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jaeminhours · 6 years ago

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Wild Things | Chapter Three

SUMMARY | For you and your friends, street racing is just a hobby, a game. But newfound feelings and realizations suddenly make things seem much more real. In which you and Na Jaemin thrive off danger, but everything comes with a price.

PAIRING | Jaemin x Reader ft. Renjun

CATEGORY | street racing au, angst

WORD COUNT | 4.5k

WARNINGS | implied/referenced depression

SONG REC | Somebody Else - The 1975

You hadn’t talked to Jaemin for weeks. He’d disappeared after that night, his clothes vanishing from the wardrobe and his toothbrush missing from the counter in his and Jeno’s bathroom. You’d heard from Donghyuck that he was staying with Mark, that he’d holed himself up in Mark’s spare room and had barely come out since he’d arrived. It made your heart ache, but it also made you angry, angry that after all this time, Jaemin was still running away.

Everything around the idea of Jaemin felt almost fuzzy, blurred around the edges of everything he’d touched. You didn’t how to feel about Jaemin, whether you wanted to kiss him or curse his name, whether you hated or loved him. You couldn’t tell whether he was selfish or just broken, but maybe it was both. Most of all, you felt guilty. You hadn’t known how to act around him in ages, whether to push him or to let him go at his own pace, but you’d figured out that Jaemin’s pace, unless it was on the street, was really much too slow.

The past few weeks had almost mirrored Jaemin’s mood, you’d thought. It was much too rainy, too dim and gloomy, pale, rain-soaked clouds strewn across the storm-painted sky. You’d seen very little of him, even during the races. He’d stand off to the side, and you’d noticed with increasing worry that Jaemin had been declining several races, instead opting to watch, or not show up at all. Jeno had also become angry with his friend, furious that he’d just stormed out of your lives without so much as a second glance, or a quick word. He was just gone, only an empty bed and scattered clothing as evidence that he’d ever been there, and the faint smell of lavender coating his pillow.

But you missed your friend, you missed his soothing touches and warm laugh, his kind eyes and quick banter. You missed the way his brown hair swept his brow, how it stuck up in odd places when he just woke up, and the dazed look in his eyes that accompanied it. And you found yourself missing something else, that you almost definitely shouldn’t, that you’d only had one taste of and were already craving. You missed the warmth of Jaemin’s lips against yours, the shock of fireworks pummeling your heart, beating furiously against the cage of your body. You missed being that close to him, in a way you’d never been before and in a way you shouldn’t want to be again, but you couldn’t help it, and you knew that if you were back in high school you would have wasted no time in throwing away your inhibitions and taking what you deemed as yours.

But you weren’t in high school, not anymore, and you weren’t the same girl who never thought twice about anything. Jaemin was the only one who’d never grown up, who’d never learned where and when to stop. It was his fatal flaw as well as a fatal attraction, and it was one of the reasons Jaemin was so addictive.

Once you’d tasted him, it was difficult to let him go.

In Jaemin’s absence, you’d been spending your free time with Renjun, no longer with Donghyuck or Jeno, but just the two of you. There was something about Renjun’s voice that soothed the scars left by Jaemin’s kisses, smoothed the edges roughened from years of being with your best friend. For the first time, you didn’t crave adrenaline, or a racing heart, or the thrill racing through your veins. The calm was new, and comfortable. It was an entirely different feeling than how you felt around Jaemin. And yet, the ache was still there.

The mornings where you lived were often misty, the warmth of the summer sun shrouded by the heavy fog clouding the air. You thought it was beautiful, seeing the looming buildings of your city cut in and out through the haze, and thanks to Jeno’s ridiculously early morning habits, you almost never missed it.

It was a Tuesday morning when you woke up in the same room as Jeno, as you’d been doing often since Jaemin had disappeared, Jeno standing over you with a wide grin on his face, turning his dark eyes into the same crescent moons that had wooed so many parents Halloween night when you were young.

“Rise and shine!” he announced, then yelped as he dodged the pillow you threw at him.

“Shut up!” you groaned, waving him away. “I’m so tired!”

Jeno laughed, then dropped his body across your stomach, effectively silencing you with a breathy oof.

“You wouldn’t be tired if you hadn’t been out so late with Renjun last night.” he teased, and you smacked the top of his head, pushing him off you with an accompanying thud as he fell to the floor.

“We’re just friends.” you snapped, pulling the covers off and pulling yourself out of bed.

Jeno cocked his head, a smirk plastering itself on his face, eyes glinting dangerously. “I didn’t say you weren’t.”

You groaned, and fell back against the pillows. “You implied it!”

Jeno laughed, pulling himself to his feet and shuffling to the counter, where the smell of Jeno’s signature omelet wafted through the apartment air. Jeno had never been as good a cook as Jaemin, but you could never turn down one of his meals.

“What are your plans today?” he asked as you plopped into the seat across the counter.

“I’m… hanging out with Renjun today.” you answered sheepishly, focusing your attention on the tiny cracks in the cheap material of the table.

Jeno raised an eyebrow. “Again?”

“We’re really just friends, I promise.” you said, and sighed. “It’s just… I like being with him. Not the way you’re thinking. Just… I like the way he acts towards me.”

“You know he likes you, right?”

You did know that Renjun liked you. It was difficult to ignore, and Renjun hadn’t exactly been trying to be subtle. You weren’t kids anymore, and it was obvious Renjun wasn’t one to beat around the bush. The worst part was that you enjoyed his attention, his small remarks, his straying fingers and gentle gazes.

But you didn’t feel the same. No matter how much you wanted it, he didn’t make you feel the same way you did around Jaemin. Nevertheless, you’d decided to try, to force yourself to move on from the boy with danger racing through his veins, the boy who tasted of blood and metal, to the boy with splashes of paint on his jeans, dark hair that curled around his ears at the end, the boy who laughed at all the jokes that Jaemin had never laughed at. Maybe it was working. Maybe it wasn’t. You didn’t think it mattered.

“Yes.” you answered.

Jeno stopped what he was doing, putting down the spatula he was holding and leaning both arms on the table. “Do you like him too?”

You turned away from him. “I will.”

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful.”

You left with Renjun at noon, and three hours later you found yourself at the bookstore, thrifting through the aisles of books, and coming face-to-face with the one boy you both wanted to see the most and desperately hated. He had turned the corner of the shelves, followed by a giggling girl with long, dark hair clutching his arm. Renjun had left to look in the mystery section, and you were left to face the boy who’d kissed you and walked out of your life in the same night. His eyes were dark, ringed with purple as he stared at you blankly, not a single emotion flashing across his deep brown eyes.

“Jaemin.” you said, and took a step forward, causing the girl at his side to draw closer to him, her eyes wide and almost disgustingly innocent, pink lips jutting out in an exaggerated pout. You scowled at her, bothered by the way she clung to his bicep, running her hands down the muscle of his arms to grip briefly at his waist, pulling his collar down to reveal a red smear on his collarbone.

Oh.

Jaemin looked almost annoyed, edging his body away from her while trying to take a step back from you.

“Jaemin, please. Let’s talk.” you pleaded.

Jaemin looked like he wanted to run away, but he obliged, whispering something to the girl latched onto his arm and wincing at the whine that escaped her painted mouth before she disappeared into another aisle.

As soon as she was gone, you led him to the isolated corner of the store, sinking into the armchair across from him.

“Why did you leave?” you asked, leaning forward expectantly. “Jaemin, you didn’t have to leave. It’s just me. We could’ve talked about it.”

Jaemin shifted in his chair, avoiding your eyes. “I was embarrassed, Y/N. I’m still embarrassed.” he said, looking back at you. “But I’m glad I did it. So now I know.”

You frowned. “Know what?”

Jaemin’s eyes darted away from you, suddenly studying the carpeted floor with barely concealed resentment. “How you really feel about me. What you think of me.”

Your thoughts flashed back to that night, at what you’d said. You winced and reached out to him. “Jaemin, please. Just come back. We can talk through things once we’re home. We were both emotional that night.”

Jaemin looked at your outstretched hand for a few tortuous seconds, before reaching his own out and letting you grasp his hand, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. You smiled softly at him, and he allowed a small smile in return to slip onto his face before the moment was shattered by the arrival of Renjun.

“Y/N?” he said, and both you and Jaemin looked up to see Renjun standing in the aisle in front of you, his eyes darting to your intertwined hands between you. You turned back to Jaemin to see his eyes had hardened, and he yanked his hand away from you, seething.

“You came with him?” he growled, and you shrunk back in your seat.

“Jaemin, we’re just friends—”

“That’s not what Jeno’s been telling me.” he snarled, his eyes dark and storming.

What?

“You’ve been talking to Jeno? But he’s angry with you too!” you exclaimed, your voice rising.

“Jeno didn’t kiss me and rip out my heart in the same night.” Jaemin hissed, and you gaped at him.

You were both standing, having stood up somewhere in the midst of your increasingly angry voices.

“You kissed me first!” you responded angrily.

“You kissed me back!”

Renjun took a step forward, holding a confused expression on his face. “Should I… come back later?”

“No!”

“Yes!”

You and Jaemin glared at each other, fire burning between your bodies as you heaved rage throughout your veins.

“You don’t have a right to be angry, Jaemin.” you spat. “We’re not dating. You can’t stop me from seeing anyone.”

Jaemin stepped back, softly shaking his head as his eyes bored into your own. “You could be a little gentler, Y/N. I’m not angry with you. Just myself.”

And then he disappeared, walking out the glass doors of the bookstore without even a second glance towards the girl scurrying after him.

You collapsed back into the cushioned chair and buried your head in your hands, willing the tears welling behind your eyes to disappear the same way Jaemin just did. You barely registered Renjun kneeling in front of you, his fingers curling delicately around your wrist.

“Why?” you choked out. “I was so close to fixing it. Why did you have to come and ruin it?”

“I’m sorry.” he murmured. “I know, I’m sorry.”

You shook your head violently, not daring to look at him as he pulled you into his arms, burying your head into his shoulder and inhaling the sweet scent of marigolds.

It wasn’t Renjun’s fault. It was yours, and it was Jaemin’s. It was the unresolved storm brewing between your souls, the scars of Jaemin’s kisses littering the delicate membrane of your being, burning holes into the fabric of what used to be your friendship. You cursed Jaemin for kissing you that night, you cursed yourself for kissing him back, you cursed him for getting angry at you for being with Renjun and you cursed yourself for lying, to him, to Renjun, to yourself.

Renjun held you in the bookstore on a Tuesday afternoon, his sweatshirt muffling the sounds of your stifled, choked sobs, with no idea that his touch only made it harder for you to hold everything from crashing down.

Returning home wasn’t pleasant. You slammed the door behind you as you entered Jeno and Jaemin’s apartment, startling Jeno, who’d been hunched over his computer. Your mouth was set in a straight, grim line, tears still brimming at your reddened eyes.

“You’ve been talking to Jaemin?” you asked. Your voice was quiet, serious.

Jeno frowned, swiveling around so that his whole body was facing you. “What?” he said, incredulous.

“I saw Jaemin today. He said you told him that Renjun and I are more than friends.” you hissed, your eyes filled with buried rages.

Jeno took a deep breath, leaning back in his seat. “Y/N, that was one phone call. And it wasn’t a pleasant one, believe me. I’m still angry at Jaemin for leaving us, and I might of tried to get back at him a little… by telling him that there’s something between you and Renjun.”

“Really, Jeno?” you hissed, but you could already feel your anger evaporating, the rage sinking from the cloud In your mind to the empty pit of your belly.

Jeno held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, it was a mistake. I’m sorry. But he was being an asshole, and… I wanted to hit him where I knew it’d hurt.”

You sighed, plopping down on the edge of Jaemin’s bed, the toe of your shoes knocking against a pair of old sneakers hidden under the frame. Jeno glanced to your feet, a flash of recognition tinging his dark eyes.

“I know you like him.” he said, his eyes meeting yours.

You laughed humorlessly. “I thought it was obvious.” you responded, your voice dry, and tired.

Jeno ignored you, tapping his fingers on his kneecap thoughtfully. “I think I really figured it out freshman year.” he said, his voice soft. You could feel your expression soften along with the mood between the two of you, gazing at Jeno as he spoke in that same comforting, gentle tone you’d always loved.

“It was when you bought him those shoes, actually. He’d looked so happy, but then I looked at you and I just… I just knew. Friends don’t look at each other like that.”

It was his turn to let out a dry laugh, running his fingers through the dark strands of his hair. “And I could tell he felt the same way. When you weren’t looking, when he thought I wasn’t looking, he… I can’t explain it. It’s not something you can describe with words—the way he looked at you. The way he looks at you. And I was jealous, because Jaemin always won, and I was tired of losing. I didn’t want to lose you to him, too.”

Jeno… liked you?

“Jeno…”

He cut you off before you could say anything, surging forward to meet your eyes in a deep, melancholy stare. “But when I thought more about it, I kept thinking that Jaemin loved you more, that he needed you more. I have parents that love me, a sister, a big house that’s never felt dark, or empty. Jaemin doesn’t. You don’t. So I didn’t say anything. I stepped back, but he didn’t step forward.”

You gulped, shoving away the thoughts and feelings pushing their way through your already crowded head. “He did, though. But I pushed him away.”

Jeno shook his head. “He ran away, Y/N. That’s why I’m mad. I’m angry because he’s not trying hard enough. It’s like every race he competes in, Y/N. He wins, but it’s too easy. But you’re not easy, so he just doesn’t get it. It’s scary, and if there’s one thing that Jaemin’s learned, it’s that running away is the best way to escape his demons.”

You’d never quite thought of it the same way Jeno had just said. You’d thought that Jaemin had been a coward, too expectant, too rushed. Yes you’d thought he was scared, but you hadn’t realized what until it suddenly struck you right in the muscle of your beating heart, making those treacherous scars burn against your skin once again.

It made sense, now that you thought about it. Meeting Renjun, hanging out with him, the ingratiation of you and Jeno into the inner circle of Jaemin’s street friends, the easy glances and sweet smiles and careless touched shared between so many people. And then Renjun, Renjun with his soft sweaters and thin-framed glasses, his sharp tongue but still soft words. The warmth and kindness in his chocolate brown eyes and how you felt yourself sinking into them. The way Jaemin’s eyes hardened into sharp edges, how you felt yourself shattering against the shards of glass surrounding his guarded heart.

Jaemin was more than just scared. Jaemin was scared of losing you. Jaemin was running away first, so you wouldn’t.

“Oh…” you breathed, and Jeno smiled softly, taking your hand.

“Yeah. I want the best for both of you, because I love you. Not like that.” he added quickly. “I’m over it, I promise.”

You sighed, returning a small, sympathetic smile. “Why didn’t you tell me, Jen? I would’ve understood.”

Jeno shrugged. “I didn’t want to risk our friendship for something I knew I’d never have. And it’s fine, really… I grew out of it quickly.”

Suddenly he sat back, rubbing his eyes. “Okay, that’s enough of that.” he said, and smiled, his eyes turning into crescents. “Let’s go out for dinner tonight. Hyuck keeps nagging me to get you to go out with us sometime, so why not tonight? A little mood booster.”

You laughed, and reached over to ruffle Jeno’s hair, a couple strands falling into his eyes. “That sounds nice. Text him that we’ll meet up later.”

Jeno nodded, and stood up, brushing imaginary dust off his dark jeans. “Just relax for now. I gotta go pick up some prescriptions. I’ll be back in twenty or so and then we’ll get ready.”

You gave him a thumbs-up, and he flashed you a quick wink, grinning, before disappearing out the door.

You couldn’t relax, though. Your talk with Jeno about Jaemin had just directed your thoughts to Renjun. You felt terrible for what had happened earlier, how Renjun had held you while you wet his sweatshirt with salted tears. You remembered the way his face had fallen when he’d walked in on your talk with Jaemin, how you’d abandoned him in the winding aisles of the bookstore without a second thought at the sight of the boy you didn’t know how to not love.

Without thinking, you found yourself pressing Renjun’s contact in your phone, letting it ring for a few seconds before you heard Renjun’s groggy voice come through the receiver.

“Y/N?” he said. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Renjun. I just… wanted to apologize for today. I kind of ruined our plans.”

There was a pause, and you could hear Renjun’s soft breaths from the other line.

“It’s alright.” he said finally. “I was just worried.”

Another pause.

“He kissed you?”

“Yes.”

“And you kissed him back.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you regret it?”

Renjun’s voice was tentative, expectant and weighted. You gulped, exhaling shakily, and gripping your phone even tighter.

“No. No, I don’t think so.” you answered. “I wish I did, but I don’t.”

You heard Renjun breathe out, long and steady. “I understand.”

“Renjun—” you began, but he cut you off.

“I think you already know how I feel about you, Y/N. It’s okay, I’ll wait.”

“Renjun—”

“Just give me a chance. Please.”

A pause, heavy, too long and too short, not enough time at all, not enough to think about it, to really think about what you’d be promising.

A chance. A dream, hope. Competition, a winner.

“Okay.”

Just one.

Maybe it was for the best.

Donghyuck seemed too happy. You’d never thought that before, having taken refuge under the warmth of his bright, sun-like smile, his friendly touch and quick banter. But things were different now, and you were far too aware of the empty space beside you.

Donghyuck was digging into his food enthusiastically, a speck of sauce marking the side of the bright cheeks, which you wiped off with a napkin and a small laugh.

“So,” he began, swallowing his food and wiping his mouth. “still no Jaemin?”

You frowned at your lap, your eyes trained on the weathered threads of your old jeans.

“No Mark?” Jeno retorted, and Donghyuck stuck his tongue out at him, rolling his eyes, then turned to you, a playful gleam lighting his expression.

“Your little boy toy keeps him distracted.” he teased, and you glowered at him.

“Don’t call him that.” you seethed, and Donghyuck grinned.

“I mean, seeing as you play with—”

“Hyuck.”

Jeno’s voice was hard, his eyes dark and stormy as he frowned at Donghyuck, giving a barely perceptible shake of his head.

Donghyuck raised his hands, giving him a helpless look. “Hey, look. I’m not picking any sides here, okay? I just want things back to normal, and that includes my best friend.”

He frowned, looking down at his plate. “Jaemin’s… like this magnet for Mark. I don’t know why.”

You looked away, studying the hardwood floors of the restaurant. “He has that effect.”

Donghyuck cleared his throat and clapped his hands together, startling you from your daze. “Anyway! I’m sure you guys got the notification about the race at midnight, yeah? You’ll be there?”

“We haven’t… really been going lately. Because of Jaemin.” Jeno answered

Donghyuck hummed, digging back into his dinner. “He stopped showing up for a while, you know. Got me kinda worried. He’s back now, though. Ruthless as ever, winning every race.”

But suddenly he dropped his fork, his head whipping up with a dangerous gleam in his eyes, one that chilled you to the bone.

“Hyuck—”

“Say, Jeno.” he interrupted, a sly smile plastering itself on his face. “There’s this new ride I got. Her turns are great—completely suited to your kind of driving. Fast, too. One could say you might even beat Jaemin in her.”

Jeno stared him, his lips pulled down in a frown. “What are you getting at, Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck grinned, his eyes bright and terrifyingly wild. “What I’m saying is that you have the chance to give Jaemin a taste of his own medicine. Win, Jeno.”

Jeno’s eyes widened slightly, an air of consideration floating in the dark pools. Your eyes flashed between him and Donghyuck, your palms slipping off the edge of the table.

“Jeno, no.” you urged. “We’ve finally stopped.”

It was too late. You saw the same wild temptations corroding the warm browns of Jeno’s eyes, the incorrigible thirst lurking, seeping into his blood.

Jeno gave you an apologetic look. “Just this once, Y/N. Just this once, I could win. I’m so sick of losing to him.”

You cursed that stupid smile, his warm, exuberant eyes brimming with excitement. “I’m not coming.” you warned, and Donghyuck pumped his fist from across the table.

At the sight of Jeno’s eyes brightening, and the selfish promise of the satisfaction of Jaemin losing, you couldn’t help the small smile fighting its way onto your face. “I’ll be rooting for you.” you said, and Jeno grinned at you.

He reached his hand across the table, intertwining his pinky finger with yours.

“Promise?” he said, his eyes glimmering.

You leaned forward, and laughed.

“Promise.”

You left without Jeno an hour later, the two boys leaving playful kisses on each cheek before running to Donghyuck’s car, a new air of confidence encapsulating Jeno’s smile.

It rained on the way back to your apartment, the roads slick and pale drops of water trailing down the windows of your car. It was still raining when you arrived back home, and when you pulled on your night clothes and tucked yourself into Jaemin’s bed.

It was still raining when you noticed that his pillow still smelled like lavender.

The muffled sound of the rain thrumming against the windows moved like a lullaby through the air, and you suddenly found yourself noticing things that you hadn’t before.

Like the hoodie Jaemin had bought in the tenth grade strewn across the floor, a framed photo of the three of you on the shelf Jeno had nailed into the wall during your second week of university.

The book with weathered, water-stained pages, and the edge of a photograph emerging from its crevices.

Mostly, you thought about Jaemin, and how you’d managed to get here. How three kids in dance class happened to go to the same elementary school, middle school, high school, and then even the same university—how twisted and how deliberate fate had to be to make that happen, to intertwine your paths so completely.

You wondered why fate had decided to make the boy with the brightest smile, the loudest voice and sweetest eyes the saddest of all three of you, why it had to turn that smile and those sweet eyes into reflections of shattered glass and the sharp taste of iron on bloodied tongues. You wondered why Jaemin was scared of trying, of chasing instead of being chased. You wondered why these past few months had been so difficult for him, how he’d changed so much in the span of a few seasons.

You didn’t know how the three of you ended up in the middle of a city known for its streets and gangs and smoke-filled alleys, or how you ended up with your best friend’s lips burning against your neck, his hands smoothing against the bare skin of your hip, rushed breaths mixing between your melded mouths.

You didn’t know where it went wrong.

Maybe there was nothing you could have done, and it really was fate that had been pulling the strings twelve years ago, staining your futures into the pale pink walls of the scene of your childhood. Maybe it was fate that pulled those shadows over Jaemin’s face, and maybe it was fate that ripped the boy with the brightest future from his family and his home that smelled of warm cookies and pressed flowers. Maybe it was fate that tied you to the two boys, fate that dragged you out to the city, away from home, from the rooftop on top of your apartment complex with the boy with his mother’s vodka in his left hand and a cigarette in his right.

Maybe it wasn’t.

A magnet, Donghyuck had called him. A magnet pulling things together and tearing things apart, an irresistible force nature.

The phone rang.

Donghyuck’s caller ID flashed across the cracked screen of your phone, blurring Jeno’s face with the bright letters.

You let it buzz for a few seconds, before picking it up and holding it to your ear.

“Hello?”

Silence.

“Y/N.”

Heavy breaths, choked.

“Y/N, there’s been an accident.”

Hoarse, hard, dropped.

“I’m so sorry.”

a/n: things get heavy in chapter four! this is where the real fun begins! thanks for reading!

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agustdomain · 7 years ago

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Steal My Heart Away

Synopsis: It seemed it was time heartbreak sought you out, yet it was unexpected that the boy who stole your heart would deal you that painful hand.

Word Count: 17 k

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, mentions of underage drinking

Member: Hyunjin, ft. Mark lee and Donghyuck as best friends

A/N: This is a different universe from Running Circles Through My Mind, so this is not the same Hyunjin from that work! Nonetheless, hope you enjoy! Also this isn’t entirely edited, so my apologies if some of the errors are atrocious!

PART TWO

10:21 pm and your head was in the clouds.

More specifically, there was something in particular that had been plaguing you for the last few hours. A fatal flaw of yours would definitely be your tendency to overanalyze. Often, your best friends pointed out how much you would get stuck on things, overthink, and proceed to overwhelm yourself. You couldn’t blame yourself though, there was too much surrounding you and there were too many things to experience; how could they not expect you to analyze?

Here you were now, three hours after hanging out with your friends, and your best friend’s words still plagued your thoughts. It had been a simple enough night. Your four best friends and you had decided to hit up a diner after school, sitting around and chattering about whatever sprung to mind. Nancy was quiet as usual, not speaking up too much but whatever she said held some weight. She was the nicest out of you all, but if she did happen to show her shady side, it was mostly directed toward Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, the loud and boisterous one of your little clan. He was definitely sassy and shameless, and you happened to admire how confident he was in himself. He hardly ever showed a vulnerable side to himself, especially to you. You had yet to witness it firsthand, and you were unsure you would ever get to see it. After all, he loved putting on a show for anyone near, and he would hate to be perceived as someone other than his exuberant and dramatic self.

The other male counterpart of the group was none other than your childhood friend, Mark. Well, you weren’t sure if fifth grade counted as ‘childhood’, but you liked to constantly bring up how the both of you knew each other the longest. Without Donghyuck around, he was calm and- daresay- mature. However, if Donghyuck was around, a brighter version of himself was brought out. Sometimes it was a lot to handle, but you adored the two boys and wouldn’t trade out their personalities if ever given the opportunity. Mark was the friend that you went to if something was bothering you, or if something too personal to share with the group was plaguing you. For as long as you could remember, he was one of the only people you confide in about nearly everything.

Your remaining friend was the drop dead gorgeous Tzuyu- who Donghyuck liked to jokingly call Chewy, with an emphasis on how her name sounds exactly like a certain Star Wars character. At first glance, your stunning friend seemed shy and quiet. But around you and your friends, she was just as bold as Donghyuck. She was passionate and stuck up for what she believed in, and she always lifted everyone up. She was definitely someone who you loved having around, and throughout your four years of high school she had became an essential friend.

Some of your other peers had often pointed out that the five of you, upon first seeing the group, seemed like an odd little clan. The troublemaker Donghyuck, the mature yet popular Mark, bookish and charming Nancy, model-like athlete Tzuyu- and you, a supposed ‘theatre queen’- were a clan that seemed… unusual. But when looking past the surface, it all made sense. Donghyuck and Mark were two peas in a pod, doing everything from tying their laces for one another and crazy handshakes together. Tzuyu was a big sister and a life of the party all in one. Nancy was the sense of the group, reminding you all to take it easy, and holding a lot of wisdom behind her gentle eyes and voice. You were a listener, being the group’s backbone and offering up advice if necessary. All of you played an essential role to the dynamic, and it had been that way all of your high school career. Four years later, and things were the same.

On this particular day, the same day that led to you drowning in your thoughts, plenty of different topics had bloomed across the confined diner table. The previous topic had been upcoming finals in a few weeks, and Mark’s bummed out nature caused Donghyuck to try and liven the atmosphere by his senseless rambling. Eventually, Tzuyu had cut him off and started talking about an upcoming cross country meet that she had and how her time had been improving recently.

“That’s good to hear, Chewy. I bet you’re smoking all of them out on the track,” Donghyuck said distractedly, dunking one of his fries into ketchup.

Tzuyu sighed exasperatedly. “That’s like the third time you’ve said that whenever I bring up cross country.”

He looked up, his eyes wide as he was caught red-handed before his voice became shrill in defense, “It’s not my fault! You’re always talking about your running time improving! What else am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know! But all you show me is that you don’t care whenever you say the same things over and over again.” Nancy and you looked at each other in question, noticing it was unlike Tzuyu to get so worked up over whatever Donghyuck says, especially this soon in the conversation.

“My bad. I didn’t know it meant that much to you,” Donghyuck huffed out, scrolling through his phone and signalling he was done. That was also unlike him, because he tended to be the problem starter and loved to pick arguments. You looked back and forth between the two of them, wondering what their problem was, before reaching for your milkshake and taking a drink.

“Guys. I need some advice,” Mark’s nervous voice grabbed your attention, your gaze falling on your anxious friend beside you. He was fiddling with his plate, twisting it back and forth and avoiding eye contact.

“What’s up? Are you okay?” You asked him, reaching out and squeezing his arm in comfort before continuing to eat your food.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I just-” He cleared his throat, seeming to figure out how to word whatever he was going to tell you guys. He had everyone’s full attention now, considering it wasn’t often you got to see something besides Mark’s calm and collected nature. “I’m thinking of doing something that I haven’t done before… but I’m not sure how to…”

“Well? What is it?” Donghyuck pestered, and you reached out to smack his upper arm lightly before turning back to Mark.

“Do you guys… remember Yerim?”

Ah, it all clicked to everyone now. All of your faces lit up in realization, and you couldn’t help but smile uncontrollably at his words. You were aware of Mark’s crush on Yerim, in fact you were aware of it longer than anyone else. It had developed back in sophomore year, when you and him had a class with her and fate had worked its magic, placing the three of you and someone else at a table together for an entire semester. You witnessed firsthand how the boy who everyone labeled as a guy with no romantic bone in his body, fell apart at the sight of his crush.

Yerim was an ideal girl, at least to you. She was stunning, of course, with short hair that suited her very nicely. Back when Mark and you had met her, her hair had been long and fell down her back like she was some runway model. You remembered the day she came to school with her hair cut short, mostly because Mark couldn’t shut up about it. It was last year that he officially made a statement about his feelings to the group. You had been so proud, exclaiming that you knew about his crush, and he had merely shrugged it off. It had been months of Donghyuck trying to convince him to act on his feelings, but Mark only rejected the idea. His excuse was that they were both too different and that they had different goals in mind after you all graduated. You knew that his real reason was that he wasn’t confident in himself. It’s a shame, because you were aware of how phenomenal he was. Hell, you knew him since you were ten years old, and that was eight years ago. But it seemed the tides had shifted, because there Mark was, asking if you remembered Yerim.

“Of course we remember her,” Nancy softly spoke up.

“Yeah,” Tzuyu said pointedly, “All you did was fawn over her for like eight months.”

“And then you stopped talking about her altogether after she started dating that Renjun guy,” Donghyuck added, and you all noticed Mark’s face become uncomfortable at the thought.

“Well, that’s not why I’m bringing her up!” Mark burst out, seeming on edge. You were slightly worried, but you just waited for him to open up. That’s just how he was; you needed to give him time and he would open up to you about what’s bothering him. “The thing is, her and I have gotten pretty close these last few weeks. And I’ve gotten a vibe from her that she might like me back? But she’s given me nothing to work with and I don’t want to make myself look like an idiot if I’m reading into this wrong.”

Donghyuck threw his head back and groaned. “Are you seriously going to sit there and be a chicken again? You’ve had so many chances to confess to her yet you never take it! How are you supposed to know if Yerim likes you if you don’t let her know how you feel?”

Mark rubbed the side of his neck nervously. “Yeah, well, I don’t want to ruin what we have-”

“Bullshit. You’re just scared. As usual.”

“Shut up, Hyuck. That’s not true,” Mark denied, seeming flustered. You had to admit, you felt the same way as Donghyuck, but you knew you had to word it differently or else you would rub Mark the wrong way.

“Mark, he has a point,” You held your hand up to stop him from interrupting, “But I understand you. Your fear is valid. These sort of situations are one of the most scariest things to deal with, because these are feelings we talk about. It’s a risk that so many people aren’t willing to take. And for as long as I’ve known you, no one has had this effect on you like Yerim has. So the real question is, do you think she is worth taking a risk on?”

He swallowed, his eyes staring into your eyes with nervousness before he uttered, “Of course.”

“Then there’s your answer.”

“It sounds easy when you word it like that. But it’s easier said than done,” Mark pointed out. He leaned his head back on the booth seat, looking genuinely afraid at his thoughts. It made you a little sad, knowing there was no way to ease his worries. This was a battle he would have to fight on his own. It was up to you and your friends to be there for him if it didn’t work out.

“Mark, obviously we can’t tell you what to do, but I think you should give it a chance. You’ve liked this girl forever, and I see the way you talk about her. I haven’t seen anything like it,” Tzuyu’s tone took on a sad quality, and you definitely didn’t fail to notice, “And because of that, you should seriously consider giving it a chance. You never know how she feels unless you ask. And if you don’t take that risk, then you’ll always be plagued with the ‘what if’.”

Nancy nodded, dabbing at her lips with a napkin before clasping her hands over the table. She gave Mark a once over, causing you to do the same. He looked so bothered but checked out, as if Yerim had already went and rejected him. You didn’t think his fear would come true, but you definitely understood his doubt.

“Think about it all before making an impulsive decision. Don’t let what we tell you affect the choice you choose. This is all about you, how you feel, and what feels right. If in the end, you think it’s best that you remain friends, then we’ll support you. If you decide to tell her how you feel, we’ll be there for you. But don’t let this eat at you. You’re too young to have gray hair,” Nancy threw in the little comment to lighten up the atmosphere, and she succeeded. The tense air faded away, Mark expressing his gratitude before the topic changed. You were definitely proud of the friends you had.

It wasn’t until you were leaving that Donghyuck had grabbed your attention. “Hey Y/N. I got a question for you.”

“I’m all ears,” You responded, walking on the edge of the sidewalk as you all headed in the directions of the cars. Donghyuck walked alongside you, falling quiet for a moment, before pulling you to a stop and leaving you mildly confused.

“I don’t know how to word this. Hm,” Everyone stopped, eyes on Hyuck as he tugged at his ear in thought. He proceeded to shrug before he bluntly asked, “What’s up with you and Hyunjin?”

His question led your mind to draw a blank. You felt your lips part, your eyes widen, and oddly your heart start to race. Your friends’ eyes were all trained on you, and you couldn’t find the words. You finally settled with, “He’s just a friend. An acquaintance, to be more accurate. ” Before realizing how unfamiliar your voice sounded.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Donghyuck scoffed. “Have you been hiding something from us?”

“No. I’m confused as to why you’re attacking me.” You finally recovered from his sudden question.

Donghyuck waved his hand dismissively and smacked his lips. “Only people who hide things feel attacked when asked a simple question.”

Mark stepped forward and clasped Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Dude, relax. If Y/N wanted to tell us something, she would.” You flashed him a grateful smile, but Tzuyu chimed in and caused your heart to race even faster.

“Although I’m a little curious now. Who is Hyunjin?”

“It’s a guy in our Anthropology class. Him and Y/N used to sit together. They’re just friends,” Nancy said with finality, pushing her circular rimmed glasses up the bridge of her note before walking to her car.

You exhaled a breath of relief before following after Nancy towards the passenger side. You heard Donghyuck without having to turn to him, because his words rang clear in your ears. “You talk about Mark being scared to take a risk? The pot calling the kettle black…”

You were silent as you sat beside Nancy, waiting for Tzuyu to finish up her conversation before sliding into the back of the car. She was the designated DJ, and put on one of her personal playlists. Your mind couldn’t focus, though, Hyuck’s words having more of an impact on you than he would ever realize.

Because he may not have known it, but he had hit the nail right on the head.

Truth be told, at the beginning of senior year, you wouldn’t have expected to fall for a guy like Hwang Hyunjin. You still remember standing alongside the edge of the classroom, awaiting the teacher to assign you seats. You remember feeling ticked off, because you were seventeen years old and still getting assigned a seat like you were a kid. Your teacher had called your name before his, tapping your desk that happened to be in the dead center of the room. You had begrudgingly walked over, hoping you would miraculously get to sit with Nancy. That day, miracles were not in favor of you- or so you thought at the time- because she had called Hyunjin’s name instead.

You had watched in mild exasperation as his lanky figure maneuvered his way through the classroom, greeting some of the people he passed with a smile. He was sporting a long-sleeved white shirt and shorts, as casual as could be, and you knew that you were screwed the moment he sat down. But no, not because it was a love at first sight sort of thing. Because he was a pretty boy, and at the sight of his smile you noticed all of your female classmates start to whisper. You had thought to yourself that it would be a long semester.

You had known of him, but never officially met him. Donghyuck had done baseball with him back in sophomore year, and both him and Hyunjin were the only sophomores to make the varsity team. You remembered going to some of Hyuck’s games, and how Hyunjin was easily a crowd favorite with his powerful hits and the way he glided across bases like he was skating instead of trying to make it to home base.

Whatever it was, you had not expected him to be the way he actually was. You had expected him to be like a typical pretty boy, annoying and uptight, and act like he ruled the world. But from the beginning, it wasn’t like that. He was super quiet at first, only talking when the teacher assigned partner work. His voice was low when he spoke quietly, but raised in pitch if something even slightly excited him. His hair was a neat brown sweep across his forward, sometimes parted stylishly but mostly resting as if he didn’t bother to do anything with it. He was tall, too tall for the tiny desks you were forced to sit in, yet he always sat straight.

Another perception of him that you were completely wrong about was that he would slack off, and he proved that wrong rather quickly after first meeting him. He would finish assignments the day after they were due, even though the teacher gave you a week to complete it. You remembered feeling astonished, wondering how he did it because sometimes the assignments were lengthy. And you remembered when you became impressed with his insightful nature, always having something meaningful to say- even if it was about something unrelated to class. Sometimes, he would voice his opinion if one of your classmates said something he didn’t agree with or happened to be unnecessarily rude. A big part of you wondered when your crush had developed, because maybe it had been after the first time you made him laugh, or the first time he made you laugh. Maybe it was the combination of his leg brushing yours underneath the desk during class, or your hands accidentally touching because of the cramped space. Maybe it was his ridiculous nicknames he would give you based on what you were learning in class. Or maybe it was because he made it a daily tradition to walk you to your next class even though his own was in the opposite direction. Whatever it was, you were guilty just like Mark. You had feelings you had no intentions of acting upon any time soon.

“Since the guys aren’t around, I think it’s safe to say we can have a more personal talk,” Tzuyu announced, before lowering the volume of the music. You dreaded her words because you knew what was coming. “Tell me about this Hyunjin guy.”

Nancy never looked away from the road, but her voice was powerful enough to make it feel like she was looking at her with shame. “Stop, Tzuyu. If she doesn’t want to talk about him, don’t pressure her.”

“No it’s okay. It was bound to come out some time, right?” You said, inhaling slowly before you felt your stomach drop in realization. “Wait a minute. How does Donghyuck know about Hyunjin?”

Nancy glanced you in confusion. “What do you mean? You’ve never told him about Hyunjin?”

“No! I mean, he knows him because of baseball. But how would he know about my feelings?” Your panic settled in, wondering if you stared at Hyunjin too much in class, laughed too much at his jokes, said something too suspicious. If it got back to Hyunjin, what if he got too uncomfortable to talk to you? To be fair, it was the second semester and you weren’t seat partners anymore. But he still talked to you whenever he could. And though you wouldn’t call yourself his friend, you still talked on a regular basis because of class.

“Don’t panic, okay? Maybe you let it slip around him or something?” Tzuyu offered. You immediately shook your head.

“No, because I don’t talk about Hyunjin. My little crush on him is practically a myth considering how secretive it is. I have to call him.” You tried and tried to call Hyuck but he ignored your calls. You wanted to scream. You felt like the guy with the biggest mouth knew your darkest secret. But you told yourself to calm down, and trust that Donghyuck wouldn’t spill something you hadn’t even confirmed to him. He was one of your best friends, after all.

“Just calm down. Nothing is going to happen, okay?” Nancy comforted you, and you knew you had no choice but to just let it go. Besides, there was no harm done. It’s not like you announced your feelings for the guy. In fact, Donghyuck had assumed it and you hadn’t even confirmed it. And if worse came to worse, if it somehow got back to Hyunjin, you would come up with something to save yourself. You didn’t want the guy to hate you.

Right as the three of you pulled up in front of Tzuyu’s house, she paused in moving to get out the car, simply saying, “You must really like this mystery guy.”

“Why do you say that?”

She shrugged before responding, “You know how I said I’ve never seen anything like how Mark looks when he talks about Yerim? Well, I saw that same look in your eyes when Hyuck mentioned his name.”

You wanted to question what she meant by that, only remembering feeling panic when Donghyuck had called you out, but all you could think about was how Hyuck was right. You had no room to talk about Mark not acting on his feelings, because it had been over a semester of school and you had kept your lips sealed about how you felt about Hyunjin. All that you were confused about, was how Donghyuck knew about your feelings.

And here you were, 10:22 pm and wondering where you had gone wrong. Donghyuck had never called back, and you were drowning in your tendency to overanalyze matters. You blamed yourself, figuring it was your fault that Donghyuck knew about Hyunjin. You didn’t even interact with Hyunjin enough for the crush to be more than a crush, but a startling fear hit you that maybe everyone knew. If Hyunjin knew, would he ignore you? Was he going to ignore you on Monday in Anthro? Would he laugh if he found out about your crush? Your thoughts were stressing you out, so you blindly reached out for your phone on the bedside table in the dark. Seeing a message notification from a few different people, you sighed as you saw that none of them were Donghyuck. Your eyes found an unknown number had messaged you, causing you to draw your eyebrows together in question. Clicking the message, you saw that it was delivered around twenty minutes ago.

Unknown:

Hi… Is this Y/N?

You contemplated not answering, but your curiosity was piqued.

You:

Who is this?

You didn’t expect a reply any time soon, so after staring at the phone for a little too long, you tossed it aside and pulled out your laptop. You logged on and decided to watch a show you had recently gotten into, quickly growing distracted from the odd day that you had. After a few episodes, you realized it was midnight and you hadn’t checked your phone for a while. Your heart jumped upon seeing a message from the unknown number. The feeling drastically changed as your heart felt like it was trying to crawl out your throat as you read the text.

Unknown:

Probably should’ve started off with that… It’s Hyunjin. Sorry to randomly message you, especially considering you weren’t the one to give me your number. I know how Donghyuck and you are close, so I just asked him earlier today.

You stared at it for a moment, your heart rate spiking as you watched another message come in, even though the last one was sent a while ago. It meant he was still thinking about what to say, even after all this time has passed.

Unknown:

There’s a number of reasons I wanted your number. The main one is that you know how in Anthro, the midterm was announced and how we need to pick a partner? Hah… I just remember how much I enjoyed doing projects with you last semester. I know we don’t talk often, and feel free to reject my proposition, but we work pretty well together and you’re cool so… if you’re down, we should work together.

You hoped he would explain his other reasons for messaging you, but nothing else came in after that. Your heart raced as you typed out a response, erased it, rewrote another one, then repeated the process. You couldn’t believe this was happening, but you gave yourself a reality check. He viewed you as a good partner, an acquaintance at the most, and you weren’t going to let your petty crush ruin the relatively good bond you had with your classmate. He was a great guy, but you wouldn’t let that sway your decision.

You:

Hey Hyunjin! It’s nice to hear from you. Yes, this is Y/N haha. I would love to work with you for the midterm project. Just let me know when we should start brainstorming. What I said last semester stands, you were the best anthro partner I could’ve asked for! So I’m glad I get another chance to have you as a partner (:

Hyunjin:

Haha I second that. Anthro just hasn’t been the same since we switched seats. Who else is going to laugh with me at random things and let me tell them my cool stories? No one! My partner is, no offense, pretty lame. All he does is shush me.

You:

You’re telling me! I sit with Renjun! He’s… something else. I mean, he’s funny. But definitely not as funny as you.

Hyunjin:

I should be nominated as the senior class clown.

You:

That’s a little far-fetched.

And without realizing it, you messaged him for a few more hours, until it was so late that you could barely keep your eyes open. You sleepily thought to yourself that it seemed a friendship was starting, and you wondered to yourself if this was what you wanted. Did you want Hyunjin as a friend, or would you forever be sentenced to a crush on him that had yet to disappear? Maybe confessing and getting rejected is what you needed. But before you could ponder it further, you had knocked out.

The following week, the school day had already ended and you were just about ready to crash when you got home. Mark and Donghyuck wanted to go grab an ice cream cone before they had to work on a project together, and they offered to treat you. Ice cream was your weakness, and even though your tiredness told you to decline, your love for the sweet won the battle. So after the final bell, you scurried out of class and made a beeline for where Mark told you to meet him.

As you walked, music trickling in through your headphones and blocking out the chatter surrounding you, your mind crossed to Hyunjin. That wasn’t uncommon these days, because outside of the project you guys were slowly working on, a friendship had began to blossom. Much like that first night, you had mixed feelings about creating a friendship with him, but he was too alluring to resist the urge. Besides, you only had about two and a half weeks to finish up the project, present, and then probably stop messaging. You wrote off his kindness and friendliness as a way to maintain a good bond throughout the project work.

What was nagging at you though was although he said he reached out to be partners for the project, you guys hadn’t spoken much about the project itself. There had been one conversation where you guys messaged back and forth brainstorming ideas about what you could potentially make the project about, but that was it. It confused and slightly worried you. Not only that, there had been no talk of meeting up or even splitting up the criteria needed for the project. You decided you would bring it up next time you guys messaged.

Although you guys were on friendly terms, and texted almost everyday, there wasn’t much leeway to talk during class. Since you guys didn’t sit together anymore, and there was always a lesson plan, there was never time to talk. And the one time Hyunjin attempted to talk to you during class, he got scolded. The teacher also emphasized how there wouldn’t be much class time to work on the project and to utilize the time you were given wisely. You just hoped Hyunjin would prove to be a worthy partner in the days to come.

Your thoughts of Hyunjin halted as your music was cut off by your phone ringing. You pulled your phone out to see Mark’s name and answered without letting it ring too much. “Hello?”

“Y/N! Homie! Where are you?” The sound of Donghyuck’s loud voice blasting through your headphones made you wince. You lowered the volume of the call before you responded.

“I’m on my way to the front of the building. Mark told me to meet him there. Why didn’t you just call me from your phone?”

He was chewing on something, that much was clear. You were constantly being reminded of his bad manners over phone calls every single time he called. You heard him finish up chewing before he said, “Because my phone died. But anyways, don’t meet us there! Meet us at his car.”

You felt your eyes widened. “But he parks off campus! Far away, might I add!”

“Yeah, well, we’re already here.”

You were about to argue but you heard Mark in the background say, “Who are you talking to? Why are you on my phone?” Before a struggle seemed to ensue. The next voice you heard was none other than the owner of your phone. Thankfully he had a softer and quieter voice, at least over the phone he did.

“Y/N! Hey. Why did Hyuck call you?”

“He said to meet you at your car?” You said monotonously, sounding displeased with the idea. You couldn’t help it. The truth was, it was about a ten minute walk, which wasn’t too bad. But you were already tired and considered taking this opportunity to cancel. Mark ultimately silenced your thoughts.

“Don’t listen to him. Yeah, we’re almost at the car actually. We got let out of class early. But I figured we would swing back and pick you up. You cool with waiting a couple minutes?” It was like music to your ears. You wanted to plant a big kiss on Mark’s face for being such a sweetheart.

“Sounds like a plan,” Your voice came out tiredly, but you were grateful. “Thanks, Mark.”

“No problem. See you in a few.”

You walked off campus, leaning up against the fence that surrounded the school. You let the music wrap around your mind and cloud your thoughts, tapping your fingers on your thigh to match the bass of the song playing. Shuffling in your position, you glanced at all the people leaving the school, others waiting around you. Your mind vaguely registered that the baseball team players had slowly but surely started walking out the school and heading to their cars. You watched them in mild amusement, wondering to yourself why the baseball team all parked their cars together. Was that something they thought made them look cooler, or was it based on convenience?

The sound of your name made your vision shoot to the side, where the gate’s entrance was located, and you felt your heart jump at the sight of Hyunjin standing there in his baseball gear. You would never admit it aloud, but he looked absolutely breathtaking in his uniform. That made you feel a little embarrassed, but you constantly heard Tzuyu declare, ‘Uniforms work wonders on guys. Sometimes makes them more better looking than they actually are.’ You used to think that was ludicrous, but seeing Hyunjin now made you think twice.

He waved his hand at you and muttered something, but because you still had your headphones in, you hadn’t heard him properly. Pulling them out, you said, “Sorry, what was that? I didn’t hear you.”

The friendly smile on his face had faded a little by this time, but that was usually what happened. He was a friendly guy, always finding reasons to smile. At the same time, he had an equally serious expression that was his default face. You constantly observed him jump between both of his signature expressions. He stepped closer, adjusting the hat on his head. You had never seen him wear a baseball cap, and you decided right then and there it suited him well. Even though you weren’t sure how great of a player he was these days- you still assumed he was as great as he was sophomore year- his appearance could definitely fool you into believing he was the best player.

“I said, you waiting for a ride?”

“Yeah, actually. Mark is coming to pick me up.”

Hyunjin’s face lit up in realization before his eyebrows furrowed in question. “Isn’t he still in school?”

You just shook your head and slightly laughed. “Yeah, he got out early today. So he decided to run to his car before swinging back and picking me up. Saves me the trip, fortunately.”

Hyunjin nodded in acknowledgement, his eyes trailing to one of his teammates who was shooting him an impatient look. It was obvious he had somewhere to be, most likely a game, but he was hovering as if he had something he wanted to say. You pretended not to notice his hand signal to his friend, signalling him to wait a moment, before he turned his body back to you.

Adjusting his bag slung across his shoulder, he licked his lips in thought before saying, “So, Y/N, I was thinking-”

The sound of Mark’s high-pitched car horn cut through his words, grabbing the both of your attention as Mark and Hyuck pulled up in front of you. Hyuck leaned half his body out the window and shouted, “Get in, bitch! We’re going shopping!” You shot him an angry look, not knowing whether to hit him or praise him for quoting the movie that he always denied that he loved. Mark decided for you as he watched him lean over and punch him. It seemed like it was a hard punch too, because it was enough for Donghyuck to pull himself back into the car and start bickering with him.

Hyunjin chuckled awkwardly, “Wow, uh, I forgot how… colorful he is.”

“That’s Hyuck, alright. He sucks.” You jokingly commented before reaching down to grab your backpack off the ground. “Duty calls. What were you trying to say earlier?”

You watched with curious eyes as he bowed his head and let a tiny smile appear on his lips before turning serious again. Typical Hyunjin. He looked up at you then, waving his hand dismissively before saying, “Just project stuff. We should officially decide on our topic soon. Then start working on it.”

Relief filled your heart at the words, a smile gracing your lips as you walked towards the car, your eyes still on him. “Yes, definitely! We can talk more about it tonight.”

Hyunjin’s teammate finally had enough, telling Hyunjin to ‘hurry his ass up’ but it didn’t deter Hyunjin at all. You simply shook your head, opening the door before calling, “Good luck at your game!”

He nodded, waving once before saying, “See you tomorrow!”

Sliding into the car, you met Mark’s and Donghyuck’s curious gaze before asking, “What?”

Donghyuck smirked. “What was that all about? Was he asking you out on a date? Did you finally confess? Did you-”

“No, no, what’s your problem? We’re friends! And we’re partners. We were just talking about our project.”

Donghyuck threw his head back in exasperation. “I swear, if I have another Mark on my hands, I’m going to punch myself.”

Mark exclaimed, “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you still haven’t confessed to Yerim and I think it’s going to be your only regret on your death bed.”

Mark turned his attention to starting the drive, but his response was, “No, I have more regrets than that. One of them being your friend.”

Donghyuck smacked his lips and seemed to prepare himself for another argument, but before he could respond, you said, “Wait a minute. Hyuck, not so fast. I want to know how you knew about my crush on Hyunjin.”

His expression turned to one of shock, before guilt, then feigned innocence. “Just intuition.”

Mark bluntly said, “I call bullshit.”

“Me too,” You agreed.

Donghyuck pulled out the theatrics, his face displaying shock as his voice raised an octave. “What are you trying to say? That I can’t possibly be attentive and pick up on my friend’s hidden feelings?”

“You’re pretty dense, man. About certain things, at least,” Mark offered up.

“Shut up, Mark! Not about this! I know you guys better than yourself sometimes! You didn’t even have to tell me about Yerim and I knew the moment you mentioned her for the first time!”

Before an argument would spark up, you raised your hands before saying, “Okay, so what gave away my Hyunjin situation then?”

Donghyuck took some time answering, leaving you practically fidgeting in impatience as you watched him pull down the visor and check himself out in the mirror. As he began fiddling with his hair, he disinterestedly said, “I could tell by the way you mentioned him at random times when he seemingly had no relation to the conversation. I mean, sure, we were teammates two years ago. But you had no reaction to him back then. Suddenly, we find out you have a class with him this year and that you’re seat partners. You and I are the only people associated with him. Yet, when you brought him up, you spoke fondly about him more than I ever did. And then I thought maybe my suspicions may be wrong, so I brought it to Nancy.”

Oh, Nancy. The other attentive one of the group. You wouldn’t have expected her out of everyone to rat you out, but you weren’t too angry. These were your best friends after all, and it wasn’t like they were going to announce it to the school. Donghyuck did have a problem with keeping secrets, but if you drilled it into him, he wouldn’t say anything. He continued on with his explanation.

“Nancy didn’t know that I was only guessing. I made it seem like I just knew. And she confirmed my suspicions, saying that the way you acted around Hyunjin during class was similar to the way you used to act around that senior guy when we were freshman. What was his name again? Didn’t he go by some ridiculous nickname?”

“His nickname was Ten,” Mark snickered at the memory, before adding, “Yeah, Y/N, you had it so bad for Ten. When he was around, you saw nothing but him.”

“And Nancy said that it had the same feel as your Ten crush, but a little different,” Donghyuck said with finality.

You were surprised, to say the least. You had to give it to Donghyuck; he was more observant than you had initially perceived. It wasn’t like you were purposefully making it a secret and hiding it from your friends. You just didn’t think of your crush on him more than that. He was a guy you saw once a day, who had only been more of a constant for the past few days. Regardless of that, you weren’t even sure how you felt and if it was deep enough to just write off. For now, you were just going to let things play out and focus on the project you and Hyunjin were inevitably going to work on together.

As you guys pulled up to a local ice cream shop, Donghyuck distractedly commented, “If it makes you feel any better, I have this inkling that he might have a thing for you too.” And when you asked him why, he just waved his hand- albeit a little similarly to the way Hyunjin had- and said, “Just an inkling.”

You ignored the way your heart jumped.

Hyunjin:

Hey it’s your favorite anthro partner, reaching out from beyond the grave.

You:

I figure you’re dead because of your game?

Hyunjin:

Yeah… It was rough today. Coach is on me right now about how I’ve been playing. And other things. But it’s whatever, I’ll be fine.

You:

You’re a tough guy. Things will work out.

You:

Sorry. That sounded so insincere. What I mean is, I know you got this. Whatever you’re going through, you’ll be fine. Just keep your head up and try and stay focused. And I’m here if you need to talk about things.

Hyunjin:

Thanks…

Hyunjin:

Anyways, we should talk about the project…

Time seemed to be flying by faster than you could get a grip. It was already the weekend, and you had planned to meet Hyunjin at the library on Sunday morning. You had finally decided on a topic, and had each done a bit of research. Today was the first time you were going to meet up and knock out a chunk of the project. You had even decided that you would work on the power point and do half of the written portion while he worked on the visual and the other half of the written portion. In terms of the project, things were running smoothly. As for the friendship that had randomly started blooming a little over a week beforehand, it had come to a heavy stop.

The two of you hadn’t really spoken after deciding on the topic and the responsibilities of each respective person, the only other time being to set up a time to meet at the library. In class, your eyes would always find him, noting how he looked tired. You caught him blinking rapidly twice, as if to fight off his drowsiness. He also gave off an irritable vibe, which made you less willing to approach him. You didn’t message him. And he didn’t message you. You felt that maybe your assumptions had been right, that he was only striking up conversation for the sake of the project. But on the other hand, he might’ve just been busy.

He showed up thirty five minutes late, his strides long and purposeful as he found you at the back of the library, holed up in one of the corners. His face was emotionless, his appearance a little frazzled like he rushed over to the library. Regardless of that, his hair seemed perfectly unbothered atop his head. You wondered what his trick was to always having perfect hair.

“Sorry I’m late. I was doing something and lost track of time.”

“No worries,” You muttered, reading the last line of the current page you were reading of your book before closing it and putting it away. Pulling out your laptop and other materials, you looked up at him in question, wondering why he was still hovering. “You going to sit?”

“Right.” He said, his voice sounding clipped as he pulled out the seat across from you. He was wearing a gray sweater, your eyes falling on the infinity necklace that dangled around his neck. You glanced up at his emotionless face, the way he slowly pulled out the materials from his backpack before meeting your gaze. “We should try and finish this as soon as possible.”

His words caught you off guard, and you wondered why he was being a little cold, but you decided to not question him, simply nodding before handing over your paper. He did the same, and the next hour and a half was spent working on the project. Everything was running relatively smoothly, and you guys were able to finish up everything you wanted to finish today.

You stretched yourself out once you finished, sighing in happiness before saying, “I guess that’s it for today. I think I’ll be heading home now.”

Hyunjin didn’t seem to hear you, his gaze firmly on the dark wood of the table. His face was as emotionless as ever, and this was another time how you noticed how tired he seemed. You don’t know what prompted you to reach out, but your hand on his shoulder caused him to jump from the contact. You pulled away quickly, apologizing.

He let an easy-going smile fall on his lips, his tired eyes lighting up as they crinkled up. It was a nice sight. He waved you off, you noting that it seemed to be a habit, before he hissed in thought and said, “Sorry about being so frazzled. I just… have a lot on my mind.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You swayed a little, feeling like he needed someone to talk to from the vibe he was giving off. If the way his eyes found their way back to the wood was any sign, you knew that this might be your only chance to talk to him before school and class and his sudden distant nature gets in the way again. So you deliver yourself back to the seat you were previously in, your eyes searching his face.

He doesn’t react to your presence right away, his fingers tracing the side of his notebook, the designs in the wood, the edge of the table. After some time, his eyes slowly raised up the expanse of your visible body and connected with your own. There was no sign of what he was thinking hidden in his gaze. He looked at you the way one would look at a stranger.

“What’s on your mind?”

He scoffed, his body language immediately turning defensive and closed off as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. It made you feel slightly uneasy. He licked his lips in thought, avoiding your gaze now, and uttering, “Why does it matter? And what makes you think something’s on my mind?”

“Because you seemed distracted the entire time we talked. And you didn’t notice I was leaving. And frankly, this whole week you’ve been acting different.”

He leaned forward quickly then, causing you to lean back as a reaction. His eyes narrowed, his voice sounding unnecessarily accusatory, as he said lowly, “And how would you know that? How would you know if I’m not acting like my usual self? You don’t know me like that, Y/N.”

You don’t know why his words stung, because they were true, but it must’ve been because of how he was acting. You had never seen Hyunjin like this, so wound up and irritated. He was always kind to you, offering up smiles when the situation called for it. And the fact that he pointed out the lack of closeness between the two of you bothered you more than it should. Nonetheless, you didn’t let his defensive nature deter you.

“You’re right. I don’t know you much past the persona you put up as my partner, but that doesn’t make me oblivious to the change in attitude you’ve suddenly had. I’m not pressuring you into telling me what’s wrong, because you’re right. We’re not friends. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to worry. You look tired. You’re irritated over every little thing. Something’s been bothering you. And if you can’t tell me, then at least confide in someone you care about. It’s not good to keep things bottled up,” You said with finality before standing up and pulling your backpack on. You moved to walk past him and towards the exit, but the sensation of his hand around your hand caused you to immediately fall to a stop. His touch was gentle, not at all firm. Like he was too weak to even try and get you to stop walking. But it had been enough.

You looked down at him, expecting to see frustration. But his face was surprisingly open. He let his tiredness show, his expression seeming worn and exhausted. His eyes were what tugged on your heart the most, sad and defeated. But he only let you see this for a moment, fixing his face and saying, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to take you up on that offer. Maybe I should…” He let go of your wrist then, the absence feeling a little too heavy, but you watched as he anxiously readjusted his seated position. He leaned forward, aggressively rubbing his hands over his face as his eyes looked somewhere faraway. He puffed out a breath from his lips, looking genuinely overwhelmed. You wanted to hug him, ease his stress, but you simply took your seat for the third time.

He laughed, but it was empty and forced. “I’m not good at this. Expressing my emotions, I mean. I’ve always been like this. There’s been plenty of times that my friends called me a robot for never showing anything besides genuine happiness. But that’s just how I am. There’s no point in showing anyone when you’re sad, upset, stressed, angry, tired, annoyed. They can’t do anything about it. All anyone does is give you a half-assed and over-used phrase about how things will get better, and then they forget that you even felt a certain way. And I’m not just talking about friends, either.”

You watched him closely, his voice higher in octave and filling with more emotion as he began to talk more rapidly, “It’s family, too. Everyone expects you to be emotionally stable, to either be stoic or happy, nothing else. And if you ever show something else, you only get mild concern from someone. Everyone wants something from you. They want you to be their shoulder to cry on, their excuse to break someone’s heart, to be better and more successful, and if they see you struggle… Nope. You’re not allowed to struggle. You have to be perfect and you have to deal with it. I might as well be a robot, just like my friends say-” You reached out, your hand cupping his and grasping it firmly, your eyes trained on his face. His lips parted, as if he were going to say something about your actions, but he just simply looked away and continued on his ramble, “I’m young. Adults chastise us when we moan and groan about wanting to be an adult, but the next day spout all this nonsense about not being responsible enough. I’m tired. I’m so tired.”

You decided it was time for you to look away when the first tear dropped from his eye, respecting what he said earlier about not being used to opening up to anyone. You moved to bring your hand back, but you felt more than saw him flip his hand over and grip yours tightly. You didn’t hear him crying. He was silent. But you could feel it. And you just bathed in the silence with him. Being there for him. Your heart ached for him, feeling bitter that someone as bright and as hopeful as him was being beaten down by the people and the world around him.

It was a while before he calmed down, you barely noticing that his previously firm grip on your hand had fallen limp. You pulled your hand away and he let it happen. Your eyes found his, the only evidence of his crying being his slightly red eyes. You were about to speak when he just shook his head and said, “Thank you for listening to me. I think I just needed to let it out somehow. You don’t have to give me advice or anything. I’ll be okay. It’s just… stress and things are taking a toll on me. The school year is coming to an end in a couple months and everything feels a little suffocating sometimes. But like you said, I’ll keep my head up.”

Your voice was soft, quiet. “You’re allowed to feel, Hyunjin. You should never accept being a robot. You’re a person. You’re supposed to feel, to hurt and to cry and to laugh and to love. It wouldn’t be life without all of those things.”

“It’s not that easy.” He shook his head, puffing out a breath from his lips. “I appreciate your words, though, I really do. I’ve just been brought up a certain way and it’s harder than usual these days to keep my emotions in check.”

“Well you don’t ever have to hide your emotions from me. What you feel is normal and valid. And even if you’re not seeking comfort or advice, if you let me I’ll be your friend that’s there if you ever need it.”

He stared at you blankly for a moment before letting out a short chuckle. “Just a few minutes ago, we both basically told each other we weren’t friends. I didn’t mean it like that, by the way. Sorry I was being an asshole.”

“You were just overwhelmed. I don’t blame you. It’s good to talk about these things.”

He blinked, letting your words sink in, before nodding. “Yeah, I noticed. It’s just hard to find trustworthy people to confide in about things. I’ve done it before and regretted it. But I trust you and my friends… Thank you for staying. And talking to me. I know I wasn’t being the easiest person to deal with.”

You just shrugged before saying, your heart feeling a little heavy, “I’m your friend. I’m here for you.”

His smile faded from his lips then, his eyes finding the wooden table, “Yeah… Friend…”

“Who’s bright idea was it to swim in the middle of March?” Mark asked, the five of you lined up in front of the pool. None of you had jumped in yet, but you each were in bathing suits and dreading what was to come. Everyone’s attitude had quickly changed feeling the chilly air.

“Guys, don’t be babies. My pool’s heated.” Donghyuck announced before running forward and flipping into the pool.

Tzuyu rolled her eyes, scoffing, “Such a showoff,” before discarding her towel and diving in perfectly into the deep end.

Donghyuck squealed loudly when he emerged from the water, shouting, “I did not emotionally prepare myself for that feeling.”

You just laughed before dipping your toes into the water, testing the temperature. It was warm, indeed, but it was still going to suck getting out of the pool and drying off. You couldn’t decide if you and your friends were idiots or rebels. Probably a mixture of both.

You should’ve known not to turn your back on Mark, because one minute you were standing alongside the edge of the pool, the next you were submerged in the pool with his arms wrapped around you. The sensation had knocked the air out of you, your body not prepared for the temperature. You swam to the surface, gasping out loudly before turning to Mark and splashing water at his face. He only snickered, trying to catch his breath and block your attack.

“Nice, Mark!” Donghyuck floated over and high-fived him, you only giving him a blank look before swimming away from them. Mark called after you in feigned care, but eventually stopped his talking, opting to go after Nancy next. She still wasn’t in the pool, sitting down at the table outside. You heard her denials and pleads to not be thrown in, squealing as you assumed Mark had picked her up. You turned just in time to watch him jump in with her in his arms.

When she emerged, you called monotonously, “I know the feeling!” before proceeding to float on your back. Your ears were just below the surface, every sound reaching your ears murky and muffled. Your eyes gazed at the quickly darkening sky, your mind wandering to other things. It wasn’t long before your mind flashed to Hyunjin, of course. It always did these days. If you weren’t so into him, you would’ve been annoyed with yourself by now.

He was an enigma. A book that held many languages, many codes to decipher and pictures that you had to study to even mildly understand. He was careful with how he executed himself, and what you used to believe was genuine friendliness seemed more calculated now. He was more profound than anyone could even see, and it was a shame. Because now that he allowed you more peeks into his true self, he had easily and quickly stole your heart away. You hadn’t felt like this about anyone before, even Ten who was your first legitimate crush. And you could say with confidence that you were glad it was Hyunjin of all people that had awoken this feeling in you.

Someone poked your forehead, and you stopped floating on your back, turning to face Mark. His hair was sticking up in random places, and you would never admit it to his face but he surprisingly looked good in the midst of his messy appearance. His eyes were expecting, before he must’ve realized that you didn’t hear whatever he said, and he asked, “Jeno is throwing a little get-together at his house tomorrow. You down to come with us?”

“Jeno?”

Donghyuck was lounging around at the shallow side of the pool, his arms extended and resting on the edge of the pool. He called to you, “Smiley guy from the basketball team. I also used to play baseball with him sophomore year.”

You nodded your head, your heart jumping at your train of your thought. That might mean Hyunjin would show up to this get-together as well. You didn’t count on it, but the thought still sent your heart racing. It was like Donghyuck read your thoughts because he teased, “Maybe tomorrow will be the day you finally own up to your feelings for Hyunjinnie.”

Mark’s wide eyes looked at you before a smile lit up his features. “That would be interesting-”

“Yeah ‘cause Mark’s not going to do it any time soon.” Mark’s face quickly morphed into an expression of annoyance at Donghyuck and you simply submerged under water to block them out. Even those his words were teasing, they stuck with you. Donghyuck tended to have that effect on you, to keep you thinking about things long after he said them. You hadn’t really entertained the thought of confessing to Hyunjin, but the thought terrified you and you weren’t sure if you could ever find it in you to look him in the eyes and admit it. Maybe you and Mark were a little too similar.

Coming up for air, you heard Mark exclaim, “Why are you bringing up her ex? This isn’t

about him! And I’ve never wanted to confess to her because maybe I didn’t want a relationship at the time! These days, I’ve thought about it more. I just haven’t decided when I'll talk to her about it. So stop pestering me about it. You’re so annoying.”

You gave Mark a sympathetic look, well aware of how easily Donghyuck got under his skin. Hyuck didn’t respond, deciding to dive under the water and swim away from Mark. It was kind of ridiculous how easily these two argued sometimes, but whenever they got lost in their little conversations, it was always obvious that they were meant to be best friends. Like the old saying goes, they can’t live with or without each other.

Donghyuck swam up for air near you, and you were surprised to see his face look so troubled, his lips pursed and his eyebrows drawn together. He ran his fingers through his hair before connecting his gaze with your own. His tense expression fell away, a grin replacing his previous pursed lips. You gave him a knowing look, but he simply swam past you. He was just like Hyunjin, you found yourself thinking to yourself. Locking away his true emotions behind his teasing and pestering. And you found yourself wondering what exactly was plaguing your friend’s mind at the moment when he looked so tense. You thought about asking him, but before you could, Tzuyu suggested a chicken fight.

“Hell yeah! You’re about to get dominated!” Mark cockily announced, flexing his bicep and dramatically kissing it. Tzuyu cackled mockingly, before giving you a stern look and calling you over.

“Why can’t Nancy be your partner?” You were quick to ask.

“Because you know she’s not into pool games,” Tzuyu said before slyly adding, “She doesn’t like the pool at all.”

“I can’t even argue with that,” Nancy said, proceeding to get out and scurry to get her towel. She was over there complaining about it being super cold, but you didn’t give it anymore thought as you slowly made your way over to Tzuyu.

“Hyuck. You want to be my partner?” Mark asked, already squashing their previous conflict. You all turned to Hyuck, who wasn’t his usual loud and excited self. He just quietly swam over to Mark.

“Okay,” Mark brushed it off, “Let’s get this started,” before him and Tzuyu dived under and allowed Donghyuck and you to sit on their shoulders. The match started once Mark and Tzuyu were stable and standing above the water. Nancy was the designated referee, and the match started soon after. A lot of it was your laughter and squealing if Donghyuck was a little too close to knocking you guys over. Tzuyu was shouting at you to be strong and knock him down, while simultaneously on defense as Mark tried to sabotage by pushing at Tzuyu with one hand. Things took a turn for the worst when Donghyuck latched onto your hands, bending your wrists at an awkward angle.

“Hey! That hurts!” You shouted, trying to break out of his hold, but it was like he

didn’t hear you. Instead, his grip got tighter, and it hurt to the point where you were screaming for him to let go, squirming so you could just fall off Tzuyu’s shoulders. Tzuyu moved back quickly, causing you to lose your balance and taking Hyuck with you. Fortunately, he let go.

When everyone was above the water, a heated conversation immediately started, the main source of anger being you. “What the hell’s your problem, Hyuck? I told you to let go!”

Donghyuck shrugged it off, causing your anger to spike even higher. “That’s not how Chicken works. You keep going until someone falls.”

“Dude, don’t be a dick. Why did you keep holding onto her wrists?” Mark asked.

You all watched as Donghyuck whirled on Mark, his barely hidden anger now making an appearance. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I got too in the game. Isn’t it amazing how you always get to play the good guy, the hero who swoops in and saves all the girls? Give me a break, Mark. You’re not as perfect as the facade you put on in front of us.”

Mark’s face scrunched up in incredulity. “What are you talking about? I’m not trying to be anyone’s hero. When I see you do something wrong, of course I’m going to call you on it! Just how you would call me out on something I did. You hurt Y/N!”

“Oh, she’s a big girl. She can handle herself just fine,” He turned to you then, your face feeling flushed and your emotions a little high for you to think logically, “Are you okay, Y/N? Did I hurt you too bad? Are you going to cry and run to your little boyfriend?”

His biting words stung, and you just scoffed before swimming to the edge of the pool and

pulling yourself out, the chilly air instantly biting into your skin. You heard Tzuyu jump into the conversation, immediately coming to your defense.

“Hyuck, just admit you were wrong. We get it if you were too into the game and didn’t realize it. Just apologize-”

“I don’t want to hear it. Especially from you.”

You turned, immediately wanting to avoid the fire that Donghyuck just sparked with his words. Tzuyu got along with everyone, was extremely sociable and likeable once you got close to her. But she was easily provoked if you said something the wrong way, or used a phrase she didn’t like. Her head swiveled back in shock before she met Donghyuck’s aggressive tone with her own.

“What does that mean? ‘Especially from me’?”

“Trust me, you don’t want me to answer that.” By this time, everyone was out the pool now. You were unsure why an argument had to have suddenly come up and ruin the night, and you knew that once Tzuyu and Donghyuck were going at it, it wasn’t going to end well. It was like the previously villainous and chilly air had become a thought in the back of your minds, the slowly dropping temperature of the night not affecting all of your damp bodies.

“No, go ahead. I’m curious. Why not from me, huh?”

As she spoke, his back was turned to her, but right as she finished, he spun on her and stalked over to her. This caused Mark to react defensively, an instinct rising up in him, but you roughly grabbed onto his arm to prevent him. Donghyuck wasn’t going to do something bad. As angry as he was, you knew he wouldn’t. But you were still on edge.

He held a finger up, his voice shaky as he sputtered out a jumble of words before chuckling darkly and straightening his shoulders. Tzuyu looked cocky, her eyes narrowed and confident she would somehow win the argument. At his next words, you all watched as her confident expression fell away into a shocked mess.

“You think you’re above everyone, princess. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, but you’re so selfish. You only care about yourself, and no one else. I thought I…” His voice quivered again, and you all couldn’t see his face from this angle, but it became painfully clear that he was talking about something between the two of them, not about the actual matter at hand. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. You made it so clear to me when you decided to just brush me off like I was nothing. And then you sit here and pretend like everything’s okay, which makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I have to sit here and put up a front in front of my own best friends. I’m so sick of this shit. I’m done with you.”

He turned and walked past you guys, chest heaving as he strode into his house and left you all standing in his backyard. The air was silent, so silent that it was painful as the three of you turned your attention to Tzuyu. Her face was pale, her eyes trained on the back door that Donghyuck had walked into moments before, and her frame looking smaller than you had ever seen. This wasn’t the Tzuyu you knew, the confident and bold girl. This was someone who had been knocked down by Donghyuck himself.

“Tzuyu, what was that?” Mark asked, his tone cautious.

“N-nothing. He doesn’t know what he was talking about. Just nonsense as usual.” She said, walking over to the porch table and wrapping her towel around herself before taking a seat.

“I think I’ll go talk to him-”

“No. I’ll do it,” You deadpanned, his face immediately showing that he was going to argue. But you silenced him with a hand, this time on his shoulder. Mark was quite sensible when the time called for it, his eyes turning soft as you two shared a look. He trusted you. So without another word, you journey into the house to find your friend.

It doesn’t take long at all to find him, his bedroom door cracked open and the yellow light of his room filtering out into the hallway. You wondered where his parents were, him telling us that they weren’t home when he invited you guys over. You gently pushed the door open, turning away quickly as he was in the middle of pulling a shirt on over the rest of his torso. He looked over at you before scoffing and turning away, roughly rummaging through his drawers.

“Hyuck-”

“What do you want, Y/N?” His tone wasn’t angry anymore, just defeated. You looked at him then, really looked at him, and saw a sad boy. A boy who looked like he was hurt by someone. And suddenly you were afraid that what you were about to find out, may forever change your friend group.

“I wanted to check on you.”

He stopped rummaging and straightening out, throwing his arms out exasperatedly and exclaiming, “Well, here you go. I’m fine. Go away.”

“No.”

You expected him to fight you on it, but he just proceed to ignore you as he rummaged through his drawers again and found the pair of jeans he was looking for, giving you a look that signalled for you to turn away so he could throw them on without your stare on him. When you figured he was done, you turned to spot him tying his Vans on his feet, and when he was done he strode over to his mirror and began trying to half-heartedly style his hair with his fingers.

“Hyuck, let’s talk. Don’t avoid us.”

“I’m not avoiding anyone.” He didn’t notice you come up behind him, your hand reaching out for his shoulder. He whipped away from you, flashing his annoyed eyes at you. “What do you want? Leave me alone.”

“No. I want you to be okay and-”

“News flash. I’m not okay.” His words rang loudly in the room, long after he spoke them. His chest was heaving, like he had just ran a race. And you had never wanted to hug him as much as you did right now. You remained silent, letting him choose whether or not to open up to you. He made his choice moments later. “None of you would get it. You would just brush it off or make a joke out of me and I just,” He swallowed heavily, and you didn’t know if you imagined his eyes glossing over. He moved to his bed, plopping down on the edge and covering his face with his hands. You had figured these words were coming, but it still hit you like a freight train.

“It had to be her. Out of the three of you, it had to be her. Nancy is amazing. She’s pretty and smart and selfless. You’re pretty too, and you care about us and make me laugh. And her…” His eyes were definitely watery, but you ignored it, listening to his painful words, soaking them in, “She just drew me in. She’s strong and fierce and-and passionate. And at first it was playful, innocent. But I couldn’t help it. I thought she felt the same way. I was happy, so happy. Thinking that maybe, just maybe… someone could feel the same way I do. But she doesn’t. She just ripped my heart out and stomped on it like it was all just a game to her. Maybe it was. I wouldn’t be surprised.

“I saw signs of her not feeling the same way. I just ignored them, though. Feelings are a bitch, especially when they’re not returned. And then…” He let out a painful laugh, sounding a little more than hurt, but you just took a seat next to him, letting him feel your presence. It’s like he didn’t see you there, though. “She just told me she was done. She was going on a date with someone else, someone that wasn’t me. She just cut me off like it was an everyday task she was checking off on her to do list. And the worst part is, I have to hide how freaking bad it hurt me. I have to sit there with her, pretend we’re nothing more, ignore how my heart literally feels numb, and I can’t talk to you about any of it because you guys didn’t know. I was just her kissing buddy or some shit. She’s heartless.”

Tears silently fell down his cheeks, and you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore. Wrapping your arms around him, you rested your head on his shoulder and held him firmly, comforting him as much as you could. He rested his head on top of yours, his body slightly shaking from his silent crying. Your heart ached for him. You and your other friends had been oblivious to what was conspiring between two of your closest friends. You wouldn’t ask questions, you would just be there for Hyuck, who was so obviously hurting.

Eventually he calmed down, and he gently pulled away from your grasp. You watched him closely, and hopefully with a comforting gaze. He sniffled, his hands reaching out and grabbing hold of one of your hands. He caressed your wrist very softly, his touch almost being nonexistent, and he whispered into the air, “I’m sorry for hurting you earlier. My head was in the clouds, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I was just really really distracted and I would never intentionally hurt you-”

“I accept your apology, Hyuck. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it okay?” You patted his cheek twice, waiting for him to nod before moving to stand. He stood with you, his eyes refusing to meet yours. It seemed like he still needed time to pull himself together. “I’ll meet you outside, okay?”

“I think it’s probably best if you all go home. I wouldn’t want anymore arguments to happen,” He suggested, and you figured that definitely was the best option. You turned to walk out, but he grabbed your hand. Turning back to him, you shot him a confused look. He shakily inhaled before lunging forward and giving you a strong embrace. It shocked you at first, but you adjusted quickly and hugged him back. “Thank you. For listening to me. And being there for me.”

“Always, Hyuck. I would never judge you. You’re one of my best friends. I will always be here for you. And I got your back. You’re going to get through this- this pain. And I’ll be there every step of the way.” He sighed out, sounding like a breath of relief, before pulling away and offering you a sincere smile. It was a nice look on him. “See you tomorrow?”

“We’ll see.”

Almost twenty four hours later, you found yourself standing outside this Jeno guy’s front door, alongside Mark, Donghyuck, and Nancy. Tzuyu had gone radio silent since last night, and she had ignored your attempts to reach out. You would let her sort out what she was feeling before you tracked her down. And she had let Nancy know she wasn’t going to Jeno’s for the night, which eased Hyuck’s tense heart a little bit.

“Ready to get drunk?” Hyuck asked, leading to you and Nancy giving him a disapproving look. He held his hands up defensively, adding, “I was just kidding… Sorta.”

Before either of you could say anything, the door swung open to reveal the smiley guy named Jeno, waving his arm enthusiastically to come inside. Him and the guys greeted each other familiarly, before he gave you and Nancy a sweet smile and shook your hands. “I’m Jeno. You guys are Y/N and Nancy right?”

“Yes. This is Nancy, and I’m-”

“Y/N! Yes, I’ve heard a lot about you.” You and Nancy gave each other a look at that, before you proceeded to follow him into the depths of the house. He led you through the house and out to his backyard, your eyes widening in awe at how beautiful his backyard appeared.

Lights were hung up along the edges of the wooden fence that surrounded the yard, and were hung through the trees that lined the garden. There was even a small fountain in the corner, spouting water out and filling the air with a quiet sound of water trickling. Besides that, there was low music playing, a rap song from what your ears picked up. It definitely was a small get-together, several people sprawled out across the grass and seated in the outdoor seating area, cascaded in the dark. Jeno must’ve moved a ping pong table outside because two guys were in the midst of a very intense match.

Your eyes scanned the backyard, feeling a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as your eyes continued to not find Hyunjin until they suddenly did. He was leaned up against the fence, a cup in one of his hands as he chatted up someone. You watched as he bobbed his head, laughing at whatever the person said before continuing on talking. You were thankful you opted to wear your favorite outfit, and style your hair in your preferred style. You felt more comfortable than you had in a while. And you hoped it would work in your advantage.

“Mark!” You all looked to see a bright-faced blond boy bound over to you guys, immediately embrace the culprit mentioned in a hug, before letting him go and turning to the rest of you. “I’m glad you guys made it. Mark is embarrassed of his friends and never wants you guys to meet us. He thinks we’ll taint you or something. Whatever. We’ve all just been curious to meet you. I know some of us-” Another blond boy, significantly more calmer than the first, appeared and wrapped his arm around his chatty friend, somehow stopping his rambling, “Enough rambling. I’m Chenle. This here is Jisung.”

Jisung simply waved, and you finally recognized him as the sole sophomore to make the baseball team this year. History was definitely repeating itself, fond memories of Donghyuck excitedly telling you guys how he made varsity as a sophomore. You also recognized Chenle, a loud and boisterous junior who laughed loudly, that you could hear him down the hallways at school without even seeing him. He was known as a bit of a life of the party type, which is probably why he was so likeable. You also decided that his smile was contagious as you found yourself smiling back at them.

Donghyuck grabbed your attention then, whispering near your ear, “I’m going to find somewhere to hide. See you later.” He was still torn up about what had happened last night, and you considered going after him, but thought better of it as you figured he needed time to himself. You shuffled in your spot, being friendly as you struck up conversation with Jisung. You found out he was quite thoughtful and had plenty of things to say about pretty much anything. He was nice to talk to, and he kept your attention for quite a while. Soon, you all broke apart and went your separate ways.

You ran into a friend named Jaemin, his bright smile accentuating his features and his ever affectionate nature welcoming you in for a while. But even your time with him ended eventually, and you found yourself getting thirsty. You found a cooler and rummaged through it, looking for a Dr. Pepper before you felt a presence beside you.

“Finally. I thought I would never get a chance to talk to you.” Your heart raced in your chest at the voice, looking up and over your shoulder to spot Hyunjin. He looked as breathtaking as always, opting for a semi-casual look. He was adorned in dark jeans and a dark blue sleeved shirt, with a pair of Vans to finish the look. His hair was as neat as usual, and his gaze was gentle as he looked down at you with a friendly smile.

“Hyunjin. Hey! It’s nice to see you.” You noted you sounded way too excited for being just his friend, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care as he just chuckled and waited for you to finish finding your drink. Once you did, he did the same, choosing a Coca Cola before straightening out. You faced each other, taking a moment to take each other in, appreciation from your end and most likely friendliness from his end. He was the most stunning guy you had ever seen in your life. Perhaps your thoughts were dramatic, but your feelings didn’t lie. You wondered when he had stolen your heart, and how had it been that easy?

“I’ve been trying to find an opportunity to swoop in and talk to you, but every time I saw my chance, someone beat me to it. You were talking to Jaemin for a while there, and I was afraid you guys would talk until the night was over,” He sounded like he was joking, but his face was as stoic as ever. Since the library, he was more open about how he felt and what was on his mind. But old habits die hard, and he still had a strong hold on hiding his emotions from his face.

You just laughed at his words, tapping at the top of your soda can before saying, “That wouldn’t have happened. And I’m glad you approached me. I was waiting for a chance to talk to you too.”

His face showed mild surprise. “Oh. So you knew I was here?”

“Yeah, I spotted you when I walked in,” You spoke shyly, but you told yourself to get a handle on yourself. This was Hyunjin, someone who never judged you. He just nodded his head and tilted his head towards the house.

“Let’s sit down on the steps? Talk for a while?”

His words left you breathless and you didn’t know why. A phenomenal boy had your attention and it was unfaltering. It was like the moment he approached you, no one else was there in Jeno’s backyard. It was exhilarating. Without hesitation, you said, “Sounds like a plan.”

You didn’t realize how close in proximity you two would be up until you were sitting on the porch steps. He had taken the lead, so you were sat near the bottom of the steps, your backs against the steps above. The length of his body never actually went noticed, because he was so lanky and would constantly stretch out his legs if necessary. You amusingly thought to yourself how the amount of space he took up with his body is the equivalent of the amount of space he took up in your mind.

“Jeno picked a perfect night to host a get-together. It’s not too cold out,” Hyunjin said with a soft voice, his eyes scanning what you assumed was the tree-line. You definitely forgot how he appeared up close, and it was a cold reality check, colder than the slightly windy air. You watched as he did his usual habit of licking his lips, which is something he did when he had something on his mind. The wind tickled his hair a little bit, and you watched keenly as it lifted in the air and revealed a bit of his forehead. You wondered how he would look if he ever decided to style his hair differently.

“I agree. It’s a nice night.”

He hummed, glancing at you and offering a friendly smile before looking away and letting it fade. A big part of you wanted to ask if he was holding up okay, if he was still feeling overwhelmed like before. But you noticed he didn’t look so tired anymore, and he didn’t seem as stressed. You didn’t want to ruin this little moment the two of you were creating together. So you kept your lips sealed.

“How have you been, Y/N?” He looked over at you then, his eyes attentive and his voice a bit of a slur, like he was lazily carrying on the conversation. But his easy-going expression told you that he enjoyed talking with you. “I know we text here and there, but we don’t get to talk in person much. I miss this.”

Your heart thumped hard in your chest. “I’ve been alright. School. Friends. Drama. The same as usual. I miss talking to you too. You were definitely one of the highlights of my day.”

He laughed that off, sounding a little flustered with his next words. “Right… I, uh, understand that feeling. You mentioned drama… is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just stuff with my friends. Things will blow over… eventually. And if they don’t, we’ll all just have to learn to live with it. We’ve never had a problem that we couldn’t fix.” Hyunjin nodded, and the two of you fell into a bit of silence for a while. You fought against the chilly and windy air, rubbing your arms and pulling your sleeves over your fingertips, then placing your clothed hands up against your mouth. You watched as your friends conversed, Mark talking animatedly to Chenle and Jisung from earlier. Nancy seemed to be comfortable with that Jeno guy, because they were holed up in the corner talking. And you hadn’t seen Donghyuck since he said he was going to disappear earlier. It seemed he was better at disappearing than you expected.

“Are you cold?” Hyunjin’s voice filtered in your ears, breaking your train of thought. You tried to shrug him off, but he just shook his head and rose to his feet.

“What are you doing?” You hissed, but he didn’t say anything, simply outstretched his hand to you. You were confused, and only stared back at his equally stoic face.

“Are you going to just ignore my hand?” His voice was teasing, and he just shook his head before lowering his hand. “We can go inside. Jeno doesn’t mind. People have already started spreading out across the house.”

You had noticed the lack of people around the backyard that were previously there. You looked at your friends once again, but you figured they would be okay without you. So you stood up, agreeing underneath your breath, and followed Hyunjin inside. He seemed to know where he was going, leading you the way that you guys had come from when you first entered the house, and into what you decided to call the front living room. Jeno’s house was big and extravagant, and the fact that he had such nice decor inside and outside blew your mind. His family definitely knew how to properly decorate.

You stood in the entranceway of the front living room. Hyunjin walked into the darkness of the room, and you heard him fiddling around with something until you heard an audible click and light flooded in from a small lamp in the corner. The light was dim and lit up the room similar to what a fireplace would. You adored the small space, and the sofa you sank into was so incredibly soft, you could envision yourself falling asleep on it.

Like the rest of the house, the little room was decorated nicely. There was a mantle that had a bunch of family photos, and from where you sat you could recognize a small and smiley Jeno in a lot of the picture frames. There were two tall bookshelves that reached the low ceiling, filled to the brim with different sizes of books. Other than that, it was a typical sitting room with two loveseats, a couch, and a glass table in the center.

You watched silently as Hyunjin walked over to the photos, humming in amusement as he pushed gently at one of the picture frames with his finger, before slowly walking over to join you on the sofa. He wasn’t too close, but it still brought your pulse into overdrive. From the corner of your eye, you watched him slouch on the sofa, his head resting on the back of the sofa, his eyes fluttering close. It was unusual to see him so casual.

“Jeno was a cute kid.” Hyunjin said distractedly, referring to the photos.

“He must’ve been with that smile,” You offered, feeling a lot more vulnerable now that you were merely surrounded by the silence and by Hyunjin. He hummed again, and you suddenly become overwhelmed with the desire to hear his voice. He was right; you were never around each other enough. You heard his voice maybe once or twice a day if you were lucky. The project had opened the door up for the friendship to grow. But you would never be able to get enough. He was the one book you never wanted to put down.

“How have you been holding up, Hyunjin? Have things been… better?”

His eyes fluttered open, and he slowly angled his head to look at you. He looked sleepy, but content as he stared back at you. His face was open, a puzzle of contentment but restlessness. And it was then that you wondered if you were ever going to be open to the inner workings of this boy’s mind, if you were ever going to be someone he opened up to, because after all he wasn’t a fan of confiding in anyone. Would he always be a mere masterpiece to admire, but to never fully understand?

“In all honesty… things have been better ever since I talked to you. And not because people started treating me better or anything like that, it’s still the same old shit. I’ve just… started looking at everything a little differently. Talking to you helped a lot… it honestly really surprises me,” Hyunjin chuckled softly, moving his head back to its original position and looking up at the ceiling. “And I know most of it was me being an emotional mess and you just listening to me spout nonsense… it just helped me clear my head and get a handle on things. That was the first night I slept peacefully in days. I actually haven’t had a problem sleeping since that day. So thank you for that.”

“It’s all you, Hyunjin. I’m simply a… pit stop of sorts. A friend can help you up, maybe nudge you in the right direction. But it is up to you to solely find that inner peace, that strength in yourself. Thank you for the credit, but I see that you help yourself out just fine. You’re really strong. I admire that,” You saw his shy smile but didn’t comment on it, opting to add, “And your feelings aren’t nonsense, by the way. Don’t discredit yourself like that. Everything that comes out your mouth is meaningful.”

His smile faded then, as he slowly straightened himself out. His eyes found their way to the floor, his lips parted and his eyes refusing to look up. It was if the air shifted, thickening as the silence wrapped around the two of you, your eyes on him and his eyes on the floor. You considered reaching out to grab his hand and ask if he’s alright, but his voice cutting through the air prevented that from happening. “Do you mean that?”

“Mean what?” You asked him, your eyes never leaving his face. He was bent forward now, his elbows resting on the top of his knees. He looked over his shoulder then, his eyes meeting yours and it was like you felt your heart completely stop at the look he was giving you.

“Everything you just said about me. Do you really see me that way?”

It was like time had stopped then, the moment being frozen in your mind. Oddly enough, Donghyuck’s face flashed into your mind, his words appearing in your thoughts. About how maybe you were exactly like Mark, bound to secrecy about your feelings towards Hyunjin. And if ever given the opportunity to open up to Hyunjin, would you take it?

You opened your mouth then, your eyes still locked with Hyunjin’s, his face void of any emotion. His previous tone being the only indicator that whatever you said next, would matter to him. “I meant every single word. I’ve noticed that… you aren’t really aware of how amazing you actually are. You’ve got this… charm about you. You’re careful but caring, and you look at things differently than anyone I’ve ever come across. And you are stronger than you even realize. You’ve fought all these battles, battles I don’t even know about, without ever confiding in someone about how you feel. You’re… amazing.”

He sat up from his leaning position then, twisting his body to face you. His lips were parted as if he were shocked, his eyes studying your face as if he were trying to figure out why you said what you did and if you were lying in any sort of way. You were not. You meant every single word. You sat up as well, scooting to the edge of the sofa and clasping your hands together. Fixing your eyes ahead and towards the mantle, you waited to see what he would say. You could still feel his eyes on your face, but you ignored the sensation.

“No one’s ever really told me that before. Actually, no one has ever told me how they see me… at least in a positive light.” You turned to look at him then, trying to shake how his voice had been in awe, tried to avoid how he was looking at you, how you wondered what it would be like if he felt the same way you did.

You couldn’t remember thinking about the words you said next, feeling like you weren’t even there in that moment. You just remember your voice coming out softly but confidently. “Can I kiss you, Hyunjin?”

You had watched closely how he blinked rapidly, licking his lips and swallowing in nervousness, how his hands found solace with each other. He nodded, before clearing his throat and whispering, “That would be nice.”

And one moment, there was that divide between the two of you. A space, a boundary, one that respected the friendship that had been gradually forming between the two of you. A mutual understanding of sorts, a vision for what your friendship could’ve become. And in the next moment, that divide had been splashed with the colors of something more. The space had been filled with the both of your bodies coming together, the boundary erased as his soft lips encased yours in a kiss, the friendship that existed fleeting from your minds as you became lost in the sensation. The understanding was forgotten, the vision of that potential friendship becoming blurry as his hand reached up and cupped the side of your neck.

You were breathing but it felt like your heart had stopped. The kiss wasn’t rushed, it was calculated, exactly like the boy you were kissing. Your hands found their place at the nape of his neck, and you could’ve imagined it, but it felt like he had shivered beneath the feeling of your fingertips. The kiss wasn’t urgent, it was curious. If you had to think of a description for it, it was distinctly like Hyunjin. It was warm and cold, calculated and caring. It was soft but restricted. It thrilled you and scared you. And just like that, he was gone.

“What-what was that?” Hyunjin gasped, standing up and backing away from you. His eyes were wide for a moment, him gulping in air as if he just woke up from a nightmare. You felt your heart rate pick up, this time in a more painful manner. He turned away from you then, shielding you from his face, from him. You stood up, very slowly, as if you knew what was coming. You didn’t approach him, you didn’t even look at him. You just stared ahead at the mantle, where a smiley Jeno resided.

“What do you mean by that?”

His voice was faraway, distant, but he was near you. Just like the Hyunjin you knew, he was shutting off his emotions. “That’s not who we are. That’s not us. You’re… Y/N. I’m… We’re friends, Y/N. Why did we do that?” From the change in volume, you could tell he was facing you now, looking at you. But you didn’t care. You were just focused on that photo, how happy Jeno looked. And how on the inside, you were feeling the exact opposite. Your other focus was to try and push back the stinging sensation in your eyes. “Y/N. Answer me. Why did we do that?” His voice was desperate, pleading. It angered you.

You turned to him, and you noticed how shocked he looked at your facial expression, but you didn’t care. “Why are you asking me that? How am I supposed to answer that? Because I thought it was what we both wanted. Clearly, that’s not the case.”

His face looked troubled, innocent. It hurt your heart.

“I-I don’t know what…” His eyebrows were drawn together, his gaze towards the floor. Typical, emotionless Hyunjin. Why were you so angry?

“Why would you tell me yes if it wasn’t what you wanted?”

He didn’t answer you. He just kept staring at the floor. Just like the day at the library. Just like every time he shut down his emotions. He wasn’t going to let you in, and he probably never would. You watched in frustration as he licked his lips in thought, keeping his mouth shut. You tried to swallow the thick knot in your throat, wiping furiously at the tears that had ran down your cheeks and hoping he wouldn’t see them. He didn’t.

“Answer me, Hyunjin.”

He didn’t.

You didn’t want to sit here and feel more humiliated, so you turned and started walking out the room and towards the front door. You stopped in your tracks at the sound of his voice, small and vulnerable. If you had read into it, perhaps you would’ve recognized it as his way of trying to reach out and open up, but at that moment you were too hurt to understand. “Y/N… I’m not good for you. I-”

“Yeah, you’ve made that message loud and clear. Your friends were right. How could I expect a robot to feel the same way I do?” You felt sick to your stomach saying those words, lashing out at someone who had been nothing but good to you. Before you walked out the front door, you looked back over your shoulder and caught a glimpse of Hyunjin’s face. How pained he looked, his eyes still trained on the floor. It looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He wasn’t stoic, he was far from it. You just had to know when to look. Unfortunately, you always knew when to look.

He didn’t follow you outside, and the cold air hit you as hard as reality did moments before. You froze in your movements upon seeing a figure sitting on the front porch steps, completely cascaded in the dark. It took you a moment, because even though it wasn’t pitch black out, it was still hard to see, but you recognized the figure as none other than Donghyuck.

You took a seat next to him, your lips sealed shut but your eyes refusing to control themselves. Your head hurt from the attempt at stopping the tears, but you just gave up and simply let it happen. Donghyuck didn’t say anything, just shifted closer and pressed the side of his body up against yours. You would thank him later for the comfort and the warmth.

“It sucks. When you…” You didn’t know how to word it. How could you say it without sounding like a complete idiot? ‘Oh, I kissed Hyunjin and he told me he didn’t like me, so I insulted him and walked out?’ What had you expected? You were a jerk, mean to him and throwing something personal in his face. You wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to talk to you again.

You looked up then, towards the dark blue sky. It was eerily quiet in Jeno’s neighborhood, hardly any light but a few porch lights here and there. You were grateful to be surrounded by darkness through your feelings of rejection and self-embarrassment. You sniffled loudly, your breath getting caught when Donghyuck reached out and clasped your hand tightly. He gave you strength. “Why does it hurt so bad when you give someone your heart and they just give it back?”

He hummed, in bitter amusement you would say. His voice was gentle, accepting of his own situation and of the little information you had just given him. It didn’t take him long to form an answer at all. “Because it’s a hard reality to accept when the person you’re willing to give the world to, doesn’t give a damn about you.”

You two left it at that, the cold air suffocating you on the outside, but your closeness being a barrier of warmth on the inside. Regardless of the heat between your bodies, the feeling in your chest was empty, numb, and you assumed it was the same for Donghyuck. Your heart had been stolen by Hyunjin, his by Tzuyu. You knew, at least for tonight, the only person who quite understood you was Donghyuck, something you could never possibly have saw coming. But you didn’t care. Because misery likes company, and as you grasped his hand just as tightly, you figured one night of heartbreak wouldn’t mind having a person by your side.

Two hearts bonded by their pain.

Stolen by people who didn’t seem to care.

And all the two of you could do was sit in silence, and hope that holding on for one another would be enough to make it through the pain that was in store.

>>> Next part <<<

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