#risk aware consensual kink

[quiet-admirer]

I think it stands to be said that just like it's okay to be a perma-gainer who isn't totally sexually or sensually or otherwise satisfied if they're not always pursuing growth, it's also okay to be a feeder or encourager who will always want be actively helping someone grow to feel satisfied.

Many feedees and gainers talk about the experience of online interactions dropping off or an encourager or feeder basically discarding them once they're done gaining or reach a certain point in their gaining. Unfortunately there's always going to be people in the world who treat others as disposable, but I think if we can name the fact that some people's sexuality does revolve around constant gaining encouragement, it means we can go into kinky interactions and relationships with the language to communicate our needs and what we are looking for in a way where everyone's expectations are more realistic and non-compatibility can maybe be identified a little earlier.

Just like you'd let someone know if you're looking for a hookup, a casual relationship, or you're, like, one foot down the aisle, part of your kink and relationship negotiation can absolutely be, 'hey, my sexuality is intrinsically tied to actively encouraging weight gain and I always need that as part of my kink life to be satisfied.' And from there it can be decided, 'hell yeah, me too!' or, 'I do have an end goal, so I don't think this will work,' or, 'I do have an end goal, so it sounds like it would be important for us to involve multiple people in our/your kink play eventually so your needs are met, too,' or 'okay, it sounds like a more casual short-term relationship would work best for us,' or whatever variations and permutations make sense for you.

But I think the first step to having healthier "perma-encouraging" dynamics in gaining communities is to acknowledge and accept that it's a thing and that it's an okay version of gaining/encouraging kinks the same as perma-gaining is. It's not cure-all for the feed-and-dump assholes, because there are a lot more undercurrents contributing to that pattern of behavior of course, but just educating each other about how that style of sexuality can be healthily and mutually negotiated could be hugely helpful to people who just haven't thought about that as a need of theirs to communicate to partners and end up dissatisfied, and also for feedees/gainers to be able to have that as part of their conversational tools when negotiating kink play and relationships.

[hiddengiggles]

Please remember to cater to your basic human needs before engaging in kink!

That means:

Drink water. This is for safety sure, but orgasms are way better when you’ve got the raw materials for it. Same with just wetness/precum, better hydrated than dry.

Have a snack. Your body may go through a lot and you blood sugar being low is dangerous. You don’t need a full meal, but consider a little fruit if you’re keeping it light, and try to have something nearby for afterwards to rebalance your blood sugar.

Check in with your mental state. D/s can be a wonderful way to soften the sharp edges in your mind, but if you’re already feeling off, consider more gentle activity. Adding the risk of drop (subdrop or Domdrop) can make your wonky day into a shitty week. Not worth it, care for your longterm wellbeing above momentary fun.

Plan for rest. You need to give yourself time to recover after engaging! I don’t care if you cum or not, if you’re going to do a scene or session or whatever, plan out time for aftercare and, if you’re a person who needs it, maybe a nap/time to drift. Do not play right up until you have to be somewhere, your endorphin drop will fuck you up.

This probably isn’t an all inclusive list but a good little checklist so you can do fun stuff with a little more care for your health, happiness, and safety.

You may have things to add to this list as you get to know yourself more. For some, their meditation may be a factor. Others may need to plan for a specific ritual to prepare themselves so they feel good. Affirmations might be important to get ready for a scene and still feel good about it. Additional checklist items can be tailored to you/your dynamics/your partners, but the above apply to everyone.

So remember: hydrate, eat, mental check in, rest.

[linkspussy]

What is UP with the assumption that anyone who takes part in Risk Aware Consensual Kink is actually a big idiot stupid baby who needs to be reminded of the risks at any given opportunity. "But this can cause-" Yes. We know. We didn't just wander into kink naively with our eyes closed. We're adults just like you. People drink, smoke and eat unhealthy food all the time but we still respect their autonomy and don't remind them every two minutes "Hey that's bad for you btw". Can we get a fucking ounce of the same decency

[plushypupp]

Turning off my stupid puppybrain for a moment and being serious:( but nothing feels better than doing kink responsibly Nothing makes me feel more loved and taken care of like setting up safewords and signals and talking about what we want and like. Trying things outside of play first so your brain isn't all fuzzy and distracted and don't feel bad after

Knowing that you're cared for and being able to trust like that is so beautiful

[boywifesammy]

firmly believe that late season sam and dean would have an insanely robust safeword system for kinky sex. these boys are literally a hivemind. they don’t even need words to communicate, just subtle nods. they were brought up on codewords and carefully controlled inflection changes to indicate trouble.

so after they got the past the initial “holy crap i’m boning my brother” and the toxic masculinity and “we don’t need safewords i would never hurt you”, they’d fall so easily into kinky sex. screw red-yellow-green or one word safewords. one of them clenches a fist, makes a certain noise, or moves wrong and the other immediately stops. it’s better than a single safeword because there’s no need to ask what’s wrong after. there’s a million ways for them to say no, or not now, or not like that and the other will know precisely what they mean.

even better if they start using hunting signals during sex. adding certain words to their dirty talk that mean all good here or we got a problem, or on rare occasions when a scene goes really sideways, they’ll drop the i’m being held against my will and that’s an immediate end to the sex and a whole lot of careful aftercare.

and maybe it crosses their wires a little. so what if dean’s dick chubs up a bit when he calls sam to check on him and gets the a-okay. sue him, anybody would have a pavlovian response to that after hearing sam moan it so many times in the middle of sex. but also, during those moments where one of them drops a danger signal, the other is always calmer about it than before. there’s the association of the word to a safe and controlled moment, where no means no, and that makes a potential hostage situation a bit less panicking.

[guarddogbutch]

i'm going to become an attack dog if people keep trying to engage in kink during sex without having a discussion of boundaries and consent beforehand ... stop. i'm exploding you with my brain.

[cheeseburgersinparadise]

What is RACK?

Risk aware consensual kink!

Boiled down, it is mainly an ethos used with more dangerous kinks - meaning that kinks/sexual activities thr have some danger or risk involved in them (breathplay, for example) are okay, as long as all participants are informed, aware of, and consent to the potential risks of practicing that kink.

For feedism, it’s important to be aware of and practice RACK when engaging with it because of the potential health risks of gaining weight (that’s a whole topic in itself) or consuming large quantities of food/unhealthy food etc.

There are certainly people better equipped to explain it, so if I’ve missed something or someone would like to go more in depth, feel free to add on!

[alittlemxchievous]

Hello, I have a girlfriend of sorts that's into hypnosis and she wants me to hypnotize her, you got any suggestions? I'm kinda using your hypnosis audio as a baseline and then working it into more specific kinks and scenes she likes

My first suggestion. Slow down. You need to do research to understand what is happening. @pruning-the-minds-garden has some excellent posts explaining the fundamentals of how trance works and the risks involved. Don't just jump into hypno as the hypnotist without making yourself aware of some of the dangers. As someone who has been deeply impacted by a hypnotist that didn't know what they were doing, do your research and remember that hypnosis is a RACK kink. It's BDSM for your psyche. Give it the time and respect it deserves and it will be a wonderful tool.

[sacrificethelamb]

A couple tips for suspension that I like to give people who haven’t tried it: the more floor play you do, the easier suspension becomes. The idea is to teach yourself the difference between rope discomfort & rope injury (suspension hurts a lot tbh the whole thing seems like a rope injury at first)

Also study rope materials (they’re not all suitable), up-lines, and hard points (especially american death triangles.)

Never suspend without a spotter, it can be life threatening if done incorrectly.

[midnight-roses-candy]

I will always reject SSC (safe, sane, consensual) as a framework (in favor of RACK) on two grounds:

Nothing is ever 100% safe. Lots of things worth doing carry risk, and it’s better to know those risks and know how to minimize them and decide which are worth taking.

I dislike the ableism inherent to the framing of “sane.” The idea of sanity has always been an ableist one used to deny rights and freedoms to people.

In lieu, I endorse the framework of RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), which I think removes the ableism and adds explicit discussion of risk awareness rather than the idea that some things are “safe” and others “unsafe.”

[franks-unholy-confessional]

i need him to be rough with me… like.. i need him to put me in my place while we fuck! grab my face, slap me around, punish me if i’m being bratty.. the possibilities are endless really

Anon. Can you please get out of my head because I feel very exposed right now. Either that or we’re both just kinky whores, because fucking Christ I am very much here for this. This is a thought I have very often.

In my head, there’s a TPE (total power exchange) dynamic to whatever degree the mood strikes. Frank being in charge of everything. Frank being in charge of when I get off, if I get off. Maybe that strikes your fancy too, I don’t know.

Whatever you did, it was wholly unacceptable. Seeing Frank’s features darken, knowing you fucked up. Taking your wrist, grip on the perfect side of too tight, and pulling you into the bedroom and pushing you down on your knees. Telling you to explain exactly what you did and why it was unacceptable. What punishment do you deserve? Whatever he deems fit. Telling you that he’s going to fuck your mouth since you like to run it so much, three, maybe five slaps.

Would it really be a punishment though? Your jaw aching from being forced wide, your scalp tender from his grip being so tight, cheeks red hot from the sting of his palm hitting just right.

Frank telling you how good you took your punishment, how good you were for him, making him tell you again why you needed to be punished. Then picking you up and settling you so gently on the bed that the contrast makes your head spin.

Fucking you slow, and so fucking deep that if the punishment didn’t put tears in your eyes this certainly did. The absolute look of adoration on his face as he pushes you even closer to coming than you were before. Neither of you lasting long, both coming so fucking hard you can barely breathe.

I think the aftercare would be the best fucking part. Laying in each others arms sweaty and fucked out until you both can form coherent thoughts. All cuddled up hearing how good you are, how much he loves you, eating little snacks and sharing a bottle of juice between you. Falling asleep with your head against his chest while he reads your favorite book.

Is it just me? No? Yes?

-ChronicArsonist

[bruisedloverr]

With how sensitive I am right, it surely would be a shame if someone was caressing my naked body with the tip of a recently sharpened knife, and stopping on my outer labia and inner thighs to tease these zones some more, hearing the dumb noises I make. Who could even think about it.

[puppytopper]

hands up if you would let me beat you with a flogger, let me bruise you and make you bleed, cutting crossing lines into your skin, and then fuck you while i play with the marks and make you cry out pain while you come

[franks-unholy-confessional]

ChronicArsonist’s Confession of the Night:

I cannot stop thinking about what Frank’s mouth would feel like on me.

Imagining getting a collar and leash on him. God he’d look so fucking pretty with some nice quality leather around that neck of his. Having him on his knees going down on me. Giving the leash a good yank and feeling him moan against me. Maybe it’s a slip chain collar and the tighter I pull the higher his moans get. Maybe it’s me sitting on his face, thighs pinning his head and he has to choose between breathing and eating me out. Maybe it’s me riding him and getting my hand on his pretty throat. Squeezing just right at the sides making his vision swim and mind go fuzzy. His gasp as I relent and it all goes rushing back to him. Doing it again and again until i finally tell him he can come and he fills me all up.

Fuck

-ChronicArsonist