#round 3-b

[fnvminorcharacterpoll]

FNV Minor Character Poll - Round 3-B, Day 3

Left: No-Bark Noonan, resident eccentric of Novac. —"Molerat men, come up from the Underneath to steal young women with promises of riches and fancy mud mansions with all the latest designer appliances. They covet our ladyfolk's long hair for wigs, it's said, being either bald or balding themselves."

Right: Jessup & McMurphy, Great Khans who were hired and later betrayed by Benny. —Jessup: "[Benny's] one of the Chairmen, big shots who run The Tops casino in New Vegas. A friend from the city contacted me with info on a big job. I should've known that the caps were too good to be true, but there was still no way I could pass up the chance."

Designated cheerleaders were not available for this match-up.

[Bracket | Info & FAQs | Become a Designated Cheerleader]

[chez-cinnamon]

So I was talking to some friends on Discord and we were discussing how some movies had cartoon characters with this white guy driving car scene.

I'm just stuck thinking about Fionn and the Welcome Home cast crammed into a car having this same exact moment and it's cracking me up xD

It definitely starts out that way LMAO

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group B, Round 3, Poll 1:

Propaganda under the cut

Mercymorn

Girlbossing for the last ten thousand years. She says stuff like “ough” and “pfaugh” like actually saying the word. She (with the help of a colleague) seduced god to steal his jizz. She has memorised the entirety of human biology so that she can appropriately fuck with people using her wizard powers. She doesn’t know the difference between an 18 year old and an infant. She fantasises about putting god in a jail and filling the jail up with acid for every time he made a frivolous remark or ate peanuts in a meeting or said “what would I know I’m only god” and leave him in there for a thousand years. She often thinks about this.

Artist:@exmakina

Starscream

This mf is THE gaslight gatekeep girlboss of Transformers. He manipulates EVERYONE he can and is constantly trying to kill his boss to take his position. He has probably tried to literally gaslight someone before I'm sure, there's a lot of versions of him and they have different levels of fuckery but they're all A Bitch (affectionate). He's also tried to kill a bunch of people so you could say he's trying to gatekeep being alive. He also has an exclusive crew in a few different continuities that he has high standards for

Every 5 seconds he's trying to assassinate Megatron and declare himself leader, lied to everyone about succeeding, actually succeeded, became immortal, is the queerest transformer (which is saying a lot bc they're all really gay) and has high heels. Also I think it would be really funny and there are exactly 0 tf fans who would object to him being in this.

[hauntthenarrative]

Haunting the Narrative Round 3 Side B

Haunting the narrative means that the character’s absence heavily impacts the plot. They’re not present or active in the story when their influence is most strongly felt, whether they’re alive or dead!

[its-to-the-death]

Villain Song Showdown Bracket B Round 3

Cog in the Machine (I Expect You to Die 3) - Dr. Roxana Prism

Nothing Left to Lose (Tangled the Series) - Villain: Cassandra

[hotwatch]

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 18

PREVIOUS

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

NEXT

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

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[chromatic-r]

I like the narrative framing and cutscenes but Cazador is such a little bitch for anyone that knows anything about 5e vampire lore. Woooooow bestie you want to fight me? On this platform over an endless abyss? Right next to your final resting place where we can see all of your spawns magically connected to your real corpse? That's so crazy. Karlach throw this guy into the hole

[runefactory-marriage-tournament]

RF Bachelorette Tournament - Side B Round 5 (Finale)

[fromsoft-meowmeow]

Propaganda Below ☟☟☟

Micolash

"he is literally peak pathetic. nothing else to it!"

"he is so. p athetic. his boss fight is just him running away and moaning like he's getting the best head of his life while you beat on him. And you can just cheese him in six billion ways instead of giving him the satisfaction of a fair fight. He wears a dumbass chastity cage on his head and also his name is Micolash so clearly his parents didn't love him. I do though. just kidding i have a save just for murdering him over and over again. Also he's like 50 and ugly so basically Tumblrs dream guy lesssgoooo have I mentioned the moaning yet what the fuck is up with that fr"

"HE HOWLS. THIS OLD MAN RUNS AROUND HOWLING WITH HIS SHOES UNTIED. HE IS TERRIBLE AND SOGGY AND PATHETIC AND JUST LIKE ME FR. I ADORE HIM."

"Just look at him! Pathetic man with a cage on his head who howls! Obviously the best choice! Look at him run around while you chase him though his funky little nightmare! Such pathetic little meow meow material!"

"Because his a precious little bitch."

Varre

"DONT let tumblr trick you into thinking he's a sexyman hes CRINGE and LAME. he has the constitution of a wet napkin and falls on the floor like he dropped his lunch tray the second he gets smacked, spends his last living moments trying to call his boss who's the only important person in his life and gets fuckin ghosted. Anyway I hate his reputation as someone suave he sounds like a cartoon turtle and I want to shove him in a locker"

"Because he’s so fucking pathetic and gay"

[fnvminorcharacterpoll]

FNV Minor Character Poll - Round 3-B, Day 2

Left: Beatrix Russell, hired guard at the Old Mormon Fort and potential sex worker at the Atomic Wrangler. —"Longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I've always been a fan of hog-tying my lovers to make sure they can't escape."

Beatrix Russell's designated cheerleader is @shockvalue! shes got it all!!! shes a ghoul. shes a cowboy. shes a strange little freak. shes the guy with the gun. i love her.

Right: The Lonesome Drifter, a traveling musician. —"Well, I was born in a little town out Montana way. Me and Ma didn't have much, ever since my pa up and left."

The Lonesome Drifter's designated cheerleader is @lledxela! Cheering for the Lonesome Drifter since he is like the only Montana Rep in fallout. Respect for my fellow Montanan.

[Bracket | Info & FAQs | Become a Designated Cheerleader]

[hottest-fromsoft-monster]

[namedafterflowerstournament]

Botanic Tournament : Roses Bracket !

Orange Group

Round 3 Poll 2

[hauntthenarrative]

Haunting the Narrative Round 3 Side B

Haunting the narrative means that the character’s absence heavily impacts the plot. They’re not present or active in the story when their influence is most strongly felt, whether they’re alive or dead!

[its-to-the-death]

Villain Song Showdown Bracket B Round 1

Raphael's Final Act (Baldur's Gate 3) - Villain: Raphael

Fabulous (High School Musical 2) - Villain: Sharpay Evans

[web-novel-polls]

Popular Danmei Character Tournament

CWs: MAJOR 2ha spoilers, genitalia mention, suggestive language, death mention, d*mon mention

Mo Ran from the Husky and His White Cat Shizun

Submission: dumbasses need representation too

He’s obsessed with his Shizun (Chu Wanning), but for plot reasons, he “hates” Chu Wanning. Still wants to fuck him tho (he thinks this is normal)

Constantly doing a fucking limbo contest where the bar is understanding his own feelings (he’s underground)  

The author pulls him and the reader through the redemption of a century kicking and screaming. 

Canonly has the largest d*ck in the cultivation realm (that we know of) - “Seen when bathing at Deyu Hall; an absolute unit, truly awe-inspiring” (Ch.131) - that leads to Chu Wanning having an entire crisis

“Because like people, an ox has gotta eat. For the sake of eating, a lot of work has to be done. If one day you can’t work anymore, then no one cares if you’re alive or dead.” - Ch.65, Ox Eats Grass 

The reason behind his “hatred-yet-not-hatred” for Chu Wanning is wild - he purposefully chose to take the Flower of Everlasting Hatred to save Chu Wanning, causing him to become Taxian-jun 

His story is also incredibly tragic, but we don’t talk about that

Six Balls from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Look at the Submissions Here

A minor demon from SVSSS Shen Qingqiu meets while escaping Luo Binghe that’s become a fandom meme

Shen Qinqiu asks for a group of demons’ names, and Six Balls replies that he’s called Six Balls because when he was born, his Pa said he weighed about six balls. It is never elaborated what kind of balls was used as a measurement. 

Normally, Six Balls would be in the Less Popular section, but he’s the most submitted character at 14 submissions. Six Balls lives forever; you can’t escape him.

Current List of Major Characters He's Defeated: Chu Wanning from 2ha