#rem dr hanahaki

[raetreaderarts]

It’s been a while since I updated you guys on the progress I’ve been making on R.E.M. Estates. The game is still being updated, I just haven’t had the motivation to work on it again for the past few months. But here are the new characters I created for it, you can find all of them in The City. I also added area-specific music, some new dialogue for old characters, and speaking of old characters I made new sprites for a couple of them which I’ll show in another post. In order there’s Dr. Hanahaki (he/him) Grandma Hazelnut (she/her) Pearl Peppercorn (she/her) and Pewter Peppercorn (he/him).

[lilimonarch]

Doctor Hanahaki - I guess I'll let you stay. [9]

Doctor Hanahaki

Chapter 9 (Finale)

WC: 4412

Akaashi attempts to heal, but as his life is falling apart, he learns some things and realizes he cannot heal until he confronts the past and the future.

~

Akaashi had started to try and get over all of it.

The words had stayed sitting in his mind to try and improve his own life. A life without someone he realized had filled so much of what was once empty.

His name still popped into his head, and as much as Akaashi desperately wanted to contact him, he did not. He could not.

“It’s Wednesday, are we still going out?” Sugawara popped his head into the room cheerfully, packed up to head out. He’s all cheerful until he sees Akaashi still in his white coat and all, taking notes. “Akaashi?”

“Yeah, I will. I’m just, signing stuff and-” Akaashi is interrupted as the phone rings. The doctor’s office is closed, but he recognizes the caller number. It’s his youngest current patient, straight out of surgery, and a piece of him tells him to pick up and not let it go straight to voicemail. “One second,” he picks up the phone. “Dr. Akaashi speaking, how can I help you?”

“It didn’t work,” there is static on the other side of the call while the sounds of coughing Akaashi knew far too well rang throughout the room. His patient on the other line, gasping for air and coughing so harshly that Akaashi could feel it through the phone. “I’m still… I’m going to die, Dr. Akaashi. The surgery did not work, Dr. Akaashi!” Words mixed with sobs and shouts of desperation as the sentences and their meanings hit Akaashi full force.

The call ends.

Akaashi drops the phone.

“Akaashi?”

Akaashi can’t breathe. His heart is racing in his chest and even though he knows it’s all in his mind, he swears he can feel petals flowing in his throat waiting to jump out. His hands shake as he grips the side of the chair to ground himself. It’s impossible, Akaashi thinks to himself. The surgery is supposed to save lives. It didn’t work. It failed Yamaguchi.

What if it fails me?

Akaashi is sent through a spiral, imagining the blossoms forming in his lungs as his reality spins. He wants to run, but his legs feel too weak to even stand. The world is so hot, so cold, so dangerous. Is he going to die too? Is he going to wake up one day as sick as when he was 17?

Am I next?

Muffled voices ring in his ear.

Is it Bokuto’s fault?

The voices are slightly clearer.

No, shut up about Bokuto! You messed up, it’s your fault!

“Keiji.”

Akaashi opens his eyes. In front of him, Sugawara is kneeled on the ground, his hands on Akaashi’s knees. “Hey. Let’s get some deep breaths in you, okay? In… and out… just like that. You aren’t sick, I know you can do it.” Akaashi followed the deep breaths, and it was not until much later he had realized tears poured down his face, he was sobbing.

Dr. Akaashi Keiji, stripped from the ability to love when he was just seventeen, sobbing as he swore that he saw the face of death mocking him.

I’m terrified.

“There you go, you’re doing great,” Sugawara reassured him, his hands holding a gentle pressure against Akaashi’s knees to ground him. “Much better, Akaashi.”

“I don’t think I want to go out right now,” Akaashi mumbled, shrinking into himself.

“That’s alright, do you want me to drive you home?”

“Please.”

The drive home is rather silent, as is the walk to his apartment. So is the opening and closing of the door, Akaashi moving to sit on the couch in the silence only broken by Nariko’s meow of acknowledgement.

That phone call was the last Akaashi ever heard from his patient.

Akaashi had learned the young male had passed away a few hours after the call, his best friend finding him pale as a ghost in the bathroom while flowers sprouted from his mouth. A gory sight, Akaashi had seen it before, he could understand how traumatized the other must have been.

Yamaguchi’s death was not many years off from when Akaashi was dying in the hospital, his only memories of high school. A reminder that the unhealthy trust of the procedure was false, and anything could come for him at any moment.

Not the best mentality for a doctor to have, even if he only had about a week of work left.

Akaashi did not understand why he was here either, standing on the outskirts of a small group during Yamaguchi’s funeral while his mother sobbed, his father crying silently. He did not understand why he was invited, but Yamaguchi was a special kid.

The least he could do was mourn the loss of a soul taken too soon.

Bokuto’s next.

Shut up, not now.

Most funerals had flowers, though Akaashi supposed flowers were a more sensitive topic among the family. Next to him stood a tall male, about the same age as Yamaguchi, glasses such as his own with blond hair. The male was not crying, though his tightly clenched fists gave away his cold disguise as for someone truly grieving. “You,” the male turned his head a bit, deeply staring at Akaashi. “You were his doctor, weren't you?”

Akaashi stomached the feeling in his chest, he had lost another patient and was now here to face the consequences of his failure. “Yes, I was. Dr. Akaashi Keiji, if only we met under better circumstances,” Akaashi sighed, fidgeting with his hands until the other wanted to continue the conversation.

“Tsukishima Kei, if only we did,” Tsukishima nodded, staring at the family sitting in the front with their baby boy. “It was me, was it not?”

Akaashi managed to get a good look at the other, he had grown to Yamaguchi's gushing at each of their later appointments, the image of this mysterious unrequited love matching the male who stood in front of him. “If I told you, I would be breaking the patient-doctor trust,” Akaashi murmured, though they both knew that was an answer in itself.

“I had Hanahaki once,” Tsukishima mentioned, Akaashi looking up in concern. “Half a year before we graduated high school, I was bedridden for a week. I should have died there, it was the worst health I've ever been in,” Tsukishima cracked a smile, cracking at the seams. “I didn't tell anyone, it was embarrassing. I guess I just realized, I did not need love in my life. People live without love all the time, no point in risking my life over it. The next few days, I got over my stupidity, I graduated with honors and no worries.”

“And you tell me this?”

“That boy over there gave me Hanahaki,” Tsukishima sighed but deep down, Akaashi could understand the front the blond was attempting to uphold. A front which was cracking at the seams as his knuckles went white, the younger boy clenching his teeth. “I guess I was just smarter, I knew better, survival of the fittest and all that.”

“I have been told you were in a relationship when his disease developed.” Akaashi isn’t sure why he would bring up the detail Yamaguchi shared with him. Maybe a part of him wanted closure for the boy’s sudden death.

For Yamaguchi.

For a boy like himself.

“Yes, I was,” Tsukishima nodded, fixing his glasses. “Though a part of me does wish he had said something. I guess he didn't want his death on my conscious until after it happened. Damn Tadashi, always way too damn kind.”

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

What are you doing?

Tsukishima hesitated, Akaashi watching as tears started to pool in Tsukishima's eyes, the young male doing his best to push them down. Love, a feeling Akaashi figured he could only imagine, though one he had watched many of his patients go insane over. Love in Akaashi's world was importance, significance in one's life. So, as the rain began to pour and Akaashi stood there, he brought the question up once more. “Do you love Tadashi?”

“I did... I told you-”

“I'm not asking if you did,” Akaashi snapped slightly, though he could not understand the roots of his frustration. For Yamaguchi, he reminded himself. “I’m asking if you do.”

Tsukishima turned away, heading towards his car. “Maybe… Look, I don’t even know anymore. It doesn’t matter anymore…” Tsukishima sighed, Akaashi blinking a few times as Tsukishima faded away into the fog. Akaashi could swear he could hear slight whimpers, but he would rather not hear it. Akaashi had to get out of there before Tsukishima had realized he had found someone who could listen to all the words he left unsaid.

Akaashi drove home, giving a small smile to Nariko before changing out of his clothes, taking a quick shower to wash the tone of death off him. The water was warm against his cool skin as he ran his fingers through his hair, visions of bloody cherry blossoms stuck in his mind. He shook his head, turning off the shower and drying himself with a towel, slipping on a gray hoodie and black sweatpants.

Bokuto Koutarou.

He was not mad anymore.

Bokuto Koutarou.

Akaashi sat in the living room, alone. Nariko was prancing around the house somewhere else and Akaashi let out a small sigh, listening to the rain pour heavily, a storm surely making its presence known. Akaashi opened his phone to his contacts, seeing Bokuto's name near the top along with Sugawara's name in most used contacts.

Bokuto Koutarou.

He had not called, texted, or even interacted with him in weeks.

Bokuto.

Akaashi missed him.

Bokuto.

Interesting how the draw to the name was as strong as when he had first met the male, Akaashi grabbing his laptop and opening it slowly. Bokuto Koutarou, he entered into the search bar on YouTube, seeing as hundreds of videos popped onto his feed. The rational voice told him to stay away, that he was never meant to get close to someone like Bokuto, but his heart pressed play.

Akaashi clicked on the first one, Highlights from MSBY Bokuto! The video was titled, Akaashi watching closely as the camera would zoom into a much younger, much stronger Bokuto. His hair was slicked up, and his eyes more vibrant than ever before. Akaashi found his heart beating heavily as he neared the screen, watching as the athlete spiked the ball into the ground with a sounding bang before the audience burst in cheers. “Wow, an amazing cross-strike from Bokuto Koutarou! He’s scheduled to go to his first Olympics with the national team of Japan this year,” the commentator said before the video switched to a different clip.

Bokuto was in the back row now wearing the iconic Japanese team uniform. Akaashi watched as Brazil gave a nasty serve but being received flawlessly by another teammate on team Japan. The ball would pass a few times until Akaashi found himself choking on air while he watched Bokuto receive a ball with his chest. “Now, that’s his signature receive! There you have it! Bokuto Koutarou and his chest receive, I bet the ladies are feeling a bit flushed.” Akaashi practically choked on his tea at the comment, before bursting out into laughter. The biggest laugh he had had in a millennium, a feeling he could grow used to.

It almost hurt to smile; he has not felt that in a while.

Akaashi scrolled through other videos related to Bokuto, some even amassing hundreds of thousands of views. He had not noticed he spent an hour until he looked at the clock. One more can't hurt, he thought to himself as he clicked on the final video, about 30 minutes.

Who is anyone to stop me? He’s no longer in my life, I can make that choice.

Star Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou’s Final interview! Bokuto talks about his career and his love life!

Akaashi’s eyes glistened as Bokuto walked into the interview room in a dark blue suit, posing a few times as the crowd in the recording burst into cheers. "Hey hey hey!" Bokuto blossomed in front of an audience, hyping the crowd, and bouncing around before finally sitting on the couch. “What’s up, everyone!?”

“Looks like the Bokuto-beam himself needs no introduction. Ladies and gentlemen, Bokuto Koutarou!” The interviewer smiled, the crowd cheering once more before finally calming down. Akaashi watched as they discussed his career as a whole, his best moments and some more embarrassing moments on the court.

Akaashi could not help but think the person he watched was not the same person he had as a patient, and a friend, and whatever line he crossed that fateful day. Bokuto on the court was always smiling, always at 110%. Yet, the Bokuto he had grown to know and value as a person could be quiet at times, emotional even. “So, Bokuto?” The interviewer smiled a bit, a smirk. “What do you plan on doing after you retire later this month? Anyone special waiting for you?”

The crowd was surely invested now as they cheered for a response, Akaashi watching as Bokuto's face faltered a bit. “I’ll just be settling down on my own,” Bokuto gave a dry laugh, the camera panning to the crowd turning to each other in shock.

Right, Bokuto would not have a happy ending.

“On your own? Bokuto, half of Japan would love to be your significant other and you want to stay single? Tell us, is there somebody on your mind? Perhaps someone who does not even know?”

“First of all, I’m gay. Sorry ladies,” Bokuto laughed a bit, Akaashi smiling as he felt the crowd of females all feeling their hearts break at the revelation. “Second, my heart… belongs to someone else.”

Why am I smiling?

“Someone else? Bokuto, do tell us about this special boy in your life.”

Bokuto blushed a bit, twiddling with his thumbs as he tried to look away from the camera, the cameraman not helping him and zooming in on Bokuto’s flushed expression, the expression was almost familiar to him. “Well, I haven’t seen him in forever, I honestly think he forgot about me,” Bokuto laughed, saying the same story he told Akaashi with a few different details which caught his attention quickly. “When I played volleyball in high school, he sent the best sets I had ever seen. He was my best friend, and he always took care of me, which was pretty funny since I was a year older. He is so smart and works so hard, he’s actually started a career and is pretty known in his community. I think he could get very famous soon.”

“Career? Why don't you tell us?”

“His career? No, that’s a secret. I can’t have anyone trying to steal my man,” Bokuto joked, though it was clearly fake in Akaashi's eyes. The laugh faltered as Bokuto in the video sighed. “I liked him for so long, but one day he got really sick. I was about to graduate and go off to play volleyball in college, but he left, and I realized life without him was- it was hell, those few months when he was sick. I’d go to the hospital every day just to see him and one day, he actually confessed to me.”

The crowd gasped as Bokuto smiled sheepishly, Akaashi was not aware of this part of the story. “Really now? So why aren’t you with him if he is your one true love?” Rather dramatic, but Akaashi supposes it is a television show. The interviewer continues to inquire, Bokuto covering his face with his hands.

“I blew it! I was so confused, and I didn’t know it so I just… ran away. I was so focused on making it in volleyball I couldn’t think straight. That was over ten years ago and man, I wish I was stronger to stay. Strong enough to let him know I felt the same and maybe, maybe he could have been sat here next to me.”

Akaashi looked away. He wished he was strong enough to face Bokuto again. Explain all the thoughts in his mind, apologize for indecency.

“If you could talk to him again, what would you tell him?"

If Akaashi could talk to Bokuto again, what would he tell him? What would Bokuto say?

The camera shifted so Bokuto was staring straight into the camera, the broken smile on his face Akaashi had known so well over the past while. “You probably won’t see this but know I haven’t forgotten about you. I’ll find you again, and you can set for me again. Just like you promised when we were kids.” Bokuto was tearing up and Akaashi could not understand why tears streamed down his own face. The message hit him in his core, as if it was meant for him.

However, Akaashi knew better. He knew this love story would not end well. Bokuto had developed a Hanahaki hardly curable due to this person and Akaashi could only watch as the most important person in his life pined over something which could not happen.

“Anything else? Maybe a small hint at who this person is?”

Bokuto nodded, his bright eyes glistening with slight tears. “I’ll see you soon, ‘Kaashi. Come find me?”

‘Kaashi?

Akaashi’s mind was brought back to their first non-medical encounter at the supermarket, and every time after where the nickname ‘Kaashi just so happened to slip out of Bokuto’s mouth. At this point, Akaashi had adopted it as his own, never thinking much of it.

He felt a pang in his chest, his heart beating rapidly as a blush covered his face. An emotion stronger than ever overtaking him as he crumpled to the ground, small tears turning to sobs. He reached up to his laptop to rewind the words.

“I’ll see you soon, ‘Kaashi. Come find me?”

Akaashi played the words again, bringing his hand to the screen to wipe tears he could never reach. The coldness of his heart having been unlocked as indescribable feelings poured out from his soul. Feelings of love stronger than the kiss he shared, a kiss he screamed at himself for making a mistake he did not regret.

Maybe it was not a mistake.

“I’ll see you soon, ‘Kaashi. Come find me?”

Akaashi could not smile, he sobbed in anguish, a bittersweet feeling indeed. At that moment, he had truly heard the words to undo decades of his coldness. Akaashi realized Bokuto was more than an important person in his life, he could not live without Bokuto in his life. Every day when he had to send Bokuto home with new medications was hell since he could never know if the other would ever return each week. The past week of avoiding him was what he thought was for his own good, only killing him from the inside.

He figured it out.

Akaashi had realized he had fallen in love.

Maybe not the stereotypical love he had been led to believe was the only way of loving someone, but he was sure of it now. Akaashi truly had fallen in love with Bokuto.

Bokuto loved him in return.

Shit!

Akaashi raced to his phone, dialing Bokuto within the sobs. “Answer, answer already,” Akaashi was cursing under his breath as no response came. There was still time to fix all the damage of the past few years, Akaashi could still fix it! “God dammit, Bokuto. Why won't you answer?” The rain outside was thundering as Nariko begged for her owner to calm down, but Akaashi did not mind the rain.

He rushed outside, not even bothering with an umbrella nor raincoat. Akaashi continued to dial Bokuto’s number over and over again, never getting an answer. His tears poured as quickly as the rain, his clothing soaked through, Akaashi speeding through empty roads to the familiar home he had spent so much time in despite it not being his own. Akaashi pressed the gas as he forced himself to drive to Bokuto’s home as fast as possible to reach him, the same way Bokuto sat in a car in the rain to try and reach Akaashi all those years ago. “Bokuto? Bokuto! Open the door!” Akaashi banged the door in an attempt to get the other’s attention, the house deathly silent. Yet, when he banged the door, the door had pushed himself open into a house with only one light one, Bokuto's phone ringing off in the distance from Akaashi’s calls.

A mere few meters away from Akaashi lay Bokuto, his eyes half shut as the floor was covered with bloodied cherry blossoms and all sorts of thorns, tears on his face as the other blinked slowly. Akaashi gasped in horror as he rushed into the room, laying on his knees as he sat Bokuto up on his lap, tears continuing to pour.

Bokuto, collapsed against the hardwood, tears pouring in the silence. “...Akaashi?” With half lidded eyes and cracked lips, Bokuto's words were quieter than most, followed by ravaging coughs filled with crimson coated petals.

I’ll see you soon, ‘Kaashi. Come find me?

“I’m here, Bokuto,” Akaashi brushed strands of hair covering Bokuto's face, removing some of the petals. “I’m sorry for everything,” the words choked up in his throat as Bokuto wheezed in an attempt to talk. "Don't talk, Bokuto. I’m here now, I promise. I don’t remember but I saw what you said,” Akaashi was doing his best not to sob into him, trying to maintain his composure and failing rather miserably. “I promise I’ll send as many sets as you want- just don’t... don’t leave me. Please don’t go.”

Say it, Akaashi.

Akaashi was not sure if he was quite ready, but he could not live if he never got to say it in time. That was a risk he was not willing to take.

“I love you.”

Bokuto’s hand twitched slightly, the silence in the room only being interrupted by the harsh coughs and gasps for air. Akaashi brought his hands to Bokuto’s cheek, wiping stray tears. Silence filled the room as a collection of cherry blossoms formed from Bokuto's lips, Bokuto's eyes widening in agony as he turned his head, ejecting piles of cherry blossoms and thorns, flowers and flowers pouring out to the side as Akaashi held the other while he got it all out of his system, the other only pausing to catch his breath. Constant ejecting of flowers until there was nothing left, Bokuto collapsing to the ground, barely conscious. His lungs, surely damaged beyond repair, beyond dehydrated, Akaashi cried in horror as he held Bokuto, the pale man slowly opening his eyes.

“...’Kaashi?” Bokuto mumbled, Akaashi laying a hand on Bokuto's face. His breath was weak but non-interrupted. A playful smirk formed on Bokuto's lips, only interrupted by quiet gasps for air. “Took you... long enough,” a weak and meager voice, but a voice, nonetheless.

A voice Akaashi thought he would never hear again.

Akaashi shook his head and sobbed, bowing down as he cried, tears pouring and pouring whilst teardrops fell onto Bokuto’s face. “I’m so sorry,” his voice broke as he lifted Bokuto off from the ground to lay against his side. “For everything, Bokuto. For everything I did, for leaving, for forgetting you, I’m so sorry,” Akaashi leaned his head against Bokuto’s in this position where he held him. If it were up to his heart, he would have held Bokuto for an eternity. However, his brain reminds him of the man in critical condition sat before him, practically on death’s door. Quickly, he dials the emergency services and forces himself to stay calm, to hope and stay calm.

Stay calm, it will be okay now.

~

Akaashi opens his eyes blearily, glancing at the window of the hospital room. He cranes his neck, massaging the back as he sits up in the hospital chair. Raindrops hit against the windows silently and the dark was a dull gray, Akaashi looking to where Bokuto lay asleep in the hospital bed.

The world was so different now, he figured. A few months ago, Akaashi had been living through the motions. A month ago, Akaashi was on the verge of self-destruction. Now? He is not too sure where in life he is. A few weeks ago, Akaashi was sobbing over Bokuto’s dying body.

Now? Bokuto was recovering, and Akaashi was holding his hand the whole way.

“You’re still here?” Bokuto interrupts his thoughts, slowly turning towards Akaashi.

It was still a bad habit, getting lost in thought. It was getting better when Bokuto rescued him from his overthinking. “Yeah, I’m still here.”

Despite Hanahaki being his main area of expertise, there was still so much he did not understand. The surgery’s questionable success rate being investigated, Hanahaki versus Hanakajou versus Hanahajou, any of its methods of curing. Maybe when the medical scene had been his entire life, it was time for a break. No matter how confusing his feelings, handlings of Hanahaki, and the life he shared with Bokuto that he could no longer remember; no matter how confusing it became, Akaashi could always be sure of three things.

He had Hanahaki as a teenager.

2. It almost killed him.

3. It doesn’t mean he can’t love at all.

“You can go home… y’know?” Bokuto mumbled, slowly reaching for Akaashi’s hand, rubbing circular motions against the skin. “You’re probably tired and…”

“I’m not,” Akaashi interrupts him, giving Bokuto’s hand a gentle squeeze. It’s an unfamiliar feeling, but welcomed, nonetheless. “Do you want to look at some older videos? Maybe that’ll cheer you up.”

“But you don’t remember.”

“I’m willing to learn.”

Bokuto gives a small smile as Akaashi hands Bokuto his phone, Bokuto scrolling down to an older video of himself, Akaashi, and the rest of their high school volleyball team fooling around after a competition. Lots of smiling, laughing, and declarations of being the best done by the boys in the video. Akaashi could not help but watch how happy he seemed in the life he could not remember, but his eyes wandered to the windows, covered in raindrops of a summer storm. “Akaashi? What’s wrong?” Once again, Bokuto catches him lost in thought.

“Nothing,” Akaashi struggles and takes a good look at the gray sky one more time before returning to the screen, watching as his teenage self was carried on the shoulders of teenage Bokuto.

It fucking rained.

And Akaashi could not be happier.

[raetreaderarts]

Some posters I created for the roblox game I’m creating, R.E.M. Estates

I love Dr. Franziska so much she’s so preddy……… Definitely one of the women of all time