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coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe · 10 months

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Neutralised (1994) [3/?]: My Version of The Shared Universe

For those of you unfamiliar with 'Chicago Hope', it was actually set in a shared universe. Also, 'Suspiciously Similar' characters will be involved (Due to actors playing multiple roles). This is my take on that:

Shows:

Chicago Hope

Homicide: Life on the Street

Law & Order

Neutralised

Picket Fences

characters (I'm not listing anyone who was in 20 episodes or less) under the cut. Also technically these are not all the characters as I'm still writing stuff.

Chicago Hope - Characters (& Actors):

Doctor Aaron Shutt (Adam Arkin)

Doctor Phillip Watters (Hector Elizondo)

Doctor William 'Billy' Kronk (Peter Berg)

Doctor Dennis Hancock (Vlondie Curtis-Hall)

Doctor Diane Grad (Jayne Brook)

Doctor Keith Wilkes (Rocky Carroll)

Doctor Jack McNeil (Mark Harmon)

Doctor Daniel Nyland (Thomas Gibson)

Doctor Jeffrey Geiger (Mandy Patinkin)

Nurse Camille Shutt (Roxanne Hart)

Doctor Lisa Catera (Stacy Edwards)

Alan Birch (Peter MacNicol)

Doctor Joseph Cacaci (Bob Bancroft)

Doctor Robert Yeats (Eric Stoltz)

Doctor Gina Simon (Carla Gugino)

Doctor Jeremy Hanlon (Lauren Holly)

Doctor Francesca Alberghetti (Barbara Hershey)

Homicide: Life on the Street - Characters (& Actors)

Detective John Munch (Richard Belzer)

Detective Meldrick Lewis (Clark Johnson)

Lieutenant Alphonse Giardello (Yaphet Kotto)

Detective Tim Bayliss (Kyle Secor)

Detective Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher)

Detective / Sergeant Kay Howard (Melissa Leo)

Detective Mike Kellerman (Reed Diamond)

Officer/Detective/Lieutenant Stuart Gharty (Peter Gerety)

Detective Paul Falsone (Jon Seda)

Lieutenant/Captain/Detective Megan Russert (Isabella Hofman)

Detective Laura Ballard (Callie Thorne)

Detective Terri Stivers (Toni Lewis)

Captain/Colonel George Barnfather (Clayton LeBouef)

ASA Ed Danvers (Željko Ivanek)

J.H.Brodie (Max Perlich)

Detective Beau Felton (Daniel Baldwin)

Detective Stanley Bolander (Ned Beatty)

Dr Julianna Cox (Michelle Forbes)

FBT Agent/Officer Mike Giardello (Giancario Esposito)

Detective Rene Sheppard (Michael Michele)

Dr. Alyssa Dyer (Harlee McBride)

Detective/Captain Roger Gaffney (Walt MacPherson)

Law & Order - Characters (& Actors)

Sergeant Maxwell Greevey (George Dzundza)

Junior Detective Michael Logan (Chris Noth)

Captain Donald Cragen (Dann Florek)

Exex ADA Benjamin Stone (Michael Moriarty)

ADA Paul Robinette (Richard Brooks)

DA Adam Schiff (Steven Hill)

Sergeant Philip Cerreta (Paul Sorvino)

Dr Elizabeth Olivet (Carolyn McCormic)

Senior Detective Leonard W Briscoe (Jerry Orbach)

Lieutenant Anita Van Buren (S. Epatha Merkerson)

ADA Claire Kincaid (Jill Hennessy)

Exec ADA/DA John McCoy (Sam Waterston)

Junior Detective Reynaldo Curtis (Benjamin Bratt)

ADA Jamie Ross (Carey Lowell)

ADA Abigail Carmichael (Angie Harmon)

Junior/Senior Detective Edward Green (Jesse L. Martin)

Interim DA Nora Lewin (Dianne Wiest)

ADA Serena Southerlyn (Elisabeth Röhm)

DA Arthur Branch (Fred Thompson)

Neutralised - Characters (& Actors)

Abraham Machado (Alfred Molina)

Andreina Neri (Robin Wright)

Caleb Willow (Cary Elwes)

Dove Lewis (Alfre Woodard)

Esmé Verity (Janaeane Garofalo)

Faustus Sanchez (Hank Azaria)

Grayson Bryant (Harold Perrineau)

Hunter Kingsley (Chris Farley)

Ichabod Mortimer (Danny DeVito)

Jared Foster (Kirk Acevedo)

Kane Carter (Philip Seymour Hoffman)

Lance Carter (John Goodman)

Monday Duke (Patricia Arquette)

Noam Gold (Oliver Platt)

Omega Finch (Willem Dafoe)

Peyton Blythe (Regina King)

Russel Warszawski (Adam Sandler)

Sullivan Landon (Christopher Lloyd)

Tuesday Duke (Reese Witherspoon)

Victor Jamison (Mike Myers)

Winslow Warszawski (Brad Garrett)

Xavier Solomon (David Spade)

Yancy Haggard (Kiefer Sutherland)

Zoey Knight (Geena Davis)

OZ - Characters (& Actors)

Augustus Hill (Harold Perrineau)

Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen)

Ryan O'Reily (Dean Winters)

Kareem Saïd / Goodson Truman (Eamonn Walker)

Miguel Alvarez (Kirk Acevedo)

Vernon Schillinger (J.K. Simmons)

Simon Adebisi (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje)

Christopher Keller (Christopher Meloni)

Zahir Arif (Granville Adams)

Hamid Khan (Ernie Hudson Jr.)

Nacim Bismilla (Re Hanna)

Huseni Mershah / James Monroe Madison (Roger Guenvuer Smith)

Leroy Tidd / Salah Udeen (Jacues Smith)

Jefferson Keane (Leon)

Kenny Wangler (J.D. Williams)

Arnold 'Poet' Jackson (muMs the Schemer)

Paul Markstrom (O.L. Duke)

Junior Pierce (Malé-Lexington Alexander)

Malcolm 'Snake' Coyle (Treach)

Johnny Post (Tim McAdams)

James Robson (R.E. Rodgers)

Mark Mack (Leif Riddell)

Jaz Hoyt (Evan Seinfeld)

Scott Ross (Stephen Gevedon)

Andrew Schillinger (Frederick Koehler)

Nino Schibetta (Tony Schibetta)

Peter Schibetta (Eddie Malavarca)

Antonio Nappa (Mark Margolis)

Chucky Pancamo (Chuck Zito)

Dino Ortolani (Jon Seda)

Don Zanghi (John Palumbo)

Joey D'Angelo (Goodfella Mike G)

Mario Seggio (Todd Etelson)

Salvatore DeSanto (Phil Campanella)

Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez (Luis Guzman)

Carmen 'Chico' Guerra (Otto Sanchez)

Carlos Martinez (Carlos Leon)

Carlo Ricardo (Juan Carlos Hernandez)

Cyril O'Reily (Scott William Winters)

Rev. Jeremiah Cloutier (Luke Perry)

Timmy Kirk (Sean Dugan)

Alonzo Torquemada (Bobby Cannavale)

Richie Hanlon (Jordan Lage)

Shirley Bellinger (Kathryn Erbe)

Bob Rebadow (George Morfogen)

Agamemnin Busmalis (Tom Mardirosian)

Donald Groves (Sean Whitesell)

Jackson Vahue (Rick Fox)

Desmond Mobay / John Basil (Lance Reddick)

Richard L'Italien (Eric Roberts)

Nikolai Stanislofsky (Phillip Casnoff)

William Giles (Austin Pendleton)

Henry Stanton (Thomas G. Waites)

Colonel Edward Galson (John Doman)

Eli Zabitz (David Johansen)

Kipekemie Jara (Zakes Mokae)

Dean Alvah Case (Charles S. Dutton)

Sean Murphy (Robert Clohessy)

Claire Howell (Kristin Rohde)

Diane Wittlesey (Edie Falco)

Clayton Hughes (Seth Gilliam)

Karl Metzger (Bill Fagerbakke)

Eddie Hunt (Murphy Guyer)

Lenny Burrano (Skipp Sudduth)

Father Ray Mukada (B.D Wong)

Doctor Gloria Nathan (Lauren Veldez)

Governor James Devlin (Željko Ivanek)

Martin Querns (Reg E. Cathey)

Doctor Frederick Garvey (Milo O'Shea)

Warden Leo Glynn (Ernie Hudson)

Tim McManus (Terry Kinney)

Sister Peter Marie Reimondo (Rita Moreno)

Picket Fences - Characters (& Actors)

Sheriff James 'Jimmy' Brock (Tom Skerritt)

Doctor Jill Brock (Kathy Baker)

Kimberly Brock (Holly Marie Combs)

Matthew Brock (Justin Shenkarow)

Zachary 'Zach' Brock (Adam Wylie)

Deputy Kenny Lacos (Costas Mandylor)

Deputy Maxine 'Max' Stewart (Lauren Holly)

Carter Pike (Kelly Connell)

Ginny Weedon (Zelda Rubinstein)

Douglas Wambaugh (Fyvush Finkel)

Judge Henry Bone (Ray Walston)

DA John Littleton (Don Cheadle)

DA Barnaby Wood (Peter Frechette)

ADA Petrovic (Jason Beghe)

Father Gary Barrett (Roy Dotrice)

Laurie Bey (Marlee Matlin)

Howard Buss (Robert Cornthwaite)

Doctor Joanna 'Joey' Diamond (Amy Aquino)

Lisa Fenn (Alexandra Lee)

Frank (David Proval)

Rachel Harris (Leigh Taylor-Young)

Ed Lawson (Richard Masur)

Peter Lebeck (Michael Jeter)

Milton Lebeck (Chris Owen)

Reverend Henry Novotny (Dabbs Greer)

Principal Michael Oslo (Roy Brocksmith)

Cynthia Parks (Elisabeth Moss)

Bill Pugen (Michael Keenan)

Lydia Brock (Cristine Rose)

Aiesha Campbell (Bruklin Harris)

Brian Latham (Gregory Vignolle)

Agent Donald Morrell (Sam Anderson)

#original character #original characters #original writing #original series #Neutralised #chicago hope #homicide life on the street #law & order #oz #hbo oz #picket fences #shared universe #very long post #alfred molina #tagging only alfred because i hope the molina girlies like bram

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thenomadanthrop · 1 year

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I think we need to notice when our minds are telling us that we need to reset. A lot of time, it's easy to ignore that voice in your head. There's always something to be done, whether it's getting married, taking a job, taking care of your children or parents—there's so many things that are demanding of your time. A lot of people think, “Well, that's just the way it is.”

Traveling strips away those identities. No one cares when you’re in a small village in the middle of Asia what your last name is, where you went to college, or what’s on your LinkedIn. Instead, it’s, “Who are you at this moment? And what are you made of?”

I think a lot of people are afraid to take this pause. I was afraid in the beginning. It’s terrifying because you’re going off into the unknown. But I think it’s really important to listen to that voice in your head that’s calling for a reset. And it doesn’t have to be traveling the world! It can be something as simple as taking a walk in the woods or sitting by yourself without your phone. Just take a deep breath, think, and be okay with those voices in your head. -- Luke Russert, "Look For Me There"

#life #tumblr

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optimus-rhyme · 10 months

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Who said that

#tony art #wizardy herbert #russet clove #what the hell did I tag there ship name as #russert #there we go

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resourcefulsatan · 1 month

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This article is too good to be lost in the destroyed formatting of the Cracked archive, so I'm reposting it here. source: https://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html

The Monkeysphere

September 30, 2007 Jason Pargin

"One death is a tragedy. One million deaths is a statistic."

-Kevin Federline

What do monkeys have to do with war, oppression, crime, racism and even e-mail spam? You'll see that all of the random ass-headed cruelty of the world will suddenly make perfect sense once we go Inside the Monkeysphere.

"What the Hell is the Monkeysphere?"

First, picture a monkey. A monkey dressed like a little pirate, if that helps you. We'll call him Slappy.

Imagine you have Slappy as a pet. Imagine a personality for him. Maybe you and he have little pirate monkey adventures and maybe even join up to fight crime. Think how sad you'd be if Slappy died.

Now, imagine you get four more monkeys. We'll call them Tito, Bubbles, Marcel and ShitTosser. Imagine personalities for each of them now. Maybe one is aggressive, one is affectionate, one is quiet, the other just throws shit all the time. But they're all your personal monkey friends.

Now imagine a hundred monkeys.

Not so easy now, is it? So how many monkeys would you have to own before you couldn't remember their names? At what point, in your mind, do your beloved pets become just a faceless sea of monkey? Even though each one is every bit the monkey Slappy was, there's a certain point where you will no longer really care if one of them dies.

So how many monkeys would it take before you stopped caring?

That's not a rhetorical question. We actually know the number.

"So this whole thing is your crusade against monkey overpopulation? I'll have my monkey castrated this very day!"

Uh, no. It'll become clear in a moment.

You see, monkey experts performed a monkey study a while back, and discovered that the size of the monkey's monkey brain determined the size of the monkey groups the monkeys formed. The bigger the brain, the bigger the little societies they built.

They cut up so many monkey brains, in fact, that they found they could actually take a brain they had never seen before and from it they could accurately predict what size tribes that species of creature formed.

Most monkeys operate in troupes of 50 or so. But somebody slipped them a slightly larger brain and they estimated the ideal group or society for this particular animal was about 150.

That brain, of course, was human. Probably from a homeless man they snatched off the streets.

"So that's the big news? That humans are God's big-budget sequel to the monkey? Who didn't know that?"

It goes much, much deeper than that. Let's try an example.

Famous news talking guy Tim Russert tells a charming story about his father, in his book Big Russ and Me (the title referring to his on-and-off romance with actor Russell Crowe). Russert's dad used to take half an hour to carefully box up any broken glass before taking it to the trash. Why? Because "The trash guy might cut his hands."

That this was such an unusual thing to do illustrates my monkey point. None of us spend much time worrying about the garbage man's welfare even though he performs a crucial role in not forcing us to live in a cave carved from a mountain of our own filth. We don't usually consider his safety or comfort at all and if we do, it's not in the same way we would worry over our best friend or wife or girlfriend or even our dog.

People toss half-full bottles of drain cleaner right into the barrel, without a second thought of what would happen if the trash man got it splattered into his eyes. Why? Because the trash guy exists outside the Monkeysphere.

"There's that word again..."

The Monkeysphere is the group of people who each of us, using our monkeyish brains, are able to conceptualize as people. If the monkey scientists are monkey right, it's physically impossible for this to be a number much larger than 150.

Most of us do not have room in our Monkeysphere for our friendly neighborhood sanitation worker. So, we don't think of him as a person. We think of him as The Thing That Makes The Trash Go Away.

And even if you happen to know and like your particular garbage man, at one point or another we all have limits to our sphere of monkey concern. It's the way our brains are built. We each have a certain circle of people who we think of as people, usually our own friends and family and neighbors, and then maybe some classmates or coworkers or church or suicide cult.

Those who exist outside that core group of a few dozen people are not people to us. They're sort of one-dimensional bit characters.

Remember the first time, as a kid, you met one of your school teachers outside the classroom? Maybe you saw old Miss Puckerson at Taco Bell eating refried beans through a straw, or saw your principal walking out of a dildo shop. Do you remember that surreal feeling you had when you saw these people actually had lives outside the classroom?

I mean, they're not people. They're teachers.

"So? What difference does all this make?"

Oh, not much. It's just the one single reason society doesn't work.

It's like this: which would upset you more, your best friend dying, or a dozen kids across town getting killed because their bus collided with a truck hauling killer bees? Which would hit you harder, your Mom dying, or seeing on the news that 15,000 people died in an earthquake in Iran?

They're all humans and they are all equally dead. But the closer to our Monkeysphere they are, the more it means to us. Just as your death won't mean anything to the Chinese or, for that matter, hardly anyone else more than 100 feet or so from where you're sitting right now.

"Why should I feel bad for them? I don't even know those people!"

Exactly. This is so ingrained that to even suggest you should feel their deaths as deeply as that of your best friend sounds a little ridiculous. We are hard-wired to have a drastic double standard for the people inside our Monkeysphere versus the 99.999% of the world's population who are on the outside.

Think about this the next time you get really pissed off in traffic, when you start throwing finger gestures and wedging your head out of the window to scream, "LEARN TO FUCKING DRIVE, FUCKER!!" Try to imagine acting like that in a smaller group. Like if you're standing in an elevator with two friends and a coworker, and the friend goes to hit a button and accidentally punches the wrong one. Would you lean over, your mouth two inches from her ear, and scream "LEARN TO OPERATE THE FUCKING ELEVATOR BUTTONS, SHITCAMEL!!"

They'd think you'd gone insane. We all go a little insane, though, when we get in a group larger than the Monkeysphere. That's why you get that weird feeling of anonymous invincibility when you're sitting in a large crowd, screaming curses at a football player you'd never dare say to his face.

"Well, I'm nice to strangers. Have you considered that maybe you're just an asshole?"

Sure, you probably don't go out of your way to be mean to strangers. You don't go out of your way to be mean to stray dogs, either.

The problem is that eventually, the needs of you or those within your Monkeysphere will require screwing someone outside it (even if that need is just venting some tension and anger via exaggerated insults). This is why most of us wouldn't dream of stealing money from the pocket of the old lady next door, but don't mind stealing cable, adding a shady exemption on our tax return, or quietly celebrating when they forget to charge us for something at the restaurant.

You may have a list of rationalizations long enough to circle the Earth, but the truth is that in our monkey brains the old woman next door is a human being while the cable company is a big, cold, faceless machine. That the company is, in reality, nothing but a group of people every bit as human as the old lady, or that some kind old ladies actually work there and would lose their jobs if enough cable were stolen, rarely occurs to us.

That's one of the ingenious things about the big-time religions, by the way. The old religious writers knew it was easier to put the screws to a stranger, so they taught us to get a personal idea of a God in our heads who says, "No matter who you hurt, you're really hurting me. Also, I can crush you like a grape." You must admit that if they weren't writing words inspired by the Almighty, they at least understood the Monkeysphere.

It's everywhere. Once you grasp the concept, you can see examples all around you. You'll walk the streets in a daze, like Roddy Piper after putting on his X-ray sunglasses in They Live.

But wait, because this gets much bigger and much, much stranger...

"So you're going to tell us that this Monkeysphere thing runs the whole world? Also, They Live sucked."

Go flip on the radio. Listen to the conservative talk about "The Government" as if it were some huge, lurking dragon ready to eat you and your paycheck whole. Never mind that the government is made up of people and that all of that money they take goes into the pockets of human beings. Talk radio's Rush Limbaugh is known to tip 50% at restaurants, but flies into a broadcast tirade if even half that dollar amount is deducted from his paycheck by "The Government." That's despite the fact that the money helps that very same single mom he had no problem tipping in her capacity as a waitress.

Now click over to a liberal show now, listen to them describe "Multinational Corporations" in the same diabolical terms, an evil black force that belches smoke and poisons water and enslaves humanity. Isn't it strange how, say, a lone man who carves and sells children's toys in his basement is a sweetheart who just loves bringing joy at Christmas, but a big-time toy corporation (which brings toys to millions of kids at Christmas) is an inhuman soul-grinding greed machine? Strangely enough, if the kindly lone toy making guy made enough toys and hired enough people and expanded to enough shops, we'd eventually stop seeing it as a toy-making shop and start seeing it as the fiery Orc factories of Mordor.

And if you've just thought, "Well, those talk show hosts are just a bunch of egomaniacal blowhards anyway," you've just done it again, turned real humans into two-word cartoon characters. It's no surprise, you do it with pretty much all six billion human beings outside the Monkeysphere.

"So I'm supposed to suddenly start worrying about six billion strangers? That's not even possible!"

That's right, it isn't possible. That's the point.

What is hard to understand is that it's also impossible for them to care about you.

That's why they don't mind stealing your stereo or vandalizing your house or cutting your wages or raising your taxes or bombing your office building or choking your computer with spam advertising diet and penis drugs they know don't work. You're outside their Monkeysphere. In their mind, you're just a vague shape with a pocket full of money for the taking.

Think of Osama Bin Laden. Did you just picture a camouflaged man hiding in a cave, drawing up suicide missions? Or are you thinking of a man who gets hungry and has a favorite food and who had a childhood crush on a girl and who has athlete's foot and chronic headaches and wakes up in the morning with a boner and loves volleyball?

Something in you, just now, probably was offended by that. You think there's an effort to build sympathy for the murderous fuck. Isn't it strange how simply knowing random human facts about him immediately tugs at your sympathy strings? He comes closer to your Monkeysphere, he takes on dimension.

Now, the cold truth is this Bin Laden is just as desperately in need of a bullet to the skull as the raving four-color caricature on some redneck's T-shirt. The key to understanding people like him, though, is realizing that we are the caricature on his T-shirt.

"So you're using monkeys to claim that we're all a bunch of Osama Bin Ladens?"

Sort of.

Listen to any 16 year-old kid with his first job, going on and on about how the boss is screwing him and the government is screwing him even more ("What's FICA?!?!" he screams as he looks at his first paycheck).

Then watch that same kid at work, as he drops a hamburger patty on the floor, picks it up, and slaps in on a bun and serves it to a customer.

In that one dropped burger he has everything he needs to understand those black-hearted politicians and corporate bosses. They see him in the exact same way he sees the customers lined up at the burger counter. Which is, just barely.

In both cases, for the guy making the burger and the guy running Exxon, getting through the workweek and collecting the paycheck are all that matters. No thought is given to the real human unhappiness being spread by doing it shittily (ever gotten so sick from food poisoning you thought your stomach lining was going to fly out of your mouth?) That many customers or employees just can't fit inside the Monkeysphere.

The kid will protest that he shouldn't have to care for the customers for minimum wage, but the truth is if a man doesn't feel sympathy for his fellow man at $6.00 an hour, he won't feel anything more at $600,000 a year.

Or, to look at it the other way, if we're allowed to be indifferent and even resentful to the masses for $6.00 an hour, just think of how angry some Pakistani man is allowed to be when he's making the equivalent of six dollars a week.

"You've used the word 'monkey' more than 50 times, but the same principle hardly applies. Humans have been to the moon. Let's see the monkeys do that."

It doesn't matter. It's just an issue of degree.

There's a reason why legendary monkeytician Charles Darwin and his assistant, Jeje (pronounced "heyhey") Santiago deduced that humans and chimps were evolutionary cousins. As sophisticated as we are (compare our advanced sewage treatment plants to the chimps' primitive technique of hurling the feces with their bare hands), the inescapable truth is we are just as limited by our mental hardware.

The primary difference is that monkeys are happy to stay in small groups and rarely interact with others outside their monkey gang. This is why they rarely go to war, though when they do it is widely thought to be hilarious. Humans, however, require cars and oil and quality manufactured goods by the fine folks at 3M and Japanese video games and worldwide internets and, most importantly, governments. All of these things take groups larger than 150 people to maintain effectively. Thus, we routinely find ourselves functioning in bunches larger than our primate brains are able to cope with.

This is where the problems begin. Like a fragile naked human pyramid, we are simultaneously supporting and resenting each other. We bitch out loud about our soul-sucking job as an anonymous face on an assembly line, while at the exact same time riding in a car that only an assembly line could have produced. It's a constant contradiction that has left us pissed off and joining informal wrestling clubs in basements.

This is why I think it was with a great burden of sadness that Darwin turned to his assistant and lamented, "Jeje, we're the monkeys."

"Oh, no you didn't."

If you think about it, our entire society has evolved around the limitations of the Monkeysphere. There is a reason why all of the really phat-ass nations with the biggest SUV's with the shiniest 22-inch rims all have some kind of representative democracy (where you vote for people to do the governing for you) and all of them are, to some degree, capitalist (where people actually get to buy property and keep some of what they earn).

A representative democracy allows a small group of people to make all of the decisions, while letting us common people feel like we're doing something by going to a polling place every couple of years and pulling a lever that, in reality, has about the same effect as the darkness knob on your toaster. We can simultaneously feel like we're in charge while being contained enough that we can't cause any real monkey mayhem once we fly into one of our screeching, arm-flapping monkey frenzies ("A woman showed her boob at the Super Bowl! We want a boob and football ban immediately!")

Conversely, some people in the distant past naively thought they could sit all of the millions of monkeys down and say, "Okay, everybody go pick the bananas, then bring them here, and we'll distribute them with a complex formula determining banana need! Now go gather bananas for the good of society!" For the monkeys it was a confused, comical, tree-humping disaster.

Later, a far more realistic man sat the monkeys down and said, "You want bananas? Each of you go get your own. I'm taking a nap." That man, of course, was German philosopher Hans Capitalism.

As long as everybody gets their own bananas and shares with the few in their Monkeysphere, the system will thrive even though nobody is even trying to make the system thrive. This is perhaps how Ayn Rand would have put it, had she not been such a hateful bitch.

Then, some time in the Third Century, French philosopher Pierre "Frenchy" LaFrench invented racism.

This was a way of simplifying the too-complex-for-monkeys world by imagining all people of a certain race as being the same person, thinking they all have the same attitudes and mannerisms and tastes in food and clothes and music. It sort of works, as long as we think of that person as being a good person ("Those Asians are so hard-working and precise and well-mannered!") but when we start seeing them as being one, giant, gaping asshole (the French, ironically) our monkey happiness again breaks down.

It's not all the French's fault. The truth is, all of these monkey management schemes only go so far. For instance, today one in four Americans has some kind of mental illness, usually depression. One in four. Watch a basketball game. The odds are at least two of those people on the floor are mentally ill. Look around your house; if everybody else there seems okay, it's you.

Is it any surprise? You turn on the news and see a whole special on the Obesity Epidemic. You've had this worry laid on your shoulders about millions of other people eating too much. What exactly are you supposed to do about the eating habits of 80 million people you don't even know? You've taken on the pork-laden burden of all these people outside the Monkeysphere and you now carry that useless weight of worry like, you know, some kind of animal on your back.

"So what exactly are we supposed to do about all this?"

First, train yourself to get suspicious every time you see simplicity. Any claim that the root of a problem is simple should be treated the same as a claim that the root of a problem is Bigfoot. Simplicity and Bigfoot are found in the real world with about the same frequency.

So reject binary thinking of "good vs. bad" or "us vs. them." Know problems cannot be solved with clever slogans and over-simplified step-by-step programs.

You can do that by following these simple steps. We like to call this plan the T.R.Y. plan:

First, TOTAL MORON. That is, accept the fact THAT YOU ARE ONE. We all are.

That really annoying person you know, the one who's always spouting bullshit, the person who always thinks they're right? Well, the odds are that for somebody else, you're that person. So take the amount you think you know, reduce it by 99.999%, and then you'll have an idea of how much you actually know regarding things outside your Monkeysphere.

Second, UNDERSTAND that there are no Supermonkeys. Just monkeys. Those guys on TV you see, giving the inspirational seminars, teaching you how to reach your potential and become rich and successful like them? You know how they made their money? By giving seminars. For the most part, the only thing they do well is convince others they do everything well.

No, the universal moron principal established in No. 1 above applies here, too. Don't pretend politicians are somehow supposed to be immune to all the backhanded fuckery we all do in our daily lives and don't laugh and point when the preacher gets caught on video snorting cocaine off a prostitute's ass. A good exercise is to picture your hero--whoever it is--passed out on his lawn, naked from the waist down. The odds are it's happened at some point. Even Gandhi may have had hotel rooms and dead hookers in his past.

And don't even think about ignoring advice from a moral teacher just because the source enjoys the ol' Colombian Nose Candy from time to time. We're all members of varying species of hypocrite (or did you tell them at the job interview that you once called in sick to spend a day leveling up on World of Warcraft?) Don't use your heroes' vices as an excuse to let yours run wild.

And finally, DON'T LET ANYBODY simplify it for you. The world cannot be made simple. Anyone who tries to paint a picture of the world in basic comic book colors is most likely trying to use you as a pawn.

So just remember: T-R-Y. Go forth and do likewise, gents. Copies of our book are available in the lobby.

David Wong is the editor of Cracked.com and the author of the dong-filled horror novel John Dies at the End.

#monkeysphere #david wong #jason pargin #dunbar's number #empathy #division #propaganda #cracked #cracked.com #monkey

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prapasara · 2 months

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Father's Day Messages

Best Father’s Day Wishes

Whether he’s your Dad, grandad or someone who is like a father to you, we’ve rounded up the best Father’s Day wishes just for you.

Thank you for all the ways you go above and beyond every day for our family.

You make this family fun. We love you, Dad!

I am so grateful to have a dad who is as wonderful as you. Thank you for everything. Happy Father's Day!

Dad, you give Superman a run for his money.

There's no better role model than you, Dad.

You’re my one and only dad, and you'll always have a special place in my heart.

Wishing you a Father’s Day that's as wonderful as you.

Out of all the Dads in the world, I’m so glad that you’re mine!

Happy Father’s Day to the best dad I’ve ever had.

You inspire me every day - Happy Father's Day!

Meaningful Father’s Day Messages

Looking for something heart-warming to add to your card? Shower him with love using one of these meaningful Father’s Day messages.

Thank you for always being my rock, my mentor, and my biggest supporter. I am so grateful for everything you've done for me. Happy Father's Day!

I want to wish you a Happy Father's Day filled with love, laughter, and all the things that make you happy. Thank you for being the guiding light in my life.

You've always been my hero, my confidant, and my friend. Your love and support mean the world to me. Happy Father's Day!

Dad, thank you for being the backbone of our family, for your unwavering love and support, and for always being there for me.

Dad, your guidance and wisdom have helped shape me into the person I am today.

You’re the man who's made me who I am today. Thanks for always being there.

Thank you for being my mentor, and my biggest fan. Did I mention my style icon?

I'm so proud to be your daughter/son.

I'm so lucky to have you in my life. Happy Father's Day!

Thanks for always having my back, Dad. I love you.

Short Father’s Day Messages

Dad not one for gushing displays of affection? Keep it short and sweet and let the card and any gifts do the talking.

Dad, you've given me so much. Here's to you.

There's no one I'd rather look up to than you.

Thank you for being my dad.

Dad: A man with infinite patience.

Happy Father's Day to the coolest Dad ever!

You’re the best, Dad. I love you!

Dad, you’ve made all my favourite memories.

There's no other father like you in the world.

For being everything I could ask for and more. Thank you

Fatherhood is a marathon, not a sprint.” - Paul L. Lewis

Funny Father's Day Messages

Want to bring a different kind of tear to your dad’s eye? Check out our collection of funny Father’s Day messages.

Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favourite.

The most important life lesson I've learned: When all else fails, call Dad.

The man, the myth, the legend. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

It turns out you were right about everything, Dad. Happy Father's Day!

I love you, Dad—even if I never accept your friend request.

I smile because you are my father, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!

Today is all about you, Dad! Enjoy, because tomorrow it’s back to the rest of us.

Happy “Golf to Your Heart’s Content” Day!

“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get” - Tim Russert

Just remember, without me today is just any other day.

Father’s Day Messages from Daughter

The relationship between a father and his daughter is a unique one. Capture your one-of-a-kind relationship with one of the following messages.

I’ll always be your little girl even when I’m old and grey.

No matter how many years go by, Dad, I’ll always be that same little girl who loves you with all her heart. Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day! I may be taller than you now, but I still look up to you.

I'm so proud to be your daughter.

Thank you for being the most incredible Dad in the world. I feel so happy to be your daughter.

Happy Father’s Day from the World’s Luckiest Daughter.

I would be lost without your guidance and grace.

Happy Father's Day to the kindest, wisest, warmest person I know.

Sending lots of love to the dad who did his best to keep me out of trouble… from the daughter who sure did have a knack for finding it!

Happy Father's Day! Having me as a daughter should be a gift enough. You’re welcome.

Messages of Appreciation

Dad, thank you for all the things you do for this family every day. You're the best!

You make this family fun. We love you, Dad!

Dad, you’re the first person I turn to when I have a question or need some advice. Thank you for always answering.

Thank you for always being there with your love, guidance and patience.

Dad, thank you for your time, which you give daily; your care, which you give freely and your love, which you give unconditionally. Happy Father's Day!

Although we may be separated, your guidance and love has stuck with me through it all. Happy Father's Day!

I am so grateful to have a dad who is as wonderful as you. Thank you for everything. Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to the best Dad I could ask for. Thank you for being you!

Dad, you give Superman a run for his money.

Short Father's Day Wishes

Dad, you are rad! Wishing you a very happy Father’s Day!

There's no better role model than you, Dad.

There's no one I'd rather look up to than you.

I’m so proud to be your daughter/son.

You’re my one and only dad, and you'll always have a special place in my heart.

Dad, you’ve made all my favorite memories.

Happy Father's Day to my biggest hero.

There's no other father like you in the world.

You are an amazing father and husband!

There's no one else I'd rather parent beside.

You inspire me every day, Happy Father's Day!

Sweet Father's Day Messages

The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to have a dad like you.

Fathers and kids may not always see eye to eye, but they always see heart to heart.

No matter how old someone gets, they never stop needing their father (especially if they have a dad like you).

Every year, I learn to appreciate more the values you passed on to me.

I would not be who I am today without you. Thank you, Dad!

You bring so much joy into our lives. I hope today, we can return some.

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

As time goes on, our relationship only gets stronger and stronger. Thanks for being an amazing example. Love you, Dad!

Funny Messages

Happy Father's Day from your favorite pain in the butt.

Happy Father's Day! You did great — I turned out perfect.

Gouda. Mozzarella. Brie. Sorry this card is so cheesy, but I really love you, Dad!

Dad, you may not know everything, but you sure had me fooled for a while.

I wouldn’t trade you for anything, Dad. I mean, nobody’s offered me anything, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t!

World’s greatest farter … I mean father.

Dear Dad, Thank you for always saying yes when mom said no.

Happy Father’s Day to one of my favorite parents.

Dear Dad, Thanks for not leaving me somewhere in a bucket.

For Your Husband

Happy First Father’s Day! I wouldn't want to raise our kid with anyone else.

I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you.

You make our family whole. We love you!

Our kids are learning from the best!

Thank you for being such a great role model.

To the best father, parent and partner a person could ask for! We couldn't do it without you.

Seeing what a great father you are makes me love you even more.

I'll never get tired of watching you become an amazing dad.

I can't imagine doing this parenthood thing without you.

Thank you for always putting our family first. We love you, Happy Father's Day!

From the Kids

Thank you for helping us grow!

We're so lucky to have you as a father.

Our favorite thing about you is _______.

You're the best dad in the whole, wide world!

We love it when you play ______ with us.

When we grow up, we want to be just like you!

Dad, you're always number 1 in our hearts.

Happy Father's Day to the world's best dad!

Father's Day Messages to a Brother

Hope your kids don't cause you the trouble that we caused our dad!

To a wonderful uncle, and an even better dad!

Your nieces and nephews think the world of you, enjoy the day!

Happy Father's Day to the man who gives our dad a run for his money.

It's amazing to see you grow into the dad you are today.

Growing up together was great, but raising our kids together is even better!

Father's Day Messages to a Friend

Happy Father's Day to a man who's both a great father and a great friend!

Happy Father's Day to a great dad — you must be doing something right to have such terrific kids.

Cheers to a dad that makes the rest of us look bad!

Congrats on being such a great dad — the rest of us can learn a thing or two from you!

Happy Father's Day to a guy who has kids but somehow still manages to be the coolest person I know.

Your kids and I have something in common: We're lucky to have you in our lives.

Father's Day Quotes

"My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it." – Clarence Budington Kelland

"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad." —Unknown

"A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be." —Frank A. Clark

"Dads are the most ordinary men who are turned by love into the biggest hero, adventurers, storyteller and singer of songs." —Pam Brown

"A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way." —Unknown

"The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get." —Tim Russert

"A father carries pictures where his money used to be." —Steve Martin

"A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow." —Unknown

Sweet Father's Day Messages

Near or far, I'm always so thankful for the great dad you are. Happy Father's Day!

Who needs superheroes when the world has a dad like you? Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

Dad, even when you aren't by my side, I still feel your presence. Happy Father's Day!

With a dad like you, every day is Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day to my role model and best friend. Thank you for being an amazing father and inspiration to us all.

Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me how to ride a bike, tie my shoes, and chase my dreams.

Superman's got nothin' on you, Dad. Thanks for always saving the day.

Dad, your love is the fuel that powers my dreams. Thank you for always believing in me.

Nothing makes me happier than the time we spend together. Love you, Dad.

Who knew that I would now be the one saying, "I'm proud?"

Dad, everything you've done for me has not gone unnoticed. Thank you today, and every other day.

Listen: words can't describe what you mean to me, so I won't even try. I'll just keep it at "I love you."

Happy Father's Day to my biggest inspiration. Couldn't have done life without you by my side

I know every kid says this, but you're the best dad in the world. I mean it. Happy Father's Day.

Not everyone can say that they have you as a dad, and for that I'm grateful.

You are the reason why we have the life we have today. Thank you.

I'll say it now, and I'll say it a million times over—I love you. Happy Father's Day.

You make even the impossible seem reachable. Thank you for always motivating me.

The sweetest, most caring person I know. Happy Father's Day.

Don't know where I would be without your guidance. You're the best.

I may not say it all the time, but just know I'm forever appreciative of what you've done for our family.

You set the bar higher than anyone could have imagined. I'll always try to be as great as you. Love you!

You always say that you love us more, but I'm just not sure how that can be true. Love you a million times over, Dad.

Pops, you're the man who's made me who I am today. Thanks for always being there.

What a gift you are in my life—you are one of a kind. Happy Father's Day.

When it comes to dads, I don't think it could get any better than this. Celebrating you today reminds me just how much you touch those around you.

Happy Father's Day: Thank you for being my mentor, and my biggest fan. Did I mention my style icon?

Happy Father's Day: There's no one in the world like you. Hugs and kisses!

Dad, you've given me so much. Here's to you.

Dad—you've made my life so much better. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you for giving fatherhood your all. You've made me the person I am today.

Where would I be without you as my dad? I'm so grateful for you. Happy Father's Day.

Thank you for being my dad.

God took the strength of a mountain, the patience of eternity, and combined them to create the thing we call dad.

To my dad, the man who moves fire and earth for his family.

Dad, even when you aren't there, I feel you in the world all around me.

Only a dad like you gives his all to make way for his children.

Thank you for always making something out of nothing. Happy Father's Day.

Thank you for all the ways you go above and beyond every day.

A dad is someone you look up to every day, no matter how tall you grow.

Dad: A man with infinite patience.

Thank you for all the many wonderful things you do... even the things I sometimes fail to notice. 😂

Happy Father's Day to one sweet pop.

I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

Today's your day, Dad. Enjoy it, and know how loved you are.

Dad, you're my hero. Thanks for everything.

Happy Father's Day: You're more than a father—you're a friend. Thank you for all that you've done for me.

I'm so proud to be your kid. Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Everyone always says they have the best dad in the world, but that can't be right... because that man is right here with me. Cheers to you, Dad.

Thank you for making growing up fun. I love you!

I love talking to you, hanging out with you, and hearing your advice. Thankful for you every day, but especially today.

Happy Father's Day to the coolest dad on the planet. Thanks for being you.

Thank you for bringing love, acceptance, and joy into my life all these years. Happy Father's Day, Dad.

All of the lessons you've taught me over the years have added up to the wonderful life I'm living today.

I'm grateful for you, Dad, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to pay you back for all that you've done for me. Happy Father's Day.

Thank you for giving me so many of my favorite memories.

I wouldn't be who I am today without you.

Happy Father's Day to the best man I know. Enjoy every moment of this special day.

Thanks for always having my back, Dad. I love you.

One day just isn't enough to tell you how much you mean to me.

Funny Father's Day Messages

Happy Father's Day to the man who instilled fear into all my dates and still treats me like a princess.

Happy Father's Day from your favorite pain in the neck.

Cracking open a cold one in your honor on Father’s Day. Cheers, Dad.

I was going to give you the most amazing gift ever for Father's Day… then I remembered you already have me.

Happy Father's Day: You did great—I turned out perfect.

Dad, thanks for teaching me that it's okay to take a nap anywhere, anytime. Happy Father's Day to the nap king.

Happy Father's Day: I love your bad, I mean dad jokes...

Dad, I really appreciate all your corny jokes now that I'm fully groan.

You know what they say: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree—and that's definitely true of you and me.

You know I'm not good at my words... so don't expect anything sappy. Happy Father's Day!

If it wasn't for you—there wouldn't be a me. Thanks for that, Dad! 😂

I know I'm really annoying, but you put up with me anyway... even on Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day: Here are a bunch of pictures of you with me.

I know it's hard no longer being the funniest person in the family.

I follow by your example—which is probably why I'm so sassy. Thanks, Dad!

For what it's worth, you cook a really good steak.

Not everyone can say that they have the hippest dad of 'em all.

I think of you and what you've done for us more than I'd like to admit. Like, seriously.

Genuinely clueless at how I would do anything without you. But I'm clueless a lot of the time.

You're my best friend, even if you don't want to be! 😜

Happy Father's Day to the person who puts up with a mini version of him.

Happy Father's Day to the king of the grill.

Consider this your yearly reminder that I love you.

Thanks for giving me life! 🤝

Happy Great-Excuse-to-Go-Golfing Day.

Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.

Today's about you, Dad: I hope you savor every moment of it. Because tomorrow, it's back to being all about us—your kids.

I'm sorry if I've driven you a little crazy over the years. Okay, a lot crazy. It's just because I love you.

The most important life lesson I've learned: When all else fails, call Dad.

The man, the myth, the legend. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

It turns out you were right about everything, Dad.

I love you, Dad—even if I never accept your friend request.

You're the best dad ever. I mean, just look at how I turned out.

I know raising me took patience... to say the least. Thank you for all of yours.

Father's Day Messages for Grandpa

Sending you even more love than usual on this Father's Day. Have a wonderful one, Grandpa.

Grandpa, thank you for everything you've done to make our family so wonderful. Here's to you.

Our family wouldn't be half as special without you leading the charge.

I hope I'm half the person you are one day. Happy Father's Day, Grandpa.

You've been a remarkable role model for us all. Thank you for everything, Grandpa.

We're all thinking of you today, Grandpa.

Happy Father's Day to a man who's as grand as can be.

For everything you've done for me and all the love you share, I'm thankful. Happy Father's Day, Grandpa.

I hope you know how much you mean to me, Grandpa. Thank you for being an incredible dad and grandfather to our family.

Thank you for providing our family with so much strength, comfort, and happiness. Thinking of you today.

Enjoy this special day, and know that your whole crew is thinking of you.

I hope your Father's Day is full of peace, love, and joy. Sending you all my love today and always, Grandpa.

It's grand to have someone like you in our family. Happy Father's Day, Grandad.

I admire the man you've been and the man you are. Thank you for teaching me what it is to lead a worthwhile life.

Father's Day Messages for a Husband

To the world, you're a dad. To our family, you're the world.

Happy Father's Day to my partner in crime.

Your kids turned out just like you. Good luck with that.

On this Father's Day, I'm loving you even more than I usually do. Have a wonderful day.

I'm thinking of everything you've done for our family today, and I'm feeling so, so thankful.

Thank you for every single thing you do for our family. I'm truly thankful.

I love you and I treasure the family we've built together.

I'm raising a glass to you, and wishing you the most beautiful, meaningful day.

You've done so much for this family, and today, we're celebrating that. Thank you for everything.

Happy Father's Day: I hope you know how much I appreciate you, today and always.

You're an incredible dad and an even better partner.

Thank you for going above and beyond every day. I love you!

Happy Father's Day: I'm so thankful to be able to share this journey of parenthood with you.

Thank you for all you do for our family! We're so lucky to have you in our lives.

Happy Father's Day to a wonderful dad and amazing husband. We love you so much.

I'm so proud of the father you've become. I couldn't have asked for more.

You're an incredible dad every day of the year, but I'm glad we can set aside today to celebrate you. Cheers to you.

CR :: https://prinkotakoon.blogspot.com/2024/04/fathers-day-wishes.html , https://www.virginexperiencedays.co.uk/experience-blog/fathers-day-messages , https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/fathers-day/a27356920/what-to-write-in-a-fathers-day-card/ , https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/holidays-celebrations/a36343338/fathers-day-messages/

#Father’s Day Wishes

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