#reddaysareforharry28

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

[enchantedlandcoffee]

🏆😬✅🤩

Hiii!

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

My most popular solo fic is If The World Was Ending, You'd Come Over, Right?

However, I cowrote a fic with @red-pandaaa which is actually my most popular one so far called: Court Wine

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Probably Eager To Please 😅 It's 1k of pure smut and I wouldn't be able to show my face again

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Rants or monologues seem to appear a lot in my fics 😅 My characters get very emotional sometimes and start ranting or going on long explanations.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

It used to be Niall but it's becoming Louis because I feel like I can capture his voice more and flesh his character out a little more

[surrowndedbylights]

you hug your pillow when sleeping

It's very comfortable, but sometimes when I do it, I wake up and I can't feel my arms, so I try to avoid it. But yeah, sometimes.

Make assumptions about me

[theeliampayne]

Let's spread some positivity around our fandom. Tag your favourite tumblr users! 💕

ooh, okay!

@enchantedlandcoffee @callouiee @freyaforestafay @nouies @keeganisabluegreener @greeneyesfriedrice @reddaysareforharry28 @greenblueish @fearlesslarrie28 @imprintmoonstone @harrylights @hellolovers13 @beardyboyzx @likeiwould @louisneckveins @alloutime @userlouistomlinson @larrysballetslippers @28goldens @ayansbff @itsnotreal @sunxsunflowervol6 @hl-obsessed

[niallermybabe]

To all of my mutuals,

I just wanna send a huge thank you to y’all. I used to be so lonely, and you guys suddenly joined in my life and it’s so much brighter. I can’t describe the wonderful feelings I’ve had since you guys. You guys make me feel liked and included, and it means the world to me. I really wish you the best in life, you deserve all the love!

❤️@ravenclawdirectioner @w4nn4b3adv3ntur3r @starvingwhenitcomestothis @fearlesslarrie28 @doesanyonehearrunningwotah @reddaysareforharry28 @niall-ate-mynamee @banginghoranbang ❤️

[thefootnotes]

thanks for the tag @youreverydaydemikid

if you’ve never heard track 9 then go listen to it; it’s a really important song and that sounds dumb but you’ll get it when you hear it

tagging @ravenclawdirectioner @reddaysareforharry28 and @keeganisabluegreener

[1d-trashcan]

Hi everyone!

I am not necessarily okay. There’s a lot going on for me that would have anyone panicking, and ten years ago this would have meant death for me. I have a really great relationship with my parents and my stepmum, who are all extremely helpful and supportive, but things are really difficult right now. There IS a risk that I may have myself committed to a psych ward temporarily but it’s a one day at a time kind of thing. Thank you so much for caring enough to clog my ask. I’ll try to keep you posted❤️

[1d-trashcan]

helloo!

how are you, not trying to annoy you but haven't heard from you in a while lol

hope you enjoyed your trip

Hiii! Thanks for checking up on me 🥺🥺🥺 I've missed you! The trip was great! I saw my stepfamily whom i love so so so much and haven't seen since like 2019. We have group chats and talk every day but i haven't seen them all in so long. Barring the car accident everything went fine.

I'm still living at my dad's house now until I'm in all right shape and my sick leave comes in, which is fine. I feel like I've aged backwards to my teenage years though, like I reverted to doing my old chores automatically. There have been times when I've done a chore that I used to do when i lived here and my stepmum's just gone "what? I was just gonna do that how'd you know". I've been living on my own since 2015 so it's a bit weird. My dad does wake me up if I oversleep and I'm getting back to a normal routine so that's nice but I think I just accidentally forgot about tumblr bc it wasn't accessible on the trip.

Anyway thank youuuuu <3<3<3 Hope you're well. xx

[1d-trashcan]

what show u most excited for?

like you mentioned going to a few shows

I’m the most excited for Louis in Stockholm, probably. Me breaking down irl to holding on to heartache and sobbing into my best friend’s shoulder is a canon event.

[1d-trashcan]

fav 1d album?

Made in the AM 🥰🥰🥰🥰 you?

[1d-trashcan]

whats something that made you smile today?

My lock screen bc LOOK AT HIM?? HE'S SO BBYGIRL? wby

[1d-trashcan]

🌷🌴🍃🧄🍒🌱🌶️🌹🥀

AAAAAH THANK YOU FOR ENTERTAINING ME <3<3<3<3

🌷 favourite current hobbies or ones you would like to pick up if you could? Lmao this was a wake up call bc I currently don't have any hobbies. I should get one. I spent like five hours practicing a new signature yesterday bc I was bored. I love writing fic though. I have an old Larry one that could be great and has been in the works since 2012 and I'll sometimes write. Maybe I should just start writing more often? idk.

🌴 describe your dream holiday? Oooh okay there would be a lot of sun, a beach and or a pool and me reading to a lot of books. I want great food as well. Butttt I'd also love to sightsee and I would absolutely love for the sightseeing to have to do with history. Like ten years ago on a trip to Greece we went to an archeological site. The nerd in me was so happy.

🍃 describe one life lesson you’ve learned You will inevitably be hurt by people in your life, and there will be people that genuinely do not care that they've hurt you. Closure needs to come from within yourself, not from confrontation or explanation (hardest lesson I've ever had to be taught)

🧄 what characteristics do you like in others that you may also see in yourself? Affection, loyalty and humor are the big ones!!

🍒 how do you know when you like/have a crush on someone? When they're constantly on my mind and I lowkey wanna fight them for no reason.

🌱 what’s something you’d like to learn more about? Everything. I'll watch House M.D and look something up and suddenly I'm three medical journals in and I cannot stop taking trivia quizzes. Idk man I just love knowledge.

🌶️ are there parts of past versions of yourself that you miss? I lowkey miss parts of who I was at the beginning of my 20s bc maaaaaan I became cynical this decade 😅

🌹 what do you look for in others when establishing a connection? (platonically and/or romantically) First of all, I'd befriend a shoe. I'm an extrovert who has adopted many introverts. I honestly don't look for anything, if we vibe we vibe and that's that. I have a type of people I crush on and the people I've dated have not fitted that description. But if someone has prominent cheekbones, are tall or have curly hair, I have red cheeks. If they have all of it I have heart palpitations.

🥀 what keeps you motivated/helps boost your mood when you’re feeling off? One Direction, mate.

Doing this. x

[1d-trashcan]

favorite quote/saying?

I’m gonna go for both quotes and sayings.

Saying n1: ”don’t get your knickers in a twist” absolute slay.

Saying n2: ”Kasta ett getöga” which is a Swedish saying that means to keep an eye on something but it literally translates to ”throw a goat eye” and I love it because why did we involve goats in this?

My favourite quote is without a doubt ”suffice it to say that the taste of broccoli in no way affects the taste of chocolate” bc I just know that wasn’t John Green writing Hazel Grace, it was straight up John Green saying ”stfu with your positive spin, let me be depressed” and he’s so real for that 🫡 wby?

[enchantedlandcoffee]

flicker?

my favourite lyric - you could offer the world babe, but i'll take this instead

my favourite song - On My Own

the song that makes me cry - Mirrors

the song that's a fucking bop - Slow Hands

the song i most dislike/least love - The Tide

[1d-trashcan]

Truth or dare?

truth, i can't be arsed to move today wbu?

[1d-trashcan]

also here have a kitty

IT'S THE CUTEST, THANK YOU!!! Here's another one for you: