#river song loml

[bee11037]

I choose you and me, religiously

[lesbicosmos]

edited her bc i found out today im going to comic con and IM MEETING ALEX KINGSTON IN NOVEMBER‼️

[starbluekindo]

LOML (part 1)

synopsis: you and victoria are destined to meet, not to be together.

cw: victoria neuman × fem!reader, a little angust, traumatic past (quoted), red river (quoted), reader is a supe with necromancy, childhood love.

a/n: guys, this is my first time and english is not my official language, so...idk what i mean

and sorry for all the references to taylor swift's songs (ilv her ✊🏻😔😭)

part!2 part!3

victoria carried with her a not very extensive baggage of regrets, especially because all the decisions she made in the past were with her future in mind. but that doesn't mean it was a clean path.

among the few regrets that victoria carried with her, you were the one that hurt the most in her chest. you. not sameer or hughie... but you, the little child in red river who she had to leave behind when stan edgar gave her an opportunity for change.

"i'll come back for you." she promised with such certainty back then that even she was convinced of it. making promises and wiping away your tears, struggling to hold on as you broke down. "i always come back".

it's not that you weren't happy for her, you were... but something inside you knew that this time would be different, victoria wouldn't come back like the other times. "i wait for you." and yet you promised to wait for her, even though you knew it would be the last time.

you kept your promise.

victoria was unable to fulfill hers.

you were only a few years younger than victoria- well, for you it was nadia. you were an isolated child in red river and had a lot of problems with adoption since most people didn't want a child with the powers you had. the children called you death, but you weren't death, you communicated with it and saw things that no one else could see. no one wanted a child who spoke to the dead.

not someone with good intentions.

luckily for you, an elderly woman with no heirs adopted you as her granddaughter when you were seventeen - three years after nadia left. your benefactress left all her poses to you and gave you the best education money could buy - why? she wanted to communicate with her late lover, who never had the opportunity to say goodbye or declare her true love. it was a sad, beautiful tragedy, but it helped you to have the good living conditions you have today. it helped you become the professional you are today.

"cosmopolitan" you told the bartender your order. it was one of those annual charity events that the company you inherited held every year, full of people who pretended to care about some social cause. this year? something to do with polar bears.

you cared about charity, you really tried to help all causes even if it was doing the minimum. however, it became exhausting having to smile at everyone there and pretend to believe their well-intentioned statements.

"whisky. neat." god, you'd recognize that damn voice even in hell, your head turning quickly to find it. so many years have passed, you two had new identities, new lives and yet... victoria remained the same. "you look great”

"you too" your response was quick, suddenly you felt like a child again as you stared into her eyes, your heart racing and your hands starting to sweat.

"it's been a long time" you wanted to punch her, you wanted to hug her, kiss her, you wanted to cry because she didn't keep her promise, you... you wanted her back.

"yeah... quite" you simply agreed without knowing what to do. the bartender handed you your drinks, but victoria's focus was on you and your focus... god, you couldn't even stay focused on the conversation.

victoria brought the whiskey to her lips, feeling the alcohol burn down her throat as her eyes remained on you. for a time she swore she was a mirage, a dream, perhaps even her own mind playing tricks on her. but as soon as you took the stage and gave your opening speech, victoria knew it was you, even after years she would never forget the voice of the woman she loved.

"i'm so sorry"

"nadia- victoria."

you quickly corrected yourself. she was no longer nadia, she was victoria neuman, congresswoman and vice president-elect of the united states.

"please" her hand wrapped around yours in a firm but comforting grip that made your breath hitch and automatically remind you of the days you spent together at the orphanage, when you would sneak out of your bed whenever you had a nightmare and go to the her arms "give me a chance to... repair things between us."

damn big brown eyes. you've never been able to say 'no' to her before, not when she looked at you that way. it's just that you were too resentful to give in now.

"miss neuman" your voice was a little low, but managed to be firm "i don't think we have anything to repair. i-i have nothing to talk to you about"

"sweetheart..."

"no. not after all this time... i-i waited for you for 13 years, i stayed right where you left me while you moved on with your life. i kept my promise."

your words hit victoria squarely in the chest, it was as if her heart had been stabbed ten times. she saw the hurt in your eyes, she saw that you were hurt and she hated herself for that, she hated having made you suffer and most of all she hated herself for not keeping her promise.

"i'm here now" she was silently begging you to listen to her, you could see the guilt in her eyes and the silent desperation in her mind. "please”

a/n: guys I really tried 😭😭😭

maybe a part 2?

[iwasborn-tobeblue]

The Doctor & River Song - Loss of My Life (loml)

[lipslikethegardensofbabylon]

#ttpd analysis day nine - Guilty As Sin?

there are not enough words to convey how in love i am with the repeated motif of love being a religion. ex, sacred prayer i was there, stained glass windows in my mind, we bless the rains on Cornelia street, lord save me, etc etc etc. it’s difficult to neatly identify all of the lyrics this track parallels but the two primary songs are False God and ivy. this is one of my fave tracks she’s ever done and my only hot take is that this should’ve been a track 13. without further ado -

drowning in the Blue Nile - this line is genius for all of the implications, yes it’s a band, it’s also that (continued) metaphor for depression (ocean wave blues, I’m with you even if it makes me blue, etc), and in discussing with @aslowmotionlovepotion she also said denial is not just a river in egypt

falling back into the hedge maze is one of my favorite lyrics, there’s something so deeply romantic to me about falling (or as she says, crashing) fully into someone and getting tangled up/lost in the feelings. if you follow the imagery and previous tracks she basically describes being lost at sea, clinging (even white knuckling) the raft, and it’s almost like she comes to shore and enters this Alice in Wonderland type labyrinth as partially a reprieve but there’s also this residual guilt (am I allowed to cry?). I just love the imagery; she describes something lush and green when she could’ve described it more clinically like a chess game as she did in Dear John. idk it just speaks volumes to me. continuing with the lush imagery, the song parallels a lot of ivy

one slip and falling back into the hedge maze /your ivy grows and now I'm covered

oh, what a way to die, I keep recalling things we never did/I'd live and die for moments that we stole

my boredom’s bone-deep/I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones

these fatal fantasies/I wish to know the fatal flaw

If it’s make believe/I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland

what if I roll the stone away/my house of stone

it’s a fire, it’s a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it/my sheets are ablaze

also the religious imagery and the False God (my other beloved) parallels are just

throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks/we were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us

oh, what a way to die/remember how I said I'd die for you?

why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?/we might just get away with it

religion's in your lips/messy top lip kiss

the altar is my hips/what if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh?

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?/I know heaven's a thing, I go there when you touch me

I choose you and me religiously/even if it's a false god, we'd still worship this love

I keep these longings locked in lowercase, inside a vault could be directly referring to folkmore. it could also be journal entries, poetry, or woodvale! (jk about the last part, lol). but i think the most obvious connection would be to loml on the same album, there are also religious lyrics within that track, but in going through the album I’m trying not to fully discuss later tracks until it’s their turn in the tracklist.

i also want to include this little bit

"La petite mort", from French: Small death, is an expression meaning "short loss or weakening of consciousness / consciousness".

it’s interesting considering the sex/orgasm euphemism and how closely it follows the repeated glimmers of death in Guilty As Sin? these fatal fantasies/building up like waves crashing over my grave/oh, what a way to die/they're gonna crucify me anyway

ending it with the dreamy am I allowed to cry? also reminds me of gold rush which “takes place inside a single daydream where you get lost in thought for a minute and then snap out of it”

[expectiations]

for the ask game: whenever I see your name on my dash I think of river song <33 specifically beautiful meta posts about her

🥹🥹🥹🙈 THANK YOU!!!! That woman is the loml and she's constantly tumbling around my head every single fucking second of the day

[ladymisteria]

My Favourite OTP Daily Video.

The Doctor & River Song - Loss of My Life (loml)

[cleaduvalls]

tagged by loml @samrubygf <333

tagging @zackmartin @knowwheretolook @neshatriumphs @partiallypearl n anyone who wants to <3

last song: american river by destroy boys

fav color: purple !!

currently watching: my babysitters a vampire (still on season 1,,, school is hard </3)

last movie: jennifers body,,, SO GOOD

relationship status: single & looking,,, hinge is so mean 2 me :(

current obsession: mcr and crochet. still figuring out how to combine the two

last thing i googled: "[school name] mobility print"

[musingsofaperpetualdaydreamer]

The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology first listen 🎧🪻✨

More than 15 years later wow it still feels so magical to listen to a brand new album. The joy, the excitement, the nervousness. I mark chapters of my life with her albums, they always seem to arrive with perfect timing. Is it fate or delusion? Probably the later, obviously she has no idea who I am. Idk it feels nice to delude myself now and again that we’re all journeying through this time together in some connectedness (is that a word?). It feels sort of nostalgic in some ways, from being just a child to now an adult, it’s like Sesame Street that grows up with you. Not a great analogy but what I mean to say is it holds a special place to me.

This album, this anthology feels much like we’ve been handed her diary, filled with sticky notes bound together, it’s so raw but so expertly crafted, messy feelings but the penmanship is exquisite. From her debut album, it’s always been poetry. She transports you to her world. What a journey, what a joy, what a gift.

I like to capture my first thoughts of each song in my silly chicken scratching written notes. Most of it makes no sense. It feels like a nice silly tradition and it’s fun to look back on. So here goes:

Fortnight

- It’s giving moody 1989??? Excuse me miss?!!! Ohhh she knows. Preach bye time to cry

The tortured poets department

- Ooooh we’re in an 80s dreamscape. Yes yes yes. Who’s gonna love you but me? A fluffy dreamland Patty smith? Insert wait I understood the reference meme. Ooooh it’s lovely. I am sad

My boy only breaks his favourite toys

- excuse me?? I’m shattered byyyyyeee. I’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me?? You should’ve see him when he first saw me? Once I fix me he’s gonna miss me??? Ladies and gents welcome to afternoon tea on the menu SCALDING hot queen’s special. Maybe I’m a crumpled up paper on the floor. Maybe I am no more.

Down Bad

- well damn she’s said the quiet parts out loud again. Oh smokes time to dissapear into this galaxy smoky cloud of night. One of us. One of us. One of us.

So long London

- literally standing by the river in the rain. May as well cry my damn eyes out . Darn it blondie. Poetic destruction. Crying my eyes out by the water like I’m in made in Chelsea. Darn.

But daddy I love him

- a folklore ode? Little house on the prairie Princess revolution. Serve it up serve it up I’m ready to be stuffed like a winter pig. A grown up love story. It’s ridiculous and maybe wise eyes know too well it’s chockablock of red flags but darn I’m a cheesin’ this is so cute.

Fresh out the slammer

- oh it’s like August but dark. August dark afternoon blistering hot and the storm is about to come.

Florida!!! Ft Florence and the machine

-ExXUSE MEEEEEEEeE?????!?!!?teee heee heee heeee. Your home’s really only a town you’re a guest in??? Sorry can’t speak my jaw has shattered. Pls pls. Palm tree pls.

Guilty as sin?

- A false God dreamy haze confessional? With sprinkle of Gold Rush??? I am a melted.

Who’s afraid of little old me?

- The who’s who of who’s that is poised for the attack? But my bare hands paved their path, you don’t get to tell me what’s sad? - I AM CHOKED. Silenced mute. Ohhhh miss blondie is on BUSINESS. TELL THEM SWEETIE. Oh my heart 💔

I can fix him (No really I can).

- Oooh moody blues preaching with generous dash of delusion? Ah yes my routine favourite beverage. I am drinking this up like air. Drunk on false hope? One of us. One of us. One of us.

Loml

- You Holy Ghost you told me I’m the love of your life. Oh no I’m crying again. Back to crumpled paper rocking back and forth on the floor in a ball it is. It’s so pretty yet, shattering. Devastating. I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all. Dancing phantoms on the terrace, are they second hand embarrassed that I can’t get out of bed ‘cause something counterfit is dead? Yep that’ll do it.

I can do it with a broken heart?

- Oh damn. Honey nooooo. Oh myyyy. Oh I’m in this picture and I don’t like it. It’s so artfully done, so upbeat and Poppy yet so hauntingly sad. Yes that’s the point but it’s sooo well done. Oh sweetie. I can’t stop laughing it’s not funny, it’s just you too pumpkin. I wanna hug her and tell her it’ll be fine. Ok ok.

The smallest man who ever lived

- Oh I’m speechless. And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know, if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. The bridge? Excuse me while I sink to the bottom of the darkest ocean.

The alchemy

- Oooh it’s so cute and dreamy. I’m beaming you can hear her smile when she sings.

Clara bow

- Oooh it’s the lucky one grown up. The bridge is a masterpiece. It’s hell on earth to be heavenly, thems the breaks it don’t come gently. She knows she’s a star, The never ending cyclical wheel of stardom, even the shiniest, ends with a new star born in its shadow.

The black dog

- Oh No no no I Am 1 billion percent destroyed. Byeeeee

Imgonnagetyouback

- Oooh blondie is on the prowl and what can I do but bop like the well stuffed clown I am. Insert meme of cat bopping their head.

The albatross

- Banjo? Haunting country cautionary tale? - scathing review of one’s reputation, worst traits but underneath it all is just vulnerability. Caged for ‘monstrosity’ but being so vulnerable and just wanting to be freed loved. The ‘monster’ trying to protect the one they love from the things that will come for them too? Do they even realise it? Do they care? Wow it’s poetically beautiful.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

- Oh it’s sad. If you wanna break my cold cold heart, just say I loved you the way that you were? Oh myyy. Replaying old moments, looking for clues wondering if it can all have a new ending? Wow.

How did it end?

- Wow the invasiveness of empathy of the innate curiosity of wanting to know, so you can something comforting, learn from it but you forget how it can be the worst part, having to offer up a ‘post mortem’ to all when you’ve barely even processed its ended yourself. The cyclical nature of it happening every time like it’s just a formal process we’ve come to accept even though it haunts us all. Ironically as we listen to this. Wow so beautifully done.

So high school

- I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you, and in a blink of a crinkling eye, I’m sinking, our fingers entertwined. Awww the sort of bubblegum silly feels you roll your eyes but you have the biggest smile on your face. It’s soo cute. You know how to call, I know Aristotle.

I hate it here

- Oooooh tell me something awful like you’re a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy. One of us. One of us.

ThanK you aIMee

- Oh my goodness it’s grown up mean but she made it out. It’s so sad but I’m beaming. I say that’s my baby and I’m proud. Andrea? Oh thank you next. Not the kid. I’m cackling.

I look in people’s windows

- Oh it’s haunted death by a thousand cuts glimmering of desperate false hope. It’s lovely.

The prophecy

- Oh. Damn yep that’ll do it. Right in the ticker. Damn. It feels very much like am I doomed to always be the one before the one? Wow. Just yeah.

Cassandra

- I don’t know why but this makes think of safe and sound. Like the woman that was there when everything burned around them. She’s telling her side. Everyone’s there to watch you burn, screaming your guilt but silent when they’re wrong? If that ain’t the truth miss. Oh wow. Shes beautifully captured such a dark chapter.

Peter

- Oh wow it’s beautiful. It’s like post cardigan and she’s all grown up. 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned. But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light. Oh wow it’s wow.

The Bolter

- Oh we must stop meeting like this but it always ends with a town car speeding. Wowowow. It feels like the time she fell through the ice, then came out alive. Oh my a BEAUTY.

Robin

- Oh it’s so pretty. It’s like never grow up, safe and sound and seven swirled together. Wow. It’s like she’s talking to her child but then also herself in the past and present, like from an older perspective? Ohhh it’s beautiful. Why does this make me think of coraline’s real mother watching her sleep? I wanna cry.

The manuscript

- Wow god it’s beautiful. Another time travel song. You keep revisiting past in your mind and you gain perspective and then you realise you aren’t that version of you that lived it anymore. You can feel it still, not as deeply perhaps but you’re disconnected from thinking the way you did at that time or after. Is sobering and haunting. The healing. Wow wow wow.

@taylorswift thank you my love 💕

[dr-lizortecho]

for the ask I give you: Rosa Ortecho, Kyle Valenti, Liz Ortecho, Isobel Evans, Max Evans, Elena Gilbert, Damon Salvatore,Caroline Forbes, River Song, Maria Deluca ?

Marry: Liz Ortecho (loml! Also, I get to listen to her science babble, and I know no science, I’ll just be like Max making heart eyes)

Drink tea with: Maria Deluca (I feel like she’d have some fun conversation, also, like she’d know a good tea to drink without milk or sugar, sorry I’m a coffee person)

Party with: Rosa Ortecho (idk, we could like paint or talk art)

Kiss: Kyle Valenti (he’s damn good at it, there are some things you just know, ya know?)

Go out on a date with: Elena Gilbert (idk truly, it just seems right)

Push down the stairs: Damon Salvatore (I’m most violent towards him??? but I love him so idk)

Slap: Caroline Forbes (I’m sorry babe, it had to be done)

Invade the dreams of: Isobel Evans (I just want to know)

Take a nap with: Max Evans (he looks snuggly, also I could lay my head on his chest or whatever)

Rob: River Song (vortex manipulator!!!)

send me ten characters <3

[cryingatships]

Tagged by dearie @pinkaugustmoon, thank you!! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～🩷 this took so long i forgot abt it I'm sorryyyy T^T

Shuffle your on repeat playlist and list the first 10 songs

Somewhere Only We Know - Gustxia & Rhianne

Wind - Chimon Wachirawit

River Flows in You - Yiruma (technically not a song but I have it in there sooo)

ลั่นทม (Lan Thom acc to my translator???) - Cocktail

The Moon Represents my Heart - MLC ost

From Me, The Moon - Lav

Those Eyes - New West

Fade - Jeff Satur

Newton and Apple - Waji

You Are My Destiny - Boy Sompob

+1 BTBT - B.I. I listened to it so many times it absolutely deserves to be on the list

A very random selection u.u

Your Top 15 favorite TV shows can say a lot about your personalitycan it tho— list your favorite 15 shows

I didn't ever finish watching an entire tv shows/series' before 2023 and never got around to western shows so it's almost solely bls. chosen solely on my love for them and their re-watchability to me

also i can't do favourites so these are in particular order i love all 15 almost equally XD

Moonlight Chicken - every part of this, from each of the characters, to the ost, to the story, to the cinematography. YUM

I Feel You Linger In The Air - historical fiction loml

Be My Favourite - i don't dig uni shows usually but this one was so healing?? Krist and Gawin were great too

Mouse - Ik it dragged a bit at the end but BaReum's smile?? things with a bit of blood and dark stuff are my weak spots

Wedding Plan - the lavender wedding plotline 😭🥹And the leads' chemistry was yum

La Pluie - The doc >>>> and the ost + the brother and his bf +the cat. put a cat in and it'll climb up the ranks with me

Beyond Evil - Do I even need to say anything.

Theory of Love - I'm a fan of hurt/comfort, (requited) unrequited love, yearning in my fics. why would i be different elsewhere

Love Tractor - idk why i just loved it so so much. the locations were gorgeous. I'm perhaps in need of a holiday

Laws of Attraction - How can I not choose our favourite lawyer? and the girls?

Bed Friend - Therapeutic. I've been in a difficult place for a long, long time, Uea gives me hope <3

My Tooth Your Love - My first Taiwanese bl, and one of my most beloved shows. It left such a strong impression + they were cute XDl

Love In Translation - So good?? I went in expecting nothing and it made me smile every week (✿◡‿◡)

I Will Knock You - Another show I had no expectations of but it was So. Good. I'd love to see the lead actors in another shows. Maybe two more. Or three.

Be Mine Superstar - Probably not a popular choice but I loved the acting so much?? and the chemistry, physics, maths, biology etc etc everything was so on point

+1 Step by Step - Tumblr hated the ending but i didn't. Plus Man Trisanu u.

And I should probably mention Kinnporsche, Cutie Pie, Secret Crush On You too cause they're the only shows I've ever re-watched

jajajajaja it's so hard to choose. Why don't y'all let me choose 20? But that won't be enough too lmao

[sundayinthcpark]

‘they’re the blue stabilisers!’ KISSES HER ON THE LIPS RIVER SONGS YOU ARE THE LOML

[starbluekindo]

LOML (part 2)

synopsis: you and victoria are destined to meet, not to be together. 

cw: victoria neuman × fem!reader, a little anguish, traumatic past (quoted), red river (quoted), reader is a supe with necromancy, childhood love. 

a/n: i can't stop referencing taylor swift songs in this

part!1 part!3

you found yourself in front of a restaurant, the sign said closed while a single light seemed to illuminate the place where you met. you took a deep breath and rethought all the reasons for being there:

1. victoria

2. you wanted to know what her excuse was

3. you still miss her

walking with uncertain steps you entered the establishment, the bell above the door announcing your arrival while the only person in the place raised their head to look at you, their eyes examining each step you took towards them.

"you came" she seemed genuinely surprised to have you there, although in the back of her mind she already knew you would come - because unlike her, you didn't run away.

"you called" your answer was simple, the discomfort in your voice was visible, your mind was so confused that you yourself questioned how you had managed to reach her.

victoria quickly got up and pulled out the chair for you to sit, bending down enough to whisper in your ear "...and you always respond"

you swallowed hard and lowered your head, trying to ignore the shiver that ran through your body, your heart racing. victoria opened a discreet smile at your reaction, sitting in her seat again.

"so... you own a pharmaceutical company?" the brunette asked as she poured you a glass of wine, her eyes briefly darting to your face before returning to the alcohol. “that’s interesting, i always imagined that when we were adults and we were far from the red river, you and i...things would be different."

"would they be?" you asked with a hint of pain in your voice, the memories of your 'happy' moments with victoria hit you hard. you had a lot of plans together at that time.

"i wouldn't have left you"

"but you did”

back in the day you used to wonder who could leave you, when the real question was who could stay. victoria certainly hadn't stayed.

"please, let's just... have dinner like old friends" she suggested, raising the glass towards you. you knew her well enough to know that victoria was trying to buy time, she was running away from the subject that really brought you to her.

"are we still friends?" you questioned her before bringing your glass to your lips, examining the older woman's intrigued expression. victoria gave you a small smile and handed you the restaurant menu, her eyes taking in the lebanese food options.

"stubborn little thing" the brunette smiled and closed the menu, already having in mind what order she was going to make "you still have the same attitude of always answering me with even more questions" victoria wasn't upset about that, quite the opposite, she had felt missing all your nagging and stubborn behavior, she missed how much of a brat you could be sometimes.

you just smiled and closed the menu, the waiter approaching soon after to take your orders. interestingly, you ordered the same thing: mansaf – a traditional dish made of lamb cooked in a fermented yogurt sauce and served with rice – often prepared for large celebrations and gatherings, as it mainly symbolizes generosity and togetherness.

"how did you manage to close the restaurant just for us?" you asked as soon as the waiter left with your orders, noticing all the privacy you and she had there. the place was practically empty, victoria had really made an effort to be alone with you and still make you comfortable.

"nothing is impossible when you have contacts" her answer was amusing, years of work experience made her have contacts with many people, she could easily make a person stop existing with a few calls, so having a restaurant just for her and her girl wasn't mission impossible.

you had a pleasant and nostalgic dinner, reminding each other of the few moments of lightness you had on the red river and how you always scared the newbies with your powers - even receiving a punishment from the coordinator later.

goddamn, you missed her so much.

"all these years and you're still the same girl i fell in love with..." victoria spoke softly and affectionately, her eyes practically glowed at you. the plates were empty, this was already the third bottle of wine you had drained and it was a good thing you had good resistance to drink, otherwise you would have stopped at the second.

your cheeks were flushed, you felt them heat up as you lowered your head and smiled. "i missed you all these years...every birthday celebrated, every christmas, new year, thanksgiving...everything, i missed you through everything."

victoria felt her heart accelerate, a glimmer of hope shone in her eyes upon hearing your admission. she wanted to kiss you so much, to end the longing she had felt for you for years. She smiled at you, head tilting slightly to the side as she stared at you.

"I just can't understand why you haven't come back…”

the brunette let out a tired sigh and ran a hand through her hair, you could practically see the gears working in her head. her gaze low and thoughtful, a little shaken by your words.

"you wouldn't understand, darling... i wanted to come back to you, i swear i tried to come back to you" her hand reached up to hold yours, however she quickly retreated "you were my home, you were everything i had, everything i needed.. i loved you. i still love you if it matters."

and there they were again, those eyes begging for forgiveness. hell, you felt your heart ache at that, all your feelings in disarray because of her. you wanted to scream at her so bad right now, you wanted to cry so bad... you wanted a hug.

"you can't just throw all of this at me and expect me to welcome you with open arms, nadia." you tried to hold on, but you couldn't hold back the tears. suddenly you felt like the day she left, the last time you saw her before she became the victoria neuman that everyone knew and some feared.

"i-i know, i know... i honestly didn't expect you to accept me easily, but... i spent the last few years hating myself for leaving you behind and i had no choice-”

"choice?" you repeated with some indignation, you didn't know about the things she had been through or done, but at the moment you were so resentful that you couldn't even think straight "you left me no choice but to stay here forever!"

"you don't know anything" victoria replied with frustration in her voice, bringing the wine to her lips as she thought about what to say to you "i'm here now, i'm begging you to forgive me, to give me a second chance not to lose again. i just want you by my side, i want you to know zoe, to know me again... to allow me to enter."

"i can't believe you, not anymore." you whispered shakily, your eyes burning from the amount of tears you were holding back.

victoria stood up and walked slowly towards you, kneeling beside you and wrapping her hands in yours, her eyes teary and begging for your attention. you looked away, but her hand cupped your chin, drawing your attention to her again, forcing eye contact with you. "this is the last time, sweetheart, i won't hurt you anymore"

victoria had broken a promise before and she deeply regretted it, but this would be the first and only time she would do that to you. no more, never again.

she leaned in just enough to seal her lips with you, her hand trailing down from your chin to the base of your neck as she stood up without breaking contact. her tongue explored the inside of your mouth, her lips satisfying the longing accumulated for years.

touching your lips was like touching paradise, the softness of your flesh being enough to make you want more and, lord, you wanted it too. victoria sucked your lower lip as she pulled away, making a sigh escape your lips. her hand moved down to your shoulder, gently squeezing the spot as their foreheads connected. "i miss you"

"me too”

a/n: i want her back ☝🏻😔

so... this isn't supposed to be a happy ending

[professoriversong]

[helsteris]

me trying to explain river song's timeline to my friends:

[akajustmerry]

the assassin you sent to kill me is the loml now holy trinity

feat. lila pitts and diego hargreeves (the umbrella academy), sam and bucky (mcu), and river song and the doctor (doctor who).