#safehavenblogs

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Pride season is here!!!! Check out these awesome tips from our VP of Digital Marketing!

•stay hydrated!

•wear sunscreen (reapply often)

•watch your drinks and food (date rape drug tastes salty, if your drink tastes too salty stop drinking immediately. never leave your drink alone, and keep an eye out on your drink in crowds. never accept an already open drink)

•watch out for your friends (you’d want them to do the same for you)

•be nice (but not TOO NICE it could come off as creepy or give some people the wrong idea)

•don’t judge “straight” couples (pride is inclusive of bisexuals, asexuals, aromantics, polysexuals, polyamorous folks, trans couples can look straight, some with non binary couples, etc. don’t forget straight allies are welcome. you never know)

•don’t judge others for what they’re wearing

•don’t assume anyone’s gender or sexual orientation

•be prepared for the weather (pack an umbrella if it’s supposed to rain, or a jacket if it’s supposed to be chilly, etc)

•be welcoming

•ask questions (pride is a great place to learn more)

•don’t go alone

•don’t let the homophobes and protesters get to you

•have fun!

•don’t be afraid to be yourself (that’s what pride for after all)

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By Katie Sullivan

If you have not heard the GREAT news yet, then here you go:

INDIA DECLARES HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS

This isn’t just a huge success for the community but for the country as well! The news broke yesterday on Facebook when the President of the Indian Psychiatric Society (IPS), Dr. Ajit Bhide, by posting a video & explaining why homosexuality should not be treated as an illness.

The battle now is to inform all practicing conversion therapies that homosexuality is no longer a term of therapy for homosexuality. Yes, this should have been done many years ago, but it is done now, so lets celebrate.

Congratulations to India & their continued progress! You can find the full video & more on our Facebook Page.

Interested in making a difference when it comes to Suicide Prevention & Awareness? Join our exclusive Facebook Group, to do your part of spreading awareness.

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2017 was the deadliest year for the LGBT community. There was an 86% increase from 2016 – 2017. Hell, Mr. Trump didn’t even recognize Pride month & he was the first President to do is for many years. Are we moving forward or backwards?

At what point is it no longer violence in the community but a war on the community instead?

According to the FBI, here are the violence statistics for 2016:

Of 7,227 single bias hate crimes, 16.9% were sexual orientation based & 1.8% were gender identity.

Hate crimes are underreported for the fear of outing themselves.

Sexual assault is high within the community.

44% of lesbians experience rape

26% of gay men experience rape

61% of bi-women experience rape

37% of bi-men experience rape

How can we as individuals work towards lowering these numbers? Here are some ways:

If you are witnessing someone being harassed in any way, call 911. NEVER OUT SOMEONE. Simply say you are witnessing a form of harassment, labeling never helps anything.

Watch out for your friends when at the club or bar. Don’t accept drinks from strangers.

Speak up. If you hear someone talking bad, correct them. Explain that using gay in a negative connotation only makes it worse. A lot of people are just simply unaware.

Always educate. In any way you can.

Carry a Taser. Take defensive classes. Learn to protect yourself.

If you don’t feel safe, bartenders & managers are always up for walking you to your vehicle

Share this blog post for those who need educated

Why aren’t issues like this being discussed in the news? We should be educating everyone on what to do in situations like these to work towards prevention. Don’t turn your head because you don’t want to get involved. Do you know how many times I hear that phrase? Someone is being harmed and feels unsafe and you don’t want to be involved, so you let it happen? That makes you a part of it. You could have done something to help stop & you chose to let it continue. Don’t be that person. EVER.

Spread love not hate. Lend a hand when needed. Love each other, it won’t kill you, I promise.

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By Katie Sullivan

A question that I receive many times within a weeks period is, “What does the + stand for in LGBT+?”. That is a simple question enough to answer.

When people think of LGBT+, they think of Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual & Transgender.

Here is what the + represents:

A = Asexual – Someone who normally has little to no sex drive and is attracted to someone for more emotional reasons.

P = Pansexual – A fluid term to cover those who are attracted phsyically, emotionally & sexually to more than one gender identity. You often hear pansexuals refer to themselves as “gender-blind”.

I = Intersex – Making up a small percentage of the population, they are born with variations of their sex characteristics. These characteristics include, chromosomes, sex hormones, or genitals that don’t match either male or female.

GF = Gender Fluid – Someone who can move between identifying as either male or female or somewhere in between.

C = Cisgender – Someone who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth.

A = ALSO stands for Allies – Anyone who is a supporter of the LGBT+ community, normally referred to as “Straight Allies”. They are instrumental in helping bring political change.

N = Non-Binary – Someone who has a gender identity that is not exclusively male or female.

A= ALSO Agender – Someone who doesn’t identify as male, female, or otherwise.

A= ALSO Aromantic – Someone who experiences little to no romantic connection to other people – DIFFERENT than asexual.

B= ALSO Bigender – A person for identifies as two genders, they can be expressed simultaneously or not.

Q = Queer – A blanket term for all LGBT+ people. Originated as a hate term but recently reclaimed by the community.

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12,000 teens aged 13-17 feel depressed or down at school, while only 1/4 of those say they feel safe at school.

95% report trouble sleeping due to depression

Only 31% of trans teens are able to express themselves at school.

Just sit there for a moment & let these facts sink in..

If you are a parent of a 13-17 year old, take the time to research how you can help them without seeming like invading their privacy. There is a GREAT website, reachout.orgit is a parents version of Safe Haven. Anon peer to peer chat for parents to ask for advice with their children.

People get caught up in life & forget that it is okay if you are unaware of how to handle a matter with your child. No one is a perfect parent, always ask for help. Ages 13-17 are hard for people & they are quick to think that parents are against them, when in reality parents are all for their children. They just don’t know how to approach certain topics, I think. * I am not a parent, I am speaking from a daughter perspective when I had trouble talking to my parents* When you are 13-17 years old, you usually end up doing things that your parents frown upon, I promise you, that if you are responsible about it, your parents will be okay. Its okay if you are having sex & experimenting & learning about yourself, that is what you are supposed to be doing at those ages. Parents know this because they were there once too. I think my parents were just sad that I was growing up & didn’t need them as much.

Be kind & always offer your time to listen to someone. You never know what they are going through & you may just be saving their life.

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By CJ McGauley

LGBTQ+ students face discrimination and harassment at school, a place to learn and feel safe, all too often. Unfortunately, many school officials know very little about how the law requires them to protect these students or just don’t care about protecting them based on their own beliefs. They believe that these students will not question their actions, but I believe it’s time we do some education off our own.    

Anti-LGBT harassment is one of the most damaging threats to the LGBT community including students in public schools. The good news is if you are being bullied, called names, threatened, or physically harmed at your school because of your sexual or gender orientation you don’t have to take it! Under the U.S Constitution public schools have to address any harassment against LGBT students the same way they would another type of harassment and federal education law Title IX bars public schools from ignoring harassment based on gender stereotyping. What this means is public schools can’t ignore harassment based on appearance or behavior that doesn’t “match” your gender such as boys who wear makeup, girls who dress “like a boy”, or any student that is transgender. Also school officials can’t tell you that you have to change who you are or that the harassment is your own fault based on how you dress or act. Now, if anyone at school is harassing you it’s crucial to report it then the school have been put on notice and can be held responsible if nothing is done in the court of law. If your school has done nothing or very little to stop it then contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Pro.    

Your school does not have the right to “out” you without your permission even if you are out to others at your school. Doing this to a young person can have tragic consequences such as example when police officers in the 1997 told a young man in Pennsylvania that they were going to tell his family of his sexual orientation. He committed suicide rather than to face the possibility of rejection from his family. His mother sued, and the courts ruled that it is unconstitutional to disclose private information that might violate the teenagers right to privacy. This applies to schools as well! If a teacher or other member of the school staff threatens to tell your parents or anyone else that you are LGBTQ and you clearly state you don’t want them too. If they do or still threaten too then you should contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project.       

In schools you have the freedom of speech! In Tinker v. Des Moines, the Supreme Court ruled that students don’t “Shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech at the schoolhouse gate.” The only time a school can legally restrict a student’s speech is when it cause significant disruption or panic in the classroom such as screaming “I’m gay” in the middle of math class, but taking about it outside of class or at appropriate times is in every sense okay. And while schools often use disruption as an excuse to censor student speech there are clear legal guidelines and not just whatever a school official says. Also your speech is not disruptive if someone else might not like it and if your school allows other students to wear t-shirts about their beliefs it is illegal for them to ask you to take off your t-shirt just because it has something LGBT on it. If your school is trying to keep you from talking about your sexual orientation of expressing your beliefs you should contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project.  Everyone has the right to be themselves in school! Your gender expression is protected by the U.S. Constitution, Title IX, and any state or local law that bans discrimination based on gender identity. You have the  right to free expression your choice of clothes and as long as what you want to wear would be appropriate if worn by other students like a skirt, for example, or a tuxedo, then you should be able to wear that clothing even if it isn’t stereo-typically associated with your gender. Your right to be yourself in school includes the right to be transgender or to transition your gender in school. Unfortunately, there aren’t yet clear rules in most places about how schools should accommodate students when they transition, but hopefully this will be fixed soon! There are often many obstacles to deal with, including restroom and locker room accessibility, your name and what pronouns to use when talking about you, and how official records classify you. Call your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project if you want help making sure your school treats you with respect and keeps you safe.     

Guess what? The First Amendment and your right to equal protection guarantee you the right to express yourself by bringing a same-sex date to the prom or homecoming. Similar protections should apply if you are a boy and want to run for Prom Queen or if you’re a girl and want to run for Prom King. Nothing can stop you! If you go to a public school and school officials try to tell you that you can’t bring a same-sex date to prom, you can contact your local ACLU affiliate or the ACLU LGBT Project.

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Stories I’ve Heard in My Group Chat

When I came out they thought it was a joke

I’m serious my parent’s didn’t believe me In their defence I caught them off guard But don’t worry they love and support me completely

When C came out it wasn’t funny In fact she wasn’t even ready Her friends were cruel and told her parents And they weren’t as supportive as mine

M hasn’t come out to her family But she is very open about it with her friends She’s not ready to tell her parents But I’m happy she has a support network

When CJ came out her mother didn’t understand Her father doesn’t support her either It took time for them to adjust Now they’re more understanding but not supportive

A told her mom and she said it was a phase She found comfort in her friends They still all love and support her Even though she completely took them by surprise

T met a girl and felt comfortable to tell her mom She wrote her a letter and had religion shoved in her face Took time but she’s finally accepting of her daughter And she’s looking forward to having a daughter-in-law

My friend Q didn’t have the heart to tell his mom he wasn’t a girl He still wears dresses and heels when they go out He cut his hair short, his mom said “my daughter looks beautiful with short hair” He now binds his chest when he goes to school, because his parents leave early for work

B was super uncomfortable with herself growing up She felt she was different and wrong She left home at sixteen, her mom called worried, she had to come out over the phone Her mom was not comfortable with it, but her dad makes up for it in leaps and bounds

G isn’t out to anyone yet Except for a few friends she met online She said she’d come out when she’s ready But now just isn’t the time

#Worldpoetryday By Alex

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By CJ McGauley

Hello, she, he, and theys, how are you this fine day! Good I hope anyway this month is pride month and I’m super excited if you can’t tell! At this time last year I was honestly scared to celebrate even the smallest bit, but I’m more open with myself and the people around me this year. Sadly I’m not going to a pride march or other event, but I’m celebrating online and in other ways.     

Pride month is awesome because we have all fought at one point to be welcomed and this month we all banned together to celebrate! In case you didn’t know I’m a pansexual gender-fluid and I’m proud of myself! I’m proud of all of you guys whether your out or not! Some of you guys had it rough and some had it easy, but still we are banned together with an amazing community! Some of you guys are teenagers like myself, others are  military personal, you could be people working day jobs or anything in between. Us all being in this big wonderful community is pride.    

I say we take pride in ourselves and others in the community this month and every other month!

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CJ's Coming Out Story

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By: Cj McGauley

     Yesterday I shared some numbers about the amount of teen LGBT members that are homeless. Today I began to research the topic of violence in our beloved community.

Since 1991 there has been more than 100,000 hate crimes in the United States alone. I believe this needs to be changed and quick. Since 2006 there has been a 6% increase in the number of reported hate crimes against members of the LGBTQ+ community. Even crazier is that a lot of these types of crimes go unreported.

On another note what I found flat-out states that around half of transgender people and bisexual women will experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetimes. As a community, LGBTQ people face higher rates of poverty, stigma, and marginalization, which put us at greater risk for sexual assault. We also face higher rates of hate-motivated violence, which can often take the form of sexual assault. Moreover, the ways in which society both hypersexualizes LGBTQ people and stigmatizes our relationships can lead to intimate partner violence that stems from internalized homophobia and shame.

This is completely mind-blowing and depressing. Finding out all of this really got me thinking now for some background I want to be a forensic psychologist and be working in the police force, I have a very strong moral compass, and I can’t stand others being harmed which is one of the reasons I joined this movement. I have been part of other movement including animal rights, Because I said I would, and human rights movements as well. Now as a group of individuals we make up a lot of the population. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the closet or not because we need to take a stand. Report this crap and I know if we all band together that even the most hateful of people can’t untangle our bonds.    

Hate is everywhere, but we have to be brave and stand up. We aren’t only doing this for ourselves but the future generations of LGBTQ+ members. We can lower these numbers and sometimes the chances are slim. There are millions of us and here are Safe Haven I know that people care so even though those number are grim the future doesn’t have to be. After all it can’t rain all the times (Eric Draven: The Crow).

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Risk factors are characteristics that make it more likely that someone will consider, attempt, or die by suicide. They can’t cause or predict a suicide attempt, but they’re important to be aware of.

Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, and certain personality disorders

Alcohol and other substance use disorders

Hopelessness

Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies

History of trauma or abuse

Major physical illnesses

Previous suicide attempt(s)

Family history of suicide

Job or financial loss

Loss of relationship(s)

Easy access to lethal means

Local clusters of suicide

Lack of social support and sense of isolation

Stigma associated with asking for help

Lack of healthcare, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment

Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma

Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)

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Aw come on, don’t take Morgan Freeman from us too.

Seriously…what the hell is going on? Or should I say what the hell happened back in the day? Why is everyone coming forward now? What makes it safe now? Isn’t there a statute of limitations?

These are all questions looming in my mind as the early news unfolds on women coming forward saying that Morgan Freeman has committed sexual assault. Bill Crosby, recently found guilty & now news that Harvey Weinstien will now be charged with rape.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy these women are getting their peace of mind. I am a victim of rape myself & it is very hard for people to believe rape allegations these days because teens will use it as an “out” if caught having sex at a young age.

Sitting here & thinking back to the awkward hour class in the room right off the lobby that was “health class”. We never were told what rape was or that it was illegal, we were never properly taught what STDs are and why you should be educated on them. Why aren’t we learning this in school. It is a part of life, sex is a way to reproduce, people have to learn at some point. Kids need to know that when someone says no, that you walk away, it is okay for people to say no.

Schools of all shapes and sizes need to come up with a comprehensive curriculum for a Health & Sex course. For the love of God, don’t just have the course be like…sex is bad..don’t do it… Breakdown what to do when you are trying to break away from a bad situation, etc.

Sex isn’t bad, it is healthy. People will forever make their own choices, if that is the case, educate them so they can make proper decisions.

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Who We Are

Mission Statement: Through peer to peer empowerment, we build off each other to be stronger individuals helping out as a whole.  

 •We are a team of talk leaders that take what we have learned throughout our life in the LGBTQ+ community and apply to people who haven’t gone through the struggles yet, and possibly not know how to survive it.

•Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death to LGBTQ+ community. We are here to lessen the number by simply, helping each other.

•Love always wins.

•Talk leaders are our peers. Anyone in the LGBTQ+ community that is willing to share their stories, advice & more with others that are struggling, unsure or just want to learn more.

•Talk leaders will be anonymous to protect them from any harm that could come down the road.

•To be a talk leader you must be 16+ years old & willing to log into the app at least once a day.

•A user will open the app and be prompted to answer their sexuality, why they are in the app, and where they are located (city and state only)

•They will then be paired with a talk leader that has the most similar qualities to best help them with whatever they are here for.

•They will then have their conversation with their leader until satisfied & will then be brought to the next page which will be the main home for the resources, community boards, etc.

We are the next up and coming LGBTQ+ App that will change the world.

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By Dana Loyal

Is anybody else keeping up with those “unpopular opinion” memes? I normally don’t care to participate or even attempt in making one, but now I have something to say.

Unpopular opinion “LGBTQ+ version”: just because someone is gay, doesn’t mean that they are incapable of being successful or accepted in a workplace.

This has bothered me for a long time now, and it wasn’t until I came out that I realized how deeply it resonated in me. I remember when telling people in my family, they feared for my professors at school to find out. They would ask me, “well do you hold hands like around campus?” and then I discovered why.

There’s a legitimate fear that if professors/bosses/anyone in the work place was to find out about my homosexual relationship, they would automatically degrade me; that they would fail me; that they would not hire me; that I would be treated anything less than what I am.

But luckily for me, that wasn’t the case. All my professors found out, and treated me just the same. I’ve been hired at jobs, one of which has a lesbian couple that is married and well into living their 50+ year old lives together. So things do work out in the end

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First of all, congrats to all of our team that graduated this year & everyone who is walking across stage in 2018 to receive a diploma/degree.

As exciting as this season is, it can always be very stressful & lead to some depression or anxiety with family coming in to town that you don’t see often. My advice to you; go for a walk at least once a day while your family is in town, it will allow you to decompress your thoughts & you’ll notice that it will be more tolerable.

For me, my college graduation was supposed to be a huge milestone & happy moment for me. My dad had died 2 weeks before my graduation…he was the only one I truly wanted at the ceremony & I had to face the fact that everyone who was there celebrating for me didn’t matter because I just wanted that one person. My dad.

On the other side of the coin, I think it was best this way because I had family around me for another week constantly because no one was going to travel back home just to come back a few days later to watch me graduate.

The reason I am telling you this is because I had my support team around me. Even if it is a happy moment, you want to make sure your support team is there because sometimes happy moments can be harder for some. I looked at it as a continued celebration of my dad’s life.

If you biggest supporter can’t be at an important moment, don’t get down. I am proud of you!

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It has been a trending thing tha many LGBTQ relationships start off or are considered long distance relationships. Many people say that it will never work and that it is not worth the time and effort. I think they are wrong! People do a lot of things for love that do not make sense but in the end they are worth it. Love is not meant to come easy. Things that are worth it are not easy. For example, my relationship. We lived in different states and lived close to three hours away. We were both in college and working full time and have families to tend too, and at first I was very hesitant. I had a lot of trust issues and to me not knowing what was going on at the other end of the line was scary for me. It was definitely a hard time and we went through some rough patches. For instance, you have to trust blindly, and you have to trust your heart. For me, I had feelings for her before I even met her , to me I was thinking you just love the thought of her , not the actual person. However, when she came to my house for the first time , it was electric. We went through some jealousy when the others went out with friends, it was not due to them being with other people as much as it was the fact that we were missing out on things to be able to do as a couple. Being in a long distance relationship  it is easy to lose communication and run away when things get hard. But if someone means so much to you, you fight through it. Honesty, is the number one thing that will get you through this. If you can be honest with them about everything, you are on the right track. You have to go about this relationship as if they lived in the same town. You can not do things, that you would not do if they were there. I had a hard time dealing with the fact that we were simply connected by phone. If it was not for that we would have nothing, but it was a lifeline, literally. I dealt with my family and friends judging me saying that I was always on my phone and I would look at them and say, you can look at your partner right now and this is how we communicate. On the other end, I had to make sure I was not living my life on the phone, it was important but it is also important that you live your life. We lived apart for the first 10 months of our relationship, then I moved to her and now we have been together for almost 2 years and have two fur babies and are happily engaged! We talk often about what it was like before and are so glad we were able to stick through it to be able to be together. I think in the long run the distance makes your relationship stronger and allows you to have more communication in your relationship! So yes the distance is worth it! Here are a few statistics on long distance relationships, you are not alone! 14 million couples define themselves as having a long distance relationship 3.75 million married couples are in a long distance relationship 32.5 % of all long distance relationships are college relationships 75 % of all engaged couples have been (at some point) in a long distance relationship 2.9 % of all married couples in the states live in a long distance relationship 10 % of all marriages in the states started out as a long distance relationship http://www.longdistancerelationshipstatistics.com