#roysletterstopluto

[yashashveeroy]

I felt like pouring my heart out again today. Bear with me.✨.

Trigger warning: Body image issues, Past trauma from bullying.

Disclaimer: Know that this is written in a very vulnerable state of mind and it certainly doesn’t have to be read by you. But if you do read it and it resonates somehow, I’ll be comforted to know that. After all, this is something very personal but I decided to share it because I realised that many of you, just like me, have inner child wounds.

Placements: Pluto, Mars, Sun, Moon and Saturn Dominants. Check for these planets in the 1st/ 4th/ 5th/8th & 12th Houses. To be honest, this is literally for anyone who wants to heal. 🤍✨

Dearest Pluto,

It’s my Birthday today. Although I’m supposed to be happy, I guess I’m not. I should be right? Today I sit here questioning the type of people I have in my life. Turns out I really am invisible. I just saw 2:22 AM on the clock, confirms my feelings then… Regardless, I’m here to vent to you today, so I’m going to do exactly that! You know, I think, I’m not meant to have a person to myself. Everyone has their own “person”, someone they can go to, talk to and cry to when they face their low moments. Nothing romantic, just pure affection for each other because they care. They are pillars for each other. As much as I pride myself over this ‘Self-dependence’, I truly sit and wonder what it would feel like to have someone like that in my life.

I know I seem so stupid or even crazy to write a letter like this but I truly can’t help it. I’m a mess. I’m sitting behind this computer screen, writing this and just crying away while the song playing in the background just drowns everything. My friend from high school video called me and when she wished me, I thanked her, just not in an enthusiastic manner. She asked me “Roy, are you okay? You’ve changed so much, why aren’t you excited about your birthday like you were always before?” To that I said “I’m okay, I was just reading something serious and I kind of just lost the mood”. Obviously, I wasn’t reading anything. I was just trying to hide my emotions. She kept asking me if I really was fine and I put on my happy face and kept everything under control. So far, only three people really called. To be quite honest, I’ve never really had a ‘Happy’ birthday. Every year, I have had something to be sad about. Am I being ungrateful and bratty about everything?

You see that? I don’t even let myself feel things properly. Such a disappointment.

Pluto, I’ve isolated myself. I realised yet again that you gave me the ego death I asked for to better myself. Thanks to you, my manifestation came true because you really heard me. I am going through a transformation right now and I’m waiting for that brighter day. I learned to love you but I really don’t know how to love myself. All these years, not once did I look in the mirror and feel good. The bullies’ voices never really left my head I think. They used to make fun of me and my body on my birthday too, so I never truly had the chance to enjoy my Birthday in peace or happiness. Today I sit with all this weight on my body and wonder what is it that went wrong, why is ‘thin/skinny’ attractive…. but wait, even that is looked down upon. Who am I even kidding at this point?! This goes much deeper.

Every time, you put me through a transformation, I feel pain like no other but I still feel grateful for it because I know it’s all a part of learning and building myself. I won’t lie, this one, the one I manifested, really broke me. You really know how to switch it up Pluto! I’m so sensitive yet numb right now, don’t know how to explain that one really. I just know that I’m supposed to keep pushing myself no matter what. I’ll always make it. I got this.

I turn 20 today. Can you imagine? 20? ‘Little me’ never thought she’d make it. But I’m here and I hope she’s okay. Pluto, can you maybe go back in time and tell ‘Little Roy’ that she’s okay? Tell her that she has a long way to go and that she should be proud of the big heart she holds in that rib cage. Make her realise that singing and creating art isn’t bad but it’s a beautiful outlet for her emotions. Show her that there’s more to her than the heartless words that people spew at her every day for the way she looks and does things. Be there for her because I couldn’t.

Sometimes, I wish you’d shown me a Lotus sooner. Can’t change the past but I can now understand and appreciate the meaning of it properly. While I’m at the topic of appreciation, let me also tell you what I’m proud and grateful for. It certainly won’t include this body that I have, I’m learning still. So what if I don’t love it? I have other things!!

I’m grateful to have me by my side. For a voice that can sing and soothe my own heartache. For little hands and this infinite imagination that come together to create art. For my love of detail because of which I’ve achieved such finery in my work. For the ability to help others when they need emotional support. For the intuition that I’m still learning to trust every day. For the tough days, just like this one, that made me emotionally invincible yet vulnerable. For the Saturn influence in my life that teaches me what the fruit of patience is. For my Mother, who believes in me more than I do in myself. For my Father who never says “No” to anything I want to do in my life when it comes to my occult or spiritual studies despite him being an atheist. For my Romeo & Raven with whom I’ve learned lessons of sibling/family love. And of course Pluto, you. I can never forget you. You are the one who keeps reminding me how unshakable I am. Thank you.

Now I really don’t know how to end this letter but Thank you for letting me vent and giving me your time. I feel light but I have a terrible headache after all that crying and its 7:54 in the morning. I haven’t slept a bit. I need to get some rest and stop pulling all- nighters, even for reasons like these.

Happy Birthday to me?⚜️💖I’ll be waiting for the next opportunity to write a letter to you.

Love, Roy.

[yashashveeroy]

Join me as I write a letter to my soul planet purely out of love and affection.𓂀.

Maybe after reading this, you’ll send love to a particular placement too? At least, I hope you do because fighting it will only make things worse.

Dearest Pluto,

I often think of the times when I used to hate you. It was exactly this time last year when I discovered your rulership over my chart. “Of all the days, why did you have to give birth to me on this bloody day? What got into the doctor that he set the date of my birth specifically on a day when it’s Scorpio Fucking Rising?!? NO WONDER I HAVE SO MANY ISSUES. THIS BLOODY THING IS THE REASON WHY MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO HARD!!” I started saying angrily to my mother.

At the time, I clearly didn’t know much. I’d just read bits and pieces about you. Reading them didn’t really get me anywhere because all I read about was the negatively highlighted parts of you. I was always so pulled to astrology but the deep interest never got activated the way it did because of you. This seed of hate towards yourself that you sowed in me, purposely, made me so mad that I ended up being a student of the occult arts.

I learned more about you day by day and realised the power you gave me is.... so rare. And way before I even became completely spiritual or started studying astrology, you put me through so many Ego Deaths and Rebirths. I recalled everything from my past and connected it to you, it made so much sense. All the hurt, all the pain, the hidden life lessons and gifts. You kept destroying and rebuilding me. I was empty and then, not.

How did you deal with such a pain in the arse like me? How did you find the courage to be okay with me hating you? I’m so stubborn and impatient, yet after all this you took a risk and nurtured me with your loving arms. You made me see myself in a way I’d never thought of, ever. The anger, the rage towards all of the people who had hurt me, suddenly just seemed to have vanished out of thin air. Learning to ‘Let go’ and ‘Stoicism’ are the first two things you taught me. It made me stable.

I kept thinking of how far I’ve come in these past two years. I’ve changed, for the better. I got rid of such toxic behaviour patterns. You even made me study my own family’s roots to understand how the human psychology works and how behaviours are passed down. I still can’t believe that I did all of it.

Now as I’m writing this, I realise how I’m still a work in progress. Today I sat down with my mother in the morning and we discussed the concept of “forgiveness”. Turns out, I still need to dig deeper within myself and forgive the people who hurt me in the past, including myself. I fight with myself a lot these days, you know. It’s been very hard for me to trust myself.

This past month, all I’ve felt like is ‘Worthless’, ‘Useless’ and ‘Dumb’. These are words, amongst others, that used to come out of their mouths each and every day until finally, we all graduated secondary school. I thought I was free of it all until recently. I’m still learning I guess!

Pluto, before I move on, I want to apologise for abusing you the way I did. You and me, we both know that I never knew you the way I know you now. I’m sorry for not acknowledging your positive influence in my life sooner. I apologise for the ignorance all along.

You’ve guided me all this time. Now I’m asking you for a little more. Please, be there to guide me? I’m willing to embrace it all, all of you. Make me melt and drown into the darkness, show me the light again when you see fit. I want to use your gifts properly. I want to be able to trust these gifts and myself.

I think I just..... want to learn to love myself. I’m in so much pain right now and I don’t want to be self destructive. I ask for nothing more. I know I’ll thrive under your guidance.

I always knew I had a connection with you the moment I started learning about you. I never once believed the other dominant planet calculations until I found the right one that said you were my Dominant planet. I somehow always knew deep inside that you were my soul planet. I was overjoyed the day this was proved right, that’s how much you’ve grown on me.

I love you, Pluto. No matter how much the people of this world may have demonised you or even erased your existence, I love you. I even call myself a “Plutonian” now. That’s how much I accept you.

So, join me again for another transformation?

Love, Roy.

(The gif has been created by me. To enjoy a better, more finer quality of it, simply tap and view it in an enlarged form. Tumblr really spoiled the show of it on the post.)

[yashashveeroy]

⚜️Roy's Archives.⚜️

Table of Contents:

🤍A Letter from Me to You.

✨Let The King Interpret your "Big 3":

• Rules for the "Big 3" Intpn. Event.

• Event's Status at the moment.

✨Asteroids:

• Ubasti {4257}.

• Horus {1924}.

✨Sex & Astrology:

• Kinky Astrology Roasts.

✨Roy’s Observations:

• Planetary Dominance Edition.

✨Roy's Letters To Pluto:

• Coming to terms with Pluto.

• The lonely 20th Birthday.

✨Roy's Letters To Saturn:

• Saturn, I've fallen in Love.

✨Roy's Intuitive Writings:

• For your Heart.

✨Roy's Mother's Words:

• A little on Spiritual Maturity.

• The Saturn Influence in My Life Speaks Again.

⚜️Tags created exclusively for the archive:

• #RoysArchives: For all the new and main astrology posts.

• #RoyAnswered: For asks that include placement interpretations differing from the "big 3". Also contains a few fun "Asks" regarding Roy's Archives.

• #RoysLettersToPluto: For the times I write letters to my Soul & Dominant planet, Pluto. Only done when called to.

• #RoysLettersToSaturn: For the letters I write to Saturn, who's had a lot of influence in my life. It's a long journey of learning and maturity.

• #RoysIntuitiveWritings: For the intuitive & healing letters I’m called to write for specific placements or even emotionally overwhelming moments. Come, heal with me.

• #RoysMothersWords: For the days I decide to share my Mother’s wisdom with you.

• #RoysBigThreeInterpretations: For the “Big 3” Interpretations Event that I hold through my ‘Asks’. You may go through all the previous interpretations by tapping on the tag. Remember, rules for this event also fall under this tag.

• #RoysArchives18+: For any content that is strictly N.S.F.W. and only meant for Royal Subjects who are 18+.

• #RoysArchivesOnHiatus: Only used when a Hiatus is announced.

Lots of Love, Roy.✨🧿