#rs: i wish it could've been you

[lgbtlunaverse]

The thing that really gets me about xiyao. that will never NOT get me about xiyao. Is that they met in circumstances where for just a moment their respective stations in society didn't matter. Not to each other. Their relationship started outside of social conventions. And they spend the next 17 years trying to preserve that time, that relationship outside of society. And society crept in anyway.

[leo-interactive-fiction]

What would happen if Mc baked their LI a cake as a birthday surprise, but it turned out to be the foulest cake out there because MC just sucks at cooking

Haha let's see...

----

At E takes a bite of the cake, their face phases through several expressions before settling with a forced smile, "I-It's, uh..."

You're excitement slowly fades, "Is it...not good?"

"N-No, no! It's good! Er...great? Y-Yeah?"

You look incredulous, "Why does it sound like a question?"

E shakes their head vehemently, "I-I was just surprised! I love it! Really! I-It's...the best cake...because you made it for me..."

E begins shoveling the near inedible slice of cake into their mouth. It made you happy in the moment, even if you could hear them puking up their food poisoning an hour later.

-----

"You baked me a cake?" R's eyes widen in surprise, "You didn't have to do all that. My birthday isn't...that...uh..." Rs voice slowly tapers off as they see you bringing over the 'cake'.

It looks like someone mixed the cake batter with bits of gravel and threw in a pipe bomb during the baking process for good measure. You somehow managed to sear the top into a black charcoal while keeping the bottom a doughy undercooked lump.

R's voice sounds almost apologetic and pleading, "You really didn't have to...I don't deserve this..."

------

L looks down at their plate for a long while, eventually finding their voice after a moment of contemplation, "Um...uh...I-I am not too familiar with the culinary practices, but, well, is it...supposed to look like this?"

"Like what? It looks like cake, right?" You say with complete confidence.

L looks nearly perturbed as they return their eyes back down at the food, "O-Oh, this is cake? W-Well, yes, I suppose I can see a...resemblance...somewhere...a little?" They would feel too bad telling you that they thought it was a completely different dish entirely.

-------

V has to take a slight pause as they taste the food, the fork still stuck in their mouth for a moment before they reach for another bite.

"...it's good."

"Really?!" You celebrate, happy that you finally made a good cake. It's true that V enjoys the taste, but your excitement clouds you from the reality that relying on the opinion of someone that eats grass mulch and bugs isn't the best decision for your culinary development.

It doesn't stop you from savoring the victory now, though.

------

P knows better than to judge something before they taste it. That being said, once they taste the 'cake', it immediately becomes 'garbage' as they toss the entire tray in the can, along with the dishes and any utensils you used to make it. They've become angry enough that they've popped something and doubled back to being calm.

"I've never seen this in my fucking life...How the fuck did you manage to undercook and overcook batter? I am genuinely impressed at the level of stupid you managed to show me today. You're actually the first person I've ever thought to say this to, but I really wish you could've been born smarter so you could realize and contemplate how extraordinary of a fuck up you made."

---------

M takes a small, tentative bite of the abomination before quickly spitting it out. As you're about to take your own bite, M's hand darts across the table to stop you. It's the fastest you've ever seen M move, and you could barely even register the blur before M's hand knocks the fork out of your hand and across the room.

They slowly recede back into their seat, dabbing their mouth with a napkin and giving you a gentle smile, "It's...not...good..."

"O-Oh...you could've just said that instead..."

"You were...in danger...so I...got a little...scared..."

You look down guiltily, "H-Hey, come on, it couldn't have been that serious..."

"It's...very...not...good..." M emphasizes.

--------

Raven stares at the cake for a moment before digging in happily. You look down at them expectantly as they wolf down the food.

"Is it good?"

"No!" Raven replies honestly, giving you a bright, wide smile, "But...that's alright! Because I treasure everything you give to me..."

Your expression drops into a guilty one, "You don't have to keep eating if it's bad..."

"It's really bad! I can't lie to you about it...but you wanted me to enjoy it, didn't you? So I'll enjoy it even if it's bad, because I can enjoy anything if I know it makes you happy..." Raven continues eating the cake despite the flavor, a wide smile plastered on their face as they seem genuinely contented in their choices.

------

S takes a small bite of the cake before their entire body revolts and rejects it, spasming in its attempt to spit it back onto the place and throw the plate away.

They take a moment of silence to recollect themselves before facing you, "Hey, so uh...sorry 'bout this, but I don't think ya should be doin' the whole...cookin' thing. Did you uh...make anything else for today? No?"

There's a visible sigh of relief throughout S's entire body, and you think you can see them thanking some divine for their benevolence. They quickly return to their cheery self.

"Well, now that we got that out of the way, let's make sure no one else eats...Oh, shit, no! Everyone already took a slice!

--------

F's nose upturns in clear disgust when you present the slice of cake to them.

"...Are you insulting me?"

"I-It's your birthday cake..." you murmur.

"Yes, I very well understand what it is attempting to represent..."

You glance away, slightly insulted, "You could at least taste it first...

F prods the inedible mass with their fork before collecting a bite and holding it up to you with a menacing smile, "You are confident enough in your own creation, yes? You will not be leaving until you clean both my plate and your own... and afterward, you can tell me all about how it tastes. I will take your word..."

-----

Thank you for the ask haha, I enjoyed it

[minthe-lover]

Chapter 216 Analysis

So, I sort of like this chapter but very much not in the way I think rs wants. I like this chapter because even before kronos takes control, it shows hades being a massive asshole. I think hades fits being a bad main character (bad in the sense morally not written) then a romantic lead, at this points it's funny how much he fits the shitty boss trope at this point.

Now at the beginning, how the fade to grey. I thought at first it would be a "oh after daphne left thanatos life his life seemed grey" sort of visual metaphor, but then it comes back to colour and then fades to grey again? It's sort of like rs wanted three ways to start the episode and just choose all of them, two of the three are already things we've seen before to... I think it would've just been best to have the echo and thanatos finding daphne one.

Now a point that I feel I'm gonna have to reiterate alot, is just how shitty the choose was to not have this all happen in chronological order. It would've build so much suspense and interest if we slowly saw hades seemingly going "evil" (he always acted that way but still). Have a few episodes of seeing the effects of the scars on the others.

Especially with the scene of thanatos finding daphne, this could've been a heart breaking drawn out scene of both thanatos and echo grieving along with more of their reactions to apollo. Instead we just get a few panels of thanatos being sad.. and nothing else about it.

Now the main bit of the chapter.. is just filled to the brim with horrible workplace conduct. Ignore the big stuff till later.. the fact that neither thanatos nor hecate are surprised at his anger along with the fact this is happened inside the work place is just fucked up. Doesn't matter if the boss is angry at an employee they should never yell at them or have an employee be terrified to the point of tears to talk to them... and while I've read the fastpass so I know why... but holy shit why the fuck isn't hr there???

Also hecate... don't touch thanatos.. again.. your his superior and you shouldn't he holding his face without asking first.

Now on a more positive note before I go fully into analysis the argument, I do have to say that I like the effect that happens when kronos takes. It make it clear and striking when he does take control and it's a neat trick to have the static colour thingys to show how it could be disorienting to hades.. I just wish that there way a bit reaction from hades.

Also I sort of like the crown design.. but the crown itself is really weird and creepy. Like hades you weren't even officially dating yet, and when did you get this? if it was during the trial when Persephone first showed any interest in leadership when did you fine time to do this? If it was before the trial holy shit that's creepy, she hasn't showed any interest in leadership before then.

Now on the surface the worst stuff is only said when kronos is in control, but everything else he says before then is filled to the brim of gaslighting and shitty behavior for both a boss and a father figure.

First passes the full blame onto thanatos, by claiming that he hasn't done anything to get thanatos to act that way. He there is no pause or moment of self reflection on his own actions, and he immediately goes into gaslighting.

The next line is a very shitting thing regardless, its basically "I was only cruel because it was your fault and I did it to help you". It's something at least I've heard commonly form abusers, passing blame to you for their cruel actions because you did something 'wrong'. That along with the saying their cruelness towards you is helping you in some way, making you less sensitive or lazy. It's shitty and hades is clearly talking like someone manipulating a person they are abusing.

Then a line that I'm honestly a bit surprised that rs included, especially since it's a line that is almost identically to ones that stereotypical shitty parents say. The idea that hades should never be treated negatively nor should thanatos ever question his instinct because hades just... does the bare minimum as a boss/father.

While I have talked to this before feel like it should be repeated... because hades has clearly given persephone special treatment that ends up harming others. While she didn't directly receive a job from Hades she is getting paid for it unlike other interns, she is getting personal introductions and tours that waste time of both hades and his employees. Hades does this for a girl he met only like a few days to a week earlier.... so yes you where hypnotized into incompetence hades.

Now I don't dislike that hades is a complete asshole in this episodes, it's been done before and I don't fully mind it when it happens. My main problem is how that hades is always treated in the right and that no actions he does can be wrong, he is written to be a morally bad main character but the story he is in treats him as a never wrong sexy character. He is abusive.. but the story is written like he is just a bit rude at times.

It bleeds into how the others characters are viewed, basically all of these characters have some sort of trauma. Though the only time trauma isn't a full excuse for all actions is when it falls to the main character. Demeter, minthe, and thanatos are the best to show it, you see time and time again fans say something like "well they have a bad past but they still shouldn't do it and it's no excuse for their actions."

Then you also see so many constantly talk about how terribly the trauma characters like hades and persephone go through. That they constantly use to that trauma to excuse any actions. Hades is cruel to demeter, well it's probably because of his social isolation and dead mother. Persephone murdered hundreds of humans, well they unknowingly killed her friends.

Now last thing I wish to talk about is how much the trauma is this story is biased around parents though in a way that feels extremely one note. Every character has some level of parental trauma, and while that isn't in itself bad I feel likes there is little nuance nor any variety.

most of the trauma is basically just emotional neglect (demeter, thanatos mother, minthes mother) or physical abuse (kronos). Then the response to this trauma for every single one is just.. to cut off the parent.

They all feel very similar, and I'mma compare it to bojack horseman again. Mainly because in bojack horseman basically every single character has some level of parental trauma but each one is vastly different and responses to them are different.

Bojack parental trauma is mainly used to explore generational trauma and how cruelty is passed down/ Diana's is used to explore emotional abuse and sexism along with how trauma is just cruelty doesn't have any point to it. Princes Caroline is about the struggles of poverty and how it effects parents to treat their children, along with the struggles of being alone by the elderly. Todds is how 'tough love' doesn't work and just pushes you away from your children.

Each one is also solved in a different way and each story feels unique. In lore Olympus they seem incredibly flat and one note, there doesn't seem to be alot of variety. Though a large problem with it in lore olympus.. is besides like Demeter we don't get any characterization of their parents and it doesn't feel like they are actual characters, just negative forces acting onto the characters.

I think that's about how much I can talk about this without covering things that can be dealt with next chapter, so I leave you with the worst fucking line in this whole god damn story.

[bisluthq]

Swiftdom's collective stupidity never ceases to baffle me. Joever is, like you say, the simplest and most normal boring thing that happens all the time with ltrs: 2 people love each other a lot, have been committed for years and arranging their lives to make it work, then gradually as a result of normal life circumstances (new job opportunities, newfound professional passions etc) one or both parties' priorities change, they start to grow apart in spite of still trying hard to make things work, until one or both of them realizes that the effort and sacrifice being invested is not worth it anymore and wishing for things to go back to how good they once were won't solve anything, and so it ends. Idk it was very clear from Lover era and Miss Americana that she felt pretty certain at the time that her peak as a popstar had already passed and it was gradually moving downhill, so even if the pandemic hadn't happened she would've continued to write and create a bunch but gone for an indie sound and/or writing for other artists.Their plan seemed to be to set base somewhere in north London and he would continue with his acting career and she would obviously still be Taylor Swif, only not 1989 era/2023 levels of fame Taylor Swift, but Lover era levels of fame Taylor Swift, which imho was something that felt manageable to both of them. 2019-2020 media appearances and promo from both of them was more open and in hindsight I think that point was the ideal balance for them. Then the pandemic happen, which halted the previous momentum Joe's acting career had been having, folkmore happened as a direct result of lockdown, which along with the re-recordings catapulted her to unprecedented levels of fame that neither of them could've possibly anticipated and that tbqh Joe didn't sign up for 🤷🏻‍♀️ objectively, it would've been stupid of Taylor to ignore the opportunity so imo it isn't fair to shame her for "choosing her career over him" bc Eras was literally the logical thing to do. And it's what almost anyone in her position would've done🤷🏻‍♀️at the same time, it would've been stupid of Joe to accept being a trophy husband who follows her around (I personally would love to be that for her lol) bc that would've never made him happy bc he yknow likes to act and likes to work. It would've been unfair for him to surrender to the excessive fame that he clearly dislikes just to stay in a rs bc besties that's a fucking lifelong thing in spite of how much Swifties insist that it's not a big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

So neither one is "right" or "wrong" bc no one cheated (physically at least) and neither did anything horrible like dv or stealing so genuinely the discourse at this point feels like a 12 year old's take and idk if it's cos there's a bunch of actual 12 yolds online or if it's just everyone being incredibly stupid and/or cognitively impaired lmao

idk I think it’s a lot of people not being willing to treat celebs as real people. Like no one on a tv show breaks up because shit just gets weird - people know they do but like TAYLOR SWIFT (the character) can’t because it doesn’t make sense to people. Idk. Just accept that she’s a person and it’s way easier to stan.

[flamechasr]

1 , 20+21 for any of Afterglow as Tsugu , 25+27 for miss Lumine , and 31 !! >w< ilyyyy

(1) — a memory on your mind currently

dark warning?? // MUELSYSE ; i had a nightmare where i was drowning and it felt so real and so scary because i can't drown. it's physically impossible. but it was as if the water was trying to kill me, and i was helpless against it. i think i was really, deeply afraid that the ocean would one day turn against me, and i would no longer have a home, or anywhere else to go and. Yeah i just keep thinking about this.

(20) — a positive memory of AFTERGLOW

i will answer this for the whole band!! uhm..... is it cheesy to say like... the whole journey of us becoming friends and becoming a band rising to stardom. because honestly there were so many good things that happened because of us being together and also choosing to stay together, despite everything, it makes me sob to think about and i'm not even a crybaby like himari !!! JOKES. i love you!

(21) — a negative memory of AFTERGLOW

not a memory per se but i had this deep-seated fear that you guys would end up forgetting about me or leaving me behind, since i didn't bring much to the band and always felt invisible. dhsjdsd i was. Very insecure about a lot of things despite acting positive, it was mostly to cope with my own fears. it's really irrational because you guys were always there for me and reassured me that i Wasn't unimportant and i cried a little and you joined in and then we all did..... so silly but i love you guys!!

(25) — someone you wish you were closer to or knew better

i have 2 canons for lumine, as the traveler and abyss princess, so i'll answer with both!! (spoilers) TRAVELER ; it's hard to say Names since i kinda wish i knew everyone better because i was always hopping from place to place, never being able to stay for too long, but probably childe. i never trusted him and i didn't really want to make amends since he betrayed us, but we had a weird rs where we actually saw each other often - for spars - but didn't talk much. look it's his fault because he only ever talked nonsense and didn't really want to answer questions. i knew about his family stuff, and i definitely sympathized with him, but ultimately i felt that he was delusional (literally) and his morals were also in the wrong places. you just don't wanna get too close to people like that. i do wish i understood him though, and i'd have probably tried harder to fix our rs. ABYSS PRINCESS ; i get somber thinking about ways i could've fixed my situation, if i was maybe closer with the archons. venti in particular, because i kinda thought of him as a strange person. i met him briefly in a bar during my time in mondstadt, he looked sad right until he saw me staring and then he smiled so wide and i immediately knew this guy was a faker. would i have been friends with him? no. two people can't be in grief together. at the same time i shouldn't have dismissed him so easily since he probably knew the most out of all the archons.

(27) — your partners and something you loved about them

TRAVELER ; just one, ayaka my forever girl i miss her so bad i wanna die. jokes. she was so kind to us and daresay the most beautiful girl i had ever laid my eyes on. i really regret having been so mean to her at first. i was just, like, tired and burnt out of everything at that point. despite it i'm so grateful she still chose my company for the festival, and even listened to my woes. she's a really good listener, i have never talked that much about my Issues and Problems and actually felt heard. what else ... she's the definition of grace, a real princess, i knew i was in Deep when she danced for me in the middle of the forest. the day before i left inazuma, she told me she loved me and i was Shocked. i didn't want to say it because it would be selfish, declaring love when i had to leave her, but it made me really happy. because there's nothing to not love about her and i'd come back to her again and again. her interest in international food was very endearing and gave me a reason to visit inazuma often to let her try the latest recipes i got from all around teyvat ABYSS PRINCESS ; also just one, i met dainsleif in khaenriah not even knowing where i had landed, when i just crashed into teyvat. honestly he was pretty annoying at first because he insisted on bodyguarding me everywhere, claiming he's actually “keeping watch to make sure i don't cause trouble”, but i realized soon that protection was just how he expressed his love and like that's really cute. my world crumbled when the cataclysm fell and he even let me cry into his chest, even though he was dealing with his own grief. he's just really selfless and kind and never gave himself enough credit for it. he took care of me when i got drunk off my ass, though he'll chastise me about how it's reckless, he'll tuck the blanket over me anyway, it's these little things that made me realize that i loved him too. my favorite thing about him is that he's really easy to fluster but he won't show it, like, if i pecked him on the cheek he won't blush or anything but his heart would start beating so fast (i know because i felt it). he's also very weak to sweet words, and returns it with his wholehearted devotion. i... really, deeply regret what became of us. i still loved him even when we parted ways, knowing it's for our own good. i don't know if he despised me after.

31 answered here!

[s0rni0ne]

Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? Favourite Pokemon? What color looks best on you? Are you currently in love with someone? Starbucks order? Do you think you're important? Are you listening to music right now? Do you miss anyone? Can you roll your Rs?“ What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? The person you would never want to meet? You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? What is your favorite swear? Are you a jealous person?

Nao (Unless its rlly messy) Eevee! Always been my fav since I was a kid Blue or Red looks good on me imo Nope! Not at the moment at least *WRIGGLES HANDS TOGETHER ON THIS ONE* Iced Chocolate Almondmilk Shaken Espresso (But I only with one Espresso shot bc it makes my stomach hurt) OR Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino with 3-4 extra pumps of caramel <3 I'd like to think I'm important to some people I'm listening to Mixed Messages by Tom Cardy! Its a funky song /pos I love the lyrics to it JSDHS There's a lot of people I miss. Right now though its two specific people. I miss them almost everyday, they may have done horrible things but I wish no harm on them. I miss them, used to treat me like family. Or at least that's what I thought. UE UE I can't roll my Rs </3 Every time I do I sound like a deflated balloon or a duck who can't quack. Theres a lot of strange convos I've been in, One i've been in as of recently with one of my irls is about someone that kept handing them notes asking for his discord and then asking to be his discord kitten Good times! (This happened last friday) I'd never want to meet uhhhh idfk actually I cant think of specific people but idfk ig Zoophiles? Predators? Those kinds of people in general I'd never wanna meet Uhhh, I'd say a lot of the fights that'd happen when I was a kid. Like fights between my parents and such. Just so that way I could've grown up a little better. Motherfucker I am, only a little though. I know how to control myself well enough plus I don't get Jealous easy

[whatiwillsay]

It's been a few months since Folklore and i still can believe swifties ignored "Could've followed my fears all the way down" in This is me trying. I don't know you but I'm very concerned, or maybe it's just me cause I've got depression. She also made me go 👀 a few times in Miss Americana. I just wish she went to therapy, i think it could really be good for her.

Also i know we said it might be from Dianna (or someone else) POV but today i saw some photos of Abigail's wedding and "Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here" came to my mind so maybe the song is from Tay's POV.

So I kind of actually agree that while it’s *possible* timt is from Dianna’s pov and about the time in their relationship that inspired how you get the girl, it’s probably a more personal song that actually is from Taylor’s pov.

While it seems reasonable to speculate that the 1 is about dianna since it’s about looking back at a past rs it starts to be more of a reach that dianna has multiple songs on an album so far removed from their relationship.

Ofc anything is possible and I definitely got excited ab the analysis that pointed to the idea that the song was about dianna, BUT given some time and perspective I am more of the opinion that the 1 is the only song that really seems related to dianna.

Timt feels more like a personal song and less like a song ab a lover.

[gammaprimesmw]

Some Stuff I Found on Old CDs

This whole thing started when I was looking for a particular CD-R that had a Super Mario World ROM on it, which would be useful in the event that I decide to start hacking again. I never did find the disc. I'll have to pull my old laptop out of the garage and see if I left it in there. In the meantime, I figured I might as well look through all the other CD-Rs I had in my room. Most of these were full of old Transformers and GoBots-related pictures and videos I downloaded in the early 2000s. There were plenty of screenshots from the shows, and the GoBots ones eren't of the best quality. There were also examples of my efforts to "metalize" various G1 characters the way I had seen fellow Transfan Nightwind do. I dismissed those too, but grabbed the actual Nightwind pieces off the CDs. Most of the rest was fanart and official art from Dreamwave Productions, and I decided to keep that stuff too. I'll probably post some of those in the future. First, though, I think I'll share some of the stuff from those discs that I made.

I'll start with what might be the weirdest thing. It's supposed to be the Combaticon Onslaught. The circumstances that brought this about are actually kinda tragic though. I may or may not have mentioned my mother's abusive second husband here on this blog. I know I've mentioned him elsewhere though. One of the awful things he'd do when in a rage is break stuff, usually by throwing it. That's what happened to my first Game Boy Advance SP. I was playing a bit too loud late at night, and woke him up while he was asleep and not feeling well. He responded by grabbing the thing and throwing it against the wall with such force that it broke the screen internally and warped the battery. The damage to the screen produced something that, to me, sort of looked like Onslaught. I figured I'd get just one more use out of the busted handheld before getting rid of it, so I took a picture of the screen and edited it in Photoshop. I could probably do better now, but this was 2004. Thankfully, I don't have to worry about my current stepdad breaking my current SP. He's a much better man.

Here's more Photoshop shenanigans. Back in my sophomore year of high school, I had written a short Beast Machines fanfic that involved an Aero Drone getting possessed by Starscream. The fic is long gone, having been hand-written instead of typed out. It's probably pretty bad anyway. It would, however, inspire this years later.

One thing I liked to play with online sometimes was the Bright Lights Clickamajig on Nick.com. It was basically a virtual Lite Brite with several Nicktoon-themed patterns to light up. It also had a freeform mode where you could make anything you wanted, so I had to try my hand at doing some Transformers. Some of the bulb colors would have to be changed in Photoshop for these.

This may be the only surviving picture of Kicker, a cat I had from 2005 to 2007. It's not the best, but it was taken with a low-end webcam from the 2000s. The little kitty looks pretty happy here. I just wish that, of all the things my mother held onto, she could've held on to the better pictures of Kicker she had on her old computer.

This is a VERY old picture of G1 Scourge. I doubt I still have the original. Otherwise, I'd scan it. This had to be taken with a webcam because I had no scanner at the time.

[lgbtlunaverse]

I'm a little bit insane about how in novel canon the whole xiyao ending where Jin Guangyao wants to die with Xichen, who accepts, which then makes jgy change his mind and pushes him away at the last second isn't actually explicit. A lot of adaptations chose to make it so but in the novel this is all VERY up for interpretation.

Here's what actually happens in the text: Lan xichen stabs jgy, jgy moves away from lan xichen, xichen follows him, wwx realizes jgy is about to open the coffin and calls "watch out!" to lan xichen. Jgy unseals nmj, pushes xichen away, nmj kills jgy and they are both dragged into the coffin which is sealed again.

Here's what wei wuxian, our narrator, thinks is happening: Jin Guangyao wanted to lead lan xichen to his death out of revenge for stabbing him. Lan Xichen, unaware, simply followed Jin Guangyao to try and stop him from getting away. Wei wuxian's warning came too late, but Jin Guangyao- for an unknown reason- changed his mind at the last second and pushed lan xichen out of danger before lan xichen had any idea of what was going on.

Here's what most fans as well as the teams behind several adpatations think is happening: Jin Guangyao leads Xichen to nmj's coffin to die with him, Xichen accepts, because of this acceptance, proof xichen still cares for him, Jin Guangyao pushes him out of harm's way. Wei Wuxian just doesn't get that gay people who aren't him or Lan Wangji exist.

Here's what ALSO MIGHT BE HAPPENING: Jin guangyao wants to die in a different way than he is currently dying. Maybe he's afraid of what'll happen to his body after his death like he was scared for his mother's, maybe he wants to confront nmj one last time now that there's nothing more for him to lose, maybe - if he can't take her body with him- he'd at least like his final resting place to be where he buried his mother. Lan Xichen thinks he's trying to get away and follows but Jin Guangyao, who despite everything doesn't want him to die, pushes him away. Xichen doesn't know what happened until it's already happened. What he would've wanted if he had known remains up in the air.

Or, alternatively: Jin Guangyao's reasons are as above, but unbeknowst to Wei Wuxian, Xichen DOES know what jgy is about to do and either misinterprets this as an invitation to all die together, or inidividually decides he, too, is done, and wants to join his sworn brothers in the grave. To Jin Guangyao this has nothing to do with Lan Xichen, and he still doesn't want him to die, so he pushes him away against Lan Xichen's wishes.

Every single one of these interpretations is unhinged and they are all supported by the original text. It's like a choose your own adventure of tragic gay endings.

[lgbtlunaverse]

I don't think we talk about xiyao exes to lovers enough. I understand that in canon the "breakup" ended with death and imo it was never going to end any other way (I have a lot of feelings about how jgy is doomed from the start) but even in aus where survival is an option I barely ever see their full potential realized. The fact that there is this heartbreaking gap that is between them now, and yet that, despite it all, they can't stop loving each other. When you have drama this good, why is the conflict relegated to outside threats and we end up with little to no exploration of internal strife, of the fact that these guys have been living a domestic lie for a decade (I cannot stress this enough, the amount of parralels between xiyao and jgy's marriage to qin su are staggering.)

And let me be clear I will NEVER begrudge anyone their hurt/comfort and wanting their faves who are denied happiness and peace at every turn to find it. god knows I need that sometimes. Or even the less healthy but so emotionally devastating fics where the caring isn't good, and it doesn't fix anything- might only make things worse, actually- and xichen ends up recreating his father's fate. I love all of those things. But. Man. This divorce was over 11 years in the making it should take AT LEAST that long to resolve. What do you do when the person you trusted the most lied to you for years? What do you do when the only person who's ever believed in you loses that faith so completely they'd hurt you over a lie without hesitation? I need me some xiyao who try to get over each other for 20 years and fail. I need them to meet after not seeing each other for years and have it hurt like no time has passed at all. I need arguments where no one raises their voice but that feel like a screaming match anyway. Do you see my vision?? Do you see what we could have?

(if fics that do exacly this are out there, recs are of course welcome)

[lgbtlunaverse]

Ok I have such visceral feelings about Xiyao and rarely see the specific aspect explored that I want in depictions of them but. I haven't been able to articulate why that is or what I'm looking for till now and it was bugging me. and your tags on the JGY kinnie post articulated it perfectly so. Thank

Well!! Ksdjdjskan I'm glad that my history of lying to my family, friends, and therapist has contributed to both our media analysis capabilities!! (Well when i say it like that it sounds stupid but I MEAN it)

I'm gonna use this ask as an excuse to go into a bit more detail on exactly that subject, cause I have been thinking about this a lot. I notice that anytime people go into the elements of xiyao that aren't exactly healthy, most of the focus is placed on lan xichen as the wronged party (and yeah he's the one being lied to! It makes sense) but in a strange sort of twisted parrallel to jgy and qin su's relationship, xichen is probably the one having an overall better time in the xiyao relationship right up until the reveal at the end!

To qin su, she had a loving if not physically passionate marriage with a son who died tragically young but was still wonderful and loved. Xichen had a sworn bortherhood where jgy and he could lean on each other and be honest with each other even when they couldn't be with anyone else, and despite any trouble with nie mingjue they mourned him together, carried each other through his death, and take care of his little brother in his memory.

Jin guangyao, meanwhile, has to keep up the act at all times. Somewhere in between getting taken in by his father and killing nie mingjue xichen stops being the one who will stand by his side no matter what and becomes... another person he has to act in front of. This doesn't actually change the fact that Xichen is his favourite person. That the act he is putting on for Xichen is likely the person he sincerely wants to be and strives to be as close to as he can. Jgy has put on masks all his life but this is the one he wishes was his actual face.

(Side tangent: Jgy genuinely wants to be good and help people. I believe this fully. Yes he wants to keep himself alive at all costs and will do horrible things to ensure his own safety but that doesn't mean he likes doing them or that he thinks they're justified. "Not having any better options" and "doing the right thing" are, in fact, not the same. I think jgy sincerely wishes he hadn't done any of his worst crimes and feels guilty, even while fully believing he had to do them.)

Side tangent over. You can lie to someone and love them. Sometimes the fact that you love them makes it harder to be honest. Because their opinion of you matters so much, them hating you or looking down on you is worse than anyone else doing so. Can you really handle dissapointing this person? Can you? There are a lot of people Jin guangyao lies to out of pure self preservation. I think Lan Xichen is one of the only ones where his primary motive for lying isn't just the physical consequences of what would happen if he gets found out, but also the emotional ones.

Cw for discussion of suicide this next paragraph.

So. I've been struggling with suicidal feelings basically since i was a young teenager and every single serious attempt or consideration, ever, has been in relation to a lie i've been telling (usually to my family) and it getting increasingly harder to keep quiet and increasingly more harmful to drag out. It feels so horrible that I have, on multiple occasions, considered killing myself to get out of it.

Now, jgy is a lot more dedicated to staying alive than I am. But that doesn't mean the actual feeling of it is any different to him, it's just that he doesn't see dying as a solution to problems like I do sometimes. I can say with experience. That loving someone and being around them pretending to be the person you actually wish you were but know you can't be is fucking torture. At any random moment a voice in the back of your head can and will pop up and remind you that this is fake. They wouldn't love you like this if they knew. And the longer you keep it a secret the worse their reaction will be. You'll manage to forget and let yourself be happy around them because they make you happy and the moment you remember you will feel guilt for that happiness. You're not just bad for lying, you are worse for daring to enjoy this person loving you on false pretenses.

And the fact that for jgy all this is just a repeat of shit everyone else has been saying about him for no good reason for literally his entire life? That he doesn't deserve to be here, that the people around him are too good for him. Oh. No. Yeah. Like I said in those tags. Nightmare scenario. (And then to be killed by this person for a thing you didn't actually do? Because you have fallen so low in their eyes that everything is fair game now? Fuck. Fuck. Xiyao make me want to go chew on glass.)