archive. You don’t have to be all caught up or even read any of the rest of the Remember Me shit to understand it. It stands on it’s own, loosely in the Fairy Tail realm, focusing on the slave trade in Bosco. Nearly full OC, and kinda just me indulging my own shit a bit. It’s not for everyone, but I rather like it. 

.

Operation Bosco: A Call to Arms, IV

it was always strange.

The feeling of it.

Waking up.

Since Haven had been revived following the mishap on the gauntlet, it was always a bit of a jolt, first thing, as her eyes peeked open and she was greeted to a new day. There were some difficulties in adjusting, right at the start, to the feeling. Her chest would get heavy and the breaths she drew in always seemed to burn, just a bit, as the scarring over her stomach itched.

For as bad as the nights were though, the mornings made it worth it.

She’d never really taken a break. Before. Had always been on, constantly. From the day her parents let her start snagging the fliers off the job board, she’d either spent her days completing them or training to be able to do so.  Days were meant for toiling and nights were meant for getting fucked up in her father’s guildhall. Her mind was focused on very few things and everything felt simple. Easy. Broken down.

Get stronger and reward yourself along the way.

But when she was revived, things were different. She couldn’t take jobs right off the bat, she was too weak to train in the first few weeks, and her father no longer held a guildhall for her to act out in, with not too veiled hopes of gathering his attention.

Everything was different.

Locke had to go back out, on jobs, and even once she was up to training, she had no one but her boyfriend’s father or Ajax to do it with. Navi was gone, Locke now had friends, real friends that he wanted to spend time with, if he wasn’t out, and it was jarring.

All of it.

Her family was there, but she was trying to ease back into those relationships and they were dealing with their own trauma, what with her coming back to life and her father disappearing in the middle of the night.

She’d spend days, both with or without Locke, at a bit of a loss as to how to get back to where she was. Or, honestly, how to be sure she’d never return to it. There was a call for the long stretches of solitude and peaceful atmosphere she was rewarded with, but at the same time, it felt far more like a punishment.

She was a woman of action. Strong action. Constantly falling in and out of dangerous scenarios in order to prove her worth. Those few months of either taking no jobs or taking one and needing a be recovery period was hard on her.

Very hard.

“I never want to be like this again,” she told Locke, more than once, and he only snickered, smiling even, in the beginning when he was still just amazed to see her alive and breathing, with him once more. “Don’t nothing. Sitting around. Waiting.”

“It’ll be different in Bosco,” he assured her and it was still a dream to them then, not fully realized or understood, what it would mean.

What any of it would mean.

She spent months getting stronger and him proving himself to the guild master, just to find their power and prowess useless. He’d spent the majority of their time away on guard duty, back on base or across the border, while her true powers had been suppressed and her new, fancy one she was so pleased to wield had only come into play once.

And for what?

So she could find herself folding clothes in a sweatshop, hoping to win the approval of women that saw her as little more than a kid. A fucking, stupid kid whose current placement in life did more to depress them than, perhaps, their current surroundings. Reminded them of their first time. Times. In new places, adjusting to the new regulation and lack of freedom they were presented.

There was a resignation, back in Ewings, but it wasn’t buried nearly as deeply as it was the majority of the women she was currently housed with. The majority of them were too old, had been under too long, and she was made known of this the second she tried to broach the topic with any of them.

It was a headbanging kind of realization, the ones she had every single day and night, as she tried to assimilate herself with these women. She lacked the nerves or fears she had, on Ewing’s manor, but they were instead replaced with frustrating jitters of wanting to do something, to start something, but not quite being able.

She didn’t connect well with other people. She never had. But it was now a major part of the job and, though she wished that both Locke and Shae were able to carry the heavy load in this, she knew that her position in the hoped revolution was very important.

One of the things that she’d learned recently from the short months she’d spent back home actually came during that down time she hated. And from Marin, her lame younger sister, of all fucking people. Marin possessed the potential for all the power in the world, but balked in her formative years, and instead had to build other skills.

She wasn’t great at it either, after all. Connecting to other people. And maybe that was Haven’s fault, at least somewhat, but whatever it was, Marin found ways to overcome it. Where Haven thought to prove herself physically and violently, Marin managed her natural awkward disposition in another way.

With her natural abilities repressed, she found herself accessing social skills in other ways. She learned things about people, rather easily. She served them beers and fed them filling food until they felt comfortable enough to express things to her. Whether this was intentional or not, it allowed her to easily transverse any other personal relationships she was forced to have with others. They felt naturally inclined to consider her something. Not exactly a friend and maybe not a confidant, but at least someone that, even when sober and starving, they could count on to be there for them.

The best part of this arrangement was that Marin hardly had to offer anything difficult up to others; she merely had to provide the expected level of care. This wasn’t exactly an imparted benefit on Haven through word of mouth, but rather observation. She watched her mostly quiet and reserved sister in the guildhall many times following her resurrection, and it was a very alternate experience from how Marin was once treated around the place.

By doing her work, she found an avenue that otherwise wouldn’t be easily presented to her.

Haven wanted to be like that. With her job. To do her job and make friends along the way. It used to be that way, anyways, when she was just a regular mage, running around helping others. She fell in and out of relationships in her time away from Fairy Tail, nothing serious, but her prowess had always spoken when she was unable. Helped her fall in with the people she needed in the moment who required her powers just as heavily.

But now she didn’t need them. Didn’t have them. Couldn’t use them. It felt better, honestly, than it had back at Ewings place, now able to at least use her transformation magic, but it still ached a bit, as it always would, whenever she couldn’t draw electricity through her veins at will.

It was depressing.

Just how things had felt, when last year’s long, hot summer had faded into the darkness of a new season. But now she was trapped in the dull shadows of a hotbox sweatshop, equally as shut-in and alone, but just for different reasons.

Sulking wasn’t productive though. Nor was her natural inclinations towards anger and brash attitudes. Shae and Locke were both out of their element and struggling to find ground, but she was given the easiest job of all; she couldn’t fuck it up.

She just had to gain the trust of a bunch of old women.

Marin did it with the older men in the bar, plying them full of beer and liquor and listening to their problems. Finally, for once drawing true inspiration from her sister, Haven found that getting frustrated with her position wasn’t going to get her anyways; she just had to do her job and keep her head down.

So she tried it.

Haven had always been kind of afraid of it. Silence. Left to her own devices. To think. After her ventures into the afterlife’s eternity, she found mostly that she’d never not be afraid of the concept. Silence was just too much for her to handle.

But without even Shae now, it was what her days were mostly filled with. And as she focused, tried hard to get the folding and sorting all down, box breaking and box opening, but fuck.

Fuck.

It was just hard.

But she seemed to be endearing herself more, this way. Or at least she thought. There was a woman, anyways, of the few that were on folding and packing duty, that seemed to not look on her as harshly as she once had.

She was a...hearty woman, Haven thought. Homely, maybe, was the word. She kept her messy brown hair clipped back and out of her face for the most part, but sometimes a strand would fall from its containment and she was mutter curses just loud enough for the typical blonde to catch. A dark, rough patch laid over the older woman’s eye and she cursed about it at times too, wiggling a finger beneath the fabric to deal with an itch.

She went by Bea, the woman did, and she was a glimpse into the world Haven was merely visiting.

It started just like that. Not so harsh looks and, eventually, her grumbling at Haven to take a seat, beside her and two of the other women, during lunch break, down in the grass.

There wasn’t much to talk about. They probably didn’t really have much in common, removed from their current position, but they were trapped, all of them, with the magical marker denoting them as less than, and if they only had one thing to speak on, then it made sense that they eventually would.

“You wanna ask about it,” Bea remarked one day in that gruff she had. They’d had a few conversations by this point, short and to the point. Grumbles over the food, the work, maybe on a too cool summer evening, about the pond water. But this time, as they sat together in the warm grass, sun bearing down on them as they scarfed down their lunch, it seemed different. The tone. The intention. “All the new people do.”

Haven knew what she was talking about, of course, but even for as socially inept as she typically was, even she knew that she was heading down the entirely wrong path. Quickly shaking her head, she had to swallowed the hardened sliver of bread and warm meat of some sort that they’d been served before saying, “N-No, I haven’t. I-”

“Things were different,” Bea told her simply and this, at least, hadn’t been the first time she’d heard such at hing. “Around here. Before.”

Haven paused, not wishing to ward off the potential for further conversations, but also being reverent of letting this once slip through her grasps.

“Before?” she asked softly.

“Before,” the older woman went on, “the current master. The young one. The son.” She almost sneered, maybe, shaking her head as she insisted, “He’s not nearly the...man his father was.”

“Did he...did he take your-”

“Plucked it right out.” She made a popping noise with her mouth that made a woman sitting nearby visibly appear revolted. Bea only reached up, almost absently, to sneak a finger beneath the flap, scratching with a sigh. “Punishments were stiffer. The work harder. What we were dealin’… But I was so young then. Your age, maybe younger. Things were just...different.”

“That’s fucked,” Haven remarked, but Bea only shrugged.

“I’ve seen yours.” Then she made that face again, that sneer, the finger slipping back out from beneath the patch so that she could gently tap the pad against the course fabric. “Well, as well as I can see somethin’-”

“What do you mean?”

“Your scars. On your stomach.” Bea raised an eyebrow. “Told ya mine.”

Which meant she wanted Haven to tell hers. It was probably the entire reason she’d brought up the conversation in the first place.

It was with a bit of a sigh that Haven thought about it. All of it. She had a lot of scars, of course, and wore them well, but the most important…

The fact it was even visible was her own fault, honestly. Her transformation wasn’t that draining, but she needed it to be perfectly even, refilled and never taking away too much. Leaving her scars where they were, hidden beneath her clothing, was an easy concession. And the visible ones only added to her credibility. But they all stripped together, each night, and even though the moonlight didn’t illuminate much, all light only revealed the most inconvenient. Or at least it always had for Haven.

“I got cut open,” she admitted, softly, and though it wasn’t the full truth, as she looked away and reflected, she told just enough of it that her pain was not only convincing, but real. “Died. A-Almost, I mean. I almost died. Someone was able to use magic to save me.”

“All that miracle,” Bea sighed with a click of her tongue and a shake of her head, “only to land you here.”

“Only,” Haven agreed, “to land me here.”

Things only seemed to look up from there. It was difficult, of course, to be too optimistic for the future when you were dealing in such a dank reality, but Haven did feel good about herself. Bea seemed to like her well enough, maybe, and though the other women all seemed to be distant, it was nice to have something of an in.

She felt comfortable in it, at least somewhat, and was very ready to shove it in the often doubting Locke’s face one day when she disappeared off into the shed, equally anticipating her boyfriend as she was the soda pop he’d bring.

Which was why, as he slipped in empty handed, she had a bit of a glare.

“Nothing?” she questioned. “I literally have nothing to look forward to and you still manage to disappoint-”

“Haven.” He rushed the short distance to stand before her, his goofy gaze rather harsh that day. Clouded. Concerned. Reaching out, he grasped her cheeks in his hands, forcing her to stare up at him, linking their gaze. “Something’s happened. Or is happening. I don’t-”

“Is it Shae?” She shoved him off, tossing up an arm and, originally intending it to crackle with the heat of electricity, she instead found herself merely flexing. “We’ll fuck ‘em up, Locke. We’ll-”

“No, Have, it’s…” He only frowned at her. “It’s you.”

Deflating some, Haven returned the gaze though hers was accompanied by a raised brow as she questioned, “What do you mean?”

He wasn’t quite sure, honestly.

The concern came from Shae herself.

Locke had the benefit (misfortune?) of being one of the guards sent up to the penthouse, not for their irregular defiling of select hostages, but rather to rouse Monty from where he was shirking on his duties. It had been with a bit of a huff that Wick chose him, finding the young man eating with some of the other guards in the dining room, and as he and Locke bounded up the stairs, his only offered explanation was, “You talk sense to him, Hux. He likes you.”

But he didn’t like Wick.

No one liked Wick.

He was a cold man, older than the other guards and from the old breed, Anderson had sneered to Locke once behind the man’s back. He kept to himself and mostly seemed to find his time spent trying to get Monty to do anything other than drink and hide in his arcade or penthouse.

It was a difficult task.

But recently, the Master had taken quite the liking to Hux and, while that was annoying to some of the other guards, Wick saw this as a new, unexplored advantage. Guys listened to their friends, after all, and if the new guard could, at the very least, supply an easy way to control the Master, then, well, his presence was worth it.

Up in the penthouse though, as Wick moved through the living area, unconcerned mostly with the women that hung around, and instead headed to bang on Monty’s bedroom door, Locke uneasily glanced around at the women seemed equally as uneasy to see him. He almost raised his hand to wave at their very pointed avoided glanced, but he didn’t have a chance as someone came rushing over to him.

Shae had spent the past few days sitting by the door, mostly. She avoided Monty when she could, but felt it very important that she get to Locke, as soon as possible. Being locked away in the penthouse, this felt completely impossible as the man, she knew, would avoid the place like a plague. Still, there really wasn’t anything to do, at all, other than slowly go insane in the place and though she knew she was meant to be gaining trusts of the women around her, she found herself far more worried over something else.

She’d gotten up. Right before he came in. To find what had been left for them to eat in the kitchen. There was more, here, than down in the sweatshop, but most of the women, especially those who’d been there long, seemed to survive mostly on their pills and alcohol.

But Locke came in, while she was doing that, and at first, the sight of Wick stalking through the apartment wasn’t a welcome one to the woman and she hung back. But as he was barking for Monty, Shae saw the man she was actually looking for and, not knowing exactly when she’d be given another opportunity, she ran right for him.

It was awkward, the next few motions, as she hesitated and Locke tensed, at the feeling of someone approaching him in such a manner, but then there was the awkwardness of all the women staring and one of them had to say something, but it had to be here, because she was the one who had something to say, and while he was too shocked for much more than his silence, Shae knew she need to get the information to him as subtly as possible and, well, given their implied relations by that point, she figured it wasn’t too out of the realms what she did next.

Somehow, it was even more awkward.

Locke pulled back, when he realized what he was doing and it was like pressing her lips against nothing, mostly his chin, honestly, as she leaned up, but not enough to account for how hard he was trying to evade.

Pulling away herself, just slightly, she whispered, “Haven’s in trouble.”

Locke blinked with a questioning, “What?”

“Take this.” And her hands had been wrapped around his neck, but one of her balled up fists opened then and a folded slip of paper tickled the back of his neck as it tumbled down beneath the collar of his tucked in shirt and came to rest around his hip line, right where his too tight cut off passage. Shae’s eyes were wild as she insisted to the man, “You have to do something.”

It was on instinct, almost, the way he nodded at her solemn tone, but again, the seconds in this encounter were stifled by another immediately following it.

Wick had been coming out of the bedroom then, chewing out an inebriated Monty while he was at it, but this stopped suddenly when he saw what was taking place. Shae still had an arm wrapped around Locke’s neck and he was still too dazed to do much about it. The sight, for some reason, caused Wick to shout at them, but his gaze was quickly somewhere else.

“Enough,” he’d growled, the older man had, and all the women, who hadn’t really relaxed the entire time, seemed even more uneased by the action. With a deep growl, he was stalking right back across the room then to grab Shae roughly by the arm and toss her to the side. “You will not-”

“Hey!” Locke bucked right up as Shae, fighting against all instinct she knew, forced herself to only fall away and not bite back at the man.

“Shut your fucking mouth.” And Wick turned to Locke once more, raising his hand and striking him, sharply right above his left ear. Having been raised on such things, if anything the feeling made the hardy mage almost nostalgic. If only the hit wasn’t so weak with no true iron behind it. As Locke blinked away the feeling, his direct superior only glared darkly into his red eyes. With a shake of his head, Wick insisted, “You will never do that again. Do you understand? You are on duty. And in front of her?”

“In front of who?” Locke griped as he resisted the urge to rub at his ear. “What are you talking about?”

But Wick just huffed then, turning on his heel and walking over to where some of the women were coward, wincing as he came close, but there was only one that he seemed interested in. Locke had seen her before and, though she hadn’t stood out to him before, he recognized her as one of the women that worked in the kitchen. Not marked. Hired help. She was the youngest one of them, a teenager, and Locke had mostly steered clear of the kitchen help, not quite sure how they fit into liberation.

He grabbed her though, Wick did, hissing something about how she shouldn’t be up here, right now, and she was wide eyed, the teenager was, nodding her head and being drug from the penthouse while everyone else stood stock still and eerily silent.

As the teen and Wick disappeared out the door, a beat would come to pass before Monty, the only one capable of breaking the tension laughed, drunkenly, shaking his head as he continued on then.

“C’mon, Hux,” he slurred as he came to weakly slug the man in the shoulder. Grinning, his glassy eyes found Locke’s as he remarked, “Gotta finish work, huh?”

“Yeah,” Locke agreed with a nod and, though he did glance at Shae, he turned to follow after the Master.

Monty stumbled down the stairs with Locke’s help and, with some more assistance, the mage managed to shove the guy into his office where, following, he was certain to close the door behind them.

“Wick’s just freaked,” Monty explained, going to fall into his chair. “That I don’t, uh, seem presentable to my uncle.”

“Your uncle?”

“Alwood.” He sniffled though, at the man’s name, Monty did. Raking a hand across his face, he groaned some as he said, “Man look’s out for me.”

But he couldn’t even think about that sort of thing, in that moment, Locke couldn’t. Instead, he only paced a bit, around the small office, while Monty continued to rub at his face trying to wake himself up.

“Can I ask you something?” Locke finally asked and Monty waved his hand a bit.

“Sit down and do it,” he grumbled a bit. “Giving me a headache.”

Hesitating, Locke glanced at the door before going to sink into one of the plush chairs that set before the desk. Softly, he asked, “Who was that? That girl?”

“I dunno,” Monty replied as he rubbed a palm roughly into one eye, the stinking eventually causing him to gasp and drop his hand. Then, dryly, he replied, “You’re the one fuckin’ her.”

“What? No, I meant… The one that Wick drug out of there,” he explained. “The young one. Who-”

“That’s Wick’s fuckin’ daughter.”

“He’s what?”

Monty snorted then, sneering some as he sat back in his chair and focused on the ceiling for a moment. “I’s a kid when it all happened. It was under my dad that it all happened. That fucker. Left me all this shit to deal with. And fuck Wick too. Asshole. Thinks he so good. So great. Knocked the woman up. Down in The Factory. Judges me. He does the same fucking thing. Did. Whatever.”

Locke shifted, a question on his tongue, but doing so caused the slip of paper down the back of his shirt to scratch against his back and, suddenly, he couldn't give a shit about Wick.

“Hey, man, are you going to be alright?” Jumping up, Locke forgot for a moment that he actually, sort of, had a job to do and straightened at the remembrance. As he looked over Monty, he added, “If I take off?”

Monty ran a hand for once through his hair, causing it to become even more disheveled. Shaking his head, he said, “Gotta, uh, sober up. Before Alwood comes around.”

Locke found it unlikely that this would be accomplished, but he had his own problems to worry about. Not only did he imagine Wick would be on his ass, should he run into the man again, but he needed to get that slip of paper and read it over as soon as possible.

His room was empty, thankfully, when he arrived at it. On occasion, the other guys would be lingering around to talk or try and goad him into going into town with him. They all got their checks every two weeks and, now with a sizable accumulation of cicles, the offer seemed like it should have been more enticing to him than he was displaying to the others.

But he didn’t want to leave the property. Not with Haven around. If he told her about it, she’d goad him into going out with the other guards, get to know them better, study them, learn something useful to the cause, but fuck that. He wasn’t leaving her alone on the property.

It was hard enough knowing she was so close and yet barred off from him the majority of the time.

His chest was pounding, as it had since what had popped off upstairs, but alone now, closed off in his tiny bedroom, his heart felt like it was trying to rip from his chest. Ripping off his shirt, he probably looked a foo as he spun around in a tight circle, trying to find where the slip of paper had fluttered off to, freed now.

It wasn’t much. As he found the white slip sticking out against his dark hardwood floor, his fingers trembled some and he was both disappointed and terrified by just how short in length Shae’s note was.

She had to be straight to the point, of course, and there wasn’t much there for him to glance over, but still, he found himself collapsing onto the edge of his bed as his eyes traced over the short writing.

Alwood’s taking Haven back with him. Stop her from going. I’ve heard bad things about him. She’s not safe.

The note didn’t tell him much. And though he tried to get what he could out of the guys he had patrol with the next morning, because of the former, he didn’t have much to offer Haven that day, as he stared with heavy concern at what, truly, was a strange woman, but exuded all the warmth (or lack there of) that his girlfriend did.

He’d spent the majority of his life trying to protect her. And others. It was in his nature, since he was a boy. He liked for all the people he cared about to be as safe as possible. This was a difficult task, growing up as a mage, but he always saw after his friends. Haven especially.

His whole point in coming to this place was for that exact reason. He dreamed of more, he wanted more, but deep down, it was the only thing that really mattered.

“Alwood is going to try and take you,” he told her simply. “But I’m not going to let him.”

Haven stood there for a moment, after his words, losing her tension and fear for Shae and, at least somewhat, gaining some for herself.

“Alwood,” she repeated his name softly then, frowning, “knows Ewing.”

“What?”

“I told you. That’s where I know him from.” Turning from the man, she could only blink in the darkness, her desire for static, not to draw, but to expel, pooling in the pit of her stomach. “What if Ewing told him about me? And he came here to get me?”

“Haven, I don’t think-”

“He knew me, Locke.” She shook her head some. “From the last time. When I was there. The first time. He knew exactly who I was. He’s connected and shit and is after me now, I bet, and-”

“If you need me to get you out of here-”

“What?”

Locke looked quite serious when she glanced over her shoulder at him. Softly, he said, “I’ll sneak you out. Whatever. That’s why I came. If you or Shae run into trouble-”

“I’m not in trouble.”

“What do you mean? You think some rich fucking sicko is out to get you.”

“Are you kidding? Fuck him. He’s after me? Ewing’s after me?” She turned quickly then, bouncing on her feet, seemingly amped. “Fuck him. He doesn’t know what he’s messing with.”

“Haven-”

“I’ll kill him. I’ll kill them all.”

“You’re not-”

“I’ll fucking kill them, Locke.” She threw up a fist again, still with no electricity behind him, but as the blow connected to Locke’s chest, he had to suck in a breath. Twisting her fist, she pressed harder into him, but didn’t stumble forwards, instead only hanging her head, arm taut and rigid as she breathed heavily down at their feet. Bravado deflated, she only whispered, “I’ll fucking kill him, Locke.”

“You won’t have to.” He balled his own fist, but it was only to crash it down on the top of her head, sighing some as he took in her new look. When she raised her eyes, they were dark and not her own, but the heaving of her chest alternated perfectly with his own as he tugged her to him. “I fucking will.”

Haven rested there for a moment, indulging maybe, if just for a moment. Shoving him off after a beat, she only whispered, “You can’t kill shit. Fucking worthless.”

“If you had killed Ewing back at his place,” Locke retorted with a frown, “then we wouldn’t even be having to deal with this shit.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“You’re,” he replied, “in trouble. You get that, right? This isn’t a joke. You can’t go back with Alwood. And if he’s intent on taking you, then it’s probably best if we start figuring a way to get you out-”

“No way.”

“Haven-”

“Give me time,” she insisted. “We can’t fuck this up. Shae upstairs, I’m down here, you’re a guard… This is too perfect to not be the plan. How it’s meant to be.”

“I’m not going to let you-”

“I’m not going with him. I won’t.”

“Then-”

“I don’t fucking know, okay?” Shaking her head, she asked instead, “How do you even know they’re taking me? Have you spoken to him? Alwood? Or did your little friend the master-”

“Shae told me.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “She, uh, passed me a note.”

“How does she know?”

“Haven, I don’t fucking know.” It was his turn to be annoyed. “How do you not know? If she does? I thought you told me you were making friends.”

“Friend. I’m making a friend.”

“Haven-”

“I’ll ask her about it.” Haven seemed to snap out of her funk, if only for a moment, as she snapped her fingers together. “I’ll ask her to tell me everything she can about Alwood and if she knows why he’d even want me, what for and all that, right? She’ll tell me. We talked, you know? Seriously talked. About-”

“You’re not going,” Locke told her simply. “With Alwood. If I have to drag you out of here kicking and screaming-”

“Calm down. Idiot.” Haven held her head higher. “I didn’t want to go with him either. I’m not going to. Especially not if he’s tangled with Ewing. That’s not why we came. We came to get access to tunnels or some shit, right? So I’m going to fucking get us that.” Then she conceded a bit, “We’re going to fucking get those. I’m going to talk to Bea and you’re going to actually be fucking useful and we’ll figure out how to avoid Alwood all together. When does he leave?”

“I don’t know. I-”

“Useless.” She shoved him this time, but it was playfully, maybe, and Locke pushed her back, maybe too hard, but he was kind of tired of being smacked that day. Still, when she sighed, he gave one back, only nodding his head when she ordered, “Find out. Okay?”

It felt weird, when she turned her head up to press her lips to his, and Locke laughed some into the kiss, which got him shoved again, but he only shook his head.

“Doesn’t feel right,” he told her. “Here. With...this you.”

She snorted, shoving passed him then, “if you could make yourself taller-”

“I’m going to find out when he’s leaving,” he insisted. “And if we haven’t figured a way to make sure he’s not taking you with him-”

“You worry too much, Locke.” And she clipped his name the way that he liked. Poised to head right out of the shed, she only reminded, “Do what I told you and everything will be alright.”

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Oh my god, i had this sitting in my notes for a while, only remembered it recently. That being said, hi! I hope you enjoy this! Its a kinda sketchbooky oneshot in an au where Johanna is also a witch!

(Not for secret santa or anything, just wondered if u'd like it)

Omg. So, @tall-tappers is the one who sent this and I have to say I’m walking on air. Thank you so much for sending me this!!! I really enjoyed reading it (and you used one of the headcanons I wrote on Family Fights??? Omg.). I cannot thank you enough!

...

"Mum, did you dye your hair?"

Johanna turned around, jumping in surprise at the question. She glanced beyond her daughter to a mirror, seeing traces of a sparkly blue in messy wisps at the top of her head.

"Oh, yeah, actually. Just testing highlights, seeing how it'd look. What do you think?"

Hilda tilted her head, a smile forming.

"Yes! Then we can match!"

Johanna turned away slightly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"I don't know. I think I'm gonna dye it back."

"No, come on! It looks great!" Hilda pleaded, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

Johanna sighed, ruffling her daughter's mop of fluffy hair.

"Alright, you got me. I'll see what I can do."

Hilda cheered a victorious "Yes!" before she was rushed out of the house.

"Now come on, we wouldn't want to keep your friends waiting."

Hilda giggled and sprinted towards the car in a flash.

Johanna smiled softly as she followed her daughter and buckled into her seat.

"To the library?"

She asked.

Hilda nodded enthusiastically, a huge grin on her face.

[[MORE]]

...

Johanna looked at the kids gathered at a table, flipping through books and discussing beasts of some kind as they normally did while they were here. She thought back to her times in this very library when she was growing up, usually full days filled with studying. Or, at least, goofing off when she should have been studying.

"Nice day, isn't it?"

Rang a familiar voice from above her head.

She looked up to the source, her face brightening the second she heard it.

"Maven!" She called, waving to the librarian.

"Ive been meaning to talk to you."

Maven slid down the ladder, placing a few books back in the correct spots as she did.

"That's new. You never want to talk to me." She said with a sarcastic twinge, a smirk pulling at her mouth.

Johanna playfully waved her hand.

"Oh please. This is important."

Maven nodded, letting her cloak fall back into its obscuring position, before leading the two of them to a table.

As they sat, Johanna saw a hot cup of her favorite brand of peppermint tea sitting before her.

She looked to the librarian for permission, and was met with a nod.

"Ive gotten used to your little visits." She said, slyly resting her head on her hand with half closed eyes.

Johanna pretended that didn't make her as happy as it did, and cleared her throat.

"Listen. Ive come to talk about Hilda."

Maven sat up straighter.

"Why? What's happened?"

Johanna took a calming sip of her tea, sorting her words before speaking.

"Well, this morning, she noticed my hair dye was fading."

Maven's eyes traveled up, catching the unusual hair color.

"Ah. And?"

"Well, i told her that I was trying blue streaks out. She still thinks that brown is natural for me." Johanna's face fell, and she turned her gaze to the side. "And she seemed really excited about the prospect of full head matching hair color." That pulled a short laugh from her chest. "But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."

Maven took a sip of some coffee, casually resting an arm on the back of the chair she was in.

"Well, you could just let it fade. It almost attracts more attention for her to be the only one with strangely colored hair."

Johanna looked away, fidgeting her hands on the mug.

"I just don't want people to say anything to us, and I'm not sure if i want her to find out yet."

"Well, have you told her what it means?"

"No, but she's smart, she'd figure it out. I mean, between your hair and magic room and her proficiency in it shes bound to draw the connection long before I plan to tell her."

Johanna sighed, looking over to her daughter's oblivious, absolutely ecstatic expression.

Maven hummed in thought, tapping the table with painted nails.

"You could always try using your magic? Erase her mind of the incident and go back to normal?"

Johanna winced, her voice turning more into a whisper.

"I told you, I dont do magic. You know how the city feels about us. I'd much rather lie to her."

She groaned, placing a hand on her forhead.

"But even that's not exactly desirable."

Maven clicked her tongue, taking a decisive sip of her coffee.

"You really should stop letting the city deny you of who you are."

"But this is who I am! Besides, I dont exactly want to risk going to jail every time I make a mistake!"

Johanna stated angrily, hitting a palm on the table. She had to take a moment to regain control of her breath.

"I-Im sorry for that. I don't know what came over me."

"You're restless."

Maven observed.

"This is the kind of thing that happens. I know you don't like me talking about it, but you are a witch. We kind of need magic."

Johanna let out a long sigh before resting her hands in her lap.

"You're right. I understand." She said quietly.

"But I'm just... scared. I just want her to grow up happy, like I did. And that means covering things like this."

"You don't seem happy now."

Johanna was silent, not even turning to meet her gaze.

There was a long moment of stillness between them, broken when Maven once again took a drink from her mug.

"in my opinion, you said Hilda would eventually find out anyway, so why not tell her now? It would save a lot of difficulty down the line."

Johanna closed her eyes for a moment in thought.

"I'll do what I can."

She said.

"Thank you."

They both rose to their feet as Hilda and her group of friends ran over, chatting over eachother until they reached where Johanna stood.

"Can we go to the woods on the far side of the wall?" Hilda asked with a confident stance.

Johanna laughed, joy returning upon seeing her daughter's excitement.

"I don't see why not."

They cheered and began to run past, Hilda leading with Frida close behind, holding some kind of camera, while David took the rear with a grin, despite his obvious hesitancy.

Maven looked after them, crossing her legs and lifting her mug to her mouth.

"You should follow them."

Johanna's brow furrowed, and she turned back to the librarian in worry.

"What? Why?"

"I've heard of some strange goings on from that direction. Its just better to be safe than sorry."

Johanna let out a breath through her teeth, pulling some strands of hair out of her face.

"Well, if you think it's best."

Maven winked. "And you know how often I'm right." She stood to collect the empty mugs and waved as Johanna chased after the children.

'stay safe out there, okay?' She wanted to yell after her, but decided against it.

[pommedeterrethings]

Hello everyone! i don't really make my own posts on here that much but i am on here a lot. BUT I can't really do the things I love to do anymore, like dance or swim, since I have broken my ankle and damaged some ligaments in my right foot and will be getting surgery next week. SO, I've recently been working on my makeup skills, specifically on the artistic side. I don't have a lot to work with nor the money to spend to get the things i need. I am very grateful for what I have, even if its 4 old eyeshadow pallettes, 3 brushes, 2 lipsticks, 1 beauty blender, of course foundation and concealer, and a few misc. things in makeup. I really enjoy doing the artsy side of makeup, tho I'm not that good at it. I've just start doing this week, but some of the work I've done im proud of and decided to post on here. why? I don't know. and for whoever is taking time out of their day to read this thank you and I hope you like the looks ive made!

and tips are very welcomed and cheap/affordable products that work well! :))♡ -Quinlyn

EDIT: btw, idk if i will continue to post my progress on here but you are very welcome to go follow my Instagram: @/quinnieclue

1st one: sorry for my messy room, but this look was inspired by Rosé from BlackPink, with the HYLT photos. simple but that's what I did first. this was a few days before I broke my ankle.

2nd one: this was the first look that I just went all out and after I broke my ankle. im really proud of this because I did this not knowing what to do and just slapped something on my face. I called it the garden fairy look. im not the best at drawing so my rose looks bad. lol.

3rd one: I dont know what this is and made this late at night because I didn't want to sleep, but I made this look as a late LGBTQ+ look, specifically the the B. I have a few pics where I have a wig on but with the lips reminded me of an animal. lol. 🤣

4th one: this is the strawberry hero look(?) I made. again not good at drawing but did my best. I can't draw a straight line to save my life. but I had funny doing this one.

last one: again simple one, but this is inspired by Hongjoong from ATEEZ, Wonderland era. again i did this one at night, but my friend gave me the suggestion and I worked with what I got.

but yeah this is what I've done so far. I also have a few others already planned. I have a dragon look i want to try and for kpop inspired look, hopefully a bit more artistic, BTS.

[dementedgnomicwizard]

i want to cosplay tma but i haven't done much of it before and yours are incredible, could you suggest amy characters thatd be pretty easy to pull off?

OK THIS GOT A LITTLE RAMBLY BE WARNED BUT IM Trying my best with this very limited information and delightfully open ended question

well the really excellent part about cosplaying from podcasts is that most of the time the characters don’t have one “canon” design and are completely open to interpretation, which gives you a ton of wiggle room because the decision can be based less on “which of these canon designs do i think id suit best” and more on “which one of these concepts do i think id have the most fun trying to design and execute?” (which is the line of thinking that led me to start working on my jane cosplay, actually!) personally when i cosplay from podcasts the main goal that i’m shooting for wrt the finished product is recognizability since i’ll freely admit that there’s almost nothing like the dopamine release/validation of someone recognizing ur cosplay at a con, especially if they ask for a pic. so my advice is probably generally gonna be oriented towards how to make whatever costume u pick recognizable in hopefully the simplest and clearest way possible.

with tma obviously the human (or mostly human lol) characters are gonna be the easiest to tackle, both because they’re easier to nail down design concepts for (since they’re not the personifications of abstract concepts lol) and also because in tma the monsters/more monstrous characters tend to get pretty detailed descriptions as opposed to the humans who get virtually none.

for me personally, if i was going to start putting together a cosplay of one of the archival staff Right Now starting with things i have in my closet/room, i’d probably either go for daisy or melanie for two reasons. the first is that both in terms of what i look like and what clothes + materials i have lying around, i am (or could use said materials to make myself be) aesthetically closest to looking like my headcanons for them (wow i hope that made sense this is a weird concept to try to figure out how to word when you HAVE slept and AREN’T high so i’m Really struggling)

the second reason is that those are the two i think i (again given what clothes and materials i have on hand) could most easily make myself recognizable as.

aaaand i guess where id go from there is to think about my designs/personal headcanons for these characters. i’ve been trying to sketch my headcanons lately so they’re a little more solid in my mind than they would usually be.

here are the essential components that make a recognizable daisy when i see her in my head:

-short

-large jacket

-too-big clothing in general

-on that note, utilitarian/practical clothing

-boots

-occasionally i like to picture her wearing a shirt with a sign like one of those dog vests that says DONT PET I BITE

-i usually also picture her with some kind of facial scar or something, which as far as i can tell is pretty common in fanart as well

here are the essential components of melanie as she appears in my head:

-also short (tho not AS short, imo)

-mad as hell

-bangs

-messy (in a cool way) eyeliner

-big jacket/hoodie/sweatshirt

-dark lipstick

-ripped jeans/shorts and tights

-ghost hunt uk and/or what the ghost merch

-knife motif somehow incorporated (melanie voice whats uo with this knife motif do you have something against kniiiiiiiives)

-depending which part of the show chronologically ur pulling insp from, sunglasses/an eye bandage/scars/white pupils/etc something like that you get the picture

SO then i go through those lists/review whatever little preliminary sketch ive just done and pull out a second, shorter list which is “things from the first list that i could feasibly make happen using materials that i have or can easily obtain”

so for daisy that would be

-large jacket: i have a way-too-big army jacket i thrifted a while back

-too-big + utilitarian clothing: i have a huge pair of cargo pants and a sweater that have been waiting for this moment

-boots: i got em

-scar/s: i have latex, tissue, and a makeup kit; i can make this happen quickly and easily

and for melanie we’d have

-mad as hell: i can certainly make some faces! draw my eyebrows in a little angrier maybe even!

-bangs: recent development but i have em!

-messy eyeliner: doable

-big jacket: got plenty

-dark lipstick: got plenty x2

-ripped jeans/shorts over tights: happily, this is an essential part of my wardrobe as well as melanie’s

-knife motif: there are certainly subtler and perhaps more elegant ways to go about this but if i wanted to get in cosplay and leave the house in the next like hour.... well.... i mean we do have just like, knives! DISCLAIMER while real knives can be fun and cool for photos don’t take real knives to conventions

anyway yeah so given that i would then basically... gather the pieces needed to check off each item on the list and then get ready and hope for the best lmao.

have fun and best of luck!! im also happy to try to answer more specific questions if u have any, especially practical/technical questions (how-tos, the easiest/cheapest ways to make certain things, shortcuts, etc)

[chimcharstar]

1-100 TELL ME ALL

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Jesse

2. How old are you?

22

3. When is your birthday?

dec 9

4. What is your zodiac sign?

sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

purples

6. What’s your lucky number?

9

7. Do you have any pets?

no

8. Where are you from?

bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia

9. How tall are you?

5 something

10. What shoe size are you?

7?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3 that i actually use

12. What was your last dream about?

i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post

13. What talents do you have?

i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline

14. Are you psychic in any way?

well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there

15. Favorite song?

for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I  took all the colours

16. Favorite movie?

spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much

18. Do you want children?

not RIGHT NOW

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.

20. Are you religious?

yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

i got a parking ticket

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them

24. Baths or showers?

showers.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

alien socks that are green and black

26. Have you ever been famous?

no. what does that even mean !!!!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them

28. What type of music do you like?

stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin

32. How big is your house?

BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

HELL no.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.

36. Favorite clean word?

i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.

37. Favorite swear word?

bitch. its really fun to say.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.

39. Do you have any scars?

yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

i believe so...

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents

44. Do you have a strong accent?

i dont know how to answer this

45. What is your favorite accent?

idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them

46. What is your personality type?

that.... INFJ. see. psychic

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

one of the gay jackets

48. Can you curl your tongue?

dont think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

left

51. Are you scared of spiders?

depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free

52. Favorite food?

tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish

53. Favorite foreign food?

idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

clean

55. Most used phrased?

“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot

56. Most used word?

I

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i do, but i hide it. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work

61. Do you sing to yourself?

nah

62. Are you a good singer?

no. i can sing and it sound okay.  nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.

63. Biggest Fear?

someone dying, natural disaster, new illness

64. Are you a gossip?

maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those

66. Do you like long or short hair?

BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.

68. Favorite school subject?

ART ART AR T

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introerverte

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no

71. What makes you nervous?

people who are not Definitely Cheerful

72. Are you scared of the dark?

no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL

74. Are you ticklish?

depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok...... 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

no

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no

79. Who was your first real crush?

someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE

80. How many piercings do you have?

two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im  so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

hell yes

82. How fast can you type?

so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast

83. How fast can you run?

IM VERY FAST

84. What color is your hair?

orange

85. What color is your eyes?

green

86. What are you allergic to?

im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky

89. Do you like your age?

sure

90. What makes you angry?

everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger. 

91. Do you like your own name?

YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

yeah, i want a boy a girl

94. What are you strengths?

my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles

95. What are your weaknesses?

the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea

96. How did you get your name?

i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie  “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school 

98. Do you have any scars?

weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon

99. Color of your bedspread?

pink, white, blue

100. Color of your room?

white

[gayspock]

me: anyway im gonna stop ranting about doctor who

me: but also here’s my latest ramble

each time ive tried ranting about some of these more recent instalments (”recent” - s7 onwards,which isnt but listen) of new who, ive deleted them and screamed because i’d end up following extremely long, convoluted tangents - ones even too convoluted for, like, me rambling under a read more. see, the thing is?? everything is so.. interwoven- the faults, feeding into other faults- and its HARD to describe why its so . Eh! sometimes because for one, im awful with words and for two there’s a lot, but also barely anything, and i think thats actually a good description in of itself with whats wrong???

LIKE personally ithink... mid season 6 is perhaps the place where i think it starts going downhill. perhaps thats just because i loathe A Good Man goes to War because its the beginning of just that. what could have been a momentous episode ultimately fell flat, through sloppiness. honestly, i think that would have been an epic climax just there, for all the reasons the end of s4 was - all of the experiences the doctor went through, finally being reaped, as all people he’s saved and befriended come back to help him  and the whole thing SHOULD coalesce beautifullu but instead it had so many fallbacks. like.... jenny/strax/vastra who i all adore as a dynamic, and want more of, but they dont makeSENSE to appear as mains - not when the doctor has 6 seasons (+26 more, if you really reached) of actual content to draw from. why would you bring in characters we have no emotional connection with? as fodder would be fine, but to have them... be centre stage was so weird and its LITTLE things like that and in the very way the grandiosity COULD have coalesced in that episode, instead its the absolute opposite in all these tiny details seem to band together and drag it down. 

insteadthe execution feels increasingly hollow, and stale and i think thats, like, very much a signature fault of moffats writing (other than the sleazebag perv undertones, lmao) because he keeps doingthis thing where hes so overly ambitious with doctor who - and the nature of the show is somemthing i could ramlble aimlessly about, and get nowher in another read more somewhere, just like ia m now, but LISTEN!!! liek doctorwho is s- AND I HAD TO BACKSPACE EVERYTHING I WROTE, because this keeps devolving into that aforementioned, aimless rant about the nature of who but LISTEN. 

point is, moffat attempts to create a masterpiece with that just in mind. you know, like, when that happens? i hate trying to knock on ppl bc i realise this is a statement in reference to many ppl- andsorry, like. tbh i dont care how ppl write for the most part, bc they caan Do their thing but sometimes llike.... YOU KNOW those people who sometimes write, and theyre oh so fixated on the product rather than actually telling a narrative? RPing (since, like, RPing when i was 10) wise, ive met many people who, when constructing a characters backstory, would try to make “the angsiest, most heartbreaking, SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD :’’(”  and rather than focussing on the actual narrative, they’d fixate on that?????  like moffat... DOES that. he tries to make something extremely clever; he sits himself down, and he thinks WHATS GOING TO REALLY, REALLY SHOCK PEOPLE? perhaps that works for people- but the whole reverse engineering from the effect i want, and working backwards sometimes, often, loses sight of itself, and  all the potential of wht COULD have been an awesome narrative is... AGAIN, HOLLOW? because somewhere along the line, he forgot to...actually write the story, and to give us something to feel for and to be wowed by and instead made it more his mission to tangle up a ball of messy plot-string to make us go WOW! :3 and even that . just falls FLAT in the end 

s7 clara the-impossible-giirl is the epitome of jsut that- a character who exists to serve that eventual payoff, except it isnt much of a payoff when she makes the sacrifice to save everything because they ... REALLY DID just forget to give her a personality and her life outside the tardis- like.. THE FACT THEY DIDNT SHOW THAT SHE WAS A TEACHER UNTIL S8 WAS SO, SO FUCKING WILD. really wild. she just needed something- more motivation- a purpose  for her to exist other tha the fact [jazz hands] SHE’S AN ENIGGMAAAA, BABEY! which really wasnt helped at all by the fact she has NO chemistry with smith

and clara.... well, in my opinion she improves?? over time, until the end at least. like she was BETTER with capaldi, in my opinion, as they had more of a... relationshpthat complimented each other and a dynamic that was far more refeshing and something newer but also very reminiscent of old who with the SACE GRANDAD kinda energy going on but also  her bringing him down when he was Like That, and him bringing her down when she was Like That- and season 9, where she tries becoming the doctor is something else i would REALLY enjoy (untl they ruined it) but still there was still always that element of quite missing the mark, because things were still off the mar but i dont think AS bad-i think s7 was the peak of everythings a fucking mess and s8&s9 are variable and i think i have to go into both of those? to really pick them apart, becase like...

speaking to s8, seeing more insight into clara’s actual.. YOU KNOW... LIFE and who she is as a teacher is a lot better and a lot of the time i just try to ignore the fact s7 even happened(because her existence... as a nanny... i cant remember if that EVER even comes babck up again, or if the fucking FAMILY SHE LIVED WITH FOR A YEAR EVEN MATTERS ANY MORE??? BECAUSE IT JUST- i think whats the worst about her (speaking as a whole) is the inconsistency, and she suddenly just BECOMES a teacher in s8 and thats now a big thing i guess??? what would have made more sense, would be if she was introduced as that in s7- and i think it would hve been beneficial then, too, and would have given her more depth then but instead it feels like theey just cobbled it together in s8 when they realised “god we didnt think about this!!” and the whole danny pink... thing. yoou know?personally, i believe i’d quite like the danny/clara conundrum a lot more if perhaps? instead of having them, UH, YOU KNOW!! just meet there and then in s8 and then him suddenly becoming her whole life, like- it wouldd have been.... easier if they were already dating in s7??? which would have mde her devotion to him all he more ... realistic. what i was thinking was perhaps she’s instead whisked away from him in s7, and then cmes back in s8 and he’s. also MORE in focus? like i think he was cclose to actually being a good facet of the show, and i like the conflict and conversation between both him and the doctor- him forcing the doctor to, like, wake the fuck up about some shit- but i think it would have been more effective if he had a greater present and came along once or twie into more episodes and then maybe it would have felt like his death was also. a loss and not just a plot device you know and - IM RAMBLING HERE IM SORRY IM LSOJGN STEAM AND IM JUST MAD BUT I THINK. LISTEN.

S9. I NEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT S9 TOMORROW WHEN IM NOT DEAD BC THATS WHAT THIS STARTED OFF OUT AND SPOILE RALERT I LIKE WHAT S9 WAS TRYING TO DO BUT I PERSONALLY THINK THE WHOLE THING SHOULD HAVE BEEN RESTRUCTURED, AND-

[kpopandcream]

Palette -  IV (Final)

Pairing: ReaderxSehun

Genre: Angst / Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of Self Harm, Dark Themes.

He was the beginning of spring and you were the end of fall and he went forward while you went back, meeting somewhere in the middle. It was odd, feeling so akin to someone you hardly knew, but it was the colour of his hair that begged you to put him down on paper and carve his name into your heart.

Word Count: 9.0K

Part Masterlist

Summer droned on as ceaselessly as ever. The sun waxed and never waned. The still blue waters rippled when the slightest wind came by. The trees stretched and creaked, growing outwards to shield the grass beneath it from the rays above. Baekhyun had dyed his hair blonde to match the light outside and even he shone when you looked at him. Sunglasses were out. Barbecues were out. School was out. There was life in everything, every strand of the town except the house across from you, whose lights hadn’t turned on since Grandma Oh’s passing.

Rather than seeing less of Sehun, you somehow saw more of him. He seemed to run from his parents, who’d come immediately to care for him and the other affairs that came along with death. They had put up a picket sign and were figuring out how to sell a house quickly so they could return to their day jobs. His father, who was quite handsome for his age, seemed particularly detached. He drove between cities, staying for weekends. Those were the days Sehun would stay out longer, begging to just rest on your roof for a few more minutes- to look at the stars for a few more minutes.

You remembered standing near him at the funeral. He hadn’t shed a tear about it, telling you he was trying to be strong. He said he wasn’t going to let this hurt him but you saw how his body ached. The muscle beneath his jaw shook as he looked down at her in her coffin, nails painted a beautiful deep red as she liked it. She wore a dress covered in yellow spots, little shining dots that scattered around a deep blue dress. You wondered what you he was thinking as he stood beside you, hand in yours and holding it so tightly. You wondered what he was thinking as hi fist clenched when she was lowered into the ground.

Mostly, you wanted to cry for him. The town had suddenly taken to him and Grandma Oh. They gave him hugs and told him thank you for caring for her, told him they were proud. They offered to give food and time, offered to take a few things off him and his parents hands. It would have been kind, you decided, if you hadn’t heard a few of the town gossips who’d just given him the most sincerest condolences whispering by the dinner table with wine glasses in their weathered hands.

“You know,” one started, bright red lipstick smudged over her lip line, giving the slightly taller one a fixed look as always, “I want to say I feel bad for the kid but how can I? Yes, the death is obviously tragic but…”

“She was still cracked, you mean,” the other said, whispering lower. Was it out of shame?

Red lips raised her glass and nodded feverishly, whispers low but harsh, “and did you see him during the burial? Not even a tear.”

“Cracked as well.”

They both nodded, taking sips out of their glasses before their eyes fell on you by the table set aside for food. You had slammed your teacup onto your plate, a small crack forming up the side where the handle was. Your eyes were on theirs as well and you could feel the way they froze up, colour draining from their faces. They both turned away, slightly embarrassed you hoped as they detached themselves from their spots but not before they gave you a small nod and smile.

“You okay?” Baekhyun’s hand came to your elbow, catching your attention as he came from behind you. He kept the contact as he came around to face you, free hand coming to unwrap your fingers. He didn’t meet your eyes as you spoke.

“Do you hear this shit?”

All he could do was nod, slowly uncoiling your fingers as he murmured for you to relax. He rubbed at your shoulders slowly, silver glasses falling down the bridge of his nose. He looked as if he’d heard it before and it broke your heart. Was no one standing up for either of them?

“You can’t do anything about it. People talk all the time,” he reasoned quietly, still trying to give you comfort. It wasn’t working.

As you moved out from under his touch, you scoffed. “They’re just acting like Sehun can’t hear them and he can. It’s not fair.”

Baek gave you a small nod, not saying much. He still didn’t like Sehun but you could see he was keeping his comments to himself. All he did was tell you to go and find him and that he’d text you later, giving you what seemed like a smile and walking to his table.

Maybe it would have been better for Sehun not to know what people said. You didn’t tell him but you knew he heard it. He kept hearing it, having the words haunt his steps, or getting upset with you when you would tell the pharmacist to fuck off during a town meeting as he whispered in the back row. He would just tell you it was okay, that it all was okay and that he didn’t mind. You minded and maybe you projected that for a while but he was less and less enthusiastic to go outside.

It did affect him.

On his best days, he would continue to babysit with you. He said the kids made him feel better, like he could see pieces of himself when he was younger in them. He would lift Kihyun into the air like an airplane and his laugh would ring through your house as Inguk chased after them, asking for his turn. You would play in the pool, a child on each of your shoulders and they’d wrestle until they exhausted each other. He tried really hard being a happy person for them, to be as exciting as before but he was having difficulty. It didn’t particularly help that, after a particularly tiring day, you four were on the couch and Inguk lifted his head off Sehun’s chest to touch his face.

So softly, he said, “I miss Grandma Oh.”

“Yeah?” Sehun asked, raising his eyebrows a bit. He was calm on the outside, no part of his body tense either. You look at him, over your book and saw the way his eyes seemed to glisten until he blinked the shine away. His hand grasped Inguk’s, who was tired and had messy hair from his partial nap. With a sadness filling his tone, he nodded so slowly and held Inguk’s hand gingerly, murmuring, “me too.”

On his worst days, Sehun would stay inside. He would ask to just lie on your bed for a little. You didn’t know what to say or do, and he told you he just wanted to be somewhere quiet so you left him alone. You would sit on your stool where the light was the best and fix up little paint blots. You would draw at your desk or read by the window. Sometimes you could feel his eyes on you but you wouldn’t turn to look at them. It would only make him look away and retract. Though, sometimes you would just climb in bed beside him and hold him. That seemed to make his muscles relax but his brain still worked at light speed and you didn’t know what to say to help him, not to mention that he didn’t particularly talk much when you asked him how he felt.

Though, your only breakthrough was about a month afterwards. His parents had been coming in and out now, leaving him mostly alone. They wanted him to come back into the city with him but he refused. You watched the conversation over an icy dinner table with over baked potatoes and gamey meat. It was the second time you’d met his parents as Sehun’s partner and you couldn’t decide if they had taken to you, mostly because they seemed to ignore the fact that you were there half the time.

“I’ll stay here until they sell the house then,” Sehun decided, not looking up at his parents as he cut his slab. He was having a hard time, the meat not giving in. His mother gave you a small overlook before sighing at her son, lips pressed together.

“But there’s nothing to do here anymore.”

Okay, maybe they didn’t like you, you decided, nostrils flaring just slightly but trying to keep your temper in check. Sehun only exhaled, placing his utensils down rather roughly and giving both of his parents a face of steel.

“I’m staying whether you think I should or not. It’s better than me doing nothing in whatever suburb we live in and trailing along behind you to your frigid business lunches anyways.” He wasn’t lending much kindness in his tone, being quite distant with his parents. His father was the one to speak, straightening his back and stretching his cashmere sweater over his white button up.

“Sehun, son,” he started, trying to reason but there was something threatening in his voice, “maybe you should listen to your mother on this.”

You didn’t feel it was your place to say much but there was Sehun, beside you and positively growing with irritation. You wondered how he made it these past years, if he even stayed at home or if he was left alone often. The thought made you frown and slowly, your hand found his over the table. Your fingers laced just slightly, making him put down the fork in his left hand. His temper didn’t deflate but his tone did and that was all you needed as he explained why he was to stay. His parents, with disapproving eyes, didn’t agree but left him alone for the time being. Perhaps in making yourself visible, you’d avoided an argument between the three.

Your mind reeled as your brushed through your hair that night in front of the mirror in your bathroom. You’d taken all your makeup off, realizing you had been wearing more recently and staring at your face made you feel bare. It was as if you’d taken of a mask that didn’t cover you up but brought out more of you and there you were, barren and naked and still, the thought didn’t scare you. Yet, the knocking at your window did cause a little scream to bubble out through your mouth.

You ran from your bathroom to your window, seeing a shadow and sighing. The messily done hair could only be one of two people and, pulling apart the curtains, you were glad to see it was Sehun. He was sitting on the small ledge that you used to climb down from your roof, waiting patiently as you lifted the window for him to climb in. He sure took his sweet time, sluggish and wearing sweatpants despite the heat. His shirt was loose and hung from his shoulders, dipping so you could see his chest as he climbed inside. His hair was fading out.

Rather than moving in and causing a storm, he stood by your window sheepishly. He leaned on your frame and tugged just slightly at the curtains that rested under his legs. His eyes, deep and swirled with darkness, were bearing into yours. You were surprised they didn’t pay any attention to the length of your legs with the shorts you were wearing, or the bareness of your shoulders from your thin shirt. No, they were focused on your face, solemn and trying to hold themselves back from what they wanted to show.

Taking his lip between his teeth, he bit down before slowly asking, “can I sleep here tonight?”

It caused your eyebrows to arch up, unsure what he meant or wanted from it. He didn’t make a move to clarify it and you didn’t know what to say. You weren’t particularly uncomfortable with it, you just didn’t want your brother busting into your room to steal your toothpaste like he always did and then snitching on you. A little tilt of your head was all Sehun needed though and whatever was holding his shoulders up fell from beneath their weight. He curved forward, exhale ripping past his teeth as his hands came to cover his face. He seemed to show years of fatigue, dark circles you hadn’t noticed before peeking out from under his fingers. You didn’t know what to say to help, standing there looking like an idiot looking at him.

You hesitated, taking a moment before murmuring, “lie on my bed and I’ll turn off the lights, okay?”

He nodded, seemingly dragging himself across the floor. Despite his weight, he lay down lightly and watched you pace as you tidied your room, put your face cream on and hurried to the light. He was still curved inwards, the feeling of his eyes small and non judgemental. He seemed to need you more than he meant to in the moment, begging for your attention as you hustled. Then, those dark eyes were lost without the light and, as you bumped into a few things on your way to the bed, only his breathing kept you on course. Even his arms that snaked around your body were an anchor, pulling you onto the soft white sheets and asking if he could keep you there.

All you had to do was run your fingers through his hair, which had never stopped interesting you- never stopped making you fall for him. He rested his head on your stomach, laying diagonally as you lay straight. You placed a small pillow beneath your head to prop it up and waited for him to speak with bated breaths that were lost in the darkness. It took moments for the darkness to distill, allowing what little light there could be from the moon and passive streetlights that appeared ever so often down the road. Still, you could only make out the best of him, his shoulders and the way his ribs rose and fell with breath, the curvature of his chin, his long legs. As you tried to massage love into every touch, he seemed to relax and the moon cast deep blue across his body.

“Sehun,” you whispered, begging yourself to be quiet even though you didn’t want to be, “what happened after I left?”

He raised a shoulder to shrug before curling in closer to you. With a light bite of your lips, you only pressed as much as you could, hoping to get some sort of response.

“Did you guys get into an argument again?”

“They just don’t- they don’t get it,” he huffed, trying to keep himself temperate, “they keep thinking that this is just another business transaction. You know they won’t stop talking about how much the funeral and ambulance costed? They go on and on about it.”

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, not knowing what else to say. You’d never experienced this loss, this feeling of nothingness. Nothingness was an often occurrence but not this way. You hadn’t had someone ripped from you and this was hard for you to completely understand. Though, you tried. You let him speak and hoped it was enough.

“I kept wondering why they were so cold when I was younger but I think I get it now. They’ve never loved anyone and, on the off chance they do, they don’t talk about it or show it.” Sehun sounded so bitter, like he’d figured out why he couldn’t stand them. You didn’t know what to say, keeping your tongue between your teeth but nothing came out. There was just the steadiness of his breathing and your heartbeat, which matched perfectly.

Slowly, quietly, he muttered, “my parents were never what I wanted to be. My grandparents were everything to me and now they’re gone; I’m alone.”

“Hey,” you managed, finding your voice. His words stirred something within your stomach, pulling your hands to reach out and pull him the slightest bit up. He straightened, turning to look at you with cheeks damp. You hadn’t even noticed the cracking in his voice, nor the small spots on your shirt. All you cared for was the way he looked under the moonlight: so utterly broken and tired. He looked so defeated and it broke whatever heart you had inside of you.

With your thumbs running under his eyes slowly, you shook your head and tried to console him. Little pricks formed in your eyes, though you tried to push it down as you spoke. “You’re not alone, Sehun. You’ve never been. You had your grandparents, you have Chanyeol, you have Dongmin and Soojin, all those university friends you have. They’ve called you and asked to see you. They care. They’re all here for you, okay? You’re not alone.”

“Maybe,” he hummed and you didn’t know what else to say. Though you tried to convince him, he didn’t seem much too intent on believing what you said. You blamed it on how upset he was, knowing he’d come to his senses soon. Not knowing what else to do, you watched the way he moved from lying down to sitting on the end of your bed. He looked perched to leave and you didn’t want him to. Not at all.

Shifting down, you came behind him and reached for his hand, fingers entwining easily. He was as soft as butter and he melted in the way you spoke, giving you a nod the moment you asked if he wanted to stay for the night. He didn’t want to show you he was upset, rubbing under his eyes before clearing his throat and taking to lying down next to you.

After he settled into his spot, arms snaking around your waist again, the room went silent. Yet, you could still hear the gears in his head turning and turning in a never ending cycle. He felt so restless and, when you turned on your side to face him, he had his eyes on you. They were half-closed but intent. He wasn’t thinking much but you and it showed in the way his eyes seemed to adorn you with a sadness you hadn’t been able to recognize in them before. It was something he hadn’t dared to show until that night, where his thumb came to draw a line across your cheekbone and he beckoned you closer with nearly silent words.

“I have you too, right?”

Whatever tears threatened to fall fought harder against their barrier. Allowing a tear by, you nodded and brought your head under his. He wrapped his arms tighter around yours and you figured maybe you could blame that for the constriction in your throat as you held him back and muttered a cracked, “of course you do. Of course.”

His chest, rising and falling in irregular patterns, was the only indication you had that he heard you- that he was comforted. His body seemed to allow you to fit right into him, creating locks when you were a key. You couldn’t feel the water forming on his cheeks, though you supposed he knew you knew. There wasn’t a secret in his heart you didn’t hear and not a secret you didn’t want to hear. It was a moment you only believed existed in movies but then again, it was so imperfect. There was no lighting. There was no stunning leading lady. There wasn’t an easy solution. Yet, there was him and there was you and for each other, it was all you needed.

You looked at Sehun from the passenger seat, with his mouth pressed into a line and his eyes squinted once again under his cap. The sun was high and would’ve convinced you it was later than it was if it wasn’t for Baekhyun’s snoring from the backseat. He was cuddled into a bundle, clinging onto a blanket because Sehun’s air conditioning was too high for him. A hat was placed on his face to hide him from the sun, though his mouth was slightly ajar from how long he’d been asleep. Sehun wasn’t impressed, though he didn’t say a word. He only gave you a small look from the corner of his eye which caused the corners of your lips to crawl slightly up your cheeks. His struggled not to follow and so, he turned his attention back to the road. As you looked out the window, Chanyeol’s face came to your memory.

He rolled down the street a week ago to stay with Sehun for a while before having to be called back for work. He suggested a party, eyes nearly as big as his ears on his small head. He looked goofy but charming, especially when his lips stretched to form a smile. With a black hoodie on and jeans and an infamous black cap on despite it being night time, he’d asked to meet you one last time before he left. You remembered seeing Sehun laughing from your window before coming down, Chanyeol’s hand smacking his shoulder as they giggled like kids.

Ears sticking out of the cap’s rim, the opening of your door alerted both of them who looked genuinely content in each other’s presence. Sehun’s shoulders were fully relaxed which you hadn’t seen in a while and it gave you whatever hop was in your step. So comfortably, his hand came into yours as you said hello to both men, taking a spot beside Sehun. Chanyeol’s hand was perched on the top of the car and he looked so casual, leaning there and looking at you both.

“So you’re coming, right?” He looked at you and Sehun as if you were the only people he could see, smile lazy but constant with little indents in his cheeks. You went to open you mouth before realizing you didn’t know what he meant.

“To what?”

The two men exchanged looks before Sehun exhaled deeply and muttered, “I forgot.”

“You forgot?” Chan’s mouth dipped down to create a wide circle as he shook his head. “How could you?”

Sehun attempted to console his friend, who had dramatically placed his hand over his eyes and turned his head to the sky. “I was just so caught up with you being here-“

“Oh cruel world!” Chanyeol interrupted, hand finding his heart and clutching the material there, “perhaps we should just cancel! Our sweet Sehun, he’s forgotten us all.”

Sehun, chest quivering from laughter, reached out and placed his free hand over Chanyeol’s, professing, “I’ll never forget again, I promise.”

His friend, hardly containing himself, came up with some sort of punishment and you couldn’t help the way you laughed at them. Your voice rang clear through the street and it seemed to give Sehun some sort of joy as he looked back at you and clutched your hand the slightest bit tighter. Chanyeol’s eyes, also on you, felt like a sunset: kind and soft in all the right ways while being impossibly radiant. It was a wonder seeing the two together, Sehun’s hair fading but still true to its colour.

“We’re having a party, y/n,” Sehun explained, tapping Chanyeol’s chest as he continued, “this one’s planning it for me and all my friends when I come back this weekend.”

Chanyeol nodded, looking down the road behind you before coming back to your face, saying, “we would’ve gone down together but I’ve got a work thing.”

Sehun mouthed ‘work thing’ and used halved quotation marks, hardly avoiding a swatting from Chanyeol. The two only found it funny, playing off each other under street lights that barely illuminated them. You couldn’t help but think you could stand to see Sehun smile like this again, so leisurely and happily. He seemed without a care and you were grateful for Chanyeol as he wrapped up the conversation and got into his car. He was adamant on getting to the city before midnight but it wasn’t going to happen. He just wanted to let you and Sehun have your own time alone for a while.

As he sat in the seat, picking at his wheel while Sehun ran inside to get him a water bottle for the road, you leaned on the car. You didn’t know what to say so you didn’t say a word, uncomfortably comfortable looking at the stars in the sky. Chanyeol didn’t seem to mind, keeping silent until he cleared his throat, voice coming low.

“I hope Sehun hasn’t been a burden to you, y/n. He’s very upset and very heavy sometimes and I’m sorry you had to bear him on your back alone, especially through the worst part of it.”

Arms crossed, you blinked and mouthed like a fish before forming the words, “he wasn’t a burden at all.”

Chanyeol’s eyes caught yours through the windshield and he smiled sadly, giving you a little nod. “Then good. He really likes you and I don’t want it to be a mistake.”

“Mistake?” Your eyebrows raised in time, unsure where the conversations was going to take you. With the widening of his eyes coupled with the fast bumbling of his words, you saw he meant no harm. He, just like most people, didn’t think before he spoke. His hands tightened around the wheel out of embarrassment, redness forming on his cheeks in an instant.

“That’s- that’s not what i meant, you’re not a mistake, of course you’re not. I just worry about him. I want him to be happy and he is with you. It hasn’t happened in a while, is all,” he trailed off, taking a bite to his lips as his eyes moved from your face to the road, where it disappeared into a dark distance spotted with lights.

“You’re a very sweet friend, Chanyeol,” you hummed, not knowing what else to say. Your hand rested on his shoulder through the opened window and he looked at you from under his cap with a sheepish smile. He didn’t believe in your words at all but he didn’t reject them and you supposed that was alright for the moment.

Sehun’s hands were filled with other objects Chan left in his house as he came outside and to the other side of the car. He looked at you for a moment through the open window with a bit of a smile, talking all the while to Chanyeol about how he’ll message him before you came as he placed all of Chanyeol’s items on the passenger seat. Chanyeol took to throwing some of them in the backseat haphazardly, exchanging one final joke before saying his goodbyes. Yet, before he left, he looked you straight in the eye and, cheekily, told you to invite Baekhyun as well.

“We haven’t seen him in a while. It’ll be fun, no?” His eyebrow moved up, engine running as he waved and said goodbye to a confused self and a slightly annoyed Sehun. He came over to you and scoffed, shaking his head.

“Baekhyun, huh?” You copied Chanyeol’s face, arms crossed once more with a little smile. Though you didn’t know why he’d want Baekhyun there, you didn’t press. It was better to let him say how they knew each other on his own time, though you walking away and saying goodnight sure hurried along the process. Or, at least, made him tug you into his arms for a slow kiss, nose bumping against yours as he did so. You both had ridiculously small smiles stretched across your lips, leaning to give each other more and more until you heard a slight knocking behind you. You turned your head just in time to see the curtains in your front window shifting and snorted.

Adjusting in your seat to look at Sehun properly, which dealt with loosening your seatbelt and folding your legs awakardly, you stared at his profile. With a small nudge from your foot, you caught his attention and his very quiet ‘what?’

Whispering back, you hummed, “so why did we invite Baekhyun?”

“Because Chanyeol asked,” Sehun responded very simply, shrugging like he didn’t know. You only clicked your tongue and shook your head.

“Not good enough.”

“Guess we’ll never know then,” he crooned, shrugging again with a coy look on his face. You only pouted, poking him once more with your foot before he lightly tapped it to tell you to stop. Your lips pushed out further, legs retracting into your body as you turned away.

Quietly, jokingly, you mused, “so mean.”

You only got a little smile in return, an airy chuckle filtering past his teeth.

The details of the night were quite blurry seeing as you didn’t really seem to look past Sehun. You were slightly on edge with the amount of new people you were meeting, most of them friends of Chanyeol’s and Sehun’s from a competition they entered long ago. They all seemed to be well acquainted and comfortable, arms slinging around each other or calling each other pet names. There was a particularly bubbly man whose smile stretched across his whole face and became brighter than any light. You made a point to talk to him when you were left alone for spare moment and found out his name was Jongdae. He was quite warm and you wondered briefly what colour you would paint him if you could.

Before long, you were ripped away from him but not before deciding he was the colour of a light sky. You only hopped just outside, hand taken in by Chanyeol’s very large one only for a moment. There was a gathering of everyone apparently and, from Chanyeol calling people over his shoulder as he pulled you through his apartment onto his patio, it was important. In the middle of the semicircle balcony, there was a small black tin with a fire coming from it. Sehun was focused on grilling a marshmallow, eyebrows furled together and lip pulled in. You found a little smile on your lips, released by Chanyeol and coming over to place a hand on his back as you stood beside him. He used to flinch when you did that. This time, he did not.

Your eyes didn’t meet, too focused on the low burning light rather than the clamour behind and in front of you as a few people came to grab their own marshmallows or just seats near the fire that Chan had haphazardly set up. Your hand ran a little streak up and down Sehun’s back as you came closer.

“Are you having fun?”

You saw him nod from the corner of your eye, shoulder now bumping against his upper arm. Both of your gazes were fixed on the orange light, the cool heat that rose and created small spires of smoke. Patterns formed in the fire and, if you stared hard enough, you could see your future inside of it. There was orange everywhere, apricot right in the middle where your heart lay. It caused your hand to fall from Sehun’s back and somehow find his fingers, holding on lightly so as to not make him feel obligated. Though, he tightened his grip and leaned his head down slightly to nudge yours.

You shifted slightly to face him only to be met with his lips on your forehead. His other hand had placed the marshmallow stick elsewhere, though you heard a light clatter on the floor. Yet, he came to pull you closer and his arms, slow and strong, wrapped around you. Yours came into place as well, elbows at his waist while your hands came just under his shoulder blades. He held you as if he was protecting you, and he breathed so steadily. Even his heart seemed to calm against your ear, matching with yours in an instant.

“Thank you,” he murmured, the light snapping of the wood burning next to you drowning out all other conversations for the time being. You didn’t say anything back, not having much to say. All you did was press further into him, hands sliding further up and eyes closing tighter.

Somehow it felt as if you’d cocooned each other, slowly and surely shutting down the fires that ran through your veins wildly. You’d shut off all routes and forced the wild horses back into their pens, pushing further and further back until all the remained of the fire was between your hearts. There it thrived blue and then white, bound to stay there no matter how many more roads were formed over time or how weathered its restraints got. This was its place, you both seemed to decide, since it couldn’t hurt anyone. Your body stopped sizzling and started living, chin lifting to look him in the eyes.

His lips pressed against yours to seal the promise, once and then twice and then he just looked at you. He brought his thumbs to your cheeks and gave the smallest smile but you saw it in his eyes- in the way they reflected the golden light so his eyes turned the colour of sweetened coffee.

“I’m happy,” he said so quietly, you would have lost it. For the first time, you didn’t struggle to say it as well and that meant the world to you.

“Me too.”

Somehow, food got passed around. Chanyeol was a fan of hot surfaces, seeing as he still had his makeshift fire going, his stove on inside, and was grilling food outside as well. Baekhyun had taken to managing the food inside, though he wasn’t very good at it. You supposed that was why someone named Yixing followed him. His laugh could be heard from the patio, and you thought it was very beautiful seeing a whole band of friends getting together. You hung around Chanyeol for the time being, seeing as he was alone and Jongdae was very, very preoccupied. Sehun was around as well but you couldn’t find him and mostly didn’t want to get lost in the large den Chan had for himself.

As you leaned on the railing, breathing in the partially fresh air beside the barbecue, Chanyeol spoke. He tried making it nonchalant but you knew it was nothing of the sort. Though, you didn’t particularly mind the concern.

“How are you liking tonight?” He was holding a long metal utensil, twirling it around as he closed the hood to stifle the smoke. You offered him a smile as you turned your head, shrugging lightly.

“It’s nice, I just don’t know anyone,” you decided. You’d much rather be home with Sehun, watching a stupid movie or letting him sleep or taking care of Kihyun and Inguk. You missed them quite a lot these days.

Chanyeol chuckled, “yeah, it’s like that. Sometimes we’re a little unapproachable. Next time, it’ll get better.”

You quirked up an eyebrow at that, turning to fully face him. Your elbows propped themselves up on the railing and you fixed him with a look, confused. “What do you mean?”

“They’re just not used to Sehun bringing girls is all,” he explained, lifting the hood and waving the cloud of smoke so he could turn the pieces of beef and chicken, “he doesn’t do this at all. Doesn’t really date and stuff so, you know. There’s reason to be cautious, I guess.”

“And are you?” The question came from your mouth in a rush, pressing the man by accident. You didn’t want to be disapproved by his best friend and somehow, it meant a lot to you to be accepted by his friends.

Chanyeol only shook his head, closing the hood again and grinning. “No, I’ve seen you two. I think you’ve got us all convinced, especially after that show in front of the fire.”

Your cheeks stung a bit and you forced out a little laugh, dropping your eyes to the floor. Chanyeol didn’t really seem to notice, though he did come to stand beside you and nudged you slightly with his elbow. He was being kind, you decided, liking him more with every passing moment. He seemed to be very good in his heart, where all his friends lay.

“Do me a favour will you?” He focused on the goings on inside, the kitchen and living room walls made of glass facing the patio and pressed his lips together for a moment, thinking. “Keep him smiling like that, will you? It’s a hard thing to ask but I haven’t seen him happy in a while.”

His black hat was still on, covering his forehead but his eyes were too bright to be sheltered. Ears sticking out to stretch his comfortable smile again, he focused on you for a moment, saying, “it’s not just you, I know that logically, but you’re a big part of it. I love him like he’s my family, you know. I just want him to be happy.”

“So do I,” you agreed, somehow signing a contract whose terms you’d written yourself long ago. It was only a matter of time before you’d locked his name to your heart, you decided. Today was as good a day as any.

Chanyeol seemed satisfied, small imprints forming on his cheeks and a hand came to the top of your head. He rubbed just slightly before going back to his barbecue. As he did so, he hummed, “then we’re more than good now too.”

You raised your eyebrows once again with the hood. As he clamped his utensil together once more with a silly grin, he gave you a wink through the smoke and said, “welcome to the family.”

There was a large sound of metal dropping from inside, followed by a cacophony of laughs mixed with complaints. It broke your eye contact with the man in front of you, eyes coming to find Sehun doubled over in laughter. His eyes were crescents, staring at the spilled mess in Chanyeol’s kitchen.

“Those asshats,” Chanyeol huffed, shaking his head. There wasn’t a trace of anger in his face though, here was just a small smile as he turned back to his food. A few of the boys as well as their partners came to help Baekhyun and Yixing while Sehun only placed his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and continued laughing. You could’ve sworn you heard him call the boy an idiot but there he went and hugged the shorter man. It gave you a little smile.

“So,” you hummed, taking your eyes from the mess. Minseok, who you believed was the shorter, catlike figure, came up to you three as well, taking your words before you could ask them.

“I can’t believe you invited Baekhyun, Yeol,” he started, a little laugh on his lips. His eyes were bright and his hair was dark and he was very warm, extending his hand to you for a proper handshake as Chanyeol shrugged.

“I’m Minseok by the way, we didn’t get a chance to say hi.”

You shook back, though it was uncomfortable for you as you said your name, though pushed the conversation forward with a small, “I didn’t know you guys even knew each other. I’ve known Baekhyun nearly all my life.”

Minseok raised his eyebrows, lips curled upwards and he looked between you two before saying, “then you have to know about the competition he entered. We were all in it for a month or so.”

You only blinked, not knowing what he was talking about. Chanyeol piped up, also seemingly surprised though he played it off well. His eyes were fixed on the grilling meat, new slabs on now.

“Baekhyun sings, right?” He waited for you to acknowledge that before continuing, the small metallic press of the hood down filling the air as you nodded. “We all entered a singers-dancers competition a long time ago when we were in high school. Sehun’s team won against Baekhyun’s because of the better overall vocals and dance, although Baek’s had some of the best on his team.”

“Are you kidding me?” you said before you could stop yourself, slightly in shock. Chanyeol nodded as Minseok turned to point out the people on the teams.

“It was Baek, Kyungsoo, me, Yixing, and two guys who aren’t here right now that lost,” he explained, showing you the men around who stood and talked. They all had drinks in their hands, seemingly at home with the other team members and their former opposition.

“You guys are still friends though?” The question slipped past your teeth without you realizing it, the whole connection seeming unclear. One month of a high school summer couldn’t be so entirely life changing.

Minseok’s pinky was used to point in the general direction of Sehun, who was running a hand through his hair as he talked to who you thought Kyungsoo was. “It was Sehun who suggested we meet afterwards. Said he really liked us since we lived together for that month. I think he got comfortable enough, especially with Chanyeol.

“If anything, it was them two that kept us together.” His smile was soft, looking inside at the gathering. He seemed just as sweet, though more careful with his words than Chanyeol was. He took is time and paced himself, he was calculated but for once, it didn’t throw you. In fact, it made you quite happy. You were learning as much of Sehun as you could in a good light and you were glad to hear it.

“We didn’t do anything,” Chanyeol hummed, looking at the sizzling heat beside you with a focus, “we just suggested it. You all came.”

Minseok only shrugged, though he mouthed some sort of ‘don’t listen to him’ and gave you a smile. Chanyeol didn’t notice it and, as you counted, you found three people missing. Minseok only mentioned two and you frowned.

“Where are the missing friends?” Your question was innocent enough but it seemed to make the two boys sad. Minseok looked at his shoes for a moment before turning his gaze outwards to the city and Chanyeol looked at his reflection in the black metal.

“They moved back to China after a while because of some family problems,” he offered, though you were sure you shouldn’t press. They were upset about it and you made sure to keep your mind from it. Quickly, you tried to find another topic, picking up the strings of another conversation for the sake of filling the air.

“And what team were you on?” You gave Chanyeol a small look from the side of your eye, catching him shrugging just slightly smugly.

“Winning team, of course.”

Minseok, breaking from his ice, proceeded to make a sly comment about how they cheated, to which Chanyeol feigned his offence and they bickered for a few moments. As they did so, you looked past them and found Sehun chatting with Baekhyun once more. He had laughs bubbling from his chest easily, happily at that and it filled you with some sort of comfort. If there was one sight you’d like to see more of, it would have to be him just like that- happy, smiling, laughing. In that moment, everything was painted gold and filmed in your mind just the same.

—————————————————

Cards were strewn across tables and board games were left unfinished. There were many little bottles that dotted Chanyeol’s living room table and his kitchen counters. The entire house seemed to be in perfect disarray, bothersome to no one and politely quiet. Chan took to leaving the two of you alone to clean, claiming he was going to take a shower and come right back. He’d fallen asleep, face down on his bed with his limbs splayed out by the time you went to check on him. He hadn’t even changed.

Sehun leaned against the door frame behind you, your hand still on the knob of the door. His quiet breath hit the back of your neck as he huffed a laugh, murmuring, “typical.”

With his head, he nodded for you to go and you followed his step, shutting the door quietly behind you. Padding down the small hallway that bled into the living room, you were just in Sehun’s long shadow. You walked in his steps, amused by the attempt until he flicked the light off and shot you a small grin. His lips were kind enough but his eyes were on fire tonight, happy and teasing. As he came to try and press your back to a wall, you proceeded to take tiny little steps to your right in an attempt to evade him.

As you escaped his first forward advance, holding back a little squeal as you ducked under his arm and dashed to somewhere in the living room where it was the darkest, you found a giggle building in your chest. It was so unfiltered and so unforced, taken away by the silence of the household and held in your body like some sort of sweetened candy. You continued to repress your laughter, though your lips stretched over your teeth and hooked around your ears as Sehun continued to chase you around.

He thought he cornered you in the kitchen but you only climbed onto a counter to jump past him and into the small foyer. You danced around your shoes and then around his arms, which nabbed at you and held you fast. A small dart of your tongue onto his skin made him loosen his grip for a moment and you escaped yet again, cackling in silence as he called out for you in bated whispers. You were out of breath when you found yourself in the darkest part of the apartment and then arms came around your front and held you to a body made to shelter you of all noise and sounds. You didn’t fight, leaning into his touch and chuckling.

His lips reached your ears, whispering lightly that he caught you. You hummed just as he pressed those lips to the skin below your ear and traced a small line down your neck. It took all there was in you to be silent, though the tilt of your neck for him to see and have more under his touch was enough for him to know. He kept on his small path, shifting the collar of your shirt down just for a moment to press where he wanted. His hands made their way further across your body, securing you to him until you turned to give into him.

There he was, so close to you. His mouth worked in ways that made you wonder how you ever let him stop, lifting on your toes to get further into him. Sehun made a slight sound from the back of his throat, low and curt but it was enough to get you both to start moving. You needed something, somewhere to sit and be- somewhere where the bare pressure of his chest could be felt against yours. You rushed and hit the tables along the way, kicking cans, laughing and shushing each other to be quiet until you hit the large sofa and tumbled forward onto it. His back hit the leather first, chest a cocoon for you to fall into and steady yourself.

He said your name in what could only be the thickness of lust. It dripped from his tongue like a sweet sugar you let fall in your mouth. You clung onto his shirt and then his shoulders when that was removed. He felt like he was made of marble and cinnamon just the same, a solid powder that moved at your touch, that begged for more. There was the pressure between your legs, the way his jeans tightened against themselves, there was his eyes. God, his eyes. Cinnamon, coffee, chocolate, and apricots. He was them all and he tasted of them on your lips.

Letting go of your inhibitions, you let his name past your lips just at the end, when your breath had escaped you and your mind went blank of all but him, And he was there. He came to press his lips to yours, to have your air shared, to look at you like you were made of the most amazing things in the world. He didn’t say it and neither did you. It wasn’t as if you had to at that point, hearts racing to come down and match each other again. No, there was no need. All you cared for was the smile on his lips as he lay beside you, inching closer and closer so he could see more of you.

Perhaps that was the first time you saw him and what he could do,, looking into his eyes to find the man who’d made you suddenly feel so wonderfully okay.

Sehun was ice, cool and hard but soft to touch. When a smile broke out on his face, he became sunshine. You imagined him as a pale spring morning, a chill just covering the warmth underneath. Once, you tried to paint him or, rather, the way he made you feel. It was impossible to understand, colours flying everywhere but none of them harsh. All of it became a horizon with a rising sun made of snow and strawberries and the smell of apricot. There was kindness at the heart of it, around the edges of his face and the curvature of his eyes. There was passion in his skin and the colours that stained it. There was home.

You made it when he wasn’t doing so well and when you felt him slipping from your familiar hands. You tried to contain him in a little canvas in hopes of him coming back to you. You even kept this painting in your room, far from anything that dared to harm it- far from the eyes of judgement that follow you and the fires of your own soul. You were scared he’d never be himself again. You were scared to consume him like you consumed yourself. Your insides burned when inspired, flames licking at the corpse that lay inside: the very same corpse that would become new when he touched you, when he spoke, when he smiled.

And yet, there he was again. You saw the crystals under his skin. You felt the purity of his breath on your skin. You touched the sunset within him and found that he was still in tact. He was whole. He was happy, and you were there to experience it with every new fact you found out and every new friend. You were there and what a privilege it was to be there.

You’d fallen asleep about an age ago and Sehun had been looking at you all the while. The way your eyelids fluttered like wings waiting to take flight made him wonder what you were dreaming. The colouring of your skin forced his hand across your cheek and down until it rested on your arm. You were lying on your side, mouth open the smallest crack and in this ridiculously shocked way- like a fish out of water. He lied across from you, head on another pillow because he knew how particular you were about people on yours. He watched your chest fall and rise and felt your breath on his collarbone. He watched you sleep like it was a movie he never wanted to end- something he’d never quite catch again. You’d never be this young and somehow he thought he might never be this in love, at least not in the same way.

Your arm was between your bodies, palm facing up and fingers curled just slightly inwards. He played with them, flattening them against the leather just to watch them curl again. He didn’t know how many times he’d done it, a silly little smile on his face, but somehow his hand ended up in your own. It was wrong of him to think so but he knew that you were supposed to feel safe holding his hand; somehow you were holding his and he’d never felt more protected. Under the shell of your fingers, he rested the hand that could’ve swallowed yours and tried to fall asleep again. He couldn’t, but lying there next to you was his favourite part of the whole summer.

The way the sun streamed in over the rolling hills and hit your face in that perfect orange that looked like his fading hair, the curtains that danced across the floor but never touched it when the wind blew, the feeling of your hair against his cheek: it all amounted to one thing. There was such a purity that came from loving you, one so hot it burned white into his soul. He didn’t know where it came from or how or why but it didn’t matter. He would let this flame take him if it meant he could have you.

Sehun wanted to laugh at the way he felt, to brush it off and make it nothing, but he couldn’t. It meant too much to him that he should sit there and see you sleep or hear your heartbeat. It meant too much to him to hear you laugh or watch you smile. It meant too much for him to know he was part of the reason you started feeling better and that he brought you out of your own hell and you did him.

With a quiet inhale, he came closer to you. His thumb found a little spot on your cheek to rub at and his lips came to your forehead and there was nothing to say, if only too much to say. He wondered if you knew how much he adored you from top to toe, in such a manner as he never had anyone before. Though, he supposed that, when you flickered your eyes open and focused to see him, you did.

“Good morning,” you whispered, voice broken and throat dry. Your cheeks bunched up as you smiled, eyes closing and arms coming for a stretch. It took all there was in Sehun not to just tell you then, profess it in all ways known to man and unknown as well. All he did was smile back and tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, murmuring ever so quietly:

“Good morning, y/n.”

A/N: Wah hello! I know I haven’t been active as much but here we are with the final piece of palette! I truly hope you enjoyed this part along with the series, it’s been such a pleasure writing it. Eventually, I will upload an epilogue seeing as there are a few scenes left unwritten but for now and for me, this will be it. Thank you so much for reading it and I hope to see all you exo-ls with my next exo fanfic.

[ofcacthuxandkylosaur]

Are there any trans Kylo fics out there? I feel as if it's all only trans hux this or feminized hux that...

I think there is indeed more trans Hux than trans Kylo out there, but I still managed to find some. Beware that I haven’t read most of the fics and therefore cannot say anything about their content. I also recommend of course you read the autor’s warnings;)

Trans Kylo Art

https://croatomunchi.tumblr.com/post/142969291522/would-u-ever-draw-like-hux-and-trans-kylo - croatomunchi

http://artllama.tumblr.com/post/146236116396/i-did-a-transition-log-because-i-cant-not-spend - artllama

http://toiek.tumblr.com/post/141289851114/i-love-trans-kylo - toiek

http://rip-space-birdie.tumblr.com/post/141067487245/kylo-ren-is-trans-pass-it-on - rip-space-birdie

http://opens-up-4-nobody.tumblr.com/post/153044170134/stutter-iplier - opens-up-4-nobody

http://opens-up-4-nobody.tumblr.com/post/147354462721/nice - opens-up-4-nobody

http://angerydj.tumblr.com/post/169121106275 - angerydj

http://corvosfursona.tumblr.com/post/137737245113/they-fixed-him-up-but-hes-conked-and-phasma - corvosfursona

http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/137138625403/coming-to-u-live-tiny-trans-padawan-ben-solo  - kiiiloren

+ There is also a blog whose name is Trans!Kylo

Trans Kylo headcanons/ideas

http://bygoneboy.tumblr.com/post/148311042452/hi-u-should-talk-abt-ur-trans-kylo-headcanons - bygoneboy

http://nbnightwing.tumblr.com/post/136272896831/anyway-ive-been-thinking-a-lot-about-trans-guy - nbnightwing

http://kremaclassii.tumblr.com/post/137459014170/whispers-more-trans-kylo-head-canons - kremaclassii

http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/138435517778/ive-been-thinking-about-trans-hux-and-kylo + http://kiiiloren.tumblr.com/post/137141605853/since-leia-is-force-sensitive-imagine-her-being - kiiiloren

http://lilstarkiller.tumblr.com/post/141230802426/alright-alright-i-keep-thinking-weve-got-trans - lilstarkiller

http://generallyhorribleatlife.tumblr.com/tagged/trans%21kylo - generallyhorribleatlife

Trans Kylo Fics

“Almond”  - angry_android || Kylo likes to hang out at his local Starbucks and brood. Hux works there part-time while going to community college. Because of someone else’s sloppy handwriting, Hux accidentally calls out Kylo’s name as “Kylie,” and there is fallout. The fallout might include dating.

“pocketknife”  - angry_android || There’s a reason Kylo wears a crop top. Hux understands.

“Casanova, Fuck Me Over”  -  Anonymous || With another kiss, Hux glances up. “You promise try and keep your limbs to yourself?” Ren snorts. “I will try my best,” he says, placing his hands on the sheets, “If you promise to stick your face between my thighs sometime soon.”

“Tarine Tea and Lambro Shark”  -  armitageren || The First Order celebrates a recent victory on a luxurious planet and it’s the perfect setting for Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux’s first date. Hux struggles to survive the date with his anxiety putting him on edge because Ren doesn’t know he’s trans and he isn’t sure what that means for their future.

“all the noises (from your hateful little mouth)”  - bloomthefox || In which Kylo whines and puts off his feelings, Phasma calls it like she sees it, and Hux is a stone cold mystery. Or, the defense attorney AU that literally nobody asked for.

“care and control”  -  cracktheglasses (cormallen) ||  It’s a wide strip of dark brown leather, soft, already a bit worn at the edges, snapped shut over Ben’s wrist. It means Ben wants him. Ben needs him. He may not always be able to say it, but he means it every time he puts the cuff on, every time he puts himself into Hux’s care – I’m yours.

“juxtaposition”  - cracktheglasses (cormallen) || He hopes Hux makes it hurt. Hopes Hux is as mean and arrogant and smart here as he is everywhere else, the way Kylo tries to be.

“Changed” -   Davechicken || Kylo was sure from a young age that he wasn’t female. It’s not until he leaves home that he finds people who agree.

“Pushed”  - Davechicken || Hux has to push his boy a little, to get him through the discomfort. Kylo always appreciates it after.

“Control”  - DoctorNinjaSpy || Patience is Armitage’s most valued virtue. Sometimes, however, he falters.

“special delivery” - gonnapop || Hux had not intended to be present for this messy process. Rather, he’d imagined returning after his shift and being handed a clean, swaddled baby. But there was nothing for it now.He rolled up his sleeves.

“Heel, Beg, Speak”  - JulieCox || Emperor Hux has a new pet, and enjoys pushing him around. Kylo has secrets, and enjoys keeping them to his own damn self. But they won’t stay secrets for long.

“the Panty fic”  -  kyloskummies || Kylo and Hux are roommates. Kylo is trans and wears panties. It’s a hot day and the AC is broken. Y'all know where it goes from there.

“Bad Poet and Good Artist”  -  lovewashisname || Hux has moved schools before. He’s sure this time won’t be any different. He’ll keep to himself, make a few acquaintances, and put up with his father the best he can. But not even an hour into his first day and he’s shattered his phone, walked into a gorgeous boy, and had a very, very awkward conversation with said gorgeous boy. In other words, Hux meets the incredibly sad Ben Solo, and maybe he doesn’t want to leave this school so soon.

“Bad Poetry on Starlit Rooftops”  -  lovewashisname || Everywhere Kylo looks, high school is portrayed as either the best place you’ll ever be, or a shithole that will ruin four years of your life. For Kylo, it’s neither. High school has been a place to hide from his own body, and to get into fights every once in a while. So in one year, none of that will change, he thinks. How wrong could he be? told from Kylo’s point of view

“A Real Boy”  -  MosImagination || Ben solo is a transmale junior, he has a crush on a senior named Hux. Ben is too afraid to show off his real self, but Hux quickly accepts him. And loves him.

“Birth of a dream”  -  MosImagination || Ben solo is a transmale, hux has always wanted a child, Ben gives his body to have their child.

“Expectations”  -  MosImagination || Ben solo didn’t know what to expect coming home on Valentines Day.

“Shark in the Water”  -  SeraphicVictory || Kylo Ren was absolutely the best sailor there ever was. Or that’s what he liked people to believe anyway. In truth, he was no better than any other man at the mercy of the sea. With one fatal mistake, he and his ship were destroyed in a terrible storm, and Kylo was certain he would fall to the watery grave that most sailors met at the end. But then he wakes up to a handsome, red-headed man. His savior: The Mershark called ‘Hux’.

“Someone to come home to”  -  ShinigamiKnox || Hux is the supportive boyfriend and helps Kylo deal with his dysphoria. It was supposed to be a more serious piece of work, but I could not stop laughing at the infamous Ren quote. I’m so sorry.

“A morning at the gym”  -  SidMjkGc || Just another kind of workout.

“This Asshole”  - twinkyatta || Hux goes to a coffee shop every day, but there’s a new barista, and holy fuck does he hate him.

+ Trans Female Kylo fic

“Fate”  -  MosImagination || It was fate that they met. A beautiful transfemale Kylo ren. A handsome transmale Hux.

Trans Kylo series (of fics) 

“The Monsters We Keep”  -  AriMarris || Description: “The Monsters We Keep” is the story of Hux and Kylo, who fall in love and marry young and make many mistakes. Basically, the films rewritten through Kylo’s eyes with drastic changes. With extra one-shots thrown in the mix for fun.

“Bastards and Broken Things”  -  Bipolar_Armitage_Hux, kohoutek || No Description –> Resume of first work: A story of Armitage Hux’s childhood from the Bastards and Broken Things AU / Series.

“Caged by Monsters” (one work for now)  -  Bipolar_Armitage_Hux, kohoutek || No Description –> Resume of first work:  An introduction to the psychiatric ward AU - this is written by an actually neurodivergent person and thus there is a strong attempt to make it not remotely ableist. The “bad guys” in this are the abusive doctors and an ableist system. Hux meets Kylo Ren for the first time, or rather the other sees him in a therapy session with Dr. Brendol Hux and becomes fascinated by him.

“The Tired Raptor”  -  Kylux_TRASH || Description: “Hollywood, 1939. Amidst the glitz and the glitter of a bustling young movie talent at the height of its golden age, the Hollywood Tower Hotel was a star in its own right. A beacon for the show business elite. Now, something is about to happen that will change all that”Something did happen to change that. It happened, on October 31st, 1939, Hollywood California. Kayla-Rose and her male escort, Mr. Hux were riding in the elevator when they entered into a world unknown. They entered The Twilight Zone.

“when the lights are low”  -  transkylo (captainandor) || No Description –> Resume of first work: “Do your colleagues know how fucking possessive you are?” Kylo asks, canting his hips back, pressing into Hux’s touch as far as he can.Hux grins. “Does your mother know that you sleep with her political rivals?” Kylo’s laugh is breathy and uneven. “I don’t make a habit of it.” 

+ Trans Female Kylo series (of fic)

“She’s Just a Girl and She’s on Fire”  -   Kylo Hux (Loki_Likey_Thor_Odinson) || No Description –> Resume of first work: Hux and Phasma have been sent to a fundraiser for The First Order. Their uniforms have been changed for a smart military uniform and a glamorous ball gown. Everyone that should be here is – except for one person.Kylo Ren is absent, still on another planet, having surgery. She was supposed to be here, supposed to be on security detail for the night; Hux lost hope of seeing his girlfriend for the first time in months when he saw two Knights of Ren circling the room.

“from bby Finn to teenage heartthrob + Hux  (one work for now)  -  orphan_account || No Description –> Resume of first work: Mostly, Phasma loves her job. But sometimes, just sometimes, she really hates it. Meanwhile, Hux has a slight problem, and her name is Kylo Ren.

[insarations]

these are actually hella fucking cute y’all

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? oh yes :) but gotta  get me some hot chocolate or blanket

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually just a scrap of paper or whatevers close

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i put soy milk and sugar in my coffee....just sugar in tea

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? ya :/ well at least if my mouth is open...I have terrible teeth

6: do you keep plants? no

7: do you name your plants? noo lol

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? painting/drawing/crafting..sometimes writing or poetry

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? very much

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? usually side, sometimes back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? too many to name

12: what's your favorite planet? hmm...never thought about it strangely. saturn for looks. but mars cause idk..it holds the most possibility

13: what's something that made you smile today? my cats

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? uhhh....idk

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! A day on Venus is actually longer than a year on Venus... wrap your head around that ;)

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? ooooh all of them lol but probably lasagna... ooh or alfredo

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? just darker...dark brown or black

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up when i made us play hide n seek in a hotel room and i hid behind a curtain. or when i peed on my friends foot cause she got stung by a jellyfish XD

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I used to :/ I dont' really anymore..probably should

20: what's your favorite eye color? um idk really it depends on the person..I usually like brown or blue. not that green isn't nice but again depends on the person lol

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. ugh I really don't use bags or purses or anything like that much. currently my black vans drawstring

22: are you a morning person? nah, never will be. i'm used to getting up early but still hate it

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yes..a few people

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? umm i dont think ive broken into anywhere

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i got rid of all my own shoes but the ones ive had a while i wear the most are my black slipon vans

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? only she could do it, cant even explain lol

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? more than a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS lol absolutely not all white socks. I like fun patterned socks..especially my vans no shows... sometimes sleep with them on

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. oh gosh dont let me start

33: what's your fave pastry? uggghh too many. recently something amazing I tried... lobster tails from carlos bakery. but really..any pastry lol

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? lots of them. the main one I can think of is a small little grungy horse named Wickee lol...got him at this amusement park called Wickee Watchee... idk where he is atm :/

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? ooooooh yesssss...from time to time

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? 21 pilots

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I mean I like it clean.... but it's messy most the time anyways lol

38: tell us about your pet peeves! ugh so many. the #1 thing probably is when I'm walking like in a store and someone just stops right in front of me..like i'm tryna get somewhere please move haha but otherwise I just had selfish spoiled people and attitudes and people who think they're better than everyone else

39: what color do you wear the most? black and gray

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? um honestly I don't have any jewelry besides my liprings. There is this necklace that was my grandmas but I don't really wear it anymore

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? It's called Pawn by Robin Roseau

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Starbucks. it's amazing. it's life. that is all.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? this girl

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? um hmm on and off lately and I think i'm getting there again...but probably really completely like...last spring

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? as much and often as I can

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. oh you don't want me to do that

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? donald trump. oh food. hahahahah omg. i thought it said thing. hahahaha. i cant even answer now.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? roaches. yes still same. I HATE THEM

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? eh neither like or dislike..rarely ever buy cds never records. But I did recently buy the Gwen Stefani Christmas album ;)

50: what's an odd thing you collect? nothing really odd. oh well.... unique boxes. I guess thats strange lol

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? so many songs.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? uh hmm.. probably the spongebob mocking one lol

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? honestly..dont kill me...no

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? myself XD

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? gotten out of the car and walked a mile home XD

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? just being genuine and truthful and sweet and trying to be funny even if you're not really

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? BEAUTIFUL. I didnt actually listen but I did in my head. BEAUTIFUL SONG

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? uhhhh..... dont really have a group of friends XD

59: what's your favorite myth? hmm too much thinking

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? depends, most the time...the Footprints poem

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? given um...idk I used to get a buncha stuff from the dollar store for my fam every year lol received? a rock from my ex bf -_-

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nah not really a juice person

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? yes organized

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? yesss....

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? uhhh eh..not for me

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? either calm or sad or sleepy or a combo

68: what's winter like where you live? it's florida. not usually cold. this week is as cold as it gets...low is like 38 but usually it doesnt even get there

69: what are your favorite board games? clue, monopoly is alright too

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not huge on tea but I like mint, or something fruity like berry or lemon or peach

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? with certain things

73: what are some of your worst habits? leaving drinks or bottles half finished out or like letting my room get messy

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. funny. sarcastic. sometimes an asshole. good time. gorgeous. fun.

75: tell us about your pets! They're two cats, sister, Lamb and Rue...they're 2 and 1/2 years old..and sweet and mischevious and fluffy and soft and cuteeee  and I love them more than anything

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? not really

77: pink or yellow lemonade? dont really like lemonade much but they dont make much a difference to me

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? fanclub :)

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? wrote a song for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white..nah I didnt choose

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. honestly my minds going black lol im tired

82: are/were you good in school? yes for the most part..had my moments but overall good

83: what's some of your favorite album art? so many I could name. coldplays is always really colorful and abstracty. and imagine dragons.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? already have two. want a lot more..too much to name and i dont even know still what all i want

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? nah

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YAS. many. but first came to mind, Skillets Rise

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Silver Linings Playbook. Paper Towns. Shrek. All the disney movies. Avatar. Wizard of Oz. many more

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? all of them haha... pop art, impressionism, renaissance..just all of it all special in they're own way

89: are you close to your parents? eh idk i cant explain..neither close nor distant. like we live together and talk alot but not really the close relationship as some do..im very different from them

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Knoxville. the city I went to college in... interesting place with lots to do..best of both worlds. beautiful mountains and hills and views. but also the downtown areas are cool..lots of fun stuff

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? going to savannah ga for my bday. not sure where else yet but i'm sure there will be other places. i'd really like to go to phoenix..boston..new orleans..california..portland ugh so many places

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? CHEESE AF

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just up in a bun which is boring but its too messy and long to put up with lol

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad

95: what are your plans for this weekend? nothing really so far. probably will go to lunch or something with my friend

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? myer briggs- INFJ (advocate) sign- aquarius house- ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? legitimately...like 3 years ago...hated it...too much walking and pain XD

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. ugh sooooooooooo many. pretty much any song by skillet or gwen stefani/no doubt recently..dusk till dawn by sia, new rules by dua lipa... also songs by ben howard..lots of indie stuff

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 into the future... i've already lived my past, and i've made a lot of progress...wanna jump to even more progress hopefully